Over the years people have become more comfortable with who they are, both

mentally and physically. They aren’t worrying as much about what people think about them,

they are becoming free to be themselves. There are many people who will disagree, think that

with LGBTQ it could make everything worse. But if people are being more open with

themselves, how could it get worse? In How Do I Define My Gender if No One is Watching Me,

the author says, “How do I define my gender when I- accustomed to how visible my gender

usually makes me- am no longer being watched” The author explores how people feel about

themselves and their gender behind closed doors. This isn’t only for the LGBTQ either, what

about our people of color? Are people only really changing their appearance to suit what others

want? Or are they finally becoming themselves and others don’t like it? Will this pandemic

change people’s perspectives of others? To others being you is perspective but to you, it’s all

you know how to be.

In this generation, liking the same gender or changing your own gender is starting to

become normal, almost natural. I will say there are still people who are old school and

traditional about this kind of stuff like sex, marriage and who you should love based on your

sex. But if you find someone you love and they are someone who makes you happy, why does

others opinion matter? There are a lot of people who are starting to feel less judged by others.

If you were to be gay 50 years ago. You would be outcasted, kicked out. But in the 21st century,

it is starting to be normalized. People understand more than it is not a choice, you don’t choose

who you love as much as a lot of people believe that.

When you start to feel more yourself you do become freer, in the sense that you don’t

need to hide anymore. In the article “how do I define my gender if no one is watching me?” by
Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, it states, “I would have imagined this new expansiveness would be

freeing. Instead, it was at first disorienting. With the gender binary all but gone, what did it

mean to be nonbinary? How do I define my gender when I — accustomed to how visible my

gender usually makes me — am no longer being watched?” At first, Marzano-Lesnevich wasn’t

sure how to feel with this new freedom. From behind a screen, you can be who you are. In a

pandemic and in quarantine, the only people around you are people who you want there,

usually people who let you be yourself and love you for you. “What’s really struck me,” she told

me, “Is that removing the peer gaze has allowed for more gender experimentation.” Without

the constant watching and judgment people are free to be able to try new things.

The article “What we believe about identity” by Julia Alvarez says, “The territory of

identity in later life needs to be explored and articulated.”’ When talking about gender and

race, there is one common ground. Feeling comfortable in your own skin. People get bullied

just as much for their sexuality and they do race, both are extremely messed up, but it does

happen every day. “We were vaguely of “Spanish origin,” which was better than the more

deprecating slurs of the playground: “spic,” “wetback,” “greaser.” (What we believe about

identity). People would say awful things to people who weren’t white and its horrible, what

people don’t always realize is that it isn’t just the people of color who get the harsh words. “I

started taking testosterone, I thought it would be easier not to see people for a while. Maybe

they wouldn’t hear my voice go scratchy or see up close the hormonal acne splattered across

my face.” (How do I define my gender if no one is watching me?).

This pandemic has done wonders for everyone. Before the pandemic Mx. Slarii, a black

performer in Minneapolis, came out as female and people around her pressured her and
expected her to get “breast augmentation”. Later on, they decided they were nonbinary.

“When, during the pandemic, Mx. Slarii pursued a second gender-affirming surgery, a Brazilian

butt lift, it was an entirely different emotional experience. This time, the surgery was no longer

a means of selling a narrative to be believed and seen; now Mx. Slarii’ s body was simply their

own” (How do I define my gender if no one is watching me?). This pandemic gave Mx. Slarii a

chance to do something to their body, not to impress anybody or because someone told them

to do it. Because it genuinely makes Mx. Slarii happy and gives them control on what they do.

They are starting to feel more comfortable in their own skin.

COVID-19 required people to stay home and quarantine away from people and with

staying home people had nothing to do, they had technology and social media. “I think many

of us use it to document ourselves and our lives not out of self-love, but out of a genuine desire

for self-understanding” (Always watching by Haley Nahman). People are able to put themselves

out there on social media and be who they want to be and let people see what they want to

see. They could be anybody they want. On social media people get both positive and negative

comments. But it is how they deal with these comments that make people who they are. Social

media is making LGBTQ+ and different races and religions and cultures normal.

There are a lot of people who put themselves out on social media have a hard time with

popularity and being themselves at school. They want to show off that their life is better or

want to be more popular. But constantly being watched and judged is not the answer. “They

say the unobserved life isn’t worth living, but what of the over-observed one?” (Always

Watching). What is so good about being watched all the time? Yes, there are a lot of people

who say that an unobserved life isn’t worth living, but do they really believe that. Being able to
watch from the side lines is not that bad. Being able to be yourself no matter who is there is not

the works thing. People want other people on social media to believe that they have the

perfect life, but it is just a charade. It is behind the camera that truly matters.

Over Quarantine there are people who have felt invisible, over watched and just kinda

there. People have felt that they are not able to be themselves in front of people and others

that put on a charade to make everyone believe they are perfect. People put on makeup to

make people think they naturally look like that; people get surgeries to fit other peoples

people’s image of perfect. Like Mx. Slarii, they originally got a “breast augmentation” surgery

because that’s what everyone expected of her but then during quarantine Mx. Slarii got a

Brazilian butt lift just because they wanted to, because it made them feel beautiful in their own

body. Not everybody is like Mx. Slarii, feeling comfortable in their own body quite yet.

After this pandemic people start to worry about what comes after. What happens after

you have felt almost invisible for so long?. I rework the quote, “With the gender binary all but

gone, what did it mean to be nonbinary? How do I define my gender when I — accustomed to

how visible my gender usually makes me — am no longer being watched?” After not caring

about what people thought for so long, how to you go back to the judgement? Did the work

change while we were stuck indoors? After quarantine ended and we were sent back to school,

we were all forced to wear masks. People covered most of their face when around people and

the only people who sees all of you is the people you want to.

This mask, face covering faze gives people a chance to get more comfortable in their

skin once again, but this time around everyone. People have changed in the sense that they just
want to be around people now after so long of being locked inside. This is a learning stage for

not just people of color or people who are learning and experimenting their very own sexuality,

but this is also a learning point for people who were afraid to go back. Were afraid of being

judged because there is not one person who did not change over this pandemic, it has been

two years. Everyone is evolving. Evolvement takes time.

It took 246 years to abolish slavery. And almost 400 for people of color to feel at least

semi-comfortable in this world. 60 years ago, girls who loved girls or boys who loved boys were

unheard of, and when they were they were cast out. And it still happens to this day but not as

much. There are a lot of people who are proud to be gay or happy for their friends or family

who come out. And it is just more recently that people change their gender to feel more

comfortable in their body. Some people just know when their gender doesn’t match their mind.

And they are the lucky ones. For many people it takes years to understand how they feel. There

are people who feel like they are the opposite gender or people who feel like they are both or

neither male nor female.

There are many people who are just figuring this out. Quarantine helped a lot of people

figure out their own mind and helped them test the waters without feeling judged for it. How

do you define your gender if no one is watching you? You figure out who you are and wait to

tell people till you are sure or maybe you will never be sure, just go by “I am who I am” until

you find a word for it. Over the years people have grown to learn about identity and who they

are. It may have taken hundreds of years, but people are starting to treat each other with true

kindness and not judge someone for being different, special and or just who they are. Because
there is no changing someone else’s identity. There is just growing yourself to be able to grow

with the rest of the world.

Work Cited-

-“Always watching” by Haley Nahman

- “how do I define my gender if no one is watching me?” by Alex Marzano-Lesnevich

-“What we believe about identity” by Julia Alvarez