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Jokes 1: Justice

A heavily pregnant woman, about seven months gone, got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her
was smiling at her, so she moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again. The man seemed even more amused and when on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied,
"Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her
condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Gold Dust Twins are coming" and I had to smile. "

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had
to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly
control myself."

"BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have
prevented this accident." I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud."

"Case Dismissed" said the Judge.

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Jokes 2: A Surgeon and Mechanic

Written by Lynne
Monday, 01 November 2010 00:00
A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a
little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

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"So tell me," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how
much more you get paid than me.."

"Yes?.." says the surgeon.

"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I check how it's
running, open it up, fix the valves, and put it all back together so it works good as new.. We basically
do the same job don't we? And yet you are paid ten times what I am - how do you explain that?"

The surgeon thought for a moment, and smiling gently, replied,” Try it with the engine running.."
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Article 1: Do you believe that English is easy…? I don’t thinks so.

The following text is discussing the difficulties in English. May be they are a bit funny but it could be
one of your mistakes in English.

• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

• Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

When the stars are out, they are visible,

When the lights are out, they are invisible.

• If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

• C’mon, let’s polish the Polish furniture.

• The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• How can ‘A Slim Chance’ and ‘A Fat Chance’ be the same?
• How can ‘You’re so cool’ and ‘You’re not so hot’ be different?
• Why are ‘A Wise man’ and ‘A Wise guy’ opposites?

• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. !!!

• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
• Boxing rings are square.
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 • A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Now try some more confusing…!

• There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
• Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

And now, Some questions which have remained unanswered …!

• If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn’t mother become Methren?

• If tooth becomes teeth, why doesn’t booth become beeth?
• If one goose becomes two geese, why doesn’t one moose become two meese?
• If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
• How come Writers write but Fingers don’t fing?
And Grocers don’t groce and Hammers don’t ham?

A hat in the plural doesn’t become hose.

And a cat in the plural doesn’t become cose.??????

• A box in the plural becomes is boxes.

But an Ox in the plural never becomes oxes. (It becomes Oxen).
• A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice,
But it’s impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice. (It becomes houses).
• Although the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, we must be grateful for small mercies of
the language that the feminine pronouns after ‘She’ don’t become ‘Shis’ and ‘Shim’.
• If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
• He could lead if he could only get the lead out.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
• It is only in the English language that people recite at a play and play at a recital.
• No sooner had my eye fallen upon the tear in the painting, then this eye of mine began to shed
many a tear.
• I was given a number of injections to make the pain number.
• It’s not ridiculous, but entirely sensible to ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
• We are a strange lot to have noses that run and feet that smell.
• The buck does funny things when the does are present.
• I was proven right that I had the right of way.
• How come you never hear of a combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable person?
• Why is it that whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same?
• Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllable”?

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 • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be
delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and
dry cleaners depressed?
• The human race has been running for a great many centuries now – but we’re not tired yet.
• “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the
longest sentence?
• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

Now, Do you still thing that English is easy…?!

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Interesting words and languages

There’s no Explanation! Just read it to the end…

1. The first word spoken on the moon was “okay”. (Or not – see comments).
2. Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means “the capital” in the Korean language.
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4. There are only four words in the English language which end in “-dous”: tremendous,
horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
5. The “you are here” arrow on maps is called an ideo locator.
6. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
7. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.
8. The symbol used in many URLs (Web addresses) is called a tilde. (~)
9. The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
10. In English, “four” is the only digit that has the same number of letters as its value.
11. Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States.
12. The word “trivia” comes from the Latin “trivium” which is the place where three roads meet, a
public square. People would gather and talk about all sorts of matters, most of which were
trivial.
13. TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters only one row of the
keyboard.
14. “Speak of the Devil” is short for “Speak of the Devil and he shall come”. It was believed that if
you spoke about the Devil it would attract his attention. That’s why when you’re talking about
someone and they show up people say “Speak of the Devil”.
15. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means,
“the King is dead”.
16. Only three words have entered English from Czech: polka, pilsner, and robot.
17. The sentence “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English
language.
18. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
19. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
20. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary is:-
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
21. The only other word with the same amount of letters as it is its plural:-
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses.

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22. The longest non-medical word in the English language is
FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION, which means “the act of estimating as worthless”.
23. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
24. The longest place-name still in use is: ‘Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturi

25. pukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu’ it is the Maori name of a hill in New

Zealand.
26. The longest place name in the UK is
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, it means The name means:
“St Mary’s church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church
of St Tysilio of the red cave”.
27. The longest word in the Old Testament is “Malhershalahashbaz”.
28. Mafia in Old Arabic means ’sanctuary’.
29. Some long running myths say that a pregnant goldfish is called a prat, twit, twat and twerp.
The correct word is actually “gravid”which describes the condition of a female livebearing fish
when carrying young internally.
30. Karaoke means ‘empty orchestra’ in Japanese.
31. The first message tapped by Samuel Morse over his invention the telegraph was: “What hath
God wraught?”
32. The first words spoken by over Alexander Bell over the telephone were: “Watson, please come
here. I want you.
33. The first words spoken by Thomas Edison over the phonograph were: “Mary had a little
lamb.”
34. “Papaphobia” is the fear of Popes.
35. The Academy Award statue is named after a librarian’s uncle. One day Margaret Herrick,
librarian for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, made a remark that the statue
looked like her Uncle Oscar, and the name stuck.
36. The three words in the English language with the letters “uu” are: vacuum, residuum and
continuum.
37. “Underground” is the only word in English that begins and ends with the letters “und.”
38. A baby in Florida was named: Truewilllaughinglifebuckyboomermanifestdestiny. His middle
name is George James.
39. ‘Dreamt’ is the only English word that ends in the letters ‘mt’.
40. The word ‘Bye’ is used in both English and Spanish meaning the same thing.
41. “Pogonophobia” is the fear of beards.
42. In Chinese, the words crisis and opportunity are the same. (Or not – see comments)
43. The infinity character on the keyboard is called a “lemniscate”.
44. The salutation ‘good bye’ came from God bye which came from God be with you.
45. “So-long” came from the Arabic “salaam” and the Hebrew “shalom.”
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 46. The word ‘nerd’ was first coined by Dr. Seuss in ‘If I ran the Zoo’.
47. Before Jets, Jet lag was called Boat lag.
48. The word “monosyllable” actually has five syllables in it.
49. There are no words in the English language that rhyme with month, silver, purple or orange.
50. The letter “n” ends all Japanese words not ending in a vowel.
51. It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the
Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word
from the last word is spear.
52. ‘Zorro’ means ‘fox’ in Spanish.
53. The verb “to cleave” has definitions which are antonyms of each other: to adhere and to
separate.
54. The verb “sanction” also has definitions which are antonyms: to sponsor and to ban.
55. You won’t find a “6″ in Cameroon phone numbers–the native language has no sound for “x.
56. “The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable.”
57. There is a seven-letter word in English that contains eleven words without rearranging any of
its letters, “therein”: the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, I, therein, herein.
58. Rhythm” and “syzygy” are the longest English words without vowels.
59. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would
burn their houses down – hence the expression “to get fired.”

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