How to Ask Questions the Right

Way

Learn How to Ask Questions and

Why Questions are So Important
Introduction
I want to thank you and congratulate you for downloading this book: “How To
Ask Questions The Right Way: Learn How To Ask Questions and Why Questions
Are So Important.”

Not everyone is skilled when it comes to communicating. There are some who
might be a little awkward in dealing with others and how they communicate with
them. There are many things to think about and consider when interacting and
talking to other people. Learning the tricks and mastering them will help those
who do not acquire much knowledge and talents in communications skills.

Talking comes with great responsibilities. This book aims to help readers know
how to initiate conversations and recognise when to stop. The information
contained in this book will help people understand how important it is to get to
know their listener’s standpoint, be attuned to their interests, and respect their
disposition.

This book will help people practice responsible yet effective ways of asking
questions and where these techniques may be applied.

As always, thank you for downloading this book! I hope you enjoy this.

Good luck!
© Copyright 2014 by ________Sven Imholz________ - All rights reserved.

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Table of contents

Introduction
Chapter 1: Back To Basics – What are Social Skills?
Chapter 2: Talk The Talk – How to Carry Good Conversations
Chapter 3: Target Locked – How To Ask Questions The Right Way
Chapter 4: What Are the Right Questions to Ask and Why Are They Important?
Chapter 5: Target Strategies – How To Apply The Techniques of Interrogation
Conclusion
Chapter 1: Back To Basics – What are Social Skills?

Being socially skillful is by far the most fundamental basis in having good
interpersonal relationships with others. Being able to effortlessly blend in your
surroundings and with other people allow you to become more progressive in
both your work and in your personal life. It is empirical for any human being to
connect with others. It is part of a human being’s social needs. If this need is not
met, life is not balanced and relatively, progress will not be met either. One must
be competent enough to get along with the rest of the crowd if he wants to
achieve anything in his life.

It is of course expected that if you want to be a social buff, you must be

well polished when it comes to communicating. Interactions and personal
connections always begin at talking. On the other hand, talking alone is not
enough. There are still many things to adapt and develop if you want to deliver
effective communication with others. Before learning the basic techniques on
how to communicate effectively, try to establish a good foundation within
yourself first before you extend it with others.

The first and very basic yet ultimately important discipline you must
acquire when you are in a public environment or when you are dealing with
others is controlling your emotions. Staying calm and knowing how to control
your emotions will allow you to behave or conduct appropriate manners despite
strong negative emotions. This will also come in handy at times when you are in
an unfavorable situation. This kind of discipline will give you better leverage or
advantage over the others. This will also help you establish better relationships
among other people. Coming off too strong or too weak will create a negative
impact on others. This greatly affects how they will perceive you and your manner
of talking.

Make sure to create a good and positive environment for others. This way,
they will be able to open themselves up to you. Talking comfortably brings out
positive and productive thoughts and ideas; such thoughts and ideas that are
important in building good relationships whether at work or in your personal life.

Talking only takes half of the whole formation of conversation. The other
half is listening. Being a good listener is just as important as being a good
“talker”. Developing good listening skills helps you connect more with the person
you are talking with. In order to effectively listen to them, you must be able to
develop real interest in them. You do not merely hear them; you must listen to
them. Know what they are talking about, understand what they are saying. Be
able to respond to their questions or be quick to make smart responses to their
comments or opinions. Being engaging is important in carrying out interesting
and productive conversations with others.
 Practice empathy. Remember the saying: “Put your feet in their shoes”.
Develop a level of understanding towards the other person by imagining their
feelings or emotions. By means of empathy, you will be able to better understand
other people’s situations. Empathising with others will help you develop a more
profound interest in them. Once you do, the others will take this as a step in
building a more comfortable level of trust to one another. By then, they will
become more inclined to talk to you. Your main focus in targeting the desired
outcome of the conversation is outward. You want to get the others to talk. You
want the others to engage in talking. They will only start to engage if they feel that
they can relate themselves to you. That is how empathy works.

After establishing a good person-to-person engagement in

communicating, it is time for you to build a good rapport with others. What is the
meaning of rapport? Rapport means a relationship, specifically one based on
mutual trust and understanding. Building a good rapport and initiating to have
one with the others is highly important at work especially when you are thriving
in the middle of a diversified crowd. Getting along with the others is one
important trait you must attain. Being able to create a harmonious atmosphere
with co-workers will give better chances in getting a lot of tasks done, even if you
have strong cultural, religious or ethical differences. Acquiring this type of social
skill will give birth to professionalism; one trait that will greatly benefit not only
you or the company that you are working for, but everybody in general.

Practice self-disclosure. In order to carry out balanced and engaging

conversations with others, you must know how to control what to share about
yourself. You must know when to talk, how you talk, and how much about
yourself you will share to others. The point is you do not want to scare people off
with horror stories and other issues and topics that might easily turn them off.
Make sure that both of you are already in a comfortable stage in your
conversation before you begin opening more personal or detailed talks. As your
conversation progresses, you may try adding more details into it. Be always
discreet and appropriate. You must never lose that level of comfort with one
another. Know what to say and how much you say and observe how they react. By
then, you can decide whether you can go further or go a step lower.

Lastly, show your sincerity by establishing eye contact and remember not
to lose your smile. Doing these two simple gestures, equipped with the tips above,
will help develop your charisma.
Chapter 2: Talk The Talk – How to Carry Good
Conversations

There many ways and techniques on how you can deliver effective
communications with others. But first, you must start with the two most
important areas in communications in order to polish your skills in it. They are
the non-verbal skills and conversation skills.

Begin with the non-verbal skills. These skills tackle three major areas: eye
contact, body language and voice. As mentioned earlier, it is important to
remember how useful maintaining eye contact is if you want to project or express
your interest and honesty to the other person. Keeping eye contact means you
want to keep the other person with you all throughout the whole conversation.

Your voice and your body language, however, depict more about yourself
and how well you understand the topic you are trying to convey. Your body
language and the tone of your voice show your emotions whether you are
impatient, tired, interested, or enthusiastic towards the whole discussion and the
crowd. It greatly shows your attitude towards your listeners.

Aside from keeping eye contact, you must also take note of how you smile,
particularly whether you’re smiling too much or too little. You do not need to
practice how to properly smile. Remember, you must maintain honesty and
sincerity on how you project yourself towards the others.

Your voice, the volume, and its tone also create a huge impact on how
others will perceive you. Make sure that you speak loud enough to be heard—not
too soft but not too loud either. Your voice must be calm yet engaging, not lousy
and uninteresting. Your voice and its tone will help get the others engage in the
conversation. With this in mind, take note of the pace of your speech as well. Do
not speak too fast or too slow. Assess how well-versed is the person you are
talking with, how comprehensive that person is when responding to your
comments or questions, and how that person follows your flow. Make sure that
the other person do not disengage or drift off in the middle of your conversation.

Now that the non-verbal area is discussed, you can begin harnessing your
conversation skills. What is the proper way of talking? How do you make good
conversations? First thing to learn is how to begin. How do you start a
conversation? You can begin with a proper greeting like a simple “Hi” or “Good
day!” You may also want to give an appropriate comment or observation. Give a
comment about the weather or give a compliment over a dress or purse. Learn
how to break the ice by introducing yourself first. Initiating a conversation will
not hurt.
 Next step is how to keep it going. There are times when you see yourself
that you are already running out of ideas or things to say. This happens when the
conversation is not aimed to function reciprocally. Make sure that you are not the
only person talking; get the other person to talk too. Take give and take method
as an example. Talk substantially but make sure to listen too! Also, make sure
that you ask open-ended questions rather than close-ended ones. Close-ended
questions are those that can be answered by a simple yes or no. Instead, try to ask
questions that will lead to further discussions. Example, instead of asking: “Do
you like your job?” you may try to ask: “How do you find this job?” That way,
your conversation flow will be more fluid and continuous. And just in case that
you really get to the point where the conversation needs to be ended, do not be
disappointed. Practice a graceful exit and graciously end a conversation. If the
other person ended it, be gracious about it too.

There are many ways on how you can converse with people. It depends on
who they are and where they stand in your life. Be appropriate and charismatic
but at the same time practice proper disclosure and discreetness. You must know
how to appropriately talk with strangers and how far you allow yourself to be
exposed. Be friendly to your neighbors and participate in activities that will
promote good camaraderie in your community and in your neighborhood. Create
a good atmosphere with your co-workers so you can be productive in work. Be
loyal to your friends and spend time with them. If all of you get busy with work or
other things, set time to get together once in a while and unwind. Keep a good
relationship with your family. Having healthy and balanced social relationships
will greatly contribute to your wellness, and it all starts with developing good and
effective communication.
Chapter 3: Target Locked – How To Ask Questions
The Right Way

How to communicate effectively is important in developing good

interpersonal relationships with others. You need to acquire these particular
skills in order to establish strong foundation with others and sustain your social
needs. You were taught how non-verbal and conversation skills play huge roles in
delivering effective communication. On this chapter, you will learn how equally
important it is to ask a question.

As mentioned earlier, mere talking is just half of the equation. A good

conversation is projected as a two-way mirror. You talk and you listen; you
answer and you ask. You engage and you keep the other person engaged as well.
Everything should be balanced and mutual. Now, learn more about how to get the
other person engaged in your conversation. Learn how to get to know the other
person well by practicing reciprocal conversations. How do you do this?

Aside from providing appropriate answers, you must also know how to ask
questions the right way. You must ask in a manner that is not too aggressive so
you will not turn the other person off. At the same time, though, you should use
just the right amount of assertiveness to get him to answer. Lost? Do not panic.
This chapter will give you a step by step guide on how you can lock your target
and nail your question without offending the other person.

The first key component you must immaculately posses is being assertive.
Assertiveness is an important skill that you must learn and practice before you
can begin throwing firm questions at anybody. This particular skill shows your
honest expressions. It is a manner of how you can successfully express yourself to
the other person. There are a few things you can assess on yourself to test your
level of assertiveness in terms of your communication style. You will need this
tool in locking your target.

Ask yourself these questions: “Do I struggle to ask what I want?” “Is it
hard for me to express my opinion?” If your answers to both questions are yes,
then you are the passive type. You must adopt a more aggressive way of
communicating. Do not hesitate in expressing your feelings and opinions.
Everybody is entitled to his own opinion. This generation has widely practiced
the freedom of speech already. Gone were the days when people count their
words whenever they open their mouths to express how they feel. People
nowadays do not conform to uniformity. So do not hesitate. Learn to freely, but
responsibly, express your emotions and opinions. State your desired outcomes
and openly express your ideas even if you do not have the same ideas as the
others.
 Building this kind of assertiveness on how to talk and confidence on what
to say equate to a more confident and self-assured manner of talking. This will be
needed when you ask a question to another person.

You must be assertive and be firm with your questions. At the same time,
you must be able to clearly express what you want to ask; be specific and openly
express where you want your questions to be lead next to; how you want your
questions to be answered. When asking questions, you must be in-charge of the
whole conversations so you can get your desired outcome: answers.

However, do not misinterpret assertiveness to rudeness. You must never

offend any person in the process of questioning or how you deliver your question.
Do not give the wrong impression of expressing yourself that you want everything
to be done your way all the time as this will easily turn the other person off. The
person might think that you are selfish or arrogant. Your goal is to keep him
engaged. Get the other person participate reciprocally to the conversations. With
this in mind, make sure you put just enough assertion to keep the person ‘nailed’,
at the same time practice moderation, so he will not prematurely shut you off
during the course of talking.

Be firm and polite. Never project arrogance or any form of negative

impression to other people. Make sure that you also ask the correct and
appropriate questions. That will be discussed in the next chapter. For now, learn
to master or least adapt the techniques on how you can smoothly carry firm
interrogations without sending off wrong impressions. Maintain the level of
comfort that both of you have established when you have started to engage in
conversations.

Asking questions keeps the conversation going; this will keep your
conversation progressive. This will also allow both of you to get to know each
other better. Knowing each other’s interests and getting to know each other’s
ideas and opinions will open more opportunities on both sides, whether the doors
will lead to progressive business ventures or more intimate personal
conversations. Either way, developing this skill is already proven to be highly
beneficial.
Chapter 4: What Are the Right Questions to Ask and
Why Are They Important?

By now, you have learned how to initiate a conversation and maintain its
flow and fluidity. You have managed to get others to engage in your conversations
as well. The previous chapter taught you how to ask firmly without offending
anyone. This time, you will be taught what kind of questions you can ask and why
it is important to learn them.

Before you begin firing away with your questions, make sure you are
equipped with the appropriate “ammunition.”

Choosing the right questions depends on many things. The first and most
important thing to consider is the person you are talking to. Assess the person;
identify his personality. Is he upbeat? Is he serious or laid back? Know the
person’s interests and hobbies. From there, you can pick up what kind of
questions you can ask. This will also make the person feel comfortable talking to
you. He’ll more likely open up cause he gets the impression that he can relate to
you.

Next to consider is the situation. Take note of your environment. Consider

what kind of people that surround you. If you are surrounded by kids, do not ask
questions that are inappropriate for children. Chances are the children might
overhear some of your conversations. This will be very awkward for you and for
the person you are talking to. If your environment includes a rowdy crowd, expect
that you cannot discuss serious heart-to-heart matters with the other person.
Your voices will only be drowned out by loud talking and yelling.

Check the other person’s emotions. This is where you apply empathy in the
situation. Be sensitive and sensible enough to assess how the person feels
towards the topic of your conversation. Make sure that you do not elevate his
sentiments by asking more aggravating questions. If you sense tense or hesitance
along the way, be quick to end the discussion by diverting the topic to something
more light and enjoyable. If you see joy and easiness from the other person, then
you will know what kind of questions you can ask. Stick to the things and
opinions that keep the other person involved and engaged.

Ask the kind of questions according to your level of comfort, trust, and
familiarity to one another. If you think that you know each other enough to ask
personal and more private questions, feel free to do so. You do not ask a random
stranger about family issues or religious and cultural backgrounds. You might
offend the other person and you might come off as rude and obnoxious. There are
many topics that are considered off-limits under certain situations. Take the
hospitality business, for example. Crew living and thriving under this business
are not allowed to ask questions regarding politics, religion, and culture. They are
trained to engage in a more friendly and hospitable atmosphere. Those three
topics are very sensitive issues and might stir different sentiments and emotions
among both parties. Make sure that you do not lose the person’s trust in you.
Both of you should keep that level of comfort at arm’s reach.

Consider the relevance of your question, towards the person and towards
the topic of your discussion. Do not ask questions irrelevant to your conversation.
This kind of awkward questioning will cause an abrupt diversion of the topic,
causing a disturbance in the flow of conversation.

Remember to stick with the quality of your questions instead of the

quantity. You do not have to ask many things about the other person if most of
them are not substantial. Better to ask few but highly informative and engaging
questions. Keep in mind that the person should find your conversation
interesting. Do not make him feel that it is more like a task; that it is very time-
consuming. You do not want to bore the person to death with your senseless
questions and irrelevant blabbering.
Chapter 5: Target Strategies – How To Apply The
Techniques of Interrogation

Being socially skillful when it comes to asking questions has many benefits
and applications. This skill may not only be useful for people who want to
conduct interviews with famous public figures or screenings for job applicants.
Ordinary people engaging in ordinary day-to-day conversations need to practice
on this one too!

No matter how ordinary and casual your conversation is, remaining tactful
and appropriate is always necessary when participating in conversations.
Politeness begets politeness. You cannot expect others to pay respect to what you
say or what you think of if you do not show the same to them too. Always practice
proper self-disclosure and choose the kind of people you want to openly share
whatever kind of emotions or information you have about yourself. You may
throw a nasty joke at your closest friends but you cannot expect others outside
your circle to take it lightly (as your closest friends would).

Do not embarrass a friend in the presence of others. Once you have

reached adulthood and have established your respective careers and other
relationships, consider their esteem and social status. Be a considerate friend;
take care of their ego. Reserve those private questions you have for your friend
when both of you aren’t surrounded by other people who might listen in on your
discussion. Respect your friend’s privacy.

Random acquaintances are important in your social life too. It is always

advantageous if you are introduced to a person associated with something
prominent in business or other social or personal agencies. Knowing a physician,
a dentist, a chiropractor, a teacher, a police officer, or even a maintenance
custodian brings a certain level of benefit to you. Being resourceful when it comes
to human sources is important in maneuvering around the society. Therefore,
make sure you will leave good impressions even to acquaintances. Do not turn
them off by blowing away inappropriate comments and questions.

Referrals are powerful and influential. People like to depend on how

others rely or give credit to a certain institution and the services it renders. Just
as how you rely on certain people’s opinions and references, it is also important
that others rely on you too. Remember to be consistent so you can gain credibility
from them. Influence people the right way. Spread positivity and effective talking.
Do not mislead people by blurting out presumptuous questions and comments.
Choose to do productive things and avoid senseless talking.

If you find yourself in a situation where you really need to ask a certain
question to another person, apply the skill of being assertive, but remember to do
it the right way. The success of your interview (or interrogation) depends on how
well you grill the question and how you will get the person to answer it.

Be careful how you assess the person. Observe how he responds to your
questions. Take note of his answers and gestures. Choose the questions that will
lead to exposing their real intent or motives. It is very critical that you ask the
right questions if you want to see progress in the whole process of your interview.

Conducting surveys and doing research for future product enhancements.

Any business establishment aims to continually thrive and improve their
products and services especially these times when competition is very uptight.
These surveys and researches are usually done by interviewing consumers or
having participants answer their questionnaires. Doing this type of questioning is
more upfront, clear, and spot-on. The questionnaires they give away usually
consist of questions that can be answered only by yes or no. The result should
yield specific answers. They will use these answers in determining how to
strategically improve or revise their plans or products. There is no need to
evaluate emotions on this one as the questions and desired answers are not
dependent on their sentiments or feelings.

Be equipped with the right tools, discipline, and attitude in dealing with
different individuals. Be interesting and consistent. Know how to initiate the talk
and know when to gracefully end it. Be wary of how you ask your questions and
be sensible on what questions you can ask. Be engaging, not offending. Leave a
good impression on the person you are talking to. Do not make them feel that you
are boring them to death nor drill them with highly intensified discussions. Make
sure that they will not regret spending their time and effort in talking to you.