1

CHAPTER ONE — SALTY TAFFY 

[5 YEARS EARLIER]

“you didn’t show up to graduation haru” you mention sitting down beside your boyfriend
and knocking the candy he has from his hands.

sanzu disregards your attempts to annoy him by grabbing another piece of taffy and
popping it in his mouth, he ignores you again, looking out into the distance of the
bustling city echoing noises of a forever life—the sweetness dissolves around his
tongue.

the rooftop was where you’d met sanzu, nothing more than a sheltered child you were
and discovering a tattered boy standing atop the edge, he looked invincible—sanzu
could fall down the three story building and god himself would throw him back to earth.

sanzu turns to you, pulling you from a distant memory, long lashes fluttering close with a
sly grin “what’re you going to do now that you’re legally smart?” he snorts when you
softly hit his shoulder, sanzu erupts into another laugh but he’s nervous, he knows what
he wants to do and what you’re about to tell him don’t line up.

“i’m going to college” you avoid his searing gaze, staring off to watch the sun dipping
down into the clouds, orange slices radiate the sky as sanzu inches closer—the silence
is like a ticking time bomb, you want to ignore the way he’s trailing his fingers up your
skirt, lips attaching to your neck, you want to forget what will happen in the upcoming
weeks and you pray to a god it doesn’t ruin what you have with sanzu.

“you don’t need to do that” sanzu pulls your shirt down to expose more of you, his lips
sucking on the skin and fingers growing agonizingly close between your legs.

“w-what do you mean?” you question, shakily ripping your voice from your throat, lungs
being flooded by pleasure as sanzu slips past the sheen fabric and slowly teasing your
folds “you could be my housewife” he presses his finger through your slit, curling through
till he’s met with your spongy walls “i do the gang shit, get money and come home to a
pretty wife.”

“easier said than done” your voice is quiet now, sanzu attempts to block off this
conversation and focus on something—anything besides the cold hard truth.

“it took me barely five minutes to be inside you, i think i can manage” sanzu motions his
other hand to look at him, his orbs flickering waves of violets “if i have you, i can do
anything.”

a dark swell tugs at your heart, looking up at sanzu—tears rimming your eyes and he
thinks it’s the pleasure overflowing but really, it just hurts so fucking bad; to know reality
is tasted sour on your tongue.

your hand cards through his hair, pushing him into your mouth while sanzu pumps his
fingers inside you, he groans into the kiss feeling your walls clamp down on him and like
another day spent on this ledge your voice carrying on with the wind, moans catching
with the air into the abyss.
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“every day i could do this, come home to you—take you to those expensive restaurants
you always wanna go to, fuck you anywhere, especially on every single fuckin’ room of
our house” sanzu moans, curling his fingers to find that deep spot that drives you over
the edge.

“h-haru— i’m gonna, fuck” you gasp feeling your orgasm near its head, washing through
your legs and creaming around his fingers, small whimpers leaving your lips when sanzu
teases your senstive clit, he chuckles at your teary eyed expression.

silence draws to an end as he finally stops playing with your fidgeting cunt, releasing an
uneasy breath at the short time of tranquility.

sanzu pulls away from you, slinking the hand to his side he lays his head down on your
shoulder, kicking his feet to the pace of his heart “what’re you going to do?” you
question, sanzu exhales a shaky breath—it hurts, he doesn’t understand why it hurts so
fucking bad, “same ole shit i’ve been doing, you know that.”

“right” your voice croaks in your throat, tears rolling down your cheeks, sanzu rises to his
feet bouncing from the ledge and towards the exit or more importantly just out of this
pain.

“we can—we can still be together, i’ll see you as much as i can haru, i’ll come every
wee—”

“stop” sanzu interrupts, turning to watch you crawl from the ledge and walk closer to him,
a weak hand tugging at his sleeves, he looks down at you darkness replacing his
eyes “if i can’t have you here, i don’t want you.”

a sob chokes from your throat at his words, it burns—a fire clawing at your throat, vision
so blurred from the tears tainting your sight of someone you’ve loved, had given
everything to is just shutting it all away in a five minute gap.

sanzu cups your face, pulling you into a kiss, his lips move slow, fingers rubbing the
wetness away as he depends the kiss and it feels like time has froze and if anything
you’d wish it was always like this but fuck, nothing works this way.

“this is goodbye princess, be good for me” he whispers, pulling away and without
another word sanzu walks out of your life.

and all you can stomach is agony and the salty taste of his taffy lingering on your lips.

CHAPTER TWO — MELANCHOLY GUMDROP

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
sanzu doesn’t remember why he chose this lifestyle, maybe it was a way out or maybe it
just kinda happened this way.

he doesn’t regret the choices he’s made, the people he’s killed and the life he’s paved
so dark and wicked but there is one thing he does feel remorseful about yet he just won’t
let it affect him, so he tries.
 3

it’s nights when he leaves the clubs, washing his hands of sin as he shoves them in his
pants, looking up at the city sky scattered with planets of another realm and suns shining
brighter by the minute and he wonders if you still remember the star you’d both picked
out as your own.

sanzu tries so hard to push back the cold bitter feeling of that day, why you had to be so
stupidly smart and do something with your life—why you had to leave him all alone.

he devoted his life to you, clinging on to the love and kindness you showed him and if he
couldn’t have it with him at all times he didn’t want it, sometimes he wonders if that’s why
he’d given up on you so easily.

but times have changed, his life revolves around bonten and his world circles like a plant
to mikey; his friend and more than anything his savior.

he’s a cold, inhuman creature that crawls in the shadows, doing whatever he can to live
this life—the life he thought would have you in it.

his fingers touch the cold glass of his office space, looking down at the old building
snugged tightly beside warehouses, an odd place for a library but he doesn’t mind, he
can see you from the stars now, your warm smile greeting customers—the same one
you’d always give him, that very one that made him fall in love with you.

college was what everybody said and what they didn’t tell you, your head stayed down
making minimal efforts for friends and love relief, sanzu stayed in your mind for the first
year before you finally pushed him from your brain to focus on your career.

four years later you gathered your ‘legally smart paper’ and received a degree in
literature which you used to apply for a job as a head librarian in your home town.

you were worried to come across him, after living in that horrific day multiple times in
your mind, it was finally swept away like waves pulling in their next victim. after spending
a year here now, you were sure he’d never reappear in your life again.

but sometimes you’d daydream, about the ‘what if’s’ the ‘if he hadn’t ran away with his
tail between his legs’ kind of deal, but whatever happened, happened and now you’re
looking towards the future.

your neck cranes to the five story building directly in front of you before entering work,
you look up at the morning sky—your eyes searching for something within the building
blocking the daytime stars and unbeknownst to you, sanzu is looking down—at his own
faintly lit star.

[6 YEARS EARLIER]
you liked it here—the library was your safe haven, the books were like mountains of
treasures at the tips of your fingers, information to rid your boredom.

it was almost perfect until he came along, and he provided you a world outside of books,
tales of the deepest sorrows and poems of riddling love—sanzu gave you the image you
had always made up in your head.
 4

your finger grazes the spine of the book before pulling it from the shelves when you’re
met with long lashes looking back at you on the other side, he had a mask covering his
face but you could tell a mischievous grin was growing.

“it’s you” you gasp, jumping back from the shelves, books quaking in your sudden
movements, he fights back a loud roar from his chest, leaning further in the
books “figured i’d find you here” he says still snickering before finding you on the other
side.

sanzu stands over you, long white hair draped around his features but you could tell he
looked so disgustingly handsome, eyes fluttering close before squinting into his smile
hidden under the mask “you didn’t come to the ledge today, so i went looking for ya.”

“i’m busy today, sanzu” you reply back, internally groaning at his zero perceptive quality
of space, inching closer to you “but i want you to read somethin’ to me today” he sighs,
brushing stray hairs behind your ear.

you swat at sanzu’s hands, smoothing your own hair down “you know how to read” you
look at him and he rolls his eyes “so you coming or not? i can find something better to
do” sanzu pivots on his feet, walking towards the exit—he smiles again hearing light
footsteps pad in his direction “just for a little bit, my parents keep getting mad that i’m
coming home late.”

“they should be glad that i, haruchiyo sanzu asks aid in literature arts by their doting
daughter” sanzu snickers, your face deadpans at his not so funny antics and possible
teasing as you walk with him out of the library and into the streets “anyways i could just
be doing other things to you— but i’m not” sanzu whispers the last words, but you hear
him loud and clear, your cheeks vibrating warmth.

it’s an abandoned warehouse that delinquents planted homage to, people strayed at
different levels of the building but your favorite place was the roof—the view was plenty
and the company, sanzu, was just enough.

the ledge was the regular spot, the cold concrete never grew old against your ass and
the view was always fresh and new, the sunset seemed to start a new slab everyday
before erupting in different hues of colors.

sanzu started off further away as you read to him but always came too close for comfort
before long, sanzu had started to become your own solace. “start from the
beginning” sanzu peers over your shoulder, his eyes watching you carefully pull the
book from your bag “but we’re almost done with this one” you protest, holding up the
remaining chapters.

sanzu shakes his head, scooting closer till your shoulders touch, “please?” he begs,
eyes flashing shades of colors, you sigh admitting defeat and flipping to the first page,
sanzu softly lays his head down on your shoulder.

you’re halfway done reading before you realize the day has been curtained with a dark
cast, night has already been called in, you finish the sentence to sanzu before closing
the book, he wiggles beside you locking with your gaze when he leans up.
 5

“why do you like me reading to you so much?” you ask, noticing his mask hanging
halfway off his face revealing the small scars tainted on his lips “i like your voice, it’s
pretty.”

you don’t say anything back, trying to decipher if he’s joking or being serious “you’re
pretty, actually” he slyly whispers out and for the first time, you see all of him; mask
dropping to his lap and lips curling into a smile—you fell in love that day, even if you’ll
never admit it, you thought he was pretty but beautiful was a better word.

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
“are you looking for something in particular, sir?” an older woman asks sanzu, he knocks
his eyes downward at the shriveled old figure.

his feet walked for him today, bringing him here—to you. he was comfortable watching
you from a distance, knowing where you worked so he could be on the outside looking
in.

he payed a lot of money for intel about you, but the abundant amount he received he
just threw it away. he wanted to know how you were, what you did with your life after him
but he had no intentions of looking more into it.

“ah no ma’am but i am looking for someone” he replies back, politely smiling “your head
librarian, could you point me in their direction?” he watches the woman’s facial gestures,
sanzu has been playing games long enough to know if she was going to lie or not “oh, of
course—she’s right over there putting books away” the old woman motions to shelves
left uninhabited and leaves sanzu be.

he nods back walking into the void of books, his chest is pounding, heart rattling against
his ribs and he doesn’t remember the last time he was so nervous.

sanzu notices your figure stacking books away, opting to be on the opposite side of the
bookcases, he’s able to observe you freely, watching your eyes scan the book before
putting it in his place, he sees the next book to be pulled and he fits his head perfectly in
its place.

and like six years ago, your reaction was the very same, a loud gasp fumes from your
throat followed by the sound of books crashing “i-it’s, it’s you” you even said the same
exact words, god that was cute sanzu thinks.

“in the flesh” he smiles, gazing at you—your stomach drops, face contorting into a
mixture of horror and shock, you can’t even build eye contact to look at him, he looks so
different yet those sad eyes still stay intact after all these years.

“what are you doing here?” you whisper-shout, stomping over to where he stands on the
other side, sanzu leans above you arms crossing in a defensive manner, cocking his
head to the side “wanted to see how you were, that’s all.”

“you don’t get the right to know how i’m doing, sanzu” you hiss through your teeth,
adding emphasis on using his last name, even after all this time—it hurts, pain runs
through your veins, a wound reopened as soon as you saw him, and you wished it was
anything other than a bitter agony tasting sour on your tongue.
 6

“oh i don’t? sorry for fuckin’ caring bout you” sanzu deadpans back, his blood is boiling
but he can’t, will not let himself lash out at you, he can’t lose you, again.

“care? about me? aren’t you the one that just left me when i wanted to better my life?
you selfish fucking bastard” you snap back, sanzu stands calmly, uncrossing his arms to
tuck some of your hair behind your ear.

you scoff at his actions, pulling the hair back in your face, he looks at you “sometimes it’s
easier to let go than hold on to something falling apart.”

your voice croaks but nothing comes out, mouth dry and vacant with tears rimming your
vision—sanzu raises his hand towards your face but quickly yanks it back, he looks
down at his dress shoes listening to quiet murmurs lingering against the walls.

“promise me that you’ve never forgiven me for what i’ve done to you” sanzu tilts his head
back to you, his cheeks were wet, tears rolling from the skin and finding solitude on his
dress suit.

sanzu always was so frigid, he acted cold, emotionless and nothing but a husk of a
human being but right now, he seemed so lively letting his emotions get the best of him.

“miss, a customer needs your help with a return—they asked for the manager?” a
coworker breaks the unbearable silence shared between you and sanzu, you turn to
them with a small nod before feeling a soft touch on your fingers.

you turn back to see sanzu walking away, his presence leaves you like a house under a
wicked storm, left in shambles and holding on to anything, the small piece of paper
held tightly in your gasps.

just a business card with a small font of his name, number and occupation— “bonten
executive” you read out loud, pressing the paper close to your chest.

for now, the only way he was close to you again, was the business card held tightly
against your beating heart.

CHAPTER THREE — DRAMAMINE LOLLIPOPS

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

you didn’t mind staying late at work, it was peaceful actually—head in the books till night
caught wind with the day, stars scattered across the abyss waves of darkness.

but you knew it was a regrettable choice as soon as you stepped outside, the cold
breeze biting at your back while your feet touched a pavement path.

dark figures lingered in the shadows, your eyes stayed to the ground walking closely to
the dim lit streets towards home.

you shoved your hand in your pockets for some warmth, the tips of your fingers toyed
with the business card sanzu gave you weeks earlier, you rolled your eyes internally
thinking why you hadn’t thrown it away yet.
 7

maybe it was leverage of lingering on to the past or just maybe it could be a trail back to
his arms but that—was something you scolded at the mere thought.

you’re lost in thought thinking about him when someone else caught your trail, you could
hear the footsteps padding quicker to you, the quiet tap of shoes catching up to your
heels.

and maybe you were being overly cautious since it was a busy street even at night but
as you cut corners, crossed traffic—the sounds got closer if not right on top of you.

catching just a glimpse of the darkness behind you, the image of a taller creature stayed
near, and the further you shoved your hands in the tight pockets—the clearer sanzu
business card felt.

you didn’t want to—no, you couldn’t but at this point, you really had no other choice.

pulling your phone out aside with his card, you dial the number as you pick up speed,
the tone of ringing clung to your ears, shaking when you hear his voice, how he always
sounded so much deeper through the phone “mh, took you long enough to call” sanzu
chuckles in the phone, his voice radiating some comfort.

“har— sanzu, uh—i” your voice trembles, clearing your voice and pressing the phone
closer to your ear, sanzu breathes in the phone “what’s wrong?” he catches on quick,
which sanzu clearly always had done.

“i-i’m being followed, i think” you whisper, looking over your shoulder to still see the
silhouette creeping behind your back.

“tell me where you are, now” sanzu jumps to his feet, startling the person sitting across
from his spot at the desk, the taller one watches sanzu scribble down a location and
sliding to him, he takes it, standing up and cocking the pistol sat pretty in his pocket.

“you owe me” the figure in front of sanzu mouths, smirking while he takes his leave and
casually walks out of sanzu’s office.

“i’m close to the park, the one where—” you pause, exhaling a shaky breath as
memories rush through your mind, “we first kissed, yes i know that area well” sanzu
smiles for a moment remembering that day before he paints his face back bleak and
makes his way to you.

“yeah, that’s the one” you half chuckle, anxiety chewing at your spine as the black cloud
threatens your only salvation of freedom.

[6 YEARS EARLIER]

he looks beautiful like this, you think—peacefully sleeping under a cherry blossom tree,
even a petal dancing across his tranquil expression.
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an hour has passed since you sat beside him, sanzu hands cradling his head as he
slept, chest slowly rising to the rhythm of his deep drawn out breaths—he probably
hadn’t had a good night’s rest in weeks.

you notice his mask had slipped off, long blonde strands painted around his face, longer
lashes twitching while he stirred but never awoke, you shift your hand to tuck a piece of
hair under his ear moving past the earrings buttoned on the shell.

“it’s creepy, you know? watching me sleep” sanzu whispers, never budging his eyelids
open. “i wasn’t watching you sleep, just waiting for you to wake up” you protest, slapping
a book on his chest.

“what’s this?” he feels around on his chest raising the book in his view and finally
cracking his eyes open “romeo and juliet? how clichè” he rolls his eyes, knocking them
at you “i said something interesting, not boring” you scoff at his comment snatching the
book back.

“it’s for midterm you ass but like you’d know, you never come to school anymore” you
prop up against the tree, flipping through the bent pages. “i have more important things
to do now then go to school” he retorts, leaning up from the ground and joining you on
the tree.

“i think it’s romantic how two people that shouldn’t be together fall in love anyways” you
skim the pages, finding the famous lines and wording them to yourself.

“and then they die, god that is so romantic” sanzu mocks you, smiling to himself when
you shoot daggers at him “since you have more important things to do—i won’t be able
to see you as much will i?” you question, your stomach tied in knots as sanzu stays
quiet.

he opens his mouth but doesn’t reply, looking out into the distance instead noticing the
wind picking up and carrying off rose petals. it hurts, truly—falling for someone like
sanzu, you knew the consequences would be devastating yet you couldn’t help yourself.
for once, sanzu brought colors to your black and white world, always letting you fall into
that world deemed brighter by the day.

“i can’t do the things in that book, and i won’t go out of my way to declare my love out in
the fuckin’ streets but i promise, i promise you’re the most important thing in my
life” sanzu grabs your face, fingers cupping your cheeks and bring you closer to
him “what are you trying to say?” you whisper, fluttering your eyes close when you feel
sanzu press his lips on yours.

“i like you” he murmurs through the kiss, “i like you so much” sanzu crashes his lips back
on yours, smiling into the kiss when he knows this is all he’s ever wanted.

sanzu soon pulls you on his lap, fingers threading through your hair as he deepens the
kiss, his other hand searching for you and interlocking his fingers in your hand, and
sanzu can tell by the way your body molds perfectly to his—that today, you’d always be
his.

but life doesn’t work out the way you want it, seasons change and so do people and as
you’re summer—a blistering hot day ready to melt all coldness nipped upon the air,
sanzu is the cold wintry breeze awaiting to drop the temperature.
 9

sanzu thought you’d always be his—until you weren’t.

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

“hey—y-you still there?” sanzu interrupts your fond of memory lane and you shake the
melancholy feeling away, “y-yeah” you answer, looking back again for what feels like the
thousandth time to see the shadow lingering behind.

sanzu lungs burn, running out from the office building and into the streets, panic races
through his veins as he finally makes it to the park frantically looking around “you’re not
here, where the fuck are you?” sanzu croaks, chest tightening while his brain fills with
nothing but horrible images.

“i—” a silent sob cuts off the next words, tears rimming your vision while you start to
hurry through the shadows and nearing your apartment.

“do you remember that one night when it was so cold that you begged for me to stay
over at your house?” your voice is hoarse, clearing it “you snuck me in through the
window and i read to you all night under so many blankets, you fell asleep and i kept
reading to you because i knew how much you loved it.”

sanzu is growing more worried by the minute, were these really the last words he’d
hear? how this time you’d slip through his fingertips again but with your death stained on
his hands, he was hoping someone would already have this problem taken care of by
now.

“if i could go back, i’d do everything so differently—i’d never would of—”

an eerie shot startles him, the sound of a gun blasting through the atmosphere and
sanzu narrows the sound no less than ten feet away running up the stairs of your
apartment complex and watching as the problem was taken care of.

you cling to your door, keys locked in place as you slide down the wooden frame,
bursting into tears and clinging a hand to your chest, tears streaking your face as you
cry, and wailing, begging for it all to go away.

and as the body of the shadow that almost claimed your own life tonight is drugged into
the darkness, ran haitani peers around the corner, lazy lidded eyes watching as sanzu
becomes the savior.

“sanzu” you cry harder, liquid streaming from your face “sanzu what the fuck” you cry
harder watching him squat lower to your position, he stiffens listening to you cry—
knowing the last time he heard it was from nothing but agony.

“it’s okay now, it’s okay” he wipes the tears away with a thumb but his blood runs cold
when your arms wrap around his body bringing him to the ground.

he doesn’t want to hug you back, scared of being too close to you but as you cling to
him harder he slowly begins wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close to his
chest “i’ll never let anyone hurt you” he whispers, chest seeping warmth from your body.
 10

“i can’t live without you, i really can’t” he talks out loud but you can’t hear him, ears
ringing from the loud cries bleeding through your ears “even if you aren’t, you’ll always
be mine” sanzu holds you tighter, and tonight as he cradles your body against the cold
floor, his pressed suit staining with your tears—he knows that he’s still in love with you.

[PRESENT TIMELINE — A FEW DAYS LATER]

sanzu is growing more irritated by the minute, his hands swallowing his face for some
type of relief from the older haitani pestering him to the oblivion.

“oh my dearest sanzu~” ran chimes, tapping on the desk “a deal is a deal so tell me,
who is she?” ran inquires, standing over the desk, and more importantly over sanzu.

“what’s the big deal with knowing that?” sanzu lifts his head from his hands, ran
smirks “a life is a big deal, i killed so now, i get my reward” ran cocks his head to the
side, condescending tones color his face.

“or are you keeping the prize all to yourself? hm?” ran leans over the desk, and sanzu
glares at him “she’s not a fuckin’ prize” sanzu grunts, standing up from his position on
the chair and meeting eyes with ran.

“girlfriend or something?” the younger haitani asks, invading the conversation as he sits
in the corner of the room, keeping his attention to his phone playing candy crush—as
usual. ran’s eyes grow big before a smile is etched to his face.

“oh, i see now. so i pick up the trash and you, her doting ex lover becomes the knight in
shining armor?” ran looks over sanzu, he doesn’t show any emotion to the question,
mostly scolding at the name ‘ex’ tacked to the words.

“tell me what the fuck you want and we will leave it at that, this was a favor i thought not
a fucking christmas gift exchange” sanzu spits, tightening the collar on his suit.

“i want to meet her, that’s all” ran claps his hands together, eyes squinting as he flashes
a genuine smile, “just bring her by for me to meet.”

“so you can fuck her? is that it?” sanzu tries hiding his jealousy with a solemn smile, but
his blood is boiling under the pretty pressed suit, and sweat is starting to accumulate on
his forehead.

“oh sweet sweet sanzu, i’d never do that” sanzu scowls at ran’s words, “matter of fact
bring her as your plus one to the bonten charity event this weekend, that’d be perfect.”

sanzu stays silent, shoving his hands in his pockets and feeling around for his phone
ready to send you a quick text about it, ran walks over to him placing a hand on his
shoulder.

“you may have taken her innocence but i will take everything else” ran whispers, letting
his hands linger as he walks away, snapping at his brother to get up and both the haitani
brothers exit without another word.
haruchiyo sanzu: bonten charity event saturday @ 7:30
 11

it’s a simple text from sanzu, but you know with him—everything isn’t so black and white.

[PRESENT TIMELINE — NIGHT OF BONTEN CHARITY EVENT]

you sit in front of the vanity mirror, running the gloss around your lips—the pool of glass
paints your outer beauty but inside you feel disgusting.

that night, it breaks through your thoughts, reminding you of the dark circles you pad
with makeup and the eyeshadow directing away from your bloodshot orbs.

you wanted to ignore the text he’d sent earlier in the week, sanzu brought nothing but
tragedy and that was evident as someone followed you only days after you had spoken
to him yet curiously you accepted and here you are now—excited.

and you wonder if you’d stayed with him ditching college and became that little
housewife, what would life be like now? would sanzu provide the things he claimed or
would an early death be the winning prize? you shiver at the thoughts, glancing down at
your phone to see a message from sanzu saying he was waiting for you outside of your
apartment.

maybe it was time to play into his hands for the night, pull questions from him and just
maybe break his heart this time.

“you look beautiful” sanzu deadpans once you walk out of your complex, lifting a hand to
you as your fingers grab it, allowing your body to scoot into the back of the black
mercedes’, sanzu slides beside you, closing the door and directing the chauffeur to
begin driving.

you admire him from the corners of your eye, noticing his black pressed suit this time, a
tie hug loosely from his collar—you watch as his long fingers clasp at the fabric
tightening it.

“tell me about this charity event” you cross your legs, leaning against the door to bring
sanzu features in your full vision.

he squints before spreading a sly smile, his hair now a rosy shade shifts as he turns
further to you—the scarred smile curls upwards “it’s a charity event” he says, smirking
when you roll your eyes.

“it’s for your work?” you question, watching his hand linger on his thigh, “yes” he says
simply, moving the hand closer to your bare thigh exposed from the slit in the dress.

“you don’t like to talk about your work but you gave me your business card so easily” you
watch his hand further as you speak, he glides it to your inner thigh squeezing it softly
“it’s just a job and i gave you my business card because unlike you, obviously—i still
trust you.”

sanzu leans in, glancing over the black glass that blocked the view from the driver, he
takes his eyes back to you, drinking in your curves, tits and lastly your ass “it’s a shame
you’re showing up like this without the final piece.”
 12

“what do you mean?” you whisper, watching his face break through the darkness in the
car, street lights dim his features but you can see him smiling devilishly “my cum running
down your thighs.”

“fuck you” you spat, standing your ground as you bore holes in his eyes, sanzu takes the
gesture as adorable leaning even closer till his breathing is the only thing shielded from
his lips on yours “you’d like that wouldn’t you? all those times i’ve fucked you, taught
you, made you beg for me” sanzu flickers his eyes down to his hand sliding closer
between your legs “it doesn’t matter who you’ve fucked, you belong to me.”

“i don’t belong to anyone you disgusting pig” you retort, feeling sanzu’s finger graze
across your clothed cunt “then why aren’t you stopping me?” sanzu pulls his hand away
and you hate that you’re disappointed he doesn’t press any further.

he leans back in the seat, noticing the charity event building is within line of sight he
tightens his tie until it’s practically choking him, “do you remember your eighteenth
birthday?” he questions, noticing the building was swarmed with people already.

“yes” you sigh, smoothing your dress out and grabbing your purse “do you remember
what i told you that night as i took your virginity?” sanzu opens the door while the driver
pulls up to the entrance, walking over to your side and opening the door with his hand
extended for you.

your fingers grasp it and slowly rise from the car “you’re mine” you answer back,
watching his eyes bleed a cold black “and princess, you’ll always be mine” he finishes
the phrase, leaving a firm hand pressed on your back as he gestures you into the
building.

[5 YEARS EARLIER]

“how does it feel to be eighteen now?” sanzu asks, sitting between your legs as he flips
through a book.

“i don’t know, how did it feel when you turned eighteen?” you play with his hair, braiding
a few strands.

“same as any other day” he answers, closing the book and laying his head down in your
lap “then that’s how i feel” you smile at him, his eyes stare back at you while his hand
rises to your face, fingers threading through your hair and pushes your lips on him.

“you want me to fuck you in celebration, is that right?” sanzu whispers through the kiss,
you choke at his bold words making him laugh “y-yeah.”

sanzu leans up from your lap, crawling over and hovering around your body “you know
once i’m inside, you’ll always be mine, princess” he looks at you for a moment before
crashing his lips on yours.
 13

sanzu runs his hands down your legs, as you card your fingers through his hair tugging
him closer to your mouth, he slips his fingers at the hem of your pants traveling the digits
towards your heat, a single finger dipping through your folds.

a moan whimpers through your lips, “i’ll be gentle, i promise angel” sanzu curls the digit
into your hole “gotta make you wet first, like you need it though” sanzu grunts, “you’re
fucking soaked already.”

“haru” a breathless moan and sanzu starts pumping the finger “what is it pretty girl?” he
coos, adding another finger and your back arches to his touch, “it feels good” you
whisper out.

sanzu lips part, gazing at your face—he takes the hem of your shirt and toys with it
before discarding it from your body, snapping the latches of the bra with needy fingers
your top half is exposed.

you can’t help but cover yourself, bare and vulnerable the breeze drifting from your ajar
window makes you shiver, sanzu runs a finger down your breast, the pad skimming your
nipple “don’t hide, you’re so beautiful” sanzu presses a kiss on your forehead, smiling at
you.

he leans down and wraps his tongue around the bud, your half voiced moan escaping
from your chest as sanzu continues pumping his fingers, you can feel it—a warmth
bubbling in your gut, the tingles tracing back down your legs and pooling over.

“i’m close—haru i think i’m gonna cum” you whine, legs clamping down on his wrist “o-
okay princess, cum for me” sanzu gasps, feeling your cunt throb and gush around his
fingers—he’s so mesmerized by the way you’ve fallen for him so quickly, crumbling
under his hands, how you will never do this for anyone but him.

“you look so pretty” sanzu pulls his fingers away, rummaging through his pants to pull
out a condom, taking the object in his mouth as he sheds himself of his shirt and
unbuckles his pants “so pretty when you cum~” he teases, watching you turn your head
in embarrassment.

“stop” you swat at his hand tickling your sides “it’s my first time” you pout, listening to
sanzu pull the condom over his cock, you catch a glimpse of his length—it’s pretty, just
like him, bigger than you expected and that alone terrifies you.

sanzu grabs your hand, placing it over his cock “you can touch it, it’s all yours
princess” you squeeze in response, the lube lingers on your hand when you pull
away “are you ready?” he looks at you, and you nod back.

he hums, leaning back down to you, his hands finding your face and cradling it “if it hurts
tell me and i’ll stop” he looks into your eyes listening to a quiet okay from your
lips, “that’s my girl.”

sanzu kneels between your legs, hovering his cock over your hole, he exhales before
sucking in another harsh breath while he pushes inside, you wince at the stretch
wrapping your arms around him and nestling your face in his neck.
 14

“god, you are so fucking tight” sanzu moans, snaking his hands behind you and pulling
your chest flush to his “you’re mine” he whispers when he bottoms out, hips moving to a
slow pace.

“always” you glance up at him “i’ll always be yours haru” he smiles back at you, kissing
your cheek as sanzu pumps his cock in you, holding back from the sheer tightness
flooding with your juices rolling on his thighs.

sanzu grows confident once your moans start becoming louder, snapping his hips and
thrusting harder, the burn washes away replaced with euphoric feelings rushing through
your veins.

he’s loud, moaning into your ear when his cock brushes against your tight walls, whining
when your cunt clenches at every gasp he lets out.

you can already feel another orgasm pooling in your stomach, dwindling down into your
cunt “gonna cum again haru” you whine in his ear, whiteness clouding your vision.

sanzu doesn’t answer, he’s lost in the waves—blindly thrusting into you and he could go
on forever, or that he’d want to, staying inside your warm pussy is just pure ecstasy.

you pull from his neck to reach for his face, pressing your lips on his “i love you” you
whisper in his mouth and sanzu eyes widen, a throb of his heart and he’s tipping over,
waves drowning him and your cunt gushes once again around him.

sanzu pulls out to leak his seed in the condom, he wishes there wasn’t a barrier but
there’s always next time, he tosses the condom aside and crashes beside you.

you feel his arms wrap around you, his chest pooling warmth into the skin “i love you
too” he nuzzles into your hair “happy birthday princess.”

[PRESENT TIMELINE — THE BONTEN CHARITY EVENT]

the entrance of the building was surrounded by men dressed head to toe, women hung
by their arms as they watched, jewelry swinging heavy around their necks.

you can’t help but wrap an arm around sanzu, looking to him before stepping into the
soft music fluttering through the winds, “my job is simple but i can do anything i want” he
says looking at you with a gentle smile “my life’s different now but always missing
something.”

the atmosphere drops when you enter the party, butlers handing champagne at either
side of you “you should try it out sometime” sanzu smiles, giving you a glass of sparkling
alcohol.

“being mine again” sanzu clicks his glass with yours, leading you both to the center of
the room “cheers.”
 15

you’ve known sanzu for half of your life but tonight as he holds you pretty on his arm,
smiling and talking to guests without any problem—you wonder who the hell he’s
become.

CHAPTER FOUR — JELLO SHOTS

[PRESENT TIMELINE — BONTEN CHARITY EVENT]

your arm stays neatly tucked around sanzu’s elbow as you enter the vip lounge,
wandering eyes drift towards you, the atmosphere drops in temperature as you enter the
bonten booth.

you notice an array of characters sitting casually in the leather seats, one in a specific
seated with both his arms resting on the leather, legs spread and a lazy grin toyed with
his lips.

sanzu regrets motioning you to sit beside the man but it’s the remembrance of his
attribute to your saving the other night that he swallows his pride and allows it, he slides
beside you watching ran’s lilac eyes glow.

“no wonder you’ve been keeping her all to yourself, sanzu” ran starts, leaning closer to
you and flickering his eyes over to sanzu, he only grumbles gripping the empty glass.

“you’re gorgeous” ran whispers in your ear, and you can smell the expensive cologne
lingering from his body, the fabric of his suit shining under the dim lights—ran taps on
the table pulling your attention away from his body and dragging your eyes to meet him.

they’re vicious, cold and bleak but hints of amusement circling amongst the orbs—ran
shifts closer to you, raising an arm to lay behind you and with the accessibility he’s able
to really look at you.

“are you not much of a talker?” ran questions, averting his attention to your lips,
watching as the bottom one slips into your teeth, biting down while the top moves like
yarn—so perfect, so tantalizing.

you hesitate to answer him, it’s honestly terrifying to understand what sanzu does for a
living, you’re not stupid—you’ve watched the news, you’ve read the paper and you dated
him when he started it all; you just didn’t know he was surrounded by such beautiful
men.

“i like the quiet ones actually” ran cuts through your thoughts, “because when i’m alone
with them—they sing so beautifully” ran leans in closer and the thump against the table
ceases his advances, creeping back to his seat.

“i need a drink” sanzu smacks the table again, flaring his eyes at ran, he takes his gaze
back to you, slowly guiding his hand on your thigh. “boss is late” a voice echoes behind
the room, a man with a suit matching his eyes walks in, his multi-colored mullet sways
as he keeps his head focused on his phone, heels of his shoes tapping the ground while
he drags his feet.
 16

sanzu smooths your skin over with his thumb while you watch a waiter pour his drink, the
dark liquor only lasting seconds in his glass before he throws it down the back of his
throat. the leftover substance drips from the corner of his lips, gathering at his scar he
pulls a hand up to swipe it off but not before watching your doe eyes catch him smiling
softly.

“are you enjoying watching my lips get wet? does it remind you of something?” sanzu
turns to you, running his thumb to your mouth and lightly placing the drop on your own
lips. “sanzu spoke to him last” ran speaks up, moving closer to you as he gives room for
the other man to sit beside him.

sanzu pulls his hand away, “you have a boss?” you question, peering your stare to the
one seated beside the taller one touching knees with you now. “of course we do, how
would sanzu ever do anything without someone telling him what to do?” ran smiles,
noticing sanzu stays quiet instead of barking back, chugging another drink to cease his
bubbling anger.

“i’m ran and this is rindou, my brother” ran moves his hand over to rindou as he only
nods back in response, “sanzu, you’re never this rude to not even introduce me” he rolls
his eyes, still smiling at you.

“i figured your hard dick rubbing off on her would be enough” sanzu slurs, you notice his
eyes are gathering blood, shooting across the white of his eyes, and his speech is
guiding slower.

“where do you work?” ran ignores sanzu, clutching his glass and swirling the dark
liquid “the library, i’m the head librarian” you answer, feeling sanzu tense beside you—if
it’s not evident enough, sanzu cannot stand the thought of other people knowing, seeing
or even talking to you. but what could he do? just sit back, and suffer.

“oh really? that’s right across from my work, i’ll have to visit sometime” ran smiles, taking
the glass and sipping from it.

“jesus christ mikey, took you long enough” rindou mutters, laying his phone on the table
and taking a swig of ran’s drink, “sorry got caught up downstairs talking to a client” he
mumbles, walking closer and catching a glimpse of you “m-mikey?” you squeak, jumping
up and climbing over sanzu.

mikey engulfs you in a hug, hand coming down to cradle your head as he holds you
closer “been a long time” he whispers, pressing his face into your neck but keep his eyes
open—staring over at sanzu, even through the alcohol swirling his mind, vision
becoming hazy, he can see the way you hug mikey—like you used to do with him.

“it’s been forever” you whisper back, and mikey chuckles, pulling you closer and sanzu
sits by himself, hand stuck to the empty glass and heart drenched in pain.

not a day goes by sanzu wants you to be his, waking up to an empty bed—finding
paradise between legs for a short time and now that he finally has you, someone always
takes you away—right as you are within his fingertips.
 17

[5 YEARS EARLIER]

“you’re going to see him aren’t you?” your mother asks, crowding you against the door,
you roll your eyes working your jacket on.

“yeah, see you later” you reply, turning your back to her and reaching for the
doorknob, “he will break your heart one day” you sigh in response, fingers gripping the
cold metal “into a million different pieces.”

sanzu is propped up on his cafe-style bike when you finally push the door open, the hot
air brushing strands of hair in your face.

you make your way to him, sanzu looking over your shoulder at your mother peeking
through the window blinds, sanzu chuckles to himself “hey princess” he grins, meeting
you halfway and automatically wrapping his arms around you “missed you so much.”

“i missed you too” you melt into his arms and for a moment everything washes away, the
feeling of sanzu arms keep you grounded but you’re floating, into a helpless bliss, him
being the only thing that ties you to this earth.

“let’s get outta here” you whisper looking over your shoulder at the lights turning down in
your house, your mothers words pull at your heart but sanzu, pulls them
harder “anything for you” he murmurs.

summer was forcing its way into your life, the air started to taste salty as the humidity
clung to the wind and the closer it crept—the more you worried about the future.

you held on to sanzu’s back tighter, pressing your face into his leather jacket, “almost
there pretty girl” he says, kicking the clutch and yanking the gas handle harder.

you both pull up to the abandoned warehouse that sanzu and you had most of your
fondest memories, he killed the engine, watching you crawl off the bike and stand in
front of the building “to the top?” you smile, and sanzu gleams back “always at the top
with you.”

“you’re so corny” you laugh, intertwining your fingers with his and leading him to the roof
of the building, sanzu keeps the smile on his face, but he feels like the happiness won’t
last—since in his life, it never has.

“sit in my lap pretty” sanzu slaps his thigh as he leans against the concrete wall still
standing after the building is left in ruins. you oblige quickly, plopping down between his
legs.

“i have graduation rehearsals tomorrow, you’re going to be there right?” you question,
holding his hand between your fingers and toying with the silver ring placed on his
thumb.

“no” he answers back quickly, and you sigh leaning further into his chest “haru, what’re
you going to do instead of school?”

sanzu stays silent, cocking his head to the sun dipping into the night, “you remember
when you read to me that book about the guy wanting to reach the sun?” he finally
speaks out, raising his ringer to the sky.
 18

“yes, he had wings of wax” you reply, watching his finger point to the star closest to the
fading sun “once he came close to the sun, his wings melted and he came crashing
back to earth” he finishes the story for himself “but when he’s heading towards the sky,
that feeling he must of felt—i want to feel that everyday.”

“but that’s fiction, this is real life” you raise your hand to cup his cheek, your fingers
feeling his face tense and scarred lips turn into a smile “isn’t everything fiction until made
a reality?”

“haru” you suck a harsh breath in “answer the question” sanzu pulls his hands away,
tucking them behind his head “i’m not goin’ back to school, alright?” you twist your body
in his lap, sneering your eyes “why? why would you do that?” tears rim your vision,
frustration chewing in your throat.

“i said i’m not going back, that’s all—just drop it please” sanzu mumbles, closing his
eyes and letting out a groan settled in his chest. you look closely at him, examining the
fading colors of bruises on his face, heavy bags under his eyes, you decide to
ultimately—drop it.

you lean down to press a kiss against his lips, bringing your hands up to cup his face,
sanzu unfolds his arms behind his head to gather around your own head deepening the
kiss, “mmh” he mumbles through the kiss, grasping at your scalp. “you always make
pretty sounds” you coo, running your tongue over his bottom lip.

sanzu cheeks reddened at the words, his eyes snapping open and watching as your lips
brush over to his exposed neck, lightly draping your tongue across the skin until you
begin to suck, sanzu moans again, but louder and the shrill noise sends a pulse straight
to your cunt.

you wanted to hear more of this dominant, resilient and mostly terrifying man—how he
sounds so pure and innocent, choking back moans as you bring hickies to the skin and
your hand creeping down and palming at his prominent bulge.

“god” sanzu grunts under his breath, a ray of curses follow suit and he’s becoming an
absolute mess with the bare minimum and maybe that’s why it was just needed to
simmer down to his clothed bulge, springing his cock free with ease and wrap your pretty
little lips around it.

“i’ve never done this before” you gloss your eyes up to him, sanzu flutters his eyes back
open—already drunk to the meager sight of you putting his length in your mouth, cheeks
starting to hollow to fit him inside, hands slowly caressing his balls.

“i-i don’t care” he mumbles, holding a hand up to his mouth and planting it firmly around
his lips “fuck—just suck me off please” sanzu pants, and you try your best not to flaunt
that pride smile laid across your face, eyes flashing a greed as your mouth begins to
bob.

sanzu legs tremble if not bounce off the concrete, hands jerking and twisting on your
head, his breathing erratic and jumbled, he’s already twitching in your mouth as you
guide up his length and release his cock with a signature pop.
 19

“w-want more” sanzu whines, chest caving in with every shallow breath, lip forming a
dying pout and you bend over to peck his lips “only if you moan for me” you whisper,
gripping his cock with your hand and fisting it.

“y-yeah, like that” sanzu groans, bucking his hips up to your hand and you stay level with
his face, watching every movement he displays. he’s so beautiful, so submissive right
now in your hands, and for someone so intimidating, he’s practically putty in your grip.

“gonna fuckin’ cum” sanzu moans out, finding something to hold on to as he feels his
pleasure build in his cock, slamming your head back down on him while he shoots his
load down your throat, your voice muffled and tripped with gagging noises.

you pull away just enough to slap his chest, face contorted in anger as you wipe his
seed with the back of your hand, sanzu pushes his cock back in his pants and crawls
over to you, grabbing the back of your head and smashing his lips with yours “i like when
you take charge” he groans, feeling a smile play through the kiss.

sanzu lifts himself from your face, gripping you with both his hands as he squeezes your
cheeks, “don’t be afraid that’ll ever leave you” he looks into your eyes, pressing your lips
harder together till they pucker “i love you.”

“me and you princess, always” sanzu kisses you again, and you believe every sugar
coated word he proclaims because why would he ever break your heart?

[PRESENT TIMELINE — BONTEN CHARITY EVENT]

“last time i saw you was right after you graduated from highschool, right?” mikey asks,
fully indulged in the conversation you both were having, his smile never leaving his face
as you both were tucked into a smaller booth.

“yeah it was, i can’t believe this entire charity event is for your work” you look around at
all the people, mostly men in suits with a glass to their name or other characters looking
like they’ve just came back from a parent-teacher meeting.

“it’s for the kids, i picked a charity to get kids—like myself away from the bad in this
world” mikey replies, looking over at the rest of his doting members of bonten getting
absolutely destroyed by liquor.

sanzu was the ringleader, slamming shot after shot and tripping over his own feet to
grab another drink, his hands running through his mullet. he’d let his eyes drift back to
you but would quickly bring them back when he noticed how much mikey—just looked at
you.

“sanzu and you have history, are you—” he pauses watching a form of disgust fill your
face, you quickly shake your head no, which he smiles at “i think it’s better if me and
sanzu stay like this—maybe more, maybe less” you sip from your drink, placing it down
and glancing over your shoulder noticing sanzu is gone, and rindou is the ringleader
now, shirt off and twirling it in the air.
 20

“he goes to the bar when he gets drunk and will drink till he passes out, if you want to
find him” mikey says, standing up and folding his hand out to you, “i’m about to talk to
more clients but it was good seeing you” he smiles again as you take his hand and sit
up, “and if anybody hasn’t told you tonight, you look fuckin’ incredible” mikey winks and
walks away, leaving you feeling rather powerful with now three men swooning over you
from bonten.

you make your way down the long drawn out stairs, heels clicking the floor till you finally
see a pretty pink haired man slouched over the bar, weakly pouring himself another
drink, you slowly take your hand to his back rubbing it “sanzu, let’s get you home” you
whisper out to him.

“i’m good” he swats your hand away, avoiding your presence by sliding onto another
chair “you’ve had enough to drink you’re going to get sick” you put your hand on your
hip, looking at his suit wrinkled and eyes dropping.

“already done talkin’ to mikey? he’s gonna take you home tonight?“ sanzu rakes his
eyes to you as you sit beside him, taking the glass from his hand and sliding it
away, “jealous much?” you question, propping your head on your hand, sanzu flinches
before swiveling his chair to face you “i’m jealous of anyone that’s ever touched you,
fucked you or even imagined a life with you” sanzu sucks a breath in, lazily wiping his
eyes “because that’s supposed to be me.”

“yeah well you should of thought about that before fucking leaving me” you bite back,
anger swarming your gut, sanzu leans in closer, holding onto the bar so he doesn’t
topple over “will you give it a rest? i’m here now ain’t i?”

“little too late for that now isn’t it haruchiyo? you expect me to jump back into your loving
arms at any kind of affection you show me? i’m better than that” you lean back, his
breath burns your nose from the amount of alcohol lingering from his lips.

“fuck it, i’m done trying to be nice about this shit. you don’t think it didn’t fucking hurt to
do that? i cried for weeks, begging myself to call you but leaving you in radio silence was
the best thing i could do” sanzu slams his fist on the table startling you, his eyes turning
black if not into venom.

“so what now? you want me to forgive you? fuck you? and then get back together? it
doesn’t work like that. i don’t trust you, i know once i’m back in your hold—you’ll just
break my heart again and fucking again” you choke the words out, screwing your eyes
shut and letting a small cry escape your throat.

sanzu eyes widen, listening to a small sob linger through the room, “i don’t care what
you do anymore, i’m done” sanzu mumbles, stumbling from the seat as tears run down
his cheeks, he does care though and every word stings—but you not trusting him sends
a dagger through his heart.

silence was your only savior at this point, the thoughts wagering through your mind and
his words pinpointed at your chest. you can only cry, damning the world and hating
sanzu a little more.

“i’ve been looking for you” a voice pulls you from your hands gripping at your face, you
turn to see ran leaning over on the chair, he smiles lightly noticing your makeup
 21

smearing down your face “let me take you home” he offers, draping his jacket over your
shoulders “i can also call you a taxi if that’d be better.”

“no, it’s fine—let’s go” you rise from the chair, gripping onto his hand as it’s extended for
you, ran leans down under the glow of the lights “this isn’t how i wanted to see your
makeup smeared but it’ll do” he jokes, chest swelling when you laugh back.

the drive back from the charity event was relieving, ran drove with one hand as the other
swung in the air making jokes of his brother, and you almost forget about sanzu, the
argument shared between you both had shot your blood cold, it was nice to just get
away from it all.

“you can park here” you point to your apartment complex which ran knows exactly where
that is, he nods pulling the car beside the sidewalk “let me walk you to the door,
atleast” he says, more of a sentence than question and you sigh “okay” you smile at him
and ran just really enjoys how easily you’re letting him in.

“thank you for walking me to the door” you softly say to ran, he ducks down to make
level with your face “i don’t mind” he whispers, laying a hand flat out on your door, he
looks your face over as he moves the other hand to gently wipe the mascara from under
your eyes, slowly tracing the digit to your nose then your lips, you look back at him
caught in a trance of just how handsome he really is.

“can i kiss you?” he questions, knowing this isn’t necessarily the right thing to do
amongst sanzu being your ex boyfriend or the chaotic storm he’d bring knowing ran was
with you now, but he sees the opportunity— “yes” you mutter, closing your eyes as you
feel his faint lips brush across yours.

“wanna kiss you more” ran murmurs through your lips and you wished you regretted
your hands slipping through his short locks, dragging him harder on your face, taller
body pressed firmly against yours—but you don’t, and maybe you should? yet as ran
moves his lips sync with your own, hands traveling to all the right places, running fingers
across your curves—it feels like an altered reality where maybe you don’t get fucked
over this time.

“can i come in?” ran asks breathlessly, moving his lips to your neck and nibbling on the
skin, the sounds of your keys turning and both of your bodies stumbling into the
apartment and finally the sound of your door clicking shut—was his answer.

CHAPTER FIVE — RAZOR BLADE GUMMY BEARS

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

sanzu’s head is throbbing to the beat of his aching heart, throat dry while he heaves
over the ceramic toilet, turquoise pupils at the brink of bulging out of the sockets every
time he vomits.

“you think you could do that a little quieter?” mikey asks, propped up on the bathroom
sink, chopping on a sweet pastry “it’s kinda gross.”
 22

“why are you even here then?” sanzu wipes the spit from his lips, dragging his eyes up
to mikey. sanzu feels like utter shit—rosey strands sticking to his cheeks, his suit from
last night still hanging loosely on his body.

“moral support” he replies, popping the last crumb in his mouth “why are you trying so
hard when you left in the first place, you act like you still like her” mikey turns to sanzu,
looking over his disheveled face.

“love” he corrects him, “why do i still love her? is what you need to ask” sanzu picks
himself off the floor, gathering strength to stand up and wobbling like a newborn doe
once he stands.

“so this is love” rindou interrupts, murmuring as he makes his way into the bathroom
blocking sanzu, mikey looks over rindou noticing the bold larger figure that’s usually at
his hip missing.

“where’s ran?” mikey questions, scanning over rindou covered in blood tracking it
everywhere, “left last night with someone” he pushes past sanzu and starts stripping his
attire.

“will he be back before the meeting?” mikey lifts himself off the sink, slinking behind
sanzu, rindou chuckles “sanzu, how long does it take to get from your ex’s house to
here?” rindou snickers again when sanzu lets out a low groan.

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

“oh god..”

your murmur slices through the harmonious air, sunbeams finding their way to you
through the sheer curtains, a soft breath crawls to your cheeks—a warmth lays softly
beside you.

“you did say that a lot last night” ran smirks, lids still closed but his lazy grin soaks
through his mellow face, “did we—did we actually?” you squeak, tensing up when he
brings his hand up to your face.

“no, unfortunately” ran shuffles closer in the bed, circling a soft pad on your warm
cheek “you cried about sanzu all night, as i held you” ran whispers, smiling when you
deadpan back to him.

“that’s so disgusting” you pull away from his hand, putting a palm on your forehead and
lightly tapping it “i’m sorry i probably ruined everything with my emotional
breakdown” you sigh, a laugh rumbling from ran’s chest.

“you didn’t, plus—” ran rolls over, climbing on top of you, caging your body under the
mattress, the sounds of the covers shuffling as he leans down, “but when i do ruin you,
you’ll be completely sober” ran brushes his lips across the shell of your ear “and you
won’t even remember who sanzu is.”
 23

he leans completely down, pressing his lips on his fingers then popping them on yours
on “get dressed and let me take you out for lunch pretty girl” ran lifts himself off of you,
he slides his body off the sheets—bare feet hitting the floor.

you notice the tattoo carved on his back, muscles rolling when he slips on his white
collar shirt “like what you see?” he questions, turning around as he buttons the shirt up,
slipping on his vest “i’ve never seen a tattoo like that” you mumble, feeling the warmth
invade your cheeks.

“imagine seeing it every night, or feeling it under your nails as i fuck you” ran
straightens his shoulders as his fingers fumble with his tie. he turns to you cocking his
head to the side “just a thought i’d leave you with, i’ll wait in the living room for you and
remember love, daddy doesn’t like to wait too long.”

the door closes behind him and you collapse your face into your hands, a deep sigh
strangled from your lungs “what have i got myself into” you question out loud and you
wonder—though you shouldn’t, how sanzu is doing.

[5 YEARS AGO]
you expected the tap on your window late in the night, sanzu vigorously ramming his
finger against the glass till you finally yank the sill open.

what you didn’t expect was a bloody mess he was when sanzu face peered through the
window, bruises and cuts splattered him—pale eyes met with your own “what
happened?” you asked with a shaky breath, watching red drip from his cuts, “big
fight” he utters, sitting down on the bed and sighing, looking back at you with sadness
riddled in his orbs.

you walk to the bathroom grabbing a towel and striding back to your bed, sanzu lays on
the bed now an arm thrown over his face while his chest rises faster still catching his
breath “you always come over here when you’re beat up.” the mattress dips when you sit
beside him, towel coming up to his face padding over the cut dug deep in his cheek.

“i came over to see you angel” sanzu whispers, wincing as you swipe over the
blood, “always miss you the most when i’m hurting” he reaches his hand up to touch
your face, “you shouldn’t fight so much” you lean into his touch, and sanzu sighs “i
know.”

“mikey is thinking about puttin’ a gang together, make me number two” sanzu looks at
you through his lashes, slowly leaning up so he can be level with you “more money we
bring in, the better i can treat you then those shitty fast food dates i take you to now.”

“but i like those dates” you protest, lips forming a pout at sanzu “because they’re with
you” you murmur and sanzu softens “do you know why i love you so much?” he asks,
grabbing your cheeks and puckering your lips out “no” a mumble of words answer his
question.
 24

“because you love me for how i am even if i don’t love myself” he presses his lips on
yours, releasing his hold and crashing his lips against your own as he presses your body
against the bed, his hands already roaming for access to bare skin.

“haru” your voice left a breathless gasp, “you take care of me, let me return the favor” he
whispers through your lips, mouth ghosting past your face and to your neck, he hooks
his fingers on your shorts easily pushing them down and hand cupping your pussy.

“never done this” you whisper, knowing what hints he’s subjecting when sanzu crawls
lower, his bruised covered hands spread your thighs open.

“been takin’ all your first—you really are just mine” he flashes his eyes, fingers gripping
at the plush in your thighs, and you watch in wonder as sanzu keeps his eyes glued to
you while he slides his tongue out and drags it through your folds.

sanzu hair curtains around your thighs, pulling a hand up to brush the strands behind his
ear as he continues swirling his tongue around your clit, fingers finding your clenching
hole and curling against your walls.

sanzu is in agony, the brute force of someone’s fist probably broke a rib, the throbbing
pain pulsates through his lungs, his head throbs from the amount of hits he’s took from a
fist that felt like stone—one of his eyes clouds clear vision and he probably won’t be able
to see for at least a week but right now—this is about you.

he’s drunk in harsh reality of the pain he installs, addicted on your taste, the small mewls
exploring from your mouth and your legs shivering to his long laps through your cunt, the
pain dissolves away while your back arches off the bed, his name left in remembrance of
how good he’s making you feel.

so caught up on his tongue skimming across your sensitive bundle of nerves, fingers
mindlessly pumping into your hole that sanzu doesn’t even realize you’ve came on his
tongue until the juices drip from his chin, slurping and sucking up everything from you
and he swallows, deep gulps.

“how was that pretty?” he questions, a sly smirk bleeding through his lips when your
eyes circle darkness, pupils blown to the extreme and a haze set on your face, “g-good,
really good” you finally stammer out, whimpering when sanzu just toys with your puffy
clit. he lays his head on your thigh, searching for your fingers and intertwining them with
his own.

“i love you” he sighs, squeezing tighter amongst your digits, the pain crawling back into
his body as the rush of pleasuring you wears off, sanzu moves higher till his head rests
on your stomach.

“the future scares me” you say out loud, looking up at the ceiling, sanzu squeezes even
harder at your words, “don’t be scared angel, i’ll always be here” sanzu feels sleep
invading his mind, he thinks of the future.

and how the future holds him and you, and sanzu fears nothing as he has it all planned
out—you and him, his plans of joining a bigger gang, building a life with you, being with
you.
 25

but little did sanzu know he’s like a house in a hurricane—gone; and just like that horrific
storm, sanzu departs, destroying everything in his path.

so who really could blame you—when you sought out shelter somewhere else?

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

“i wanna play a game” rindou proposes, glancing around the wooden table, taking his
sight on every bonten member till he lands his eyes on his brother “ran?”

“what kind of game?” kokonoi interrupts, pen tapping against the wood, ran laughs when
he remembers the game rindou is talking about—a drinking game.

“gonna go round the table and you tell me your craziest sex story” rindou grins, standing
up to grab glasses and a bottle of whiskey. “tell me a story and i’ll judge if it’s good or
not—or pass and drink” rindou pours the drinks, handing them to each member, leaving
one for mikey whenever he decides to come back.

“this is dumb” sanzu huffs, laying his chin on the table “awh sanzu, don’t be like that we
can start by the time we made out under the mistletoe” ran teases, fluttering his lashes
towards sanzu . “oh i remember that” rindou chimes in, “it was a one time thing because
i was vulnerable and lonely” sanzu mumbles, avoiding the other members seizing their
eyes at him.

“drink ran, that was boring” rindou points his finger to his brother, kokonoi clears his
throat “one time i was going down on someone and i thought what the hell so i stick my
finger up their ass and i got a concussion.”

rindou lays his chin on his hands, brain churning “that’s pretty funny, akashi you’re
next” the members look over at him, his hand cards through his hair “i’m too old for
this” he rolls his eyes, chugging the drink. ran snickers “i was with this person one time
and i was trying to be romantic so i picked them up bridal style and cracked their head
on the door way” rindou laughs before ran is finished, covering his mouth as he laughs
harder.

“then they yelled so loud i got scared, dropped them and then i tripped over them” ran
throws his head back laughing so hard, rindou snickers and the others laugh but
sanzu—he’s just not in the mood.

he can’t stop thinking about what rindou said to him earlier with ran at your place, his
head still busting from the hangover—he can’t quite remember what he said to you last
night but he knows it wasn’t the intentions he was going for.

“sanzu” a slender voice breaks him from his thoughts “yeah?” he answers, dragging his
eyes to the face behind the voice “tell me a story” mikey is smiling, already coming back
to the meeting and sitting down beside him, sanzu closes his eyes “rather drink, pass.”
 26

“mikey your turn” rindou claps his hands together, and mikey quirks his eyebrow up “turn
for what?” he inquires, rindou sighs “tell me a sex story.”

mikey sits for a moment gathering his thoughts “uh, i don’t really sleep around that much
but i remember this person one time” mikey pauses to take a sip of the drink, running his
tongue over his lips “have you ever fucked someone and they just make you feel like
you’re the only one in the world?” mikey swirls the brown liquid in the glass.

rindou leans in interested, “i’m on top of them fuckin’ them so hard and all of a sudden
they bring their hands up to hold me, came right there” he chuckles, slinking back in his
seat, rindou deadpans “this is suppose to be funny not romantic—shit now i feel
lonely” rindou throws his hands back behind his head, ran looks uninterested and the
other members start to slowly rise to their feet.

sanzu sits frozen in his seat, pondering the thought—the mere thought of that feeling
he’d had with other people, and he hasn’t until he thinks back to you.

how you’d always hold his face within your hands, tracing small circles on his cheeks
while he drove his cock inside you—he felt that same exact way.

but he’s adamant that it’s an impossible thought while he connects the dots, sanzu
must be driving himself insane—thinking that you did that with mikey? his best friend, the
loyal dog he was to him, there was no fucking way.

and it eats at his brain, devouring every single thought as sanzu pushes himself from the
table, quickly averting eyes while he runs to his office, grabbing his phone and dialing
your number.

“what?” your words are harsh as soon as you answer, sanzu’s stomach is tied in knots,
sweat saturating his forehead, incoherent thoughts muddy with anger.

“did—did you fuck mikey?” he chokes out, gripping at his chest, the silence hurts—why
are you being so quiet?

“i did” you finally answer, and sanzu can’t help but cry, tears rolling from his pale cheeks,
dripping onto the floor and he doesn’t know what to do, why his world feels like it’s
shattering beneath him.

is this what you felt when he left? was this the pain he handed you all those years
ago? “w-why?” he whispers, trying to hold the tears from flooding more.

but you don’t answer, and sanzu drops to his knees—phone hitting the ground while his
soul shatters, and he wants to be mad, blame everything on you yet how could he when
he’s the one that left?

another day sanzu is reminded the trail of destruction he’s left behind, and another
moment he has to suffer for his crime.

CHAPTER SIX — NEUTRAL MILKYWAY

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
 27

sanzu doesn’t want to open his eyes, the harsh reality will hit him harder, realizing it’s
another day without you to claim as his again.

your stale voice echoes through his ears, pain settling is his chest when he finally cracks
his lids open, lashes resolving dried tears with new ones subsiding in the rims of his
empty translucent orbs.

he doesn’t even know what time he fell asleep last night, after painfully picking himself
from the floor of his office—he only crashes to the floor of his own home.

agony drives deeper into his tainted heart as he replays the words you told him, mikey
and you—something that shouldn’t have—wouldn’t have happened if sanzu could have
faced his decisions instead of running away—like he always did.

the ache is carried by subtle thoughts when he’s brought back to the day he left you,
how your sobs haunt his heart to this day, why he can’t decide his reasoning behind it,
what today would be like with you.

you’d be married to him by now he thinks, maybe even a couple of kids included if he
ponders the thoughts more but the words plague him harder till he’s nauseous.

stomach swirling with torture till he’s running to the bathroom with the toilet knocking
against his face, hurling heartache into the water with fresh tears streaming down his
damp cheeks.

he hates himself, blames everything—he’d take all the pain you ever endured if he could
have you again, gloom hangs down on him while he arches his back with more liquids
pouring from his mouth.

sanzu weakly removes himself from the toilet, rising to his feet and meekly walking to the
mirror. noticing how his eyes are so dark, soulless even if he examines closer, wincing
when his eyes cast over the scars dug in his lips, he avoids the mirroring gaze looking at
his phone lit up with an upcoming call.

sanzu shouldn’t expect the caller to be you—which it isn’t, and the pain throbs within his
chest once again, even if it’s possible—how would he do this again and not hurt you?

[ 2 YEARS AGO]
your laugh bounces off the tiny dorm you’ve called homage for some time now, pacing
around the small-scale room while the phone is pressed tightly to your ear.

you sigh into the phone “i’m in college now mikey stop teasin’ me” you giggle, throwing
your back against the bed with another chuckle rolling through your chest.

“i know, i’m here” he says through the phone, leaning against his onyx, razor edged
mercedes’— peeking through the blinds you can see him, and your heart jumps through
the phone, “a-are you serious?” you squeak, and you can see from the parking lot mikey
laughs.

“so are you gonna invite me in or what?” mikey smirks, listening to your shuffled feet
across the floor and the sounds of your fingers unlocking the door.
 28

mikey’s smile bleeds deeper as he walks to your dorm, soft pads of his clogs snapping
against the floors till he makes his way to your door, lightly tapping and propping an arm
against the frame.

“you really shouldn’t let people in so easily” he pokes, slouching over to your bed and
plopping beside you, his hair is shorter—the natural color shines through now, raven
strands curtains one of his eyes as the other stares at you.

“since you’re such a delinquent now” you roll your eyes “you’re still mikey to me” he
laughs at you, bringing a hand to run his finger down your face—“call me manjiro, i
always liked when you said my name” mikey smiles softly leaning down beside you, he
rests his hands on his stomach, chest smoothly rising.

“i’ve heard your gang on the news a lot” you add, turning to face him, his eyes slant
while he listens the smile from his face never fading away “biggest one out there, bunch
of people from other gangs under me now, got my number two and everything” he
reveals, your stomach swirls, thinking about him.

“sanzu isn’t it?” you question, closing your eyes while mikey traces a soft circle on your
cheek, he hums pausing his fingers, “yeah” he says softly, inching closer to your body,
shoulders pressed against his.

“you know i used to like you?” mikey confesses, cupping your cheek and rolling over on
his side—he’s so close, his hot breath fanning across your lips. and you’ve never been
this close to mikey but it feels—like you want more.

“i was so close to doin’ something about it until sanzu started talking about this person
he liked, he’d go on and on about how much they made him smile, read him all these
books and when he asked me what being in love was like—” he pauses and by the way
your lashes flutter open with hints of tears spilling from the rims, he stops.

“he messed up letting you go” mikey mumbles, the more he talks the closer he gets until
it’s just a reaction to kiss him but you won’t—not until there’s nothing left but to advise
sanctuary on his lips.

it falls quiet around you, looking into his eyes—how much sadness cloaks them yet hints
of something else remain circling the pupils, “there’s something i’ve always wanted to
do” mikey comments, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip.

you lean in pressing your lips against his—they’re soft, a tranquil opportunity amongst
his playful lips, “always wanted to do this since the day i met you” murmurs of his deep
voice vibrate through your bottom lip while they move with his own.

mikey deepens the kiss, running his fingers through your hair and gripping against the
scalp, his other hand roams your body, slowly rising above you but never breaking the
kiss, tongue dipping into your warm mouth.

you crave more, his hands so familiar yet unknown while he settles his bottom half up
between your legs, slowly grinding against your clothed cunt—you want him.

his fingers crawl under your shirt toying with the metal adorned on your bra “can i take
this off?” he pants, feeling your head nod, mikey slips your shirt and bra off.
 29

“so pretty” he coos, mouth moving from your swollen lips to your tits, tongue swirling
around your perked nipple. your hips roll against him, feeling how hard he is under his
pants, the wet spot on your shorts gathering wetness everytime he grinds down harder
on you.

“do you want me?” you mewl, fingers carding through his hair, mikey lifts his eyes from
your mounds “i’ve always wanted you” mikey mumbles through your tit, so sultry—
induced with pleasure and you don’t hesitate to run your hands down to your fabric
connected bodies and palm at his bulge.

“i wanna be inside you already” mikey groans, bucking his hips up and toying with your
bottoms, he flicks his eyes to you, hooking his fingers and rolling your bottoms down
your legs, “pretty fucking pussy” he breathes, tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

“mikey” you whine and he stands to brush his pants off, “don’t call me that while i fuck
you” he teases, tossing his shirt aside, you look over his body—muscles carved in his
marble skin, blue veins running across his arms. mikey leans down, crawling back over
your body while he keeps his hand on your bare cunt.

“you’re so wet already” he hums, sinking two fingers into your hole, swallowing your lips
in an attempt to stifle your long gated moans—he scissors slowly inside you, thumb
gathering your slick and drawing a circle on your clit.

mikey knows what he’s doing—like he’s done this so many times before and your
thoughts aggravate your mind, you don’t even process that within a small time frame
he’s already touching you, kissing every inch of your skin and soon enough drawing your
first orgasm from your core.

“manjiro want you” you whimper, ghosting your fingers over his chest, softening his
exterior “good girl” he praises, laying his hands under your legs and spreading you
further.

the stretch burns when mikey sinks in—one hand beside your head as the other
caresses against your tit, squeezing the flesh while he rolls his hips.

“wanna feel you cum around my cock” mikey grunts, pounding harder in your weeping
pussy, your fingers claw at his back—cunt clenching in response to his honey colored
words.

“i wanna do that for you” your hands cup his cheeks, bringing his face inches away from
your face “only wanna cum for you” your fingers rub against his skin and mikey winces,
never expecting to feel so vulnerable in your smaller grasp.

he’s fucking you—not expecting to cry and feel loved, the word disgusts him but why did
it feel tolerable to even think about as his cock drags against your velvet walls, pussy
creaming over and over—he wants to make you feel good but now he’s tittering on the
edge while you grip his cheeks harder “cum for me, make a mess in me” you whisper
and mikey gasps, cock twitching as he paints your walls.

“h-holy shit” mikey presses his forehead against you, “never came that hard” he laughs,
his seed dripping down to your ass. “that right?” you smile at him, pressing another kiss
to his cheek.
 30

the pit of your stomach aches, pain subsides for just this night as mikey cradles you in
his arms, and anger devours you—all you think about is him, and even though bliss
shrouds your body, you’re still miserable with a warm body beside you because it’s not
sanzu.

and a bitter taste lingers on your tongue when mikey holds you tighter, why does sanzu
continue to take all of your happiness away even when he’s no longer in your life?

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
“there’s someone waiting in your office” a coworker pokes on your shoulder, soft finger
padding down on the muscle, “who?” you question putting the remaining book in its
place, “he didn’t say his name, professional looking with a suit on—said something
about wanting to see you.”

your fingers grip to the tattered book, stomach practically jumping to your throat when
you’re reminded about ran saying he wanted to see you—nervousness stills against
your bones as you turn the corner, imagining ran sitting pretty and poised in your seat—
almost like a childhood grows envelops just thinking about it.

sanzu shifts his legs propped on your desk, flipping through a book—nimble fingers
carding through his rosey strands, “what’re you doing here?” you demand, anger
flickering in your eyes when he doesn’t cease his movements and continues reading.

“want to take you somewhere” he mumbles, raising his thumb up to his mouth and
dragging his eyes to you while he pokes his pink tongue out to swipe over the digit
before flipping to the next page.

“i have a lot of work today, i just can’t leave” you grit back, annoyed at how casual he
acts after what happened at the charity event, sanzu shrugs his shoulders. “i can
wait” he replies, cerulean orbs hanging heavy on the book scanning every word.

“whatever you’ll get bored” you mutter out, hands balling into fists as you walk away “like
you always have” you spit the last words before closing the door, sanzu simply flips to
the next page.

you had temptations to check on him every five minutes but you wanted sanzu to wait—
let him suffer wasting time before he’d cave and leave. he always hated waiting, sanzu
wanted things now and never later.

the time slips away from you as you scowl about sanzu for hours, sun meeting with the
clouds as it starts dipping into a tangerine sunset—with the last book placed where it
permanently rests, you head back to your office.

sanzu grins when your eyes roll from your head, he closes the book waving it in your
direction “finally got around to reading romeo and juliet since i had so much time” he
smirks, rising to his feet and raising his hands to the ceiling while he stretched.
 31

you try to avoid the gaze your eyes stick to, you don’t really remember sanzu being so
lean, muscles were in new places, you wonder what else had changed—he glides over
to you, gripping your chin with his long fingers tilting your face up to him.

“waited all this time for you—come” he whispers before releasing his soft hold and
walking away, you hate that your feet move quicker than your own mind following right
behind him.

“i can’t believe—” you stop talking, looking over at the abandoned lot completely
bulldozed over, a slab of concrete floor still remains. it feels surreal, all these memories
you shared with sanzu completely diminished to nothing.

sanzu unbuckles his seatbelt leaning back in the seat, he closes his eyes while you do
the same, shifting awkwardly in the seat.

the car idles before he turns it off, fingers grazing over the volume button on the radio to
halt sound, “i brought you here to explain myself” he mutters, turning his face over to
you—pain bleeds through his eyes, you sulk in the seat, remaining silent.

“mikey said things would be different, we weren’t going to be showing up to just fight
people anymore—it’d slinging drugs, killing anyone and gambling in strip clubs with real
lives” he takes a breath, reaching his hands over to grip the steering wheel, “to be his
number two i had to do anything for him.”

“so you’ve killed people?” you shakily ask him, crossing your arms in defense, afraid of
the next words slipping from sanzu’s lips. “too many to count, i’m a monster but at the
end of the day—i am untouchable, and honestly happy with that” sanzu grips tightens,
his knuckles turning pale.

“i left you so you could live your life without being caught up in my mess, i wanted you to
be happy and i didn’t want my lifestyle to ruin that because you deserve happiness,” he
exhales, releasing the grip from the wheel to lay his hands on his legs. you grow angry,
for whatever reason that might be, the hatred of him just leaving feels sour in your
mouth.

“why did you have to just fucking leave? everything i gave you, loved you and you just
left sanzu” you choke out, tears surrounding your eyes. “you shattered my soul, you
broke me into a million pieces” your voice trembles and sanzu flinches at the incoming
cry breaking through the silence.

sanzu opens his mouth to speak but you lean in, tears streaming down your cheeks “i
never stopped loving you, and you don’t deserve nothing but misery for what you did to
me. i haven’t been able to like another person because i’m afraid they’ll leave.”

“yeah? what about mikey huh? and it just had to be him? what’s gonna be next? jump to
every fucking member of my gang till you’re satisfied?” he yells, the veins in his face
throbbing with anger.

“i thought about you while i fucked him, you arrogant asshole, wishing that was you! but
you were too busy being a selfish prick” you chew back, noticing wetness dripping from
his eyes but you don’t care—they’re fake, you’re sure he doesn’t even know how to cry.
 32

“so what now? you drive me here to explain yourself and feel better so now you have a
clean conscience?” you sob out, rubbing at the wet substance away but there’s no use
as fresh tears replace them in seconds.

“i came here to tell you i can’t live without you, i’m so fucking in love with you it makes
me sick” sanzu croaks, shifting further away from your body and leaning his burning face
against the cold window.

“i don’t believe that, i’ll never believe a word you ever say again” you sniff, nails digging
into his leather seats at your emotions bubbling over.

“i don’t deserve your trust, i don’t deserve you” he whispers, grabbing a cloth tucked in
his suit pocket and handing it to you, “that’s why i want a chance.”

you grab the tissue rubbing away the tears and mascara streaking down your cheeks,
you bend over closer to where he is, grabbing sanzu face and pulling it towards your
body.

he knows what you’re about to do, and as bad as he wants it—sanzu knows it’s not
right, how much pain this will induce to his weak heart. he feels tears rim his eyes once
more when you move closer till your nose brushes against each other.

“don’t do this, it’ll just hurt so much more. i don’t deserve this, i want to make this right
but i feel like i can’t” sanzu cries as your lips softly lay against his.

it’s been five years since you’ve kissed sanzu, but just that single taste of him on your
lips and every single memory comes flooding back to you—the pleasure, the pain and
the happiness yet nothing ever lasts with sanzu, and you’ve always learned that the hard
way.

CHAPTER SEVEN — FRIGID POP ROCKS

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
it’s serene outside, the air catching a chill and night beginning to slumber as cascades of
peach wedge their way through the sky while sanzu drives you back home.

sanzu doesn’t speak, rather letting the radio talk for him, he doesn’t remember what
playlist he’s chosen but it’s only numbing his racing thoughts—sanzu doesn’t know
where to go from here, his chest feels heavy with the ice prickling around his heart.

he remembers from that night your apartment is right around the corner, noticing the
familiar streets and vacant shops. slowing down the car he’s finally able to face you,
slowly pivoting his body in your direction. you grab the handle before pausing to look at
him, “do you remember what you told me?” you ask, bending your body and crawling
from the car.

“what?” he avoids your eyes, sliding his hands to his lap where he rests them, “when you
said you’d never leave but you keep doing exactly that.”

sanzu flutters his lashes, tears resigning in his eyes—he screws them shut, gripping at
his chest where his heart throbs. you bend your head back down in his car, “your heart
 33

hurts doesn’t it?” your fingers gripping against the frame of the door, sanzu presses his
forehead on the steering wheel “yes” he whispers, tears falling on his lap.

“some people live with filthy hearts, some become heartless—figure that out haru” the
door slams at your words, sanzu chokes out another sob—the sounds of his bellows
bounce across the car space, your smell lingers in his nose.

sanzu thought closing a wound with a searing torch was painful but when the scar
reopens, the tissue is damaged in the wake—sanzu realizes heartbreak heals harder
when his chest is so hollow.

[5 YEARS AGO]
it’s been more than a month since you’ve seen sanzu, he’s ignored every call—letting it
ring to voicemail and texts left absent.

pain seeps through your chest, clutching against your shirt you shift deeper into the
covers while tears cloud your vision, you just want him—for all his flaws, attributes and
that filthy heart.

sleep crawls through the edges of your eyes, senses dripping when slumber catches to
the back of your mind and maybe closing your eyes—dreams can be the reality.

“princess” sanzu whines through the window, cradling himself against the glass and
tapping louder, you groan, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and pulling yourself from
the bed.

“baby open up, please” sanzu sniffles, crowding himself with his arms for warmth, the
knocking of the lock and sanzu tumbles through the window pane, crashing on the
ground.

sanzu quickly jumps to feet draping his arms on your shoulders “missed my girl so
much” he snuggles his nose in your neck, twitching when you pull away quickly, “where
the fuck have you been?” you scowl, stepping back to look at him.

his pupils are dilated, fixating on every single object in the room before landing them
back on you, sanzu cards his hand through his hair “what do you mean pretty? been
busy.”

“a-are you high or something?” you whisper, wiping the stray tear lingering down your
cheek, sanzu rushes to swipe it away instead and gripping your face, “i missed you so
much” sanzu’s eyes bleed through your soul and like always, you instantly forget
everything.

he stumbles your back to the sheets, crowding over you with hands built to kill he treats
you gently, lips caressing over soft skin and a whimper escapes your throat.

“want you” sanzu rubs his obvious bulge on your thigh, “answer the question
haruchiyo” you push him back, his eyebrows furrowed with flickers of anger, rolling his
eyes he leans up to run his fingers through his locks, snapping his eyes away from you.

“i didn’t come here to listen to this, i can leave” sanzu whispers, fist balling up in
annoyance—you sigh tugging on his hand, “but you won’t” sanzu cranes his head back,
 34

a grin plastered on his face he leans back over you and presses a kiss on your
forehead, “i love you.”

it’s not the greatest circumstance to let him undress you without repercussions of faults,
sanzu placing a kiss on skin left bare while clothes are tossed amongst the floor.

sanzu deserves punishment for leaving you in radio silence but it seems the moment he
tells you he loves you—the pain is resolved with his three simple words. “haru,
gentle” you urge, his hands roughly jerking your body underneath him while sanzu
hovers over you, nodding his head he slows down.

sometimes sanzu gets ahead of himself, wanting the end piece but never deciding to
build from the start—he’s never learned from mistakes but with words soft to his ear,
sanzu links his fingers with yours slowly rubbing his stiff cock through your folds, “i love
you so much” sanzu sniffles, pupils beginning to shrink in size, “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry
angel.”

“why have you been ignoring me?” you whimper, juices collected from your slit coat his
length, traces of a substance slither through his tongue “why does it matter when i’m
here now?” sanzu leans down, raising his hands over your head, “because i matter” you
reply, slipping from his hold and squirming away from him.

sanzu looks puzzled, black fragments of memories gather in his sponged mind and then
it finally connects—the days had melted into weeks and sanzu doesn’t understand why
you’re being so upset, or maybe he does—those pills he’s started to rely on are fucking
with him.

“i don’t want to do this anymore” you grab the cover and pull it over your shoulder, back
turned to him now sanzu lays his hands flat out in front of him, tracing the lines on his
palms with his orbs, “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but can i—can i still
hold you?” sanzu whispers, giving you space but still craving your touch.

“yeah” you reply back quietly, shivering when his arms wrap around your body and warm
pools through to your back. “i promise i won’t do this again” sanzu nuzzles his nose
closer to your neck, releasing a sharp breath against the skin. he counts how many pills
he has left and how much they cost—then he thinks about this, and what life would be
like without you.

“promise me haru, promise me you’ll never leave” your voice scratches at his heart,
sanzu grip tightens, “i swear i’ll never leave princess” sanzu words lay heavy on your
ear, you sigh and without another word silence curtains the both of your bodies.

sanzu waits until you’re asleep, listening to your faint breaths whisper from your lips—
he’s sure it’s late into the night by now, the moon cascades through the blinds peeling
away the darkness. his dainty fingers run thin lines on your shoulder blade, pressing soft
kisses along the pure flesh and once he knows you’re escaping into the deepest of sleep
he slips out from your bed.

sanzu bends down to collect the pill bottle from his pants, shaking the reminisce of the
multicolor capsules and making his way to the bathroom—the toilet flushes and he
watches his money, an outlet to his harsh world expelled through the water.
 35

sanzu catches just a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he walks out but avoids the
glimmer of pain sewed to his face—you stir once he’s back under the covers, cradling
your body against his body and letting your cheeks squish against his chest, “haru” you
yawn, bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks.

“yes angel?” he closes the empty space between your faces brushing his lips on yours, “i
love you” he freezes at the words, idle brain movements congest him—though the word
has been shared, it always blisters his heart.

“i-i love you too” he replies back, holding a thumb up over your bottom lip, “i love you so
much haru” you mumble through the kiss once they’re planted back on him and sanzu
shutters this time, “my sleepy girl” he coos, holding you tighter to his chest, “all mine.”

the deeper the kiss becomes the more sanzu roams his hands across your bare body,
raking his nails and slithering them down between your legs, drawing a soft circle till it
reaches your heat, “why are you so wet huh?” he teases, slowly sliding a finger through
your folds.

“cause it’s you—all for you” a whimper coats his lips, pink pudgy tongue coming out to
swipe over the sultry words, “s-shit don’t tell me that, makes me wanna fuck you
already” sanzu plunges two fingers in, knuckle deep in and stars cloud your vision.

“fuck me haru, all yours to do whatever you want” sanzu climbs on top of you, locking his
fingers with yours and sliding his cock across your slick covered cunt, juices coating your
thighs.

“i don’t care what i do, where i go—i just want you princess” sanzu whispers, lips
brushing across your face, “that’s all i want” sanzu groans, gripping the underneath of
your thighs and spreading you apart, his cock sinking into your hole, “you, all i fuckin’
want.”

“me too haru, me too” a rasp set in your voice as sanzu rolls his hips, he’s above you—
so angelic with planets circling his turquoise orbs, arms buckling with every dip of his
cock splitting your cunt open.

you found heaven with sanzu, his aurora pulled you from any disease, honey coated
words drove solace to your weeping heart but he was never a celestial being, crashing
down to earth only bypassing the lands before dragging you to his home—hell itself.

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
“thank you beautiful” ran comments to the waitress, eyeing down the curves smoothed
down with her dress—sanzu crosses his legs, sighing as he wants this everlong meeting
to be over already.

“anything to add pretty boy?” ran leans his head back in the expensive leather seat,
leaving a side smirk when sanzu groans, “everything looks good” mikey answers for him,
linking his fingers together on the table declaring the meeting over.

the deep bass vibrates the walls, music blaring echoes through the remaining talks of
their meeting, low murmurs of agreements—it’s a strip club, plain and simple. owned by
the underlings of bonten and business is what they played, but that wasn’t the only
activity the larger children toyed in.
 36

sanzu rests his chin on his hand, looking over at the younger haitani to his left scrolling
in a mindless haze, he opens his mouth to speak prompting a conversation to avoid
ran’s dreadful teasing until the deep shudder in his pockets halts the speech.

your name appears on his phone, big bold letters popping on the screen—sanzu pauses
for a moment collecting his thoughts before clicking the phone black and shoving back in
his pocket.

“trouble in paradise?“ ran inquires, sanzu scoffs with his eyes flickering heat, “you
actually have the fucking nerve.” ran chuckles, holding his hand over his mouth to mask
the laugh. “i actually have the nerve, and i’ll do it again until she’s riding my face every
night” ran smirks, matching the gaze sanzu is spitting out.

his blood boils, you’re his—even if you aren’t, the entire thought of another person let
alone ran haitani touching you, even talking to you sets him aflame. sanzu is conflicted,
tittering on letting you free from him—your life being for the better and without him but
the mere imagination of you with another person—sanzu wants to die at the thought.

“you could have anybody in this entire fucking district and you pick the person that
means every thing to me” sanzu says coldly, gripping the metal gun pistoled on his hip—
he’d rather take his frustration out on ran but it’s almost fucking impossible.

“awh does she? because it seems like you’re ignoring her phone calls, poor thing. she
must be so lonely, i know i could make her happy and so full” ran lingers his hand over
to sanzu’s gun, running a finger over the tigger and tapping at it, sanzu jaw clenches—
hands balled into fist raising them to ran’s level.

“haruuuuu!!” a voice chimes through the door, barging through the multiple men and
throwing her arms over sanzu’s shoulders, “don’t call me that” sanzu barks, rolling his
shoulders from the woman’s hold.

“play with me haruchiyo like you used too” she cards through sanzu’s hair, tugging at the
scalp erupting a hiss from his throat, ran only smirks at the action gently tipping his glass
to his lips. “why don’t you do what you’re good at sanzu? fucking a hole and leaving” ran
snarls, his teeth flash with a grin.

as sanzu can feel the tension rolling through his body, venom laces his tongue and
coating his entire mouth, the girl tugs sanzu harder and he gives in—leaving the room
and into a vacant spot tucked into a halfway.

“you know you’re bigger than him, haru” the girl smiles, kneeling down to sanzu’s crotch
and springing his cock free, sanzu rolls his eyes but a stiff moan escapes his chest.

“just suck me off—i don’t fucking care” he runs his hands through his hair but he wishes
this was you—how your lashes would always flutter before wrapping your lips around the
pretty pink head. sanzu hasn’t felt that feeling since, his stomach burning hot with sweet
tears lining your vision and he knows he won’t.

“wanna cum down my throat haru? you always like making my tummy full” she whines
through his length, snapping his attention back on the girl—not you, currently sucking
him off. “sure” sanzu dryly answers, grabbing her head and slamming her throat on his
cock.
 37

“what’s a good place to eat at sanzu?” a voice comes out of the shadows, casually
tucking his hands in his pockets, sanzu snaps his head towards the multicolored mullet
peering a distance away, “don’t you s-see—shit—i’m a little busy?” sanzu hisses, feeling
his cock throb in the girl’s mouth, her needy hands coming up to grope his balls.

“but i’m hungry” rindou whines, stomping his feet and a visible pout forming on his lips,
sanzu grows a blank face, “rindou, go the fuck away.”

“you’re pathetic sanzu, out here professing your love to some poor girl but letting your
dick get wet” rindou snickers, swaying his body on his heels, “i’m gonna go grab some
food now, hope you get blue balls!” rindou chimes, his shoes hitting against the concrete
floor while he leaves.

sanzu looks down at the woman, how much he hates the bitter truth, it aches his heart—
tugs at the coil in his stomach, washing away any orgasm he had at the tip of his
tongue, “t-this isn’t right” sanzu whispers, watching her lips suck harder on his cock,
moaning through his length.

“i can’t fuckin’ do this to her” sanzu pulls his cock out, shoving the semi-hard in his pants
and walking away, leaving the person kneeling confused. sanzu struggles to pull out his
phone, hitting the call button as quickly as he can.

sanzu knows what he wants, how he can mend his broken heart—how much he yearns
for a life with you and he can’t live if it’s not with you yet sanzu is met with a busy line
pressed to his ear, the noise of agony repeating in the shell.

“your laugh is so cute, angel” ran chuckles into the phone, a smile saturating his face as
he presses a cigarette to his lips—inhaling the smoke into his lungs, “i could wake up to
that pretty voice every morning.”

you maneuver deeper in the covers on your bed, a warmth creeping up to your cheeks
and you can’t help but imagine a life with ran—how he’d come home every day, teasing
and throwing his honey coated words into your throat while he kisses you.

and it’s like a chain reaction your cunt pulses at the thought of that night, how skilled his
mouth was against yours, tongue always dipping in just the right places but that thought
of sanzu snags your mind in the other direction, how you cannot deny the unbearing
feeling of still being in love with sanzu.

but who’s on the phone with you now? called you first instead of ignoring your call and
you can bet ran wouldn’t ignore you days on end like sanzu has and is—ran clears his
throat, “i’m starting to like you, pretty” and within the words, sanzu edges from your
mind.

sanzu sits on the curb of the nightclub, head in his hands as he sobs silently—tears
clouding his vision and reality is settling in his empty chest, finally he feels it—what you
felt five years ago and fuck—how are you even able to look at him the same when the
pain hurts this bad?

CHAPTER EIGHT — FADING COTTON CANDY

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
 38

sanzu has his finger hovering over the trigger, he doesn’t even know this man’s face just
looking a remembrance of the back of his head, another scrap disobeying mikey’s
ruling and he’s the executioner.

your soft words drift into his mind—clouding his judgment and those questions you’ve
asked. did he kill someone? fuck yeah he has and does he regret it? no, but would you
regret being with him taking lives so easily? so simple with the touch of a metal object
piercing a soul and he’s awaiting another mindless order.

“sanzu, what the fuck are you waiting for? kill him” mikey yells, a vein pulsing while his
voice ruptures sanzu’s pale ears. the gun fires off, puncturing the air with a stiff bullet
planted in the back of the man’s head, blood splattering in the wake.

crimson streaks his clothes, substance dripping from his pressed suit and sanzu sighs,
placing the gun back in the holster, taking his leave back to his office without another
word spoken amongst the waves of death laid beneath him.

the shower was relieving—for the filth as blood swirls to the drain and his hands placed
on the ceramic wall while sanzu watches the sorrow wash away, he lifts his eyes to the
hands that held life in each tainted fingertip before gripping them against the wall. with a
decision set in mind sanzu turns the blistering water off and reaches for his phone.

one ring in and he hears your voice coursing through his ear, “what’re you doing?” he
questions, wrapping a towel around his waist and carding his fingers through his rose
colored locks. “i’m about to go shopping” you reply, the sounds of your body shuffling
assumingely you were still in bed since sanzu knew how much you adored lying in bed
until the last minute.

“can i go with you?” sanzu looks down at his feet, nervousness roaming his body while
he listens to the silence, he regrets asking—stepping further into your atmosphere
without warning.

“i thought you didn’t like shopping? especially crowded malls” there’s a teasing taunt to
your voice and sanzu can’t help but let a smile spread across his face,

“well i do now, i love shopping, especially when a pretty girl is wrapped around my arm.”

sanzu grimaces at the herds of people swarming each store inside the mall, how people
cut in front of him, shoved his shoulder and more importantly keep looking at you.

he stays close, right behind your heels at the first stop, of course you’d bring him to a
lingerie store because what’s a better way to make sanzu stand outside then pestering
you?

he follows you right in though, peering over your shoulder at the thong you hold up to
examine the material, “that’d look good in my floor or pocket” sanzu whispers placing his
hands on your hips. “or in your mouth” you retort, placing the underwear back down and
moving past his hold.

you pay closer attention to the way sanzu drifts his eyes to other people but snapping
them back to you when you’re not in his line of sight. the more you visited the stores—
 39

sanzu became like a lost puppy, practically clinging to you yet you didn’t mind—the
neediness of sanzu was rare.

“that would look good on you” sanzu pokes at the sheer material, shimmering his finger
down to the strings attached, “could use this to tie you up” he smiles, and your face
grows warm. “that’s your kink remember that one time when—” sanzu scoffs before you
can finish the sentence, cheeks dusting pink, “that was a one time thing” he mumbles,
visibly embarrassed.

“shouldn’t have been, you came pretty quick” you taunt, knowing how sanzu builds such
a resilient facade but oh, how he easily falls apart to your words. sanzu walks away from
you to look at another shop across the mall, noticing the jewelry store, “meet me at the
cafe outside, gonna go look at something” sanzu waves before walking out of the store,
you can’t help noticing other people looking at him and that sting of jealousy appears in
your chest.

you wait another hour before heading to the cafe, eyeing down the cute restaurant
tucked nicely between older buildings, and instinctively seeing a pick haired man sitting
down at a small table, watching over the people pouring from stores and an almost
peaceful look on his face.

“did you already order?” you ask, sitting down across from him and placing your
shopping bags beside your feet, sanzu nods “black coffee with extra sugar” he answers,
smiling when you gleam “you remembered.”

“course, it’s what you’d always get and i don’t know how you drink it—taste like
dirt” sanzu scrunches up his nose, the waiter places down your drink and sanzu’s cold
coffee—he nods watching them walk off and he places his eyes back on you.

“can i ask a question?” you sip on the drink, watching his scarred lips frown, “yes.” your
hands come up to give prop to your chin, “what do you really do with bonten?” you
whisper out, especially the gang affiliated word, sanzu quirks his eyebrow “whatever
you’re thinking i do but worse. kill, steal, sling drugs—all the works” sanzu answers
honestly which startles you.

“does that bother you?” he interrupts before you can talk but your shoulders slouching
give him an answer, “you’re still haru to me, the boy that was always lost but somehow
found home with me.” sanzu smirks, his chest fluttering with butterflies and he feels so
stupid for almost letting out a squeal of happiness.

“let me ask a question now” he leans in, dipping his finger over your drink and scooping
up some of the whip cream, “am i the best fuck you’ve ever had?” he dips the finger in
his mouth, swirling his tongue on the sweet substance.

“seriously?” you roll your eyes, and sanzu chuckles “i answered honestly, come on—i
gotta know.” your orbs look him over, and it’s starting to terrify you how much he mirrors
his older self, “you have to know for what? your pride?” you tease, and sanzu flashes his
most charming smile, “no, i just have to raise your expectations.”

“you’re in my top three” you smugly reply and sanzu has a disgust look on his
face, “that’s hard to believe because you always used to beg me to make you cum, is
that how you acted with mik—” your foot crashes to sanzu’s shin and he shuts up,
whining while he rubs his leg.
 40

“haru i do have a question though” you avoid the subject all together and sanzu drops
the question, a reminder in his head to make you never think of anybody else—he hums
in reply, gathering his hands and placing them on the table.

“why did you leave all those years ago?” sanzu eyes widen as soon as the words slip
from your lips, he sighs—tension rolling from his body while he withers in his seat.

“i wanted you to hate me so bad you’d never talk to me, as much as it hurt me—my
lifestyle would have hurt you more. i was content with never finding love again but
seeing you again at the library, i just knew i couldn’t keep living this life without you.”

sanzu brushes his hands over yours, pulling them into his grasp and bringing them to his
lips, he places a kiss on every knuckle, “does your heart still hurt haru?” you mumble,
tears rimming the edges of your eyes.

sanzu smiles seldomly, rubbing his thumb across your ring finger, “everyday the pain
goes away when i’m with you.”

sanzu didn’t want to say goodbye while he drove closer to your apartment, the lasting
seconds spent with you and he wished they could last forever and maybe you heard his
heavy thoughts while you invited him to stay just a little bit longer.

sanzu skims his fingers across your walls, focusing on the little decorations in your
small—cozy apartment, and he wonders how many plants you’d put in your house
together or the amount of clothes splayed all over your shared rooms.

sanzu finally settles on the couch, shuffling in the seat with one arm resting on the back
while you sit beside him, releasing a relieved sigh. “i got you something” sanzu breaks
the dull silence reaching in his pocket and pulling out a necklace, dangling in front of
you.

it’s silver—a locket attached with a swinging stone, you grip it delicately “haruchiyo” you
gush his name, running your finger over the jewelry. “it’s beautiful” sanzu grins wider
when you let another squeal out, putting it around your neck and feeling the cerulean
gem hang from your throat.

meeting sanzu’s gaze—his eyes match the same color on your necklace and you feel
his fingers slowly intertwine with your own, “i want to give you the world so i’ll start with
this” sanzu squeezes tighter against your fingers.

it feels like you’ve been transported five years ago, sanzu interlocking his fingers with
yours, foreheads pressed together while his hand reaches up to cup your face, those
limitless eyes like a window—opened for his soul to be blown away into a gentle catch.

but this is present time and sanzu inches closer to your face, his lips brushing across
your plump ones and he finally leans in to kiss you—sanzu slides his hands to the back
of your head to deepen the kiss, lips moving in perfect lining sync.

you fall effortlessly into sanzu, climbing on his lap while lips stay unmoved, hands
smoothing to the base of his neck while sanzu glides his hands back down to your waist.
 41

a gentle squeeze from him on your flesh while your bodies grow closer, his larger palms
starting to rock you against him, “you don’t know how long i’ve wanted to do this” sanzu
murmurs through your lips, gently biting down on your bottom lip and tugging it towards
him.

“haru” you pant, grinding down on sanzu’s lap and feeling his pants growing tighter
under your heat, “what is it angel?” his breath casts warmth against your now swollen
lips, you crash your lips harder on him, indecisive on what you want but you know right
now more than anything—it’s sanzu.

“i’ll give you anything princess, any fucking thing” sanzu pulls back from your lips,
rubbing his pads on your warm skin—he wants to know if you’re real—if this is real.

you don’t answer him, instead subconsciously rubbing your hips harder down on him
and he sways your neck to the side to leave wet open mouth kisses on your subtle flesh,
his lips attaching to suck harshly and pink pudgy tongue coming out to soothe over the
tattered skin.

you feel him under you, with every bounce of your hips on his strained cock and it throbs
with size, only a reaction added with your cunt starting to stain from the juices oozing
out, sanzu breathing is heavy adorned with whispers of your name and groans of more.

“i want you so bad” he mumbles, teeth sinking into your neck and he presses you down
harder on him, the friction of his pants erupting a harsh jolt to your clit. “i want you
anyway i can but fuck—” sanzu shutters, trying to hold back the helpless moan escaping
his lips, “i just want you.”

your mind is clouded in a haze, distant fragments of other dimensions playing along the
cavern of your mind and you’d want nothing more right now then to sink down on
sanzu’s cock, let his length rip you apart over and over but there’s still hesitation locked
in your subconscious.

“w-we should stop” you move away from sanzu’s needy lips, nestling your face into the
crevice of his neck. sanzu wraps his arms around your body pulling you harder on his
chest, “i’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

all you want to do is surrender to the steady beat of his heart pounding through to your
body, sanzu was and will always be your missing piece but no one really ever completes
the thousand piece puzzle, do they?

CHAPTER NINE — BLOODLESS BUBBLEGUM

[PRESENT TIMELINE]
“has the target moved?” sanzu peers through the scope, pulling back to look over at
mikey splayed over the rooftop ledge with his eyes closed shut.

“no, he’s still inside—i won’t get a good shot until he’s out” sanzu walks backwards till his
ass hits the ground, using his knees as leverage while shifts his weight on them.
 42

“can i ask you a question?” sanzu murmurs, keeping his eyes planted on the ground,
nerves swirling in his gut, “you’re going to ask me why i slept with your ex-girlfriend,
correct?”

“just tell me why so i can sleep at night” sanzu breathes, bringing a finger out to the
ground while he traces a small circle. mikey leans up from the ledge, sighing “jealousy? i
don’t know, i’ve always liked her and when you broke it off i thought after some time i’d
take my chance.”

sanzu looks over at mikey, pale eyes meeting with his bleak ones, “but i regretted it, i
could just tell she still loved you, sanzu” mikey swivels on the ledge while he jumps to his
feet, walking over to where sanzu is hunched over.

“what even is love?” sanzu admits, rising to meet eyes with him, mikey pulls his gun out
and cocks it, raising the gun to sanzu’s head “would you take this bullet right now if her
life depended on it?”

sanzu walks closer till the barrel touches his forehead, “i would.” mikey pulls the gun
back, smirking at sanzu’s cooled over composure, not even breaking a sweat when a
gun was pointed to his head.

“there’s your answer, loverboy” mikey walks over to the rooftop, leaning over the edge
and aiming the gun at the target—the blast piercing through the air, a bullet meant for
sanzu devotion for you driven in another man’s skull.

“miss?” a voice breaks through your concentration, as you work new books into a shelf
and organize them by author. you peep over the bookcase and watch the delivery man
hold out a bouquet of colorful wildflowers.

“for me?” you question, grabbing the vase and looking at a small white envelope tucked
between the green vines, the man only nods before walking away and you pick the note
up, smiling as you skim over the words.

date night @ 7:30, be ready pretty girl

you automatically pull your phone out from your pocket and swiping over till sanzu’s
number appears and you press the call button, “what if i had plans?” you listen to sanzu
drop a laugh into the speaker, “better cancel then, you need to be taken out on a proper
date.”

you can’t help but smile, noises of loud pops muffle in the background while sanzu tries
to let another smooth complement drift in the phone, “i’ll pick you up at your apartment, i
can’t wait to see you angel” sanzu clears his throat, and hangs up the phone.

rather than dread coating your brain you feel happiness fill the void, quickly putting your
phone away but not before bumping face first into another obstacle.

“ran” you look up to meet his violet eyes, “and i was just about to ask you out on a
date” he chuckles, squinting his eyes when he sees the flowers in your hand. “flowers
too? god, that’s so romantic” ran rolls his eyes, placing a hand on the bookcase.
 43

“do you know people usually soften a blow before it comes full force?” ran takes his
hand and toys with the petals on the bouquet. “what are you implying?” you snap back,
jerking the flowers away from him.

“you’re tied to sanzu because obviously he’s your first love, took your virginity but is that
all? has he given you anything besides heartbreak?” ran looks down at you, and it
almost feels like he’s jealous but amiable coats his orbs.

“you don’t know anything about him but the bad, sanzu is—” you pause, gripping the
flowers while you think—what truly is so good about sanzu besides what you were tied
to with him, he’s treating you like gold now but any greedy man will drop what’s in sight
for something so pretty and new.

sanzu has one hand on the wheel while he lays the other on your exposed thigh, swiping
a small circle on the bare skin, smiling when you try stealing glances at his tight black
suit, pressed tightly and sweetly to his body.

“how was your day?” sanzu asks, squeezing your leg, “it was fine” you reply, thoughts of
what ran said earlier still lingering in your mind. “how was your day haru?” sanzu’s heart
jumps at the nickname, he smiles shyly “dirty work but somebody gotta do it.”

with the car slowly drawing speed you remain quiet with his words, seeing the building
closer in your vision and sanzu lifting his palm from your thigh to grab the wheel with
both hands. 

“we’re here angel” sanzu pulls the car towards the valet, swiftly jumping from the car and
tossing the keys to the person and swatting their hands away so he can open your
door and let his hand be your leverage out of the car.

your eyes raise to the towering building, structure reaching the darkened clouds and
decorated with dwindling lights and soft jazz blurring through the air.

sanzu rests a hand on your lower back while he guides you into the restaurant, gently
leading you to a table tucked in the corner of the building, pulling your chair out and him
sitting across from you once you’re seated.

“it’s beautiful here” you smile, picking up the menu and skimming over it, sanzu hums
back in response once you’ve decided, sanzu recites to the waiter his order and
yours.

sanzu gathers your fingers in his hands “i’m so happy you’re here with me” he brings
your fingers to his lips, peppering your knuckles, “i feel complete, angel.”

“i’m glad to be here haru, it means a lot to me” you move his hands towards your mouth
and pop a sloppy kiss on his fingers, sanzu scowls before releasing a smile. “makes me
think of the future with you, it’s so clear now—marriage and kids, you know, the
works” he grins, scarred lips curling.

ran’s words crawl into your mind and you think maybe now it’s time to settle the lingering
thoughts, “sanzu, is this more than clinging onto the past? do you really want something
more or are you just wanting to clear your conscience?”
 44

sanzu’s eyes widen, releasing your fingers and using his own as a steeple under his
chin, “i want you, your flaws, troubles, love—i want it all, i will die, kill and fight to have
you. i don’t want anything else is this world but you.”

“i just don’t want you to hurt me, haru” you whisper, grabbing his hands and pulling them
back to your face, “promise me this time, i want to give you a second chance but there
needs to be trust.” sanzu cups your cheek, leaning over the table to brush his lips across
yours, “i promise, i fucking promise” he whispers out.

throughout dinner, words were exchanged and laughs shared between the both of you,
sanzu’s cheeks burned from your teasing and you couldn’t stop smiling when sanzu
brought up anything involving being with you.

after paying for the bill sanzu held his chin with one hand watching you check your
phone, “time for me to take you home, princess?” he asks, and sanzu doesn’t want
today to end, dread dwelling in his stomach as he waits for you to answer him.

“yeah haru, take me to your house” you smile back at him, and sanzu silently thanks the
gods above because fuck—his prayers are answered but why is he suddenly so nervous
about it?

sanzu’s house was what you expected— minimal furniture, bare walls and dust collected
in obvious places, your eyes stayed glued to the guns collected in the corner and what
was assumed a katana placed beside his bed.

you made your way to the item, looking over the blade sticking out slightly but your
attention easily caught by the glimmers of cars casted through his window, opening the
blinds you’re met with the city lights and the moonlight smeared into the night sky.

a warm set of arms drape over you, “if ya squint, you can see where that abandoned
building was” sanzu whispers, his lips pressing a gentle kiss against your ear, moving
within his arms you connect your fingers on the nape of sanzu’s neck.

“no matter how much i tried to run away from you, memories of us always were here to
remind me” sanzu leans closer in, his lips curving upwards into a serene smile. “maybe
we were always meant to be” sanzu captures your lips after the words drift from your
mouth, his hands rising from his body and finding a place on your hips.

sanzu presses his lithe fingers into the flesh, lips melting while he dips his tongue into
your mouth, warm muscle flicking inside and running along your bottom lip, and it
deepens—blossoming into gasps for air until you’re back on him, subtle groans escaping
his lips and before sanzu can’t help letting the thought trace his mind he pulls away,
breathless.

“i want you, i want you so fucking bad” sanzu cups your cheeks, boring his turquoise
opals into your faded eyes, “but if you want to stop, tell me” he adds, placing a soft kiss
on your forehead and you lean up on your toes to brush your nose on his, “i want you
haru, i want all of you.”

everything feels like slow motion, sanzu guiding you to the bed with his lips pressed
against your neck, hands clawing off your clothes while he slowly starts to undress
 45

himself. his skin feels so warm under your fingertips, tracing them up his toned stomach
while he stands above you from the bed.

he’s grown older, his body morphed into a stronger build, skin littered with scars and
he’s filled out in all the right places—sanzu takes a finger and tilts your chin up to
him, “been so long but you still look so beautiful” he whispers, glossing his eyes back
down to your body.

you had only your arms to cover your bare body now, sanzu with just his briefs on and
that corrupted smile sewn to his cheeks. hooking two fingers under the material you drop
them down to his feet and eyes enlarging at the sight, “i-i don’t remember you being this
big” you mumble, gripping his warm length in your hands.

“you used to take it like a champ too” he sneers, you roll your wrists squeezing at the
head, “still so sensitive i see” you taunt back, fisting his cock and watching sanzu bite his
bottom lip. “i only do this when you touch me” sanzu cards his fingers through his rosy
locks, tints of red clouding his cheeks, “i usually just—” sanzu hisses when you fist him
harder, smiling when he can’t keep a sentence straight.

“what was that haru?” you poke back, sanzu crawls over you on the bed, making you tilt
back into the bed until your head hits against the pillows, “i just fuck, nothing else but
with you—i want it all.”

sanzu spreads your legs with one larger palm, running his fingers across your inner thigh
as his lips find placement on your tits, tongue swirling on the bud. your hands threading
through his hair, tugging and pulling sanzu harder on your chest while he dips two
fingers in your hole.

“oh” he groans, pulling them out with your slick dripping from the digits, “i don’t know
how long i’m gonna last—i’ve forgotten how fuckin’ tight you are.” your lungs are
bleeding dry, his fingers shoved back in your hole and sanzu moves with vigor, curling
against your spongy walls and pulling out just to see how wet you are on his fingers
before he rams them back in.

“haru, god” you moan out, feeling as if you’re on fire with his tongue placed neatly on
your tits and flicking his tongue on your nipple, smiling against your chest when you
begin shaking and he remembers, you’re so close.

“yeah? i’m not like i used to be, i know what i’m doing now, angel and i bet you’re about
to cum” sanzu lifts his eyes up to watch your back arch, legs clamping against his wrist
and just like a scorching fire you’re pulling the oxygen from the room and exploding
into a rupture of flames.

sanzu reminds you of his old self climbing over you completely, both hands planted
beside your face, his lashes coated over his eyes, lips parted and body moving closer to
push himself inside you and it’s a constant reminder when he begins moving, hips rolling
and the way his cock always—always dragged against your deepest parts.

but what’s different now is that his eyes are no longer lost, a smile shining brighter when
you look at him and his body isn’t distant but molded right to your form, “i love you” he
whispers in your ear, kissing you cheek right after the words.
 46

“you don’t have to say it back, i just wanted you to know” sanzu wraps his arms around
your body, pulling you closer as his hips pick up speed, reeling back just enough to
thrust back harder inside of you.

sanzu arms are so tightly sewed to your body, with every ounce of his pace quickening
he’s holding you closer, gasps and moans caught in his throat while sanzu feels warmth
pooling in his gut, he lifts his body just enough to linger his hand down to your connected
bodies, finding your puffy clit and gently circling it.

“kiss me while you cum” sanzu raises his head from staying grounded in your neck to
your face, lips pressed tightly to your own as he feels your juices coating his cock and
dripping down to the sheets, wincing while sanzu ignores his own orgasm fluttering
through his length.

sanzu tries to hold back but it’s impossible at the tight hole you have on his cock, finally
letting go he paints your walls with his thick cum, the amount overflowing from your
clenching hole, you’re left searching for him, nails gripping his back and pulling sanzu
back close to your chest.

“haru, i-i lo—” you pause to watch his eyes gather tears, smiling back at you with his
hands cupping your face, “i’ve waited five years for you, i’ll wait five more—take your
time because i’ll always be here.”

your eyes are closed but you’re wide awake, cheeks hurting from the laughter filling
sanzu’s room, his fingers pulling strands of hair from your face and tucking behind your
ear.

and you’ve said goodnight over and over but you couldn’t stop just for one second stop
talking to him. even in the darkness you see his smile crossing to his eyes, crinkling from
another snicker coming from him.

“haru i’m really going to sleep this time” you smile, pressing your face further in his chest
and sanzu hums, tracing a pattern on your back and letting silence fill the air until finally
he feels your chest starting to settle a soft rhythm.

“i always tired you out so easily” sanzu chuckles, laying his head on your hair and
sighing, “thank you for giving me another chance, i know this was hard for you but i
promise i’ll never leave again.”

sanzu waits for you to answer but your snores are his subtle answer for now, “you’re my
everything, everything i’ve ever wanted.” sanzu flutters his lashes close, sleep invaded
the corners of his eyes and he starts dozing off.

“i love you so much, haru” you whisper out in his chest, smiling when sanzu remains
silent this time and an added grin to your lips when you had to fake sleep to hear sanzu
pour his heart out.

CHAPTER TEN — INFATUATION JELLY BEANS

[PRESENT TIMELINE]

the morning after you find yourself in an unfamiliar place, the air soothing inside the still
room and the spot beside you has grown cold.
 47

a panic settles in your stomach, laying your hand flat across the sheets grimacing over
the bedroom with nobody in sight. “haru?” you call out, sitting up from the bed to hear
nothing but silence shouting back.

a small noise of metal clashing makes your ears perk up, dragging your sore body from
the bed you seek out the clamor, shuffling to the kitchen where a familiar pinkett stirs
burning substance.

your arms drape over his bare back, fingers tracing sanzu’s toned stomach, “can’t fuckin’
cook to save my life” he chuckles, flipping the eggs stuck to the pan.

“let me help” you smile, scooting sanzu away with your hip while you work with what you
have, sanzu looks at you with a grin growing on his face while you begin to cook the
food.

after you manage to produce edible food for you and sanzu, he motions you on the
couch while he sits behind you stealing the food from your plate.

“what’re we doing today, pretty?” sanzu murmurs, taking a piece of bread and popping it
in his mouth, “i have to work today,” you yawn, leaning into his chest.

“no you don’t” sanzu grunts, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his face into
your neck, “gonna stay here with me” his hot breath fans over the skin, “i got you now,
never want you to leave.”

sanzu whines when you start to pull away from his arms, standing on your feet and
grabbing the last piece of toast and tearing a piece from it.

“princess, can’t you stay? i’ll give you whatever you get paid at your job, pay your bills—
just want you to stay here, forever” sanzu looks up at you through fluttering lashes, and
it’s so adorable how much his persona is melting under you.

you take the remaining piece of toast and shove it in sanzu’s mouth, squeezing his
cheeks when he muffles some more whining words, “i love you haru” you coo, kissing
his bread crumb covered lips.

sanzu’s eyes widen, stomach swirling with your words processing through his brain,
almost short circuiting when you repeat the words over and over.

sanzu is so overwhelmed besides the bread choking down his throat— finally hearing
the words he’s dreamt for so long and sanzu hopes to never wake up.

“how’s your flavor of the week doing?” ran asks, sitting down beside sanzu at the
meeting, sanzu props his feet up on the table, shifting in his seat as he pulls his gun
from his waistband and lays it on the table.

“wouldn’t you like to know?” sanzu rakes his eyes over to ran, sighing while he connects
his hands and sits them on his chest, “i would, waiting for the chance to scoop her right
up.” sanzu slants his eyes, turning his head to fully face ran.

sanzu admits the anger shouldn’t be this high, seething from his teeth and annoyance
bubbling in his stomach, ran only adds fuel to the fire with a gut wrenching smile toying
with his lips.
 48

sanzu’s hand feels heavy all of the sudden, the knuckles were so clean—ran’s face
would fit so perfectly in between the crevices, the crimson blood must look so excellent
splattered on sanzu’s skin.

sanzu fist rises as ran let’s a low chuckle out, not a single repercussion filtering his mind
while he stands to make contact but the vibrate of his phone secludes the thoughts, arm
dropping he picks up his phone to check it.
let me cook you a proper meal tonight at my place

sanzu sighs happily at the message, grinning while he rereads the message over and
over, a giddy nerve jumps at him and he almost feels childlike at the behavior.

“what’s with the shit eating grin?” ran questions, watching sanzu tuck his phone back in
his pants and reach over to place his gun in the hollister. sanzu smirks, leaning down to
where ran can truly hear his words.

“i’m going over to her house, eat the cooking that she made just for me and then i’m
going to fuck her, make her cum on my tongue, fingers and cock. and when i’m done
pleasing her which i always fucking have, i’ll sleep with her in my arms while you fuck
another set of pretty lonely legs” sanzu leans back, blowing a kiss to him.

ran is left speechless, a flame flickering in his eyes while sanzu smiles down on
him, “she’s always been mine, fuck with her this time —i won’t just sit back and watch.”

sanzu notices quickly how unsafe your neighborhood is while he drives through the pitch
black roads, parking in an isolated spot and locking his door more than once just to
make sure.

sanzu keeps his hand planted on the gun kept nicely at his hip while he motions towards
the complex, walking up the stairs and though sanzu deals with monsters in the dark
daily—he’s actually watching his back with a shiver running through his spine.

timid nerves settle when sanzu steps into your apartment, met with pleasant smells
drifting through his nose and your arms open wide just for him—if this is what home feels
like, sanzu wants to bottle this up and keep it forever.

“i missed you” sanzu envelops your body in his arms, pulling you close to his chest, “are
you ready to eat, haru?” you beam and sanzu blinks the tears subsiding in his
eyes, “never had a home cooked meal, it’s nice.”

“yeah? it’s all for you, pretty boy” your hold on sanzu tightens around his body until you
hear his stomach growling and the blush creeping his cheeks when you look up, “let’s
eat, angel.”

sanzu has been quiet while he’s practically shoveled the food in his mouth, “you should
live with me,” sanzu mumbles, scraping the plate clean and lifting his eyes to you, “this
place isn’t safe for my girl.”

“we’re not even together haruchiyo plus i’m not depending on you for everything,” sanzu
scrunches his nose up at you, a small pout on his lips when he’s reminded you’re not
his.

“after i clean up i’m going to take a shower” you rise to your feet collecting the plates
from the table and bending down to take the plate from sanzu, “you should join me.”
 49

it’s the second time sanzu chokes on food lodged in his throat, taking him seconds to
scramble from the table and follow behind you, his greedy hands undressing you before
you even walk into the bathroom.

“haru, slow down” you mumble through his lips pressed against yours, sanzu taking the
last fabric off his body and turning the water on with the other hand. “no matter how
many times i’ve had you, i can never get enough.”

“i love you” you whisper, pulling him into the stream of the shower head and smiling
when his pink strands slick down his face, “i’ll never get used to that either” sanzu
pushes you against the tile wall, leaving a trail of open mouth kisses on your neck while
his other hand travels down your stomach.

with your legs spreading wide with ease sanzu runs his fingers through your slit, “i love
you, princess” sanzu mutters, dropping to his knees and hiking a leg over his shoulder.

“look at me” sanzu presses his face against your heat, nose nudging on your clit while
his tongue drags in your folds, fingers wrapping around his rose colored strands and
jerking sanzu harder on your heat.

struggling to look down at the jolts of bliss shattering their way to your core, body
struggling to keep a hold while sanzu laps and licks up your juices, hole clenching
around nothing when the waves close in around your form.

“will you be mine again?” sanzu collects his orbs up to you, keeping his tongue at a
steady flick against your clit with every passing moment, your orgasm building in your
stomach.

“y-yes” you whine out, gushing on sanzu’s tongue and stomach flipping at his groans
vibrating through your cunt, “i’ll be yours haru, forever.”

sanzu rises back to his feet, gently brushing back strands of your hair and crashing his
lips against yours, the taste of your slick dipping into your mouth.

“five years of torture but i’d do it again and again just to have you angel, i love you so
much” sanzu smiles through the kiss and you swear the earth stands still at this moment,
just you and sanzu—under a steady stream and one beating heart.

[ 6 MONTHS LATER]
being with sanzu was never easy but now it was carefree, simple and everyday you
were met with a blue eyed, scarred lip man—you were madly in love with.

a day wasn’t spent without sanzu, either he’d stay at your place or you’d be in his bed
snuggled up against him. he’d mentioned on several occasions to live with him but the
only barrier left between you and sanzu terrified you to have the wall hammered down.

but you’d seen less of him as crime grew within the city, nights with only a text or the five
minute phone call only flared your growing ache of sanzu leaving your life again and just
the mere thought scared you.
 50

on the other end of the red string fate sanzu finally has a chance to sit down, wiping the
blood from his forehead he pulls out his phone, a smile automatically spreading on his
cheeks when he sees his background as you and him.

the chance he does have sanzu calls your number and gushes at the sleep traced tone
in your voice, “haru, it’s late” you mumble, shifting in your bed and fluttering your lashes
close. “i know angel, i’ll make it quick—i want to go away somewhere for a bit, just me
and you,” sanzu breathes in the phone, shifting his weight so he can pull something out
from his pocket.

“like a vacation?” you mumble, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, “yeah like a vacation
princess, just me and you” sanzu smiles, rolling the small object in his hands.

“i have some time off, we can leave next week—okay?” your voice gets quieter, dozing
off as sanzu lowly chuckles into the phone, “you’re so cute, get some sleep pretty girl, i’ll
see you in the morning.”

before he ends the call sanzu opens the small box, rubbing his thumb across the
diamond neatly placed on the ring, his stomach drops at the thought of taking another
step with you but sanzu knows—just fucking knows, he wants to spend the rest of his life
with you.

“i love you, haru” you break the silence and sanzu cocks his gun, standing to his feet
while he resumes taking lives in his hands, “i love you, more—goodnight angel.”

sanzu knows what he’s doing is wrong, ignores the way his body feels so numb, skin so
dirty from filth and blood but thinking about you—his heart feels so warm and soul, so
pure.

“you know you can come closer, i won’t bite princess” sanzu smiles, his bare arms are
placed evenly on the sides of the hot spring, tilting his head back while he lets the
bubbling water calm his bones.

you look him over from across the spring, sinking down deeper into the water—you’re
naked, exposed to the outside world and sanzu doesn’t seem to mind, not one bit.

“i didn’t take you as someone that wanted to stay at such a luxurious place, haru” you
tease, and sanzu smiles, screwing his eyes shut and sighing at the heat invading the
flesh. “i wanted to get away with you, i thought a hot spring deep in the mountains would
suffice,” you linger closer to him, sealing against his side.

“since we’re so far away from everyone, nobody will even notice anything i do to
you” sanzu peeks through his half lidded eyes, and by the way your face scrunches he
can only laugh. “what is that supposed to mean?” you question, raising your brow and
sanzu lets another laugh rumble through his chest.

“sit on my lap and find out, pretty” sanzu tilts his head forward, lifting an arm to use his
fingers, gripping your chin “be my good girl” he whispers, capturing your mouth with his
lips and guiding you on him.

“this might be a private spring but people can still hear us” you whisper, looking around
at the secluded space the resort provides but murmurs of voices are recognized quickly,
 51

sanzu takes both hands and lingers them down on your ass, squeezing the flesh, “better
be quiet then, huh?”

sanzu leans his face down into the crevice of your neck, sucking lightly as he rolls your
cunt across his length, fingers digging down into his shoulders and breaths left
unattainable while sanzu bites down harder on your skin.

the air is frigid above your head, snow collecting within the moisture and fluttering down,
and below where your bodies are finally connecting into one—sanzu feels warm, heat
pooling in his gut while you sink down on his cock, crashing your lips with his and the
moans swallowed down his throat.

“you’re everything i’ve ever wanted” sanzu groans in your mouth, bouncing you on his
cock, the drag of his length against your velvet walls has you clenching tighter on him. “i
don’t know what i’d ever do without you, s-shit—and this pussy, this fucking
pussy” sanzu pants, eyes knocking white and the coil snapping onto your inner gut.

“all yours haru” you meekly reply, so caught up—so hypnotized by his cock splitting you
open, the waters from the spring splashing around and the taste of your orgasm settling
on your tongue. “yeah angel? it’s all mine? so i can cum in this pussy?” sanzu smirks,
curses escaping his lips with another harsh grip of your cunt and the fall of your orgasm
collapses on him.

“yes please, please” you beg, and sanzu holds his lip between his teeth, glossing his
eyes over how beautiful you really are—how this time fucking you means something, he
craves every sound you make, the endless touching never enough and the close
exposure you have on him makes sanzu fall apart.

“god, i’m gonna cum” sanzu hiccups, wrapping his arms around you and holding your
form close, stilling his hips while the sounds of snow quietly hit the ground and he’s left
tipping over and filling your hole. left breathless you drop your head against his shoulder,
sighing as sanzu drops water on your bare shoulders, “i forget sometimes how fucking
lucky i am to have you, angel.”

“need to remind me again?” you slyly whisper against his shoulder, with sanzu’s cock
still inside you—the throb makes you shiver, “i’ll always remind you who this pussy
belongs to and why i can’t live without it, pretty girl.”

a getaway from the mortal hell sanzu installs into his life every single day, the way he
could live like this without a second thought and a moment he doesn’t have to wait
anymore for you has sanzu really thinking about the future.

sanzu watches from the window at the snow collecting against the ground, his fingers
steadily holding a cigarette he brings to his lips and another inhale of the smoke hitting
his lungs before he tosses it into the ash tray.

it’s deep within the night, with racing thoughts, sleep is nothing but a distant wish for
him, and rather than waking you up from his tormented thoughts, sanzu would rather sit
in silence, and devour the ‘what if’s’ to himself.

soft padding of bare feet trace his ears and a blanket draped around sanzu’s shoulders
he can’t help but smile, “it’s late, come back to bed” you murmur, sitting behind him and
cuddling against his back.
 52

“is living with you a bad idea?” sanzu asks, never leaving his eyes from the window and
you jerk your head from him, “no, i don’t think so” you reply quietly as the question feels
sour.

“this is the end now, you know? we’ve hit the finish line” sanzu talks again, but it feels
cold, as if he’s a scholar spitting out another riddle and you’re left deciphering.

“what do you mean the end? a-are you breaking up with me, again?” you sniffle, pushing
your arms away from him and tears streaking your cheeks—you’re mad, chest swelling
with pain and sanzu doesn’t move, just sighs.

you watch as sanzu turns around, a tiny box settled in his hands he cracks it open
revealing a diamond, your eyes widen at the ring on display and the vibrations from his
nerves cause the box to tremble in his hold.

“will you marry me, angel? i cannot and will not live without you again, so please?”

EPILOGUE
[ 1 YEAR LATER ] // PARIS, FRANCE

rays of the sun peak through a marbled window pane, reaching out over your body the
light transfers to warmth cascading through the flesh, lashes fluttering open you’re met
with him, sleeping beside you—so peacefully.

sanzu lazily smiles, lips tainted with scar curl into a sheepish grin, “good morning
pretty” his voice is groggy with a dazed look settled on his face, “mornin’ haru, what’s
with that smile?” you question, reaching over to tuck pink strands behind his ear.

sanzu grabs your hand, placing a kiss across your knuckles and stopping at the ring,
peppering it with more open mouth kisses, “this is why i’m so happy” he smiles, eyes
creasing while he brushes his lips up your arm.

“we’ve been on this honeymoon for barely twenty four hours and all we’ve done is
fuck” you laugh while sanzu crawls over your body, his hands needily pulling your top off
and hooking his fingers on your bottoms, “i know princess, after this i’ll take you around
the city” sanzu coos, slipping your panties off and settling between your legs.

he takes two fingers spreading your folds and running the warm muscle through your slit,
groaning at your slick invading his mouth—and sanzu can’t help but plunge the two
fingers in your hole, smiling to himself when the shine of his silver ring reels back
covered in your juices.

sanzu attaches his lips to your clit, lightly fucking while his fingers dip into your hole,
chest heaving when sanzu watches your lips part, tits bouncing with every curl of his
wrist and back arching with your orgasm already rearing its head.

“cum for me, my pretty wife” sanzu flickers his eyes from your body breaking towards the
heavens to your needy cunt fluttering and gushing around his digits, a high pitched
whine swirls sanzu’s mind, the strain in his pants growing tighter with every lull of his
name flushing through your lips.

sanzu gives your clit a experimental tap while he rises from your legs laying his head on
your stomach, placing a kiss on the smooth skin, “i love you” he sighs, reaching out to
 53

find your hand and interlocking your fingers, “i love you more” you squeeze his digits
harder.

“i know i said i’d take you around the city after this angel but i’m so fucking hard for
you” sanzu shyly raises his eyes at you, cheeks dusted with a shade of pink matching
his hair.

the waters sway evenly against the wind, boats freely carve across the river while you
and sanzu sit at the edge, wine tucked between your bodies and a piece of bread
hanging from sanzu’s mouth, “more wine, beautiful?” sanzu mumbles, popping cheese
in pare with the bread hanging from his lips, “are you trying to get me drunk?” you smile,
tipping your glass for more sweet juice to pour in.

“not exactly but this is our honeymoon, in paris—i thought we’d fit the part” sanzu
replies, grabbing the bottle and chugging it, you sigh from the morning escapade sanzu
blew through you late into the afternoon, leaning on his shoulder with your eyes fluttering
close.

“what would you have done if i never called you that night?” you whisper, feeling sanzu
tense at the question—he rolls his white sleeves up, “struggled to move on like the years
before, probably watched you for a while until i was satisfied that you were happy.”

sanzu turns to you, the wind picking up behind your bodies and brushing his hair into the
air, “i’ve took my time showing you that you’re the only one for me, gained your trust
back and now i’m married to you—this is all i’ve ever wanted, i’ll die to keep this” sanzu
brings his hand out to cup your cheek, “i’ll die to keep you.”

“till death do us part” you wink when sanzu meets your gaze and tears streaking down
his cheeks, he gives you a lopsided smile back and your chest tightens at his turquoise
hues bursting with more tears, “from the day i met you, i knew i’d love you, this life
you’ve given me—thank you so much, my beautiful wife.”

your hands gather sanzu’s fingers, digits rubbing against his silver band, “i love you
haruchiyo, you’ve gave me a lot in love—heartbreak, and i’d do it all again to be in this
exact spot right now” you raise his hand up placing a kiss on his hand—sanzu smiles
back, the same one you’ve fallen in love with at first sight.

[ YEARS LATER ]
the city had grieved violence along the years, plagued by death and mayhem that was
more than likely caused by your husband yet the line crossed with sanzu’s work never
appeared.

marriage throughout the years was more than perfect, graced with occasional fighting
and arguments. you wouldn’t trade this life you and sanzu had built—a world you never
thought he’d be in, he fit in perfectly.

and whenever sanzu begins to miss you, days spent without your voice or a week
unknowing if you’re happy—he only merely looks down from his office space, fingers
splayed across the glass at the building where he brought back the vibrant love he
missed so desperately, sanzu can only smile knowing you’re looking back at him with his
heart tied to your sleeve.
 54

“hello pretty boy” you coo back into the phone, sanzu calling you with any chance he
had between work, knowing your schedule like the back of his hand he can only assume
you’re having lunch right now, stealing peaks at his office window, he walks closer to the
glass smiling, “my beautiful wife, i’ll be home tonight.”

your chest flutters at his words, not able to gather memory of when you’d last seen your
husband, “i’ve missed you so much” you whisper, holding the phone closer to your ear
while sanzu laughs softly “i’ve missed you too angel, you just don’t know how much.”

your body flickers with a flame, it almost feels like sanzu is tempted the conversation
with something else, fanning the heavy words into the speaker, “yeah haru? show me
tonight, need all of you.”

“haruchiyo! welcome home” you beam, opening your arms wide as sanzu opens up the
door, his eyes shimmering while he walks closer, larger arms engulfing you whole and
crashing his lips on yours.

you stumble back into the table, clashing noises of dishes slamming against the floor
while sanzu hoists your body on the ledge and needily grinding his hips between your
legs. “the food is going to get c-cold” you whimper, sanzu’s lips pressed to your neck
and tongue coming out to lay flat across the sensitive skin.

“i need you now, princess—right fucking now” sanzu groans, jerking down your bottoms
to the floor and spreading your thighs, he springs his cock free, the warmth of the length
slapping against his stomach and sanzu fists himself glossing his eyes down where your
hole flutters around nothing.

“missed me too pretty girl? i can see how much you’re dripping” sanzu lifts his eyes and
you grip your fingers around his tie pulling him to your lips. “you talk too much for
someone that has his dick this close to my pussy” you murmur in his mouth, dipping your
tongue in his inner cheeks.

“oh fuck” sanzu throws his head back while he brushes the tip of his cock through your
folds and sinking inside with one roll of his hips, “god baby, it’s been so long” sanzu
grits, fastening his fingers on your hips pumping his cock deeper till he’s nudging against
your deepest parts.

“haru, more” you whine out, spreading your legs and nails digging into sanzu clothed
back, your juices spilling on his pressed pants, balls throbbing for release while your
moans bubble from your throat.

sanzu buries his face into your neck, pounding with vigor, stomach tensing with every
movement swallowed by your cunt and he has a million thoughts racing through his
mind but all sanzu can think about is cumming—you, the image of seeing you everyday,
sleeping beside you, even something filthy as fucking you on the kitchen table and he
can’t help but welcome his mind to you in every loving way.

“i-i love you so much, angel—so much” sanzu pants, slithering his fingers down to circle
against your clit, the clench of your pussy has him struggling to stay afloat, the way you
unravel before him—so perfect, beautiful, and everything sanzu has ever imagined is
now a fucking reality.
 55

“s-shit, you’re so fucking pretty when you cum” sanzu gasps, the final surge against his
cock and he locks eyes with you, “g-gonna cum, w-where you want it?” he questions,
widening your legs and holding his bottom lip in his teeth.

“i-inside me, please” you whine, hands folding back behind you, body melting from your
orgasm, sanzu eyes furrow—confusion set in the orbs, “r-really? inside you?” sanzu
sutters and you only whimper back, finally he lets go, ramming his cock as deep as
humanly possible to paint your walls with pretty white ribbons.

sanzu is left an utter mess, chest heaving and struggling to settle down from his high—
he pulls your face within his hands, searching for your mind to reel back, “were you
serious?” he whispers, and you nod back slowly, smiling when sanzu’s eyes light up.

“a baby? you want a baby with me?” sanzu squeaks, not fully aware he’s yelling the
words at you—leaning in you press a kiss on his cheek, “i want a family with you.”

“i want that too angel, so bad” sanzu hiccups, tears flowing down his cheeks while you
hold his body harder against you, his quiet ‘i love yous’ linger to your ears, and you can
feel his soft palm placed on your stomach, “you really have been mine from the start, all
mine” sanzu chokes out, happiness filling his head at the thought of finally having you
again and maybe, just maybe—a family this time.