A flooding contract is an agreement between two or more people who want to help make sure their

communication is as productive as possible.

Flooding is a term used to describe the physical changes that happen to our bodies when our heart rate
increases to over 100 beats per minute, our blood pressure rises, adrenaline is released, and we shift
over into a mental state of “fight/flight/freeze.” This can feel a lot of different ways to different people,
physically: maybe your face feels hot, or your skin feels sweaty. Maybe you can hear your heartbeat in
your ears, or your muscles get particularly tense.

When we are “flooded” it becomes extremely difficult to communicate effectively and productively! Our
ability to process information is significantly reduced; creative problem solving and sense of humor go
out the window.

So with this in mind, a flooding contract is an agreement made ahead of time, when everyone is in a
relaxed mental state. The contract has five major pieces:

1. Whenever one of us realizes they’re feeling flooded, the flooded person will give a signal we’ve
agreed on ahead of time. This can be the word “flooded,” or any other keyword that we agree
will be easy to remember. (It can also be helpful to agree on a special hand signal.)

2. Once someone has signaled that they are flooded, we agree to put the situation on hold and
take a break. We will physically separate from each other for at least 20 minutes but (if possible)
no longer than 24 hours.

3. We agree that this period of separation will be focused on self-soothing to get out of the
flooded state. That self-soothing can take the form of a walk, meditation, deep breathing
exercises, listening to calming music, or whatever else we find helpful to achieve a calm, clear-
thinking mindset.

4. We agree that the purpose of this separation is not to avoid the situation or to punish anyone,
but to return at a later time when no-one is flooded, to continue the conversation in a way that
can be more productive.

5. We also agree that this period of separation is not a time for anyone to stew, replaying in our
minds the events that led up to the flooding in the first place. It is also not a time to prepare
arguments or talking points for when we reconnect. Thinking about these things will only make
the self-soothing more challenging.