Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Hi! Sometimes its important to shelve your cares and just get away from it all.
We have been very fortunate in that our careers necessitate constant travel. Almost every day we find
ourselves packing up the samsonites and utilizing our neverending frequent flyer miles (thank you Sonic
Burger/McDonnellDouglas.) Sometimes it feels like we're almost never at home, but that's the price
one pays to be a proper jetsetter. Sorry Budgie, the nanny will be seeing to it that you're fed this
weekend. Sorry rose garden, the gardener will be looking after you.
To make a long story short, one day while we were sipping café con leche in in a hotel lobby in
Cartagena, it dawned on us that others could benefit from our storehouse of knowledge. Forget hotel
rates and train schedules, we intend to really put your toes in the water and get your feet wet with our
insightful essays and travel diaries. Sure, anyone can pick up an inflight magazine and read about great
getaways, if they're already on the plane, but too few places really let you get the feeling of a place. So
here it goes, put on your hiking boots, but don't forget to bring a dinner jacket.
Ted Sands
FAMOUS RAINBOWS
Oh man don’t let me get started on this trip... there won’t be any ending. We started off hunting down
famous rainbows such as this one just outside the Juan Seguin HydroElectric plant a few miles east of
Luckenbach, Texas and we ended up six days later flat broke in our friend ’s (you may know her
from television) summer home in Groszplatz, Chile. Our van was briefly confiscated by field agents of
the Office of Homeland Security in Nicaragua, and we had to spend most of a day there in a Sharper
Image store (it was the only place that had real airconditioning) but once they realized we were white
people they let us continue. We didn’t see any llamas in Peru. Apparently there’s been a drought.
Bobby thought it would be fun to stop at the American Embassy in Cuzco, so we did. Turns out they’ve
built an exact replica of the Washington monument in one of the valleys. It houses the Embassy, the
offices of GE, and a provincial outpost of the IMF/World Bank. While there, of course, we stopped
over at the Epcot Center (figure 2) for pretzels. Took the edge off our homesickness.
VISIONS of SAN DIEGO
Last December we took our traditional family vacation to San Diego by the Sea. Have to do something
to get out of town during the tourist season. Anyhow, it was remarkable. We got to the beach just as a
whale watching expedition was returning. They had spotted 2 blue whales following a school of
plankton and someone had taken a photograph of a killer whale swimming backwards with their digital
camera. That was something I’d heard of before, but never seen with my own eyes. Bobby asked if
they had had any trouble with sharks while on the high seas, and fortunately they had not. The captain
was quite a character. He refused to let me take his photograph, so let me just describe him. His face
had obviously been in the sun a long time. He was sunburned and very gruff in his speaking ways. The
first mate confided to me that the captain was often making jokes, but they weren’t the kind that I could
repeat to Bobby or my mother. He promised to tell me some of them but I was distracted when the
digital camera showing the proof of the backwards swimming killer whale was passed my way. San
Diego’s zoo is also known for its collection of fruit bats and panda bears, the only such collections in the
American hemisphere. The real panda bears were sleeping when we visited, so I snapped this shot of a
stuffed one in a local taxidermist’s window. And let me tell you. There are so many shops on the
promenade. It’s dangerous to your pocketbook. I couldn’t pass up the bohemia ironon. After all, it
was only a dollar and what are we if not bohemians?
MONROVIA OHIO
Most famous for its windmills.
DETROIT
When we visited Detroit a few months ago things got hairy. First of all the airlines were undergoing a
pilot’s strike, so the only flights there were private charters. Really too expensive for our blood, but
Manny cashed in a trust fund he’d been saving and we climbed aboard. And it was well worth it. We
stopped at the Detroit Art Space (figure one) to look at some Vermeers, and afterwards had lunch at a
trattoria. The atmosphere was great but the food was just soso. The airline strike notwithstanding,
Detroit was abuzz with visitors.
In Vermont, we stopped at this famous observation point. Bobby made a point of sitting on each and
every one of the benches here. Though the photograph doesn’t really convey much, each bench has a
formfitting velar cushion. They practically mold themselves to your body. Makes for a fine few hours
contemplating the steeple of Our Father of Eternal Abstinence.
Lastly, Hawaii. Since 911 Hawaii has suffered tremendously at the hands of Christian and Moslem
militias. Manny stayed home on this trip, he was worried of being kidnapped and converted at
gunpoint, so it was just Bobby and I. While there I learned this delightful dinner toast from some of our
healthy hosts (see below.) Everyone in Hawaii is healthy, even religious extremists. You won't see any
skinny minny's there. What was really unsettling, however, was that no one wears shoes, not even
waiters, it is positively unhygienic.
HOLLYWOOD, Touched by an Angel
Hollywood, what a mess. Well we live here in the city of dreams but I have to say there are people
living in tents everywhere we look, even when there isn’t a movie premiere or the Emmys. Bobby
thinks that for every homeless person there is an angel hovering overhead to look after them, but I’m not
so sure about that. Where do the angels look when the homeless have to go number one or two? In
addition to this problem of the homeless Hollywood is full of bugs. Real biting bugs. From afar it can
be beautiful, as great swarms of bugs fly up in unison from the streets just before sundown. These bugs
can present a hazard to travelers when they infest areas of heavy traffic as they are known obscure the
streetlights, sometimes causing accidents, so be careful of them. Where one is seen, the rest follow. On
the other hand, southern California is famously free of poisonous things. There are no venomous
reptiles, no scorpions or even poison sumac to worry about in the land of the rising sun.
Letter to the San Diego Convention and Visitor's Bureau
greetings
Thursday, June 30, 2005 3:16 PM
From: "Ted Sands, HYDRA PR" <dirtysands@yahoo.com>
To: kvkapich@sdcvb.org
Hello,
First of all, let me just say that I love San Diego. My partner Bobby and I were just there last December
and we are counting off the days until we can return again. What a charming city with your beaches
and
your civic enterprises, and your international flair,and a perfectly sized city too, not so big as Los
Angeles, and without all the undesirables that so often mar a visit to San Francisco.
Now, let me just say that it took me a while fidgeting about on your website before I could find your
address. Maybe you could make your website a little more easily navigable, a little more like the city of
San Diego by the Sea itself. Another thing to suggest to your webmaster is maybe a testimonials page? I
would be a prime candidate to write a glowing testimonial of my maiden voyage to your wonderful
town.
Which brings me to my point, I would like to direct you to a site that I am writing for in order to
showcase all the wonderful cities that I've visited, well just the ones that have captivated my attention
and put a little ink in my papermate. It is located at http://www.blessedhydra.com/sandiego.html
What I am proposing is a link exchange. If you could add a link from the city of San Diego to my url, I
would be thrilled to do likewise, and hopefully drum up some extra tourist business for you all.
I look forward to hearing from you, especially vis a vis a long and lasting partnership.
thank you sincerely,
Ted Sands
Letter to Visit Detroit
greetings to the people of Detroit
Thursday, June 30, 2005 3:29 PM
From: "Ted Sands, HYDRA PR" <dirtysands@yahoo.com>
To: VIC@visitdetroit.com
Hello,
First of all, let me just say that I love Detroit. My partner Bobby and I were there a little while ago and
we cannot wait to return. Detroit is real America, not a sissyfooting pretender like Madison or
Binghamton. Some people are scared by the remnants of "urban blight" but not Bobby and I. We see
the future of America in Detroit. Patriots and everyday people who can make a difference for the better.
Everywhere I looked there were cars and shops and robust people. Don't let me forget the art, what an
upandcoming place for the arts.
Now, let me just say that it took me a while fidgeting about on your website before I could find your
address. There were a lot of distractions, pictures of firework displays and underwater creatures and
other things that I do not personally associate with the city of Detroit. Maybe you could redesign the
website, with more of a "Motor City" flair. I would suggest to your webmaster that you should consider
adding a page full of pictures of great American cars?
This could convey some of the grandeur of Detroit and its link to America's future. Or possibly
hubcaps? I could ask a designer friend of mine to propose some changes, but for now, that's neither
here nor there.
Which brings me to my point, I would like to direct you to a site that I am writing for in order to
showcase all the wonderful cities that I've visited, well just the ones that have captivated my attention
and put a little ink in my papermate. It is located at http://www.blessedhydra.com/detroit.html
What I am proposing is a link exchange. If you could add a link from the city of Detroit to my url, I
would be thrilled to do likewise, and hopefully drum up some extra tourist business for you all.
I look forward to hearing from you, especially vis a vis a long and lasting partnership.
thank you sincerely,
Ted Sands
ps
Could you send me one of those "I love Detroit" shirts?