How to make

your own Cards

Against Humanity
Download this PDF and print it at home.
You can use regular white paper, or heavy
white cardstock if you have any.

The cards are black and white, so don’t

worry if you don’t have a color printer.

Cut the cards along the lines using

scissors or an ancient katana. The more
precisely you cut the cards, the easier
they’ll be to handle later. If you use a
katana, we recommend the traditional
jōge-suburi overhead strike.

You’re done!

2.3
Game Rules
Basic Rules
To start the game, each player draws ten white cards.
The player who most recently pooped begins as the Card Czar
and draws a black card. If Hugh Jackman is playing, he goes first,
regardless of how recently he pooped.
The Card Czar reads the question or fill-in-the-blank phrase on the
black card out loud. Everyone else answers the question or fills in the
blank by passing one white card, face down, to the Card Czar.
The Card Czar then shuffles all the answers and reads each card
combination out loud to the group. The Card Czar should re-read
the black card before presenting each answer. Finally, the Card Czar
picks the funniest play, and whoever submitted it gets one point.
After the round, a new player becomes the Card Czar and everyone
draws back up to ten white cards.
PICK
Some black cards say “PICK 2” on the bottom. To answer these,
each player plays two white cards in combination. IMPORTANT:
Arrange them in the order that the Card Czar should read them—play
the first card face down, and then play the second card face down on
top of it.
Gambling
If you have more than one white card that you think could win a
round, you can bet one of your points to play an extra white card. If
you win, you keep the point. If you lose, whoever wins gets the point
you wagered.
House Rules
Cards Against Humanity is meant to be remixed. Here are some of
our favorite ways to pimp out the rules:
Rando Cardrissian: Every round, pick one random white card from
the pile and place it into play. This card belongs to an imaginary
player named Rando Cardrissian, and if he wins the game, all players
go home in a state of everlasting shame.
Happy Ending: When you’re ready to end the game, play the “Make
a haiku” black card. This is the official ceremonial ending of a good
game of Cards Against Humanity. Note: Haikus don’t need to follow
the 5-7-5 form. They just have to be read dramatically.
Never Have I Ever: At any time, players may discard cards that they
don’t understand, but they must confess their ignorance to the group
and suffer the resulting humiliation.
House Rules (cont.)
Wheaton’s Law: Each round, the Card Czar draws two black cards,
chooses the one they’d prefer to play, and puts the other at the
bottom of the black card pile.
Rebooting the Universe: At any time, players may trade in a point to
return as many white cards as they’d like to the deck and draw back
to ten.
Packing Heat: For Pick 2s, all players draw an extra card before
playing the hand to open up more options.
Meritocracy: Instead of passing clockwise, the role of Card Czar
passes to the winner of the previous round.
Smooth Operator: If a player slips a card from their hand into
conversation without anyone noticing, they may trade it for one point.
If the player is called out, they lose a point. If this rule is confusing,
you’re taking this game too seriously.
Tie Breaker: If the Card Czar can’t decide between two white cards,
they may declare a Tie Breaker. In the event of a Tie Breaker, the
more conventionally attractive player wins.
Chubby Bunny: Players crumple up their winning cards and keep
them in their mouths as points.
Freaky Friday: Players play Cards Against Humanity while wearing
their mothers’ underpants.
Hard Mode: Play Cards Against Humanity while raising four kids,
dealing with chronic back pain, and waiting tables at Chili’s. Bonus!
For an added challenge, try being gay or black.
Russian Roulette: The Card Czar takes out a revolver. They place
one bullet at random in the cylinder, spin it, and close it. They then
hold the gun to their head and pull the trigger. If the Card Czar
survives, they defiantly place the gun in the center of the table and
eye the other players, challenging them to pick up the gun “if they’re
man enough.” The Card Czar wins a point.
Hail to the Chief: A player may earn a point at any time by
announcing candidacy for and successfully being elected President
of the United States of America.
Race to the Moon: All players begin masturbating immediately.
Then what happens?
Smoke Opium and Play Cards Against Humanity: Great idea!
Wait for Godot: At the start of the game, instead of drawing a
hand, players stare at the pile of white cards. After an indeterminate
amount of time, players move their gaze to the pile of black cards.
The game doesn’t begin. How can it begin? It has already ended. In
the gloom, players shift their cloudy gaze from pile to pile. Is it a trick
of the light, or do the black cards and white cards seem to converge
in an indistinguishable grayness? Mote by mote, dust settles on the
cards. Nobody accumulates points. Nobody wins.
Don’t play Cards Against Humanity: Walk to a park. Call your
mother. Live a little.
2.3
Silence. The illusion of Many bats. Hot Asian men.
choice in a late-
stage capitalist
society.

Shame. Website. Assaulting a Magnets.

police officer.

A sorry excuse Seeing what A crucifixion. A narc.

for a father. happens when
you lock people
in a room with
hungry seagulls.

Boneless A live studio Complaining. Authentic

buffalo wings. audience. Mexican cuisine.

Doing crimes. COVID-19. Crippling debt. Daddy issues.

2.3
Working in A fart so powerful Former President Full frontal nudity.
an Amazon that it wakes the George W. Bush.
warehouse. giants from their
thousand-year
slumber.

Covering myself Laying an egg. Getting naked Pretending to care.

with Parmesan and watching
cheese and chili Nickelodeon.
flakes because I
am pizza.

Having big dreams Seeing Grandma Boogers. The Confederate

but no realistic way naked. flag.
to achieve them.

The miracle A positive attitude! Having a stroke. White privilege.

of childbirth.

Emerging from the The Hamburglar. AXE Body Spray. The Blood
sea and rampaging of Christ.
through Tokyo.

2.3
Soft, kissy BATMAN! Agriculture. Barely making
missionary sex. $25,000 a year.

Natural selection. Boomers. Dropping a hot My abusive

doodie out of boyfriend who
my turd hole. really isn’t so bad
once you get to
know him.

Prescription Swooping. Mansplaining. A homoerotic

pain killers. volleyball montage.

Alexandria Putting things Holding a pepper All-you-can-eat

Ocasio-Cortez. where they go. grinder for some shrimp for $8.99.
reason.

An old guy who’s Kanye West. Hot cheese. Getting serial killed.
almost dead.

2.3
Seven dead and Smegma. Alcoholism. A middle-aged man
three in critical on roller skates.
condition.

Looking in the Grabbing my man Stuffing my peehole Self-loathing.

mirror, applying by his love handles with Tic Tacs.
lipstick, and and fucking his
whispering big ass.
“tonight, you will
have sex with
Tom Cruise.”

Sitting on my Half-assed foreplay. The Holy Bible. German

face and telling dungeon porn.
me I’m garbage.

Being on fire. Teenage Gandhi. Your weird brother.

pregnancy.

Birth control. Nasty shit, like An erection that A three-way

real sick stuff. lasts longer than with my wife and
four hours. Shaquille O’Neal.

2.3
The past. My genitals. An endless stream Science.
of diarrhea.

Not reciprocating Flightless birds. A good sniff. 50,000 volts

oral sex. straight to
the nipples.

Da clurb. Dead birds The arrival of Permanent

everywhere. the pizza. Orgasm-Face
Disorder.

The cool, Irritable bowel Oprah. Wondering if it’s

refreshing taste syndrome. possible to get
of Pepsi.® some of that
salsa to go.

Bananas. Passive-aggressive Me jubbly bubblies. Switching

Post-it notes. to Geico.®

2.3
Peeing a little bit. Wet dreams. The Jews. My cheating
son-of-a-bitch
husband.

Powerful thighs. These hoes. The only gay Having sex for
person in a the first time.
hundred miles.

Donald J. Trump. Kissing grandma A certain An AR-15

on the forehead je ne sais quoi. assault rifle.
and turning off
her life support.

My good bra. Punching a Saying everything Being rich.

congressman is okay when
in the face. everything is
clearly not okay.

Floating down the Republicans. Sniffing and A much

Hudson River with kissing my feet. younger woman.
the other garbage.

2.3
Poverty. Kamala Harris. Committing A loser like you.
suicide.

A mistake. Squirting. Wizard music. The Kool-Aid Man.

Explaining the Free samples. Hurting those Feeding

difference between closest to me. strawberries to
sex and gender. my manslut.

The Three-Fifths Lactation. Laughing over Shutting up

Compromise. champagne flutes so I can watch
while the poor the game.
freeze to death
outside.

Eating a hard Doing white people One titty Fucking all my

boiled egg out shit with a bunch of hanging out. dad’s friends.
of my husband’s white people.
asshole.

2.3
Drinking gasoline Inappropriate Puberty. Ghosts.
to see what it yodeling.
tastes like.

50 mg of Fucking my sister. Braiding three Vigorous jazz

Zoloft daily. penises into a hands.
Twizzler.

Getting fingered. My Uber GoGurt.® Police brutality.

driver, Pavel.

Filling my briefcase Preteens. My fat daughter. Clean drinking

with business stuff. water.

Fading away into Darth Vader. A sad handjob. Exactly what

nothingness. you’d expect.

2.3
Expecting a burp Adderall.® Your mom. Sideboob.
and vomiting on
the floor.

An octopus giving My neck, my back, J.D. Power and Mouth herpes.

seven handjobs my pussy, and his associates.
and smoking my crack.
a cigarette.

Sperm whales. Women of color. Men discussing Incest.

their feelings in
an emotionally
healthy way.

Pac-Man Casually Running out God.

uncontrollably suggesting a of semen.
guzzling cum. threesome.

Backing over a kid Pissing in my Emotions. Licking things

with the Buick. thirsty mouth. to claim them
as your own.

2.3
Jobs. The placenta. Lips that could The Bachelorette
suck the chrome season finale.
off a doorknob.

Throwing grapes at Establishing Finger painting. Old-people smell.

a man until he loses dominance.
touch with reality.

Getting crushed by My inner demons. A Super Soaker™ Aunt Jemima’s®

a vending machine. full of cat pee. racist pancake
sauce.

Cuddling. However much Battlefield Spaghetti? Again?

weed $20 can buy. amputations.

Ronald Reagan. A disappointing Nachos for Becoming a

birthday party. the table. blueberry.

2.3
A tiny horse. Crab. Selling crack The Wendy’s Spicy
to children. Chicken Sandwich.

Brown people. Sexually active Pedophiles. Yeast.

band geeks.

How bad my Rectangles. Being fucking Poor people.

daughter fucked up pathetic.
her dance recital.

Only dating Putting children Karen. How amazing

Asian women. in cages. it is to be on
mushrooms.

Judging everyone. Kourtney, Kim, Getting married, Some god damn

Khloe, Kendall, having a few kids, peace and quiet.
and Kylie. buying some stuff,
retiring to Florida,
and dying.

2.3
AIDS. Pictures of boobs. Strong female Getting decapitated
characters. by a helicopter.

Hospice care. Getting really high. The opioid Penis envy.

epidemic.

Gay conversion Burgers and pussy. German Chancellor The KKK.

therapy. Angela Merkel.

A pangender Meth. Cyanide. Holding down a

octopus who child and farting
roams the cosmos all over him.
in search of love.

A Bop It.™ A whole thing Still being a virgin. Solving problems

of butter. with violence.

2.3
Getting Pixelated bukkake. A lifetime A non-disclosure
cummed on. of sadness. agreement.

Dick pics. Racism. Menstrual rage. Sunshine and

rainbows.

Joe Biden. Three ounces My little boner. My gay best friend.

of clean urine.

A gossamer stream Executing a The rhythms Breaking out into

of jizz that catches hostage every hour. of Africa. song and dance.
the light as it
arcs through the
morning air.

Leprosy. Gloryholes. Nipple blades. The heart of a child.

2.3
Puppies! Fellowship Little boy penises. Waking up
in Christ. half-naked in
a Denny’s
parking lot.

An older woman Getting drugs Daniel Radcliffe’s Active listening.

who knows her way off the street and delicious asshole.
around the penis. into my body.

Ethnic cleansing. Itchy pussy. Blowing my A fuck-ton

boyfriend so of almonds.
hard he shits.

A salad for Waiting till Unfathomable Pretending to

men that’s marriage. stupidity. be a dentist.
made of metal.

The Devil himself. Salvation. Erectile My collection of

dysfunction. Japanese sex toys.

2.3
The Pope. White people. Tentacle porn. My bright pink
fuckhole.

How far I can Having anuses Two Xanax and a My pet

get my own penis for eyes. bottle of wine. scorpion, Tina.
up my butt.

Danny DeVito. The magic of Throwing a virgin Dwayne “The

live theatre. into a volcano. Rock” Johnson.

Accepting the NBA superstar Listening to Therapy.

way things are. LeBron James. her problems
without trying
to solve them.

Being fat Pooping back Tearing that ass More elephant

and stupid. and forth. Forever. up like wrapping cock than I
paper on Christmas bargained for.
morning.

2.3
A salty surprise. The South. The violation of Saudi oil money.
our most basic
human rights.

Consensual sex. Telling a shitty A good, Seeing my

story that goes strong gorilla. father cry.
nowhere.

Necrophilia. Being a woman. Getting into a Bill Nye the

pretty bad car Science Guy.
accident.

Black people. The Boy Scouts Lunchables.™ Bitches.

of America.

Some punk kid Heartwarming Spirit Airlines. Bubble butt

who stole my orphans. bottom boys.
turkey sandwich.

2.3
A bowl of Fiery poops. Saying “I love you.” Inserting a Mason
mayonnaise and jar into my anus.
human teeth.

The true meaning Whatever’s in Owning and Estrogen.

of Christmas. the fridge. operating a Chili’s
franchise.

Girls. The Russians. A bleached Fucking the

asshole. weatherman on
live television.

PTSD. Dark and Smallpox blankets. Masturbating.

mysterious forces
beyond our control.

Hobos. Queefing. My fuckslave, Cardi B.

Reginald.

2.3
Viagra.® Soup that The ugliest Explaining how
is too hot. boy in town. vaginas work.

Academy Award Drinking alone. Dick fingers. Multiple stab

winner Meryl wounds.
Streep.

The death penalty. A supportive touch Anal beads. Slaughtering

on the lower back. innocent civilians.

Pulling out. Being able to talk Horse meat. A really cool hat.
to elephants.

Stalin. A stray pube. Worshipping Completely

that pussy. unwarranted
confidence.

2.3
Doin’ it in the butt. My ex-wife. Tiny tits that say Touching a pug
“Yippee!” when right on his penis.
you touch them.

A windmill full The whole Vladimir Putin. The Patriarchy.

of corpses. enchilada.

The glass ceiling. Vomiting seafood The American Not wearing pants.
and bleeding anally. Dream.

My balls on Pooping in a laptop Some bitch who Foreskin.

your face. and closing it. loves pineapple.

A saxophone solo. Italians. A fetus. Firing a rifle

into the air while
balls deep in a
squealing hog.

2.3
Mike Pence. 10,000 Syrian Toxic masculinity. My relationship
refugees. status.

An unwanted marvel My boss. Bees?

pregnancy.

Harry Potter Giving birth to the Three dicks at the Nazis.

erotica. Antichrist. same time.

8 oz. of Mexican What that Dead parents. Object

black-tar heroin. mouth do. permanence.

Opposable thumbs. Racially-biased The Great Chainsaws

SAT questions. Depression. for hands.

2.3
Nicolas Cage. Like, whatever. Explosions. Not vaccinating my
children because
I am stupid.

Our dildo. Huffing spray paint. A man on the Using a condom.

brink of orgasm.

Invading Poland. My vagina. Assless chaps. Murder.

Sipping kombucha Her Majesty, Queen Black Jesus. Memes.

like a smug piece Elizabeth II.
of shit.

Sex with animals. Being marginalized. Goblins. Hope.

2.3
Liberals. A micropenis. Committing A ball of earwax,
treason. semen, and toenail
clippings.

A horde of Vikings. Hot people. Seething with quiet An Oedipus

resentment. complex.

Geese. Extremely Fox News. A little boy who

tight pants. won’t shut the
fuck up about
dinosaurs.

Bryan Cranston, Vehicular Women’s suffrage. Some guy.

of all people. manslaughter.

Judge Judy. Climbing a This month’s Barack Obama.

telephone pole mass shooting.
and becoming
one with the
T-Mobile network.

2.3
Illegal immigrants. My horny, The female orgasm. Heteronormativity.
horny son.

Crumbs all over the Corporate America. The wifi password. A time-traveling
god damn carpet. Chinese general
from the Shang
Dynasty.

A bird that shits A mopey zoo lion. A bag of Poor life choices.
human turds. magic beans.

My sex life. Auschwitz. Cocaine for lunch. All the dudes

I’ve fucked.

The clitoris. The Big Bang. Land mines. The entire Mormon
Tabernacle Choir.

2.3
A micropig wearing Penis breath. A gambling Man meat.
a tiny raincoat problem.
and booties.

Me time. The Underground Kayaking with Boppin’ my flopper.

Railroad. my sluts.

Lumberjack Morgan Freeman’s Women in yogurt The prostate.

fantasies. voice. commercials.

Being a My Black ass. Genuine human Announcing that I

motherfucking connection. am about to cum.
sorcerer.

Balls. Grandma. Friction. Chunks of

dead hitchhiker.

2.3
Farting and Being a dick One trillion dollars. Drowning the kids
walking away. to children. in the bathtub.

Dying. Drinking out of The gays. The screams... the

the toilet and terrible screams.
eating garbage.

Men. The bombing Fake tits. The Amish.

of Nagasaki.

Calling the cops My ugly face and A bitch slap. A brain tumor.
on an innocent bad personality.
Black man.

Giggling like an Swamp ass. The milkman. Cards Against

anime girl. Humanity.

2.3
Hey Reddit! I’m Introducing What is Batman’s TSA guidelines now
. X-treme Baseball! guilty pleasure? prohibit
Ask me anything. It’s like baseball, on airplanes.
but with
!

Next from J.K. That’s right, I killed I’m sorry, And the Academy
Rowling: Harry . Professor, but I Award for
Potter and the How, you ask? couldn’t complete
Chamber of . my homework goes to
. because of .
.

Dude, do not go How did I lose It’s a pity that kids Step 1: .
in that bathroom. my virginity? these days are all Step 2: .
There’s getting involved Step 3: Profit.
in there. with .

. Kids, I don’t need For my next trick, I Mitch McConnell

Betcha can’t have drugs to get high. will pull can’t cum without
just one! I’m high on out of . .
.

In the new Disney What’s my I’m going on a

Channel Original secret power? cleanse this week. +
Movie, Hannah Nothing but kale = .
Montana struggles juice and
with .
for the first time.

2.3
When Pharaoh Just once, I’d like Daddy, why is When I was tripping
remained unmoved, to hear you say mommy crying? on acid,
Moses called down “Thanks, Mom. turned into
a Plague of Thanks for .
. .”

50% of all My fellow This season at Instead of coal,

marriages end in Americans: Before Steppenwolf, Santa now gives
. this decade is Samuel Beckett’s the bad children
out, we will have classic existential .
play: Waiting for
on the moon! .

Life for American What’s Teach For Maybe she’s born What is George
Indians was forever America using with it. Maybe it’s W. Bush thinking
changed when to inspire inner . about right now?
the White Man city students to
introduced them to succeed?
.

White people like Why do I hurt A romantic,

. is a slippery slope all over? candlelit dinner
that leads to would be
. incomplete without
.

Just saw this Fun tip! When your The class field trip What’s a girl’s
upsetting video! man asks you to go was completely best friend?
Please retweet!! down on him, try ruined by
#stop surprising him with .

instead.

2.3
Dear Abby, I’m In Jordan Peele’s new When I am What are my
having some thriller, a young family President, I parents hiding
trouble with discovers that will create the from me?
Department of
and would like had really been .
your advice.
all along.

What never fails to IF you like Make a haiku. What made my first
liven up the party? , kiss so awkward?
YOU MIGHT BE
A REDNECK.

Hey guys, welcome I got 99 problems . Hulu’s new reality

to Chili’s! Would but It’s a trap! show features
you like to start the ain’t one. twelve hot singles
night off right with living with
? .

What would . I never truly During sex, I like

grandma find That was so metal. understood to think about
disturbing, yet .
oddly charming? until I encountered
.

What ended my What’s that sound? Uh, hey guys, I Why am I sticky?
last relationship? know this was my
idea, but I’m having
serious doubts
about .

2.3
I’m no doctor, What’s there a ton After four platinum What will always
but I’m pretty of in heaven? albums and three get you laid?
sure what you’re Grammys, it’s time to
suffering from get back to my roots,
is called to what inspired me to
“ .” make music in the first
place: .

They said we were Lifetime® presents : Why can’t I

crazy. They said we “ : kid-tested, sleep at night?
couldn’t put the Story of mother-approved.
.”
inside of .
They were wrong.

What’s that smell? Why is Brett This is the way the Coming to
so sweaty? world ends Broadway
This is the way the this season,
world ends :
Not with a bang but The Musical.
with .

Here is the church But before I kill A recent laboratory Introducing

Here is the steeple you, Mr. Bond, I study shows that the amazing
Open the doors must show you undergraduates superhero/sidekick
And there is . have 50% less duo! It’s
. sex after being and
exposed to !
.

Next on ESPN2: When I am a Military historians War! What is

The World Series of billionaire, I remember Alexander it good for?
. shall erect a the Great for his brilliant
50-foot statue to use of
commemorate against the Persians.
.

2.3
What gives me The new Chevy Well if you’ll excuse Alternative
uncontrollable gas? Tahoe. With the me, gentlemen, I medicine is now
power and space to have a date with embracing the
take . curative powers of
everywhere you go. .

As the mom of five . Today on Maury: I get by with a

rambunctious boys, High five, bro. “Help! My son is little help from
I’m no stranger to !” .
.

★✩✩✩✩ Do NOT I drink to forget I’m LeBron James, What makes life
go here! Found . and when I’m not worth living?
slamming dunks, I
in my fettuccine love .
alfredo!

Arby’s: We Have Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, we If you can’t be with Brought to you by
. called you in because the one you love, Bud Light®, the
we’re concerned about love . Official Beer of
Cynthia. Are you aware .
that your daughter is
?

Click Here for Check me out, Old MacDonald had Men’s Wearhouse:
!!! yo! I call this . You’re gonna like
dance move E-I-E-I-O. .
“ .” I guarantee it.

2.3
Terms of Use
Thanks for downloading this all over your computer.

Cards Against Humanity is free to use under the Creative Commons

BY-NC-SA 2.0 License. You can read more about the license at:
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/.

These are the terms of the copyright:

Attribution: If you distribute our game, give us credit for the content.

Noncommercial: You can’t sell our game or any derivative of our game
for money or sexual favors.

Share Alike: If you modify and/or distribute our game, you must use the
Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 2.0 License.

You must also comply with the Laws of Man and Nature. Don’t use any
form of this game for nefarious purposes like libel, slander, diarrhea,
copyright infringement, harassment, or death. If you break the law and
get in trouble for it, Cards Against Humanity is free of all liability.

2.3