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Katarina Smiley

21.SP.ENG.1101.507

Felicia Monroe

2/1/2021

Graduation Day

Being a teenager in high school is difficult as it is. Your body is going through

awkward changes, and you simply compare yourself to every other student;

academically and socially. I, for one, had a pretty interesting last year. I got involved

with the “wrong crowd” so to speak, and was literally so close to dropping out. It’s funny

though, how much I enjoyed school. I was one of those kids who turned things in early,

got excited to be chosen to present whatever project to the class, and genuinely wanted

to educate myself. I guess in the end, my love for learning prevailed in spite of all of the

obstacles I faced that crazy senior year.

Allow me to get more specific; Graduation day 2012. I was late, as usual. The

previous night, my car was impounded due to improper parking at a late night get-

together with “friends”. I use the term friends lightly because they were anything but.

Thinking about it now, I'd refer to them as “drinking buddies”. These were the kids our

parents warned us about. Remember the “this is your brain on drugs” video? Yeah,

these kids thought it’d be funny to test that theory. Of course I didn’t want to be left

behind, so I joined them. This, my friends, is where life started to really give it to me. I
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went from an honor roll student to being a summer school kid (not by choice). My love

for education dwindled with every sip and every hit. It became less and less important.

Now flash back to that glorious day of receiving my diploma. As I said, I was

super late. I remember walking in with one shoe on, the other dangling from my hand. I

tried to sneak past any wondering teachers to avoid their glistening burn that was sure

to make me crawl into a ball. It was no secret at this point to anyone with a pulse;

something was going on with Katarina. The hardly ever absent student was no more.

She had been replaced by someone who gave the bare minimum and was content with

that. All the teachers tried their own method of help; Offered tutoring, extra credit, time

for late assignments. All which I brushed off, with not a care in the world. So I finally

walked into the gymnasium, full of all my classmates. You know that feeling you’re

being watched as you walk? Yeah, that happened to me. Only difference was I could

physically watch them watching me as I stumbled past rows to find my seat. I could hear

the whispers immediately. The side eyes burned into me. All I could think was “hurry up,

sit down, and put on your dang shoe!” I looked up into the audience of family members

carrying loud air horns and balloons in celebration of their own beloved family member. I

knew my own family was planning to attend, hoping I would at least be present when

they called my name. Sure enough, I eventually lay eyes on my mother sitting next to a

few other members of my family. It was a surreal feeling, looking up at her. Her face

showed concern, and yet happiness at the same time. Was she proud of me?

Embarrassed? Up until they officially hand me my diploma, it’s still up in the air. All

those late nights she caught me coming home. All the parent teacher conferences she

attended by herself because I was off elsewhere doing God knows what. The worry I
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must have given her the last year of my life. I had made it, at least. I was holding on by

a thread, but I made it.

We lined up and started heading to the stage, row by row. I felt nervous. I

felt isolated. I didn’t want to be there, but I so badly did as well. Growing up, it

was important to achieve academic goals in my family. I am the youngest of

three, so for me to graduate meant my mother had successfully got all of us

through it. I was next up, and my palms started getting sweaty. Was it from

withdrawal, or my nerves? I’ll never know. I felt sick. I was positive I would just

simply fall down right as I was supposed to shake hands with the principal.

“Katarina Viktoria Sara Smiley……” My turn! I put on my best smile and walked

with confidence. I looked up in the stands, my mother crying into my uncle. I

started crying, right then and there. I’m sure I looked crazy (not more than I was

already presumed to be). It was an emotional moment for me. I slowly started

walking back to my seat, aware of every step I took making sure I wouldn’t trip. It

was hard for me to look back up in the stands for the remainder of the ceremony.

I couldn’t. I know my family was proud of me, but they were also so nervous and

concerned for my future. How could they not be when the last 7 months had

been a whole new side of me they’ve never seen. Was it just a phase? Will she

grow out of it, and be the respectable Smiley she’s supposed to be? It’s a hard

pill to swallow, I'll admit. At the time, I didn’t know if I could. In all honesty, I

wanted to run from it. Go back to the night before where I was with those friends

without a care in the world. The pressure all came running back to me. It’s scary
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to think about your future, even when you don’t have a past of addiction. In this

very moment though, none of that mattered. I had made it. I graduated.

Throughout it all, I accomplished something so many have been incapable

to do. I was proud of myself, even if just only in that moment. The hug I got from

my mother afterwards was quite possibly the longest, most heartfelt hug I’ve ever

received to this day. My life didn’t “click into place” overnight. It’s been a very

long, and emotional journey. The way I see it, I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles.

One of the most important to me though will always be graduating high school.

Whenever I go through a tough situation, I can think back to that historic day of

my life and feel reassured that I will get through it. This too, shall pass.