PROSE AND POETRY:

SHOWING vs TELLING

Raphael Zaldy Villaseñor

Show, Don’t Tell
• It is one of the most common advice (criticisms?) one receives in writing, especially
in the literary arts.
• Learning how to show don’t tell in writing is one of the most difficult—and
important—parts of writing when you first start.
• Showing vs Telling?
• Telling uses exposition, summary, and blunt description to convey what you want to
communicate in the text (giving information).
• Showing uses actions, dialogue, interior monologues, body language, characterization,
setting and other subtle writing tactics to pull readers into your composition (painting a
picture).
• Show don’t tell describes writing in various forms with an emphasis on using and
showing actions in order to convey the emotions you want readers to interpret,
which creates a better experience for readers, instead of writing exposition to tell
what happened.
 Why do it? The word “duh” comes to mind…

• It creates a much deeper connection between the reader and the

author/character/persona/addressee
• Information in non-fiction needs vivid descriptions from time to time to
prevent dullness
• Information / data in non-fiction tends to be remembered more
• To avoid excessive exposition
• It makes the text more compelling to believe (non-fiction) or to be
attached to (fiction)
• Emphasizes the humanity of the text itself
 Example: The Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood was a young girl who decided to
pay her grandmother a visit. On her way to her
grandmother’s house, while passing through the
woods, she encountered a big, bad wolf who tried to
eat her. She ran off, but he was faster and got to her
grandmother’s house first, where he promptly ate the
old woman and dressed in her clothing. When Red
arrived with her basket of treats for grandma, she saw
the wolf and was immediately suspicious.
“My, what big eyes you have,” she said.
“The better to see you with, my dear,” the wolf said.
Red proceeded to make a few more comments about
the size of the wolf’s ears, nose, mouth, and finally…
“Grandma, what big teeth you have!” Red said, feeling
scared.
“The better to eat you with, my dear!”
Red stepped over the threshold of her grandmother’s
small cabin. Something smelled off—had Grandma
left the eggs out on the counter again? Red wrinkled
her nose. No, it wasn’t eggs; the smell was wilder and
more gamey than that. Red clutched the basket
tighter in her hands, feeling the wicker press into her
fingers.
She looked over to her grandmother’s bed, and her
stomach flipped. Grandma looked worse than she
remembered. The old woman was wearing her
favorite floral cap and matching gown, but the cap
was pulled down so low that Red could barely make
out her face. From the sides of her cap protruded two
long ears, covered with wiry black and gray hair. Her
ears stood straight up, pressing in the sides of the
cloth cap and twitching slightly as Red spoke.
“Grandma… your ears. Are you all right?”
More examples…

Tell
Nakarinig ako ng mga hakbang kung kaya’t lalo
akong natakot sa kinalalagyan ko.
She’s my best friend. I could tell her almost
anything!
Lilipas ang oras ng mga araw mo, maghapon
hanggang magdamag.
When they embraced, she could tell he had been When she wrapped her arms around him, the
smoking and was scared.
Show
Marahan akong nilapitan ng mga yabag habang
natutulig ako sa dagundong ng aking dibdib.
I met her at the town square, running in for our
usual hug that carried on for far too long as we
gushed about our lives with smiles lighting our
faces.
Ang pag-ugoy ng pendulo,
mula sa pagdapo ng sereno
hanggang sa pangangapal ng hamog
sweet staleness of tobacco enveloped her, and
he shivered.
 So… How do we do it?
1.) Avoid using very basic sensory words
- “I heard,” “you felt,” “we noticed,” and other examples are very
weak. Replace them by using strong, vivid verbs or visual language.

Exercise
Step 1: Read through your writing and circle every telling word you can find. Anything
that explains one of the 5 senses.

Example: As I ran toward the door, I heard footsteps behind me. I felt a chill of
unease run down my spine, it was terrifying.

Step 2: Then write down specifics for each. If you heard someone creeping up behind
you, how did you hear it? What did you hear, in detail? Then, rewrite.
2.) Avoid using “emotion explaining” words: happy, sad, frustrated, excited, angry,
anxious, love, disgust, etc. We ought to say instead the feelings as they are experienced.
By replacing all of the “telling” words and phrases, it develops into an experience for
the reader and not just a retelling of what happened.

Exercise
Step 1: Identify and circle every word that’s an emotion in your writing.
Example: As I ran toward the door, I heard footsteps behind me. I felt a chill of
unease run down my spine, it was terrifying.
Step 2: For every emotion-explaining word you find, write down physical reactions of
feeling that way.
Step 3: Once you have a small list for each circled word, use it to craft a couple
sentences to describe (and show!) just what that looked like.

3.) Describe body language: strong and
vivid description is always needed in
writing about body language since a
person’s action is a doorway to his/her
thoughts and feelings.
When doing this, we want to show the
reader the actions of the
character/persona/addressee and then
allow them to reach a conclusion on
what the character/persona/addressee
thought or felt.
However, be careful not to overexplain
because you will sound like you’re
explaining a joke to the reader; it’s
useless.
Sa Pagtawid (Allan Popa)
Nakatitig ang mga madre sa ilog.
May pangamba sa kanilang mga mata.
Ito ang oras ng paglaki ng tubig.
Humakbang ang isa upang damhin ang lamig.
Sumunod ang iba upang tumawid.
Isang madilim na alon ang kanilang paglusong.
Sa kanilang mga binti, waring sinusukat nila
Ang unti-unting paglalim ng agos
Habang naghahanap ng tatag ang bawat yapak.
Hanggang mabasa ang kanilang damit.
Huminto sila at inilibot ang paningin.
Nagtagpo ang kanilang mga tingin.
Bahagyang inangat nila ang kanilang laylayan.
Napapikit habang tinatawid ang tuhod.
Maingay ang pagragasa ng ilog.
Gumapang paakyat ng katawan ang lamig.
Nadarama nila ang pagbigat ng suot
Na bumabakat sa nakatagong hubog.
Sa kalagitnaan ng kanilang pagtawid,
Narinig nila ang mahinang tawag ng orasyon.
Nanginginig silang umawit ng papuri.
4.) Use strong verbs: using strong language and verbs in specific situations is even more powerful for
adding depth to your story (therefore, avoid using adverbs). The reader would actually feel how you (or
the character/persona) felt in the experience if you made sure the words you’re using directly reflect the
emotions.
Exercise
Step 1: Think of a situation you want to explain in your text
Example: I would’ve stayed in the park forever if I could’ve.
Step 2: Imagine what feeling you want to convey through that scene. What do you want your readers to
take away from that specific moment in your text? List all of them.
Example: Comfort, missing something / someone, longing, relaxing
Step 3: Take the list above and write ways on how these feelings could manifest externally.
Example: Nostalgic → aching; Longing → let go, relinquish, craving; Relaxing → melted, fluid,
flowing
Step 4: Rewrite the original sentence (example 1) using what you have derived from examples 2 and 3
Example: I melted into the grass in the middle of the park, watching the sun wink through
treetops as it relinquished itself into night, my breath fluid once again.
5.) Focus on describing the senses: Showing versus telling is largely about allowing your
readers to interpret what your characters/personae/addressees are going through
without just telling them. This often means using all the senses you can to depict a scene.

TELL
She hated it there.
She was a plumber and asked where the
bathroom was.
“Ang ganda ng kwentuhan namin kaning
hapunan; nakakatuwa ang mga kwento nya,” nasambit nya sa akin, “Itong sasabihin ko
patuwang sabi niya sa akin.
SHOW
The faint scent of stale cigarette smoke met
her nostrils, pulling her face into a familiar
grimace.
She wore coveralls, carried a plunger and
metal toolbox, and wrenches of various sizes
hung from a leather belt. “Point me to the
head,” she said.
“Halos di ko nga nagalaw ang pagkain ko,”
kwento din niya.”
https://self-publishingschool.com/show-dont-tell-writing/

https://www.invisibleinkediting.com/blog/resources-for-authors/how-to-
master-showing-vs-telling/

https://jerryjenkins.com/show-dont-tell/