*Ugly

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest
baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go
up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

*A Nice Catch

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. A ragged old
man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-
ooking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'Fishing,'
the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in
the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their
whisky, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.

*What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

*What kind of ears does an engine have?  Engineers

*One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy
beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of
his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too,
picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT
OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

*An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man
is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

*Q: How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb. A: Just Juan

*Reporters Spanish singer Alejandro Sanz was on television with British TV host
Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manana'. Diamond asked him to explain what
it meant. Alejandro said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow,
maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next
year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the
show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't
have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.