CANCER AND HOW IT CHANGES ME AND MY LIFESTYLE.

It was 3rd of April 2018, when I decided to go for a mammogram, which I had never done in my
life before. Why I did it then? My massage lady told me that she suspect there is a lump in my
left breast. When to the private clinic, did the mammogram and also ultra sound. The doctor
confirmed that there is a lump. That is when I felt like the world is against me and why me God?

I was referred to the specialist in the same clinic. He did biopsy and took some sample from my
lump for further test. OMG! What a big needle? I got really scared to see the needle. But I have
no choice. It was damn painful, just like a sharp needle poking through you heart when the
needle was inserted into your breast. And it was done twice….what the fuck doc!

On the 5th of April, two days after the test, the doctor from the clinic called me. With my heart
full of hope, I went with my husband. While waiting for the doctor, feeling of fear and trembling
pierced my heart. My husband was calming me and try to divert my mind from thinking of it.

The moment of truth came and the doctor told me that it was a cancerous lump. When you hear

the word ‘cancer,’ your world changes in an instant. Tears dripping, heart beating and I felt as
the world goes dark. I looked at my husband and he is also in the same condition as I
am…..feeling lost and I can see he’s trying to hold his tears. At the age of 50, I felt the world in
front of me vanished.

We were given few only one option by the doctor…..operate and take away the whole left breast.
My husband asked whether if there is any other solutions…but fuck the doctor…he said the one
and only thing to do to save my life is surgery otherwise I will end up in the graveyard. We just
kept quiet and a sense of lifelessness enveloped us.

The doctor gave us some time to think and he started to bring in some other patients who had
done the same surgeries to convince me in taking his offer. My husband, as wise as always, said
that we need some time to decide. But as usual I was rushing into things and asked the doctor to
prepare for the surgery. You can see the smile on his face! Damn it! I am going to make him
rich. The date for the surgery was fixed two days after the meeting….7th. April 2018.

The next day, I went to the school…and having my breakfast as if nothing is wrong with me. But
the confused look on my face and the silent around me….which was a bit weird because I am a
talkative person, made my colleagues to ask me if all ok and anything wrong with me. The
moment I heard this….that’s it….I couldn’t help but feel sad and started crying. Few of my
colleagues gathered around me and try to console me. I told them everything…and they were sad
too. Some even hugged me and cried. Some of them try to console me by saying everything was
going to be fine…and not to worry. But you know…it is easy to say. It’s not you who’s in the
situation.

The news spread quickly among fellow teachers…and almost all of them try to persuade and
give encouragement. My senior assistant, Madam Surekah came rushing into my class with tears,
hugged me. After all the explanation, she told me not to go for the surgery in the private clinic.
She recommends that I go the government hospitals since I am a government employee. She
called a friend, Madam Yasogee who has the same problem with me. Her friend got her
treatment in HUKM and she asked me to come down to HUKM and she will introduce me to a
lady doctor who treated her.

On the 16th. of April 2018, I went to HUKM to meet Madam Yassogee for the first time. She
took me to see the specialist, Professor Dr. Norlia Abdullah, a humble lady and deeply concerned
about her patients. Again I had to take biopsy to ensure that it is a cancerous lump since the
private doctor did not provide a complete description and details. The doctor made a gentle
biopsy and I didn’t feel any pain at all….god bless the doctor.

And on and off I had to go for some test before they can confirm the stage and type of cancer
that I have. I applied for sick leave for two years and continue with my treatment with Professor
Norlia. I was so blessed to meet Dr. Norlia because her touch is so personal and all her staffs are
outstanding.
After all the confirmation and all the tests, the doctor is pretty sure that I have a cancer, the
operation date has been fixed on the 18th of May 2018.I went into the operation theatre at 1.35
pm and the duration for my surgery was 3 hours and 25 minutes. So, guys….I have left breast
carcinoma stage 2.

One thing I realized was that when you are sick….everyone surround you will become a doctor!!
The advice and taboos they pour into your mind is really scary and you do not know which to
believe….the net, the friends, the colleagues, the relatives or the doctors. But let me tell you…
that you must only believe your doctors and your family…not others. The story how people died
during chemo and the side effects that they will have and all the dangers we will encountered
during this treatment are all not true. Just a bit tiredness and dizziness which last for few days
and then you are fine.

I had 6 cycles of chemo, hormone treatment and 23 times of radiotherapy. My husband took me
to the hospital. This is the place which gave me lots of encouragement and enlighten my spirit
for living and surviving. I saw old folks fighting through this cancer and never give up….for
them each and every moment is precious and they want to live. The nurses are so kind,
responsive and really took care of me. I just felt so taken care of… I wasn’t alone.

From that moment onwards I started living for myself and not for others. I learnt how to love and
take care of me…..I never paid attention to myself but only care about family and children. A life
partner plays an important role in your life when you are having your downfall. And I owed my
life and grace to my husband, who really took care of me and always there for me when I need
him. That’s when I realized that my husband really loved and cared about me. Since that day, I
am determined to take care and fulfill all the wishes of my husband and be his true life partner
until the end of life. And my family…they were always there for me. I am forever grateful for

the love and support.

The first step I took was to change the way I lived my life. I learned to accept destiny and believe
in myself. I am open minded now and determined in the decisions I make. Well…sometimes I
argue with my kids on their ideas and believes….but most of the time I just let go. I won’t think
of a problem that gives me stress and leave it to god to decide. I am more confident now and
always come forward in helping people in need.

I change my hairstyle and my dressing sense ….which looks so much better now than before. I
learnt to continue looking forward to the future, because none of us know what it will bring. I am
learning to give myself room to grow into new me. Going through treatment, I was really
angry…now almost 3 years later. I’m empowered not afraid to question my doctors about my
own health. I have realized how far I had come from that woman that day to the woman I’m
now.

I try to keep myself focused by doing some gardening and cooking.