26 DECEMBER 2021

SKINNY BROWS!

IT BOBS!

COUTURE SKIWEAR!

RAVE CAVES!

What’s in
and out
for 2022
YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THE TRENDS TO KNOW NOW
 The big 2022
Barometer
It-girl bobs, wonky beauty, vineyard staycations and the return
of – gulp – the skinny brow. Yes, we’ve gazed into our crystal ball
and these are the trends set to define your year ahead

1
Blast off!
It’s the
rise of

EETS
spacecore
TR
IS
The UK is on track
@ M A
to enter the space
race next year, with
our first satellites
and rockets due to
be launched from
spaceports on home
soil in Cornwall and
Scotland. You’ll be
relieved to hear that
fashion is already at
hand for out-of-this-
world inspiration: see
the tinfoil dresses at
Balenciaga, Loewe’s
metallic-breastplate
Words: Jane McFarland, Henrik Lischke, Verity Clark, Victoria Brzezinski,

frocks and Burberry’s

Hannah Evans and Louisa McGillicuddy. Photographs: Getty Images

mesh catsuits,
inspired by Jane
Fonda’s 41st-century
astronaut Barbarella.
JUNYA WATANABE

Or look to the e-tailer

Ssense, which recently
launched an artist
collaboration that
featured Nasa logo-
COURRÈGES

emblazoned folding
chairs and coffee mugs
as well as clothing.
SPORTMAX

That’s one small step

for man, one giant leap
LOEWE

for fashionkind …
HUI

ON THE COVER IDA HEINER AT SCOOP PHOTOGRAPH CARLIJN JACOBS STYLING FANNY OUREVITCH HAIR MICHAL BIELECKI MAKE-UP MARIANNE AGBADOUMA. JACKET, £4,850, AND SKI MASK, £840, LOUIS VUITTON

EDITOR LAURA ATKINSON DEPUTY EDITOR CHARLOTTE WILLIAMSON ART DIRECTOR ANDREW BARLOW FASHION DIRECTOR JANE MCFARLAND BEAUTY DIRECTOR SARAH JOSSEL FEATURES EDITOR LOUISA MCGILLICUDDY
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR SCARLETT RUSSELL ACTING ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR OLIVER GRADY JEWELLERY DIRECTOR JESSICA DIAMOND ASSOCIATE FASHION DIRECTOR VERITY PARKER FASHION AND MERCHANDISE EDITOR FLOSSIE SAUNDERS
BOOKINGS DIRECTOR AND CREATIVE PRODUCER LEILA HARTLEY PICTURE EDITOR CATHERINE PYKETT-COMBES ACTING PICTURE EDITOR LORI LEFTEROVA SENIOR DESIGNER ANDY TAYLOR JUNIOR FASHION EDITOR HENRIK LISCHKE
STAFF WRITER AND EDITORIAL ASSISTANT ROISIN KELLY CONTRIBUTING BEAUTY EDITOR LAURA KENNEDY CONTRIBUTING EDITOR ALICE KEMP-HABIB CHIEF SUB-EDITOR SOPHIE FAVELL SENIOR SUB-EDITOR JANE MCDONALD

© Times Newspapers Ltd, 2021. Published and licensed by Times Newspapers Ltd, 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF (020 7782 5000). Printed by Prinovis UK Ltd, Liverpool. Not to be sold separately

The Sunday Times Style • 5

The Barometer
Skinny brows are back
Bushy Scouse brows have had their moment: super-fine brows,
aka the beauty look we never thought we’d see again, are back in the
spotlight. Millennials and Gen Z are flying the flag: Lila Moss, Bella
Hadid, Barbie Ferreira (far left) and Lily James as Pammy Anderson
(left, in the upcoming Pam & Tommy miniseries) have (almost) got
us reaching for the tweezers. “I would not recommend
trying to shape them at home,” says Benefit’s brow
expert Laurretta Power. “See a specialist for a complete
reshape — one false move and it’s game over.” And
unless you actually are Gen Z, she recommends tapering
your brow rather than going full-on pencil line. “A very
thin brow looks better on younger faces, so if you’re
post-30, keep the start of your brow fuller so that when
you inevitably want to grow them back it’s not a total
nightmare.” You have been warned.

The brag-worthy
destination: Transylvania
Instagrammable landscapes, delicious wines, off-the-beaten-track
privacy — more and more of the rich and famous are directing
their private jets to Transylvania. The luxury hotel site Mr & Mrs
Smith has two properties there on its books: the eco-friendly
Copsamare Guesthouses and the historic Bethlen Estates (right
and below), the latter a stylishly renovated sprawl of 300-year-old
residences that will be opening luxury barn accommodation in
March. Expect elevated spins on traditional local fare while you’re
staying there, such as wild river trout tartare. Prince Charles owns
several properties in the region, including in the village of
Malancrav, and the half-Romanian Emma Raducanu recently
played in the Transylvania Open. The country is a bit of a tennis
hotspot, in fact: Romania has eight players in the women’s top
150, double that of the UK. Make sure to visit the charming
Transylvanian Saxon village of Biertan, a Unesco world heritage
site, and of course take a trip to Bran Castle — yes, Dracula’s
castle — which even has its own restaurant.

3
Getty Images, Disney+, Philip Vile, Netflix

6 • The Sunday Times Style

 4 We want an It-girl bob
Annabelle Dexter-Jones, aka Naomi from Succession, HoYeon
Jung from Squid Game, Sienna Miller’s latest ’do — the It-girl bob
is the style we will be screenshotting for hairdressers in 2022. On
the specifics: the bob sits between the chin and the collarbone, is
slightly longer at the front and layers are optional. Understyling is
key — hairstylist Michael Douglas says “spritz with a salt spray
and tong just 50 per cent of it”. Off you chop.

5 Weights, but
ANNABELLE DEXTER-JONES

make ’em fashion

Is it a handbag? Is it a dumbbell? Either way, the new trend for
bags you wear on your wrist, as seen at Fendi and Loewe, is a
SIENNA MILLER
HOYEON JUNG

workout we can get behind.  

All in the details

Fendi spring/
summer 2022

Phoebe Philo at
the Celine spring/
summer 2016 show
6 The #Philophiles return!
Phoebe Philo has been rumoured to be taking over every
high-profile fashion gig of the past few years, and it’s now
official — the British designer is finally back in the biz. Celine’s
former creative director, 48, has a devoted following for her
MIRTHE DIJK

MERLIJNE SCHORREN

ELISA NIJMAN

smart take on women’s fashion (this is the person who cast

Joan Didion in an advertising campaign, after all) and will —
squeal! — be launching her own label early next year. What do
we know so far? Well, in typically discreet Philo fashion, very
little other than it’s simply named Phoebe Philo and is based
in her hometown, London. What is in little doubt is that we’ll
be buying it all.

7 The new Dutch masters

London, Paris, Milan … the Netherlands? Fashion seems to think
so — Dutch models are having a moment. See Mirthe Dijk, who
made her catwalk debut at the raved-about Alaïa show in July,
Elisa Nijman and Merlijne Schorren, who is the face of a zeer
stijlvolle (very stylish) Ralph Lauren campaign.

The Sunday Times Style • 7

The Barometer

Ski goes
high fashion
Sure, skiwear isn’t new, but — in good news for
the sports-averse — this year it is coming off the
slopes and into your wardrobes. Alpine
adventures and the co-ordinating retro
wardrobe have officially captured the heart
of the fashion set. Isabel Marant recently
launched a capsule skiwear collection with
MyTheresa, Dior dropped a leopard-print
snowsuit, and a big street-style trend at Paris
fashion week was influencers in knitted
balaclavas. Plus, Louis Vuitton has launched
its debut skiwear collection, featuring a
monogrammed high-vis ski mask and
high-tech ski boots, as well as limited-edition
“high-end artisanal skis”, naturally. And in
further proof that skiwear is firmly in fashion
territory, the much Instagrammed label Perfect
Moment — its flared Aurora ski pants are Chloé’s
bestsellers season after season — will be collaboration
floating on the stock market next year. On your with French
mood board? Princess Grace of Monaco circa brand Fusalp
1962 sledging around Gstaad in an Aran knit
sweater. Schwoop schwoop! Jacket, £1,542,

8
Chloé x Fusalp; mytheresa.com. Ski pants,
£685, Chloé x Fusalp; net-a-porter.com

Louis Vuitton’s
debut skiwear
collection
 The DiorAlps
capsule Plus!
collection The three ski
by Dior
hotspots to book now

For celeb-spotting
UTAH, USA
Bring your binoculars — in recent years Kim
and Kourtney Kardashian, Gwen Stefani,
Jane Fonda and the like have hit the slopes at
the ski haven of Deer Valley (above), east of
Salt Lake City, and Justin Bieber and Taylor
Swift have rented the same holiday lodge
near by. Now Club Med has announced that
it will open a five-star resort a little further
north at Snowbasin in 2024. Start saving.

For adrenaline junkies

ARLBERG, AUSTRIA
Lech Zürs — the resort loved by European
Take to the royalty and pro skiers for its hardcore winter
slopes with sports — is the only resort in Austria to
Coach offer heliskiing. The status hobby of
super-rich skiers involves being whisked
to the highest point of a mountain by
helicopter and then skiing down. Big mood.

For WFC (working from chalet)

COURMAYEUR MONT BLANC, ITALY
Bored of the home office? The ski resort
Courmayeur, on the Italian side of
Mont Blanc, is targeting the new wave of
Getty Images, Alamy

flexi-workers with just-launched “alpine

workstations”, offering the ultimate balance
of work, life and ski in local chalets.
Now that’s a Zoom backdrop …

The Sunday Times Style • 9

 It’s all about... Peckham
The southeast London neighbourhood is at the forefront of next year’s
cultural offerings. One of the talked-about debut novels is Yinka, Where
Is Your Huzband? (published in March) by Peckham-born Lizzie Damilola
Blackburn. The novel follows an Oxford-educated 31-year-old British-
Nigerian woman who, despite having a well-paid job and good friends, is
constantly being hounded to find a husband by her mother and aunties.
Hope & Glory, the first novel by journalist Jendella Benson
(published on April 7), examines family secrets, love and grief
as a woman leaves her life in LA and returns to Peckham to
mourn the death of her father. You can expect to see a lot
more of the SE15 postcode on screen too — not only has
Benson’s novel been optioned for TV, but a new rom-com,
Rye Lane (far right) — named after the main strip in
Peckham — from one of the producers of Top Boy, focuses
on two twentysomethings reeling from bad break-ups who
connect over the course of an eventful day in the area.

Rent your armchair

(and artwork)
10
You’ve hired a dress for a party and a handbag for a wedding, but
have you borrowed a sofa for your flat? Furniture-rental services are
having a moment thanks to a new generation of Zoom snoopers,
interior influencers and dinner party hosts hungry for
Insta brag-worthy tablescapes. Leading the charge are companies
such as Harth, a swanky website that lets you hire sculptures,
lamps, armchairs, Berber rugs and designer cushions for as little as
£8 a month (left and above). For wannabe bookworms, Books by
the Yard will lend you books of any style or colour to fill your shelves
(from £25 a yard for three months). Then there’s the just-launched
art subscription service Gertrude, which loans contemporary
artworks up to the value of £12,000 for £50 a month, including
pieces by the award-winning artist Paula Rego. Fancy.
 The Barometer
The year of Courtney Love
We like to think every year is the year of Courtney Love, but 2022 is
particularly big for the original queen of grunge because of the
release of four big projects. Love will be releasing an as-yet-
untitled solo album, her first in 18 years, which will coincide with
a documentary that chronicles her time spent working on it during
the pandemic. She will also be releasing her debut fragrance. The
self-confessed “perfume fiend” has been working on it for two years
with a top French perfumier and has described the vibe of the scent
as “profound gothic slut”. Her long-in-the-making memoir
(working title The Girl with the Most Cake) has been on the
cards since 2011, but we’re reliably informed that it will finally hit
shelves next year. Expect bombshell revelations that will make
Katie Price’s memoirs read like a church newsletter…

11
12
Build a rave cave
A private
basement rave
cave by interior
designer
Natalia Miyar

Yes, a rave cave should be on your home renovation wish list for
2022. Forget the “kitchen disco” (sorry, Sophie Ellis-Bextor) — the
at-home club is “cooler and more louche”, says Paul Middlemiss,
founder of the Hampshire-based interiors emporium Merchant &
This picture Found. He specialises in sourcing vintage pieces for his clients’
Courtney Love central London homes and country bolt holes. “Since the
last year. Below pandemic, our clients are increasingly looking for their homes to
With Kurt Cobain be a one-stop shop. Home clubs, rave dens and bars are definitely
and daughter, on the rise and I think this will continue into 2022.” Over the past
Frances Bean, 1993 18 months he has kitted out six rave dens in 100 per cent vintage
pieces taken from old nightclubs and bars. “We sourced huge disco
balls, a beautiful original French bar and illuminated carnival signs.”
Charu Gandhi, founder of the Kensington design studio Elicyon,
has noticed demand soar too. She’s designing a “pleasure palace”
in one client’s Lake District home “to host parties, events and
family activities”. Bedecked in emerald green and black veneer, the
basement includes a nightclub, bar, bowling alley and casino, not
forgetting a bespoke “oversized gorilla sculpture wearing a party
hat”. It’s a shoes-off affair, though, with a carpeted dance zone
beside a bronze mesh and backlit onyx bar. The French glass-maker
Lalique reports an increase in commissions for high-spec home
Getty Images

bars pinching inspiration from favourite haunts, with one client’s

bespoke nightclub recreating the Fumoir bar at Claridge’s using
Lalique crystal panels originally created for the Orient Express.

The Sunday Times Style • 11

The Barometer
Left Hugh Quarshie and
Deborah Ayorinde will
star in ITV’s Riches.
13 The new super-rich TV Below The restaurant
There’s a smorgasbord of new shows about the 1 per cent hitting at Tillingham
screens in 2022. One of ITV’s biggest will be Riches, which follows winery, near Rye
the antics of an ultra-wealthy black British family and is tipped as
the next Succession. When patriarch Stephen Richards (Hugh
Quarshie), the boss of a multimillion-pound cosmetics empire,
suffers a stroke, relations between his successful offspring become
messy to say the least. Sound familiar? And you’ll be able to travel
back in time to the good old days of aristo excess with The Gilded
Age (Sky Atlantic, from January 25), a period drama from Downton
Abbey creator Julian Fellowes that revolves around old money in
1880s New York — Cynthia Nixon stars. Then there is the TV
remake of the best filthy rich bonkbuster of the 1700s, Dangerous
Liaisons, starring the breakout actress from Rocks Kosar Ali.

14 Book a vineyard staycay

Forget glamping weekends and seaside cottages — the stylish
minibreak next year involves an English vineyard. Keen oenophiles
will know that, because of supply-chain sagas and a poor
champagne harvest in France, the UK’s formerly overlooked wine
scene is popping. The area of domestic vineyards has doubled in
the past eight years, so there are plenty to explore. You’ll find the
hipster lot booking overnight stays in the converted hop barn at
Tillingham, East Sussex, sipping on the estate’s funky natural
wines. If it’s just a day trip you’re after, grab a picnic blanket and
hamper and spend the afternoon among the manicured vines at
Gusbourne Estate, Kent. But the cool crowd know that the best
juice is produced at Hambledon Vineyard in Hampshire; its
ZENDAYA

award-winning sparkling wines are on the lists of some of

London’s best restaurants and wine bars, such as Noble Rot. Want
to sound as though you really know your stuff? Order a bottle of
English sparkling wine from 2018, dubbed the “harvest of the
decade” thanks to that year’s super-hot summer.

15 Try the art of hair edging

Laid edges (sculpting the baby hairs at the hairline) are getting
more and more intricate. Camila Cabello, Zendaya and Lizzo
revealed hyper-detailed looks on the red carpet this year, and
we’re predicting even more artful takes on the horizon. Look to
@KEASHLDN

@keashldn (the hair braiding brand from DJ and model Taiba

Akhuetie) if you need convincing — Swarovski-encrusted swirls,
anyone? Experiment with the look at home by applying a gel such
as Schwarzkopf Got2b Glued 4 Brows & Edges (£3.50), using
a toothbrush to tweak those micro hairs into place.

16 Buy some wonky beauty

From misspelt labels to soap offcuts, beauty brands are reducing
waste by offering customers the option to buy “imperfect”
products at big discounts — think Oddbox for your make-up bag.
The cult British bodycare brand Kankan hosts biannual Near
Perfect Sales, selling products that have been misprinted or
dented (sign up to its newsletter to be first in line for the next
drop). Grüum, the Manchester-based gender-neutral beauty
brand, sells 500g (£19) and 1kg (£35) bags of offcuts from its Sapa
body wash bars (right), while Neighbourhood Botanicals has a
GRÜUM

“factory seconds” section on its website for its cold-pressed oils

that have imperfect packaging. Sign up to the mailing list to be
notified of a new drop — the next one is coming in January.

12 • The Sunday Times Style

 And finally...
the trends to leave behind in 2021
Louisa McGillicuddy waves off this year’s unwelcome fads

▼ BEDSHEET BORES ▼ LINNER DATES

Bragging about your The 10pm curfew meant
thread count/organic that a 4.30pm lunch-
cotton/limited-edition dinner booking became
bed linen will no the hot new reservation.
longer be acceptable, Never again
we’re afraid
▼ FASHION GROUTING
The trend of
commissioning your own
tiled objet. Deeply silly
▼ POLONECK BROS
A few shined (Timothée
Chalamet, Riz Ahmed,
Leslie Odom Jr) but most ▼ Y2K CORSETS
failed when it came to Gen Z discovered
the ‘murtleneck’ (sorry, Vivienne Westwood and
Prince William). Do not it made us feel old
▼ AIRPOD MERCH pursue in 2022
Expensive accessories for ▼ RHUBARB-HEADS
your already expensive ▼ KOOKY MIRRORS The food nerds of
accessory? Not sure how Wiggly/wobbly/furry Instagram wouldn’t shut
we justified this mirrors took over up about rhubarb season
homeware. Put them in ▼ VAXFITS — or as they called it,
▼ MIDRIFF FLOSSING the bin with kooky Dolly Parton rocked the ‘rhubarb szn’ — and this
Spaghetti-strap candles cold-shoulder vaccination was very annoying
waistbands looked outfit but for mere mortals
good on approximately ▼ CHEUGY it was just embarrassing ▼ PALOMA PORN
4 per cent of the By the time we The grapefruit
population understood this ▼ INFLUENCER BINGO margarita-ish cocktail that
aesthetic it was already Thought you spotted a took over summer, mainly
▼ CROCHET BIKINIS time to delete few familiar names over because it was pink
‘Hot knit summer’ the past 12 months?
was a hot mistake According to our maths,
Barometer’s most
▼ HYPE PAINTS mentioned influencers
Renovation-mad were Bella Hadid (11),
millennials got way too Hailey Bieber (10) and
into the paint. Many still Dua Lipa (7). Will they
on the waiting list for still be top of the
Greige 02 by Lick. namedrops in 2022?
Thoughts and prayers Let’s be real: yes
@keashldn, Getty Images, Netflix, Alamy, Backgrid, @gringabarcelona,

are with you at this

difficult time ▼ SANDWICH REVEALS ▼ AND THE WORST TIKTOK
Everyone got obsessed TREND OF THE YEAR GOES TO …
@dollyparton, @olesiastefanko, @impeccablesandwiches

with colossally big Nacho tables. Aka

sandwiches and posting forgoing a serving platter
flat lays of the fillings. to just cover your dining
Side note: can we table in nachos around a
stop calling them ▼ FUZZY BUCKET HATS central dip. Let’s be better
‘sandos’, please Jamiroquai you were not
▼ … AND THE RUNNER-UP
▼ SOCIAL MEDIA ▼ BASQUE BURNT A tie between the
GRAVESTONES CHEESECAKES catchphrases ‘Tell me …
Bottega Veneta, How did wobbly slabs of without telling me’ and
▼ INFLUENCER BERETS Balenciaga and Lush all beige become 2021’s ‘Living in my head rent-
Emily in Paris deleting/wiping their banana bread? Did not free’. Count yourself lucky
you were not accounts — bit dramatic get the hype if you never heard them

The Sunday Times Style • 13

Vintage-chiffon cape,
£3,500, Patrick McDowell

Photographs
Bella Howard
Styling
Clementine Brown

Blonde
 She might divide opinion, but Gemma Collins is one of the
biggest – and most bankable – reality TV stars of our times, selling
everything from collagen to condoms. Next up? A nationwide tour.
Polly Vernon meets the real GC at home in Essex
I arrive at Gemma Collins’s big converted-barn home,
in a corner of rural Essex, on a spectacular autumn day.
Burnished leaves drift, conkers conk, gentle sunlight
bounces off the glitter ball dangling from the mouth of
a white stallion sculpture that stands full-sized and
haughty in her vast garden, just to the left of the
sequin-encrusted pool.
I am greeted by Collins’s manager, Mark, who ushers
me into a vast kitchen (showy kitchen island, check,
Smeg toaster, which, Collins will say, she only uses for
sourdough — “I’m not putting your average white sliced
in” — check), where I find her mother, Joan, and a lithe-
hipped, shiny-haired assistant called Ed, who offer me
all manner of drinks and tell me what a lovely day it is.
“Got a load of bras to take to the bra bank!” Gemma
Collins declares as she descends a staircase, body
wrapped in a fluffy white towel, hair tied back off her
big, cartoon-pretty face. Demeanour: grand, verging
on regal.
Hello, I say. What’s a bra bank? Collins disappears,
then reappears in a black sundress, her hair unleashed.
She ushers me back out into the sunlit garden, on to
expensive-looking garden furniture padded with fake
Prada cushions. (“Fifteen quid from the market. I get
great pleasure looking at them.”)
“With all what’s going on at the minute in Afghanistan
and poorer countries, women don’t have bras! Couldn’t
believe it! I said, ‘That’s terrible that people haven’t got
bras!’ I know what mine are like when I haven’t got a bra
on, right down to my ankles.” She gestures for clarifica-
tion. “My PA came the other day — ‘My daughters at
school are collecting for the bra bank …’”
So, bring out your bras!
“Bring out the bras, Ed! Bring out the bras! There’s
about a hundred of them. They can go in Mark’s car.”
“I’ll leave with a hundred bras,” says Mark resignedly.
He is sitting in on our interview, quietly and amenably
and without a hope in hell of reining his client in.
It appears that Gemma Collins — the breakout star
of The Only Way Is Essex (Towie), entrepreneur, head
of a mighty branding operation that incorporates
clothing ranges and beauty products (GemmaCollagen,
anyone?), current estimated net worth £2.7 million,
TV ’n’ tabloid catnip, a woman with a legion of
ambition
dedicated fans and equally dedicated trolls — has
entered her social conscience phase.
“Massively! I mean, at the end of the day I’ve been
very fortunate, but I’ve been fortunate because I have
worked really hard — and I’ve been enjoying it. But you
can’t live your life every day shopping up the West End.
You have to stay normal. When I moved in here [to the
£1.35 million barn conversion] there was no plants, it
was just a house with the field. So now I’m really into
gardening. Obviously we’ve got to save the bees.”
Conservation is your thing?
“Yes! I have sustainability. It’s all about nature, isn’t
it? I can’t bear food waste. Can’t stand it.”
This might strike you as an unlikely segue for the
woman who, over the past decade — ever since she
was cast on Towie in 2011, then aged 30 — has come
to define the contemporary idea of Essex girl. Blonde,
loud, glamorous, dripping in things, Collins is a ramp-
ant consumer, unapologetically money-driven. It was
the pursuit of money as much as fame that urged
Collins towards Towie in the first instance. She tells
me that from the moment she was cast (and despite
her businessman father, Alan, telling her to turn it
down: “You’re an absolute mug, Gemma. It’s £50 a
day!”) she understood how to “market the f *** out of
it! Absolutely! Give ’em what they want, leave them
wanting more.”
So she began: stealing her every Towie scene, then
parlaying those moments into other opportunities.
A brief appearance on 2014’s I’m a Celebrity … (she left
after three days: “I know this sounds really bad, but
I can remember saying to Bob — he sets the tasks up —
‘Bob, can I have a Diet Coke? I’m f ***ing gasping here!’
And he was, like, ‘I can’t’”), longer stints on Celebrity
Big Brother and Dancing on Ice, a dedicated Piers
Morgan’s Life Stories episode, all of which gave her more
and more material to market the f *** out of, more and
more screen time with which to do it.
Lately her public persona has evolved. As with
Pamela Anderson and Céline Dion before her,
Collins’s super-commercial mainstream primetime
quality has been appropriated by the upper echelons
of the fashion set. She has a close relationship with
Valentino (she wore the label from head to toe in a
The Sunday Times Style • 15
dedicated fashion shoot in Polyester’s Hot Vamp
Summer issue earlier this year), the celebrated make-up
artist Pat McGrath is a fan and Collins herself has
inspired a thousand memes.
And, more recently still — since hitting 40 this
January, since Covid, (which her father got, becoming
so sick that she, Joan and elder brother Russell all
thought he would die), since reuniting with her ex-
fiancé, Rami Hawash, since watching series four of The
Crown and being deeply affected by pseudo-Diana’s
philanthropy — Collins has evolved a little further yet.
She has had enough attention, she says.
“I’d feel embarrassed now to drive a Range Rover.
I have a Discovery, because I’m more muted, now… I was
talking to my mum yesterday about getting married… ”
Hang on: you and Rami are re-engaged? Hawash, a
businessman, and Collins originally got
engaged in 2013 but broke it off, after
which Collins started a tumultuous ‘Reality TV is
on-off relationship with her Towie
co-star James Argent. She rekindled
a deal with the
things with Hawash earlier this year; in devil, million
July Collins announced that she was
having the best sex of her life with him, per cent. But
in a campaign for Durex.
“Yeah, but we can’t really come out
the devil ain’t
and say anything yet because Ram was gonna beat
married before and his paperwork has
not come through, so until that’s offi-
me, honey’
cially signed, we’ve not said anything.
They’ve not been together for two years. I know her,
she’s got a partner, she’s as good as gold. There’s a child
involved, he’s only three, obviously I love him to death.
But until that paperwork’s signed I can’t come out.”
Bigamy can be a bit of a reputation wrecker, admittedly.
“We were discussing [the wedding] yesterday, me
and Mum. I said, ‘Do you know what, I know this
sounds bizarre, but I just would probably want no fuss
on the day.’ Get a nice room there, Mum and Dad, stay
there, my brother, his wife and two children.”
“There” being?
“The Dorchester.”
Below, from left Gemma Collins
with current love Rami Hawash;
with James Argent on Towie;
and at the Brit awards in May in
make-up by Pat McGrath
Oh, but Gemma Collins is fun! I’ve met her to discuss
a forthcoming theatre tour — Gemma Collins: The GC’s
Big Night Out — an improvised, audience participation-
type of event: “Gonna wheel my [wheelchair-bound]
mum out on the stage, open up to the audience, no bars
hold [sic] … ”
I can see why a Gemma Collins tour is a solid pros-
pect. All the qualities that make her compulsive TV —
her loudness, her endlessly amusing contradictions, her
cadence, her vernacular, her extremely detailed anec-
dotes, her logic, which is very particular yet impossible
to argue with — translate gorgeously into real life. She’s
softer off-screen — she maintains TV Gemma, “the
GC”, is an elevated drag queen version of her true self, a
hammy leaning-in to her more extreme characteristics
— but the real Gemma’s charisma is no less intense.
She has her own gravity, her own light.
Her own physical appearance is
central to her broader shtick. When she
first appeared on Towie — selling a car
to Kirk Norcross on the forecourt of
the car dealership at which she worked
until Towie producers summoned her
to audition — her body made her the
exception in the otherwise uniformly
Barbie-proportioned female cast. “I
wasn’t as beautiful as the other girls,”
she says now, though with little sadness,
just pragmatism.
She would work her size as cynically
and smartly as she works everything else. “In the early
days the way to make money was weight gain, weight
loss, make up, break up,” she says, which is what she did.
I get the sense this perhaps engendered a more even
relationship with her body than she might otherwise
have had, allowing her to see it not as a problem but
rather another tool through which she might connect
with her public and ultimately monetise. However, she
takes great pleasure in avenging herself on anyone who
has ever shamed her for her weight. “Big clothing brand
pulled me into a meeting [early in her Towie tenure],
said they wanted for me to be the ‘face of ’. Sat there
telling me I was too fat, go off, lose weight, come back to
them. Last year they come back to me. I had my plan.
They came back and offered … I think I got 120 grand
out of them. I thought, ‘I’m gonna take the money, f ***
’em off at the end of it.’ And that was what I did. I work
with Valentino now.”
Getty Images, Shutterstock, @gemmacollins

She isn’t without vulnerability. Her relationship with
Argent caused her great pain because of his cocaine
addiction, which he started undergoing treatment for
in 2020. The couple got together and split up repeat-
edly over several years, until Collins definitively ended
things last year.
What gave you the strength to walk away finally?
“I saved him from death three times, never got a
thank you.”
You saved him from overdosing?
“Loads of times. I was filming Dancing on Ice and I’d
had a phone call, and they said no one had been able to
get hold of him. I just knew instinctively to ring an
ambulance. I’d had a lovely day, all of a sudden the
stomach’s churning … I arrive at Whipps Cross
Hospital, see him in a state. In that room, looking at
him, thinking, I’ve got to go and film again tomorrow,
this is too much! The next day he’d discharged himself.
Thought he doesn’t want the help.” She sighs. “You
can’t go out with an addict.”
Collins herself started self-harming as a teenager and
was still cutting herself behind the scenes of Towie.
She has stopped now; she shows me tiny slivers of scars
on her wrist, tells me she’s proud of them. “It was a
coping mechanism.”
Your self-harm. James Argent’s addiction. Joey Essex,
another Towie alumnus, a gilded, hilarious, spoilt-
seeming young man — who earlier this year made a
deeply moving BBC documentary about his mother’s
Now watch on YouTube Gemma Collins gives Sarah Jossel a GC makeover and reveals
her make-up bag essentials at youtube.com/TheSTStyle
Bodysuit, £66, Heist. Deadstock
wool cape, £3,700, Patrick
McDowell. Gloves, £20, Dents
Hair Nicholas Tucker. Make-up
Adam De Cruz at One Represents
suicide … Is there something about reality TV that
attracts people with demons?
“One of the producers, once … I said, ‘Why did you all
pick us?’ And he said, ‘Because you’re all flawed in some
way or another.’ It’s a deal with the devil, million per cent.
But the devil ain’t gonna beat me, honey.”
And there is so much more! Portentous vision boards; a
cautionary tale about heavy denier tights on new wooden
floors; her love for Boris Johnson; her loathing of the
Taliban (“How is the Taliban still existing?”). A charity
event to save the elephants, during which Collins realised
she might be rich but she isn’t big-elephant rich (“I can
only really probably get a little elephant that’s costing six
grand”); cancellation (“I’ve got to have a billion in the
bank first, then I can afford to get cancelled out”); and
the barn’s “Depop room”, which is another way Collins
makes money, even on a (rare) slow day. “If I make 20 quid
on the Depop, I’m buzzing.”
I know there would be more too: endless flickering
insights into whatever it is that makes Gemma Collins one
of the most compelling, contentious, potent cultural
propositions of our time, but my cab has arrived, come to
whisk me off to Chelmsford station, plus there are bras to
be loaded into the back of Mark’s car, so we say our good-
byes. Collins waves me off, having shoved a mega pack of
GemmaCollagen into my arms at the very last minute. ■
Gemma Collins: The GC’s Big Night Out, April 5-13;
myticket.co.uk or ticketmaster.co.uk
The Sunday Times Style • 17
 Make mine a
‘nogroni’ …
The no-alcohol party scene is
booming, but can you really have
as much fun without booze?
Former raver extraordinaire
Kate Spicer decided to hold a
sober knees-up to find out
18 • The Sunday Times Style
“You can’t invite a load of British people for ‘drinks’,”
said my friend Natesh, with furious air quotes around
the word “drinks”, “and not serve alcohol.”
Over Christmas I invited 30 people to a completely
booze-free drinks party. I wrote “Do you believe in
Placebo Power?” on the invitation. Some declined,
vocally unimpressed. Others accepted but then didn’t
turn up because, you guessed it, they were hungover.
Last year an independent Hungarian study, Alcohol
and Placebo: The Role of Expectations and Social
Influence, concluded that: “It is enough for people to
believe they have consumed alcohol to feel inebriated.”

Could the rest of us actually enjoy a faux-cocktail hour
or two? Or is sober partying all about sufferance?
There are growing numbers of people who are asking
the same questions, some sober, some seeking to be
more mindful around drinking. I have been asking
myself sensible questions about my drinking for a
decade. Before that I was a classic binge drinker and
would party two or so days a week, then guiltily abstain
for the rest of the time. Now I am a moderate drinker, a
glass or two most nights, sometimes more, but I always
know why I am drinking. And when the answer is habit,
nerves or boredom, then I’m disappointed.
Until recently, grown-up booze-free drinks simply
didn’t exist: it was bottles of J2O or weirdly chemical-
tasting 0 per cent ABV beers, or nowt. Now, though, the
market for spirit alternatives is the drink industry’s fastest-
growing sector, according to analyst IWSR, which
predicts the trend will continue. It started measuring this
niche in 2018, and in two years it grew 148 per cent in the
UK. There are now an estimated 300 spirit alternatives,
and industry insiders describe a kind of gold rush.
I went to a lot of effort to make my party work. I booked
the cosy private party room at Gold restaurant and bar on
Portobello Road, the sort of decadent space where
mischief seems likely. A fire crackled in the hearth and
the room glowed with candlelight. I had a fantastic
playlist from a friend who is a very good DJ. Our
bartender, Theo Maxfield, performed all the atmospheric
mixology gymnastics behind a private bar where
mirrored shelves glinted and winked.
We handed people a deliciously fragrant mulled hot
drink on arrival made from apple and cranberry juices
with lots of spices and a healthy slug of Sprigster (an
artisanal “shrub infusion” now available at Daylesford and
the Pig hotels, and one of Maxfield’s favourites) to give it
a grown-up complexity. This is what the new generation
of alcohol-free spirit substitutes aim to do, add grown-up
texture to a drink. What this multi-dimensional
mouthfeel does is make you sip and appreciate the drink
in the same way you would a cracking cocktail or decent
wine. At the fine-dining restaurant Peel’s, at Hampton
Manor, a kombucha list as an alternative to wines to pair
with a tasting menu will be launching early next year.
In all there were six cocktails to choose from, as well as
alcohol-free beers such as Lucky Saint and even a wine
alternative (the holy grail of sober swaps) called Jukes.
There was a faux negroni — a nogroni? — made with
Aecorn Aromatic, Flèure “gin”, Wilfred’s Bittersweet and a
spritz of the zesty oil from a fat curl of orange peel for my
friend Beth, who has been sober for decades and says a
decent negroni is all she really misses. Claire Warner is a
co-founder of Aecorn, which is now backed by the
industry behemoth Diageo (which has also acquired
Seedlip, the market-leading British-made booze-free
brand). She says Britain is way ahead of the game in
alcohol-free spirits: “The sector breaks into ‘new to world’,
entirely innovative products that have never been seen
before,” she says. “Then there are the ‘alternatives’ that
aim to mimic their alcoholic counterparts.” Like the New
London Light “gin” in Maxfield’s French 75 and the agave-
based Mockingbird “tequila” in his margarita picante.
Usually, the first drink I have just as my party is
starting helps me to drop my hosting worries (chiefly
that no one will come, and if they do, they won’t dance).
That first drink helps me step up to the role of being a
hostess. The most popular drink at this party was a green
garden sour, a mocktail that requires a PhD in mixology
to build — a densely herbaceous citrus treat, opaque
with orgeat syrup and egg white — and a winning sober
alternative to a floradora or a Tom Collins. With basil
leaves, Sprigster, lemon, homemade orgeat and
cucumber bitters, it was a wall of sound in flavours.
But with no alcohol to mute my jangled nerves I found
it difficult to get out of flappy Abigail’s Party mode. I was
The Sunday Times Style • 19
 acutely aware that there weren’t the modulations in
conversational tone or the notes of laughter, roars and
joyful shrieks that alcohol produces in a room full of
people at play. From a sensory perspective, everything
was perfect and festive. Except the noise. There wasn’t
any. I felt like I had got something wrong.
The day after the sober experiment I rang around. My
friend Natesh came in the end, and despite insisting he
would lean on his hip flask, he didn’t. Well? “It was
enjoyable,” he said. A bit flat perhaps, I asked, feeling
paranoid. “No, flat is harsh. ‘Measured’ is better. You put
some effort in. That spectacle really helped things along.”
Flat? I asked my friend Elaine. “No. Calm. I liked it.”
The one thing everyone commented on was that
people were actually listening to conversations rather
than talking over each other, and that while it wasn’t a
wild party it was a sincere one.
My sensitive friend Per nailed it when he said: “It felt
wholesome and innocent. Everyone is so obsessed by
feeling confident and the core thing is that alcohol
helps us forget our insecurities and problems. It was
interesting watching people sometimes feel a little
awkward and weird. In a way that is more intimate than
just going on and on over a drink.”
What was touching was the impact it had on my non-
drinking friends. Over the years a number have peeled
away from the British drinking culture. Some
didn’t like the taste or the
effect of booze, others Left Mixologist
wanted more health and Theo Maxfield.
clarity, some have addiction Below A pan
issues, either to alcohol or to of mulled
other substances to which it Sprigster
was the gateway. Their
gratitude and enthusiasm was
humbling, shaming even: a
contrast to the no-shows who
were too hungover to tell me
they weren’t coming — I don’t
judge, I’ve been that person.
One of them told me the mood. Three Spirit’s Social
joy wasn’t only that he wasn’t Elixir contains botanicals
watching everyone descend that help to get the party
into shouty inebriation, but also it was that no one started, and its Nightcap has
ever makes a big effort with alcohol-free drinks. recently been listed on Virgin
I often see him drinking coffee in the pub — Atlantic flights. The company
there’s only so much sparkling water a bladder is breaking ground in
can hold in an evening. He describes getting California especially, where
sugar hangovers from the usual unsophisticated there is a great appetite for
sweet “rubbish” that are his sober options. booze alternatives with noo-
Tatiana Mercer, co-founder of Three Spirit, describes tropics, substances that are thought to boost brain
the US market in particular as having a huge appetite for function (caffeine, herbs, psilocybin, CBD, for example).
brands like hers that claim to have “function”, ie “What we talk about all the time is that we are living in a
properties and ingredients that enhance health and ‘feelings economy’. Demand for alcohol alternatives is
colliding with wider wellness aspirations.”
The week of my Placebo Power party I was sent a press
A mocktail party is not release about a “psychedelic water” currently popular in
LA, a day later some Oto CBD bitters arrived for my tonic
super-easy, but the morning water. Fungtn is a range of respectable 0.5 per cent ABV
after sure is. It felt beers brewed with medicinal mushrooms that are
“adaptogenic”, a word that doesn’t appear in my
bizarre waking up fresh 1992 print dictionary, but the current online edition

20 • The Sunday Times Style

 HOW TO MIX l

l
15ml sugar syrup (1:1)
85ml Scavi & Ray non-
A PERFECT alcoholic sparkling wine
SOBER Shake the gin, lemon juice
COCKTAIL and syrup with ice, strain
into a coupe or flute and
– and the top with the wine. Garnish
right canapés with a lemon twist.

to serve, by MULLED SPRIGSTER

mixologist Serves 5
For the mulling spices
Theo Maxfield l 2 tsp fennel seeds

l 1 tsp coriander seeds

MARGARITA PICANTE l 3 star anise

l Handful of fresh coriander l 6 whole cloves

l 1in fresh chilli (hot) l 1 cinnamon stick

l 60ml Mockingbird l 8 allspice berries, crushed

alcohol-free ‘tequila’, l 5 cardamom pods,

made from agave crushed

l 25ml fresh lime juice l ½ nutmeg, grated

l 10ml triple sec curaçao

syrup For the drink

l Two dashes of orange l 250ml Sprigster
bitters l 500ml apple juice

l 500ml cranberry juice

Muddle the coriander and l 1 orange

chilli in a shaker. Add all the l 1 lemon

other ingredients and ice, l 1 sprig of rosemary

then shake. Double strain

into a rocks glass rimmed In a large pan toast the
with salt. Add ice and spices. Add the Sprigster
garnish with a slice of chilli and juices, and the juice of
and a coriander sprig. Pair half the orange and lemon,
with marinated peppers, and then slice the rest into
stracciatella di bufala and the pot. Simmer for 15
anchovies on toast. minutes. Add the rosemary
and simmer for 5 minutes.
FRENCH 75 Garnish with an orange
says: “Natural substances used in herbal medicine to l 35ml Salcombe New slice, rosemary and a star
normalise and regulate the systems of the body.” London First Light ‘gin’ anise. Serve with devils on
A few days on and I’m thinking of doing it again. Sober l 22ml lemon juice horseback or mince pies.
socialising is a provocative thing to do; it’s stimulating
and challenging compared with swilling down a glass. It
makes plain how much we lean on alcohol to drive our Maxfield’s booze-
mental state in another direction. I ask Maxfield if he’s free marmalade
up for doing another one next month, when all the daiquiri
amateur teetotallers come out. He is asked with
increasing regularity to provide more and more sober
With thanks to Gold Notting Hill. Photographs: Landon

options for clients. Could he be part of a new generation

Nordeman/Trunk Archive, courtesy of Kate Spicer

of sober mixology experts? “It’s brilliant to have non-

alcoholic options and I love making everyone feel
included,” he says, “but humans have been drinking
since at least 9000BC. I don’t think booze will ever go
out of fashion.”
A mocktail party is not super-easy, but the morning
after sure is. Normally, a party for 30 would necessitate
a sore head. It felt bizarre waking up fresh, it took a few
moments to shake off my placebo-powered imaginary
hangover. With an ever-growing range of fantastic
drinks to try, there could be a future in this. ■

The Sunday Times Style • 21

 Photographs Eilish McCormick
and Lily Bertrand-Webb
What a
difference
a year
makes ...
JANUARY

MARCH

Did you roll your eyes at last year’s

We started 2021 lockdown legging-athons? Me too. Sweaty
in sweatpants – Betty? More like Ugly Betty, I thought, until
I found myself in the deepest, darkest throes
only to find of January 2021, reaching exclusively for
ourselves in elasticated waistbands and thermal
everything. Yup, this year started with a clear
miniskirts by sartorial message: same old pandemic, same
FEBRUARY old tea-stained loungewear. Who knew that
December. Style’s Vicky Pollard’s shiny trackies and scrunchies
Wardrobe Mistress would be an unexpected “new year, new me”
mood? Yet of all the ridiculous purchases in
Jane McFarland 2020 (anyone need an abandoned pizza
oven?), the outdoor “beer coat” did in fact
charts a confusing prove to be the most fruitful buy — we went
12 months in from Tier 2 outdoor socialising to no
socialising whatsoever, heading outdoors
fashion only for our daily walks. Oh, and Hunter’s
original tall wellington boots were a boon,
too, if you could get your hands on a pair —
they sold out in two days after the brand
restocked at the start of the year.
On to March, which marked the one-year
Zoomiversary of the statement earring.
With a winter uniform that consisted of
chunky knits and turtlenecks à la Steve Jobs,

22 • The Sunday Times Style

 Wardrobe
webcam-ready accessories were still a
Mistress
must-have for the never-ending stream of
video calls. Then, with the tentative
re-emergence of our (outdoor) social lives,
jeans became a genuine possibility once
more. Despite the fact it took about
35 minutes to shimmy into the inaugural pair, APRIL
we didn’t look back and bid adieu to the
elasticated waistband. Still, it wasn’t quite
goodbye to all things comfort — according to
the fashion search engine Lyst, Levi’s baggy By April
loose-fit jeans were the most-wanted item of
2021. By April the vaccination rollout was
jeans
accelerating (as was the coverage of A-listers became a
including Sharon Stone, Dolly Parton and,
um, Theresa May getting theirs) and fashion
possibility
labels didn’t miss a trick: one-shouldered, once more,
short-sleeved and tank tops not only provided
content for the ’gram, they also nodded to a
despite the
perfected at-home gym regime (sigh). fact it took
Meanwhile spending an inordinate amount about 35
of time browsing tartan blankets and wicker
baskets online became the new norm — minutes to
picnic pressure and its corresponding
aesthetic was a very real thing.
shimmy back
July 19, aka “freedom day”, was firmly into them
circled in the diary — weddings were back
and the #wfh mandate was over. Next: the
topic that still dominates WhatsApp groups
and dinner party chat — two or three days in
the office? The new 9-to-5 left us positively
bamboozled by what the hell to wear to work.
Who else needed to set their alarm extra-
early in order to be able to put something
resembling an outfit together? It was all
about “hybrid dressing” or the “flexidrobe”,
JUNE

MAY
 essentially buying clothes that could be worn
in the actual office or at the kitchen table/in
the home office (spare room). Lyst reported
wide-leg trousers were in high demand from
July, increasing by 87 per cent compared with
the previous year, while sales of oversized
suits jumped 109 per cent in August. Like the
JULY true fashion victim I am, I went full
ceremonial: belted blazers, patent ankle boots
and entirely useless miniature bags were
retrieved from their vacuum-packed storage
sacks for my sashay back to the office. Once
the initial buzz wore off (three commutes
later), I settled on my faithful suits but this
time worn with T-shirts and retro trainers.
I have hardly ironed a shirt since 2019.
How was the rest of your summer? For
most people, after weeks spent navigating
amber, green and eventually amber-plus
zones (thank you, Boris) and the price of
testing the whole family (thank you, Randox),
it meant yet another self-catered staycation.
Still, a fortnight of predicted rain didn’t stop
British women buying themselves a new
holiday wardrobe, including a designer basket
bag — a hit with fashion snobs and out-of-
towners alike — as well as a too-cold-for-
Britain summer dress that got worn … once.
Wiggy Kit smock dresses, La Double J ruffled
skirts and Ghost’s fun floral prints were
spotted from Somerset to St Ives, Jeremy
Clarkson became an unlikely muse among
the Chipping Norton set, and SUP (that’s
stand-up paddleboarding to you and me)
vests usurped the ubiquitous Dryrobe as the
extracurricular outfit of choice. Those who
managed to get abroad were quickly muted
on social media — one overpriced kaftan

A fortnight
of predicted
rain didn’t
stop British
women
buying a
holiday
wardrobe,
including a
designer
basket bag
AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

24 • The Sunday Times Style

 Wardrobe
Mistress
OCTOBER

Imagine
being told
in January
that we
would be
considering
a bodycon
NOVEMBER
minidress
come
November
and a pair of aviator sunglasses won’t make
you JLo, honey.
September is often referred to as the
January of fashion and 2021 was no
exception — the return of catwalk shows,
the red carpet and what felt thrillingly like
normal life brought with it some serious
out-out peacocking. All manner of thongs
strutted down the catwalks at Paris fashion
week, a sell-out sexigan (the oxymoronic
“sexy cardigan”) by Jacquemus was worn by
the likes of Megan Fox and Hailey Bieber,
and Nensi Dojaka — purveyor of this year’s
viral bra-free “naked dress” — scooped the
LVMH prize. Imagine being told in January
that we would be considering a bodycon
minidress and stockpiling shapewear, and
that Kim Kardashian would (sort of ) be our
style inspiration? This was revenge dressing
at its finest, even if the getting-ready part
still trumped the actual event itself.
Meanwhile fugly footwear evolved from
comfy Crocs and designer clogs into
something more aesthetically pleasing: the
stonking disco platform.
And just like that … it’s December again.
My party dress is still hoping for another
outing before New Year’s Eve, but the cocoon
coat is front and centre once more in my DECEMBER
wardrobe. I’m getting my fashion thrills again
via the small screen, thanks to the reboot of
Sex and the City and the return of Emily in
Paris. And if I’m honest, I’ve never looked
forward more to those sartorial nothingness
days between Christmas and New Year. Bring
on the leggings … ■ @jane_mcfarland
 Hi ho silver!
Ditch the gold bling –
silver jewellery is having
a moment again.
The look? Bigger and
bolder than ever
Edit Flossie Saunders

ALIGHIERI
3

Rings 1
1 Deia domed ring, £85;
monicavinader.com.
2 Silver star signet ring,
£225, Shaun Leane;
libertylondon.com.
3 Sunburst signet ring, 2
£59, Estée Lalonde x Daisy;
daisyjewellery.com. 4 Oval
signet ring, £125, Tom
Wood; farfetch.com

Necklaces
1 Silver necklace, £355; gucci.com. 2 The Wasteland
RUNWAY CREDIT

silver choker, £750; alighieri.com. 3 Silver tone crystal

chain-link necklace, £275, Kenneth Jay Lane;
4
brownsfashion.com. 4 Silver rope chain necklace,
£95; rosiefortescuejewellery.com

26 • The Sunday Times Style

 1

LOMBARDI
3

LAURA
5

4 Bracelets
1 Chunky chain-link bracelet,
£200, Isabel Marant;
matchesfashion.com. 2 XL 1
Link metal bracelet, £310,
Paco Rabanne; matches
fashion.com. 3 Silver bangle,
£185, Bonny Powell; toa.st.
4 Crystal bracelet, £240,
Saint Laurent; net-a-porter.
com. 5 Slink silver bracelet,
£260; annikainez.com
6
Earrings 2
1 Disc silver hoops, £560; bottegaveneta.com.
2 Interstellar diamond huggies, £595;
astleyclarke.com. 3 Tiny silver twist hoops, £49;
otiumberg.com. 4 Dio recycled silver earrings, £95;
lovenesslee.com. 5 Circles silver earrings, £119;
thomassabo.com. 6 Siren large silver hoops, £125,
Monica Vinader; selfridges.com
ANNIKA INEZ

5
 LOCATION,

28 • The Sunday Times Style

LOCATION Photographs Debi Treloar
Everyone from Stella McCartney
to Jamie Oliver has traipsed
through Debi Treloar’s London
home, which she hires out for
commercials and campaigns –
and that’s just the way she likes
it, she tells Victoria Brzezinski

Living in a location house — a property hired out as a

backdrop for photography or filming — can feel some-
what surreal. “There have been loads of celebrities in
and out over the years,” says Debi Treloar, an interiors
photographer whose home has hosted some seriously
famous faces. “We’ve had Lily Allen and Thandiwe
Newton. Jamie Oliver was here a few weeks ago for his
food range. I tend to stay away — because I’m a photo-
grapher, people find it a bit weird if I’m here — so I get
them settled in and then leave them to do their thing.”
Originally from Zimbabwe, Treloar moved into the
seven-bedroom Edwardian semi in Kensal Rise nearly
two decades ago — and, thanks to her photography
contacts, she has been using it as a location house from
the week she settled in. Her first big revamp was to open
up five of the rooms at the back to create a huge kitchen/
dining/living area leading out to the garden, with its old
fig tree that she had fallen in love with. Meanwhile, the
decor has been influenced by her love of architectural
salvage. “Reuse and reclamation is a big thing,” she says.

This picture Reclaimed metal doors from Battersea Power

Station and a polished concrete floor give Debi Treloar’s
kitchen/diner an industrial feel. The shelves and counter
are from Princeletdrift, an antiques shop in Spitalfields.
Right Treloar is an interiors photographer herself

The Sunday Times Style • 29

 Below Treloar’s home redressed for a shoot for the
Farrow & Ball Curated by Liberty collection, launched
in October. Bottom An en suite bathroom leads off the
second bedroom behind a pair of reclaimed doors

Treloar’s boyfriend, Robert Shackleton, is an antiques

dealer who runs Princeletdrift (@princeletdrift), a furni-
ture shop in Spitalfields, east London, which supplied
her kitchen shelves and counter. “He has helped loads,”
she says. The kitchen lights were originally from the
World’s End pub in Camden, while the room’s metal
doors are from Battersea Power Station.
Treloar uses her three-storey home as a shoot loca-
tion 65 days a year, hosting everyone from Charlotte
Tilbury to Farrow & Ball for commercials and
campaigns. “I could do more, but you have to have a life
in your house, otherwise you feel a bit inundated. It is
still a family home,” she says. She has moments, she
says, “all the time” when she spots her house on
billboards or in ads, or friends will text a snap to her,
saying: “It’s your house!”
Memorable shoots include a festive lunch two
years ago with three of the McCartneys — Paul and his
daughters Stella and Mary — for Linda McCartney’s
plant-based Christmas food range, while last month

John Lewis turned the house upside down for a 16-day

shoot for its interiors range, which included repainting
the whole place bright pink. “We allow people to paint
and decorate, they just have to put it back the way they
found it. John Lewis had eight set builders for two solid
Treloar is selling her home with Agent & Homes; agentandhomes.com. Portrait: Sussie Bell

days to put it all back.” The walls are ordinarily deco-

rated in the neutrals Stone IV and Tarlatan from Paint
& Paper Library, with some painted in Bauwerk Lime-
wash (these are off-limits for redecoration).
Shoots tend to happen downstairs or in Treloar’s
bedroom — a cream-coloured space with a four-poster
bed and elaborate original ceiling mouldings — but
never in her children’s rooms (she has a 27-year-old son,
Woody, and daughters Quin, 23, and Tana, 18). Personal
artwork and family-related memorabilia are relegated
to the stairway. “I have a whole flight of stairs filled with
family pictures,” she says. “Living in a location house
can be invasive. I suppose you’re exposing yourself.
People can see your personal life.”
The flip side is that her house always looks immacu-
late. “It stays very clean and tidy,” she admits. “If people
see a picture of your location home, they want it to look
like it does in the photos. It’s quite a good thing in a way,
because you are forced to make sure that everything
is well maintained.” ■

30 • The Sunday Times Style

Left This double reception room is often
used as a photographic studio. The original
Edwardian plasterwork has been retained
throughout the house. The brass tiles are
by James Petre at Quirky Interiors. Below The
large garden contains an established fig tree,
an entertaining area and a self-contained
studio. Bottom The four-poster bed in
Treloar’s bedroom is made from painted
scaffolding poles. The chandelier is French
 How to
PAMPER
LIKE A
PRO

32 • The Sunday Times Style

 Relax, the main event is over – now it’s time to indulge yourself in those
lazy days before the new year. Verity Clark speaks to the experts for the
best in betwixtmas beauty, from bouji bath bombs to the latest tech

Gadgets to instantly de-stress

LOOKING FOR A FAST-TRACK WAY OF RELAXING? TRY THIS TECH

DO A DIY BODY MASSAGE
The Therabody Theragun Prime (1 £275)
may look like it could do damage to a wall,
but it works wonders on aching muscles.
Float the vibrating device over tired joints
and let it rest on any areas that are
particularly tense to ease out that
build-up of Christmas stress.
RELEASE FOOT TENSION
Devotees of the Bed of Nails Bon
Acupressure Mat (2 £70) love it for its
quick tension-relieving benefits. It can be
used on a bed, chair or floor, but we’ve been
using it as a quick reflexology boost for
tired party feet. Standing on the mat after
a night in high heels sends muscle-relaxing
shivers up the legs — bliss.
WAKE UP TIRED EYES
The Peep Club Heated Eye Wand (3 £60)
was launched this year and has quickly
become a cult eye tool. With three
settings — heat, massage and red LED —
you can choose whether to treat dry eyes
(heat unblocks tiny glands to reduce
1
redness and itchiness), massage puffy
peepers or rejuvenate a tired face
with the red-light function.
REFRESH YOUR FACE 2
The six settings of the Cloud 9 Revibe
Rejuvenating 6 in 1 Anti-Ageing Device
(4 £449) include electric muscle
3
stimulation to lift facial muscles and
red-light therapy to help your skin cells
renew themselves after all those festivities.
4
HIT A MIGRAINE ON THE HEAD
A face-to-face appointment with A-list 5
acupuncturist Ross J Barr will set you back
£100, but his pain-relieving Calm Patches
(5 £15 for ten), formulated with ingredients
used in traditional Chinese medicine, are
a snip. Applied directly to the area of pain,
they not only help to ease headaches and
migraines but also work wonders for
soothing frustration.

2
Bathtime zen
STOP SIPPING BUBBLES, START SOAKING IN THEM INSTEAD
3
1
From Princess Margaret’s daily morning
bath to Julia Roberts’s splashy bubbles in
Pretty Woman, nothing says “I’m relaxed”
quite like a daytime soak. Carve out an hour
and light a candle. The Bothy candle by
Wildsmith (1 £65) has notes of sage and
rosemary (said to clear negative energy and
4 help you tune into your intuition), while the
Miller Harris Santal candle (2 £50)
harnesses the scent of sandalwood, much
used in aromatherapy to manage anxiety.
5 For an indulgent soak session, try Susanne
Amberly Valentine/blaublut-edition.com
stuff at the back of the cabinet, but not these.
Individually wrapped in pretty gauze, each
pouch contains calcium and magnesium
salts for chilling out exhausted muscles and
is perfumed with a fragrance made with real
rose petals, because, well, why not?
Senteurs d’Orient Rose of Damascus Bath
Salts (4 £35 for nine pouches)
THE POSH BATH BOMBS
The candy-coloured fizzing tablets
that were a staple in your childhood

Kaufmann Mallow Blossom Bubble Bath stocking have had a grown-up, CBD-
(3 £47). Mallow softens the skin and the infused upgrade. Kloris Relax
lavender scent helps calm a racing mind. CBD Bath Block & Melt (5 £15)

6 TAKE YOUR BATH FROM THE CHIC SOAP

BASIC TO BOUJI WITH THESE This year’s hottest bathroom
VERY EXTRA EXTRAS accessory has been the fashion brand
THE PUT-ON-SHOW SALTS Loewe’s soap on a rope. Loewe Scent
Most bath salts come in heavy sacks that you of Marihuana Solid Soap (6 £40)

The Sunday Times Style • 33

 2

Bedroom bliss
According to a survey by Mela,
which makes weighted blankets,
only 10 per cent of us find getting to
sleep easy. “Sleep has a huge impact
on our stress levels,” says Dr Alia Ahmed,
a psychodermatologist. “Being able
to switch off starts in the bedroom.
To encourage better sleep, start by
creating a positive and welcoming
bedroom environment.”
THE BEDDING
Rest your head on the Slip Queen Silk
Pillowcase (1 £85). Made of mulberry silk,
these luxurious pillowcases keep you cool
throughout the night, cause less creasing to
your skin and minimise friction on your
hair. Good morning, sleeping beauty.
THE PILLOW MIST
Lavender may be the traditional sleepy
scent, but the calming blend of vetivert,
camomile and sandalwood in Aromatherapy
Associates Deep Relax Sleep Mist (2 £28)
is a recipe for a good night’s sleep.
THE SWEET SLUMBER
Therapie Roques O’Neil Sleep Drops
(3 £48) are a mix of 14 sleep-inducing
essential oils, including jasmine sambac.
Add to a flannel and pat over the face,
inhaling deeply.
1
3
4
5
6 THE MOOD LIGHTING
THE POWER-NAP ENABLER
Spacemasks’ self-heating lavender-scented
eye masks (4 £15 for five) are relaxation at
its deepest — best used as the perfect
antidote to stress-filled days. Pop on and
lie back for 15 minutes.
THE BEFORE-BED BODY RELAXER
For those who want to channel their inner
Gwynnie, the crystal-infused Higherdose
Infrared PEMF Mat (5 £890) will send you
into a stupor. Yes, it’s extortionate, but this
ultra-relaxing mat creates a pulsed
electromagnetic field to help promote
recovery and also warms your body with
infrared heat to relieve pain and ease
you into a state of utter relaxation.
THE STRESS-BUSTER
Starting at 5.5kg, Mela Weighted Blankets
(6 from £120) work by applying gentle
pressure across your whole body, which has
been shown to have the same feelgood
benefits as a hug, increasing serotonin and
oxytocin levels. Devotees keep them on
their beds night after night, but they work
just as well for snuggling under on the sofa.
Banish circadian-rhythm-disrupting
blue light from the bedroom (so that’s no
phones or tablets) and plug in a red light to
stimulate the sleep hormone melatonin. Try
the Target Light Combo (£95) for 15 to 20
minutes before you switch the lights out.
AND . . . THE PRESLEEP TREAT
The at-home spa service Ruuby, which has
extended its services to Manchester,
recommends booking in for one of its new
CBD-infused aromatherapy massages if
your sleep is suffering. “There are many
physical benefits to CBD treatments,” says
Rebecca Maguire, Ruuby’s head of beauty.
In addition to aiding tight, aching muscles
a CBD massage can help to relax the mind,
making it a great evening treatment.

THE ULTIMATE DIY HEAD MASSAGE

The best part about going to
the hairdresser? Always the
head massage. Akash Mehta,
founder of the Ayurvedic hair
care brand Fable & Mane,
reveals the best way to
recreate the magic of hair
oiling (massaging oil into the
scalp) at home.
1 Take five slow, deep breaths
to ground yourself.
2 Warm a few drops of oil — I
love HoliRoots Hair Oil (1 £29)
— in your palms, then evenly
distribute oil across your scalp.
3 Locate your crown chakra
point by making L shapes with
the thumbs and index fingers
and placing the thumbs at the
top of the ears and meeting the
index fingers at the top of the
head. According to Ayurveda,
massaging this part of the head
supports healthy hair growth,
renews energy levels and
detoxifies the scalp. Massage
the oil into the crown chakra
before zigzagging right and
left, creating circular motions
with your fingers and applying
medium pressure until the oil
is absorbed.
1
2 Brush (4 £14.50)
3
4 Next focus on your hairline.
Using all your fingers on the
hairline and thumbs on the
temples, make circular
movements to promote
blood circulation.
5 Use your fingers to comb any
excess oil through your hair,
starting from the tips of the hair
4 Comb (3 £38)
5
and making your way up to the
roots to minimise breakage.
6 Tie strands in a bun or loose
braid or use a hair wrap such as
the Silke Hair Wrap (2 £50) and
leave the oil on overnight to be
absorbed and work its magic.
MASSAGE ESSENTIALS
THE SCALP STIMULATOR
Hayo’u Beauty Restorer
THE CLEANSING TOOL
Champo Shampoo
THE SERUM
The Body Shop Ginger
Scalp Serum (5 £15)
For more massage oil
recommendations, see India
Knight’s column on page 39

34 • The Sunday Times Style

 GIVE YOURSELF
AN A-LIST FACIAL
ADEELA CROWN, FACIALIST
TO THE LIKES OF JULIANNE
MOORE AND LADY GAGA,
SHARES HER DIY FACIAL TIPS

SET THE SCENE

Take a shower, brew a cuppa, change into
something comfortable, pop on some
relaxing music, switch your phone to silent
and light a candle. Ready? Let’s go …

CLEANSE
Starting with a face oil or an oil-based
cleanser, apply pressure and let your
fingers glide around every contour of
your face for a few minutes.

TRY
Chanel Sublimage Gel-to-Oil
Cleanser (1 £90). Rinse off any oily
residue and then follow with a cream or
foam cleanser such as Shiseido Deep
Cleansing Foam (2 £38).

EXFOLIATE
Sloughing off the top layer of dead cells
allows the skin to better absorb the
nourishing products that follow. If you like
chemical exfoliants try the Inkey List PHA
Toner (3 £10), which is gentle enough for
sensitive skin. If physical scrubs are more
your thing, Crown recommends Fresh
Sugar Face Polish (4 £22) as it’s not as
abrasive as most physical exfoliators.
MASK UP
Revive dull-looking skin with a brightening
red-light mask. Try the No 7 Laboratories
Age-Defying LED Mask (5 £150) to enhance
your skin’s ability to heal and repair.
DE-PUFF
Glide over the eyes with an eye gel, an eye
tool or two teaspoons that have been left
in the fridge to cool. The coldness leads
the thin blood vessels to contract around
the eye socket, giving a powerful
eye-awakening effect.
MASSAGE
Using a few drops of a luxurious face oil
such as Summer Fridays Heavenly Sixteen
All-in-One Face Oil (6 £50), start with
the neck and move upwards to the jawline
and then cheeks. Flick the skin upwards
vigorously a few times with two fingers
while supporting skin underneath with
your other hand. To drain a puffy face, slide
fingers (or knuckles) from the middle of the
face to the edge. Repeat each movement
12 to 15 times in each area.
TREAT
Double up on active serums. Mix a
hyaluronic acid-based treatment such as
Scientia Ceramide Skin Rescue (7 £28) with
something targeted at your skin concerns.
For a radiance boost, try Drunk Elephant
C-Firma Fresh Day Serum (8 £66); for
dullness and fine lines, Skin Republic
Retinoid Complex 1% + Squalane 15% Serum
(9 £15); and to plump and firm, Beauty Pie
Japanfusion Genius Lift Elixir (10 £40). ■

5
2 7 9

1 6 8
10

4
3

The Sunday Times Style • 35

 Sarah Jossel
This has been a blockbuster year for beauty – and here are my highlights
Three words. We. Made.
It. We navigated our
way through another
rollercoaster year — so
much uncertainty, so
many reservations. As
I look back at my beauty
columns from the past
12 months, I can see that
we’ve weaved our way
through highs and lows
and constant changes. High heels off. No, high
heels on! Bubble baths! Uplifting essential oils! No,
scrap that. Party perfumes! Out-out make-up!
Through all the false starts and confusion, it has
been a brilliant year for skincare and make-up. We’ve
been treated to blockbuster beauty launches. Face
creams that knocked old favourites off my bathroom
shelves. New mascaras that turned staples into
has-beens overnight. So brutal! So harsh! Herewith
my hit list of beauty products that launched in 2021.
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Freeze (1 £23) is a
clear, malleable wax that makes my brows look fuller
and fluffier. Until this wonder pot, it was a lottery
whether my brow hairs would point north or south
(or east or west), but now I brush this through and it
behaves like a hairspray — or brow-spray — without
any crunchiness. It helps to open up the eyes and lift
the face, plus one swipe and you’re done for the day:
top-ups are seldom required.
Next, I have realised over time that taste in mascara
is similar to taste in wine: subjective and everyone
looks for something a bit different. Fruity? Full-
bodied? Dry? Sharp? Or lengthening? Separating?
Fanned out, flirty or dolly? If these words speak to
you, with Lancôme Lash Idôle (2 £23.50) your lashes
are in for a treat. Zero clumping and so much lift.
Over the past few months magazine pages have
been filled with glowing reviews of make-up
maverick Bobbi Brown’s new business, Jones Road.
For me, it’s the humble blush stick, Jones Road Lip
and Cheek Stick (3 £30.50), that takes gold. You can
whack it directly on to cheeks and lips, but I like to
use a brush. I swipe my Smashbox Stippling Founda-
tion Brush (£25) over the blush and then dab and
buff it on to my cheekbones and eyelids. Hold on,
though. Why is this one better than the zillion other
blush sticks on the market? My shade, English Rose,
for starters: it’s an ethereal, unclowny, complexion-
warming colour. Then there’s the texture — instead
of being too oily or chalky it has a creamy (but not
watery) finish that melts into my cheeks and makes
my skin look healthy rather than heavily made-up.
And there’s also how it lasts: it doesn’t travel or turn
Cat Garcia
patchy or disappear. It sits pretty and immaculately
perks up cheeks for all occasions.
1 Next, two new brands that came on to my radar this
year. First is Rose Inc, spearheaded by the model Rosie
Huntington-Whiteley. She has given me the concealer
of my dreams: Softlight Luminous Hydrating
Concealer (4 £23). The chubby doe-foot wand delivers
2
full-on, bouncy coverage. It’s moreishly satisfying
watching under-eye darkness disappear with a few
swipes, and this is now a handbag staple for touch-ups
day and night. The second is Californian brand Tower
28, which is all about easy-breezy, laid-back beauty
vibes. I had zero expectations and each product has
3 overdelivered in every way. My pick is ShineOn Milky
Lip Jelly (5 £13), a balm oil hybrid with a coloured tint.
The shade Coconut is a milky mauve-pink — I use it to
revive tired lipstick or condition dry lips.
When I started making my list, I realised I had three
4 SPFs on there. Three! It’s testament to how much the
category has had a glow-up. Offerings used to look
chalky on dark and black skin, and we all had the same
complaints: “SPF isn’t for every day. It gives me spots,
it makes me greasy, it ruins my make-up, it clogs my
5 pores.” Now, though? All change. Supergoop! Glow
Screen SPF 30 (6 £32) — sure, the SPF is important,
but this doubles up as a glowing primer. Anyone with
lacklustre skin should start with it for a hydrated, dewy
base. Next is La Roche-Posay Anthelios Age Correct
6
SPF 50 (7 £25), which has become my daily saviour.
It’s non-greasy yet ultra-moisturising, sits seamlessly
under foundation and I don’t leave the house without
it. And finally, Ultra Violette, a sunscreen brand that
swanned in from Australia. I wouldn’t dream of going
on holiday without it — the cream is invisible in
7
seconds, with no tackiness. The brand also has a Sheen
Screen Hydrating Lip Balm SPF 50 (8 £16), which
protects lips whatever the weather.
I’ll squeeze in two glow-giving foundations that
scored all the goals this year. Sisley Phyto-Teint Nude
(9 £68). More mature skins lapped this up for its
no-make-up make-up ability. The oil-free sheer formula
8
blurs imperfections rather than masks. Dreamy for
every day. Next, L’Oréal Paris True Match Nude
Plumping Tinted Serum (10 £14) is a skincare-packed
skin tint that people raved about for delivering a
9 healthy dose of fresh-faced skin every time.
And finally Sculpted by Aimee Connolly. The Irish
make-up artist probably thinks I have a crush on her
because I’ve raved about her so much. This year gave us
10 her Complete Cover Up Concealer (11 £15), aka the
wonder that seamlessly Photoshops out redness,
pigmentation and marks. But her Cream Luxe collec-
tion of bronzers, blushes and highlighters (from £16)
are equally brilliant. Every make-up artist I interview
these days has a Sculpted by Aimee Connolly favourite
11 — a brand to watch for real women’s make-up.
It’s exciting to think what 2022 has in store for us.
Happy new year, everyone! ■ @sarahjossel
The Sunday Times Style • 37
 India Knight
My ultimate post-Christmas treat? Some
nourishing massage oil (bear with me)

Happy Boxing Day! The bit between now and January 1 is

almost my favourite bit, with nothing to do except have long
baths, read your Christmas books and loll about on sofas with
snacks and Netflix. Also it’s the last cooking day: maybe produce
quite a nice brunch today, but then it’s leftovers until they run
out, requiring nothing more effortful than assembly jobs.
I don’t think anyone is especially focused on make-up or prod-
ucts at this time of year, and at the time of writing I don’t know
if New Year’s Eve parties are going to be allowed or not, so
I am going to focus on the lounging element. What I say to you is:
massage oil. Now I have always found the idea of home massage slightly hilarious and even
typing “massage oil” makes me wince-smile. I wrote a novel years ago in which there’s an unhot
person who is always trying to give people “sensual” massages with oils, this supposedly being
seductive and possibly even erotic. Nobody in the entire world loves massages more than me,
but the idea of someone administering one with the express purpose of sexy time is really
off-putting. Still, your mileage may vary.
The point is, although you can’t properly massage your own back (more’s the pity), you can
anoint your legs and arms in a way that feels intensely relaxing and pleasant, and also quite
indulgent and me-centric after the “Don’t mind me, I’m just the house martyr” vibe that can
sometimes descend if you’re hosting a family Christmas. The bonus is that if the oil is good —
nonsticky, easily absorbed, delicious smelling — and you roll into bed afterwards, or into your
stylish fleece onesie for more telly and maybe the tiniest club sandwich, you also end up with
extremely plumped and hydrated limbs. My own limbs will have been extremely plumped
thanks to the festive period generally, but because everything is such a rush and getting the
house ready for guests and planning the food and so on takes up so much time, I do feel that
the self-care aspect rather goes out the window at this time of year. Consider the massage with
oils (sensual or otherwise) your reward.
My fave ready-made oil is by Aromatherapy Associates, a brand that is hard to beat in the oils
department — for the face I deeply love de Mamiel, which does a seasonally appropriate range:
the Winter Facial Oil (£80; demamiel.com) is borderline magic if your skin hates this time of
year. (For other excellent face oils, see also Alexandra Soveral and trusty Decleor.) Body-wise,
though, AA is where it’s at. The one I like is Relax Body Oil (£47; aromatherapyassociates.com),
which feels like a proper treat to use. It smells fantastic. This is not a given: quite a lot of massage
oils smell really naff, heavy and cloying — it’s back to the idea of the sexy massage. This one
contains camomile, vetivert and ylang-ylang, and although the old ylang does turn up in quite a
lot of allegedly sensual concoctions, it’s quite restrained here and doesn’t immediately make you
think of nylon lingerie. It’s a soothing sort of scent without being wishy-washy and luxurious
without being too much and I find it intensely relaxing. Despite being denser than, say, a dry oil
(obviously), it sinks into the skin and — well, you know what you want from a massage oil, and if
It’s a soothing
you’re anything like me this is it. ■ @indiaknight scent without
being wishy-
INDIA LOVES washy and
BUY Hardback diaries from Choosing Keeping. I appreciate that paper diaries are almost
luxurious
Victoria Adamson

comically old-school, but you can’t stick sentimentally meaningful things into iCal, or do a quick
sketch, or jot down a recipe, meaning you can’t have a properly meaningful record of the year.
Choosing Keeping’s diaries have covers made from vintage decorative papers, and the sewn and
without being
properly bound paper inside is lovely too. From £20; choosingkeeping.com too much

The Sunday Times Style • 39

 The
mother
project
Sophie Beresiner’s
surrogacy story continues
They say that women forget the pain of childbirth,
otherwise they would never have a second. In reality
I’m aware there’s a mixed bag of responses to this
suggestion, but it is actually recognised as a thing,
called the halo effect, whereby the hormone surges you
experience when you hold your baby for the first time
basically skew the entire experience to a decidedly
more positive overall impression.
So my question is, does that work for surrogacy? My
labour obviously wasn’t the same physically, in that
I didn’t have one at all, but it was a labour of sorts and,
woah, it was way longer than the traditional allotted time
for childbirth (by about four years). If you swap “physi-
cally” for “mentally” then: exhausting? Yes. Painful? Expo-
nentially. Requiring reparative surgery and a doughnut
cushion for six weeks? OK no, but there have to be some
benefits to cancer-induced infertility.
So has the experience of M allowed me to colour over
the pain? Have I “forgotten” so as to be able to do it twice?
In a word, no. And that, I think, is why it has taken me this
long, until my 42nd birthday, to give it another push.
I am frightened. Everything about having to take this
round-two decision frightens me. Can I really, volun-
tarily, step back into the ring, when what I experienced
the first time was pretty brutal by most people’s stand-
ards? I know it wasn’t typical but it is my only frame
of reference, so there is nothing in my back catalogue
to reassure me that history will not repeat itself. Bad
luck is my bedfellow. Isn’t it? Is it? I’m not sure any more.
And I’m scared of not doing it, of
procrastinating until I’m too late. I am
only 42, yes, but we haven’t yet started
the search for a surrogate. Realistically,
I am frightened.
with the protracted timeline that surro- Everything
gacy affords us I could be 45 by the time
a sibling arrives, and while no one would
about having to
consider 45 “past it” to be a parent these take this round-
Sarah Cresswell, Alamy
days, they haven’t met my hip surgeon.
I have one of those because I need a two surrogacy
double hip replacement. Another unfor-
tunate outcome of the chemo that kept
decision
me alive but killed the blood supply to my frightens me
Read Sophie’s story from the beginning at thesundaytimes.co.uk/themotherproject
and follow her on @sophieberesiner and @motherprojectofficial
pelvic bone while doing so. Thus my body actually belies
my true age but not in the good way. And requiring a
double hip replacement is not conducive to the type of
buoyant, bouncy, fun parenting I’d love to offer my imagi-
nary second child.
I’m also scared of what another person will do to our
little triumvirate. M is my little buddy, my forever
plus-one. I take her with me wherever possible. One
hand for child, one hand for coffee. Or phone. Or what-
ever connects me to my “other” part of life. What
happens when there’s a child in each hand? Where do
I put my coffee, figuratively speaking?
And then I’m frightened by the thought of not doing
it. Of my beautiful M possibly left alone one day without
this little sibling I’m painfully procrastinating over,
picking her up when they most need each other. I’m one
of two and so is Mr B. It feels right for us and our future
that way. Our future! It is impossible to imagine at this
stage of parenthood. I’m very much in the flow of taking
each crazy day as it comes because so much comes with
each day, so I can barely imagine Christmas, let alone my
sixties. Or seventies. But when I do, when I conjure up
the idea of my later years as I used to imagine the ghost
of our future child, it’s always gently arguing over the
dinner table — four chairs. Or on holiday en masse, also
probably arguing, but that’s because there are four opin-
ions to contend with. I need to get over the pain of my
immediate past to really invest in my future — in our
future, all not-yet-in-existence four of us.
It takes some doing, but I don’t know,
something clicked recently. Maybe
it’s the wisdom that comes with older
age. Maybe it’s watching M throw her
terrible two tantrums around way too
early, reminding me she’s not a baby any
more. Maybe it is literally the click of my
hips. But I see it now. Nothing worth
having comes easy, right? I’m not going
to benefit from the halo effect but I’m
forgiving what I can’t forget. So here we
are, I guess, bandaged up and ready.
Ding-ding, round two. ■
The Sunday Times Style • 41
 Dear Dolly
Your love, life and friendship dilemmas answered
by Dolly Alderton

Last week a friend of a friend messaged me to tell me that she had found my boyfriend
on a dating app. She screen-grabbed his profile, and my heart dropped when I saw a
photo I had taken of him. I asked him about it and he said he was embarrassed (damn
right) and upset. He said it was a “blip” and thinks he did it for validation. I asked to see
the app and scrolled through messages — he hadn’t answered any of them, which
somehow makes it better but it’s still so not OK! We have been together for a little more
than two years and live together. Do I give him another chance or do I leave?

I’ve seen these men out and about over
my years on dating apps. The faces that
look familiar and only on closer inspec-
tion do I recognise as the boyfriend of
someone I know or an old colleague who
is meant to be married. Like your friend’s
friend (what a nice woman she sounds
like — keep her in your corner), I usually
assume it’s an old profile. But I’ve also
heard lots of stories exactly like your own.
I was on a dating app that has a “I’m just here for friends”
function that displays on your profile, which I like to call
the “I don’t want my wife’s mates to tell her I’m on here”
function. I’m always staggered that they think they’ll get
away with it. Be warned: if friends of your girlfriend see
you (and they will — every person who is single is on a
dating app now), there is no woman more loyal than the
friend of a woman scorned.
Before I give you my thoughts, I want to make some-
thing perfectly clear: the only person who can decide if
this is acceptable is you. I used to be highly judgmental
about what couples allow or don’t allow within their rela-
tionship, but increasingly I understand that every person
has their individual limits. Your fuse is its own length,
decided by your own experiences and personality. It’s
totally up to you whether you forgive him or not, and you
shouldn’t let other people’s judgments be the things that
dictate your choice. You know him better than your
friends, and if you believe his reasons and you feel like it
won’t happen again and you really want to stay with him,
then you should follow that instinct.
When I first read your letter I wondered what the
cause of your boyfriend’s self-proclaimed “blip” might
be. Is he very young and unsure whether he’s ready for
a serious relationship? Are you his first girlfriend? Is he
these are excuses for setting up a dating
profile, but I’m just trying to understand
what he thinks his moment of crisis was.
Maybe it really was as simple as a need
for validation. I do think the fact he
didn’t engage in conversations with his
matches is an important detail. Dating
apps were designed to feel like a game
and that’s exactly how a lot of people use
them. They acquire matches with other
humans like Mario collecting coins in Kart — the
higher the acquisition, the closer they get to winning.
Winning what? Not a partner but the reassurance that
they are desirable. If your boyfriend really is this unsure
of himself and can’t find his sense of security and confi-
dence within a loving relationship, I feel very sorry for
him. And whether you want to support him through
those insecurities is up to you.
What I will say is: if this is true, it’s very early on in a
relationship for him to feel so destabilised. You haven’t
mentioned that you two have faced any difficulties, so I
worry that the relationship in a state of calm still caused
him to “need validation” elsewhere. What happens if
you start a family and your attention is diverted off him
and on to a baby for a while? What happens if he lost his
job and you got a promotion? What happens when any
of life’s stresses and misfortunes are thrown at you indi-
vidually or together in the future — will he return to
“needing validation” in those moments of uncertainty?
And the other thing to ask yourself beyond the ethics
of his behaviour is the attractiveness of it. Personally
there’s nothing I find less hot than a shady fella.
I have known (and put up with) a lot of them. These
days my dream man is a man who wants to commit —
it is the muscle tone I find sexiest. I want a man who
Alexandra Cameron

in his mid-thirties and at that stage so many men get doesn’t hide his phone or have a secret online life
to where they become terrified of life’s next stage of or have one foot out the door of the relationship.
commitments? Have you had a recent experience that I don’t think that’s a particularly lofty dream. And
made him feel unimportant or emasculated? None of I don’t think it’s a lot to expect of your boyfriend. ■

To get your life dilemma answered by Dolly, email or send a voice note
to deardolly@sundaytimes.co.uk or DM @theststyle

42 • The Sunday Times Style*