Nathalie Hemphill

December 8, 2017
Foundations of Counseling
Applications of Theory Paper

If I were to go into counseling with a specific issue I would start with a very pressing
issue of mine which is grief. My father passed away suddenly when I was 23 years old. I am now
27 and I still feel I have not fully dealt with it. There are many approaches that would be great
for dealing with this issue, as it is a very common issue that all people will go through at some
point in their lives. I decided to use three different approaches that I would like to experience
myself: existential, person-centered, and cognitive-behavioral approaches. Below are examples
of how a therapist might go about working with me through this issue.

Existential Approach
Therapist: What brings you into therapy today? How are you feeling today?
Client: To be honest, I don’t entirely know how I feel. Some days I am great, some days I feel so
down I can’t even get out of bed. How can I go from feeling great to terrible within a week or
day even? I sometimes question the meaning behind all of this.. I have trouble finding any
meaning in my days. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety lately.

Therapist: Anxiety is a natural part of being human. I can tell you’re experiencing a lot of
confusion with life lately. Is this stemming from something that happened, or just a general
feeling?

Client: Well, I feel that since my father passed my whole world was turned upside down.
Everything changed and hasn’t felt the same since. It’s not just his death, but my relationship
with him and how things were left between us. I also have just been thinking a lot about my own
mortality lately. I start to feel a lot of anxiety and feel very stressed out. I tend to just sleep it off
and stay in my bedroom, hiding from the world. I feel alone and don’t really feel like there is
much meaning in my life right now. I don’t know.

Therapist: I feel your reaction to your father’s death is quite normal, as it seems it was a huge
event in your life. I can see why you are feeling so anxious and stressed, losing a loved one is not
easy, no matter what age you are. Death is something that we all deal with differently, but we all
are eventually going to deal with it. Our mortality is something we don’t discuss enough in our
waking life. I encourage you to feel what you are feeling and acknowledge that you are human.
Suffering is part of the package.
Client: Yeah, you’re right. We are all going to die, it’s inevitable. I do find some comfort in
those words, as morbid as they are. We all do have to experience losing our loved ones, it’s
probably the hardest thing any of us deal with.

Therapist: Have you heard of Viktor Frankl? In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he
describes his experience in a concentration camp and how he survived. He lost almost his entire
family to the Nazis. What he says and discovers from it is something I hold very dear to my heart
and has helped me with my own experience with grief and despair. He said, “He who
understands the ‘why’ can bear most of any ‘how.’” To me, this means that no matter what is
taken from us, we still always have the ability to choose how we will live in how we think, feel
and act. I highly recommend this book if you are up for a read..

Client: Wow, I had never heard of that book. I would love to read that, thank you.
It really must have been hard for the many people who lost their entire family in one time.

Therapist: Yeah, so it all comes down to finding a sense of meaning or purpose in life. Our
purpose and meaning in life change all the time, especially when life changes. What is something
that gives you meaning, no matter how small or large? It doesn’t always have to be some grand
meaning.

Client: Well, right now I am finding some purpose in school. I feel like it gives me some
direction and chance at finding some closure with death. I’m studying counseling and art therapy
because I really want to help others. But I actually find myself being the one getting helped. It’s
hard work, but I know it’s worth it. Sometimes, I doubt my ability to be a counselor, because I
myself cannot deal with things at times.

Therapist: I think you will make a great counselor, because you have experience. Your
experience with grief and loss will be of such benefit to those you come to meet.
Client: Yeah, you’re right. I feel I understand it and can help those going through similar issues.
Therapist: Humans are meaning-making machines...that’s also part of being human. We get to
choose our meaning in life. What else do you find meaning in?

Client: Well I also find meaning in my relationships with my friends and family. I feel like I
value them a lot more now. I value my time with them. I want to value time more in general.
Therapist: That’s great! I think valuing relationships is what makes life that much more worth
living. Tell me more about them.
Client: Well, I feel I want to really value my relationship with my mother more. I bet she is
having a hard time as well with this. I know we don’t really discuss it very often. I think we just
don’t want to make each other sad. We love each other very much and want to appear strong for
each other.
Therapist: That makes a lot of sense. But I think talking and exploring those feelings with your
mother would be very healing for you. Finding a common ground between you two would make
your relationship so much more richer. What do you think?

Client: It’s definitely hard for us to discuss our feelings about my father to each other. I know I
want to spend more time with her and talking with her. I want to be more present with her as
well.

Therapist: That’s excellent! Being present in our relationships is key to making them more
valuable. I think you are on the right track with your values. That sounds like you are finding
meaning in your close relationships, despite what happened. You still have so much opportunity
with your mother and other close relationships.

Client: Yeah, it feels good to hear that. It feels good knowing I still have time with them. I know
our time is limited here on earth in general, and I think making the most out of it is key. I want to
make the most out of my relationships while I’m still here as well. I know I’ll die one day too.
Therapist: You will. We all will. And it’s all alright…

Person-Centered Approach
Therapist: How are you doing today?
Client: I’m alright. I think I’ve been better, but today I’m okay. (eyes getting teary)
Therapist: What’s coming up for you right now?
Client: Well..I am thinking a lot about my father lately. He passed away suddenly a few years
ago. And coming to Santa Fe and making a huge change in my life has brought me to think of
him and how much I wish he were here to experience this with me.
Therapist: You sound pretty devastated by the loss of your father.
Client: Yes I am, but it was 4 years ago, I should be getting on with my life by now and moving
forward. Four years is a long time. So much has happened since then. I feel like a different
person anyway. I definitely should be moving on and be living my life.
Therapist: So, am I right in saying that you are still processing and dealing with this loss, yet you
feel there is a way you should feel or be?
Client: Yeah, it’s not like it just happened yesterday. It was a few years ago, and I thought I dealt
with it by now. But some days, it’s like a flooding of emotions come in. It’s a wave of sadness
and I just feel like it hits me again for the first time. This is especially true when I experience
something new in my life, like moving to Santa Fe.

Therapist: I’m hearing you, and it sounds like you still are very much affected by it. Let me ask
you a question, do you think four years is enough time really to be over a death of a loved one,
especially a parent?
Client: No, I really think it may take a while. Sometimes, I think it may take my whole life.
Therapist: You’re the only one who can decide that and know what it’s like to be in your
situation.

Client: Sometimes, I feel a little bad for being happy for moving forward with my life. I don’t
know if I can feel happiness without feeling that way.

Therapist: It looks like you’re experiencing a lot of guilt around this. Am I hearing you
correctly?
Client: Yeah, completely. I feel guilty for being happy sometimes. I know he would want me to
be happy more than anything. Yet, I feel bad for it because he’s gone and I should feel sad all the
time.
Therapist: It seems like you really loved him and you really wish he were here to experience all
these new changes in your life. He must have really loved you.

Client: Yeah, I would say he was my number one fan. He was a quiet person who kept to
himself, a lot like myself. But he always wore this t-shirt I got him that said “UCLA Dad.” He
had his ways of showing how much he loved me.

Therapist: Wow, I can feel how much he loved and was proud of you. How do you think he
would feel knowing you moved all the way to Santa Fe by yourself?

Client: To be honest, I think he would have wanted to help me drive here.

And I know he is here with me, in some sense. I feel him all the time.

Therapist: It seems like his presence is still very much with you and you seem to really value it.
Client: Yeah, I feel him a lot. Especially being here on my own. I know he would be the one
person I would go to ask for advice about mundane things like my car repairs or finding a doctor.
It’s times like that where I really wish he were here.

Therapist: It sounds like you’re also discovering what it’s like to be an adult and on your own for
the first time. Am I hearing you correctly?

Client: Yes! This is the first time I’ve moved away from home and am on my own. I know it’s
something everyone must go through at some point. I know I wanted to do this regardless.
Therapist: It sounds like you know that everyone goes through similar experiences, how does
that make you feel?

Client: Well, to be honest, it feels kind of good remembering that this is apart of life. It’s going
to happen to us all at some point. It hurts a lot but feels good to know that it’s part of the cycle of
life. We all experience some loss in our lives.
Therapist: Wow, you seem to find some peace with that.
Client: Yeah, I feel a little peace knowing that. Thank you so much.

Cognitive-Behavioral Approach

Therapist: How are you today?

Client: I’m fine. But am not feeling too well. I also have been practicing bad habits. I haven’t
been able to sleep well. I’ve been thinking a lot about my father.
Therapist: I see. Grief is a very tough thing to go through. No one experiences is the same. Death
is something that we aren’t prepared to deal with, especially sudden death like that of your
father’s. I want you to know that it is completely normal to deal with it in your own way and that
you do what you need to do for yourself.

Client: Thanks, I know it’s been awhile, but I still feel it some days. It feels like a lot of waves
come and go full of that grief. It’s tough.
Therapist: Exactly, it is tough. And I recognize that you have the ability to be self-aware and
know what is going on within. There is really no “cure” to grief, and we each deal with it
uniquely. But there are ways that help us cope and deal with it.

Client: I’d like to hear some of those ways.

Therapist: Well, I like to encourage self-care, especially at this time. I think making sure you
have a regular schedule helps, so that you are always eating and getting enough sleep. You
mentioned you aren’t sleeping well. Would you say you have a schedule?
Client: No, I feel I don’t have control over my emotions right now and that’s not enabling me to
sleep well, or get enough sleep.

Therapist: Okay, well I encourage you to set a schedule for yourself and try sticking to it. It
could help. Sleep is very important. What kind of thoughts are you experiencing that is keeping
you up?
Client: Well sometimes, I think about him a lot. I end up feeling really bad sometimes when I
don’t feel sad. I feel guilty for being happy without him here anymore. And that causes a lot of
anxiety and I can’t sleep.

Therapist: Let’s explore those thoughts, if you’d like? What are those thoughts you have before
the guilt comes up?

Client: Well, I think about how I’m going through a lot of changes in my life right now. I think
about how excited I am about them. And then I start to think that I shouldn’t feel excited,
because I should feel sad about being without him. I shouldn’t feel happy. This is where the guilt
starts to come in.
Therapist: That makes sense, and I can see how those feelings arise because of those thoughts.
But let me ask you a question--what would your father tell you to do if they were here now?
Would he want you to feel sad or guilty?

Client: Definitely not. He would never want me to feel that way.

Therapist: I thought so. So, what if before those feelings came in, you worked on changing those
thought patterns? What do you think you might experience if you changed those before the
feelings?

Client: Well, maybe it wouldn’t lead to those feelings of guilt. Maybe, I would feel a little better
actually. I don’t think he would want me to feel those feelings at all. I think he would want me to
feel excited and happy to be living my life and pursuing my dreams and continuing school.

Therapist: So what kind of thoughts can we substitute for those other ones?
Client: Well, I can think that I can think about what he would want for me first and go from
there. I can re-evaluate my thoughts before I start to feel bad. I know that’s the last thing he’d
want for me.
Therapist: Great! Do you see how changing your thoughts before your behavior and emotions
come in can actually really change your behavior and emotions? They can be a lot different and a
different experience.
Client: Yeah, totally. I never thought of it that way before. I may need some help with this
though. It seems like my thoughts are automatic and I have no control over them sometimes..
Therapist: Of course, thoughts come in so fast, it is hard to stop before we think. I understand. I
have an idea that could help. It’s called thought tracking. I want you to try this for a few days and
let me know how it goes. I want you to keep a journal with you, maybe next to your bed. You
can write down the thoughts you’re having and how often you have them throughout the day.
Then, once you become more aware of them, you may be able to change them. Awareness is key
in making any kind of change in our lives.
Client: I will try it and see how it goes! Thanks!