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THE TRIAL OF GOLDILOCKS

A one act comedic play

by
DC Barclay

Copyright © 2002

Room 301
Ross Sterling Middle School

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CAST

Goldilocks: Little trouble making girl.

Papa Bear: Lazy, greedy, old bear.
Mamma Bear: Gossiping, overly fussy, bear.
Baby Bear: Selfish, greedy little bear.
Judge: Wicked witch.
Prosecutor: Hard nosed lawyer.
Defense: Even harder nosed lawyer.
Court Clerk: Witches cat.
Tink Bell: Fairy News Reporter
Pig One: Little Pig
Pig Two: Another little Pig
Pig Three: Yet another little Pig.
Detective BB Wolf: Big Bad Wolf Cop
Police Officer 1: Fairy Tail Cop
Police Officer 2: Another Fairy Tail Cop

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SCENE 1

SETTING: Dark stage. Courtroom.

PETER PAN/NEWS ANCHOR

And in other news, the trial of Goldilocks begins today
with much controversy still surrounding the case. Many
believe Goldilocks, the self-proclaimed bear hater, should
be cleared of her crimes as it was only a family of bears
who had been victimized and as of yet, bears and their
habitats still hold no protective status under fairy-tale
law. We go over live to the Witches Court, where our
intrepid reporter Tink Bell is on the scene

AT RISE: A young fairy reporter Tink Bell,

stands holding microphone. We hear
the yelling and bawling of
protesters.

TINK BELL
Thanks Peter, well as you can see, public tension
surrounding this case is very high, with protesters on both
sides of the fence. Some, as you have reported, have been
calling for Goldilocks’ release, stating that she didn’t
in-fact break any criminal laws. However, many wildlife and
animal rights activists are claiming that this trial should
go ahead and actually highlight the fact that bears should
be given the same rights as all other citizens in Fairy
land. In fact, there are some wildlife activist here.

Enter Three pigs carrying

placards.

PIG ONE/TWO/THREE
Lock her up! Lock her up!

TINK BELL
Sir, Sir, could you tell us why you are here today.

PIG ONE
We’re are here, to stand for the rights of this poor bear
family, as well as the rights for all animals everywhere!

PIG ONE
Lock her up! Lock her up!

PIG TWO
Those humans think they can do what they want to whatever

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animal they want and nothing gets done. I say lock her up
and throw away the key!

PIG ONE
Yeh, make her sleep on a bed of straw!

PIG TWO
Naw! I say make sleep on a bed of sticks! Yeh!

PIG THREE
Are you kidding. Hard bricks all the way!!! Lock her up!

TINK BELL
What do you say to the fact that Goldilocks is in fact a
minor yet is being trialed as an adult.

PIG ONE
And quiet right too. A minor… ha! She’s fifteen years old
for crying out loud. In my book that is an adult.

PIG TWO
Yeh if she were a pig, she’d be bacon already. Lock her up!

PIG ONE/TWO
Lock her up! Lock her up!

PIG THREE
Kill all humans! Kill all humans! Eh, I mean… Lock her up!
Lock her up!

PIG ONE/TWO/THREE
(They march off)
Lock her up! Lock her up!

TINK BELL
Well, as you can see folks, this trial has cause a lot of
unrest, and…

TINK BELL
(puts her finger to her ear and listens.)
Wha… eh… yes… yes it appears that the trial is about to
begin, so lets go over live to inside the witches court.

SCENE 2

SETTING: Light rise on the inside of

the witches court.

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COURT CLERK
All rise, court is now in session. Honorable Judge Elspeth
now presiding.
Everyone stands as the judge
enters and takes their place. The
judge picks up piece of paper.

JUDGE
Please, please, you may take your seats.

Everyone sits down.

JUDGE
Are all the parties in the matter of (looks at paper) Bears
Vs Locks all present.

PROSECUTION
(Stand and then sit.)
Yes, your honor.

DEFENSE
(Stand and then sit.)
Yes, your honor.

JUDGE
(Clears throat)
Miss Locks, you have been charged with one account of
breaking and entering, theft, and multiple counts of
property damage. How does the defendant plead?

GOLDILOCKS
(Aggressive)
I didn’t even do nothin’! This is a bum rap man! I was
framed!

PAPA BEAR

Oh please! She obviously did it! We found her sleepin in my
baby girls bed! Just lock her already!

GOLDILOCKS
Shut it ya walking flee bag. Don’t make me come over there.

[Crowd mumbles. Some cheer

Goldilocks, who plays to the
crowd.]

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JUDGE
(bangs gavil)
Order. Order.

MAMMA BEAR
Oooh, this isn’t going to end well. I can feel it!

PAPA BEAR
Stop worrying mamma.

JUDGE
Order!

[a hush waves over the crowd]

JUDGE
Miss Locks, another outburst like that and I’ll fine you in
contempt of court. Do I make myself clear?

DEFENSE
Sorry your honor. The defense pleads NOT GUILTY!
[Crowd murmur.]

[Goldilocks grunts and sits down.]

JUDGE
Could the prosecution call their first witness?

PROSECUTION
Yes. your honor. Prosecution calls Mr. Bear!

COURT CLERK
Call Mr. Bear.

(Pappa bear makes his way to the

dock. Goldilocks glares at
him.)

MAMMA BEAR
Don’t be nervous dear!

Papa Bear
Quit your worrying woman! I’ve got this!

COURT CLERK
Please state your name for the record.

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PAPA BEAR
Eh, Mr. Papa Ted Bear.

[Court clerk hands Pappa Bear

a book of fairy tales.]

COURT CLERK
Do you swear on this Book of Fairytales, to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

PAPA BEAR
I sure do.

PROSECUTION
Mr. Bear. Do you stay at (reads from notes) 26 Enchanted
Lane, Secret Forest, Far Far Away?

PAPA BEAR
That is correct.

PROSECUTION 

And Mr. Bear. Would you describe your town as a peaceful,
safe, community?

PAPA BEAR
(Sweet)
It used to be! I can tell you that! Before it was all just
fairies and butterflies. A bear could leave his door wide
open and not worry about someone walking away with his
honey pot.

PROSECUTION
And now?

PAPA BEAR
(Gansta)
Now it’s all gangs of witches, building gingerbread
houses and trying to eat kids.

JUDGE
Mr. Bear. I resent that statement!

PAPA BEAR
Big bad wolves blowing down everything they see. And
wayward kids who think they can just come into your house
and take what don’t belong to them!

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[Goldilocks flips her hair.]

PROSECUTION
Mr. Bear. On the morning in question. You told police that
your family and yourself had just gone for a (looks at
notes again) leisurely stroll in the park. Is that right.

PAPA BEAR
Yeh, we did. Regular as clockwork. Every morning. Mamma
would make us all a nice bowl of porridge and we’d take a
walk in the woods as it cooled down.

JUDGE
[Looking confused.]
What was that word? Porry?

PAPA BEAR
Porridge!

PROSECUTION
Porridge your honor. It’s eh... oatmeal.

JUDGE
Ah, oatmeal. (to Papa bear.) I love a bowl of oatmeal
myself. With a touch of cinnamon and a dollop of honey!

PAPA BEAR

You’re talking my language lady. The wife also puts a
little touch of bourbon in mine on a cold winters morning.
Just to warm my old bones.


JUDGE
(Interested.]
Bourbon you say. Hmmmm!

MAMMA BEAR
Actually, it’s an old family recipe. I’d be glad to send
you over a copy. It’s two parts cream to one part oatmeal a
dash of nutmeg…

PROSECUTION
Cough!

JUDGE
(Little embarrassed)
Ah, yes... do carry on.

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PROSECUTION
Mr. Bear, could you tell us what happened on the morning in
question, when you and your family had returned from your
morning walk?

PAPPA BEAR
(Heartbroken)

Oh, it was terrible! Terrible I tell ya! Half eaten bowls o
porridge laying on the kitchen floor. The living room was
in a right mess and she’d jumped all over the beds
upstairs.

GOLDILOCKS
Hey, I didn’t jump on the beds man! I was just trying to
find one that was comfortable!
(Turns to audience)
And believe me, there was no chance in finding that. Like
laying on a sack of potatoes.

MAMMA BEAR
That happens to be a posturepedic.

GOLDILOCKS
Postu-PEED-IT more like! It’d stank!

Goldilocks laughs and plays up to

the crowd.

JUDGE
Silence Miss Locks. You have already been warned.

PROSECUTION
Mr. Bear. At any time did you actually witness the
perpetrator commit the crime.

PAPA BEAR
Yeh, I did! I caught her red handed sleepin in my baby
girl’s bed.

PROSECUTION
And what did the perpetrator do when you caught her
sleeping in your daughter’s bed?

PAPA BEAR
She took one look at us all and took off like a bat out of
hell.

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PROSECUTION
And is the perpetrator in the courtroom today?

PAPA BEAR
Yeh, she is.

PROSECUTION
And could you point out that person Mr. Bear!

Papa bear vigorously points out

Goldilocks

PAPA BEAR

That’s her! That’s the monster that wrecked my house!
That’s her!

PROSECUTION
No further question your honor!

JUDGE
Your witness.

DEFENSE
Mr. Bear. What is your present occupation?

PAPA BEAR
Eh, erm. I’m currently unemployed at the moment.

PROSECUTION
I object!

JUDGE
On what grounds?

PROSECUTION
Your honor. 
Mr. Bear’s occupation is irrelevant in this
case.

DEFENSE

Your Honor, I’m merely ascertaining Mr. Bear’s financial
status prior to the robbery.

JUDGE
Overruled.

DEFENSE

You were in fact unemployed at the time of the robbery,

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were you not?

PAPA BEAR

So what if I was... I got laid off from my job at the honey
plant. (concerned)

The defense lawyer picks up

a piece of paper wrapped in
plastic, from their desk.

DEFENSE
Mr. Bear. Do you recognize this document?

PAPA BEAR
(puts on glasses and looks close)
Err, Yeh. It’s my insurance claim for the robbery!

DEFENSE
Correct! Now it says here that you are claiming not only
for the breakages of some crockery and some chairs but the
theft of a 50-inch-wide plasma screen television, an Xbox
1, a Nintendo Switch, an Apple TV, Five Gold Necklaces.
Four Rolex watches. Three pairs of Nike Air Jordan’s, Two
diamond earrings...

BABY BEAR
(in a sing-song voice) And a partridge in a pair tree!

GOLDILOCKS
HA HA! Nice one!

JUDGE
Mrs. Bear, please try and contain your child.

Mamma Bear chastises baby bear.

PAPA BEAR
So, what’s your point?

DEFENSE
(hands the judge the paper)
As you can see your honor, there is no way in all of
fairyland that my client could have made off with the items
in question! She is just a little girl. And as Papa bear
did testify, she ran off as soon as she was discovered.
[Crowd murmurs.]

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PAPA BEAR
Erm eh. I eh...

DEFENSE
No further questions your honor.

JUDGE
Prosecution, your next witness.

PROSECUTION
Prosecution calls Mrs. Bear.

COURT CLERK
Call Mrs. Bear!

Mamma bears gets to the dock, and

snatches the Book of Fairytales]

MAMMA BEAR
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but
the truth so anyway... I was at the hair salon and I was
speaking to my friend Granny Riding hood, who’s just
started dating some woodcutter but he’s soooo much younger
than her, I have no idea, I don’t think it will last a
week. (She talks on and on)

PROSECUTION

Objection your honor.

JUDGE
(confused)
But this is your witness.

PROSECUTION
Please, I call for Mrs. Bears statement to be struck off
the record because I have no idea what she is talking
about.
Judge
Sustained. Mrs. Bear. Could you please keep your answers
brief and to the point please.

MAMMA BEAR
Well, I never.

PROSECUTION
Mrs. Bear. May I direct your attention to exhibit A and

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exhibit B.

(The prosecution picks up two

bowls form a table.)

JUDGE
Let the records show that the prosecution is showing two
crockery bowls.

PROSECUTION
Mrs. Bear, do you recognize these items?

MAMMA BEAR
Of course, I do. Those are my best china bowls.

PROSECUTION
And how did you come by them?

MAMMA BEAR
My husband Papa bear bought me them for our first
anniversary. (Turns to Judge) I’d picked them out when we
were getting married, but we just couldn’t afford them at
the time.

PROSECUTION
Correct. Now at closer inspection of the items, we can see
that they are indeed cracked, chipped and broken. Would you
agree?

MAMMA BEAR
(clearly upset)
I would. Oh my.

PROSECUTION
And have they ALWAYS been broken?

MAMMA BEAR
Indeed they have not. I take good care of my things.

PROSECUTION
Mrs. Bear. I know that this has been very upsetting for
you. But could you tell us how you discovered them in this
state?

MAMMA BEAR
(sobs)
It was like papa said. We came home from our stroll and I
noticed that the front door was laying open. I thought it

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strange because I always keep the door closed. You never

know what kind of trash can fly in. (directed to
Goldilocks)

(Goldilocks flips her hair again.)

MAMMA BEAR
But when I walked into the kitchen, I noticed both mine and
papa’s bowls laying on the floor, the porridge strewn
everywhere. I thought it must have been the wind. But then
we discovered that baby bear’s bowl, which was still on the
table, was completely empty.

PROSECUTION
And how did this make you feel Mrs. Bear.

MAMMA BEAR
How do you think it made me feel? I was devastated. Not
only was it my expensive china, it was the sentimental
value as well.

PROSECUTION
I understand. No further questions your honor.

JUDGE
Your witness.

DEFENSE
Mrs. Bear. Do you always use your BEST china dishes for
breakfast?

MAMMA BEAR
No.

DEFENSE
So why did you decide to use it this day?

MAMMA BEAR
Em, it was our fifth anniversary if you must know. I
thought, “Why not make breakfast a little bit special this
morning.”

DEFENSE
I see. It says here in your husbands insurance claim that
this crockery was valued at 25 gold pieces each? Is that
correct.

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MAMMA BEAR
I wouldn’t know. As I said, my husband bought them. I do
know he worked extra shifts at the plant, so he could
afford them, but that’s about it.

DEFENSE
Now, this may then come as a surprise to you Mrs. Bear but
we had your bowls valued by one of our experts and they
claim that your bowls are in fact cheap replicas, worth no
more than a shilling a piece.

MAMMA BEAR
WHAT?

PAPA BEAR
Oh oh!

DEFENSE
No further questions your honor.

JUDGE
Mrs. Bear, you may step down.

(Mamma bear steps down and glares

at her husband.)

PAPA BEAR
Honey I can explain.

JUDGE
Prosecution, your next witness.

PROSECUTION
Prosecution calls Miss Goldie Locks!

COURT CLERK
Call Miss Locks.

(Goldilocks makes her way to the

dock. She makes some rude gestures
to the bears as she passes.)

COURT CLERK
State your name.

GOLDILOCKS
(groans)

The names Goldilocks. And don’t make me repeat myself.

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JUDGE
Miss Locks, please know that anything you say can and will
be used against you. I suggest you keep comments like that
to a minimum.

GOLDILOCKS
(flips hair)
Tch, whatever.

COURT CLERK

(Gives Goldilocks the book)
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth?

GOLDILOCKS
(pushes the book away, and twists her hair)

I swear by the luscious locks on my head.

COURT CLERK
Well, I suppose that works.

PROSECUTION
Miss Locks, on the morning question, did you in fact
in enter the Bears house?

GOLDILOCKS
You want answers?

PROSECUTION
I want the truth!

GOLDILOCKS
You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

PROSECUTION
I want to know why you were in their house?

GOLDILOCKS
Yeah, I admit, I did go into the house.
(gestures to the bears) But it’s not my fault, they left
the door wide open, and
they don’t got no security system! And besides, I thought
the house was deserted. The place was a mess. I mean there
was hair EVERYWHERE! So gross!

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MAMMA BEAR
How dare you! I put a lot of love and thought into that
house!

PROSECUTION

And did you Miss Locks, eat some of the Bears family
porridge?

GOLDILOCKS
Yeah, I did eat their food. I hadn’t had anything to eat
for days. (looks at judge and puts on a little girl voice)
I come from a broken home see? But I’m goanna be honest, it
tasted like prison food. One bowl was ice cold, and the
other was like eating lava! I burnt my tongue.

BABY BEAR
(giggles)
She’s got a point Mamma.

MAMMA BEAR
Don’t defend her! Or you won’t get that new game system
your father promised!


GOLDILOCKS
Like the game system you said I stole?

MAMMA BEAR
Well, you did break my great-grandmother’s chair that baby
bear used. That thing was an antique.

GOLDILOCKS
Oh that? Trust me, I did you a favor breaking that piece of
garbage. It just wasn’t sturdy enough to hold all this!
(gestures to herself) Besides, it gave me a splinter in my
butt! You know I think I should sue for all the injuries I
got in that hell hole of a place you call home!

MAMMA BEAR
Why you little!!!

PAPA BEAR
Calm yerself girl! Don’t let her get to you like that.
Besides, she admitted to breaking it.

JUDGE
Order!

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PAPA BEAR

(pointing to Goldilocks)
Baby girl, don’t you ever grow up to be like that monster.

GOLDILOCKS
Oh please, you think he could ever be as goldilicious as
this? Quit trippin.

JUDGE
(bangs gavel)

Order. Order.

PROSECUTION
Now, I can see by your jewelry that you like gold.

GOLDILOCKS
That’s why they call Goldie! (Showing off bling)

PROSECUTION
And where did you get all your jewelry Miss Locks?
Goldilocks


GOLDILOCKS
(Shows off jewelry)
Well I got this from my boyfriend Big Bad Wolf, and I got
this for my birthday from my fairy god mother.

PROSECUTION 

It says here that some jewelry also was found missing.

GOLDILOCKS
(scoffs)
And you think I took it? No way!!! Why would I want their
trashy jewelry?! I’d probably catch mange wearing stuff
from them.
BABY BEAR
Then what’s that on your wrist?

MAMMA BEAR
My bracelets!


 PAPA BEAR
My watch!

GOLDILOCKS

What? I’ve had these things for years.

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PROSECUTION
No further question your honor!

JUDGE
Defense?

DEFENSE
The defense calls Baby Bear to the stand.

Crowd murmurs.

MAMMA BEAR
What? Not my baby!!

PAPA BEAR
Yeh, you can’t do that… isn’t there a law or something that
says he’s too young to testify?

JUDGE
(bangs gavel)
Order! Order! I’ll allow it.

COURT CLERK
Call Baby Bear!

PAPA BEAR
(in a whisper)
Deny everything baby girl!

Baby bear makes her way to the

stand.

DEFENSE
Are you Baby Bear?

BABY BEAR
(Smiling.)
Nope!

PAPA BEAR
What? Oh no!

DEFENSE
(confused)
You don’t live on Enchanted Lane with your Mamma
and Papa?

BABY BEAR

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(winks to Papa)
No, I don’t!

PAPA BEAR
(facepalm)

 hen I said deny everything. I didn’t mean EVERYTHING!
W

DEFENSE
Baby, do you like playing games?

BABY BEAR
(nods her head!)
Mmmhmmm!

DEFENSE
How about computer games?

BABY BEAR
Oh yeah, they’re my favorite! But I don’t have one right
now. But 
daddy says when we get the brat into jail, we are
goanna fleece the insurance company and I’ll get my very
own Nintendo Switch and a big TV and everything!

JUDGE
WHAT?!?

MAMMA BEAR
WHAT?!?

PAPA BEAR
(covers head)
Mamma Bear
(starts hitting Pappa bear with her handbag)
OH NO!


MAMMA BEAR
Excuses me? 
You scoundrel! You deadbeat!

DEFENSE
The defense rests your honor!

JUDGE
In light of this new evidence I have no other option than
to acquit miss Goldie Locks of all the charges.
(points to Papa)
Officers... arrest that bear!

The two officers grab Pappa.

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PAPA BEAR
This is a travesty! I DEMAND to speak to my lawyer!

JUDGE
Mr. Bear you’re out of order!

PAPA BEAR
(Struggling)
I’m out of order? You’re out of order! This whole trial is
out of order!

JUDGE
Case dismissed!!!

(BLACKOUT)

SCENE THREE

Tink Bell is standing with her

mic.

TIN BELL
This is incredible folks, a very unbelievable turn of
events. Papa Bear trying to frame Goldilocks of thieving
many highly priced merchandise, just so he could defraud
his insurance company. This was something I never expected.
(puts finger in ear)
What…eh…This just in folk. It appears that the Three Pigs
who were protesting earlier, have gone missing. Their
placards found covered in blood. Oh my. And, yes, we have
Chief inspector B.B. Wolf with a statement. Chief
inspector, are there any leads on the missing pigs?

CI BB WOLF
Nope… no leads… nothing. BURP!

(END OF SCENE)

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