The guy in the backround.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to improve.
I don’t know what happened...to me.
I don’t know why I cant stop being weird.
I don’t know how I can stop being a repellent.
I don’t know...how I can change.
I don’t know why I have to screw the whole thing up.
Now everything is just going to be like before.
With people looking at me as some weirdo.
With people looking at me as some...some vagabond.
With people looking at me and treating me like nothing.
Just to have only one person who always backs me up.
Sometimes I wish this one person could...be my girlfriend.
If he was a girl and a girlfriend to me....
She would understand me.
She would understand my humour.
She would understand the amount of crap...I’ve been through just to
make this facade, this mask I wear at times.
She would understand almost...all of me.

The thing that always grinds my gear....every time I fail.

Every time I fail to be likeable I would always go through this rough,
vigorous train of thoughts.
Every time people read my texts and not reply just tells me one sign...
That I’m not good enough for that person.

The girl that wanted to be with someone else...

That person she liked...used to be me.
Now she decided to move on. Read my last text messages with no reply
and...

The End
From that same faithful day, I look at everyone in the street and all
things suggests...
I’m a weirdo.
A creep trying to be likeable.
Bad at trying to be likeable.
Good at failing to be likeable.
That’s the way it is.
Pretending to be likeable.
It’s almost like wearing a superhero costume...even though you have no
powers at all. You’re just some lunatic walking around monologuing. Pow
this! Pow that! pretending to be this powerful character with no powers
at all.

I don’t want... I don’t know...

I just don’t want to be a weirdo.
I don’t want to be...
Some guy in the backround.
I want to be more than that.

I want to shine.
I want to have glory.
I want to be better.
I want to be new and improved.
I want to get my hopes up.
I want to get all my numbers up.
I want to have a good life.
I want to be good at everything
I want to not hide in this translucent facade of mine.
I want to get that girl. The girl I’ve been waiting for.
I want to get that likeable personality. That charisma. The personality
I’ve been looking for.
I want everything...to change in a good way.

But...
I just can’t.

No matter how hard I try.

I will always be a living and breathing...vagabond...that i didn’t want to

be.
A living and breathing...shadow...that I didn’t want to be.
A living and breathing...weirdo.....that I didn’t want to be.

Along with...
this living and breathing person....I didn’t want to be...
The Guy...in the backround.
If I ever wrote a list of things that I’m capable of, there would just be one
word written on it in lower case letters with a boring font:

Nothing.

I’m not capable of making a big impact in life.

I’m not capable of socialising with people and because of that they repel
themselves away from me.
I’m not capable of giving people good things out of gratitude.
All because everyone looks at me as this weirdo that just lingers about
the compound.
All because people start ignoring me, Not responding to a word I say
Always giving me this hateful look.
All because of that I’m now trapped in my own shell. So much that...
I’m not capable.... of expressing my feelings.
I’m not even capable of....feeling.

This...gigantic void in my shrunk heart.

This unfixable short circuit...in my mind,
This...anxious self in my throat that always mutes my speech
everytime...
Everytime I get scared of being open in public,
Being open to common faces I often talk to.
Being open...to anyone.
This fear...is what keeps me closed.
This fear... that my destined love one/my friends/new people I talk to/old
people I talk to...will leave me. Alone in this callous unforsaken
world...that I made.

I have this fear of people just leaving me in this darkness because...it

already happened to me before... and I don’t want that darkness to be
where I live....forever. Which is why I try and fail to make an escape from
this eternal darkness. This inescapable prison I’m trapped in.

It’s actually kinda funny how...

How much I have to change for...people to actually talk to me

I change to person no. 1....nothing
no.2... nothing
No.3... nothing
No. 4.... nothing
No. 5... nothing

It goes on and on and on until

Person No. 100,000,000,001....a response....

And then I become relieved...
Too relieved...to the extent that...

I’m back to square one.

Person No.1 again....nothing
I cant think of anything else more... both funny and aggravating than this
issue...
This loop...I’m stuck in.
This tortuous loop...

wait.
Maybe....
I’m the one who created this loop.

I torture myself

I would torture myself every day to...just to be....a better person?

No...no,no, no that can’t be it.....it’s something else.....

Argh! god my mind.......

Something, something,
Something...
I....
I can’t...

I can’t think of any words to.....

To Comprehend this...
I don’t know why I’m.....like this now

I don’t know why I....I don’t know....I don’t know

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.

I don’t know what or who...made me like this and...

I don’t know why.....

I don’t know why i have this.....

mendacious personality

Multiple.....

I...
I don’t know who I am.....
This loop...no....

...

.....
There would just be times...

I don’t have anything....

Anything left to say...

Anything left to....to think about

There’s....
Nothing

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know what to write
I don’t know what to make or how to make it
I don’t know how.... to change

To do

To write

To change

What to make...

and how to make it.....

None of it makes sense...

Why does non of what I say makes sense at all?

My sayings, my.....

Humour......

I don’t know, I.....I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!

I don’t know....I’m
.......,,,,,,,,,,,...l,l,,,,,,,,,,,,lol.,,,l,l,lol,,,,l..
,,,.,,.,,,l..,,,,........

.......,,,,,,,,,,,...l,l,,,,,,,,,,,,lol.,,,l,l,lol,,,,l..
,,,.,,.,,,l..,,,,........

.......,,,,,,,,,,,...l,l,,,,,,,,,,,,lol.,,,l,l,lol,,,,l..
,,,.,,.,,,l..,,,,........

.......,,,,,,,,,,,...l,l,,,,,,,,,,,,lol.,,,l,l,lol,,,,l..
,,,.,,.,,,l..,,,,........

.......,,,,,,,,,,,...l,l,,,,,,,,,,,,lol.,,,l,l,lol,,,,l..
,,,.,,.,,,l..,,,,........
RRrrrrrrrRrrrrrrrRrRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH

IM FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT.

I KEEP FUCKING IT UP EVERYTIME

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING WITH MY LIFE

I DONT KNOW HOW I GET MORE SHITTIER AND SHITTIER AS I GO ON I

MEAN WHAT THE FUCK....WHAT THE FUCK!?!!!?!. SHIT!

FUCK!

IM LIKE SOME SHITTY-ASS...MY MIND I CANT STOP....

THE PAIN....THE FUCKING PAIN

NO THERE MUST BE SOMETHING.....SOMETHING LEFT IN MY MIND

MY MIND I...I DONT KNOW.....I DONT KNOW.....I DONT FUCKING

KNOW!

There must be a way to be more humourous

More like....ab.....ab. More lik...k.... I can’t FUCKING Speak SHIT.

MORE LIKEABLE
More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable
More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable
More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable More Likable
More More Likable Likable More ihvnvnnvnv vtvthvnthvntnvi
gbgibmrgibmmnbon nnbbbmbm nboinojbndogibnb

PleASe!!!! I NEED TO GET OUT!!!! THERE’S...

there’s got to be a way out.... there has to,.,..,..,,,..,

There must be a...

No don’t do this to me!!

I want to get out!!!

Please help!!!
Please
This pain!!! Please!!! !!!!
Aarhthrhfstop

AAAAAAARG!!! Fuck!!,,,””

STOP IT!!!!!

LET ME GO!!!!

WHO AM I!!!!!,!,!,l””!,!!!
WHO AM IIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiii

LET ME
G____AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!”.”,”’’)HNG
HNYNFFYNFYFHNYYFF
The guy in the backround....
What?
That’s what you are
....then who the hell are you?
The guy in the backround
...?

I’m you
....
Its hard to underst

Wait...your me?
...Yh
(Sighs ) what?

Look, again it’s hard to underst

I’m just...

DONT FUCKING....
...
Dont interrupt me...
...ok

Look I know it’s hard to understand but....

Fuck...

SHIT...
.....?
Sorry. Another personality wants to break into my...what do you call it?

Mainframe?
I...
Dk to be honest.

Hm...
Yh...

So... uh....
...?
...I...see you’ve been having problems

...!

What do you mean?

you don’t see that text behind you.......?

No....what text?

The text behind you, the one with some small yellow shit moving letter
after letter

Nope can’t see it anywhere.....

Oh shit Yh I can see the yellow line...

but there’s no...text...

?
Huh...
Are u dyslexic?
....?

The hell did that come from?

...

No...
Jus wondering...
It was a joke by the way but....

Huh.

Looks like you definitely are me

What makes you say that?

Your shitty humour?

Thought you’d say that...
Why are u smiling?

(Sighs) well I’m just happy that there’s...

at least someone like me

Well you are me after all...

But I feel ya....

I do....
Can you turn into a girl?

No. Why?
Don’t worry

Why did you change ur mind all of a sudden?

Idk...

Cus ur probably gonna turn into a clapped one?

That’s an adjective you don’t hear every day

...Yh you do
Hm...

I can’t really turn into a girl if your still wondering

What makes you think I still was?

good point I guess.

Question rather

You probably were thinking that though.

....

Well from the writings on the wall I....Well I actually may understand why
you want me to randomly turn into a girl
Well i know the message is obvious so you don’t have to be all “Shitty
Sherlock” about it.

“Shitty Sherlock”. You came up with that?

Yh. I wish more people say “Shitty Sherlock” so that I wouldn’t sound
weird...
It hurts knowing

?
Knowing you can’t be with someone

you wanted to be in a relationship with...

...
And also that you aren’t capable enough of attracting people of...

Any sex

A bit of a weird way to put it

Because of the word ‘sex’. How indecently funny...

No like...

You could’ve just said “anyone” instead of “any sex”

If you know what I mean...

Maybe it’s because...

I spent so much of my life trying to change myself. To be a smarter

person than I am. To sound like an intellectual.

Act all....fucking..philosophical about some random shit that people

won’t even give a shit about
Is that the reason all I can hear from you is “fucking-blah-blah-shit-blah
blah-shit-blah-blah?”

a joke?

A joke?

...

(Sighs) yh. It’s a Little joke

That’s not a joke

Well-

So arid

That’s Exactly what I was going to say!

No you weren’t

Wh-
?

(Sighs) fair enough.

Where are you going?

 Trying to go somewhere else...where your horrible scent can’t reach

“Scent”? Ha.

Nah jokes I’m just...

Walki
ng
over
here
to
see if
my
text
wou..
Oh shit...

The text moved

What a...revelation? Idk.

Just
thoug
ht I
woul
d try
some
thing
out...
And
well...shit!

Yh

That’s actually cool ngl

 Feels
slightl
y
differ
ent...

Actua
leeee
eeee
eeee
eee/

//
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee aaahhh//
//Aaaaaaaaaaaa!dejjeej//

\/Oof!

...
You’ve.... something just dragged you back?

Yes some invisible sort

Wonder what that was...

Hm...

“Invisible sort”?
Your not some mystery guy from Conan Doyle’s novels are u?

You read Conan Doyle?

I read Sherlock Holmes sometimes. Yh

Never thought a guy your type would...

Well everyone has a soft kind of spot

Hell my piano teacher was acting like some rogue even though he
listens to Chopin or Bach or some shit

What a lad....
You didn’t just call him a “lad”?

You read a bit of H.G Wells?

...

Yh

Well The Only bit of one I read was from the Invisible Man
Hm guess H.G wells might care to explain the “invisible-force-pulling-
shit” phenomenon that just randomly happened earlier

Yh like why did that happen?

Your asking me?

Aren’t you the smart-ass?

If you eliminate the impossible then whatever remains however

improbable must be the truth...

Sighs

What...?
The fuck?

Oh Christ!!

Holy Shiit!!!

Don’t fucking scare me like that you...

Who even...who the hell are you?

You...

Your me?

And me?

Is there a fucking fucking echo echo

...

...

You’re us I take it?

No, I’m a fucking giraffe

OF COURSE IM BOTH OF YOU!!

Jeez mate turn it down! Fuck!

A giraffe?

“A girawfe”
Fucking Stephen Hawking

Oh Nooo...A lacking invective..

Whatever can I do?

Maybe use words that people commonly use

...
You know common words like...

Cunt...

I guess “cunt” is one...

Thick cunt!

Yh I guess that’s a good examp-oh you actually mean that, Aight

Christ! Standing here with two dolls sucking each other off in...

What even is this shithole?

I don’t know. An astral plain of some sort...?

Sighs for fuck s-

Some sort of canvas-

Alright Mr Oxford. I’ll “canve” your Downtown Abbey fucking arse if

you talk more Stephen Hawking shi-

Wait did you guys hear that?

What the fuck now?

I swear I heard typing...

Can’t hear shit...

...

Thought I heard some

Well. It looks like the game’s afoot. Let's find the sounds

Right well you carry on with your little fucking schizophrenic hunt...

That's a bit rude.

Not being rude. Just telling you what I'm seeing and what you would
be seeing if you’d stop aiming cum into your eyes
Oh wow!

What?

Found your mum’s glory hole yet?

...

Don’t even ask...

Just follow me

Wait, I thought you cant go-

Oh shit