YOU AIN'T NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME

Written by

Young Kang

Youngkang@alum.calarts.edu
INT. HIGHSCHOOL HALLWAY- DAY

DANNY (14) a short asian boy with thick framed glasses walks
out of a classroom. He's holding a hallway pass made out of
laminated paper that looks like a huge bookmark. His stomach
rumbles.

DANNY
Ugh- taco Tuesdays got me effed up.

Danny walks toward the bathroom. He sees PARKER (16) a tall

brown kid with tight joggers and red jordans leaning against
the bathroom door.

Parker looks up from his phone and sees Danny approaching the
bathroom. He looks back down and clears the way for Danny.

DANNY (CONT’D)
'Sup Parker. How you doing?

Parker nods while keeping his eyes on the phone.

Danny gives Parker a flat smile and hurries in to the

bathroom.

INT. BOYS BATHROOM

Thick smoke and laughter fills the bathroom. Drake songs play
from a bluetooth speaker placed on top of a urinal.

MATT(16), a pimply Ginger wearing Knicks jersey with loose

sweatpants takes out his vape pen and stacks it on top of two
other vape pens.

MATT
You all wanna see something crazy?

OLIVER(16), a Black kid wearing anime t-shirt and AMIR(16), a

neck bearded hypebeast hypes up Matt.

OLIVER/AMIR

YO DON'T DO IT TO 'EM

Matt stuffs his mouth with the pens and takes a huge drag.

Beat.

He coughs out clouds of vapor. The colorful LED lights from

the vape pens beam through the thick smoke. It looks like a
rave party. The vapers cheer.
 2.

MATT
That's what I call (cough) a three
pointer! AYOO-- (cough)(cough)

Danny enters the bathroom.

The vapers jump to the sound of the door opening, but relaxes
their shoulders after seeing Danny. They resume their
conversation.

Danny keeps his eyes glued to the floor as he speed walks

past the vapers. He gets into a stall, lets out a quiet sigh
and pulls down his pants.

Danny sits on the toilet and looks down at the vapers' flashy
sneakers peaking through the stall.

OLIVER
Yo Matt- apparently Amir's been
selling a pack for fifty to these
dumbass freshmen.

MATT
For real?

AMIR
Deadass bro! These freshmen eat up
anything I tell them. Actual peanut
brains yo.

MATT
Seriously? It sounds like all they
do is smoke mango pods and eat
crayons all day AHAHA!

The vapers laugh. When laughter ceases, they smoke their

vapes to fill the awkward silence.

Parker bursts into the bathroom.

PARKER

YO WE GOTTA BOUNCE- MR. D IS

COMING!

Parker looks down the hallway to the left and runs off.

Matt, Olimar, and Amir fumble as they hurridely pack their

belongings.

Oliver storms out of the bathroom first.

 3.

OLIMAR
I'm OUT! Haul your asses!

Matt looks at a mirror and adjusts his hair one last time
before making his run towards the door.

Amir frantically searches through his pockets.

AMIR
YO MATT! Did you also take my pen??

Matt stops for a second and searches his pocket.

MATT
OH here it is. My bad bro---CATCH!

Matt tosses Amir's vape pen over.

Amir misses the catch.

The vape falls on the bathroom floor and slides under the
stall.

It lands infront of Danny.

AMIR
What the hell was that throw?

MATT
Dude he's right there! Sorry
butterfingers but I'll catch you
later!

Matt storms out of the bathroom. Amir lets out a frustrated

groan and follows Matt.

AMIR
Bro wait for me!!

Amir exits the bathroom.

Danny giggles.

DANNY
Scram degenerates, scram!

Danny looks down at Amir's vape.

The LED light on the vape flickers violently and gets

brighter. Danny squints.

DANNY (CONT’D)
What's wrong with this thing?
 4.

Danny gingerly picks up the vape.

SLAM! MR.D(36), a nugetty White man with plenty of arm hair

kicks the door open.

Mr.D's entrance startles Danny. He drops the vape on the

floor.

MR.D
(Sniff)(Sniff) It smells like
cotton candy and piss in here!

Danny quickly picks the vape back up.

MR.D (CONT’D)
Gentleman in the stall, I saw you
picking up your electronic
cigarette.

Danny facepalms.

DANNY
(whispers)
Why did I do that???

Mr.D clicks his tongue.

MR.D
Come on out young man, don't make
me get the keys.

Danny slaps his temples repeatedly with both hands while

biting hard on his lower lip.

DANNY
(whispers)
Oh my god oh my god, what do I do?!

A blazing golden ray of light eminates from the vape's LED.

POOF! Smoke fumes from the vape and merges into VAPE GENIE.
He looks a lot like Will Smith.

VAPE GENIE

OHOHOHO-! IT'S NICE TO FINALLY BE

OUT!

Danny wildly rubs his eyes. His jaw drops on the floor.
 5.

VAPE GENIE
Why the long face brother? You
haven't seen a spirit like me?

Danny inches away from Vape Genie. He pees a little bit.

MR.D
OK-You wanna be like that? (sighs)
You're the one that's making me do
this man.

Mr.D Reaches for the keys on his belt.

Vape Genie and Danny hear Mr.D's Keys jingle.

VAPE GENIE
Uh-oh. It seems like you are in a
bit of a pickle. Would you like
some help?

Danny nods vigorously.

VAPE GENIE (CONT’D)

I can grant you countless wishes
under ONE condition.

DANNY
(whispers)
Just tell me!

VAPE GENIE
You must take a hit brother.

Genie holds up the vape infront of Danny's face. Danny gulps.

DANNY
Uhh- No way man. Nicotine is a
highly addictive drug that can harm
the developing brain! It can also
increase risk for future addiction
to other drugs! Sorry man but I'll
have to pass.

Vape Genie furrows his eyebrows.

Mr.D steps closer to the stall. The knob rattles as Mr.D

inserts his key.

Danny looks at the knob and darts his gaze back to Vape
Genie.
 6.

DANNY (CONT’D)
Why do I have to take a hit? Can I
do anything else? I'll do anything
else to get out of here!

VAPE GENIE
There's nothing like a hit to calm
down an angsty teen like you. I'm
telling you man-one hit and all
your problems will disappear---

Vape Genie dissipates into thin air.

DANNY
Wait! Where did you go? HEY!!

The knob clicks.

MR.D
Alright now, this is your last
chance.

Danny glares at the vape.

DANNY
ARGHHH--- SCREW IT!

He takes a huge drag from the vape. His eyes roll back as his
eyelids twitch.

Danny slumps on the toilet.

With a faint smile, he exhales clouds of vapor. The vapors

merge and Vape Genie reappears.

VAPE GENIE
AHA! I knew it! By the way, what
was your name?

Danny mutters.

DANNY
D..Danny-

VAPE GENIE
Well Danny! Let me tell you
something right now-

Vape Genie channels his magical powers.

VAPE GENIE (CONT’D)

You ain't never had a friend like
me!
 7.

Vape Genie snaps his fingers and POOF!

MR.D
I'm coming in!

Mr. D bursts in to the bathroom stall.

MR.D (CONT’D)
..Kid? Kid?

Mr.D sees nothing but faint traces of vapor and a hallway

pass on the floor.

He scratches his balding head and picks up the hallway pass.