Life is Patterns: Spiral, Fractal and Symmetrical

Three years ago, I got on the path of mentality, health and healing. I never knew what I would discover
but I knew I had to do it for myself, for my own peace. When I was in my 9th grade in high school,
everyone was expecting that I would be the one who will top the class at the end of the school year
because in my 7th and 8th grade, I was. Little did I know that it's as if I'm in a game, and at the staircase
of getting the price, I would encounter people that would push me backward and go back to the starting
point of the game over and over again which prevented me to even take a step in that staircase.

My adviser, who was at the time is also our science teacher have always believed that boys are way
smarter than girls. That belief alone makes me think a little of my capability and knowledge as a student
and I feel discriminated. I didn't know that the unfair treatment would continue day by day that it
becomes normal to him and a nightmare for me. I would go to school feeling pressured and troubled
just at the start of the day as his science class is our first subject in the morning. He would give us topic
of reports we need to discuss in front of the class. I knew that his attention was all on me and my group
because he is not listening and paying attention to the reports of the other groups, but when it's our
turn, his focus was on us and he's just listening to point out our mistakes and the things we didn't do
right. It also goes the same with the sweeping schedule. There are assigned groups tasked to clean every
corner of the classroom, from the window, bookshelf, comfort room and etc. Our group was assigned to
clean the floor and that includes the chairs. I, being the leader of the group, moving and carrying the
heavy chairs everyday making sure not to leave a dirt so that we won't be scolded the next day was my
routine. And I feel sorry for my classmates who belong to my group because they had to go through the
same thing with me.

After school, I would go home feeling so exhausted and I would cry my heart out feeling so helpless,
victimized, and powerless. What can I do? I was just a student. I couldn't talk back and defend myself
not because I can't but because I still respect him as a teacher despite all the things he have done to me.
I couldn't tell anyone about what's happening in school because I was hesitant and I know they won't
take me seriously and they would just laugh at me and I don't wanna see that because that will break
me even more.

Until one day, my parents noticed that I was having a hard time breathing and that's the time when they
brought me to the doctor to consult if I have a heart problem or what. Then the doctor told my parents
that heart problems still don't occur to a child at my age, I was only 14. She said that maybe I am going
through something that is giving me so much stress and she suggested that my parents should talk to
me more often. From that point on, I have taken medication and I become more open to my parents.
Every day I would tell them how my day goes at school, the things I did with my friends and I could say
that it felt lighter than before where I had no one to talk to and I'm just keeping everything to myself.

With that, I realized that as I was going through the same thing every day, I am not doing anything about
it and I'm just letting it consume my whole being to the point that it became unhealthy for me. I wasn't
doing well anymore in school because I feel unmotivated and my efforts would just go to waste because
no one will appreciate and recognize it anyway. That was my call that maybe I need to do something for
myself. That I should stop worrying about what other people thinks about me and that I don't need my
adviser's approval for me to believe on my capabilities, intelligence, and skills. That maybe I should use
their doubt as my motivation to do well and better. I realized that I just need to accept myself. I just
need to believe in what I can do and everything will follow. And that's what I did.

At the end of the school year, I wasn't the top rank of the class, but I placed second and I'm happy and
contented with it. The moment I stopped worrying about other people's opinion, I shined brighter than I
think I would be.

What I have discovered is that life proceeds on a spiral. That is to say that you will go round and round,
seeing the same dilemma over and over in your life. Perhaps the first time you encounter it, you struggle
with it, wrestle with it and feel overwhelmed by it. You feel like you have lost and it has beaten you. And
then, it comes around again some time later, maybe in a slightly different guise, and it's definitely going
to beat you again. And so it goes, again and again, the self-same problem comes around, every time it
does, you feel yourself being defeated by it. Of course you don't feel like you are fighting "an issue". It
appears to you to be other people and situations in your life that you are struggling with. The details will
vary greatly depending on what your issue is but whatever the case, you will find yourself victimized and
disempowered by this drama.

The "bottom" of the spiral is wide and in climbs very slowly. That means that you're going to have great
trouble with it the first few times you see this dilemma and don't feel like you've learned anything about
it. Then, as you continue, as you "toughen up" and face the problem again and again, you can get advice
from others, try new tactics, and find solutions that are more and more successful in helping you deal
with the problem you are carrying out by trial and error.

And then, the spiral continues to wind up slowly, moving round and round faster. You tend to see the
same problem more often. But the spiral is climbing as well. Every time you see this issue, you see it at a
higher level. You are dealing more successfully. But even so. You're going to find yourself going around
the loop, the same problem coming around over and over again until, inevitably, you realize that it's
really the same problem at the core. And you come to the first degree of mastery of this problem when
you notice this. That's because realizing that is the same issue over and over again, very simply, is
realizing that you are the common element of this "problem." With the realization comes the
opportunity to refine the strategies for coping. Instead of battling the problem (or the people who play
the role of bringing the problem to you) now, instead of misleading people and competing against the
environment, you are looking at yourself and seeing what needs to improve inside you.

And for the first time now, you begin to try responses to your issue that will actually really work. Healing
the self, you discover, is the only thing that has a chance of healing your issue. Changing yourself is the
only way to change your world.

Life is also a fractal. Just like what I've been through, I keep on going through the same thing every day
and also continuously do nothing about it. It was like a never-ending pattern. I repeat the same pattern
over and over until I finally reach a point where I am compelled to change and I also did it for myself
because it is for my own good.
Life, on the other hand, is also symmetrical and need to be balanced for us to live harmoniously. As
leading a harmonious life requires us to do thing above all else: to have compassion. Have compassion
for yourself and others. Accept people as they are and listen with the intention of finding out new
things, to understand, to really see the person in front of you because sometimes, the person in front of
you is you.

See yourself for the beautiful, perfectly imperfect, exquisite being that you are. Understand that your
patterns are your journey. They are the musical score to the great adventure of your life.