SECRET WISDOM FROM ANCIENT DHEEMENSHA

Dheemensha is a little-known area of Southeast Asia halfway between

modern Cambodia, China and Blyth (Northumberland.) There, in the 56th Century
before Lady Gaga, a new philosophy emerged, stemming directly from Zen Buddhism
(Zen being an anagram for the French word “nez,” or nose).
The key to this philosophy was a revelation received by its founder, Satran-
Baba, while meditating on a cocktail of neuroleptics and Viagra®, which revelation
stated namely that “one thing is its own opposite until the contrary has been proven.” Overwhelmed by the wisdom of
their master, Satran’s disciples immediately proceeded to explore the full implications of this fundamental Truth, thus
developing a very original school of thinking incredibly relevant to our age of chaos and confusion, but whose
teachings would have been irretrievably lost, hadn’t a few texts survived. Those were discovered only lately, carefully
copied on the hidden side of a toilet paper roll found at Elvis Presley’s last residence.
The reason for the disappearance of the movement as recorded in the scroll is quite simple. First, Satran met
an untimely death – he had meant to write a book about herbal remedies, but based his research on a very poor
biography of Socrates and wanted to explore the benefits of hemlock! Then, the disciples were branded heretics by all
other Zen branches because they would stir their green tea before adding sugar while performing the ceremony.
Devastated, they chose to commit suicide by chanting “Copacabana” to one another until death ensued.
However today, thanks to the careful work of modern-day linguists, we can feed our souls again on their
ancient wisdom, sure to bring enlightenment to our confused contemporary minds.
Certain that wisdom is to be deserved, Dheemensha sages always presented their pieces of thinking in two
columns, and it was the neophytes’ task to find out which thought completed which other.  Why not begin your quest
for true Knowledge today by doing just that!
1) If Angelina Jolie had had a moustache, A. Especially not Orange. In case you didn’t pay your
bills before dying, they’ll get you.
2) Had Cleopatra had a longer nose, B. I won’t take you to the circus on Saturday either.
3) If you  won’t search for the inner light hidden C. could she have withstood the smell of her feet?
in the uppermost areas of your souls by
suppressing all your desires,
4) If I had been so drunk as you imply at the D. she would have looked even more beautiful without
party yesterday, it.
5) Never let anyone discover who you were in a E. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t believe that. I’d rather
previous life. always be sincere.
6) My mother would always tell me: “Honesty F. …but there’s very little of that belief left in me.
just doesn’t pay.”
7) I used to believe in nothing… G. how could I ever have had such a deep
philosophical discussion with the pink elephant
sitting in front of me?
8) Would you pass me the salt H. if I hadn’t stolen something while staying in Saudi
Arabia long ago.
9) After saying “on the one hand,” I would I. So why the heck should I have just said it?
always say “on the other hand”
10) You should never say “should.” J. if there was some on the table?