Stacie Rothwell

English Comp 2 online

Essay 1

9/1/2021

Giving help to someone who may need protection or support comes in many ways. There are

adults who may not be willing to see they need help or ask for help. If they do, then that is

admitting there a problem. As an adult who has been through a rough patch in life/marriage is

not easy. Admitting there is a problem and that I am the problem to fix.

Growing up as a young child there were many times my mother was both father and mother. I

have a father, but she worked out of town a lot leaving my mother to tend to all four children and

all out activities, football, cheerleading, band, church, and many other things in between.

Therefore, she was adjusted to doing everything on her own. When my father started to work at

job that did not require him to travel out of town things started to get difficult between my

parents. I watched my parents argue to a point where there would be items like shoes being

thrown, doors slamming and words that hurt. This caused many years of pain. My mother really

enjoyed overseeing how the house was run and did not let my father have a say. Although he

would try, but never got it his way. My father did not like to argue and would try to keep the

peace. Some would say he is week in the knees.

As the years went on, I grew up watching, learning, and hearing how a marriage should be, the

wife knows it all and does it all. A man should hand there and take it. I met my husband in high

school so he was not a stranger to how my mother can be, in fact he had arguments with her in

high school many times. So, dating me and then later us getting marriage should not have
surprised him on what I knew growing up on how a marriage should work. The first two years of

marriage my husband worked out of town. I would do has I please come and go from home, go

out with friends when I wanted, and if he come home when I had plans sometimes, I would

change them. But while he was out of town, I kept a hold of what all his where about were. He

was not to have fun without me around. This cause big problems between the two of us. This is

what I know and saw how things should be. I remember a time when we had an argument; he

told me he was not my father and would never allow me to treat him the way my mother treated

my father. That hurt me, him saying that I did not want to be my mother. So, from then on, I tell

myself I am not my mother nor do I want to be. From here are marriage still had problems and I

was still the problem. Thou I did not want to be my mother I looked for others to model my

marriage. Other family members or friends. Trying to find what I thought I could look up to,

model my marriage off others.

As I searched for my missing pieces, I found lust in someone else, not my husband. Talking to

someone who I thought was helping me look for myself was looking for something from me.

This caused bigger problems with me and my husband. I was right; he was holding me back. I

continued to lust over this person and grew further from my husband. It did not take much

because of how vulnerable I became. This person was also having a challenging time with their

marriage which made me want to start something new, move on with my life.

Durning this time we started to attend a new church. I thought I was lost in my path I began to

look again for a friend I could model my marriage. So, we joined a group of other married

couples once a week, reading over the Bible, taking our everyday life, and referring it back to the

bible. Many weeks went by I started to feel unworthy. I was being judged by others around me

thou I did not talk much in the group. I would listen. I told my husband I did not want to attend
 the group anymore. It was not helping us. So, we stopped attending. Although I needed to find

help fixing my own problems before fixing my marriage, I found a friend at church that had gone

through a lot in a marriage that was not good. She asked me if I would like to join a group of

women who are looking to found God within themselves, looking for peace to reconnect who

they are and want to be. I agreed to try it out. The first time I went to was scary, because I did not

want to let anyone know how I felt about my husband, my marriage, nor myself. I went telling

myself I would not talk, just listen. Something different happened tonight. The group of women

were just like me, they all had problems within themselves they too were trying to find,

searching for answer. I began to talk a little about my past, problems I have with my mom, my

dad, high school stuff. The next week I talked more about me and my kids. By the third week I

had talked about my husband and how I felt about him and my marriage. I am not sure what

changed but after a few weeks I started to feel better about myself; peace within. I started to look

for answers in scripture instead of others. Growing closer to what is right. Finding who I am

meant to be.

The group of women continued to meet for the next year, trusting, growing, becoming friends

that will forever have a connection no one else would understand. I still refer to the year we had

remembering how much I changed as a person, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, and

employer. Admitting there is a problem and then searching to find answers with others who are

true within is how I found myself.