EDUCATION

Schneider, Owens
AND / LESBIAN,
URBAN SOCIETY
GAY, AND
/ May
BISEXUAL
2000 KIDS
CONCERN FOR LESBIAN,
GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS
The Benefits for All Children
MONICA E. SCHNEIDER
ROBERT E. OWENS
State University of New York at Geneseo

Primary and secondary educational institutions have a tremendous

impact on the development of our nation’s children. While in school, children
are exposed both formally and informally to values, norms, and expectations
considered central to our culture and the way our society defines itself. These
cultural assumptions are reflected in students’ everyday experiences, which
include the curriculum, the way the class is structured, how teachers interact
with students, how and when students are rewarded and punished, and the
peer interactions that occur in class and on the playground. Consequently, the
lessons learned both in and out of the classroom in elementary and junior
high school provide a framework by which children come to understand
themselves and the world they live in.
But what if the educational community neglects or even stigmatizes
important members of that community? What message does this provide
children regarding what we as a society value? What impact does this neglect
have on all our nation’s children?
In this article, we address some of these questions with regard to a phe-
nomenon called heterosexism. Heterosexism is the attitude that heterosexual-
ity is the only natural and acceptable sexual orientation (Herek, 1991). Spe-
cifically, we believe that educational institutions are structured based on
heterosexism. Not only do primary and secondary schools formally and
informally communicate to all members of the educational community that
heterosexuality is the rule, but they neglect to acknowledge that some of the
children do not fit this rule. We believe that this framework is problematic for
heterosexual children as well as children who suspect or know that they are

AUTHORS’ NOTE: Requests for reprints should be addressed to Monica E. Schneider, Sturges
35B, Department of Psychology, 1 College Circle, SUNY Geneseo, Geneseo, NY 14454; e-mail:
schneid@geneseo.edu.

EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY, Vol. 32 No. 3, May 2000 349-367

© 2000 Corwin Press, Inc.
349
350 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

not heterosexual. We also believe that it can potentially have negative ramifi-
cations for the community and society at large.
To address these important issues, we have divided this article into three
parts. The first section deals with the impact of heterosexism on all children.
We make the case that heterosexism is part of the infrastructure of the educa-
tional community and discuss the negative impact that heterosexism has on
children, schools, and the community. The second section provides educators
and administrators with information about the developmental nature of sex-
ual identity. We strongly believe that an understanding of the issues surround-
ing sexual identity development is an important first step to identifying chil-
dren who may be in need of additional support as they go through this
process. In the last section, we provide some preliminary recommendations
of how educational institutions can begin developing a more open commu-
nity that celebrates diversity in all of its forms.

THE NEGATIVE IMPACT OF HETEROSEXISM

Although many primary and secondary educational institutions around

the country formally acknowledge the importance of addressing the needs of
students from diverse populations, the emphasis has been almost exclusively
on racial and ethnic diversity. Likewise, when schools attempt to promote
and respect individual diversity through the curriculum and other programs,
the term usually applies to racial/ethnic or religious differences. Notably
absent are differences in sexual orientation.
Until recently, few schools would even acknowledge the presence of sex-
ual-minority youth. For many, issues of sexual identity and sexual orientation
are seen as a phenomenon of adulthood (Robinson, 1984) and have no place
at the elementary and junior high levels. However, research suggests that les-
bian, gay, and bisexual youth form a growing category of students in most
school districts. By a conservative estimate, there are three million lesbian
and gay youth, although the number who self-identify as such is smaller
(Herdt, 1989; Whitney, 1989). A Minnesota statewide survey revealed that
26% of Minnesota 12-year-olds are not sure of their sexual orientation.
Among older Minnesota high schoolers, 6.4% self-identified as homosexual,
which is an amazing figure given that adolescent self-identification is a rela-
tively new phenomenon (Remafedi, Resnick, Blum, & Harris, 1992).
These statistics suggest that there are many students who suspect that
they are different in terms of their sexual orientation or who identify them-
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 351

selves to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. They also suggest that this is happening
at younger ages than previously imagined. Given that most children begin
exploring their sexual identification in fifth grade and middle school regard-
less of sexual orientation, the denial that sexuality is an issue for such chil-
dren seems counterproductive. Moreover, the denial that children may not
adhere to strict traditional sexual identities denies the legitimacy of gay, les-
bian, bisexual, and questioning youth. Nevertheless, these youth continue to
be an invisible, largely silent minority who are overlooked, ignored, denied,
and abused (Savin-Williams & Lenhart, 1990).
Unfortunately, the educational environment is symptomatic of a broader
culture where heterosexism is the rule (Herek, 1991). At the individual level,
heterosexism has negative ramifications for children who are questioning
their sexual identity. In terms of identity formation, these children face the
developmental task of understanding and coming to terms with their sexual
identity in an environment that denies and devalues that aspect of them. The
devaluation of that aspect of their identity can negatively affect their social
and psychological functioning (Simoni, 1996). For example, gay and lesbian
youth are more likely to display depressive symptoms (D’Augelli & Hersh-
berger, 1993; Gonsiorek, 1991) and are two to three times more likely to
attempt suicide than are their heterosexual peers (D’Augelli & Hershberger,
1993). In addition, they are also more likely to report disproportionately higher
levels of alcohol and other substance abuse (Rotheram-Borus, Rosario, Van
Rossem, Reid, & Gillis, 1995; Troiden, 1988). Under certain conditions, they
are more likely to engage in dangerous sexual behavior (Rotheram-Borus
et al., 1994; Savin-Williams, 1990). Moreover, these youth are more likely to
engage in problematic behavior and delinquent acts that often place them in
contact with the judicial system (Remafedi, 1987a), disrupting both the edu-
cational system and the community.
At the interpersonal level, heterosexism often results in antigay violence
directed at individuals who are suspected of being gay or lesbian (Herek,
1989). Antigay violence includes verbal insults, threats of physical violence,
and actual physical violence. These attacks occur on school property as well
as in the community, where the targets are young children as well as adoles-
cents and adults. Unfortunately, most go unreported for fear of retribution
from attackers who are often their classmates or neighbors.
When these children do report harassment at school, their plea for help is
often ignored or minimized. For example, Gina, a young lesbian who went to
the school administration after incessant verbal abuse, was not supported and
told that the school could not get involved in such issues (Owens, 1998).
352 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

Likewise, another student, Chris, went to his school counselor because he

could not take the continual harassment in class any longer. He received the
following response: “You need to go to class or you’re going to flunk. You aren’t
going to make it to college.” Chris remembers thinking to himself, “Honey, I’m
not going to make it to the next day” (Bass & Kaufman, 1996, p. 203).
Because of the potentially detrimental outcomes of being targeted, many
heterosexual as well as nonheterosexual youth adhere to strict traditional
gender roles for fear of being labeled “gay” or “fag” (cf. Herek, 1986). Het-
erosexual children who do not adhere to these gender roles potentially suffer
the same individual and interpersonal outcomes of heterosexism as do
nonheterosexual youth. At minimum, school becomes a place where they are
ignored or overlooked. Invisibility results in denial of social and emotional
self-validation (Hammersmith, 1987). At its worst, school becomes a place
where they are teased, tormented, and physically abused. These children are
robbed of the opportunity to learn and grow in a safe, nurturing environment
that validates who they are, and all children are robbed of the opportunity to
become part of a truly open and diverse community (Simoni, 1996).
At the broadest level, legislative and institutional discrimination against
lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth has negative ramifications for the entire edu-
cational community. For example, in 1989, the federal government removed
funding for a study of youth suicide because one portion concluded that les-
bian and gay teens committed suicide because of a hostile society. Two con-
servative members of Congress insisted that the conclusion be changed to
state that the cause of such suicide was mental illness. In taking its action, the
federal government suppressed information valuable to all young people,
their parents, and those who act as counselors and teachers (Owens, 1998).
If primary and secondary educational institutions are committed to pro-
viding all children with an education, then heterosexism at the institutional
level must be addressed. If communities value raising children who embrace
differences rather than fear them, then school environments need to commu-
nicate tolerance and appreciation of diversity. Given that educational institu-
tions can be a primary socializing agent for children, this strategy holds
promise.
We believe the first step to addressing this problem is to begin understand-
ing the process of sexual identity development for children questioning their
sexual identity. This information could be an important step for helping
social agencies, educational institutions, and society as a whole prepare to
help and support lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth.
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 353

SEXUAL IDENTITY DEVELOPMENT:

LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL YOUTH

No one ever promised that being a kid or teen would be easy, but some
youth face the additional daunting task of coming to terms with their sexual
orientation in a hostile, often abusive environment. In an atmosphere where
even the wrong brand of sneakers can single out a child for derision, some
youth must make decisions about accepting their sexual orientation that can
result in assault or even death. These lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth face a
unique set of stressful and potentially harmful experiences unlike any faced
by heterosexuals. What is difficult for these youth is that “their difference
stems from their status as members of one of the most hated and despised
minority groups in the country” (Martin, 1988, p. 59). Among these young
people, “the experience of being gay or bisexual in our society overwhelms
any potential differences in social categories involving age, ethnicity, race,
social class or geographical region of the country” (Rosario, Hunter, &
Rotheram-Borus, 1992, p. 17).
Nevertheless, more adolescents are coming out or disclosing their sexual
orientation at an earlier age (Coleman, 1982a; Remafedi, 1987a; Troiden &
Goode, 1980). Like many older lesbians and gay men, teens seem less con-
strained by stereotypic roles, more independent, and more celebratory than
teens in previous generations. Increasingly, there is a brash in-your-face
assertiveness among some sexual-minority teens. A sense of pride of self
exists that was often absent in past generations. These teens are struggling to
establish group identity and a strong self-concept, not unlike that experienced
by women and other minorities seeking emancipation from negative stereo-
types and forms of identification.
However, establishing a group identity around sexual orientation is funda-
mentally different from doing so around other group identities in some
important ways. First, gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth do not necessarily
share this group membership with any family group members. Consequently,
these youth need to inform their families and other loved ones of this group
membership (Elliot, 1993). It is no surprise that the decision of when and how
to do this is a critical part of the sexual identity development process. What
makes this step especially problematic for these youth is that family members
as well as the community members often hold extremely negative stereotypes
of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals. These youth then face the fear of being
rejected and ostracized by the people they love and depend on most (Pope,
1995).
354 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

Second, sexual orientation, unlike ethnicity and/or gender, is potentially

more concealable. Consequently, gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth can choose
to “pass” or not reveal their group membership while exploring feelings and
sexuality revolving around their sexual identity. According to
Rotheram-Borus and Fernandez (1995), many lesbian, gay, and bisexual
youth live “double lives” as they deal with the tremendous social pressure to
reject or deny their thoughts and feelings.
In the following section, we provide an overview of the sexual identity
development process for lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth. However, before
doing so, it is important that we clarify terminology related to sexual identity
development. Specifically, we will distinguish between sexual orientation,
sexual behavior, and sexual identity. Then, we will incorporate these terms in
our discussion of the journey involved in developing a sexual identity.

TERMINOLOGY

Sexual orientation can be defined as a consistent pattern of arousal that

includes sexual feelings, affectional attractions, thoughts, fantasies, and
emotional or romantic feelings. It is a sense of inner identity (Remafedi,
1985) that includes a predominantly erotic attraction to the same, other, or
both sexes in varying degrees. Sexual orientation is a continuum, not a
dichotomy, in which relatively few individuals are either exclusively same or
other gender oriented (Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948).
Although the source of human sexualities is unknown, evidence of strong
biological and/or early socialization origin exists (Burr, 1996). In either case,
sexual orientation is evident at a very early age (Bell, Weinberg, &
Hammersmith, 1981; Savin-Williams, 1996b; Troiden, 1979). On the other
hand, sexual identity develops with age and is more explicit. It is a consistent,
enduring sense of one’s own sexuality and of repeated sexual feelings,
thoughts, and/or behaviors directed toward others (Savin-Williams &
Lenhart, 1990). It involves the process of self-identification, a process that
may not be completed even by adulthood.
Despite old wives’ tales, sexual behavior is not a determiner of either sex-
ual orientation or sexual identity. In fact, same-sex genital behavior is com-
monplace in adolescence regardless of sexual orientation (Kinsey et al.,
1948). Likewise, lack of sexual experience does not indicate a lack of sexual
orientation or sexual identity. Some youth self-identify as lesbian, gay, or
bisexual even though they have had no same-sex erotic experiences or only
heterosexual experiences (Boxer, 1988; Dank, 1971; Remafedi, 1987a).
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 355

Moreover, some lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth are virgins who have had no
sexual experiences, as are some heterosexual youth.
When professionals understand that sexual identity development is
broader than sexual behavior or experiences, then it becomes possible for
them to understand that the process begins in middle childhood and early
adolescence. Consequently, the importance for educators to understand sex-
ual identity development becomes even more crucial.

“BECOMING” LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL

Development of sexual identity occurs in the context of overall identity

formation, which is the primary or central developmental task that begins
during early adolescence (Erikson, 1950). Thus, becoming lesbian, gay, or
bisexual is very much an adolescent rite of passage. For each child, develop-
ing a sexual identity involves creating a sense of self as a unique individual
coupled with a recognition of one’s place in society (Erikson, 1950; cf.
Rosenthal, 1987). Consequently, an adolescent’s group memberships (e.g.,
gender, class) can potentially have important psychological and behavioral
consequences in his or her quest for an integrated identity (Rosenthal, 1987).
To the extent that children belong to groups that are negatively stereotyped
and not dominant in their environment (e.g., ethnic minorities; gay, lesbian,
or bisexual youth), coming to terms with those negatively stigmatized aspects
of their identity can often become a central and difficult part of the iden-
tity-formation process (Phinney, 1989, 1992; Rosenthal, 1987;
Rotheram-Borus & Fernandez, 1995). Supporting lesbian, gay, and bisexual
youth in the process of these aspects of sexual identity development is partic-
ularly essential.
Sexual identification is not embraced immediately upon self-recognition.
There is a gradual process of coming out to oneself. Most individuals pass
from awareness to positive self-identity between ages 13 and 20, with the
process of establishing a positive lesbian, gay, or bisexual identity occurring
earlier today than in the past (Remafedi, 1987b; Rodriguez, 1988; Savin-
Williams & Lenhart, 1990). Relatively few middle school youth self-identify
as lesbian, gay, or bisexual in contrast to as high as 6% to 7% of older high
school males who describe themselves as primarily homosexual (Remafedi
et al., 1992). Yet, even in middle school, there is evidence that lesbian, gay,
and bisexual children feel different, even though they may not have the con-
cepts or terminology to define what that difference is (Heal, 1994).
In this section, we will describe the “generic” pattern of becoming. Many
individual variations exist. The goal of this section is to provide educators
356 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

and administrators with an overview of this process that incorporates multi-

ple models and empirical research.
Although the process seems to differ among gays, lesbians, and bisexuals
to some degree, the questions asked along the journey are surprisingly simi-
lar: Why me? Am I the only one? What does this mean? What will my parents
think? From their initial feelings of being different, gay, lesbian, and bisexual
individuals gradually become aware of their same-sex attractions, engage in
same-sex erotic behavior and dating, and finally self-identify as lesbian, gay,
or bisexual. In general, over a period of years and against a backdrop of stig-
matization, most lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth gradually accept the label
homosexual or bisexual for themselves as they interact with the sex-
ual-minority community and increasingly disclose their sexual orientation
(DeMontflores & Schultz, 1978).
According to many models (e.g., Cass, 1979; Minton & McDonald, 1984;
Troiden, 1988), the journey begins with experiencing feelings that are “dif-
ferent” and that often cause confusion. Seventy percent or more of lesbian,
gay, and bisexual adolescents and adults report feeling different at a very
early age, often as early as age 4 or 5 (Bell et al., 1981; Savin-Williams,
1996b; Troiden, 1979). A 14-year-old gay male writes in his school paper,
“There was always something I knew was a little bit different about me . . .
something that was there and I learned to accept it” (Owens, 1998, p. 16).
For most, these feelings are not sexual. However, many state that before
they even knew what the difference was, they were convinced of its
importance.
Many lesbian and gay adults report that as children they felt like an out-
sider within their peer group and family. For example, gay males in one study
reported several important differences they felt distinguished them from their
peers in childhood. These included being more sensitive than other boys;
having their feelings hurt more easily; crying more easily; having more aes-
thetic interests; being more drawn to other sensitive boys, girls, and adults;
and feeling and acting less aggressively than their peers (Bell et al., 1981). In
other studies, gays and lesbians reported experiencing isolation, low popular-
ity, scant dating and lack of interest in the other sex, little participation in
same-sex games, and gender nonconformity (Green, 1985; MacDonald,
1983; Robertson, 1981; Savin-Williams, 1990, 1996a; Zuger, 1984).
One common thread that seems to emerge is the presence of gender non-
conformity. Although the actual incidence of gender nonconformity is
unknown, some research suggests that approximately 70% of lesbian and gay
adults report gender nonconforming behaviors in contrast to 16% and 3% of
heterosexual females and males, respectively (Saghir & Robins, 1973).
These nonconforming behaviors often result in the child being teased, with
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 357

the impact of teasing being more severe for boys than for girls (Savin-Wil-
liams & Lenhart, 1990). At this stage, both the child and the family tend to
recognize that differences exist between the child and his or her peers even if
they cannot articulate exactly what those differences are (Coleman, 1982b).
What often follows an initial stage of feeling different is the gradual
awareness and realization that those different feelings are sexual in nature.
Sexual awareness usually begins in early adolescence, although for some it
begins later than this. Awareness is not a sudden event but a gradual sensitiv-
ity and consciousness, a growing realization that “I might be homosexual or
bisexual.” Labeling of these feelings potentially becomes a frightening pro-
cess as the individual comes to realize what these feelings signify (Sanders,
1980). On average, the mean age for same-sex awareness and attractions is
10.9 to 13.2 years, with a reported range of 10 to 18 years (Coleman, 1982b;
MacDonald, 1983; Rector, 1982; Rodriguez, 1988, Sanders, 1980; Spada,
1979; Troiden, 1979). Moreover, as a group, boys report being aware before
girls (Remafedi, 1987b).
The vague same-sex attractions of childhood become eroticized in adoles-
cence. The mean age for same-sex erotic fantasies among males is reported to
be 13.9 years; for females, this tends to occur later (Sears, 1991). For gay
male youth, the attraction tends to be first experienced as an obsession to be
near masculinity, whereas for some lesbians, the attraction tends to be
directed toward women in authority positions (Chandler, 1995; Savin-Wil-
liams, 1996b). The reverse of the typical heterosexual pattern may occur in
which a lesbian or gay teen is drawn to members of the other sex as friends but
sexually attracted to members of the same sex (Sears, 1991). However, it is
important to point out that an erotically aroused teen may or may not have
engaged in same-sex sexual behavior. In fact, same-sex feelings and attrac-
tions almost always precede same-sex behavior (Boxer, 1988).
Intense anxiety and an identity crisis may accompany the realization that
one may not be heterosexual. “I was frightened,” explains Linda. “Although
I’d become somewhat comfortable with my label as ‘the weird one,’ lesbian-
ism was too weird” (Heal, 1994, p. 10). “It was a total shock,” confides a
16-year-old Chinese American from Texas. “All the confidence I had in me
disappeared” (“Starting Over,” 1996, p. 6).
As these examples illustrate, conflict can occur between a teen’s positive
self-esteem and her or his own internalized homophobia. The youth may
incorporate familial and societal beliefs of homosexuals as sick, wrong, and
undesirable. Moreover, that youth will have to struggle with the fact he or she
is a member of a stigmatized and despised minority group (Altman, 1971).
The myths and stereotypes of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals adopted by our
heterosexist society are often a source of much of the confusion.
358 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

Consequently, a young lesbian, gay, or bisexual may try to fulfill the stereo-
type or be repelled by it.
The extreme loneliness of this period, as described by lesbian, gay, and
bisexual adults, may be even more acute for younger adolescents who do not
have the maturity to explore these complex feelings. A queer kid can become
the loneliest person in school (Norton, 1976). Vulnerable and afraid of being
revealed, a sexual-minority teen may be incapable of withstanding peer pres-
sure to conform to heterosexual standards that he or she does not fit.
Antihomosexual jokes or ridicule that often accompany these heterosexual
standards become especially painful.
Youths may learn to hide their desires, believing that they will change or
decrease over time. They may hate themselves for feeling a certain way, but
the sexual feelings continue to come. Consequently, many of these youth may
engage in the self-destructive behaviors previously described. Even those
youth who are very open about their sexual orientation may also experience
isolation (D’Augelli & Hershberger, 1993). “I don’t think people really
appreciate how lonely it is,” concludes John, a 16-year-old gay high school
student (Due, 1995, p. 69).
The three most common coping strategies for defending one’s self against
internalized and externalized homophobia, from least to most satisfactory for
psychological adjustment, are repression of desires, suppression of homo-
sexual impulses, and acceptance and disclosure to others (Bell et al., 1981;
Cass, 1979; Lee, 1977; Malyon, 1981; Martin, 1982; Plummer, 1981; Sanders,
1980; Troiden, 1979). Passing or learning to hide as a heterosexual is the most
common adjustment (Bell et al., 1981; Cass, 1979; Lee, 1977; Martin, 1982;
Reiche & Dannecker, 1977; Sanders, 1980; Weinberg & Williams, 1974). A
youth may try to control any mannerisms or dress that might be perceived as
gender inappropriate by peers. Some teens attempt to cultivate a heterosexual
role. Responding to peer and societal pressure, a teen may use heterosexual
dating as an attempt to fit in or to change her or his sexual orientation. Hetero-
sexual girlfriends and boyfriends become a screen for hiding the true self,
thereby creating a wall between the youth and self-awareness. Likewise,
some teens engage in antigay jokes and teasing. By teasing others suspected
of similar feelings, a youth hopes to deflect suspicion from him- or herself
(Rigg, 1982). The best defense is a good offense. For example, Vince was
muscular, played football, made fag jokes, had a regular girlfriend, attended a
fundamentalist church, and sang in an evangelical choir. The outward signs
were a perfect cover. He tried to be “the Best Heterosexual of the Year”
(Owens, 1998, p. 27).
The overall result of this charade is psychological tension, which may lead
to depression, shame, fear of disclosure, and anxiety (Weinberg & Williams,
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 359

1974). Consistent with this, covert gay college men have been found to expe-
rience more psychological tension, social problems, and isolation than
openly gay men (Braaten & Darling, 1965). Those in hiding have little oppor-
tunity to date or to develop same-sex relationships in a socially sanctioned
context similar to that of heterosexual youth. Consequently, those in hiding
“have the most concern over self-esteem, self-acceptance, and status and feel
the most social isolation, powerlessness, normlessness, and personal incom-
petence” (Myrick, 1974, p. 234).
On the other hand, those who self-identify and then begin the process of
coming out are on the road to self-acceptance and identity resolution.
Although there is significant individual variation, self-identification usually
occurs in late adolescence between the ages of 16 and 21 (Rodriguez, 1988;
Savin-Williams & Lenhart, 1990). Several researchers have reported a mean
age for self-identification of 16.2 years, although some self-identification
occurred as early as age 14 (Remafedi, 1987b; Rodriguez, 1988). Moreover,
as segments of society become more open, self-identification is occurring even
earlier (Offer & Boxer, 1991; Rector, 1982), especially in large urban areas.
Self-identification can be viewed as a two-step process in which a youth
first accepts his or her sexual identity and then integrates that identity with his
or her personality and self-concept. The conscious recognition of sexuality
marks the beginning of self-acceptance (Isay, 1991). In this process, initial
feelings gradually evolve into a sense of relief, well-being, and “rightness.”
“My soul feels more comfortable,” explains Shannon, age 17. “It feels right”
(Schneider, 1989, p. 128). Through acceptance, an adolescent begins to view
the notion of lesbianness, gayness, or bisexuality in a positive way. Conse-
quently, a youth may make an initial disclosure about his or her sexual orien-
tation to a very trusted friend or family member.
Acceptance is followed by integration, in which a young person identifies
as lesbian or gay and is proud of that aspect of her or his identity. Integration
and pride are often accompanied by a public self-disclosure known as coming
out of the closet or simply as coming out. Coming out facilitates an alignment
between the real (or internal) and the social (or presented) self and, as such, is
a necessary process for healthy personality integration. Furthermore, this
type of disclosure is an important part of self-identification as lesbian or gay,
which plays an important role in overall identity formation (Malyon, 1981).
When compared to those who are still in sexual-identity turmoil, the
well-integrated lesbian or gay may have higher self-esteem and greater well-
being. They may be more likely to have a greater capacity for love both in sex-
ual relationships and in friendships. Last, the energy spent in trying to hide
their sexual identity can be redirected to living an open life, resulting in an
overall increase in productivity (Isay, 1991).
360 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

Unfortunately, not everyone can accept his or her own lesbian, gay, or bi-
sexual identity. Those individuals who cannot will continue to struggle with
feelings they cannot help but cannot admit. The road to a well-integrated,
healthy, positive, and cohesive identity is strewn with the wreckage of those
who cannot really accept themselves and who continue to use all manner of
subterfuge to hide their true identity.

CONCLUDING REMARKS ABOUT

SEXUAL IDENTITY DEVELOPMENT

Although we have described sexual identity development as a linear pro-

cess, several theorists and researchers have argued that the process is better
characterized as a spiral or an entity in continual flux, where individuals flow
back and forth from these stages as they encounter new situations (e.g., Rust,
1993; Troiden, 1988). Likewise, we believe that lesbian, gay, and bisexual
youth are faced with the decision to come out every time they meet new peo-
ple and find themselves in different contexts. With these decisions, old issues
and dilemmas get revisited.
Another limitation of the model we outlined is that it provides an overview
of the general process without addressing issues that are specific to gays, les-
bians, or bisexuals. Although the information in this article provides initial
insights into the process, we would like to encourage educators and adminis-
trators to seek additional information on how these processes work differ-
ently for lesbians, gays, and bisexuals. Whereas identity development of
transgendered individuals can also be characterized as a process that goes
from awareness to acceptance, there are unique issues faced by
transgendered individuals that need to be better understood and addressed.
Last, the information provided in this article does not address how multiple
identities interact to influence one another. Children who belong to several
stigmatized groups face a unique set of challenges that need to be better
understood (see Leck, 2000 [this issue]; Marsiglia, 1998, for further discus-
sion of these issues).
Despite these differences, the research on sexual identity development
suggests that awareness of sexual orientation and issues of sexual identity are
issues that already concern children who are in late elementary and junior
high school. Moreover, children who are different in some meaningful way
are beginning to struggle with identity issues surrounding those differences
at younger ages. Therefore, we believe that educators and administrators
should foster a supportive learning environment that could potentially benefit
all children regardless of their sexual orientation or grade level.
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 361

FOSTERING A COMMUNITY
THAT WELCOMES DIVERSITY

Primary and secondary educational institutions do not function in a vac-

uum. The communities surrounding and supporting those institutions consist
of school boards, superintendents, administrative personnel, teachers, par-
ents, and other students who carry heterosexist and homophobic bias, making
it difficult for schools to openly support lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth (cf.
Gustavsson & MacEachron, 1998). Moreover, some communities believe
that discussions of sexuality belong at home and not in schools. Combined,
these factors make it difficult to openly and explicitly discuss differences in
sexual identity. Nevertheless, educational institutions can model openness
and teach children how to respect and appreciate the differences and similari-
ties between each other. In this section, we provide recommendations for fos-
tering a supportive community that embraces differences at three levels: the
institutional level, in the classroom, and the interpersonal, one-on-one level.

The institutional level. One of the most important ingredients for develop-
ing a community that embraces diversity at the institutional level is providing
support from the top. Specifically, leaders of primary and secondary institu-
tions need to communicate to administrators, teachers, parents, students, and
the community the value it places on providing a safe, nurturing environment
for all children. An institution’s missions and goals statements should reflect
its commitment to developing a sense of community and respect for one
another as well as developing individuals who are academically and psycho-
logically prepared to engage in productive work and contribute positively to
society. This includes learning to interact with people from diverse back-
grounds and orientations.
An institution’s policies on acceptable and unacceptable behavior should
likewise reflect the kind of community an institution strives to be. There
should be zero tolerance for verbal and physical aggression both in and out of
the classroom, with explicit guidelines on how to deal with children who vio-
late this policy. Furthermore, this policy should be communicated formally to
students with an age-appropriate discussion about the rationale for such a
policy. Negative consequences for violators of this policy should be used in
conjunction with reinforcements for children who are positively contributing
to a sense of community. Only in this way can schools be safe places for all
children.
Last, educational institutions need to provide mandatory training and edu-
cation for administrators, teachers, and staff regarding issues of identity
development that are revisited, maintained, and sustained over time.
362 EDUCATION AND URBAN SOCIETY / May 2000

Specifically, educators need to understand that children belong to multiple

groups and, as individuals, they progress through a process of figuring out
what those identities mean to them. In addition, educators need to learn how
children who belong to groups that are stigmatized and in the minority (e.g.,
those with a nonheterosexual orientation) deal with that aspect of their iden-
tity. Such knowledge is crucial if educators are to provide a supportive envi-
ronment for all children. Furthermore, a sustained commitment to such pro-
grams communicates to administrators, teachers, parents, staff, and students
that these issues are valued by the institution.

Classroom/curriculum level. In the classroom, representation in the cur-

riculum can be an important part of teaching children about differences. At
elementary educational institutions, programs that discuss the fact that dif-
ferences between people exist and that those differences have the potential to
enhance our understanding of the world and one another could be imple-
mented. For example, children can become acquainted with diversity and
learn that some children have one parent, some two, and a few three or more.
Furthermore, they can learn that all male, all female, and mixed gender par-
ents are possible. Books such as Heather Has Two Mommies (Newman,
1991) address these issues and can be used with young children. Educators
can also use videos such as It’s Elementary (Chasnoff & Cohen, 1996), which
offer examples of teachers openly discussing sexual orientation with elemen-
tary school children within the context of diversity and acceptance of
differences.
In secondary educational institutions, more explicit discussion of identity
development in general as well as specific identity developmental processes
could provide students with relevant information that could help them
explain and understand what they are experiencing regarding their sexuality.
In some high school health classes, adolescents learn about the physical
aspects of sexuality as well as sexually transmitted diseases. Learning about
one’s sense of self as a sexual being seems to be a logical extension of those
discussions. Lesbians, gays, and bisexuals could also be discussed in history,
anthropology, sociology, psychology, biology, and literature courses. The
human rights struggle of sexual minorities could also be a valid topic for con-
temporary issues courses. Even discussions of the family in home economics
could include a section on alternative families (Owens, 1998).

Interpersonal/one-on-one level. At the interpersonal level, educators need

to communicate to students both formally and informally that they are open
and supportive of their students. Moreover, they need to create a safe environ-
ment in which to learn and safe spaces where gay, lesbian, bisexual, and
 Schneider, Owens / LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL KIDS 363

transgender students can go for help and support. However, teachers and
counselors also need to be aware of the confidentiality of gay, lesbian, bisex-
ual, and transgender students and of the stigma attached to their sexual orien-
tations by the larger society. It may be counterproductive to designate a
solely gay-friendly space. The fear of being stigmatized will keep many stu-
dents from using this space to talk with a faculty member or counselor.
Instead, students need to feel that several classrooms and offices are welcom-
ing. In addition, educators and counselors should be trained in working with
these teens. The National Youth Advocacy Coalition offers training guides
and safe space stickers.
Administrators and staff as well as educators need to inform themselves
about overall identity development as well as specific identity developmental
processes to recognize signs that students are struggling with these issues. By
understanding all types of identity development, educators, staff, and admin-
istrators can become equipped to intervene when students display psycholog-
ical and behavioral adjustment problems. This information would not only
prepare all members of the educational community to help lesbian, gay,
bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth, it could potentially benefit all
children.
In summary, it is the obligation of educational institutions to provide all
students with a safe environment where children can learn to become fully
realized participants in our democratic society. If our children are exposed to
an environment where aggression toward others is tolerated and differences
are something to fear, then the surrounding community as well as the whole
society stands to lose. However, if primary and secondary educational com-
munities foster a safe, supportive environment that does not tolerate aggres-
sion toward others and welcomes diversity in all its forms, then we all stand
to gain.

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