Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/6394789.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/F
Fandom: The 100 (TV)
Relationship: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Character: Clarke Griffin, Lexa (The 100), Wells Jaha, Finn Collins, Raven
Reyes, Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake, Abby Griffin
Additional Tags: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Slow Burn, Romance, Smut
Stats: Published: 2016-03-29 Completed: 2016-06-13 Chapters: 16/16
Words: 39160

Enigma
by stravisky

Summary

Clarke is nearly finished with her residency i general surgery in New York and is focused
on her career. At the end of one of her shifts a mysterious woman comes in to the ER, but
is not very cooperative. The woman both scares and intrigues Clarke, who finds herself
falling for someone she knows absolutely nothing about...

Notes

This is my first fanfic ever, English is not my first language and I am dyslectic, so the will
be mistakes, stupid ones probably:-) I find it really hard to write down the story I have in
my head, so I hope I will be able to see this story trough... I hope you like it
 E.Nigma

"Dr. Griffin. There is a Jane Doe in room 3 for you" Clarke took the chart handed to her and
flipped through it. A woman in her twenties had been brought in with multiple cuts to her upper
body, a bruised face and a minor head injury. She looked at her colleague quizzically. "Is she
unconscious?" Wells, her long time friend and fellow resident at New York-Presbyterian
shrugged, turned towards the examination rooms and started walking. "No, but she is not talking.
We have no info on her and she won't let me near her." Clarke stopped outside room 3 irritation
building in her chest. "So what you are telling me is that you have slightly difficult patient, and
come running to me for help. God! My shift ended two minutes ago, I should just leave you to
deal with this on your own for once" Wells hung his head. "Please Clarke, you are so good at this
people stuff. People just trust you... you have this way of making anyone comfortable" Clarke
glared at him, her blue eyes blazing. "Is she violent?" He shook his head. "No, she is very calm.
I'd say stoic" Clarke looked at her friend and gave him a tired smile. " fine. You owe me one" she
said before she turned and opened the door.

When she entered the room she put on her friendly doctor smile. She sat down opposite of the
woman sitting on the bed and just looked at her for a moment. She was tall and slender, but
definitely muscular. Her posture was perfect, head held high and long brown hair in an intricate
braid. She had high cheekbones, a sharp jawline, full lips and the greenest eyes Clarke had ever
seen. Even with bruises and the cut on her forehead she was stunning. Probably the most beautiful
woman Clarke had ever seen. Their eyes met and Clarke smiled at her again. "Hi. My name is Dr.
Griffin and i am here to patch you up. My colleague says you don't like doctors and that you
would not let him do his job. So, I am here to tell you that I will have none of that bullshit. If you
just sit still and do as you are told you will be out of here in no time. For me to give you the best
possible care i also need you to star talking. I need to know a few things" she pulled on a pair of
latex gloves and looked at her patient. The mystery woman cocked an eyebrow and smiled a little.
"I never said I didn't like doctors" she pulled of her jacket to reveal her wounds. She had a few
cuts on her muscular arms, nothing too bad. "Nice art" Clarke commented as she saw the tattoo
covering her right arm. She started cleaning the cuts, plastering some of them and suturing up
some. The woman followed her every move with her green eyes and never even flinched when
Clarke gave her anesthetic for the suturing. "So Enigma, what made these cuts?" Clarke asked
while she stared to clean her face. "A broken bottle" she replied with a half smile. Clarke was
cleaning the wound to her head, so they where only inches apart when their eyes met again. There
was something in the way that those green eyes seemed to look straight through her that made
Clarke a little uncomfortable. "That means you have to get a tetanus shot" she said matter of
factually as she plastered the cut together, trying not to let the woman`s gaze get to her.
After giving the shot Clarke sat back down opposite her patient and pulled out her chart. "Now for
the longer interview" she smiled. The woman smiled back and seemed to relax a little. "Name?"
Clarke asked. The woman cocked eyebrow again. "I think Enigma has a nice ring to it" Clarke
shook her head lightly. "Is that your first or last name?" "Actually, it is Emily Nigma" the
woman`s green eyes sparkled with playfulness. Clarke snorted a laugh. "Very clever Ms. Nigma.
Do you know what date it is today?" "April 4th 2016, why?" Clarke smiled again. "What did you
have for breakfast this morning?" Enigma looked suspiciously at Clarke. "Pancakes with
blueberries and a green smoothie" she sounded unsure so Clarke looked her directly in the eyes.
"Are you sure?" "Yes, I just don't see why you would need to know that" Clarke chuckled. "I am
checking you for a concussion, if I suspect you have one you will have to stay the night for
observation." Enigma grabbed Clarke's arm, not roughly, but just firm enough to make Clarke
take her next words seriously. "I can not stay here tonight. Thank you for patching me up, you are
really very good at what you do, but I have already stayed her for too long." She had moved
closer to Clarke while talking and was now standing right in front of her. Clarke looked up at her
beautiful face and for a split second, she thought the woman might kiss her. But in stead she
picked up her bloody jacket, threw it over her shoulders and started to leave. "Wait!" Clarke called
as she reached the door. Enigma smiled and winked at her over her shoulder before she disapeared
out the door. Clarke didn't quite know what to make of the situation. The woman was charming in
a way, she had made Clarke laugh and feel at ease, even when she had lied about her name.
Clarke shook her head and left the room to finally go home for the night. As she was leaving she
stopped at the nurses station. "I had a patient who clearly lied about her name today. You should
notify the insurence company" she told the nurse sitting behind the computer screen. "Ms
E.Nigma actually paid in cash" he said with a smirk. She just nodded thoughtfully in response and
left. The whole thing was dodgy she thought.
 A shoulder and an indecent proposal
Chapter Summary

Clarke and the mysterious woman meets again. Clarke is annoyed, and more than a
little fascinated. cuts and bruises seems to be a reoccurring theme i their relationship...

Three weeks later Clarke was working her ass of at the hospital and preparing for her Boards
when she wasn't working. She was so tired she was afraid she would fall asleep during surgery.
Her shift was just coming to an end when someone was wheeled into the ER. She groaned at the
thought of having to work overtime yet again. "I got this. Go home and rest up. You look
dreadful" Clarke felt Wells' hand on her shoulder. "You sure?" She asked feeling herself relax a
bit. "Of course" he smiled. "What at friends for, and I still owe you for dealing with that
impossible woman three weeks ago" it took a while for Clarke to remember what he was talking
about. "Right. Enigma" she mumbled before giving him a quick hug. "Thanks Wells. See you
tomorrow" As she left work she remembered the brunette with the green eyes. There had been
something strange about her. She had been in a fight, a bad sign, but something about her made
Clarke feel comfortable.

She was lost in thought about work and her Boards when she walked up the dim lit corridor to her
apartment. "Hi again" a smooth voice said from a dark corner just as she put the key in her lock. It
startled her and she could feel her heart racing in her chest. "I didn't mean to scare you" the voice
said softly as the brunette emerged from the darkness. Clarke was freaking out and struggled with
her lock to get her door open. "Enigma" she squeaked trying desperatly to calm herself. As her
door finally opened she regained some of her senses and took in the woman standing a few feet
from her. There was blood on her t-shirt and she was cradling her left arm. She looked like she
had been in a hell of a fight. Clarke's eyes widened as she took in the sight. "What the hell
happened to you?" She asked. "I need some help, would you let me in?" Her green eyes looked
calmly at Clarke. Her face betrayed no emotions. "Go to the ER, I am off duty" she snapped
feeling angry that this woman had scared her outside her own apartment. "I know you are off
duty, that is why I am here" she stepped closer. "So you know both where I live and when I work.
That is really fucking creepy and I would like you to leave before I call the cops on you" Clarke
opened the door to get away from her stalker when a strong hand grabbed her arm. Clarke's blue
eyes met her green eyes and there was that thing again. That weird feeling of being completely
transparent. Like this woman could see her very soul, and strangely it made Clarke feel like she
could trust her, even if her conscious mind was screaming for her to cut and run. "Fine" she heard
herself say as she stepped inside her small apartment and left the door open for the brunette to
follow her in.

Clarke's apartment was small and, if she was honest, not very nice. The apartment building was
old and the apartments had not been renovated for quite some time. But she had done her best to
make it feel like a home with pictures, her own paintings on the walls and lots of candles
everywhere so that she could feel cozy at night when she was alone. There was one bedroom, a
bathroom and a living room with a small kitchen, and of course a fabulous view to a brick wall
across the alley.
The brunette stood in her living room and looked around curiously. "So, you have scared me half
to death and talked your way into my apartment. Are you just going to stand there all night or are
you going to tell me what happened?" Clarke had her hands on her hips and could feel her anger
and frustration boiling inside her. The brunette turned slowly. She was wearing a really tight pair
of ripped jeans, a bloody t-shirt and a leather jacket. She looked stunning, even with the blood.
Clarke couldn't help but appreciate her beauty as she turned and faced her. The brunette's face
showed no emotion. "It is better if you don't know the details Clarke" Clarke could feel her heart
skip a beat as she heard her own name roll of the brunette's tongue. Something about the way she
said it made her blush. "I am risking too much as it is." "How do you know my name?" Clarke
blurted out. The brunette just cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled mysteriously. Clarke could feel
her annoyance with her guest again and went into doctor-mode. "Why don't you at least tell me
what you need my help with. Your shoulder is clearly dislocated, but is there anything else? You
seem to have bled a great deal." She pointed at the bloody t-shirt. "This isn't my blood" the
brunette said looking down at her ruined clothes "but I have a cut in addition to the shoulder that
might need stitches" Clarke went into the bathroom for her first aid kit. "I need you to take off
your jacket and t-shirt so I can examine your shoulder and I also need to see that cut" she said as
she despaired in to the other room. When she came back with her first aid kit she stopped dead in
her tracks at the sight before her. The brunette was wearing only black panties and bra. Clarke
struggled to keep her professionalism. The woman standing in her living room was the most
beautiful person she had ever seen. She looked impossibly strong and muscular at the same time as
she looked elegant and soft. Her abs where clearly defined and her tan skin seemed to have a glow
to it. When Clarke's gaze finally made their way all the way down to her long legs she noticed the
cut on her thigh and managed to snap out of her trance."I'll deal with that first. If you can just lay
down on your side on the table over there." Clarke pointed to her dining table while she tore her
eyes of the woman. The brunette did as told and was soon laying in what must have been a
painful position for her shoulder, but she gave no indication of pain so Clarke didn't bother asking.
As she started suturing the silence in the room became too much for her. "I know you have this
whole mystery thing going for you, but a little light conversation wouldn't kill you you know" the
brunette sighed. "I like your apartment." She stated after a while. Clarke laughed. "You have a
thing for old run down apartments"
"Not really, but this one has a lot of soul. And you have filed it with pictures of the people you
love, and I really like the paintings you have on your walls." Clarke looked at the pictures. There
was a family portrait from when she was a little girl, one of her, Wells and Finn on graduation day
from high school, her and her mom on graduation from med school and there was the one of her
and her dad in central park the last summer before he died. "This was my dad's first apartment. He
held on to it after he met my mom so that I would have a place to live during my studies and to
sort of get me started in life. I know it's shabby and that I could afford a better place with my
salary as a resident, but it makes me feel closer to him I guess, so I cant't part with it." "What
happened to him?" She asked softly. "He died a few years ago, in a car accident." Clarke
answered quietly as she finished her suturing and put bandages on the brunette`s wound. "Now
for your shoulder. Sit in that chair please" Clarke gestured towards a kitchen chair and again the
brunette did as told. As she sat down she looked at Clarke with big green compassionate eyes. "I
am so sorry Clarke. You seem to have been very close with him" The look in her eyes combined
with the way she said Clarke's name almost mad Clarke's heart stop. She swallowed and tried to
push her emotions down. She smiled halfheartedly at the woman and muttered a thanks before she
started to examine her shoulder. " How did this happen? And I actually need an answer to fix
you" she said wile she studied her injury. "I fell, at least 6 feet and landed on my back." Clarke
moved behind her to look at her back. It was bruised, but seemed otherwise fine. She moved to
the front again and took her arm to examine. "That doesn't sound like you need to keep it a secret.
Why did you come here in stead of the ER?" Clarke held the woman`s soft hand in her own and
looked down on her. "I can't risk all the questions and I have a pretty good feeling that you are the
only doctor who would let me get away with E.Nigma as my name. And I don't always run
around with enough cash to pay the bill" she answered, sounding a bit tired. "No cash tonight
huh?" Clarke grinned. "I guess you are going to have to pay me au naturale" she said with a wink
and a smirk. The brunette's green eyes widened in surprise and Clarke chose that exact moment to
yank her shoulder joint back in to it's socket. The look of surprise turned in to a look of pain and
Clarke cocked an eyebrow at the woman. "So you do feel pain" she asked. The brunette shot her
a look that made Clarke laugh. "I am sorry, but it is usually best for the patient to be relaxed an
unprepared for a maneuver like that. Don't worry I wont't tell anyone that you flinched" she
teased. "Do you usually ask for sexual favors from your patients to distract them?" She shot back.
"Only the really hot ones" she quipped before she could catch herself. The brunette smirked and
Clarke blushed. "You should keep the arm in a sling for the next two weeks and let the leg rest."
She said trying to sound professional again. The woman stood up and pulled on her jeans and
shoes. "Here, take this." Clarke threw an old t-shirt to the brunette. She just nodded an pulled it
over her head, put on her jacket and walked to the door. "Thank you Clarke" she looked intensely
at the doctor and Clarke felt her heart racing. Then she just left.
 Old friends and raccoons
Chapter Summary

Clarke goes out with old friends and has an unexpected run-in with Enigma...

"Earth to Clarke! Paging Dr.Griffin. "Clarke and Wells was having lunch in the Hospital cafeteria,
but Clarke found it hard to keep up with the conversation. "What's with you today? Are you
worried about the boards? You really don't have to be, you are going to knock em dead." Wells
looked concerned for his blond friend. "Oh, I know. I am not worried about that. I just... It's
just..." "It's just that she met someone and now that someone is all she can think about" Clarke
turned to see her old fried Finn standing behind her with a huge grin on his face. Clarke got up to
greet her friend with a hug. While Wells and Clarke had known each other their entire lives Finn
had entered her life in high school where they had bonded over their passion for art. The three had
soon become tight knit group despite their obvious differences. After high school Finn had gone to
art school and was now a fast rising star in the world of sculpting. He now sat down at their table
grinning. "So, what are you doing here, and why didn't you tell us you were coming" Wells asked
his friend. "I have been commissioned to sculpt a statue for the hospital here. So I am checking out
the space and the vibe of the place for inspiration. But I think I might just make the St. Clarke
statue that I have always wanted an excuse to make «Wells shook his head and smiled. Clarke
huffed. "I am sure the board of director would absolutely love that. Some resident who worked
here once on a pedestal. You do know about surgeon’s enormous egos right?" she smiled. Wells
gave her a funny look. "Are you leaving Manhattan?" Finn laughed. "What's wrong Wells? Are
you feeling the separation angst" Wells and Clarke had followed each other since childhood. The
thought of them not working in close proximity to each other left Wells feeling empty. Clarke shot
him a worried glance. "You mean to tell me that you haven't applied anywhere else than here for a
fellowship? I have applications in at all the major trauma centers in the country." "Well, sure I
have, but they love you here Clarke. I don't think they are going to just let the best surgeon in the
entire staff go. And this is a great trauma center, why would you go anywhere else?" “I don`t
know Wells, meet new people, see new places. Not working for my mother.” Clarke explained.
“New people huh. Did you hear that Wells; after 25 years she is finally tired of your company”
Finn grinned. Clarke punched his shoulder. “You are such an ass Finn. Nothing is decided yet, I
just want to have some options when the boards are done with. Speaking of, I have a study day
tomorrow, so we should all go out after work today!” it had been too long since they had all gone
out together and having the day off the next day meant that they could go all out for once.

Clarke`s stereo was blasting music and she was dancing around in her apartment, getting ready for
her night out. Wells didn`t live too far away so they had decided that he would pick her up so they
could share a taxi to the club that Finn had suggested. He usually knew all the good places to go
clubbing, so Clarke was looking forward to a night out. It had been way too long since she had
had the time for anything other than working. There was a knock on the door, Clarke looked at
her watch and frowned. “You are such a looser Wells, always way early.” She called from the
bathroom. “It`s open Wells, just come in” she finished her makeup, but didn`t hear Wells come in,
so she went to check it out. There was no one in her apartment and the door was closed. She went
and opened it to see if he was standing outside. In the hallway she found two packages and a card.
One of the packages was clearly flowers, the other one was flat and Clarke couldn`t imagine what
it was. She picked it all up at brought it in. The flowers were beautiful, orange long stemmed
roses, the other package was her old t-shirt and she knew who the sender was. The thought of the
mysterious brunette made her smile, and she couldn`t help the little flutter in her chest as she
picked up the card.

Dear Clarke
I am sorry to have scared you, talked my way in to your apartment, and on top of it all being a
really bad conversational partner. I have no excuse or explanation for my behavior, I can only
hope that you accept these flowers as an apology. I realize the delivery might be another check in
the stalker-column for me, but I felt like I had to let you know that I really appreciate your help,
and you had to get your fabulous t-shirt back!
Thank you Clarke, I owe you…
E.Nigma

Clarke was smiling like an idiot when Wells came through the door. “Wow, I can`t believe Finn
was right!” he exclaimed making Clarke jump. “God Wells! Maybe you could knock before
barging in, you scared me half to death.” She went to put the card in her nightstand, the last thing
she needed now was for Wells to read it. “I did knock, and the door was wide open” he called
after her. When she returned from her bedroom he was grinning at her. “Nice flowers. So when
were you going to let me in on the fact that you met somebody? I thought I was your best friend?”
he pouted. Clarke fest slightly panicked. Wells had met the brunette already, which meant that
talking to him about her was out of the question. She hadn`t really broken any rules, but she knew
that she should have sent the woman to the ER instead of treating her at home. And knowing
Wells, she knew that he would say the same. What a mess! She thought. “Are you ok Clarke?”
Wells looked worried. “Fine. I am fine Wells. I`m just not ready to talk about her yet.” She waved
him of and grabbed her jacket. Wells shrugged and smiled at her. “I know I can be a bit
overprotective of you sometimes, but it is just because I love you. You can always talk to me, you
know that right?” “Jeez Wells, it is a bouquet of flowers all right. Don`t make a big deal about it.”
With that they left.

It was 2 am, Wells had gone home and Clarke was drunk. They had danced and gone from to
club to club, Finn leading the way. It had been just like the good old days with the three of them
and Clarke was feeling happier than she had in a long time. Going out had been the perfect
distraction from her busy everyday life, even if she had found herself searching the dance floors
for tall brunettes with green eyes. “Hey I know where we should go now!” Finn pulled her
towards a waiting cab. “Great dancing and lots of hot girls!” he smiled getting in to the cab and
giving the driver an address. Clarke realized she might be more drunk than she first thought and
giggled at the light feeling. “I am going to be in so much pain tomorrow. You are a bad influence
on me Finn.” He snorted at that. “You and Wells take life to seriously Clarke. You need me for
balance!” She smiled and knew that he was right.
After a surprisingly long cab ride they were dropped off at what looked like an abandoned
warehouse. Clarke looked around and found herself giggling again. “You can`t be serious Finn.
This place is like something out of a horror movie. If we go in there I`ll be the blond who dies
first.” She said it like a joke, but deep down, underneath her intoxication this place gave her a bad
feeling. Finn moved quickly towards a door on the side of the building, but Clarke was a bit
unsteady and spent a lot of time looking around. She felt like someone was watching her from the
shadows where all of the containers stood. She moved towards the door where Finn had gone in,
but before she knew what was happening a hooded figure stepped out in front of her. The figure
moved behind her, held a hand over her mouth and dragged her behind some containers. She was
petrified, her heart was pounding and her legs felt weak. She was standing with her back to a
container, the hooded figure pressed up against her, holding a hand over her mouth. She wanted to
scream for help, fight her attacker, but she was held in an iron grip. As she looked up to try to see
her attackers face she noticed it was a woman, and she had painted her face. The area around her
eyes was painted in a thick stripe of black. It was difficult to see any details in the dark under the
hood, but there was something familiar about this woman Clarke thought. “What are you doing
here Clarke” Clarke`s knees almost buckled at the sound of Enigma`s voice. The pressure of the
hand covering her mouth eased to let her talk. “You really have a thing for scaring people don`t
you!” she snapped. She was a whirlpool of emotions; anger, fear and relief all mixed together.
“You didn`t answer my question Clarke” the brunette`s voice was hard. Clarke`s Adrenalin was
coming down and she suddenly noticed how close they were standing. The feeling of the
brunette`s body pressed in to hers was sending shivers down her spine. She could feel the heat of
the other woman`s body and the thought of their lips being just inches apart made her warm
between the legs. The face paint that had scared her first suddenly reminded her of a raccoon and
she started giggling again. “I came with a friend. He promised this place had great dancing and hot
women” “Well he was wrong” the brunette, her voice still hard and cold. “Well, he wasn`t all
wrong. I mean, the raccoon paint threw me off there, at the beginning I mean, but you are
definitely hot.” Clarke couldn`t believe what she just said, even if it was true. The words seemed
to have no effect on the brunette, she just continued her intense stare at Clarke, holding her very
close, very tightly. The contact was making Clarke`s breathing heavy and she could feel herself
getting wet. “You have to go.” The brunette finally said. Clarke just blinked. “This is a very
dangerous place and I need you to get out of here right now.” “What about Finn, my friend, he`s
inn there?” she blurted out. “If your friend is in there he will have to fend for himself.” The
brunette turned her head and mad a low whistle. A huge man with similar face paint stepped out
of the shadows. “Holy shit, there are more raccoons running around?” Clarke giggled again, but
stopped when the brunette gave her a hard look. The brunette and the man talked in a foreign
language and after a while he nodded his head and said; “Sha Heda”. Then he turned and left.
“Wow, is your name Hedda? Like in Ibsen?” Clarke was excited to finally have a name to this
mystery of a woman. The brunette moved even closer to Clarke, their foreheads almost touching.
Clarke couldn`t stop staring at her lips, she was aching to kiss her. “Gustus will drive you home. I
have given him an address two blocks from your building, from there you walk. He will not harm
you in any way, but you are not to talk to him and do not tell him where you really live. Do not
start walking in the right direction before he has driven away. Do you understand Clarke?” she
said it quietly, but the order was as clear as it could get. “He is a very big man. How do I know I
can trust him?” Clarke asked back. “Because you can trust me” the brunette answered simply.
Clarke knew in her heart that she could. The feeling overwhelmed her and before she knew it she
had closed the short distance between them and kissed the brunette. The brunette tensed, and for a
while gave no response to Clarke`s lips, but Clarke didn`t move away. She intensified her effort
and was rewarded the movement of the most amazing lips she had ever kissed. The brunette
relaxed and started to take control of the kiss. When Clarke felt their tongues meet she moaned in
pleasure. The brunette moved her thigh to press on Clarke`s core and Clarke bit her lower lip in
response. Clarke gasped when the brunette pinched her nipple through the thin fabric of her top.
She had never been so turned on in her entire life, it felt like her whole body was on fire. She
pressed her center against the brunette`s thigh I desperate need of friction. “Please touch me” she
begged heaving for breath. The brunettes soft slender hand found her way down the front of her
jeans and Clarke gasped again when her fingers gently stroked her opening. “You are so wet” the
brunette purred. Her fingers spread Clarke`s juices over her clit and started to rub it gently. Clarke
bucked her hips and moaned. She could feel the pressure building within her and knew that it
would not take long. The brunette increased the pressure and speed of her touch, driving Clarke
wild. She gave Clarke`s nipple another pinch that sent her tumbling over the edge. Her legs gave
in under her as her inner walls contracted in the most intense orgasm she had ever felt. As she
came to her senses again she realized that the brunette was holding her up so that she wouldn`t
fall. She stood up supporting her own weight and watched as the brunette withdrew her hand from
her jeans and sucked her fingers clean. Clarke`s jaw dropped at the sight. “Gustus is here, it`s time
for you to go home.” The brunette said like nothing had happened. She grabbed Clarke`s hand
and led her to a black car on the street. “come with me” Clarke could hear the begging tone in her
own voice. “I`m sorry Clarke. Perhaps another time” the brunette opened the door for her to get in
and kissed her on the cheek before she turned and disappeared into the darkness.
 That nurse in Daredevil
Chapter Summary

Clarke is preparing for her boards, but is once again put in a difficult position bye the
mysterious brunette.

The insistent buzzing of her phone on her nightstand felt like the rumbling of an earthquake as
Clarke was brought out of sleep way too early in the morning. “What?!” she barked when she
finally answered the call. “What happened to you last night? You can`t just up and leave without
telling me. I was actually worried about you, and you know that goes against my laid back
nature!” it was Finn and he sounded uncharacteristically freaked out. But Clarke was not in a
sympathetic mood today, she had a deadly headache and an annoying ache between her legs. “I
got laid and went home. I couldn`t find you to let you know, but now you do, so please stop
calling me.” She hung up before he could respond and turned off her phone. She got up to go to
the bathroom, got a glass of water and made her way back to her bed. She wanted to sleep, but
images from the night before kept her awake. The brunette`s incredible lips, her smell, the way
they had been standing pressed together up against that container. “Oh God” Clarke moaned as
her fingers found their way to her wet opening. As her fingers made lazy circles over her folds,
coating her entire sex in her slick juices, she imagined the feeling of the other woman`s touch. She
lay her head back and pinched her nipple as her fingers found her clit and started rubbing it
slowly. It didn`t take long before she found herself increasing the pace and pressure on her clit.
Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might beat right out of her chest. “Hedda..” she
moaned as she pushed two fingers inside herself and setting a furious pace, fucking herself hard.
She whimpered as her inner walls clamped down on her fingers, her entire body convulsing, in a
powerful orgasm. “I am so fucked” she told herself as she lay panting in her bed.
The rest of the day was spent studying for her exams, trying to shove all thoughts of Hedda to the
back of her mind. When she turned her phone back on later that evening it rang immediately. It
was Wells. “Hi Wells. How is your studying going?” “I can`t complain. What about you? I talked
to Finn earlier and he said that you were not feeling so well this morning.” Clarke thought back to
her conversation with Finn earlier and closed her eyes as she realized what she had told him. “I am
better now. Did you call just to check up on me Wells?” he chuckled on the other end. “Well I
must admit; I was hoping to hear more about who you were with. Is it the same person who gave
you flowers?” Clarke groaned. “It`s complicated Wells, I really don`t want to talk about it. I just
want to focus on the boards and then on getting the best fellowship I can.” Wells was quiet for a
while before he finally replied. “I get that, but if you change your mind I am always here for you.”
Clarke smiled at how sweet her best friend was. The truth was that she really needed to talk about
this mess, but Wells was not the right man for this. He had already met Hedda, and he would be
all sensible and logical about it. No, for this she needed Raven. The only problem was that she
was still on the space station and all conversations with her was monitored by NASA. Having
NASA know about her train wreck love life was not very appealing. She would have to wait for
Raven to return to earth, it was only a week, she could tough this out for a week. Raven`s return
would line up perfectly with Clarke finishing her boards, so all she had to do was focus all her
energy at that.

A few days later Clarke was called in to the chief`s office at the end of her shift. She always
entered that room with trepidation, already being on edge because of everything going on in her
life didn`t help. “How is your preparation for the boards going Clarke?” Clarke sat down in the
chair opposite of her boss. “Fine. I got it covered” she felt tired after a long day, but managed a
smile. “I would think so. You are doing a very good job here. The staff is impressed with you, and
you know it takes a lot to impress them." there was a pause before she continued. "I see that you
have applied for quite a lot of fellowships for your trauma training. I don`t think I have ever seen
anyone who has applied so many places. Are you eager to leave us?” Clarke took a deep breath.
“Are you asking as my boss or as my mother? I never know when I come in here.” Abby smiled
at her daughter. “Both I guess. Why didn`t you tell me you applied for every fellowship in the
country?” she sounded more like her mother now and Clarke realized that she probably felt left
out. “I just want to get the best fellowship that I can mom. I have applied here too, but to be honest
I feel like I might need a change of scenery. This is a great hospital, one of the best, so no, I am
not eager to leave. Just making sure I have options, and it`s not like a fellowship here is
guaranteed.” Abby smiled a knowing smile. “Fair enough. Listen, the real reason I asked you to
come in here was this.” Abby went into boss-mode again. “These are the new field trauma kits”
she put a surgical bag on her desk. “This is a prototype that we have been asked to try out. I want
you to take it home and familiarize yourself with it. See what you think and let me know. After
your boards of course.” She gave the bag to Clarke. Clarke took it but hesitated before she left.
“Shouldn`t the trauma team be doing this?” Abby waved her off. “They are Clarke, we had one
extra, I thought you might find it interesting.” Clarke beamed at this. “Thanks chief” she said as
she left.

The night before her boards Clarke had trouble sleeping. She had spent the night checking out the
field trauma kit, trying not to think about the next day. She knew she was well prepared, that she
could handle the pressure and that it was going to be fine, but she was nervous all the same. A
sound coming from the fire escape startled her, but she soon wrote it of to be her neighbor going
out for a smoke. She never could understand how he managed to make such a racket of the late
night ritual. A new sound came, and this time she was sure it sounded like someone braking in to
her living room. She jumped out of bed and snuck out of her bedroom to see what was going on.
Just as saw a figure sitting under her living room window she realized she had nothing to defend
herself with. She crouched down and yelled, sounding as scary as she could: “Whoever you are,
get the fuck out of my apartment. I have a gun and I will not hesitate to shoot you!” Clarke heard a
low chuckle. “I surrender” a very familiar voice said mockingly. Suddenly furious, Clarke jumped
to her feet and saw Hedda sitting on her floor, raccoon paint and all. “It`s a little late for a booty
call don`t you think?” she hissed. “And breaking and entering is even more creepy than dark
hallways and parking lots.” The other woman sighed. “Clarke, I need your help” “Of course you
do!” she shouted exasperated, throwing her arms in the air. “I am really starting to feel like that
nurse in Daredevil” there was no answer to that so Clarke went to turn on the light and find her
first aid kit. “Is the raccoon squad with you tonight or are you on your…” as she flipped the light
switch she noticed all the blood. There was no doubt about who`s it was this time. “What
happened Hedda?” Clarke ran over to the brunette. She was bleeding from her shoulder and
stomach. The woman looked Clarke in the eye with a weak smile. “I got shot. And my name is
not Hedda.” Clarke lifted her t-shirt to see that she had a gunshot wound just above her right hip.
It was bleeding badly. Clarke checked for an exit wound in the back, but didn`t see one. “You
need surgery. I can`t do this here.” Clarke looked the other woman in the eye and could for the
first time see fear. “Please Clarke. I`ll be a sitting duck in a hospital. I would rather just bleed out
right here.” Clarke bit her lip in frustration, and then she remembered the field trauma kit. “Fine,
but for the record: I don not like this. We need to get you up on the dining table.” The brunette
raised a bloody hand and cupped Clarke`s face. “Thank you Clarke.” Her eyes were warm and
full of gratitude, it made Clarke want to kiss her again, but this was not the time.
Clarke spent most of that night operating on the brunette. The shoulder wound had been a through
and through, and after a great deal of trouble she managed to get the bullet out of her hip. Luckily
it was a small caliber so it hadn`t mad too much damage, but the brunette had lost quite a lot of
blood, and this worried Clarke.

When the brunette woke up Clarke was standing next to the table, wearing a suit, writing a note.
When she noticed that the brunette was awake she stopped her writing and smiled at her. “You
look nice” the brunette croaked. “Thank you. I have my boards today, so I have to look nice.” The
brunette groaned. “Shit. I am so sorry. I had no idea that was today. Fuck.” Clarke shook her
head. “Before I go there are some things you should know. First of all, I want you to know that
you are staying here in this apartment for at least three days. You have been through surgery and
need rest. You bled a great deal, so you will probably feel a bit dizzy, you also have stitches in
your shoulder and hip. These are not superficial wounds. Too much moving around could cause
internal bleeding. Be careful when you have to get up. You can stay on the couch when the table
becomes too uncomfortable for you. Second; you cannot tell anyone you are here or what I did for
you. I broke several laws for you last night, if that comes out my entire career is over and I`ll
probably end up in prison. Third: Make yourself at home. You can use my computer if you like, I
have Netflix, the fridge is full, try to eat iron rich food and no porn.” The brunette`s eyebrows shot
up in surprise. “what makes you think…” Clarke cut her off before she could finish. “An increase
in blood pressure could cause internal bleeding and I don`t want to find you dead with you hand
down your pants when I come back this afternoon.” She smiled a teasing smile at the brunette,
who just shook her head in response. “Promise me that you will be here when I get back” Clarke
said as she moved towards the door. The brunette sighed “I promise” she said reluctantly.
 Day one
Chapter Summary

Clarke is nervous about her house guest

After a long exhausting day Clarke returned to her apartment with take-out and some shopping
bags. Her boards exams had gone well and she was happy and relieved that they were finally
over. The next few weeks would be filled with interviews around the country for a fellowship as a
trauma surgeon and the prospect exited her. A part of her felt so ready to move to another city,
work with other people and meet new friends, another part however, was not ready to leave New
York. She had lived there her entire life and the thought of leaving her mother and Wells behind
was a bit scary. And there was of course this new complication in her life. She thought about
Enigma as she walked up the stairs to her floor. There was something about her, beyond the fact
that she was stunning, that touched something in Clarke. She couldn`t put her finger on it; it was a
connection between them. Just the thought of her green eyes made a warm feeling spread in her
chest. Had it not been for the weird circumstances, Clarke would have been thrilled about having
this woman in her life, but the truth of it was that she didn`t know anything about her. Well,
except for the fact that she made Clarke`s head spin when she kissed her. Clarke smiled at the
image of that night as she opened the door to her apartment.

She was surprised to find her guest sleeping, still laying on the dining table, it didn`t look like she
had moved at all during the day. Clarke put her sushi in the fridge, Enigma`s food in the oven and
went to check on her patient. She was sleeping, chest rising steadily. She looked so peaceful, it
made Clarke want do draw her, but instead she went to the bathroom and picked up a small
sponge and some wash cloths. She filled a bowl with lukewarm water and started to clean the
raccoon paint of the woman`s face. There had been no time for that the night before and when
Clarke had finished her surgery she had been too tired to care about the smeared paint. Working
slowly and gently with the soft sponge Clarke revealed more and more of the beautiful face
beneath the black paint. The skin was soft and tan, totally without impurities, scars or other
imperfections. As Clarke cleaned carefully around the eyes she wondered to herself how this was
possible. In the short time they had known each other this woman had sustained quite a few
injuries, but yet her face was unharmed. Clarke knew she was looking dreamily at the woman, but
couldn`t help herself, all she could hope for was that she would not get caught staring.
When she had removed all the paint she washed the brunette`s face with a soft wash cloth before
she peeled away the blanket covering her. Her torso was bare except for the remnants of her sports
bra. Clarke had had to cut off her clothes the night before, including part of her bra, in order to
perform the surgery. She looked at the sleeping woman, entranced at the incredible muscled body,
the soft skin, the steady rise and fall of her chest. Pulling a deep breath and closing her eyes for a
few seconds brought her back to focus. She checked the wounds under the bandages and gave her
new ones before she gently started to clean her with the wash cloth. “Look at you being all
considerate and caring. And here I was thinking that you were all sass.” Clarke nearly jumped at
the sound of that smooth voice. “I have my moments” she murmured in response, smiling down a
two very sleepy green eyes. The woman was so adorable that Clarke nearly melted on the spot.
“Have you been sleeping all day?” Clarke asked, finishing cleaning the woman`s torso. “I must
have. I guess I was more tired than I thought I was.” She was slowly coming out of her sleep haze
“Hey! How did your exam go?” her eyes lighting up as she looked at Clarke. She beamed with
pride and relief in return. “I nailed it of course” she said with a wink. The other woman laughed at
that, but soon winced in pain form the wound above her hip. Clarke patted her on the arm and
smiled sympathetically. “I bought you some clothes for you, what do you say we get you in a t-
shirt and then eat dinner. You must be very hungry.” The brunette raised her eyebrows at the
blond doctor. “You bought me clothes?” Clarke smiled a teasing smile “It`s the least I can do since
I am keeping you captive here for the next three days. I don`t think my clothes would fit you very
well, so it was either new clothes or you hanging around here in a smelly pair of jeans and what`s
left of your bra.” The brunette looked down at her bra and her blood soiled jeans nodding in
understanding. “Thank you Clarke.” She suddenly looked very serious, almost sad. “Really. I
don`t know how I can ever make this up to you.” Clarke just shook her head, smiled and helped
the brunette up to a sitting position. “We can talk later, right now I am starving, so let`s get you
clothed and eat”. After changing the bandages on the brunette`s shoulder, getting her in to a pair
of yoga pants and a t-shirt they sat down to eat.
Having no idea what kind of food her guest liked Clarke had picked up a vegan dish with black
beans, going for a healthy meal with all of the nutarians that she needed to recover. She found
herself watching the other woman nervously, looking to see if she liked what she had picked out.
“You’re staring Clarke” the brunette said as she took her first bite. Clarke could feel herself
blushing and looked down at her own sushi. “I don`t know what you like, so…” The brunette
smiled at her, making Clarke`s breath hitch in her throat. “This is very good. I must admit I
thought there would be ice cream and pizza, since I am injured and in quarantine, but this is good”
the brunette was teasing her and it made Clarke squirm in her seat. She quickly changed the
subject. “There are two things we need to talk about.” Her tone sounded more serious than she
had intended and the brunette put down her fork and looked at her with that stoic mask. She was
definitely on guard now. “I have a problem that I need help solving.” She took a deep breath
before she continued. “The field trauma kit that I used to operate on you isn`t mine. It is a
prototype that I borrowed from the hospital, given to me by the chief of surgery, my mother might
I add. I am supposed to bring it back, unused…” the brunette frowned, seemingly lost in thought.
“Where is this kit, can I see it?” she finally asked. Clarke went into her bedroom to get it, not quite
sure how seeing it would make a difference. The kit looked like a quite large shoulder bag, but
was actually more like a fold out bag held together with straps on the side. The brunette studied it
and took out a scalpel from the bag. “How would you carry this on your way to work?” Clarke
shrugged. “On my shoulder I guess.” “Show me.” The brunette answered holding on to the
scalpel. Clarke was feeling impatient, but did as she was asked. As she walked slowly past the
brunette the bag suddenly dropped from her shoulder. She whirled around to see the green eyed
beauty standing behind her with the bag in one hand, the shoulder strap cut, and the scalpel in the
other with a smirk on her face. “All you have to do is get rid of this bag, dump it somewhere and
go to the police and report it stolen and describe what just happened here. Just add some details
about a street where you usually go and a vague description of a man of average everything.” The
brunette sat the kit down and went back to eating like this was business as usual. The fact that her
guest had known exactly how to do that made Clarke uneasy, and nervous about her next
question. She sat down slowly. "This kind of brings me to the next question” the brunette just
arched an eyebrow at her. “Listen. I have taken some pretty huge risks for you, and I obviously
wouldn`t have done that if I didn`t feel on some level that I can trust you. But the truth of this
situation is that I don`t know anything about you, other than the fact that you run around at night
in a hoodie, with face paint, getting hit over the head and shot at. I don`t know if you are some
sort of vigilante fighting for the little man, or if you are just in a really scary gang called The
Raccoons. I guess what I am trying to say here is that I need to know that you are one of the good
guys. That I am not a total idiot for trusting you, and letting you stay in my home.” Clarke fidgeted
with her food, too nervous to actually eat it. The brunette took a deep breath before answering.
“That trust that you feel is not misplaced Clarke, I promise you.” Clarke waited for the
continuation, but never got any. “That’s it? No explanation, just a promise that what I feel is real?”
Clarke gaped at the woman on the other side of the table. She smiled back and took Clarke`s hand
in hers, looked her deep in eyes. Those green pools that made Clarke breath just a little faster, her
heart flutter in her chest and heat pool between her legs. “Yes.” The brunette whispered. Clarke
felt her gaze move towards the brunette`s lips. She remembered how they had felt against her
own, firm, but soft.
She released the brunette`s hand, trying to control her emotions, but she could feel her own
blushing and knew that the other woman could see it too. “I need a name” she said after a while,
not daring to meet the woman`s gaze again. “I thought I had made that clear?” the brunette
answered, sounding a bit impatient. “I know you are not going to tell me yours, even if I still think
it is Hedda, but I need something to call you.” the woman just shook her head, smiling. “Why
don`t you just come up with something to call me then?” Clarke thought about it for a while
before she gave up. “I`ll think of something” she said. “Oh I am sure you will” the brunette teased.

After dinner the brunette walked slowly around Clarke`s living room, stopping to look at her
paintings. They were all signed so it was obvious that they were Clarke`s. Clarke settled on the
couch with a glass of wine, watching as her guest studied her paintings. It felt personal, intimate
even, to have someone pay such close attention to something that she had created. Most of them
were landscapes, there was a portrait of her father and there was one abstract painting. That was
the one the brunette was looking at now. She seemed very taken by it, unable to tear her eyes from
it. Clarke got up and stood next to her. “I usually don`t paint abstracts, but this one came to me in
a dream, and I just had to paint it the minute I woke up.” Clarke smiled at the memory. It had been
during the summer between college and high school, the last summer that her father had lived. She
had woken up with this image in her head and started painting before she even got dressed. She
had been so lost in her own world that her father had come to check on her when she had missed
both breakfast and lunch. The brunette looked at her with big green eyes. “Really? It came to you
in a dream?” She turned back to the painting. “It is so beautiful. I can`t believe that you dreamt an
image and then painted it. That is so amazing to me.” Clarke smiled, feeling flattered by the
gushing woman beside her. “Can I touch it? I`ll be careful.” Clarke just smiled and nodded at the
woman. The brunette reached out and tentatively stroked her fingers over the painting, feeling the
lines in the dried paint. Her slender soft fingers traced all of the straight lines and circles carefully
like if she was trying to memorize it. Clarke followed the movement of the woman`s fingers,
imagining her tracing those fingers over her own body. Again she was hit with the memory of that
night, the way those very fingers had made her feel. Heat was pooling in the lower part of her
stomach now and she knew she was flustered. She took another sip of her wine, trying to hide her
building arousal. The brunette turned to face her again, eyes shining. “You are a really great artist.
Why did you not pursue it further?” she asked. “Painting is deeply personal to me. I pour my soul
in to my paintings, so selling them is just too painful. I give some away sometimes, but only if it
feels right.” Clarke stared into her wineglass, she felt so vulnerable in that instance that she dared
not look at the other woman. They were both quiet, feeling the tension, or rather intensity that
filled the air around them. When Clarke finally looked up, the other woman was staring at her.
Her green eyes dark, lips slightly parted. The look almost made Clarke loos her breath. She
wanted nothing more in this moment than to kiss her, to feel her body against her own, but was
unable to make the first move. “I should get ready for bed. I have had a long day. I`ll get the pull
out ready for you” she said after a while, breaking the spell. The brunette blinked and went back
in to stoic mode, just nodding in agreement.

As Clarke went to bed there was a storm raging within her. Her panties were soaked and her body
on fire. She had never felt this turned on by anyone. Perhaps it was the fact that she couldn`t have
her just now that made it so intense? Clarke cursed herself for not kissing her. It was obvious that
they wanted each other. But she knew it would not stop with kissing, no, she needed to have this
woman on her, in her. And that was not a good idea considering her injuries. “Fuck” Clarke
whispered as one hand found her nipple and the other one her wet opening. She fingered herself
slowly to the image of the brunette. Her beautiful green eyes and soft lips. She imagined feeling
those lips on her nipples, her neck and on her clit. A moan escaped her lips as she started drawing
circles around her clit. Her pace and pressure increased as her hand kneaded her breast, and it
didn`t take long before an orgasm rippled through her like an earthquake.
 brooding and singing
Chapter Summary

Clarke gets a Call from Raven and her house guest is in a bad mood...

Chapter Notes

I can`t believe how difficult it is to write smut. I hope the next chapter will be easier
to write. I hope you still like it…

Clarke woke up way too early the next morning. Unable to go back to sleep, she got up and took
a much needed shower. Her thighs were sticky from the night before and she felt like her entire
body was covered in sweat. “This is madness” she muttered to herself as she left the bathroom to
make breakfast. She glanced over at the sleeping woman in her living room and felt a slight flutter
in her chest. “Madness” she repeated as she tried her best to focus on cooking an omelet. Initially
she had been worried that her cooking would wake her guest, but it seemed like she could sleep
through anything, so Clarke just went about her business for the day. After breakfast she sat down
with her computer to schedule interviews and respond to various e-mails. The next few weeks
would be hectic with a lot of traveling, but she managed to squeeze in a few extra days in LA so
she could hang out with Raven after her interview with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The thought
of her best friend made her smile, she was landing this morning, so she would probably call
Clarke on Skype soon. Clarke desperately needed her friend`s advice on what to do about the
sleeping woman, but that would have to wait. Just the thought of being overheard by the brunette
made Clarke cringe.
Her gaze moved to the couch, the brunette was sleeping on her side, looking so serene it nearly
took her breath away. Clarke could not tear her eyes of her, so she got her sketchbook and started
drawing. She was almost finished when the sleeping woman stirred and started to wake up.
Quickly, so not to be caught, Clarke put away her book and pencils and went back to the
computer. “Good morning sleepy head” she quipped when the brunette sat up in bed. The
brunette didn`t answer, she just sat there with a dark expression on her face. “Wow. Aren`t you a
ray of sunshine today” Clarke said amused. The brunette shot Clarke a dark look, her eyes seemed
almost black, before she slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She was wearing boy shorts
and a tank top that didn`t leave much to the imagination. Clarke could feel her mouth go dry as
she spotted the brunette`s nipples. “Ollie. That is what I am going to call you.” Clarke announced,
trying her best not to stare at the perfectly shaped breasts under the tank top. “Ollie? Really?” the
brunette gave her a weary look. “Yes. Oliver Queen can brood like it`s nobody`s business, and he
has that whole hood and face paint thing.” Clarke gave the brunette her most winning smile, but
got no response. “I`m not brooding” the brunette mumbled after a while. Clarke laughed and put
on her best Arrow impersonation: “Clarke Griffin you have failed this wake-up and must be
punished!” she bellowed the words, standing up with her hands on her hips, and finally the
brunette smiled. “You are such a nerd Clarke” “I never claimed to be anything else.” She beamed
at the brunette. “There is an omelet for you in the oven, please eat it before you bite my head off.”
The brunette nodded in response and slowly made her way to the kitchen area.

After eating the brunette`s mood lifted a bit. “Thank you for breakfast Clarke. Do you mind if I
After eating the brunette`s mood lifted a bit. “Thank you for breakfast Clarke. Do you mind if I
take a quick shower?” she asked as she put her dishes in the machine. “You are welcome, and I
am glad to see that the storm cloud has lifted.” Clarke smiled. “You can spend as long as you want
in the shower, I am expecting a call that might last a while, so I won`t be lonely” “Thanks” the
brunette said and put her hand on Clarke`s shoulder as she passed her on her way to the bathroom.
The touch made Clarke blush and sent shivers down her spine, but before she could ponder
further her computer announced an incoming call on skype. It was Raven and Clarke hurried to
put her earbuds in before she answered. “Raven!!” she squealed as her friend came into view on
the screen. “Griffin!” the girl beamed back at her. It had been too long since they had last spoken,
but it always felt like no time had passed when they saw each other. “Welcome back to earth!
How was it, how are you?” Clarke was so eager to see her friend again. “Thanks princess. It was
great, but it is good to be back. I`ve missed you. It`s been a while since you called me.” Raven
faked a scowl before she smiled again. “What about you? Have you passed you boards…”
Raven`s voice trailed off as her eyes bulged, fixated on something behind Clarke. Clarke turned
around and saw the brown haired beauty standing frozen, half naked, outside the bathroom.
Clarke looked at Raven, who was just gaping, and back to the brunette, feeling slightly panicked.
“Shit. When you said call, I didn`t realize it was a video call” Clarke just blinked, unable to find
her words. The brunette still had her boy shorts on, but her tank top was rolled up so it only
covered her breasts. “I can`t get the bandages on my shoulder off, could you lend me a hand?” she
asked. Finally, Clarke came to her senses and nodded. She turned to Raven on the screen and
smiled a sheepish grin. Raven still just stared at the woman behind her. “I`ll be right back, don`t
go anywhere.” Clarke said as she stood up and guided the brunette back into the bathroom. Clarke
gently removed the bandages without a word, she had no idea what to say, and went for the door.
But the brunette grabbed her hand and stopped her. “I am sorry, but you can`t tell her Clarke.”
Clarke looked into those green eyes, seeing determination and command. It stung, she didn`t want
to be commanded. “Tell her what exactly? I don`t know anything” she pulled her hand free and
went back to her computer. Raven was waiting with a smirk on her face. “So this is why you have
been too busy to call a lonely friend on the space station?” Clarke could feel herself blushing.
“Well spill!” Raven demanded. Clarke squirmed in her seat. “I don`t know what to tell you. it`s all
very complicated.” She sighed “Complicated huh? So it`s just sex?” Raven was not going to let
this go. “I don`t even know if it`s sex” Clarke whispered. “What!” Raven exclaimed. “Are you
telling me that you haven`t even slept with her? Are you blind Clarke!?” “No I am not fucking
blind.” Clarke growled. “We did have sex, one time, in a parking lot, up against a container.”
Raven gaped again. “But since then it has been complicated, it hasn`t been possible. God, Raven,
it is driving me insane.” Clarke looked behind her, making sure they were alone before she
continued, “After that first time, I have not been able to stop masturbating. I can`t get her out of
my head, it was just so good to be with her. I feel like a fucking bitch in heat.” Raven roared in
laughter almost falling of her chair. Clarke hid her face in her hands feeling mortified by her own
words. I took a while for Raven to be able to stop laughing long enough to put together a whole
sentence, but when she finally did she looked serious. “There is a lot of stuff here that I don’t
understand Clarke. Why don’t you tell me the whole story?” Clarke shook her head. “I can`t. Not
today at least. I`ll tell you everything when I am in LA next week if you want.” Raven grinned.
“Are you coming to LA? For how long?” “I have an interview for a fellowship, but have
managed to get a few extra days there so that we can catch up.” Clarke smiled at her friend who
was now doing her happy dance. “I can`t wait! E-mail me your flight info so I can come and pick
you up and in the meantime, you have to get on that. And by that I mean her.” Raven gave Clarke
a stern look. “And when you come to LA, you tell me all about it. Now, I am going to get some
sleep, and you are going back to the goddess in your bathroom.” They smiled at each other and
waved goodbye before signing out.

When the brunette emerged from the bathroom wearing only a towel, Clarke found it hard to
breath. “Are you going somewhere?” the brunette asked when she noticed that Clarke was
wearing her jacket. “Yes. I have to get rid of this.” She held up the trauma kit. “Then I have to file
a false police report and lie to my mom/boss” Clarke smiled weakly at her guest. “Do you need
anything?” the brunette shook her head. “I know it must be uncomfortable for you to do those
things. I appreciate it. Just remember; Imagine the incident in as much detail as you can before you
talk to anyone. That way your body language will not betray that you are lying. And it will not
feel so much like a lie either.” She put a hand on Clarke`s shoulder again with a sad look in her
eyes. “How do you know so much about lying?” Clarke asked. The brunette withdrew her hand
and looked away. “Never mind.” Clarke whispered before she left the apartment.

The brunette her been right; lying hadn`t been so difficult after she had really imagined the events.
Her being a doctor probably helped at the police station and her mother trusted her, so it had been
a lot easier to get away with it than she had thought it would be. Still, Clarke cloud not shake her
guilty conscience as she walked up the stairs to her apartment. She had bought groceries, pizza
and ice cream.
As she opened the door she was met with a dimly lit room. The curtains where closed, only letting
in small streams of light, and the stereo was blasting a slow mellow tune that sounded vaguely
familiar. Clarke looked around and spotted the brunette lounging on the couch, if it could be called
lounging. She was laying upside down, legs draped over the back of the couch. Arms stretched
out on the seats and head falling back over the edge of the seat. She was wearing a pair of skinny
jeans that fit her perfectly, a white button down that was completely open and a black bra. It took
Clarke almost a minute to register that she was singing along with her eyes closed.
Her voice was rich and dark, it blended perfectly with the voice of the stereo while at the same
time adding something to the music. The whole scene made Clarke dizzy. Her heart was pounding
so hard she was sure it must be visible even under her jacket.
“Hello, Clarke.” The sound of her own name made Clarke drop her grocery bag and sent shivers
down her spine. The brunette had opened her eyes now and looked at Clarke with dark green eyes
that made her feel naked. “Feeling dramatic today Ollie?” she asked, struggling to regain control
of herself. “Singing has a calming effect on me. I was feeling restless after you left.” She
answered, not moving from her position on the couch. “And you only sing upside down?” Clarke
asked, picking up the bag and moving to the kitchen to put away the stuff she had bought. The
brunette chuckled and looked at Clarke again. “No, but this is the closest I get to doing yoga with
your strict ass rules. I am not used to not getting my daily work out, it makes me very restless and
… brooding.” Clarke moved to stand in front of her guest and smiled down at her. “Well, then
you will be glad to hear that the risk of bleeding is not that big anymore. That mostly applies for
the first 24 hours. So you don`t have to worry about you blood pressure anymore. That being said,
to much movement can tear the stiches.” The brunette looked at her with a twinkle in her eye. “Is
that dangerous?” she asked. “No, not really. But painful, and it might scar, and take longer to
heal.” Clarke responded, looking quizzically at the brunette, who`s eyes where now glowing with
intensity. She placed her hands on the floor, over her head, lifted her lower body up to a hand
stand, before her feet came down to the floor. The movement was so fast and smooth that Clarke
barely had time to register it before the brunette was standing right in front of her with an almost
predatory look in her eyes. Pupils were blown wide and she was breathing heavily. “I can deal
with a lot of pain” she said before she leaned forward and kissed Clarke. For a second Clarke was
so surprised that she didn`t move, but when she felt the other woman`s tongue swipe over her
bottom lip she opened her mouth to her. Every time their tongues met Clarke felt a flutter in her
abdomen and the kiss was fast making her wet. The brunette broke their kiss shifted her attention
to Clarke`s neck. The feeling of her warm mouth and tongue tracing the sensitive skin made her
moan loudly. Suddenly the brunette stood up and lifted Clarke up like she was a feather. Clarke
wrapped her legs around her waist and let herself be carried to the bedroom. Clarke was expecting
to be thrown down on the bed, but instead the other woman sat down on the edge of the bed so
that Clarke was straddling her. They started kissing again, and Clarke started to grind her hips to
get some friction for her aching core. She tugged the white button down off the other woman and
got her bra of in record time, earning a smile form the panting woman beneath her. The newly
uncovered breasts before Clarke were amazing, just the right size and perfectly shaped. She took
them in her hands and squeezed them gently, feeling the soft skin and the hardened nipples in her
palmes. The brunette groaned into her mouth and flipped them around so that Clarke was on her
palmes. The brunette groaned into her mouth and flipped them around so that Clarke was on her
back. The brunette straddled her and pulled her up to a sitting position so she could tear her
clothes off. Both just in jeans now, they lay back down. The brunette started to explore Clarke`s
body with her soft hands making the blond tremble. After avoiding her breast for a while, making
the blond whimper in disappointment, the brunette finally kissed her way to Clarke`s right nipple.
She hovered over it, blowing warm air on it, before she licked it gently. Clarke moaned and arced
her back, begging for more contact. The brunette took the stiff nipple into her mouth and sucked it
gently, while she rolled the other nipple between her thumb and forefinger. “Oh God” Clarke
moaned. She started flicking her tongue gently over the nipple and Clarke knew she could come
by this stimulation alone. The brunette straddled Clarke`s thigh, pushing her own into Clarke`s
core, making the blond buck her hips to meet her. She moved her attention to the left nipple,
gracing it with her teeth before sucking into her mouth. Clarke felt the pressure building inside her
and when the brunette pushed down on her core and bit down on her nipple at the same time she
tumbled over the edge with a low moan. “Now I know what to call you” the brunette whispered
in her ear. “Lucky Luke… the quickest draw in the west” the brunette chuckled on top of her.
“Shut up and take your pant off.” Clarke snapped. “And it`s the man who shoots faster than his
own shadow” Clarke flipped them over on the bed, pinned the other woman to the bed and bit
down on her neck. The other woman gasped and arced her beck in response. “God, I love it when
you’re bossy.” She moaned as Clarke continued biting her way down her neck and chest. She
licked both nipples briefly before making her way down her stomach. “Now, about these pants.”
She said as practically ripped them off the brunette before taking off her own in a similar fashion.
Clarke was desperate to taste the woman now laying naked before her on the bed. The brunette
spread her legs, inviting Clarke to settle in the glistening wetness between her thighs, and the smell
of the other woman`s arousal made her own clit pound in excitement. She licked the entire length
of the woman`s wet folds, tasting her, making her moan and groan in pleasure. But she didn`t
have the patience for teasing now and soon made her way to the clit. She closed her mouth around
it, sucking it gently into her mouth before she started flicking her tongue lightly over it. The
brunette moaned and squeezed her own breasts, the sight of witch made Clarke moan herself. This
woman was an absolute masterpiece and Clarke had never been so turned on in her life. The
smell, sight and taste of her drove Clarke wild and as she slowly started to finger the other woman
the throbbing in her own core became too much for her. She turned around, placed her knees on
the sides of the brunette`s head and lowered her sex to her eager mouth. As Clarke felt the
brunette`s tongue lick circles over her clit she nearly screamed. It didn`t take long before they
came crashing down together. Inner walls contracting around their fingers, screaming in ecstasy.
They made each other come several more times before they both were exhausted and fell asleep in
each other’s arms.
 Champagne and worlds colliding
Chapter Summary

Clarke gets a surprise visit

“Clarke? Hello?”
Clarke woke with a start, it was dark in her bedroom and her alarm clock said it was 6 pm. She
looked over at the brunette who was sleeping beside her, she was so beautiful it made Clarke`s
heart ache.
“Clarke!”
She sat up in bed, trying to figure out what the hell Wells was doing in her apartment. She jumped
out of bed, wrapping herself in a blanket and tentatively stuck her head out the bedroom door.
“Wells? What are you doing here, and why are you wearing a tux?” as she said the words it
dawned on her. She was supposed to have dinner with her mom and Wells to celebrate the boards
tonight. And to make matters worse, she had invited them for drinks at her apartment first. “Fuck
me” she exclaimed. “I forgot Wells. Please tell me you are early so I can get ready before mom
gets here.” Wells looked amused. “You seem to have been thoroughly fucked already princess.”
He gestured to Clarke`s messy hair and swollen lips. “And yes, I am early, so why don`t you take
a quick shower and get dressed while I get the apartment ready.” He was grinning like an idiot
and Clarke glared at him.
“Why are you out of bed? Come back to me” the brunette croaked from the bed when Clarke
came back in to her bedroom. The sight of those green sleepy eyes, begging her to come back to
bed almost made Clarke forget how stressed out she was, but she soon snapped out of it. “Wells is
here, in the apartment, and my mom is going to be here in about 30 minutes.” She whispered
trying desperately to find a nice dress she could wear. The brunette rubbed her eyes sleepily and
sat up in bed, trying to wrap her head around what was going on. “Who is this Wells? And why is
he here?” “He is the doctor who was supposed to treat you in the ER when we first met. He is my
friend and he is here because I invited him for drinks before we go to dinner with my mom”
Clarke answered, running around, trying to put together an outfit. The brunette suddenly looked
wide awake eyes sharp and focused. “Why would you invite someone here when you know that
nobody can know?” her eyes were dark and her expression a stern mask. It was like the soft
pleading eyes from just a moment ago had never been, and Clarke felt her chest tighten. “Jesus
Ollie. Yes, I invited my friend, who has already met you and my mother over her, hoping that if
they just showed up when you were in a sex-haze you would agree to meet them. And then you
would tell me all about yourself and we would live happily ever after.” Her voice was dripping
with sarcasm and frustration. “A heads up would have been nice” the brunette responded looking
displeased. Clarke had finally assembled her clothes, threw on her robe and was about to leave
when she turned and glared at the woman lying in her bed. “Just stay in here and don`t make a
fucking sound, and we`ll be fine.” She slammed the door shut after her.
Wells stared at her when she made her way to the bathroom. “Is she still here?” Wells whispered.
Clarke glared at him. “Who?” she asked trying her best to hide her panic. This situation was a lot
more complicated than she had anticipated when she had made the brunette stay for three days.
She had invited her mom and Wells over for drinks before the brunette had entered her life, and
then forgotten all about it after she had showed up, a bleeding mess in her living room. Having
them all in her apartment, even if they didn`t actually interact, was very confusing. Her two worlds
were colliding and it left her feeling empty.
This dinner was supposed to be a celebration of the board exams, but Clarke didn`t feel like
celebrating anything right now. What did she really have to celebrate? Sure she had passed her
boards and she was going to several interviews for fellowships in some very good hospitals, but it
didn`t excite her. Why wasn`t she happier?
“The one who sends you flowers” he looked directly at Clarke, but his eyes sometimes darted to
the bedroom door. “Oh God, I wish my life was actually that exciting. Hiding a woman in my
bedroom while my mother and my friend sips champagne in the other room!” she rolled her eyes
and laughed, but her heart was pounding. She just hoped that Wells would let it go. Luckily he
just shrugged, and Clarke let out a breath that she didn`t know she was holding. “I`ll take a quick
shower, and then I`ll be ready.” Clarke forced a smile before she went in to the bathroom.

She emerged from the bathroom 15 minutes later, a new record for getting ready, wearing a short
red, tight fitting, dress that showed of her curves and quite a bit of cleavage. With it she wore a
pair of black pumps and her blond curls fell freely around her face. “Wow, you clean up nice”
Wells stated smiling broadly at her. “Thanks. And thank you for setting up out here” She gestured
towards the dining table and noticed he had put out four glasses. “Why are there four glasses?”
she asked, running scenarios involving the brunette through her head. “Oh, Finn is coming. I
invited him, sorry I didn`t tell you, but I figured I didn`t need to ask.” Wells smiled again and
made himself comfortable on the couch. Clarke was overwhelmed by a need to get away. Three
of the people closest to her was going to be here soon, with her biggest secret in the next room.
Suddenly an image of the brunette sneaking out her bedroom window to get away from the
awkward night entered her head, and it made her heart race. “I just have to go find my necklace,
the one my dad gave me, then I am ready. Promise!” she grinned as best she could at her friend
and went to her bedroom.
When she came into the room she was relieved to find the brunette still in her bed, still very naked
under the duvet. She was reading a book that Clarke had on her nightstand. It had been so long
since Clarke had picked it up that she had forgotten what it was about. The brunette looked at her
over the pages of the book. The mask that had been in place before was gone again and Clarke
could see that she was taking in the sight of Clarke in her dress, lust filling her green eyes. “Like
what you see?” Clarke asked with a raised eyebrow, smirking. The way the other woman looked
at her mad Clarke weak in the knees, and a familiar throbbing started to present between her
thighs. “Did you come in here to tease me?” the brunette asked in response, putting away the
book. As she did, she let the duvet fall down, exposing her breasts. Clarke had to bite her lip to
keep from moaning at the sight. “Two can play at that game I see, but no, I didn`t come to tease
you, even if it is a great turn on. I came to make sure you were not climbing out of the window.”
She smiled as she crossed the floor, doing it as slowly and seductively as she possibly could.
When she reached the bed she let her hand brush over the brunette`s breast. The feeling of the soft
warm skin and hardening nipple on her hand sent a shiver down her spine and a gush of wetness
between her legs. The brunette moaned and Clarke covered her mouth with her hand, just like she
had done to her in the parking lot, bent over and whispered in her ear. “You have to stay quiet
remember.” She squeezed her nipple lightly, making the brunette squirm and her own heart pound
even harder in her chest. “Do you promise not to run away before I get back?” Clarke let her
tongue run up the side of the brunette`s neck, finishing the move with a light nibble on her
earlobe. The brunette moaned into her hand and nodded. Clarke smiled and removed her hand
before she kissed the other woman softly. “I`ll see you later then.” She said as she picked up her
necklace from the night stand and left the room.

“Here`s to Clarke and Wells. I am so proud of you.” all four raised their glass to meet Abby`s toast
and smiled. She was beaming at her daughter. “I know your father would have been too Clarke”
she reached out to place her hand on Clarke`s shoulder. They smiled a sad smile at each other
before Finn interrupted their moment. “So, have you decided where you are going next princess?”
She shook her head in response. “I have several interviews in the coming two weeks, but I guess
the main contenders are LA and New York.” Finn grinned in excitement. “LA! You should go for
LA!” he was shouting like a kid who wanted to be picked first for the team. Clarke had to laugh at
his enthusiasm. “First of all Finn, I haven`t been offered a fellowship there yet, and I end up being
able to choose, it`s not going to be an easy decision.” Clarke`s thoughts went to the brunette in her
bed. She knew that she should not be a part of the equation, but she was. Finn shook his head. “I
disagree. You will be offered a fellowship there, because you are awesome.” Everyone in the
room nodded in agreement, and he continued. “and you should take it because it`s something new
and it will make you grow, and because LA is where your soulmate is.” Clarke laughed, almost
spilling her champagne. “Really? Do you really fancy yourself my soulmate Finn?” Wells looked
bewildered and Abby and Clarke could hardly stop giggling. “NO, silly. I am talking about
Raven!” he said pointedly and turned on her TV. Immediately the Chromecast started a slideshow
of pictures of Raven, and of her and Raven together, dating all the way back to when they first
met. Clarke stared at Finn in disbelief, Abby nearly choked on her champagne and Wells roared in
laughter.
After recovering from her nearly choking, Abby turned to Clarke and gave her a curious look.
“Anything you want to share Clarke?” she asked with a weird expression on her face. Clarke
rolled her eyes at Finn. “No. I honestly have no idea where this is coming from. Raven and I are
friends, and will never be anything else” she shot Finn a look as she said it.
Abby smiled. Did she look relieved? But before Clarke could ponder further on her mother`s
weird reaction Wells received a call saying that their car was down stairs, ready to take them to the
restaurant.

The dinner had been fun, more fun than she thought it would be, but thoughts kept circling back
to the green eyed beauty in her bed. And every time the subject of LA and Raven came up her
mom got this weird look on her face, so Clarke made a mental note to aske Raven next week if
they had had a falling out last summer. Finn had wanted everyone to go clubbing after dinner, but
Clarke made an excuse not to go. She had been aching for the brunette since the teasing in the
bedroom earlier, and the thought of waiting several more hours to go home was simply
unbearable.
When she entered the apartment she found Enigma, or Ollie, she couldn`t decide, standing upside
down in the middle of the floor. She was standing in a handstand, arms stretched, muscles flexing,
and her legs where positioned in an elegant shape pointing in different directions. The expression
on her face was one of deep concentration and her skin was glistening with sweat. Clarke could
feel her jaw drop and mouth water, but she did her best to keep her cool. “Wow, you really have a
thing for being upside down don`t you?” she made her way to the couch and sat down, drinking
in the sight of the toned body in front of her. The brunette was only wearing a pair of panties and
a sports bra. Clarke had to pull herself together to resist the urge to move over and run her tongue
up those strong thighs. The brunette never broke her concentration and seemed to ignore Clarke as
she moved her legs to point straight up at the ceiling. She did it with such control and grace,
demonstrating the power she possessed, that Clarke almost moaned. The brunette kept her
expression the same, ignoring Clarke, and Clarke could feel the annoyance building in her chest.
She was dripping wet, her pussy screaming for the brunette`s attention, and she was being
ignored. “Are you brooding again?” she asked with a little more venom in her voice than she had
meant. The brunette finally opened her eyes, acknowledging her presence in the room. “I am
concentrating Clarke.” The sound of her name rolling of this woman`s tongue made Clarke
squeeze her thighs together. “Are you concentrating on trying to get the blood back to your
head?” she fired back as seductively as she could. The brunette smiled, and coiled her body,
rolling down from her hand stand, suddenly sitting cross-legged in front of Clarke. Her green eyes
were dark as she slowly drank in the sight of Clarke sitting on the couch. “That seems to be an
impossible task these days Clarke.” The low tone of her voice and intense stare almost made
Clarke tremble. Clarke met her gaze, spread her legs and leaned back on the couch. “I think we
can both agree that there is only one remedy that will take care of that.” Clarke smiled and pulled
her panties of slowly while the brunette stared at her, pupils dilated and mouth hanging slightly
open. “I have been aching for your mouth the entire night, so you better get over here and eat me
right this moment!” Clarke was almost surprised at her own commanding tone, but the brunette
just smiled and crawled the short distance between them. She gave Clarke one last lustful look
before her head disappeared under the skirt of her dress. Clarke spread her legs wide for the other
before her head disappeared under the skirt of her dress. Clarke spread her legs wide for the other
woman and panted in anticipation. She was not disappointed. The brunette ran her tongue slowly
over her wet folds, sending shivers down Clarke`s spine. She repeated the circular motion slowly
a few times before she found Clarke`s clit, making the blond gasp. She flickered it lightly before
she sucked it into her warm mouth. Clarke felt her orgasm building fast from the other woman`s
attention, and she started rolling her hips. When the brunette stated biting gently in between licks
Clarke moaned and started kneading her breasts through her dress. She bucked her hips into the
brunette`s mouth and let at a loud moan as her dam broke and her entire body trembled.
After the aftershocks of her orgasm had subsided slid of the couch, ending up lying on the floor,
the brunette straddling her hips. They kissed, a slow sloppy kiss and Clarke could taste herself on
the other woman. “Sit on my face. I want to taste you.” she commanded and the brunette smiled at
her. She got up and to off her panties before she slowly sat down with one knee on each side of
Clarke`s head. When Clarke ran her tongue over the other woman`s opening, she was rewarded
with a whimper. She started out slowly licking her opening, and sometimes swiping over her clit,
but they both soon became too impatient for the slow pace. Clarke drew circles over the engorged
clit in her mouth and pressed her chin against the wet pulsing opening above her. They had gotten
in to a furious pace as the brunette rocked her hips, grinding into Clarke`s mouth and chin, and
when Clarke sucked hard on the clit the other woman tensed and shouted her name. Wetness was
gushing down Clarke`s chin and throat and her body was on fire. The other woman had barely
come down from her high before Clarke grabbed her hand and led it to her entrance. “Fuck me!”
she begged as she pushed the other woman`s fingers into her. The brunette finger fucked her with
speed and precision, always hitting that sweet spot inside her. Clarke could hear the wet sounds of
the pumping fingers and moved her hips to meet the thrusts. “Oh God this is so good” she gasped.
“if you think this is good, you are in for a treat” the brunette whispered in her ear before she went
down and closed her lips around her clit. The sensation almost made Clarke scream, but it was
nothing compared to what happened next. The brunette placed the tip of her tongue firmly on her
clit, and mad a growling sound that made it vibrate. Clarke almost forgot to breathe as she was
overtaken by the most intense orgasm she had ever experienced. Her body was trembling, inner
walls clenching as wave after wave hit her with more intensity every time. She ached her back and
screamed out her ecstasy, before she passed out.
 Falling out, or in?
Chapter Summary

it is their last night together before the quarantine is up.

Chapter Notes

we are moving into the more painful part of the story now.

When Clarke woke up she found herself lying on the floor, her dress was soaked and she felt
slightly disoriented. “Hey, how are you feeling?” the brunette was looking down at her with warm
caring eyes as she stroked her hair. Clarke smiled back at her, a warm feeling filling her chest.
“Like I`m lying in a puddle.” A cocky grin appeared on the brunette`s face. “You are not wrong.”
The brunette kept grinning and Clarke took in just how much of a mess she had made. The
brunette`s arm, torso, throat and chin was glistening with wetness and she was sure the carpet was
ruined. She closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. “I can`t believe that happened, I`ve
never experienced that before.” She looked up at the brunette who`s grin just widened at her
words. “All right Ollie, no need to be so damn cocky. What are you? 15?” the other woman
laughed and the sound of her beautiful melodious laugh made Clarke`s heart ache. She was just so
incredibly beautiful, eyes shining with joy, that Clarke knew that she could spend her life making
this woman laugh. “Help me out of this dress will you? I want to be naked with you.” she said,
trying to sit up. She found that her body was not very cooperative, and the brunette rushed to help
her. With tenderness and strength the other woman helped Clarke to her feet, supported her while
she took her dress off and gently sat her down on the couch. Clarke had never in her life
experienced such muscle fatigue and it blew her mid that it was all because of that woman`s
insane abilities in bed. The brunette lay down on the couch and pulled Clarke into her arms, one
leg draped over her. “How did you know that this was what I wanted” Clarke looked up at the
brunette, who just smiled back a her. “I didn`t. This just happened to be what I wanted too. I want
to hold you and feel you close to me.” She whispered with a look filled with such tenderness that
Clarke almost started crying. This new intimacy between them was threatening to overwhelm
Clarke, she desperately needed something to talk about so that they would stop just staring at each
other so intensely. She traced her finger over the tattoo on the brunette`s right arm. “Does this
mean anything?” she asked as she traced the intricate pattern. The brunette hummed. “Not the
pattern itself. But the tattoo has great meaning to me.” She drew a breath before she continued.
“My mother was married to a tattoo-artist before she met my dad. They had a daughter together,
my older sister, and when he discovered that he was dying he made her a bunch of tattoo designs
for different rites of passages I think. These tattoo designs were so precious to my sister, his last
gifts to her before he passed, they were practically sacred. she still gets a new one whenever she
reaches one of her stratospheric life goals. Anyway… When I turned 18, my sister gave me this
one, one of her father`s designs.” She gestured towards her arm. “My sister is not big on
expressing emotions. She can seem quite cold actually, so when she gave me this she sort of gave
me a way for me to always know how much she loves me.” Her beautiful green eyes were filled
with tears and Clarke held her hand over her heart, trying not to cry herself. “Wow, I can`t believe
you actually told me something about yourself. Thank you.” Clarke murmured and the brunette
kissed her forehead. “Well, now that I have shared something, I have a question for you.” the tone
of her voice had changed back to normal. Clarke felt a little disappointed that the moment was
over, but perhaps it was for the best. She looked up at the brunette and smiled. “Sure thing. I am
not the secretive one.” The brunette grabbed the remote and turned on the TV so that the pictures
of Clarke and Raven was back on the screen. “What`s the story with Raven?” The brunette asked
with a look in her eyes that Clarke couldn`t quite figure out. Then it dawned on her, the brunette
had probably heard Finn`s crazy theory earlier. She looked at the brunette for any sign of what she
was feeling, but was effectively shut out by the other woman. “Are you jealous?” she asked,
amused at the thought. Those green eyes flashed in confirmation, but the brunette just shook her
head in denial. Clarke couldn`t help the smile spreading on her face. “Relax,” she laughed.
“Raven and I are friends, best friends. We met at summer camp when we were 10 years old. We
went to different school, but always kept in touch. She is one of those type of people who you just
click with, and no matter how far apart you are, or how seldom you see each other, it always feels
like you were never apart when you meet. She is brilliant, has two Ph.Ds, one in mechanical
engineering and one in some computer code shit that I don`t understand. She works for a
university in LA, NASA and I`m pretty sure NSA, but she would never tell. We see each other
when we can, and Skype, to keep in touch. She is my person, my confidant and pillar when things
get rough. I love her very much, but we have never been, and will never be romantic.” Clarke
finished and looked at the brunette, who nodded in understanding, and Clarke was pretty sure she
saw relief? “Speaking of Raven. You are an expert in body language right?” Clarke said. The
brunette looked confused. “How is that speaking of Raven? And why would you think that I am
an expert in body language?” she asked. “Well, you gave me some pretty pro-sounding advice on
how to lie to the police, so I figured that might be something they teach at raccoon university.”
The brunette just shook her head and smiled before Clarke continued. “Earlier, Finn said that he
thought Raven was my soulmate, I guess you heard that right?” Clarke couldn`t help the slight
teasing tone. “I heard” the brunette answered shortly, looking slightly annoyed. Clarke grinned.
“The idea is ridiculous of course. Me and Wells couldn`t stop laughing, but my mother had this
funny look on her face. And she got the same weird look every time the topic of Raven or LA
came up. So I guess I want to ask you what you think. I am afraid that they had a falling out or
something.” The brunette seemed to consider for a moment. “What kind of look exactly Clarke.
Can you try to show me?” she asked. Clarke put her face in what she meant to be the face her
mother had made, and the brunette threw her head back laughing. “If she made that face, I would
have to say that she had a stroke.” She answered smiling at Clarke in a way that made her heart
race in her chest. “I do not look like I had a stroke!” Clarke argued, but the brunette picked up her
phone and snapped a picture of her making the face and was proved wrong. She hadn’t been able
to replicate the facial expression at all and they both laughed at how stupid she looked. It felt so
good to laugh together, it felt safe and comfortable. After trying for a while to recreate her
mother`s expression Clarke finally nailed it and took a picture to show the brunette. “This is the
face, now work your magic and tell me what is wrong” she quipped. The smile fell from the
brunette`s face and she suddenly looked uncomfortable. “I think you should talk to Raven. Ask
her, not me” she finally said. Clarke eyed her suspiciously. “You know, but you won`t tell me.
That is not cool. I need to know if they have had a falling out! We are like family, things should
not go unresolved.” She looked pleadingly at the brunette who caved with a sigh. “Fine. In my
opinion it looks more like your mother had a falling in, than a falling out with Raven, but I might
be wrong. I didn`t actually see her myself, so I might be wrong.” Clarke gaped at her. “A falling
in? are you saying that you think my best friend slept with my mom, or that my mom is in love
with my best friend?” the brunette closed her eyes in discomfort. “It`s either one, or both. Like I
said, you should talk to Raven.” Clarke stayed quiet for a while, resting her head against the
brunette`s chest. She could hear her steady heart beat and it calmed her slightly. The thought of
Raven and her mom made her really uncomfortable, it couldn`t be. It was absurd, they were like
mother and daughter, and Raven was her friend. They would never… “Are you ok?” the brunette
laughed. “Why are you laughing? I can`t believe you just introduced the idea that Raven and my
mom would, I can`t even say it. And then you laugh at me after the fact!” Clarke snapped at her.
That only made her laugh more. “I am so sorry Clarke. I am trying, but you are just too cute.”
That made Clarke smile again. “You really think I`m cute?” the brunette rolled her eyes, but
placed at soft kiss on Clarke`s lips. “Yes I do. I think you are the cutest” Clarke could feel herself
blushing. That simple statement made her so happy it was ridiculous. The brunette kissed her
again, a slow kiss that was so unlike the kisses they had shared before. Previously their kisses had
been hurried, passionate and demanding. This kiss was definitely passionate, but in a less
desperate way. It was loving and tender, and it made Clarke`s head spin and heart pound wildly in
her chest. “We should get some sleep. I have a shift at the hospital tomorrow afternoon, and falling
asleep while operating is frowned upon, unfortunately.” The brunette cupped her face gently, and
just looked at her for a while before she lifted her up in her arms and carried her to the bedroom.
Clarke giggled, enjoying being carried around just a little too much. “You are freakishly strong,
you know that?” she said when the brunette put her down on the bed and got in after her. “Well, I
do have that cool workout routine in the arrow-cave to keep me in shape.” She said as she
spooned Clarke from behind. “I knew you were a nerd like me!” Clarke said triumphantly. The
other woman just chuckled, holding Clarke tightly. “Don`t leave in the middle of the night.”
Clarke could hear her heart pounding in her ears. The thought of waking up alone tomorrow was
unbearable. “I won`t” the brunette answered before they fell asleep.

They ate breakfast in silence, both seemed lost I their own thoughts. Clarke had that empty
churning in her stomach, and didn`t feel like eating something. She wanted to talk to the brunette
about how she felt, but didn`t know how to put it into words. It was simple really, she wanted her
to stay, she wanted to know her and to feel secure in their relationship. The problem was that there
was no relationship, not really. They had this amazing connection, insane chemistry, but Clarke
didn`t know her at all. All she knew was that the thought of being apart from the brunette made
her heart ache.
“I have a job interview in LA in a couple of days.” She said, desperate for some sort of
communication between the two. “It`s a great fellowship, at one of the best hospitals in the
country. I think I might even get it.” The brunette cocked her head and looked at her. “So why do
you sound so sad. Isn`t that a great thing?” she asked finally. Clarke looked away, unable to meet
the green eyes that always had her feeling so exposed and vulnerable. “Because of this” she
whispered, fighting tears. The brunette got up and stood right in front of Clarke, cupping her face,
forcing the blonde to meet her gaze. “My life is complicated right now, dangerous even. Trust me
when I say that I wish we would have met under different circumstances, but right now we cannot
be together. I have responsibilities, people depending on me. I can`t walk away from it yet, but I
will, soon.” She looked so sad, it made Clarke`s heart break. “You should live your life like you
never met me, and then, when I am free to live I will come and find you. It doesn`t matter if you
are in LA, New York or the moon. I will come and find you, and if you want to get to know me
then, I will tell you everything you want to know.” The brunette swallowed hard before she
continued, Clarke was no longer fighting her tears, the were running freely down her cheeks. “But
until that time comes you have to forget me. I don`t know how long it will be, and the thought of
you waiting is just to agonizing. Don`t put your life on hold for me. Promise me that.” The
brunette was crying too now and Clarke felt like she couldn`t breathe. She knew she couldn`t
promise that she wouldn`t wait. How could she possibly move on and forget? So, instead of
making a promise that she knew she would break she leaned up and kissed the beauty in front of
her. The kiss felt unbearably sad a first, but then turned heated and desperate. They were both
panting when they broke apart looking equally lost and heartbroken. The brunette squeezed
Clarke`s hands, held her gaze for a while before she went for the door. “I`ll see you around
Clarke.” She said as she opened the door and left. Clarke just stared at the door, feeling numb,
before she finally slid down to the floor and sobbed.
 I dare you to deal with the truth
Chapter Summary

Clarke goes to LA for her interview, and her world comes crashing down.

Chapter Notes

Sometimes a chapter just flows and is easy to write. This one wasn`t, it`s one is one
of those chapters that is supposed to bring the plot to where I want it to be, but is so
boring to write. I`ll be better next time...

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The days after Enigma left blurred together for Clarke. She had buried herself in work and
preparations for her trip to LA in hopes that she would feel better, but she still jumped at every
sound in the building at night and her heart stopped every time she saw a tall slender figure with a
hoodie. She found herself scanning the streets for her mystery woman, she even did it at work.
Every time she entered a room to meet a new patient she found herself hoping that it would be
Enigma, but she always ended up disappointed. It shouldn`t be possible to feel this broken hearted
after knowing someone for three days. Not even knowing them, just being near them. Her last
hope was now, that she was in LA, that distance and Raven would make her feel better. Raven
usually knew how to make her happy, but now she had that thing about her mom, that look, the
mind blowing idea in her head and that made her nervous about meeting Raven again.
“Hey gorgeous. Do you come here often?” Clarke jumped when she heard Raven`s voice in her
ear. She turned around and was greeted with her friend`s signature grin and a crushing hug.
Despite her nagging feeling about Raven and her mom, Clarke felt relieved and at home in her
best friend`s embrace. “God it`s good to see you” she exclaimed. Raven smiled, picked up her
luggage and guided Clarke out of the airport. “So? Are you going to tell me everything or do I
have to beat it out of you? I have been scratching at the walls in curiosity ever since we skyped!”
Raven was buzzing with energy and excitement and Clarke had to laugh at her eagerness to know
everything. “Fine I will tell you everything” she smiled at her friend. “But only if you promise
never to tell anyone.” Raven grinned. “Hey, I have the highest security clearance possible. I know
how to keep a secret.” She winked at Clarke as she chucked her luggage in the back of her car. “I
know, but this time it`s really serious. No one can know what I am about to tell you. Your car isn`t
bugged by the CIA, NSA or Homeland security or whoever you are working for, right?” Raven
laughed at her the blonde`s paranoia. “Why? Is mystery girl a terrorist who plan to blow us all to
hell?” she asked grinning. Clarke didn`t laugh, because she actually had no way of knowing the
answer to the question. She couldn`t imagine that being the case, but talking about it to someone
else suddenly made her question the trust that she felt when she was with the beautiful brunette.
“The trust that you feel is not misplaced” she heard in her head and calmed a little. “God, I hope
not” Clarke sighed and got in the car. Raven shot her a worried look when she started the car.
“Listen Clarke. I think you need to just start from the beginning and tell me everything. Every last
little detail, and not just the sexy stuff. I`m a little worried about you.” Clarke just nodded and told
Raven the whole story. The only part she left out was the part about her mother`s weird facial
expression and the brunette`s conclusion. That would have to wait until after her interview. And
for once in her life Raven just listened, sometimes she nodded, but there wasn`t a single snarky
for once in her life Raven just listened, sometimes she nodded, but there wasn`t a single snarky
remark or witty comment. It was all very un-Raven, but Clarke really appreciated that her friend
would do that for her.
Clarke talked the entire drive from the airport, so wrapped up in her story that she hardly payed
any attention to her surroundings. She had just finished her story when Raven pulled up to an
enormous house, and suddenly Clarke was speechless. She just blinked, looked at Raven and
back to the house. “You live here?” she asked gaping. Raven laughed. “I do. Impressive right!”
Clarke just nodded, and Raven gave her a wicked smile. “I live here with roommates. They own
the house, inherited it from their grandfather. Octavia and Bellamy Blake. You are going to love
them, well Octavia anyways, Bell can be a little annoying at times.” Clarke shook her head in
disbelief. “You live with a married couple?” she was aghast. Raven wiggled her eyebrows
suggestively and Clarke could feel her eyes bulging. Raven kept a straight face for all of two
seconds before she roared in laughter. “Oh my god, you should have seen your face Clarke. They
are siblings, and guess what, Octavia is a nurse on the trauma team at Cedars-Sinai Medical
Center.” She beamed at Clarke before her face turned serious. “But before I show you this
wonderful house and introduce you, I need to ask you something, a few things actually.” Clarke
could feel herself getting nervous. Raven was going to ask her difficult questions about the
Enigma situation and Clarke didn`t feel ready. She wished she was still in her little bubble, having
mind blowing sex without having to deal with reality. “So” Raven said, turning in her seat to look
directly a Clarke. “Do you feel in your heart that you can trust this woman? Because she sounds
dodgy at best, dangerous at worst.” Clarke closed her eyes, reliving the feeling of her connection
to this woman. “Yes. I can`t explain it, but I trust her.” Raven nodded in response. “Are you in
love with her?” Raven had never looked so serious in all the time that Clarke had known her.
Clarke wanted to tell her that it was a ridiculous question, but Raven had hit the bull`s eye. She
hid her face in her hands as she realized that she was in love with her. It was absurd, impossible,
and yet it was true. She was in love with a woman she knew nothing about. The connection
between them was so strong, so pure, she even felt like she didn`t need to know anything else
about her. She just wanted to be with her. “Yes” she whispered, hoping that Raven wouldn`t hear
her. “Okay, last question: Did she really make you squirt? I mean, that is a myth isn`t it?” Raven
said grinning again and Clarke had to laugh. “Tell that to my ruined dress and stained carpet”
Clarke shot back. Raven threw up her hands in surrender and smiled at her friend. “I am not going
to lie to you. This woman sounds like she could be trouble and I don`t want to see you get hurt,
but she also sounds like she really cares for you. She did tell you she would find you even if you
moved to the moon, so I guess she likes you too. I love you Clarke, and I am here for you, as long
as I get all the nasty details.” She added with a grin. Clarke reached over and hugged her before
they went out of the car to settle in and meet Octavia.

The house was even more impressive on the inside and Clarke felt overwhelmed. It was difficult
to wrap her head around the idea of Raven living in such a beautiful space. All her previous
homes had been kind of shabby, and Raven had always claimed not to care about living in a
beautiful place. “How did you end up here? You never cared about where you lived before?”
Clarke had to ask, looking around the first floor. Raven shrugged. “I don`t. Me and Octavia play
on the same soccer team and hit it off from the first moment we met. She is a real bad ass on the
pitch and knows how to party. In short, my kind of gal. So when she told me she had a room I
could rent it was a no-brainer. So I guess it`s more about the company than the place itself, even if
Bel can be a bit of a douche sometimes.” “A douche huh?” both Clarke and Raven turned around
at the sound of a woman`s voice behind them. The brunette was about the same height as Raven,
looking fit in skinny jeans and a tank top, huge smile plastered on her face and a glint in her eye.
She stepped forward and extended her hand to Clarke. “You must be the famous Clarke Griffin. It
is nice to finally meet you” Clarke could tell that she would like this girl, she had a good energy
about her. “Famous? Has Raven been talking your ear off?” she asked laughing. “No. I mean, she
has told me a lot about you, but it is Lincoln who can`t shut up about you.” Clarke frowned in
confusion and let go of Octavia`s hand. “He is the head of trauma, and pretty determined to get
you to come here instead of staying in New York” she smiled and Clarke just stared at her. “She is
sleeping with him, that’s how a nurse knows all about the big bad surgeon`s plans.” Raven
interjected with a grin. Octavia slapped her shoulder and blushed. “Thanks for helping me make a
good impression on you friend ass hole!” she growled. Clarke just smiled at her. “Don’t worry
about it Octavia. It`s not like I am going to bring it up in the interview tomorrow, and if it makes
you feel any better my sex life is much more complicated than sleeping with your boss, so I am
not judging.” The other woman relaxed at that and the three of them fell in to easy conversation
while they made lunch.

The next day Clarke had her interview, which was a very nerve wracking experience. In the room
with her was Head of trauma Dr. Lincoln Trikru, Neuro surgeon Dr. Anya Trikru, apparently they
were cousins, and Chief of surgery Dr. Marcus Kane. Lincoln seemed very nice and Kane had
something warm about him under his professional sternness, but Anya Trikru was possibly the
most intimidating person Clarke had met. She seemed ice cold, always setting her face in a mask
of superiority and contempt. She didn`t smile once through the one and a halve hour Clarke was in
there and by the end of the interview Clarke was sure the woman just hated her. She did not have
a good feeling about getting the fellowship when she went back to the house to try to relax, but
there she was greeted by two eager brunettes who wanted to hear every detail. When Clarke told
them Octavia laughed. “Don`t let Dr. Stone face get to you. If she hated you, she would have just
got up and left. The fact that she stayed through the entire interview means that it went really
well.” Octavia beamed at her and Clarke just gaped back. She could not believe a doctor would
do that, just leave an interview if she didn`t like the candidate. “This calls for celebration!” Raven
declared and got a bottle of champagne out of the fridge.
Raven always meant business when it came to celebrating, and apparently she had planned this
one since the day she found out that Clarke was coming. They had champagne at the house, a
fancy lunch at some restaurant downtown, went on drunk sightseeing in Hollywood, had dinner at
a really cool restaurant and went dancing. When they returned to the house Clarke felt exhausted,
but Raven and Octavia was going strong and talked her in to a game of truth or dare, of all things.
Clarke was too drunk to fight them so she sat down with a glass of wine and played along. It was
actually a lot of fun, and she learned a lot about Octavia, and liked the girl more and more. “I dare
you to a sing along to Adele`s Hello. No half-assing! You are to perform on the kitchen counter.”
Clarke looked a Raven I disbelief. She knew Clarke couldn`t sing to save her life, she did it just to
torture her and humiliate her in front of Octavia and it pissed Clarke off, but she played by the
rules and got up on the counter and gave it her all. She was whaling along, the other girls laughing
and holding their hands over their ears when a tall man with dark hair suddenly stood there
looking confused and appalled. Clarke stopped singing, humiliation washing over her, and Raven
turned the music off, still laughing. “Hey Bel, sorry about the noise, this is Clarke Griffin, my best
friend.” Raven said gesturing towards Clarke. Clarke just waved at him, unsure what to do. “Just
keep it down Reyes, I have work in the morning” he scoffed and left, fuming for some reason.
“He seems nice” Clarke said and the other girls started laughing again. “Your turn Raven, I can`t
wait to get back at you for this” Clarke stated as she did her best to get down from the counter
without hurting herself. "In that case I think I`ll go with truth, just until you forget about this little
dare” Raven grinned and Clarke felt her annoyance with her friend boiling within her. She wanted
to get of easy after totally humiliating Clarke in front of two people she didn`t know, and that
wasn`t fair. The alcohol was keeping her from thinking clearly, so before she could stop herself
she asked the one question she had been dying to know the answer to. “Did you sleep with my
mom?” she asked and looked straight at her friend. Raven`s face fell and she turned white.
Octavia gasped and looked between the two women now staring at each other. Raven looked
down and Clarke felt her stomach drop. “I can`t believe this. I was hoping it wasn`t true! How
could you?” Raven looked at her, tears running down her cheeks. “Clarke, I am so sorry. We
were going to tell you soon, it, we just… We just didn`t know how.” Clarke gaped. They hadn`t
just slept together once, a mistake they needed to hide from her. They were going to tell her,
which meant that they were in some sort of relationship. Clarke felt nauseous, her head spinning
from alcohol and the idea of her mother and Raven together. “I can`t deal with this” she said
before she went to her room. She locked the door and crawled under the covers trying not to
before she went to her room. She locked the door and crawled under the covers trying not to
vomit. Raven was like a sister to her, they had known each other most of their lives and Raven
had spent as much time as possible with Clarke`s family. Clarke could hear that someone was
knocking on her door, but she wasn`t ready to speak to anyone just now. After a while the
knocking stopped and her phone began ringing. She groaned when she saw her mother on the
caller id. She turned off her phone and shut her eyes wanting desperately to sleep, for the gross
images in her head to stop.
Clarke didn`t sleep at all that night and when she finally left the room to go to the bathroom she
nearly tripped over Raven who sat outside her door. She looked as bad as Clarke felt, and it made
Clarke feel guilty for locking her out. “Clarke” she croaked, looking like a wounded animal. They
had always been able to work out their differences previously, but this was huge. Clarke felt like it
rocked the foundation of her life, throwing her completely off balance. “How long?” she asked.
Raven couldn`t help a little smile forming and Clarke knew that she loved her mother then. Raven
had only had that look in her eyes once before, and Clarke had wanted to see her friend happy
ever since that light went away last time. She sighed and slid down to the floor next to her friend.
“Since summer. I have been in love with Abby for a long time, years Clarke, but we kind of got
together the last days of the trip to the cabin.” Clarke furrowed her brows, thinking back to their
annual trip to the cabin upstate New York. Clarke had been with a girl for the last three days of
their trip and left Raven and her mother alone at the cabin. She hid her face in her hands, groaning
at the images in her head. “I was prepared to never tell anyone how I felt, never act on it and just
hope that it would go away. It hasn`t been easy, but I didn`t want to fuck up our friendship, and I
never thought in a million years that Abby would feel the same way. But then she did, and I
couldn`t stop myself. She makes me feel complete Clarke. I know it`s fucked up, and I can only
imagine how you must feel, but I can`t loose you. Please!” Tears rolled down her cheeks and she
looked pleadingly at Clarke, who found herself crying too. “This is weird for me Raven. You are
like a sister to me, which makes this whole thing kind of incestuous, but I don`t want to lose you
either. I just need some time to wrap my head around it. I think that I first need to be okay with it,
and hopefully someday, soon, I`ll manage to be happy for you.” She gave her friend a small smile
and a hug.

Her last day in LA was spent mostly in bed since no one had gotten any sleep. Her mom had tried
to call her several times, but Clarke had in the end just texted her, saying she wasn`t ready to talk
to her yet, but that she would be soon. The mood in the house was tense and uncomfortable, so
when Raven took her to the airport she was relieved, and when she finally entered her apartment
in New York she felt exhausted. She couldn`t remember the last time she had felt so utterly
drained. Not having the energy for anything else, and needing to distract her thoughts she plopped
down on the couch and turned on the TV. She zapped through the channels before stopping at the
news. There was something huge going on. A major crime organization had been exposed and
this definitely served as a distraction. Clarke sat at watched the news report in shock. The Azgeda
syndicate was a vast network of crime, involved in drugs, trafficking and corruption going all the
way from local police officers to the White house. Pictures of people being arrested, some known
some unknown flashed over the screen. There was even someone from the board of directors at
the hospital where Clarke worked. She had just about had enough when the news anchor
announced something that caught her attention.
“Earlier this evening the commander of the enforcers of the Azgeda syndicate, known as the
Heda, was shot and killed when resisting arrest in New York…”
Clarke`s ears started ringing as a video of poor quality showing a woman being shot three times in
the chest by FBI-agents after pointing her gun at them. Time slowed and Clarke couldn`t breathe.
The quality was poor, but there was no doubt that the woman being shot was Enigma. Blood
stained her shirt, the shirt that Clarke had bought for her, the one she had been wearing that day
when she had gotten back from the hospital.
Heda, it was her title, not her name. “the trust that you feel is not misplaced” the room was
spinning out of control, her chest a raging fire of agony. Images of the woman she had fallen for
kissing her, bleeding from her wounds and lying dead on the street rushed through her head,
 blending together, making Clarke nauseous. She tried to breathe, but her chest was wound too
tight, she gulped for ear, but ended up convulsing, falling to the floor.

Chapter End Notes

So, you probably hate me now, but have faith, my name is not Jason:-)
The next chapter is probably going to take me longer that usual. I have like a million
concerts to play this week, my bachelorette party on saturday and my tax-returns
hanging over my head. sorry!

I really do appreciate all of your comments. I know I suck at responding, it`s just
because I am shy...
 A Queen
Chapter Summary

Clarke has moved to LA and is doing her best to survive her sorrow

Chapter Notes

so this is a short one. I hope I`ll be able to write a longer one soon.

“I love you” Clarke could feel herself smiling, looking into those beautiful green eyes, feeling the
touch of those soft hands on her cheek. “I love you too.” She whispered as the brunette pulled her
in for a kiss. Soft lips brushed against her own, teasing her slowly. Clarke was desperate to be
closer, to mash their faces together and relieve the throbbing pressure between her legs, but the
other woman forced her, very gently, to take it slow.
When she finally deepened their kiss, Clarke couldn`t help the whimper that left her mouth. Every
touch of their tongues sent shivers down Clarke`s spine, and as the brunette leaned over, pushing
her down onto her back, Clarke pressed her core against her hip in need of friction.
The brunette smiled down at her before she started to trail kisses down her neck, collar bones and
breasts. She sucked a nipple in to her mouth and gently flicked it with her tongue as she kneaded
Clarke`s other breast. The pressure in her core was building fast and she arched her back as she
moaned in pleasure. This woman was going to make her come with just stimulating her breasts.
The thought made Clarke even more exited.
The brunette was grinding her own core down on Clarke`s thigh, and Clarke could feel how wet
she was. She was moaning above Clarke, but something was off. Clarke looked up and saw a
look of pain and shock on her lovers face. She could feel something dripping in her chest and
thought the brunette was crying, but it was blood. So much blood. Clarke screamed when she saw
the gunshot wounds in her beloved`s chest. Panic filled her and she froze, forgetting all her
training, just staring paralyzed in to those green eyes as life left them.

Clarke woke with a jolt and knew she must have screamed out loud again. It had been three
months and Clarke had yet to have a full night of sleep without the nightmares. The Azgeda case
was still on the news every day. New layers of cruelty were exposed as every level of the
organization was hunted and arrested by the FBI. Currently they were hunting the queen of the
entire thing, Nia, but so far she had managed to evade the agents searching for her.
Every time there was a mention of Heda, Clarke felt like she was the one who got shot. A
tightening pain in her chest made it hard to breathe and her ears would ring with the brunette`s
words of reassurance. Clarke was torn between the anger and betrayal, and the raw sorrow that
she felt every time she thought of the woman.

A glance at the alarm clock told Clarke that it was 4 am. There was no going back to sleep now,
so instead she put on her robe, made herself a cup of coffee and sat on the balcony to watch the
sunrise. “Good morning” the sound of Octavia`s voice mad Clarke jump. The brunette sat down
in the chair next to Clarke with her own cup of coffee and gave her new friend a smile. They were
on the same trauma team at work and working with Octavia was like a dream. She was hands
down the best nurse Clarke had ever met and after only two months of working together, they
were so in tune to one another that they hardly had to speak when a new patient came in. Their
dynamic at fast mad their team the most efficient team I the hospital, and the team who lost the
least patients.
Clarke smiled back, but looked away, feeling guilty. “I`m sorry if I woke you.” she whispered.
Octavia looked at her for a long time before responding. “I know you and I don`t know each other
that well, but I feel like we are friends, and as your friend I am worried about you.” she reached
out and grabbed Clarke`s hand. “We are all worried about you, even Bell. I know it seems like he
doesn`t give a shit, but I see the way he looks at you. I think he really cares about you, and he asks
me every day if you are doing better. Raven probably worries almost as much as your mother. I
hear them fighting over the fact that Raven won`t tell her what`s going on all the time.” Clarke
sighed. She had trouble believing that Bellamy cared about her. All he ever talked about when she
was around was the fact the he had been the one to collar Finn for his involvement in Azgeda. He
had carried drugs for them and laundered money through his art projects.
Constantly reminding Clarke that she was too trusting didn`t seem like a good way for Bellamy to
show her he cared, but he wasn`t really good with the emotional things in life. Clarke had found
that the only emotions he was capable of expressing was anger and indignation.
Octavia was right about Raven. She was worried, and she did fight a lot with Abby on the phone,
but Clarke had no intention of getting involved in that. “Well, the deal I made with them was clear
and they both agreed. I get to keep Raven as my friend, not as my stepmother, I stay out of all of
their shit, and I never sleep in the next room to them.” Octavia smiled at the last one. She had
sacrificed her own room in order to get Clarke to stay in their house when Raven and Abby
decided they wanted to be together officially and Clarke gave them her blessing, sort of. “That
was really big of you Clarke, letting them be happy in spite of your discomfort. I don`t know if I
would be able to do the same for my mother.” Clarke let out a laugh and grinned at her friend.
“Are you telling me that your mom is off limits?” she asked and Octavia laughed with her.
“YES!” they laughed together for a little bit before Octavia turned to Clarke looking serious again.
“What happened three months ago Clarke, that has you screaming every night?” Clarke felt the
familiar tightening in her chest. She wanted to tell Octavia, open up to her, but she felt so ashamed
of herself. She could feel her tears welling up in her eyes and decided that perhaps she needed to
talk about it. “I fell in love” she whispered, trying not to cry, but her tears were already streaming
down her face. Octavia held her hand, but didn`t say anything. “I fell in love with someone
without knowing anything about her. Not even her name. I had no way of contacting her or
finding out anything about her. She just showed up at my place from time to time. We had this
amazing connection, the chemistry was mind blowing, and the sex was too. I trusted her, risked
my whole career to help her, and when I came home from LA I watched her die while finding out
that she had lied to me.” They sat in silence for a while, holding hands. “Every night I lose her
again. Every time someone who looks a little bit like her comes in to the hospital my heart stops. I
hate her for deceiving me, and I miss her. I would give anything to see her again, just once. If I
could just hold her, look in to her eyes, touch her and smell her again.” Clarke felt soft arms
embrace her from behind, she opened her eyes and saw that it was Raven`s arms. She looked over
at Octavia and was met with a sad smile. “We love you Clarke and will always be here for you. I
can`t imagine what you are going through, but you can always talk to me if you need it.”
Gratitude filled Clarke as she felt Raven`s embrace and the squeeze of Octavia`s hand.

Most of Clarke`s workday was filled with check-ups today. She had a long list of police officers,
agents and soldiers who had suffered injuries in the line of duty and now needed her stamp of
approval to be cleared for active duty again. She had thought it would be a boring day filled with
routine questions and filling out paper work, which it was, but it was also filled with people who
were very happy to be allowed to go back to work. Clarke found it funny how some of them
thanked her like it was her who had save their life. Especially some of the soldiers were very
pleased to be able to go back to work.
When she pulled out the file of her last patient of the day was surprised to find it was stamped with
“classified” on the front page. She opened and found that the whole thing was redacted.
Everything except for e few words: Entry wound, exit wound, entry wound and special agent
Everything except for e few words: Entry wound, exit wound, entry wound and special agent
L.W was the only words she could find in the entire file. This made no sense. She had no idea
who to examine and no idea how, when or where the injuries were sustained. With irritation
building she decided to go to Lincoln to ask him what to do.
As she opened the door from her office she was med with a somber looking man in a black suit
with a FBI badge on his belt. “Are you special agent L.W?” she asked looking him up and down.
“No Dr.Griffin. I am agent Murphy. I am here to take you to special agent L.W.” he handed her a
document and when she saw it she gasped. “You can`t be serious.” She snapped at the agent. The
document was a subpoena telling her that she would have to let the FBI take her to a secret
location to examine the patient. She would have to sign a confidentiality declaration and accept to
be blindfolded and wear a headset for the ride there. “I have to go see my boss about this” Clarke
said when the agent just stood there, not reacting to her obvious discomfort at the arrangement.
Just as she was about to push past him, Lincoln and Kane came down the corridor. Kane stretched
out his hand at the agent. “You must be agent Murphy, I`m Dr. Kane, Chief of surgery.” The
agent nodded at him and Lincoln introduced himself next. “What is going on? It is not common
practice for doctors to be subpoenaed to abduction by the FBI in order to clear an agent for duty
after an injury.” Clarke hissed at Kane and Lincoln. “I know, and I am sorry that you were not
warned in advance, but these are special circumstances. Trust me Clarke.” Lincoln looked at her
pleadingly and Clarke got a feeling that there was more to this than just a simple examination of
wounds. She decided to put her faith in her new boss, he had been nothing but great to her ever
since she came to LA, and if this meant as much to him as his look told her, it was the least she
could do for him.
“Fine. I`ll go along with your ridiculous set up, but my shift ends in 30 minutes and I expect to be
dropped off at home after I am done, so I am changing out of these scrubs before we go.” She said
in a tone daring her superiors or the agent to argue. Agent Murphy just nodded to her. “If you
would just fill out the necessary papers before you go, I`ll meet you in the garage, level 2 when
you are ready.” He handed her a folder full of papers she had to sign. This special agent L.W had
to be a really fucking big deal, Clarke felt like she was being brought to treat the president or
something.
After signing all the papers, she went to the locker room to change into her normal clothes. When
she got there she was surprised to find Dr. Trikru waiting for her, leaning up against her locker.
The woman still scared Clarke, and the fact that she seemed to be waiting for her made her more
nervous than the imminent abduction. “Dr. Trikru” she nodded and moved towards her locker, but
the woman didn`t move. She stared at Clarke with a look that made her blood run cold. “Is it
true?” she asked quietly. “Are you going to see special agent L.W?” Clarke froze. Did everyone at
the hospital know who this agent was? “Yes. I am being abducted by the FBI to see this special
agent Redacted. What is the big fucking deal about this agent? It seems everybody knows
something that I don`t, and frankly it is getting on my nerves.” She snapped and pushed past Dr.
Trikru to get to her locker.
She ripped her scrubs off angrily and tossed them in the bin and started to get dressed. “If I am
right, which I usually am, L.W stands for Lexa Woods.” Dr. Trikru said quietly. “That doesn`t
mean shit to me, so get to the point before agent Murphy shows up to drag me out of here.” Clarke
looked pointedly at Dr. Trikru now, in spite of how nervous the woman made her. Dr. Trikru`s
whoe demeanor changed suddenly, transforming her into a vulnerable person with actual feelings.
The change startled Clarke and she just stared at her for a while. “She`s my sister.” The woman
said staring at the floor. “Oh” was all Clarke could manage to get out. It made sense now,
Lincoln`s pleading look, it made her his cousin. Dr. Trikru looked at Clarke now, with a pained
expression. “She has been under deep cover for almost four years. I haven`t seen or heard from
her, the only information I have is that she is coming home soon, and that she was shot not too
long ago.” Clarke felt bad for the woman in front of her. She obviously loved her sister very much
and she could not imagine being separated from someone that important in her life for so long. “Is
there anything I can do. Do you want me to deliver a message or something?” she asked, but the
other woman shook her head. “They will never let you get away with that. Just come back and tell
me that she is okay” Clarke nodded and squeezed her hand. “I will” she whispered before she left
to meet up with the agent in the garage.

The abduction part was even worse than Clarke had imagined. She had a noise cancelling head set
on that was blearing music way too loudly and they had pulled a thick black hood over her head
so that she couldn`t see anything. They drove for a little over an hour and Clarke had trouble
breathing the whole way. The black hood gave her claustrophobia and the air in there soon
became hot and humid. She fought against her panic, not wanting to show weakness to the very
annoying agents in the car, but when the car finally came to a stop and they pulled her hood off,
she couldn`t stop her breath from heaving and tears to roll down her cheeks.
Clarke was quickly led from the dark garage, in to a dark hallway and in to a dimly lit room with
closed curtains. “Cozy” she commented as she took in the room. It was small room with white
walls and everything she needed to perform the examination of the patient. It was so much like a
standard examination room at the hospital that for a minute she thought that maybe they had been
going around in circles only to end up at the hospital again.

A short fierce looking woman entered the room. She looked nothing like Dr. Trikru, but then
again they had different last names, so maybe this was her. Clarke pulled herself together and put
on her professional smile as she reached her hand towards the woman. “You must be special agent
L.W. I am Dr. Clarke Griffin. Pleased to meet you” the woman just stared at her. “I am special
agent Indra. I am in charge of security here and I need to make sure you are not carrying weapons
or any recording equipment.” She signaled for Clarke to submit to a pat down. Clarke complied
with a sigh. “Agent Murphy already has my phone, I have been patted down twice and if you
people are afraid that I can manage to acquire a weapon on the god awful ride here, you either
think I am way more resourceful than I am, or this L.W really is the president.” She hissed as
agent Idra patted her down.
“I`ll settle for being a Queen” the mellow voice behind Clarke made her blood run cold. For a few
seconds she forgot to breathe, and when she finally drew a breath I hitched in her throat. She
closed her eyes, swallowed hard and turned slowly around to face the person speaking. Her heart
was beating wildly and blood rushing in her ears. When her blue eyes met green she thought she
might faint.
Clarke was too stunned to speak, or move, or do anything other than stare at the woman before
her as she reached her hand towards Clarke. “I`m Lexa Woods” Dazed Clarke took her hand and
felt the familiar jolts at the touch. It took all of Clarke`s strength and self-control not to crumble to
her knees. “Clarke Griffin” she finally responded.
 My soul on your back
Chapter Summary

Clarke examines Lexa`s injuries, is overwhelmed and conflicted

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Clarke felt weightless, the touch of Lexa`s hand and her green eyes the only thing grounding her.
The first few seconds her heart felt like a vacuum, void of emotion, and then it all came rushing in.
Ollie was Lexa, her Enigma was alive, the commander, Heda, was an agent. Anya`s voice rang in
her ears suddenly, speaking of her sister being under deep cover. She was relieved, happy to see
the woman living and breathing before her, and she felt rage boiling deeply within her. She relived
the moment she had watched her die, the sorrow and betrayal that had haunted her day and night
for three months.

“It`s nice to meet you, Clarke” the way Lexa said her name brought her out of her dazed state. She
suddenly remembered why she was there, and that they were not alone in the room. She pulled
herself together and smiled. She could see Lexa`s green eyes searching hers, but for now she
needed to shut her out, putting on her professional mask. “Well, special agent Woods. Shall we
get to it?” she asked and gestured towards the examination table. Lexa nodded and sat down,
looking at Clarke, waiting for her to take charge. Clarke`s heart hammered in her chest. She was
here to examine two entry wounds and one exit wound, that seemed to be consistent with the
injuries that Clarke had treated in New York, but Clarke was nervous about what she would find
on Lexa`s chest. They must have faked it somehow, but Clarke couldn`t understand how. The
shirt she had been wearing had been too tight to wear a vest and the shots to well placed to
survive.
“I`m ready when you are” Lexa said with a smirk when Clarke didn`t move to do anything.
Clarke just raised an eyebrow in return. “I am sorry your majesty, are you waiting for me to
undress you?” Lexa`s eyes flicked to Indra, who snorted a laugh, and then back to Clarke. “Right,
sorry” she muttered and started to take her shirt off. The sight of Lexa undressing made heat pool
in Clarke`s stomach, and she cursed herself inwardly for finding the brunette so incredibly
attractive.
Her chest showed no sign of gunshot trauma and Clarke found herself relieved and intrigued. The
question of how it was possible was burning on her tongue, but she managed to stop herself from
asking.
Lexa was sitting on the bench in just her bra and skinny jeans, her tan smooth skin looked so soft,
Clarke had to fight her urge to reach out and gently stroke her fingers over her chest. She
swallowed hard and tried to focus on her job. “Would you please point out the injuries that you
would have me examine?” she asked, even though she knew very well where they were. Lexa
suddenly looked nervous as she slid the strap of her bra down to reveal the small scar on her
shoulder. “I was shot here” she pointed “and it exited through the back” she said looking down.
Clarke had never seen Lexa like this, she looked almost shameful, and Clarke couldn`t understand
why. “All right. Let`s have a look then” Clarke tried to give Lexa a reassuring look, but the
brunette refused to meet her gaze.
Clarke started the examination, asking questions about the injury and testing the mobility of the
shoulder. The first time she touched Lexa it felt like her hands were aflame, and their eyes had met
for the briefest moment. At least Clarke knew that Lexa felt it too. Most of Clarke`s questions
went unanswered because Indra would cut in and stop Lexa from answering, but it didn`t really
matter. Clarke already knew the answers, she just had to ask them to make the examination legit.
When Clarke moved to stand behind Lexa to look at the exit wound Lexa froze, and when Clarke
saw why she stopped breathing.
She had a new tattoo, running down the length of her spine. It was perfect, it made her muscular
slender back even more beautiful than it already was, and it was Clarke`s work. Her abstract, the
one that Lexa liked so much, ran down her back and Clarke`s dream came flashing back to her.
Unable to stop herself she ran her finger over the image. She could see that Lexa was struggling to
keep her stoic posture under Clarke`s touch, she just hoped Indra wouldn`t notice. As Clarke
finally remembered to breathe her heart was filled with conflicting emotions again. She loved the
way the tattoo looked on Lexa, and it felt like a promise, like Lexa had tied them together, and it
warmed her heart to think that she meant so much to the brunette. On the other hand, she was hurt.
Lexa had taken it without asking, stolen it, even after Clarke had told her how personal it was.
How she poured her soul into her paintings and rarely gave them away because it was too
intimate. Clarke would have given it to Lexa, she knew that, but Lexa had never asked. Just like
she had never told her she was an agent, even though it would have spared Clarke all the suffering
she had gone through the last months. She had taken it, like she had taken Clarke`s heart, knowing
that it would be broken.

The emotional rollercoaster was very draining, and Clarke found that she just wanted to go home.
Being close to Lexa was just too difficult right now. She drew a breath and focused with all her
might at getting this examination over with. “Your shoulder seems to be healing perfectly. Would
you please show me the entry wound next?” she said as she moved to stand in front of the
brunette again. Lexa looked at her, green eyes searching hers for answers, but Clarke looked away
and Lexa looked down. She showed her the scar above her hip and Clarke went to work. The
wound had healed very nicely and Clarke felt a wave of pride in her own work.
The sound of a cellphone startled Clarke and Indra quickly got off the couch. “I have to take this.
I`ll be back in a few minutes” she said as she left the room. The second the door closed behind her
Lexa grabbed Clarke`s hand. Big green eyes filled with tears found Clarke`s, and Clarke felt her
heart ache at the sight. “Clarke. I am so sorry, for everything.” The brunette whispered, and for the
first time that afternoon Clarke opened herself up completely. She took in every detail of the
woman in front of her. Her pleading eyes, the beautiful face with the softest lips, and her smell.
She wasn`t wearing any perfume and the smell of Lexa sent shivers down Clarke`s spine. Clarke
relented all control of herself and closed the distance between them. There was no point in fighting
the urge to be close now. There was no time to talk before Indra would return, so she pressed their
lips together in a desperate kiss. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest, heat pooled in her stomach
and her clit started to throb. Her panties were ruined within seconds, and she moaned into the
other woman`s mouth. When they broke apart they were both panting and Clarke wanted nothing
more than forgive the woman in front of her, but she wasn`t ready.
Indra came back into the room and Clarke and Lexa did their best to act normally. Clarke sat
down at the desk with her paperwork and smiled professionally at Lexa. “Thank you, agent
Woods, you can put your shirt back on now.” Lexa nodded at started to dress. “Lexa, I have
important news for you. Would you come with me?” Indra asked looking somewhat excited. Lexa
nodded, but didn`t look like she wanted to leave. Indra turned to Clarke. “When you are finished
with the paperwork agent Murphy will take you home. Thank you for your cooperation.” She
reached out her hand and Clarke shook it. When she left, Lexa lingered, and finally reached out to
shake Clarke`s hand. “Thank you Dr. Griffin.” She said loudly, “when I get out of here I need to
see you. I need to explain.” She whispered. She looked so vulnerable that Clarke wanted to
embrace her again, but she just nodded. “Come and find me, but please make it sooner rather than
later, I miss you.” she whispered back before Lexa left the room.

The ride back to her house was even more unbearable than the one earlier in the afternoon. Her
lips were burning from the kiss, her heart torn by her overwhelming and conflicting emotions and
she felt panicked at the uncertainty of when she would see Lexa again. Now that she knew she
 was alive she ached to be with her. The hood over her head made it difficult to breathe, making
the tightness in her chest excruciating. And to top it all Murphy drove like a fucking chimpanzee,
causing Clarke constantly fight the need to vomit. There was no use trying to stop the tears rolling
down her cheeks, the only comfort Clarke felt was knowing that her hood at least made sure that
Murphy didn`t see them.

When the car finally came to a stop and Murphy said she could take the hood of, Clarke bolted out
of the car and emptied the content of her stomach in the driveway. She could feel Murphy`s eyes
on her, but she didn`t have the energy to be bothered, or embarrassed. When she turned around he
handed over her bag and gave her a short handshake. “Thank you for your cooperation Dr.
Griffin” he said with a short nod before he got back in the car.

She entered the house and was greeted by an anxious bunch of friends, and Dr. Trikru. Raven
threw herself at Clarke, giving her a bone crushing bear hug. “Girl, I love you, but you smell like
a dead animal” she said stepping back. Clarke had to smile. “Sorry. I was wearing a big black
hood over my head, but I am pretty sure my driver was a chimpanzee, or they just sat me on a
roller coaster for an hour before brought me here. Either way, I just vomited all over our driveway.
So before I proceed to telling you the one or two things I am not court ordered to keep quiet about,
I will brush my teeth.” She said and went to the bathroom.

When she exited the bathroom she was not surprised to find Dr. Trikru waiting for her in the
hallway. “Hi” she offered softly. Dr. Trikru looked down. “I`m sorry to ambush you like this, but
Octavia said I could come with her and wait for you here.” She said finally. “I understand” Clarke
smiled at her. “I saw your sister. Lexa Woods. She is fine, cleared for duty.” Dr. Trikru lighted up
and smiled. She looked so human then, like someone who loved her little sister and had been
worried. “It must have been awful for you to have watched as she was shot on TV” Clarke tried,
hoping that she didn`t overstep. “Oh” Dr. Trikru said “I knew that wasn`t real. The FBI informs
the agents closest relations before they do something like that, unless their cover is blown and they
need the reaction to be real.” Clarke stared wide eyed at the woman in front of her. “You knew?”
she stammered. Why didn`t I know? why wasn`t I told? She thought desperately. “I was worried
because she told me that she got shot shortly before that happened, and that it wasn`t treated at a
hospital.” Dr. Trikru continued. Clarke forced a smile. “Well, there is no need to worry. She was
clearly treated by someone who knew exactly what they were doing.” The woman in front of her
nodded and they both went back to the others.

Clarke stayed with the others for a while before she retreated to her bedroom. She felt dizzy with
all the questions filling her head, and her kiss with Lexa had stirred an all too familiar need within
her. That woman was like a drug; Clarke`s entire body was on fire, wetness coating her sex and
her clit throbbed, from just one kiss. She sighed as one hand found her nipple and the other went
down to her wet folds. She dipped her fingers in her opening before swirling them over her clit.
As she kneaded her breast and drew circles over her clit while she imagined the sweet touch of
Lexa`s lips. She pushed two fingers inside her opening and fucked herself slowly to the images of
everything her and Lexa had done together in New York. When she finally tumbled over the edge
she stopped fighting all the emotions she had been trying to keep I check for three months and
sobbed into her pillow.

Chapter End Notes

thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them all!
 stalkerish behavior
Chapter Summary

Clarke tells Raven and Octavia about Lexa and doesn`t quite get the response she is
hoping for.

Chapter Notes

this chapter did not turn out the way I had planned it. I don`t know why, but
sometimes that happens to me. I hope you like it anyway:-)

Clarke woke the next morning to the sunlight streaming through her window. She looked around
confused. Her alarm clock showed that it was 10 o`clock and with a start Clarke realized that she
had slept the whole night without nightmares or sex dreams. She smiled as she also realized that
she had the day off. Briefly she contemplated just staying in bed, but then her stomach growled
and she got up to have breakfast.

“Good afternoon Princess” Rave quipped when she entered the kitchen. She and Octavia was
having a late breakfast too it seemed. “Good morning girls” Clarke smiled at them and sat down
with a cup of coffee and a toast. Raven studied her for a moment. “What`s up with you? You look
different today.” She said waving her spoon, gesturing towards Clarke, making milk fly
everywhere. “Watch it Reyes!” Octavia yelled, wiping milk off her face. The two of them were
like siblings, bickering most of the time, but ultimately loved each other. Clarke couldn`t keep
from laughing when Raven grinned at her friend and proceeded to fling more milk in her
direction.
Before she had a chance to respond to Raven`s question Bellamy came charging into the kitchen
looking like a storm cloud. “Good morning Bell” Octavia said in an exaggerated sweet tone. “Not
now O. I am so fucking late for work.” He grabbed an apple. “I can`t believe it`s 10 already.
Usually our resident screamer over here wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn, but not today!” he
said exasperatedly before storming out the door. All three girls looked at each other stunned.
“He`s right” Raven said excitedly. “Have you really slept through the night?” she beamed at
Clarke, and it suddenly dawned on Clarke that she had not been the only one suffering the last
three months. She suddenly felt sad, and embarrassed at being a burden to her friends. “Yes I
have” she said. “Sorry to have been a pain in the ass for the last three months, I hope this isn`t a
one off.” She smiled apologetically to her friends.
“So… What is the cause of this new found peace? Did you meet someone new? Oh, was it a hot
FBI agent?” Raven fired off her questions, making Octavia and Clarke giggle at her eagerness.
Clarke bit her lip before responding. “She`s alive” Raven dropped her spoon and Octavia gaped.
“The mystery woman from New York?” Octavia asked and Clarke nodded, smiling at the
memory of seeing Lexa again. “And this makes you happy?” Raven asked, looking skeptical.
Octavia shot her a look, but Raven ignored it. “I mean, she has been alive this whole time, letting
you think that she was dead. Oh and let`s not forget the fact that she worked for the fucking
Azgeda.” The venom in Raven`s voice was clear, but Clarke kept smiling. “I know it`s
complicated, and we have a lot to talk about, but one thing needs to be said right now. She is an
agent. Her involvement in Azgeda was undercover work.” Raven shook her head disapprovingly.
agent. Her involvement in Azgeda was undercover work.” Raven shook her head disapprovingly.
“She still hurt you more than anyone has ever done before Clarke. How can you sit here and be
happy?” she asked. Octavia was keeping quiet, but her eyes kept darting from one to the other.
“Listen Raven, I know better than anyone how fucked up and complicated this is, but how can I
not be happy. I have been devastated by her death, more than her lies, for the last months. I have
felt empty and lost, but seeing her yesterday, touching her, smelling her and kissing her again. It
made me feel alive again. It made me feel everything, good and bad, and I haven`t done that since
I thought I saw her die. So yeah, I am happy that she is alive. Now I get the chance to see what
this can be, without all the secrets.” Clarke yelled at Raven and stormed out of the kitchen. Raven
stormed right after her, grabbing her arm and turning her around. “You kissed her!? After
everything she put you through?” she yelled at Clarke. Clarke just raised her chin and glared
defiantly in response. “I get it Clarke, she is super-hot and you guys have this amazing connection,
but how can you just ignore all the shit she put you through Clarke?” Clarke ripped her arm out of
Raven`s grip. “I am not ignoring anything Raven. Lexa broke my heart, put me through hell, but I
can`t just stop loving her. We will talk it out, and I don`t know what will come of us in the end,
but I had two minutes alone with her and I spent them doing something that felt good!” Clarke
screamed at her friend. “You of all people should know Raven. It`s not like you can just stop
loving someone, even if all logic dictates that it is a bad idea.” Raven looked hurt and taken aback.
“This is not the same. Abby never treated me like shit. She never broke my heart. The only thing
breaking my heart was not being with her.” “That is exactly the same Raven. Losing her is what
broke me. Not being with her is what has made me scream at night. I have a chance to either be
complete with her, or free off her now. That is why I am happy, because I have hope.” Clarke
turned on her heal and went to her room.

Clarke sat alone in her room, fuming for a while before she picked up her sketch book and started
what must be the hundredth sketch of Lexa. She had a drawer full of them and drawing the beauty
always calmed Clarke.
A soft knock on the door brought her out of her bubble. She knew it wasn`t Raven, that woman
was nearly a proud as she was herself, so she assumed it was Octavia coming to check on her.
“Come in O” she said softly and the brunette entered. “Are you okay Clarke?” she asked, standing
in the doorway in her soccer uniform. Clarke had forgotten that she had promised to watch their
game today and suddenly felt bad for Raven`s opponents. Her friend had a tendency to take out
her frustrations on the field, and she had received plenty of both red and yellow cards for her
aggressive playing. “I guess. I have a lot on my mind. I`m feeling a little overwhelmed to be
honest.” Clarke said with a sigh. “I get that Raven just wants to protect me, but I really need her
support on this.” She looked at Octavia, who nodded in understanding. “She`ll come around
Clarke. After a good game of attacking our opponents today she`ll probably be ready to see your
side of it.” Clarke got up and smiled at the brunette and gave her a hug. Octavia was fast
becoming one of Clarke`s best friends. “Did you say that your girl`s name is Lexa? As in
Lincoln`s cousin?” Octavia asked as thy left the room together. “Yes. So you are going to have to
keep quiet about this whole mess.” Clarke gave her an apologetic look and Octavia nodded.
“Sorry” Clarke added, knowing that it would be difficult for Octavia to keep this from Lincoln.
Octavia suddenly started laughing and Clarke stopped to look at her. “Sorry” Octavia said
chuckling. “I just realized that we both have fucked up secret relationships with people from the
same family. We are seriously the most pathetic pair of friends.” Clarke smiled at her friend. “You
have a point. We are just too weak for the tall, dark, mysterious and totally off limits type aren`t
we.” She shook her head at similarity of their situations. And Raven, even if she now had Clarke`s
blessing, wasn`t exactly a stranger to the scenario either. That left Bellamy the only member of
their household to have a shot at a normal love life, but somehow Clarke couldn`t imagine him
being happy and in love with someone. He was always so damn grumpy and agitated. Perhaps he
too was in a difficult secret relationship?

A few minutes into the second half of the game Raven got her second yellow card of the game
and was sent off the field to sit on the bench for the rest of the game. “That referee is fucking
blind. No way that was a yellow card.” Raven huffed in irritation as she sat down. “I`m pretty sure
you would have been arrested for aggravated assault if you had done that off the field Raven. You
are lucky she didn`t end up getting hurt” Clarke scolded, but couldn`t quite keep her serious mask
when she saw how proud Raven was. “Well it served her right. Did you see that stunt that she
pulled with O? I should have buried her!” Raven growled and Clarke couldn`t keep herself from
laughing. Raven had always been fierce on the field. To her it was more a battle to the death than
a friendly amateur soccer match. “Remind me to never leave your side if we ever go to war. I pity
your enemies Raven.” Clarke draped her arm around her friend`s shoulder. “Dam right Princess. I
would be your fiercest, most loyal warrior. No harm would come to you under my watch.” Raven
said and raising her chin, looking determined. Clarke knew what she meant. Raven was not about
to let Lexa get away with what she had put Clarke trough, and Clarke would no doubt feel the
same way if the roles were reversed. It felt good to have such a protective friend, but right now
Clarke needed support more than protection. “As my fiercest, most loyal warrior I would also
need your support when making difficult decisions. And I would depend on you to help me
through the tasks that I could not manage on my own.” Clarke said it softly, but her tone made it
clear that she meant it. She was expecting Raven`s support from now on. Raven`s eyes darkened
and her shoulders stiffed, but she nodded. “I guess I could manage that” she said, looking defeated
for a moment, before she turned and grinned at Clarke. “As long as I get to keep doing dirty things
with your mother” Clarke groaned and Raven laughed. “That is not okay Raven! I already know
too much about what a perv you are. I do not need the mental image of you and my mom!”
Raven pulled Clarke in to a hug. “I love you Princess.” She murmured “I love you too Ray”

Despite Raven`s send off her team won the game and everyone, including the opposing team, was
invited back to the house for a party.
After a few hours the party was in full swing and people were dancing and talking everywhere in
the house. Clarke felt like she had drunk too much already and decided that if she was going to
last she would have to start drinking water and eat something. She went into the kitchen to find
some cold pizza when she overheard Raven on the phone in the hall. She was clearly having one
of her secret work calls, because Clarke could hear her saying weird phrases like; Flame keeper,
city of lights, the flame, ice queen and Polis. This wasn`t all that uncommon, Clarke knew that
Raven worked on a lot of classified projects, but today the brunette seemed almost ecstatic on the
phone. When she ended the call and turned to see Clarke she beamed at her friend and threw her
arms around her. “We are doing celebration shots Princess!” she declared and dragged Clarke into
the kitchen. Clarke knew better than to ask, but she knew that something big just happened and
was happy for her friend, so she let herself be dragged to the kitchen counter where they did three
tequila shots. Raven did her happy dance and grabbed Clarke`s face, holding her tight and looking
into her eyes. “I am such a fucking genius! I just made the NSA, CIA, FBI, MOSSAD cum in
their pants, at the same time as ISIS, AL QAIDA and all the rest of those fuckers shit theirs! I am
the rock star of the secret intelligence community!” she let go of Clarke and danced out into the
living room. Clarke`s head was spinning and she suddenly remembered why she had come into
the kitchen in the first place. She grabbed a slice of pizza, a glass of water and made her way out
to the terrace.

She was slowly eating her pizza, hanging slightly over the rail when someone stepped out to the
terrace behind her. “Wow, you really like your pizza huh?” Clarke turned to see a tall slender
blonde standing by the door smiling at her. Clarke smiled back. “This pizza is about to save my
life, I hope” she grinned and went back to eating. The woman came to stand beside her, leaning
on the rail. The woman looked vaguely familiar to Clarke, but she couldn`t place where she had
seen her before. “Do I know you from somewhere?” she asked, studying the woman. The blonde
smiled back at her. “My name is Niylah. I work as a nurse in the ER where you work” she said
with a smirk. Clarke groaned in embarrassment. “Well I just revealed myself as an asshole
arrogant doctor who has no idea who she is working with didn`t I?” Niylah laughed and waved
her hand dismissively. “You seem to be very focused on work. A driven and dedicated doctor”
Clarke looked at the other woman and saw a twinkle in her eye. “Are you flirting with me
Niylah?” she asked before she could stop herself. The blonde smirked at her and leaned in closer.
“Well, seeing as you are so focused on work at the hospital, I figured that this was my shot.”
Clarke`s head was swimming from the alcohol and thoughts of Lexa. Niylah seemed nice and
Clarke didn`t technically have any obligations towards Lexa, but she knew what was in her heart.
“You figured that with me being drunk off my ass you would make your move?” she asked
peering at the girl beside her. Niylah gazed out over the hills in front of the house. “More like I
saw you standing out here alone and decided to make my move” she didn`t look at Clarke, but
kept her gaze forward. They were silent for a while. Clarke had no idea what to say and her
alcohol drenched brain was not helping her.
“Do you see that?” Niylah broke the silence and nodded towards a cluster of trees. Clarke
squinted, but couldn`t really see anything out of the ordinary. “Help a drunk out here. What am I
looking for?” she slurred. “There is someone standing there. Don`t you see the person with the
hoodie under that big tree?” she asked. Clarke`s eyes scanned the cluster of trees, and she finally
saw it. There was no mistaking the slender figure and Clarke could feel her heart ponding in her
chest. “That is really creepy. I am going to go get Luna. She is a security guard.” Niylah said
before she left. When the door closed behind her, Clarke quickly went down the stairs to the
garden and started towards the trees.

When she was a few yards away she stopped. “You know; I was hoping that the stalkerish
behavior was a part of your Heda-personality, and that you left it behind in New York” she said,
waiting for Lexa to come out from hiding. “Old habits die hard I guess” Lexa said as she emerged
from behind a thick trunk. “Are you saying that this is not the first time you have been spying on
me?” Clarke asked raising an eyebrow. Lexa just smiled and shrugged. “I just wanted to see you
Clarke.” Her green eyes bored into Clarke and she could feel herself getting weak in the knees.
“You could have just rung the doorbell you know, but I guess that would be just a little too normal
for you wouldn`t it?” Lexa moved closer and pulled down her hood. Clarke was struck by her
beauty once again and could feel the familiar tightening in her chest. “Your house is full of people,
and I don`t have much time before I have to go back. I just wanted to see you alone, so that we
could talk.” She was standing right in front of Clarke now and Clarke could feel her blood rushing
through her body. “How much time do we have this time?” Clarke asked. Lexa reached out to
tuck a way a strand of hair from Clarke`s face. The simple touch sent shivers down Clarke`s spine
and heat was pooling between her legs. “Maybe an hour.” She whispered. “Maybe we can talk
out here for a little bit?” she asked looking at Clarke, but Clarke didn`t want to talk. She grabbed
the front of Lexa`s hoodie and brought their lips together in a desperate kiss. “If you only have
one hour you better spend that time fucking me. We can talk later” she growled. Lexa`s pupils
were blown wide and she was panting. “You want me to fuck you here for all to see?” she asked
as she trailed kisses down Clarke`s neck. Clarke moaned loudly at the contact. “I don`t care. Take
me up against a tree or on the ground. It doesn`t matter as long as you fuck me.” Clarke panted in
response. Lexa nodded and kissed Clarke passionately. The feeling of Lexa`s tongue in her
mouth, running over the roof of her mouth and massaging her own tongue nearly sent Clarke over
the edge.
Lexa lifted her effortlessly and Clarke threw her legs around her waist, pressing her core against
Lexa`s hard abs for friction. Lexa carried her into the cluster of trees and pressed her up against a
large tree. They kissed roughly, both filled with a desperate need for the other. Clarke grabbed the
bottom of Lexa`s hoodie to tear it off her, but Lexa grabbed her hands and held them over
Clarke`s head. She pinned both of Clarke`s wrists to the tree with a strong hand and looked her
deeply into the eyes as she started to grind her hips into Clarke`s center. Clarke moaned and
shuddered at the pleasure the movement sent through her body. The wild look in Lexa`s green
eyes told Clarke that she was in for a ride and she bit her lip in anticipation.

Suddenly Lexa`s movements froze as they heard a voice behind them. “Let her go!” the voice
growled and Clarke felt her heart stop when she saw the muzzle of a gun pressed against Lexa`s
head.
 No filter
Chapter Notes

this i a really short one. This weekend was a nightmare and the week might just turn
out to be the same, so I decided to post what I have now instead of keeping you
waiting.

Lexa slowly let Clarke down, her stoic mask in place. “You are making a mistake. I am an FBI
agent. Lower your weapon” she said calmly, but with great command in her voice. Clarke felt
dizzy and could not see who was holding the gun, but something in the back of her mind told her
that the voice was familiar. “Move away from her” the voice growled and Lexa`s eyes shone in
fury and determination. Before Clarke even realized what was happening Lexa was moving. Her
movements were a blur, but Clarke could hear the sickening crack of bones breaking and
suddenly saw Lexa holding Bellamy in a tight hold. He was struggling against Lexa, legs kicking
and he was snarling at her, but her hold was like a vice, he didn`t stand a chance. His gun was on
the ground, his right wrist was clearly broken and so was his nose. Blood ran down his face and
mixed with saliva as he growled and snarled like an animal. “Let me go bitch!” he spat, but Lexa
ignored him. She looked at Clarke and Clarke nearly melted at the concern she saw in those green
eyes. How was it possible to be so bad ass and so gentle and caring at the same time? Lexa was
effortlessly holding down a furious man, twice her size, and looking at Clarke like she was the
only person in the world that mattered.

“Hey, Commander Heart Eyes! What the fuck is going on here?” Raven`s sharp voice brought
them both out of their daze. Lexa went back to stoic mode and just looked at Raven. Clarke turned
to see that Raven wasn`t the only one who had joined them. Octavia, Luna and Niylah were all
gaping at the scene in front of them. Bellamy was still struggling, but he looked more and more
defeated. Clarke felt embarrassed and she could feel her temper rising. “That is a good question. Is
it really too much to ask to be ravaged in the woods without crotch block over here showing up
with a gun?!” she gestures towards Bellamy. “And to make the humiliation complete you all
decided to join him.” She threw her hands in the air and even Raven looked a little shocked,
before she snickered. “You know this goon?” Lexa asked her with a raised eye brow. “Yeah.
Meet Bellamy Blake. Asshole, roommate and brother of Octavia,” she gestured towards Octavia
who, probably out of shock, smile and waved at Lexa. “Oh and he is a LA PD detective, so you
might consider letting him go.” Lexa`s eyes widened and she looked down at the brooding man.
She let him go and stepped back, picked up his gun, pulled out the magazine and emptied the
chamber before she handed it to him. Octavia went over to him and her eyes darkened when she
saw his broken wrist. “Did you have to break his wrist? He is going to be on desk duty for
weeks!” she asked, glaring at Lexa. Lexa gave a cold stare back. “He failed to identify himself as
law enforcement, he failed to lower his weapon when I identified myself as FBI and he broke all
rules and regulations when he brought his gun close enough for me to reach. In short, he gave no
indication of being anything but a thug and I tackled him accordingly. By the book might I ad.”
She said calmly and Clarke had to turn slightly to hide her grin. The sight of Lexa standing her
ground, looking fierce was embarrassingly hot to Clarke. Lexa fixed her gaze on Bellamy. “Give
me one good reason not to report this Detective Blake.” He just stared back at her, nostrils flaring
and eyes burning.
“Well. Having to explain your relationship to Clarke is a pretty good reason not to” Raven
suddenly said and Lexa fixed her with a cold stare. “Listen. I think it is better for everyone if this
here,” Raven waved her hand around, “stayed between us. Bellamy here has probably learned his
lesson and can come up with his own stupid explanation to his boss. And you,” she pointed to
Lexa, “we have a door, with a door bell and a house full of rooms. One of them is Clarke`s
bedroom, and Clarke has a phone. If she is playing hard to get and hasn`t given you her number
yet, I`ll be glad to give it to you. Just stop with the weird stuff. If you had come to the house like a
normal person Romeo over there,” she pointed towards Niylah, who blushed furiously, “wouldn`t
have been so worried. And Romeo over here,” she pointed at Bellamy, “Wouldn`t have waved his
gun around in a fit of jealousy.” Lexa scowled at both Bellamy and Niylah before she met
Raven`s determined stare and nodded in agreement. Raven turned towards Clarke, not quite able
to hide her amused smirk. “And you! I realize that all your blood has a tendency to leave your
brain and pool between your legs whenever this one is around,” Raven nodded her head towards
Lexa and both women smiled and blushed at the statement, “but don`t just disappear on us. It
drives your horde of admirers crazy, and me and O get worried.” Raven looked around at
everyone, looking very pleased with herself. “I think that`s all for today class. We need to get
Bellamy to the hospital and leave Clarke to be ravaged, so that she can finally deal with her shit.”
Clarke stared at Raven, mouth hanging open, and Lexa looked at her shoes.

After everyone had left, Clarke and Lexa stood in silence together. Clarke had no idea what to
say, and felt an overwhelming need to lock herself in her room and never come back out. “That
girl really has no filter between her brain and her mouth does she?” Lexa finally broke the silence.
Clarke smiled and shook her head. “It is a blessing and a curse.” Clarke leaned back against the
tree trunk and watched Lexa as she was clearly deciding what to say next. “We really do need to
deal with everything Clarke. I need to tell you what happened, so that we can fix this.” She finally
said. Looking serious, and Clarke could feel a lump forming in her throat. “I`m scared” she
whispered, looking at Lexa, who was moving towards her. The brunette cupped her face and
looked deeply into her eyes. “I know. I am scared too, but I love you. I know it`s crazy to do so,
but I can`t help it. Whatever I have to do for you to forgive me, I`ll do it. Whatever you need,
you`ll get it. I can`t lose you again Clarke.” Tears rolled down Lexa`s cheeks and Clarke could
feel her own tears filling her eyes. “I love you too.” She whispered and Lexa pressed their lips
together in a slow loving kiss. When they broke apart Lexa looked at her watch and sighed. “I
have to go back before Indra goes crazy. I`ll be free tomorrow. Free to live my life again. Anya
will kill me if I don`t spend the first day with her, but how is your schedule the day after?” Clarke
went over her shifts this week in her head. “I have an early shift. I`ll be done by three o`clock.”
She answered and held Lexa`s hand. “I`ll pick you up at three then, and take you somewhere we
can talk. Does that sound okay to you?” Clarke nodded and kissed Lexa`s hand. She felt nervous
about their talk. She suddenly felt like she stood to lose everything and it made her nauseous. “I`ll
see you in two days then. Call if you need anything, or if you just want to.” Lexa handed her a
note with her number on it and kissed Clarke gently again before she turned and left.
 Hello, It`s me
Chapter Summary

Clarke has an interesting phone call with Lexa, and is nervous about their big talk

Chapter Notes

So I think the chapter looks better now. The next one will be all Clarke and Lexa

“Well that was interesting.” Raven was lounging on the couch, eating popcorn and looking smug.
The party was over, and Raven was the only one in the house. Clarke sat down next to her and
grabbed a handful of popcorn. Her underwear was damp and uncomfortable, not to mention there
was a dull throbbing in her clit. The earlier interruption had left her extremely frustrated and she
scowled at Raven, willing to take it out in just about anybody right now. Raven just gave her a
teasing smile. “What‘s up Princess? Are you feeling a little frustrated?” she grinned and Clarke
threw popcorn at her. “Seriously. Why didn‘t you just finish what you started out there?” Raven
looked curiously at Clarke who huffed and chewed on her popcorn. “We were kind of on a
deadline. No time left.” she muttered and hid her face in her hands. She felt so utterly humiliated.
She couldn‘t believe what had happened, what she had said, in front of people she hardly knew.
She groaned and Raven sat up and put her arm around her shoulders. “Hey. It really wasn‘t that
bad. I for one thought it was quite entertaining.” Clarke glared at her. “I made an ass of myself in
front of a colleague, and your friends. God! They must think I am a total nympho!” Clarke
complained. “They probably do, and when it comes to Lexa, they are not wrong. My guess is that
Niylah is just disappointed that she wasn‘t the one to do the ravaging and Luna is no better herself,
so don‘t worry!” Raven said with a smile. “So… Is she always such a tease. Getting you all
worked up only to leave you hanging?” Raven asked arching an eye brow. Clarke huffed and
grabbed another fist full of popcorn. She was about ready to explode from sexual frustration. “Do
you have her number?” Raven asked in an amused whisper. Clarke cocked her head, searching
Raven‘s face for clues to what she was up to. “Yes.” She answered hesitantly. Raven grinned at
her. “Then my dear, I have the solution to your problem!” Clarke was sure she was going to regret
asking, but her curiosity got the better of her. “Right, and how is her phone number going to
relieve the ache between my legs?” Raven laughed. “Phone sex of course! It is really a great way
to get off together, just remember to wear your headphones so both your hands are free!” Raven
yelled excitedly and Clarke groaned throwing the entire bowl of popcorn at Raven. “What did I
do? I just gave you great advice!” Raven threw her hands in the air, spilling popcorn everywhere.
“I might not be a genius engineer like you, but I can still put two and two together. I do not need
to know about you having phone sex with my mom!” Clarke yelled at her. “Oh. Right. Sorry”
Raven grinned at her. Clarke just shook her head and went towards her room, making sure to pick
up her earbuds on the way. “That‘s it Clarke. Go get her!” Raven called after her.
“Woods” Lexa answered the call almost immediately. “Hey” Clarke said lamely. She suddenly
realized that she had no plan, and it made her nervous. “Clarke?” Lexa‘s smooth voice made
Clarke‘s heart flutter. “Yes, it‘s me.” She answered cursing herself inwardly for being so
awkward. “Well hello. I didn‘t think you would call me this soon. Miss me already?” Clarke could
hear Lexa‘s smile. She had no idea how to start a sexy conversation, much less over the phone, so
for a while she didn‘t say anything. “Hello? Clarke, are you okay?” she heard Lexa ask. “I‘m just
nervous. I don‘t know what to say.” She squeaked, hiding her face in her hands. She could hear
Lexa chuckling on the other end. “Was there anything in particular that you were nervous about,
or do you have some sort of phone anxiety?” Clarke groaned at Lexa‘s question. She would just
have to spill it if this was going to happen. “I was hoping that you could help me out with
something” she started nervously. Lexa hummed in response so Clarke continued. “Every time I
see you, as pointed out earlier today, I go a little crazy.” She could feel her cheeks heating up.
Lexa remained silent. “Well, I was thinking. If we are going to talk the day after tomorrow, I kind
of need to unwind before that, so that I can keep my head in the game.” She felt like a teenager,
stuttering and stammering about what she needed. Lexa just hummed again, and Clarke felt her
frustrations reaching their limit. “Fuck Lexa! I need to get off. And I would like you to help me do
it right now!... That is, if you are not busy doing something else” she added timidly after her initial
outburst. “Are you asking me for phone sex Clarke?” Lexa asked calmly and Clarke wanted to
tear her a new one for being so fucking calm and collected. “Yes!” she whined in response. Lexa
hummed again and Clarke nearly lost it.
“Are you alone?” Lexa asked.
“Of course I am!” Clarke snapped back
“Take off all your clothes” Lexa‘s voice was low and commanding in a way that Clarke had never
heard before.
“And tell me what you are doing.” Lexa continued.
Clarke felt a little confused at this new dynamic, but did as she was told. She started undressing
and described in as much detail as she could when she removed her clothes.
“I am taking off my bra. Sliding the straps off my shoulders and dropping it to the floor.” Clarke
could hear Lexa‘s breathing through the phone and it sent shivers down her spine.
Having her breasts exposed felt so good, she just had to touch them. She let out a breathy moan as
she gently stroked her palms over her hard nipples.
“Are you touching yourself Clarke?” came Lexa‘s stern voice
“Yes” Clarke whimpered as she squeezed her breasts.
“I am squeezing my breasts, thinking of how it would feel if it was you”
Clarke could hear Lexa‘s breath hitch and smiled at the effect she was having on her.
“I wish I was there with you Clarke. I‘d kiss and lick your delicious nipples. Suck on them while
gently flicking them with my tongue”
Clarke led out a long moan as she pinched and rolled her nipples between her fingers
“Oh god. Lexa” she panted
“I want you to take off your panties Clarke” Lexa whispered, her voice heavy with arousal.
“My panties are soaked Lexa. I am so wet for you” Clarke said as she slid the panties down her
legs and tossed them to the floor.
“I am completely naked now. What do you want me to do?” Clarke husked. She was rewarded
with a moan from the other woman.
“I want you to lay on top of your covers with your legs spread.”
Clarke did as she was told and felt the cool breeze on her sex.
“Lexa! I need to touch myself. Please!” she begged.
“Yes. Touch yourself, and tell me how it feels” Lexa moaned
Clarke slowly brought her fingers through her wet folds.
“I am so wet Lexa, and my clit is aching for your touch”
She teased her entrance, coating her fingers, before she started rubbing circles over her clit.
“Oh Lexa, it feels so good.” She moaned
The tension was building fast and Lexa‘s panting and moaning just heightened the experience.
“I want you to fuck yourself with two fingers while you massage your clit” Lexa commanded and
Clarke immediately plunged two fingers inside herself letting out a needy whine.
“Oh god. I am so close” she panted while furiously pumping her fingers in and out of herself.
She could hear the wet sound of her fingers pumping, Lexa‘s heavy breathing and started to
increase the pressure on her clit.
“Oh fuck. I love you” she screamed as her orgasm took over and she shook and convulsed in
pleasure.
She heard Lexa come right after, which sent her right over the edge again, panting Lexa‘s name.

Clarke sat alone in the hospital cafeteria, trying to find the strength to eat her lunch, but mostly just
shoved her food around on her plate. Her phone call with Lexa had helped with her frustrated
state, but Clarke had spent most of her time after that call dreading today.
Lexa was coming to pick her up after work, and Clarke would have to face the reality for her
complicated feelings towards her. She had spent the day before trying to prepare herself. She had
written down a whole heap of questions that she needed answered, but she found herself dreading
them. A part of her wanted to just ignore what had happened in New York and start over, but then
she remembered the feeling of betrayal, and the tattoo that ran down Lexa‘s spine, and she knew
that she couldn‘t just let it go.
“Hey! Mind if I sit?” Niylah‘s voice brought Clarke back to reality and for a moment she
contemplated saying yes, but she felt bad about what had happened at the party and figured she
might as well get the apology over with. “Not at all.” She did her best to smile, but could feel that
her face was not cooperating. “Are you okay Clarke?” Niylah asked, her voice full of concern.
Clarke didn‘t want to talk to Niylah about Lexa, so she ignored the question. It was pretty obvious
that she was not okay, so why bother commenting on it. “Listen, Niylah. I feel bad about what
happened at the party. I should have just told you that I am… well, not available. But I was drunk
I didn‘t quite get there before I got distracted. I am really sorry if you feel like I led you on, I never
meant to do that.” Clarke blurted out, and to her surprise Niylah smiled at her. “Wow. You are
making it really hard not to like you Clarke. There is no need to apologize. I made a move, and
you are quite clearly into someone else. No hard feelings, but thank you for being so considerate.
You are truly an amazing woman. I hope that badass, gorgeous brunette appreciates you. She is
really lucky.” Niylah looked Clarke in the eye the entire time she was talking. Her crush on Clarke
was obvious, not that she was trying to hide it, and it mad Clarke a little uncomfortable. She didn‘t
know how to respond, so she gave her a weak smile and continued to poke at her food with her
fork.
The awkward silence was broken by Dr. Trikru‘s cold voice: “Dr. Griffin. I need to see you in
your office right now.” Clarke froze. Anya sounded really angry, and Clarke had no idea what she
had done. They had had a surgery together this morning, a man who had been badly injured in a
car crash, but it had all gone smoothly. She stood and gave Niylah an apologetic smile. “All right.
Is there anything in particular you would like to discuss?” she asked the other doctor, while
walking towards her office. Dr. Trikru just gave her a cold stare and Clarke felt her heart sink. She
was about to have her ass handed to her, and she had no idea why.
The moment the door closed behind them Dr. Trikru pointed to the painting on her office wall.
“You better start talking Griffin. What the fuck is going on?” she growled. Clarke stared at the
painting, and then at Lexa‘s sister. She was just Anya now. Worried, confused and angry. Not
unlike Clarke herself, and Clarke realized that Anya probably experienced many of the same
things she did herself when it came to Lexa.
Clarke sat down on the couch and let out a sigh. “I am guessing you have seen the new tattoo?”
Anya nodded in response. Clarke wanted to talk to Anya, tell her everything, but didn‘t know
what she was allowed to tell. “I don‘t know how much I can tell you Anya” she sighed. “What
did she tell you?” she asked, dreading the answer. Anya looked like she was about to explode.
“She didn‘t tell me shit!” she yelled. “Only that the tattoo was a desperate attempt to hold on to
something she thought she had lost forever.” Anya threw her arms up in the air and started pacing.
“I knew I had seen it somewhere. It took me a while to remember, but it hit me this morning. One
of the very few abstracts you have ever painted.” Anya stopped pacing and stared at Clarke, who
was shaking now. “I don‘t know what to tell you. I really want to, but I am a bit hazy on the rules,
and I am not sure if you are here as Lexa‘s sister or as an attending doctor.” Clarke rubbed her
hands nervously together, not wanting to poke the bear. Anya sat down beside her with a huff.
“Just tell me that you were not a part of Azgeda, and Lexa helped you out because she loves you.”
Anya sounded defeated, and scared. Clarke turned to look her in the eyes. “I have never been part
of that organization. I didn‘t even know they existed until I saw Lexa die on the news.” Her voice
broke as she spoke, and she could no longer fight the tears that had been threatening to flow over
for two days. Anya looked surprised and uncomfortable by Clarke‘s sudden display of emotions.
“It was about you wasn‘t it? You are the reason she refused to go into witness protection.” The
words made Clarke feel dizzy. She had no idea what Anya was talking about, and she felt the
importance of her conversation with Lexa weigh down on her. She realized that she had been in
total denial after she had found out Lexa was alive. She had been so happy to see her again, to
have a chance to be with her, that she had just buried everything else. She was just as much in the
dark about things now, as she had been in New York. The familiar tightness in her chest was back
with a vengeance and Clarke felt like she couldn‘t breathe.
“I don‘t know. It could be, but how am I supposed to know? She always keeps me in the dark.”
Clarke was sobbing now, and Anya stood up from the couch. Comforting was apparently not her
strong suit. “I know you want answers Anya, trust me, so do I, but I don`t have any for you right
now. I am meeting Lexa later today, to talk, maybe after that things will be clearer.” Clarke looked
pleadingly at Anya, who looked like she was softening a little bit. “I guess we are both in the dark
then. I`ll leave you to get on with your day.” Anya said and left. Clarke lay down on the couch,
praying that she would get some time alone before her beeper went off, but that was, of course,
too much to hope for.

“Are you ready?” Lexa stretched out her hand to hold Clarke`s. She looked incredible in her tight
black jeans and blue button up. She was the most stunning creature Clarke had ever seen and her
heart fluttered. Then the uncomfortable feeling in her chest spread and the feeling of dread filled
her. Clarke took her hand, but looked down. “No. I am not ready for this”
 I can`t make you love me
Chapter Summary

Clarke and Lexa finally talk

Chapter Notes

I am getting married in one week. So this is the last chapter of this story. If I have
time, I might write a short epilogue this weekend, but things are kind of crazy with
preparations right now. Thank you all for your kudos and comments. I cherish them
all. Have a great summer!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Clarke” Lexa cupped Clarke`s face and lifted her face to look her in the eyes. Her green eyes
were wide with worry, and Clarke felt wanted to look away again. She wanted to escape the pull
of the woman before her, the feeling of inevitability that came with her presence. How was it
possible to feel like this, to love someone so much, to want them so badly, not really knowing her
at all? “Talk to me Clarke. What`s wrong?” the concern in Lexa`s voice nearly made Clarke melt.
“What if I can`t live with what you have to tell me today?” her words came out as a whisper, but
Lexa heard her. Clarke could see the fear in her eyes, and knew that she was not alone. Lexa
pulled her into an embrace, and Clarke rested her head on Lexa`s shoulder. “There are no
guarantees today, for either of us. I promise you that I will tell you everything you want to know.
There will be things that are difficult to tell, and probably even more so to hear, but we need this.
We need to clear things up, and I need to apologize. A real apology, where you actually know
what I am apologizing for.” Clarke closed her eyes, feeling the vibrations in Lexa`s chest as she
spoke, and knew she was right. If they were going to have a chance to be together, to make it
work, she needed to be out of the dark, even if the light revealed things she would not like. She
nodded her head and looked up at Lexa, who smiled at her. “I`ll just get my bag from Octavia`s
car.” She said and broke their embrace. Lexa nodded and just stood there, signaling that she
would wait.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Niylah`s voice scared Clarke and made her bump the back of her head
against the sealing of the car as she retrieved her bag from the back seat. She stood up, locked the
car and rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah. Why wouldn`t I be?” she asked, slightly annoyed
with the other woman. Niylah didn`t seem to notice and started walking alongside Clarke as she
made her way towards were Lexa was waiting. “Dr. Trikru looked ready to murder you earlier,
and I didn`t see you at all for the rest of the shift. So I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
She said as they rounded the corner and ran in to Lexa. “She can be a real hard ass, but today she
was off the charts. I was worried about you.” she went on, not taking notice of Lexa, or Clarke
rolling her eyes. Was she trying something here. Her worrying was excessive and she seemed to
think that Clarke was in need of her protection or something. “Listen Niylah, I appreciate your
concern, but I can handle Dr. Trirku, even when she is off the charts.” Clarke couldn`t help the
irritation that seeped into her voice. She stopped in front of Lexa and put her arm around her
waist, drawing her close. Niylah stopped, and suddenly noticed Lexa. Her eyes widened and she
blushed. Lexa smiled at her and extended her hand. “Hi. I don`t believe we have been properly
introduced. I`m Lexa Woods.” There was no hint of jealousy or aggression in Lexa`s voice. It
made Clarke wonder if Lexa hadn`t picked up on Niylah`s interest in her, or if she was the least
jealous person on the planet. Clarke knew herself well enough to know that she would not be
quite as graceful if the roles were reversed. She studied the two women as Niylah blushed and
took Lexa`s hand. “Niylah. Nice to meet you. You are a very lucky woman.” Niylah said as she
looked at Clarke. Lexa just smiled and kissed Clarke`s forehead. “Yes I am” she agreed and
looked at Clarke. “Are you ready now?” she asked Clarke who just nodded, feeling weirded out
by the awkward situation.

They left Niylah and went to Lexa`s car. Clarke had no idea where they were going, but didn`t
really mind. She felt more ready now. She wanted to move past this and start a real relationship
with Lexa.
Lexa sang along to the radio and drummed her fingers on the wheel as she navigated through the
dense traffic. Clarke just watched her, taking in this side of her. She could feel herself smiling and
knew she probably had a look of adoration on her face, but she didn`t mind. She wasn`t trying to
hide her feelings, it actually felt liberating to be able to show them, and be together in such a
normal way.

“You are not the jealous type are you?” she finally asked and Lexa glanced at her before she
returned her focus to the road.
“No. I mean, I am human, I might feel possessive of you if I felt like someone was threatening our
relationship. I would feel very hurt if you showed interest in someone else, but I generally am not
very jealous.” She smiled at Clarke.
“So the fact that Niylah shows her interest doesn`t bother you?” Clarke felt like she was fishing
for a response, some type of reaction.
“No. I can`t do anything about how other people feel and act. And Niylah doesn`t owe me
anything, so I can`t expect her to stop out of respect for me. If it makes you uncomfortable, it
bothers me, but as long as it is one sided like it is now, it doesn`t.” she said calmly, putting her
hand on Clarke`s knee.
“How did you get to be so confident? How do you know that it is completely one sided?” Clarke
asked, not meaning to imply that it wasn`t.
Lexa squeezed her knee gently and smiled. “I trust you, and I trust in what we have. I also happen
to be an expert in reading body language, and you are not showing any indications of being
interested. Not even when you were drunk, eating pizza, did you give any indication of
attraction.” Her voice was calm as ever and Clarke wondered if Lexa really could read her that
easily.
“So there is no point in ever trying to lie to you then?” Lexa smiled at Clarke and shook her head
in confirmation.
“You were right about Raven and my mom, by the way. They are totally in love. It is gross and
nice at the same time.” She said, suddenly remembering that it was Lexa who had figured it out.
Lexa quirked her eye brows. “So, you are okay with it?” she asked gently.
Clarke shrugged and smiled. “I guess I am. They love each other. Who am I to stand in their way,
even if I do know too much about Raven`s freakiness to be comfortable with the idea of her being
with my mom.”
Lexa laughed and Clarke felt her heart flutter. “You are a great friend and daughter.” She said as
she pulled up to an apartment complex.

Lexa`s apartment was nice, but quite bare. She had a few pictures on the walls, and to Clarke`s
surprise a piano, in the living room, but other than that there wasn`t much. It wasn`t even fully
furnished yet. “I am going to heat the lasagna. Would you like anything to drink?” she asked
Clarke as she went to the kitchen. “Just water for me please. You made lasagna?” she had no idea
that Lexa could cook. Today would hopefully teach her many things about the green eyed beauty,
and Clarke smiled at the idea.

As she was looking at a photo of Lexa and Anya with surf boards, she suddenly remembered the
confrontation earlier in the day. When Lexa came out of the kitchen and handed her a bottle of
water, she felt like she should tell her. “Anya knows.” She said, and Lexa`s eyes grew wide in
surprise. “What? How?” she stuttered. Clarke found it to be adorable and failed to suppress her
grin. “Your tattoo. I have the painting in my office. She was very upset today, so you have a little
bit of explaining to do there I think.” Clarke shrugged, trying not to make a big deal about it, but
she could tell that Lexa was nervous. She started fidgeting with her water bottle, and Clarke
couldn`t help laughing. She looked like a three-year old who been caught with her hand in the
cookie jar. “Are you scared of Anya? I mean, I am, but she is your sister. I have seen you take
down a man twice your size without even getting winded, but your sister has you fidgeting and
stuttering?” Lexa shot Clarke an annoyed look, but the shook her head. “She is my big sister, and
big sisters have magical powers over little sisters. They are always right, little sisters must always
do as they are told, and if we do not, then there is hell to pay. Even at the age of 28 she can scold
me to the point of tears. It goes the other way too of course. If she expresses any sort of pride or
shows me that she cares I fell all warm and fuzzy. It`s pathetic really.” Lexa admitted and Clarke
felt hear heart swell. She didn`t have any siblings, but she could imagine the close bond they must
have. She sometimes felt like that with Raven. The timer in the kitchen interrupted Clarke`s train
of thought and Lexa went to get the lasagna out of the oven.

Over dinner, which was amazing, Clarke learned a lot about Lexa. She had a degree in
psychology from Berkley, had mastered several martial arts, and was thus as special agent with
undercover, infiltration and interrogation as a main focus on her job. She was considered the top
agent in the bureau in unarmed combat and was generally pretty bad ass. When she wasn`t
working she would surf or play the piano.
“Really? I never pictured you as a surfer” Clarke thought of Lexa`s posture and how she seemed
so stoic. She had always imagined surfers to be more relaxed and playful. Lexa looked slightly
offended.
“Why not? I`ll have you know that I am pretty dam good at it” Lexa shot her chin forward,
looking defiant. Clarke giggled.
“Oh I am sure you are. You seem to be pretty dam good at everything you do. Is there anything
you can`t do Agent Overachiever?” she cocked her eyebrow at Lexa and the brunette stared at her
for a moment before her face softened into a smile.
“I can`t draw to save my life, I would be a terrible doctor and I am about as good as my
grandmother with a computer. I am pretty bad at all things to do with science actually.” Lexa grins
and Clarke gets lost in the moment. This was perfect. The two of them alone together, getting to
know each other better, laughing and teasing. They hadn`t started on the difficult things yet, it was
like they were warming up, setting a light mood so that they would start of in a good place.

“What is going on in that beautiful head of yours, Clarke?” Lexa asked smiling at Clarke. “I was
thinking about how much I love this. You and me.” Clarke smiled, but could feel her chest
tightening again. It was time to tackle the big stuff. Lexa sensed the change in the mood and
looked like she was bracing herself for the next part of their evening.

Clarke took her notebook out of her bag and sat down on the couch, facing Lexa, who looked
nervous. “You have notes?” she asked, eying Clarke`s book. Clarke gave her a weak smile. “Yes.
I have written down all of the things I want to ask you. Everything I need answered. I hope you
don’t mind; it helps me focus.” Lexa was visibly uncomfortable, but nodded in understanding.
“Why don`t you start with telling me about the situation you were in when we met. What does it
mean to be under deep cover?” Clarke started. Lexa closed her eyes briefly before she started
talking.
“When I was recruited to this mission the FBI had tried, and failed several times to infiltrate
Azgeda and get evidence of their dealings. The only option left to them was to send someone in
under deep cover, and I was the best suited to do that. So basically that means that Lexa Woods
ceased to exist. All records of my life was removed from all systems, and I was given a new
identity. There was only on person who knew my identity and there was a very small task force
that knew of my mission. This was because they knew that Azgeda had people everywhere. So I
was dumped in New York with next to no money and a mission to infiltrate and bring down
Azgeda from within, at any cost. My only contact with the bureau was through a dead drop where
I would leave all evidence, I would also have to check in there once every three months to ensure
them that I was alive.” Lexa looked at her hands as she spoke, and Clarke felt bad for her. That
sounded like a shit job, to say the least.

“It took two years, a lot of violence and other despicable things, for me to rise to the rank of
Commander, or Heda. When I did, I was finally in a position where I could get my hands on
important information about important people. The real turning point came a few months before I
met you. Roan, Nia`s son and second in command approached me with an offer that was
extremely dangerous and potentially rewarding. He wanted to overthrow his mother, and wanted
me to get him the dirty info he needed to do it. So we started to work together in secret to bring
Nia down. He knew where to find the information, and I would retrieve it. I would also give it to
the FBI of course.” She smiled a little, but looked like she was in a really dark place.

“The rules about undercover work is clear. Do not form any personal, emotional attachments.”
She said after a pause. “I was a model agent. Never broke a single rule and never hurt anyone
unless I had to. I never put anyone from the outside at risk, and everything I did, I did it for the
victims of that horrible organization. It was hell on earth for me, Clarke, but I did it because it was
needed of me. And then I met you” she looked away a tear rolling down her cheek.
Clarke thought back to their first meeting and had to smile. “What happened to you that night?”
she asked quietly.
“I had broken into some offices to gather some information, but apparently Nia was on to Roan,
so there were people waiting there for me. I fought my way out, but was hit over the head and
passed out in an alley. Someone found me and took me to the ER. All I wanted was to get the hell
out of there, and then you waltzed in. 50% sass and 50% superhero references. I had kept my
walls up for over three years and you cracked them in a few minutes. I think I did everything
wrong after I laid eyes on you.” Lexa hid her face in her hands and Clarke didn`t quite know what
to do. She wanted to comfort Lexa, but felt paralyzed.

“I told myself that I could handle being near you. That going to you for help was a good idea. I
had discovered that Nia had people working at the hospitals, so if were to come in with an injury,
she would know, and she would have my head.” The last statement startled Clarke. “Please tell
me that having your head was a figure of speech.” She said feeling horrified. Lexa just shook her
head, and Clarke could feel her eyes bulging. “What would she have done to me if she found out I
was helping you?” Clarke managed to keep her voice somewhat steady, but she was feeling
nauseous in anticipation of the answer. Lexa closed her eyes, her jaw muscles tightened and her
hands balled into fists. “She would have had your head too. Probably make me watch before she
took mine.” Lexa looked so shameful, but Clarke hardly noticed. Her panic was rising. Her heart
was hammering in her chest, she felt dizzy and had trouble breathing. She stood up from the
couch and started pacing the floor, heaving for air. Images of their time together in New York
flashed through her mind.

“You knew this when you fucked me up against that container?” Clarke roared, her fury finally
surfacing. Lexa looked startled. “You kissed me, held me, had sex with me, all the while knowing
I might be beheaded if anyone found out?” she was screaming now. And Lexa stood from the
couch. She looked like a caged animal. “I tried everything in my power to resist you Clarke. You
kissed me, remember? I even did my best to not kiss you back, but I didn`t have the strength. I
even vowed to stay away until the mission was over, but then I got shot just as I got my hands on
the most game changing evidence. I had nowhere else to turn. God, I am so sorry Clarke” she
broke down in tears, sobbing un the couch.
“Why didn`t you tell me? You could have told me you were an agent?” Clarke was still seething.
Lexa looked up at her with pleading eyes. “It was too dangerous Clarke. That would jeopardize
the entire mission.” Clarke didn`t understand how that made sense. She was already at risk; why
would it matter if she knew, but she decided to leave it. “Did you know they were going to fake
your death when you left the apartment that day?” she asked instead. Lexa shook her head
franticly. “No. I mean, there is always a very slim chance, but it has never been done like that
before. They usually make an arrest, but they managed to let Nia slip by them, so in order to
protect me she had to think that I died defending her.” Clarke was buzzing with rage. “You could
have told me after!” she screamed, but Lexa just shook her head again. “If Nia found out about
you somehow, she would use you to get to me if she knew I was alive, and if you had known, she
would have gotten it out of you.” she replied. Clarke felt ready to explode. “So you did it to save
your own ass?” Clarke felt tears streaming down her face. Lexa leaped to her feet. “I never did
any of it to save my own ass Clarke. I love you! I would go to the ends of the world for you. This
wasn`t up to me. I was never asked how to be extracted! And I would have told you, but there is
no case without me. If I don’t testify it all goes to shit. I had to fight them for nearly three months
not to go into witness protection. I did that just so I would have a chance to be with you!” Lexa
yelled throwing her hands in the air and pulling her hair.
Clarke remembered what Anya had said about Lexa`s tattoo. “Is that why you stole it. Because
you thought I would never find out?” she asked, knowing just how bitter she sounded.
Lexa looked like a puppy who had been kicked. The hurt in her green eyes was heartbreaking, but
Clarke was not ready to snap out of it just yet. “No, Clarke. I was about to lose the battle to get my
life back, and that would have included the only thing I managed to take with me from our time in
New York: a picture of your painting.” She sighed and sat back down, crying. “I needed to have
you with me, always, so I had it tattooed on my back. That was something I really wanted from
the moment I saw the painting, but couldn`t find the courage or time to talk to you about it. I am so
sorry. For everything” Lexa looked pleadingly at Clarke, but Clarke was not done yet. “You are
not even making sense Lexa. Having that painting tattooed on your back leads directly to me. It
took Anya just a few hours to put it together. I have that thing in my office, with my signature on
it! How is that safe?” Clarke was furious. Part of her wanted to leave and never come back. Lexa
just gaped at her. She seemed unable to speak, and Clarke had reached her limit. She turned to
leave, when Lexa suddenly jumped up from the couch. “Don`t you dear leave Clarke. We are not
finished her.” She cried. Clarke turned to give her a cold stare, before she moved towards the
door.
Lexa`s strong hand grabbed her arm and spun her round. “Don`t walk away from this Clarke”
Lexa was no longer apologetic and pleading. Her green eyes were burning with an intensity that
made all of Clarke`s blood rush to her center. Lexa looked ready to fight for what she wanted and
all of Clarke`s rage turned in to lust.
She pushed Lexa on to the couch and straddled her lap, crashing their lips together in an intense
kiss. They both moaned into the kiss and Clarke rolled her hips in need of friction. She gripped the
front of Lexa`s shirt and ripped it open, broken buttons flying everywhere. Lexa looked up at her,
her breath labored and pupils blown wide with arousal. Clarke`s body was on fire, every touch
making her more desperate for release.
They clawed each other’s clothes off, scratching and biting as they went. When they were finally
naked Clarke sat in Lexa`s lap again and slowly, while looking into those green eyes, brought
Lexa`s hand down to her center. She was soaked and Lexa slowly rubbed her clit, spreading
Clarke`s wetness all over her sex. But Clarke was not in the mood for slow. “I want to ride your
fingers.” She growled and without hesitation Lexa shoved two fingers inside her. Clarke moaned
and ached her back in pleasure at the intrusion. Lexa roughly sucked and bit Clarke`s nipples as
Clarke rode her fingers at a brutal pace.
It didn`t take too long before Clarke felt her inner walls contracting and felt the waves of her
orgasm crashing over her. When her body finally stilled she opened her eyes and saw Lexa
panting and flustered. She slid down to the floor and spread Lexa`s legs and dove right in. She
licked the entire length of Lexa`s wet folds, prodded her entrance a few times, before she settled
into a pattern of licking the figure eight, alternating between the clit and the entrance. Lexa was
moaning and cursing loudly at Clarke`s eager movements, making Clarke more eager and
determined to make Lexa come.
It only took a few minutes before Lexa grabbed a hold of Clarke`s hair and screamed her name.
Her orgasm shook her so violently that she ended up kicking Clarke onto her back on the floor.
She slid of the couch, and the minute she came down from her high she buried her head between
Clarke`s legs. Clarke yelped in surprise, but started screaming Lexa`s name as the brunette
plunged two fingers inside her and started sucking on her clit. Clarke grabbed her own breasts,
kneading them desperately, and aced her back and grabbed at the rug when Lexa started growling.
The vibrations on her clit combined with Lexa`s long fingers pounding into her had Clarke rising
towards new heights. The pressure building in her was unlike anything she had ever felt and when
she reached her climax she screamed Lexa`s name loud enough for half of LA to hear her and
exploded in a wet mess.

Clarke was slowly brought back to life by the sound of a melancholic melody filling the room.
She was too exhausted to open her eyes, so she just listened. Her head was still fuzzy, she knew
she had heard the song before, but couldn`t place it.
Before she could ponder further Lexa`s smooth dark voice filled her entire being, and she
reconized the song immediately.

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me, tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize

Don't patronize me

Clarke`s heart clenched at Lexa`s words. Her pain was evident in her voice, she sounded utterly
defeated and heartbroken.
Still unable to open her eyes, Clarke got lost in the song, images of her times with Lexa running
through her head

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no, you won't

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

Clarke could feel tears running down her cheeks. She had been angry at Lexa, but this was just
wrong.
She did love her. She did feel the power.
 I'll close my eyes, then I won't see

The love you don't feel when you're holding me

Morning will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

Clarke`s eyes shot open. She saw Lexa sitting at the piano, tears streaming down her face as she
bared her soul through her song, and Clarke knew. She would not give up this fight. She would
not live her life without Lexa.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no, you won't

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

As Lexa played the outro to the song, Clarke slowly got off the couch, where Lexa had lovingly
placed her under a blanket. The music still filled the apartment as Clarke wrapped her arms around
Lexa from behind. The brunette was sobbing now, ready to let Clarke go if that was what she
wanted. Clarke kissed her neck and held her tightly.

“I know we met under terrible circumstances, and god know we have some things to work out,
but I will not give up. Lexa, I do feel the power, I do love you, and I want nothing more than to be
with you.” Lexa stopped playing and turned around. She knelt in front of Clarke, looking at her
with big green eyes, before she took Clarke`s hand. “I swear that I will never do anything to hurt
you ever again, and I will gladly spend the rest of my life making amends for everything that I put
you through.” She was about to say more when Clarke stopped her, pulling her upright. They
looked at each other before their lips met in at kiss that was pure love. When the broke apart
Clarke smiled at Lexa. “I don`t want you to spend the rest of your life making amends. I just want
to be with you.”

Chapter End Notes

The song in this chapter is I can`t make you love me, by Bonnie Raitt.
I am open to the idea of writing a sequel to this story, but I`ll be on my honeymoon
for two months now so that will have to wait until August
 Epilogue
Chapter Notes

Here it is: the shortest epilogue in the history of fanfic!!

Thank you all for your congratulations! It has been so much fun to write this, and to
get your feedback. Have a great summer!!

Lexa was pacing nervously around the room, waiting for Clarke to emerge from the bathroom.
She heard the door creak and turned around to see the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.
“You look perfect!” she said grinning and Clarke grinned back. “Are you nervous? I heard you
pacing around out here” Clarke cocked an eye brow at the brunette, but smiled lovingly. “I guess I
am a bit nervous, but that is normal right?” Lexa`s green eyes looked worried and Clarke went
over to her and cupped her face, looking her deeply in the eyes. “Yes. it is completely normal, but
I know just the thing to calm your nerves.” Clarke said and pulled Lexa in for a kiss. The kiss
soon deepened and Lexa moaned when she felt Clarke`s tongue swipe over the roof of her mouth.
Clarke got carried away and pressed their bodies together, aching for more contact. When Lexa
finally broke the kiss and rested her forehead against Clarke`s they were both panting. Lexa could
clearly see a blush spreading over Clarke`s chest and creeping up her neck. Her blue eyes were
nearly black and Lexa wanted nothing more than to rip her dress off, but this was not the time.
“Oh god Clarke. We cannot be late, today of all days.” She panted and Clarke grinned at her.
“why not? We are paying for all of this.” Lexa laughed and shook her head. “Your mother is
paying for all of this Clarke, I would rather not piss her off.” Clarke laughed and shrugged. ” Fine,
but later you are mine and I will make sure you can`t walk for days.” Lexa didn`t have time to
respond before there was a knock on the door and Raven and Anya stood in the doorway. “Are
you two sex addicts ready?” Raven asked dryly, the state of arousal in the room not going
unnoticed. Clarke and Lexa both nodded and held hands. “You both look amazing.” Raven
looked at them and seemed genuinely moved for the first time in her life. Lexa looked at Clarke
and felt her heart thudding in her chest. “Just remember to say I do.” Clarke smiled and gave her a
quick kiss before they left the room holding each other’s hands tightly.

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