CHAPTER 4

AC'S POV

"I think I'll be late for about 30 minutes, me and my mom have an
appointment. Im sorry" I texted Cj. Today's Saturday and the appointment
that I'm talking about is my check up. Ngayon rin namin gagawin ang report
namin ni Cj, hindi na namin napagplanuhan ng maayos dahil kagabi lang
naman kami nakapag-usap.

Isang beses sa isang buwan ay nagpapacheck up ako, to see if my health's

condition is stable. Especially my Immune system, it needs to be strong
enough para hindi na bumalik ang sakit ko.

Once na hindi naging stable ang health condition ko ay maaring bumalik ang
dati kong sakit or worst a new cancer will be triggered inside me.

I suffer for almost a year because of my cancer, gladly I survived. I was able
to fight.

Since kid, sakitin na talaga ako. Nahirapan si mom na ihandle ako, idagdag
mo pa yung fact na she's a solo parent.

And because of this body system of mine, I feel suffocated. Sobrang daming
bawal gawin. For a moment I want to do things I really want, I want to live a
normal life.

I want to live.

I want to breathe.

"Ma'am" the doctor approached mom.

We're here in a special room in Hospital, parang sarili ko na 'tong kwarto dahil
pabalik balik kami dito.
This past few days ay lagi akong nagkakalagnat at nanghihina kaya pabalik
balik kami sa hospital. I even experience night sweats and severe itching. Sa
di mapaliwanag na kadahilanan ay ang laki rin ng ipinayat ko, hindi naman
ako nagpapalipas ng kain. Sumasakit rin paminsan minsan ang leeg ko at
likod.

So mom decided to ask the doctors to do some special test for me such as X-
rays, CT scans, blood test and Lymph nodes biopsy. We've been staying here
for a week, mom decided to confined me here in hospital para mas
maalagaan raw ako.

"What's the result doc?" my mom asked anxiously.

"Your daughter is diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphoma" Bumahid ang

pagtatanong sa mukha namin ni mom.

"w-what's the meaning of that doc?" mom asked again in fear.

"Hodgkin's disease (HD) is a type of lymphoma, which is a blood cancer

that starts in the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system helps the
immune system get rid of waste and fight infections. HD is also called
Hodgkin disease, Hodgkin lymphoma, and Hodgkin's
lymphoma." pagpapaliwanag ng doctor.

"B-blood cancer ho doc?" paguulit ni mom. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng

marinig ko ang salitang blood cancer. My hands are shaking in fear,
naramdam ni mom ang panginginig ng kamay ko kaya agad niya akong
hinawakan.

"how serious is this cancer doc?" mom is shaking. Especially when she
heard the word blood cancer.

It's in our genes, nasa lahi nila mama ang pagkakaroon ng uri ng mga blood
cancers. Last year my auntie died from leukemia. Kaya alam kong natatakot si
mom para sakin, maski ako natatakot ako para sa sarili ko.
"Hodgkin's lymphoma is treatable, especially in its early stages. The
one-year survival rate for all patients diagnosed with Hodgkin's
lymphoma is about 92 percent, at sa case ho ng anak niya. Maganda na
nadiskubri natin ito ng maaga" nakahinga si mom ng maluwag ng marinig
niya ang mga salitang yon sa doctor.

For almost a year, I go under treatments such as radiation therapy and

chemotherapy. Of course this therapies have side effects, I almost lost my
hair.

To boost my immune system to help fight the cancer, I always eat fresh foods
such as vegies and fruits. I sometimes eat meat to gain strength.

It felt sick going through this therapies pero lahat 'yon tiniis ko for mom. Ako
lang ang meron si mom, hindi ako pwedeng mawala. Im still in my mom's
womb when dad left us.

I prayed each night, at ginagawa ko lahat ng sinasabi ng doctor. For some

moment pakiramdam ko ay nakakulong ako. It sucks to be here in the
hospital. Puro kulay puti at asul lang ang makikita mo.

Once I got healed, I'll make sure na hinding hindi na ako magkakasakit ulit.
Ayoko ng maranasan pa 'to.

And since im going under therapies nga ay hindi muna ako pumapasok sa
school, mom submitted some papers that made my school agreed na I should
continue studying inside the hospital.

It sucks when you celebrate your birthday inside the hospital. Mas gugustuhin
ko pang sa bahay namin magcelebrate. It was a different vibe here inside the
hospital.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday happy

birthday day! Happy birthday to you!" they sing for me. Kasama ko ngayon
dito sa loob ng kwarto ko sa hospital sila mom, lolo and lola.
"Happy 15th birthday apo!" bati sakin ni lola sabay halik sa noo ko. Then
give me a small box.

"salamat po lola" pagbabalik ko ng enerhiya sa kaniya.

"Blow the candles anak!" that's my mom, she seemed so excited.

"yey!!!" they burst in bliss as I blew the candles.

"now let's eat the cake" mom slices the cake. Nagulat ako ng pati ako ay
bigyan niya.

"Mom I can't eat cake, I'm going under my therapies" I said.

"You can now anak" maluha luhang sabi ni mom.

Agad naman pumorma ang pagtatanong sa mukha ko. She handed me an

envelope.

"Open it" halatang masaya si mom para sakin. They're all emotional right
now, naluluha silang lahat

"Im c-cured, magaling na a-ako" nauutal kong pagsasalita ng makita ko ang

result ng test.

"Cancer free na ako!" at tuluyan na ngang bumagsak ang mga luha ko.

"Makakalabas kana by next day anak" masayang sabi ni mom.

Nagkakasiyahan kami ng biglang may kumatok sa pintuan. It was doc.

"Ow hi, seems like you guys are celebrating?" masayang pagbati ni doc,
tumango namin kaming lahat. "Congratulations Ac! You survived!"
"thank you po doc! For everything po!" I replied, wala na akong panahon
para isa isahin pa ang mga ginawa nila para sakin, I just feel so overwhelmed
and happy right now.

"it's our job Ac" naglakad siya papalapit sa amin "but you should still take
care of your health, the cancer might be back kung hindi mo aalagaan
ang sarili mo or worst baka may iba pang cancer ang mabuo sa loob ng
katawan mo" pagpapaalala ni doc.

"we'll make sure that she will stay healthy doc" mom said while holding
my hands tight.

"get in the car sweetie" I stantly get inside the car as mom called me.

"It seems like you're in a hurry sweetie" mom said as she noticed that I'm
cramming.

"Uhm yeah mom, supposed to be gagawa kami today ni Cj ng report

namin at their house. Kaya sana di mahaba ang pila sa hospital" I replied.

"Is that so? Dont worry sweetie, we made an appointment at tayo ang
pinakauna sa list. Im sure you won't be late" mom said giving me an
assurance.

I already texted Cj earlier, well just to be sure.

"I'll drop you at their house as we finished your check up" she smiled at
me.

I wear my seatbelt of course for safety. Mom's the one who's driving right now,
nag take ng leave si manong Gari, may emergency raw kasi.

While mom's driving she suddenly asked something.

"Uhm sweetie?" she started.

"yes mom?"

"The thing between you and Cj? How is it going?" lumaki kaagad ang
mata ko sa tanong niya.

"Mom! We dont have a thing! Im just attracted to him

okey?" pagrereklamo ko.

"okey okey, relax sweetie. Mom's just asking hahaha"

Nang makarating kami sa hospital ay agad kaming nagpunta kay Doc.

"Goodmorning doc" Mom said.

"Hi doc!" pagbati ko rin.

"You guys are a little early today huh" sabay tingin sa relos niya. Its
already 11:00PM tho, but we were scheduled 11:30. Napaaga nga kami.

"Yep doc, my daughter is meeting someone kasi ih" mom hissed.

"Mom!" I frowned.

"ow so you're meeting someone now Ac? Good for you dalaga kana you
should really find a boyfriend hahaha" pangkakantyaw rin ni doc. Di ka
lang pogi doc hinampas na kita nitong phone ko chour.

"Im not! We're just studying for our report!" pagtatanggol ko sa sarili ko.

Nagtinginan lang si mom at si doc, halatang di naniniwala sakin e.

Doc asked me about what I feel this past days, what am I eating, what am I
doing, how my body reacts to work and I said it was fine. Totoo naman, I don't
feel any negative feelings physically.

Doc do some check ups so we waited for minutes.

"Everything's fine and good, your in good condition. I guess you're
taking your medicines at the right time?" doc asked as he informed me
about my health. Tumango lang ako bilang sagot.

"magtutuloy ang ganitong sitwasyon as long as you live a healthy life

style, alam mo dapat ang mga bawal especially sa pagkain" I nodded
again. Gusto kong mabuhay ng matagal pero gusto ko ring subukan ang
ibang bagay, I feel suffocated.

Medyo natagalan kami dahil nakipagdaldalan pa si mom kay doc. Pagkatapos

nilang mag usap ay agad narin kaming dumeretso sa sasakyan para ihatid
ako kila Cj.

"What time is it sweetie?"

"it's already 12:12PM" I answered as I look at my watch.

"Are hungry? Let's eat first" at kumain na nga kami sa isang fine restaurant.
Mabilis lang rin kaming natapos kumain dahik nagmamadali na nga kami.

"We're here" mom stopped the car infront of Cj's house.

I dropped my jaw as I saw their house. Ang laki ng bahay nila, I think this 2 or
3 times bigger than our house.

I pressed the doorbell at isang yaya ang bumungad aa amin.

"ay maam sandali lang po tatawagin ko lang po si maam Juliet" the yaya
said as she saw my mom.

"Ow sis you're here!" Tita Juliet said as the gate opened. Nagbeso pa silang
dalawa.

"Goodafternoon po tita" at bumeso narin ako.

"I just dropped Ac, may gagawin raw kasi sila ni Cj." mom said.
"Ow right! I remember! You guys will be studying for your report
right?" I nodded to answer tita.

"Did you guys have lunched, kain na muna kayo dito kung hindi pa.
Tiyaka mamayang hapon paparating na ang husband ko from
abroad" pagyaya sa ni Tita Juliet kay mom.

"We already had lunch, tiyaka I just dropped Ac here I still have
something to do pa e" my mom replied. I can sense that she's feeling
uncomfortable right now.

"Ikamusta mo na lang ako kay Karl" tumango namin si tita. I think Karl is
tita Juliet's husband, hindi ko pa siya nakikita maski isang beses.

"Sweetie, text me na lang if you're about to go home na ha? I'll pick you
up here" she kissed my forehead at umalis na.

"Let's go inside swetie" Tita Juliet said, nasanay na rin akong ganyan ang
tawag niya sakin. Before kasi pabalik balik narin naman siya sa bahay.

Nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa buong living room nila. This is my first time here
in their house. I can tell from the paintings and vases that are displayed here
that they're really rich!

"Wait here swettie, tatawagin ko lang si Cj. Make yourself at home!" and
tita left me here in sala.

"Woah" I said in amazement as I touched one of the vases. Naglibot libot pa

ako sa living room ng makita ko ang nag iisang picture na nakadisplay, it's
their family picture.

"Their genes are no joke" Cj's father is a visual just like tita Juliet but there's
one thing I noticed. Hindi kamuka ni Cj ang dad niya at hindi niya rin naman
kamukha si tita Juliet. Weird.

Napatigil ako sa paglilibot ng dumating na si tita Juliet kasama si Cj.

He's just wearing grey sweatpants and a white sando! He looks hot! I can feel
my cheeks burning!

"Hi" I said in shyness. I'll try my best to act normal, there's nothing to be
uncomfortable about Ac okey. Si Cj lang yan, relax.

"Hi" he smiled, bakit ba ang gwapo mo pag nakangiti ha?

"uhm, so saan kayo mag aaral? In Cj's room? Or sa library?" tita juliet
asked

Wait? Cj's room? Ramdam ko ang pag iinit ng mukha ko ng mapagtanto ko

kung anong sinabi ni tita but one thing that makes me more surprised is they
have a library inside their house?

"In the library mom" Cj replied, he's now looking at me.

"Follow me" he said. I do as he said, mukha akong tangang nakasunod sa

kanya. Act normal Ac! Act normal!

We're walking on their hallways when he suddenly asked something.

"Uhm Dereen?" pagsisimula niya. He asked without even looking at me.

Shit bakit ba Dereen tawag mo sa akin? Stop it. Hindi mapakale puso ko
kapag tinatawag moko sa second name ko.

"ye?" maikli kong sagot.

"Did you bring laptop?" shit, diko nadala yung laptop. I was in a hurry,
nagmamadali ako kanina at nakalimutan ko ng dalhin.

Huminto siya sa paglalakad at lumingon sakin. Agad rin akong napatigil sa

paglalakad, lalo na noong tinitigan niya ako sa mga mata.
"Seems like you forgot it" hindi siya galit? How can we work properly kung
kulang kami ng laptop? O baka may extra siya? O share kami sa isang
laptop?

"Stop thinking hahaha, it's okey. You can use your phone" pagkatapos
niyang magsalita ay naglakad na ulit siya.

It's my first time hearing his laugh. Tama naman siya, I can use my phone.
Bakit ba kasi kung ano anong pinag-iisip ko? Wait? Paano niya nalamang
may iniisip ako?

He's light talkative now and slight nice. It's not like when we first met. What's
with the sudden gestures Cj? Stop it already.

Nakarating na kami sa library nila at namangha kaagad ako sa mga nakita ko.
Ang daming libro! Nabasa niya na kaya 'to lahat?

"Maglibot libot ka muna, I'll just get my laptop at my room" tumango lang
ako at umalis na siya.

"This is astounding!" I said at myself habang pinapadulas ko ang mga

kamay ko sa mga libro.

"Baka meron siyang libro ng Daedalus and Icarus?" naglibot kaagad ako
para hanapin 'yon.

"Gotchha!" I said as I found the book at myth section.

"Argh-arg-H" nahihirapan akong abutin yung libro, masiyadong mataas.

I remained standing in my place when I feel someone was behind me. I can
feel his chest on my back and I can also smell his fragrance.

I saw his hand reaching the book. Nang makuha niya 'yon ay kaagad niya
itong ibinigay sakin. Nakatalikod parin ako sa kanya, dahan dahan kong
kinuha ang libro sa kanya.
"Next time if you need anything or if you're having a hard time on things,
call me okey?" He whisper on my ears. Pagtango na lang ang naisagot ko
dahil nagulat ako sa nga pangyayare.

It's actually not a whisper, he just said casually near my ears.

Humarap na ako sa kanya ng maramdaman kong naglalakad na siya, I just

followed him hanggang makarating kami sa isang table.

Nakalapag na doon ang laptop niya kasama ang iilang libro at papel.

Its a round table, dalawa lang ang upuan at magkatapatan ito. Umupo na siya
at nanatili parin akong nakatayo at nakatingin sa kanya.

He changed his clothes, he's not wearing sando now. He's now wearing a
plain white shirt which make him more pleasant on my eyes.

"Aren't we gonna start studying?" he asked.

Agad naman akong bumalik sa wisyo ng magtanong siya. Umupo narin ako
tapat niya at nilapag ko ang libro at bag ko sa lamesa.

"Read the book, I'll do some research" tumango lang ako. Digital reporting
ang gagawin namin, so it means sa PowerPoint kami gagawa.

"After you read the story, tell me your thoughts about it and what you
understand" he said while typing something on his laptop.

"Digital reporting ang way ng pagpresent diba?" pagtatanong ko.

"Yep and since we only have one laptop, tumabi ka dito sa akin
mamaya." This time nakatingin na siya sakin. His eyes were really something,
it speaks something.
"Okey" I replied. Kung kanina ay naiilang ako, ngayon ay hindi na. I felt
something as I look on his eyes, may gusto siyang sabihin at gusto kong
malaman kong ano 'yon.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa nang bigla siyang nagsalita.

"You said you'll be late 30minutes" pagsasalita niya.

"That's why I'm just wearing sando earlier, sorry if it looks

rude" pagpapaliwanag niya. It wasn't rude, mas maganda nga sana kung
nakasando kaparin, edi mas sinipag akong magbasa chour.

"It's okey" I smiled at him. "Akala ko rin malalate ako e, mabilis lang
kasing natapos yung appointment namin ni mom" check up pa sana ang
sasabihin ng utak ko, buti na lang napigilan ko.

Tumatakbo ang oras at tapos na akong magbasa. Tinype ko narin ang plot ng
story sa phone ko para incase na magtanong siya.

Tahimik na lang kaming dalawa. I can't stand this quiteness, parang sasabog
ang tainga ko.

Since tapos na naman akong magbasa triny kong libangin ang sarili ko. I
check my social meda accounts.

Matagal tagal narin akong di nakakapag upload ng videos, diko pa na u-

upload yung film and photography ng debut ko.

I turned off my phone. Ang boring!

Nilibot ko na lang ang paningin ko hanggang mapunta na naman ako sa mga

mata ni Cj. Seryoso siyang nag-aaral sa laptop, he's really reading. Ganon ba
kalawak ang research niya at inaabot siya ng ilang oras?

"What is it?" bigla niyang tanong. Nagulat naman ako dahil nagsalita siya.
"I can feel you staring at me" he added. Oh ayan tanga, nahuli ka tuloy.
Titig pa Ac.

"Is there something you want to ask?" pagtutuloy niya.

"Uhm"

He stop looking at his laptop. He's now staring at me. Just a normal stare, not
cold. I can't read him! Unlike me, mabilis akong basahin.

"The first time we met?" biglang pumasok sa isip ko noong una kaming
nagkita. I said something na sensitive pala sa kanya, di ko naman alam na
ganoon kabigat yung dinadamdam niya noon.

"Im sorry" nagulat ako nang bigla siyang humingi ng tawad.

"I should be the one to say sorry, di ko muna iniisip kung anong mga
posible mong maramdam before I talk something. Im sorry." pagsagot ko.

"No, I know I act rude that time and y-you're right" nahihiya niyang sabi.

"saglit lang ang buhay kaya dapat laging piliing maging

masaya" natatandaan niya pa yung sinabi ko? May sakit rin ba siya? Meant
to be kami ghad chour.

"I was just shocked that someone notice what I'm feeling, its the first
time. You know I dont have friends" before nababasa ko pa yung mata
niya. I can feel his sadness but now he's hard to read.

"I can be one" I replied without thinking.

"huh?" he replied in confusion.

"I can be your friend" I said while giving him a sweet smile.
His face turned red and he's biting his lower lips to stifle a smile. How cute of
him.

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