A WISH UPON FATE; A CHOICE MADE

On a peculiar afternoon, nothing specific in mind, I decided to stay and let time pass by
as I sat on a bench in the garden. The trees are dancing with the wind, the bamboos producing
pleasant melodies to my ear. The insects creating different kinds of noise. It felt as if there was a
celebration going in the garden but only the plants, insects and trees are invited.
I despise it, when the sun goes to bed and is replaced by the now fully-charged moon but
I soon learned to love it as time thought me how to get used to hear my mother’s agony. I
remembered her.
Mariel Salvadora was her name. Before the chaos arrived and decided to stay by her side,
she used to be a cheerful girl; the source of the happy virus that got to every person she would
talk to or simply smile at. However, hidden from her sight, was a silent killer that somehow got
inside her and since it advanced towards her unknowingly, she came to the decision of keeping it
hidden from everyone around her. As she kept it in the shadows, it got busier with every minute
passing by. It made changes to her figures, it slowly ate her energy from inside keeping her on
the bed. Until the day it dawned on her, that she shouldn’t have kept it in the dark. Her move was
a wrong one, because she had children who needed her as their lives went on.
The dawn of truth arrived late, because even if she wanted to fight that silent killer, it was
already too late. The battle she had just decided to fight in, the battleground she just decided to
step foot on was now filled with fallen soldiers. There was nothing left to do that could have
guaranteed her victory against the killer. However, even with the absence of hope, she still
fought. She hid every ounce of pain behind a cheerful and sweet smile which was always
plastered on her lips. It was as if she was holding a double-edged sword as she walked slowly on
the battlefield, because each day that passed by meant that her time on that field was running out.
It was like she had two hourglasses on her shoulders, one had sand slowly filling up on the other
side, while the other one was only starting to lose sand, and those hourglasses were taking a toll
on her shoulders, as their weight added to the pain she was also keeping hidden.
With melancholy occupying my system, the steps towards my mom was more painful
than usual. As my eyes landed on her and how she looked, I knew that something should be
done. Someone should let go.
With that thought in mind and a heavy heart, I sat beside my mom who was laying
quietly on her bed and held her hand and looked directly in her eyes which still reflected the
same cheerfulness I’ve grown to love. At first, I couldn’t speak as it was too much of a weight on
my part, but I mustered up my courage and spoke with sincerity and with the eagerness to help
ease the pain she was feeling. I let her know how I was feeling as her son, how I felt every time I
saw how difficult it was for her to get up each day knowing she was carrying weight she didn’t
deserve to. As I was assuring her that surrendering is okay and an action of bravery and courage,
my grip on her hand which used to be so soft to the touch became a bit tighter as I was stopping
my eyes from letting go of the tears that were so close to falling.
 And after that night, the sun woke up from slumber, waking me up to the news that the
creator has now called one of his angels to come back to him. That morning was a mix of
emotions for me. I just lost the one who carried me in her womb for months, who held and
looked at me every time as if I was the most precious being in the world, and the same time, I
knew that my mom was no longer in pain.
That morning, my mind decided to remind me of what I told her the day before. That if
she was having a hard time. We were having a more difficult one seeing her in that state and
knowing the fact that we couldn’t do anything else but watch. That I told her the sentence,
“Surrendering is an act of bravery and courage.” And everything else which made me go quiet
and stare as if I was hypnotized.
That day could’ve gone by as a normal one, but it didn’t. While I was inside my room, I
remembered what my dreams about. In that dream, I saw for the last time my mom’s genuine,
sweet and comforting smile as she thanked me for letting her go and being the cause of why she
could once again experience life without pretending that something inside was killing her slowly.
That dream ended with her smile and I just know that even though she’s not physically here,
she’s alright. I miss you mommy.