Professional Documents
Culture Documents
English Satire
English Satire
Kathleen Archerd
Mr. McGinnis
English 10 / Satire
10 February 2011
DANGER! DANGER!
conditions: just fine«but that could dramatically change over the next couple hours. We must
It is my deepest intention to convey to you the significant weight of student safety within
our school association. We must not place our students in such precarious situations that come
uncontainable danger. We cannot let the threat of the unknown journey to school rob the
Let me explain to you some of the dangers we face: The first of these dangers is
uncertainty. As the students hear murmurs of snowy weather throughout the hallways, they
immediately are unsure of what the next day holds. It is assumed that they go home with giddy
anticipation mixed with a slight fear of school in the morning. When they have expectantly left
their assignments uncompleted, the declaration of school induces extreme panic and unwarranted
stress. I propose that we solve this problem by immediately cancelling school when the forecast
calls for snow at 15% or greater. By using this as our standard, we will drastically reduce the
uncertainty and, therefore, the stress level of our student body. I think it best to realize we are
The second danger that snow brings is obvious: the dangers on the road. One of my
greatest concerns, when it comes to student driving, is safety. Since a number of the students in
buncombe country consistently drive themselves to school, we must account for the lack of
driving experience. This factor calls for the need of extra caution when determining school
closings. I would like to address this concern by suggesting that schools forego the one- and
two-hour delays in light of the increasingly-popular three-hour delay. These three-hour delays
allow for the sun to rise and snow to melt before students can safely make their ways to school.
They also allow ample time for reevaluation of the road conditions. If there is the slightest
indication of ice, we will take every precaution and cancel school for the day.
Besides the assured safety of our students, there are other benefits to this precautious
outlook. One of these benefits is Saturday school. Over the weekends, students typically forget
much of the lessons they were taught on the previous Friday. By implementing Saturday school,
we work to close the learning gap. Saturday school will also keep students from engaging in
dangerous activities that they are drawn to on the weekends, such as partying, swimming, and
sleeping.
In this ever-cautious system of school closings, we also have needed to add days onto the
end of our school year. Once again, this will work to close the gap from one year to the next,
reducing the amount of material forgotten. Other benefits of extending the school year include,
but are not limited to: decreasing the students UV ray absorption, therefore decreasing risk of
cancer; allowing the students to continue their fellowship with each other a little while longer
before they graduate; providing the teachers with additional pay, and therefore the receiving of
It is plain to see that we can never be too cautious with the lives of our students. I hope