Different Charisma Styles

Friday, February 22, 2019 11:20 AM

Include focus, visionary, kindness and authority charisma.

Focus Charisma; Presence and Confidence

What people notice: We access focus charisma entirely through
demeanour (outward behaviour). Presence is key because we can
perceive any distracted, inattentive body language, such signals
would quickly undermine focus charisma.

Developing focus charisma: Requires ability to focus and be truly

present. Have good listening skills. Develop the ability to be
present. Learn to handle charisma impairing internal discomfort.

Once you have it: Two main risks - If you display too little power,
you look to eager. If you display too little warmth, your attention
looks intense. Your interaction may be like an
interview/interrogation. Balance focus with warmth and
acceptance/genuine respect.

When to use it: Appropriate for almost all business situations.

Especially if you need people to open up and share information.
Avoid when you need to appear authoritative or during
emergencies when you need immediate compliance.

Visionary Charisma: Belief and Confidence

Makes others feel inspired, based on power and warmth.
What people notice: We access visionary charisma primarily
through demeanour - body language and behaviour. People
accept what you project, if you seem inspired, they think you
have something to be inspired about. Appearance matters far
less.

Developing visionary charisma: Message matters. Know how to

craft a bold vision and know how to deliver the message
charismatically. Get yourself into a state of complete conviction,
shedding any doubt. Rewrite reality and responsibility transfer are
important.

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Once you have it: it can inspire fervent belief and lead to
monumental change. It can inspire fanatical belief and lead to
disastrous decisions.

When to use it: When you need to inspire people or creativity.

Kindness Charisma: Warmth and Confidence

Based on warmth. It connects with people’s hearts and makes
them feel more welcomed, cherished, embraced and accepted.
What people notice: Body language - face and eyes.

Developing kindness charisma: Requires willingness, patience,

practice and the right tools. Mind-set - practice accessing warmth
with internal tools such as gratitude, goodwill, compassion and
self-compassion. Avoid any body language of tension, criticism or
coldness.

When to use it: delivering bad news, dealing with difficult people.
Avoid when people get too comfortable and share too much.

Authoritative: Status and confidence

What people notice: perception of power - body language,
appearance, title and reaction of other people. Body language -
emanate confidence. Appearance - clothing. Title - The way
others react to them.

Develop authority charisma: project power by displaying sign of

status and confidence - Body language and appearance.
Visualizations, warm-ups or using your body to change your mind
into a confident state. Learn to “take up space” with posture,
reduce non-verbal reassurances (excessive nodding), avoid
fidgeting, speak less, speak more slowly, know how and when to
pause your sentences or how to modulate intonation. Choose
clothing that appears expensive/high status.

Once you have it: You get listened to and often obeyed.
Disadvantages: Inhibit critical thinking in others, doesn’t invite
feedback risking not receiving information you actually need,
easily appear arrogant. Learn to emanate warmth to reduce the
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easily appear arrogant. Learn to emanate warmth to reduce the
risk of being perceived as arrogant or intimidating. You are seen
as high status.

When to use it: Works well in many business situations and any
situations where you want people to obey and listen. Useful in
crisis or immediate compliance from people. Avoid it in social
settings - weddings and funeral or when delivering bad news
(sensitive business situations). Avoid when you want to
encourage creativity or constructive feedback as it inhibits critical
thinking in others. (Visionary, focus or warmth charisma would be
better).

Choosing the right charisma

Personality - choose styles, tools and techniques that match your
signature strengths.
Goals - what you want to achieve - they obey or open up.
Situation.

The right charisma for you

Character - Be authentic. Don’t force yourself into a particular
charisma style e.g. introvert being extroverted.

*Introversion practice
At parties, don’t be social right away.
Spend 5 minutes to observe.
Take 5-minute introversion breaks.
You don’t have to limit yourself to one style.
Check in with your mental state.

Goal - How do you want people to feel/react? E.g. Authority

Charisma to be obeyed.

The right charisma for each situation

Emotional state - urgency increases the chance that people will
find you charismatic. Sense the emotional context;
What are people feeling around you?
What do they need in this moment?
Goodwill is key - best chance of getting your charisma right.

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Charismatic First Impressions
Friday, February 22, 2019 11:22 AM

Favourable first impressions cause every other interaction to be

filtered through this initial impression.
First impressions are often right thus having huge impact.

Golden rule
People like people who are like them.
Similar attire, appearance, demeanour and speech.
They assume you share similar backgrounds, education and
values. They feel like part of the same tribe.

Tribal wear
Blend in or stand out?
Make others feel like comfortable adapt to their tribal wear.
Dress to impress. Research and see what people are wearing
beforehand.

The power of a good handshake

• A handshake improves the quality of the interaction
producing a higher degree of intimacy within a matter of
seconds.
• Handshake blunders include:
• Dead fish: Limp, lifeless hand is extended and barely shaken.
• Knuckle cruncher: May demonstrate machismo or someone is
really unaware of their strength. Or is a result of misguided
teachings.
• The Dominant: Hand is extended palm down, conveying
intention of having the upper hand in the interaction.
• The twisting Dominant; Hand extended innocently forward
but twists once the shake is initiated to gain the upper hand.
• Two handed: Their hand is placed on your right hand, wrist,
arm, shoulder or neck.
• (The Politician’s handshake). They have little regard.
Exception is for a good friend. Reserve for those times you
want to convey special warmth.

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*Practice: The perfect handshake
• Make sure your right hand is free. Shift everything to your left
hand in advance to avoid fumbling at the last moment.
• Avoid holding a drink in your right hand especially a cold
drink. Your hand will feel cold and clammy.
• Rise if you are seated before shaking one’s hand and keep
your hands out of your pockets. Visible hands make you look
open and honest.
• Use plenty of eye contact, smile warmly but briefly (to avoid
appearing overeager).
• Keep your head straight, without tilting in any way, face the
person fully.
• Keep your hand perfectly perpendicular, neither palm down
(dominant) nor palm up (submissive). If in doubt, angle your
thumb straight to the ceiling.
• Open wide the space between your thumb and index finger
to get optimal web contact.
• Ensure contact between palms by keeping your palm flat not
cupped and by draping your hand across theirs diagonally.
• Try to wrap your fingers around their hand, scaling them one
by one, as if you were giving a hug with your hand. You will
almost have your index finger in their pulse but not quite.
• Once full contact is made, lock your thumb down and squeeze
firmly about as much as they do. Shake from the elbow (not
the wrist), linger for a moment if you want to convey a
particular warmth and step back.

Break the ice

• Offer a compliment about what the person is wearing. Great
opener for kindness/focus charisma.
• It also balances out your power in your authority charisma if
you think a more subdued version of your power is needed.
• Continue with an open ended question e.g. “What is the story
behind it?” “Story” has a very strong emotional effect on
most people and sends them into storytelling mode -
changing rapport between the both of you. They then have a
positive feeling about it.
• Another good question is, “Where are you from?” No matter
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 • Another good question is, “Where are you from?” No matter
what the answer, further dialogue is encouraged. If you are
not from that area, “What was it like growing up there?” The
smaller the town of origin, the more delighted they will be
that you are interested.
• Simply ask more open ended questions, “What brought you
here tonight?” or “How are you connected to this event?”
• Avoid close-ended questions (yes or no) or you end up where
you started.
• Focus on positive subjects since people associate you with the
feeling the conversation generates.
• If they ask about you and you want to refocus the
conversation on them, use the Bounce Back technique.
Answer the question with a fact, add a personal note and
redirect the question to them.

Them: So where are you moving to?

You; To Japan [fact]. We love the culture [personal note].
What do you think of the neighbourhood? [Redirect]

• Keep the spotlight on them for as long as possible. “Talk to a

man about himself and he will listen for hours.” Always say
‘you’ instead of ‘I’ e.g. I read a great book’ should be ‘You
might enjoy this article’
• Say ‘You know’ before any sentence to make them pay
attention.
• Adjust choice of words, breadth and depth of vocabulary and
expressions to suit your audience to be more relatable:
• Their fields of interest and chose metaphors from those
domains.

Graceful exits
• First, don't wait too long to end it. Otherwise you both feel
the strain and become uncomfortable.
• The easiest way, having an official reason for doing so. So be a
volunteer or require some official duty at parties.
• People always expect you to spend a few minutes with them
while ‘on duty’.
• Another way is to offer something of value:
• Information: an article, book, or website you think might be
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• Information: an article, book, or website you think might be
of use to them.
• A connection: someone they ought to meet whom you know
and can introduce them to.
• Visibility: an organization you belong to where you can invite
them to speak.
• Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated
for.
• This creates a feeling of warmth and goodwill in others
toward you and your departure will be haloed by the
impression of generosity created.
• So, wait until they finish a sentence then say. “You know,
based on what you've just said, you should really check out
this website. If you have a card, I’ll send you the link. Then
give your business Card., then say, “Great, I’ll email you soon.
It was a pleasure meeting you.”
• Alternatively, if they had agreed to meet someone in the
room, say, “Let me introduce you” and bring them together.
Draw others into the conversation since a group of 3 or 4 is
easier to leave.
• If you're breaking up a group, maybe rescuing a person who
wants to leave, or you need to introduce them to someone
else or they are needed on duty, focus all your attention with
warm eye contact, not on the person you are talking with but
on those left behind minimizing chances of feeling excluded
and is particularly important for showing kindness or focus
charisma.
E.g. “I am so sorry but Chris is needed to…. Would you allow
me to bring him over there?” This gives a nominal feeling of
having a choice in the matter.
• Once the conversation is over, don’t waste time worrying
about what you said, hadn’t said or will say next time. People
don’t remember words but the feeling of speaking to you.

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Key Takeaways
Friday, February 22, 2019 11:23 AM

• First impressions happen within seconds and can affect not

only the rest of the interaction but also the rest of your
relationship with that person.
• People feel most comfortable with those who are familiar to
them in some way, including appearance and behaviour. Do
your homework and decide how much you want to adapt
your dress and word choice to your environment.
• A good handshake can go a long way. Likewise, a bad one can
leave an unfavourable and lasting first impression. It’s worth
spending some time perfecting the right way to greet
someone.
• Great conversationalists keep the spotlight on the other
person and make them feel good about themselves.
• Know how to gracefully exit a conversation, leaving others
with positive feelings.

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