Pempel, 1

Erin Rose Pempel

Cartee

English 105

12 Sept 2021

Fears in Acting

It does not matter how long I have been acting, I will always be nervous to perform. In

auditions, in the classroom and in new environments, it gets to be the worst. My new acting class

checks off two of the things on my list. I got so nervous for our first performance in class, that I

forgot a whole chunk of my monologue. I may have gotten so nervous that I did not perform well

the first time, but I continued to work to overcome my fears and worries for my second try.

Ever since seventh grade, I have been acting and since third grade I have been

performing. You would think I have gotten over stage fright by now, right? Absolutely not. I

make myself so nervous that I forget and step over my lines. I have struggled with this all

throughout middle and high school. My teachers in high school would work on memorization

with me for hours on end. I would always do great right up until it was tech week. I would have

everything down pact, then poof! All gone. I would be fine by time it was time to perform, but it

would drive my directors and teachers crazy. It would drive me crazy. It does not matter how

big or small of a role I have, it still sits in the back of my mind. So, when my professor for acting

told us we would be performing our first monologue in front of the whole class and all the acting

professors, I got a little anxious. The thing I get the most worried about is the memorization. I

am completely capable of memorizing a page of lines, but I work myself up to think that I will
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not be able to. I have learned many memorization strategies, but that never seems to help. I have

tried to figure out what makes me magically forget my lines, but I never can.

The monologue was due Tuesday and I had all of it memorized the Friday before. I had

picked a monologue from Picnic. It is one of my favorite plays so I thought it would help me to

be less nervous to perform it. Shockingly, that didn’t help. I went up to perform. My knees were

literally shaking. I was noticeably nervous and I knew it, which just made my anxiety worse. I

had felt this feeling so many times before, still not knowing how to handle it, I slipped up. I had

nothing to fear, I knew everything. When I started to perform my monologue it felt so wrong. I

could not get into character and my mind was all over the place. I got about halfway through and

my mind went blank. I forgot a good twenty-five percent of my monologue. I was so

embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I knew I could do so much better.

After that first performance I knew I had to redeem myself, luckily my professor gave us

a second chance in our next class. I had forty-eight hours to perfect my performance and I did

just that. I took it line by line and pulled it apart to the bare bones. I thought over everything we

had learned in class like intentions and actions. Soon it was time to perform. I made sure to stay

focused and not let my nerves get to me. I stepped up and went at it. My monologue flowed so

smoothly. I honestly think it was one of the best performances I have ever given. My professor

and peers were all so proud of me. I radiated excitement and everyone else did too. My professor

told me how much I had improved, and that I had grown so much in these two days. That feeling

reminded me of why I even do theatre in the first place! It brings me so much joy when it goes so

well. I realized that if I changed my outlook on performance it would automatically make me

less nervous.
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Through my trial and error, I still persevered to become better over the two-day period by

studying my lines and intentions and to have a positive outlook on performance. I was so proud

of myself and everyone else was so proud of me too. I can’t wait for more class. I have learned

how to deal with my anxieties by pushing myself to keep practicing even if I think I already have

it. I may run into this stage fright again, but now it will be so much easier to overcome by

myself.

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