My Wife's a Cleric
Bard Subclass - The
College of "Facts Don't
Care About your Feelings"
Cold and Calculating
Bards of this persuasion are cool, calm, and collected. They
infuriate their opponents with harsh rhetoric and a demeanor
devoid of emotion or weakness. Bards from this subclass are
known for exceptional proficiency in the technical aspect of
their performances, outshining almost all other bards for skill
and proficiency in their musical pursuits.
However, what these bards have in technical prowess, they
lack in emotion and feeling. Their music, magic, and
personalities tend to be exceptionally polished, but lifeless
and cold. These bards focus on maximizing their chances of
success in the world as it is, rather than on changing the
existing order. They are experts of understanding and
manipulating the status quo to their advantage.
Restriction: Small Races and Tieflings
For some reason, bards of this subclass are almost
exclusively either members of smaller races or Tieflings. You
may only play this class if you are a Dwarf, Halfling, Gnome,
Goblin, or Tiefling. They are typically quite sensitive about
their height, and will argue vehemently with those who
choose to insult them about it.
Mind over Manners
Bards of this Subclass use Intelligence, rather than Charisma as
their spellcasting modifier, and may also use intelligence
instead of Charisma when making Deception, Performance,
and Persuasion checks.
Additionally, whenever a creature would make a Wisdom
saving throw against a spell or ability used by this class, the
Bard can choose to have them make an Intelligence saving
throw instead.
Master Debater
3rd level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature
Whenever you deal damage with Vicious Mockery, you may
add your intelligence modifier to the damage dealt, and the
damage die for Vicious Mockery is a d6 for you instead of a
d4. Additionally, whenever a creature fails its save against
your Vicious Mockery, in addition to the spell's normal
penalties, it also gains a penalty to its attack and spell attack
rolls equal to the number of damage dice rolled for one
minute. (This penalty can stack.)
Quick Wit
3rd level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature
Also at 3rd level, you gain proficiency in two of the
following skills of your choice: history, nature, persuasion, or
religion. If you were already proficient in the skill you choose
for this feature, you gain expertise with that ability instead.
Whenever you succeed in using one of these skills while
speaking with another creature, you gain advantage on the
next skill check made using the same skill while speaking
with the same creature.
3rd level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature
Finally, at third level you also gain powerful bonuses to your
persuasive power when dealing with members of a particular
class. Choose one non-bard class. Whenever you speak to a
creature who has levels in that class, you have advantage on
ability checks made to interact with them. Additionally, you
may gain hidden knowledge about members of this class.
When you speak with a member of this class for one minute,
you may ask the DM 2 of the following questions, each of
which must be answered truthfully:
How many class levels they possess
What subclass they have selected (if any)
How many hit dice they have
What their highest ability score is
What their spell save DC is (if any)
Optional Ability - Gender Roles
At the DM's discretion, this class may gain another
ability at third level, along with its accompanying
drawbacks. If you choose this option, the bard
gains a +10 bonus to all social checks made to
interact with a creature of the same gender, and a
-10 penalty to all social checks made against
creatures of the opposite gender.
Steel-Clad Facts
6th level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature
Starting at 6th level, you learn how to use your steely rhetoric
to enhance the effectiveness of your armor or weapons. As a
bonus action, you may use this ability to increase either your
AC or your weapon attack bonus by an amount equal to your
intelligence modifier for one minute. If this ability is already
active, you may use a free action as it expires to expend
another use of the ability to refresh its duration for another
minute. You may use this ability a number of times equal to
your proficiency bonus, and regain all uses after a long rest.
Debate
6th level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature
Also at 6th level, your rhetorical skills have been further
refined. Once per long rest you may cast Charm Person
without expending a spell slot. When you do so, the creature
you target has disadvantage on the save if its intelligence
score is lower than yours.
At higher levels: When you reach 11th level in this class
you may use this ability twice, instead of once, per long rest.
At 17th level, while a creature is under the effects of the spell
cast using this ability, you may use your action to command
that creature to take any action, which it will perform to the
best of its ability on its next turn. If you command a creature
to attack one of its allies or to cause itself harm, it does so,
but the charmed effect ends immediately thereafter.
Silence Liberals Additional Spells
14th level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature Bards of this subclass have access to the following additional
At 14th level, you gain the ability to cause massive damage to spell options:
your opponents through sheer force of facts. As an action, you
may use this ability to force a creature that you can see to Fast Talk
make a Wisdom saving throw against your spell save DC. You Enchantment Cantrip
may increase the DC of this ability by expending a bardic Casting Time: 1 action

inspiration die and adding the number rolled to the abiliy's Range: 60 ft.

save DC. On a failed save, the target is paralyzed for a Components: V

number of rounds equal to your bard level divided by 4 Duration: Instantaneous

(rounded down). Additionally, when this paralysis ends, that
creature takes 2d6 psychic damage per level you have in bard.
This psychic damage ignores immunity to psychic damage
and treats immunity as resistance. A creature that succeeds
on its save is not paralyzed, and takes only 2d6 psychic
damage.
Once you have used this ability, you cannot use it again
until you finish a long rest.
Quick Retort
Your words assault the mind and sap the resolve of a creature
in range. Make a ranged spell attack against that creature. On
a hit, it takes 1d6 psychic damage and has a penalty to
Intelligence saving throws equal to the damage dealt until the
end of your next turn.
Zone of Facts
2nd-Level Enchantment
Casting Time: 1 action

14th level Facts over Feelings Bard Feature Range: 60 ft.

Also at 14th level, you gain the ability to quickly strike back at Components: V, S

your enemies with a rhetoric that tears down their attacks. Duration: 10 Minutes
When you take damage, you may cast any spell that requires You magically conjure a 15-foot diameter circle in which only
only verbal components as a reaction, instead of its normal facts can be stated. A creature in this zone may only speak if
casting time. You may do so a number of times equal to your
intelligence modifier, and regain all uses after a long rest. they can cite the source from which their opinion or stance is
derived.
Cold Logic
Source Scouring 7th-level transmutation
At the DM's discretion, this class may gain the
"Source Scouring" ability at level 3 when they Casting Time: 1 action

choose this subclass. Once per long rest, a Range: 60 ft.

character with Source Scouring may obtain any one Components: V

piece of information known to that character's Duration: Instantaneous

player, gaining the ability to use this otherworldly
information to their own advantage.
You magically transform your chilling rhetoric, allowing it to
chill a creature's bones, not just its mind. Up to 4 creatures of
your choice that can hear you that are in range of the spell
must make an Intelligence saving throw, taking 12d8 cold
damage on a failed save, or half as much on a successful one.
A creature that fails this save has disadvantage on your
choice of either Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma saving
throws until the end of your next turn.