Managing Emotional Triggers
Developing a Healthy Self-Image
SELF-IMAGE is about how you perceive yourself both as
physical and an individual. It also incorporates how you view
and assess your strengths and weaknesses. This
assessment of your abilities, attributes, and characteristics
from a collective representation of how you are as you see
yourself-your self-image.
Core Values
● Positive traits are inherent in a person that
guarantee success, prosperity, and happiness. It
reflects the Image of God because we are his
children and we were created in His image and
likeness. However, because of the influence of our
caregivers, friends, and environment, this has been
prevented from being maximized or actualized into
the person’s full potential.
Self-beliefs & Programs
● Are positive or negative ideas not inherent in us but
we believed to be true or real. These are influences
we learned from others since the time we were born
that were internalized by repetition and emotional
involvement affecting our self-beliefs.
Attitudes
● These are thoughts and feelings we have about
ourselves and other people, influenced by our
positive or negative programs.
Behavior
● These are actions influenced by our attitudes.
● if we think and feel negative, we act negatively,
causing stress
● if we think and feel positive, we release our core
value or real image which is “God-like,” bringing out
the best in us.
BEHAVIORS
ATTITUDES
PROGRAMS
CORE VALUES
REAL ME + GOD’S IMAGE
SELF-IMAGE
HOW WE THINK AND FEEL
HOW WE ACT
There are four major components of emotions. One, our
understanding of emotions is dependent on how we interpret
or evaluate an object, stimulus, or event; Second, it can be
pleasurable or unpleasant; Third, physiological arousal
always follows it and it moves us into action.
“Emotion is an aspect of our life that brings meaning and
quality to our existence.”(Stanford Encyclopedia of
Philosophy). It controls our thinking, behavior, and action.
Thus, as it affects our thinking and feeling, it also affects our
physical bodies. According to Korus (2002), “Emotions are
reliable indicators of how things are going on around us.
Emotions help keep us on the right track by making sure that
we are led by more than the mental/ intellectual faculties of
thought, perception, reason, and memory.”
“There are varying degrees of intensity of both types of
emotions, some being mild, others moderate, and others
strong in intensity that may be a result or response to
emotional triggers.
When your brain perceives that someone has taken or plans
to take one of these important things away from you, then
your emotions are triggered.
You react with anger or fear, then you quickly rationalize
your behavior so it makes sense. You may lose trust in the
person or situation. You may lose courage or react in a way
that could hurt your relationships in the future.
Emotional triggers
● They may be people, words, opinions, situations,
that provoke an intense and excessive emotional
reaction within us. Common emotions that we
experience while being triggered include anger,
rage, sadness, and fear.
● Our emotions can teach us valuable lessons. It
reflects what you want to change, how you want to
act in the future, or what is valuable to you.
Depending on our beliefs, values, and earlier life
experiences - anything can trigger us.
How do you manage your emotional triggers?
1. The 1st step is to accept responsibility for your
reactions.
● Rather than feeling like a victim, you try to
identify what is the trigger to how you feel at
the moment. This gives you power and
clarity on what you need to do.
2. 2nd step is to recognize that you are having an
emotional reaction as soon as it begins to
appear in your body.
● Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, author of
Looking for Spinoza: Joy, Sorrow and the
 Feeling Brain, has identified certain
physiological changes occurring as a
pattern one can identify as a feeling.
● Breathing rate, muscle tension, constriction
in your gut, blood flow, etc.
● Emotions are not to be feared or judged.
You can’t change emotions if you cannot
recognize them. It may negatively affect
your relationships, performance, &
happiness.
3. The 3rd step is to determine what triggered the
emotion.
● “What do you think you lost or what did you
not get that you expected or desired to
have?” The strengths that have helped in
life are also your greatest emotional triggers
when you feel someone is not honoring one
of them. When your brain perceives that
someone has taken or plans to take one of
these important things away from you, your
emotions are triggered.
● The quicker you notice an emotion is
triggered, the sooner you can discover if the
threat is real or not.
4. The 4th step is to choose what you want to feel
and what you want to do.
● Though reaction to your emotional triggers
could subside, they may never go away.
The best you can do is to quickly identify
when an emotion is triggered and then
choose what to say or do next.
5. The 5th step is to actively shift your emotional
state.
● You can practice this step at any time, even
when you first notice a reaction to help you
think through your triggers and responses.
When you determine what you want to do
next, shift into the emotion that will help you
get the best results.
● Relax – breathe and release the tension in
your body.
● Detach – clear your mind of all thoughts.
● Center – drop your awareness to the center
of your body just below your navel.
● Focus – choose one keyword that
represents how you want to feel in this
moment. Breathe in the word and allow
yourself to feel the shift.
● We don’t fight emotions, we manage them
Managing emotions isn’t about avoiding them; it’s putting
strategies in place that let you use them effectively rather
than letting them govern your behaviors and actions. Your
emotions are your natural guidance system—and they are
more effective when you don’t try to fight them.
Non-Violent Communication
Unmet needs could trigger negative emotions that may
affect the way we relate to each other. One way to improve
is communicating Non - Violently or through compassionate
engagement.
Non-violent Communication
● Compassionate communication
● Moving beyond the traditional conditioning of
resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions to
conflict, to a deeper, more human, more
compassionate understanding of self and others
● Fosters deep listening, respect, empathy, and a
mutual desire to give and receive from the heart;
healing
Components of NVC Model
● Observation
● Feeling
● Needs
● Request
Life-alienating Communication
1. Moralistic judgments – judgments that imply
wrongness or badness on the part of people who
don’t act in harmony with our values (blame, insults,
put-downs, labels, criticisms, comparisons,
diagnoses)
● Our attention is focused on analyzing,
classifying and determining levels of
wrongness rather than on what we, and
others need and are not getting
● Analyses of others are actually expressions
of our own (unmet) needs and values
2. Making comparisons
3. Denial of responsibility – attributing responsibility for
our thoughts, feelings, actions to:
● Vague, impersonal forces
● Our condition, diagnosis, personal or
psychological history
● The actions of others
● The dictates of authority
● Group pressure
● Institutional policies, rules, and regulations
● Gender roles, social roles, age roles
● Uncontrollable impulses
4. Communicating our desires as demands
5. “Who-deserves-what” thinking - entitlement
Taking A Negative Message
● Hear blame and/or criticism; give in or defend self:
blame ourselves
● Fault the speaker; attack back: blame others
● Sensing our feelings and needs
 ● Sensing others’ feelings and needs
Basic Parts of NVC
● Expressing honesty through the 4 components
● Receiving emphatically through the 4 components
Principles of NVC
● Affirm, enrich life!
○ Avoid communication that is non-affirming,
non-enriching/blocks compassion:
moralistic, comparisons, denial of
responsibility, demanding, “deserve” talk
● Observe, do not evaluate.
● Identifying, expressing, and taking responsibility for
my own feelings
● Requesting that which would affirm, enrich life
● Receiving emphatically; the gift of Presence
○ “Don’t just do something, stand there!”
Positive Uses of Anger & Force
● Anger – as a reflection of unmet needs and values
● Force – for protection, not punishment
Steps to expressing anger
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgemental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.
Life Continuum
The focus of this module is on discipline which means
learning what to do, when to do it, and in what manner it
should be done. It is the basic tool required to solve life’s
problems. According to Brian Tracy (2010), discipline is
something one must have to resist the lure of excuses. It
enables you to “vote yourself off the island.” It is the key to a
great life and, without it, no lasting success is possible. It is
the ability to do what you should do when you should do it,
whether you feel like it or not.
DISCIPLINE is defined as a system of techniques of dealing
constructively with the pain of problem-solving instead of
avoiding that pain in such a way that all of life’s problems
can be solved. It is the basic tool required to solve life’s
problems. Without discipline, we can solve nothing. With
only some discipline, we can solve only some problems.
With total discipline, we can solve all problems.
Life is difficult. It is a great truth because once we truly see
this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly understand and
accept it, then it is no longer difficult.
Life is a series of problems. It is the process of confronting
and solving problems that is a painful one.
Yet it is in the whole process of meeting and solving
problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting
edge that distinguishes between success and failure. It calls
forth our courage and wisdom. It is only because of
problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we
desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we
challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve
problems. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving
problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, “these
things that hurt, instruct”. It is for this reason that wise
people learn not to dread but actually welcome problems
and welcome the pain of problems.
Thus, the basic set of tools required to solve life’s problems
are techniques of suffering, means by which we experience
the pain of problems in such a way as to work them through
and solve them successfully, learning and growing in the
process. When we teach ourselves discipline, we are
teaching ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow.
Life is full of problems. These problems are what make life
difficult. However, it is in the process of meeting and solving
problems that life has its meaning. Do we perceive problems
as obstacles or challenges? Do we look at problems as
discouragements or motivation to overcome what lies
ahead?
Through problems, one can grow mentally, emotionally and
spiritually. Just like the story of David and Goliath. Goliath
was sent to fight the Israelites and when these people saw
him including David’s brothers, they saw Goliath as a big
obstacle. They looked at him as an obstacle too big to hit
while David saw Goliath as an obstacle too big to miss. If
you remember the story, who won? When you encounter
obstacles along your way, do you react like the brothers of
David or are you like David himself?
Life is difficult. But once we understand and accept this
truth, then life is no longer difficult. Life is a series of
problems, and one basis set of tools required to solve them
is DISCIPLINE.
What makes life difficult is the process of confronting, which
is a painful one. It evokes many uncomfortable feelings/pain,
thus we call them problems. But it is in the process of
meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. They
create courage and wisdom. “Those things that hurt,
instruct”.
Unwise people attempt to avoid problems by pretending they
don’t exist, procrastinating, and turning to drugs. It is
necessary to face problems directly and experience the pain
involved.
 Discipline
The focus of this module is on discipline which means
learning what to do, when to do it, and in what manner it
should be done. It is the basic tool required to solve life’s
problems. According to Brian Tracy (2010), discipline is
something one must have to resist the lure of excuses. It
enables you to “vote yourself off the island.” It is the key to a
great life and, without it, no lasting success is possible. It is
the ability to do what you should do when you should do it,
whether you feel like it or not.
Four Tools of Discipline
The tools of discipline are techniques of dealing with life’s
suffering in a way that we work through problems and solve
them successfully – growing and learning in the process.
1. Delaying of Gratification
● This is a process of scheduling the pain and
pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance
the pleasure by meeting and experiencing
the pain first and getting it over with. It is a
process of scheduling life’s activities
thereby difficult tasks are translated as
challenges and act on first so as to enhance
the reward.
2. Acceptance of Responsibility
● Responsibility is owning the situation and
being aware that one has the power to
change the present situation into something
better.
3. Dedication to Reality
● This is a technique of dealing with negative
attitudes in perceiving reality and
developing the real/true person in handling
problems. A life of total dedication to the
truth means a life of continuous and
never-ending self-examination and a life of
contemplation; a life of willingness to be
personally challenged, openness to
criticisms, and a life of total honesty.
4. Balancing
● This is the discipline that gives us flexibility.
It is the giving up of the old self (old ways of
thinking, perceiving and responding to the
world, the way things used to be) for a
better acceptable way so as to find the most
ecstatic, lasting, and solid joy of life.
Life can be difficult and defense mechanisms may be used
as means of coping. Among which are the following:
● Rationalization – the process of finding good
reasons to replace real reasons
● Intellectualization – feelings are concealed from
oneself by analyzing situations in a logical and
intellectual way
● Repression – person rejects from consciousness
thoughts that provoke anxiety
● Suppression – not allowing a thought that has been
entertained to flow and be expressed in one’s
behavior
● Denial – not admitting to self the existence of
painful facts, refusal to admit the truth
● Displacement – person vents anger on safe objects
that come readily at hand instead of attacking the
immediate cause of difficulty or source of frustration
● Projection – seeing in others’ motive what one is
unconsciously afraid he possesses
Types of Responsibility Disorder
● Neurosis disorder – assumes too much
responsibility and blames one-self
● Character disorder – gives the responsibility to
others and blames the world if it fails.
● Character-neurosis disorder – assumes the
responsibility / give the responsibility to others.
We must accept responsibility for a problem before we can
solve it.
We cannot solve a problem by saying “It’s not my problem.”
We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will
solve it for us.
We can solve a problem only when we say “This is my
problem and it’s up to me to solve it”.
But so many seek to avoid the pain of their problems by
saying to themselves: “This problem was caused by other
people, or by social circumstances beyond my control, and
therefore it is up to other people or society to solve this
problem for me. It is not really my personal problem.”
Types of Lying
● White lies – statement that is not in itself false but
leaves out a significant part of the truth
● Black lies – a statement we make that we know is
false
Rules for Dedication to Truth
● Never speak falsehood
● Bear in mind that the act of withholding the truth is
always potentially a lie, and that in each instance in
which the truth is withheld, a significant moral
decision is required.
● The decision to withhold the truth should never be
based on personal needs like power, popularity, etc.
 ● The decision to withhold the truth must always be good about the decision and feel committed to the
based entirely upon the needs of the person/people action plan," Covey wrote. "One person's success is
from whom the truth is being withheld. not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the
● The assessment of another’s need is an act of success of others." If you have integrity and
responsibility that is so complex that it can only be maturity, there's no reason win/win situations can't
executed wisely when one operates with genuine happen all the time.
love for the other. 5. Seek First To Understand, Then To Be
● The primary factor in the assessment of another’s Understood - If you're a good listener and you take
need is the assessment of that person’s capacity to the time to understand a concept, it will help you
utilize the truth for his/her own spiritual growth. convey your opinions, plans and goals to others. It
● In assessing the capacity of another to utilize the starts with communication and strong listening skills,
truth for personal spiritual growth, it should be borne followed by diagnosing the situation and then
in mind that our tendency is generally to communicating your solution to others.
underestimate rather than overestimate this 6. Synergize - Synergistic communication, according
capacity. to Covey, is "opening your mind and heart to new
possibilities, new alternatives, new options." This
Balancing - The essence of giving up is you must have applies to the classroom, the business world, and
something in order to give it up. This process of giving up wherever you could apply openness and
the self for significant growth is called ‘bracketing’. communication. It's all about building cooperation
Bracketing is essentially the act of balancing the need for and trust
stability and assertion of the self with their need for new 7. Sharpen The Saw - Sometimes you're working so
knowledge and greater understanding by temporarily giving hard on the other six habits that you forget about
up one’s self – putting one’s self aside to make room for the re-energizing and renewing yourself to sharpen
incorporation of new material into the self. yourself for the tasks in front of you. Some
sharpening techniques include exercise and
7 Habits of Highly Effective People nutrition, reading, planning and writing, service and
1. Be Proactive - As human beings, we are empathy and commitment, study and meditation
responsible for our own lives. We have the
independent will to make our own choices and
decisions, and the responsibility ("the ability to
respond") to make the right choices. You have the
freedom to choose your own fate and path, so
having the independent will, imagination, and
self-awareness to make the right move makes you a
proactive and not a reactive, person.
2. Begin With The End In Mind - Mental visualization
is extremely important. Covey says that all things
are created twice: first, the mental conceptualization
and visualization, and a second physical, actual
creation. Becoming your own creator means
planning and visualizing what you're going to do and
what you're setting out to accomplish and then
going out and creating it. Identifying your personal
statement and your principles will help.
3. Put First Things First - With your power of
independent will, you can create the ending you
want to have. Part of that comes with effective time
management, starting with matters of importance.
Then tasks should be completed based on urgency
after you deal with all the important matters. If you
deal with crises, pressing problems, and
deadline-driven projects first, your life will be a lot
easier.
4. Think Win/Win - If you believe in a better way to
accomplish goals that's mutually beneficial to all
sides, that's a win/win situation. "All parties feel