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Bitterness and Her Cohorts

Posted By
John Fry
On
September 1, 2021 @ 7:00 am

Series
Topics Emotions
Context
Scripture

The authors of Scripture use the word bitter to describe the taste of water (Exodus 15:23), the
circumstances of life (Ruth 1:13, 20-21), and the state of a nation (Amos 8:10). Job’s tragic losses
and King Hezekiah’s decaying health cause each man to lament in the bitterness of his soul (Job
7:11; Isaiah 38:15). We hear bitter weeping resounding off the pages of Scripture, from Hannah’s
barrenness (1 Samuel 1:10) to Ezra’s confession (Ezra 10:1) to Peter’s denial of Jesus (Matthew
26:75). The prevalence of this topic in the Bible beckons prudent counselors to prepare themselves
to minister the Word effectively during a likely encounter with the long-standing issue of bitterness. 

Grasping the Concept of Bitterness 

A word study reveals the following semantic range, or the possible meanings of a single word, for
the term bitterness: chafing, discontentment, anger, harshness, embittered, and acrid. The Bible
shows that food (Exodus 12:8), life (Genesis 26:35), tears (Genesis 27:34), words (Psalm 64:3),
and even the attack of an enemy (Genesis 49:23) can be bitter. Knowing these biblical definitions
and examples may help you and your counselees grasp the concept of bitterness should you
discover you are sitting across from something else the Bible describes as bitter: people (1 Samuel
30:6)! 

The Bitter Heart 

Bitterness is the long-term, slow accrual of anger. It is less like the catastrophic earthquake and
more like the slow, four-inch per year drift of a tectonic plate. Its smoldering nature can make it
difficult for the counselor to detect bitterness within the heart of a counselee. Proverbs 14:10
expresses this reality well, saying, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its
joy.” Regarding this verse, one commentator writes, “that no one knows the inner life of another’s
[1]
heart and that the appearance of happiness can be deceptive.”1 Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs,
Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs: An Exegetical and Theological Exposition of Holy Scripture (Nashville,
TN: B&H Publishing Group, 1993), 126.  In other words, a counselee can hide bitterness in their
heart like water at the bottom of a deep well (Proverbs 20:5). Fortunately, the Apostle Paul helps
the counselor recognize bitterness by providing several symptoms of a bitter heart. 

Bitterness and Her Cohorts 

In Ephesians 4:31, the Apostle Paul writes, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and
slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” While it may be challenging to see bitterness
brewing in the heart and mind of a counselee, it is not as challenging to see one of her cohorts:
wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice. Paul clues his audience in that bitterness rarely rides
alone; she is often in the company of one or more readily noticeable heart problems. 

A counselee may manifest clamor through withdrawing emotionally, crying, pouting, sulking,
retreating to another room, going for a drive, and employing the “cold shoulder” tactic.2
[1]
Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in
Children (Amityville, NY: Calvary Press, 1997), 53. A counselee may express wrath, anger, and
slander through “raising their voice, name calling, using profanity, throwing, hitting and kicking
[1]
things, [or] the use of biting sarcasm.”3 Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger, 53. Threats (Psalms 73:8)
and thoughts/acts of vengeance (Ezekiel 25:15) are manifestations that malice rests within the
heart of a counselee. These lists help the counselor identify wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and
malice; and wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice help the counselor identify bitterness. When
these cohorts parade themselves throughout the life of a counselee, making frequent strong
showings of solidarity and fidelity to one another, be watchful, for bitterness likely lurks among
them. 

Putting off Bitterness by Putting on Forgiveness 

Bitterness often stems from unforgiveness. Opposing love, bitterness keeps a record of wrongdoing
(1 Corinthians 13:5), and maintaining such a record is tantamount to unforgiveness. Like a king
who studies the tomes of his nation’s deeds (e.g., Esther 6:1), a bitter counselee often opens their
mental record of another’s offenses against them—both real and perceived—and reads from
the ledger over and over. This repetitive recollection fuels their bitterness and wrongly justifies their
unwillingness to forgive another person. 

In Paul’s “put off, put on” instruction to the Ephesians (Ephesians 4:17-32), he links the presence of
bitterness to the need for granting forgiveness by saying, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger
and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32, emphasis
added). Counselors must follow Paul’s pattern of instruction, which teaches counselees to follow
Christ’s pattern of forgiveness. Counselors must instruct counselees to put off bitterness and her
cohorts and put on kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. 

What if My Offender Does Not Ask for Forgiveness? 

There are at least two possible ways to assist a counselee if their offender has not asked for their
forgiveness. The first instruction is in Luke 17:3, which says, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and
if he repents, forgive him.” This verse gives hope and direction to the counselee by instructing them
to rebuke their brother. Often, counselees grow bitter over many years but remain unwilling to
rebuke their brother and address the problem, therefore, contributing to their bitterness. Such
inaction is a violation of Luke 17:3. 

Secondly, when an offender refuses to repent and ask for forgiveness, recall that the semantic range
of the term bitterness includes the words chafing, discontentment, anger, harshness, embittered,
and acrid. Examine Ephesians 4:31-32 with your counselee and have them compare “harshness”
with “tenderheartedness” and “kindness” with “acrid.” Doing this may help them think of “putting off
bitterness” as exchanging harsh, caustic thoughts and deeds for tender and kind ones. Even if an
offender does not ask for forgiveness following the God-honoring rebuke, a counselee can still put
off bitterness by being kind and tenderhearted toward their offender (cf. Matthew 5:43-45).  

Furthermore, if a counselee struggles to be kind and compassionate toward another person,

examine the phrase in Ephesians 4:32, which says, “forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave
you” (emphasis added). Remind him of the Lord’s kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in his life
and then show him the command immediately following in Ephesians 5:1, which says, “Therefore,
be imitators of God, as beloved children.” Together, these verses command believers to grant
kindness, compassion, and forgiveness on the basis of being the recipient of God’s kindness,
compassion, and forgiveness. The task of putting off bitterness is an active pursuit
of Christlikeness. 

The Means and the Motive for Putting off Bitterness 

It is vital to remind our counselees continuously that God provides both the means and the motive
for saying farewell to bitterness and her cohorts. The means (the Holy Spirit) and the motivation
(God’s glory) are found in Ephesians 3:20-21, “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly
than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the
church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.” It’s true, bitterness never
walks alone… but neither do those whom the Holy Spirit indwells (Ephesians 1:13-14; 2:22; 3:16,
20; 4:4). 

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