Your Married Sleep Style DECODED

Bedtime body language reveals a lot about your relationship. Wait till you hear what the
experts have to say about your favourite pm position

Happy couples are good in bed, but not only in the way you'd think. Sure, they may have hot sex,
but more important, they have amazing intimacy. And this connection is evident in the way they
fall asleep, says Jan Hargrave, a nonverbal-communication expert and author of Freeway Of
Love. That's not to say that twosomes with the most enviable marriages are the ones who snuggle
on a single pillow. “Those with good rapport do touch, but it can be just one hand on the other's,”
says Allan Pease, co-author with his wife, Barbara Pease, of Body Language. Why? When we
make skin contact, our bodies produce oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which makes us crave
greater closeness. So if you cuddle – even when tired – you'll feel more linked. Curious what
signals you send out? Let's peek under the sheets...

1.THE LEG LOOP

You're both on your stomachs, sides, or backs and one of you has a leg
draped over the other's leg. True, you're touching in only one spot, “but this
is one of the healthiest positions, because it shows a couple with a
comfortable connection,” says Hargrave. “Not too little, not too much.”
The loose leg drape suggests a real friendship. Couples that bond below the
hip are also likely to have a practical streak. “You're maintaining contact in
the most comfortable way,” explains Pease. “Your legs can touch all night
without cramping other parts of your body.” What if your legs are just
barely grazing each other rather than looped, in a pretzel-like manner?
You're both feeling equally confident about your relationship, Pease says.
Just as a couple that really clicks can communiate with one gesture or
word, the two of you can say “I love you” with just a brush of your skin.

2.THE OLD-FASHIONED SPOON

You're both on your sides, touching and facing the same direction. This is
the most popular position for couples. Some of it has to do with comfort,
since most of us sleep better when not face-to-face, breathing on each other,
says Hargrave. But this classic pose satisfies more than just a need for a
good rest. With its hand-in-glove fit, spooning rates high on the intimacy
scale. When you nestle in matching fetal positions, it shows you're being
vulnerable with each other and in sync. What's key is who is spooning
whom. Though this position is influenced by men usually being larger than
women, “whoever is behind protects the other in the relationship,” says
Hargrave. “The partner in front may be less secure.” There is an exception:
Whoever's holding on tighter is less confident. So if he's behind but
clutching you all night, you're his mast in a storm.

3.THE ROAM ZONE

You fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Is a crisis brewing? Nah,
you're only normal. Most couples say goodnight with a smile, then settle
into a more comfy position. (Adults generally move 40 to 70 times per
night, as a reflex from their dreams and to avoid cramping.) But if you head straight to your
seperate sides without even a passing embrace night after night, you could be having intimacy
issues, says Suzanne Lopez, a psychotherapist and author of Get Smart With Your Heart.
(Having a big bed is no excuse, say the experts. Connected couples will find a sliver of space to
share on a king-size bed, while fighting couples will defy physics by avoiding contact on a single
one.) That said, a physical condition – from a slipped disk to an advanced pregnancy – can force
madly-in-love twosomes to slumber this way for comfort. Careful, though, or a temp
arrangement can become a hard to shake habit.

4.THE BOOTY BOND

You're on your sides, facing away from each other but touching butt-to-
butt. What's up with that? Independence alert! Despite the linked derrieres,
you're no joined-at-the-hip pair. “You probably have seperate bank
accounts,” explains Hargrave. “And you don't need to consult the other
before purchasing a big-ticket item like a car or a computer.” Not that
there's anything wrong with that. In fact, this snoozing style illustrates a
definite bond, but it's looser, since you both like it that way. “Even if you
are just touching bums, you've still got that intimate body contact that we
see in married couples that get along really well,” adds Pease.

5.THE REGAL POSE

He sprawls kinglike while you cosy up to him. Or you're the duvet
diva, facing the ceiling while he sidles up. “Stretching out on your back, especially with
one or both hands behind your head, is a typically dominant position,” says Pease. That
doesn't mean your man is lording it over you. He may just be feeling cocky about how he's
doing in his fantasy-football league. If you're the nuzzling spouse, you're after attention –
and may not be getting it outside the bedroom, so plan a date night. One caveat: If this is
only an occasional pose, you two could be role-playing, a sign you're a flirty pair.
Sometimes a dominant woman will curl up, while her spouse is on his back, to help him
feel more macho.

6.THE CUTIE HUG

You fall asleep in a frontal embrace. That could mean only one thing:
You're reading this on your honeymoon, you lucky girl! “We call this the
newlywed hug, because it's common early in a relationship, when you're
desperate for each other,” says Hargrave. Yet this night-time position isn't
common in couples after nine months of sleeping together, because facing
and hugging restricts blood flow to your arms, says Pease. He adds with a
laugh, “It usually stops around the time you show your true selves when he
clips his toenails in bed.” If you have been together for years and stay asleep
in a bear hug, you're among the most romantic couples. Who are we to rouse
you from that happy place?

HIS & HER SLEEP HABITS – EXPLAINED

Gender differences don't stop once the lights are out. In fact, anthropologists have found
that some modern sleep patterns have their roots in our cave-dwelling past, says author
Allan Pease. Here, a few universal truths:

Men like to be closer to the door

In seven out of ten relationships, the male opts for this spot. And it's not so he has a clearer path
to the fridge, rather, “it's to protect his loved one from intruders,” says Pease. “In ancient
cultures, the male always guarded the cave opening.” What if you always slumber near the
entry? You are dominant, emotionally or mentally, to your man.

Switching positions can be harmful

To your z's. Ever stayed at a hotel with a comfy bed, yet both of you had a lousy night's rest –
and you don't know why? You probably switched positions without realising it. Maybe you still
slept on the right side and he slept on the left, like at home, but suddenly you were near the door
(of the cave).

A woman scoots to her man's space

When he's out of town. “It's because you are subconsciously drawn to his scent, which is still on
his pillow,” explains Pease.

Guys spread out

And splay their legs – when you're away. “This is a dominant position: Male monkeys do this,”
says Pease. (He also probably moves to the bed's middle.)