The Service

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that
hung in the foyer of the church.

It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year-old had been staring at th e plaque for some time, so the pastor walked
up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"What is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the
9:45 or the 11:15?"

(Thanks Alex)

First Job

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going
on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted
her as a kind of project mascot."
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and
gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten
dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars
"pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked
the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building
the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again
this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng
sheet rock..."

(Thanks Joe)

Pertama Kerja

"Sebuah keluarga muda pindah ke sebuah rumah, di samping banyak kosong.

Suatu hari, seorang awak konstruksi muncul untuk mulai membangun rumah di tanah
kosong.

putri keluarga muda 5 tahun secara alami mengambil minat dalam semua aktivitas terjadi
di sebelah dan menghabiskan banyak setiap hari mengamati pekerja.
Akhirnya kru konstruksi, semuanya "permata-in-the-kasar," lebih atau kurang,
mengadopsinya sebagai semacam maskot proyek. "

Mereka bercakap-cakap dengan dia, biarkan dia duduk bersama mereka sementara
mereka harus istirahat minum kopi dan makan siang dan memberikan pekerjaan-
pekerjaan kecil dia lakukan di sana-sini untuk membuatnya merasa penting.

Pada akhir minggu pertama, mereka bahkan disajikan dengan sebuah amplop yang berisi
membayar sepuluh dolar.

Si gadis kecil membawa pulang ini kepada ibunya yang menyarankan bahwa dia
mengambil sepuluh dolar dia "membayar" ia menerima ke bank keesokan harinya untuk
memulai sebuah rekening tabungan.

Ketika gadis dan ibunya harus ke bank, teller juga sama terkesan dan bertanya kepada
gadis kecil bagaimana dia telah datang dengan cek membayar sangat sendiri pada usia
muda.

Si gadis kecil dengan bangga menjawab, "Saya bekerja minggu lalu dengan kru
konstruksi nyata membangun rumah baru di sebelah kami."

"Ya ampun murah hati," kata teller, dan Anda akan bekerja di rumah lagi minggu ini
juga? "

Si gadis kecil menjawab, "Aku akan, jika mereka sebagai *! # Es di Home Depot! Pernah
memberikan batu lembar fu * ng # '..."

(Thanks Joe)

Nasty Bug

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack,
bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer,
the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there.
The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left.

The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang.

He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The
big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot
cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear
as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was
standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living
room floor.

The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding
four nights. "

" What can I do? " he pleaded.

" Not much " he doctor replied. " There's just a nasty bug going around."

Nasty Bug

Setiap malam, Harold akan pergi ke toko minuman keras, mendapatkan six pack,
membawanya pulang, dan minum sambil menonton TV. Suatu malam, saat ia selesai bir
terakhirnya, bel pintu berdering. Dia tersandung ke pintu dan menemukan kecoa berdiri
enam kaki di sana. Bug mencengkeram kerah dan melemparkannya ke seberang ruangan,
dan kiri.

Malam berikutnya, setelah ia selesai bir 3th nya, bel pintu berdering.

Dia berjalan perlahan ke pintu dan menemukan kecoa yang sama berdiri enam kaki di
sana. Bug besar meninju di perut, lalu pergi.

Malam berikutnya, setelah ia selesai bir 1 nya, bel pintu berbunyi lagi. The kecoa enam
kaki yang sama berdiri di sana. Kali ini ia lutut di selangkangan dan tekan belakang
telinga saat ia dua kali lipat selama sakit. Kemudian bug besar kiri.

Malam Harold keempat tidak minum sama sekali. Bel pintu berdering. kecoa itu berdiri
di sana. Bug mengalahkan keluar ingus dari Harold dan meninggalkannya di tumpukan di
lantai ruang tamu.

Hari berikutnya, Harold pergi menemui dokter. Dia menjelaskan peristiwa-peristiwa

empat malam sebelumnya. "

"Apa yang bisa saya lakukan?" Pinta dia.

"Tidak banyak" dia jawab dokter. "Hanya ada bug buruk terjadi di sekitar."
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Duck Hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These
two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They
drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural
landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.

In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly
down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of
the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second
fuse.

Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the
stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the
new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when
they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.
They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.

Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the
dog??

Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially
well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at
a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning
40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms
and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8
birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused,
but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog
takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..

The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so
the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very
large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this
happened"look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is
NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well.

Berburu Bebek

Dia dan seorang teman pergi berburu bebek di musim dingin, dan tentu saja semua danau
beku. Kedua orang pergi keluar di danau dengan senjata mereka, anjing, dan tentu saja
kendaraan baru. Mereka mengusir ke danau es dan bersiap-siap. Sekarang, mereka ingin
membuat semacam area pendaratan alam untuk bebek, sesuatu untuk umpan mengapung
di.

Dalam rangka untuk membuat lubang yang cukup besar untuk terlihat seperti sesuatu
yang bebek berkeliaran akan terbang ke bawah dan tanah, itu akan mengambil sedikit
usaha lebih dari satu lubang bor es. Jadi, dari bagian belakang truk Navigator nw datang
sebatang dinamit dengan sekering, pendek 40 detik.

Sekarang, kedua Rocket Para ilmuwan mempertimbangkan bahwa mereka ingin

menempatkan tongkat dinamit di atas es di lokasi yang jauh dari tempat mereka berdiri
(dan dari truk Navigator baru), dan mereka tidak ingin mengambil resiko dari tergelincir
di atas es ketika mereka lari dari sumbu dinamit menyala dan mungkin hilang dalam asap
dengan ledakan yang dihasilkan. Mereka cahaya sekering 40-detik dan melempar dinamit
sejauh mereka bisa.

Ingat beberapa kalimat kembali ketika saya sebutkan kendaraan, senjata, dan anjing?

Mari kita bicara tentang anjing: ini adalah Labrador sangat terlatih digunakan untuk
mengambil. Terutama terlatih pada mengambil sesuatu dilemparkan oleh pemiliknya.
Anda menebak itu, anjing lepas landas pada tingkat tinggi kecepatan doggy di atas es dan
menangkap tongkat dinamit dengan sumbu 40-detik membakar tentang waktu yang hits
es. Kedua orang berteriak, menjerit, gelombang lengan mereka dan bertanya-tanya apa
yang harus dilakukan sekarang. Anjing, bersorak, terus datang.

Salah satu orang merebut senapan dan tunas anjing. Senapan yang dimuat dengan # 8
birdshot, hampir tidak cukup besar untuk berhenti Lab. Anjing itu berhenti sejenak,
sedikit bingung, tapi terus selanjutnya. Tembakan lain dan kali ini anjing, masih berdiri,
menjadi benar-benar bingung dan tentu saja ketakutan, memikirkan kedua genius telah
pergi gila. Anjing yang mengajar untuk menemukan menutupi, di bawah merek yang
baru Navigator truk ..

Orang-orang terus berteriak saat mereka melarikan diri. Pipa knalpot di truk masih panas,
sehingga keluhan anjing dan tetes dinamit di bawah truk, dan mengambil mati setelah
tuannya.

Kemudian - BOOM - truk ditiup untuk bit dan tenggelam ke dasar danau dalam lubang
yang sangat besar, meninggalkan dua idiot berdiri di sana dengan ini "Aku tidak percaya
ini terjadi" tampak di wajah mereka.

Perusahaan asuransi mengatakan bahwa tenggelam sebuah kendaraan di sebuah danau

dengan menggunakan bahan peledak ilegal TIDAK DICAKUP. Dia masih belum
membuat pertama dari $ 560,00 bulan pembayaran!

Dan Anda berpikir hari Anda tidak berjalan dengan baik.

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I Know This Laywer

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a
grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a
young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and
asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me.
He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know
him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the
bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows
me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Aku Tahu Laywer ini

Sebuah kota kecil penuntut umum disebut saksi pertama untuk berdiri dalam sidang-
wanita nenek, tua. Ia mendekatinya dan bertanya, "Mrs Jones, apakah anda tahu saya?"

Dia menjawab, "Ya, aku tahu Anda Mr Williams aku sudah. Dikenal sejak kau masih
seorang anak muda Dan terus terang, Anda sudah menjadi kekecewaan besar bagi saya..
Anda berbohong, anda memanipulasi pada istri Anda, Anda memanipulasi orang dan
berbicara tentang mereka di belakang punggung mereka.

Anda pikir Anda adalah orang besar naik ketika Anda tidak punya otak untuk menyadari
bahwa Anda tidak akan berarti apa-apa lebih dari satu pendorong kertas dua-bit. Ya, aku
tahu kau. "
Pengacara itu tertegun. Tidak tahu apa lagi yang harus dilakukan ia menunjuk ke
seberang ruangan dan bertanya, "Mrs Williams, apakah anda tahu pembela?"

Dia kembali menjawab, "Mengapa, ya saya lakukan, saya sudah. Dikenal Mr Bradley
sejak ia masih muda, juga saya digunakan untuk bayi-duduk dia untuk orang tuanya.. Dan
dia, juga telah menjadi kekecewaan nyata bagi saya. Dia malas, fanatik, ia memiliki
masalah minum manusia tidak dapat membangun hubungan yang normal dengan
siapapun dan praktek hukum-Nya adalah salah satu shoddiest di seluruh negara bagian.
Ya, aku tahu dia.. "

Pada titik ini, hakim mengetuk ruang sidang untuk membungkam dan disebut baik
konselor ke bangku. Dengan suara yang sangat tenang, katanya dengan ancaman, "Jika
salah satu dari Anda bertanya padanya apakah dia tahu saya, Anda akan berada di penjara
dalam waktu 3 menit!"
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Cup Holder

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How
do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive
this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has
'4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and
snapped it off the drive.

Piala Pemegang

Tech Rep: "Ya, itu adalah Bagaimana bisa saya bantu?."

Caller: "Pemegang cangkir di PC saya rusak dan saya dalam masa garansi saya
Bagaimana saya tentang mendapatkan itu tetap?."

Tech Rep: "Maaf, tapi Anda mengatakan pemegang cangkir?"

Caller: "Ya, itu yang melekat pada bagian depan komputer saya."

Tech Rep:??. "Maafkan saya jika saya tampak sedikit bingung, itu karena saya Apakah
Anda menerima ini sebagai bagian dari promosi, di sebuah pameran dagang Bagaimana
kau mendapatkan ini pemegang cangkir Apakah ia memiliki merek dagang pada hari itu?
"

Caller: "Itu datang dengan komputer saya, saya tidak tahu apa-apa tentang promosi ini
hanya memiliki '4 X 'di atasnya.."

Pada titik ini Rep Tech pemanggil harus bisu, karena ia tidak bisa tahan.

Penelepon itu telah menggunakan laci beban dari drive CD-ROM sebagai pemegang
cangkir, dan bentak itu dari drive.

Doing Business with the darn Stock Broker

A man goes up to a stock broker says, "I want to open a so-and-so trading
account!"

Blanching, the lady replies, "Excuse me, sir, what did you just say?"

"Listen you, dag-nab it, I said I want to open a trading account this instant!"

"Pardon me, sir, but we do not stand for that sort of talk in this institution!"

The stock broker leaves her desk and goes to her boss and tells him about her
predicament. They both come back to her desk where the boss asks the man, "Is there a
problem, sir?"

"I don't have a dang problem," the man says, "I just inherited 100 million and I want to
open a so-and-so trading account with this blankety-blank brokerage!"

"I get the picture sir," the boss says, "and this wench of a broker is causing you a
problem?"
Berbisnis dengan darn Perantara Pedagang Efek

Seorang pria naik ke pialang saham mengatakan, "Saya ingin membuka rekening trading
begitu-dan-begitu!"

Blansing, wanita itu menjawab, "Maaf, Sir, apa yang Anda hanya mengatakan?"

"Dengar kau, dag-menangkap itu, saya katakan saya ingin membuka rekening trading
instan ini!"

"Maaf, Sir, tapi kita tidak berdiri untuk semacam itu berbicara di lembaga ini!"

Broker saham meninggalkan mejanya dan pergi ke bosnya dan mengatakan kepadanya
tentang kesulitannya. Mereka berdua datang kembali ke mejanya dimana bos laki-laki itu
bertanya, "Apakah ada masalah, Sir?"

"Saya tidak punya masalah dang," orang itu berkata, "Aku hanya mewarisi 100 juta dan
saya ingin membuka rekening trading begitu-dan itu dengan broker blankety-kosong!"

"Saya mendapatkan Sir gambar," kata bos, "dan ini dara dari broker yang menyebabkan
anda masalah?"

Fakta Tentang Cerita OldFunny IndexToo Kebakaran Banyak

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Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the
fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire
chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire
chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming
from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from,
chief."

Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the
fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire
chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire
chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming
from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from,
chief."

Terlalu Banyak Kebakaran

Seorang petugas pemadam kebakaran baru sedang dilatih oleh seorang kepala api tua.

"Bagaimana reaksi Anda jika tiba-tiba api berkobar di bagian depan gedung itu?" tanya
kepala api.

"Break out selang kebakaran dan mulai penyemprotan, kepala." jawab petugas pemadam
kebakaran baru.

"Bagaimana reaksi Anda jika api menyala lagi di bagian belakang gedung itu?" tanya
kepala api.

"Break out lain selang kebakaran dan mulai penyemprotan, kepala." jawab petugas
pemadam kebakaran baru.
"Dan jika lain api besar berkobar di basement, bagaimana reaksi Anda?" tanya kepala api.

"Break out lain selang kebakaran." jawab petugas pemadam kebakaran baru.

"Tunggu sebentar, Nak," kata kepala api. "Di mana semua ini berasal dari selang
pemadam kebakaran?"

Para pemadam kebakaran baru menjawab, "Tempat yang sama dimana semua berasal
dari kebakaran, kepala."
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What Happened in Detroit

A tough looking biker had been in the biker bar for quite some time when
he finally decided it was time, once again to hit the road. He stepped through the front
door of the bar and instantly realized that his bike had vanished from the spot he had
parked it.

"All right" he said loudly, coming back into the busy biker bar "I'm going to have a shot
of whisky and if my hog isn't back up front by the time I'm done, what happened in
Detroit will happen here too!"

With that many of the bikers ran out of the bar and within moments one came back to tell
the tough biker that his hog was now parked in front of the bar for him. When the tough
guy started to leave the bartender asked him.

"Pardon me, stranger, but what happened in Detroit?"

The tough biker replied casually: "I had to walk back to my hotel!"

What Happened in Detroit

A tough looking biker had been in the biker bar for quite some time when he finally
decided it was time, once again to hit the road. He stepped through the front door of the
bar and instantly realized that his bike had vanished from the spot he had parked it.

"All right" he said loudly, coming back into the busy biker bar "I'm going to have a shot
of whisky and if my hog isn't back up front by the time I'm done, what happened in
Detroit will happen here too!"
With that many of the bikers ran out of the bar and within moments one came back to tell
the tough biker that his hog was now parked in front of the bar for him. When the tough
guy started to leave the bartender asked him.

"Pardon me, stranger, but what happened in Detroit?"

The tough biker replied casually: "I had to walk back to my hotel!"

Apa yang Terjadi di Detroit

Seorang biker keras mencari berada di bar biker untuk beberapa

waktu ketika ia akhirnya memutuskan sudah waktunya, sekali lagi
untuk memukul jalan. Dia melangkah melalui pintu depan bar dan
langsung menyadari bahwa sepedanya telah lenyap dari tempat dia
parkir itu.

"Baiklah" katanya keras, datang kembali ke bar biker sibuk "Aku

akan memiliki wiski dan jika babi saya belum kembali di depan saat
aku sudah selesai, apa yang terjadi di Detroit akan terjadi di sini
juga! "

Dengan banyak pengendara sepeda motor berlari keluar dari bar

dan dalam beberapa saat satu kembali untuk memberitahu biker
tangguh bahwa babi itu sekarang diparkir di depan bar baginya.
Ketika orang tangguh mulai meninggalkan bartender memintanya.

"Maafkan aku, orang asing, tetapi apa yang terjadi di Detroit?"

Para biker sulit menjawab santai: "Saya harus berjalan kembali ke

hotel saya!" ust follow the Tracks

3 men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don't
know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man
leaves and tells the other 2 that he is going to get some food.

Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other 2 are amazed
and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, " I find tracks, i follow
tracks, i get deer". They both are slightly confused but let it go.

1 week later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy
leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a
elk over his shoulder. The other 2 ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, "I find
tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk".
5 days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very
cocky, thinks to himslef, " This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the
other animals so easy. I'm going to get an animal better than their's put together!". So he
leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours... he doesn't come back. They wait
another couple hours, he is still missing.

Finally, after 9 hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he
is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different
gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, " What
happened!". He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, " I find tracks, I
follow tracks, i get hit my train".

just follow the Tracks

3 men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don't
know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man
leaves and tells the other 2 that he is going to get some food.

Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other 2 are amazed
and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, " I find tracks, i follow
tracks, i get deer". They both are slightly confused but let it go.

1 week later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy
leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a
elk over his shoulder. The other 2 ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, "I find
tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk".

5 days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very
cocky, thinks to himslef, " This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the
other animals so easy. I'm going to get an animal better than their's put together!". So he
leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours... he doesn't come back. They wait
another couple hours, he is still missing.

Finally, after 9 hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he
is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different
gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, " What
happened!". He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, " I find tracks, I
follow tracks, i get hit my train".
cukup ikuti Trek

3 laki-laki yang terdampar di tengah Hutan Kanada dan mereka tidak tahu di mana
mereka berada. Mereka memutuskan bahwa mereka harus menemukan makanan. Jadi
manusia pertama daun dan menceritakan 2 lain bahwa ia akan mendapatkan makanan.

Beberapa jam kemudian, dia datang kembali dengan rusa di atas bahunya. Yang 2 lainnya
heran dan bertanya kepadanya bagaimana ia mendapat rusa tanpa weopans. Dia
menjawab, "saya menemukan trek, saya mengikuti jejak, saya mendapatkan rusa".
Mereka berdua sedikit bingung tapi membiarkannya pergi.

1 minggu kemudian, mereka sudah makan rusa, sehingga mereka perlu mendapatkan
lebih banyak makanan. Orang kedua daun dan mengatakan bahwa ia akan mendapatkan
makanan. Dia datang kembali beberapa jam kemudian dengan rusa di atas bahunya. Yang
2 lainnya bertanya bagaimana dia mendapatkan rusa itu. Ia hanya menjawab, "saya
menemukan trek, saya mengikuti jejak, saya mendapatkan Elk".

5 hari kemudian, mereka sudah makan rusa, sehingga mereka membutuhkan makanan
lebih banyak. Orang ketiga, merasa sangat sombong, berpikir untuk himslef, "Ini akan
menjadi sepotong kue. Orang-orang lain mendapat hewan lain begitu mudah aku akan
mendapatkan binatang yang lebih baik daripada mereka disatukan!.". Jadi dia pergi untuk
mendapatkan makanan. Mereka menunggu beberapa jam ... dia tidak datang kembali.
Mereka menunggu beberapa jam lagi, ia masih hilang.

Akhirnya, setelah 9 jam menunggu, mereka melihat dia datang kembali. Bajunya robek
kain, ia ditutupi di tanah dengan luka dan memar di seluruh tubuhnya. Dia adalah
pendarahan dari luka yang berbeda di lengan dan kaki bersama dengan satu di sisi kepala.
Mereka bertanya, "Apa yang terjadi!". Dia melihat pada mereka, terbelalak dan bingung,
dan menjawab, "saya menemukan trek, saya mengikuti jejak, saya mendapatkan hit
kereta saya".
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The Christian Bear

There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he
decided to go hunting instead.

He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun
by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.

He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around
a tree he triped over its root.
He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his
hands together and prayed:

"Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian."

the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said: "Dear
lord, Thankyou for the food that i am about to recieve"

Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog,
and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door
closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around,
searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window
seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to
look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At
that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little
sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl
ane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of
these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

The Farmer's Law

One weekend a lawyer from New York decided to go bird hunting in

Vermont. The lawyer drove to Vermont and found a good hunting spot near a farm. The
lawyer sees a bird, shoots it and watches fall to the ground on the other side of the barns
fence.

The lawyer, thinking to himself that's my bird I have to go get it, climbs the fence
retrieves the bird and climbs back. Just as he gets back over the farmer comes up to him
and says, "give me my bird." The lawyer says to him " your bird no no no I shot this bird
it is mine."

"No" says the farmer,"it landed on my property it is mine." "Look" says the lawyer, "I am
a lawyer, I will sue you , you will lose and I will get the duck." "No" says the farmer,
"that's not how we do it here in Vermont, we use the three kick rule."
"Ok" says the lawyer, how does that work?" "I kick you three times as hard as I can, than
you kick me as hard as you an three time and we keep going until one of us gives up."
"Fine" says the lawyer, "let's go." "I'll go first" says the famer. So the famer kicks layer as
hard as he can in the groin.

And just as lawyer is bent over in pain the famer kicks him right in the face. now just as
the lawyer is thinking what did IU get myself into the farmer kicks him in the stomach.
after the lawyer gets over the agonizing pain he says ok now it's my turn. No the farmer
says, "I quit you can have the duck."

(Thanks Samantha)

The religious Horse

Once a man bought a horse. You had to say ?hallelujah? to make it go and
?amen? to make it stop.

The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a
cliff.

He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop. He thought this was the end of
his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying ?amen?.

The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. 'hallelujah' said the man with a sigh
of relief and off went the horse?

(Thanks Sara)

Catch a Rabbit

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a
rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral
witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do
not exist.

The FBI goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the
rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay!
Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Medical Problem

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an

embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and
they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What
can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and
come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know
what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it
smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your
sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

(Thanks Mia)