Isabella Marquez

Dr. Hite
TOK
18 February 2020
Foundations on Which I Stand

From being raised in the Cuban-American culture all the way to the pain that I’ve
experienced, there are many aspects to the way I perceive the world. This is due to the ways of
knowing that I rely on the most to form these perceptions. For example, the yellow, burning
house displays the joy (and occasional pain) that comes with being raised in a Cuban American
home, along with the Spanish language, Catholic faith, and both good and bad memories that
have formed my current practices. The house also represents creativity and how my imagination
has been fueled by the pain and music of my early childhood. The physical and mental pain that I
have felt from then on is displayed through the black scratch marks on the tower’s second level,
which has affected my trust in both my sense perception and my intuition, causing me to rely
more on logic and reason, which is displayed through the cut out squares on level three. The text
causes it to look so chaotic, showing us that reason with no intuition or emotion can actually
make someone less rational. Luckily, I have formed a trustworthy inner circle of both friends and
music that, while not entirely protecting me from toxicity, keeps me sane. These ways of
knowing have allowed me to feel safe in what I know to be true about the foundational building
blocks that make up my person.
The foundation of my tower (the yellow, burning house) represents both my Cuban
culture and creativity. Growing up in a Spanish-speaking house when you’re not fluent yourself
can cause much confusion, as you cannot always communicate with your abuelito. I never
became fully fluent due to my dad and abuelita wanting me to be American, causing me to have
a true Cuban-American upbringing; however, I still used a lot of Cuban slang in order to dictate
certain messages. For example, the word “dale” means go ahead, but the way it’s said causes it to
have different meanings. Putting stress on the first syllable is used when one is gossipping and
wants to know more. If the word is said in one syllable, then you know your abuelita is mad at
you and does not want to hear your excuses on your way to your room. Cubans also call crackers
“galletas,” which is different from most Hispanic countries, showing the pride that we take in our
country. We want everyone to know where we are from, and our language allows us to do that!
My Catholic faith was also a big part of my Cuban upbringing. Every Cuban that I know
is either Catholic or Jewish, and every family is highly centered around God. When somebody
gets sick, you rely on God more than you do science. When you need guidance, you pick up a
rosary and pray to Jesus through the Virgin Mary’s intercession. I often wondered if this
reassurance through faith is better than that of reason and logic through science, which has
caused much uproar in both my thinking as well as my traditional Cuban family. These
memories, both good and bad, have also formed the foundation of my Cuban culture. From
making pastelitos de guayaba at home to the constant stream of black bean soup with rice for
lunch everyday as well as the loud fighting, slamming doors, and leaving the house for 48+ hours
that my parents did when I was little, I have many memories from how I was raised that have
affected how I think now, hence the burning house. Once the fire starts, it is hard to stop, and
once the damage is done, it’s irreversible. This allowed me to enjoy the good moments that much
more, such as singing and dancing to all different kinds of music with my dad, from Selena to U2
and Frank Sinatra, so much better. In fact, both the fighting and music taught me to use my
imagination to create parallel universes with my barbies and stuffed animals in order to escape
the burning fire. “Yellow House” is my favorite original song because it’s based off of that exact
feeling- the feeling of burning down and being broken, while still standing in the sunlight,
waiting for restoration.
I have been waiting for this restoration my whole life, especially in regards to my
physical and mental pain, and still seem to be waiting today. I got diagnosed with Irritable Bowel
Syndrome (IBS) when I was ten. This means I can only eat certain foods without throwing it all
back up, and my stomach will cramp for hours if I eat something too acidic, too sweet, too spicy,
etc. This caused a bland shift in my food, and, therefore, sense of taste, to occur at the time of my
diagnosis, as I had to start dieting, even if it meant no eating pizza at the birthday parties. The
diets did work and I felt much better for a few years afterwards; however, about four years later,
I developed severe back pain along with ovarian and uterine pain that has yet to be diagnosed. I
will most likely be treated as a chronic pain patient for the rest of my life. This back pain limits
my sense of touch, as I cannot bend over or reach up high; I can only touch what’s right in front
of me, which also causes me to feel emotionally limited, as nobody likes being bedridden and
immobile, and the two sexual harassments and toxic relationships I’d suffered through only
worsened my mind. In those dark moments of recollection, I’ll recall standing there, completely
still, just watching the clock, counting the seconds, seeing how long it would last. I’ll replay the
sounds of the clock ticking over and over again in my head. It only gives me even more feelings
of anxiety and worthlessness, causing me to distrust my own emotional stability.
This distrust of my emotional stability caused me to run to reason and logic as my main
source of knowledge. I constantly crave a need for control, but this need can drive me to insanity.
Whether it be in regards to how an experiment in physics or my emotions being out of control, I
have always needed to rationalize things for myself. This need can get so strong that it often
causes me to ignore my intuition, making it hard to be even remotely decisive. For example,
when most people go to a fast-food drive through, they can decide what they want quickly and
confidently. I, however, have to think about if my IBS is acting up that day, what I ate the day
before, what I’m planning on eating later, and so on. Even when I finally do come to a
conclusion, I can never seem to be happy with it because I want everything to be perfect. This
need for perfection causes me to work harder, not smarter. This is represented on the tower’s
third level of squares from cut-up magazines. The squares are in an order by both size (smallest
to largest) and color (lightest to darkest to lightest); however, the print on these squares makes it
look chaotic and messy, which is what obsessive reasoning causes one to feel, hence the anxious
emotions that the red color scheme provokes.
 The circle of light around the dark object represents my memories within the inner circle
that I have formed for myself over the years. It’s both people and music that have saved me from
the darkness within myself and my spiraling emotions. Often times, the physical and mental pain
that I feel along with only using reasoning triggers unwarranted emotions, which can either send
me into a spiral of theoretical thoughts and dark emotions or cause me numbness so that I don’t
have to enter that painful spiral. This has caused me to not trust my own emotions; therefore, as a
result, I rely on other people to pull me out of my overthinking. These people, especially my
cousin Margaret Mae, have helped me so that I don’t listen to my intuition and emotions when
they’re not in line. Often times, my pain causes me to feel nothing, as though I’m only a shell of
a person, and Maggie has to breathe life back into me just so I can get up and shower! When
there’s nobody around to help me out, I turn to sad ballads for catharsis. This inner circle does
not get rid of all the darkness, but rather, makes it easier to cope.
These four levels are what come together to form my tower. The yellow, burning house
displays the language, faith, and fiery memories that come from being raised in a Cuban-
American household and how this sparked the importance of imagination in my current life. The
black marks on level two represent the pain that I have experienced and how it’s altered my
sense perception as well as my impulse, causing me to rely on logic and reasoning, hence the
organized chaos of the cut up squares from magazines. The endless circle of light moving around
such a dark object represents the inner circle that I have formed for myself over the years. It
allows me to use good memories, reasoning, and intuition in order to have more control over my
emotions. All of these ways of knowing are connected and have allowed me to develop the
values and traditions that I still hold true to this day. While these values might change at some
point, I can at least have comfort in knowing that these ways of knowing are what allow me to
justifiably change into the person that I want to be.