Straight News

By: Nicolaas

Hey hey people welcome to the Annual Straight

but Gay News article by yours truly Saint Nicolaas of
Romania, Overlord of All the Penguins in Antarctica.
This “”Straight” “News”” today or maybe tomorrow if
you’re a time traveler (I CAN SEE YOU) it is about the
“sports” (?)/ “Family” “Fun” time day if my sources are
correct in naming the date in which the event occurred
as I can barely comprehends what occurred that day.
The day began with daily assembly and despite
the name of the day being Sports/ Family Fun day most
of the student’s parents did not come that day which
undoubtedly gave the affair a sad mood for the people
involved, AND THAT’S A FACT! The day goes on as
normal filled with events for all the poor children
whose parents came and as well as the ones who
didn’t come. The games were numerous and most
likely for the children but I wouldn’t know too much
about it as one of the only games I participated in was
the game were they loves a rectangle filled with prizes
that dangled over head to taunt us like angels
undoubtedly do to the damned souls stuck in hell with
Lucifer and all the other “cool kids”. The poor children
that were up first fought each other with the ferocity
of wild beasts and were barely restrained by the
courageous teachers nearby; however, these children
seemed to have a master plan,worthy of a 100 seasons
of runtime on Netflix ending with the protagonist
marrying their entire harem and living happily forever
after, while the teacher who were holding the sweet
sweet temptation of snacks and toys that would be
able to tempt the Pope into fighting over them above
them they had to lower the temptations as they would
be unable stop the children otherwise. The children
descended upon the temptations with the ferocity of a
school of piranhas. Next up were the readied
highschoolers, they had seen what had happen with
the children and while some of them didn’t really care
the prizes held above our heads some did and that was
enough for them to claim the prizes and go home
happy and slightly annoyed because the prizes were
kind of horrible.
All in all the day was one to remember but
ironically I barely remember what even happened at all
to be honest.