Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers
Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers
OF BOOK ↑
Editors
NOTICE
Preface
Credits
TABLE OF CONTENTS ↑
The Goal: Clear Writing
[] Section I The Building Blocks of Writing
Introduction
Chapter 1 Word Choice
Chapter 2 Sentence Structure
Chapter 3 Paragraph Structure
[] Section II The Text of the Biomedical Research Paper
Introduction
Chapter 4 The Introduction
Chapter 5 Materials and Methods
Chapter 6 Results
Chapter 7 Discussion
[] Section III Supporting Information
Introduction
Chapter 8 Figures and Tables
Chapter 9 References
[] Section IV The Overview
Introduction
Chapter 10 The Abstract
Chapter 11 The Title
Chapter 12 The Big Picture
BACK OF BOOK ↑
Appendix
Back
Editor
Mimi Ze ige r M. A.
LECTU RER IN SCIEN TIFIC WRITIN G
CARDIOVASCU LAR RESEARCH IN STITU TE, U N IVERSITY OF CALIFORN IA, SAN FRAN CISCO,
SAN FRAN CISCO, CALIFORN IA
Secondary Editors
Ste phe n Zollo
Edi tor
Muza Na vrozov
Edi tor
Ca the rine H. Sa gge s e
Pr oducti on Super v i sor
Je rry Ra lya
Index
Ma lloy Lithogra phing, Inc . w a s P rinte r a nd Binde r.
Back
NOTICE
Medi ci ne i s an ever changi ng sci ence. As new r esear ch and cl i ni cal ex per i ence br oaden
our k now l edge, changes i n tr eatm ent and dr ug therapy ar e r equi r ed. The author and the
publ i sher of thi s w or k have checked w i th sour ces bel i eved to be r el i abl e i n thei r ef f or ts
to pr ov i de i nf or m ati on that i s com pl ete and general l y i n accor d w i th the standar ds
accepted at the ti m e of publ i cati on. How ever, i n v i ew of the possi bi l i ty of hum an er r or or
changes i n m edi cal sci ences, nei ther the author nor the publ i sher nor any other par ty
w ho has been i nvol ved i n the pr eparati on or publ i cati on of thi s w or k war rants that the
i nf or m ati on contai ned her ei n i s i n ever y r espect accurate or com pl ete. Reader s ar e
encouraged to conf i r m the i nf or m ati on contai ned her ei n w i th other sour ces. For ex am pl e
and i n par ti cul ar, r eader s ar e adv i sed to check the pr oduct i nf or m ati on sheet i ncl uded i n
the pack age of each dr ug they pl an to adm i ni ster to be cer tai n that the i nf or m ati on
contai ned i n thi s book i s accurate and that changes have not been m ade i n the
r ecom m ended dose or i n the contrai ndi cati ons f or adm i ni strati on. Thi s r ecom m endati on i s
of par ti cul ar i m por tance i n connecti on w i th new or i nf r equentl y used dr ugs.
Back
Preface
Essenti al s of Wr i ti ng Bi om edi cal Resear ch Paper s gr ew out of a cour se i n
sci enti f i c w r i ti ng gi ven to postdoctoral f el l ow s i n car di ovascul ar r esear ch. The
cour se was star ted by Jul i us H. Com r oe, Jr., M. D., the f ounder and f i r st di r ector
of the Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute at the U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San
Franci sco. Si nce 1978, w hen I began teachi ng thi s cour se, I have been
assessi ng w r i ti ng pr obl em s i n draf ts of r esear ch paper s and di scover i ng w hi ch
pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng author s need to consi der to m ake thei r w r i ti ng cl ear. In
addi ti on, I have been adapti ng draf ts of paper s by young author s i nto ex am pl es
and exer ci ses that i l l ustrate these w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es. The r esul t of these ef f or ts
i s thi s book .
A speci al f eatur e of thi s book i s i ts em phasi s on str uctur e and stor y tel l i ng. The
book ex pl ai ns how to constr uct both i ndi v i dual paragraphs and each secti on of a
r esear ch paper so that each paragraph, each secti on, and f i nal l y the paper as a
w hol e tel l a cl ear stor y.
Other speci al f eatur es of thi s book ar e num er ous speci f i c pr i nci pl es of cl ear
bi om edi cal w r i ti ng (sum m ar i zed as check l i sts at the end of each chapter ),
num er ous ex am pl es of uncl ear w r i ti ng f ol l ow ed by cl ear er r ev i si ons, and
num er ous exer ci ses coupl ed w i th one or m or e r ev i si ons. The ex am pl es and
exer ci ses ar e taken m ai nl y f r om draf ts and al so f r om som e publ i shed
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s. The r ev i si ons ar e m odel s that students can i m i tate
i n thei r ow n paper s.
Several i nstr uctor s have used thi s book successf ul l y i n cour ses on bi om edi cal
w r i ti ng gi ven to graduate students, postdoctoral f el l ow s, and juni or f acul ty al l
over the w or l d. Because the students have l i m i ted ti m e avai l abl e, the cour se i s
usual l y br i ef and i ntensi ve, r unni ng about 24 hour s f or 4, 6, or 12 w eek s or
about 35 hour s f or one w eek .
In pr epar i ng thi s book over the past several year s, I have r ecei ved hel p f r om
m any peopl e. Fi r st, I am i ndebted to Dr. Com r oe. The sy l l abus f or hi s w r i ti ng
cour se gave m e a sol i d jum pi ngof f poi nt, and hi s dedi cated teachi ng was
i nspi rati onal . Second, I am i ndebted to the num er ous postdoctoral f el l ow s w ho
w or ked on thei r paper s w i th m e to the poi nt of near per f ecti on necessar y f or
use as teachi ng ex am pl es. Wi thout thei r w i l l i ngness to pur sue per f ecti on and
thei r gener osi ty i n al l ow i ng m e to publ i sh thei r or i gi nal and r ev i sed draf ts as
ex am pl es and exer ci ses, thi s book w oul d not have been possi bl e. Si m i l ar l y, I
am i ndebted to the author s of publ i shed paper s and to thei r publ i sher s, w ho
have graci ousl y al l ow ed m e to use par ts of thei r paper s as ex am pl es and
exer ci ses. These paper s pr ov i ded som e of the m ost usef ul and sti m ul ati ng
ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s book . In addi ti on, I am gratef ul to the m any
par ti ci pants i n the w r i ti ng cl asses w hose i nsi ghtf ul r ev i si ons have enr i ched thi s
book . I am al so gratef ul to the m any sci enti sts w ho pr evented m e f r om m ak i ng
gr uesom e er r or s i n sci ence. N o doubt som e er r or s r em ai n, but I hope r eader s
w i l l be abl e to see past sci enti f i c pr obl em s to under stand the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es
bei ng i l l ustrated. Fi nal l y, I especi al l y want to thank seven peopl e: Bobbi Angel l ,
an i l l ustrator af f i l i ated w i th the N ew Yor k Botani cal Gar den, w ho m ade the
handdraw n f i gur es i n thi s book , and Paul Sagan, an edi tor i n the
Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, w ho
pr epar ed the com puter draw n f i gur es, f or thei r f i ne w or k and cheer f ul spi r i t
thr oughout m any r ev i si ons; Dav i d F. Tei tel , M. D., Associ ate Pr of essor of
Pedi atr i cs, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, Har ol d Schul tz, Ph. D.,
Associ ate Pr of essor of Phy si ol ogy, U ni ver si ty of N ebrask a Medi cal Center,
Om aha, and Thom as Pi sar r i , Ph. D., Assi stant Resear ch Phy si ol ogi st,
Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, w ho
k i ndl y and ef f i ci entl y hel ped m e w r i te and r ew r i te r ev i si ons f or a f ew
chal l engi ng exer ci ses; and Stanton A. Gl antz, Ph. D., Pr of essor of Medi ci ne,
U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, and Br yan K. Sl i nker, D. V. M., Ph. D.,
Assi stant Pr of essor of Medi ci ne and of Phy si ol ogy and Bi ophy si cs, U ni ver si ty of
Ver m ont, w ho ti r el essl y and graci ousl y adv i sed m e on sci enti f i c and stati sti cal
questi ons thr oughout the devel opm ent of thi s book . They ar e the speci al sor t of
consul tant that ever y Engl i sh i nstr uctor w or k i ng i n sci ence needs—
k now l edgeabl e, sensi bl e, and gener ous.
In thi s second edi ti on, I have added a num ber of ex am pl es and exer ci ses on
m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy. I have al so f i netuned al l the chapter s and have r eor gani zed
and ex panded Chapter 3, Paragraph Str uctur e, w hi ch pr esents the m ai n w r i ti ng
pr i nci pl es on w hi ch the r est of the book i s based. In m ak i ng these addi ti ons and
changes, I have had hel p f r om seven m or e peopl e. I am gratef ul to Jam es
McKer r ow, M. D., Ph. D., Pr of essor, Depar tm ent of Pathol ogy, and Evangel i ne
Leash, Pr i nci pal Edi tor, Depar tm ent of Stom atol ogy, both of the U ni ver si ty of
Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, f or enl i ghteni ng ex pl anati ons of m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy
and of cur r ent tr ends i n the my ster i es of w r i ti ng m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy paper s. I
am al so i ndebted to Henr y Bour ne, M. D., and Har l an Ives, M. D., Ph. D., both
Pr of essor s of Medi ci ne and of Cel l ul ar and Mol ecul ar Phar m acol ogy, Joseph
Ki tter m an, M. D., Pr of essor of Pedi atr i cs, and Zena Wer b, Ph. D., Pr of essor of
Anatomy, al l f r om the U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, f or k i ndl y
ex pl ai ni ng the sci ence i n par ts of paper s to m e and hel pi ng m e tur n these par ts
of paper s i nto exer ci ses. Speci al thank s to Stanl ey D'Souza, Ph. D., Assi stant
Staf f, Center f or Thr om bosi s and Vascul ar Bi ol ogy, Depar tm ent of Mol ecul ar
Car di ol ogy, The Cl evel and Cl i ni c Foundati on, f or graci ousl y and m eti cul ousl y
hel pi ng m e r ew r i te a par t of hi s al r eady f i ne paper to use as a good ex am pl e.
Wi thout the gener ous hel p of these seven peopl e, several usef ul ex am pl es and
exer ci ses i n thi s edi ti on w oul d not have been possi bl e.
Fi nal l y, based on w or k done by par ti ci pants i n my w r i ti ng cl asses both at the
U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, and ar ound the w or l d, I have f ur ther
r ev i sed m any of the r ev i si ons of exer ci ses f r om the f i r st edi ti on. Hear tf el t
thank s to al l these peopl e, w ho pr ove the tr uth of the quotati on (f r om w hom , I
do not k now ): “The cor r ecti on of pr ose i s endl ess; poetr y com es r i ght ‘cl i ck ,’
l i ke a box .”
Back
Credits
pp. 6–7, Ex am pl es 4 to 6 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om N Engl J Med
1989;320:1505–1510; p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om J Com p
N eur ol 1986;246:513–526, copy r i ght © 1986 by Wi l eyLi ss, a di v i si on of John
Wi l ey and Sons, Inc. ; p. 53, Ex am pl e 3. 3 adapted f r om Respi r Phy si ol
1977;29:125–142, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s BV
(Bi om edi cal Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 54, Ex am pl e 3. 4 adapted f r om J Auton
N er v Sy st 1987;18:185–193, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s
BV (Bi om edi cal Di v i si on, Am ster dam ; p. 62, Ex am pl e 3. 14 r epr i nted f r om Cel l
1994;79:1199–1207, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess. ; pp. 64–68, Exer ci se 3. 2
r epr i nted f r om an unpubl i shed docum ent w i th per m i ssi on f r om Genentech, Inc.,
South San Franci sco, CA; p. 67, Ex am pl e 3. 18 r epr i nted f r om Thr om bosi s
Resear ch 1999;94:341–351, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er. p. 71, Ex am pl e 3. 19
r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1994;79:755–765, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 71,
Ex am pl e 3. 20 (“By w i deni ng …”), see cr edi t f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 77,
Ex am pl e 3. 25 r epr i nted f r om Oncogene 1994;9:2559–2565, w i th per m i ssi on
f r om Stock ton Pr ess. p. 83, Ex am pl e 3. 27 r epr i nted f r om Anesthesi ol ogy
1986;65:201–205, w i th per m i ssi on f r om J. B. Li ppi ncott Com pany ; p. 87,
Ex am pl e 3. 33, see cr edi t f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 88, Exer ci se 3. 8, Ex am pl e
3, r epr i nted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1995;95:2246–2257, w i th per m i ssi on f r om The
Rockef el l er U ni ver si ty Pr ess; p. 89, Ex am pl e 3. 36 r epr i nted f r om Dev
Phar m acol Ther 1980;1:58–69, w i th per m i ssi on f r om S. Kar ger AG, Basel ; p.
92, Ex am pl e 3. 40, see cr edi t f or p. 53, Ex am pl e 3. 3; p. 93, Ex am pl e 3. 41
adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1987;79:335–343, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Soci ety f or Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 95, Exer ci se 3. 9 r epr i nted f r om
Cl i n Ex p Im m unol 1998;112:10–16, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Bl ack w el l Sci ence. p.
97, Exer ci se 3. 10. 2 adapted f r om Cel l Ti ssue Res 1983;228:549–562, w i th
per m i ssi on f r om Spr i nger Ver l ag, Hei del ber g; p. 97, Exer ci se 3. 10. 3, see cr edi t
f or p. 89, Ex am pl e 3. 36; p. 99, Ex am pl e 3. 43, see cr edi t f or p. 93, Ex am pl e
3. 41; p. 114, Ex am pl e 4. 4 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1983;68:433–436, by
per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 116, Ex am pl e 4. 7
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Chen GC, Kane JP, Ham i l ton RL. Bi ochem i str y
1984;23:1119–1124, copy r i ght 1984 Am er i can Chem i cal Soci ety ; p. 124,
Exer ci se 4. 1, Ex am pl e 2, r epr i nted f r om J Bi ol Chem 1995;270:19791–19799,
w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Soci ety f or Bi ochem i str y and Mol ecul ar
Bi ol ogy, Inc. ; p. 130, Ex am pl e 5. 1 adapted f r om J Appl Phy si ol 1995;78:531–
538, w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Phy si ol ogi cal Soci ety ; p. 137, Ex am pl e
5. 10 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1995;83:589–598, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p.
137, Ex am pl e 5. 11 adapted f r om Ci r c Res 1985;56:11–19, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 137, Ex am pl e 5. 12 adapted f r om Bi ochi m
Bi ophy s Acta 1988;961:170–176, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence
Publ i sher s BV (Bi om edi cal Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 157, Ex am pl e 6. 2 adapted
f r om Am Hear t J 1995;129:510–515, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Mosby, Inc. pp. 170–
173, Exer ci se 6. 1 r epr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om N Engl J Med 1980;302:477–
482; pp. 174–175, Exer ci se 6. 2 adapted f r om Huang CL, Ives HE. J Bi ol Chem
1989;264:4391–4397, w i th per m i ssi on f r om The Am er i can Soci ety f or
Bi ochem i str y & Mol ecul ar Bi ol ogy ; p. 179, Ex am pl e 7. 3, not adapted, see cr edi t
f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 189, Ex am pl e 7. 18, adapted f r om J Mol ec Cel l
Car di ol 1986;18:579–594, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Academ i c Pr ess Inc. (London)
Ltd. ; p. 190, Ex am pl e 7. 19 adapted f r om Bi ochi m Bi ophy s Acta 1981;666:382–
393, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s BV (Bi om edi cal
Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 197, Ex am pl e 7. 24 r epr i nted f r om Annal s of Sur ger y
1998;228:355–369, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Li ppi ncottRaven Publ i sher s; p. 198,
Ex am pl e 7. 25 adapted f r om Ci r c Res 1988;62:226–232, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 200, Ex am pl e 7. 29 adapted f r om Ci r c Res
1988;62:247–265, by per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; pp.
207–210, Exer ci se 7. 1, Di scussi on 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1997;91:1055–1064,
w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; pp. 223–238, Par ts of these pages appear ed
i n substanti al l y di f f er ent f or m i n: Sci enti f i c Il l ustrati on Com m i ttee of the
Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s. Il l ustrati ng Sci ence: standar ds f or publ i cati on.
Bethesda, Mar y l and: Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s, 1988, pp. 83–116; p. 227,
Fi gur e 5 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om J Li pi d Res 1982;23:531–542; p. 229,
Fi gur e 8 r edraw n f r om Ci r cul ati on 1981;63:597–606, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 231, Fi gur e 14 r epr i nted f r om McDonal d
DM, Mi tchel l RA. J N eur ocy tol 1975;4:177–230, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Chapm an
and Hal l ; p. 235, Ex am pl e 8. 11 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1988;77:526–534, by
per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 236, Ex am pl e 8. 14
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gonzal es LW, Bal l ar d PL. N ucl ear 3, 5, 3′
Tr i i odothy r oni ne Receptor s i n Rabbi t Lung: Character i zati on and Devel opm ental
Changes. Endocr i nol ogy 1982;111(2):542–552, © by The Endocr i ne Soci ety ; p.
238, Tabl e I r epr i nted by per m i ssi on of Pedi atr i cs 1978;62:686–691; p. 243,
Tabl e IV adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1986;78:271–280, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on
of the Am er i can Soci ety f or Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 244, Tabl e V, adapted w i th
per m i ssi on f r om J Li pi d Res 1982;23:936–940; p. 251, Fi gur es 2 to 5, adapted
f r om Ci r cul ati on 1990;82:1127–1139, by per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t
Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 259, Exer ci se 8. 2 adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est
1986;77:1071–1083, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Soci ety f or
Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 271, Ex am pl e 10. 2 adapted f r om Ann N eur ol
1985;17:565–569, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Li ttl e, Br ow n; p. 274, Ex am pl e 10. 3
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Am Rev Respi r Di s 1987;136:1403–1407; p. 276,
Ex am pl e 10. 5 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1998;93:349–359, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l
Pr ess; p. 280, Ex am pl e 10. 8 adapted f r om Bi ochem Bi ophy s Res Com m un
1986;137:821–825, © Academ i c Pr ess, Inc. ; p. 281, Ex am pl e 10. 9 r epr i nted
f r om Cel l 1998;93:373–383, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 282, Ex am pl e
10. 10 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1998;93:385–395, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p.
283, Ex am pl e 10. 11 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1984;70:695–699, by per m i ssi on
of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 285, Ex am pl e 10. 12 r epr i nted w i th
per m i ssi on f r om Gal l i L, Maf f ei L. Sci ence 1988;242:90–91, copy r i ght 1988 by
the AAAS; pp. 285–286, Ex am pl e 10. 13 r epr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gr i f f i n
MR, Ray WA, Schaf f ner W. N onster oi dal Anti Inf l am m ator y Dr ug U se and Death
f r om Pepti c U l cer i n El der l y Per sons. Ann Inter n Med 1988;109:359–363; p.
288, Ex am pl e 10. 14 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Am Rev Respi r Di s
1986;134:141–145; p. 297, Exer ci se 10. 1, Abstract 1, r epr i nted f r om Cel l
1998;93:361–372, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 298, Exer ci se 10. 1,
Abstract 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1989:59:815–825, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l
Pr ess; Exer ci se 11:1, Abstract 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1994;79:595–606.
Back
The Goal: Clear Writing
THE PURPOSE OF THIS BOOK
Most r eader s agr ee that m uch of the bi om edi cal l i teratur e i s badl y w r i tten
(Woodf or d, 1967). The pr obl em w i th m ost bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s that
they l ose the f or est f or the tr ees. The ex tr em e ex am pl e i s a paper that gi ves
over w hel m i ng detai l s about w hat other s have f ound (“r ev i ew of the l i teratur e”);
ex hausti ve l i sts of var i abl es m easur ed (general l y w r i tten as an al phabet soup
of abbr ev i ati ons); a bl i zzar d of data i n the f or m of m eans, standar d er r or s, and
P val ues; and a m eander i ng “di scussi on” of the data. N o stor y i s tol d; no
m essage em er ges. But sci ence i s not data. Data ar e the raw m ater i al of
sci ence. It i s w hat you do w i th data that i s sci ence—the i nter pr etati on you
m ake, the stor y you tel l .
The goal of thi s book i s to show you how to m ar shal the detai l s of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper i nto a com pr ehensi bl e stor y that has a cl ear m essage. To
achi eve thi s goal , the book pr esents num er ous speci f i c pr i nci pl es of cl ear
w r i ti ng and i l l ustrates each pr i nci pl e w i th ex am pl es of m ur k y w r i ti ng f ol l ow ed
by r ev i si ons show i ng how the i deas can be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y. The num er ous
speci f i c pr i nci pl es and the ex am pl es f ol l ow ed by r ev i si ons ar e tw o speci al
f eatur es of thi s book . Another speci al f eatur e i s the exer ci ses i n each chapter,
coupl ed w i th one or m or e r ev i si ons at the end of the book . The exer ci ses
pr ov i de oppor tuni ti es both to r ecogni ze appr opr i ate and i nappr opr i ate
appl i cati on of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es (r eadi ng exer ci ses) and to put the
pr i nci pl es i nto practi ce (w r i ti ng exer ci ses). The r ev i si ons of ex am pl es and of
the w r i ti ng exer ci ses can be used as m odel s f or your ow n w r i ti ng.
The r eason f or doi ng exer ci ses i s that appl i cati on of the pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng
r equi r es judgm ent. Ther e ar e f ew i f any “r i ghts” and “w r ongs” i n w r i ti ng.
Rather ther e ar e better and w or se choi ces. The poi nt, then, i s to devel op your
judgm ent so that you can m ake better choi ces. To hel p devel op your judgm ent
i n m ak i ng these choi ces, you can com par e your cr i ti ques of the r eadi ng
exer ci ses and your r ev i sed ver si ons of the w r i ti ng exer ci ses w i th those gi ven at
the end of thi s book . Many of these r ev i si ons have been sy nthesi zed f r om a
num ber of draf ts and com m ents by students over several year s. Bear i n m i nd,
how ever, that ther e i s no such thi ng as a per f ect paper. In f act, you m ay
di sagr ee w i th som e choi ces m ade i n the r ev i si ons. That i s OK. The pr ocess of
r ev i si on i s endl ess. The r ev i si ons of the exer ci ses i n thi s book ar e ther ef or e
i ntended onl y as i m pr ovem ents, not as ul ti m ate per f ecti on.
P. 2
Most ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s book ar e taken f r om pr epubl i cati on draf ts
w r i tten by juni or r esear cher s w ho w er e i n postdoctoral trai ni ng posi ti ons i n
car di ovascul ar r esear ch. These ex am pl es ar e not i ntended to show the ul ti m ate
l evel of excel l ent w r i ti ng but rather a r easonabl e l evel of cl ar i ty achi evabl e by
young r esear cher s ear l y i n thei r car eer s. Peopl e i nter ested i n w r i ti ng m ay want
to tr y to m ake thei r w r i ti ng l i vel y as w el l as cl ear. In f act, that i s the ul ti m ate
goal . But the goal of thi s book i s onl y cl ar i ty.
REASONS FOR WRITING CLEARLY
Many i f not m ost sci enti sts l ove to w or k i n the l aborator y but hate to w r i te
paper s. But w r i ti ng i s at l east as i m por tant as doi ng ex per i m ents, and w r i ti ng
cl ear l y i s i m por tant not onl y to your r eader s but al so to your sel f.
Write Clearly to Ensure That Your Readers
Understand Your Message
Thi nk of your sel f as a r eader f or a m om ent. What k i nd of paper s do you l i ke to
r ead? Shor t, m eaty, and cl ear m ost l i kel y. Wel l , then, w r i te shor t, m eaty, cl ear
paper s your sel f. Shor t, m eaty, cl ear paper s ar e the m ost l i kel y to be
under stood. The tr uth of thi s pr oposi ti on w i l l com e hom e to you as you r ead
ex am pl es of bi om edi cal w r i ti ng i n thi s book and di scover how easy i t i s to get
the w r ong m essage. If you can m ake m i stakes, so can your r eader s.
Who ar e these r eader s? Cer tai nl y they i ncl ude sci enti sts w ho do r esear ch i n
your f i el d. But thi s i s just the cor e of the audi ence. The com pl ete spectr um of
potenti al r eader s ranges f r om graduate students to N obel l aur eates and
i ncl udes m any r eader s w hose nati ve l anguage i s not Engl i sh. Fur ther m or e,
m any of your r eader s m ay not be i n your f i el d. Eventual l y al l sci enti sts begi n
to r ead outsi de thei r f i el ds: you can di g your tr ench onl y so deep; sooner or
l ater you star t f i ndi ng l i nk s w i th other speci al ti es. These l i nk s of ten l ead to
exci ti ng sci enti f i c di scover i es. So i t i s i m por tant that sci enti sts f r om outsi de
your f i el d can r ead your paper. Fi nal l y, and per haps m ost i m por tantl y, m ost
r eader s ar e onl y hal f awake w hen they ar e r eadi ng your paper, per haps l ate at
ni ght or on a bus or pl ane som ew her e. Because of thi s w i de range of
back gr ounds of potenti al r eader s and because of thei r sem i consci ous state
w hi l e they ar e r eadi ng, the bur den of cl ar i ty r ests on you, the author. The
r eader 's job i s to f ol l ow the author 's thi nk i ng and to agr ee or di sagr ee; i t i s not
to decode and r econstr uct the paper. Thus, i f you want your r eader s to get your
m essage, you w i l l have to m ake i t abundantl y cl ear to them .
The standar d of cl ar i ty that w e w i l l use goes back to Qui nti l i an, a Rom an
r hetor i ci an w ho l i ved i n the f i r st centur y A. D. : cl ear w r i ti ng i s w r i ti ng that i s
i ncapabl e of bei ng m i sunder stood. N ote that thi s i s a m uch tougher standar d
than say i ng that cl ear w r i ti ng i s w r i ti ng that can be under stood.
Write Clearly to Clarify Your Own Thinking
Hol di ng to thi s tough standar d of cl ear w r i ti ng has a second benef i t: i t w i l l hel p
you cl ar i f y your ow n thi nk i ng (Woodf or d, 1967). Many peopl e have the i dea that
they k now w hat they want to say and al l they need to do i s w r i te i t dow n. But
thi s i s rar el y the case. Rather, w r i ti ng hel ps you di scover w hat you m ean. As
you w r i te, you of ten f i nd that the di r ecti on of your thoughts
P. 3
changes, and you m ay end up w i th an answ er to a sl i ghtl y di f f er ent questi on
f r om the one you asked at the begi nni ng of your r esear ch. Thi s evol uti on of
thought i s a gr eat advantage of w r i ti ng. Another advantage i s that f aul ty
r easoni ng i s ex posed, because as you r ead w hat you have w r i tten, you w i l l f i nd
l apses i n l ogi c and i nconsi stenci es that w i l l sti m ul ate you to r ethi nk w hat i t i s
that you r eal l y m ean.
Thus, ther e ar e tw o good r easons w hy i t i s desi rabl e to w r i te cl ear l y : f i r st, to
be sur e that you your sel f k now w hat you m ean, and second, to be sur e that you
get your m essage acr oss to your r eader s.
THE SCOPE OF THIS BOOK
Thi s book deal s w i th the ty pe of publ i cati on that f or m s the m ajor por ti on of a
r esear ch sci enti st's bi bl i ography—jour nal ar ti cl es that r epor t r esul ts of or i gi nal
r esear ch. It al so i ncl udes som e com m ents on m ethods paper s (paper s that
r epor t new or i m pr oved m ethods, apparatus, or m ater i al s). It does not deal
w i th other ty pes of paper s, such as theor eti cal paper s, case r epor ts, and
r ev i ew ar ti cl es. Al though the ex am pl es com e pr i m ar i l y f r om one ar ea of
bi om edi cal r esear ch, m any of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es appl y to paper s i n other
ar eas of sci ence as w el l .
THE APPROACH TAKEN IN THIS BOOK
The appr oach taken i n thi s book i s to ex pl ai n and i l l ustrate w hat a cl ear l y
w r i tten bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s. The pr ocess of getti ng a paper w r i tten i s
touched on onl y l i ghtl y. The i dea behi nd thi s appr oach i s that i f you k now w hat
you ar e ai m i ng at, you w i l l have a better chance of r eachi ng i t. Thus, thi s book
does not deal w i th w hat you do f i r st and w hat you do second but rather w i th
w hat the end pr oduct shoul d l ook l i ke i f i t i s to be cl ear.
Speci f i cal l y, thi s book deal s w i th the choi ce of w or ds and the ar rangem ent of
w or ds i nto l ar ger and l ar ger str uctur es that tel l a stor y. The em phasi s on
str uctur e and stor y tel l i ng i s the f our th speci al f eatur e of thi s book .
The f i r st secti on of thi s book i s devoted to the bui l di ng bl ock s of w r i ti ng (w or d
choi ce, sentence str uctur e, and paragraph str uctur e). The second, thi r d, and
f our th secti ons ex am i ne the str uctur e of i ndi v i dual par ts of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper i n tur n: f i r st the tex t (Intr oducti on, Mater i al s and Methods,
Resul ts, Di scussi on); then suppor ti ng i nf or m ati on (f i gur es, tabl es, and
r ef er ences); and f i nal l y the over v i ew (abstract, ti tl e, and the bi g pi ctur e, w hi ch
assesses the str uctur e of the paper as a w hol e, to ensur e that al l the par ts
w or k together to tel l a stor y and send a si ngl e, cl ear m essage).
Thi s book i s devel opm ental . The l ater chapter s bui l d on w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es
pr esented i n the ear l i er chapter s. In par ti cul ar, the chapter s on the par ts of the
r esear ch paper (Chaps. 4, 5, 6 and 7) and the chapter on the bi g pi ctur e (Chap.
12) bui l d on pr i nci pl es of paragraph str uctur e. Thus, the book star ts w i th the
sm al l est uni t of w r i ti ng (w or ds) and w or k s up to the l ar gest uni t (the enti r e
paper ).
A l ot of w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es ar e i ncl uded i n thi s book . A sum m ar y of the
pr i nci pl es f or each topi c i s i ncl uded at the end of each chapter, and an
over v i ew of the m ai n pr i nci pl es i s gi ven bel ow.
P. 4
AN OVERVIEW OF THE MAIN PRINCIPLES OF
WRITING PRESENTED IN THIS BOOK
Si nce the pr obl em w i th m ost bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s that they l ose the
f or est f or the tr ees, the sol uti on i s to bui l d a str uctur e i nto the paper so that
the f or est i s cl ear. Each of the f our par ts of the tex t of a bi om edi cal r esear ch
paper has i ts ow n str uctur e.
Introduction
The Intr oducti on f ol l ow s a standar d str uctur e: the f unnel . A f unnel star ts
br oadl y and then nar r ow s. Thus, i n a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the Intr oducti on
f unnel s f r om som ethi ng k now n, to som ethi ng unk now n, to the questi on the
paper i s ask i ng. The Intr oducti on m ay end w i th the questi on or m ay go on to
state the ex per i m ental appr oach to answ er i ng the questi on. An ex am pl e of an
Intr oducti on that has a f unnel shape i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 1 bel ow.
AIt i s k now n that several general anestheti cs, i ncl udi ng bar bi tur ates, depr ess
the br onchom otor r esponse to v agus ner ve sti m ul ati on (1, 7, 9). BHow ever, the
si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned. CTo deter m i ne w hi ch si te i n
the v agal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi tur ates, Dw e di d ex per i m ents i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea i n w hi ch
w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway at f our di f f er ent si tes bef or e and af ter ex posur e to
bar bi turates.
An i m por tant detai l to noti ce i n thi s Intr oducti on i s that the key ter m s i n the
questi on (i tal i ci zed) r epeat w or ds i n the statem ents of w hat i s k now n and
unk now n. Repeati ng key ter m s i s i m por tant because the r epeti ti on m akes i t
obv i ous that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om w hat i s k now n and unk now n.
It i s i m por tant that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y and i s stated cl ear l y because
the r est of the paper depends on the questi on. Speci f i cal l y, Methods tel l s w hat
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on, Resul ts tel l s w hat r esul ts you
f ound that answ er the questi on, and the Di scussi on states and ex pl ai ns the
answ er to the questi on. To avoi d l osi ng the f or est f or the tr ees i n a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper, the tr i ck i s to use the questi on as the touchstone f or sel ecti ng
and or gani zi ng i deas i n each secti on of the paper.
Materials and Methods
The str uctur e of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s essenti al l y chr onol ogi cal .
You star t by descr i bi ng w hat you di d f i r st to answ er your questi on and end by
descr i bi ng w hat you di d l ast. In addi ti on, because Mater i al s and Methods i s
usual l y a l ong secti on, i t i s di v i ded i nto subsecti ons accor di ng to the ty pe of
i nf or m ati on. For ex am pl e, i n a study that tests a hy pothesi s and desi gns al l the
ex per i m ents i n advance, one possi bl e str uctur e i s as f ol l ow s:
Pr eparati on
Study Desi gn
Anal y si s of Data
P. 5
In the Methods secti on of thi s ty pe of paper, the subsecti on that pr esents the
f or est i s the study desi gn. The study desi gn gi ves an over v i ew of the
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on and thus i s the f ram ew or k agai nst
w hi ch the detai l s of m ethods m ake sense.
Thr ee com ponents need to be pul l ed together i n the study desi gn:
The i ndependent var i abl e (the var i abl e you m ani pul ated)
The dependent var i abl e (the var i abl e you m easur ed)
Al l contr ol s
An ex am pl e of a study desi gn subsecti on that has al l thr ee com ponents i s gi ven
i n Ex am pl e 2. (Thi s ex am pl e i s f r om a di f f er ent paper than Ex am pl e 1. )
ETo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s r ef l ex i vel y evokes
i ncr eased secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y
Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of the 9 dogs by i njecti ng capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g) i nto
the r i ght atr i um .
FAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e (basel i ne) and 60 s af ter each i njecti on, w e
m easur ed secr eti ons f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands.
GAs a contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to
i njecti on of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0 m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
Results
In the Resul ts secti on, the overal l str uctur e i s nor m al l y chr onol ogi cal . In the
Resul ts secti on of a hy pothesi stesti ng study that desi gns al l ex per i m ents i n
advance, the str uctur e m ay al so be i n the or der of m ost to l east i m por tant to
the questi on (f or ex am pl e, w hen the ex per i m ents w er e done si m ul taneousl y ).
In addi ti on, w i thi n each paragraph of the Resul ts secti on, the i deas can be
or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant. Thus, an i m por tant r esul t i s stated i n
the f i r st sentence, and l ess i m por tant r esul ts and suppor ti ng detai l s ar e stated
i n l ater sentences, as i n Ex am pl e 3.
Ex a mple 3 Resul ts
IIncubati on of r i ngs of f etal l am b ductus ar ter i osus i n arachi doni c aci d
i ncr eased pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 to 3. 5 ti m es the basel i ne val ue (Fi g.
1).
JThi s i ncr ease was bl ocked w hen the r i ngs w er e i ncubated i n arachi doni c aci d i n
the pr esence of i ndom ethaci n.
KIn the contr ol ser i es of ex per i m ents, pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on m easur ed at
the sam e 90m i n i nter val s di d not change.
Discussion
For the Di scussi on secti on ther e i s no pr escr i bed str uctur e. How ever, ther e ar e
som e general gui del i nes. The f i r st and m ost i m por tant gui del i ne i s to state the
answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on. The r eason f or
stati ng the answ er at the begi nni ng i s that the answ er i s the m ost i m por tant
statem ent i n the paper, so i t shoul d appear i n the m ost pr om i nent posi ti on:
f i r st. Im m edi atel y af ter stati ng the answ er, gi ve suppor ti ng ev i dence. An
ex am pl e of the f i r st paragraph of a Di scussi on i n w hi ch the f i r st sentence
states the answ er to the questi on and the r est of the paragraph gi ves
suppor ti ng ev i dence i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 4.
Ex a mple 4 Begi nni ng of a Di scussi on
P. 6
1 LIn thi s study, w e have show n that a 42day cour se of dex am ethasone l eads
to sustai ned i m pr ovem ent i n pul m onar y f uncti on and i m pr oves
neur odevel opm ental outcom e i n ver y l ow bi r th w ei ght i nf ants w ho ar e at hi gh
r i sk of devel opi ng br onchopul m onar y dy spl asi a. MEv i dence of i m pr oved
pul m onar y f uncti on i s that af ter a 42day cour se of dex am ethasone gi ven to our
pr eter m i nf ants w ho w er e venti l ator and ox ygen dependent at 2 w eek s of age,
the durati ons of posi ti ve pr essur e venti l ati on, of suppl em ental ox ygen, and of
hospi tal i zati on w er e l ess than those i n contr ol i nf ants, w ho r ecei ved sal i ne
pl acebo. N Ev i dence of i m pr oved neur odevel opm ental outcom e i s that the i nf ants
w ho r ecei ved the 42day cour se of dex am ethasone had a l ow er i nci dence of
neur ol ogi c handi cap and si gni f i cantl y hi gher scor es on the Bay l ey Scal es of
Inf ant Devel opm ent than di d i nf ants i n the contr ol gr oup.
Af ter stati ng and suppor ti ng the answ er, or gani ze the r em ai ni ng topi cs ei ther
accor di ng to the l ogi c of the sci ence or el se i n the or der of m ost to l east
i m por tant. Indi cate the or gani zati on by usi ng topi c sentences to state the poi nt
of each paragraph. The r eader shoul d be abl e to r ead the f i r st sentence of
ever y paragraph i n the Di scussi on secti on and f ol l ow the stor y of the
Di scussi on, as i n Ex am pl e 5, w hi ch conti nues the Di scussi on begun i n Ex am pl e
4.
2 Im por tantl y, w e di d not obser ve any of the ser i ous com pl i cati ons of
dex am ethasone adm i ni strati on suggested by pr ev i ous, uncontr ol l ed tr i al s
(14, 15, 17). (etc. )
3 How ever, som e i nf ants m ay have had adr enocor ti cal suppr essi on, si nce
m ean ser um cor ti sol l evel s w er e si gni f i cantl y l ow er i n i nf ants w ho
r ecei ved the 42day cour se of dex am ethasone than i n contr ol i nf ants.
(etc. )
4 We have al so f ound that the durati on of dex am ethasone therapy i s
i m por tant. (etc. )
5 Tw o poi nts r egar di ng the cl i ni cal cour ses of i nf ants i n our study ar e
w or th noti ng. Fi r st, the onl y tw o i nf ants w ho devel oped pneum othoraces
dur i ng the study per i od w er e r ecei v i ng dex am ethasone. (etc. )
6 Second, r eti nopathy was f ound i n a ver y hi gh num ber of i nf ants i n al l
thr ee gr oups. (etc. )
The m i ddl e of thi s Di scussi on m oves f r om m ost to l east i m por tant topi cs. Af ter
the answ er to the questi on i s stated at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on (that the
therapy i s benef i ci al , see Ex am pl e 4), the m i ddl e of the Di scussi on goes on
f i r st to com m ent on ser i ous com pl i cati ons, w hi ch, i f pr esent, w oul d under m i ne
the therapy, then to ex pl ai n w hy a l ong tr eatm ent (42 day s) i s needed, and
f i nal l y to ex pl ai n poi nts not asked i n the questi on that ar e i nter esti ng but l ess
i m por tant (other com pl i cati ons). Thi s stor y l i ne i s cl ear f r om r eadi ng the topi c
sentences.
The Di scussi on cannot just stop. It m ust cl ear l y com e to an end. Tw o standar d
way s of endi ng ar e to r estate the answ er s and to i ndi cate the i m por tance of the
answ er s, or you can do both. For the Di scussi on i n Ex am pl es 4 and 5, the
author r estated the answ er s and al so the poi nt about com pl i cati ons, thus
pul l i ng the m essage of the paper together (Ex am pl e 6).
P. 7
7 OIn sum m ar y, w e have show n that dex am ethasone therapy f or 42 day s l eads
to sustai ned i m pr ovem ent i n pul m onar y f uncti on and i m pr oves
neur odevel opm ental outcom e i n ver y l ow bi r th w ei ght i nf ants w ho ar e venti l ator
and ox ygen dependent at 2 w eek s of age and ther ef or e ar e at hi gh r i sk of
devel opi ng br onchopul m onar y dy spl asi a.
PAl though dex am ethasone use m ay be associ ated w i th adr enocor ti cal
suppr essi on, i t i s not associ ated w i th an i ncr eased i nci dence of m ajor
com pl i cati ons, i ncl udi ng i nf ecti on, hy per tensi on, and gr ow th f ai l ur e.
Thi s endi ng r ei nf or ces the m essage of the paper and f eel s concl usi ve.
N ote that the answ er i n the f i nal paragraph i n the Di scussi on i s v i r tual l y
i denti cal to the answ er i n the f i r st paragraph. Thi s ex act r epeti ti on of answ er s
i s i m por tant. If the answ er s w er e di f f er ent, w e w oul d not k now w hi ch one to
bel i eve.
Fi nal l y, i t i s i m por tant that the answ er answ er s the questi on asked. The
questi on f ocuses the enti r e paper f or the r eader. If the answ er does not answ er
the questi on asked, the r eader w i l l be conf used, as i n Ex am pl e 7.
Questi on: We asked w hether l i qui d l eak s di r ectl y f r om edem atous
l ung.
Answ er : We concl ude that l i qui d l eak s acr oss the v i sceral pl eura.
In thi s ex am pl e, the answ er actual l y does answ er the questi on, but that i s not
obv i ous because the key ter m s ar e di f f er ent. To m ake cl ear that the answ er
answ er s the questi on asked, and thus to m ake the m essage of the paper cl ear,
use the sam e key ter m s i n the questi on and answ er, as i n the r ev i si on of
Ex am pl e 7.
Re vis ion
Questi on: We asked w hether l ung edem a l eak s i nto the pl eural
space.
Answ er : We concl ude that l ung edem a l eak s i nto the pl eural
space.
The r est of thi s book ex pl ai ns i n gr eater detai l how to f ol l ow these gui del i nes
so that you w i l l be abl e to w r i te a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i n w hi ch both the
tr ees and the f or est ar e cl ear.
USING THIS BOOK
Whether you ar e usi ng thi s book by your sel f or i n a cl ass, r ead each chapter
car ef ul l y and be sur e that you under stand al l of the pr i nci pl es. Most
i m por tantl y, take the ti m e to w r i te each exer ci se car ef ul l y. It i s not enough to
r ead thr ough an exer ci se qui ck l y and thi nk br i ef l y about w hat you w oul d do to
r ev i se i t. The way you w i l l l ear n i s by str uggl i ng w i th the exer ci ses, tr y i ng to
appl y the r el evant w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es. When you com par e your r ev i si ons w i th the
ones at the end of the book , you m ay f i nd that you di d the sam e thi ng as done
i n the r ev i si ons, or you m ay have done som ethi ng ver y di f f er ent. Your r ev i si ons
m ay be better. But even i f you m i ssed the poi nt, the str uggl e w i l l have been
val uabl e. The i m por tant thi ng i s to grappl e w i th w or ds on paper, because the
onl y way to l ear n to w r i te i s by w r i ti ng. So do not peek at the r ev i si ons; gi ve
your sel f the oppor tuni ty to m ake your ow n m i stakes and achi eve your ow n
successes and thus to devel op judgm ent i n appl y i ng the pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng.
P. 8
Som e of the exer ci ses ar e rather di f f i cul t. Tr y to spend the ti m e needed to
under stand these exer ci ses, and tr y not to get stuck i n the sci enti f i c detai l s.
Al so, the ex am pl es and exer ci ses com e al m ost excl usi vel y f r om car di ovascul ar
r esear ch, an ar ea that m ay be unf am i l i ar to som e r eader s. Agai n, tr y to thi nk
about the w r i ti ng, not the sci ence. For som e r eader s i t m ay actual l y be easi er
to under stand w r i ti ng pr obl em s i n a f i el d outsi de thei r ow n.
When you star t appl y i ng the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es i n thi s book to your ow n w r i ti ng
(usi ng the sum m ar i es at the ends of the chapter s as check l i sts), you w i l l f i nd
that no paper can f ol l ow al l of the pr i nci pl es ex actl y. Ever y paper has i ts ow n
stor y to tel l and i ts ow n or gani zati onal chal l enges—som e detai l that does not f i t
any w her e, som e topi c that i nter r upts the stor y l i ne. Thi s i s w hy w r i ti ng a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s di f f i cul t. Ther e i s no absol ute f or m ul a. Ever y
paper i s di f f er ent. You w i l l need judgm ent and cr eati v i ty to appl y the pr i nci pl es
i n thi s book to your ow n w r i ti ng, and these sk i l l s take ti m e to devel op.
Som eti m es you m ay be stum ped. If possi bl e, consul t an ex per i enced teacher of
sci enti f i c w r i ti ng or an ex per i enced author 's edi tor, or consul t a col l eague w ho
w r i tes cl ear l y. Other w i se, i f a w r i ti ng pr i nci pl e i s conf usi ng to you or you
cannot m ake i t w or k , i gnor e i t. It i s m or e i m por tant that the sci ence i s
accurate than that the w r i ti ng i s “per f ect.” As you gai n ex per i ence i n w r i ti ng,
you shoul d be abl e to bend the r ul es as necessar y to m ake your paper say w hat
you want to say. The goal i s not to f ol l ow al l the r ul es but to have a cl ear l y
w r i tten paper.
Back
Introduction
Wr i ti ng uses w or ds. Ther e ar e tw o thi ngs you can do w i th w or ds—choose them
and ar range them . The f i r st chapter of thi s book deal s w i th choosi ng w or ds.
Most of the r est of the book deal s w i th ar rangi ng w or ds. The ar rangi ng i s i n
i ncr easi ngl y l ar ger uni ts of thought—sentences, paragraphs, secti ons of a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper, and the r esear ch paper as a w hol e.
Wor ds, sentences, and paragraphs ar e the bui l di ng bl ock s of w r i ti ng. In l ater
chapter s of thi s book , the pr i nci pl es of w or d choi ce, sentence str uctur e, and
paragraph str uctur e w i l l be ex panded to appl y to the secti ons of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper and to the r esear ch paper as a w hol e.
Back
Chapter 1
Word Choice
The choi ce of w or ds to use i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s gover ned by a f ew
basi c pr i nci pl es. The f i r st exer ci se i n thi s chapter i s desi gned to hel p you
di scover these pr i nci pl es by eval uati ng w or ds i n sentences. The pr i nci pl es ar e
stated and di scussed i n detai l i n the r ev i si ons at the end of thi s book . These
pr i nci pl es ar e the m ost i m por tant concepts i n thi s chapter.
The second exer ci se addr esses a di f f er ent i ssue—di sti ngui shi ng betw een w or ds
w hose m eani ngs ar e si m i l ar but not ex actl y the sam e. One r eason that
di sti ngui shi ng betw een w or ds i s di f f i cul t i n Engl i sh i s that Engl i sh i s a
par ti cul ar l y r i ch l anguage, i ncor porati ng som e hal f a m i l l i on w or ds and hav i ng
an abundance of sy nony m s and near sy nony m s. Another r eason that di sti ncti ons
ar e di f f i cul t i s that Engl i sh, l i ke al l other l anguages, i s constantl y changi ng.
For tunatel y, the m eani ngs of m ost w or ds r em ai n essenti al l y the sam e over the
centur i es. “Lungs” ar e sti l l l ungs and “to i ncr ease” i s sti l l to i ncr ease (but see
Exer ci se 1. 2). How ever, over ti m e, the m eani ngs of som e w or ds change to
ser ve the needs of the peopl e w ho speak the l anguage. One way that w or ds
change i s by tak i ng on ex tra m eani ngs. Som e w or ds even com e to m ean thei r
opposi te. For ex am pl e, “scan” m eans both “to gl ance at qui ck l y ” (as i n “to scan
a l i st of ti tl es”) and “to scr uti ni ze cl osel y.” Fur ther m or e, i n the l ast 25 or 30
year s, “scan” has taken on a new m eani ng i n m edi ci ne: “to ex am i ne the hum an
body f or the pr esence or l ocal i zati on of radi oacti ve m ater i al .” In addi ti on,
“scan,” w hi ch was onl y a ver b bef or e, i s now al so a noun, m eani ng a pi ctur e of
the di str i buti on of radi oacti ve m ater i al i n som e par t of the body. Thus, at any
gi ven m om ent, som e w or ds i n the l anguage ar e i n f l ux . Exer ci se 1. 2 f ocuses on
several sets of w or ds that bi om edi cal r esear cher s tend to conf use. Tw enty
year s f r om now, di f f er ent w or ds m i ght be i ncl uded i n thi s exer ci se.
In the r em ai ni ng pages of thi s chapter, the w or ds i n Exer ci se 1. 2, and al so
several other w or ds, ar e def i ned and ex am pl es of thei r use ar e gi ven.
In al l the ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s chapter, w e w i l l be l ook i ng at w or ds i n
contex t, not i n i sol ati on. The r eason i s that w or ds ar e not “good” or “bad”
i ndi v i dual l y ; rather, w or ds m ust be v i ew ed i n the contex t of a gi ven sentence
and, as w e w i l l see, i n a gi ven paragraph and, i ndeed, i n the paper as a w hol e.
Ther e i s no f i nal author i ty on the use of w or ds i n Engl i sh. The standar d used i n
schol ar l y w r i ti ng (i ncl udi ng bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s) i s the practi ce of
educated w r i ter s. For speci f i c gui dance on the m eani ngs and ex i stence of
i ndi v i dual w or ds, Am er i cans use unabr i dged di cti onar i es such as Webster 's
Thi r d N ew Inter nati onal Di cti onar y of the Engl i sh Language U nabr i dged
(Webster 's Thi r d). For speci f i c gui dance on cur r ent usage of w or ds, see the
usage notes i n The Am er i can Her i tage Di cti onar y of the Engl i sh Language.
P. 12
EXERCISE 1.1: PRINCIPLES OF WORD CHOICE
The w or ds under l i ned i n the ex am pl es i n thi s exer ci se i l l ustrate pr obl em s
i n w or d choi ce f r equentl y f ound i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s.
1. Improve the w ord c hoic e i n Ex am pl es 1–27. (It i s OK to use a
di cti onar y . ) If y ou ar e not sur e of how to i m pr ov e the w or d choi ce, guess.
It i s not necessar y to change the sentence str uctur e. Just change the
w or ds. Ex am pl es 3, 16, 18, and 20 contai n cl ues to the i m pr ov em ent
needed.
2. In each of the f our gr oups of ex am pl es, the under l i ned w or ds al l v i ol ate
one pr i nci pl e of w or d choi ce. Ide ntify the princ iple of w ord c hoic e that
i s bei ng v i ol ated by each gr oup of w or ds. Wr i te the pr i nci pl e on the l i ne
af ter the Rom an num er al . N ote: Thi s ex er ci se can be done i n conjuncti on
w i th r eadi ng The El em ents of Sty l e by Str unk and Whi te (see Li teratur e
Ci ted).
3. W rite a lis t of guide line s for the us e of a bbre via tions in biome dic a l
re s e a rc h pa pe rs . Tel l
how m any abbr ev i ati ons shoul d be used i n a paper and
how to deci de w hen to use an abbr ev i ati on.
Pl ease Gi v e ex am pl es.
I.
_____________________________________________________________________
Hi de Answ er
1. gr eatl y decr eased; r educed by 80%.
POIN T: “Com pr om i sed” i s i m pr eci se: w hat happened to r enal bl ood
f l ow ? (“Com pr om i se” m eans “pl ace at r i sk . ” A per son's chances of
sur v i v al can be com pr om i sed. But bl ood f l ow i s m easur abl e, so i t
i ncr eases or decr eases. ) “Dr asti cal l y ” i s al so i m pr eci se. Sci ence i s
quanti tati v e; thus, a quanti tati v e detai l such as “by 80%” i s cl ear er
than a qual i tati v e ter m such as “gr eatl y . ”
2. The s hortc irc uit c urre nt re ma ine d inc re a s e d for s e ve ra l hours .
Hi de Answ er
2. 5? 7? 9?
POIN T: “Sev er al ” i s i m pr eci se. How l ong i s sev er al hour s? State the
m ean or a r ange.
3. The c ha nge in s hortc irc uit c urre nt produc e d by 10 5 M ma jor ba s ic
prote in w a s 85% of the ma x ima l re s pons e to is oprote re nol. A highe r
c onc e ntra tion of ma jor ba s ic prote in w ould the re fore proba bly ha ve
produc e d only a minima l furthe r inc re a s e in the s hortc irc uit c urre nt.
Hi de Answ er
3. i ncr ease.
POIN T: A change coul d be ei ther an i ncr ease or a decr ease. Fr om the
f i r st sentence w e cannot tel l w hether the author m eant i ncr ease or
decr ease. But f r om “f ur ther i ncr ease” i n the nex t sentence w e can
see that the change i n the f i r st sentence m ust hav e been an i ncr ease.
It i s cl ear est to w r i te “i ncr ease, ” not “change, ” i n the f i r st sentence.
Hi de Answ er
4. i ncubated i n, gr ow n i n, bathed i n.
POIN T: “Ex posed to” i s i m pr eci se. How w er e the cel l s ex posed? U se a
pr eci se ter m . “Put i n” does not w or k her e because the cel l s pr obabl y
w er e not added f or 48 h.
Hi de Answ er
5. l am bs.
POIN T: Keep the nam e of the ani m al i n the r eader 's m i nd.
6. In Xe nopus , mic roinje c tion of mRNA on the dors a l s ide ve ntra lize d the
e mbryo. This ve ntra lizing e ffe c t w a s re s c ue d by βc a te nin or Sia mois .
Hi de Answ er
6. pr evented, bl ocked.
7. De fic its in Dros ophila c onta ining a de le tion of its AP P homologue c a n be
pa rtia lly re s c ue d by huma n AP P 695.
Hi de Answ er
7. of f set.
POIN T: “To r escue” m eans to f r ee f r om death or destr ucti on. An
appr opr i ate use of “r escue” i s to say that the phenoty pe i s r escued
(f r om death or destr ucti on) by som e ev ent i n the genoty pe. In
Ex am pl e 6, an i nter v enti on pr ev ents a pr ocess (i t does not r escue the
pr ocess). In Ex am pl e 7, one substance of f sets the l ack of another
substance (i t does not r escue the l ack of another substance).
“Rescue” i s an ex am pl e of a “buzz w or d, ” that i s, a w or d that i s i n
f ashi on. U si ng a buzz w or d show s that y ou bel ong to the cl ub. It i s
r easonabl e to use cur r ent ter m i nol ogy , i ncl udi ng buzz w or ds, but the
pr obl em w i th buzz w or ds i s that they ar e of ten i m pr eci se. So use
buzz w or ds onl y i n thei r pr eci se m eani ng.
Hi de Answ er
8. pr evented, i nhi bi ted, r epr essed.
P. 13
9. In is ola te d, pe rfus e d dog lungs , infus ion of s e rotonin w a s a s s oc ia te d
w ith a n inc re a s e in mic rova s c ula r pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
9. caused OR r esul ted i n OR l ed to an i ncr ease i n m i cr ovascul ar
pr essur e, OR i ncr eased m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e.
POIN T: “Was associ ated w i th” i s i m pr eci se. It i ndi cates onl y that
som e connecti on ex i sts. If y ou can speci f y w hat the connecti on i s,
y ou shoul d do so.
10. W e found a line a r inc re a s e in the pe rc e nta ge of e a rly los s of
mic ros phe re s w ith a doubling of c orona ry a rte ria l pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
10. and OR accom pani ed by.
Hi de Answ er
11. dur i ng.
12. Ma x ima l c orona ry va s odila ta tion w ith c a rboc hrome n ha d othe r e ffe c ts .
Hi de Answ er
12. i nduced by.
13. The s a lic yla te s a re ra pidly a bs orbe d w ith a pe a k pla s ma s a lic yla te
c onc e ntra tion w ithin 2 h.
Hi de Answ er
13. , r eachi ng OR, as ev i denced by.
14. The os motic pre s s ure of pla s ma w a s s ubtra c te d from the os motic
pre s s ure of pla s ma w ith he pa rin.
Hi de Answ er
14. pl asm a that contai ned hepar i n, OR hepar i ni zed pl asm a, OR
hepar i ncontai ni ng pl asm a.
POIN T: “Wi th” i s the v aguest, m ost am bi guous w or d i n Engl i sh.
Sentences 10–14 i l l ustr ate f i v e di f f er ent m eani ngs of “w i th”: addi ti on,
ti m e, cause, suppor ti ng detai l , and com ponent, r especti v el y . Because
“w i th” can m ean so m any di f f er ent thi ngs, i t i s cl ear est to use a
pr eci se ter m w henev er possi bl e. The r eader shoul d not hav e to guess
w hat y ou m ean. (N ote: “Wi th” does hav e l egi ti m ate uses. Its basi c
m eani ng i s “i n the com pany of , ” as i n “I w ent to the m ov i es w i th m y
f r i ends. ” Another standar d m eani ng of “w i th” i s “by the m eans or
agency of , ” as i n “We m easur ed the desk w i th a r ul er . ” A thi r d
m eani ng of “w i th” i s “hav i ng as an attr i bute, ” as i n “pati ents w i th
di abetes. ” Fi nal l y , som e v er bs ar e f ol l ow ed by “w i th, ” f or ex am pl e,
“suppl em ented w i th, ” “com par ed w i th, ” “v enti l ated w i th. ”)
II.
____________________________________________________________________
15. Blood s a mple s w e re dra w n from the 5 fe ma le a nd 3 ma le c hildre n a t ½,
1, 2, 3, a nd 4 h follow ing the initia tion of dia lys is .
Hi de Answ er
15. gi r l s, boy s, af ter, begi nni ng.
POIN T: In Ex am pl es 15–17, the techni cal ter m s (di al y si s, r epl i cati on,
chr om osom es, DN A pol y m er ases, transacti ng f actor , GCr i ch
sequences) ar e heav y and m ak e r eadi ng sl ow . To k eep the sentence
l i ght and r eadabl e, m ak e the other w or ds as si m pl e as possi bl e.
(N ote that “f em al e, ” “m al e, ” “f ol l ow i ng, ” “i ni ti ati on, ” “i ni ti ate, ” and
“i ni ti al ” ar e not “bad w or ds”; they ar e just unnecessar i l y f ancy i n
these sentences. )
16. The ra pid re plic a tion of c hromos ome s re lie s on DNA polyme ra s e s tha t
initia te re plic a tion in re s pons e to re gula tory s igna ls , a c hie ve high
proc e s s ivity w ithout dis s oc ia tion from the te mpla te , a nd the n dis e nga ge
ra pidly a nd re s ta rt re plic a tion e ls e w he re a s ne e de d.
Hi de Answ er
16. star t.
POIN T: If pol y m er ases “r estar t” r epl i cati on el sew her e (end of the
sentence), they pr esum abl y “star t” r epl i cati on her e.
17. As a n initia l s te p tow a rd unde rs ta nding the re la tions hip be tw e e n
multiple tra ns a c ting fa c tors a nd G Cric h s e que nc e s , w e ha ve is ola te d a
c DNA c lone for a fa c tor tha t binds to a G Cric h s e que nc e .
Hi de Answ er
17. a f i r st.
18. The e x pre s s ion of the s e ge ne s by motor ne urons is e vide nt prior to the
forma tion of dis tinc t motor a x on pa thw a ys a nd be fore the s e gre ga tion of
motor ne urons into c olumns .
Hi de Answ er
18. bef or e.
POIN T: “Bef or e” segr egati on i s used at the end of the sentence, so
“bef or e” f or m ati on can be used at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
19. The s e multiple doc k ing s ite s guide the s a lta tory move me nt of
k a ryophe rinNLS prote in c omple x e s from the c ytopla s mic to the
nuc le opla s mic s ide of the nuc le a r pore c omple x by a s e rie s of doc k ing a nd
undoc k ing re a c tions .
Hi de Answ er
19. di sconti nuous, l eapi ng, jum pi ng.
POIN T: “Sal tator y ” i s a f ancy , abstr act w or d, unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar
to nati v e speak er s of Engl i sh, l et al one to nonnati v e speak er s. In
contr ast, “dock i ng” i s a si m pl e, pi ctur esque w or d. “Sal tator y ” cl ashes
w i th “dock i ng. ” “Leapi ng” and “jum pi ng” cr eate a m ental i m age that
w or k s w i th the i m age cr eated by “dock i ng. ” If these i m ages ar e not
pr eci se, use “di sconti nuous. ”
20. P ros ta gla ndins a re k now n to e nha nc e noc ic e ptive re s pons e s a nd
a c c ordingly indome tha c in a nd a s pirin ha ve be e n s how n to re duc e pa in.
Hi de Answ er
20. i ncr ease pai n.
POIN T: If the author i s w i l l i ng to say “r educe pai n” at the end of the
sentence, he or she shoul d be w i l l i ng to say “i ncr ease pai n, ” the
si m pl e opposi te, at the begi nni ng of the sentence. “Enhance” i s a
buzz w or d. Its m eani ng i s v ague. Li k e “w i th, ” “enhance” i s used f or a
v ar i ety of m eani ngs and thus has al m ost no m eani ng i tsel f (see
Exer ci se 1. 2).
21. In the s oma tos e ns ory s ys te m, for e x a mple , the diffe re nt s oma tic
s e ns ory s ubmoda litie s (touc h, proprioc e ption, noc ic e ption, a nd
the rmore gula tion) re s ult from the a c tiva tion of dis tinc t s e ns ory
P . 14
c e lls tha t proje c t to s pe c ific re gions of the bra in via topogra phic a lly
s e gre ga te d pa thw a ys .
Hi de Answ er
21. subty pes, f uncti ons, senses; pai n; heat.
22. The s e ga nglia c onta ine d 1–40 ne urona l pe rik a rya .
Hi de Answ er
22. cel l bodi es.
23. The Dopple r s igna l dis pla ye d c ontinuous , low fre que nc y blood flow tha t
w a s dire c te d he pa tope ta lly.
Hi de Answ er
23. towar d the l i ver.
POIN T: Ev en though “per i k ar y a” and “hepatopetal l y ” ar e l egi ti m ate
techni cal ter m s, the si m pl er ter m s “cel l bodi es” and “tow ar d the
l i v er ” can be used her e. Speci al i sts w i l l not be i nsul ted by the use of
the si m pl er ter m s, and peopl e f r om other f i el ds w i l l under stand the
si m pl er ter m s m or e r eadi l y than they w i l l the f ancy ones.
III.
___________________________________________________________________
24. Afte r 4 h of he modia lys is , w e a bruptly e nde d the he modia lys is
proc e dure .
Hi de Answ er
24. Af ter 4 h, w e abr uptl y ended the hem odi al y si s pr ocedur e.
POIN T: “Of hem odi al y si s” i s unnecessar y because i t i s i m pl i ed by the
r est of the sentence.
25. Ox yge n upta k e in re s pons e to drugs w a s e x a mine d a nd found to va ry
c ons ide ra bly.
Hi de Answ er
25. Ox ygen uptake i n r esponse to dr ugs var i ed consi derabl y.
POIN T: It i s unnecessar y to say that y ou ex am i ned a r esponse. If y ou
f ound a r esponse, y ou m ust hav e ex am i ned i t. Si m i l ar l y , i t i s not
necessar y i n thi s sentence to say that a r esponse w as f ound. If y ou
say w hat the r esponse w as, thi s m ust be w hat y ou f ound.
Hi de Answ er
26. Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to accum ul ati on of βcateni n i n the
cy topl asm . OR Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to a pool of βcateni n i n the
cy topl asm .
POIN T: A pool i s an accum ul ati on. Si nce “pool ” i s a si m pl er and m or e
pi ctur esque w or d than “accum ul ati on, ” “pool ” i s f i r st choi ce her e.
27. Ma x ima l c orona ry blood flow furthe r de c re a s e d e ndoc a rdia l dia me te r
a nd inc re a s e d w a ll thic k ne s s during s ys tole . Both the de c re a s e in s ys tolic
e ndoc a rdia l dia me te r a nd the inc re a s e in s ys tolic w a ll thic k ne s s w e re
gre a te r w he n the pe ric a rdium w a s c los e d.
Hi de Answ er
27. Both of these changes w er e gr eater w hen the per i car di um was
cl osed.
POIN T: The r epeti ti on i n thi s sentence i s w or se than unnecessar y : i t
i s conf usi ng. We do not i m m edi atel y r ecogni ze that the under l i ned
w or ds i n the or i gi nal second sentence r ef er to the ef f ects descr i bed
i n the pr ev i ous sentence. To i ndi cate to the r eader that these ar e the
sam e ef f ects, i t i s cl ear est to use a categor y ter m that encom passes
both decr eases and i ncr eases. The best categor y ter m her e i s
“changes. ” In addi ti on, add “these” to i ndi cate that y ou m enti oned the
changes i n the pr ev i ous sentence.
IV.
___________________________________________________________________
28. A Thi s study m easur ed the r esponses of f or ear m bl ood f l ow (FBF) and
f or ear m vascul ar r esi stance (FVR) af ter i som etr i c handgr i p exer ci se (IHE)
and r el ated them to pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne (N E) and epi nephr i ne (E) i n 12
nor m otensi ves (N ) and 14 pr i m ar y hy per tensi ves (PH). B IHE was
per f or m ed at 30% of m ax i m um vol untar y contracti on usi ng a cal i brated
dy nam om eter. C Sy stol i c bl ood pr essur e (SBP), di astol i c bl ood pr essur e
(DBP), hear t rate (HR), FBF, FVR, N E, and E w er e m easur ed i n the r esti ng
ar m bef or e and af ter IHE. D Pr eexer ci se SBP and DBP w er e hi gher i n PH
than i n N . E FVR was si m i l ar i n PH and N . F N E was hi gher i n PH com par ed
to other m atched nor m otensi ves. G Af ter IHE, SBP and DBP w er e i ncr eased
18% and 19%, r especti vel y, i n PH and 16% and 25% i n N . H HR, N E and E
w er e i ncr eased i n PH and N . I Gr oup di f f er ences w er e not si gni f i cant. J Pr e
and post IHE FBF was si m i l ar i n both gr oups. K FVR i ncr eased
P. 15
i n both gr oups. L The f i ndi ngs i ndi cate that sk i n and m uscl e ar ter i ol ar
r esi stance at r est and dur i ng str ess i n PH w i th enhanced sy m patheti c tone
ar e not di f f er ent f r om N , and suggest that other hem ody nam i c
abnor m al i ti es, per haps i ncr eased car di ac output and spl anchni c r esi stance,
m edi ate the excessi ve neural tone and rai se bl ood pr essur e.
Guidelines for Using Abbreviations in Biomedical
Research Papers:
How m any abbr ev i ati ons shoul d be used?
How shoul d y ou deci de w hen to use an abbr ev i ati on?
Pl ease gi v e ex am pl es.
P. 16
EXERCISE 1.2: WORDS CARELESSLY
INTERCHANGED
U nder l i ne the w or d i n each set of w or ds w i thi n par entheses that m akes the best
sense i n the sentence. It i s OK to l ook w or ds up i n a di cti onar y. Af ter you f i ni sh
thi s exer ci se, check your answ er s by r eadi ng the def i ni ti ons that appear on the
nex t several pages.
1. This re s pons e w a s bloc k e d by phe ntola mine but w a s not (a ffe c te d,
e ffe c te d) by propra nolol.
Hi de Answ er
1. af f ected.
2. The digox in (a mount, c onc e ntra tion, c onte nt, le ve l) w a s inc re a s e d from
0. 5 to 2. 5 ng/ml.
Hi de Answ er
2. concentrati on.
COMMEN T: “Lev el ” i s m or e gener al than “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ”
and “content. ” It i s OK to use “l ev el ” i nstead of “am ount, ”
“concentr ati on, ” or “content” i f y ou hav e onl y one k i nd of l ev el i n
y our paper , but i f y ou hav e, f or ex am pl e, both am ounts and
concentr ati ons, or i f y ou use “l ev el ” to m ean “hor i zontal state or
l i ne, ” w r i te the speci f i c ter m s ev er y ti m e.
Hi de Answ er
3. consi sted of. (Om i t “no other dr ugs w er e used.”)
5. Inc re a s e d k now le dge of c a rdia c mus c le func tion ha s gre a tly (e nha nc e d,
improve d) our a bility to de te c t a nd qua ntify dis orde rs of myoc a rdia l
c ontra c tion.
Hi de Answ er
5. i m pr oved.
6. Tre a tme nt w ith me thylpre dnis olone a fte r the le s ion is e s ta blis he d
s ignific a ntly (e nha nc e s , s pe e ds ) re c ove ry.
Hi de Answ er
6. speeds.
7. At fre que nt (inte rva ls , pe riods ) w e me a s ure d pH, P o 2 , a nd P c o 2 in
a rte ria l blood, a nd during e a c h (inte rva l, pe riod) of s tudy w e me a s ure d
pulmona ry blood flow tw o or thre e time s .
Hi de Answ er
7. i nter val s, per i od.
8. W e s tudie d the re s pons e s of the follow ing (pa ra me te rs , va ria ble s ):
he a rt ra te , c a rdia c output, ox yge n c ons umption, a nd s ys te mic va s c ula r
re s is ta nc e .
Hi de Answ er
8. var i abl es.
9. Se ve ntyfive pe rc e nt nitrous ox ide (re pre s e nts , is ) a s uba ne s the tic
c onc e ntra tion in the dog.
Hi de Answ er
9. i s.
P. 17
WORDS CARELESSLY INTERCHANGED
Car ef ul w r i ter s di sti ngui sh betw een w or ds that m or e casual w r i ter s car el essl y
i nter change, such as the f ol l ow i ng sets of w or ds.
DEFINITION EXAMP LE
ABILITY, CAPACITY
Accur acy . The The accur acy of the pol ygraphi c m ethod f or
degr ee of esti m ati ng the ef f i ci ency of ox i dati ve
conf or m i ty of a phosphor y l ati on was checked by the conventi onal
m easur em ent to m anom etr i c techni que.
the k now n or
tr ue val ue of the
quanti ty
m easur ed.
Pr eci si on. The val ue 3. 43 show s gr eater pr eci si on than the
Br oadl y, the val ue 3. 4, but i t i s not necessar i l y m or e
degr ee of accurate.
r ef i nem ent w i th
w hi ch a
m easur em ent i s
m ade or
r epor ted.
Repr oduci bi l i ty . The r epr oduci bi l i ty of the m ethod, as anal y zed i n
The degr ee to 18 ser i es of sequenti al m easur em ents i n 12 dogs,
w hi ch r el ated was excel l ent.
m easur em ents,
m ade under the
sam e
ci r cum stances,
can be
dupl i cated.
AFFECT, EFFECT
Af f ect (ver b). To How sm ok i ng af f ects the heal th i s sti l l a m atter
act on or of concer n to phy si ci ans.
i nf l uence.
Ef f ect (noun). A We studi ed the ef f ect of epi nephr i ne on gl ucose
r esul tant k i neti cs i n dogs.
condi ti on.
Al ter nati v el y . The dog's w ei ght can be contr ol l ed by di et or,
Invol v i ng a al ter nati v el y , by dr ugs.
choi ce betw een
tw o or m or e
cour ses of acti on
or possi bi l i ti es.
AMON G, BETWEEN
Am ong. In the We f ound one i ntact test tube am ong the br oken
m i dst of. ones.
“Am ong” i s used
to ex pr ess the
r el ati on of one
thi ng to a gr oup
of m any
sur r oundi ng
thi ngs. It i s not
used to ex pr ess
the r el ati on of
tw o thi ngs.
CAN , MAY
Can. Denotes the Hom ogeneous cel l l i nes of shor t durati on can be
pow er, or abi l i ty, achi eved w i th cl oni ng techni ques.
to do som ethi ng.
Conti nual . The ex per i m ents w er e ham per ed by conti nual
Inter m i ttent, i nf ecti ons i n the rat col ony.
occur r i ng at
r epeated
i nter val s.
Incl ude. To have Condi ti ons that i ncr ease i ntraabdom i nal
as a par t or pr essur e al so i ncr ease the l i kel i hood of
m em ber ; to be si gni f i cant r ef l ux . These condi ti ons i ncl ude
m ade up of, at obesi ty, asci tes, and pr egnancy.
l east i n par t; to
contai n. “Incl ude”
of ten i m pl i es an
i ncom pl ete
l i sti ng.
Consi st of . To be Pr epr ol acti n and oval bum i n consi st of 228 and
m ade up of, to be 385 r esi dues, r especti vel y.
com posed of.
Incr ease. A Al though the i nsul i n concentrati on i ncr eased, the
general w or d that i nsul i n/gl ucose rati o decr eased.
m eans to becom e
or to m ake
Bl ood pr essur e w as i ncr eased by i ntravenous
gr eater i n som e
i njecti on of epi nephr i ne.
r espect, such as
si ze, quanti ty,
num ber, degr ee,
val ue, or
i ntensi ty.
IN TERVAL, PERIOD
Inter v al . The El ectr i cal testi ng was per f or m ed at 5m i n
ti m e betw een tw o i nter v al s f or a per i od of 30 m i n af ter the
speci f i ed adm i ni strati on of i nsul i n.
i nstants, events,
or states.
LOCATE, LOCALIZE
Locate. To We l ocated a f etal hi ndl eg and del i ver ed i t
deter m i ne the thr ough a sm al l i nci si on i n the uter i ne wal l .
posi ti on of
som ethi ng; to
f i nd i ts l ocati on.
Local i ze. (Wi th Hot appl i cati ons hel ped to l ocal i ze the i nf ecti on.
an object) To
conf i ne or f i x i n
a par ti cul ar ar ea
or par t. (Wi thout
an object) To
col l ect or Iodi ne tends to l ocal i ze i n the thy r oi d.
accum ul ate i n or
be r estr i cted to a
speci f i c or
l i m i ted ar ea.
Mi l l i m ol e(m m ol ).
An am ount, not a
concentrati on. A 0. 5 m i l l i m ol ar sol uti on contai ns 0. 5 m i l l i m ol e
of a sol ute i n 1 l i ter of sol uti on (or , a 0. 5 m M
sol uti on contai ns 0. 5 m m ol /l i ter of sol uti on. ) The
Mi l l i m ol ar (m M). f i nal vol um e i s 1 l i ter.
A concentr ati on,
not an am ount.
MU CU S, MU COU S
OPTIMAL, OPTIMU M
Opti m al . The An or gani sm w i l l gr ow best under opti m al
adjecti ve; never condi ti ons.
used as a noun.
PRON E, SU PIN E
Pr one. Ly i ng or We pl aced the dog pr one on the tabl e so that w e
pl aced so that coul d ex am i ne i ts back .
the f ace and the
bel l y ar e
dow nwar d.
Supi ne. Ly i ng or We pl aced the apnei c m an supi ne and appl i ed
pl aced on the r hy thm i c pr essur e to hi s r i b cage.
back (spi ne) w i th
the f ace and the
bel l y up.
REPRESEN T, BE
Repr esent. To Each data poi nt r epr esents one m easur em ent of
ser ve as a si gn ai r way r esi stance.
or sy m bol of ; to
take the pl ace of.
Chapter 2
Sentence Structure
Engl i sh sentences ar e cl ear est, m ost f or cef ul , and easi est to under stand i f they
ar e si m pl e and di r ect. If i nstead sentences ar e com pl i cated and i ndi r ect, the
r eader i s sl ow ed dow n and even conf used. Fi ve techni ques that hel p keep
sentences si m pl e and di r ect ar e
Ex pr essi ng the cor e of the m essage i n the subject, ver b, and com pl eter
We w i l l ex am i ne these f i ve techni ques, and al so f i ve other techni ques, i n thi s
chapter.
EXPRESS THE CORE OF THE MESSAGE IN THE
SUBJECT, VERB, AND COMPLETER
A sentence i s m ost l i kel y to be si m pl e and di r ect i f the subject, ver b, and
com pl eter convey the cor e of the m essage. To ensur e that they do, m ake the
topi c the subject of the sentence and put the acti on of the sentence i n the ver b.
(The topi c i s w hat the sentence i s tal k i ng about. The acti on i s w hat the topi c i s
doi ng or w hat i s bei ng done to i t. )
Make the Topic the Subject of the Sentence
Ex a mple The chi l dr en w i th ar ter i ovenous shunts ha d the shunts
2. 1 opened, hepar i n i njected, and the ar ter i al and venous
si des of the shunt cl am ped.
In thi s sentence, the subject and ver b ar e chi l dr en ha d. But the topi c of thi s
sentence i s not chi l dr en, and the m essage i s not about chi l dr en hav i ng
som ethi ng (as i t w oul d be, f or ex am pl e, i n the sentence, “The chi l dr en had
di abetes m el l i tus”). Thi s sentence has thr ee topi cs—shunts, hepar i n, and the
si des of the shunt—and the m essage of the sentence i s about w hat happened to
them . Ther ef or e, these ter m s shoul d be the subjects of the sentence.
Re vis ion In the chi l dr en w ho had ar ter i ovenous shunts, the shunts
w e re ope ne d, hepar i n w a s inje c te d, and the ar ter i al
and venous si des of the shunt w e re c la mpe d.
P. 23
In thi s r ev i si on, the topi cs ar e the subjects of the sentence, and the subjects
and ver bs convey the m essage of the sentence.
Put the Action in the Verb
Ver bs ex pr ess acti on i n Engl i sh. If the acti on of a sentence i s ex pr essed by the
m ai n ver b, the sentence i s natural and di r ect and easy to under stand. If,
i nstead, the acti on i s ex pr essed i n a noun, the sentence i s obl i que, tangl ed, and
m or e di f f i cul t to under stand.
Many nouns that ex pr ess acti on ar e m ade by addi ng a noun endi ng to a ver b, as
i n the l i st bel ow. In addi ti on, the ver bs “i ncr ease” and “decr ease” ar e used as
nouns.
Noun Endings Used to Make Nouns from Verbs
Ending Ve rb Noun
Thr ee com m on way s of ex pr essi ng acti on i n a noun i nstead of i n a ver b ar e to
put the acti on i n the subject of the sentence, to put the acti on i n the object of
the ver b, and to put the acti on i n a pr eposi ti onal phr ase.
Action Inappropriately in the Subject
In thi s ex am pl e, the ver b (oc c urre d) does not ex pr ess the acti on of the
sentence. Instead, the subject of the sentence (i ncr ease) ex pr esses the acti on.
As a r esul t, the gram m ar does not coor di nate w i th the m eani ng, and the
sentence i s com pl i cated and i ndi r ect.
Om i t the subject and the pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow s i t (her e “i ncr ease i n”).
Repl ace the vague ver b (her e “occur r ed”) w i th the acti on f r om the om i tted
subject (her e “i ncr ease” becom es “i ncr eased”).
In addi ti on, the r ev i sed sentence has f ew er w or ds than the or i gi nal sentence
and hence i s m or e ef f i ci ent.
N ote al so that the vague ver b of the or i gi nal sentence, oc c urre d, does not
contr i bute to the m eani ng of the sentence (the m eani ng i s i n the subject) but
si m pl y per f or m s the f uncti on of a ver b. It coul d be r epl aced by another vague
ver b, such as “was seen” or “was noted,” w i thout appr eci abl y al ter i ng the
m eani ng of the sentence.
Fi nal l y, i f w e com par e the subjects and ver bs of the tw o sentences, w e see that
the subject and ver b of the r ev i sed sentence (hear t rate inc re a s e d) ex pr ess
the cor e of the m essage, w her eas the subject and ver b of the or i gi nal sentence
(i ncr ease oc c urre d) ex pr ess onl y par t of the cor e—the acti on but not the topi c.
Thus, w hen the acti on i s i n the ver b, the sentence i s si m pl er, m or e di r ect, and
m or e ef f i ci ent than w hen the acti on i s i n the subject.
Action Inappropriately in the Object
To r ev i se a sentence w hose acti on i s i n the object, om i t the ver b (her e
“caused”) and the object and pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow i t (her e “a decr ease i n”).
Then m ake a new ver b f r om the object (her e “a decr ease” becom es
“decr eased”).
Action Inappropriately in a Prepositional Phrase
Som eti m es acti on i s ex pr essed i n the object of a pr eposi ti on, and ther e i s no
ver b. (Pr eposi ti ons ar e w or ds such as “of,” “f or,” “on,” “i n,” “to,” “w i th.”)
In Ex am pl e 2. 4, the acti on i n the f i r st par t of the sentence i s ex pr essed i n the
noun “congesti on,” w hi ch i s the object of the pr eposi ti on “w i th.” Thi s
pr eposi ti onal phrase i s dense and di f f i cul t to r ead. One r eason i s that “w i th” i s
i m pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se w or d (“dur i ng”) w oul d m ake the sentence cl ear er.
Another r eason thi s pr eposi ti onal phrase i s di f f i cul t to r ead i s that ther e i s no
ver b. To m ake thi s sentence easi er to r ead, add a conjuncti on f ol l ow ed by a
subject and a ver b, thus cr eati ng a cl ause. Speci f i cal l y, si nce the pr eposi ti on
P. 25
“w i th” m eans “dur i ng,” change “w i th” to the conjuncti on “w hen” or “w hi l e” or
“as.” Then m ake “vessel ” the subject, and change the noun “congesti on” to the
ver b i t was m ade f r om (“w er e congested”).
In the nex t ex am pl e, the suppr essed ver bs ar e not so obv i ous as i n the f i r st
ex am pl e.
Re vis ion WHEN HYPOXIA LASTS LON GER OR IS MORE SEVERE, the
shor teni ng phase m ay get pr ogr essi vel y br i ef er.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun Introduced by “There
Is”
“Ther e i s” a w eak way to begi n a sentence—tw o w or ds and ver y l i ttl e m eani ng.
Whenever you can avoi d “ther e i s,” you shoul d. In Ex am pl e 2. 6, “ther e i s” i s
om i tted and “al terati on,” the noun af ter “ther e i s,” i s m ade i nto the ver b i t
cam e f r om (“ar e al ter ed”). The r esul ti ng r ev i si on states the m essage m or e
cl ear l y and pow er f ul l y.
Re vis ion We tested the hy pothesi s that phosphol i pi d m etabol i tes i n
l i pi d of si gnal hy per i ntensi ti es i n w hi te m atter a re
a lte re d.
Action Inappropriately in an Adjective Instead of in a
Verb and an Adjective
In Ex am pl e 2. 7, the sentence begi ns w i th a subject and ver b (“These r esul ts
dem onstrate”) and ends w i th an object (“r ol e…”). The m essage i s i n the
adjecti ve “essenti al ,” w hi ch m odi f i es “r ol e.”
The sentence w oul d be m or e pow er f ul i f a ver b w er e added. In the r ev i si ons,
“the D1 r eceptor,” the object of the pr eposi ti on “of,” w hi ch f ol l ow s “essenti al
r ol e,” i s m ade i nto the subject and a ver b i s added. The m essage i s now i n the
ver b and the adjecti ve. (N ote that “that” i s used to l i nk the new subject and
ver b to the f i r st subject and ver b. )
Re vis ion These r esul ts dem onstrate that the D1 r eceptor is
A essenti al f or the l ocom otor sti m ul ant ef f ects of cocai ne.
Re vis ion These r esul ts dem onstrate that the D1 r eceptor pla ys an
B essenti al r ol e i n the l ocom otor sti m ul ant ef f ects of
cocai ne.
P. 26
Rev i si on A of Ex am pl e 2. 7 i l l ustrates that som eti m es the acti on ex pr essed by
the ver b i s m er el y state of bei ng (her e, “i s”). When the ver b i s “i s,” an
adjecti ve (her e, “essenti al ”) or a noun af ter the ver b i s needed to com pl ete the
m essage. Rev i si on B show s a way of r ev i si ng thi s sentence usi ng an acti ve ver b
(“pl ay s”) f ol l ow ed by an object (“r ol e”) and i ts adjecti ve (“essenti al ”). In both
r ev i si ons, the acti on i s i n the ver b, and the ver b and the adjecti ve (“i s
essenti al ” or “pl ay s an essenti al r ol e”) ex pr ess the m essage of the sentence.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun instead of in a
Participle
Som eti m es acti on can be put i n a par t of a ver b—the pr esent par ti ci pl e (ver b +
“i ng”) or the past par ti ci pl e (usual l y, ver b + “ed”). Just l i ke putti ng the acti on
i n a ver b, putti ng the acti on i n a par ti ci pl e rather than i n a noun m akes the
w r i ti ng l i vel i er and easi er to r ead.
Ver bs ar e the l i f ebl ood of an Engl i sh sentence. Om i tti ng them (by putti ng the
acti on i n a pr eposi ti onal phrase) or w eakeni ng them (by putti ng the acti on i n
the subject or object and addi ng a vague ver b) saps the sentence of i ts
l i f ebl ood and m akes the sentence dense and di f f i cul t to r ead.
Thi s pr obl em can be v i ew ed num er i cal l y : sentences becom e easi er to r ead as
the pr opor ti on of ver bs to nouns i ncr eases. The pr opor ti on of ver bs to nouns i s
m ax i m al w hen al l acti on i s ex pr essed by ver bs. Thi s i s the natural way to w r i te
i n Engl i sh. When sentences ar e w r i tten unnatural l y, w i th the acti on i n a noun,
the rati o of ver bs to nouns decr eases, and the sentences becom e pr opor ti onal l y
m or e di f f i cul t.
Dram ati c r ever sal s i n the ver bnoun rati o, such as the r ever sal i l l ustrated i n
the l ast pai r of sentences above, em phasi ze the advantage of putti ng the acti on
i n the ver b.
To check your w r i ti ng, ask your sel f w hat acti on you want each sentence to
ex pr ess, and then m ake sur e that you ex pr ess thi s acti on i n a ver b.
P. 27
EXERCISE 2.1: EXPRESS THE CORE OF THE
MESSAGE IN THE SUBJECT, VERB, AND
COMPLETER
Mak e the topi c the subject i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences.
1. The a dults e nde d dia lys is w ith a pla s ma a c e ta te c onc e ntra tion a lmos t
double tha t of the c hildre n.
Hi de Answ er
1. At the end of di al y si s, the pl asm a acetate concentrati on i n the
adul ts w a s al m ost doubl e that i n the chi l dr en.
COMMEN T: N ote that the subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n the r ev i sed
sentence gi v e m or e of the m essage than do the subject, v er b, and
com pl eter of the or i gi nal sentence: “concentr ati on w as al m ost
doubl e” v er sus “adul ts ended di al y si s. ” Al so note that the sam e
pr eposi ti on (“i n”) i s used bef or e “adul ts” and “chi l dr en”; “of ” coul d be
used i nstead of “i n. ” Fi nal l y , i f both the adul ts and the chi l dr en
under w ent di al y si s, that f act i s cl ear est i f “at the end of di al y si s”
com es at the begi nni ng of the sentence, because a condi ti on hol ds
unti l y ou change i t (see Chap. 3, “The Durati on of a Si gnal ” under
“Si gnal i ng the Subtopi cs of a Paragraph”).
Hi de Answ er
2. The pati ent's sy m ptom s did not c ha nge .
3. The pa tie nt w a s be gun on 0. 6 g of a s pirin da ily a nd ha d re s olution of his
a rthritis .
Hi de Answ er
3. Af ter the pati ent be ga n tak i ng 0. 6 g of aspi r i n dai l y, hi s ar thr i ti s
re s olve d.
Action Inappropriately in the Subject
Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (Om i t the subject
and the pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow s i t; r epl ace the v ague v er b w i th the acti on f r om
the om i tted subject. )
Hi de Answ er
4. The death rate de c re a s e d pr ogr essi vel y OR pr ogr essi vel y
de c re a s e d.
5. Eva pora tion of e tha nol from the mix ture ta k e s pla c e ra pidly.
Hi de Answ er
5. Ethanol e va pora te s f r om the m i x tur e rapi dl y.
Hi de Answ er
6. Potassi um per chl orate w a s re move d by centr i f ugati on of the
super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (passi v e)
Centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n
re move d potassi um per chl or ate. (acti v e)
We re move d potassi um per chl or ate by centr i f ugi ng the
super natantl i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (one w ay to use “w e”)
To r em ove potassi um per chl orate, w e c e ntrifuge d the super natant
l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (another w ay to use “w e”)
7. Me a s ure me nts of blood pH w e re ma de w ith a Ra diome te r c a pilla ry
e le c trode .
Hi de Answ er
7. Bl ood pH w a s me a s ure d by OR w i th a Radi om eter capi l l ar y
el ectr ode.
COMMEN T: “By ” i m pl i es that the m achi ne m ade the m easur em ent
unassi sted. “Wi th” i m pl i es that the i nv esti gator m ani pul ated the
m achi ne.
8. P rolonga tion of life for ure mic pa tie nts ha s be e n ma de pos s ible by
improve d c ons e rva tive tre a tme nt a nd he modia lys is .
Hi de Answ er
8. The l i ves of ur em i c pati ents ha ve be e n prolonge d by i m pr oved
conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s.
Im pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s ha ve prolonge d
the l i v es of ur em i c pati ents.
9. An a brupt inc re a s e in minute ve ntila tion a nd re s pira tory fre que nc y
oc c urre d in a ll dogs a s e x e rc is e be ga n.
Hi de Answ er
9. Mi nute venti l ati on and r espi rator y f r equency inc re a s e d abr uptl y i n
al l dogs as exer ci se began.
Exer ci se inc re a s e d m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency
abr uptl y i n al l dogs.
COMMEN T: N ot “Al l dogs inc re a s e d thei r m i nute v enti l ati on and
r espi r ator y f r equency abr uptl y as ex er ci se began, ” because “dogs” i s
not the topi c.
P. 28
10. Light ina c tiva tion of COP 1 w a s a c hie ve d prior to its nuc le a r de ple tion.
Hi de Answ er
10. COP1 w a s ina c tiva te d by l i ght bef or e i t w a s de ple te d f r om the
nucl eus.
11. W he n immunopre c ipita tions of a pa rtia lly purifie d TFIIH fra c tion w ith
AbERCC2 unde r me dium high s a lt c onditions (0. 5 M KCl) w e re pe rforme d,
a triple t c ons is ting of MO15, p34, a nd p32, in a ddition to the k now n TFIIH
s ubunits , w a s vis ua lize d on s ilve rs ta ine d polya c ryla mide ge ls .
Hi de Answ er
11. When a par ti al l y pur i f i ed TFIIH f racti on w a s
immunopre c ipita te d w i th AbERCC2 under m edi um hi gh sal t
condi ti ons (0. 5 M KCl ), a tr i pl et…
Hi de Answ er
12. If m i sm atches a re not c orre c te d, base pai r s a re s e gre ga te d
af ter m ei osi s.
Action Inappropriately in the Object
Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (Om i t the v er b.
Mak e a new v er b f r om a noun that ex pr esses acti on. )
Hi de Answ er
13. We a na lyze d each speci m en at l east tw i ce.
14. Infus ion of tyra mine produc e d a de c re a s e in c uta ne ous blood flow .
Hi de Answ er
14. Inf usi on of ty ram i ne de c re a s e d cutaneous bl ood f l ow.
Hi de Answ er
15. The m utati on k ills the em br yos.
16. Homozygous p53k noc k out mic e s how e d s ignific a nt re s is ta nc e to
ne urona l a poptos is induc e d by a va rie ty of ne urona l tox ins .
Hi de Answ er
16. Hom ozygous p53k nockout m i ce w e re re s is ta nt to neur onal
apoptosi s i nduced by a var i ety of neur onal tox i ns.
17. D1lik e re c e ptors e x e rt a pe rmis s ive or “ e na bling” re gula tion of D2
lik e re c e ptors .
Hi de Answ er
17. D1l i ke r eceptor s pe rmit r egul ati on of D2l i ke r eceptor s.
18. The s e a ge nts e x e rt the ir a c tion by inhibition of s ynthe s is of c hole s te rol
by the live r.
Hi de Answ er
18. These agents a c t by inhibiting the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by
the l i ver.
COMMEN T: N ot “hepati c sy nthesi s of chol ester ol ”; too abstr act.
19. This ne t diffe re nc e in os mola rity c a us e s a flux of w a te r into the
c e re bros pina l fluid, c a us ing inc re a s e d pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
19. Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty forc e s (OR drive s , s hifts ,
dra w s ) water i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus inc re a s ing pr essur e.
COMMEN T: “Thus” i s needed to k eep the noti on of causal i ty . Thi s net
di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty inc re a s e s pr essur e by dra w ing water i nto
the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d.
Because of thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the
cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus inc re a s ing pr essur e.
P. 29
Action Inappropriately in a Prepositional Phrase
Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences.
In # 20, change “f or ” to “that” and then cr eate a subject and a v er b.
In # 21, change “w i th” to “w hen” or “w hi l e” or “as” and then cr eate a subject
and a v er b.
21. A c a ps ule of a myl nitrite w a s c rus he d a nd he ld in front of the nos e for
20 s w ith norma l re s pira tion ma inta ine d.
Hi de Answ er
21. A capsul e of amy l ni tr i te was cr ushed and hel d i n f r ont of the
nose f or 20 s w hi l e the pati ent bre a the d nor m al l y.
COMMEN T: “Whi l e nor m al r espi r ati on w as m ai ntai ned” i s not as good;
too abstr act.
IN # 22, change “w i th” to “w hen” or “w hi l e” or “as” and then cr eate a subject
and a v er b.
22. Ca lc ium is tra ns loc a te d a c ros s the me mbra ne a long w ith the forma tion
of a phos phoryla te d e nzyme inte rme dia te . Ca lc ium is the n re le a s e d into
the lume n w ith the s imulta ne ous de c ompos ition of the phos phoryla te d
inte rme dia te e nzyme into the unphos phoryla te d e nzyme a nd ADP plus
phos pha te .
Hi de Answ er
22. Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane as a
phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate is forme d. Then cal ci um i s
r el eased i nto the l um en as the phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate
is de c ompos e d i nto the unphosphor y l ated enzy m e and ADP pl us
phosphate.
Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane w hen an enzy m e is
phos phoryla te d. Then cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en w hen the
enzy m e is de phos phoryla te d.
COMMEN T: The sour ce of the pr obl em i n both sentences 21 and 22 i s
the w or d “w i th. ” The sol uti on i n both sentences i s to add a v er b. For
Ex am pl e 22, the second r ev i si on i s best, f or f our r easons. It puts the
r eal acti on i n the v er bs (“phosphor y l ated, ” “dephosphor y l ated”). It
uses par al l el f or m (see Chaps. 2 and 3. ) It puts the contr asti ng v er bs
at the end of each sentence, w hi ch i s a pow er posi ti on (see
Em phasi s, Chap. 3). It om i ts unnecessar y w or ds. If i t i s i m por tant to
m enti on ADP, y ou can add “, thus r el easi ng ADP” at the end of the
second sentence.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun Introduced by
“There Is”
In # 23, om i t “ther e i s” and put the acti on i n a v er b.
23. The re is a mode s t e nha nc e me nt in ra dic a l c le a va ge a t ba s e pa irs 10–
12.
Hi de Answ er
23. Radi cal cl eavage is m odestl y inc re a s e d at base pai r s 10–12.
Action Inappropriately in an Adjective Instead of in
a Verb and an Adjective
In # 24, change “uncov er ed” to “show ed that” and put the acti on i n a v er b af ter
“show ed that. ”
24. G e ne tic w ork in C. e le ga ns unc ove re d the c e ntra l re gula tory func tion of
its BCL2 homolog in the a ppa ra tus of c e ll de a th c ontrol.
Hi de Answ er
24. Geneti c w or k i n C. el egans show ed that i ts BCL2 hom ol og
re gula te s cel l death.
P. 30
AVOID NOUN CLUSTERS
Noun Clusters
One noun i s com m onl y used to m odi f y another i n Engl i sh. Ex am pl es i n cl ude
“bl ood f l ow,” “pr otei n m etabol i sm ,” “l ung f uncti on,” and “i on concentrati on.”
But addi ng another noun (or nouns) onto an al r eady ex i sti ng noun pai r i s
conf usi ng. (For a detai l ed tr eatm ent of thi s topi c, see Woodf or d, Sci enti f i c
Wr i ti ng f or Gr aduate Students, p. 52. )
At f i r st gl ance, i t i s not easy to see w hat these ter m s m ean. The ter m s ar e
cl ear er i f they ar e not com pacted i nto cl uster s.
Untangling Noun Clusters
To untangl e a noun cl uster, star t f r om the end and w or k your way to the
begi nni ng, suppl y i ng the appr opr i ate pr eposi ti ons. The cl uster can be untangl ed
com pl etel y, or som e nouns can r em ai n cl uster ed, as i n the r ev i si ons show n
her e:
Re vis ions var i abi l i ty of the l ength of the f i l am ents
var i abi l i ty of f i l am ent l ength
pool of phosphol i pi ds i n the ai r spaces
phosphol i pi d pool i n the ai r spaces
The r eason the untangl ed f or m s ar e cl ear er than the noun cl uster s i s that the
pr eposi ti ons i ndi cate how the nouns ar e r el ated to each other. N ote that the
pr eposi ti on used to transl ate a cl uster i nto under standabl e Engl i sh i s not al way s
the sam e. Her e “of ” and “i n” ar e used. Al so note that the r ev i sed ver si ons ar e
al l l onger than the or i gi nal ver si ons. Thi s i s OK. The goal i s cl ar i ty, not br ev i ty.
N ot al l sequences of nouns ar e noun cl uster s. Som e noun pai r s and even
tr i pl ets ar e so w el l establ i shed that they have becom e si ngl e w or ds. For
ex am pl e, even though “hear t rate” l ook s l i ke tw o w or ds, i t i s actual l y one
w or d. Si m i l ar l y, i n Ex am pl e 2. 10, “ai r spaces” i s one w or d. So w hen untangl i ng
noun cl uster s, tr eat such ter m s as si ngl e w or ds, and keep them i n the or i gi nal
or der (“… i n the ai r spaces,” not “… i n the spaces ai r ”). You can check an
unabr i dged di cti onar y to deter m i ne w hi ch pai r s of nouns ar e consi der ed w or ds.
Adjective Added to a Noun Cluster
The pr obl em i s com pounded w hen an adjecti ve i s added to a noun cl uster.
What i s chr oni c—the sheep or the ex per i m ents? What i s per i pheral — the
chem or eceptor s or the sti m ul ati on? To m ake the answ er cl ear, f i r st untangl e
P. 31
the noun cl uster com pl etel y, so that no cl uster s ar e l ef t. Then pl ace the
adjecti ve i n f r ont of the appr opr i ate noun. Onl y one noun shoul d be pl aced af ter
the adjecti ve so that the r eader can tel l w hi ch noun the adjecti ve m odi f i es.
Re vis ions chr oni c e x pe rime nts i n sheep
sti m ul ati on of the pe riphe ra l c he more c e ptors
N ote that “chr oni c” m odi f i es the l ast noun i n i ts cl uster (“ex per i m ents”) but
“per i pheral ” m odi f i es the f i r st noun i n i ts cl uster (“chem or eceptor ”). Si nce
ther e i s no pr edi ctabl e patter n f or deter m i ni ng w hi ch noun the adjecti ve
m odi f i es, the cl ear est practi ce i s to w r i te the i dea the l ong way, not as a
cl uster.
Noun Being Modified Missing from the Noun Cluster
U l ti m ate conf usi on ar i ses w hen the noun that the adjecti ve m odi f i es i s om i tted
f r om the noun cl uster al together.
What i s zer o dr i f t? It sounds l i ke i t m eans “no dr i f t.” Actual l y, i t m eans
“dr i f t of the zer o poi nt.”
Re vis ion To assess f or dr i f t of the zer o poi nt, w e checked each
catheter i n sal i ne at 38°C.
Re c omme nda tion: Tr eat noun cl uster s l i ke abbr ev i ati ons. Do not use them i f
you can possi bl y avoi d them . If you ar e f or ced to use one, w r i te i t the l ong way
the f i r st ti m e you use i t; then use the cl uster.
P. 32
EXERCISE 2.2: UNTANGLING NOUN CLUSTERS
U ntangl e the noun cl uster s i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences by addi ng the
appr opr i ate pr eposi ti on or pr eposi ti ons, and other w or ds as needed. Star t at
the end of the cl uster and w or k y our w ay to the begi nni ng.
Noun + Noun
1. Shunt blood c lotting oc c urre d a fte r 5 da ys .
Hi de Answ er
1. Bl ood cl otti ng i n the shunt occur r ed af ter 5 day s.
COMMEN T: The cl uster i s untangl ed but the acti on i s i n the subject.
2. DNAa s e I nic k ing inte rfe re nc e pa tte rns c orre s pond pre c is e ly to
e thyla tion inte rfe re nc e pa tte rns w ith both 10 bp s e que nc e s .
Hi de Answ er
2. Inter f er ence patter ns i nduced by DN Aase I ni ck i ng cor r espond
pr eci sel y to i nter f er ence patter ns i nduced by ethy l ati on f or both of
the 10bp sequences.
COMMEN T: Som eti m es a par ti ci pl e pl us a pr eposi ti on i s needed to
m ak e the r el ati onshi p betw een the nouns cl ear .
3. The pre c ipita te w a s furthe r purifie d by s uc ros e de ns ity gra die nt
c e ntrifuga tion.
Hi de Answ er
3. The pr eci pi tate was f ur ther pur i f i ed by bei ng centr i f uged on
sucr ose densi ty gradi ents (OR on densi ty gradi ents m ade of sucr ose).
COMMEN T: Al though “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ents” i s an accepted
techni cal ter m , i t i s cl ear er to w r i te i t the l ong w ay (“densi ty
gr adi ents m ade of sucr ose”) the f i r st ti m e and then to use the
cl uster . The sam e i s tr ue f or “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ent
centr i f ugati on. ”
Hi de Answ er
4. “Regul ati on of Cer ebr ospi nal Fl ui d pH by the Bl oodBrai n Bar r i er ”
COMMEN T: N ot “pH Regul ati on” because thi s cl uster coul d m ean
ei ther r egul ati on of the pH or r egul ati on by the pH.
Adjective + Noun + Noun
U ntangl e the noun cl uster . Put the adjecti v e i n f r ont of the appr opr i ate noun.
Hi de Answ er
5. The anti gen was pr epar ed f r om w hol e homoge na te s of rat l i ver.
6. T 4 s timula te d c holine inc orpora tion into prima ry fe ta l lung c e ll c ulture s .
Hi de Answ er
6. T 4 sti m ul ated i ncor porati on of chol i ne i nto pr i m ar y c ulture s of
f etal l ung cel l s.
COMMEN T: N ot “pr i m ar y cel l cul tur es” because then ei ther the cel l s
or the cul tur es coul d be pr i m ar y . “Fetal l ung cel l s” i s OK because i f
the l ungs ar e f etal , the cel l s m ust be f etal , and v i ce v er sa.
Hi de Answ er
7. P KCa c tiva tioninduc e d tra ns loc a tion of RACK1 i s speci f i c… .
Adjective + () + Noun
U ntangl e the noun cl uster and add the noun that the adjecti v e shoul d m odi f y .
Put the adjecti v e i n f r ont of the noun y ou added.
Hi de Answ er
8. Ser um sam pl es f r om heal thy s ubje c ts and f r om pa tie nts w ho had
ul cerati ve col i ti s w er e studi ed by (OR w i th) paper el ectr ophor esi s.
Hi de Answ er
9. Ther e was no si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een l actate
c onc e ntra tions i n r esti ng s ubje c ts and i n ex er ci si ng s ubje c ts .
COMMEN T: N ot “Lactates di d not di f f er si gni f i cantl y w hen sam pl ed at
r est or dur i ng ex er ci se” because i t i s not cl ear w ho i s r esti ng and
w ho i s ex er ci si ng. In sentences 8 and 9, the subjects m ust be
m enti oned.
P. 33
WRITE SHORT SENTENCES
Shor t sentences ar e easi er to under stand than l ong sentences. Ther ef or e do not
pack too m any i deas i nto one sentence ei ther by str i ngi ng i deas together or by
tal k i ng about m or e than one thi ng at a ti m e.
Do Not String Ideas Together
Example 2.14 (53 words)
In one pati ent w ho had num er ous l esi ons, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp but f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps,
w her eas i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
In thi s ex am pl e, the f i r st i dea ends bef or e “w her eas.” The second i dea bel ongs
i n a separate sentence.
Revision A
In one pati ent w ho had num er ous l esi ons, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp but f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps.
How ever, i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
Revision B
In one pati ent w ho had num er ous l esi ons, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp. It f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps.
How ever, i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
Talk About One Thing at a Time
A l ong sentence that str i ngs i deas together i s di f f i cul t to r ead. Even m or e
di f f i cul t i s a sentence that tal k s about tw o i deas at once or a sentence i n w hi ch
one i dea i s nested i nsi de another. In Ex am pl e 2. 15, tw o i deas ar e bei ng
di scussed at once: el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on.
Example 2.15 (43 words)
The el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on of these tw o i soenzy m es ar e qui te
di f f er ent f r om those achi eved on DEAEcel l ul ose chr om atography of α
chy m otr y pti cdi gested S1, w her e l i ght chai n 1 em er ges f i r st, f ol l ow ed by a
w el l r esol v ed second peak of l i ght chai n 3.
The i deas i n Ex am pl e 2. 15 ar e easi er to under stand w hen they ar e w r i tten i n
separate sentences:
P. 34
Revision
The el uti on or der of these tw o i soenzy m es, l i ght chai n 3 f ol l ow ed by l i ght chai n
1, i s the r ev er se of that achi eved by DEAEcel l ul ose chr om atography of α
chy m otr y pti cdi gested S1. Si m i l ar l y, the ex tent of separati on i s r ev er sed, the
peak of l i ght chai n 1 bei ng m uch better r esol v ed than the peak of l i ght chai n 3.
N ote that putti ng the i deas i n separate sentences al so al l ow s pr eci se statem ent
of w hat the di f f er ences i n el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on ar e
(i tal i ci zed).
In the nex t ex am pl e, thr ee i deas ar e pr esented i n one sentence: the pur pose of
the ex per i m ent, how the ex per i m ent was done, and a descr i pti on of the
pati ents. Fur ther m or e, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s nested i nsi de the
ex pl anati on of how the ex per i m ent was done.
Example 2.16 (47 words)
To study the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of hydral azi ne on
ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, a
radi onucl i de assessm ent of ventr i cul ar f uncti on was per f or m ed i n 15 pati ents
w i th pur e aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, f uncti onal capaci ty I or II, at r est and dur i ng
supi ne exer ci se.
Revision A
To study the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of hydral azi ne on
ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, a
radi onucl i de assessm ent of ventr i cul ar f uncti on was per f or m ed i n 15 pati ents at
r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se. Al l pati ents had pur e aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency and
w er e i n f uncti onal capaci ty I or II.
In Rev i si on A, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s pr esented i n a separate
sentence. How ever, i t m i ght be even better to put al l thr ee i deas i n separate
sentences, as i n Rev i si on B.
Revision B
Our ai m was to assess the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of
hydral azi ne on ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c
i nsuf f i ci ency. For thi s assessm ent, w e di d a radi onucl i de study of ventr i cul ar
f uncti on i n 15 pati ents at r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se. Al l pati ents had pur e
aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency and w er e i n f uncti onal capaci ty I or II.
In Rev i si on B, the pur pose i s separated f r om the statem ent of w hat was done.
In addi ti on, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s put i n a separate sentence. Thus,
each sentence tal k s about one i dea, so the i deas ar e easi er to under stand.
Keep sentences as shor t as possi bl e. A num er i cal gui del i ne you can use i s to
have a m ean sentence l ength of no m or e than 22 w or ds per sentence. N ote that
thi s i s a m ean val ue. If you have tw o or thr ee l ong sentences, bal ance them by
w r i ti ng a shor t sentence. The shor t sentence w i l l have a str ong i m pact, as you
can see i n Rev i si on A of Ex am pl es 2. 14 and 2. 16. To m ake thi s i m pact w or k to
your advantage, put an i m por tant i dea i n the shor t sentence.
In paper s that have especi al l y di f f i cul t sci enti f i c content, shor t sentences ar e
par ti cul ar l y i m por tant. The har der the sci ence, the si m pl er the w r i ti ng m ust be.
P. 35
EXERCISE 2.3: OVERLOADED SENTENCES
Rew r i te the ov er l oaded sentences bel ow , or an ov er l oaded sentence f r om
y our ow n w r i ti ng, as tw o or m or e shor ter sentences.
Ex a mple 1
(49 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 1
Mutagenesi s studi es of several MADS box pr otei ns, i ncl udi ng MEF2,
have show n that the 56am i noaci d MADS box i s r equi r ed f or DN A
bi ndi ng. A 30am i noaci d ex tensi on on the car box y l ter m i nal si de of
the MADS box i s al so r equi r ed. Thi s car box y l ter m i nal ex tensi on i s
uni que to each subcl ass of MADS box pr otei ns.
Ex a mple 2
An a dja c e nt s e c tion s ta ine d by a lc ia n blue for the ide ntific a tion of ma s t
c e lls s how s tha t s e ve ra l ma s t c e lls , but not the numbe r e quiva le nt to the
numbe r of c hyma s e mRNA pos itive c e lls in Fig. 5B, a ppe a re d in the me dia
a nd a dve ntitia re gion of the s a me intra mura l a rte riole .
(46 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 2
To i denti f y m ast cel l s, an adjacent secti on was stai ned w i th al ci an
bl ue. The stai ni ng show s that several m ast cel l s ar e l ocated i n the
m edi a and adventi ti a r egi on of the i ntram ural ar ter i ol e. How ever, the
num ber of al ci anbl uestai ni ng cel l s i s l ow er than the num ber of cel l s
that ar e posi ti ve f or chy m ase m RN A show n i n Fi g. 5B.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence contai ns an em bedded i dea (“but not
the num ber equi v al ent to the num ber of chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s
i n Fi g. 5B”). In the r ev i si on, the em bedded i dea i s put i nto a separ ate
sentence (l ast sentence) and i s r ew r i tten to cl ar i f y the com par i son.
In addi ti on, the r ev i si on uses a m or e pr eci se w or d (“ar e l ocated”)
and untangl es the noun cl uster (“chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s”). Thi s
r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 10 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal sentence, show s
that som eti m es i t i s necessar y to add w or ds to be cl ear .
Ex a mple 3
A te mpora l a nd s pa tia l re la tions hip be tw e e n lipid pe rox ida tion a nd type I
c olla ge n ge ne e x pre s s ion ha s be e n de s c ribe d in s te lla te c e lls a nd
c orre la te d w ith a n in vitro mode l of c oc ulture be tw e e n s te lla te c e lls a nd
he pa toc yte s in w hic h, follow ing a ddition of LCL 4 in c ulture , c olla ge n
e x pre s s ion oc c urs in s te lla te c e lls loc a te d in the imme dia te vic inity of the
s te lla te c e ll–he pa toc yte bounda ry but not in dis ta nt c e lls or in s te lla te
c e lls c ulture d a lone .
(70 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 3
A tem poral and spati al r el ati onshi p betw een l i pi d per ox i dati on and
ty pe I col l agen ex pr essi on has been descr i bed i n stel l ate cel l s. Thi s
r el ati onshi p has been cor r el ated w i th an i n v i tr o m odel of cocul tur e
betw een stel l ate cel l s and hepatocy tes. In thi s m odel , af ter addi ti on
of LCL 4 , col l agen i s ex pr essed i n stel l ate cel l s l ocated near the
stel l ate cel l hepatocy te boundar y but not i n di stant cel l s or i n stel l ate
cel l s cul tur ed al one.
P. 36
USE CLEAR PRONOUNS
A pr onoun i s a w or d that r epl aces and r ef er s to a noun. Ex am pl es ar e “i t,” “he,”
“she,” “they,” “these,” “those,” “them ,” “thi s,” “that,” “w hi ch,” and “both.” In
Ex am pl e 2. 17 “they ” r ef er s to “m ethods” and “that” r ef er s to “condi ti ons.”
Ex a mple We used these m ethods because they enabl ed us to
2. 17 m easur e l oss of m i cr ospher es under condi ti ons that ar e
nor m al l y used to assess bl ood f l ow.
If the noun that a pr onoun r ef er s to i s uncl ear, the r eader m ay have tr oubl e
under standi ng the sentence. The noun that a pr onoun r ef er s to can be uncl ear
f or at l east tw o r easons.
Too Many Possible Nouns
One r eason that a pr onoun can be uncl ear i s that the sentence m ay contai n too
m any possi bl e nouns f or the pr onoun to r ef er to.
In Ex am pl e 2. 19, “them ” i s i ntended to r ef er to “di seases.” To m ake the
sentence cl ear, one sol uti on i s si m pl y to r epeat “these di seases,” as i n Rev i si on
A.
Another sol uti on i s to change the sentence str uctur e. The advantage of changi ng
the sentence str uctur e i n thi s case i s that the i nel egant r epeti ti on of “these
di seases” can be avoi ded.
Re vis ion Resear ch on these di seases i s ham per ed because
B l aborator y ani m al s ar e not suscepti bl e to them .
In Rev i si on B, “them ” can r ef er onl y to “these di seases” because i t i s not
r easonabl e f or the object (“them ”) to r ef er to i ts ow n subject (“l aborator y
ani m al s”).
As thi s ex am pl e dem onstrates, one of the tw o sol uti ons to an am bi guous
pr onoun w i l l usual l y w or k .
P. 37
No Possible Nouns
A second r eason a pr onoun can be uncl ear i s that ther e i s no noun f or the
pr onoun to r ef er to. Thi s si tuati on occur s w hen the w or d “thi s” i s used al one at
or near the begi nni ng of a sentence to r ef er to a concept i m pl i ed i n the
pr ev i ous sentence.
Ex a mple Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e
2. 20 anal y zi ng the hear t beats. As a r esul t of thi s, the vol um e
of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y decr eased.
To m ake the m eani ng of “thi s” i m m edi atel y cl ear, r epeat a w or d f r om the
pr ev i ous sentence af ter “thi s.” In Ex am pl e 2. 20, the i m pl i ed concept that “thi s”
r ef er s to i s “occl usi on,” so r epeat “occl usi on,” the noun f or the ver b “occl uded,”
af ter “thi s.”
Re vis ion Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e
anal y zi ng the hear t beats. As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on,
the vol um e of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y decr eased.
Som eti m es no w or d i n the pr ev i ous sentence can be r epeated, as i n Ex am pl e
2. 21 (Ex am pl e 27 i n Exer ci se 1. 1).
In thi s ex am pl e, “both” r ef er s to a decr ease i n one var i abl e and an i ncr ease i n
another var i abl e. To avoi d r epeati ng so m any w or ds, w e can use a categor y
ter m . The categor y shoul d be the sm al l est one that encom passes the speci f i c
ter m s. In thi s case, the sm al l est categor y i s “changes.” (In the r ev i si on,
“changes” i s pr eceded by “of these” to i ndi cate that the changes w er e
m enti oned i n the pr ev i ous sentence. )
In sum m ar y, pr onouns can be uncl ear ei ther i f ther e ar e too m any possi bl e
nouns f or the pr onoun to r ef er to or i f ther e i s none. The sol uti ons f or the f i r st
pr obl em ar e ei ther to r estate the appr opr i ate noun or to change the sentence
str uctur e. The sol uti ons f or the second pr obl em ar e to r epeat a w or d f r om the
pr ev i ous sentence af ter the pr onoun or to add a categor y ter m af ter the
pr onoun.
One other poi nt w or th noti ng i s that the nouns that pr onouns r ef er to shoul d be
par t of the tex t. Subheadi ngs ar e not par t of the tex t.
P. 38
Item s i n par entheses, i ncl udi ng r ef er ences, ar e not par t of the tex t.
Ex a mple In pr ev i ous studi es, f etal sheep r esponded to asphy x i a
2. 23 w i th i m m edi ate f em oral vasoconstr i cti on, w hi ch was
abol i shed by sci ati c ner ve secti on (8). How ever, despi te
ner ve secti on, del ayed vasoconstr i cti on occur r ed, and
they specul ated that i t r esul ted f r om ci r cul ati ng
catechol am i nes.
Who ar e “they ”?
Re vis ion In pr ev i ous studi es, f etal sheep r esponded to asphy x i a
w i th i m m edi ate f em oral vasoconstr i cti on, w hi ch was
abol i shed by sci ati c ner ve secti on (8). How ever, despi te
ner ve secti on, del ayed vasoconstr i cti on occur r ed, and the
i nvesti gator s specul ated that i t r esul ted f r om ci r cul ati ng
catechol am i nes.
The poi nt i s that the tex t shoul d m ake sense even i f al l subheadi ngs and al l
i tem s i n par entheses ar e om i tted.
P. 39
EXERCISE 2.4: CLEAR PRONOUNS
More Than One Possible Noun
In the sentence bel ow , the pr onoun (under l i ned) coul d r ef er to m or e than one
noun. Rev i se thi s sentence to m ak e the m eani ng cl ear ei ther by r estati ng the
noun or by changi ng the sentence str uctur e.
Hi de Answ er
1. To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood
was pool ed i n the subjects' l egs by pl aci ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s
ar ound the thi ghs and i nf l ati ng the cuf f s to di astol i c brachi al ar ter i al
pr essur e.
To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was
pool ed i n the subjects' l egs by i nf l ati ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s, pl aced
ar ound the thi ghs, to the di astol i c pr essur e of the brachi al ar ter y.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeati ng “cuf f s” and al so
untangl es the adjecti v e cl uster “di astol i c br achi al ar ter i al pr essur e. ”
No Possible Noun
In the sentences bel ow , the pr onoun (under l i ned) has no noun to r ef er to.
Rev i se these sentences to m ak e the m eani ng cl ear by r epeati ng one or m or e
w or ds f r om the pr ev i ous sentence.
2. Afte r re pe a te d ultra c e ntrifuga tion, the a polipoprote in AI c onte nt of
highde ns ity lipoprote ins w a s re duc e d to a bout 65% of the origina l s e rum
va lue , but no AII w a s los t. This s ugge s ts tha t the binding e nvironme nts of
the s e tw o a polipoprote ins in highde ns ity lipoprote ins diffe r.
Hi de Answ er
2. Thi s di f f er ence i n r ecover y suggests that… .
Thi s sel ecti ve r educti on of apol i popr otei n AI suggests that … .
COMMEN T: These r ev i si ons ar e i n or der of l east to m ost speci f i c. The
l ast r ev i si on i s best because tw o k ey ter m s f r om the pr ev i ous
sentence ar e r epeated (“apol i popr otei n AI” and “r educed”). (See
Chap. 3, “Repeati ng Key Ter m s. ”) “These f i ndi ngs suggest that” i s too
v ague to be hel pf ul .
3. A la rge bolus of c ontra s t ma te ria l de c re a s e s the re la tive e rror by
produc ing a la rge r c ha nge in CT numbe r. This is limite d by the re la tive
diffic ulty of a dminis te ring a bolus a nd by the pa tie nt's tole ra nc e .
Hi de Answ er
3. The si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted … .
How ever, the si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted because l ar ge bol uses ar e
har der to adm i ni ster and pati ents do not tol erate them w el l .
COMMEN T: The f i r st r ev i si on i s the one the author i ntended, but any
of the r ev i si ons i s r easonabl e. The l ast r ev i si on i s l i ghter and easi er
to r ead than the other s because the acti on i s ex pr essed by v er bs and
an adjecti v e (“ar e har der , ” “tol er ate”).
P. 40
PUT PARALLEL IDEAS IN PARALLEL FORM
Paral l el i deas ar e i deas that ar e equal i n l ogi c and i m por tance. Ex am pl es ar e
i deas that ar e joi ned by “and,” “or,” or “but.” Another ex am pl e i s i deas that ar e
bei ng com par ed.
Paral l el i deas shoul d be w r i tten i n paral l el f or m , ei ther i n pai r s or i n ser i es.
Paral l el f or m i s the use of the sam e gram m ati cal str uctur e f or tw o or m or e
paral l el i deas. Gram m ati cal str uctur es i ncl ude cl auses (subject, ver b,
com pl eter ), phrases such as pr eposi ti onal phrases (“of,” “i n,” “f or,” etc.,
f ol l ow ed by an object) and i nf i ni ti ve phrases (“to deter m i ne,” “to i denti f y,” etc.,
f ol l ow ed by an object), and si ngl e w or ds such as nouns or adjecti ves.
The val ue of w r i ti ng paral l el i deas i n paral l el f or m i s that the f or m of the f i r st
i dea pr epar es the r eader f or the f or m of the nex t i dea. As a r esul t, r eader s can
concentrate al l of thei r attenti on on the i deas, not on the f or m .
Pairs
Pai r s of i deas—tw o i deas joi ned by “and,” “or,” or “but”—shoul d be w r i tten i n
paral l el f or m , as i n Ex am pl es 2. 24–2. 26.
In Ex am pl e 2. 24, the gr oup of w or ds af ter “but” i s i n the sam e gram m ati cal
str uctur e as the gr oup of w or ds bef or e “but”: subject, ver b, pr eposi ti onal
phrase.
We hoped to i ncr ease the c omple te re s pons e and
to i m pr ove s urviva l.
i nf i ni ti v e obje c t
In dogs, about 20% of pl asm a gl ucose car bon i s r ecycl ed v i a tr i car bon
com pounds
ei ther i n c old
or at ne utra l a mbie nt te mpe ra ture .
pr eposi ti on obje c t
In thi s ex am pl e, note that “i n col d” and “at neutral am bi ent tem peratur e” ar e i n
paral l el f or m even though the speci f i c pr eposi ti ons (“i n,” “at”) ar e di f f er ent. Al l
that m atter s f or paral l el f or m i s that both i tem s ar e pr eposi ti onal phrases.
r enal bl ood f l ow .
noun
Car di ac output was hi gher than in the e x pe rime nta l group
in the c ontrol group.
pr eposi ti on obje c t
P. 41
If paral l el i deas ar e not w r i tten i n paral l el f or m , the l ogi cal r el ati on of the
i deas (si m i l ar i ty, al ter nati ves, contrast, com par i son) i s obscur ed.
Ex a mple Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
2. 29 cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e, but i t
coul d al so be that i sol ated cel l s do not r espond nor m al l y
because the cel l s ar e i sol ated.
In thi s sentence, the gr oups of w or ds bef or e and af ter “but” ar e not paral l el , so
i t i s not i m m edi atel y obv i ous that the second hal f of the sentence i s gi v i ng
another possi bl e r eason f or the l ack of r esponse. (N ote that “i t” does not r ef er
to “thi s l ack of r esponse.”)
Re vis ion Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
A cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e, but i t
coul d al so have been due to the f act that i sol ated cel l s do
not r espond nor m al l y because they ar e i sol ated.
In thi s r ev i si on, the i deas bef or e and af ter “but” ar e i n paral l el f or m , and “i t”
r ef er s appr opr i atel y to “thi s l ack of r esponse.” How ever, thi s sentence can be
w r i tten m or e si m pl y, as f ol l ow s:
Re vis ion Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
B cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e or si m pl y
to the f act of i sol ati on, w hi ch coul d al ter nor m al cel l
r esponses.
In thi s r ev i si on, the i deas ar e easi er to under stand because the r epeti ti on of
“coul d have been due to” and one r epeti ti on of “i sol ated” have been om i tted. In
both r ev i si ons, the author 's i ntenti on of pr esenti ng al ter nati ve r easons i s cl ear
because the i deas ar e w r i tten i n paral l el f or m .
Three Problems in Writing Comparisons
Thr ee pr obl em s ar i se i n w r i ti ng com par i sons: over use of “com par ed to,”
com par i son of unl i ke thi ngs (“appl es and oranges”), and absol ute statem ents
di sgui sed as com par i sons.
Overuse of “Compared To”
In com par i sons contai ni ng a com parati ve ter m , such as “hi gher,” “gr eater,”
“l ow er,” “l ess,” the accom pany i ng ter m shoul d be “than,” not “com par ed to.”
Ex a mple 2. 30 We f ound a hi gher K D at 37°C com par ed to 25°C.
Re vis ion We f ound a hi gher K D at 37°C than at 25°C.
P. 42
N ote the r epeti ti on of “at” i n the r ev i si on f or the paral l el f or m .
“Com par ed to” shoul d not be used w i th “decr eased” or “i ncr eased” because the
m eani ng i s am bi guous.
Ex a mple Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% decr ease i n al veol ar
2. 31 phosphol i pi d as com par ed to contr ol rabbi ts dur i ng
nor m al venti l ati on.
Di d al veol ar phosphol i pi d decr ease (A) i n both ex per i m ental and contr ol
rabbi ts? (B) onl y i n ex per i m ental rabbi ts? (C) i n nei ther gr oup?
Rev i si on A Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% gr eater decr ease i n al veol ar
phosphol i pi d than di d contr ol rabbi ts… .
Rev i si on B Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% decr ease i n al veol ar phosphol i pi d
but contr ol rabbi ts had no decr ease… .
Rev i si on C Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had 28% l ess al veol ar phosphol i pi d than di d
contr ol rabbi ts… .
Because “decr ease com par ed to” has at l east thr ee possi bl e i nter pr etati ons,
“com par ed to” shoul d not be used w i th “decr eased” (or w i th “i ncr eased”).
Comparison of Unlike Things
Al though ever yone i s awar e that “you cannot com par e appl es and oranges,”
such com par i sons ar e com m on i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s.
Rev i si on A These r esul ts ar e si m i l ar to the r esul ts of pr ev i ous
studi es.
N ote that a pr onoun (“that” or “those”) can of ten be used to avoi d r epeati ng the
noun:
Re vis ion These r esul ts ar e si m i l ar to those of pr ev i ous studi es.
B
Re vis ion Acti vati oncontr ol l ed r el ax ati on i n these m em brane
depr i ved cel l s re s e mble d that i n i ntact myocar di um f r om
f r ogs.
When to Add “That” or “Those” to a Comparison.
To deci de w hether to add “that” or “those” (or to r epeat the noun), deter m i ne
w hether the com parati ve ter m i s al l together i n one spot or i s spl i t. (In
Ex am pl es 2. 32 and 2. 33, the com parati ve ter m s, “ar e si m i l ar to” and
“r esem bl ed,” ar e al l together i n one spot. ) If the com parati ve ter m i s al l
together i n one spot, “that” or “those” i s needed. If the com parati ve ter m i s
spl i t, “that” or “those” i s not needed.
Ex a mple 2. 34
Com parati ve ter m together : (add Losses at 34 m i n w er e gr eater
“that” or “those”) than thos e at 4 m i n.
Com parati ve ter m spl i t: (do not Losses w er e gr eater at 34 m i n
add “that” or “those”) than at 4 m i n.
P. 43
Absolute Statements Disguised as Comparisons
Absol ute statem ents shoul d not be w r i tten as i f they w er e com par i sons.
Ex a mple Thi s m edi um contai ns about 4–5 m M phosphate com par ed
2. 35 to Schnei der 's m edi um .
Actual l y, thi s m edi um contai ns about 4–5 m M phosphate r egar dl ess of the
concentrati on of phosphate i n Schnei der 's m edi um . The concentrati on i s an
absol ute val ue and does not depend on any other concentrati on.
Re vis ion Thi s m edi um contai ns 4–5 m M phosphate; Schnei der 's
m edi um contai ns 9–10 m M phosphate.
If you want to com par e the tw o concentrati ons, w r i te the f ol l ow i ng sentence:
“In thi s m edi um , the concentrati on of phosphate (4–5 m M) i s about hal f that i n
Schnei der 's m edi um (9–10 m M).”
Series
In al l the pr ecedi ng ex am pl es, tw o i deas ar e i n paral l el f or m , but m or e than
tw o i deas can be i n paral l el f or m , as i n the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es of paral l el
ser i es.
Ex a mple The best way of r em ov i ng the nonadher ent cel l s was
2. 37
In a ser i es, as i n a pai r, the f or m of al l the paral l el i tem s m ust be the sam e. In
Ex am pl es 2. 36 and 2. 37, the paral l el i tem s ar e al l ver bs (“washed,”
P. 44
“i nsti l l ed,” “i ncubated”) f ol l ow ed by objects and other com pl eter s, and
i nf i ni ti ves (“to ti p,” “to f l ood,” “to r em ove,” “to r epeat”) f ol l ow ed by objects and
other com pl eter s.
Two Problems of Parallelism
Hybrids
A f r equent pr obl em of paral l el i sm i s the conf usi on betw een a pai r and a ser i es.
Thi s conf usi on r esul ts i n strange hy br i ds.
Ex a mple The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl ,
2. 38 50 m g of m ethi oni ne and has a f i nal vol um e of 115 m l .
In thi s ex am pl e, the f i r st tw o val ues (12. 5 m g, 50 m g) set up an ex pectati on:
w e ex pect a thi r d val ue af ter “and.” Instead w e get a ver b (“has”). But “has” i s
not paral l el to “12. 5 m g” and “50 m g.” Rather, “has” i s paral l el to “contai ns,”
and ther e i s no thi r d val ue paral l el to 12. 5 m g and 50 m g. To si gnal that ther e
ar e onl y tw o val ues, “and” shoul d be pl aced betw een the tw o val ues, as i n
Rev i si on A (not a com m a, as i n the or i gi nal ver si on).
Rev i si on The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl
A and 50 m g of m ethi oni ne and has a f i nal vol um e of 115
ml.
How ever, hav i ng tw o “ands” joi ni ng di f f er ent l evel s of paral l el i tem s i n one
sentence i s i nel egant. To avoi d thi s i nel egance, a sem i col on can be used i n
pl ace of the second “and.”
Re vis ion The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl
B and 50 m g of m ethi oni ne; i ts f i nal vol um e i s 115 m l .
Paired Conjunctions
Another pr obl em of paral l el i sm i s the pr oper use of pai r ed conjuncti ons. Pai r ed
conjuncti ons ar e “both… and… ,” “ei ther… or… ,” “nei ther… nor… ,” and “not onl y… but
al so… .”
Rev i si on
For paral l el f or m , the gr oup of w or ds betw een “both” and “and” m ust be i n
ex actl y the sam e f or m as the gr oup of w or ds af ter “and.” In the r ev i si on, both
gr oups of w or ds ar e pr eposi ti onal phrases (“on the absol ute osm ol al i ncr ease,”
“on the speci es studi ed”).
P. 45
Another way to check that the sentence i s i n paral l el f or m w hen pai r ed
conjuncti ons ar e used i s to l ook just at the r el ati ve posi ti ons of the
conjuncti ons and the pr eposi ti ons. If the f i r st conjuncti on (her e “both”) com es
af ter the pr eposi ti on (“on”) and the second conjuncti on (her e “and”) com es
bef or e the pr eposi ti on (“on”), that i s,
on both x
on both x
and y.
An Extra Advantage of Parallelism: Omitting
Repetition
In addi ti on to bei ng cl ear, an ex tra advantage of paral l el i sm i s that i t al l ow s
you to avoi d r epeti ti on.
Re vis ion The young subjects coul d r eadi l y accom m odate bl ood
vol um e changes i n other com par tm ents, but the m i ddl e
aged subjects coul d not.
In Ex am pl e 2. 41, the author s thought that r epeati ng “decr eased” w oul d be
bor i ng, so they used di f f er ent ver bs each ti m e. But thi s var i ati on of
“decr eased” detracts f r om the i tem s that actual l y ar e di f f er ent. To avoi d bor i ng
r epeti ti on w i thout succum bi ng to di stracti ng var i ati on, si m pl y om i t the second
and thi r d ver bs:
P. 46
EXERCISE 2.5: PARALLELISM IN SENTENCES
Cor r ect the f aul ty par al l el i sm i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (N um ber 3 i s
tr i ck y . )
Pairs
1. Ca rdia c output w a s le s s in the E. c oli group tha n the P s e udomona s
group.
Hi de Answ er
1. Car di ac output was l ess i n the E. col i gr oup than i n the
Pseudom onas gr oup.
2. Le ft ve ntric ula r func tion w a s impa ire d in the dogs tha t re c e ive d
e ndotox in a nd the c ontrol dogs .
Hi de Answ er
2. Lef t ventr i cul ar f uncti on was i m pai r ed i n the dogs that r ecei ved
endotox i n and i n the contr ol dogs.
3. P uls a tion of the c e lls or c e ll ma s s e s ma y be quic k a nd e rra tic or ma y
oc c ur a t fa irly re gula r a nd le is ure ly inte rva ls . (W ha t do you e x pe c t a fte r
“ quic k a nd e rra tic or” ? Ma k e your re vis ion a s s imple a s pos s ible . )
Hi de Answ er
3. Pul sati on of the cel l s or cel l m asses can be qui ck and er rati c or
sl ow and r egul ar.
4. W he re a s e pidura l a dminis tra tion of fe nta nyl a t a ra te of 20 mg/h
re duc e d the re quire me nt for pa tie ntc ontrolle d bupiva c a ine , this w a s not
the c a s e in pa tie nts re c e iving e ithe r intra ve nous fe nta nyl (20 mg/h) or no
fe nta nyl (pla c e bo).
Hi de Answ er
4. Wher eas epi dural adm i ni strati on of f entany l at a rate of 20 µg/h
r educed the r equi r em ent f or pati entcontr ol l ed bupi vacai ne,
i ntravenous adm i ni strati on of f entany l (20 µg/h) or pl acebo di d not.
Series
5. The tube s w e re s pun on a Vorte x mix e r for 10 s , s tore d a t 4° C for 2 h,
a nd the n the y w e re c e ntrifuge d a t 500 × g for 10 min.
Hi de Answ er
5. The tubes w er e spun on a Vor tex m i xer f or 10 s, stor ed at 4°C f or
2 h, and then centr i f uged at 500 × g f or 10 m i n.
COMMEN T: It i s OK to om i t “then” as w el l as “they w er e” bef or e
“centr i f uged, ” but i t i s not necessar y .
6. Tra c he a l ga nglion c e lls ha ve be e n c la s s ifie d on the ba s is of the ir
s ponta ne ous dis c ha rge (12), a c c ording to the ir e le c tric a l prope rtie s (5),
a nd w he the r va s oa c tive inte s tina l pe ptide is pre s e nt or a bs e nt (8).
Hi de Answ er
6. Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thei r
spontaneous di schar ge (12), thei r el ectr i cal pr oper ti es (5), and the
pr esence or absence of vasoacti ve i ntesti nal pepti de (8).
Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thr ee
pr oper ti es: spontaneous di schar ge (12), el ectr i cal character i sti cs (5),
and vaso acti ve i ntesti nal pepti de content (8).
Hybrids
7. P he nyle phrine inc re a s e d the ra te of muc us s e c re tion, the output of non
dia lyza ble 35 S a nd c a us e d a ne t tra ns e pithe lia l move me nt of Na tow a rds
the muc os a .
Hi de Answ er
7. Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on and the
output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S; i t al so caused a net transepi thel i al
m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on, i ncr eased the
output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S, and caused a net transepi thel i al
m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
Hi de Answ er
8. The f racti ons w er e centr i f uged, the pel l ets w er e r esuspended i n a
sm al l vol um e of buf f er, and a sam pl e of cel l s was counted i n an
el ectr oni c cel l counter.
Paired Conjunctions
In y our r ev i si on, do not om i t the pai r ed conjuncti ons, under l i ned.
9. Eve n the highe s t dos e of a tropine ha d no e ffe c t on e ithe r ba s e line puls e
ra te or on the va ga lly s timula te d puls e ra te .
Hi de Answ er
9. Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect ei ther on basel i ne
pul se rate or on the vagal l y sti m ul ated pul se rate.
Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect on pul se rate ei ther
dur i ng basel i ne or dur i ng vagal sti m ul ati on.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeti ti on of “pul se r ate. ”
10. An impuls e from the va gus ne rve to the mus c le ha s to tra ve l both
through ga nglia a nd pos tga nglionic pa thw a ys .
Hi de Answ er
10. An i m pul se f r om the vagus ner ve to the m uscl e has to travel both
thr ough gangl i a and and thr ough postgangl i oni c pathway s.
COMMEN T: “Thr ough both gangl i a and postgangl i oni c pathw ay s” i s
theor eti cal l y OK but undesi r abl e her e because “thr ough both gangl i a”
coul d i m pl y tw o gangl i a.
11. The inte rna l pre s s ure mus t not only de pe nd on volume but a ls o the
ra te of filling.
Hi de Answ er
11. The i nter nal pr essur e m ust depend not onl y on vol um e but al so
on the rate of f i l l i ng.
P. 47
EXERCISE 2.6: PARALLELISM IN COMPARISONS
Rev i se sentences 1 and 2 so that they use “than” i nstead of “com par ed to. ”
1. The gre a te r s ta bility in this s tudy c ompa re d to the pre vious s tudy
re s ulte d from more a c c ura te ma rk e r digitiza tion.
Hi de Answ er
1. The gr eater stabi l i ty i n thi s study than i n the pr ev i ous study
r esul ted f r om m or e accurate m ar ker di gi ti zati on.
2. Tota l mic ros phe re los s e s w e re gre a te r a t 34, 64, a nd 124 min w he n
c ompa re d to 4 min.
Hi de Answ er
2. Total m i cr ospher e l osses w er e gr eater at 34, 64, and 124 m i n than
at4 m i n.
Total m i cr ospher e l osses at 34, 64, and 124 m i n w er e gr eater than
those at 4 m i n.
3. W e fre que ntly obs e rve d a de c re a s e in me a n c orona ry a rte ria l pre s s ure
c ompa re d to me a n a ortic pre s s ure a fte r c a rboc hrome n inje c tion.
Hi de Answ er
3. We f r equentl y obser ved that m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was
l ow er than m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on.
(m ay be nei ther decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al
pr essur ebut not i n m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en
i njecti on. (one decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a gr eater decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al
pr essur e than i n m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on.
(both decr eased)
Rev i se sentences 4–6 so that they com par e com par abl e thi ngs. (Rul e: Add
“that” or “those” or r epeat the noun w hen the com par ati v e ter m i s al l together
i n one spot, but not w hen the com par ati v e ter m i s spl i t. )
4. The los s of a polipoprote in AI from highde ns ity lipoprote ins during
ultra c e ntrifuga tiona l is ola tion w a s gre a te r tha n during othe r is ola tion
me thods .
Hi de Answ er
4. The l oss of apol i popr otei n AI f r om hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns
dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati onal i sol ati on w a s gre a te r tha n the l osses
dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods.
Hi de Answ er
5. Losses of apol i popr otei n AI dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods w e re
s ma lle r tha n l osses dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati on.
6. Lik e s ubfra gme nt 1, the prote in c ompos ition of he a vy me romyos in w a s
homoge ne ous .
Hi de Answ er
6. The pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n, lik e that of
subf ragm ent 1, was hom ogeneous.
Lik e the pr otei n com posi ti on of subf ragm ent 1, the pr otei n
com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n was hom ogeneous.
P. 48
AVOID WRITING FLAWS
In addi ti on to the f i ve w r i ti ng techni ques ex pl ai ned above, ther e ar e f i ve
w r i ti ng f l aw s to avoi d. These f l aw s ar e (1) the subject and ver b do not m ake
sense together, (2) the subject and ver b do not agr ee, (3) hel pi ng ver bs ar e
om i tted, (4) m odi f i er s ar e dangl ed, and (5) sentences contai ni ng i nf or m ati on i n
par entheses do not m ake sense. When one of these f l aw s appear s, the r eader i s
sl ow ed dow n and m ay even need to r er ead the sentence to f i gur e out the
i ntended m eani ng.
Be Sure That the Subject and Verb Make Sense
Together
Re vis ion The am ount (OR concentrati on, rate of appearance, rate
A of secr eti on) of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S i n the l um i nal bath
w a s me a s ure d.
Re vis ion The esophagus, stom ach, and duodenum of each rabbi t
w e re ex am i ned.
Do Not Omit Helping Verbs
Ex a mple 2. 44 The ti ssue w a s minc e d and the sam pl es inc uba te d.
“Ti ssue” i s si ngul ar, so “was m i nced” i s the cor r ect ver b. But “sam pl es” i s
pl ural , so car r y i ng over the “was” i s not gram m ati cal l y cor r ect.
Re vis ion Contrast m edi um w a s infus e d at a steady rate i nto the
i njecti on por t, and the f l ow w a s c a lc ula te d f r om the
obser ved change i n CT num ber at equi l i br i um .
Avoid Dangling Modifiers
(See Str unk and Whi te, l . 11. )
Ex a mple Bl ood f l ow was al l ow ed to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e
2. 46 pr oceedi ng w i th the nex t occl usi on.
In thi s sentence, bl ood f l ow seem s to be pr oceedi ng w i th the nex t occl usi on.
The r eason i s that the f i r st par t of the sentence i s passi ve, w her eas the second
par t i s acti ve. Thus, “pr oceedi ng” dangl es; that i s, i t has no noun to m odi f y.
The sol uti ons ar e ei ther to m ake both par ts of the sentence acti ve or to m ake
both par ts passi ve. In the acti ve sentence, “pr oceedi ng” m odi f i es “w e.” In the
passi ve sentence, “pr oceedi ng” i s changed to “was begun.”
Re vis ion We a llow e d bl ood f l ow to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e
A proc e e d (Acti ve) ing w i th the nex t occl usi on.
Re vis ion Bl ood f l ow w a s a llow e d to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e the
B (Passi ve) nex t occl usi on w a s be gun.
Ex a mple In changi ng f r om a standi ng to a r ecum bent posi ti on, the
2. 47 hear t ex pands noti ceabl y i n al l di r ecti ons.
In thi s sentence, “changi ng” dangl es because i t m odi f i es an
i nappr opr i ate noun. Thus, the hear t appear s to be changi ng f r om a
standi ng to a r ecum bent posi ti on. For cl ar i ty, put the ex per i m ental
subject or the ex per i m ental ani m al i nto the sentence.
Re vis ion When the subject changes f r om a standi ng to a r ecum bent
posi ti on, the hear t ex pands noti ceabl y i n al l di r ecti ons.
Be Sure That Sentences Containing Information in
Parentheses Make Sense
Re vis ion At 10 6 M pentobar bi tal had no ef f ect, at N ote the
use of
10 5 M i t sl i ghtl y depr essed the r esponse,
paral l el
and at 5 × 10 5 M i t al m ost abol i shed the
f or m f or
r esponse.
the ser i es
of thr ee
i tem s i n
the
r ev i si on.
P. 50
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR WRITING SIMPLE,
DIRECT SENTENCES
Ex pr ess the cor e of the m essage i n the subject, ver b, and com pl eter.
For a pr onoun that has too m any possi bl e nouns to r ef er to, ei ther r estate
the noun i nstead of usi ng a pr onoun or change the sentence str uctur e.
For a pr onoun (usual l y “thi s”) that has no noun to add r ef er to, add the
sm al l est categor y ter m af ter the pr onoun.
U se “than” f or com par i sons, not “com par ed to.”
When the com parati ve ter m i s al l together i n one spot, add “that” or
“those.”
When the com parati ve ter m i s spl i t, do not add “that” or “those.”
Do not w r i te absol ute statem ents as com par i sons.
Avoi d w r i ti ng f l aw s.
Be sur e that the subject and ver b m ake sense together.
Be sur e that sentences contai ni ng i nf or m ati on i n par entheses m ake sense.
Back
Chapter 3
Paragraph Structure
Even i f a paper has per f ect w or d choi ce and per f ect sentence str uctur e, i t can
be di f f i cul t to under stand i f the paragraphs ar e not cl ear l y constr ucted. Each
paragraph m ust be constr ucted to tel l a stor y. Reader s shoul d be abl e to
r ecogni ze the m essage and f ol l ow the stor y of each paragraph w hether or not
they under stand the sci ence.
The conti nui ty, that i s, the r el ati onshi p betw een i deas, m ust be cl ear.
ORGANIZATION
Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences
General Approach: Overview First, Then Details
A paragraph i s a num ber of sentences on a si ngl e topi c. The goal s of a
paragraph ar e to get a m essage acr oss and to m ake the stor y behi nd the
m essage cl ear. These goal s can be accom pl i shed i n var i ous way s, but the
general appr oach that i s cl ear est f or m ost r eader s m ost of the ti m e i s to
pr ov i de an over v i ew f i r st and then to gi ve detai l s. The strategy behi nd thi s
appr oach i s to cr eate an ex pectati on and then f ul f i l l i t.
The r ever se strategy i s f r equentl y used i n sci enti f i c paper s: her e ar e som e
detai l s; her e i s w hat they m ean. In the hands of a m aster stor y tel l er, thi s
strategy w or k s ver y w el l . How ever, i n l ess ex per t hands, the detai l s tend to
take over. The tr ees over shadow the f or est. The way to avoi d thi s pr obl em i s to
use a si m pl e, strai ghtf or war d appr oach: over v i ew f i r st, then detai l s.
The cl assi c way to gi ve an over v i ew f i r st i n a paragraph i s to w r i te a topi c
sentence. A topi c sentence i s a sentence that states the topi c or the m essage of
the paragraph. The topi c i s w hat the paragraph i s about. The m essage i s the
poi nt the paragraph i s m ak i ng. To i denti f y the topi c, use a key ter m . To state a
m essage, use a ver b, al ong w i th a subject and (usual l y ) a com pl eter.
It i s cl ear est to have onl y one m essage per paragraph. Incl udi ng m or e than one
m essage i n a paragraph m akes the paragraph com pl ex and m or e di f f i cul t to
under stand.
P. 52
Detai l s that suppor t the topi c sentence ar e w r i tten i n the r em ai ni ng sentences
of the paragraph—the suppor ti ng sentences. The suppor ti ng sentences shoul d be
or gani zed i n a l ogi cal way that ex pl ai ns the m essage of the paragraph.
Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 3 bel ow al l begi n w i th a topi c sentence. Each topi c sentence
nam es a topi c and states a m essage that m akes one (and onl y one) cl ear poi nt.
In addi ti on, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed l ogi cal l y to ex pl ai n the
m essage stated i n the topi c sentence, thus f ul f i l l i ng the ex pectati on that the
topi c sentence cr eates.
Example 3.1
ATher e ar e thr ee di f f er ent theor i es put f or war d f or the ver y sl ow r el ax ati on of
catch m uscl es of m ol l uscs. BOne theor y hol ds that catch i s due to som e unusual
pr oper ty of myosi n i n these m uscl es that pr oduces a sl ow rate of detachm ent
(12). CIn thi s theor y, paramyosi n w oul d have no speci al r ol e beyond that of
pr ov i di ng the l ong scaf f ol di ng on w hi ch the myosi n i s posi ti oned as w el l as the
m echani cal str ength f or the l ar ge tensi ons devel oped. DThe second theor y hol ds
that tensi on i s devel oped by acti nmyosi n i nteracti on but i s m ai ntai ned by
paramyosi n i nteracti ons (13, 14). EBecause the thi ck f i l am ents ar e of l i m i ted
l ength, i nteracti on w oul d have to occur thr ough f usi on of thi ck f i l am ents (15).
FA thi r d theor y, to w hi ch I subscr i be, pi ctur es a str uctural change i n the
paramyosi n cor e af f ecti ng the rate of br eak i ng of myosi nacti n l i nk s at the
f i l am ent sur f ace (5, 16).
Ex am pl e 3. 1, w hi ch i s f r om an Intr oducti on to a jour nal ar ti cl e, has a topi c
sentence and l ogi cal l y or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences. The topi c of the
paragraph i s the thr ee theor i es. The m essage stated i n the topi c sentence i s
that thr ee theor i es ex i st.
To suppor t thi s topi c sentence, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed i n a
si m pl e patter n—a l i st. In thi s l i st, one or tw o suppor ti ng sentences br i ef l y
descr i be each theor y. Thi s l i st of br i ef descr i pti ons f ul f i l l s the ex pectati on
cr eated by the topi c “thr ee di f f er ent theor i es” i n the topi c sentence.
The or der f or thi s l i st i s not random , but pr oceeds f r om l east to m ost
i m por tant. That i s, the patter n of or gani zati on i s l i sti ng detai l s f r om l east to
m ost i m por tant. Thus, the author f i r st descr i bes the tw o theor i es she r ejects
and then descr i bes the theor y she accepts, w hi ch, f or the pur poses of her
paper, i s m ost i m por tant. The r easons f or her r ejecti on ar e i m pl i ed i n the ex tra
sentence about each of the f i r st tw o theor i es (sentences C and E). The r est of
the paper goes on to ex pl ai n the thi r d theor y at gr eater l ength.
The r ever se or gani zati on—f r om m ost to l east i m por tant—i s another com m on
patter n of or gani zati on f or suppor ti ng sentences.
Example 3.2
ATo assess the di str i buti on, si ze, and shape of gangl i on cel l bodi es i n the
tracheal neural pl ex us, w e ex am i ned i ndi v i dual cel l bodi es i n thei r enti r ety at
100–400 × w i th a com pound l i ght m i cr oscope. B 1 For the assessm ent of
di str i buti on, f i r st each gangl i on cel l body that was stai ned by the
acety l chol i nesterase r eacti on pr oduct or that was bor der ed by
acety l chol i nesteraseposi ti ve gangl i on cel l bodi es was cl assi f i ed accor di ng to i ts
l ocati on i n the tracheal neural pl ex us; B 2 then the num ber of cel l bodi es i n each
gangl i on was counted. CFor the assessm ent of the si ze and shape of each
gangl i on cel l body, the m ajor (a) and m i nor (b) ax i s of the cel l body w er e
m easur ed w i th a cal i brated r eti cl e i n the eyepi ece of the m i cr oscope, and,
based on these di m ensi ons, the m ean cal i per
P. 53
di am eter, the vol um e (πab 2 /6), and the aspect rati o (a/b) w er e cal cul ated.
DMean cal i per di am eter was cal cul ated by the f or m ul a f or a pr ol ate el l i psoi d of
r otati on as descr i bed by El i as and Hyde (1983).
In Ex am pl e 3. 2, w hi ch i s f r om the Methods secti on of a jour nal ar ti cl e, the topi c
of the paragraph i s assessm ent of the di str i buti on, si ze, and shape of gangl i on
cel l bodi es i n the tracheal neural pl ex us. The m essage of the paragraph, stated
i n the topi c sentence, i s that these thr ee var i abl es w er e assessed by ex am i ni ng
the cel l bodi es i n thei r enti r ety at 100–400× w i th a com pound l i ght m i cr oscope.
In thi s topi c sentence, the topi c i s i denti f i ed by a transi ti on phrase bef or e the
subject (“To assess…”). The m essage i s stated i n the transi ti on phrase and the
subject, ver b, and com pl eter (“w e ex am i ned…”).
To suppor t thi s topi c sentence, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e agai n or gani zed i n
a l i st. The or der of thi s l i st i s the sam e as the or der of the var i abl es nam ed i n
the topi c sentence. That i s, the patter n of or gani zati on i s l i sti ng detai l s i n the
announced or der .
Example 3.3
APul m onar y ner ve endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to pheny l di guani de
(tabl e 1, f i g. 3B). BOf 25 pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs tested, onl y 10 w er e
sti m ul ated w hen thi s dr ug was i njected i nto the r i ght atr i um , and i n onl y one of
these di d f i r i ng exceed 2. 2 i m pul ses/s. CIf the l atter endi ng i s excl uded, the
average peak f r equency of the endi ngs sti m ul ated was onl y 1. 7 i m pul ses/s.
DThe excepti on, w hi ch f i r ed w i th an average f r equency of 17. 4 i m pul ses/s at
the peak of the r esponse, was encounter ed i n the onl y dog i n w hi ch r i ght atr i al
i njecti on of pheny l di guani de evoked r ef l ex bradycar di a w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on ti m e (l atency 2. 2 s). EMor eover, i n thi s dog ar ter i al pr essur e f el l ,
w her eas i n al l other dogs i t r ose, but onl y af ter suf f i ci ent ti m e had el apsed f or
the dr ug to r each the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In Ex am pl e 3. 3, w hi ch i s f r om the Resul ts secti on of a jour nal ar ti cl e, the topi c
of the paragraph i s pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs (the subject of the topi c
sentence). The m essage stated i n the topi c sentence i s that pul m onar y ner ve
endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to a dr ug (stated i n the ver b and
com pl eter ).
P. 54
Why, then, does the paragraph conti nue? The r eason i s that som e data do not
suppor t the m essage “r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve,” and these data cannot be i gnor ed.
Thus, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed accor di ng to the ty pe of ev i dence:
f i r st, ev i dence that suppor ts i nsensi ti v i ty ; second, contradi ctor y ev i dence,
w hi ch does not suppor t i nsensi ti v i ty.
The contradi ctor y ev i dence i s not m er el y stated, l eav i ng the r eader to deci de
w hether the suppor ti ng or the contradi ctor y ev i dence i s str onger and thus
w hether the pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs ar e i ndeed r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve. Instead,
the author ar gues agai nst the contradi ctor y ev i dence by poi nti ng out that the
dog was aty pi cal . Thi s ar gum ent agai nst the contradi ctor y ev i dence m akes i t
cl ear that the suppor ti ng ev i dence outw ei ghs the contradi ctor y ev i dence and
thus that the pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs ar e i ndeed r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve.
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s paragraph i s k now n as pr ocon. A pr ocon
paragraph pr esents ev i dence that suppor ts, or i s f or, the m essage stated i n the
topi c sentence (pr o) and ev i dence that contradi cts, or i s agai nst, the m essage
(con). In a pr ocon paragraph, the suppor ti ng ev i dence coul d com e ei ther f i r st
or l ast. Ther e i s no si ngl e “cor r ect” or gani zati on f or thi s ty pe of paragraph. The
or gani zati on depends on the poi nt you ar e m ak i ng and the qual i ty of the
ev i dence you have. (For another ex am pl e, see Chap. 7, Di scussi on, Ex am pl e
7. 5. )
Rel ated patter ns of or gani zati on ar e paragraphs that ar e al l pr o or al l con.
Whi ch patter n of or gani zati on you use—pr ocon, al l pr o, or al l con—depends on
the poi nt you ar e m ak i ng and the qual i ty of the ev i dence you have.
Ex am pl e 3. 4 i s a “pr o” paragraph. How ever, i ts str uctur e and stor y ar e not
qui te as si m pl e as those i n Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 3.
Example 3.4
ALi ke Kar oum et al . (21), w e esti m ated the hal fl i f e of gangl i oni c dopam i ne to
be consi derabl y l ess than 1 h, w hi ch i ndi cates a ver y rapi d rate of tur nover.
BAl though m easur es of total dopam i ne tur nover cannot di sti ngui sh betw een the
rates of tur nover associ ated w i th SIF cel l s and pr i nci pal neur ons, f r om our
r esul ts w e suspect that thi s rapi d rate of tur nover i s accounted f or pr i m ar i l y by
pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n pr i nci pal neur ons. CWe based thi s suspi ci on on our
f i ndi ng that w i thi n 1 h af ter i njecti on of the sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor αMT, and 40
m i n af ter i njecti on of the sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor N SD1015, the gangl i oni c
dopam i ne content had dr opped by about 60%, l eav i ng som e 7 pm ol of dopam i ne
that was r esi stant to f ur ther si gni f i cant depl eti on f or at l east 3 h. DTo i nter pr et
these data, w e used Kosl ow 's f i ndi ng that appr ox i m atel y 40% of the dopam i ne
i n the rat super i or cer v i cal gangl i on i s stor ed i n SIF cel l s (26). EAppl y i ng thi s
f i gur e to our m easur e of gangl i oni c dopam i ne (18 pm ol /gangl i on) w oul d m ean
that about 7 pm ol of dopam i ne i s contai ned i n SIF cel l s. FTher ef or e, w e
specul ate that the 7 pm ol of dopam i ne r em ai ni ng 1 h af ter sy nthesi s was
i nhi bi ted r epr esents SIF cel l dopam i ne that i s sl ow l y tur ni ng over, w her eas the
60% that i s rapi dl y depl eted r epr esents pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n pr i nci pal
neur ons that i s rapi dl y tur ni ng over. GThi s noti on i s consi stent w i th r epor ts
w hi ch have show n that SIF cel l catechol am i nes have a ver y sl ow tur nover i n the
rat super i or cer v i cal gangl i on (32, 41).
Ex am pl e 3. 4 begi ns w i th tw o topi c sentences. The f i r st topi c sentence (sentence
A) states the topi c—a ver y rapi d rate of tur nover of gangl i oni c dopam i ne. The
second topi c sentence (sentence B) states the m essage—that the r eason f or thi s
rapi d rate of tur nover m ay be the rapi d tur nover of pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n
pr i nci pal neur ons. The suppor ti ng sentences f or topi c sentence B, sentences
P. 55
C–E (the “pr o”), ex pl ai n w hy the author s bel i eve thei r r eason i s accurate. These
thr ee “pr o” sentences have thei r ow n str uctur e (see notes on str uctur e to the
l ef t of Ex am pl e 3. 4). Sentence F i s another topi c sentence, w hi ch r estates the
m essage stated i n sentence B, but m or e quanti tati vel y and com pl etel y. The l ast
sentence of the paragraph suppor ts the par t of the m essage i n F that i s not
stated i n B by m ak i ng a com par i son w i th pr ev i ous f i ndi ngs. Thus, thi s “pr o”
paragraph has thr ee topi c sentences (A, B, and F) and tw o sets of suppor ti ng
sentences (C–E, and G).
Other com m on patter ns of or gani zati on ar e f unnel (used i n the i ntr oducti on
secti on), chr onol ogi cal or der (used ex tensi vel y i n m ethods and r esul ts),
pr obl em sol uti on, and sol uti onpr obl em (used i n m ethods paper s).
Some Common Patterns of Organization for
Paragraphs
Length of Topic Sentences
A topi c sentence i s cl ear est and m ost pow er f ul i f i t i s shor t and si m pl e.
Com par e the topi c sentences i n Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 4. The tw o shor t, si m pl e topi c
sentences (sentence A i n Ex am pl es 3. 1 and 3. 3) ar e cl ear er and m or e pow er f ul
than the tw o l onger, m or e com pl ex topi c sentences (sentence A i n Ex am pl es 3. 2
and 3. 4).
Number and Placement of Topic Sentences
As i l l ustrated i n Ex am pl e 3. 4, a paragraph can have m or e than one topi c
sentence. In thi s case, var i ous pl acem ents ar e possi bl e. For ex am pl e, i f a
paragraph has tw o topi c sentences, both coul d appear at the begi nni ng of a
paragraph, the f i r st one stati ng the topi c and the nex t one stati ng the m essage.
Or the topi c sentences coul d be spl i t up—one at the begi nni ng of the paragraph
and the other at the end. The topi c sentence at the begi nni ng coul d state the
topi c and the topi c sentence at the end coul d state the m essage. Or both topi c
sentences coul d state the m essage. Repeati ng the m essage at the end of the
paragraph can be an ef f ecti ve way of r ei nf or ci ng the m essage i n a l ong
paragraph, or, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 4, of r ef i ni ng the m essage based on the
ex pl anati on i n the suppor ti ng sentences. If a paragraph has thr ee or m or e topi c
sentences, f ur ther com bi nati ons ar e possi bl e, i ncl udi ng a topi c sentence i n the
m i ddl e to gi ve an over v i ew of a subtopi c.
P. 56
EXERCISE 3.1: TOPIC SENTENCES AND
SUPPORTING SENTENCES
This pa ra gra ph, w hic h is from a me thods s e c tion, is a bout how c a ps a ic in
w a s inje c te d into guine a pigs . The me s s a ge of this pa ra gra ph, tha t
c a ps a ic in w a s give n in tw o dos e s , is not c le a r. To ma k e this me s s a ge
c le a r,
1. W rite a c le a re r topic s e nte nc e for this pa ra gra ph (s e nte nc e A). The
topic s e nte nc e s hould s ta te the me s s a ge of the pa ra gra ph (tha t c a ps a ic in
w a s give n in tw o dos e s ). In your topic s e nte nc e , ma k e the topic the
s ubje c t of the s e nte nc e .
2. Re orga nize the de ta ils in the s upporting s e nte nc e s (B–C, not D) to fulfill
the e x pe c ta tion c re a te d by your ne w topic s e nte nc e . (Do w e e x pe c t to
he a r a bout a ne s the s ia a fte r the topic s e nte nc e ?)
AG uine a pigs w e re inje c te d w ith a tota l dos e of 50 mg/k g c a ps a ic in give n
s ubc uta ne ous ly (7, 8). BAfte r be ing a ne s the tize d w ith pe ntoba rbita l (30
mg/k g i. p. ), guine a pigs w e re inje c te d w ith s a lbuta mol (0. 6 mg/k g s . c . ) to
c ounte ra c t re s pira tory impa irme nt c a us e d by c a ps a ic in a nd 10 min la te r
w ith c a ps a ic in (20 mg/k g, 12. 5% s olution in e qua l pa rts of 95% e tha nol
a nd Tw e e n80, dilute d to 25 mg/ml w ith s a line ). CTw o hours la te r, the
guine a pigs w e re a ga in a ne s the tize d w ith pe ntoba rbita l (10–20 mg/k g
i. p. ) a nd inje c te d w ith s a lbuta mol, a fte r w hic h c a ps a ic in (30 mg/k g s . c . )
w a s a ga in inje c te d. DControl guine a pigs unde rw e nt the s a me proc e dure
w ith ve hic le s .
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
ACapsai ci n (50 m g/k g) was i njected i nto each gui nea pi g
subcutaneousl y i n tw o sequenti al doses. BThe f i r st dose was 20
m g/k g. CThe second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, was 30 m g/k g. DBef or e
each dose of capsai ci n was gi ven, anesthesi a was i nduced by
i njecti on of pentobar bi tal (f i r st, 30 m g/k g i . p. ; second, 10–20 m g/k g
i . p. ). EIn addi ti on, to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n, sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was i njected i nto the gui nea
pi g N m i n af ter anesthesi a was i nduced and 10 m i n bef or e capsai ci n
was i njected. FContr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur es
w i th vehi cl es.
A tr ansi ti on i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence D to back tr ack
to the ear l i er steps.
Detai l s of the sol uti on ar e m ov ed to the m ater i al s subsecti on.
Re vis ion 2
The m essage, not the topi c, i s the subject; the acti on i s i n the
v er b.
Detai l s of the sol uti on (l east i m por tant) ar e i n a separ ate
sentence near the end of the par agr aph.
Re vis ion 3
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e i n chr onol ogi cal or der , as i n the or i gi nal
par agr aph.
To k eep attenti on on the m ai n poi nt (the tw o doses of
capsai ci n), the w or d “dose” i s added i n a tr ansi ti on at the
begi nni ng of sentences B and D.
Repeti ti on i s av oi ded (D).
Detai l s of the sol uti on ar e m ov ed to the m ater i al s subsecti on.
Shor t sentence C em phasi zes the i m por tant detai l (f i r st dose of
capsai ci n).
P. 57
No Missing Steps
Whether the paragraph has a si m pl e patter n of or gani zati on or a com pl ex one,
al l steps i n the l ogi c m ust be pr esented. If a step i s m i ssi ng, the r eader cannot
f ol l ow the stor y. In Ex am pl e 3. 5, a step i s m i ssi ng betw een sentences B and C,
so the stor y i s di f f i cul t to f ol l ow.
Example 3.5
AAs ex pected, ser um gl ucose decr eased to about 800 m g/dl by the si x th hour of
i nsul i n i nf usi on. BIt was el ected to stabi l i ze ser um gl ucose at thi s l evel to al l ow
f or osm oti c equi l i brati on. CAn esti m ate of net l oss of total body gl ucose was
m ade as f ol l ow s:…
Al though w e can under stand w hat sentence C say s, w e do not k now w hy w e ar e
hear i ng thi s sentence. Why ar e the author s suddenl y tal k i ng about net l oss of
total body gl ucose?
Revision
AAs ex pected, ser um gl ucose decr eased to about 800 m g/dl by the si x th hour of
i nsul i n i nf usi on. BTo al l ow f or osm oti c equi l i brati on, w e stabi l i zed ser um
gl ucose at thi s l evel by addi ng to the f l ui d i nf usi on an am ount of gl ucose
equi val ent to the net l oss of total body gl ucose. CWe esti m ated net l oss of total
body gl ucose as f ol l ow s:…
In thi s r ev i si on, the m i ssi ng step (under l i ned) that r el ates ser um gl ucose to
total body gl ucose has been pr ov i ded, thus m ak i ng the stor y easy to f ol l ow.
An om i tted step i n the stor y i s one of the gr eatest bl ock s f or the r eader to
over com e. Of ten steps ar e om i tted i nadver tentl y because the w r i ter i s ver y
f am i l i ar w i th the topi c and can suppl y the m i ssi ng step. Because w r i ter s, and
ver y k now l edgeabl e r eader s, have the sci enti f i c f ram ew or k i n thei r heads, they
can easi l y suppl y a m i ssi ng step. But r eader s w ho ar e l ess f am i l i ar w i th the
topi c do not have thi s f ram ew or k i n thei r heads and cannot suppl y m i ssi ng
steps i n the l ogi c. Thus, to m ake the stor y cl ear to al l r eader s, the w r i ter m ust
suppl y al l the steps i n the stor y. To i denti f y m i ssi ng steps i n your ow n w r i ti ng,
ei ther r ead the m anuscr i pt af ter a f ew w eek s, w hen you no l onger have the
m anuscr i pt m em or i zed, or have a col l eague f r om outsi de your f i el d r ead your
m anuscr i pt.
P. 58
CONTINUITY
Even i f a paragraph i s w el l or gani zed—that i s, has a topi c sentence and
l ogi cal l y or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences and i s not m i ssi ng any steps i n the
l ogi c, the stor y of the paragraph can be di f f i cul t to f ol l ow i f the paragraph does
not have conti nui ty. Conti nui ty i s the sm ooth f l ow of i deas f r om sentence to
sentence (and f r om paragraph to paragraph).
The essence of conti nui ty i s a cl ear r el ati onshi p betw een ever y sentence and
the sentence bef or e i t. To cr eate conti nui ty, speci al techni ques can be used. Si x
i m por tant techni ques f or cr eati ng conti nui ty ar e
2. U si ng transi ti ons to i ndi cate r el ati onshi ps betw een i deas
The f i r st tw o of these techni ques ar e the m ost f r equentl y used and thus ar e the
m ost i m por tant.
Repeating Key Terms
Key ter m s ar e ter m s that nam e i m por tant i deas i n a paper. Key ter m s can be
techni cal ter m s, such as “Gpr otei n” or “m i togenesi s,” or nontechni cal ter m s
such as “i ncr ease” or “f uncti on.” Repeati ng key ter m s f r om sentence to
sentence (and f r om paragraph to paragraph) i s the str ongest techni que f or
pr ov i di ng conti nui ty. For ex am pl e, i n the Rev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 5, r epeti ti on of
the key ter m s “ser um gl ucose” and “net l oss of total body gl ucose” hol ds the
paragraph together. In Ex am pl e 3. 1, “theor i es,” w hi ch appear s i n ever y
sentence except E, i s the m ai n key ter m that hol ds the paragraph together.
Repeat Key Terms Exactly
For Clarity
The best adv i ce f or cl ear conti nui ty i s to r epeat key ter m s ex actl y. If a key
ter m i s not r epeated ex actl y and i nstead another ter m i s used, a m ental
m ani pul ati on i s needed to see the r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o ter m s. Reader s
f am i l i ar w i th the f i el d can usual l y see the r el ati onshi p; those l ess f am i l i ar m ay
not.
Example 3.6
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s change i n
i notr opi c state i s a r esul t of changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
What i s “i notr opi c state”? How does i t r el ate to the pr ev i ous sentence? The
answ er i s that “contracti l i ty ” and “i notr opi c state” m ean the sam e thi ng. If no
di f f er ence i n m eani ng i s i ntended, w hy use tw o di f f er ent ter m s and r i sk
conf usi ng som e r eader s?
Revision
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty i s a r esul t of changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
P. 59
In thi s r ev i si on, the conti nui ty i s cl ear to al l r eader s because the key ter m
“contracti l i ty ” i s r epeated ex actl y. In addi ti on, the key ter m “i ncr eases” i s
r epeated, rather than bei ng general i zed to “change.” Repeti ti on of tw o key
ter m s m akes the conti nui ty even str onger.
In Ex am pl e 3. 7, the author jum ps f r om the key ter m s “di gesti on” and “l i ver ” at
the end of one paragraph to the key ter m s “i sol ati on” and “hepatocy tes” at the
begi nni ng of the nex t paragraph. The r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o paragraphs
i s not i m m edi atel y obv i ous.
Example 3.7
1. AThe ex tent of di gesti on of the l i ver was deter m i ned em pi r i cal l y, on the
basi s of the sof tness of the l i ver i n r esponse to gentl e scratches appl i ed
w i th ster i l e tw eezer s. BWhen these scratches br oke the sur f ace of the
l i ver , di gesti on was consi der ed com pl ete.
2. CThe key enzy m e i n hepatocy te i sol ati on i s col l agenase, but ther e i s
sur pr i si ngl y l i ttl e def i ni ti ve i nf or m ati on about w hat consti tutes a good
enzy m e pr eparati on f or ef f i cacy of cel l y i el d and v i abi l i ty.
Repeati ng the key ter m s “di gesti on” and “l i ver ” i n sentence C m akes the
r el ati onshi p betw een the paragraphs cl ear.
Revision
1. AThe ex tent of di gesti on of the l i ver was deter m i ned em pi r i cal l y, on the
basi s of the sof tness of the l i ver i n r esponse to gentl e scratches appl i ed
w i th ster i l e tw eezer s. BWhen these scratches br oke the sur f ace of the
l i ver, di gesti on was consi der ed com pl ete.
2. CThe key enzy m e used to di gest l i ver i s col l agenase, but ther e i s
sur pr i si ngl y l i ttl e def i ni ti ve i nf or m ati on about w hat consti tutes a good
enzy m e pr eparati on f or ef f i cacy of cel l y i el d and v i abi l i ty.
If the author wants to i ncl ude “i sol ati on” i n paragraph 2, that i s al so possi bl e.
Si m pl y w r i te “The key enzy m e used to di gest l i ver f or i sol ati on of hepatocy tes
i s col l agenase… .” In that case, the key ter m “cel l ” l ater i n sentence C shoul d be
changed to the key ter m “hepatocy te,” si nce hepatocy tes ar e the cel l s of
i nter est.
As these tw o ex am pl es i l l ustrate, conti nui ty i s cl ear est i f key ter m s ar e
r epeated ex actl y.
For Accuracy
Som eti m es changi ng key ter m s can m ake the m eani ng sci enti f i cal l y i naccurate,
as i n Ex am pl e 3. 8.
Example 3.8
ATo deter m i ne w hi ch col l agenase concentrati on i s the m ost appr opr i ate f or our
pur poses, w e tested col l agenase B (Boehr i nger Mannhei m , Indi anapol i s, IN )
di ssol ved at di f f er ent concentrati ons i n the per f usi on m edi um . CFi r st w e
per f used m ouse l i ver w i th a m edi um contai ni ng the sam e quanti ty of
col l agenase B as the m edi um used to per f use rat l i ver (70 m g enzy m e per l i ter
of per f usi on m edi um ).
P. 60
Revision
ATo deter m i ne w hi ch col l agenase concentrati on i s the m ost appr opr i ate f or our
pur poses, w e tested col l agenase B (Boehr i nger Mannhei m , Indi anapol i s, IN )
di ssol ved at di f f er ent concentrati ons i n the per f usi on m edi um . CFi r st w e
per f used m ouse l i ver w i th a m edi um contai ni ng the sam e concentrati on of
col l agenase B as the m edi um used to per f use rat l i ver (70 m g enzy m e per l i ter
of per f usi on m edi um ).
Example 3.9
Si nce RACK1 and βIIPKC ar e transl ocated together and bi nd each other, w e nex t
wanted to deter m i ne the ti m i ng of associ ati on… . Thi s m er gi ng of i m ages at a
si te di f f er ent f r om the Gol gi apparatus i ndi cates that RACK1 and βIIPKC bi nd
each other bef or e they ar e transl ocated together to the Gol gi apparatus.
“Associ ati on” i s a m or e general ter m than “bi ndi ng.” If you ar e tal k i ng about
bi ndi ng, i t i s cl ear est to use that ter m .
Revision
Si nce RACK1 and βIIPKC ar e transl ocated together and bi nd each other, w e nex t
wanted to deter m i ne the ti m i ng of bi ndi ng… . Thi s m er gi ng of i m ages at a si te
di f f er ent f r om the Gol gi apparatus i ndi cates that RACK1 and βIIPKC bi nd each
other bef or e they ar e transl ocated together to the Gol gi apparatus.
To Avoid “Noise.”
Som eti m es changi ng key ter m s m ay not be uncl ear or i naccurate, but just
cr eates “noi se,” as i n Ex am pl e 3. 10.
Example 3.10
In hum ans, apoB100, m ai nl y sy nthesi zed i n the l i ver, and apoB48, m ai nl y
sy nthesi zed i n the i ntesti ne, ar e the pr oducts of a si ngl e apoB gene (r ef ). The
pr oducti on of apoB48 i n the hum an i ntesti ne i s the r esul t of an RN Aedi ti ng
pr ocess that changes a gl utam i ne codon (CAA) of the m RN A f or apoB100 i nto a
transl ati onal stop codon (U AA). Thi s apoB m RN Aedi ti ng pr ocess does not
occur i n hum an l i ver s, so apoB48 i s not sy nthesi zed i n hum an l i ver s. How ever,
the m RN Aedi ti ng pr ocess, and thus apoB48 f or m ati on, occur s i n m ouse and
rat l i ver s.
If “pr oducti on” and “f or m ati on” m ean “sy nthesi s,” w hy not use “sy nthesi s” each
ti m e?
The r eason usual l y gi ven f or not r epeati ng a w or d i s that al m ost ever yone
r em em ber s bei ng taught not to r epeat the sam e w or d tw i ce i n a sentence, a
paragraph, or som e other l i m i t. The goal of not r epeati ng the sam e w or d i s to
have an el egant rather than a bor i ng sty l e. Indeed, w hen w el l handl ed, not
r epeati ng the sam e w or ds can cr eate an el egant sty l e. We saw an ex am pl e of
el egant sty l e f r om not r epeati ng the sam e w or d (but not f r om usi ng di f f er ent
w or ds) i n the second r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 1 i n Exer ci se 2. 4, w hi ch avoi ds
r epeti ti on of “congesti ng cuf f s.” How ever, i n Ex am pl e 3. 10 the sty l e i s not
par ti cul ar l y el egant. The m or e l i kel y ef f ect of not r epeati ng key ter m s ex actl y
i n Ex am pl e 3. 10 i s that cl ar i ty i s i n jeopar dy. The best that can be sai d i s that
not r epeati ng key ter m s ex actl y cr eates “noi se.”
P. 61
When you ar e tem pted not to r epeat key ter m s, consi der thr ee poi nts. One i s
that, unl i ke author s, w ho ar e usual l y keenl y awar e of each w or d they ar e
w r i ti ng, m ost r eader s ar e sem i consci ous w hen they ar e r eadi ng the sci enti f i c
l i teratur e. Thus, they do not begi n to noti ce a w or d unti l the thi r d ti m e they
r ead i t. So you do not have to star t w or r y i ng about r epeti ti on bei ng bor i ng unti l
the f i f th or si x th ti m e you use a w or d.
Second, keep i n m i nd w hat your goal s as a w r i ter ar e: to get your m essage
acr oss and m ake your stor y cl ear. If your paper i s about sy nthesi s, you want to
keep that w or d i n the r eader 's m i nd. Thus, rather than avoi di ng r epeati ng
“sy nthesi s,” you shoul d acti vel y pr ef er to r epeat “sy nthesi s” w henever r el evant,
so that even i n a sem i consci ous state, the r eader k now s that your paper i s
about sy nthesi s.
Fi nal l y, w hether the r eader i s sem i consci ous or consci ous, the r eadi ng job i s
easi est i f you use one and onl y one ter m to m ean one thi ng, and r epeat i t
ex actl y thr oughout a paper. Thi s ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s i s especi al l y
i m por tant i n sci ence, si nce so m uch can be goi ng on sci enti f i cal l y i n each
paragraph and so m any key ter m s can be i n pl ay. Thus, the best adv i ce f or
cl ear conti nui ty i s to r epeat key ter m s ex actl y.
Corollary: Do Not Use One Key Term for Two Meanings
Di am etr i cal l y opposi te to the use of di f f er ent ter m s f or one m eani ng (or,
changi ng key ter m s) i s the use of one ter m f or di f f er ent m eani ngs.
Example 3.11
… r educti on of r educed gl utathi one…
What does thi s phrase m ean? “Reduced gl utathi one” m ust m ean gl utathi one that
has been deox i di zed. Pr esum abl y “r educti on” does not al so m ean “deox i di zed”
but “decr eased.” It i s cl ear est to w r i te “decr ease i n r educed gl utathi one” i f that
i s w hat you m ean.
Repeat Key Terms Early in the Sentence
Repeated Key Term as the Subject
Conti nui ty i s cl ear est i f the key ter m i s r epeated ear l y i n the sentence. If the
key ter m i s del ayed unti l the end of the sentence, the conti nui ty i s br oken and
the r eader i s kept i n suspense tem porar i l y, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 12, w hi ch i s a
per m utati on of the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 6.
Example 3.12
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Changes i n the
cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l m em brane cause thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty .
Revision
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty r esul ts f r om changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
In the r ev i si on, the subject (“changes…”) and the com pl eter (“thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty ”) ar e sw i tched, thus m ov i ng the r epeated key ter m to the
begi nni ng of the second sentence as the subject of the sentence.
The m or e del ayed the r epeti ti on of the key ter m , the l ess obv i ous the
conti nui ty. The r eason i s that m or e and m or e new key ter m s ar e added bef or e
the r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o sentences i s cl ear. Her e i s an ex am pl e.
P. 62
Example 3.13
ACel l ul ar oncogenes ar e cr eated w hen nor m al cel l ul ar genes that have l atent
transf or m i ng potenti al , that i s, pr otooncogenes, ar e acti vated and key
r egul ator y pathway s that contr ol cel l pr ol i f erati on ar e subver ted. BSeveral
subf am i l i es of Gpr otei ncoupl ed r eceptor s, f or ex am pl e, the ser otoni n (1c) and
m uscar i ni c chol i ner gi c (m 1, m 3, m 5) r eceptor s, have been show n to r esul t i n
condi ti onal , agoni stdependent acti vati on of pr otooncogenes (r ef s).
In Ex am pl e 3. 13 the conti nui ty betw een the tw o sentences i s not cl ear because
several new key ter m s ar e i ntr oduced bef or e the key ter m s f r om sentence A
(“acti vated,” “pr otooncogenes”) ar e r epeated—at the end of the sentence.
Revision
ACel l ul ar oncogenes ar e cr eated w hen nor m al cel l ul ar genes that have l atent
transf or m i ng potenti al , that i s, pr otooncogenes ar e acti vated and key
r egul ator y pathway s that contr ol cel l pr ol i f erati on ar e subver ted. BPr oto
oncogenes can be acti vated condi ti onal l y by var i ous agents, i ncl udi ng several
subf am i l i es of Gpr otei ncoupl ed r eceptor s, f or ex am pl e, the ser otoni n (1c)
r eceptor s and m uscar i ni c chol i ner gi c (m l , m 3, m 5) r eceptor s (r ef s).
In the r ev i si on, “pr otooncogenes” (the l ast w or d i n the or i gi nal com pl eter of
sentence B) becom es the subject of the sentence and “several subf am i l i es…”
(the or i gi nal subject) becom es the com pl eter. In addi ti on, putti ng the acti on i n
the ver b (“can be acti vated”) m akes the sentence m or e di r ect and m or e si m i l ar
to sentence A.
Repeated Key Term as an Aspect of the Subject
So f ar, to r epeat the key ter m ear l y, w e have r epeated the key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence as the gram m ati cal subject of the sentence. Another
possi bi l i ty i s to m ake the subject of the sentence an aspect of the key ter m , as
i n Ex am pl e 3. 14. The key ter m i s r epeated i m m edi atel y af ter the subject.
Example 3.14
Si gnal s that conf er l ocal i zati on to the endopl asm i c r eti cul um (ER) have been
character i zed i n the cy topl asm i c dom ai n of m any m am m al i an ty pe I
transm em brane pr otei ns that r esi de i n the ER and i n the ERGol gi i nter m edi ate
com par tm ent. One com m on f eatur e of these si gnal s i s the pr esence of tw o
l y si ne r esi dues at posi ti ons 3 and 4 f r om the Cter m i nal end of the
cy topl asm i c dom ai n (r ef s).
In Ex am pl e 3. 14, the r epeated key ter m , “si gnal ,” i s not the subject of the
second sentence. Instead, an aspect of “si gnal ”—“one com m on f eatur e”—i s the
subject, and the key ter m (“si gnal ”) i s r epeated af ter the subject. The stor y i n
thi s paragraph thus m oves f r om si gnal s to a com m on f eatur e of the si gnal s.
Because the key ter m f r om sentence A i s r epeated ear l y i n sentence B, the
r eader can f ol l ow the stor y easi l y.
Whether the key ter m i s r epeated ear l y as the subject of the sentence or
i m m edi atel y af ter the subject, the cr uci al poi nt i s that the r el ati onshi p betw een
the new sentence and the pr ev i ous sentence i s cl ear at the begi nni ng of the
new sentence.
P. 63
The Principle behind Repeating Early
The techni que of r epeati ng key ter m s ear l y i s based on the pr i nci pl e that the
stor y i s cl ear est i f you tal k about the ol d thi ng i n the subject and put the new
thi ng i n the ver b and the com pl eter. In addi ti on, the cl oser the r epeated key
ter m s ar e to each other, the str onger the conti nui ty.
Bidirectional Continuity
Repeati ng the key ter m ear l y not onl y cr eates conti nui ty w i th the pr ev i ous
sentence but can al so cr eate conti nui ty w i th the nex t sentence.
In Ex am pl e 3. 15, each sentence star ts w i th a new key ter m . The ol d key ter m s
ar e r epeated l ate—at the ends of sentences B and C. In addi ti on, the r epeti ti on
i s i nex act. As a r esul t, the stor y i n thi s paragraph i s di f f i cul t to f ol l ow.
Example 3.15
AThe abi l i ty to per f or m hi ghr esol uti on genoty pi ng f or the pur poses of geneti c
m appi ng depends on the avai l abi l i ty of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s at ver y hi gh
densi ty. BSi ngl ebase var i ati ons, r epor ted on average at ever y 1 k b of the
hum an genom e, pr ov i de an attracti ve r eser voi r of pol y m or phi sm s. CMi sm atch
r epai r detecti on i s an i n v i vo m ethod f or the detecti on of DN A sequence
var i ati ons.
Revision
AThe abi l i ty to per f or m hi ghr esol uti on genoty pi ng f or the pur poses of geneti c
m appi ng depends on the avai l abi l i ty of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s at ver y hi gh
densi ty. BAn attracti ve r eser voi r of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s i s si ngl ebase
var i ati ons, r epor ted on average at ever y 1 k b of the hum an genom e. CAn i n
v i vo m ethod f or detecti ng si ngl ebase var i ati ons i s m i sm atch r epai r detecti on.
In the r ev i si on, r epeati ng “pol y m or phi c m ar ker s” ear l y i n sentence B m akes the
conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i m m edi atel y cl ear. Thi s ear l y r epeti ti on
al so puts the key ter m “si ngl ebase var i ati ons” l ater i n the sentence and thus
m akes the conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C cl ear er —but onl y af ter
“var i ati ons” i s m oved cl oser to the begi nni ng of sentence C.
The r ev i si on al so r epeats key ter m s ex actl y : “pol y m or phi c m ar ker s,” not
“pol y m or phi sm s,” and “si ngl ebase var i ati ons,” not “DN A sequence var i ati ons.”
Al though each sentence sti l l star ts w i th a new key ter m , the new key ter m i s an
aspect of a r epeated key ter m , so the stor y i n thi s paragraph i s now easy to
f ol l ow.
P. 64
EXERCISE 3.2: REPEATING KEY TERMS EXACTLY
AND EARLY
Ex a mple 1
Re vis e the title a nd Introduc tion be low , re pe a ting k e y te rms e x a c tly a nd
e a rly, a s ne e de d.
Introduc tion
AThe dyna mic binding c a pa c ity of a prote in on c hroma togra phic re s ins
de pe nds on line a r ve loc ity, be d le ngth, binding k ine tic s , a nd the phys ic a l
a nd c he mic a l prope rtie s of the re s in. BBre a k through c urve s a t diffe re nt
be d le ngths a nd ve loc itie s provide a n e x c e lle nt me thod of me a s uring this
dyna mic binding c a pa c ity. CFor la rge mole c ule s s uc h a s prote ins , the
s ha pe of the bre a k through c urve ma y va ry c ons ide ra bly a s line a r ve loc ity
a nd c olumn le ngth a re c ha nge d.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
A LU MPED TRAN SPORT MODEL TO DETERMIN E DYN AMIC BIN DIN G
CAPACITY AS A FU N CTION OF LIN EAR VELOCITY AN D BED LEN GTH
AThe dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns
depends on l i near vel oci ty, bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the
phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. BAn e x c e lle nt me thod
of me a s uring this dyna mic binding c a pa c ity is by a s s e s s ing the
s ha pe of br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed
l engths. CFor l ar ge m ol ecul es such as pr otei ns, the shape of the
br eak thr ough cur ve m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed
l ength ar e changed.
Re vis ion 2
AThe dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns
depends on l i near vel oci ty, bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the
phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. BThi s dy nam i c bi ndi ng
capaci ty c a n be me a s ure d by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of br eak thr ough
cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. CThe shape of
the bre a k through c urve f or l ar ge m ol ecul es such as pr otei ns m ay
var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed l ength ar e changed.
COMMEN TS
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hether “col um n
l ength” i n sentence C i s the sam e as “bed l ength” i n sentence A and
“bed hei ght” i n the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y , ar e “v el oci ti es” i n sentence B the
sam e as “l i near v el oci ty ” i n sentences A and C and “f l ow r ate” i n the
ti tl e? Is “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i n sentences A and B the sam e as
“r esi n capaci ty ” i n the ti tl e? At best, these di f f er ences ar e noi se. At
w or st, they ar e conf usi ng. To m ak e cl ear to the r eader that the sam e
thi ng i s m eant, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B
i s uncl ear unti l the end of sentence B. The r eason i s that a new k ey
ter m , “br eak thr ough, ” i s i ntr oduced bef or e w e k now how i t r el ates to
the pr ev i ous sentence. In the r ev i si ons, “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s
r epeated ear l y i n sentence B, bef or e “br eak thr ough” i s m enti oned, so
the conti nui ty i s cl ear er , and the stor y l i ne i s easi er to f ol l ow .
In Rev i si on 2, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s str onger
than i n Rev i si on 1 because “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated at
the begi nni ng of sentence B, as the subject of the sentence. In
Rev i si on 1, an aspect of “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” (“m ethod of
m easur i ng”) i s at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
For str onger conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C, the k ey ter m
“shape” i s added to sentence B i n both r ev i si ons. In addi ti on, i n the
second r ev i si on, the k ey ter m s “shape of the br eak thr ough cur v e” ar e
r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence C.
P. 65
Ex a mple 2
In the a bs tra c t be low , the s tory line bre a k s be fore five s e nte nc e s : B, C, E,
H, a nd I. Re vis e this a bs tra c t to ma k e the s tory c le a r by re pe a ting k e y
te rms e x a c tly a nd e a rly. Cons ide r the follow ing que s tions :
1. In A a nd B, w hy a re tw o diffe re nt k e y te rms , “ e x pre s s ion” a nd
“ tra ns c ription” us e d? Choos e one k e y te rm a nd re pe a t it.
2. How do the phos pha te le ve ls in C a nd D re la te to s e nte nc e s A a nd B?
4. How is the k e y te rm “ firs t hypothe s is ” (in H) re la te d to the k e y te rms
in F a nd G ?
5. How a re the k e y te rms “ inte ra c tion” a nd “ loc a liza tion” (in I) re la te d
to k e y te rms in F (the hypothe s is the s e re s ults a re for)?
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE 2
Re vis ion 1
2. The poi nt that acti v ati on of tr anscr i pti on depends on
ex tr acel l ul ar phosphate l ev el s (sentence B) i s pl aced af ter the
poi nt about how tr anscr i pti on of PHO5 i s acti v ated (A). Thus, the
suppor ti ng sentences C and D com e r i ght af ter the topi c
sentence they suppor t (B), and the k ey ter m “phosphate l ev el s”
i n C r epeats “phosphate l ev el s” i n B.
5. In sentence I, “i nter acti on” i s changed to “bi ndi ng. ”
“Local i zati on” i s changed to “r etai ned. ” (Actual l y , the enti r e
subject, v er b, and com pl eter ar e changed. )
Rev i si on 2 i s the sam e as Rev i si on 1 ex cept that sentence F bel ow
r epl aces sentences F and G (both hy potheses i n one sentence), and
the begi nni ng of sentences H and J ar e m ade m or e speci f i c, as show n
bel ow .
FThe ex pl anati on m ay be that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by
bi nd i ng to a nucl ear com ponent, ei ther PHO2 or DN A. H To test
bi ndi ng to PHO2, … . J To test bi ndi ng to DN A, … .
Re vis ion 3
A, BIn the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae, tra ns c ription of the aci d
phosphatase PHO5 i s r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s
thr ough the transcr i pti on f actor PHO4. CWhen yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n
i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 enter s the
cy topl asm and PHO5 i s not transcr i bed. DWhen yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n
i n m edi um w i thout phosphate, PHO4 i s re ta ine d i n the nucl eus. D '
Ther e, i n conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor, PHO2, i t
acti vates transcr i pti on of PHO5. ETher e ar e tw o hy potheses f or how
PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. FOne
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi nds to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2. H To test
thi s hy pothesi s, w e studi ed nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 i n a strai n that
l ack s PHO2. I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to
PHO2 i s not r equi r ed f or the nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 under l ow
phosphate condi ti ons. J The second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi ndi ng to
DN A thr ough i ts DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4
i n the nucl eus. K To test thi s hypothesi s, w e pl an to study the nucl ear
r etenti on of a PHO4 m utant f r om w hi ch the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n has
been del eted.
Re vis ion 4
l ack i ng PHO2 suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r esponsi bl e
f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J A
second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng
to DN A v i a i ts DN Abi ndi ng dom ai n. K To test thi s hy pothesi s, PHO4
l ack i ng the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s bei ng generated. L Thi s m utant w i l l
be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts subcel l ul ar l ocati on w i l l be
deter m i ned.
P. 66
Link Key Terms When You Shift from a Specific
Term to a Category Term, or Vice Versa
Som eti m es the w r i ter wants to shi f t f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y ter m or
v i ce ver sa. (A categor y ter m i s a ter m that nam es the categor y a speci f i c ter m
bel ongs to; f or ex am pl e, “r odent” i s a categor y ter m f or rats, m i ce, and gui nea
pi gs. )
The techni que f or shi f ti ng f r om a speci f i c key ter m to a categor y ter m , or v i ce
ver sa, w i thout l osi ng conti nui ty i s l i nk i ng key ter m s. To l i nk key ter m s, you use
the categor y ter m to def i ne the speci f i c ter m . The categor y ter m i n the
def i ni ti on becom es a r epeated key ter m , w hi ch i s the l i nk .
Pl ace the def i ni ti on ei ther r i ght af ter or r i ght bef or e the ter m to be
def i ned.
Set of f the i tem i n the “af ter ” posi ti on by com m as.
Check that the def i ni ti on r epeats a key ter m f r om the pr ev i ous sentence
or pr epar es f or a key ter m i n the nex t sentence.
To Link a Specific Term to a Category Term, Use a
Suppressed “Which Is” Clause
Example 3.16
AThe ver bB gene i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. BBoth oncogenes have…
Revision A
AThe ver bB gene, an oncogene of the av i an er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, i s r el ated
to the neu oncogene. BBoth oncogenes have…
In Rev i si on A, i t i s cl ear that the other oncogene i s the ver bB gene because
the ver bB gene i s def i ned as an oncogene. The def i ni ti on, w hi ch i ncl udes the
categor y ter m “oncogene,” i s pl aced r i ght af ter the speci f i c ter m (“ver bB
gene”) and i s set of f by com m as. The ter m “oncogene” i n the def i ni ti on i n
sentence A becom es a r epeated key ter m i n sentence B.
The def i ni ti on i s a suppr essed “w hi ch i s…” cl ause. These cl auses ar e k now n as
apposi ti ves. “Whi ch i s” coul d be i ncl uded: “The ver bB gene, w hi ch i s an
oncogene of the av i an er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, i s r el ated to the neu oncogene.”
But the def i ni ti on i s cl ear w i thout “w hi ch i s,” so “w hi ch i s” i s om i tted.
The def i ni ti on shoul d not be w r i tten as a separate sentence: “The ver bB gene
i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. The ver bB gene i s an oncogene of the av i an
er y thr obl astosi s v i r us. Both oncogenes have… .” Putti ng the def i ni ti on i n a
separate sentence br eak s the conti nui ty. To m ai ntai n conti nui ty, i t i s i m por tant
to i ncl ude the def i ni ti on as a par t of an ex i sti ng sentence, not as a separate
sentence.
Som eti m es a si m pl er sol uti on i s possi bl e: the speci f i c ter m can be used as an
adjecti ve m odi f y i ng the categor y ter m , as i n Rev i si on B.
P. 67
Revision B
The ver bB oncogene i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have… .
How ever, usi ng the speci f i c ter m to m odi f y the categor y ter m i s not al way s
possi bl e. For ex am pl e, w e do not say “the m ouse r odent” or “the endonucl ease
enzy m e.”
To Link a Category Term to a Specific Term, Use a
Suppressed “Namely” Phrase
Example 3.17
The f am i l y of TGFsi gnal i ng m ol ecul es pl ay i nducti ve r ol es i n var i ous
devel opm ental contex ts. 1 One m em ber of thi s f am i l y , Dr osophi l a
Decapentapl egi c (Dpp), 2 ser ves as a m or phogen that patter ns both the
em br yo 2 , 3 and adul t. 4 , 5
The def i ned ter m (Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c) i s a suppr essed “nam el y ”
phrase. “N am el y ” coul d be i ncl uded: “One m em ber of thi s f am i l y, nam el y
Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c… .” But the def i ni ti on i s cl ear w i thout “nam el y,” so
“nam el y ” i s om i tted.
In thi s ex am pl e, the def i ni ti on coul d al so com e af ter the ter m to be def i ned:
“The f am i l y of TGFsi gnal i ng m ol ecul es pl ay i nducti ve r ol es i n var i ous
devel opm ental contex ts. 1 Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c (Dpp) 2 one m em ber of
thi s f am i l y , ser ves as a m or phogen… .” How ever, conti nui ty i s str onger i f the ol d
key ter m i s r epeated ear l y, bef or e the new key ter m i s i ntr oduced.
In Ex am pl e 3. 18, the author di d not l i nk the key ter m s i n sentences A and B, so
the conti nui ty i s br oken.
Example 3.18
ATo ex am i ne w hether tr i gl ycer i del ow er i ng tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate f or 6
w eek s af f ects f asti ng and postprandi al hem ostasi s posi ti vel y and r ever ses the
potenti al negati ve ef f ects of a f atty m eal on postprandi al hem ostasi s, w e
r epeated the oral tol erance test af ter tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate or pl acebo f or 6
w eek s. BIn each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of f XII, f XIIa, PAP,
PAI1, pl asm i nogen, pr otei n C, pr othr om bi n acti vati on f ragm ent 1 + 2 , and D
di m er.
Revision
ATo ex am i ne w hether tr i gl ycer i del ow er i ng tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate f or 6
w eek s af f ects f asti ng and postprandi al hem ostasi s posi ti vel y and r ever ses the
potenti al negati ve ef f ects of a f atty m eal on postprandi al hem ostasi s, w e
r epeated the oral tol erance test af ter tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate or pl acebo f or 6
w eek s. BIn each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of ei ght m ar ker s of
hem ostasi s: f XII, f XIIa, PAP, PAI1, pl asm i nogen, pr otei n C, pr othr om bi n
acti vati on f ragm ent 1 + 2 , and Ddi m er.
P. 68
In the r ev i si on, the r el ati on of f XII, etc., to sentence A i s m ade cl ear by the
def i ni ti on “ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s” pl aced bef or e “f XII… .” The r epeated
key ter m “hem ostasi s” i n the def i ni ti on l i nk s sentences A and B.
Note on Punctuation
In thi s r ev i si on, the speci f i c key ter m s ar e not set of f by com m as or
par entheses, as i s usual l y done. Instead, they ar e set of f by a col on (:). A
col on can be used her e because the speci f i c key ter m s com e at the end of the
sentence and the categor y ter m i ncl udes a num ber (“ei ght”).
“Such As” and “Including.”
In the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 18, usi ng “such as” or “i ncl udi ng” af ter the
def i ni ti on w oul d change the m eani ng: “In each sam pl e w e m easur ed the
concentrati ons of ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s, such as f XII,” etc. Addi ng “such
as” i m pl i es that, i n addi ti on to the ei ght m ar ker s nam ed, other m ar ker s w er e
m easur ed. Thi s i m pl i cati on m ay not be tr ue.
For the sam e r eason, “i ncl udi ng” cannot be used.
How ever, “nam el y ” can be used, because “nam el y ” i m pl i es that you ar e nam i ng
onl y the ei ght m ar ker s: “In each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of
ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s, nam el y , f XII,” etc.
When can “such as” or “i ncl udi ng” be used? The answ er i s w hen you want to
i ndi cate that you ar e sel ecti ng one or a f ew ex am pl es out of a l onger l i st. For
ex am pl e, “Angi ogenesi s i s cr i ti cal f or nor m al phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses such as
em br yoni c devel opm ent and w ound r epai r (1, 2).” In thi s ex am pl e, “such as”
i ntr oduces tw o phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses and i m pl i es that angi ogenesi s i s al so
cr i ti cal f or other nor m al phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses, w hi ch w e k now i s tr ue.
SUMMARY
In sum m ar y, r epeati ng key ter m s i s one of the m ost i m por tant techni ques of
conti nui ty. For cl ear conti nui ty,
Li nk key ter m s w hen you want to shi f t f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y
ter m , or v i ce ver sa.
P. 69
EXERCISE 3.3: LINKING KEY TERMS
In the pa ra gra ph be low , link the k e y te rms “ me dic a tions ” a nd
“ gluc oc ortic oids ” s o tha t the re la tions hip be tw e e n the tw o s e nte nc e s is
c le a r. The link s hould inc lude re pe tition of a k e y te rm.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AMedi cati ons, di etar y def i ci enci es, i nf l am m ator y m edi ator s, abnor m al
cal ci um m etabol i sm , and decr eased phy si cal exer ci se have al l been
i m pl i cated i n the pathogenesi s of decr eased bone m i neral densi ty i n
chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s (r ef s). BRecent ev i dence
now i ndi cates that one ty pe of m edi cati on, gl ucocor ti coi ds, decr eases
bone m i neral densi ty and degrades m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Re vis ion 2
BRecent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi ds, a ty pe of
m edi cati on used occasi onal l y to tr eat chi l dr en w i th juveni l e
r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s, decr ease bone m i neral densi ty and degrade
m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Re vis ion 3
BRecent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi d m edi cati on
decr eases bone m i neral densi ty and degrades m uscl e i n these
chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
P. 70
EXERCISE 3.4: REPEATING AND LINKING KEY
TERMS
In the follow ing pa ra gra ph from a n Introduc tion, four k e y te rms from the
firs t tw o s e nte nc e s —“ blood produc ts , ” “ ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , ”
“ timing, ” a nd “ me thod” —a re not re pe a te d in the third s e nte nc e , s o the
re la tion be tw e e n the thre e s e nte nc e s is not e a s y to s e e .
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
COMMEN TS
In Rev i si on 1, the k ey ter m s “bl ood pr oducts” and “the r i sk of
i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage” f r om sentences A and B ar e r epeated
i n sentence C. “Vol um e ex pansi on” i s om i tted.
“Cer ebr al bl ood f l ow ” and “i ntr acr ani al pr essur e” ar e i denti f i ed
as i ndi cator s of the r i sk of i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage, thus
l i nk i ng these k ey ter m s.
Re vis ion 2
Sentence B of Rev i si on 2 m ak es cl ear the r el ati on betw een bl ood
pr oducts and bl ood v ol um e by addi ng “causi ng sudden ex pansi on of
bl ood v ol um e. ” Thi s l i nk i ng of k ey ter m s al l ow s the sw i tch f r om
“bl ood pr oducts” i n the f i r st tw o sentences to “bl ood v ol um e” i n the
l ast tw o sentences.
P. 71
Using Transitions to Indicate Relationships
For a paragraph to have conti nui ty, the r eader m ust under stand not m er el y
w hat each sentence say s, but al so w hy the author i s w r i ti ng each sentence, and
w hy at thi s poi nt i n the paragraph; how does the sentence r el ate to the stor y ?
In som e cases the r el ati onshi p i s obv i ous, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 19.
Example 3.19
N eur i ti c pl aques and neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es i n brai n ti ssue ar e m ajor f eatur es
of the pathol ogy of Al zhei m er 's di sease. N eur i ti c pl aques ar e r i ch i n an amy l oi d
that consi sts l ar gel y of the 39 to 43r esi due amy l oi d βpepti de (A4), a
pr oteol y si s pr oduct of the βamy l oi d pr ecur sor pr otei n (βAPP) (r ef ).
In Ex am pl e 3. 19, the f i r st sentence tal k s about neur i ti c pl aques and
neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es. The second sentence gi ves m or e i nf or m ati on about
neur i ti c pl aques. Conti nui ty i s pr ov i ded by a r epeated key ter m (“neur i ti c
pl aques”).
If the r eason f or putti ng one sentence af ter another i s not obv i ous, you need to
i ndi cate how the sentences ar e r el ated. The techni que f or i ndi cati ng how
sentences (or par ts of sentences) ar e r el ated i s transi ti ons.
Transi ti ons can be w or ds, phrases, or cl auses (or even sentences).
Transition Words
Transi ti on w or ds ar e standar d ter m s that i ndi cate standar d l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een i deas. Ex am pl es i ncl ude “ther ef or e” and “thus” (concl usi ons), “f or
ex am pl e” (ex am pl e), “f i r st” (sequence), “i n addi ti on” (addi ti on), “i n contrast”
(contrast), and “how ever ” (di f f er ence). Thus, transi ti on “w or ds” can be
phrases, such as “f or ex am pl e,” “i n addi ti on,” “i n contrast,” and even “on the
other hand.”
To see how i m por tant transi ti on w or ds ar e i n gui di ng your under standi ng of
sentences and paragraphs, r ead each of the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es both w i th and
w i thout the under l i ned w or ds.
Example 3.20
Transition words within a sentence
The l y m phocy tes that i nf i l trate the al veol ar wal l s i n thi s r ejecti on phase ar e
l i kel y to be conveyed by the bl ood, because they i nf i l trate al l al veol ar wal l s
sy nchr onousl y al l over the l ungs.
Both of these hi ghdensi tyl i popr otei nassoci ated pr otei ns ar e i ni ti al l y
sy nthesi zed as pr otei ns and ther ef or e under go both co and posttransl ati onal
pr oteol y si s.
Al though i ndi v i dual r esi dues i n the r epeatedsequence bl ock s i n the cor e have
di ver ged, the patter ns of am i no aci ds ar e i denti cal .
Transition words between sentences
By w i deni ng our f ocus to the enti r e trachea, w e w er e abl e to see that m ost
gangl i on cel l bodi es (72%) ar e l ocated i n the neural pl ex uses associ ated w i th
the tracheal i s m uscl e and subm ucosal gl ands, and onl y a sm al l pr opor ti on
(28%) ar e l ocated al ong the l ongi tudi nal ner ve tr unk s. Fur ther m or e, w e w er e
abl e to see that m ost of the gangl i a i n the super f i ci al m uscl e and gl and
pl ex uses contai n onl y 1–4 gangl i on cel l bodi es (average, 2. 8 gangl i on cel l
bodi es).
P. 72
Thus, pr ev i ousl y r epor ted gangl i a al ong the l ongi tudi nal ner ve tr unk that
contai n 10–20 gangl i on cel l bodi es ar e not ty pi cal of m ost tracheal gangl i a.
In Ex am pl e 3. 20, i f any of the under l i ned w or ds w er e om i tted, the l ogi cal
r el ati onshi p w oul d be di f f i cul t to see, and the stor y of the paragraph w oul d be
di f f i cul t to f ol l ow. For ex am pl e, i f “because” w er e om i tted f r om the f i r st
sentence i n Ex am pl e 3. 20, the r eader m i ght be abl e to f i gur e out that “they
i nf i l trate…” i s the r eason that l y m phocy tes ar e l i kel y to be conveyed by the
bl ood, or m i ght not. But the poi nt i s that the r eader shoul d not have to
constr uct the stor y of the paragraph. It i s the w r i ter 's job to m ake the stor y
cl ear.
In the nex t sentence i n Ex am pl e 3. 20, i f “ther ef or e” w er e om i tted, the l ogi c
w oul d be destr oyed. A r eader cannot be ex pected to i nvent a causeef f ect
r el ati onshi p w her e onl y “and” i s w r i tten. So i f under goi ng pr oteol y si s i s a
consequence of bei ng sy nthesi zed as a pr otei n, the transi ti on w or d “ther ef or e”
m ust be i ncl uded.
P. 73
EXERCISE 3.5: THE VALUE OF TRANSITIONS
Be low a re thre e ve rs ions of tw o s e nte nc e s from a Me thods s e c tion. For
e a c h ve rs ion, s ta te (1) w ha t the logic a l re la tions hip of the s e c ond
s e nte nc e to the firs t s e nte nc e is a nd (2) how you k now w ha t the
re la tions hip is .
Ve rs ion 1
The mic ros phe re s w e re pre pa re d for inje c tion a s pre vious ly de s c ribe d (2).
The y w e re the n s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s inje c tion
via l tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a s yringe
c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
P. 74
Ve rs ion 2
The mic ros phe re s w e re pre pa re d for inje c tion a s pre vious ly de s c ribe d (2).
In brie f, the y w e re s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s
inje c tion via l tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a
s yringe c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
Ve rs ion 3
The mic ros phe re s w e re pre pa re d for inje c tion a s pre vious ly de s c ribe d (2).
The y w e re s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s inje c tion via l
tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a s yringe
c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
Hi de Answ er
Transition Phrases
Som eti m es no transi ti on w or d ex i sts to m ake a transi ti on that the author
wants. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 3. 21 (= begi nni ng of Ex am pl e 3. 1), no
transi ti on w or d ex i sts that can i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een
sentences B and C. We cannot use “For ex am pl e” or “Fi r st” or “In addi ti on” or
“Ther ef or e” or “In br i ef ” or “Accor di ngl y ” i n pl ace of “In thi s theor y.” (Tr y
substi tuti ng these w or ds i n Ex am pl e 3. 21. )
Example 3.21:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th a Pr eposi ti on
ATher e ar e thr ee di f f er ent theor i es put f or war d f or the ver y sl ow r el ax ati on of
catch m uscl es of m ol l uscs. BOne theor y hol ds that catch i s due to som e unusual
pr oper ty of myosi n i n these m uscl es that pr oduces a sl ow rate of detachm ent
(12). CIn thi s theor y, paramyosi n w oul d have no speci al r ol e beyond that of
pr ov i di ng the l ong scaf f ol di ng on w hi ch the myosi n i s posi ti oned as w el l as the
m echani cal str ength f or the l ar ge tensi ons devel oped.
When no transi ti on w or d ex i sts, w e need a transi ti on phrase to m ake the stor y
i n the paragraph cl ear. A transi ti on phrase i s usual l y a pr eposi ti onal phrase or
el se an i nf i ni ti ve phrase that the w r i ter m akes up to i ndi cate the l ogi cal
r el ati onshi p betw een tw o sentences.
Prepositional Phrase
A pr eposi ti onal phrase used as a transi ti on phrase connects sentences i n thr ee
way s. Fi r st, the pr eposi ti on i tsel f (her e, “i n”) i ndi cates a l ogi cal r el ati onshi p
(goi ng i nto detai l ). Second, the object of the pr eposi ti on (“thi s theor y ”)
com pl etes the l ogi c (In w hat? In thi s theor y ). Fi nal l y, the object of the
pr eposi ti on al so r epeats a key ter m , thus f ur ther connecti ng the tw o sentences.
The i m pl i cati on of “In thi s theor y ” i s that the author i s goi ng to gi ve m or e
detai l s about the theor y m enti oned i n sentences A and B.
Example 3.22:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th a Pr eposi ti on
AOur ai m was to assess the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of
hydral azi ne on ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c
i nsuf f i ci ency. BFor thi s assessm ent, w e di d a radi onucl i de study of ventr i cul ar
f uncti on i n 15 pati ents at r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se.
In Ex am pl e 3. 22, the transi ti on phrase i s “f or thi s assessm ent.” “For ” (the
pr eposi ti on) i ndi cates pur pose. “Thi s assessm ent” (the object of the
pr eposi ti on) com pl etes the l ogi c (For w hat? For thi s assessm ent) and f ur ther
connects the tw o sentences by r epeati ng the key ter m “assess” f r om sentence
A. Thus, thi s transi ti on phrase i ndi cates that the author s ar e goi ng to tel l how
they m ade the assessm ent.
In Ex am pl e 3. 23 (= Rev i si on B of Ex am pl e 2. 17), the transi ti on phrase consi sts
of tw o pr eposi ti onal phrases.
Example 3.23:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th a Pr eposi ti on
Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e anal y zi ng the hear t
beats. As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on, the vol um e of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y
i ncr eased.
P. 75
In Ex am pl e 3. 23, the f i r st pr eposi ti onal phrase i s “As a r esul t” and the second
one i s “of thi s occl usi on.” (We coul d al so r ead “As a r esul t of ” as a si ngl e
pr eposi ti on and “thi s occl usi on” as i ts object. )
Infinitive Phrase
A transi ti on phrase can al so be an i nf i ni ti ve phrase, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 24. Li ke
transi ti on phrases begi nni ng w i th the pr eposi ti on “f or,” transi ti on phrases
begi nni ng w i th an i nf i ni ti ve i ndi cate pur pose.
Example 3.24:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th an Inf i ni ti ve
The ef f ects of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents on steadystate ci r cum f l ex
pr essur ef l ow r el ati ons der i ved dur i ng l ong di astol es w er e ex am i ned i n f i ve
dogs. To obtai n each pr essur ef l ow poi nt, w e f i r st set m ean ci r cum f l ex pr essur e
to the desi r ed l evel and then ar r ested the hear t by tur ni ng of f the pacem aker.
In Ex am pl e 3. 24, the i nf i ni ti ve i s “to obtai n,” w hi ch i ndi cates pur pose. The
object of the i nf i ni ti ve (“each pr essur ef l ow poi nt”) com pl etes the l ogi c (To
obtai n w hat?) and f ur ther connects the tw o sentences by r epeati ng the key ter m
“pr essur ef l ow.”
As these f our ex am pl es show, a transi ti on phrase i s a pr eposi ti onal phrase or
an i nf i ni ti ve phrase that the w r i ter m akes up to i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p
betw een sentences. A transi ti on phrase can be shor t or l ong, dependi ng on w hat
the w r i ter wants to say and on the com pl ex i ty of the r el ati onshi p betw een the
tw o sentences. Shor ter i s usual l y cl ear er.
P. 76
EXERCISE 3.6: TRANSITION PHRASES
In the pa ra gra ph be low , the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s B
a nd C is not c le a r. W he n w e re a d s e nte nc e C, w e a s k ours e lve s , “ Approa c h
to w ha t?”
To ma k e the re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s B a nd C c le a r, a dd a
tra ns ition phra s e a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e C. Y our tra ns ition phra s e
s hould re pe a t one or more k e y te rms from s e nte nc e A or B, or both.
Hi de Answ er
AHepatocy tes cul tur ed i n ti ssue sl i ces, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue
or gani zati on ar e l ar gel y r etai ned, conti nue ti ssuespeci f i c
transcr i pti on at near l y nor m al l evel s i n cul tur e m edi a. BHow ever,
hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cel l cul tur e, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue
or gani zati on ar e di sr upted, have sever el y al ter ed l evel s of
transcr i pti on. CTo avoi d al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on, one appr oach
has been to com bi ne ex tracel l ul ar m atr i x w i th pur e hepatocy tes i n
cul tur e.
P. 77
Transition Clauses
Transi ti on cl auses, l i ke transi ti on phrases, keep the stor y of a paragraph goi ng
by stati ng the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een tw o sentences. The onl y di f f er ence
i s i n the f or m : a transi ti on cl ause uses a subject and ver b to i ndi cate the
l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een i deas, w her eas a transi ti on phrase uses a
pr eposi ti on or an i nf i ni ti ve and an object. The subject i n the transi ti on cl ause,
l i ke the object i n a transi ti on phrase, i s usual l y a r epeated key ter m .
In Ex am pl e 3. 25, the r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B i s not cl ear. Why
ar e w e hear i ng about l i gands acti vati ng G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s?
Example 3.25
AConsi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that heter otr i m er i c (α, β, γ ) G pr otei ns ar e
i nvol ved i n si gnal i ng pathway s that sti m ul ate m i togenesi s and thus contr i bute
to neopl asti c gr ow th (1–3). BMany l i gands that acti vate G pr otei n–coupl ed
r eceptor s, i ncl udi ng bom besi n (4), l y sophosphati di c aci d (LPA) (5),
acety l chol i ne (6), and ser otoni n (5HT) (7), have m i togeni c ef f ects. CMor eover,
per tussi s tox i n bl ock s the m i togeni c ef f ects of thr ee of these l i gands [bom besi n
(8), LPA (9), and 5HT (10)] and al so of thr om bi n (11) and phosphati di c aci d
(12).
The l ogi c of the stor y i n Ex am pl e 3. 25 i s “Consi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates X.
Her e i s som e of that ev i dence.” To m ake thi s l ogi c cl ear, w e can add a
transi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B.
Revision
AConsi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that heter otr i m er i c (α, β, γ ) G pr otei ns ar e
i nvol ved i n si gnal i ng pathway s that sti m ul ate m i togenesi s and thus contr i bute
to neopl asti c gr ow th (1–3). BEvide nc e for s timula tion of mitoge ne s is is tha t
m any l i gands that acti vate G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s, i ncl udi ng bom besi n (4),
l y sophosphati di c aci d (LPA) (5), acety l chol i ne (6), and ser otoni n (5HT) (7),
have m i togeni c ef f ects. CMor eover, per tussi s tox i n bl ock s the m i togeni c ef f ects
of thr ee of these l i gands [bom besi n (8), LPA (9), and 5HT (10)] and al so of
thr om bi n (11) and phosphati di c aci d (12).
In the r ev i si on, addi ng a transi ti on cl ause cl ar i f i es the stor y i n the paragraph
by i ndi cati ng the r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B. The transi ti on cl ause
i ndi cates the r el ati onshi p i n tw o way s: by usi ng the subject “ev i dence” and the
ver b “i s” to i denti f y the ty pe of i nf or m ati on bei ng gi ven i n sentence B and by
r epeati ng thr ee key ter m s f r om sentence A (“ev i dence,” “sti m ul ati on,” and
“m i togenesi s”).
Her e i s another ex am pl e.
Example 3.26
AOur f i ndi ngs dem onstrate that i n pati ents w i th cl i ni cal l y m oderate to sever e
congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e and l ef t ventr i cul ar dy sf uncti on, the ar ter i ol ar
vasodi l ator hydral azi ne pr oduces si gni f i cant hem ody nam i c benef i ts i ndependent
of the pr esence or absence of m i tral r egur gi tati on. B We f ound si gni f i cant
i ncr eases i n car di ac i ndex , str oke vol um e i ndex , and str oke w or k i ndex , and
si gni f i cant decr eases i n sy stem i c vascul ar r esi stance i n al l pati ents. C These
benef i ci al ef f ects w er e gr eatest i n pati ents w ho had docum ented sever e to
m oderate m i tral r egur gi tati on, i nter m edi ate i n those w ho had m i l d to no
appar ent m i tral r egur gi tati on, and sm al l est i n pati ents w ho had com petent
m i tral val ve pr ostheses and ther ef or e no m i tral r egur gi tati on.
P. 78
The pr obl em i n f ol l ow i ng the stor y i n Ex am pl e 3. 26 i s si m i l ar to the pr obl em i n
Ex am pl e 3. 25: w e do not k now w hy w e ar e hear i ng the l i st of i ncr eases and
decr eases.
Revision
AOur f i ndi ngs dem onstrate that i n pati ents w i th cl i ni cal l y m oderate to sever e
congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e and l ef t ventr i cul ar dy sf uncti on, the ar ter i ol ar
vasodi l ator hydral azi ne pr oduces si gni f i cant hem ody nam i c benef i ts i ndependent
of the pr esence or absence of m i tral r egur gi tati on. BThe be ne fits w e f ound
w e re si gni f i cant i ncr eases i n car di ac i ndex , str oke vol um e i ndex , and str oke
w or k i ndex , and si gni f i cant decr eases i n sy stem i c vascul ar r esi stance i n al l
pati ents. CThese be ne fits w er e gr eatest i n pati ents w ho had docum ented
sever e to m oderate m i tral r egur gi tati on, i nter m edi ate i n those w ho had m i l d to
no appar ent m i tral r egur gi tati on, and sm al l est i n pati ents w ho had com petent
m i tral val ve pr ostheses and ther ef or e no m i tral r egur gi tati on.
Addi ng the transi ti on cl ause “the benef i ts w er e” to sentence B r el ates sentence
B to sentence A by i denti f y i ng the l i st of i ncr eases and decr eases as “benef i ts,”
w hi ch i s a key ter m r epeated f r om sentence A. Thus, w e ar e hear i ng the l i st of
i ncr eases and decr eases because they ar e the benef i ts m enti oned i n sentence
A. Hav i ng an ex pl i ci t statem ent r el ati ng the tw o sentences m akes i t easi er f or
the r eader to f ol l ow the stor y.
Transition Phrases and Clauses That Do Not Repeat
a Key Term
The transi ti on phrases and cl auses that w e have l ooked at so f ar al l i ncl ude at
l east one r epeated key ter m . How ever, i t i s al so possi bl e to have a transi ti on
phrase or cl ause that does not contai n a r epeated key ter m . Instead, the
transi ti on phrase or cl ause m ay use a categor y ter m . An ex am pl e i s the
transi ti on phrase i n sentence D of Ex am pl e 3. 4 at the begi nni ng of thi s chapter :
“To i nter pr et these data.” “Data” i s the categor y ter m f or “60%” and “7 pm ol .”
It i s al so possi bl e f or a transi ti on phrase or cl ause not to i ncl ude ei ther a
r epeated key ter m or a categor y ter m . Ex am pl es ar e “As a r esul t” (transi ti on
phrase), w hi ch coul d be used i nstead of “As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on” i n
Ex am pl e 3. 23 above, and “One r eason i s that” (transi ti on cl ause).
In the transi ti on cl auses i n Ex am pl es 3. 25 and 3. 26, the ver b i s a “to be” ver b
(“i s” or “w er e”). How ever, the ver b i n a transi ti on cl ause does not have to be a
“to be” ver b. For ex am pl es of transi ti on cl auses that use other ver bs, pl ease
see Ex am pl e 3. 4 above (sentences B, C, E, F).
The Strength of Transitions
Transi ti on phrases and cl auses ar e str onger than transi ti on w or ds because they
ar e l onger. If they r epeat a key ter m f r om the pr ev i ous sentence(s), thei r
str ength i s even gr eater.
The Placement of Transitions
Conti nui ty i s str ongest and the stor y i n a paragraph i s cl ear est w hen transi ti on
w or ds, phrases, and cl auses ar e pl aced at the begi nni ng of a sentence.
P. 79
Transitions as a StoryTelling Technique
Transi ti ons, w hether they ar e w or ds, phrases, or cl auses, al ong w i th topi c
sentences ar e the m ai n techni ques f or tel l i ng a stor y i n a paragraph and
thr oughout a paper. The topi c sentences and transi ti ons together pr ov i de the
l ogi cal f ram ew or k agai nst w hi ch the detai l s m ake sense. For r eader s w ho ar e
ver y f am i l i ar w i th a f i el d of sci ence, the f ram ew or k of the f i el d i s i n thei r
heads, so they can easi l y suppl y a f ram ew or k as needed. For r eader s l ess
f am i l i ar w i th a f i el d of sci ence, the f ram ew or k m ust be suppl i ed. The m ost
usef ul thi ngs a w r i ter can do to m ake the stor y of a paragraph (or a paper )
cl ear ar e to w r i te topi c sentences and transi ti ons as needed to i ndi cate the
l ogi cal f ram ew or k of the stor y, and to r epeat and l i nk key ter m s so that the
topi cs of the paragraph ar e cl ear.
P. 80
EXERCISE 3.7: TRANSITION CLAUSES
Ex a mple 1
In Ex a mple 1, the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A, B, a nd C is not
c le a r. To ma k e the re la tions hip c le a r, a dd a tra ns ition c la us e a t the
be ginning of s e nte nc e B tha t link s s e nte nc e B to s e nte nc e A a nd pre pa re s
for s e nte nc e C.
The tra ns ition c la us e you a dd a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e B s hould
inc lude a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e A a nd a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e C. In
your re vis ion, pa tte rn s e nte nc e B on s e nte nc e C. (Ma k e s e nte nc e B pa ra lle l
to s e nte nc e C. )
One w a y to ide ntify the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B is
to w ork ba c k w a rd from the tra ns ition c la us e a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e
C: if C de s c ribe s the prima ry (ma in) limita tion, w ha t mus t B be de s c ribing?
Anothe r w a y to ide ntify the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B
is to figure out the pa tte rn of orga niza tion in this pa ra gra ph. Se nte nc e A
pre s e nts a pote ntia l s olution. Se nte nc e C pre s e nts a proble m w ith
(limita tion to) this pote ntia l s olution. How doe s s e nte nc e B fit into this
pa tte rn?
AXe noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion, or the tra ns pla nta tion of orga ns be tw e e n
s pe c ie s , is a pote ntia l s olution to the s e ve re s horta ge of donor orga ns for
c linic a l tra ns pla nta tion [1, 2]. BChronic immunologic re je c tion of
x e nogra fts is me dia te d by a numbe r of diffe re nt pa thw a ys , inc luding both
c e llula r a nd humora l pa thw a ys [3]. CHow e ve r, the prima ry limita tion to
x e nogra ft tra ns pla nta tion be tw e e n w ide ly dis pa ra te s pe c ie s is hype ra c ute
re je c tion, w hic h is trigge re d by the re c ipie nt's na tura l a ntibodie s dire c te d
a ga ins t the donor's e ndothe lia l c e lls [4].
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE 1
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “sol uti on–pr obl em . ”
Sentence A states a potenti al sol uti on. Sentences B and C descr i be
l i m i tati ons of (pr obl em s w i th) thi s sol uti on. So the tr ansi ti on cl ause
at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state that sentence B descr i bes
a l i m i tati on.
OR: BA limita tion of x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion tha t pre ve nts
e x te ns ive us e i s
Re vis ion (Reor gani zes the suppor ti ng sentences: m ost to
3 l east i m por tant and si m ul taneousl y
chr onol ogi cal or der )
AXenogenei c transpl antati on (the transpl antati on of or gans betw een
speci es) i s a potenti al sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor
or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. BP re s e ntly, the prima ry
limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is hype ra c ute re je c tion,
w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected
agai nst the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [3]. CIn a ddition, in the long
te rm, x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is limite d by c hronic re je c tion,
w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [4].
In Ex a mple 2, the logic a l c onne c tion be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B is not
c le a r. (The s a me logic a c tua lly c onne c ts s e nte nc e A w ith s e nte nc e s B, C,
a nd D. ) To ma k e the c onne c tion c le a r, omit “ It ha s pre vious ly be e n
re porte d tha t” a nd a dd a tra ns ition c la us e a t the be ginning of B tha t
s ta te s the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B. Y our tra ns ition
s hould re pe a t one or more k e y te rms tha t a ppe a r in s e nte nc e A.
AAnothe r que s tion tha t fre que ntly a ris e s w he n w e try to inc re a s e a poB
s e c re tion by he pa toc yte s grow n in c ulture is w he the r or not a lbumin
s hould be inc lude d in the c ulture me dium. BIt ha s pre vious ly be e n re porte d
tha t a lbumin a ppe a rs to be a n e ffe c tive s ink for tox ic produc ts re le a s e d
into the me dium by da ma ge d c e lls (re f). CAls o, a lbumin s olubilize s w a te r
ins oluble longc ha in fa tty a c ids by c omple x ing w ith the m (re f), thus
ra is ing the lipid le ve l in the c ulture me dium. DThe re fore , a lbumin c ould
inc re a s e a poB s e c re tion, w hic h de pe nds on lipid le ve ls in the me dium.
EW e the re fore te s te d the e ffe c t of diffe re nt c onc e ntra tions of fe ta l bovine
s e rum a lbumin (from 0 to 15% v/v) on the le ve l of a poB s e c re te d in the
c ulture me dium a nd de te rmine d tha t 6. 5% (v/v) is the ide a l c onc e ntra tion
for our purpos e s .
Hi de Answ er
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “pr o. ” So the
tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state that the
suppor ti ng sentences gi v e ar gum ents i n f av or of i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n
the cul tur e m edi um .
Re vis ion 1
AAnother questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease
apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not
al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . BOne a rgume nt in
fa vor of inc luding a lbumin is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an
ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by
dam aged cel l s (r ef ). CAnothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes
water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ),
thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . DTher ef or e,
al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s
i n the m edi um . EWe ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal
bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB
secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the
i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
Re vis ion 2
AAnother questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease
apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not
al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . BTw o a rgume nts
s upport inc luding a lbumin. COne a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n appear s
to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by
dam aged cel l s (r ef ). DAnothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes
water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ),
thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . ETher ef or e,
al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s
i n the m edi um . É Si nce al bum i n appear s l i kel y to be usef ul i n the
cul tur e m edi um , the nex t questi on i s w hat the i deal concentrati on i s
f or m ax i m al secr eti on of apoB. FWe ther ef or e tested di f f er ent
concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on
the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned
that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
B Tw o a dva nta ge s of inc luding a lbumin ha ve be e n re porte d. One
a dva nta ge is … . ”
Re vis ion 3
AAnother questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease
apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not
al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B In s upport of
inc luding a lbumin, a lbumin ha s be e n found to be be ne fic ia l to
c e lls in c ulture , a nd pa rtic ula rly for a poB s e c re tion. C One of the
be ne fits is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c
pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D In
addi ti on, al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by
com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e
m edi um . ETher ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch
depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . F We ther ef or e tested the
ef f ect of di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om
0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um
and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our
pur poses.
Sentence B begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase and ends w i th a topi c
sentence. The tr ansi ti on phr ase states the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p
betw een sentences A and B. The topi c sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew of
sentences C–E by stati ng speci f i c r easons f or i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n the
cul tur e m edi um . In addi ti on to r epeati ng f our k ey ter m s f r om
sentence A, the topi c sentence i ntr oduces another k ey ter m that
appear s i n sentence C.
Sentence C begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on cl ause, w hi ch cr eates conti nui ty
f r om B to C by r epeati ng the k ey ter m “benef i ts. ”
P. 82
Ex a mple 3
In Ex a mple 3, a fte r re a ding s e nte nc e A, w e e x pe c t to find out w he the r LDL
a nd HDL re gula te the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd e x oc ytos is .
But in s e nte nc e s B a nd C, it is not e a s y to te ll if this que s tion ha s be e n
a ns w e re d.
1. At the be ginning of s e nte nc e B, a dd a tra ns ition c la us e tha t indic a te s
tha t w e a re he a ring re s ults tha t le a d to the a ns w e r.
2. In s e nte nc e s B a nd C, to c la rify how the de ta ils in B a nd C a re re la te d
to the que s tion in A, re pe a t k e y te rms , link k e y te rms , or us e a
tra ns ition phra s e .
Note s :
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AWe asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty
l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um
cascade and exocy tosi s. BW e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated thre e s te ps in the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de : phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm ,
cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om
cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. CIn a ddition, LDL and HDL
sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of
phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of
pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe LDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , but not the HDL
induc e d e ffe c ts , w e re inhibite d by he pa rin, w hic h bloc k s binding
of liga nds to the LDL re c e ptor.
CTransi ti on w or d; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as
i ndi cated by ”)
The or der of or i gi nal sentences B and C i s r ever sed, to agr ee w i th the
or der i n the topi c sentence.
Re vis ion 2
AWe asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty
l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um
cascade and exocy tosi s. BW e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de , a s indic a te d by the ir
a c tiva tion of phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane
com par tm ents. CIn addi ti on, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated
e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC),
the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe
LDLi nduced ef f ects on the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd
e x oc ytos is , but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by
hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
BTr ansi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s; tr ansi ti on phr ase (“as
i ndi cated by ”)
Re vis ion 3
AWe asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty
l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um
cascade and exocy tosi s. BWe f ound that, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d this c a s c a de , s inc e both
induc e d phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane
com par tm ents. CIn addi ti on, LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is ,
s inc e both induc e d c e lls to s e c re te phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe LDL
i nduced ef f ects, but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by
hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
BTr ansi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s; tr ansi ti on cl ause (“si nce
both i nduced… ”)
P. 83
Keeping a Consistent Order
If you l i st tw o or m or e i tem s i n a topi c sentence and then go on to descr i be or
ex pl ai n them i n suppor ti ng sentences, k eep the sam e or der : i f the i tem s i n the
topi c sentence ar e A, B, C, the suppor ti ng sentences shoul d ex pl ai n f i r st A,
then B, and l ast C. Thus, the r eader 's ex pectati on i s f ul f i l l ed. Fur ther m or e, the
suppor ti ng sentences shoul d i ncl ude al l the i tem s m enti oned i n the topi c
sentence and shoul d not add any i tem s not m enti oned i n the topi c sentence.
To ensur e that the r eader k now s you ar e tal k i ng about the sam e thi ngs i n the
suppor ti ng sentences as i n the topi c sentence, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
In the suppor ti ng sentences, av oi d i nter r upti ng the sequence of ex pl anati ons
w i th other i nf or m ati on.
Example 3.27
ASam pl es of ins pire d, e ndtida l, and mix e de x pire d gases w er e taken dur i ng
the 2h washi n per i od. BIns pire d gas sam pl es w er e col l ected pr ox i m al to the
nonr ebr eathi ng val ve. CEndtida l gas sam pl es w er e col l ected thr ough a
catheter, the ti p of w hi ch was pl aced near the tracheal end of the endotracheal
tube. DThe endotracheal tube was connected to the non r ebr eathi ng val ve w i th
f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tubi ng w hose i nter nal vol um e was appr ox i m atel y 100 m l .
ETef l on® was used to avoi d the absor pti on and r el ease of anestheti c that occur
w i th pl asti cs such as pol yethy l ene, and the added 100 m l of dead space was
used to pr event contam i nati on of endti dal sam pl es w i th i nspi r ed gas. F Ex pi r ed
gases w er e conducted v i a a f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tube to an al um i num m i x i ng
cham ber. G Mix e de x pire d gas sam pl es w er e col l ected di stal to the al um i num
m i x i ng cham ber. H All gas sam pl es w er e col l ected i n 50m l gl ass sy r i nges that
w er e stor ed upr i ght (to pr oduce a sl i ght posi ti ve pr essur e) unti l anal y zed.
Fr om Car penter RL, Eger EI II, Johnson BH, U nadk at JD, Shei ner LB. The ex tent
of m etabol i sm of i nhal ed anestheti cs i n hum ans. Anesthesi ol ogy 1986; 65(2):
201–5. Catal ogo U Por to Requi si cao de Docum entos Li nk s
Bi bl i ograf i cos Recur sos da Inter net Tex to Com pl eto Li v r e Ov i d
In Ex am pl e 3. 27, note that consi stent or der i s al so used i n sentences D and E
f or Tef l on® and 100 m l .
P. 84
Keeping a Consistent Point of View
In Chapter 2, w e saw that the topi c shoul d be the subject of the sentence.
Si m i l ar l y, i n a paragraph, i f the topi c of tw o or m or e sentences i s the sam e,
the subjects i n al l of those sentences shoul d be the sam e. Hav i ng the sam e
subject i n tw o or m or e sentences that deal w i th the sam e topi c i s cal l ed
keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew.
Speci f i cal l y, the poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent w hen the sam e ter m , or the sam e
categor y of ter m , i s the subject of successi ve sentences that deal w i th the
sam e topi c. The poi nt of v i ew i s i nconsi stent w hen the topi c i s the sam e but the
subjects of the sentences ar e di f f er ent. An i nconsi stent poi nt of v i ew i s
di sor i enti ng to the r eader, m ak i ng si m i l ar i ti es and di f f er ences di f f i cul t to see.
Same Term
Som eti m es the sam e ter m shoul d be the subject of successi ve sentences, as
shoul d be done i n Ex am pl e 3. 28.
Example 3.28
APr opranol ol had var i abl e ef f ects on the hy poxem i ai nduced changes i n r egi onal
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , the i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a
was not si gni f i cantl y al ter ed by pr opranol ol . CHow ever, i n other or gans, such as
the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol caused a
m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
In Ex am pl e 3. 28, al l thr ee sentences descr i be how pr opranol ol (the i ndependent
var i abl e) af f ected r egi onal bl ood f l ow (the dependent var i abl e), but onl y
sentences A and C ar e w r i tten f r om the sam e poi nt of v i ew—the poi nt of v i ew
of the i ndependent var i abl e. Sentence B i s w r i tten f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the
ef f ect on the dependent var i abl e.
A consi stent poi nt of v i ew i n al l thr ee sentences m akes thi s paragraph cl ear er
and easi er to r ead.
Revision
APr opranol ol had var i abl e ef f ects on the hy poxem i ai nduced changes i n r egi onal
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , pr opranol ol di d not si gni f i cantl y al ter the
i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a. CHow ever, i n other or gans, such
as the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol
caused a m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
Same Category of Term
The subject does not al way s have to be the sam e w or d i n or der f or the poi nt of
v i ew to be consi stent. Som eti m es al l that i s necessar y i s the sam e categor y of
w or d.
P. 85
Example 3.29
The contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone pr oduced no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al
bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate. The ar ter i al bl ood pr essur es and hear t rates
m easur ed af ter 24 h of m or phi ne i nf usi on di d not change si gni f i cantl y.
In Ex am pl e 3. 29, both sentences descr i be a cause and i ts ef f ect, but the subject
of the f i r st sentence i s the cause (contr ol i njecti on) w her eas the subject of the
second sentence i s the var i abl es af f ected (ar ter i al bl ood pr essur es and hear t
rates). Thus, the poi nt of v i ew i s i nconsi stent and the si m i l ar i ty i s not easy to
see. Both sentences shoul d begi n w i th the sam e categor y of ter m —the cause.
Revision A
The contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone pr oduced no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al
bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate. Tw entyf our hour s of m or phi ne i nf usi on pr oduced
no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate.
In the r ev i si on, the categor y of each subject i s the sam e—the cause. Thus, the
poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent and the si m i l ar i ty i s easy to see. In addi ti on, now
that the poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent, i t i s easy to com bi ne the tw o sentences:
Revision B
N ei ther the contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone nor the 24h m or phi ne i nf usi on
si gni f i cantl y al ter ed ar ter i al bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate.
As Ex am pl e 3. 29 (above) i l l ustrates, keepi ng the poi nt of v i ew consi stent i s
par ti cul ar l y i m por tant w hen you ar e descr i bi ng si m i l ar i ti es. Another ex am pl e i s
gi ven i n Ex am pl e 3. 30. In thi s ex am pl e, the author s descr i be other s' f i ndi ngs
f r om one poi nt of v i ew but then descr i be thei r ow n f i ndi ngs f r om the opposi te
poi nt of v i ew. As a r esul t, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hose f i ndi ngs the author s'
f i ndi ngs agr ee w i th.
Example 3.30
Ol sen et al . (22) concl uded that ser i es i nteracti on was m or e i m por tant than
di r ect i nteracti on; Vi sner et al . (23), usi ng a near l y i denti cal pr eparati on and
pr otocol , concl uded the opposi te. We f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about
onehal f as i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on i n deter m i ni ng l ef t ventr i cul ar
vol um e at end di astol e w hen the per i car di um was on, and that the di r ect
i nteracti on ef f ect decr eased w hen the per i car di um was r em oved.
Revision
Ol sen et al . (22) concl uded that di r ect i nteracti on was l ess i m por tant than
ser i es i nteracti on; Vi sner et al . (23), usi ng a near l y i denti cal pr eparati on and
pr otocol , concl uded the opposi te. We f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about
onehal f as i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on i n deter m i ni ng l ef t ventr i cul ar
vol um e at end di astol e w hen the per i car di um was on, and that the di r ect
i nteracti on ef f ect decr eased w hen the per i car di um was r em oved.
In the r ev i si on, keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew m akes the si m i l ar i ty
betw een the author s' w or k and Ol sen et al . 's w or k easi er to see.
To m ake the si m i l ar i ty ex pl i ci t, and thus even easi er to see, the author s coul d
add a transi ti on phrase such as “Li ke Ol sen et al .,” or a topi c sentence
P. 86
such as “Our r esul ts suppor t the concl usi on of Ol sen et al .” bef or e the l ast
sentence. But note that addi ng a transi ti on phrase or a topi c sentence w i thout
keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew w oul d not w or k as w el l : “Ol sen et al . (22)
concl uded that ser i es i nteracti on was m or e i m por tant than di r ect i nteracti on;…
Li ke Ol sen et al ., w e f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about onehal f as
i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on… .” Even though the si m i l ar i ty i s announced, i t i s
di f f i cul t to see because the poi nt of v i ew i s not consi stent.
Using “I” or “We”
It once was f ashi onabl e to avoi d usi ng “I” or “w e” i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s
on the gr ounds that these ter m s ar e subjecti ve, w her eas sci ence i s objecti ve.
But i s sci ence pur el y objecti ve? Do not sci enti sts m ake choi ces w hen desi gni ng
ex per i m ents (w hen, how, how m uch)? Do not sci enti sts def i ne ter m s, m ake
assum pti ons, have pur poses, i nter pr et r esul ts, m ake i nf er ences? These ar e
subjecti ve acti ons. Thus, as the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es i l l ustrate, w r i ti ng f r om the
poi nt of v i ew of “I” or “w e” i s appr opr i ate i n a sci enti f i c r esear ch paper
w her ever judgm ent i s exer ci sed.
Example 3.31
To deter m i ne the m echani sm f or the di r ect ef f ect of contrast m edi a on hear t
m uscl e m echani cs, thi s study on hear t m uscl es i sol ated f r om cats was car r i ed
out.
Thi s sentence f r om an Intr oducti on w oul d be m or e accurate and m or e v i gor ous
i f “w e” w er e used.
Revision
To deter m i ne the m echani sm f or the di r ect ef f ect of contrast m edi a on hear t
m uscl e m echani cs, w e car r i ed out thi s study on hear t m uscl es i sol ated f r om
cats.
Example 3.32
A nosocom i al i nf ecti on was def i ned as one that was cl ear l y not pr esent i n the
cul tur e of any body f l ui d w hen the i nf ant was adm i tted, al though i t was
r ecogni zed that v i r tual l y al l i nf ant col oni zati on, and ther ef or e al l i nf ecti ons, ar e
nosocom i al .
In thi s sentence f r om a Methods secti on, tw o acts of judgm ent ar e descr i bed:
def i ni ng and r ecogni zi ng. But w ho was m ak i ng these judgm ents i s not stated.
Mor eover, the author has gone out of hi s way to w r i te the second poi nt i n a
sti f f, aw k war d, i nel egant way : “i t was r ecogni zed that.” In contrast, “We
r ecogni zed that” i s di r ect, v i gor ous, and natural , and com pl etel y i nf or m ati ve.
Revision
We def i ned a nosocom i al i nf ecti on as one that was cl ear l y not pr esent i n the
cul tur e of any body f l ui d w hen the i nf ant was adm i tted, al though w e r ecogni ze
that v i r tual l y al l i nf ant col oni zati on, and ther ef or e al l i nf ecti ons, ar e
nosocom i al .
P. 87
Example 3.33
AAcety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty has been f ound i n m ost gangl i on cel l s of the
myenter i c and subm ucosal pl ex uses of the enter i c ner vous sy stem , but
di f f er ences have been f ound i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase
r eacti on, and gangl i a have been cl assi f i ed accor di ngl y (5). BLi kew i se,
di f f er ences i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase r eacti on w er e f ound i n
the f er r et trachea. CHow ever, the i ntensi ty of the r eacti on appear ed to depend
m or e on the gangl i on cel l 's posi ti on and on the pr esence of over l y i ng
connecti ve ti ssue than on acety l chol i nesterase content. DTher ef or e, no attem pt
was m ade i n thi s study to cl assi f y gangl i on cel l s accor di ng to the am ount of
thei r acety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty.
In sentence B of thi s paragraph f r om a Di scussi on secti on, i t i s not i m m edi atel y
obv i ous w ho f ound the di f f er ences i n the f er r et trachea. U pon r ef l ecti on, the
r eader r eal i zes i t i s the author of thi s paper, because thi s paper i s about f er r et
tracheas. But r ef l ecti on shoul d not be necessar y. Especi al l y w hen you ar e
di scussi ng other s' w or k i n the sam e paragraph as your ow n, i t i s cl ear est to use
“w e” to i denti f y your w or k . It w oul d al so be m or e natural to use “w e” i n
sentence D.
Revision
AAcety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty has been f ound i n m ost gangl i on cel l s of the
myenter i c and subm ucosal pl ex uses of the enter i c ner vous sy stem , but
di f f er ences have been f ound i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase
r eacti on, and gangl i a have been cl assi f i ed accor di ngl y (5). BLi kew i se, w e f ound
di f f er ences i n the r eacti v i ty i n the f er r et trachea. CHow ever, the i ntensi ty of
the r eacti on appear ed to depend m or e on the gangl i on cel l 's posi ti on and on the
pr esence of over l y i ng connecti ve ti ssue than on acety l chol i nesterase content.
DTher ef or e, i n thi s study w e m ade no attem pt to cl assi f y gangl i on cel l s
accor di ng to the am ount of thei r acety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty.
Example 3.34
It i s concl uded that thi s m ethod i s a sensi ti ve quanti tati ve m easur e of l ung
i nter sti ti al f l ui d and can detect pul m onar y edem a and congesti on i n the dog
l ung bef or e al veol ar f l oodi ng occur s.
Revision
We concl ude that thi s m ethod i s a sensi ti ve quanti tati ve m easur e of l ung
i nter sti ti al f l ui d and can detect pul m onar y edem a and congesti on i n the dog
l ung bef or e al veol ar f l oodi ng occur s.
The m ost contr over si al use of “w e” i s i n the Methods secti on. The use of “w e”
i n statem ents of judgm ent, as i l l ustrated above, shoul d not be contr over si al ,
but the use of “w e” i n the Methods secti on def i ni tel y i s. The advantage of usi ng
“w e” i n Methods i s that i t m akes f or v i gor ous, r eadabl e w r i ti ng because usi ng
“w e” general l y f or ces the author to use the acti ve voi ce, w hi ch i s i nher entl y
l i vel y. The di sadvantage of usi ng “w e” i s that “w e” i s not usual l y the topi c i n
Methods; rather, the var i abl e or the techni que i s usual l y the topi c. You cannot
si m ul taneousl y have the advantage of “w e” and avoi d the di sadvantage, so
ei ther usi ng “w e” or avoi di ng “w e” i n Methods i s def ensi bl e. For an ex pl anati on
and ex am pl es, see Chapter 5: Mater i al s and Methods.
P. 88
EXERCISE 3.8: KEEPING A CONSISTENT POINT
OF VIEW AND A CONSISTENT ORDER
Ex a mple 1
Re vis e Ex a mple 1 s o tha t the point of vie w is c ons is te nt.
AMorta lity in this s e rie s of pa tie nts w a s 90% . BG e ne ra lly, s urviva l in
c linic a l s e rie s ha s be e n le s s tha n 20% . CThe only e x c e ption to this is the
e x pe rie nc e of Bole y (2), w ho re porte d a morta lity of 46% .
Hi de Answ er
OR: The m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2) i s the onl y excepti on.
AMor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B Mor tal i ty i n other
cl i ni cal ser i es has been gr eater than 80%, except f or the m or tal i ty of
46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
AMor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. BGeneral l y, m or tal i ty
i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been about the sam e (gr eater than 80%). CThe
onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
Ex a mple 2
1. In Ex a mple 2, ma k e the point of vie w c ons is te nt (the s ubje c t of e ve ry
s e nte nc e s hould s ta te a c a us e , or the s ubje c t of e ve ry s e nte nc e
s hould s ta te a n e ffe c t).
Hi de Answ er
AContracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on was the r esponse
i nduced by brady k i ni n. BThe contracti on was str onger af ter
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) was added al ong w i th
brady k i ni n, and the r el ax ati on was w eaker.
In Rev i si on 2, the data f or r el ax ati on ar e om i tted. Ideal l y , data
shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both dependent v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
Si m i l ar l y , doses shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both i ndependent
v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
Re vis ion 3 (Poi nt of v i ew : cause)
Ex a mple 3
1. In Ex a mple 3, ma k e the point of vie w in B c los e to the point of vie w in
A by us ing a n a s pe c t of the k e y te rm in A (a poB–c onta ining
lipoprote ins ) a s the firs t s ubje c t of B. In a ddition, ma k e the topic s
the s ubje c ts a nd put the a c tion in ve rbs .
2. Add a tra ns ition a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e B to indic a te the logic a l
re la tions hip of s e nte nc e B to s e nte nc e A.
ACons ide ra ble e vide nc e indic a te s tha t the a poB–c onta ining lipoprote ins
(for e x a mple , VLDL, IDL, LDL, lipoprote in [a ]) a re a the roge nic (1).
BFe e ding a die t ric h in fa ts a nd c hole s te rol to nonhuma n prima te s (2, 3) a s
w e ll a s c e rta in s tra ins of mic e (4, 5) re s ults in e le va te d le ve ls of the a po
B–c onta ining lipoprote ins , a nd is a c c ompa nie d by the de ve lopme nt of
a the ros c le rotic le s ions in the la rge a rte rie s .
Hi de Answ er
The topi c i n sentence B i s the subject (“ser um concentr ati ons”) and
the acti on i s i n the v er bs (“w er e”).
Fi nal l y , a tr ansi ti on w or d i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence B to
i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p of sentence B to sentence A. Instead
of a tr ansi ti on w or d, a tr ansi ti on cl ause that r epeats the k ey ter m
“ev i dence, ” such as one of these, coul d be used:
P. 89
Parallel Form for Parallel Ideas
Use Parallel Form for Parallel Ideas
Paral l el i deas ar e i deas of the sam e ty pe. For ex am pl e, i deas that ar e bei ng
com par ed or contrasted, such as “X i ncr eased but Y decr eased,” ar e paral l el
i deas. For the com par i son or contrast to be cl ear, the i deas shoul d be w r i tten
ei ther f r om the sam e poi nt of v i ew or i n paral l el f or m .
Paral l el f or m i s an ex tensi on of consi stent poi nt of v i ew. For sentences to have
a consi stent poi nt of v i ew, onl y the subjects of the sentences m ust be the sam e
—ei ther the sam e ter m or the sam e categor y of ter m . For sentences to be
paral l el , the gram m ati cal f or m of each par t of the sentence—the subject, the
ver b, and the com pl eter —m ust be the sam e as the gram m ati cal f or m of each
par t of the com pani on sentence(s). (Thus, i f sentences ar e paral l el , they
autom ati cal l y have the sam e poi nt of v i ew. )
Example 3.35
AThe l og 1 0 f uncti on el i m i nated som e waves. BThe f actor that deter m i ned
w hether a wave was el i m i nated or am pl i f i ed was the di v i sor. CWhen the di v i sor
was gr eater than the absol ute val ue of the peak of a wave, the wave was
el i m i nated. DWhen the di v i sor was l ess than the absol ute val ue of the peak of a
wave, the wave was am pl i f i ed.
In Ex am pl e 3. 35, the l ast tw o sentences ar e paral l el sentences that suppor t the
poi nt m ade i n the second topi c sentence (sentence B). N ote that i n the paral l el
sentences, the sentence patter ns ar e the sam e: subject (“the di v i sor ”), ver b
(“was”), com pl eter (“gr eater than X,” “l ess than X”); subject (“the wave”), ver b
(“was el i m i nated,” “was am pl i f i ed”). Fur ther m or e, m ost of the w or ds ar e the
sam e. Onl y the w or ds that i denti f y the contrast ar e di f f er ent: “gr eater,” “l ess”;
“el i m i nated,” “am pl i f i ed.”
Paral l el i sm w i thi n a paragraph can be l onger than tw o sentences, as i l l ustrated
i n Ex am pl e 3. 36.
Example 3.36
AAf ter f etal i njecti on of nal oxone, f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both
decr eased (f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8
± 0. 8 m m Hg, r especti vel y ). BTher e was no change i n ar ter i al bl ood PCO 2 .
CAf ter m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2 decr eased
(f r om 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). DTher e w er e no si gni f i cant changes i n
f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or PCO 2 .
The paragraph i n Ex am pl e 3. 36 i s or gani zed i nto tw o paral l el subtopi cs. The
f i r st subtopi c (sentences A and B)—the ef f ects of f etal i njecti ons—i s paral l el to
the second subtopi c (sentences C and D)—the ef f ects of m ater nal i njecti ons.
Wi thi n each subtopi c, the f i r st sentence i s about the var i abl es that changed; the
second sentence i s about the var i abl es that di d not change. Thus, sentences A
and C (var i abl es that changed) ar e w r i tten i n one
P. 90
paral l el f or m (“Af ter f etal /m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, Q decr eased”), and
sentences B and D (var i abl es that di d not change) ar e w r i tten i n another
paral l el f or m (“Ther e was/w er e no change(s) i n R”).
As these ex am pl es show, usi ng paral l el f or m f or sentences w i thi n a paragraph
i s the cl ear est way of pr esenti ng paral l el i deas.
Make the Verbs Parallel
An i m por tant f actor f or paral l el i sm i s that the ver bs m ust be ei ther the sam e
(w hen the i deas ar e si m i l ar ) or the opposi te (w hen the i deas contrast). In
Ex am pl e 3. 35, sentences C and D pr esent contrasti ng i deas, and the ver bs ar e
appr opr i atel y opposi tes: “was el i m i nated,” “was am pl i f i ed.” In Ex am pl e 3. 36,
sentences A and C pr esent si m i l ar i ti es; so do sentences B and D. The ver bs ar e
ther ef or e the sam e: “decr eased” (A and C); “was,” “w er e” (B and D).
Corollary: Do Not Use Parallel Form for Nonparallel
Ideas
For paral l el f or m to be ef f ecti ve, i t m ust be r eser ved onl y f or paral l el i deas.
N onparal l el i deas shoul d not be w r i tten i n paral l el f or m .
Example 3.37
To de te rmine w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate secr eti on of
f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e di d ex per i m ents on gl ands exci sed
f r om f er r ets. To induc e secr eti on, w e sti m ul ated the ti ssue both el ectr i cal l y
and phar m acol ogi cal l y. To inhibit secr eti on, w e added XXXX to the bathi ng
sol uti on.
Revision A
To deter m i ne w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate secr eti on of
f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e di d ex per i m ents on gl ands exci sed
f r om f er r ets. We i nduced secr eti on by sti m ul ati ng the ti ssue both el ectr i cal l y
and phar m acol ogi cal l y. We i nhi bi ted secr eti on by addi ng XXXX to the bathi ng
sol uti on.
In Rev i si on A the f or m of the l ast tw o sentences has been changed. These
sentences, w hi ch ex pr ess paral l el i deas, ar e sti l l i n paral l el f or m .
Revision B
We wanted to deter m i ne w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate
secr eti on of f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands. For thi s pur pose, w e
studi ed the secr etor y r esponses to el ectr i cal and phar m acol ogi cal sti m ul ati on of
segm ents of f er r et trachea i n v i tr o i n the pr esence and i n the absence of a
speci f i c ner ve bl ocker and autonom i c antagoni sts.
In Rev i si on B, paral l el f or m i s used onl y w i thi n one sentence (see under l i ned
w or ds), not betw een sentences. Thi s i s f i ne. The i m por tant poi nt i s that the tw o
sentences i n Rev i si on B, w hi ch do not gi ve paral l el i nf or m ati on, ar e not i n
paral l el f or m .
P. 91
Signaling the Subtopics of a Paragraph
Signaling Subtopics Announced in the Topic Sentence
We saw at the begi nni ng of thi s chapter that i deal l y a paragraph shoul d begi n
w i th a topi c sentence so that r eader s k now w hat the paragraph i s about bef or e
they r ead i t. Si m i l ar l y, each subtopi c i n the paragraph shoul d be si gnal ed as
soon as that subtopi c begi ns so that r eader s w i l l k now w hat the subtopi c i s
bef or e they star t r eadi ng about i t. The si gnal s shoul d be both v i sual and ver bal .
A new topi c i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by a new paragraph and ver bal l y by a topi c
sentence. A new subtopi c w i thi n a paragraph i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by a new
sentence and ver bal l y by putti ng the nam e of the subtopi c i n a key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. The key ter m at the begi nni ng of the sentence can
be the subject of the sentence (Ex am pl e 3. 38) or the object i n a transi ti on
phrase (Ex am pl e 3. 39) or a transi ti on cl ause.
Ex a mple 3. 38: Key Ter m as the Subject of the Sentence
ASam pl es of i nspi r ed, endti dal , and m i xedex pi r ed gases w er e taken dur i ng
the 2h washi n per i od. BInspi r ed gas sam pl es w er e col l ected pr ox i m al to the
nonr ebr eathi ng val ve. CEndti dal gas sam pl es w er e col l ected thr ough a
catheter, the ti p of w hi ch was pl aced near the tracheal end of the endotracheal
tube. DThe endotracheal tube was connected to the nonr ebr eathi ng val ve w i th
f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tubi ng w hose i nter nal vol um e was appr ox i m atel y 100 m l .
ETef l on® was used to avoi d the absor pti on and r el ease of anestheti c that occur
w i th pl asti cs such as pol yethy l ene, and the added 100 m l of dead space was
used to pr event contam i nati on of endti dal sam pl es w i th i nspi r ed gas. F Ex pi r ed
gases w er e conducted v i a a f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tube to an al um i num m i x i ng
cham ber. G Mi xedex pi r ed gas sam pl es w er e col l ected di stal to the al um i num
m i x i ng cham ber. H Al l gas sam pl es w er e col l ected i n 50m l gl ass sy r i nges that
w er e stor ed upr i ght (to pr oduce a sl i ght posi ti ve pr essur e) unti l anal y zed.
In Ex am pl e 3. 38 (= Ex am pl e 3. 27), the topi c sentence nam es thr ee ty pes of
gases, each of w hi ch i s di scussed l ater i n the paragraph. To si gnal each
subtopi c, the author star ts a new sentence (v i sual si gnal ) and r epeats a key
ter m f r om the topi c sentence as the subject at the begi nni ng of the f i r st
suppor ti ng sentence on each new subtopi c (B, C, G) (ver bal si gnal ).
Ex a mple 3. 39: Key Ter m i n a Transi ti on Phrase
APr opranol ol had var i abl e ef f ects on the hy poxem i ai nduced changes i n r egi onal
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , pr opranol ol di d not si gni f i cantl y al ter the
i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a. CHow ever, i n other or gans, such
as the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol
caused a m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
In Ex am pl e 3. 39 (= Rev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 28), the topi c sentence m enti ons
r egi onal bl ood f l ow, and the subtopi cs ar e var i ous r egi ons. These subtopi cs ar e
si gnal ed v i sual l y by new sentences and ver bal l y by transi ti on phrases at the
begi nni ng of the sentences (under l i ned). Each transi ti on phrase i ncl udes a key
ter m that i denti f i es the r egi on (the subtopi c): “cer ebr um ,” “other or gans.”
Signaling Parallel Subtopics
When the subtopi cs i n a paragraph ar e paral l el , the si gnal s of the subtopi cs
shoul d al so be paral l el . Thus, i f a key ter m as the subject of the sentence
P. 92
si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, a key ter m as the subject of the sentence shoul d al so
si gnal the second and al l other subtopi cs. Si m i l ar l y, i f a key ter m i n a
transi ti on phrase si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, a key ter m i n a transi ti on phrase
shoul d al so si gnal the second and al l other subtopi cs. Mi x i ng the tw o k i nds of
si gnal s does not w or k , because transi ti on phrases ar e m or e noti ceabl e as
si gnal s than ar e subjects of sentences. U si ng a key ter m as the subject of a
sentence to si gnal a subtopi c af ter hav i ng used a transi ti on phrase to si gnal a
subtopi c i s par ti cul ar l y i nef f ecti ve.
Signaling Subtopics = Signaling the Organization
In Ex am pl e 3. 38, the topi c sentence i ndi cates that the paragraph w i l l be
or gani zed by the ty pe of gas. Si m i l ar l y, i n Ex am pl e 3. 39, the topi c sentence
i m pl i es that the paragraph w i l l be or gani zed by the r egi on of bl ood f l ow. These
i m pl i ed or gani zati ons ar e car r i ed out i n the suppor ti ng sentences and ar e
si gnal ed by the key ter m s that nam e the subtopi cs. Thus, by si gnal i ng the
subtopi cs, you ar e al so si gnal i ng the or gani zati on of the paragraph.
Signaling Subtopics Not Announced in the Topic
Sentence
Even i f the topi c sentence does not nam e m or e than one topi c, the paragraph
m i ght contai n a subtopi c, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 40. In thi s case, i t i s especi al l y
i m por tant to si gnal the subtopi c by nam i ng the subtopi c at the begi nni ng of the
sentence, si nce the topi c sentence di d not pr epar e us to ex pect any subtopi cs.
Example 3.40
APul m onar y ner ve endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to pheny l di guani de
(tabl e 1, f i g. 3B). BOf 25 pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs tested, onl y 10 w er e
sti m ul ated w hen thi s dr ug was i njected i nto the r i ght atr i um , and i n onl y one of
these di d f i r i ng exceed 2. 2 i m pul ses/s. CIf the l atter endi ng i s excl uded, the
average peak f r equency of the endi ngs sti m ul ated was onl y 1. 7 i m pul ses/s.
DThe excepti on, w hi ch f i r ed w i th an average f r equency of 17. 4 i m pul ses/s at
the peak of the r esponse, was encounter ed i n the onl y dog i n w hi ch r i ght atr i al
i njecti on of pheny l di guani de evoked r ef l ex bradycar di a w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on ti m e (l atency 2. 2 s). EMor eover, i n thi s dog ar ter i al pr essur e f el l ,
w her eas i n al l other dogs i t r ose, but onl y af ter suf f i ci ent ti m e had el apsed f or
the dr ug to r each the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In Ex am pl e 3. 40 (= Ex am pl e 3. 3), the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of the
new paragraph nam es the topi c of the paragraph i n the f i r st thr ee w or ds—
pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs—and then states the poi nt: w er e r el ati vel y
i nsensi ti ve. The nex t tw o sentences (B, C) suppor t thi s poi nt. How ever, the l ast
tw o sentences (D, E) ar e on a new subtopi c—an excepti on that does not suppor t
the poi nt. Thi s new subtopi c i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by star ti ng a new sentence (D)
and ver bal l y by putti ng the topi c, “the excepti on” (key ter m ), at the begi nni ng
of the sentence as the subject of the sentence.
Signaling Subtopics in Paragraphs That Have No Topic
Sentence
Si gnal i ng subtopi cs i n paragraphs that have no topi c sentence i s tr i ck y. The
pr obl em i s that tw o si gnal s ar e needed at the begi nni ng of the paragraph— a
si gnal of the topi c of the paragraph and a si gnal of the f i r st subtopi c. It i s
P. 93
i m possi bl e to put both si gnal s f i r st, so one of the si gnal s w i l l be w eak , as
show n i n Ex am pl e 3. 41.
Example 3.41
ABlood flow to the s e rumins tille d lung decr eased i n the contr ol ex per i m ents
to 20% of basel i ne val ues and di d not change over 4 h (f i gur e 3). BIn contrast,
af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts , bl ood f l ow decr eased l ess (to about 75% of
basel i ne). CFur ther m or e, the bl ood f l ow r ecover ed to basel i ne l evel s by 2 h,
and at 4 h was even sl i ghtl y above basel i ne. DAf ter i ntravenous ni tr opr ussi de,
bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung was si m i l ar to bl ood f l ow af ter beta
adr ener gi c agoni sts.
In Ex am pl e 3. 41, the topi c of the paragraph i s bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed
l ungs. The subtopi cs ar e contr ol ex per i m ents (A), betaadr ener gi c agoni sts (B–
C), and i ntravenous ni tr opr ussi de (D). The topi c of the paragraph i s si gnal ed by
putti ng the key ter m (“bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung”) at the begi nni ng
of the f i r st sentence. Consequentl y, the si gnal of the f i r st subtopi c of the
paragraph (“i n the contr ol ex per i m ents”) m ust com e l ater i n the sentence and
ther ef or e i s w eak , i f not enti r el y usel ess. To f uncti on as a si gnal , the key ter m
m ust appear at the begi nni ng of the sentence. How ever, i f the author had put
“i n the contr ol ex per i m ents” at the begi nni ng of sentence A, the si gnal of the
topi c of the paragraph w oul d have been l ost.
If you m ust choose betw een si gnal i ng the topi c of a paragraph and si gnal i ng the
f i r st subtopi c, i t i s better to si gnal the topi c (the hi gher l evel of or gani zati on).
If you want to si gnal both the topi c and the f i r st subtopi c, the sol uti on i s to add
a topi c sentence.
Revision
AThe de c re a s e in pulmona ry blood flow tha t oc c urre d a fte r ins tilla tion of
s e rum w a s inhibite d by both be ta a dre ne rgic a gonis ts a nd nitroprus s ide .
BAfte r s e rum a lone (c ontrol), bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung
decr eased to 20% of basel i ne val ues and di d not change over 4 h (f i gur e 3).
CIn contrast, af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts , bl ood f l ow decr eased l ess (to
about 75% of basel i ne). DFur ther m or e, the bl ood f l ow r ecover ed to basel i ne
l evel s by 2 h, and at 4 h was even sl i ghtl y above basel i ne. EAf ter i ntravenous
ni tr opr ussi de, bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung was si m i l ar to bl ood f l ow
af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts.
N ow that a topi c sentence has been added, the topi c sentence si gnal s the topi c
of the paragraph and the transi ti on phrases at the begi nni ng of sentences B, C,
and E si gnal the subtopi cs.
The Duration of a Signal
When a subtopi c i s si gnal ed at the begi nni ng of a sentence, the si gnal hol ds
unti l you change i t. Thus, i n Ex am pl e 3. 41, the subtopi c of sentence B (“af ter
betaadr ener gi c agoni sts”) car r i es over to sentence C. That i s, w e k now that
r ecover y of bl ood f l ow to basel i ne l evel s took pl ace af ter betaadr ener gi c
agoni sts w er e gi ven. Si m i l ar l y, the topi c of the enti r e paragraph—bl ood f l ow to
the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung—hol ds thr oughout the paragraph. Even though the
ser um i nsti l l ed l ung i s not m enti oned i n sentences B and C, w e under stand that
the paragraph i s sti l l tal k i ng about bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung. Thus,
si gnal i ng the topi c and subtopi cs of a paragraph i s a pow er f ul tool f or cr eati ng
conti nui ty i n a paragraph.
P. 94
SUMMARY
The topi c of a paragraph can be si gnal ed v i sual l y by begi nni ng a new
paragraph and ver bal l y by stati ng the topi c or the m essage i n a topi c
sentence at the begi nni ng of the paragraph.
Subtopi cs w i thi n a paragraph can be si gnal ed v i sual l y by begi nni ng a new
sentence and ver bal l y by nam i ng the subtopi c i n a key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence, ei ther as the subject of the sentence or i n a
transi ti on phrase or cl ause.
Si gnal s of subtopi cs al so f uncti on as si gnal s of how the paragraph i s
or gani zed.
A si gnal of a topi c or subtopi c pl aced at the begi nni ng of a paragraph or a
sentence hol ds unti l a new si gnal appear s.
P. 95
EXERCISE 3.9: SIGNALING SUBTOPICS
In the pa ra gra ph be low , s e nte nc e s C a nd D a re pa ra lle l. The s ubtopic
of s e nte nc e D is s igna le d (“ For the 47k D prote in” ). How e ve r, the s ubtopic
of s e nte nc e C is not s igna le d.
1. W rite a s igna l a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e C. Y our s igna l s hould be
pa ra lle l to the s igna l in s e nte nc e D.
2. Re pla c e the tra ns ition w ord “ the re fore ” in s e nte nc e B w ith a
tra ns ition phra s e tha t s ta te s the logic more c le a rly. Y our tra ns ition
phra s e s hould re pe a t a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e A.
ADire c t a mino a c id s e que nc e a na lys is of both the 57 a nd 47k D prote ins
on P VDF s how e d tha t the s e prote ins w e re bloc k e d a t the Nte rminus .
BThe re fore , inte rna l a mino a c id s e que nc e a na lys is w a s pe rforme d on the
prote ins from the SDSP AG E ge l. CNte rmina l s e que nc e a na lys is of a
mix ture of tw o c le a va ge fra gme nts obta ine d a fte r tryps in dige s tion a nd
pre pa ra tive HP LC yie lde d tw o a mino a c id re s idue s for e a c h of 11 c yc le s :
(Va l/Ala )–(P he /Trp)–(Tyr/P ro)–(Va l/His )–(As n/Lys )–(Va l/As p)–
(Le u/Tyr)–(As n/P ro?)–(G lu/Le u?)–(G lu/Ile ?)–(G ln/P ro?). DFor the 47k D
prote in, Nte rmina l s e que nc e a na lys is of a n inte rna l fra gme nt obta ine d
a fte r tryps in dige s tion a nd pre pa ra tive HP LC yie lde d 13 a mino a c id
re s idue s , c orre s ponding w ith a mino a c id re s idue s 203 to 215 of huma n
a lpha e nola s e (re f): As p–Ala –Thr–As n–Va l–G ly–As p–G lu–G ly–G ly–P he –
Ala –P ro.
Hi de Answ er
ADi r ect am i no aci d sequence anal y si s of both the 57 and the 47 k D
pr otei ns on PVDF show ed that the pr otei ns w er e bl ocked at the N
ter m i nus. BTo ove rc ome this bloc k , i nter nal am i no aci d sequence
anal y si s was per f or m ed on the pr otei ns f r om the SDSPAGE gel . CFor
the 57 k D prote in, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of a m i x tur e of tw o
cl eavage f ragm ents obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve
HPLC y i el ded tw o am i no aci d r esi dues f or each of 11 cycl es:
(Val /Al a)–(Phe/Tr p)–(Ty r /Pr o)–(Val /Hi s)–(Asn/Ly s)–(Val /Asp)–
(Leu/Ty r )–(Asn/Pr o?)–(Gl u/Leu?)–(Gl u/Il e?)–(Gl n/Pr o?). DFor the 47
k D pr otei n, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of an i nter nal f ragm ent
obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded 13
am i no aci d r esi dues, cor r espondi ng w i th am i no aci d r esi dues 203 to
215 of hum an al phaenol ase (r ef ): Asp–Al a–Thr –Asn–Val –Gl y–Asp–
Gl u–Gl y–Gl y–Phe–Al a–Pr o.
“To ov er com e thi s bl ock ” at the begi nni ng of sentence B str engthens
the conti nui ty because thi s tr ansi ti on phr ase i s m or e pr eci se than the
tr ansi ti on w or d “ther ef or e. ”
P. 96
EXERCISE 3.10: PARALLEL FORM AND
SIGNALING SUBTOPICS
2. Signa l the s ubtopic s by na ming the s ubtopic in a k e y te rm e ithe r a s
the s ubje c t of the s e nte nc e or in a tra ns ition phra s e a t the be ginning
of the s e nte nc e . If you k e e p the c ontrols , your s igna ling job w ill be
more c omple x be c a us e the pa ra gra ph w ill ha ve more s ubtopic s .
3. Ma k e the la s t s e nte nc e ma k e s e ns e (s o tha t c a ffe ine is a dde d a t only
one c onc e ntra tion a t a time ).
Note s :
AIn ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , c a ffe ine (3 mM) c onve rte d loa ds e ns itive
re la x a tion (Fig. 1A, B) to loa dins e ns itive re la x a tion (Fig. 1C, Fig. 1D). BIn
c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , unde r c ontrol c onditions (Fig. 2A B), re la x a tion w a s
s e ns itive to loa d. CIn c ontra s t to the re s pons e in ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , the
a ddition of 3 mM c a ffe ine to c a t pa pilla ry mus c le (Fig. 2C. D), e ve n a t
c onc e ntra tions of 5 mM (Fig. 3A, B) or 10 mM, fa ile d to e limina te the loa d
s e ns itivity of re la x a tion.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion (The ver si on you w oul d ex pect; that i s, the
1 second sentence i s ex actl y paral l el to the f i r st
sentence. The contr ol s ar e om i tted. )
Or gani zed by the ani m al studi ed; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the
subtopi cs nam es the ani m al : “i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat
papi l l ar y m uscl e. ”
The l ast sentence no l onger descr i bes addi ng 3 m M caf f ei ne at 5
or 10 m M.
Re vis ion (A ver si on or gani zed l i ke Rev i si on 1 but m or e
2 conci se)
In rat papi l l ar y m uscl e, 3 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty
of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B, C, D). In contrast, i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e, not
even 10 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on
(Fi gs. 2, 3).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that i ncl udes the contr ol r esul ts and
3 om i ts the noti on of “conver si on”)
U nde r c ontrol c onditions , the r el ax ati on of rat and cat papi l l ar y
m uscl es was l oad sensi ti ve (Fi gs. 1, 2). Afte r 3 mM c a ffe ine , the
r el ax ati on of ra t papi l l ar y m uscl e becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve (Fi g. 1)
but the r el ax ati on of c a t papi l l ar y m uscl e was sti l l l oad sensi ti ve
(Fi g. 2) and r em ai ned so even af ter 5 (Fi g. 3) or 10 m M caf f ei ne.
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence. The
4 contr ol r esul ts ar e om i tted. )
Caf f ei ne had di f f er ent ef f ects on the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on i n
rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl e. In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne
conver ted the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B) to l oad
i nsensi ti v i ty (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne
di d not conver t l oad sensi ti v i ty to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty at concentrati ons
of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data not show n).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence that
5 i ncl udes, and subor di nates, the contr ol )
Al though papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on was l oad sensi ti ve under contr ol
condi ti ons (no caf f ei ne) i n both rats (Fi g. 1) and cats (Fi g. 2),
r el ax ati on i n these m uscl es r esponded di f f er entl y to caf f ei ne. In ra t
pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve w hen 3 m M
caf f ei ne was added to the bath (Fi g. 1). In contrast, in c a t pa pilla ry
mus c le , r el ax ati on r em ai ned l oad sensi ti ve af ter 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5
m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M caf f ei ne was added to the bath.
Caf f ei ne conver ted papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on f r om l oad sensi ti ve to
l oad i nsensi ti ve i n rats but not i n cats at al l concentrati ons tested
(Fi gs. 1, 2 and 3).
P. 97
In the pa ra gra ph be low , s e nte nc e s B a nd C a re on one s ubtopic (tra c he a l
s e gme nts fix e d in Bouin's fix a tive ) a nd s e nte nc e s D a nd E a re on a nothe r
s ubtopic (tra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in 0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde ). Se nte nc e s B
a nd D pre s e nt pa ra lle l ide a s a nd a re w ritte n in pa ra lle l form. Se nte nc e s C
a nd E a ls o pre s e nt pa ra lle l ide a s , but the y a re not w ritte n in pa ra lle l form.
ATra c he a l s e gme nts w e re pla c e d e ithe r in Bouin's fix a tive for 24 h a t room
te mpe ra ture or in 0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde in 0. 08 M c a c odyla te buffe r (pH
7. 5) for 1 h a t 4° C. BTra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in Bouin's fix a tive w e re
de hydra te d in gra de d e tha nol s olutions , c le a re d in a lpha te rpine ol, a nd
e mbe dde d in pa ra ffin. CP a ra ffine mbe dde d tis s ue s w e re s e c tione d a t 7 µm
w ith a rota ry mic rotome (Ame ric a n Optic a l). DTra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in
0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde w e re de hydra te d in gra de d a c e tone s olutions a nd
e mbe dde d in a ra ldite (P olys c ie nc e s ). EThic k s e c tions (1 µm) w e re c ut w ith
a n ultra mic rotome (P orte rBlum MT1).
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
Re vis ion 2
The pa ra gra ph be low is the s a me a s Ex a mple 3. 36. The a uthor now w a nts
to inc lude a s ta te me nt a bout the ma te rna l re s pons e s to na lox one . The
ma te rna l re s pons e s w e re tha t none of the va ria ble s c ha nge d a fte r e ithe r
fe ta l or ma te rna l inje c tions of na lox one . Re vis e this pa ra gra ph, a dding the
ma te rna l re s pons e s w ithout de s troying the pa ra lle l form or the s igna ls of
the topic s .
AAfte r fe ta l inje c tion of na lox one , fe ta l a rte ria l blood pH a nd P O 2 both
de c re a s e d (from 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 a nd from 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to
20. 8 ± 0. 8 mmHg, re s pe c tive ly). BThe re w a s no c ha nge in fe ta l a rte ria l
blood P CO 2 . CAfte r ma te rna l inje c tion of na lox one , only fe ta l a rte ria l blood
P O 2 de c re a s e d (from 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 mmHg). DThe re w e re no
s ignific a nt c ha nge s in fe ta l a rte ria l blood pH or P CO 2 .
Hi de Answ er
To av oi d destr oy i ng the par al l el f or m i n thi s par agr aph, use a topi c
sentence to state the contr ast betw een the f etuses and the m other s
and then, af ter a second topi c sentence, descr i be the detai l s f or the
f etuses.
Re vis ion
Injecti on of nal oxone al ter ed the ar ter i al bl ood gas and pH r esponses
of the f etuses but not those of the m other s. The f etal r esponses
depended on the si te of i njecti on. Af ter f etal i njecti on of nal oxone,
f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both decr eased [f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01
(SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8 ± 0. 8 m m Hg,
r especti vel y ]. Ther e was no change i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood PCO 2 . Af ter
m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2
decr eased (f r om 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). Ther e w er e no
si gni f i cant changes i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or PCO 2 .
P. 98
EMPHASIS
So f ar i n thi s chapter, w e have been concentrati ng on or gani zi ng paragraphs
and pr ov i di ng conti nui ty so that the r eader can f i nd the m essage of the
paragraph and can f ol l ow the stor y. In addi ti on, the r eader needs to k now w hat
i s i m por tant. N ot al l the i nf or m ati on i n a paragraph, or i n a paper, i s equal l y
i m por tant. To hel p the r eader f i nd the i m por tant i nf or m ati on, em phasi ze the
i m por tant i nf or m ati on and deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on.
Condensing or Omitting
Possi bl y the m ost i m por tant techni que f or em phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s
to deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on by condensi ng or om i tti ng i t. In
m any publ i shed paper s, the uni m por tant i nf or m ati on outw ei ghs the i m por tant
i nf or m ati on, so w e cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees. The sol uti on i s to f i nd a
bal ance betw een tw o ex tr em es: tel l i ng ever y thi ng you k now and getti ng a
m essage acr oss. Keep i n m i nd, “The m or e noi se, the l ess m essage.”
Condensi ng of ten needs to be done i n com bi nati on w i th other techni ques of
em phasi s, as show n i n the ex am pl es bel ow.
Subordinating
A second techni que f or deem phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to subor di nate
i t, f or ex am pl e by pl aci ng i t i n a subor di nate cl ause. In Ex am pl e 3. 42, sentence
B has too m uch em phasi s. It i nter r upts the stor y l i ne.
Example 3.42
AWe chose a per i od equal to thr ee ti m es the ti m e constant because 95% of the
change i n anestheti c concentrati on w i thi n a com par tm ent, and l i kew i se 95% of
the r ecover y f r om a com par tm ent, shoul d occur dur i ng thi s per i od.
P. 99
BThese per centages ar e r ough esti m ates of the am ount di str i buted to and
subsequentl y r ecover ed f r om each com par tm ent. CHow ever, the di sti nct
separati on of these com par tm ents m eans that m ost anestheti c el i m i nated f r om
each com par tm ent shoul d occur dur i ng the per i ods w e chose.
To m ake the stor y l i ne cl ear, sentence B, w hi ch i nter r upts the contrast stated i n
sentences A and C, can be deem phasi zed by bei ng pl aced i n a subor di nate
cl ause attached to sentence C and by bei ng condensed.
Revision
AWe chose a per i od equal to thr ee ti m es the ti m e constant because 95% of the
change i n anestheti c concentrati on w i thi n a com par tm ent, and l i kew i se 95% of
the r ecover y f r om a com par tm ent, shoul d occur dur i ng thi s per i od. BAl though
these per centages ar e r ough esti m ates, Cthe di sti nct separati on of these
com par tm ents m eans that m ost anestheti c el i m i nated f r om each com par tm ent
shoul d occur dur i ng the per i ods w e chose.
Power Position
Al though deem phasi zi ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on by condensi ng, om i tti ng,
and subor di nati ng i t cl ear s away the under br ush, the author shoul d al so
em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on. One way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on
i s to put i t i n a pow er posi ti on. The pow er posi ti ons ar e f i r st and l ast. Fi r st i s
m ost pow er f ul . Reader s begi n r eadi ng sentences, paragraphs, and secti ons of a
paper at the begi nni ng, so you have thei r attenti on. That i s w hy, i f ther e i s onl y
one topi c sentence i n a paragraph, i t shoul d be pl aced f i r st. Si m i l ar l y, i f the
f i r st noun of the topi c sentence i s the subject and i denti f i es the topi c of the
paragraph, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 3 (“pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs”), that i s ver y
pow er f ul .
The m i ddl e posi ti on i s the bur i al gr ound. Thus, an i m por tant poi nt ex pr essed i n
the m i ddl e of a sentence or an i m por tant r esul t pl aced i n the m i ddl e of several
sentences of r esul ts i s al m ost i nv i si bl e.
P ow e r P os itions
Fi r st noun of the sentence as the subject of the sentence (ver y
pr om i nent)
Fi r st noun of the sentence, not as the subject (l ess pr om i nent)
W e a k P os itions
Ex am pl e 3. 43 pr esents a l i st of r esul ts i n num bi ng detai l . It i s di f f i cul t to tel l
w hi ch r esul ts ar e m ost i m por tant.
Example 3.43
AMean pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e and car di ac output di d not change af ter
i nsti l l ati on of ser um al one or ser um w i th epi nephr i ne or ter butal i ne (tabl e 1).
BLef t atr i al pr essur e f el l sl i ghtl y bel ow the basel i ne af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents,
but the decr ease was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant onl y af ter epi nephr i ne (tabl e 1).
CPeak ai r way pr essur e i ncr eased sl i ghtl y af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents, but the
i ncr ease was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant onl y f or epi nephr i ne and ter butal i ne (tabl e
1). DTher e was a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n l ung l y m ph f l ow and a si gni f i cant
decr ease i n the l y m phtopl asm a pr otei n concentrati on rati o af ter al l thr ee
tr eatm ents. EBoth the r i se i n l y m ph f l ow and the decr ease i n the l y m phto
pl asm a pr otei n concentrati on rati o w er e gr eater af ter ter butal i ne and
epi nephr i ne than af ter ser um al one (tabl e 2). F Ar ter i al ox ygen tensi on
decr eased af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents, al though i t was al way s gr eater than 85
m m Hg.
The m ost i m por tant r esul t—sentence D—i s bur i ed i n the m i ddl e. To m ake the
i m por tant r esul t easi er to f i nd, i t shoul d be f i r st i n the paragraph.
P. 100
Revision
AAf ter ser um was i nsti l l ed ei ther al one or w i th one of the tw o betaadr ener gi c
agoni sts, l ung l y m ph f l ow i ncr eased and the l y m phtopl asm a pr otei n
concentrati on rati o decr eased. BBoth of these changes w er e gr eater af ter
ter butal i ne and epi nephr i ne than af ter ser um al one (tabl e 2). CAr ter i al ox ygen
tensi on decr eased, al though i t was al way s gr eater than 85 m m Hg. DTher e w er e
no i m por tant changes i n hem ody nam i cs or peak ai r way pr essur e (tabl e 1).
In the r ev i si on, the m ost i m por tant r esul t i s f i r st. The thr ee sentences of l east
i m por tant r esul ts ar e condensed to one sentence and pl aced l ast (sentence D).
In addi ti on, tw o other techni ques of condensi ng ar e used: The tr eatm ents ar e
nam ed at the begi nni ng of the paragraph, so they do not need to be r epeated i n
ever y sentence (as they ar e i n the or i gi nal paragraph). A categor y ter m
(“changes”) i s used i n sentence B to avoi d r epeati ng the detai l s of w hat
i ncr eased and w hat decr eased.
N ow that the i m por tant r esul t i s i n a pow er posi ti on (f i r st) and the noi seto
m essage rati o i s decr eased, the r esul ts i n thi s paragraph ar e cl ear.
Labeling
Another usef ul way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to l abel i t as
i m por tant. For ex am pl e, a di scussi on secti on of a paper can begi n by say i ng,
“The m ost i m por tant f i ndi ng of thi s study i s… .” Si m i l ar l y, i ndi v i dual paragraphs
w i thi n a di scussi on can begi n by say i ng “One of the m ost str i k i ng f i ndi ngs of
our i nvesti gati ons was…” or “The m ost unusual aspect of the Odr 7 sequence
i s… .” Si m i l ar l y, l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on can be l abel ed, as i n sentence D of
the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 43 above (“Ther e w er e no i m por tant changes i n…”).
Repeating
A f i f th way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to r epeat i t. The m ost
i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n a paper i s the m essage. The m essage shoul d be stated
m or e than once—cer tai nl y i n the abstract and i n the Di scussi on. The m essage
can be r epeated i n the Di scussi on by bei ng stated both at the begi nni ng and at
the end. It can al so be stated i n the ti tl e.
Stating Rather Than Implying
Im por tant i nf or m ati on shoul d be stated, not l ef t f or the r eader to f i gur e out.
The m ost i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n a paragraph i s usual l y the m essage, so the
m essage shoul d al way s be stated, not m er el y i m pl i ed.
Som eti m es the author gets so i nvol ved i n uni m por tant detai l s that the m essage
goes unstated, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 44, f r om a di scussi on secti on.
Example 3.44
AThe f i nal var i abl e that can shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve acutel y i s a
change i n tem peratur e. BRectal tem peratur e was m oni tor ed i n m any dogs
P. 101
and tended to dr i f t dow nwar d f r om 38 to 36°C. CThe gr eatest dr i f t i n
tem peratur e (to 36°C) occur r ed dur i ng the thoracotomy and then the
tem peratur e usual l y r em ai ned stabl e. DTem pl eton et al . (38) r epor ted gr eater
car di ac m uscl e sti f f ness and gr eater di astol i c pr essur e consi stent w i th a
l ef twar d shi f t i n the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve at 33°C (P LVE D , 6. 6 m m Hg) than
at 37°C (P LVE D , 1. 8 m m Hg). EThe m ajor i ncr ease i n di astol i c pr essur e cam e at
tem peratur es bel ow 35°C. F The author s bel i eved that the el evati on i n di astol i c
pr essur e was m edi ated by changes i n v i scous rather than el asti c pr oper ti es.
G How ever, 1 al l r ecor ded tem peratur es i n the pr esent study w er e gr eater than
35°C, 2 tem peratur e was usual l y stabl e dur i ng the ex per i m ental pr otocol at 37°C,
and 3 ther e was no ev i dence that v i scous f actor s changed dur i ng m ax i m al
cor onar y bl ood f l ow.
When w e get to sentence D, our eyes begi n to gl aze over. Al though w e can
under stand w hat sentences D–G ar e say i ng, w e do not k now w hy w e ar e hear i ng
them . The i m pl i cati on i s not cl ear. What i s the m essage of al l thi s detai l ?
Revision
AThe f i nal var i abl e that can shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve acutel y i s a
change i n tem peratur e. BIn our ex per i m ents, r ectal tem peratur e tended to dr i f t
dow nwar d f r om 38 to 36°C. CThe gr eatest dr i f t i n tem peratur e (to 36°C)
occur r ed dur i ng the thoracotomy and then tem peratur e usual l y r em ai ned stabl e.
X Thi s change i n tem peratur e pr obabl y di d not shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on
cur ve, si nce a l ef twar d shi f t has been r epor ted onl y at tem peratur es bel ow
35°C (38).
The r ev i si on m akes the m essage cl ear, because the author states the m essage
(sentence X, under l i ned). The detai l s ar e unnecessar y, so they have been
om i tted.
Thus, deem phasi zi ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, by condensi ng, om i tti ng, or
subor di nati ng i t, al ong w i th em phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on, by pl aci ng i t i n
a pow er posi ti on, l abel i ng i t, r epeati ng i t, and stati ng rather than i m pl y i ng i t,
m ake the m essage and the stor y of a paragraph cl ear.
P. 102
EXERCISE 3.11: CONDENSING
In the pa ra gra ph be low , w hic h is from a Re s ults s e c tion, the me s s a ge
is ha rd to s e e be c a us e of unne c e s s a ry re pe tition a nd unne c e s s a ry w ords .
2. Afte r you ha ve finis he d c onde ns ing, improve s e nte nc e s truc ture a s
ne e de d.
Avoid noun c lus te rs .
Note s :
2. Be c a re ful not to c onfus e “ n min a fte r e x pos ure ” a nd “ a fte r n min of
e x pos ure . ” In this pa ra gra ph w e do not k now how long the e x pos ure
w a s , s o it is not a c c ura te to s a y “ a fte r n min of e x pos ure . ”
A s ignific a nt inc re a s e in Eva ns blue dye e x tra va s a tion w a s obs e rve d both
in the tra c he a a nd ma in bronc hi 45 a nd 60 min a fte r e x pos ure to ozone .
How e ve r, the re w a s no s ignific a nt inc re a s e in the a mount of e x tra va s a te d
Eva ns blue dye 15 or 30 min a fte r ozone e x pos ure e ithe r in the tra c he a or
in the ma in bronc hi. (55 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AEx travasati on of Evans bl ue dye Bwas i ncr eased both i n the trachea
and Ci n the m ai n br onchi 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone,
Dbut not 15 or 30 m i n af ter ex posur e.
(32 w or ds)
C. Par al l el f or m used.
Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n the trachea and the
m ai n br onchi onl y at 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone.
(24 w or ds)
(33 w or ds)
In al l r ev i si ons, the v er b m ust be “w as i ncr eased, ” not “i ncr eased. ”
The r eason i s that “i ncr eased” coul d i m pl y that 45 m i n w as the
m om ent w hen the i ncr ease began. How ev er , the i ncr ease coul d hav e
begun at 31 m i n.
P. 103
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR PARAGRAPH
STRUCTURE
GENERAL
To send a cl ear m essage and tel l a cl ear stor y, paragraphs shoul d be or gani zed,
shoul d have conti nui ty, and shoul d em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on.
SPECIFIC
Organization
Gi ve over v i ew f i r st, i n a topi c sentence. Then gi ve detai l s, i n l ogi cal l y
or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences.
Continuity
Repeat key ter m s.
Repeat ex actl y.
Repeat ear l y.
Li nk key ter m s w hen you sw i tch f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y ter m ,
or v i ce ver sa.
U se transi ti on w or ds, phrases, or cl auses to i ndi cate l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een i deas.
Emphasis
To deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, condense, om i t, or
subor di nate i t.
To em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on, pl ace i t i n a pow er posi ti on, l abel i t,
r epeat i t, and state i t rather than just i m pl y i ng i t.
Back
Introduction
In Secti on I, The Bui l di ng Bl ock s of Wr i ti ng, w e saw how to choose w or ds and
how to ar range w or ds i n sentences and paragraphs. In Secti on II, w e m ove to
the nex t l ar ger uni t of thought—the secti ons of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper.
Pr i nci pl es f or w r i ti ng each secti on of a r esear ch paper ar e based on pr i nci pl es
of paragraph str uctur e. In addi ti on, som e speci f i c pr i nci pl es of w or d choi ce and
sentence str uctur e that ar e par ti cul ar l y r el evant to var i ous secti ons of the
r esear ch paper ar e i ncl uded i n the appr opr i ate chapter s.
Bef or e tur ni ng to the pr i nci pl es f or w r i ti ng i ndi v i dual secti ons of the r esear ch
paper, w e need to under stand the stor y l i ne that r uns thr ough the paper. The
stor y l i ne r ef l ects the sci enti f i c m ethod. Si nce m ost paper s i n bi om edi cal f i el ds
test hy potheses, w e w i l l f ocus on hy pothesi stesti ng paper s. The basi c stor y
l i ne i n hy pothesi stesti ng paper s has f our par ts:
Story Line in a HypothesisTesting Paper
We w i l l al so l ook br i ef l y at paper s descr i bi ng tw o other ty pes of r esear ch:
descr i pti ve paper s and m ethods paper s.
A descr i pti v e paper i s a paper that descr i bes a new l y di scover ed object, such
as a str uctur e. The basi c stor y l i ne i n a descr i pti ve paper i s as f ol l ow s:
Story Line in a Descriptive Paper
P. 106
A m ethods paper i s a paper that descr i bes a new or i m pr oved m ethod,
m ater i al , or apparatus. The basi c stor y l i ne i n a m ethods paper i s as f ol l ow s:
Story Line in a Methods Paper
Each of the stor y l i nes i s pr esented i n a paper that has f our m ai n secti ons:
Intr oducti on, Mater i al s and Methods, Resul ts, and Di scussi on. In addi ti on, the
stor y l i nes ar e suppl em ented by the other par ts of a r esear ch paper : f i gur es
and tabl es, ti tl e, abstract, and r ef er ences. Wher e i n the paper each step i n the
stor y l i ne i s pr esented i s show n i n the tabl e bel ow :
2 B, studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the
As w e go thr ough the f our secti ons of the paper, and the other par ts of the
paper, w e w i l l see how to w r i te these stor y l i nes so that they ar e cl ear f r om
the f i r st w or d of the Intr oducti on to the l ast w or d of the Di scussi on.
Back
Chapter 4
The Introduction
FUNCTIONS
The Intr oducti on has tw o f uncti ons. One i s to awaken the r eader 's i nter est. The
other i s to be i nf or m ati ve enough to pr epar e r eader s, w hether or not they ar e
speci al i sts i n your f i el d, to under stand the paper.
To awaken i nter est, an Intr oducti on shoul d be di r ect and to the poi nt, and i t
shoul d be as shor t as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty and i nf or m ati veness. In
addi ti on, i t shoul d be w r i tten i n a r eadabl e sty l e (see Chaps. 1 and 2).
To be i nf or m ati ve, an Intr oducti on shoul d f ol l ow the gui del i nes gi ven bel ow.
STORY LINE
The Intr oducti on secti on of a paper pr esents the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne.
What the f i r st step i s depends on the ty pe of r esear ch. In a hy pothesi stesti ng
paper, the f i r st step i s the questi on. In a descr i pti ve paper, i t i s the m essage—
f or ex am pl e, the key f eatur es of a new str uctur e. In a m ethods paper, i t i s the
new or i m pr oved m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus. How thi s f i r st step i s
pr esented f or the var i ous ty pes of paper s i s ex pl ai ned bel ow.
CONTENT FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS
Known, Unknown, Question
For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, w hat the r eader needs to k now f r om the
Intr oducti on i s w hat the questi on of the study was and w her e i t cam e f r om , that
i s, w hy the author i s ask i ng thi s questi on. The questi on, w hi ch i s the m ost
i m por tant statem ent i n the Intr oducti on, i s stated ei ther as a questi on or as a
hy pothesi s. The stor y of w her e the questi on cam e f r om i s com posed of w hat i s
k now n or bel i eved about the topi c and w hat i s sti l l unk now n or pr obl em ati c.
Material and Animal or Population
The Intr oducti on shoul d al so nam e the m ater i al (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue,
or gan) studi ed and the or gani sm f r om w hi ch i t cam e, or the ani m al or hum an
P. 108
popul ati on studi ed. When necessar y, thi s statem ent can be ex panded i nto a
statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach taken to answ er the questi on.
No Answer, Results, or Implications
The answ er to the questi on shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on.
Si m i l ar l y, r esul ts shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on, nor shoul d
i m pl i cati ons. The pur pose of the Intr oducti on i s to l ead i nto the paper. Answ er s,
r esul ts, and i m pl i cati ons sound l i ke the end of the abstract. They cl ose of f
rather than l eadi ng i n.
Retrospective vs. Prospective Study Design
If a study was r etr ospecti ve, that i s, i f a questi on was asked af ter the data
w er e gather ed, the f act that the study was r etr ospecti ve m ust be stated i n the
Intr oducti on. For ex am pl e, “In thi s r etr ospecti ve study, w e asked w hether… .” If
a study was pr ospecti ve, that i s, i f the ex per i m ents w er e desi gned and the data
w er e gather ed speci f i cal l y to answ er the questi on, that f act does not need to be
stated. If a study was par tl y r etr ospecti ve and par tl y pr ospecti ve, each par t
shoul d be i denti f i ed i n the Intr oducti on.
References
The statem ents about w hat i s k now n m ust i ncl ude r ef er ences (see Ex am pl es 4. 1
and 4. 2 on p. 110). The r ef er ences shoul d be chosen to r ef l ect the key w or k
that l ed to the questi on of your paper.
The num ber of r ef er ences shoul d be kept to a m i ni m um . If a l ot of w or k has
been done on the topi c, sel ect paper s descr i bi ng the f i r st, the m ost i m por tant,
the m ost el egant, and the m ost r ecent studi es. Keep i n m i nd that r ef er ence
l i sts i n paper s you ci te can l ead r eader s to other r ef er ences. You can al so ci te
r ev i ew ar ti cl es.
Newness, Importance
Bi om edi cal jour nal s l i ke to publ i sh paper s descr i bi ng w or k that i s “new, tr ue,
i m por tant, and com pr ehensi bl e” (DeBakey, 1976). The Intr oducti on i s the pl ace
to m ake cl ear that the w or k i s new (by stati ng the “unk now n”). The Intr oducti on
can al so i ndi cate w hy the w or k i s i m por tant, i f the i m por tance i s not obv i ous.
The i m por tance of the w or k can al so, or i nstead, be stated, and ex pl ai ned, i n
the Di scussi on.
ORGANIZATION FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS
Funnel Shape
Known, Unknown, Question
The Intr oducti on f ol l ow s a standar d patter n of or gani zati on—the f unnel . The
i dea of a f unnel i s to star t br oadl y and then to nar r ow step by step to a f ocal
poi nt. In the Intr oducti on to a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the f unnel has a
m i ni m um of thr ee steps: w hat i s k now n about the topi c, w hat i s not k now n, and
the questi on. The questi on i s the f ocal poi nt. Thi s stepbystep nar r ow i ng i s the
gener i c stor y that al l i ntr oducti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s tel l : “her e
P. 109
i s w hat i s k now n now, her e i s w hat i s not yet k now n, her e i s w hat our questi on
was.” Wi thi n thi s gener i c f ram ew or k , a vast ar ray of speci f i c stor i es can be
tol d. The r eader shoul d be abl e to see thi s gener i c f ram ew or k i n ever y
Intr oducti on, and shoul d al so be abl e to f ol l ow the speci f i c l ogi cal steps that
l ead to the questi on of the i ndi v i dual paper.
Known
AThe k now n i s the f i r st step i n the f unnel . The k now n of ten i ncl udes m any
sentences, w hi ch nar r ow by appr opr i ate sci enti f i c l ogi c to the unk now n.
Unknown
BThe unk now n i s usual l y just one sentence. Though br i ef, the statem ent of the
unk now n i s i m por tant f or tw o r easons. One r eason i s that the unk now n
i ndi cates that the w or k i s new. The other r eason i s that the unk now n i s the step
that l i nk s the k now n and the questi on, cr eati ng a stor y l i ne.
A cr uci al f eatur e of the unk now n i s that i t i s v i r tual l y the sam e as the questi on.
For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 4. 1 (p. 110), the si te i s unk now n. The questi on i s,
“w hat i s the si te?” Thus, once the unk now n i s stated, the questi on i s
deter m i ned.
Question
The questi on i s the speci f i c topi c of the paper and the end of the f unnel . (The
general topi c of the paper i s nam ed i n the f i r st sentence of w hat i s k now n. )
Experimental Approach
The Intr oducti on can end w i th the statem ent of the questi on or can go on to
state the ex per i m ental appr oach. If the ex per i m ental appr oach i s i ncl uded, the
l ogi cal pl ace f or i t i s af ter the questi on. Putti ng the ex per i m ental appr oach
bef or e the questi on (tr eati ng the ex per i m ental appr oach as “back gr ound”) does
not w or k . The back gr ound (k now n, unk now n) i s w hat l eads to the questi on. The
ex per i m ental appr oach does not l ead to the questi on; i t f ol l ow s f r om the
questi on: “Her e i s our questi on; her e i s how w e w ent about answ er i ng our
questi on.”
Importance
Ther e i s no par ti cul ar spot i n the f unnel f or i ndi cati ng the i m por tance of the
w or k . Som eti m es the i m por tance i s not i ndi cated, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1. In
Ex am pl e 4. 2, the i m por tance i s i m pl i ed by sentence K, near the end of the
Intr oducti on. In Ex am pl es 4. 3 and 4. 4, the i m por tance i s stated rather than
i m pl i ed, and i n var i ous pl aces i n the Intr oducti on: i n the m i ddl e (Ex am pl e 4. 3,
sentence D) and at the begi nni ng (Ex am pl e 4. 4, sentence A). In other
Intr oducti ons, the i m por tance m ay be stated i n other sentences.
Ex am pl e 4. 1 i l l ustrates an Intr oducti on consi sti ng of a br i ef f unnel : one
sentence each f or the k now n and the unk now n, and a thi r d sentence f or the
questi on f ol l ow ed by the ex per i m ental appr oach. Speci f i cal l y, the f i r st sentence
nam es the general topi c of the paper (bar bi turates' depr essi on of the
br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve sti m ul ati on) and tel l s w hat i s k now n
about i t. The second sentence states the unk now n (w hi ch si te i s m ost sensi ti ve
to depr essi on), w hi ch l eads i m m edi atel y to the questi on. The questi on nam es
the speci f i c topi c (w hi ch si te i n the vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s
m ost sensi ti ve to thi s depr essi on).
P. 110
AIt i s k now n that several general anestheti cs, i ncl udi ng bar bi turates, depr ess
the br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve sti m ul ati on (1, 7, 9). BHow ever, the
si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned. CTo deter m i ne w hi ch si te i n
the vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi turates, Dw e di d ex per i m ents i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea i n w hi ch
w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway at f our di f f er ent si tes bef or e and af ter ex posur e to
bar bi turates.
Longer i ntr oducti ons al so f ol l ow thi s f unnel shape but ex pand i t. One way to
ex pand the f unnel i s to ex tend w hat i s k now n, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 2. In thi s
Intr oducti on, tw o paragraphs state w hat i s k now n. Paragraph 3 f i ni shes the
f unnel : J i m pl i es an unk now n; K i m pl i es another unk now n and al so i m pl i es the
i m por tance of the w or k (that w e ar e f i ndi ng an overar chi ng m echani sm f or a
var i ety of si m i l ar f uncti ons i n di sparate speci es); L states the hy pothesi s; M
states the ex per i m ental appr oach.
2 E U nl i ke i nsects and ver tebrates, nem atodes have no hear t or def i ned
ci r cul ator y sy stem . F How ever, ev i dence suggests that the nem atode phar y nx , a
r hy thm i cal l y contracti ng or gan i nvol ved i n f eedi ng, shar es f uncti onal and
m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es w i th the hear t i n other speci es. G At the f uncti onal l evel ,
phar y ngeal m uscl e contracti on, l i ke the contracti on of ver tebrate car di ac
m uscl e, does not r equi r e ner vous sy stem i nput (11). H At the m ol ecul ar l evel ,
phar y ngeal m uscl e devel opm ent i nvol ves not the MyoD f am i l y of myogeni c
r egul ator y f actor s (12, 13) but the hom eobox gene ceh22, w hi ch i s r el ated to
ti nm an and nk x 2. 5. I ceh22 i s ex pr essed excl usi vel y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e,
w her e i t bi nds the enhancer of the phar y ngeal m uscl especi f i c m y o2 gene, and
a ceh22 m utant di spl ay s def ects i n phar y ngeal m or phol ogy and f uncti on (13,
14).
3 JThese f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es suggest that these genes per f or m
si m i l ar f uncti ons. KThi s suggesti on i n tur n i m pl i es that the m echani sm that
contr ol s hear t devel opm ent i n i nsects and ver tebrates m ay al so contr ol
phar y ngeal devel opm ent i n nem atodes. LWe ther ef or e hy pothesi zed that the
nem atode gene ceh22 and the ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar
f uncti ons. MTo test thi s hy pothesi s, w e ex am i ned the abi l i ty of the zebraf i sh
nk x 2. 5 gene (8, 9) to substi tute f or the nem atode ceh22 gene i n transgeni c
Caenor habdi ti s el egans.
Continuity
In ver y shor t i ntr oducti ons, the stor y l i ne i s easy to f ol l ow because each
sentence, or par t of a sentence, i s a step i n the stor y. How ever, i n l onger
i ntr oducti ons, the stor y l i ne can be di f f i cul t to f ol l ow. The r eason i s that l onger
i ntr oducti ons tel l stor i es on tw o l evel s: the overal l stor y (k now n, unk now n,
questi on),
P. 111
w hi ch r uns thr oughout the Intr oducti on, and m i ni stor i es, w hi ch r un w i thi n
paragraphs or par ts of paragraphs.
How can w e ensur e that the overal l stor y i s cl ear w hen w e i nter sper se m i ni
stor i es al ong the way ? In other w or ds, how do w e keep an overal l stor y goi ng
af ter i t i s i nter r upted? The answ er i s that w e use al l of our techni ques of
conti nui ty and topi c sentences.
The Overall Story
Let us see how the overal l stor y l i ne i s kept goi ng i n Ex am pl e 4. 2. The steps i n
the overal l stor y ar e tw o k now ns (A, E–F), tw o unk now ns (J, K), the questi on
(L), and the ex per i m ental appr oach (M). Thi s stor y i s i nter r upted by tw o m i ni
stor i es: B–D and G–I.
The Techniques of Continuity
What techni ques of conti nui ty m ake the stor y l i ne stand out? One techni que i s
to star t a new paragraph f or each of the f i r st thr ee steps i n the stor y (the tw o
k now ns, sentences A and E–F, and the f i r st unk now n, J). That i s, these steps i n
the stor y (the i m por tant i nf or m ati on) ar e pl aced i n pow er posi ti ons.
In addi ti on, to m ove cl ear l y f r om step 1 (the f i r st k now n) to step 2 (the second
k now n) af ter an i nter veni ng m i ni stor y (B–D), a transi ti on phrase (“U nl i ke
i nsects and ver tebrates”) i s used at the begi nni ng of step 2 (sentence E) to l i nk
step 2 to step 1. Thi s transi ti on phrase i ncl udes the r epeated key ter m s
“i nsects” and “ver tebrates,” and the transi ti on w or d “unl i ke,” w hi ch i ndi cates a
di f f er ence betw een the ani m al s i n paragraph 1 and those i n paragraph 2. Thi s
di f f er ence i s speci f i ed i n sentence E and i s f ol l ow ed by si m i l ar i ti es, w hi ch ar e
the i m por tant i ssue, i n sentence F. Al so hel pf ul i s the def i ni ti on of “phar y nx ” i n
sentence F, because thi s def i ni ti on speci f i es the i m por tant si m i l ar i ty betw een
the phar y nx and the hear t—r hy thm i c contracti on.
To m ove f r om step 2 (k now n) to step 3 (unk now n) af ter another i nter veni ng
m i ni stor y (G–I), the thi r d step (sentence J) begi ns by r estati ng step 2 (the
f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es of the hear t and the phar y nx ) as the
subject of the sentence and then states the thi r d step i n the ver b and com pl eter
(the possi bi l i ty of si m i l ar gene f uncti ons). The r estated second step uses
ex actl y the sam e key ter m s that w er e used w hen step 2 was stated the f i r st
ti m e (F). Repeati ng an ear l i er step as the subject of the sentence that states
the nex t step i s an ef f ecti ve way to use r epeated key ter m s to cr eate
conti nui ty, especi al l y af ter a m i ni stor y that i nter r upts the tw o steps.
P. 112
The r est of the overal l stor y then f ol l ow s i n the f i nal thr ee sentences (K, L, M).
The second unk now n (K), w hi ch i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k , connects
to the f i r st unk now n (J) by a r epeated key ter m (“suggesti on”) and a transi ti on
w or d (“i n tur n”). The questi on (L) connects to the unk now ns by a transi ti on
w or d (“ther ef or e”) and by r epeated key ter m s (“gene,” “f uncti ons”). The
ex per i m ental appr oach (M) connects to the questi on by a transi ti on phrase that
contai ns a r epeated key ter m (“To test thi s hy pothesi s”) and by other r epeated
key ter m s (“nk x 2. 5 gene,” “nem atode ceh22 gene”).
The MiniStories
The m i ni stor i es i n paragraphs 1 and 2 f l esh out the overal l stor y. Thus, i n
paragraph 1, sentences B and C pr ov i de detai l s about speci f i c genes and thei r
ef f ects on hear t devel opm ent. Sentence D states an i m pl i cati on of B and C. Thi s
i m pl i cati on (a com m on m echani sm f or hear t devel opm ent) pr epar es f or the
m or e gl obal i m pl i cati on i n sentence K (a com m on m echani sm f or hear t and
phar y nx devel opm ent).
In the m i ni stor y i n paragraph 2, sentences G–I pr ov i de detai l s of the f uncti onal
and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es m enti oned i n sentence F. Sentence G nam es the
f uncti onal si m i l ar i ty. Sentences H and I nam e the m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ty and
pr ov i de detai l s about the gene. Conti nui ty i n thi s m i ni stor y i s pr ov i ded by the
sam e techni ques as those used i n paragraph 2. (Inci dental l y, i n paragraph 2 the
key ter m “phar y ngeal ” i s used f i ve ti m es i n 70 w or ds. That i s once ever y 14
w or ds. Di d thi s r epeti ti on bother you?)
Topic Sentences
In addi ti on to the steps of the overal l stor y l i ne bei ng i n pr om i nent posi ti ons
and al l the techni ques of conti nui ty bei ng used, topi c sentences hel p ensur e
that the stor y l i ne i s cl ear i n l onger i ntr oducti ons.
Shor t i ntr oducti ons m ay not have any topi c sentences. In Ex am pl e 4. 1, ever y
sentence, or par t of a sentence, i s a step i n the stor y. N o separate sentences of
suppor ti ng detai l s ar e pr ov i ded, so w e have no topi c sentences. How ever,
l onger i ntr oducti ons have separate sentences of suppor ti ng detai l s. Ther ef or e,
the sentences i n the overal l stor y that the suppor ti ng sentences suppor t becom e
topi c sentences. In Ex am pl e 4. 2, sentences A (suppor ted by B–D) and F
(suppor ted by G–I) ar e topi c sentences.
The Question as a SuperTopic Sentence
One other sentence i n the Intr oducti on can be v i ew ed as a topi c sentence: the
questi on. The questi on i s the topi c sentence not of a si ngl e paragraph but of the
paper as a w hol e. Thus, the questi on i s a super topi c sentence. Just as a topi c
sentence gi ves an over v i ew of a paragraph, the questi on gi ves an over v i ew of
P. 113
the paper. And just as ever y sentence i n a paragraph r el ates to the topi c
sentence, so ever y sentence i n the paper r el ates to the questi on. That i s one
r eason w hy a pr eci se statem ent of the questi on i s so i m por tant.
WRITING
The Unknown
The unk now n i s cl ear est i f i t i s stated outr i ght, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1, sentence B:
“the si te… has not been deter m i ned.” Other way s of stati ng the unk now n outr i ght
ar e “has not been establ i shed,” “i s uncl ear,” “i s unk now n,” etc.
The unk now n m ay al so be i m pl i ed rather than stated. One way to i m pl y an
unk now n i s to state a suggesti on or a possi bi l i ty, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 2, paragraph
3, sentence J. By say i ng that f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es suggest that
the genes per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons, Ex am pl e 4. 2 i m pl i es that w hether the
genes actual l y do per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons i s not yet k now n. Si m i l ar l y, i f you
say som ethi ng i s possi bl e, that i m pl i es that i s i t not yet k now n.
Som eti m es an Intr oducti on f unnel s f r om the k now n to a pr obl em w i th w hat i s
k now n. In thi s case, the unk now n shoul d sti l l be stated or at l east i m pl i ed, as
i n Ex am pl e 4. 3.
AMetabol i c al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se i ncr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons
substanti al l y beyond the concentrati ons obser ved dur i ng exer ci se i n the
absence of m etabol i c al k al osi s (8, 10, 16). BConver sel y, m etabol i c aci dosi s
decr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons. CHow ever, f or these i nvesti gati ons,
al k al i was i ngested or i nf used, w hi ch i s an ar ti f i ci al si tuati on. DMor e i m por tant
cl i ni cal l y i s the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s, w hi ch occur s dur i ng exer ci se i n
a var i ety of ci r cum stances that i nvol ve i ncr eased r espi rator y dr i ve. EThese
ci r cum stances i ncl ude i nter sti ti al l ung di sease and congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e.
FTher ef or e, i n thi s study w e asked w hether r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng
exer ci se, l i ke m etabol i c al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se, i ncr eases bl ood l actate
concentrati ons m or e than exer ci se al one does. GWe used a new bi of eedback
m ethod by w hi ch venti l ati on, and thus ar ter i al PCO 2 and pH, can be pr eci sel y
adjusted i ndependentl y of m etabol i c rate.
In Ex am pl e 4. 3, the pr obl em w i th the pr ev i ous studi es i s that al k al osi s was
i nduced ar ti f i ci al l y. The nex t sentence states the sol uti on: usi ng a m or e
cl i ni cal l y r el evant way of i nduci ng al k al osi s. The i m pl i ed unk now n i s that the
cl i ni cal l y r el evant si tuati on has not been studi ed. Thi s i m pl i ed unk now n l eads to
the questi on.
The Question
Precision
The m ost sci enti f i c way of stati ng the questi on of hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i s
as a hy pothesi s, al though thi s i s not com m onl y done. An advantage of stati ng
the questi on as a hy pothesi s i s that the questi on i s pr eci se. As a r esul t, the
r eader can easi l y anti ci pate the answ er. For ex am pl e, “To test the hy pothesi s
that al terati ons i n chandel i er neur on axon car tr i dges contr i bute to pr ef r ontal
cor tex dy sf uncti on i n schi zophr eni a, w e ex am i ned… .” The answ er m ust be
P. 114
ei ther “yes, these al terati ons contr i bute to pr ef r ontal cor tex dy sf uncti on i n
schi zophr eni a,” or “no, they do not.”
If a questi on i s stated as a questi on, i t shoul d be equal l y pr eci se. That i s, f or
gr eatest cl ar i ty, the questi on shoul d nam e the var i abl es studi ed and use a
pr eci se ver b, i n pr esent tense, as i n Ex am pl es 4. 1 and 4. 3 (“i s”, “i ncr eases”).
If, i nstead, the questi on i s stated w i thout a ver b, i t becom es m uch l ess cl ear.
Thus, i n Ex am pl e 4. 3, i f the questi on w er e stated as “The pur pose of thi s study
was to deter m i ne the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se on bl ood
l actate concentrati on,” the r eader w oul d have onl y a hazy i dea of w hat answ er
to ex pect—som ethi ng about the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se
on bl ood l actate concentrati on. The pr eci se questi on i s m uch m or e hel pf ul . The
r eader now ex pects a pr eci se ef f ect: that r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se
i ncr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons m or e than exer ci se al one does, or that i t
does not.
So one r eason a pr eci se questi on i s an advantage i s that the r eader
i m m edi atel y has an i m age of w hat the answ er w i l l be. Another r eason i s that
the r eader can r ead the paper i n a di r ected way rather than bl i ndl y. The
ex per i m ents m ake m or e sense. The r esul ts and the answ er f i t i nto the
ex pectati on. Al l the guessw or k i s taken out of the r eader 's job.
Inevitability
The questi on shoul d f ol l ow i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ev i ous statem ents of w hat i s
k now n or bel i eved and w hat i s sti l l unk now n or pr obl em ati c. Thus, the topi c of
the questi on shoul d be the sam e as the topi c i n the statem ent of w hat i s
k now n, and the questi on shoul d be the questi on w e w oul d ex pect af ter r eadi ng
the statem ent of w hat i s unk now n or pr obl em ati c.
If w e l ook agai n at Ex am pl e 4. 1, w e can see that the questi on does f ol l ow
i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ev i ous statem ents. The questi on i s, “Whi ch si te i n the
vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi turates?” Thi s questi on cl ear l y der i ves f r om the statem ent of the unk now n
(“the si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned”), w hi ch i n tur n cl ear l y
der i ves f r om the statem ent of the k now n (“several general anestheti cs,
i ncl udi ng bar bi turates, depr ess the br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve
sti m ul ati on”).
To check that a questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om the statem ents of w hat i s
k now n and unk now n, l ook at the key ter m s i n the questi on. Each key ter m i n
the questi on shoul d have appear ed ear l i er i n the Intr oducti on. In Ex am pl e 4. 1,
“si te” i s i n the unk now n (sentence B). The other key ter m s (“depr essi on,”
“bar bi turates,” “vagal ,” “m otor,” “pathway ”) al l appear i n som e f or m i n the
k now n (sentence A).
Question Based on Suggestive Evidence
Som eti m es, the questi on i s not stated i m m edi atel y af ter the unk now n or the
pr obl em . Instead, ev i dence suggesti ng a possi bl e answ er i s stated. In thi s case,
the questi on shoul d f ol l ow i nev i tabl y both f r om the unk now n and f r om the
suggesti ve ev i dence, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 4.
Ex a mple 4. 4: Questi on Based on Suggesti ve Ev i dence
ASi nce 1975 pr ostagl andi ns E 1 and E 2 (PGE 1 , PGE 2 ) have been used to m ai ntai n
the patency of the ductus ar ter i osus i n i nf ants w ho have congeni tal hear t
di sease (1–6). BAl though the f etal ductus i s sensi ti ve to the di l ati ng acti on of
PGE 1 and PGE 2 (7), the r esponse of the ductus i n the new bor n to speci f i c doses
of these pr ostagl andi ns i s var i abl e (8). CThe f actor s that r egul ate
P. 115
the r esponsi veness of the ductus to PGE 1 and PGE 2 ar e unk now n. DOne
r egul ati ng f actor that has been suggested i s the i nf ant's age (8); how ever, thi s
f actor i s unl i kel y because the ductus i s r esponsi ve to PGE 1 and PGE 2 even af ter
m any m onths of therapy (9, 10). EAnother possi bl e r egul ati ng f actor m ay be
the degr ee of constr i cti on of the ductus ar ter i osus. FSuppor t f or thi s f actor i s
that the ductus no l onger di l ates i n r esponse to PGE 1 and PGE 2 w hen i t i s f ul l y
cl osed (8, 9) but does di l ate w hen i t i s onl y par ti al l y constr i cted at angi ography
(11). GTher ef or e, w e tested the hy pothesi s that the degr ee of constr i cti on of
the ductus ar ter i osus r egul ates the r esponsi veness of the ductus to PGE 1 and
PGE 2 by doi ng ex per i m ents i n new bor n l am bs.
In thi s Intr oducti on, the k now n i s stated i n A and B, and the unk now n i s stated
i n C. D states a possi bl e answ er and r ejects i t. E pr oposes a di f f er ent answ er. F
gi ves suggesti ve ev i dence that suppor ts the pr oposed answ er. G then states a
hy pothesi s (questi on) based on the unk now n and on the suggesti ve ev i dence.
We can tel l that the hy pothesi s i s based on the ear l i er statem ents because key
ter m s f r om the k now n (“pr ostagl andi n E 1 and E 2 ”), f r om the unk now n
(“r egul ate the r esponsi veness”), and f r om the suggesti ve ev i dence (“degr ee of
constr i cti on of the ductus ar ter i osus”) al l appear i n the hy pothesi s.
Two Questions
In a paper that has tw o questi ons, both questi ons m ust f ol l ow i nev i tabl y f r om
the pr ev i ous statem ents. If the back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to the second
questi on i s om i tted, as f r equentl y happens, the r eader does not k now w her e the
second questi on com es f r om .
In thi s ex am pl e, the r eader does not k now w hy the author s com par ed por tal
venous and sy stem i c venous i nf usi ons of pr ostagl andi n E 1 . In the r ev i si on, the
necessar y back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to thi s second questi on i s added
(sentence D, w hi ch descr i bes another possi bl e tr eatm ent). In addi ti on, the tw o
questi ons ar e condensed i nto a si ngl e statem ent (E).
ABecause stasi s of bl ood f l ow m ay be an i m por tant cause of hepati c ar ter i al
thr om bosi s i n l i ver transpl ant pati ents (4), a pr ophy l acti c tr eatm ent that
i ncr eases hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow m i ght r educe the r i sk of thr om bosi s. BOne
possi bl e tr eatm ent m i ght be i ntravenous i nf usi on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 . CThi s
tr eatm ent i s suggested by the f i ndi ng that i njecti ons of pr ostagl andi n E 1
P. 116
di r ectl y i nto the hepati c ar ter y i ncr ease hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow i n cats (11)
and dogs (12). DAnother possi bl e tr eatm ent m i ght be por tal venous i nf usi on of
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , si nce i nf usi on of si m i l ar hepati c ar ter i al vasodi l ator s i nto the
por tal vei n of cats al so i ncr eases hepati c bl ood f l ow, though onl y onehal f to
onethi r d as ef f ecti vel y as the sam e doses i njected i nto the hepati c ar ter y (15).
ETher ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether a m or e di stant i nf usi on of l ow dose
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , i nto a sy stem i c vei n or the por tal vei n, i ncr eases hepati c
ar ter i al bl ood f l ow. FFor thi s study, w e del i ver ed pr ostagl andi n E 1 as a
conti nuous i nf usi on i nto ei ther the sy stem i c venous or the por tal venous
ci r cul ati on of young l am bs.
Linked Questions
In paper s that ask m or e than one questi on, the second questi on som eti m es
depends on the answ er to the f i r st one. In thi s si tuati on, the questi ons can be
l i nked by “i f so” or a si m i l ar phrase, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 6, and no back gr ound
i nf or m ati on needs to be added to l ead to the second questi on.
Thi s r epor t descr i bes ex per i m ents desi gned to deter m i ne w hether exogenous
arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases the r el ease of pr ostagl andi n E 2 f r om the ductus
ar ter i osus, and, i f so, w hether the exogenous arachi doni c aci d i s the sour ce of
the pr ostagl andi n E 2 r el eased.
Question Stated in the Unknown
Som eti m es the questi on i s pr esented i n the statem ent of the unk now n. In thi s
case, i t i s unnecessar y to state the questi on agai n. Instead, at the begi nni ng of
the nex t sentence, you can si m pl y i denti f y the pr ev i ous statem ent as the
questi on by usi ng a transi ti on phrase, such as “to answ er thi s questi on” or “to
test thi s hy pothesi s,” as i n Ex am pl e 4. 7.
In thi s ex am pl e, sentence C states tw o unk now ns, w hi ch ar e com pl ete
statem ents of the questi ons thi s paper answ er s. Sentence D begi ns w i th a
transi ti on phrase i denti f y i ng the statem ent of the unk now ns as the questi ons
(“To answ er these questi ons”).
How ever, i f, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1 above, the questi on i s stated onl y par ti al l y i n
the statem ent of the unk now n (as i t i s i n sentence B), the enti r e questi on
shoul d be stated i n the nex t sentence (as i t i s i n sentence C). The r eason i s
P. 117
that the questi on i s the f ocal poi nt of the paper. Reader s shoul d not have to
com pose the questi on f or them sel ves. The questi on shoul d be stated f or them i n
a si ngl e sentence.
Experimental Approach
Som eti m es the Intr oducti on can end af ter a statem ent of the questi on.
How ever, of ten i t i s hel pf ul f or the r eader to k now the ex per i m ental appr oach
to answ er i ng the questi on, especi al l y i f the appr oach i s new, unusual , or
com pl i cated, i f the questi on al one does not gi ve a cl ear i dea of w hat the
ex per i m ents w i l l be, or i f the study needs to be i denti f i ed as hav i ng been done
i n v i tr o, r etr ospecti vel y, or w hatever.
In general , the ex per i m ental appr oach i s shor t—usual l y one sentence; at m ost,
tw o or thr ee sentences. The ex per i m ental appr oach can be as br i ef as nam i ng
the ani m al studi ed, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 4. U sual l y, the ex per i m ental appr oach
descr i bes one of the var i abl es (i ndependent or dependent) i n addi ti on to nam i ng
the ani m al , as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1. Her e the ani m al i s nam ed (f er r et), the
i ndependent var i abl e i s descr i bed (“w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway… bef or e and
af ter ex posur e to bar bi turates”), the num ber of dependent var i abl es i s stated
(“f our di f f er ent si tes”), and the f act that the ex per i m ents w er e done i n v i tr o i s
m ade cl ear (“i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea”).
In one ty pe of paper, i ncl udi ng a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ents at the
end of the Intr oducti on i s cr uci al : paper s that have no “Study Desi gn”
subsecti on i n the Methods secti on but i nstead r un the stor y of the ex per i m ents
done to answ er the questi on thr ough the Resul ts secti on (see Chap. 6). In these
paper s, the ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on i s the onl y
over v i ew w e get of the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on. In the Resul ts
secti on, the stor y i s f racti onated, one or tw o sentences per paragraph. The
r eader shoul d not have to pul l the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents together ; i t
shoul d be stated com pactl y i n one spot—at the end of the Intr oducti on.
Signals of the Question and the Experimental
Approach
Si gnal s ar e needed to i denti f y the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach. The
si gnal s var y dependi ng on w hether the questi on i s stated as a hy pothesi s or as
a questi on, and on w hether the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n
the sam e sentence or i n separate sentences.
For a questi on stated as a hy pothesi s, the w or d “hy pothesi s” shoul d be used i n
the si gnal . For a questi on stated as a questi on, the si gnal can take a var i ety of
f or m s. In al l of these f or m s, the cr uci al el em ent i s a ver b f ol l ow ed by a
questi on w or d. A com m on ex am pl e i s “to deter m i ne w hether.” (Her e the ver b i s
an i nf i ni ti ve, “to deter m i ne,” and the questi on w or d i s “w hether.”)
When the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n the sam e sentence,
onl y the questi on needs a si gnal . The si gnal of the questi on i s w r i tten as a
pur pose (f or ex am pl e, “To deter m i ne w hether…”), and the ex per i m ental
appr oach f ol l ow s natural l y as a descr i pti on of the ex per i m ents done. When the
questi on and ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n separate sentences, the cl osest
conti nui ty com es f r om r epeati ng a key ter m f r om the si gnal of the questi on i n
the si gnal of the ex per i m ental appr oach. If no key ter m can be r epeated, you
can use “For thi s study ” to si gnal the ex per i m ental appr oach.
Com m onl y used si gnal s of questi ons and the accom pany i ng si gnal of the
ex per i m ental appr oach ar e l i sted bel ow. N um er ous var i ati ons on these si gnal s
ar e possi bl e.
“Thi s r epor t descr i bes ex per i m ents “For thi s study, w e…”
desi gned to deter m i ne w hether…”
P. 118
Animal or Human Population and Material
The ani m al and the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) m ust be
stated i n the Intr oducti on. Wher e the ani m al i s stated depends on the k i nd of
questi on you ar e ask i ng. If the questi on i s about a par ti cul ar ani m al , nam e the
ani m al i n the questi on, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 8.
AWhether i ncr eased acti ve transpor t of sodi um i nduced by betaadr ener gi c
agents i ncr eases l ung l i qui d cl earance i n an i ntact adul t ani m al i s unk now n.
BTher ef or e, our f i r st objecti ve i n these studi es was to deter m i ne w hether beta
adr ener gi c agents i ncr ease l ung l i qui d cl earance i n anestheti zed i ntact adul t
sheep.
If the questi on i s not l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed, usual l y because the ani m al
i s ser v i ng as a m odel of a hum an condi ti on, nam e the ani m al i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach, as i n Ex am pl es 4. 1, 4. 2, and 4. 5. If the m odel i s a new
one, al so establ i sh i ts val i di ty.
For studi es of hum an subjects, hum ans ar e f r equentl y not m enti oned i n the
questi on. In these cases, ter m s used i n the Intr oducti on usual l y suggest that
the w or k was done on hum ans. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 4. 3, suggesti ons that
the study was on hum ans ar e “dur i ng exer ci se” (sentence A), “i m por tant
cl i ni cal l y ” (D), and “i nter sti ti al l ung di sease and congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e” (E).
How ever, f or m ax i m al cl ar i ty, hum ans shoul d be m enti oned i n the questi on i f
hum ans w er e the study subjects.
For studi es of speci f i c hum an popul ati ons, the popul ati on i s al way s stated i n the
questi on, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 9.
Ex a mple 4. 9: Questi on Li m i ted to a Subpopul ati on of Hum ans
The pur pose of thi s study was to deter m i ne r el ati ve contr i buti ons of the
i nspi rator y m uscl e gr oups to i nspi rator y pr essur e generati on dur i ng nonrapi d
eyem ovem ent sl eep i n pati ents w i th occl usi ve sl eep apnea.
The Answer to the Question
The answ er to the questi on shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on. The
answ er cl oses of f the Intr oducti on and sounds l i ke an abstract, rather than
l eadi ng i nto the paper. The answ er i s not necessar y i n the Intr oducti on because
the r eader k now s the answ er f r om hav i ng r ead the abstract.
P. 119
Stati ng the answ er i nstead of the questi on i s not adv i sabl e i n paper s r epor ti ng
hy pothesi stesti ng studi es, because i f you had a hy pothesi s, the onl y
strai ghtf or war d way to w r i te the paper i s by stati ng the hy pothesi s i n the
Intr oducti on. Hi di ng the f act that you w er e testi ng a hy pothesi s obscur es the
sci ence.
LENGTH
The Intr oducti on shoul d be as shor t as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty and
i nf or m ati veness. General l y, shor ter i s better. The am ount of back gr ound
i nf or m ati on needed f or com pl ete i nf or m ati veness depends on how m uch the
i ntended audi ence can be ex pected to k now about the topi c. For a ty pi cal
jour nal ar ti cl e, one doubl espaced page (about 250–300 w or ds) i s of ten
suf f i ci ent. When a l onger Intr oducti on i s needed, tr y to keep i t to tw o doubl e
spaced pages (500–600 w or ds).
Do not r ev i ew the topi c. That i s w hat r ev i ew ar ti cl es ar e f or. The pur poses of
the Intr oducti on ar e to pr epar e the r eader to under stand the paper and to
awaken i nter est. Long i ntr oducti ons k i l l of f i nter est and ar e of ten conf usi ng and
m i sl eadi ng. So tel l onl y as m uch as necessar y to get the r eader f r om a
r easonabl e star ti ng poi nt to the questi on.
CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION FOR DESCRIPTIVE
PAPERS
Descr i pti ve paper s do not have questi ons or hy potheses. Thus, the i ntr oductor y
f unnel i n a descr i pti ve paper i s di f f er ent f r om the f unnel of a hy pothesi s
testi ng paper. Instead of k now n, unk now n, questi on, the f unnel of a descr i pti ve
paper can have onl y tw o steps: k now n, m essage. The m essage i s the di scover y
bei ng r epor ted i n the paper, f or ex am pl e, the str uctur e bei ng descr i bed. Its
r el ati on to the k now n i s that i t ex tends or contrasts w i th w hat i s k now n. An
ex am pl e i s Ex am pl e 4. 10.
Example 4.10
1 AThr ee cl asses of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the nose have been
r epor ted. BOne l ar ge cl ass, w hose m em ber s ar e di f f er enti al l y ex pr essed i n
cel l s of m am m al i an ol f actor y sensor y epi thel i um , detects vol ati l e odorants (1).
CAnother cl ass, f ound i n a subset of m am m al i an vom er onasal or gan neur ons,
detects pher om ones (2). DRecentl y, a thi r d cl ass of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s
f r om a di f f er ent gr oup of vom er onasal or gan neur ons unr el ated to both
pr ev i ousl y f ound cl asses has been character i zed (3–5). EThese G pr otei n–
coupl ed r eceptor s, r epor ted i n m i ce, rats, and f r ogs, have l ar ge ex tracel l ul ar
dom ai ns and r esem bl e the m etabotr opi c gl utam ate r eceptor s and the Ca 2 +
sensi ng r eceptor.
2 F In the cour se of character i zi ng G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the genom e of
the puf f er f i sh Fugu r ubr i pes, w e encounter ed m em ber s of a l ar ge f am i l y of
r eceptor s r el ated to the Ca 2 + sensi ng r eceptor, w hi ch cl osel y r esem bl e the
m am m al i an pher om one r eceptor s. GIn thi s paper, w e r epor t the
character i zati on of the genes r el ated to these Ca 2 + sensi ng r eceptor s and show
that they ar e com posed of si x ty pes, di sti ngui shed by sequence hom ol ogy and
gene str uctur e. H The genes occur i n cl uster s and ar e ex pr essed i n the nose of
the f i sh, m ak i ng i t l i kel y that they ar e ol f actor y detector s.
P. 120
In thi s Intr oducti on, paragraph 1 pr esents w hat i s k now n—the ex i stence of
thr ee cl asses of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the nose. The m essage—the
di scover y of a hom ol og of the thi r d cl ass—i s stated i n paragraph 2. In addi ti on,
i n thi s ex am pl e, bef or e stati ng the m essage, the author s descr i be how thei r
di scover y was m ade.
CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION FOR “METHODS
PAPERS”
A “m ethods paper ” i s a paper i n w hi ch you descr i be a new m ethod, apparatus,
or m ater i al .
The Intr oducti on of a m ethods paper begi ns by stati ng that a m ethod, an
apparatus, or a m ater i al i s needed and then goes on to gi ve the r eason(s). The
Intr oducti on then states one or m or e pr obl em s or l i m i tati ons of the ex i sti ng
m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al and ends by stati ng w hat the new m ethod,
apparatus, or m ater i al i s and w hat i ts advantages ar e. The advantages shoul d
be the sol uti on to the pr obl em or l i m i tati on. An ex am pl e of an Intr oducti on to a
m ethods paper i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 4. 11.
AVar i ous ty pes of phy si ol ogi cal r esear ch r equi r e pl aci ng ani m al s i n a m etabol i c
cham ber f or ex posur e to gases, col l ecti on of ex pi r ed ai r, ex posur e to unusual
atm ospher i c condi ti ons such as hy pox i a or hy pobar i c env i r onm ents (6, 9), or
m easur em ent of ox ygen consum pti on (1, 8). BAl though equi pm ent f or such
studi es i s com m er ci al l y avai l abl e, i t i s usual l y ex pensi ve, speci al i zed f or a
si ngl e f uncti on, and appl i cabl e onl y f or shor tter m studi es w i th one ani m al .
CIm pr ov i si ng w i th avai l abl e l aborator y equi pm ent m eets w i th var i abl e success
and of ten r equi r es constant attenti on and r epai r. DWe now r epor t a r el ati vel y
i nex pensi ve, r el i abl e cl osedci r cui t m etabol i c cham ber that has pr oven usef ul
f or several r esear ch appl i cati ons i nvol v i ng one or m or e ani m al s housed f or
per i ods of hour s or day s.
In thi s Intr oducti on, sentence A states the r easons a cham ber i s needed,
sentences B and C state pr obl em s w i th avai l abl e and i m pr ov i sed cham ber s, and
sentence D i ntr oduces a new cham ber that sol ves al l of the pr obl em s of the
pr ev i ous cham ber s.
DETAILS
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses i n the Intr oducti on, l i ke ver b tenses ever y w her e i n the paper,
depend par tl y on the ty pe of statem ent and par tl y on the m eani ng of the ver b.
Most i m por tantl y, the ver b i n the questi on m ust be i n pr esent tense, because
the questi on ask s i f som ethi ng i s tr ue i n general and not just i n your
ex per i m ents. Appr opr i ate uses of ver b tenses and al so of ver bs that m ake
hy potheti cal statem ents ar e l i sted bel ow :
P. 121
P. 122
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR INTRODUCTIONS OF
HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS AND OF
DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
Tel l a stor y.
In Intr oducti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, tel l the stor y of w her e
the questi on cam e f r om .
Make sur e that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ecedi ng
sentences and i s ver y si m i l ar to the unk now n. If ther e ar e tw o
questi ons, be sur e to gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to both.
U se the techni ques of conti nui ty and topi c sentences as needed to tel l
the stor y.
State (or str ongl y i m pl y ) the unk now n, so that w hat i s new about the
w or k i s ev i dent.
If necessar y, state the ex per i m ental appr oach af ter the questi on.
Do not state the answ er to the questi on i n the Intr oducti on.
Ci te r ef er ences that r ef l ect the key w or k that l ed to the questi on.
State the questi on, ei ther as a questi on or (better ) as a hy pothesi s.
Make the questi on as pr eci se as possi bl e, so that the questi on
anti ci pates the answ er.
Make sur e the questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e and
the dependent var i abl e, w her e appr opr i ate.
Put a si gnal of the questi on at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
At m i ni m um , nam e the ani m al or hum an popul ati on studi ed and al so
the m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or or gan, i f any.
In paper s that do not have a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods,
gi ve a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ent(s) done to answ er the
questi on at the end of the Intr oducti on.
If the study desi gn was r etr ospecti ve, use the w or d “r etr ospecti ve” i n
the ex per i m ental appr oach or i n the si gnal of the questi on.
In the questi on i f the questi on i s about the ani m al .
In the ex per i m ental appr oach i f the questi on i s not l i m i ted to the
ani m al studi ed.
In Intr oducti ons of descr i pti ve paper s, the stor y can have onl y tw o steps:
k now n, m essage.
The r el ati on betw een the k now n and the m essage, and thus w hat i s new about
the w or k , shoul d be cl ear, f or ex am pl e, that the m essage ex tends or contrasts
w i th w hat i s k now n.
P. 123
EXERCISE 4.1: INTRODUCTIONS
1. For e a c h Introduc tion be low , ide ntify the s te ps in the s tory (k now n,
unk now n, que s tion, a nd a ls o e x pe rime nta l a pproa c h, if it is inc lude d).
Introduc tion 1
2. J This s tudy s e t out to a ns w e r tw o s imple que s tions : (1) Doe s he a t
s tora ge pla y a n importa nt role ? a nd (2) If he a t s tora ge is importa nt,
do the s e a nima ls pos s e s s unus ua l phys iologic a l me c ha nis ms for
c oping w ith high body te mpe ra ture s ?
Hi de Answ er
Introduc tion 1
Stre ngths
The outstandi ng str ength of thi s Intr oducti on i s i ts Law r ence of Arabi a
openi ng. Thi s openi ng awakens i nter est by usi ng concr ete w or ds that
evoke pow er f ul m ental i m ages: cam el s, gazel l es, hot deser ts,
bur r ow, deser t sun.
W e a k ne s s e s
The f unnel l eadi ng to the questi ons i s not r i gor ous.
A. The f i r st sentence (A) does not i denti f y the general topi c of
the paper. But i f the Intr oducti on star ts cl oser to the speci f i c
topi c (see Rev i si on 2 bel ow ), i t shoul d tr y to keep at l east som e
of the w onder f ul i m ageevok i ng w or ds.
C. A step i s m i ssi ng bef or e sentence C. The m i ssi ng step i s “So
the questi on ar i ses, how do ungul ates r egul ate thei r body
tem peratur e?”
I. The l ogi cal r el ati on betw een sentences H and I i s not stated.
At m i ni m um , H and I shoul d be i n one sentence begi nni ng w i th
“Because.” For f ul l er di spl ay s of l ogi c, see sentence F of
Rev i si on 1 and sentence E of Rev i si on 2.
The questi ons ar e not com pl ete (questi on 1) or cl ear l y der i v ed
(questi on 2).
Inf or m ati on m i ssi ng f r om questi on 1 i s the i ndependent var i abl e
(r unni ng), w hat heat storage pl ay s a r ol e i n (heat bal ance or
tem peratur e r egul ati on), and the ani m al .
The di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s m i ssi ng. Thi s di spl ay
of thi nk i ng needs to m ake cl ear how the subti tl e (“Independence of
Brai n and Body Tem peratur es”) r el ates to questi on 2 (see sentence G
of Rev i si on 1 and sentence F of Rev i si on 2).
The questi ons shoul d not be cal l ed “si m pl e.”
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s not stated. It shoul d pr obabl y be
added.
Re vis ion 1
IN DEPEN DEN CE OF BRAIN AN D BODY TEMPERATU RES PERMITS HEAT
STORAGE IN RU N N IN G AN TELOPE
AThe ex i stence of cam el s, antel ope, and other ungul ates i n hot
deser ts has l ong f asci nated phy si ol ogi sts, because, unl i ke r odents,
ungul ates ar e too l ar ge to escape the sun by bur r ow i ng or by f i ndi ng
shade. BThus, ex ter nal heat l oads pose m ajor pr obl em s of
tem peratur e r egul ati on f or them (f or a r ev i ew, see r ef. 1).
CHow ever, i nter nal heat l oads m ay pose even gr eater pr obl em s of
tem peratur e r egul ati on. DFor ex am pl e, a ty pi cal deser t antel ope, the
gazel l e, r unni ng at 70 k m /h pr oduces heat at 40 ti m es i ts basi c
m etabol i c rate (2). EHow antel ope cope w i th thi s ex tra heat i s
unk now n. FBecause the hi gh speeds ar e usual l y of shor t durati on, i t
i s possi bl e that antel ope m i ght stor e heat w hi l e r unni ng and then
di ssi pate i t dur i ng per i ods of r el ati ve i nacti v i ty . GHeat storage,
though, w oul d r equi r e phy si ol ogi c m echani sm s f or copi ng w i th hi gh
body tem peratur e, such as pr ef er enti al pr otecti on of nor m al brai n
tem peratur e.
H To deter m i ne w hether heat i s stor ed i n r unni ng antel ope, w e
m easur ed thei r cor e body tem peratur e w hi l e they ran ar ound a track
i n the deser t. I In addi ti on, to deter m i ne w hether nor m al brai n
tem peratur e i s m ai ntai ned, w e m easur ed brai n tem peratur e.
The poi nt about speed i s subor di nated to av oi d br eak i ng the
conti nui ty (D).
A f ul l er di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 1 i s added (F).
The thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s added (G).
The ex per i m ental appr oach f or each questi on i s stated (H, I).
Re vis ion 2
AIn or der f or cam el s, antel opes, and other ungul ates to sur v i ve i n hot
deser ts, they m ust be abl e to r egul ate thei r body tem peratur es.
BAl though m ost w or k on the r egul ati on of body tem peratur e i n deser t
ungul ates has been concer ned w i th ex ter nal heat l oads (see r ef. 1 f or
a r ev i ew ), i nter nal heat l oads m ay al so pose pr obl em s f or
tem peratur e r egul ati on. CFor ex am pl e, one ty pe of deser t antel ope,
the gazel l e, r unni ng at hi gh speed (70 k m /h) pr oduces heat at 40
ti m es i ts basi c m etabol i c rate (2). DIt i s not cl ear how antel ope deal
w i th thi s heat l oad. EBecause hi ghspeed r unni ng usual l y occur s i n
shor t bur sts, and because di ssi pati on of thi s i nter nal l y pr oduced heat
i s l i m i ted by the hi gh am bi ent tem peratur e, i t seem s possi bl e that
the antel ope m i ght al l ow i ts body tem peratur e to r i se rather than
di ssi pate thi s heat. FIf body tem peratur e does r i se, m ai ntenance of
the brai n at a l ow er tem peratur e than the r est of the body w oul d be
i m por tant si nce the brai n i s k now n to be m or e sensi ti ve to hi gh
tem peratur es than ar e the other or gans. GTo deter m i ne w hether body
tem peratur e r i ses i n r unni ng antel opes and, i f so, w hether brai n
tem peratur e r i ses equal l y, w e m easur ed both brai n and body
tem peratur es i n antel opes r unni ng at hi gh am bi ent tem peratur es.
In addi ti on to the changes noted f or Rev i si on 1, Rev i si on 2 states the
topi c of the paper (tem per atur e r egul ati on) i n the f i r st sentence
r ather than w ai ti ng unti l the thi r d sentence, as i n the or i gi nal
v er si on, and thus av oi ds the pr obl em of the m i ssi ng step. Rev i si on 2
al so pr esents a detai l ed di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to both questi ons
(sentences E and F).
Al though both of the r ev i si ons f unnel to the questi ons cl ear l y and
state the questi ons and the ex per i m ental appr oach cl ear l y , nei ther i s
as l i v el y as the or i gi nal v er si on, so ther e i s sti l l r oom f or
i m pr ov em ent. Rev i si on 1 has shor t sentences and k eeps som e of the
concr ete i m ages of the or i gi nal v er si on (cam el s, hot deser ts,
bur r ow i ng, sun), but om i ts other s (or y x es, gazel l es, bur sts) and adds
som e heav y abstr act w or ds (per i ods of r el ati v e i nacti v i ty , phy si ol ogi c
m echani sm s, pr ef er enti al pr otecti on). Rev i si on 2 cl ear l y di spl ay s the
thi nk i ng l eadi ng to the questi ons but i s dul l because of abstr act w or ds
(ungul ates, hi gh am bi ent tem per atur e, m ai ntenance) and l ong
sentences (f our of the si x sentences hav e m or e than 30 w or ds). Thus,
al though the r ev i si ons ar e m or e r i gor ous than the or i gi nal v er si on,
they do not r ef l ect the ex ci tem ent of sci enti sts f asci nated by thei r
w or k that i s so appeal i ng i n the or i gi nal v er si on.
P. 124
Introduc tion 2
3. FAc c umula ting e vide nc e de mons tra te s tha t the a poE4 a lle le (ε 4) is
s pe c ific a lly a s s oc ia te d w ith s pora dic a nd fa milia l la te ons e t
Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e a nd is a ma jor ris k fa c tor for the dis e a s e (13–
16). G In a c c ord w ith the s e findings , a poE immunore a c tivity is
a s s oc ia te d w ith both the a myloid pla que s a nd the intra c e llula r
ne urofibrilla ry ta ngle s s e e n in pos tmorte m e x a mina tions of bra ins
from Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e pa tie nts (17, 18). H The me c ha nis m by w hic h
a poE4 might c ontribute to Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e is unk now n. I How e ve r,
our re c e nt da ta de mons tra ting tha t a poE4 s tunts the outgrow th of
ne urite s from dors a l root ga nglion (DRG ) ne urons s ugge s t tha t a poE
ma y ha ve a dire c t e ffe c t on ne urona l de ve lopme nt or re mode ling (19,
20). J In a n e x te ns ion of the s e pre vious s tudie s , w e ha ve now
e x a mine d the e ffe c ts of the a poE is oforms on ne urite outgrow th a nd
on the c ytos k e le ton of Ne uro2a c e lls , a murine ne urobla s toma c e ll
line . K Apolipoprote in E4 inhibits ne urite outgrow th from the s e c e lls ,
a nd this is oforms pe c ific e ffe c t is a s s oc ia te d w ith de polyme riza tion of
mic rotubule s .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
W e a k ne s s e s
The questi on i s not cl ear l y r el ated to the unk now n.
The questi on i s not stated pr eci sel y (J).
Re vis ion
2. DThr ee com m on i sof or m s of apo E ex i st: apoE2, apoE3, and
apoE4. D ´ These i sof or m s ar e the pr oducts of thr ee al l el es—ε 2,
ε 3, and ε 4—at a si ngl e gene l ocus on chr om osom e 19 (11).
EApol i popr otei n E3, the m ost com m on i sof or m , has cy stei ne and
ar gi ni ne at posi ti ons 112 and 158, r especti vel y (1, 12). E´ ApoE2
has cy stei ne at both of these posi ti ons (1, 12). E” ApoE4 has
ar gi ni ne at both (1, 12).
4. H The m echani sm by w hi ch apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's
di sease i s unk now n. I How ever, our r ecent data dem onstrati ng
that apoE4 stunts the outgr ow th of neur i tes f r om neur ons of the
dor sal r oot gangl i on (DRG) (19, 20) suggest that apoE4 m i ght
contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease by stunti ng the outgr ow th of
these neur i tes. I ´ Our data f ur ther suggest that outgr ow th m i ght
be stunted by r em odel i ng of the cy toskel eton, speci f i cal l y the
m i cr otubul e sy stem . J Ther ef or e, as a step towar d deter m i ni ng
the m echani sm of apoE4′ s contr i buti on to Al zhei m er 's di sease,
w e asked w hether apoE4 i nhi bi ts neur i te outgr ow th of N eur o2a
cel l s, a m ouse neur obl astom a cel l l i ne, by r em odel i ng the
m i cr otubul e sy stem of these cel l s.
COMMEN TS
The m ai n changes i n thi s r ev i si on ar e i n the l ast thr ee sentences: the
suggesti ons f r om pr ev i ous data (I, I') and the questi on (J). Al l ar e
m or e pr eci se, and thei r r el ati on to the m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's
di sease i s m ade cl ear . The l ast sentence (K), w hi ch states the answ er
to the questi on, i s om i tted.
Other changes:
BAddi ng “centr al ” bef or e “ner v ous sy stem ” hel ps contr ast
w i th the per i pher al ner v ous sy stem i n sentence C. Addi ng
“thus” i ndi cates the tr ue r el ati onshi p.
H A new par agr aph em phasi zes the nex t step i n the stor y
“apoE4. ” The stor y i s k ept f ocused on the unk now n—the
m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease.
I I ' A speci f i c statem ent of w hat apoE4 m i ght do r epl aces
J The si gnal of the questi on i ndi cates that thi s study tak es a
P. 125
Introduc tion 3
THE SEQU EN CE OF EXPOSU RE TO THE STIMU LI DETERMIN ES THE EFFECT OF
ALKALOSIS ON HYPOXIAIN DU CED PU LMON ARY VASOCON STRICTION IN LU N GS
FROM N EWBORN RABBITS
1. AAlve ola r hypox ia c a us e s pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion. BTo de te rmine
w he the r a lk a los is or a c idos is c a n inc re a s e or re duc e hypox ia induc e d
pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion, nume rous inve s tiga tors ha ve s tudie d the
e ffe c ts of a lk a los is a nd a c idos is on c ons tric tion of the pulmona ry
c irc ula tion in re s pons e to hypox ia (1–14). COnly a fe w of the s e
inve s tiga tors ha ve s tudie d the e ffe c t of a lk a los is on hypox ia induc e d
pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion in the lungs of ne w born a nima ls (10, 13,
14). DThe re s ults of the s e s tudie s ha ve be e n va ria ble . EAlk a los is ha s
be e n s how n e ithe r to re duc e or to ha ve no e ffe c t on c ons tric tion of
the ne ona ta l pulmona ry c irc ula tion in re s pons e to a lve ola r hypox ia .
infa nts , it is pos s ible tha t s ome of the de le te rious e ffe c ts of
me c ha nic a l hype rve ntila tion c ould be a voide d by us ing a lte rna tive
me a ns of induc ing a lk a los is . I A c le a re r unde rs ta nding of the e ffe c t of
a lk a los is on the c ons tric tion of the ne ona ta l pulmona ry c irc ula tion in
re s pons e to hypox ia w ould a id in the ma na ge me nt of the s e pa tie nts .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
The f unnel to the questi ons i s cl ear (f unnel , para. 1; questi ons,
para. 3).
The general questi on at the begi nni ng of sentence J f ol l ow s
cl ear l y f r om paragraph 1 (and speci f i cal l y f r om sentence E).
The general questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e
(al k al osi s) and the dependent var i abl e (constr i cti on of the
pul m onar y ci r cul ati on).
The ani m al (new bor n rabbi ts) and the m ater i al (i sol ated,
per f used l ungs) ar e stated i n the ex per i m ental appr oach (K).
W e a k ne s s e s
Thi s Intr oducti on i s too l ong. The detai l s (tr ees) over shadow the
stor y (f or est).
In par agr aph 2, G and H say about the sam e thi ng, so G or H
can be om i tted.
In par agr aph 3, the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons (J) ar e r eal l y
ex per i m ental appr oach (see K–L) and ther ef or e can be om i tted.
The f our th speci f i c questi on i s not par al l el to the f i r st thr ee
speci f i c questi ons, so i t shoul d be pr esented separ atel y .
The r esul ts (M) ar e unnecessar y . Mor eov er , the r esul ts ar e
conf usi ng, par tl y because they pr ov i de m or e detai l than the
r eader can cope w i th at thi s poi nt i n the paper and par tl y
because of a change of k ey ter m s: the dependent v ar i abl e
m enti oned i n the f i r st r esul t i s not pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on,
w hi ch i s w hat w e ex pect, but pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance;
how pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance r el ates to pul m onar y
v asoconstr i cti on i s not i ndi cated. Fi nal l y , i ncl udi ng r esul ts
m ak es the Intr oducti on r ead l i k e an abstr act r ather than an
Intr oducti on.
The answ er (N ) does not answ er the questi on asked. In the answ er,
the sequence of ex posur es to the sti m ul i (al k al osi s and hy pox i a) i s
the i ndependent var i abl e, but i n the questi on onl y al k al osi s i s the
i ndependent var i abl e. Al so, the questi on does not m atch the ti tl e,
though the answ er does. Si nce i t i s not cl ear w hat the questi on i s,
the Intr oducti on does not pr epar e the r eader adequatel y to
under stand the r est of the paper.
The r eason f or usi ng thr ee sequences of sti m ul i (L) i s not stated. It
shoul d be.
The statem ent of the i m por tance (para. 2) i nter r upts the f l ow of
thought betw een the f unnel (para. 1) and the questi ons (para. 3).
Re vis ion
COMMEN TS
The r ev i si on has been gr eatl y shor tened by om i tti ng r epeti ti on,
unnecessar y detai l s, r esul ts, and the answ er .
The r ev i si on has been r eor gani zed to begi n w i th the i m por tance.
Thus, the questi ons com e di r ectl y af ter the f unnel .
Thus, the r ev i si on r esol v es m ost of the w eak nesses of the
or i gi nal v er si on. How ev er , the w r i ti ng i s sti l l heav y .
Back
Chapter 5
Materials and Methods
FUNCTION
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, the f uncti on of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on
(of ten r ef er r ed to as the Methods secti on) i s to tel l the r eader w hat
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on posed i n the Intr oducti on.
Si m i l ar l y, f or descr i pti ve studi es, the Methods secti on tel l s w hat ex per i m ents
you di d to obtai n the m essage stated i n the Intr oducti on. For m ethods paper s,
the Methods secti on has tw o f uncti ons: i t descr i bes the new m ethod i n com pl ete
detai l and al so tel l s w hat ex per i m ents you di d to test the new m ethod. For al l
ty pes of paper, the Methods secti on shoul d i ncl ude suf f i ci ent detai l and
r ef er ences to per m i t a trai ned sci enti st to eval uate your w or k f ul l y or to r epeat
the ex per i m ents ex actl y as you di d them .
STORY LINE
HypothesisTesting and Descriptive Papers
We saw that the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne of a hy pothesi stesti ng or a
descr i pti ve paper i s pr esented i n the Intr oducti on. Thi s f i r st step i s ei ther the
questi on bei ng asked or the str uctur e bei ng descr i bed. In ei ther case, the
second step i n the stor y l i ne i s an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents you di d. Thi s
over v i ew of the ex per i m ents gi ves the strategy of the ex per i m ents, the pl an
that connects the m ethods to each other and to the questi on or the m essage.
Wher e the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s pr esented depends on the ty pe of
r esear ch:
Descr i pti ve r esear ch In the ex per i m ental Str uctur e
appr oach at the end of the f uncti on
Intr oducti on studi es
P. 128
Methods Papers
For a Methods paper, the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne i s a statem ent that you ar e
pr esenti ng a new or i m pr oved m ater i al , m ethod, or apparatus. The second step
i n the stor y l i ne has tw o par ts: a com pl ete descr i pti on of the new m ethod,
m ater i al , or apparatus; and a descr i pti on of how thi s new m ethod, m ater i al , or
apparatus was tested. These tw o steps ar e descr i bed i n the Methods secti on.
In thi s chapter, w e w i l l consi der onl y Methods secti ons f or hy pothesi stesti ng
and descr i pti ve paper s.
CONTENT
The Mater i al s and Methods secti on of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper i s essenti al l y a
cook book . Thus, the m ai n content of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s a
detai l ed descr i pti on of the m ater i al s and m ethods you used. In addi ti on, i n
hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance,
the Mater i al s and Methods shoul d al so i ncl ude an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents
done to answ er the questi on. Thi s over v i ew i s k now n as the study desi gn.
The pr i m ar y content of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on consi sts of the
f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
Materials
Chem i cal s (dr ugs, cul tur e m edi a, buf f er s, gases)
What was ex am i ned (ex per i m ental m ater i al s, ex per i m ental ani m al s, or
hum an subjects)
Methods
Essenti al i nf or m ati on:
How you di d i t
Why you di d i t
Pr eparati on
The Methods secti on does not i ncl ude r esul ts. How ever, i nter m edi ate r esul ts,
that i s, r esul ts used i n cal cul ati ons done to obtai n r esul ts that answ er the
questi on, can be i ncl uded i n the Methods secti on. Putti ng i nter m edi ate r esul ts
i n Methods i s a better choi ce than putti ng them i n Resul ts because i nter m edi ate
r esul ts ar e m or e r el evant to m ethods than to r esul ts.
P. 129
Materials
Drugs
For dr ugs, state the gener i c nam e, m anuf actur er, pur i ty, and concentrati on. If
the dr ug i s i n sol uti on, gi ve the sol vent, pH, tem peratur e, total vol um e i nf used,
and rate of i nf usi on, i f appr opr i ate. State the am ount of dr ug adm i ni ster ed per
k i l ogram of body w ei ght and the durati on of the i njecti on. If the dr ug i s pl aced
i n an or gan bath or r eser voi r, cal cul ate i ts concentrati on i n f l ui d.
Culture Media, Buffers
For cul tur e m edi a and buf f er s, state the com ponents and thei r concentrati ons.
Al so state the tem peratur e, vol um e, and pH, i f appr opr i ate.
Gases
For gases, state the com ponents and thei r concentrati ons. Al so state the f l ow
rate, i f appr opr i ate.
Experimental Materials
If you studi ed a m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, etc., speci f y i t.
Animals
For ani m al s, state the speci es and w ei ght, and al so the strai n, sex , and age, i f
they ar e i m por tant. Gi ve detai l s of sedati on and anesthesi a: agent used,
am ount, r oute, adm i ni strati on (si ngl e, r epeated, or conti nuous), depth of
anesthesi a and how i t was assessed. If anestheti cs w er e not used, state the
r easons. State that the r esear ch was appr oved by the appr opr i ate com m i ttee at
your i nsti tuti on.
Human Subjects
For hum an subjects, gi ve enough i nf or m ati on about age, sex , race, hei ght,
w ei ght, state of heal th or di sease, and speci f i c m edi cal and sur gi cal
m anagem ent to be of use to r esear cher s w ho want to com par e your data w i th
thei r s or other peopl e's, or to cl i ni ci ans w ho want to see i f your f i ndi ngs ar e
appl i cabl e to thei r pati ents. Much of thi s i nf or m ati on can be pr esented i n
tabl es. These tabl es shoul d be ci ted i n the Methods secti on, not i n the Resul ts
secti on. Tel l how the subjects w er e sel ected. State that the r esear ch was
appr oved by the appr opr i ate com m i ttee at your i nsti tuti on.
Methods
What You Did
Study Design
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, i ncl udi ng phy si ol ogy studi es, cl i ni cal studi es, and som e bi ochem i str y
studi es, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents shoul d be gi ven i n a separate
subsecti on of Methods, cal l ed “Study Desi gn.” (The Study Desi gn
P. 130
subsecti on i s al so cal l ed “Pr otocol ,” “Ex per i m ental Pr otocol ,” “Ex per i m ental ,”
and “Ex per i m ental Desi gn.” “Pr otocol ” i s an unf or tunate headi ng because to
m ost r eader s “pr otocol ” i m pl i es cook book , and that i s ex actl y w hat the
over v i ew of the ex per i m ent you di d to answ er your questi on i s not. )
The Study Desi gn shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
In addi ti on, the Study Desi gn shoul d m ake cl ear
Orde r
Dura tion
Sa mple s ize (n) (unl ess stated i n a di f f er ent subsecti on of the Methods
secti on, such as Ani m al s, Subjects, Data Anal y si s)
P. 131
2. IAf ter com pl eti on of the ex per i m ent, the ew e and f etus w er e k i l l ed w i th
separate i njecti ons of bar bi turate. JAt postm or tem ex am i nati on, each f etus
was car ef ul l y w ei ghed and ex am i ned f or pr oper pl acem ent of the
el ectr om agneti c f l ow transducer and catheter s and patency of the l ef t
pul m onar y ar ter y. KIn addi ti on, the f l ow transducer and the tracheal and
vascul ar catheter s w er e conf i r m ed to be i n pr oper posi ti on i n al l f etuses.
LTher e was no f i br osi s or constr i cti on of the pul m onar y ar ter y pr esent at
the postm or tem ex am i nati on f or any f etal sheep.
Thi s Study Desi gn i ncl udes al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on:
Indi cates the or der of the m easur em ents (m ost si m ul taneous; som e ever y
30 m i n) (E–G).
Indi cates the durati on of the i nter venti ons and the m easur em ents (C, E–
G).
Indi cates the durati on of the ex per i m ents (C, E–H).
Study Design versus Experimental Approach
In paper s that have a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n the Methods secti on as w el l as
ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on, ther e i s som e over l ap
betw een the Study Desi gn and the ex per i m ental appr oach. Thi s over l ap hel ps to
keep the stor y l i ne that r uns f r om the Intr oducti on to the Methods secti on cl ear.
Of ten the ex per i m ental appr oach i s br i ef—just nam i ng the ani m al studi ed
(Chapter 4, Ex am pl e 4. 4), or nam i ng the ty pe of ex per i m ents, such as
substi tuti ng one gene f or another (Ex am pl e 4. 2), or nam i ng a speci al techni que,
such as a new bi of eedback m ethod (Ex am pl e 4. 3). In these cases, over l ap
betw een the Study Desi gn and the ex per i m ental appr oach i s m i ni m al . Other
ti m es the ex per i m ental appr oach gi ves a m or e com pl ete over v i ew of the
ex per i m ents, i ncl udi ng the i ndependent var i abl e, the dependent var i abl e, and
the contr ol s of the i ndependent var i abl e. In these cases, the Study Desi gn and
the ex per i m ental appr oach over l ap a l ot. How ever, the Study Desi gn i s al way s
m or e ex tensi ve than even the m ost com pl ete ex per i m ental appr oach, because
the Study Desi gn i ncl udes speci f i c detai l s (f or ex am pl e, of ti m i ng and doses),
w hi ch ar e not i ncl uded i n the ex per i m ental appr oach. Thus, a Study Desi gn
subsecti on i n Methods i s al way s necessar y i n hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch
al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, so that the r eader has a com pl ete
pi ctur e of the strategy you used to answ er your questi on.
Study Design as “Topic Sentence.”
Because the Study Desi gn gi ves an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents done to answ er
the questi on and i s f ol l ow ed by cook book detai l s (i n separate subsecti ons),
w hi ch tel l ex actl y how the ex per i m ents w er e done, the Study Desi gn subsecti on
can be v i ew ed as a sor t of topi c sentence f or the m ethods subsecti ons of the
Mater i al s and Methods secti on. Li ke al l topi c sentences, the Study Desi gn
shoul d be as br i ef as possi bl e, so that the over v i ew i s cl ear.
P. 132
Cookbook: How You Did the Experiments
Methods and Apparatus
The am ount of detai l needed w hen descr i bi ng a m ethod or an apparatus
depends on how w el l k now n the m ethod or apparatus i s.
A w el l k now n m ethod or apparatus need not be descr i bed. Al l that i s needed i s
the r ef er ence, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 2.
Ex a mple 5. 2 Wel l Know n Method
In these sam pl es, l i pi ds w er e ex tracted (Bl i gh and Dyer, 1959) f or phosphor us
deter m i nati on (Bar tl ett, 1959) and f or thi nl ayer chr om atography (Poor thui s et
al ., 1976).
For a l ess w el l k now n m ethod or apparatus, state the essenti al f eatur es and
gi ve the r ef er ence, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 3.
Lam el l ar bodi es w er e i sol ated accor di ng to a pr ev i ousl y r epor ted pr ocedur e
(Bar i tussi o et al ., 1981). Thi s pr ocedur e separates l am el l ar bodi es i nto tw o
popul ati ons that have di f f er ent densi ti es: l i ght l am el l ar bodi es, w hi ch ar e
col l ected betw een 0. 33 and 0. 45 M sucr ose, and dense l am el l ar bodi es, w hi ch
ar e col l ected betw een 0. 45 and 0. 58 M sucr ose.
In Ex am pl e 5. 4, the m odi f i cati on i s “usi ng 1% sodi um dodecy l sul f ate” and the
pur pose of the m odi f i cati on i s “to r educe i nter f er ence by l i pi ds.”
If a m odi f i cati on i s tr i v i al , i t does not need to be m enti oned.
For a new m ethod or apparatus, pr esent a com pl ete descr i pti on so that the
r eader can eval uate or use the m ethod or apparatus w i th f ul l under standi ng of
how i t w or k s.
Analysis of Data
State how you cal cul ated der i ved var i abl es (such as pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance) ei ther i n Methods of Measur em ent and Cal cul ati on or i n Anal y si s of
Data.
State how you sum m ar i zed your data. For thi s statem ent, pr ov i de the r eader
w i th i nf or m ati on about both the m agni tude of the data (w hat stati sti ci ans cal l a
m easur e of central tendency ) and the var i abi l i ty. What i nf or m ati on you gi ve to
sum m ar i ze the m agni tude and the var i abi l i ty of your data depends on w hether
the data com e f r om a nor m al di str i buti on or a skew ed di str i buti on.
When the data seem to have been draw n f r om a nor m al di str i buti on (or, at
l east, ar e di str i buted sy m m etr i cal l y about the m ean), i t i s r easonabl e to use
the
P. 133
m ean and standar d dev i ati on (SD) to sum m ar i ze the data. The m ean pr ov i des a
descr i pti on of the overal l m agni tude of the data. The standar d dev i ati on
pr ov i des a m easur e of the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e. Peopl e of ten use the m ean
and the standar d er r or of the m ean (SEM) (w hi ch equal s the standar d dev i ati on
di v i ded by the squar e r oot of the sam pl e si ze) to sum m ar i ze data. But usi ng the
m ean and the standar d er r or of the m ean i s general l y not a good way to
sum m ar i ze data f or tw o r easons. One r eason i s that the standar d er r or of the
m ean does not i ndi cate the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e (as an esti m ate of the
var i abi l i ty i n the under l y i ng popul ati on); rather, the standar d er r or of the m ean
quanti f i es the uncer tai nty i n the esti m ate of the tr ue m ean (that i s, the m ean
of the under l y i ng popul ati on). Another r eason not to use the standar d er r or of
the m ean to sum m ar i ze data i s that m any r eader s do not k now the di f f er ence
betw een the standar d er r or of the m ean and the standar d dev i ati on. When
these r eader s see a standar d er r or of the m ean, they m i si nter pr et i t as
i ndi cati ng the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e. To avoi d the chance of thi s
m i si nter pr etati on, i t i s cl ear est to use the m ean and standar d dev i ati on (w hi ch
does i ndi cate the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e) to sum m ar i ze data.
When the data appear to com e f r om a skew ed di str i buti on (that i s, an
i nor di nate num ber of hi gh or l ow val ues, com par ed to the m ean), the m ean and
standar d dev i ati on do not pr ov i de an accurate sum m ar y of the data. In thi s
case, you shoul d r epor t the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range (that i s, the
range betw een the 25th and the 75th per centi l es).
For stati sti cal anal y si s, state the stati sti cal tests that you used and, f or tests
that ar e not w el l k now n, al so gi ve a r ef er ence to the r epor t or book that
descr i bes the tests as you used them . Wel l k now n tests that do not need to be
r ef er enced i ncl ude Student's t test, chi squar e, standar d f or m s of anal y si s of
var i ance, l i near r egr essi on, cor r el ati on, and w i del y used nonparam etr i c tests
such as the Wi l coxon si gnedrank test.
Except w hen usi ng the si m pl est of stati sti cal m ethods (such as the t test), i f
you used a com puter pr ogram to anal y ze your data, state w hi ch pr ogram
(i ncl udi ng ver si on or r el ease num ber ) and w hi ch nondef aul t opti ons you used.
Pr ov i de a r ef er ence.
State w hi ch m easur em ents the stati sti cal tests you used com par e w i th each
other.
If the si ze of the sam pl e anal y zed f or each com par i son (n) i s not obv i ous f r om
the Study Desi gn, state the sam pl e si ze i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on.
State the P val ue at w hi ch you consi der ed di f f er ences stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.
In addi ti on, gi ve speci f i c P val ues i n f i gur e l egends, f ootnotes to tabl es, or the
Resul ts secti on, w her e each P val ue can be l i nked w i th the r el evant data.
To deter m i ne w hether to accept or r eject a hy pothesi s, a P val ue i s not al way s
suf f i ci ent. A di f f er ence can be stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant but bi ol ogi cal l y or
cl i ni cal l y uni m por tant. For ex am pl e, a di f f er ence can be stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
because the sam pl e si ze i s l ar ge rather than because a tr eatm ent has a l ar ge
ef f ect. Thus, i t i s of ten usef ul to assess the si ze of the di f f er ence i n
com par i son w i th the var i abi l i ty i n the data sam pl e by cal cul ati ng the 95%
conf i dence i nter val (see Gl antz, Chap. 7, and Gar dner and Al tm an).
Data ar e sum m ar i zed as m ean ± SD. 1 To anal y ze the data stati sti cal l y, w e
per f or m ed a oneway anal y si s of var i ance 2 f or r epeated m easur em ents of the
sam e var i abl e. 3 We then used Dunnett's m ul ti pl e range t test (10) 4 to
deter m i ne w hi ch m eans w er e si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the m ean of the
contr ol per i ods. 3 We consi der ed di f f er ences si gni f i cant at P < 0. 05. 5
P. 134
Footnotes
1 How the data w er e sum m ar i zed
2 Stati sti cal test used (w el l k now n; no r ef er ence needed)
5 P v al ue at w hi ch di f f er ences w er e consi der ed stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
Preparation
Pr eparati on consi sts of pr ocedur es done bef or e the ex per i m ents can be done. In
phy si ol ogy ex per i m ents, f or ex am pl e, pr eparati on of ten i ncl udes anesthesi a and
i nser ti on of catheter s. For ex am pl es, see Ex am pl e 5. 16 and Exer ci ses 5. 1 and
5. 2 at the end of thi s chapter.
Assumptions
If your ex per i m ental desi gn i s based on assum pti ons, state the assum pti ons and
your r easons f or bel i ev i ng that they ar e val i d. If your r easons ar e l engthy, they
can be pr esented i n the Di scussi on (see Chap. 7, Ex am pl e 7. 10).
Indicators
If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, m ake cl ear w hat var i abl e i t i s an
i ndi cator of. For ex am pl e, “We i nf used bl ood i nto the super i or and i nf er i or
venae cavae at about 25 m l /k g over 2 m i n unti l m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, our
i ndi cator of pr el oad, i ncr eased by about 100%.” Then i n the r est of the Methods
secti on, tal k about m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, not about pr el oad. If you
i denti f i ed the i ndi cator i n the Intr oducti on, you do not have to i denti f y i t agai n
i n Methods.
Why You Did the Experiments: Purposes and Reasons
It i s not al way s obv i ous to the r eader w hy you di d cer tai n pr ocedur es, so state
the pur pose or r eason f or any pr ocedur e w hose r el ati on to the questi on i s not
obv i ous.
an i nf i ni ti ve phrase (an i nf i ni ti ve i s “to” pl us the ver b) (Ex am pl e 5. 6) or
by
a pr eposi ti onal phrase begi nni ng w i th the pr eposi ti on “f or ” and endi ng w i th
a noun that i s m ade f r om a ver b or that i m pl i es acti on (Ex am pl e 5. 7).
Example 5.6
The m ater i al was el uted i n 5 m M Tr i s HCl /100 m M N aCl , pH 7. 40, to s e pa ra te
col l agenaser esi stant f ragm ents f r om i ntact sur f actant pr otei n A.
Example 5.7
For pr i m ar y cul tur e, the cel l s w er e r esuspended i n Dul becco's m odi f i ed Eagl e's
m edi um contai ni ng 10% (vol /vol ) f etal bov i ne ser um and gentam i ci n (50
µg/m l ).
Example 5.8
Bov i ne ser um al bum i n (0. 1%, f racti on V) was i ncl uded i n the bi ndi ng m edi um
be c a us e al bum i n r educed adher ence of sur f actant pr otei n A to m i cr ocentr i f uge
tubes and ti ssue cul tur e pl asti c war e but di d not al ter the bi ndi ng of sur f actant
pr otei n A to l ung cel l s.
P. 135
Example 5.9
Radi ol abel ed sur f actant pr otei n A was used w i thi n 2–3 w eek s af ter the
i odi nati on; storage f or l onger per i ods of ti m e r educed bi ndi ng of pr otei n to
cel l s.
ORGANIZATION
Overall Organization
The natural or gani zati on of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s chr onol ogi cal
or der. In addi ti on, because Mater i al s and Methods i s a l ong secti on that
pr esents several di f f er ent ty pes of i nf or m ati on, Mater i al s and Methods i s
di v i ded i nto subsecti ons based on the ty pe of i nf or m ati on. These subsecti ons
ar e i n chr onol ogi cal or der. Each subsecti on has i ts ow n subheadi ng. For
hy pothesi stesti ng paper s that desi gn al l ex per i m ents i n advance, these
subheadi ngs ar e gener i c:
Generic Subheadings for the Methods Section of
HypothesisTesting Papers That Design All
Experiments in Advance
For any gi ven ani m al study or cl i ni cal study, som e subsecti ons i n Methods m ay
not be needed, so those subsecti ons, and thei r subheadi ngs, ar e om i tted. For
ex am pl e, the Mater i al s and the Ani m al s subsecti ons ar e om i tted i f ther e ar e not
enough detai l s to war rant a separate subsecti on. Instead, the detai l s ar e
i ncl uded i n Methods of Measur em ent and Sur gi cal Pr eparati on, r especti vel y. If
no pr eparati on (such as sur gi cal pl acem ent of catheter s) was done, the
Pr eparati on subsecti on and i ts subheadi ng ar e om i tted. Si m i l ar l y, i nter venti ons
m ay not need to be descr i bed i n m or e detai l than gi ven i n the Study Desi gn, so
the i nter venti ons subsecti on can be om i tted. Som eti m es, i ncl usi on and
excl usi on cr i ter i a can be com bi ned i nto a si ngl e subsecti on hav i ng a si ngl e
subheadi ng, or i ncl usi on and excl usi on cr i ter i a m ay be br i ef enough to i ncl ude
i n the Study Subjects subsecti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne
w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the subheadi ngs of the subsecti ons
P. 136
ar e speci f i c. The subheadi ngs nam e the speci f i c m ater i al or var i abl e w or ked on
or the speci f i c pr ocedur e done. Her e ar e tw o ex am pl es:
Specific Subheadings for the Methods Section of
HypothesisTesting Papers in Which the Results
of One Experiment Determine What the Next
Experiment Will Be
Organization within Subsections
Wi thi n each subsecti on of Methods, or gani ze topi cs ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or i n
or der of m ost to l east i m por tant. For Pr eparati on, chr onol ogi cal or der i s best.
For the m ethods subsecti ons, the or gani zati on depends on the ty pe of
i nf or m ati on. If you have m ethods f or both i ndependent var i abl es and dependent
var i abl es, descr i be m ethods f or the i ndependent var i abl es f i r st (chr onol ogi cal
or der ). If you m easur ed al l var i abl es si m ul taneousl y, descr i be the m ethods f or
the dependent var i abl es that answ er the questi on f i r st and then the m ethods f or
other dependent var i abl es (m ost to l east i m por tant).
Signaling the Organization
Topi cs i n the Methods secti on can be si gnal ed by subheadi ngs, by topi c
sentences, or by transi ti on phrases or cl auses.
P. 137
Subheadings
Subheadi ngs si gnal topi cs of subsecti ons, w hi ch can i ncl ude one or m or e
paragraphs.
Topic Sentences
Topi c sentences can be used to si gnal the topi c of a paragraph, especi al l y w hen
a subsecti on has m or e than one paragraph (Ex am pl e 5. 11).
The ef f ects of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents on steadystate ci r cum f l ex
pr essur ef l ow r el ati ons der i ved dur i ng l ong di astol es w er e ex am i ned i n f i ve
dogs. To obtai n each pr essur ef l ow poi nt, w e f i r st set the m ean ci r cum f l ex
pr essur e to the desi r ed l evel and then ar r ested the hear t by tur ni ng of f the
pacem aker. The pr essur e and f l ow rate w er e m easur ed af ter a steady state was
r eached, usual l y w i thi n 2–3 s. In these ex per i m ents, one pr essur ef l ow r el ati on
was der i ved i n the absence of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents and the other i n
the pr esence of a gradi ent, w hen m ean l ef t m ai n cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was
hel d constant at 100 m m Hg.
“As f ol l ow s” coul d be added at the end of the topi c sentence i n Ex am pl e 5. 11.
How ever, “as f ol l ow s” becom es bor i ng i f used i n m or e than one paragraph, so
use “as f ol l ow s” judi ci ousl y.
Transition Phrases or Clauses
Transi ti on phrases or cl auses that state pur poses can be used to si gnal the
topi c of a paragraph i n the Mater i al s and Methods secti on. The transi ti on phrase
or cl ause com es at the begi nni ng of the f i r st sentence of the paragraph, and the
end of that sentence states the f i r st step i n the pr ocedur e. The r em ai ni ng
sentences i n the paragraph state the subsequent steps. An ex am pl e i s Ex am pl e
5. 12.
Ex a mple 5. 12 Transi ti on Phrase Si gnal i ng the Topi c of a Paragraph
To pr epar e the enzy m e sol uti on, the cel l s w er e f i r st i ncubated i n l i popr otei n
def i ci ent ser um f or 48 h. Then, af ter bei ng washed w i th phosphatebuf f er ed
sal i ne thr ee ti m es, the cel l s w er e har vested, suspended i n 3 m l of phosphate
buf f er ed sal i ne, and hom ogeni zed i n a gl ass–gl ass hom ogeni zer by hand. The
hom ogenate was centr i f uged at 700 × g f or 10 m i n and the r esul tant
super natant was used as the enzy m e sol uti on.
Som eti m es none of these si gnal s i s used to i denti f y the topi c of a paragraph.
The topi c becom es appar ent f r om the subject and ver b. For ex am pl e, i n a
paragraph i n Pr eparati on begi nni ng “Dogs w er e anestheti zed,” the topi c of the
paragraph i s anesthesi a.
P. 138
Relationship of Parts
Relate the Study Design to the Question It Answers
To ensur e that the Study Desi gn r el ates cl ear l y to the questi on i t answ er s,
r estate the questi on bef or e descr i bi ng the study desi gn. The questi on can be
r estated i n a topi c sentence (Ex am pl e 5. 13) or i n a transi ti on phrase (Ex am pl e
5. 14).
Ex a mple Topi c Sentence of the Study Desi gn Restati ng the
5. 13 Questi on
The ef f ect of hi ghf r equency venti l ati on on the di schar ge of the thr ee k now n
ty pes of pul m onar y r eceptor s was ascer tai ned as f ol l ow s. Af ter a si ngl e
af f er ent ner ve f i ber f r om a sl ow l y adapti ng pul m onar y str etch r eceptor, a
rapi dl y adapti ng pul m onar y r eceptor, or a pul m onar y Cf i ber was i denti f i ed,
r ecor di ngs w er e m ade f or 1–2 m i n dur i ng nor m al contr ol l ed venti l ati on w i th the
Har var d venti l ator. The dog was then venti l ated w i th the hi ghf r equency
venti l ator and af f er ent ner ve acti v i ty was r ecor ded sequenti al l y at thr ee m ean
ai r way pr essur es—l ow, i nter m edi ate, and hi gh (appr ox i m atel y 0. 5, 1. 0, and 1. 5
k Pa, r especti vel y )—unti l a steady state was r eached, usual l y 1–2 m i n.
Ex a mple Transi ti on Phrase i n the Study Desi gn Restati ng the
5. 14 Questi on
To deter m i ne the ef f ect of betaadr ener gi c agoni sts on cl earance of l i qui d and
pr otei n f r om the l ungs, w e i nsti l l ed i nto one l ow er l obe ei ther ser um al one (si x
sheep), ser um m i xed w i th ter butal i ne (10 5 M, Gei gy, Sum m i t N J) (si x sheep),
or ser um m i xed w i th epi nephr i ne (5. 5 × 10 6 M, Am Qui ni ne, Shi r l ey N Y) (si x
sheep), and then m easur ed the var i abl es descr i bed i n the general pr otocol .
When ther e i s m or e than one questi on, r estate the appr opr i ate questi on at the
begi nni ng of each study desi gn, so that the r eader k now s w hi ch study desi gn
r el ates to w hi ch questi on. When r estati ng the questi on, be sur e to use the sam e
key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e poi nt of v i ew as i n the or i gi nal
questi on, so that the r eader can easi l y r ecogni ze that thi s questi on i s the sam e
questi on asked i n the Intr oducti on.
Relate the Methods to the Results
For ever y r esul t i n the Resul ts secti on, ther e shoul d be a m ethod i n the
Methods secti on.
LENGTH
The Methods secti on shoul d be as l ong as necessar y to descr i be f ul l y and
accuratel y w hat was done and how i t was done. How ever, Methods shoul d be
w r i tten i n the f ew est w or ds possi bl e and shoul d not contai n f ussy detai l . What
consti tutes f ussy detai l depends on w hat the r eader s of the jour nal to w hi ch
you subm i t your paper can be ex pected to k now.
DETAILS
Animals
To ensur e that the r eader k now s w hat ani m al you studi ed, use the ani m al 's
nam e (f or ex am pl e, dog, cat) ever y ti m e, not the general ter m “ani m al .”
P. 139
Verb Tense
Methods ar e r epor ted i n past tense, f or ex am pl e, “w e m easur ed,” “catheter s
w er e i nser ted.” (Al so see ex am pl es above. )
How ever, to descr i be how data ar e pr esented i n the paper, use pr esent tense,
because thi s i nf or m ati on i s sti l l tr ue. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e sum m ar i zed as
m ean ± SD.”
Sample Size
When you have several di f f er ent sam pl e si zes (f or ex am pl e, f or subgr oups
w i thi n a gr oup), be sur e that the num ber s add up cor r ectl y thr oughout the
Methods secti on (and thr oughout the paper ). For ex am pl e, i f the Methods
secti on begi ns by say i ng that ex per i m ents w er e done on 39 rabbi ts and l ater
say s that 25 rabbi ts w er e tr eated w i th one dr ug and 13 rabbi ts w er e tr eated
w i th another dr ug, the r eader w onder s w hether one rabbi t was l ef t untr eated.
Or i f the Methods secti on say s that 11 rabbi ts w er e pr epar ed and then r epor ts
that 5 rabbi ts w er e used i n the f i r st ex per i m ent, 4 i n the second ex per i m ent,
and 6 i n the thi r d ex per i m ent, the r eader w onder s w hy 4 of the 15 w er e not
pr epar ed. If the author m eant that 5 of the 11 w er e used i n the f i r st
ex per i m ent, 4 of the 11 i n the second ex per i m ent, and 6 of the 11 i n the thi r d
ex per i m ent, that i s the way to descr i be them : “4 of the 11,” not “4.”
Si m i l ar l y, f or studi es of hum an subjects, m ake cl ear how the num ber s of
subjects r el ate to each other. For ex am pl e, i f 100 subjects w er e i nter v i ew ed but
20 w er e di squal i f i ed, the total num ber studi ed i s 80, not 100. Of these 80, i f 30
w er e used i n one study, cl ar i f y that the 30 w er e par t of the 80, not i n addi ti on
to the 80, by w r i ti ng, “In 30 of the 80 subjects, w e tested…” or “Of the 80
subjects, 30 w er e gi ven… .” To i ndi cate that i n another study 30 di f f er ent
subjects w er e used, w r i te, “In 30 other subjects, w e tested…” or “Thi r ty other
subjects w er e gi ven… .”
Information in Parentheses
In the Methods secti on, detai l s ar e of ten pl aced i n par entheses so that the f l ow
of i deas i n the sentence w i l l not be i nter r upted. Som e detai l s that ar e
com m onl y pl aced i n par entheses ar e w ei ghts of ani m al s or hum an subjects,
concentrati ons, doses, m anuf actur er s' nam es, and m odel num ber s. For
ex am pl e, “Hor se r ed bl ood cel l s (Col orado Ser um Com pany, Boul der ) w er e
washed thr ee ti m es i n 7 m l of 0. 9% N aCl bef or e use to r em ove pr eser vati ves.”
See al so Ex am pl e 5. 14, above. If i nstead detai l s ar e w r i tten bef or e the noun,
no par entheses ar e used. Com par e “10 m g ni tr ogl ycer i n” and “ni tr ogl ycer i n (10
m g).”
Precise Word Choice
U se the ver b that i ndi cates pr eci sel y w hat you di d: “m easur ed,” “cal cul ated,”
“esti m ated.” For ex am pl e, “We m easur ed hear t rate and ventr i cul ar pr essur e
and cal cul ated m ax i m al posi ti ve dP/dt.” If you want to di scuss m easur em ents
and cal cul ati ons together, usi ng one ter m that i ncl udes both, use “deter m i ned.”
For ex am pl e, “We deter m i ned hear t rate, ventr i cul ar pr essur e, and m ax i m al
posi ti ve dP/dt.”
Study : A sustai ned, sy stem ati c i nqui r y i nto, or ex am i nati on of, a
phenom enon, devel opm ent, or questi on
P. 140
Ex per i m ent: A test done to ex am i ne the val i di ty of a hy pothesi s (r ef er r ed
to as a study w hen the subjects ar e hum an)
Gr oup: A num ber of ex per i m ental ani m al s or hum an subjects tr eated
si m i l ar l y or hav i ng si m i l ar character i sti cs
One paper i s equi val ent to one study, but i t can r epor t m any ex per i m ents,
ser i es of ex per i m ents, and gr oups of ani m al s or subjects, as show n i n Ex am pl e
5. 15.
Example 5.15
In thi s study , the ex per i m ents w er e or gani zed i nto tw o ser i es. In the f i r st
ser i es, w e m easur ed the l oss of 9µm di am eter m i cr ospher es f r om the l ungs;
i n the second ser i es, w e m easur ed the l oss of 9µm di am eter m i cr ospher es
f r om the l ef t ventr i cul ar myocar di um . Each ser i es of ex per i m ents was
per f or m ed on tw o gr oups of dogs, one gr oup anestheti zed w i th Innovar Vet and
a 75:25 m i x tur e of ni tr ous ox i de and ox ygen and the other gr oup anestheti zed
w i th hal othane.
Point of View
In the Methods secti on, the poi nt of v i ew can be ei ther that of the ex per i m ent
or that of the ex per i m enter.
If you choose the poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m enter rather than the poi nt of
v i ew of the ex per i m ent, m any of your sentences w i l l begi n w i th “w e.” Begi nni ng
m any sentences w i th “w e” i s obnox i ous. Ther ef or e, i f you choose thi s poi nt of
v i ew, keep the num ber of “w e's” to a m i ni m um and var y the begi nni ngs of
sentences so that ver y f ew begi n w i th “w e.” To keep the num ber of “w e's” to a
m i ni m um , put al l the steps of a si ngl e pr ocedur e i n one sentence.
We de hydra te d the pel l ets, c le a re d them w i th pr opy l ene ox i de, and
e mbe dde d sm al l pi eces of each pel l et i n bl ock s of Spur r 's r esi n.
To m ake the “w e's” l ess pr om i nent, var y the begi nni ngs of the sentences. Begi n
som e sentences w i th a transi ti on w or d or phrase i ndi cati ng ti m e sequence:
To pr epar e i sol ated sur f ace l ayer s f or el ectr on m i cr oscopy , w e
r esuspended the 0. 1m l pel l ets of packed, washed sur f ace l ayer s i n 0. 2–
0. 3 m l of buf f er, and pi petted thi s concentrated suspensi on i nto a 35m m
di am eter pl asti c cul tur e di sh par ti al l y f i l l ed w i th har dened epox y r esi n
that had been coated w i th pol y l y si ne.
Begi n som e sentences w i th a r eason:
Because these sur f ace l ayer s di d not sti ck w el l to pol y l y si ne, w e
pr ocessed them as sm al l pel l ets.
Begi n som e sentences w i th a phrase subor di nati ng the f i r st step of a pr ocedur e:
Af ter f i x i ng the sur f ace l ayer s f or 0. 5–2 h, w e r i nsed them thr ee ti m es i n
gl yci nef r ee buf f er and then postf i xed them i n 1% OsO 4 i n gl yci nef r ee
buf f er f or 0. 5–1 h.
P. 141
Handling Point of View in the Methods Section
At the si m pl est l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can choose to w r i te your enti r e
Methods secti on f r om one poi nt of v i ew. If you choose the poi nt of v i ew of the
ex per i m ent, thi s choi ce has the advantage of m ak i ng the topi c the subject of
the sentence, thus em phasi zi ng w hat i s i m por tant (the m ethod, the var i abl e,
etc. ). The di sadvantage i s that m ost sentences w i l l be i n passi ve voi ce, w hi ch
i s dul l . But si nce peopl e r ead Methods to get pr eci se i nf or m ati on, the
di sadvantage of dul l ness i s general l y outw ei ghed by the advantage of m ak i ng
the topi c the subject. So choosi ng to w r i te the Methods secti on f r om the poi nt
of v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s a def ensi bl e choi ce. The al ter nati ve, the poi nt of
v i ew of the ex per i m enter (“w e”), i s undeni abl y m or e l i vel y because i t usual l y
r equi r es the use of acti ve voi ce. How ever, i t sacr i f i ces hav i ng the topi c as the
subject of the sentence. Al so, usi ng “w e” i s i nappr opr i ate i f som eone other than
the author s (f or ex am pl e, a techni ci an) actual l y di d the w or k . In addi ti on, i f
“w e” i s not car ef ul l y handl ed, i t can be di stracti ng. N ever thel ess, i f “w e” i s w el l
handl ed, choosi ng to w r i te the Methods secti on f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the
ex per i m enter i s al so a def ensi bl e choi ce. Si nce both poi nts of v i ew ar e
def ensi bl e, choose w hi chever poi nt of v i ew you ar e m or e com f or tabl e w i th.
At a hi gher l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can w r i te som e subsecti ons f r om one
poi nt of v i ew and other subsecti ons f r om another poi nt of v i ew. For ex am pl e,
you can use “w e” i n the Study Desi gn, as i n the f i r st paragraph of Ex am pl e 5. 1
above, but not i n the Methods of Measur em ent, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 4. An
advantage of thi s choi ce i s that subsecti ons that ar e di f f i cul t to w r i te f r om one
poi nt of v i ew can be w r i tten f r om the other.
At the hi ghest l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can choose one poi nt of v i ew f or a
gi ven subsecti on but w r i te som e sentences f r om another poi nt of v i ew w hen you
have a speci f i c and obv i ous r eason. For ex am pl e, you can use the poi nt of v i ew
of the ex per i m enter (“w e”) f or sentences that m ove the stor y f or war d and the
poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m ent f or sentences that do not m ove the stor y
f or war d, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 16. The advantage i s that the w r i ti ng i s sm ooth and
cl ear.
What you want to avoi d i s changi ng back and f or th f r om one poi nt of v i ew to
another several ti m es w i thi n one paragraph f or no appar ent r eason.
pentobar bi tal (N em butal , Abbott Laborator i es, 25 m g/k g, i . v. ), i ntubated, and
venti l ated w i th a posi ti ve pr essur e r espi rator (Model 607, Har var d Apparatus
Co., Mi l l i s, MA). B To m ai ntai n anesthesi a dur i ng sur ger y and dur i ng the
ex per i m ent, w e gave addi ti onal doses of sodi um pentobar bi tal (0. 5–1. 0 m g ·
k g 1 · h 1 ). C We per f or m ed a thoracotomy thr ough the f our th l ef t i nter costal
space. D Thr ough a 1 to 2cm i nci si on i n the per i car di um , w e i nser ted a
m ul ti pl esi dehol e pol y v i ny l catheter and a 2 × 3 cm f l at si l asti c bal l oon, w hi ch
w e pl aced at the l evel of the m i dl ef t ventr i cl e w hen the dog was supi ne. E The
catheter and the bal l oon w er e used to m easur e per i car di al pr essur e. F The
catheter was al so used to i nject f l ui d i nto the per i car di al cav i ty. G We sutur ed
the i nci si on i n the per i car di um water ti ght and pl aced a second f l at bal l oon at
the l evel of the f i r st bal l oon on the outsi de of the per i car di um i n or der to
m easur e pl eural pr essur e. H We l ed al l thr ee tubes thr ough the thoracotomy
i nci si on. I Then w e i nser ted a chest tube thr ough a separate i nci si on and
advanced i t behi nd the ster num about 20 cm towar ds the di aphragm . J We
sutur ed both i nci si ons and connected the chest tube to a sucti on l i ne to r em ove
the ai r f r om the chest.
P. 142
Thi s paragraph i s w r i tten f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m enter except f or
tw o pl aces: the f i r st sentence (to avoi d star ti ng w i th “w e”) and the tw o
sentences descr i bi ng the pur poses of the catheter and the bal l oon (E, F), w hi ch,
unl i ke the other sentences i n thi s paragraph, do not m ove the stor y f or war d.
The author has m ade an ef f or t to avoi d star ti ng ever y sentence w i th “w e”: of
the 10 sentences, 3 star t w i th nouns (under l i ned), 4 star t w i th “w e,” and 3
avoi d star ti ng w i th “w e” (under l i ned, i tal i cs). Thi s paragraph coul d easi l y have
been w r i tten w i thout any “w e's,” but i t w oul d have been l ess l i vel y.
Units of Measurement
The Inter nati onal Sy stem of U ni ts (Sy stèm e Inter nati onal d'U ni tés) (SI uni ts)
shoul d be used. For a l i st of SI uni ts and thei r abbr ev i ati ons, see r ef er ence
book s, such as the CBE Sty l e Manual (pp. 147–150), and ar ti cl es i n jour nal s,
such as Young's ar ti cl e i n Annal s of Inter nal Medi ci ne (1987).
P. 143
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR THE MATERIALS
AND METHODS SECTION
FUNCTION
To pr ov i de enough detai l and r ef er ences to enabl e a trai ned sci enti st to
eval uate or r epeat your w or k .
STORY LINE
In hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance,
the Study Desi gn subsecti on of Methods gi ves an over v i ew of the second step of
the stor y of the paper : the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on.
CONTENT
Materials
Chem i cal s (dr ugs, cul tur e m edi a, buf f er s, gases).
Methods
Over v i ew of the ex per i m ents
For descr i pti ve r esear ch, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n
the ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on and then the
steps of the over v i ew ar e thr eaded thr ough the Resul ts secti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n the Study Desi gn
subsecti on of Methods.
Study Desi gn (f or hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e
desi gned i n advance)
Incl ude:
Questi on
Al l contr ol s
Make cl ear :
Or der
Durati on
of the i nter venti ons
The study desi gn can be v i ew ed as a sor t of topi c sentence f or the
m ethods subsecti ons.
Anal y si s of data
P. 144
Pr eparati on
Indi cator s
In addi ti on, pur poses and r easons shoul d be i ncl uded f or any pr ocedur e w hose
r el ati on to the questi on of the paper i s not cl ear.
ORGANIZATION
Overal l
Or gani ze the Methods secti on chr onol ogi cal l y.
U se gener i c subheadi ngs f or the subsecti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s
that desi gn al l ex per i m ents i n advance:
Generic Subheadings for the Methods Section
of HypothesisTesting Papers That Design All
Experiments in Advance
U se speci f i c subheadi ngs f or the subsecti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s
i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be. The subheadi ngs nam e the speci f i c m ater i al or
var i abl e w or ked on or the speci f i c pr ocedur e done.
Subheadi ngs
Topi c sentences
LENGTH
Make the Methods secti on as l ong as necessar y to descr i be w hat you di d but do
not i ncl ude unnecessar y w or ds or f ussy detai l .
DETAILS
U se the nam e of the ani m al you studi ed (f or ex am pl e, dog, cat) thr oughout the
Methods secti on. Do not use the general ter m “ani m al .”
Make r el ati onshi ps betw een sam pl e si zes cl ear, f or ex am pl e by w r i ti ng, “In 4 of
the 11 rabbi ts” or “In 30 other subjects.”
P. 145
Di sti ngui sh betw een “m easur ed,” “cal cul ated,” and “esti m ated.” U se
“deter m i ned” w hen you need to descr i be tw o or m or e of these pr ocedur es
together.
Di sti ngui sh betw een “study ” and “ex per i m ent” and betw een “ser i es” and
“gr oup.”
U se subjects that cr eate the poi nt of v i ew that you pr ef er.
To f ocus on the topi c, m ake the topi c the subject.
P. 146
EXERCISE 5.1: A CLEARLY WRITTEN METHODS
SECTION
1. In the le ft ma rgin of the Me thods s e c tion, w rite the topic of e a c h
pa ra gra ph.
2. In the Study De s ign s ubs e c tion, w hic h pa ra gra ph de s c ribe s the
e x pe rime nt done to a ns w e r the que s tion a s k e d? W rite “ Ex pe rime nt”
ne x t to this pa ra gra ph.
c. a ll c ontrols *
4. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of e a c h te c hnique for
s igna ling the topic of a pa ra gra ph:
a. topic s e nte nc e
b. tra ns ition phra s e
5. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of e a c h te c hnique of
c ontinuity:
a. re pe a te d k e y te rm
c. c ons is te nt orde r
d. c ons is te nt point of vie w
e. pa ra lle l form
6. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of orga niza tion of a
s ubs e c tion from mos t to le a s t importa nt.
Basel i ne: v ar i abl es m easur ed bef or e the i nter v enti on i s m ade
Sham the sam e ex per i m ent ex cept the i nter v enti on i s not
(contr ol m ade, f or ex am pl e, the v ehi cl e of the dr ug i s i njected
ser i es): but the dr ug i s not i njected
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Doe s s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs
re fle x ive ly e vok e inc re a s e d s e c re tion from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds ?”
To a ns w e r this que s tion, the a uthors did e x pe rime nts on s e gme nts of
tra c he a s in dogs in w hic h pulmona ry Cfibe rs w e re s timula te d by inje c tion
of c a ps a ic in a nd the n s e c re tions from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds w e re
me a s ure d.
P. 147
Topic
Te c hnique s of Continuity
MATERIALS AND METHODS
P re pa ra tion
1 A Nine dogs (14–25 k g) w e re a ne s the tize d w ith thiope nta l s odium (25
mg/k g i. v. ) follow e d by c hlora los e (80 mg/k g i. v. ). B Supple me nta l dos e s
of c hlora los e (10 mg/k g i. v. ) w e re give n hourly to ma inta in a ne s the s ia .
C The dogs w e re pa ra lyze d w ith de c a me thonium bromide (0. 1 mg/k g) 10
ve ntila tory ra te . F Arte ria l blood s a mple s w e re w ithdra w n pe riodic a lly, a nd
the ir P O 2 , P CO 2 , a nd pH w e re de te rmine d by a blood ga s /pH a na lyze r
3 H The c he s t w a s ope ne d in the mids te rna l line a nd a c a the te r w a s
ins e rte d into the le ft a trium via the le ft a tria l a ppe nda ge . I Ca the te rs w e re
a ls o ins e rte d into the right a trium via the right jugula r ve in a nd into the
a bdomina l a orta via a fe mora l a rte ry.
4 J A s e gme nt of the tra c he a (4–5 c m) imme dia te ly c a uda l to the la rynx
w a s inc is e d ve ntra lly in the midline a nd tra ns ve rs e ly a c ros s both e nds of
the midline inc is ion. K The dors a l w a ll w a s le ft
P . 148
inta c t. L Ea c h midline c ut e dge w a s re tra c te d la te ra lly by nylon thre a ds to
e x pos e the muc os a l s urfa c e . M The thre a ds w e re a tta c he d to a s ta tiona ry
ba r on one s ide a nd to a forc e dis pla c e me nt tra ns duc e r (G ra s s FT03) on
the othe r. N The s e gme nt w a s s tre tc he d to a ba s e line te ns ion of 100–125 g.
Study De s ign
5 O To de te rmine w he the r s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs re fle x ive ly
e vok e s inc re a s e d s e c re tion from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds , w e
s timula te d pulmona ry Cfibe r e ndings in e a c h of the 9 dogs by inje c ting
c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) into the right a trium. P Ca ps a ic in w a s ta k e n from
s toc k s olutions pre pa re d a s de s c ribe d e ls e w he re (4). Q At 10s inte rva ls for
60 s be fore a nd 60 s a fte r e a c h inje c tion, w e me a s ure d s e c re tions from
tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds . R As a c ontrol, in the s a me 9 dogs w e
me a s ure d s e c re tion in re s pons e to inje c tion of ve hic le (0. 5–1. 0 ml) into
the right a trium. S Inje c tions w e re s e pa ra te d by re s ting pe riods of a bout 30
min.
7 V Fina lly, to ve rify tha t s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs w a s re s pons ible
for the s e c re tions , w e me a s ure d s e c re tion in re s pons e to c a ps a ic in (10–20
µg/k g into the right a trium) in the 9 dogs
P . 149
be fore a nd a fte r bloc k ing c onduc tion in both of the c e rvic a l va gus ne rve s ,
w hic h c a rry the pulmona ry Cfibe rs . W W e bloc k e d c onduc tion e ithe r by
c ooling the ne rve s to 0° C a s de s c ribe d e ls e w he re (8) (4 dogs ) or by
c utting the ne rve s (5 dogs ). X Be fore the firs t bloc k ing e x pe rime nt on e a c h
dog, w e c ut the re c urre nt a nd pa ra re c urre nt ne rve s s o tha t the tra c he a l
s e gme nt re c e ive d its motor s upply s ole ly from the s upe rior la rynge a l
ne rve s (14). Y Cons e que ntly, w he n w e c oole d or c ut the midc e rvic a l va gus
ne rve s during a n e x pe rime nt, w e c ould be c e rta in tha t the c ha nge s in the
tra c he a l re s pons e s w e re c a us e d by inte rruption of the a ffe re nt va ga l C
fibe rs .
ge ntly drie d a nd s pra ye d w ith ta nta lum. C C The ta nta lum la ye r pre ve nte d
the norma l c ilia ry dis pe rs ion of s e c re tions from the ope nings of the gla nd
duc ts , s o the a c c umula te d s e c re tions e le va te d the ta nta lum la ye r to form
hilloc k s . D D Hilloc k s w ith a dia me te r of a t le a s t 0. 2 mm w e re c ounte d in a
1. 2 c m 2 fie ld of muc os a . EE To fa c ilita te c ounting, the muc os a of the
re tra c te d s e gme nt w a s vie w e d through a dis s e c ting
P . 150
mic ros c ope , a nd its ima ge w a s proje c te d by a te le vis ion c a me ra (Sony AVC
1400) onto a te le vis ion s c re e n toge the r w ith the output from a time s igna l
ge ne ra tor (3M Da ta vis ion DT1). F F The ima ge a nd the time s igna l w e re
re c orde d by a vide ota pe re c orde r (Sony VO2600) for s ubs e que nt pla yba c k
a nd me a s ure me nt of the ra te of hilloc k forma tion.
10 GG He a rt ra te , me a n a rte ria l pre s s ure , a nd is ome tric s mooth mus c le
te ns ion of the tra c he a l s e gme nt w e re re c orde d c ontinuous ly throughout
e a c h e x pe rime nt by a G ra s s polygra ph. H H He a rt ra te w a s me a s ure d by a
c a rdiota c home te r trigge re d by a n e le c troc a rdiogra m (le a d II). I I Arte ria l
pre s s ure w a s me a s ure d by a Sta tha m P 25Db s tra in ga uge c onne c te d to the
c a the te r pla c e d in a fe mora l a rte ry. J J Is ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion in
the s e gme nt w a s me a s ure d by a G ra s s FT03 forc e dis pla c e me nt tra ns duc e r
a tta c he d to the la te ra l e dge of the re tra c te d s e gme nt, a s de s c ribe d
e ls e w he re (1, 14).
Hi de Answ er
TOP IC + Signa l of the Topic
Te c hnique s of Continuity
Me thods
P re pa ra tion
N o topi c sentences.
1 AN i ne dogs (14–25 k g) w er e a ne s the tize d w i th thi opental sodi um
(25 m g/k g i . v. ) f ol l ow ed by c hlora los e (80 m g/k g i . v. ).
BSuppl em ental doses of c hlora los e (10 m g/k g i . v. ) w er e gi ven hour l y
to m ai ntai n a ne s the s ia . CThe dogs w er e paral y zed w i th
decam ethoni um br om i de (0. 1 m g/k g) 10 m i n bef or e m easur em ents of
tracheal secr eti on.
2 DThe trachea was cannul ated l ow i n the neck , and the l ungs w er e
venti l ated w i th 50% ox ygen i n ai r by a Har var d r espi rator (m odel
613), w hose ex pi rator y outl et was pl aced under 3–5 cm of water.
EPer cent CO 2 i n the r espi r ed gas was m oni tor ed by a Beck m an LB1
gas anal y zer, and end ex pi rator y CO 2 concentrati on was kept at
about 5% by adjusti ng the venti l ator y rate. FAr ter i al bl ood sam pl es
w er e w i thdraw n per i odi cal l y and thei r PO 2 , PCO 2 , and pH w er e
deter m i ned by a bl ood gas/pH anal y zer (Cor ni ng 175). GSodi um
bi car bonate (0. 33 m eq/m l ) was i nf used i . v. (1–3 m l /m i n) w hen
necessar y to m i ni m i ze a base def i ci t i n the bl ood.
3 HThe chest was opened i n the m i dster nal l i ne and a c a the te r was
i nser ted i nto the l ef t atr i um v i a the l ef t atr i al appendage. ICa the te rs
w er e al so i nser ted i nto the r i ght atr i um v i a the r i ght jugul ar vei n and
i nto the abdom i nal aor ta v i a a f em oral ar ter y.
4 JA s e gme nt of the trachea (4–5 cm ) i m m edi atel y caudal to the
l ar y nx was i nci sed ventral l y i n the midline and transver sel y acr oss
both ends of the midline i nci si on. K The dor sal wal l was l ef t i ntact.
LEach midline cut edge was r etracted l ateral l y by ny l on thre a ds to
ex pose the m ucosal sur f ace. MThe thre a ds w er e attached to a
stati onar y bar on one si de and to a f or cedi spl acem ent transducer
(Grass FT03) on the other. N The s e gme nt was str etched to a basel i ne
tensi on of 100–125 g.
Study De s ign
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant (par as. 5–8) and
chr onol ogi cal l y (par as. 5–7).
5 OTo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s
r ef l ex i vel y evokes i ncr eased secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal
gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of the 9
dogs by inje c ting c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
PCa ps a ic in was taken f r om stock sol uti ons pr epar ed as descr i bed
el sew her e (4). QAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e and 60 s af ter each
inje c tion, w e m easur ed s e c re tions f r om tracheal subm ucosal
gl ands. RAs a contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed s e c re tion i n
r esponse to inje c tion of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0 m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
SInje c tions w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.
6 TAl though c a ps a ic in sel ecti vel y sti m ul ates pul m onar y Cf i ber s f r om
w i thi n the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on, i t i s l i kel y to sti m ul ate other
af f er ent pathway s, i ncl udi ng br onchi al Cf i ber s, once i t passes i nto
the s ys te mic ci r cul ati on (2, 5). U To ver i f y that secr eti on i n our
ex per i m ents was not caused by s ys te mic ef f ects of c a ps a ic in, w e
nex t m easur ed secr eti on af ter i njecti ng c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto
the l ef t atr i um and agai n, 30 m i n l ater, i nto the r i ght atr i um of al l 9
dogs.
7 VFi nal l y , to ver i f y that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cfibe rs was
r esponsi bl e f or the secr eti ons, w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to
capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g i nto the r i ght atr i um ) i n the 9 dogs bef or e
and af ter bloc k ing c onduc tion i n both of the cer v i cal va gus ne rve s ,
w hi ch car r y the pul m onar y Cf i ber s. WWe bloc k e d c onduc tion ei ther
by c ooling the ner ves to 0°C as descr i bed el sew her e (8) (4 dogs ) or
by c utting the ner ves (5 dogs ). XBef or e the f i r st bloc k ing
e x pe rime nt on each dog, w e cut the r ecur r ent and parar ecur r ent
ner ves so that the tracheal segm ent r ecei ved i ts m otor suppl y sol el y
f r om the super i or l ar y ngeal ner ves (14). YConsequentl y , w hen w e
c oole d or c ut the m i dcer v i cal va gus ne rve s dur i ng an e x pe rime nt,
w e coul d be cer tai n that the changes i n the tracheal r esponses w er e
caused by i nter r upti on of the af f er ent vagal Cfibe rs .
8 ZAs a f ur ther check on the ef f ects of sti m ul ati ng (and bl ock i ng)
pul m onar y Cf i ber s, i n each of these ex per i m ents, w e al so m easur ed
hear t rate, m ean ar ter i al pr essur e, and i som etr i c sm ooth m uscl e
tensi on of the tracheal segm ent, w hi ch ar e k now n to be al ter ed
r ef l ex i vel y by sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s (3).
Par agr aph 10: Fr om a com bi nati on of f our techni ques of
conti nui ty . Thi s i s a m odel par agr aph.
10 GGHe a rt ra te , m ean a rte ria l pre s s ure , and is ome tric s mooth
mus c le te ns ion of the tracheal segm ent w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y
thr oughout each ex per i m ent by a Grass pol ygraph. HHHe a rt ra te was
m easur ed by a car di otachom eter tr i gger ed by an el ectr ocar di ogram
(l ead II). IIArte ria l pre s s ure was m easur ed by a Statham P25Db
strai n gauge connected to the catheter pl aced i n a f em oral ar ter y.
JJIs ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion i n the segm ent was m easur ed
by a Grass FT03 f or ce di spl acem ent transducer attached to the l ateral
edge of the r etracted segm ent, as descr i bed el sew her e (1, 14).
N o topi c sentences.
11 KK Data ar e r epor ted as m eans ± SD. LLTo deter m i ne i f ther e w er e
s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s i n secr eti on bef or e and af ter sti m ul ati on
w i thi n each ex per i m ent, or si gni f i cant di f f er ences i n secr eti on
betw een the ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed tw oway r epeatedm easur es
anal y si s of var i ance. MMWhen w e f ound a s ignific a nt diffe re nc e
betw een ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed the Student N eum anKeul s test
to i denti f y pai r w i se di f f er ences. N N We consi der ed diffe re nc e s
s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Thi s Methods secti on i s di v i ded i nto f our subsecti ons, each si gnal ed
by a subheadi ng (Pr epar ati on, Study Desi gn, Methods of
Measur em ent, and Stati sti cal Anal y si s). Wi thi n each subsecti on,
topi cs ar e si gnal ed both v i sual l y (by new par agr aphs) and v er bal l y ,
and conti nui ty i s str ong. Topi c sentences ar e used i n onl y thr ee
par agr aphs: 7, 9, and 10. Sentence A i n par agr aph 1, f or ex am pl e, i s
not a topi c sentence. It i s the f i r st step of anesthesi a. A topi c
sentence w oul d hav e to say som ethi ng l i k e “Dogs w er e anestheti zed
accor di ng to our usual pr ocedur e. ”
The ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on (par a. 5) i ncl udes f i v e
contr ol s: basel i ne (sentence Q) and sham (sentence R), and thr ee
v er i f i cati on contr ol s: v er i f i cati on that secr eti on w as not caused by
sy stem i c ef f ects of capsai ci n (par a. 6), v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on
of pul m onar y Cf i ber s w as r esponsi bl e f or secr eti ons (par a. 7), and
v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s af f ected other
v ar i abl es as ex pected (par a. 8). Som e r eader s m i ght not noti ce the
basel i ne contr ol because i t i s not i denti f i ed. To m ak e the basel i ne
contr ol m or e noti ceabl e, “(basel i ne)” coul d be added af ter “f or 60 s
bef or e” i n sentence Q.
N ote that the num ber of dogs i s stated f or the ex per i m ent and f or
each contr ol (sentences O, R, U , V).
Thr oughout the Methods secti on, r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s pr ov i des
conti nui ty both w i thi n and betw een par agr aphs. The r epeated k ey
ter m s betw een par agr aphs ar e “dog(s), ” “tr achea” or “tr acheal , ”
“segm ent, ” “capsai ci n, ” “Cf i ber (s), ” “secr eti on(s), ” and “subm ucosal
gl and(s). ” In addi ti on, tr ansi ti on w or ds, tr ansi ti on phr ases, consi stent
or der , consi stent poi nt of v i ew , par al l el f or m , and si gnal s of
subtopi cs pr ov i de conti nui ty w i thi n par agr aphs.
Poi nt of v i ew i s w el l handl ed. “We” i s used onl y i n the Study Desi gn
and stati sti cal anal y si s, the stor y tel l i ng subsecti ons of Methods. N ote
that “w e” appear s onl y i n the sentences that m ov e the stor y f or w ar d:
O, Q, R, U , V, W, X, Y, Z i n the Study Desi gn and LL, MM, N N i n the
stati sti cal anal y si s. In addi ti on, “w e” appear s at the begi nni ng of onl y
tw o sentences (W and N N ), so i t i s not obnox i ous.
Thus, w e can see that to k eep the stor y l i ne of the paper goi ng, thi s
Methods secti on f ocuses i n tw o w ay s on the m ethods that answ er the
questi on. One w ay i s by the or gani zati on of topi cs f r om m ost to l east
i m por tant: the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on com es bef or e
the contr ol s, and the m ethods f or dependent v ar i abl es that answ er
the questi on ar e descr i bed bef or e m ethods f or other dependent
v ar i abl es. The other w ay that thi s Methods secti on k eeps the stor y
l i ne goi ng i s by si gnal i ng the or gani zati on so that i t i s appar ent. The
v i sual si gnal s used ar e subheadi ngs and new par agr aphs. The v er bal
si gnal s used ar e tr ansi ti on phr ases (par as. 5–8 of the Study Desi gn
and par a. 11 of the Stati sti cal Anal y si s) and topi c sentences (par as. 9
and 10 of Methods of Measur em ent).
P. 151
EXERCISE 5.2: CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION IN
THE METHODS SECTION
1. Lis t a ppropria te s ubhe a dings for e a c h s ubs e c tion in this Me thods
s e c tion.
a. Study De s ign
I. G ive a n ove rvie w firs t a nd the n de ta ils . Avoid re pe tition.
II. Inc lude both the inde pe nde nt a nd the de pe nde nt va ria ble s
in the ove rvie w .
IV. Cla rify the purpos e of a ny proc e dure tha t is not c le a r.
b. Ca lc ula tions
I. Ma k e c le a r how the de pe nde nt va ria ble in the que s tion
(produc tion of pros ta gla ndin E 2 ) w a s c a lc ula te d.
Note s :
If you ha ve the time a nd inte re s t, re w rite the e ntire Me thods s e c tion.
If you w a nt a n e x tra c ha lle nge , us e “ w e ” in your re vis ion. Try not to put
“ w e ” a t the be ginning of a s e nte nc e .
One que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , Doe s e x oge nous a ra c hidonic a c id inc re a s e
pros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion in the duc tus a rte rios us ?
Be low is the pa rt of the Me thods s e c tion tha t a ddre s s e s this que s tion. A
dia gra m of the s tudy de s ign is a s follow s :
Ex pe rime nt
Sha m Control
P. 152
Topic
MATERIALS AND METHODS
1 A Afte r the pre gna nt e w e s w e re give n s pina l a ne s the tic s , bre e dda te d
fe ta l la mbs be tw e e n 122 a nd 145 da ys of ge s ta tiona l a ge (te rm is 150
da ys ) w e re de live re d by c e s a re a n s e c tion a nd e x s a nguina te d. B The duc tus
a rte rios us w a s re move d from the la mb, dis s e c te d fre e of a dve ntitia l
tis s ue , a nd divide d into 1mmthic k rings . C The rings w e re pla c e d in gla s s
via ls c onta ining 4 ml of buffe r (50 mM Tris HCl, pH 7. 39, c onta ining 127 mM
Na Cl, 5 mM KCl, 2. 5 mM Ca Cl 2 , 1. 3 mM MgCl 2 • 6 H 2 O, a nd 6 mM gluc os e ) a t
Ara c hidonic Ac id–induc e d P ros ta gla ndin E 2 P roduc tion
in fre s h buffe r a nd inc uba te d a t 37° C for 90 min. F Afte r this , the buffe r
s olution w a s c olle c te d for me a s ure me nt of ba s e line pros ta gla ndin E 2
produc tion. G Ne x t, the rings w e re pla c e d in fre s h buffe r c onta ining 0. 2
µg/ml a ra c hidonic a c id (Sigma ) (0. 67 µM) a nd inc uba te d for 90 min. H The
buffe r w a s the n c olle c te d for me a s ure me nt of pros ta gla ndin E 2 a nd the
a nd pros ta gla ndin E 2 c onte nt w a s me a s ure d a s follow s . N So tha t pe rc e nt
pros ta gla ndin E 2 ra nge d from 50 to 70% . T P ros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion is
re porte d a s pg/mg w e t w e ight pe r 90 min inc uba tion.
4 U In a c ontrol s e rie s of e x pe rime nts , w e me a s ure d pros ta gla ndin E 2
produc tion a t the s a me 90min inte rva ls w ith the rings inc uba te d in fre s h
buffe r bubble d w ith ox yge n.
Hi de Answ er
The subheadi ngs shoul d be
Ma te ria ls
C On the day of each ex per i m ent, w e pr epar ed stock sol uti ons of
arachi doni c aci d (0. 33 m g/m l ) and i ndom ethaci n (16 m g/m l ) i n
ethanol . D To r ul e out any ef f ect of ethanol on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on, w e i ncubated N r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus i n f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng the m ax i m um concentrati on of ethanol . E Af ter a 90m i n
i ncubati on at 37°C, w e col l ected the buf f er and m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 . F Ethanol had no ef f ect on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on (data not show n).
P re pa ra tion
Re vis ion 1
A We pr epar ed r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 16 f etal l am bs (122–
145 day s of gestati on; ter m i s 150 day s) that w er e del i ver ed by
cesar ean secti on f r om spi nal l y anestheti zed ew es. B Af ter
ex sangui nati ng a l am b, w e r em oved the enti r e ductus ar ter i osus,
di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al ti ssue, and di v i ded i t i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. C Then w e pl aced the
r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH
7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M
sol uti ons w i th ox ygen. E Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ents, w e
al l ow ed the pr eparati on to stabi l i ze f or 45 m i n.
Re vis ion 2
A Fr om 16 ex sangui nated 122 to 145day f etal l am bs (ter m i s 150
day s), w e exci sed the ductus ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of
adventi ti al ti ssue, and sl i ced i t ci r cum f er enti al l y i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. B We i ncubated these
r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er A (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH
7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M
MgCl 2 · 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C f or 45 m i n bef or e al l
ex per i m ents.
Study De s ign
A To deter m i ne w hether exogenous arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases
ei ght ex per i m ents. B In each ex per i m ent, w e m easur ed pr ostagl andi n
E 2 content af ter i ncubati ng ei ght r i ngs of ductus ti ssue f r om one f etal
l am b i n each of thr ee consecuti ve buf f er s w i th or w i thout arachi doni c
aci d. C Then w e cal cul ated pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on. D The buf f er s
w er e used w er e, f i r st, f r esh buf f er (basel i ne), then f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d, and f i nal l y f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d and 2 µg/m l of the
pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor, i ndom ethaci n. E Al l i ncubati ons w er e
done i n buf f er bubbl ed i n ox ygen at 37°C f or 90 m i n. F Betw een
i ncubati ons i n the l ast tw o buf f er s, w e washed the r i ngs i n f r esh
buf f er f or 30 m i n. G At the end of the ex per i m ent, w e bl otted the r i ngs
dr y and w ei ghed them (w et w ei ght). H In ei ght contr ol ser i es, w e
m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 content i n ei ght other r i ngs subjected to
the sam e sequence of i ncubati ons and washes, but i n buf f er al one.
II. Both the i ndependent and the dependent v ar i abl es ar e i ncl uded
i n the ov er v i ew . The dependent v ar i abl e (pr oducti on of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s i denti f i ed as a cal cul ated v ar i abl e (C). The
m easur ed dependent v ar i abl e (pr ostagl andi n E 2 content) i s al so
i ncl uded i n the ov er v i ew (B).
III. Both contr ol s ar e i ncl uded i n the study desi gn. The basel i ne
contr ol i s m enti oned i n sentence D, w hi ch nam es the buf f er s.
The contr ol ser i es, w hi ch w as i n a separ ate par agr aph i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, i s i n sentence H.
IV. The pur pose of addi ng i ndom ethaci n (to bl ock endogenous
pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s added (sentence D).
V. Bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen, w hi ch w as m enti oned onl y i n the contr ol
ser i es i n the or i gi nal v er si on, i s cl ar i f i ed as hav i ng been done i n
al l ex per i m ents (E). How ev er , i f bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen i s
i ncl uded i n the pr epar ati on subsecti on (as i n Rev i si on 1 of
Pr epar ati on), change sentence E i n the Study Desi gn to “Al l
i ncubati ons w er e done at 37°C f or 90 m i n. ”
VI. The sam pl e si ze i s not cl ear i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Or i gi nal
sentence E say s that ei ght r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus w er e
i ncubated. Or i gi nal sentence L m enti ons a m ean “per
ex per i m ent. ” It i s not cl ear i f one ex per i m ent equal s one r i ng or
i f m or e than one ex per i m ent usi ng ei ght r i ngs w as done. We can
guess that one r i ng cannot be one ex per i m ent, because
pr ostagl andi n E 2 w as m easur ed i n the buf f er sol uti on, to w hi ch
al l ei ght r i ngs contr i buted. So one sequence of i ncubati ons m ust
be one ex per i m ent. The num ber of such sequences i s not stated
i n the or i gi nal v er si on. It shoul d be added. The r ev i si on m ak es
the sam pl e si ze cl ear : ei ght ex per i m ents, each done on ei ght
r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus tak en f r om one f etal l am b.
VII. Or i gi nal sentence L, w hi ch tel l s the m ean w ei ght of the r i ngs of
ductus ar ter i osus, seem s l i k e a r esul t, and thus seem s
i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on. How ev er , the w ei ght of
the r i ngs i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on and ther ef or e
i s not desi r abl e i n the Resul ts secti on. Rather , the m ean w et
w ei ght i s a v al ue used to ex pr ess pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on.
Ther ef or e, i t i s m or e usef ul i n the Methods secti on than i n the
Resul ts. One opti on i s to i ncl ude the m ean w et w ei ght i n
Pr epar ati on (see abov e).
Ca lc ula tions
70%. F We r epor t pr osta gl andi n E 2 pr oducti on as pg pr ostagl andi n E 2
per m g w et w ei ght ti ssue per 90m i n i ncubati on.
I. The f i r st sentence of the r ev i sed cal cul ati ons subsecti on i s a
str onger topi c sentence than i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Thi s topi c
sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew that states how the dependent
v ar i abl e i n the questi on (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) w as
cal cul ated.
II. The detai l s ar e r eor gani zed i n chr onol ogi cal or der : f i r st a
pr el i m i nar y step (pur i f i cati on) (B); then deter m i nati on of the
tw o com ponents of the cal cul ati on: m easur em ent of content (C)
and cal cul ati on of r ecov er y (D), the sam e or der as i n the topi c
sentence. The l ast tw o sentences (per cent r ecov er y of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 and how pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on i s
r epor ted) ar e i n the or i gi nal or der .
III. Per cent r ecov er y i s def i ned i n sentence D. In addi ti on, the
detai l s of each step ar e pul l ed together i nto one sentence, and
the step i s i denti f i ed at the begi nni ng of the sentence (B–D).
Fi nal l y , “a k now n am ount” i s added i n sentence D to cl ar i f y the
cal cul ati on of r ecov er y .
IV. Tw o pi eces of i nf or m ati on i n the cal cul ati on subsecti on at f i r st
seem i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on: or i gi nal sentences S
and W. Sentence S tel l s the per cent r ecov er y of pr ostagl andi n
E 2 , w hi ch seem s l i k e a r esul t. How ev er , i t i s not a r esul t that
answ er s the questi on. Rather , i t tel l s som ethi ng about the
m ater i al the author i s w or k i ng w i th and thus i s appr opr i ate i n
the Methods secti on.
Thus, i nf or m ati on that l ook s l i k e r esul ts but does not hel p
answ er the questi on i s m or e appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on
than i n Resul ts.
Thi s r ev i si on uses “w e” thr oughout ex cept i n the f i r st par agr aph, to
av oi d star ti ng the Methods secti on w i th “w e. ” In the r em ai ni ng
par agr aphs, “w e” i s used i n m ost sentences, but appear s at the
begi nni ng of a sentence as i nf r equentl y as possi bl e: ei ther zer o ti m es
(second par agr aph of Mater i al s), once (Rev i si on 2 of Pr epar ati on;
Study Desi gn), or tw i ce (Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on; Cal cul ati ons). The
m ai n techni que used to av oi d putti ng “w e” at the begi nni ng of a
sentence i s to put a tr ansi ti on w or d or phr ase i ndi cati ng ti m e
sequence or pur pose at the begi nni ng of the sentence. See, f or
ex am pl e, sentences C and D of Mater i al s.
Back
Chapter 6
Results
FUNCTIONS
The f uncti on of the Resul ts secti on i s to state the r esul ts of the ex per i m ents
descr i bed i n the Mater i al s and Methods secti on. In addi ti on, the Resul ts secti on
di r ects the r eader to f i gur es or tabl es that pr esent suppor ti ng data.
STORY LINE
The Resul ts secti on conti nues the stor y l i ne i n di f f er ent way s i n the tw o ty pes
of hy pothesi stesti ng study. For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the
ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, the Resul ts secti on descr i bes the thi r d
step i n the stor y l i ne: the r esul ts. For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch the
r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the
Resul ts secti on descr i bes both the second and the thi r d steps i n the stor y l i ne:
the ex per i m ents done and the r esul ts f ound. For these studi es, ther e i s no
Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods. Thus, the second step i n the stor y l i ne
appear s i n di f f er ent secti ons of the paper f or these tw o ty pes of hy pothesi s
testi ng study :
Se c tion of the P a pe r
The Resul ts secti ons of descr i pti ve studi es and of m ethods paper s ar e si m i l ar to
the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents
ar e desi gned i n advance. For descr i pti ve studi es, the Resul ts secti on states the
r esul ts of the ex per i m ents done to obtai n the descr i pti on of a par ti cul ar
str uctur e. Si m i l ar l y, f or m ethods paper s, the Resul ts secti on states the r esul ts
of the tests done to deter m i ne how w el l the new m ethod w or k s. The new
m ethod i tsel f i s descr i bed i n the Methods secti on.
In thi s chapter, w e w i l l consi der the Resul ts secti ons f or the tw o ty pes of
hy pothesi stesti ng studi es.
P. 155
CONTENT
What to Include in the Results Section
The pr i m ar y i nf or m ati on i n the Resul ts secti on i s r esul ts. How ever, not ever y
r esul t that you obtai ned f r om your ex per i m ents or obser vati ons needs to be
r epor ted i n the Resul ts secti on. The Resul ts secti on shoul d r epor t onl y r esul ts
per ti nent to the questi on posed i n the Intr oducti on. Resul ts shoul d be i ncl uded
w hether or not they suppor t your hy pothesi s. Both ex per i m ental and contr ol
r esul ts shoul d be i ncl uded.
In addi ti on to pr esenti ng r esul ts, the Resul ts secti on can i ncl ude a f ew data.
How ever, m ost data, and i n par ti cul ar the m ost i m por tant data, shoul d be
pr esented i n f i gur es or tabl es, w her e the data ar e hi ghl y v i si bl e and easy to
r ead.
N or m al l y, the Resul ts secti on does not i ncl ude statem ents that need to be
r ef er enced, such as com par i sons w i th other s' r esul ts. How ever, i f a br i ef
com par i son (one or tw o sentences) w oul d not f i t sm oothl y i nto the Di scussi on,
i t can be i ncl uded i n the Resul ts secti on.
The Resul ts secti on of one ty pe of study—hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch
the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be—al so
i ncl udes questi ons, study desi gn (over v i ew of the ex per i m ents done), answ er s,
and, as needed, back gr ound, pur poses, and r easons i n the Resul ts secti on. See
Or gani zati on, bel ow.
Results and Data
Resul ts ar e di f f er ent f r om data. Data ar e f acts, of ten num ber s, obtai ned f r om
ex per i m ents and obser vati ons. Data can be raw (f or ex am pl e, al l the
phosphol i pi d concentrati ons m easur ed dur i ng an ex per i m ent), sum m ar i zed (f or
ex am pl e, m ean and SD), or transf or m ed (f or ex am pl e, per cent of contr ol ).
Resul ts ar e general statem ents that i nter pr et data (f or ex am pl e, “Pr opranol ol
gi ven dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on decr eased phosphol i pi d concentrati ons”).
Data can rar el y stand al one. The r esul t (= the m eani ng of the data) m ust be
stated. For ex am pl e, w hat i s the r eader supposed to thi nk af ter r eadi ng the tw o
sentences of data i n Ex am pl e 6. 1?
Ar e the data si m i l ar ? Di f f er ent? What i s the poi nt? The pur pose of the Resul ts
secti on i s to m ake the poi nt cl ear. To m ake the poi nt cl ear, state the r esul t f i r st
and then pr esent the data, as i n Rev i si on A bel ow, or (better ) ci te a f i gur e or a
tabl e.
The m ean r esti ng bl ood pr essur e was hi gher i n the 30 tenni s pl ayer s than i n the
20 contr ol subjects [94 ± 3 (SD) v s. 85 ± 5 m m Hg, P < 0. 02].
In Rev i si on A the poi nt i s cl ear : “was hi gher.” The sentence now states a r esul t.
The data ar e gi ven i n par entheses af ter the r esul t. (A P val ue f or
P. 156
stati sti cal si gni f i cance i s added to pr ov i de ev i dence that the di f f er ence was not
l i kel y to have occur r ed by chance. ) How ever, i n m ost cases, the data shoul d be
pr esented i n a f i gur e or a tabl e, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 7 bel ow, rather than i n the
tex t.
In addi ti on to si m pl y say i ng “was l ess than,” “was gr eater than,” “decr eased,”
or “i ncr eased,” you can, w hen appr opr i ate, gi ve a general i dea of the
m agni tude of a di f f er ence or a change by usi ng a per centage, as i n Rev i si on B.
Thi s statem ent of the r esul t (“was 10% hi gher ”) gi ves a si m pl er and ther ef or e
cl ear er i dea of the m agni tude of the di f f er ence than do the data al one (94 ± 3
v s. 85 ± 5 m m Hg).
Indicators and Variables
If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, descr i be r esul ts f or the i ndi cator i n
the Resul ts secti on. For ex am pl e, i f you assessed speci f i c ai r way r esi stance as
an i ndi cator of br onchoconstr i cti on, gi ve r esul ts f or speci f i c ai r way r esi stance.
Accuracy and Consistency of Data
The data m ust be accurate. In addi ti on, the data m ust be i nter nal l y consi stent.
For ex am pl e, i f a val ue i s gi ven both i n the Resul ts and i n the Di scussi on, or i n
the Resul ts and i n a f i gur e or tabl e, the val ue shoul d be the sam e i n both
pl aces.
Statistical Analysis
For nor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t the
m ean and a stati sti c that esti m ates the var i ati on f r om the m ean [f or ex am pl e,
the standar d dev i ati on (SD) or the range], and speci f y w hi ch stati sti c you ar e
r epor ti ng. Al so gi ve the sam pl e si ze (n) and the pr obabi l i ty val ues f or tests of
stati sti cal si gni f i cance. (See the r ev i si ons of Ex am pl e 6. 1 above. )
For nonnor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t
the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range (that i s, the range betw een the 25th and
the 75th per centi l es).
When r epor ti ng r esul ts of stati sti cal hy pothesi s tests, i t i s of ten usef ul to
r epor t 95% conf i dence i nter val s i n addi ti on to P val ues so that the r eader i s
better abl e to judge the bi ol ogi cal or cl i ni cal si gni f i cance of the r esul ts (see
Gl antz, Chap. 7, and Gar dner and Al tm an).
ORGANIZATION
The Resul ts secti on i s nor m al l y or gani zed chr onol ogi cal l y, i n the or der i n w hi ch
the ex per i m ents w er e done.
P. 157
Studies in Which All Experiments Are Designed in
Advance
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, and w hi ch
ther ef or e i ncl ude a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods, the Resul ts secti on
si m pl y descr i bes the r esul ts, one topi c per paragraph. The r esul ts can be
or gani zed ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or f r om m ost to l east i m por tant. For
or gani zati on f r om m ost to l east i m por tant, put r esul ts that answ er the questi on
at the begi nni ng of the Resul ts secti on or at the begi nni ng of paragraph 1 and
successi ve paragraphs. In Ex am pl e 6. 2, bel ow, the var i abl es w er e m easur ed
si m ul taneousl y, so the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east
i m por tant.
Ex a mple A Resul ts Secti on f r om a Hy pothesi sTesti ng Study i n
6. 2 Whi ch Al l Ex per i m ents Wer e Desi gned i n Advance
Questi on: Whether pul m onar y hy per tensi on i s pr ogr essi ve i n
pati ents w i th sy stem i c l upus er y them atosus.
Study To answ er thi s questi on, the author s per f or m ed a
Desi gn: com pl ete Doppl er echocar di ographi c ex am i nati on i n each
of 28 pati ents and 20 contr ol subjects and com par ed the
r esul ts w i th those f r om a si m i l ar study done 5 year s
ear l i er. The var i abl e used as an i ndi cator of pul m onar y
hy per tensi on was pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e. In addi ti on,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was m easur ed as the
possi bl e cause of the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur e.
Results
1. P ulmona ry Arte ry P re s s ure . A The pr eval ence of pul m onar y hy per tensi on
i n the sy stem i c l upus er y them atosus pati ents i ncr eased f r om 14% (5 of 36
pati ents) i n the f i r st study to 43% (12 of 28 pati ents) i n the second study,
done 5 year s l ater. B Si m i l ar l y, our i ndi cator of pul m onar y hy per tensi on,
m ean sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e, i ncr eased f r om a m ean of 23. 4
m m Hg i n the f i r st study to a m ean of 27. 5 m m Hg i n the second study (Fi g.
1). C In the second study, m ean sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e was
hi gher i n the l upus pati ents than i n the contr ol s (27. 5 v s. 22. 5 m m Hg, p <
0. 005). D Ri ght atr i al pr essur e, esti m ated f r om obser vati on of the vena
cava, was nor m al i n al l 28 l upus pati ents and al l 20 contr ol s.
2. E Of the 5 pati ents w ho had pul m onar y hy per tensi on at the f i r st study, 2
had di ed at the ti m e of the second study, 1 had per si stent pul m onar y
hy per tensi on, and 2 had nor m al i zed sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e.
F Of the 12 pati ents w ho had pul m onar y hy per tensi on at the second study,
11 had had nor m al pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e at the f i r st study. G The
m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter y sy stol i c pr essur e f or these 11 pati ents
was 9. 4m m Hg.
Thi s Resul ts secti on, f or w hi ch the enti r e ex per i m ent was desi gned i n
advance, i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant: f i r st the i ndi cator f or
the dependent var i abl e i n the questi on (paragraphs 1 and 2); then another
dependent var i abl e (paragraph 3).
Si m i l ar l y, w i thi n each subsecti on, the r esul ts ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to
l east i m por tant. Fi r st ar e the r esul ts f or the var i abl e (sentences A, B; H).
Then com e suppor ti ng detai l s (C, D; I, J) and detai l s f or i ndi v i dual
pati ents (E–G; K).
Studies in Which One Experiment Determines the
Next Experiment
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed i n a r epeati ng f our par t
patter n. Ideal l y, each r epeat of the patter n i s i n a separate paragraph. If
necessar y, back gr ound i ndi cati ng w hy a questi on was asked and pur poses or
r easons ex pl ai ni ng w hy an ex per i m ent was done ar e al so i ncl uded. The f our
par t patter n i s
Questi on
Resul ts
The questi on i n the f i r st paragraph of the Resul ts secti on i s the questi on of the
paper. The questi ons i n succeedi ng paragraphs ar e questi ons asked as steps
towar d answ er i ng the questi on of the paper.
The sequence of over v i ew s of the ex per i m ents r unni ng f r om the f i r st to the l ast
paragraph of the Resul ts secti on consti tutes the Study Desi gn.
The answ er stated af ter each r esul t l eads to the nex t questi on, thus tr i gger i ng
the nex t f our par t patter n (that i s, the nex t paragraph) of the Resul ts secti on.
An answ er at or near the end of the Resul ts i s the answ er to the questi on asked
i n the paper.
Thi s f our par t patter n i s a m i ni atur e ver si on of the stor y l i ne that r uns thr ough
the paper.
An ex am pl e of a Resul ts secti on that f ol l ow s thi s r epeated f our par t patter n i s
gi ven i n Ex am pl e 6. 3.
Questi on: Whether the nem atode gene ceh22 and the
ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons.
Ex per i m ental Ex am i nati on of the abi l i ty of the zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5
Appr oach: gene to substi tute f or the nem atode ceh22 gene i n
transgeni c Caenor habdi ti s el egans.
P. 159
Results
1. Ze bra fis h nk x 2. 5 Ca n Ac tiva te myo2 Ex pr essi on When Ex pr essed i n C.
el egans Body Wal l Muscl e. ATo deter m i ne w hether zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5 can
f uncti on si m i l ar l y to ceh22, w e ex pr essed nk x 2. 5 i n C. el egans body wal l
m uscl e and ex am i ned ex pr essi on of the endogenous m y o2 gene by
anti body stai ni ng. BThe rati onal e f or thi s appr oach was as f ol l ow s. CIn
w i l dty pe C. el egans, ceh22 i s ex pr essed excl usi vel y i n phar y ngeal
m uscl e, w her e i t acti vates ex pr essi on of the phar y ngeal m uscl especi f i c
myosi n heav y chai n gene m y o2 (14). DHow ever, ectopi c ex pr essi on of
ceh22 i n body wal l m uscl e can acti vate ex pr essi on of m y o2 (15).
EBecause m y o2 i s nor m al l y never ex pr essed i n body wal l m uscl e, thi s
ectopi c ex pr essi on assay pr ov i des a sensi ti ve test f or ceh22 f uncti on.
FWe generated tw o transgeni c l i nes ex pr essi ng an nk x 2. 5 cDN A under the
contr ol of the unc54 body wal l m uscl especi f i c pr om oter. GIn both l i nes,
w e detected m y o2 ex pr essi on i n the body wal l m uscl es (Fi g. 1A and B).
HThese r esul ts show that nk x . 2. 5 can f uncti on l i ke ceh22 to i nduce m y o
2 ex pr essi on.
2. IWe nex t asked w hether N k x 2. 5 di r ectl y i nteracts w i th the sam e sequences
r ecogni zed by CEH22. JTo answ er thi s questi on, w e ex am i ned ex pr essi on
of a r epor ter gene under the contr ol of m ul ti m er i zed CEH22 bi ndi ng si tes.
KCEH22 bi nds a r egi on w i thi n the m y o2 enhancer ter m ed the B
subel em ent (14). LIn w i l dty pe ani m al s, a l acZ r epor ter under contr ol of a
sy ntheti c enhancer consi sti ng of f our copi es of a 28bp B subel em ent
ol i gonucl eoti de i s ex pr essed speci f i cal l y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e; onl y
occasi onal ex pr essi on i s obser ved outsi de the phar y nx (Tabl e 1; r ef. 14).
MIn a transgeni c strai n bear i ng the unc54::nk x 2. 5 ex pr essi on constr uct,
w e f ound a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n the num ber of ani m al s ex pr essi ng β
gal actosi dase i n body wal l m uscl e (f r om 2. 5 to 16. 5%)(Tabl e 1; Fi g. 1C).
N To r ul e out the possi bi l i ty that N k x 2. 5 was i ndi r ectl y i ncr easi ng
ex pr essi on of m y o2 or the B subel em ent r epor ter by acti vati ng ectopi c
ex pr essi on of the ceh22 gene, w e ex am i ned ex pr essi on of a ceh22::l acZ
f usi on i n ani m al s bear i ng the unc54:nk x 2. 5 transgene. OEx pr essi on of β
gal actosi dase was l i m i ted to phar y ngeal m uscl e (Tabl e 1), a patter n
i denti cal to that obser ved i n w i l dty pe ani m al s (14). PThus, N k x 2. 5, l i ke
CEH22, acti vates transcr i pti on by i nteracti ng di r ectl y w i th the B sub
el em ent of the m y o2 enhancer.
In addi ti on, w i thi n each paragraph, other i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded to m ake
the stor y l i ne cl ear : i n paragraphs 1 and 2, r easons f or the desi gn of the
ex per i m ent; i n paragraph 2 the pur pose of the contr ol ex per i m ent; i n
paragraph 3, back gr ound l eadi ng to the nex t questi on.
P. 160
EMPHASIS
In the Resul ts secti on, r esul ts shoul d be em phasi zed. Ver y di f f er ent techni ques
of em phasi s ar e used i n Resul ts secti ons of studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent
deter m i nes w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be and Resul ts secti ons of studi es i n
w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance.
Studies in Which One Experiment Determines the
Next Experiment
In Resul ts secti ons i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the
nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the r esul ts ar e al way s i n the m i ddl e of a paragraph,
w hi ch, as w e saw i n Chapter 3, i s the l east v i si bl e posi ti on. To em phasi ze the
r esul ts, you can use a si gnal at the begi nni ng of the sentence: “We f ound,” or a
var i ati on such as “We obser ved” or “We detected.”
In Ex am pl e 6. 3, the author s use these si gnal s, though not at the begi nni ng of
the sentence, so the si gnal s ar e not str ong: “In both l i nes, w e detected m y o2
ex pr essi on…” (sentence G); “In a transgeni c strai n bear i ng the unc54::nk x 2. 5
ex pr essi on constr uct, w e f ound a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n the num ber of ani m al s
ex pr essi ng βgal actosi dase…” (sentence M).
Studies in Which All Experiments Are Designed in
Advance
In the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, several techni ques can be used to em phasi ze the i m por tant r esul ts. As
w e saw i n Chapter 3, these techni ques i ncl ude om i tti ng, condensi ng, or
subor di nati ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, and putti ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n
a pow er posi ti on. In addi ti on, topi c sentences can be used to gi ve over v i ew
bef or e you gi ve detai l s.
Omit Data; Condense Results
Most data bel ong i n f i gur es or tabl es. If a l ot of data ar e pr esented i n the tex t,
they can over w hel m the r esul ts. Ther ef or e, data shoul d be kept to an absol ute
m i ni m um i n the Resul ts secti on. Data that ar e pr esented i n a f i gur e or a tabl e
shoul d be om i tted f r om the tex t. How ever, one or tw o especi al l y i m por tant
val ues can be r epeated i n the tex t f or em phasi s. In addi ti on, br i ef secondar y
data that do not war rant di spl ay i n a f i gur e or a tabl e can be pr esented i n the
tex t by bei ng pl aced w i thi n par entheses af ter the r esul t.
The r esul ts shoul d be condensed to avoi d unnecessar y r epeti ti on. For ex am pl e,
i f the r esul t f or several var i abl es i s the sam e, the r esul t shoul d not be stated
over and over, var i abl e by var i abl e. Instead, the r esul t f or al l the var i abl es
shoul d be stated once.
Gr oup 1: Ser i al Dev el opm ent of Al v eol ar Hy pox i a Fol l ow ed by Al k al osi s. The
pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e i ncr eased to 65 ± 21 (SD) % above basel i ne dur i ng
hy pox i a but then decr eased to 37 ± 16% above basel i ne w hen al k al i was
i nf used i nto the l ungs of 12 rabbi ts. Si m i l ar l y, the pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e
i ncr eased to 41 ± 17% above basel i ne dur i ng hy pox i a but then decr eased to 21
± 13% above basel i ne w hen PICO 2 was decr eased (Fi g. 2). Thus, both m etabol i c
and r espi rator y al k al osi s decr eased the pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance af ter i t
had i ncr eased i n r esponse to hy pox i a.
P. 161
Gr oup 2: Ser i al Dev el opm ent of Al k al osi s Fol l ow ed by Al v eol ar Hy pox i a. The
basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e decr eased f r om 9. 4 ± 1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 cm
H 2 O w hen N aHCO 3 was i nf used and f r om 9. 0 ± 2. 1 to 7. 9 ± 1. 5 cm H 2 O w hen
PICO 2 was decr eased i n the l ungs of 20 rabbi ts. The pul m onar y ar ter y r esponse
to al veol ar hy pox i a at a pH of 7. 35–7. 42 was no di f f er ent f r om the r esponse to
al veol ar hy pox i a at a pH of 7. 50–7. 65 (Fi g. 3). These r esul ts w er e the sam e
r egar dl ess of w hether al k al osi s was i nduced by decr easi ng PICO 2 or by i nf usi ng
N aHCO 3 (Fi g. 3). Thus, al though both m etabol i c and r espi rator y al k al osi s
decr eased basel i ne pul m onar y r esi stance, they di d not decr ease constr i cti on of
the pul m onar y ar ter y i n r esponse to subsequent al veol ar hy pox i a.
Gr oup 3: Si m ul taneous Dev el opm ent of Al k al osi s and Al v eol ar Hy pox i a. The
pul m onar y ar ter y r esponse to al veol ar hy pox i a was si gni f i cantl y l ow er at a pH
of 7. 50–7. 65 than at a pH of 7. 35–7. 42 i n the l ungs of 8 rabbi ts (Fi g. 4). Thus,
si m ul taneous al veol ar hy pox i a and r espi rator y al k al osi s decr eased constr i cti on
of the pul m onar y ar ter y.
In thi s ex am pl e, onl y the l ast sentence of each paragraph r epor ts r esul ts. The
ear l i er sentences r epor t data that ar e show n i n f i gur es and can ther ef or e be
om i tted, except f or one sentence of basel i ne r esul ts and data. These data
shoul d be i n par entheses, as show n i n Rev i si on A.
Revision A
When m etabol i c or r espi rator y al k al osi s was i nduced af ter hy pox i a (12 rabbi ts),
pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was r educed (Fi g. 2). In
contrast, w hen m etabol i c or r espi rator y al k al osi s was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a
(20 rabbi ts), pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was not
r educed (Fi g. 3). How ever, basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e decr eased
[f r om 9. 4 ± 1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 (SD) cm H 2 O f or m etabol i c al k al osi s and f r om 9. 0
± 2. 1 to 7. 0 ± 1. 5 cm H 2 O f or r espi rator y al k al osi s]. When r espi rator y
al k al osi s and hy pox i a w er e i nduced si m ul taneousl y (8 rabbi ts), pul m onar y
ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was agai n r educed (Fi g. 4).
In the r ev i si on, r esul ts ar e pr om i nent. How ever, the over v i ew w oul d be cl ear er
i f r epeti ti on w er e avoi ded and si m i l ar r esul ts w er e r epor ted together, as i n
Rev i si on B. (For thi s r ev i si on to w or k , m etabol i c and r espi rator y al k al osi s
w oul d have to be i denti f i ed i n the f i gur es. )
Revision B
Pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n the rabbi ts was r educed w hen al k al osi s was
i nduced ei ther af ter (Fi g. 2) or dur i ng (Fi g. 4) hy pox i a, but not w hen al k al osi s
was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a (Fi g. 3). Basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e was
al ter ed onl y w hen al k al osi s was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a, decr easi ng f r om 9. 4 ±
1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 (SD) cm H 2 O f or m etabol i c al k al osi s and f r om 9. 0 ± 2. 1 to 7. 0
± 1. 5 cm H 2 O f or r espi rator y al k al osi s.
Subordinate Figure Legends and Table Titles
Do not use a f i gur e l egend or a tabl e ti tl e as a topi c sentence. Ci te f i gur es and
tabl es (i n par entheses) af ter statem ents that gi ve r esul ts, pr ef erabl y af ter the
f i r st r esul t r el evant to the f i gur e or tabl e.
P. 162
A sum m ar y of r enal f uncti on data i s pr esented i n Fi g. 2. Conti nuous posi ti ve
ai r way pr essur e (7. 5 cm H 2 O) i n new bor n goats decr eased ur i ne f l ow, sodi um
excr eti on, and the gl om er ul ar f i l trati on rate.
The f i r st sentence i s essenti al l y a f i gur e l egend: Fi g. 2. Renal f uncti on data. For
a m or e pow er f ul topi c sentence, om i t the f i gur e l egend and state the r esul ts.
Ci te the f i gur e i n par entheses at the end of the sentence that states the
r esul ts.
Revision
Conti nuous posi ti ve ai r way pr essur e (7. 5 cm H 2 O) i n new bor n goats decr eased
ur i ne f l ow, sodi um excr eti on, and the gl om er ul ar f i l trati on rate (Fi g. 2).
Fur ther m or e, to use an enti r e sentence to di r ect the r eader to the f i gur e i s
wastef ul . Al l that i s necessar y i s to ci te the f i gur e i n par entheses at the end of
the sentence that states the r esul t, as i n the r ev i si on.
Fi nal l y, the r esul t i s a m or e pow er f ul pr eparati on f or l ook i ng at a f i gur e or
tabl e than a f i gur e l egend or tabl e ti tl e i s. The r eason i s that a r esul t cr eates
an ex pectati on but a f i gur e l egend or tabl e ti tl e does not. Af ter r eadi ng a f i gur e
l egend, the r eader has no i dea of w hat m essage to ex pect i n the f i gur e. In
contrast, af ter r eadi ng a r esul t, the r eader k now s ex actl y w hat m essage to
ex pect and has onl y to agr ee or di sagr ee w i th the m essage, not to hunt f or i t.
For ex am pl e, af ter r eadi ng Ex am pl e 6. 5 above, the r eader w oul d ex pect to f i nd
onl y r enal f uncti on data, but af ter r eadi ng the r ev i si on, the r eader w oul d
ex pect to f i nd a speci f i c r esul t—decr eases i n al l thr ee var i abl es. Hav i ng a cl ear
ex pectati on w hen l ook i ng at a f i gur e i s m uch m or e ef f i ci ent than not k now i ng
w hat you ar e supposed to see.
Subordinate Control Results
Contr ol r esul ts som eti m es need to be descr i bed f i r st, f or ex am pl e, i f the
stabi l i ty of the basel i ne needs to be establ i shed. Other w i se, contr ol r esul ts,
both f or basel i ne and f or contr ol ser i es, shoul d be descr i bed al ong w i th or af ter
ex per i m ental r esul ts w henever possi bl e. For ex am pl e, basel i ne data can
som eti m es be i ncor porated i nto a sentence descr i bi ng the ex per i m ental r esul ts,
as i n Ex am pl e 6. 6.
Ex a mple 6. 6 Ex per i m ental Resul t Incor porati ng Basel i ne Data
Dur i ng the acute per i od of l i pi d i nf usi on, l ung l y m ph f l ow i ncr eased f r om 2. 44
± 0. 32 (m ean ± SD) to 4. 00 ± 0. 72 m l /h (P < 0. 05).
In thi s ex am pl e, 2. 44 ± 0. 32 m l /h i s the basel i ne val ue. To m ake the basel i ne
val ue m or e noti ceabl e, w r i te “i ncr eased f r om a basel i ne v al ue of 2. 44… .”
Si m i l ar l y, f or a contr ol ser i es of ex per i m ents, the r esul ts can som eti m es be
i ncor porated i nto a com par i son betw een ex per i m ental and contr ol r esul ts, as i n
Ex am pl e 6. 7.
Ex a mple 6. 7 Ex per i m ental Resul t Incor porati ng a Contr ol Resul t
P. 163
When ei ther ter butal i ne or epi nephr i ne was i nsti l l ed al ong w i th ser um i nto the
ai r spaces, the excess l ung water was si gni f i cantl y l ess than w hen ser um al one
was i nsti l l ed (Fi g. 1).
In thi s ex am pl e, the contr ol ser i es i s descr i bed by “w hen ser um al one was
i nsti l l ed,” and the contr ol data ar e gi ven al ong w i th the ex per i m ental data i n a
f i gur e.
Al ter nati vel y, r esul ts f or a contr ol ser i es can som eti m es be r epor ted af ter the
r esul ts f or the ex per i m ental ser i es.
If basel i ne or contr ol data ar e r epor ted i n a f i gur e or a tabl e, they do not
usual l y need to be r epor ted i n the tex t.
Subordinate Methods
In the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, do not use a m ethods statem ent as a topi c sentence. The topi c
sentences i n these Resul ts secti ons shoul d state r esul ts. In Ex am pl e 6. 8, the
f i r st sentence (topi c sentence) states m ethods and the second sentence states
r esul ts.
In Ex am pl e 6. 8, si nce al l of the m ethods detai l s (except the num ber of cats)
appear i n the second sentence, the f i r st sentence i s unnecessar y. A str onger
way to begi n thi s paragraph i s to om i t the f i r st sentence and i ncor porate the
num ber of cats i nto the second sentence. Thus, the paragraph i ncl udes m ethods
but hi ghl i ghts r esul ts.
Revision
Injecti on of 1 µg of i sopr oter enol i nto thr ee cats evoked a di f f er enti al i nhi bi tor y
r esponse, r el ax ati on bei ng gr eater w hen tensi on was i nduced by chol i ner gi c
neur otransm i ssi on or exogenous 5hydr ox y tr y ptam i ne than by exogenous
acety l chol i ne (Fi g. 5).
At l east tw o techni ques of sentence str uctur e ar e avai l abl e f or i ncl udi ng
m ethods i n sentences that state r esul ts. One techni que i s to m ake the m ethod
the subject of the sentence, as i n the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 6. 8 above and i n
Ex am pl e 6. 9B bel ow. Other techni ques ar e to state the m ethod i n a transi ti on
phrase or cl ause and the r esul t i n the m ai n cl ause, as i n Ex am pl es 6. 9C and
6. 9D.
Ex a mple 6. 9 Incl udi ng Methods Statem ents i n the Resul ts Secti on
We a dminis te re d pr opranol ol dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on. Thi s betabl ocker
de c re a s e d phosphol i pi d (Fi g. 1).
P. 164
B. Me thod Subordina te d a s the Subje c t; Re s ult in the Ve rb + Obje c t
Pr opranol ol adm i ni ster ed dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on de c re a s e d
phosphol i pi d (Fi g. 1).
When pr opranol ol was adm i ni ster ed dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on,
phosphol i pi d de c re a s e d (Fi g. 1).
The poi nt i s that i n the Resul ts secti on, the m ai n ver bs (bol df aced i n the
ex am pl es above) shoul d descr i be r esul ts, not m ethods, so avoi d sentences that
state m ethods onl y, such as the f i r st sentence i n Ex am pl e 6. 9A. Hav i ng the
m ai n ver b descr i be r esul ts i s par ti cul ar l y i m por tant i n the topi c sentence.
Put Important Results First (In the Strongest Power
Position)
As the l ast f our ex am pl es show, subor di nati ng f i gur e l egends, tabl e ti tl es,
contr ol r esul ts, and m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l
ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance al l ow s you to put an i m por tant r esul t at
the begi nni ng of the paragraph, w hi ch i s the str ongest pow er posi ti on. The
r eader 's job i s m uch easi er i f the i m por tant r esul ts ar e at the begi nni ngs of
paragraphs and the l ess i m por tant detai l s ar e gi ven af ter the i m por tant r esul ts.
Ex am pl e 6. 2 i l l ustrates the advantage of putti ng i m por tant r esul ts f i r st (i n thi s
case, at the begi nni ng of each subsecti on).
Use Topic Sentences to Give Overview
Putti ng i m por tant r esul ts f i r st and l ess i m por tant detai l s l ater can be a way of
m ak i ng a r esul t i nto a topi c sentence, as i n sentence A of Ex am pl e 6. 10.
ATw o di f f er ent patter ns of phosphol i pi d di str i buti on w er e obtai ned dependi ng on
the bi l e sam pl es. BThe f i r st patter n, w hi ch was the one m ost f r equentl y
obser ved, had a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 10 6 dal tons and a
shoul der i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons. CThe second patter n had a m ai n peak
of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of
10 6 dal tons.
N ote that thi s sam e strategy—stati ng the m essage and then gi v i ng the detai l s—
can be used i n the l ast sentence, to i ndi cate how the tw o patter ns di f f er.
Revision
ATw o di f f er ent patter ns of phosphol i pi d di str i buti on w er e obtai ned dependi ng on
the bi l e sam pl es. B The f i r st patter n, w hi ch was the one m ost f r equentl y
obser ved, had a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of
P. 165
10 6 dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons. C The second patter n
was the r ever se, hav i ng a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 5 × 10 5
dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of 10 6 dal tons.
The i dea i s to state the m essage so that the r eader cannot m i ss i t. In other
w or ds, i f you want the r eader to k now som ethi ng (her e, that the second patter n
i s the r ever se of the f i r st patter n), state i t; do not m ake the r eader guess.
In sum m ar y, the m ai n way s to em phasi ze i m por tant r esul ts ar e by om i tti ng
data f r om the tex t of the Resul ts secti on and condensi ng the r esul ts. In
addi ti on, putti ng r esul ts at the begi nni ng of a paragraph (str ongest pow er
posi ti on) and usi ng a r esul t as a topi c sentence, accom pani ed by subor di nati on
of l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on (f i gur e l egends, tabl e ti tl es, contr ol r esul ts,
m ethods statem ents) hel p em phasi ze the i m por tant r esul ts.
LENGTH
Many author s thi nk of the Resul ts secti on as the hear t of the paper, so they tr y
to put the w hol e paper i nto the Resul ts secti on—m ethods, f i gur e l egends, tabl e
ti tl es, r esul ts, data, com par i sons w i th the l i teratur e—i n f act, ever y thi ng except
the Intr oducti on. Thi s tem ptati on shoul d be r esi sted. The Resul ts secti on shoul d
be as br i ef and uncl utter ed as possi bl e so that the r eader can see the f or est f or
the tr ees.
DETAILS
Subjects, Animals, and Material
The study subjects or the ani m al and the m ater i al (ti ssue, cel l l i ne, etc. ) used
i n the ex per i m ents shoul d be m enti oned at l east once i n the Resul ts secti on,
pr ef erabl y i n the f i r st sentence.
Identifying Human Subjects
Do not use i ni ti al s to i denti f y study subjects. U se A, B, C, etc. i f you r ef er to
an i ndi v i dual subject. U se 1, 2, 3, etc. w hen you studi ed m or e than 26 subjects.
Verb Tense
Resul ts of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es and of tests of new m ethods i n m ethods
paper s ar e r epor ted i n past tense, because they ar e di scr ete events that
occur r ed i n the past. Ex am pl es ar e “Pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on w a s
re duc e d” and “Im i dazol e inhibite d the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e
i nduced by l i pi d i nf usi on.”
Resul ts of descr i pti ve studi es ar e r epor ted i n pr esent tense, because the
descr i pti on conti nues to be tr ue. Ex am pl es ar e “In m ost ti ssues, the l epti n
r eceptor m RN A a ppe a rs as a si ngl e band sl i ghtl y l ar ger than 5 k b” and “Ty pe
III and IV r eceptor genes ha ve ex tra i ntr ons i n the ex tracel l ul ar dom ai n.”
P. 166
Comparisons
When com par i ng r esul ts, use “than,” not “com par ed w i th.” In par ti cul ar, avoi d
am bi guous statem ents such as “X was i ncr eased com par ed w i th Y.” Instead
w r i te “X was gr eater than Y,” “X i ncr eased m or e than Y,” “X i ncr eased but Y was
unchanged,” or w hatever you m ean (see Chap. 2, “Put Paral l el Ideas i n Paral l el
For m ”).
Precise Word Choice
N ote the di f f er ence betw een abi l i ty and actual i ty :
“Coul d not dem onstrate” i m pl i es that bi ndi ng si tes m ay have been ther e, but
the techni que was not sensi ti ve enough to detect them . “Ther e w er e no” i m pl i es
that no bi ndi ng si tes ex i st (so no m ethod w oul d be abl e to detect them ). Know
w hether you ar e tal k i ng about abi l i ty or actual i ty, and choose your ver b
accor di ngl y.
N ote the di f f er ence betw een “di d not i ncr ease” and “f ai l ed to i ncr ease.” “Fai l ed”
i m pl i es an a pr i or i ex pectati on that the val ue shoul d have i ncr eased. “Di d not”
i m pl i es no a pr i or i ex pectati on. General l y, you shoul d use the neutral
descr i pti on, “di d not i ncr ease,” w hen r epor ti ng r esul ts.
Qual i tati ve w or ds that descr i be m agni tude ar e i m pr eci se and ther ef or e of l i ttl e
val ue w hen used al one. For ex am pl e, w hat does “m ar kedl y ” m ean i n “Hear t rate
i ncr eased m ar kedl y ”? We need the data to be sur e how bi g the i ncr ease was. If
you use a qual i tati ve w or d such as “m ar kedl y,” go on to quanti f y i t, ei ther by
ci ti ng a f i gur e or a tabl e or by r epor ti ng the data (pr ef erabl y as per cent
change) i n the tex t. Actual l y, the best pol i cy i s to avoi d qual i tati ve w or ds
al together i n the Resul ts secti on. Save qual i tati ve w or ds f or the Di scussi on, f or
occasi ons w hen you need to em phasi ze the m agni tude of a change or a
di f f er ence.
“Si gni f i cant” has becom e a code w or d f or “stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.” Thus,
“si gni f i cantl y ” can no l onger be used as a sy nony m f or “m ar kedl y.” If you say,
f or ex am pl e, “Hear t rate i ncr eased si gni f i cantl y,” the r eader ex pects stati sti cal
detai l s to suppor t that statem ent.
Statistical Details
Stati sti cs bel ong w i th data. Most data shoul d be di spl ayed i n f i gur es or tabl es.
Ther ef or e, m ost stati sti cal detai l s shoul d be i n f i gur es and tabl es. When data
ar e i ncl uded i n the tex t, the accom pany i ng stati sti cal detai l s shoul d be w r i tten
as show n her e.
The conventi onal way to w r i te a m ean and standar d dev i ati on or a m ean and
standar d er r or of the m ean i s show n i n Ex am pl e 6. 12.
48. 7 ± 1. 3 (SD) m l .
The standar d way to w r i te data that ar e bei ng com par ed stati sti cal l y i s show n
i n Ex am pl e 6. 13.
P. 167
Bl ood f l ow was r edi str i buted m or e towar d the r i ght ventr i cl e than towar d the
l ef t ventr i cl e [26. 3 ± 2. 9 (SD) v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5% i n 6 l am bs, P < 0. 01].
N ote that f i ve ty pes of stati sti cal i nf or m ati on ar e pr esented: the m ean (“26. 3”
and “19. 5%”), the standar d dev i ati on (“2. 9” and “1. 5%”), i denti f i cati on of the
stati sti c [“(SD)”], the sam pl e si ze (n) (“i n 6 l am bs”), and the pr obabi l i ty val ue
of si gni f i cance (“P < 0. 01”). General l y, you shoul d gi ve al l f i ve ty pes of
stati sti cal i nf or m ati on. How ever, i f a si ngl e stati sti c (f or ex am pl e, the standar d
dev i ati on) and a si ngl e sam pl e si ze (n) appl y to al l the data, then you can
i denti f y the stati sti c and the sam pl e si ze the f i r st ti m e you gi ve data, as i n
Ex am pl e 6. 13, and om i t these detai l s af ter that, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 14.
Ex a mple 6. 14 “(SD)” and n Om i tted
Bl ood f l ow was r edi str i buted m or e towar d the r i ght ventr i cl e than towar d the
l ef t ventr i cl e (26. 3 ± 2. 9 v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5%, P < 0. 01).
The stati sti c and the sam pl e si ze shoul d al so be i denti f i ed i n the Methods
secti on. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e ex pr essed as m ean ± SD”; “The study pr otocol
was per f or m ed on the r em ai ni ng 6 l am bs.”
If i n addi ti on you r epor t the conf i dence i nter val , Ex am pl e 6. 13 can be r ew r i tten
as f ol l ow s:
Bl ood f l ow was r edi str i buted m or e towar d the r i ght ventr i cl e than towar d the
l ef t ventr i cl e [26. 3 ± 2. 9 (SD) v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5% i n 6 l am bs; 95% conf i dence
i nter val f or the di f f er ence = 3. 8–9. 8%, P < 0. 01].
When P val ues ar e gi ven af ter data, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 13, actual P val ues shoul d
be used both f or di f f er ences consi der ed si gni f i cant (f or ex am pl e, P < 0. 01) and
f or di f f er ences consi der ed not si gni f i cant (f or ex am pl e, P > 0. 75). Wr i ti ng “P >
0. 05” or “P = N S” i s not hel pf ul . Pr eci se val ues al l ow the r eader to i nter pr et
the data accuratel y. For ex am pl e, a P val ue of 0. 75 str ongl y i m pl i es absence of
a stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence, but a P val ue of 0. 06 pr obabl y does not.
Contrar y to popul ar bel i ef, P = 0. 05 i s not a har dandf ast cutof f poi nt.
Fi nal l y, note that the sam pl e si ze i s not w r i tten “n = 6.” The r eason i s that “n =
6” i s uncl ear. Is i t 6 l am bs? Si x ex per i m ents i n one l am b? Si x ex per i m ents i n 4
l am bs? So w hen descr i bi ng the sam pl e si ze, state not onl y the si ze of the
sam pl e (her e, 6) but al so w hat the sam pl e i s (her e, l am bs).
P. 168
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR RESULTS
FUNCTIONS
To state the r esul ts of the ex per i m ents descr i bed i n Mater i al s and Methods. To
ci te f i gur es or tabl es that pr esent suppor ti ng data.
STORY LINE
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, and al so f or descr i pti ve studi es and m ethods paper s, the Resul ts
secti on pr esents the thi r d step i n the stor y l i ne: the r esul ts.
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on descr i bes both the second
and the thi r d steps of the stor y l i ne: the ex per i m ents done and the r esul ts
f ound.
CONTENT
Repor t onl y r esul ts per ti nent to the questi on.
Incl ude r esul ts w hether or not they suppor t your hy pothesi s.
Keep data to a m i ni m um i n the tex t. Pr esent m ost data, i n par ti cul ar
i m por tant data, i n f i gur es and tabl es.
Pr esent data af ter stati ng the r esul t they suppor t, not i nstead of stati ng
the r esul t.
If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, descr i be r esul ts f or the
i ndi cator.
Be sur e that data ar e accurate and i nter nal l y consi stent.
For nor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t
the m ean and a stati sti c that esti m ates the var i ati on f r om the m ean (f or
ex am pl e, the standar d dev i ati on) and speci f y w hi ch stati sti c you ar e
r epor ti ng. Al so gi ve the sam pl e si ze (n) and pr obabi l i ty val ues f or tests of
stati sti cal si gni f i cance. For nonnor m al l y di str i buted data that have been
anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range.
ORGANIZATION
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, or gani ze the Resul ts secti on ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or f r om m ost
to l east i m por tant. For m ost to l east i m por tant, put r esul ts that answ er
the questi on(s) at the begi nni ng of the Resul ts secti on or at the begi nni ng
of paragraph 1 and successi ve paragraphs.
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed i n a
r epeati ng f our par t patter n: questi on, over v i ew of the ex per i m ents,
r esul ts, answ er to the questi on. If necessar y, back gr ound i ndi cati ng w hy
the questi on was asked and pur poses and r easons ex pl ai ni ng w hy the
ex per i m ent was done ar e al so i ncl uded.
EMPHASIS
In the Resul ts secti on, em phasi ze r esul ts.
In the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one
ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, em phasi ze the
r esul ts by
P. 169
usi ng the si gnal “We f ound” at the begi nni ng of the f i r st sentence i n the
paragraph that states r esul ts.
In the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the
ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, em phasi ze the r esul ts by
condensi ng the r esul ts to avoi d unnecessar y r epeti ti on.
om i tti ng f i gur e l egends and tabl e ti tl es and i nstead ci ti ng f i gur es and
tabl es i n par entheses af ter a sentence that states a r esul t.
subor di nati ng contr ol r esul ts by descr i bi ng contr ol r esul ts al ong w i th
or af ter the ex per i m ental r esul ts w henever possi bl e, not bef or e
ex per i m ental r esul ts.
LENGTH
Keep the Resul ts secti on br i ef and uncl utter ed so that the r eader can see
the f or est f or the tr ees.
DETAILS
Menti on the study subjects or the ani m al s and the m ater i al studi ed at l east
once i n the Resul ts secti on, pr ef erabl y i n the f i r st sentence.
U se A, B, C, etc., to i denti f y i ndi v i dual hum an subjects, or 1, 2, 3, etc.,
f or m or e than 26 subjects.
Repor t r esul ts of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es and of tests of new m ethods i n
m ethods paper s i n past tense. Repor t r esul ts of descr i pti ve studi es i n
pr esent tense.
When com par i ng r esul ts, do not use “com par ed w i th.” In par ti cul ar, avoi d
am bi guous com par i sons such as “X was i ncr eased com par ed w i th Y.”
Di sti ngui sh betw een “coul d not” and “di d not” and betw een “di d not” and
“f ai l ed to.”
U se “si gni f i cant” and “si gni f i cantl y ” f or stati sti cal si gni f i cance.
Wr i te m eans and standar d dev i ati ons i n the f or m “48. 7 ± 1. 3 (SD) m l .”
U se a si m i l ar f or m f or m eans and standar d er r or s of the m ean.
For stati sti cal com par i sons, i f a si ngl e stati sti c (f or ex am pl e, standar d
dev i ati on) and a si ngl e sam pl e si ze (n) appl y to al l the data and ar e
i denti f i ed cl ear l y i n the Methods secti on, do not r epeat these detai l s each
ti m e you gi ve data; m enti on them onl y the f i r st ti m e.
If pr obabi l i ty val ues ar e gi ven i n f i gur es or tabl es, do not gi ve them i n the
tex t.
Gi ve actual P val ues both f or si gni f i cant and f or nonsi gni f i cant di f f er ences.
Do not w r i te “n = .” Speci f y not onl y the sam pl e si ze but al so w hat the
sam pl e i s (f or ex am pl e, “i n 16 rabbi ts”).
P. 170
EXERCISE 6.1: RESULTS
1. Re w rite pa ra gra ph 1 OR pa ra gra ph 6.
De c ide how to de s c ribe the re s ults —the w hole time c ours e , only the
la s t da y, or both.
IMP ORTANT: Re vis e Figure 1 s o tha t a ll the da ta a re inc lude d.
In your re vis ion, s ta te the c ontra s t in a s ingle , s hort s e nte nc e (topic
s e nte nc e ).
2. Cons ide ring the princ iple s of w riting Re s ults a nd princ iple s of
pa ra gra ph s truc ture (s e e Cha p. 3), w hic h is the be s t pa ra gra ph in this
Re s ults s e c tion a nd w hy?
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Are nitroge n a nd s odium ba la nc e a nd
s ympa the tic ne rvous a c tivity (a s s e s s e d by me a s uring blood pre s s ure a nd
nore pine phrine c onc e ntra tion a fte r pos tura l c ha nge s ) improve d w he n
obe s e s ubje c ts e a t a pure prote in die t ra the r tha n a mix e d c a rbohydra te
a nd prote in die t?” Ea c h of the s e ve n s ubje c ts w a s on e a c h die t for 21
da ys .
Re s ults
AFigure 1 s how s the me a n s e rum a nd urina ry k e tone a c ids a nd c ha nge s in
the pla s ma c onc e ntra tion of ins ulin in s ubje c ts re c e iving the tw o die ts .
BBlood k e tone a c ids during the pure prote in die t re a c he d a pla te a u a t a
le ve l tw ic e tha t re a c he d a fte r the c a rbohydra te c onta ining die t. CTota l
blood k e tone a c ids on Da y 21 w e re 1. 94 ± 0. 23 mmol on the prote in die t
a nd 1. 08 ± 0. 12 mmol on the mix e d die t (P < 0. 001). DDa ily urina ry
e x c re tion of k e tone a c id inc re a s e d by Da y 21 to 50. 9 ± 12. 5 mmol pe r 24
hours for the prote in die t a nd 10. 2 ± 2. 9 mmol pe r 24 hours for the mix e d
die t (P < 0. 02). EP la s ma ins ulin, w hic h ha d a ba s a l le ve l of 32 ± 6 µU pe r
millilite r (32 ± 6 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r) w ith the prote in die t a nd 29 ± 5 µU
pe r millilite r (29 ± 5 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r) w ith the mix e d die t, ha d a
thre e fold gre a te r de c line w he n c a rbohydra te w a s e limina te d [14 ± 5 µU
pe r millilite r (14 ± 5 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r)] on Da y 21 (P < 0. 05).
P . 171
FThe re w e re no s ignific a nt c ha nge s in the pla s ma c onc e ntra tion of
gluc a gon w ith e ithe r die t. G Me a n pla s ma gluc os e w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r
on Da y 21 of the mix e d die t [76 ± 2 mg pe r de c ilite r (4. 2 ± 0. 11 mmol)]
tha n it w a s a fte r the prote in die t [71 ± 2 mg pe r de c ilite r (3. 9 ± 0. 11
mmol)] (P < 0. 005).
HFigure 2 s how s the a ve ra ge da ily nitroge n ba la nc e for e a c h die t re gime n.
IMe a n da ily nitroge n ba la nc e in s ubje c ts re c e iving the mix e d die t, 2. 6 ±
0. 4 g pe r da y, w a s not s ignific a ntly diffe re nt from tha t obs e rve d a fte r the
pure prote in die t, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 g pe r da y. JW ith both die t re gime ns , nitroge n
ba la nc e w a s more ne ga tive during the firs t w e e k (4. 6 ± 0. 3 g pe r da y on
the mix e d die t a nd 4. 9 ± 0. 5 g pe r da y on the pure prote in die t) tha n
during the la s t w e e k (1. 6 ± 0. 3 g pe r da y on the mix e d die t a nd 1. 0 ± 0. 6
g pe r da y on
P . 172
the pure prote in die t). KHow e ve r, the re s pons e s w e re not s ignific a ntly
diffe re nt w ith the tw o die ts during the firs t or la s t w e e k (P > 0. 1). LTo
de te rmine w he the r prote in die ts re s ult in be tte r nitroge n ba la nc e if give n
for more prolonge d pe riods , one s ubje c t w a s give n e a c h die t for a 5½
w e e k pe riod. MAs s how n in Figure 3, da ily nitroge n ba la nc e during the
mix e d die t w a s s imila r to tha t obs e rve d during the pure prote in die t.
NAlthough the prote in die t re s ulte d initia lly in a gre a te r ne ga tive nitroge n
ba la nc e , be yond tw o to thre e w e e k s the ne t nitroge n los s e s w e re
c ompa ra ble , a nd the y be c a me ze ro a fte r four to five w e e k s of e a c h die t
re gime n.
OFigure 4 c ompa re s the tota l c umula tive s odium ba la nc e obs e rve d for e a c h
s ubje c t during the mix e ddie t a nd prote indie t pe riods . P The me a n
c umula tive s odium los s during prote in c ons umption, 382 ± 117 mmol, w a s
s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t obs e rve d w ith the mix e d die t, 25 ± 105
mmol (P < 0. 02). QIn c ontra s t, the re w e re no s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s in
othe r mine ra l ba la nc e s be tw e e n the tw o die ts (prote in die t vs . mix e d die t:
pota s s ium, 21 ± 51 mmol vs . 13 ± 33 mmol; c a lc ium, 159. 5 ± 9. 5 mmol vs .
136 ± 9 mmol; ma gne s ium, 14 ± 3. 5 mmol vs . 7 ± 2. 5 mmol;
phos phorus , 145 ± 50 mmol vs . 127 ± 26 mmol).
4 W e ight Los s
RTota l w e ight los s re s ulting from a pure prote in die t, 10. 2 ± 1. 0 k g, w a s
20% gre a te r tha n tha t s e e n a fte r the mix e d die t, 8. 0 ± 0. 8 k g (P < 0. 02).
SHow e ve r, the c a lc ula te d w e ight los s a ttributa ble to fluid los s e s w ith the
prote in die t, 2. 5 ± 0. 8 k g, w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t w ith the
mix e d die t, 0. 2 ± 0. 7 k g (P < 0. 02). T Cons e que ntly, the e s tima te d nonfluid
w e ight los s w ith the prote in die t, 7. 7 ± 0. 2 k g, w a s no diffe re nt from tha t
w ith the mix e d die t, 7. 8 ± 0. 1 k g.
5 Blood P re s s ure
U Bloodpre s s ure va lue s me a s ure d w ith the pa tie nt s upine did not c ha nge
s ignific a ntly from c ontrol (pre die t) le ve ls w ith e ithe r the pure prote in die t
(119 ± 5 / 72 ± 4 vs . 114 ± 2 / 69 ± 2 mmHg) or the mix e d die t (114 ± 3 /
71 ± 3 vs . 114 ± 2 / 69 ± 3). V How e ve r, w ith the pure prote in die t the
me a n ma x ima l fa ll in s ys tolic blood pre s s ure a fte r s ta nding, 28 ± 3 mmHg,
w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t w ith the mix e d die t, 18 ± 3 mmHg (P <
0. 02). W The e x a gge ra te d pos tura l de c line in s ys tolic blood pre s s ure during
pure prote in c ons umption w a s a c c ompa nie d by a n inc re a s e in a dve rs e
s ymptoms a s de te rmine d from the
P . 173
da ily que s tionna ire . X Although only one of the s e ve n s ubje c ts re porte d
s ymptoms of pos tura l hypote ns ion w hile re c e iving the mix e d die t, a ll
s e ve n s ubje c ts note d s uc h s ymptoms w hile on the pure prote in die t.
Y The pla s ma le ve ls of nore pine phrine be fore a nd a fte r e a c h die t, me a s ure d
w ith the s ubje c t s upine a nd s ta nding, a re illus tra te d in Figure 5. Z The ris e
in pla s ma nore pine phrine in re s pons e to s ta nding w ith the hypoc a loric
mix e d die t w a s no diffe re nt from tha t obs e rve d be fore initia tion of die t
the ra py. AA In c ontra s t, the nore pine phrine le ve ls me a s ure d w ith the
s ubje c t s upine a nd a fte r the s ubje c t ha d s tood for 2 minute s w e re
s ignific a ntly low e r a fte r the prote in die t tha n be fore the initia tion of die t
the ra py. B B How e ve r, a fte r s ubje c ts ha d s tood for 5 a nd 10 minute s , the
ris e in pla s ma nore pine phrine w a s c ompa ra ble to tha t obs e rve d in the
pre die t pe riod.
Figure 5.
P la s ma
nore pine phrine
le ve ls in the
ba s a l, s upine
s ta te a nd a fte r
2, 5, a nd 10
minute s of
s ta nding in
obe s e s ubje c ts
in the pre die t
(c ontrol) s tudy
a nd a fte r 21
da ys of the
mix e d die t a nd
the prote in
die t. The
pla s ma
nore pine phrine
le ve ls
me a s ure d w ith
the pa tie nt
s upine a nd
s ta nding w e re
virtua lly
ide ntic a l in the
pre die t
(c ontrol) s tudy
pe rforme d
be fore e a c h of
the tw o te s t
die ts a nd a re
c ons e que ntly
c ombine d in
this figure . * P
< 0. 05 a s
c ompa re d w ith
the pre die t
va lue s (pa ire d
tte s t).
Hi de Answ er
Re s ults
P a ra gra ph 1
(56 w or ds)
Af ter the 21day pr otei n di et, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased
m or e and pl asm a i nsul i n and gl ucose decr eased m or e than af ter the
21day m i xed di et i n the seven obese subjects (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a
gl ucagon l evel s w er e no di f f er ent.
(40 w or ds)
Re vis ion (Ef f ects and com par i sons separated; poi nt of
3 v i ew : i ndependent var i abl e)
Both di ets i ncr eased bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i n the seven obese
subjects af ter 21 day s, but the pur e pr otei n di et caused l ar ger
i ncr eases than the m i xed di et di d (Fi g. 1). Both di ets decr eased
pl asm a i nsul i n and pl asm a gl ucose; agai n, the pur e pr otei n di et had a
gr eater ef f ect. N ei ther di et changed pl asm a gl ucagon.
(53 w or ds)
(71 w or ds)
(27 w or ds)
N ote: We do not actual l y k now i f gl ucose decr eased—onl y that i t w as
l ess af ter the pr otei n di et.
hangi ng the gr aph f or pl asm a i nsul i n to actual v al ues, not
changes f r om basel i ne, thus av oi di ng the need to gi v e basel i ne
v al ues i n the tex t.
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
ci ti ng the f i gur e at the end of the f i r st r esul t.
“Pr otei n di et, ” not “w hen car bohy dr ate w as el i m i nated” (or i gi nal
sentence E).
“Mi x ed di et, ” not “car bohy dr atecontai ni ng di et” (or i gi nal
sentence B). (Si m i l ar l y , i f the data w er e k ept i n the tex t, the
uni t of m easur em ent f or k etone aci ds shoul d be the sam e i n the
tex t and i n the f i gur e, not m m ol i n the tex t and m M i n the
f i gur e).
The or der of com par i sons i s consi stent: al l com par i sons ar e
f r om the pr otei n di et to the m i x ed di et. (In the or i gi nal v er si on,
the com par i son f or gl ucose i s f r om the m i x ed di et to the pr otei n
di et. Som e r eader s pr obabl y m i sr ead thi s com par i son as say i ng
that pl asm a gl ucose w as gr eater af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter
the m i x ed di et. )
Par agr aphs 3 and 4 ar e pr obabl y the best par agr aphs i n thi s Resul ts
secti on. How ev er , m ost r eader s thi nk par agr aphs 4 and 5 ar e the
best, pr obabl y because these ar e the onl y tw o par agr aphs that do not
begi n w i th a f i gur e l egend.
Par agr aph 4 has m any str engths. It i s shor t, i t begi ns w i th a r esul t
(not a f i gur e l egend), data and stati sti cal detai l s ar e subor di nated
(though the data shoul d be separ ated f r om the r esul ts by
par entheses, not by com m as), and an i dea of the m agni tude of a
di f f er ence i s gi v en (“20% gr eater ”). In addi ti on, k ey ter m s nam i ng
the di ets ar e consi stent, the poi nt of v i ew i n the thr ee sentences i s
consi stent, the thr ee sentences ar e appr opr i atel y i n par al l el f or m , the
topi c of each sentence i s si gnal ed by the k ey ter m at the begi nni ng,
and tr ansi ti on w or ds ar e used to i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een the sentences. How ev er , the l ogi c i s not r i gor ous. The
“how ev er ” at the begi nni ng of the second sentence r eal l y appl i es to
the i dea i n the thi r d sentence. Thus, the l ast tw o sentences shoul d
r ead, “How ev er , because the cal cul ated w ei ght l oss attr i butabl e to
f l ui d l osses af ter the pr otei n di et w as al so gr eater than that af ter the
m i x ed di et, the esti m ated nonf l ui d w ei ght l oss af ter the pr otei n di et
w as no di f f er ent f r om that af ter the m i x ed di et. ”
Par agr aph 5 i s not as cl ear as par agr aph 4. Par agr aph 5 has som e of
the sam e str engths as par agr aph 4. It begi ns w i th a r esul t, i t
subor di nates data, and i t k eeps the nam es of the di ets consi stent.
How ev er , par agr aph 5 has a conf usi ng l ack of si gnal s of the topi c at
the begi nni ng of the f i r st tw o sentences, w hi ch m ak es the contr ast
di f f i cul t to see. In addi ti on, the poi nt of v i ew i n the tw o sentences i s
di f f er ent: sentence U , bl ood pr essur e v al ues; sentence V, f al l i n
sy stol i c bl ood pr essur e. Fi nal l y , “ex agger ated postur al decl i ne” i s
unnecessar i l y f ancy and changes the k ey ter m . Thi s par agr aph can be
w r i tten m or e cl ear l y and si m pl y as f ol l ow s:
Reader s r ar el y choose par agr aph 3 as the best par agr aph i n thi s
Resul ts secti on, pr obabl y because i t begi ns w i th a f i gur e l egend and
contai ns a l ot of data. How ev er , i f the f i r st sentence (f i gur e l egend)
i s om i tted, par agr aph 3 i s qui te cl ear . The i m por tant r esul t—the
m i ner al bal ance that changed—i s gi v en f i r st (sentence P). Then the
m i ner al bal ances that di d not change ar e gr ouped i n a si ngl e
statem ent (sentence Q). Al though the data ar e num er ous, they ar e
l i sted at the end of the par agr aph, so r eader s can stop r eadi ng i f
they ar e not i nter ested. A separ ate tabl e f or these data i s not
adv i sabl e because these data do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Par agr aph 2 i s not the best par agr aph because i t contai ns a f ai r
am ount of i nf or m ati on that can be om i tted or condensed. The f i r st
sentence i s a f i gur e l egend, w hi ch i s unnecessar y . Sentences I–K can
be condensed by about onethi r d. For ex am pl e, “N ei ther m ean dai l y
ni tr ogen bal ance nor the ni tr ogen bal ance dur i ng the f i r st or l ast
w eek of the pr otei n di et w as si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the
cor r espondi ng v al ues f or the m i x ed di et (m ean, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 v s. 2. 6
± 0. 4 g per day ; f i r st w eek , 4. 9 ± 0. 5 v s. 4. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day ; and
l ast w eek , 1. 0 ± 0. 6 v s. 1. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day , P > 0. 1). How ev er ,
ni tr ogen bal ance w as m or e negati v e dur i ng the f i r st w eek than dur i ng
the l ast w eek . ” Sentence L states a m ethod. The m ethod shoul d be
subor di nated to the r esul t i n the nex t sentence. For ex am pl e, “In the
subject gi v en each di et f or 5½ w eek s, dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance w as
si m i l ar af ter the tw o di ets (Fi g. 3). ”
Another questi on that can be r ai sed about thi s Resul ts secti on i s
w hether the or der of the par agr aphs i s opti m al . The topi cs i n the
questi on ar e ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bl ood pr essur e and
nor epi nephr i ne, so these ar e the topi cs w e w oul d ex pect to see i n the
Resul ts secti on. Why the Resul ts secti on begi ns w i th substr ate and
hor m one l ev el s i s not cl ear . Si m i l ar l y , w hy w ei ght l oss com es af ter
r esul ts f or ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bef or e r esul ts f or bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne i s not cl ear .
P a ra gra ph 6
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of
sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, f el l bel ow pr edi et val ues af ter the
pr otei n di et but not af ter the m i xed di et. How ever, the l ow er
concentrati ons occur r ed onl y w hen the subjects l ay supi ne or af ter
the subjects stood f or 2 m i n (Fi g. 5). Af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or
10 m i n, the pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons w er e no di f f er ent
f r om those bef or e the di et.
(67 w or ds)
Rev i si on 2 (Poi nt of v i ew i n the topi c sentence: i ndependent var i abl e)
Onl y the pr otei n di et had an ef f ect on pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne. Af ter
the pr otei n di et, pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our
i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, w er e l ow er than bef or e
the di et both w hen subjects w er e supi ne and af ter they stood f or 2
m i n (Fi g. 5). How ever, af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the
concentrati ons w er e equal to those bef or e the pr otei n di et.
(65 w or ds)
In addi ti on, the r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 6 (f r om 104 w or ds
to 67 or 65 w or ds) by om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend and ci ti ng the
f i gur e af ter the f i r st speci f i c r esul t, and by om i tti ng
unnecessar y w or ds.
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne i s i denti f i ed as an i ndi cator of
sy m patheti c ner v ous acti v i ty (by the techni que of l i nk i ng k ey
ter m s), thus m ak i ng the connecti on to the questi on cl ear .
In both r ev i si ons, the f i gur e coul d be ci ted af ter the topi c sentence,
si nce the topi c sentence gi v es a speci f i c r esul t. But si nce the second
sentence r ef i nes the poi nt m ade i n the topi c sentence, by l i m i ti ng the
change to tw o ti m e per i ods, ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the second
sentence gi v es the r eader a better i dea of w hat to l ook f or i n the
f i gur e.
W ord Choic e
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “obser v ed” (sentence Z) and “i ni ti ati on
of ” and “ther apy ” (sentences Z and AA) ar e unnecessar y .
P. 174
EXERCISE 6.2: RESULTS
In this bioc he mis try s tudy, a s e que nc e of s e ve n e x pe rime nts w a s
done , e a c h de te rmine d by the re s ults of the pre vious e x pe rime nt. Ea c h
e x pe rime nt (or s e t of e x pe rime nts ) a nd its re s ults a re de s c ribe d in a
s ingle pa ra gra ph. Thus , e a c h pa ra gra ph s hould follow the fourpa rt
pa tte rn: que s tion, e x pe rime nt, re s ults , a ns w e r.
The proble m in this Re s ults s e c tion is tha t the s tory line is not c le a r;
c ontinuity be tw e e n pa ra gra phs ge ts w e a k e r a nd w e a k e r a s the re s ults
s e c tion progre s s e s . The c ontinuity be tw e e n pa ra gra phs 1 a nd 2 is
tole ra ble , be tw e e n 2 a nd 3 is w e a k , be tw e e n 3 a nd 4 is w e a k e r, a nd
be tw e e n 4 a nd 5 is none x is te nt.
The re a s on for the w e a k c ontinuity is tha t, in e a c h pa ra gra ph, the que s tion
is mis s ing or not s ta te d pre c is e ly, the a ns w e r is mis s ing, or both. In
a ddition, s ome time s ba c k ground or a purpos e or a re a s on is mis s ing.
Als o notic e the que s tion of the pa pe r (s e e be low ). The que s tions
a nd a ns w e rs in e a c h pa ra gra ph s hould re la te to the que s tion of
the pa pe r.
2. In a ddition, a dd the mis s ing que s tion a nd e x pe rime nt a t the
be ginning of pa ra gra ph 1.
Que s tion: Are the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of
phos pholipa s e C by the pote nt mitoge ns thrombin a nd P DG F in va s c ula r
s mooth muc s c le c e lls diffe re nt from e a c h othe r?
Thrombin is a n e nzyme in s he d blood tha t c onve rts fibrinoge n to
fibrin.
Re s ults
2. FTo s tudy the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for the tw o mitoge ns ,
w e us e d pe rtus s is tox in, w hic h modifie s the func tion of s ome G
prote ins . G P e rtus s is tox in s ignific a ntly blunte d the thrombininduc e d
inc re a s e s in IP 3 (Fig. 1)
P . 175
a nd intra c e llula r [Ca 2+ ] (Fig. 2), indic a ting a role for a G prote in in
thrombininduc e d c e llula r re s pons e s . HIn c ontra s t, pe rtus s is tox in did
not a ffe c t the P DG Finduc e d inc re a s e s in e ithe r IP 3 (Fig. 1) or
3. ITo a s k w he the r the pe rtus s is tox inins e ns itive me c ha nis m for P DG F
a ls o involve s a G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of G TP γS, a s ta ble
G TP a na log, on IP 3 re le a s e in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote in
me dia te d re s pons e s by dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17).
KW e found tha t in pe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls , G TP γS
inc re a s e d IP 3 re le a s e s yne rgis tic a lly w ith both thrombin a nd P DG F
(Fig. 3). LThus , lik e thrombin, P DG F re quire s a G prote in for a c tiva tion
of phos pholipa s e C.
4. MBe c a us e gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te ) (G DP βS) a tte nua te s G
prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by c ompe ting w ith G TP for
binding (18), w e te s te d G DP βS. NIn s upport of the notion tha t a G
prote in is involve d in the s igna l tra ns duc tion for P DG F, G DP βS blunte d
P DG Finduc e d IP 3 re le a s e in pe rme a bilize d c e lls (Fig. 4). OThus ,
w he re a s thrombin us e s a pe rtus s is tox ins e ns itive G prote in a s a
s igna l tra ns duc e r to a c tiva te phos pholipa s e C in va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls , P DG F a ppe a rs to us e a pe rtus s is tox inins e ns itive G
prote in.
5. P Ne x t w e te s te d the prote in k ina s e C s timula tor, phorbol 12
myris ta te 13a c e ta te (P MA), w hic h blunts G prote in–me dia te d
a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms (19). QW e found tha t
in va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls P MA s trongly inhibite d thrombin
induc e d, but not P DG Finduc e d, IP 3 re le a s e (Fig. 5). RP MA did not
a ffe c t ba s a l re le a s e of IP 3 (200 vs . 215 c pm/dis h). SCons is te nt w ith
its e ffe c t on IP 3 re le a s e , P MA blunte d thrombininduc e d, but not
P DG Finduc e d, Ca 2+ mobiliza tion (Fig. 6). T This e ffe c t of P MA re quire s
func tiona l prote in k ina s e C, s inc e P MA did not inhibit thrombin
induc e d Ca 2+ mobiliza tion in c e lls tha t w e re ma de de fic ie nt in prote in
k ina s e C a c tivity (da ta not s how n).
6. U Sinc e P MA ha s be e n s ugge s te d to a c t on s e ve ra l ta rge ts , inc luding
the binding of a hormone to its re c e ptor, w e pe rforme d re c e ptor
binding s tudie s us ing 125 Ithrombin to s e e if thrombin re c e ptors a re
the ta rge t of P MA. V Ac ute P MA tre a tme nt did not a ffe c t e ithe r the
dis s oc ia tion c ons ta nt (K D ) for thrombin or the ma x ima l binding (B ma x )
for thrombin (Fig. 7). W Thus , P MA mus t a c t by inte rfe ring w ith one or
more e ve nts dis ta l to the binding of thrombin to its re c e ptor.
7. X Anothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in its e lf. Y To
inve s tiga te this pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γS
induc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e . Z G TP γS c a us e d a progre s s ive
re le a s e of inos itol phos pha te , w hic h w a s inhibite d by 55% by P MA
tre a tme nt (Fig. 8), s ugge s ting tha t P MA inhibits thrombininduc e d
c e llula r re s pons e s by a ffe c ting the func tion of the G prote in dire c tly.
Hi de Answ er
Re s ults
Re vis ion
[Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G
pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or
thr om bi n. HIn contrast, per tussi s tox i n di d not af f ect the PDGF
i nduced i ncr eases i n ei ther the pr oducti on of IP 3 (Fi g. 1) or
i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that ei ther no G pr otei n
or a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the
si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF.
thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGFi nduced, Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on (Fi g.
6). T Thi s ef f ect of PMA r equi r es f uncti onal pr otei n k i nase C,
si nce PMA di d not i nhi bi t thr om bi ni nduced Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on i n
cel l s that w er e m ade def i ci ent i n pr otei n k i nase C acti v i ty (data
not show n). T'Thus, w her eas the si gnal transducti on m echani sm
f or thr om bi n i s inhibite d by pr otei n k i nase C, the si gnal
tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF i s not.
7. XAnothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in
its e lf. YTo inve s tiga te this pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the
e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γSinduc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e .
ZGTPγ S caused a pr ogr essi ve r el ease of i nosi tol phosphate,
w hi ch was i nhi bi ted by 55% by PMA tr eatm ent (Fi g. 8),
suggesti ng that PMA i nhi bi ts thr om bi ni nduced cel l ul ar r esponses
by af f ecti ng the f uncti on of the G pr otei n di r ectl y .
3–4 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for
a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is
tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of G TP γS, a
s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d
va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to
pote ntia te ma ny G prote in–me dia te d re s pons e s by dire c t
a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n
per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3
pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g. 3). MTo
c onfirm the e ffe c t of G TP γS, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2
thiodiphos pha te ) (G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G
prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by c ompe ting w ith G TP for
binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n
uses a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to
acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, PDGF
appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
COMMENTS ON THE REVISIONS
Par a. 1
A, A'. Addi ng the questi on, the r eason, and an ov er v i ew of
the ex per i m ent, and l i nk i ng of the k ey ter m s “IP 3 , IP 2 , and
IP” and “phosphol i pase C” at the begi nni ng.
Par a. 2
F, F'. Addi ng a topi c sentence to state w hat the di f f er ence
m i ght be and m ak i ng the questi on m or e speci f i c, thus
pr epar i ng the r eader to hear about G pr otei ns.
H. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er f or PDGF at the end of
par agr aph 2, to pr epar e f or par agr aph 3 (and m ak i ng the
answ er f or PDGF par al l el to the answ er f or thr om bi n).
Par a. 3
L. Changi ng the answ er to state a di f f er ence betw een the
tw o m echani sm s r ather than a si m i l ar i ty , thus answ er i ng
the questi on ask ed at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
r estati ng the questi on of the paper .
Par a. 4
¶3 and 4. putti ng the contr ol i n the sam e par agr aph as the
ex per i m ent.
Par a. 5
P, P', P”. Addi ng a sentence of back gr ound and the m i ssi ng
questi on i n par agr aph 5, f ol l ow ed by a tr ansi ti on phr ase
(“To check thi s possi bi l i ty ”) to i denti f y the questi on (stated
as a possi bi l i ty ) i n P'.
A cr uci al poi nt i s that the questi on i n P' i s par al l el to the
questi on i n F at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 2. These tw o
questi ons, F and P', connect to the questi on of the paper
and m ak e the ov er al l stor y (“f or est”) cl ear .
T'. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er at the end of the par agr aph.
Back
Introduction
So f ar w e have l ooked onl y at the w r i tten tex t of a bi om edi cal jour nal ar ti cl e.
We tur n now to tw o ty pes of cr uci al suppor ti ng i nf or m ati on—f i r st f i gur es and
tabl es, w hi ch i l l ustrate and pr ov i de ev i dence f or statem ents i n the tex t, and
then r ef er ences, w hi ch di r ect r eader s to publ i shed w or k s that suppor t
statem ents i n the tex t.
Back
Chapter 8
Figures and Tables
In Secti on II, The Tex t of the Bi om edi cal Resear ch Paper, w e saw how to w r i te each secti on of the
tex t to tel l a cl ear stor y. How ever, m any r eader s do not r ead the tex t, or r ead onl y par t of i t.
Instead these r eader s l ook at the f i gur es and tabl es. Ther ef or e i t i s i m por tant that the f i gur es and
tabl es ar e cl ear and tel l the stor y of the paper.
Cl ear f i gur es and tabl es r esul t f r om car ef ul desi gn and f r om i nf or m ati ve l egends f or f i gur es and
i nf or m ati ve ti tl es and f ootnotes f or tabl es. Car ef ul desi gn i s i m por tant because f i gur es and tabl es
ar e v i sual m eans of convey i ng i nf or m ati on and ther ef or e shoul d have str ong v i sual i m pact.
Inf or m ati ve l egends, ti tl es, and f ootnotes ar e i m por tant to ensur e that the topi c of each f i gur e and
tabl e i s cl ear.
Fi gur es and tabl es that tel l the stor y of the paper r esul t f r om desi gni ng the f i gur es and tabl es to
f or m a cl ear sequence that r el ates cl ear l y to the tex t.
Chapter 8 pr esents gui del i nes f or desi gni ng cl ear f i gur es and tabl es, f or w r i ti ng i nf or m ati ve l egends
f or f i gur es and i nf or m ati ve ti tl es and f ootnotes f or tabl es, and f or desi gni ng f i gur es and tabl es to tel l
the stor y of the paper.
FIGURES
In sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s, m ost f i gur es ar e used i n the Methods and Resul ts secti ons, though
f i gur es can al so be used i n the Intr oducti on and the Di scussi on. In Methods, the m ai n use of f i gur es
i s to cl ar i f y or am pl i f y the m ethods. For ex am pl e, f i gur es can be used to show apparatus or anatom i c
r el ati ons. In Resul ts, the m ai n use of f i gur es i s to pr esent ev i dence that suppor ts the r esul ts. Fi gur es
pr esent ei ther pr i m ar y ev i dence (f or ex am pl e, el ectr on m i cr ographs) or num er i cal data (i n graphs).
Drawings and Diagrams
Draw i ngs i l l ustrate anatomy, apparatus, and other concr ete thi ngs. Di agram s i l l ustrate concepts such
as f l ow sy stem s. Draw i ngs and di agram s can be ei ther r eal i sti c or schem ati c (Fi g. 1).
For ani m al s and apparatus, draw i ngs ar e pr ef erabl e to photographs, because draw i ngs can el i m i nate
unnecessar y detai l and em phasi ze i m por tant f eatur es (Fi g. 2).
Figure 1. A
di agram
draw n both
r eal i sti cal l y
(l ef t) and
schem ati cal l y
(r i ght). The
schem ati c
di agram i s
si m pl er, but
the r eal i sti c
di agram m ay
have m or e
i m pact f or
som e
r eader s. The
draw i ng i s
bl ack on
w hi te, and
the l abel s
ar e
upper case
and
l ow er case
l etter s i n a
ver ti cal ,
uncr ow ded,
sans ser i f
ty pef ace of
m edi um
w ei ght.
P. 224
Draw i ngs and di agram s shoul d be bl ack on w hi te and shoul d be kept si m pl e. Label s shoul d be l ar ge
enough to be v i si bl e but not over w hel m i ng. The l etter s used f or l abel s shoul d be upper case and
l ow er case i n a ver ti cal , uncr ow ded, sans ser i f ty pef ace of m edi um w ei ght (Fi g. 1).
Primary Evidence
Pr i m ar y ev i dence i ncl udes photographs of pati ents and ti ssues, radi ographs, m i cr ographs, and
ex per i m ental r ecor ds (f or ex am pl e, gel el ectr ophor etogram s, chr om atogram s, spectr ophotom eter
cur ves, pol ygraph r ecor di ngs).
Show pr i m ar y ev i dence w hen that i s the ty pe of data you have (f or ex am pl e, el ectr on m i cr ographs,
gel el ectr ophor etogram s). Al so show pr i m ar y ev i dence to i ndi cate the qual i ty of your data w hen
appr opr i ate. For ex am pl e, f or a study of var i ous pr essur es, i n addi ti on to pr esenti ng sum m ar i zed
data i n graphs, al so show a r epr esentati ve pol ygraph r ecor di ng. Sel ect your best qual i ty r ecor di ng
f or publ i cati on.
Figure 2.
Photograph
(l ef t) and
draw i ng (r i ght)
of an apparatus
f or m easur i ng
i ntrapl eural
pr essur e. The
draw i ng show s
the apparatus
m or e cl ear l y
and si m pl y
than the
photograph
does.
P. 225
Photographs of Patients
U se photographs of pati ents onl y i f the pati ent gave w r i tten, i nf or m ed consent bef or e the photograph
was taken. Cover f aci al f eatur es w henever possi bl e to pr event i denti f i cati on of the pati ent. If you
need to r ef er to pati ents, use A, B, etc., not the pati ent's i ni ti al s.
Micrographs
Clarity
Make gl ossy pr i nts of m i cr ographs and ensur e that the pr i nts have suf f i ci ent contrast to m ake the
f eatur es of i nter est cl ear.
Size
Make the m i cr ograph l ar ge enough to show the i m por tant f eatur es cl ear l y (Fi gs. 3, 4). The i m por tant
f eatur es shoul d near l y f i l l the space. The m i cr ograph shoul d be just enough l ar ger than the f eatur es
of i nter est to gi ve a sense of w her e they ar e i n thei r contex t.
To obtai n m i cr ographs of opti m al si ze, deci de bef or e pr i nti ng the negati ve w hat di m ensi ons you need
so that the f eatur es of i nter est w i l l near l y f i l l the photograph and the photograph w i l l f i l l the col um n
or page of the jour nal . Then pr i nt the photograph the appr opr i ate si ze and cr op (tr i m ) the photograph
to f i t the col um n or page. Subm i t photographs or m i cr ographs the si ze they w i l l appear i n the
jour nal , not l ar ger.
Labeling
Label s used on m i cr ographs i ncl ude ar r ow s and ar r ow heads, l etter s and num ber s, and sy m bol s such
as *.
The am ount of l abel i ng needed depends on the audi ence. Mor e l abel s ar e needed f or a general
audi ence (f or ex am pl e, f or m i cr ographs i n general jour nal s or i n, say, phy si ol ogy jour nal s). Few er
l abel s ar e needed f or a speci al ty audi ence.
P. 226
Si nce l abel s cover up and detract f r om the data on the m i cr ograph, m ake l abel s br i ef and f ew and
just bi g enough to be r eadi l y v i si bl e (Fi gs. 3, 4). Def i ne the l abel s i n the f i gur e l egend.
To show m agni f i cati on, a scal e bar can be pl aced on the m i cr ograph, i n the l ow er r i ght cor ner (Fi g.
4). The scal e bar shoul d be a thi n, hor i zontal l i ne w i thout cr oss bar s at the end so that the di stance
i s cl ear. (Cr oss bar s cr eate the am bi gui ty of i nner di stance ver sus outer di stance. ) In the f i gur e
l egend, i denti f y the di stance that the bar r epr esents by w r i ti ng, f or ex am pl e, “Scal e bar = 75 nm .”
For speci al ty audi ences, m agni f i cati on can be i ndi cated by a num ber (f or ex am pl e, “× 32, 000”) i n the
l egend rather than by a bar on the m i cr ograph.
Plates
Mi cr ographs bei ng di scussed together i n the tex t can be gr ouped i nto pl ates. Gr oup m i cr ographs to
al l ow com par i sons and to avoi d wasti ng space. The best ar rangem ents ar e acr oss the top or bottom
of a page, dow n a col um n, or f i l l i ng a page. Make al l the m i cr ographs i n a pl ate the sam e l ength or
w i dth, or both, so that ther e ar e no r ectangl es of w hi te space betw een photographs. When m ounti ng
m i cr ographs i n pl ates, l eave uni f or m , thi n (1–2 m m ) w hi te l i nes betw een m i cr ographs (Fi gs. 3, 4).
The r easons f or avoi di ng l ar ge w hi te spaces ar e that they pul l the eye away f r om the m i cr ographs
and di stract the eye f r om the gray tones of the m i cr ographs.
If the m agni f i cati on i s the sam e i n al l m i cr ographs, one scal e bar i s suf f i ci ent (as i n Fi gs. 3, 4).
Numbering
It i s conventi onal to gi ve each m i cr ograph a separate num ber, even w hen several m i cr ographs ar e
gr ouped i nto a pl ate. Pl ace the num ber i n the l ow er l ef t cor ner. [In contrast, w hen graphs ar e
gr ouped i nto com posi te f i gur es, the w hol e com posi te i s gi ven a si ngl e num ber and the par ts ar e
i denti f i ed by capi tal l etter s or br i ef l abel s (see Fi g. 12 bel ow ). ]
P. 227
N um ber s shoul d be the sam e sty l e on al l m i cr ographs (Fi gs. 3, 4), not som e w hi te and other s bl ack .
The si m pl est and cl ear est num ber i ng m ethod i s to put a bl ack num ber i nsi de a w hi te ci r cl e outl i ned
by a bl ack l i ne. Thi s num ber w i l l show up agai nst al l back gr ounds—bl ack , w hi te, and gray.
Gel Electrophoretograms
Gel el ectr ophor etogram s ar e hal f tone f i gur es. Make the photograph of the gel s shar p and cl ear (Fi g.
5).
Identi f y m ater i al i n each gel by addi ng capi tal l etter s or l abel s al ong the top or bottom of the
photograph (Fi g. 5). Identi f y i m por tant f racti ons by addi ng l abel s al ong the si de. U se l eader l i nes to
joi n l abel s to thei r f racti ons. Label s and l etter s shoul d not over w hel m the data.
Polygraph Recordings
Pol ygraph r ecor di ngs ar e m ade as bl ack l i nes on a gr i d. If the gr i d l i nes ar e not needed, they can be
el i m i nated by f i l ter photography. To be abl e to el i m i nate gr i d l i nes, use r ecor di ng i nk that di f f er s i n
col or f r om the pr i nted gr i d l i nes on the r ecor di ng paper.
Af ter r em ov i ng gr i d l i nes, add ver ti cal scal es and ei ther hor i zontal scal es or hor i zontal scal e
m ar ker s (f or ex am pl e, tem peratur e i n °C, ti m e i n m i nutes) (Fi g. 6). Check that the scal es and scal e
m ar ker s you add ar e per f ectl y accurate.
P. 228
Label each ax i s w i th the nam e of the var i abl e f ol l ow ed by the uni t of m easur em ent i n par entheses
(Fi g. 6). U se upper case and l ow er case l etter s f or the nam e of the var i abl e; use Inter nati onal Sy stem
abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of m easur em ent. Label each scal e m ar ker w i th the uni t i t r epr esents.
Hor i zontal l y or i ented ax i s l abel s shoul d al i gn on the l ef t and shoul d not pr otr ude i nto the col um n of
scal e num ber s (Fi g. 6). Scal e num ber s shoul d be sl i ghtl y sm al l er than the capi tal l etter s i n the ax i s
l abel s. Scal e num ber s and axes shoul d be thi nner than l etter s i n l abel s. Label s shoul d not over w hel m
the data.
Graphs
U se the appr opr i ate ty pe of graph to di spl ay the ty pe of data you have. Som e com m onl y used ty pes
of graphs ar e descr i bed bel ow.
Line Graphs
A l i ne graph i s a tw oax i s graph on w hi ch cur ves, data poi nts, or both show the r el ati on betw een tw o
var i abl es such as w ei ght, vol um e, pr essur e, ti m e, concentrati on. Conventi onal l y, the i ndependent
var i abl e i s on the X ax i s, and the dependent var i abl e i s on the Y ax i s. If the scal e of an ax i s i s
l i near, i t m ust l ook l i near : ti ck m ar k s m ust be spaced at equal di stances and scal e num ber s m ust be
pl aced at equal i nter val s, star ti ng w her e the axes m eet (Fi g. 7).
Scattergrams
A scatter gram i s a tw oax i s graph that pl ots i ndi v i dual data poi nts and f i ts a m athem ati cal f uncti on
to the poi nts to show how str ongl y tw o var i abl es ar e cor r el ated. For ex am pl e, a strai ght r egr essi on
l i ne show s a l i near cor r el ati on (Fi g. 8).
Bar Graphs
A bar graph i s a oneax i s graph that com par es am ounts or f r equenci es f or cl asses of a di sconti nuous
var i abl e (f or ex am pl e, ty pes of bacter i a) or a “r el ati vescal e var i abl e” (f or ex am pl e, r esponses
graded f r om l east to m ost). A bar graph m ay be hor i zontal (Fi g. 9) or ver ti cal (Fi g. 10). In a bar
graph, the ax i s m ust i ncl ude zer o to avoi d f al si f y i ng the di f f er ences betw een bar s. Bar s shoul d al l be
the sam e w i dth, and bar s shoul d be as w i de as or w i der than the spaces betw een them . The ex act
am ount of space depends on the num ber and w i dth of the bar s. N o ti ck m ar k s shoul d appear al ong
the basel i ne, and the basel i ne need not be draw n; the basel i ne i s not an ax i s.
IndividualValue Bar Graphs
An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph i s a var i ati on on ver ti cal bar graphs i n w hi ch i ndi v i dual data poi nts ar e
show n ei ther i n addi ti on to the m ean (Fi g. 11) or i nstead of the m ean (Fi g. 12). For pai r ed data, l i nes
can be draw n to show the di r ecti on of change (Fi g. 12). When m or e than one data poi nt occur s at one
am ount, the data poi nts ar e ar ranged hor i zontal l y (Fi g. 11).
Histograms
A hi stogram i s a tw oax i s graph that show s a si ngl e f r equency di str i buti on by m eans of a ser i es of
conti guous r ectangl es (Fi g. 13). The r ectangl es shoul d be of equal w i dths so that the hei ght, and not
just the ar ea, of each r ectangl e r epr esents the f r equency of i ts cl ass. The ar ea of the hi stogram
r epr esents the di str i buti on. The outl i nes of i ndi v i dual r ectangl es m ay be draw n, as i n Fi g. 13, or
om i tted, to em phasi ze the shape of the di str i buti on.
Figure 11. An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph. Data poi nts
show the i ndi v i dual val ues. Means ar e show n by
hor i zontal l i nes. The aster i sk (*) i ndi cates a
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een the m eans.
N ote that w hen m or e than one data poi nt occur s at
one val ue, the data poi nts ar e ar ranged hor i zontal l y.
P. 230
P. 231
Frequency Polygons
A f r equency pol ygon i s a tw oax i s graph that uses data poi nts joi ned by l i nes to show tw o or m or e
over l appi ng f r equency di str i buti ons (Fi g. 14) or a si ngl e di str i buti on. Data poi nts ar e pl otted at the
m i dpoi nt of each cl ass, and the l i nes joi ni ng the data poi nts ar e ex tended to the basel i ne to com pl ete
the di str i buti on.
P. 232
For f ur ther detai l s about these ty pes of f i gur es, see Il l ustr ati ng Sci ence: Standar ds f or Publ i cati on,
Chapter 4, Graphs and Maps. For f ur ther detai l s about these and other k i nds of f i gur es, see Br i scoe,
Pr epar i ng Sci enti f i c Il l ustr ati ons.
General Guidelines for Figures
Readability
Make each f i gur e easy to r ead. The l etter i ng shoul d be l ar ge enough to be l egi bl e af ter the graph i s
r educed to f i t the w i dth of the jour nal 's col um n. Check l egi bi l i ty by r educi ng the f i gur e to publ i cati on
si ze on a photocopi er. The sm al l est l etter i n a publ i shed graph shoul d be at l east 1. 5 m m hi gh.
Sy m bol s shoul d be l ar ge enough to be seen easi l y. The shapes shoul d be easy to di sti ngui sh. (The
easi est data poi nt sy m bol s to di sti ngui sh ar e • and ○. If you need thr ee or f our sy m bol s, use •, ○,
[bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e], [bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e]. If you need f i ve or si x sy m bol s, add ▪ , □.
Keep the squar es away f r om the ci r cl es. ) The graph shoul d be uncl utter ed. For ex am pl e, i f ther e i s
no r oom f or cur ve l abel s or a key on the f ace of the graph, def i ne the cur ves i n the f i gur e l egend.
Emphasis
Make each f i gur e em phasi ze the i m por tant i nf or m ati on (the data) by usi ng di f f er ent l i ne w ei ghts. For
ex am pl e, i n l i ne graphs, cur ves shoul d be the dar kest l i nes, l etter s i n ax i s l abel s shoul d be l ess
dar k , and axes, ti ck m ar k s, er r or bar s, key s, and cur ve l abel s shoul d be l east dar k , as i n Fi g. 7.
Point
Ensur e that each f i gur e m akes a cl ear poi nt. For ex am pl e, a decr ease shoul d l ook l i ke a decr ease. In
Fi g. 7, the poi nt that m onok i ne i njecti on decr eased the num ber s of ci r cul ati ng granul ocy tes i n rabbi ts
f or 2. 5 hour s i s cl ear.
Figure Legends
A f i gur e l egend i s a descr i pti ve statem ent that i s pr i nted bel ow or nex t to a f i gur e i n a publ i shed
ar ti cl e. A l egend i s needed so that the f i gur e w i l l be i ntel l i gi bl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
A f i gur e l egend ty pi cal l y has f our par ts: a br i ef ti tl e; ex per i m ental detai l s; def i ni ti ons of sy m bol s,
l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons not def i ned ear l i er i n the l egend; and, f or graphs, stati sti cal
i nf or m ati on.
Som e jour nal s do not f ol l ow thi s f or m at. For ex am pl e, som e jour nal s r equest onl y a ti tl e. Other
jour nal s r equest com pl ete ex per i m ental detai l s i n the l egend and none i n the Methods secti on of the
paper. When the jour nal gi ves ex pl i ci t i nstr ucti ons, f ol l ow them .
The Title
The ti tl e i s the f i r st i tem i n the f i gur e l egend; i t does not appear on the f i gur e i tsel f. The ti tl e
i denti f i es the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the f i gur e. The ti tl e shoul d be br i ef. It shoul d use the
sam e key ter m s as used on the graph and i n the tex t of the paper. It shoul d not contai n
abbr ev i ati ons. The detai l s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e depend on the ty pe of f i gur e.
P. 233
Titles for Drawings, Diagrams, and Primary Evidence
For draw i ngs, di agram s, and pr i m ar y ev i dence, the ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the ty pe of f i gur e show n, i f
necessar y, and the speci f i c apparatus, concept, or bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n, as i n Ex am pl es 8. 1
and 8. 2.
In thi s ti tl e f or a draw i ng, onl y the speci f i c apparatus show n i s i denti f i ed.
In thi s ti tl e, “schem ati c di agram ” i denti f i es the ty pe of f i gur e show n and the r em ai ni ng w or ds
i denti f y the concept show n.
The speci f i c f eatur e of i nter est m ay al so be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e 8. 3.
Fi g. 1. Br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph of a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent show i ng i ntracel l ul ar sul f ur
i ncl usi ons.
In thi s ti tl e, “br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph” i denti f i es the ty pe of f i gur e show n and the r em ai ni ng
w or ds i denti f y the bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n (a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent) and an i m por tant
f eatur e (i ntracel l ul ar sul f ur i ncl usi ons).
Titles for Graphs
For a graph that depi cts the r esul ts of an ex per i m ent i n w hi ch a m ani pul ati on was m ade and a
var i abl e was m easur ed or obser ved, the standar d ti tl e i s
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,
w her e X i s the i ndependent var i abl e, Y i s the dependent var i abl e, and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on
and m ater i al studi ed (Ex am pl e 8. 4). In graphs f or studi es i n hum ans, the ter m “hum ans” i s of ten
om i tted f r om the ti tl e (as i n Ex am pl e 8. 14 bel ow ) unl ess the data ar e f or a speci f i c subpopul ati on.
Fi g. 1. Ef f ect of i ncr easi ng concentrati ons of doxor ubi ci n on r el ease of hi stam i ne and l actate
dehydr ogenase f r om dog m astocy tom a cel l s.
Al ter nati vel y, the dependent var i abl e can com e f i r st i n the standar d ti tl e. In thi s case, the ti tl e i s i n
a f or m such as
Y i n r esponse to X i n Z
Y dur i ng X i n Z.
P. 234
Ex a mple 8. 5 Y i n r esponse to X i n Z
Fi g. 1. Rel ease of 1 4 Cl abel ed l i pi d and l actate dehydr ogenase i n r esponse to i ncr easi ng
concentrati ons of the i onophor e A23187 i n al veol ar ty pe II cel l s f r om rats.
For graphs of data f r om ex per i m ents that have no i ndependent var i abl e, the ti tl e states the
dependent var i abl e (Y) and the ani m al or m ater i al , or both (Z). The f or m i s
Y i n Z.
Ex a mple 8. 7 Y i n Z
Som eti m es the ty pe of f i gur e show n i s al so stated i n the ti tl e of a graph, usual l y f or hi stogram s and
f r equency pol ygons, w hi ch show f r equency di str i buti ons, and al so f or speci al ty pes of graphs, such
as Scatchar d pl ots (see Ex am pl e 8. 10 bel ow ).
Titles That State a Point
The standar d ti tl e states onl y the topi c of the graph. How ever, the ti tl e can al so state the poi nt the
graph i s m ak i ng w hen ther e i s a si ngl e, cl ear poi nt. For ex am pl e, i t i s general l y m or e usef ul to w r i te
Fi g. 1. Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z,
Fi g. 1. Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,
Fi g. 1. Inhi bi ti on of anti v i ral r esponse i n MDAMB231 (hum an br east car ci nom a) cel l s by
ox y phenbutazone.
Fi g. 1. El evati on of acutephase r eactants af ter a si ngl e 3hour ex posur e to ul trav i ol et radi ati on.
Overloaded Titles
Do not over l oad the ti tl e w i th detai l s. Instead gi ve detai l s i n the r est of the l egend.
Abbreviations in Titles
Avoi d usi ng abbr ev i ati ons i n the ti tl e so that the r eader does not have to sear ch thr ough the tex t of
the paper to f i nd the m eani ng.
P. 235
Titles for Composites
For com posi te f i gur es, such as Fi gs. 1, 2, and 12 above, pr ov i de a ti tl e f or the enti r e f i gur e and al so
i denti f y each i ndi v i dual par t. The ti tl e shoul d i ndi cate the com m on topi c i l l ustrated i n al l the par ts of
the com posi te so that the r eader under stands w hy they ar e gr ouped together. The par ts can be
i denti f i ed ei ther w i thi n the ti tl e (Ex am pl e 8. 10) or i n separate subti tl es (Ex am pl e 8. 11).
Ex a mple 8. 10 Par ts of a Com posi te Fi gur e Identi f i ed i n the Ti tl e
Fi g. 1. Repr esentati ve Scatchar d pl ots of the doser esponse of [ 1 2 5 I] T 3 bi ndi ng to l ung nucl ei f r om
(A) adul t and (B) 28dayol d f etal rabbi ts.
In thi s ex am pl e, the par ts of the com posi te ar e i denti f i ed by the w or ds “(A) adul t” and “(B) 28day
ol d” i n the ti tl e. The r est of the ti tl e i denti f i es the topi c show n i n both graphs.
Ex a mple 8. 11 Par ts of a Com posi te Fi gur e Identi f i ed i n Subti tl es
Fi g. 1. Repr esentati ve cor onar y angi ogram s i n a pati ent w i th or gani c stabl e obstr ucti on w i thout
thr om bus. Insets show the el ectr ocar di ogram (l ead V 4 ) obtai ned dur i ng each angi ographi c
assessm ent. A. The i ni ti al appearance of the l ef t cor onar y ar ter i es dur i ng chest pai n. N ote the
eccentr i c segm ental nar r ow i ng (ar r ow ) i n the pr ox i m al l ef t anter i or descendi ng cor onar y ar ter y and
the del ayed di stal f i l l i ng. B. The unchanged appearance of the cor onar y ar ter i es af ter a 60m i n
i nf usi on of ur ok i nase (960, 000 U ). C. The unchanged appearance of the cor onar y ar ter i es 4 w eek s
af ter the i ni ti al angi ogram s.
In thi s ex am pl e, the ti tl e states the topi c show n i n al l thr ee par ts of the com posi te, and the topi c of
each par t i s i denti f i ed by a separate subti tl e (under l i ned). N ote that subti tl es B and C m ake a poi nt:
“unchanged appearance.”
Experimental Details
Gi ve just enough ex per i m ental detai l s to per m i t the r eader to under stand the f i gur e. If no
ex per i m ental detai l s ar e needed, do not gi ve any. In l egends f or graphs, do not si m pl y r epeat the
i nf or m ati on i n the ax i s l abel s. Wr i te ex per i m ental detai l s i n sentences.
Definitions
Sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons that ar e not def i ned i n the f i gur e or ear l i er i n the
l egend shoul d be def i ned af ter ex per i m ental detai l s ar e gi ven.
For def i ni ti ons of sy m bol s or l i ne patter ns, draw the sy m bol or l i ne patter n i n the l egend. For
ex am pl e, ○, contr ol ” (rather than “open ci r cl es, contr ol ,” w hi ch i s not v i sual l y ef f ecti ve). Onl y one
sy m bol i s needed, not tw o sy m bol s connected by a l i ne. For bar patter ns, be car ef ul that the patter ns
i n the
P. 236
l egend m atch the patter ns i n the graph. For ex am pl e, i f the bar patter n i s
, not
If the sam e sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n m or e than one f i gur e, def i ne
them i n the l egend f or the f i r st r el evant f i gur e onl y. In succeedi ng l egends, r ef er the r eader to that
l egend.
Fi g. 3. Autor egul ati on of cor onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng bal l oon pum pi ng. Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 1.
Statistical Information
The ex pl anati on of stati sti cal i nf or m ati on i n graphs shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng detai l s: w hether the
data poi nts or bar s r epr esent i ndi v i dual , m ean, or m edi an val ues; w hether er r or bar s r epr esent
standar d dev i ati ons (SD), standar d er r or s of the m ean (SEM), conf i dence i nter val s (CI), or ranges;
and the sam pl e si ze (n).
Avoi d w r i ti ng “n = 12.” It i s m uch cl ear er to be speci f i c—f or ex am pl e, “12 sam pl es,” “12
m easur em ents,” “12 dogs.” What does “n = 12” m ean i n thi s ex am pl e? “Fi g. 1. Resul ts of gl ucose
absor pti on i n m i l l i gram s (m eans ± SD) obtai ned by the segm ental per f usi on techni que (n = 12).”
Tw el ve pati ents? Tw el ve sam pl es f r om one pati ent? Tw el ve sam pl es f r om f our pati ents?
For data i n bar graphs that have been anal y zed by a stati sti cal test, state w hi ch val ues w er e
com par ed by stati sti cal anal y si s and the si gni f i cance val ue (f or ex am pl e, the P val ue). It i s al so
hel pf ul to nam e the stati sti cal test used. Tw o way s to state w hi ch val ues w er e com par ed and to
i denti f y the P val ue ar e show n i n Ex am pl es 8. 15 and 8. 16.
Fi g. 2. Ef f ect of dopam i ne on the m ajor deter m i nants of l ef tventr i cul ar ci r cum f er enti al endsy stol i c
wal l str ess. *, ** si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om contr ol , *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, by AN OVA.
In thi s l egend, the ti tl e i s f ol l ow ed by an ex pl anati on of the stati sti cal anal y si s. Fi r st the val ues
bei ng com par ed ar e stated (“si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om contr ol ”), then the P val ues ar e i denti f i ed,
and l ast the stati sti cal test used i s nam ed.
A shor ter way of pr esenti ng the sam e stati sti cal i nf or m ati on i s “v s. contr ol .”
Fi g. 2. Ef f ect of dopam i ne on the m ajor deter m i nants of l ef tventr i cul ar ci r cum f er enti al endsy stol i c
wal l str ess. *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by AN OVA.
P. 237
Other Information
In addi ti on to these standar d par ts of a f i gur e l egend, a l egend m ay al so i ncl ude other i nf or m ati on,
such as statem ents poi nti ng out an unusual or an i nter esti ng f eatur e.
Fi g. 6. Ef f ects of hy per ther m i a (43°C) on i m m une cy tol y si s by cy totox i c l y m phocy tes and on sur v i val
of P815 m astocy tom a cel l s. The cur ves w er e pl otted f r om the data i n Fi gs. 3 and 5.
In thi s l egend, the l ast sentence cal l s the r eader 's attenti on to the r el ati onshi p betw een thi s f i gur e
and pr ev i ous f i gur es.
Fi g. 1. Enddi astol i c angi ographi c appearance of (A) the r i ght ventr i cl e i n the dog pl aced i n the r i ght
l ateral decubi tus posi ti on (35m m f ram e) and (B) the l ef t ventr i cl e of the sam e dog. N ote how the
anter i or bor der of the l ef t ventr i cul ar cav i ty appr oaches the anter i or bor der of the hear t, w hi ch has
been r etouched f or cl ar i ty .
In thi s l egend, the l ast sentence poi nts out a f eatur e of par ti cul ar i nter est and al so cal l s the r eader 's
attenti on to the r etouchi ng of the photograph. N ote that w hen descr i bi ng w hat the f i gur e show s, you
use pr esent tense (“appr oaches the anter i or bor der ”).
Indicating Results
Resul ts as such ar e not nor m al l y gi ven i n f i gur e l egends, si nce that w oul d r epeat the Resul ts secti on.
How ever, r esul ts can be i ndi cated. To i ndi cate r esul ts i n graphs, i ncl ude the poi nt the graph m akes
(that i s, the r esul t show n by the graph) i n the ti tl e (as i n Ex am pl es 8. 8 and 8. 9 above: “Inhi bi ti on of
anti v i ral r esponse… ,” “El evati on of acutephase r eactants…”). To i ndi cate r esul ts i n f i gur es show i ng
pr i m ar y ev i dence, poi nt out a f eatur e i n the f i gur e by w r i ti ng “N ote…” (as i n Ex am pl es 8. 11 and 8. 18
above) or “… show i ng…” (as i n Ex am pl e 8. 3 above).
Republishing Figures
To r epubl i sh a f i gur e that has al r eady been publ i shed, f i r st obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the copy r i ght
hol der (usual l y the publ i sher ); thi s i s a l egal r equi r em ent. Al so obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the author
(unl ess you ar e the author ); thi s i s com m on cour tesy. Standar d per m i ssi on f or m s ar e avai l abl e f r om
your publ i sher.
In your paper, gi ve f ul l cr edi t to the sour ce and the publ i sher by ci ti ng the r ef er ence i n the f i gur e
l egend and stati ng that you have per m i ssi on to r epubl i sh the f i gur e. Tw o possi bl e way s of gi v i ng
cr edi t ar e show n i n Ex am pl es 8. 19 and 8. 20. If the copy r i ght hol der speci f i es another way, use i t.
Cr edi t i s al way s gi ven as the l ast i tem i n the f i gur e l egend. The com pl ete r ef er ence i s i ncl uded i n the
l i st of r ef er ences at the end of the tex t.
P. 238
Fr om r ef. 7, w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Rev i ew of Respi rator y Di sease.
You m ust obtai n per m i ssi on w hether you use al l of the or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e, use par t of the
or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e, or use a m odi f i ed v er si on of the or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e. For m odi f i ed
ver si ons, one possi bl e cr edi t l i ne i s i l l ustrated i n Ex am pl e 8. 21.
Redraw n f r om Fraser et al . (1975); r epr oduced w i th per m i ssi on.
TABLES
In sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s, tabl es ar e com m onl y used f or tw o pur poses: to pr esent back gr ound
i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods (f or ex am pl e, the character i sti cs of pati ents i n a study, Tabl e 1) and
to pr esent data that suppor t r esul ts (Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5). Tabl es that pr esent data, i n tur n, have tw o
pur poses: to pr esent i ndi v i dual data f or al l the subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens studi ed or to m ake a
poi nt. Tabl es that pr esent i ndi v i dual data can get rather l ar ge. How ever, thei r advantage i s that other
w or ker s, anal y zi ng the data f or other pur poses or com par i ng the tabl e w i th other si m i l ar tabl es,
m i ght see tr ends or r el ati onshi ps the author di d not noti ce.
TABLE I CLINICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INFANTS
Birth Age a t P os t
W e ight G e s ta tiona l Study c onc e ptua l
Infa nt Se x (g) Age (w k ) (w k ) Age (w k ) Dia gnos is
Tabl e 1 gi ves back gr ound i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods—cl i ni cal character i sti cs of the
i nf ants i n the study. In thi s tabl e, the ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the ter m s i n the
col um n headi ngs: “i nf ants” i n the ti tl e i s the sam e as “i nf ant” i n the f i r st col um n headi ng,
and “cl i ni cal character i sti cs” i n the ti tl e i s a categor y ter m f or al l the other ter m s i n the
col um n headi ngs. Thr ee hor i zontal l i nes ar e draw n: one above the col um n headi ngs, one
bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one bel ow the data.
TABLE 2. Effect of hormones on saturation of
phosphatidylcholine in explants of human fetal lungs, assessed
by two methods
Sa tura te d phos pha tidylc holine (% of Numbe r of a ) By b) By
tota l phos pha tidylc holine ) e x pla nts Hormone Pi c pm a /b
Ex pl ants (19–23 w eek s of gestati on) w er e ex posed to 2 nM T 3 , 10 nM dex am ethasone, or
both f or 6 day s. Phosphati dy l chol i ne was i sol ated by thi nl ayer chr om atography and was
tr eated w i th OsO 4 . Saturated phosphati dychol i ne and unsaturated phosphati dy l chol i ne w er e
separated by thi nl ayer chr om atography and w er e quanti tated by Pi assay or by counts per
m i nute [ 3 H]chol i ne i ncor porated. Val ues ar e the m ean ± SD.
* P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
Tabl e 2 pr esents data that m ake tw o poi nts: that dex am ethasone, al one or w i th T 3 ,
i ncr eased the saturati on of phosphati dy l chol i ne i n ex pl ants of hum an f etal l ungs and that the
val ues deter m i ned by Pi assay w er e gr eater than the val ues deter m i ned by i ncor porati on of
[ 3 H]chol i ne. In thi s tabl e, the ti tl e i s i n the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.” The i ndependent
var i abl e i s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t, the dependent var i abl es ar e i n the l ast thr ee
col um ns on the r i ght, and the sam pl e si ze (num ber of ex pl ants) i s gi ven betw een the
i ndependent and dependent var i abl es. Subheadi ngs (“By Pi ,” “By cpm ”) ar e used to di v i de a
col um n headi ng i nto tw o categor i es. Contr ol data ar e gi ven f i r st (top r ow ). Tr ends r ead
dow n the col um ns. Com par i sons ar e m ade both betw een col um ns and betw een r ow s.
Footnotes that appl y to the enti r e tabl e ar e i n one paragraph and ar e not i denti f i ed by a
sy m bol . The f ootnote ex pl ai ni ng stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences i s i n a separate
paragraph and i s i denti f i ed by a sy m bol . Thi s f ootnote states not onl y the P val ue but al so
w hat val ues ar e bei ng com par ed.
P. 239
Al l tabl es, w hatever thei r pur pose, have the sam e par ts and ar e ar ranged i n the sam e way. Si nce
tabl es ar e a v i sual m edi um , i t i s i m por tant to ar range tabl es cl ear l y, f or m ax i m al v i sual i m pact, so
that the r eader can f i nd the speci f i c data or see the poi nt easi l y.
Tabl es have f our m ai n par ts: the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, the body, and f ootnotes.
The Title
The ti tl e of a tabl e, l i ke the ti tl e of a f i gur e, states the topi c or the poi nt of the tabl e. The ti tl e
shoul d be br i ef. The detai l s i ncl uded i n a ti tl e depend on the ty pe of tabl e.
For tabl es that gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on, the ti tl e shoul d state the topi c of the i nf or m ati on l i sted
i n the body of the tabl e (that i s, the var i abl es) and al so the ani m al or popul ati on, the m ater i al
descr i bed, or both. The f or m i s
Y i n Z or Y of Z.
For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e of Tabl e 1 (above), “Cl i ni cal Character i sti cs of the Inf ants,” “cl i ni cal
character i sti cs” i s the topi c (Y) and “the i nf ants” (that i s, the
P. 240
i nf ants i n the study ) i s the popul ati on descr i bed (Z). In the ti tl e “Phosphol i pi d Com posi ti on of Car di ac
Ly m ph f r om N or m al Dogs,” “phosphol i pi d com posi ti on” i s the topi c (Y), “car di ac l y m ph” i s the
m ater i al descr i bed (Z), and “nor m al dogs” ar e the ani m al s (Z).
Table 3. Hemodynamic variables during various conditions of
ventilation with normoxic and hypoxic gases in newborn lambs
Me a n Me a n
P ulmona ry s ys te mic
a rte ria l P ulmona ry va s c ula r a rte ria l
Ve ntila tion pre s s ure re s is ta nc e pre s s ure He a rt ra te Ca rdia c output
c ondition (mmHg) (mmHg/lite r/min/k g) (mmHg) (be a ts /min) (lite r/min/k g)
N or m ox i c
Hy pox i c
Tabl e 3 pr esents data that m ake the poi nts that both r espi rator y and m etabol i c al k al osi s r educed
hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on but that hy pocapni a i ncr eased i t, as i ndi cated by
changes i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e and pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance. The poi nts coul d
be stated i n the ti tl e: “Reducti on of hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on by r espi rator y and
m etabol i c al k al osi s but not by hy pocapni a i n new bor n l am bs.” As w r i tten, the ti tl e states onl y the
topi c of the tabl e. In the tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e i s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t and the
dependent var i abl es ar e i n the r em ai ni ng col um ns. Col um n headi ngs ar e w r i tten out rather than
bei ng abbr ev i ated, to avoi d excessi ve f ootnotes. N ote that ever y col um n, i ncl udi ng the f i r st
col um n, has a headi ng. The i ndependent var i abl e i s di v i ded i nto tw o gr oups: nor m ox i c and hy pox i c.
To i denti f y the gr oups v i sual l y, the nam es of the gr oups ar e at the f ar l ef t of the f i r st col um n and
the venti l ati on condi ti ons ar e i ndented under the gr oup nam es. Data ar e al i gned on the deci m al
poi nt and on the ± , thus m ak i ng val ues easy to com par e. Tr ends r un dow n each col um n, so SDs ar e
pl aced to the r i ght of m eans. The sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i s used i n al l val ues f or each
var i abl e, and the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i s used i n the SDs as i n the m eans. The sam pl e
si ze (n) i s stated i n the f ootnote that i denti f i es the data as m eans ± SD.
For tabl es that pr esent data f r om ex per i m ents that have onl y dependent var i abl es, si m i l ar ti tl es ar e
appr opr i ate. For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Di m ensi ons of Cel l Bodi es i n the Tracheal Gangl i a of Fer r ets,”
“di m ensi ons” i s the topi c (dependent var i abl e) (Y), “cel l bodi es i n the tracheal gangl i a” i s the
m ater i al descr i bed (Z), and “f er r ets” ar e the ani m al s (Z).
For tabl es that pr esent data f r om ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es,
the ti tl e shoul d state the i ndependent var i abl e(s) (X), the dependent var i abl e(s) (Y), and the ani m al
or popul ati on, the m ater i al
P. 241
descr i bed, or both (Z). It i s not necessar y to m enti on the contr ol s i n the ti tl e. Tw o standar d f or m s
f or these ti tl es ar e
Table 3A. Hemodynamic variables during various conditions of
ventilation with normoxic and hypoxic gases in newborn lambs
Me a n Me a n
P ulmona ry s ys te mic
a rte ria l P ulmona ry va s c ula r a rte ria l
Ve ntila tion pre s s ure re s is ta nc e pre s s ure He a rt ra te Ca rdia c output
c ondition (mmHg) (mmHg/lite r/min/k g) (mmHg) (be a ts /min) (lite r/min/k g)
N or m ox i c
Hy pox i c
Tabl e 3A i l l ustrates how to r educe the w i dth of a tabl e and si m ul taneousl y per m i t easi er r eadi ng
acr oss the r ow s by pl aci ng SDs i n par entheses bel ow the m eans rather than to the r i ght of the
m eans. (In thi s par ti cul ar tabl e, how ever, si nce w e need to r ead dow n the col um ns to see the
tr ends, putti ng the SDs to the r i ght of the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3, i s cl ear er. ) N ote that pl aci ng SDs
i n par entheses m akes them easi er to sk i p over.
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z
Y dur i ng X i n Z.
For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Ef f ects of Methachol i ne on El ectr i cal Pr oper ti es and Ion Fl uxes i n Tracheal
Epi thel i um Fr om Cats and Fer r ets,” “m ethachol i ne” i s the i ndependent var i abl e, “el ectr i cal pr oper ti es
and i on f l uxes” ar e the dependent var i abl es, “tracheal epi thel i um ” i s the m ater i al , and “cats and
f er r ets” ar e the ani m al s. (See al so the ti tl e f or Tabl e 2. ) In the ti tl e “Pl asm a Var i abl es Bef or e and
Af ter Pr otei n Loss i n Lam bs,” “pl asm a var i abl es” ar e the dependent var i abl es, “bef or e and af ter ” i s
used i nstead of “dur i ng,” “pr otei n l oss” i s the i ndependent var i abl e, and “l am bs” ar e the ani m al s.
(See al so Tabl e 3. )
Even better than stati ng the topi c i n the ti tl e of the tabl e i s stati ng the poi nt. When the ti tl e states
the poi nt, the r eader k now s ex actl y w hat to l ook
P. 242
f or i n the tabl e. For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Incr ease i n Hel i ci ty of Abor ti f aci ent Pr otei ns i n the
Pr esence of Sodi um Dodecy l Sul f ate,” “i ncr ease i n hel i ci ty ” i s the poi nt.
To keep ti tl es br i ef, use a categor y ter m i nstead of l i sti ng al l the dependent var i abl es. For ex am pl e,
i n Tabl e 3, “hem ody nam i c var i abl es” i s the categor y ter m f or al l the dependent var i abl es i n the
tabl e.
To ensur e that the ti tl e r el ates cl ear l y to the tabl e, use the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e as i n the
col um n headi ngs, or use a categor y ter m i n the ti tl e i nstead of tw o or m or e col um n headi ngs. (The
key ter m s and categor y ter m shoul d be the sam e as those used i n the tex t. ) For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 1,
“i nf ants” i n the ti tl e cor r esponds w i th “i nf ant” i n the f i r st col um n headi ng, and “cl i ni cal
character i sti cs” i s a categor y ter m f or the r em ai ni ng col um n headi ngs (sex , bi r th w ei ght, gestati onal
age, age at study, postconceptual age, di agnosi s).
Column Headings
Col um n headi ngs consi st of headi ngs that i denti f y the i tem s l i sted i n the col um ns bel ow them ,
subheadi ngs as necessar y, and uni ts of m easur em ent as necessar y. Col um n headi ngs shoul d be br i ef.
Headings
Ther e ar e tw o m ai n gr oups of headi ngs, cor r espondi ng to the tw o m ai n gr oups of i nf or m ati on i n the
body of the tabl e: the i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven, i n one or m or e col um ns on the l ef t si de of the
tabl e, and the data, i n one or m or e col um ns on the r i ght. In tabl es f or ex per i m ents that have both
i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, the i ndependent var i abl e(s) ar e i n the col um n(s) on the l ef t
and the dependent var i abl e(s) ar e i n the col um n(s) on the r i ght, as i n Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5. For
ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 3, the col um n l abel ed “Venti l ator y condi ti on” i s the i ndependent var i abl e and the
r em ai ni ng col um ns ar e the dependent var i abl es. In Tabl e 4, the col um ns l abel ed “Incubati on
condi ti ons” and “Sam pl e” descr i be the i ndependent var i abl e and the r em ai ni ng col um ns ar e the
dependent var i abl e.
Each ty pe of i nf or m ati on shoul d have i ts ow n ver ti cal col um n, and each col um n shoul d have i ts ow n
headi ng. Do not com bi ne tw o ty pes of i nf or m ati on i n one col um n. For ex am pl e, under a col um n
headed “Dr ug,” onl y the nam es of the dr ugs shoul d appear, not both the dr ugs and the doses.
Do not om i t the headi ng that states the nam e of the f i r st col um n on the l ef t. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 3,
the f i r st col um n on the l ef t (the i ndependent var i abl e) needs a headi ng (“Venti l ati on condi ti on”) just
as the other col um ns (the dependent var i abl es) do.
Do not om i t the col um n headi ng that states the nam e of the dependent var i abl e [f or ex am pl e,
“Recover y (%)” i n Tabl e 5], even i n si m pl e tabl es that have onl y one dependent var i abl e that i s
nam ed i n the ti tl e. It i s cl ear est f or the r eader i f the dependent var i abl e i s nam ed both i n the ti tl e
and i n the col um n headi ngs. For ex am pl e, i n a tabl e ti tl ed “Ef f ects of Enzy m es on Anti body
Reacti v i ty,” the col um n headi ngs shoul d not be m er el y “Enzy m e,” “4E4,” “3F11,” “4D4,” “4D8.” The
l ast f our headi ngs, w hi ch ar e nam es of anti bodi es, shoul d be subheadi ngs under “Anti body Reacti v i ty
(% of contr ol ),” because the data i n the col um ns ar e anti body r eacti v i ty, not ty pes of anti bodi es.
In addi ti on to the col um n headi ngs and col um ns f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, a thi r d
col um n headi ng and col um n can be gi ven: sam pl e si ze (n) (see Tabl e 2, “N um ber of ex pl ants”).
LP C PC FA
Te mpe ra ture Time Sa mple re gion re gion re gion
°C min % % %
4 30 [ 1 4 C]PC 1 98 1
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]PC 1 97 1
+ l y m ph
[ 1 4 C]LPC 99 ND ND
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]LPC 99 ND ND
+ l y m ph
37 90 [ 1 4 C]PC 1 97 1
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]PC 2 94 2
+ l y m ph
[ 1 4 C]LPC 80 1 19
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]LPC 96 1 2
+ l y m ph
Di si ntegrati ons per m i nute (dpm ) w er e obtai ned f r om m easur ed counts per m i nute af ter
cor r ecti on f or quenchi ng usi ng a 1 4 C l abel as an i nter nal standar d. Val ues ar e m eans of
thr ee ex per i m ents. TLC, thi nl ayer chr om atography ; LPC, l y sophosphati dy l chol i ne; PC,
phosphati dy l chol i ne; FA, f atty aci d; N D, not detectabl e.
Tabl e 4 pr esents data that m ake the poi nts that ther e was v i r tual l y no hydr ol y si s of
l y sophosphati dy l chol i ne or phosphati dy l chol i ne i n car di ac l y m ph f r om dogs af ter i ncubati on
at 4°C f or 30 m i n and that ther e was ver y l i ttl e hydr ol y si s af ter i ncubati on at 37°C f or 90
m i n. In thi s tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e i s descr i bed i n the thr ee col um ns on the l ef t and
the dependent var i abl e i n the thr ee col um ns on the r i ght. The uni ts of m easur em ent (°C,
m i n, and %) ar e pl aced or r epeated bel ow the col um n headi ngs and thus ar e easy to see.
Tr ends i n thi s tabl e r ead acr oss the r ow s. Abbr ev i ati ons ar e used to keep the ti tl e, col um n
headi ngs, and col um ns com pact. The abbr ev i ati ons ar e def i ned i n f ootnotes. “N D” i s used to
i ndi cate m i ssi ng data and i s def i ned i n a f ootnote.
P. 243
Subheadings
When necessar y, subheadi ngs can be used to subdi v i de a headi ng i nto tw o or m or e categor i es. For
ex am pl e, i n the col um n headi ng
the dependent var i abl e and the uni t of m easur em ent ar e i n the m ai n headi ng and tw o si tes i n w hi ch
thi s var i abl e was m easur ed ar e i n the subheadi ngs. (See al so Tabl es 2, 4, and 5. )
N ote that ter m s i n col um n headi ngs and subheadi ngs ar e si ngul ar, not pl ural (f or ex am pl e,
“Recover y,” not “Recover i es”).
Units of Measurement
U ni ts of m easur em ent ar e gi ven (usual l y i n par entheses) af ter or bel ow the nam e of the var i abl e i n
the col um n headi ng. Repeati ng the uni t of m easur em ent
P. 244
af ter each val ue i s i nef f i ci ent. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 4, the second col um n i s appr opr i atel y
Table 5. Recovery of Apolipoprotein AI and Cholesterol in
Ultracentrifugal Fractions Obtained from Media of Different
Ionic Strengths
Me dium 1. 063 1. 21 1. 212 1. 21 Tota l 1. 063 1. 21 1. 21 1. 21
T 1B B T T 1B 2B T
Data ar e f r om one pr eparati on but ar e ty pi cal of r ecover i es f r om 20 other pr eparati ons.
* Per cent of total ser um apol i popr otei n AI.
† Per cent of total ser um chol ester ol .
Tabl e 5 pr esents data that m ake thr ee poi nts: that r ecover y of apol i popr otei n AI f r om the
1. 21T f racti on decr eased as the i oni c str ength of the m edi um decr eased, thus i ndi cati ng
i ncr easi ng l osses of apol i popr otei n AI; that these l osses occur r ed concur r entl y w i th
i ncr easi ng r ecover y of apol i popr otei n AI i n the 1. 211B and 1. 212B f racti ons; and that
the chol ester ol content was constant. In thi s tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e (m edi um ) i s
l i sted i n or der of decr easi ng i oni c str ength. Dashes and a f ootnote sy m bol af ter the f i r st
dash ar e used to i ndi cate m i ssi ng data. The r eason the data ar e m i ssi ng i s gi ven i n a
f ootnote. Footnote sy m bol s i n the body of the tabl e ar e pl aced f r om l ef t to r i ght and then
dow n.
U se Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of m easur em ent.
Tr y to choose uni ts of m easur em ent that el i m i nate unnecessar y zer os. For ex am pl e, i f the uni t i s
gram s and the val ues i n the col um n ar e 120, 000, 98, 000, etc., change the uni t to k i l ogram s and
r epor t the val ues as 120, 98, etc. Make the sam e change i n the tex t.
Avoi d usi ng m ul ti pl i er s i n the col um n headi ngs (f or ex am pl e, “× 10 3 ”) as a way of el i m i nati ng
unnecessar y zer os, because m ul ti pl i er s ar e conf usi ng: i s the r eader supposed to m ul ti pl y by 10 3 , or
has the author al r eady done so?
The Body of the Table
The body of the tabl e contai ns the l i sti ng of i ndi v i dual i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven (col um ns on
the l ef t) and the cor r espondi ng data (col um ns on the r i ght). If the sam pl e si zes (n) ar e di f f er ent, a
col um n l i sti ng sam pl e si zes can be i ncl uded betw een the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es
(see Tabl e 2).
The Columns on the Left
Just as the col um n headi ngs i denti f y the i nf or m ati on i n the col um ns bel ow them , so the i tem s l i sted
i n the col um n(s) on the l ef t i denti f y the i nf or m ati on
P. 245
i n each r ow. The i tem s i n the col um ns on the l ef t (usual l y the i ndependent var i abl e) shoul d be l i sted
i n a l ogi cal or der accor di ng to the ex per i m ental desi gn. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 5, the m edi a ar e l i sted
i n or der of decr easi ng i oni c str ength. In Tabl e 2, the hor m ones ar e l i sted i n i ncr easi ng or der : contr ol
(no hor m one), each hor m one, both hor m ones.
The contr ol i s conventi onal l y the f i r st i tem i n the l i st of i ndependent var i abl es. Thus, contr ol data
ar e gi ven i n the top r ow of the tabl e (Tabl e 2). In Tabl e 3, contr ol data ar e gi ven i n the top r ow i n
each gr oup (N or m ox i c, Hy pox i c).
When the i ndependent var i abl e i n the col um n on the l ef t contai ns tw o or thr ee gr oups, one cl ear way
to show the gr oups i s to pl ace the gr oup nam e at the f ar l ef t of the tabl e and i ndent the i tem s i n the
f i r st col um n under them , as i n Tabl e 3 (the tw o gr oups of i ndependent var i abl es ar e N or m ox i c and
Hy pox i c). Another possi bi l i ty i s to pl ace gr oup nam es at the center of the tabl e rather than at the f ar
l ef t (see Tabl e 4 i n Woodf or d, Chap. 10, Desi gn of Tabl es and Fi gur es).
The Columns on the Right
Presentation of Data
In the col um ns on the r i ght, the data ar e usual l y pr esented i n num ber s, but data m ay al so be i n
w or ds (see Tabl e 1, l ast col um n), l etter s (Tabl e 1, second col um n), or sy m bol s such as + .
Arrangement of Data
Ar range the col um ns and r ow s of data to r eveal tr ends or to per m i t easy com par i son. Tr ends can be
r ead ei ther dow n a col um n (Tabl es 3, 5) or acr oss a r ow (Tabl e 4). Com par i sons can be m ade
betw een adjacent col um ns (Tabl e 2) or betw een adjacent r ow s (Tabl e 3, top tw o r ow s; Tabl e 4).
Com par i son acr oss i nter veni ng col um ns or r ow s i s m or e di f f i cul t (Tabl e 2, al l f our r ow s; Tabl e 3,
bottom f our r ow s).
Placement of SDs
A pr obl em ar i ses w hen data ar e pr esented as (f or ex am pl e) m ean and standar d dev i ati on (SD). If the
SDs ar e pl aced to the r i ght of the m eans, i t i s di f f i cul t to r ead acr oss the r ow s or to com par e tw o
adjacent col um ns. If the SDs ar e pl aced bel ow the m eans, i t i s di f f i cul t to r ead dow n the col um ns or
to com par e tw o adjacent r ow s. To deci de w her e to pl ace the SDs, consi der w hether you want r eader s
to r ead acr oss the r ow s (i f so, pl ace SDs bel ow the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3A) or to r ead dow n the
col um ns (i f so, pl ace SDs to the r i ght of the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3). If r eader s need to r ead both
acr oss and dow n, tr y both pl acem ents of the SDs and see w hi ch you pr ef er. Another poi nt to consi der
i s that pl aci ng the SDs bel ow the m eans can hel p keep the tabl e f r om getti ng too w i de. Fi nal l y, a
tr i ck f or hel pi ng the r eader sk i p over the SDs i s to pl ace the SDs i n par entheses (as i n Tabl e 3A)
i nstead of usi ng ± .
Number of Decimal Places
U se the f ew est deci m al pl aces necessar y to convey the pr eci si on of the m easur em ent. Have the
sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n al l val ues f or one var i abl e (Tabl es 2, 3, 4, and 5). Have the sam e
num ber of deci m al pl aces i n the SD as i n the m ean (Tabl es 2, 3).
Alignment of Data
In each col um n, the data shoul d al i gn on the deci m al poi nt, w hether or not a deci m al poi nt i s pr esent
(Tabl es 4, 5). For data that ar e gi ven as (f or ex am pl e) m ean ± SD, the data shoul d al so al i gn on the
± (Tabl es 2, 3). In Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5, because the i ndependent var i abl e i s on the l ef t and the
dependent var i abl es ar e on the r i ght, the val ues i n each col um n al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt,
thus m ak i ng di f f er ences betw een num ber s easy to see.
TABLE 6. Cardiac variables before and after pulmonary
microvascular injury in seven dogs
RV 13 ± 5 10 ± 7
PA 14 ± 4 24 ± 9*
LV 113 ± 23 105 ± 28
RV 31 ± 9 38 ± 15 ‡
PA 29 ± 7 38 ± 13 §
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD. LV, l ef t ventr i cl e; RV, r i ght ventr i cl e; PA, pul m onar y ar ter y ; SF,
septal f r ee wal l ; AP, anter oposter i or. * P < 0. 01, † P < 0. 05, ‡ P < 0. 06, § P < 0. 02 v s. the
“bef or e” val ue, by ttest.
Tabl e 6 pr esents data that m ake the poi nt that pul m onar y m i cr ovascul ar i njur y caused
si gni f i cant decr eases i n the l ef t ventr i cul ar septal f r ee wal l di m ensi on, l ef t ventr i cul ar ar ea,
and l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c pr essur e. In thi s tabl e, the dependent var i abl es ar e l i sted
dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t rather than acr oss the top to save space. Because data ar e
not al i gned on the deci m al poi nt but onl y on the ± , the di f f er ent m agni tudes ar e not easy to
see at f i r st gl ance.
P. 246
Arranging Wide Tables
Som eti m es a tabl e that has a gr eat m any dependent var i abl es w oul d be too w i de f or the page of the
jour nal i f the dependent var i abl es w er e l i sted acr oss the top. One sol uti on i s to put the SDs, SEMs,
conf i dence i nter val s, or ranges bel ow the m eans (as i n Tabl e 3A), but thi s sol uti on m ay not save
enough space. Another sol uti on i s to sw i tch the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, thus l i sti ng the
dependent var i abl es dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t and the i ndependent var i abl es acr oss the top
(Tabl e 6). In thi s case, al i gni ng the num ber s on the deci m al poi nt w oul d gi ve the col um ns jagged
edges. Ther ef or e, f or a neater appearance, the num ber s ar e usual l y center ed on the ± and the
al i gnm ent on the deci m al poi nt i s i gnor ed. How ever, thi s neatness can be decepti ve. For ex am pl e, i n
Tabl e 6, at f i r st gl ance, the num ber s i n the col um n 50. 7, 56. 7, 2730 l ook about the sam e si ze, but i n
f act
P. 247
the thi r d num ber i s tw o or der s of m agni tude l ar ger than the other tw o. Other sol uti ons f or a tabl e
that i s too w i de f or the page ar e to pr i nt a w i de tabl e acr oss tw o pages, i f the jour nal w i l l do thi s, or
to r otate the tabl e 90 degr ees to r un the l ength of the jour nal 's page, but thi s l ast sol uti on i s
i nconveni ent f or the r eader and shoul d be avoi ded.
TABLE 6A. Cardiac variables before and after pulmonary
microvascular injury in seven dogs
LV 13 ± 8 8 ± 6 0. 05
RV 13 ± 5 10 ± 7 NS
PA 14 ± 4 24 ± 9 0. 01
LV 113 ± 23 105 ± 28 NS
RV 31 ± 9 38 ± 15 0. 06
PA 29 ± 7 38 ± 13 0. 02
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD. LV, l ef t ventr i cl e; RV, r i ght ventr i cl e; PA, pul m onar y ar ter y ; SF,
septal f r ee wal l ; AP, anter oposter i or. N S, not si gni f i cant, by ttest.
Tabl e 6A i l l ustrates how usi ng a col um n of P val ues to show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences, rather than usi ng sy m bol s as i n Tabl e 6, has l ess v i sual i m pact than sy m bol s do
and adds unnecessar y bul k to the tabl e.
Indicating Significant Differences
To i ndi cate stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, i t i s cl ear est to use sy m bol s, such as
aster i sk s (*), af ter the val ues that ar e di f f er ent, and then to def i ne the sy m bol s i n a f ootnote (f or
ex am pl e, “*P = 0. 02 v s. contr ol ”) (Tabl es 2, 3). (Sy m bol s i ndi cati ng si gni f i cant di f f er ences ar e not
pl aced af ter contr ol val ues or hal f way betw een tw o val ues. ) Putti ng P val ues i n a separate col um n i s
l ess ef f ecti ve v i sual l y (Tabl e 6A), both because aster i sk s (or other sy m bol s) di sti ngui sh di f f er ences
m or e cl ear l y than a col um n of P val ues does and because a col um n of P val ues adds unnecessar y
bul k to the body of the tabl e.
It i s unnecessar y to i denti f y di f f er ences that ar e not stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant. Keep i n m i nd that tabl es
ar e a v i sual m edi um . A * pr otr udi ng f r om a col um n of al i gned num ber s i s a cl ear v i sual si gn of a
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence (Tabl e 2). The absence of a * i s a cl ear v i sual si gn of no si gni f i cant
P. 248
di f f er ence. Addi ng i n other sy m bol s, or N S (f or “not si gni f i cant”), just cr eates cl utter (Tabl e 6A). In
addi ti on, N S i s uni nf or m ati ve: was the P val ue sm al l (0. 07, f or ex am pl e) or l ar ge (0. 7)?
Indicating Missing Data
To i ndi cate data that ar e m i ssi ng, tw o sy stem s ar e used. One sy stem i s to put a dash and a f ootnote
sy m bol (f or ex am pl e, “— a ”) i n pl ace of the m i ssi ng data and, i n a f ootnote, to state “ a N ot
deter m i ned” or “ a N ot detectabl e” or w hatever (Tabl e 5). The other sy stem i s to w r i te “N D” i n pl ace of
the m i ssi ng data and to def i ne N D i n a f ootnote (Tabl e 4). The dash pl us f ootnote sy m bol i s
pr ef erabl e because i t i s v i sual l y di sti nct and m akes the data that ar e pr esent easi er to see (com par e
Tabl es 4 and 5). Do not l eave a bl ank space w her e ther e ar e no data because a bl ank space i s
am bi guous. It coul d m ean “not deter m i ned” or “not detectabl e,” or i t coul d be an er r or.
Footnotes
Footnotes ar e phrases or sentences pl aced bel ow the body of the tabl e that ex pl ai n i tem s i n the ti tl e,
col um n headi ngs, or body of the tabl e. The i tem s ex pl ai ned ar e usual l y ex per i m ental m ethods
(Tabl es 2 and 4), the m eani ng of abbr ev i ati ons or sy m bol s (Tabl e 4), and stati sti cal i nf or m ati on
(Tabl es 2, 3, and 6).
In addi ti on, f ootnotes can be used to substi tute f or a col um n of val ues that ar e al l the sam e. For
ex am pl e, i f al l data ar e f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es, a col um n f or sam pl e si ze i s not necessar y.
Instead, the val ue can be m enti oned i n a f ootnote, pr ef erabl y i n the sam e f ootnote that def i nes the
data as m eans ± SD: “Data ar e m eans ± SD f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es” (not “Data ar e m eans ± SD,
n = 11”). General l y, “n” by i tsel f i s not a cl ear abbr ev i ati on ei ther i n a col um n headi ng or i n a
f ootnote. It i s al way s cl ear er to w r i te “N um ber of Sam pl es,” “N um ber of Rabbi ts,” or w hatever f or a
col um n headi ng (see Tabl e 2), or “i n 25 sam pl es,” “f or 16 rabbi ts,” or w hatever i n a f ootnote (see
Tabl e 3).
To ex pl ai n stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, the usual practi ce i s to put a f ootnote
sy m bol , such as *, af ter each val ue that i s di f f er ent and then i n the f ootnote to state the stati sti c,
w hat val ues you ar e com par i ng, and the test used. Tw o phrases com m onl y used f or ex pl ai ni ng
si gni f i cant di f f er ences ar e “*si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the contr ol val ue, P < 0. 01 by (nam e of the
stati sti cal test)” and “*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by (nam e of the stati sti cal test)” (or 0. 02, or w hatever ;
or v s. another tr eatm ent gr oup, etc. ). The i m por tant thi ng i s not to w r i te si m pl y “*P < 0. 05,”
because then the r eader has to guess w hi ch val ues you ar e com par i ng. Al though com par i sons ar e
of ten w i th contr ol data, they can al so be w i th val ues obtai ned af ter other tr eatm ents, so i t i s
cl ear est al way s to state w hi ch val ues ar e bei ng com par ed (see Tabl es 2, 3, 6).
The or der of i nf or m ati on i n f ootnotes i s the sam e as the or der of i nf or m ati on i n a f i gur e l egend: f i r st
ex per i m ental detai l s (i n sentences), then def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons and sy m bol s not def i ned ear l i er
i n the f ootnotes, and f i nal l y stati sti cal detai l s. One excepti on i s that the statem ent of how data ar e
sum m ar i zed (f or ex am pl e, “Val ues ar e m ean ± SD”) f r equentl y appear s bef or e def i ni ti ons of
abbr ev i ati ons (see Tabl es 4 and 6).
Footnotes shoul d be br i ef and f ew. They shoul d not over bal ance the body of the tabl e.
Footnotes ar e usual l y i denti f i ed by super scr i pt sy m bol s or super scr i pt l etter s. One standar d ser i es of
f ootnote sy m bol s i s *, †, ‡, §, ||, ¶, # , **, ††, etc. (Tabl e 5). Letter s used to i denti f y f ootnotes ar e
i n l ow er case: a, b, c, etc. (Tabl e 1). When f ootnotes ar e used onl y to show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences,
P. 249
som eti m es the f ol l ow i ng ser i es of sy m bol s i s used: *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, ***P < 0. 001. Som e
jour nal s do not use f ootnote sy m bol s or l etter s f or f ootnotes that appl y to the enti r e tabl e but onl y
f or f ootnotes that appl y to a si ngl e i tem i n the tabl e.
Footnote sy m bol s or l etter s ar e pl aced i n sequence f r om l ef t to r i ght and then dow n, the sam e as the
di r ecti on i n w hi ch w e r ead (Tabl e 5).
The Size of Tables
Tabl es shoul d contai n nei ther so m any data as to be over w hel m i ng nor so f ew data as to be
unnecessar y.
Som eti m es an excessi vel y l ar ge or excessi vel y sm al l tabl e i s necessar y or desi rabl e. For ex am pl e, a
l ar ge tabl e m ay be needed to gi ve back gr ound data f or a l ar ge num ber of subjects or to gi ve
i ndi v i dual ex per i m ental data f or al l subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens. A sm al l tabl e m ay be desi rabl e
to pr esent data f or the m ost i m por tant poi nt i n the paper, even i f the val ues w oul d take up l ess
space i n the tex t, because a tabl e has m or e v i sual i m pact.
N ever thel ess, i n general , a tabl e shoul d have enough data to be m or e ef f i ci ent than pr esenti ng the
data i n the tex t, shoul d be sm al l enough to be r eadabl e, and shoul d be as com pact as possi bl e
w i thout sacr i f i ci ng cl ar i ty. The sol uti on to a tabl e that has ver y f ew data i s usual l y to om i t the tabl e
and to w r i te the val ues i n the tex t. Som e sol uti ons to a tabl e that i s too l ar ge ar e to om i t
unnecessar y col um ns or r ow s of i nf or m ati on; to keep the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and f ootnotes br i ef ;
and, i f necessar y, to br eak the tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es. (For an excel l ent ex am pl e of one cl ear
tabl e cr eated f r om tw o excessi vel y l ar ge tabl es by om i tti ng unnecessar y r ow s of data and
r edesi gni ng the r em ai ni ng i nf or m ati on, see “Tabl es w i th Several Si m ul taneous Faul ts” i n Woodf or d,
Chap. 10, Desi gn of Tabl es and Fi gur es. ) In par ti cul ar, i f the pur pose of the tabl e i s to m ake a poi nt,
do ever y thi ng i n your pow er to m ake the tabl e as sm al l as possi bl e so that the poi nt i s appar ent, not
bur i ed i n al l the num ber s.
Om i t a col um n of easi l y cal cul ated data that ar e not central to the poi nt of the stor y. For
ex am pl e, i f you r epor t str oke vol um e, hear t rate, and m i nute vol um e (w hi ch equal s str oke
vol um e ti m es hear t rate), one of those var i abl es coul d pr obabl y be om i tted.
Om i t a col um n that contai ns onl y one val ue; r epor t that val ue i n the tex t.
Om i t a col um n i n w hi ch al l or m ost val ues ar e the sam e; put the i nf or m ati on i n a shor t f ootnote
or i n the tex t.
Om i t a col um n of P val ues; put sy m bol s af ter the val ues that ar e di f f er ent.
To keep col um n headi ngs br i ef and thus save space i n the tabl e, use shor t ter m s or abbr ev i ati ons i n
the col um n headi ngs and subheadi ngs, and ex pl ai n the abbr ev i ati ons i n f ootnotes i f necessar y.
Because of the need to save space, m or e abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n tabl es than i n the tex t. For
ex am pl e, i n the col um n headi ng “Cycl i c GMP Concn,” “concn” i s used i nstead of “concentrati on” and
GMP i s used i nstead of “guani di ne m onophosphate.” Another possi bi l i ty i s “[Cycl i c GMP].” In the
col um n headi ng “Recover y (% of total ),” “%” i s used i nstead of “per cent.” “Concn” and “%” do not
need to be def i ned. But i f an abbr ev i ati on, even a standar d abbr ev i ati on, such as “FRC,” i s used as a
col um n headi ng, def i ne i t i n a f ootnote (“FRC, f uncti onal r esi dual capaci ty ”). If the abbr ev i ati on i s
not def i ned i n a f ootnote, r eader s w ho do not k now the m eani ng (and ther e ar e al way s som e r eader s
i n thi s categor y ) have to sear ch
P. 250
thr ough the tex t to f i nd the def i ni ti on, w hi ch i s i nconveni ent. [Ex cepti on: Abbr ev i ati ons that ar e m or e
f am i l i ar than the w or ds they stand f or do not need to be def i ned; f or ex am pl e, DN A
(deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). GMP m ay be another ex am pl e. ] Def i ni ti ons ar e needed onl y i n the f i r st tabl e
i n w hi ch the abbr ev i ati ons appear. In l ater tabl es, use a f ootnote to r ef er r eader s to the tabl e w her e
the abbr ev i ati ons ar e def i ned, f or ex am pl e, “Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Tabl e II.”
Al though col um n headi ngs shoul d be br i ef, they do not necessar i l y have to be w r i tten as
abbr ev i ati ons. If space per m i ts w r i ti ng out the nam e of a var i abl e i n a col um n headi ng, do so. For
ex am pl e, “hear t rate” pr obabl y never needs to be abbr ev i ated.
Al so, tr y to use the shor test and the f ew est f ootnotes possi bl e. An excess of f ootnotes i s not an
i m pr ovem ent over l ong headi ngs. Thus, i n Tabl e 3, the col um n headi ngs ar e l ong and the f ootnotes
ar e br i ef and f ew.
In addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y data and keepi ng col um n headi ngs and f ootnotes br i ef, avoi d
r epeti ti on of i nf or m ati on w i thi n a tabl e. For ex am pl e, i f the ti tl e say s “i n 10 Lam bs,” you do not need
a col um n l abel ed “N um ber of Lam bs” or a f ootnote say i ng “Data ar e f or 10 l am bs.”
If af ter tr y i ng al l these way s of shor teni ng a tabl e you sti l l have an excessi vel y l ar ge tabl e, consi der
di v i di ng the l ar ge tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es. Be car ef ul to keep data that ar e to be com par ed i n
one tabl e.
Format of Tables
A var i ety of f or m ats i s used f or tabl es, dependi ng on the jour nal . One detai l that i s standar d i s that
thr ee hor i zontal l i nes ar e used to separate the par ts of a tabl e: one above the col um n headi ngs, one
bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one bel ow the data (Tabl es 1, 3, 6). If ther e ar e any subheadi ngs,
shor t hor i zontal l i nes ar e used to gr oup the subheadi ngs under the appr opr i ate headi ngs (Tabl es 2, 4,
5).
In addi ti on, som e jour nal s use hor i zontal l i nes betw een r ow s of data; other jour nal s use ver ti cal
l i nes betw een col um ns of data; sti l l other jour nal s use both hor i zontal and ver ti cal l i nes betw een
r ow s and col um ns. These ex tra l i nes gi ve the tabl e a cl utter ed l ook ; usual l y r ow s and col um ns can
be cl ear l y separated by adequate spaci ng. N ever thel ess, f ol l ow the practi ce of the jour nal to w hi ch
you ar e subm i tti ng your paper.
Most other detai l s of f or m at f or tabl es var y f r om jour nal to jour nal . Som e of these detai l s ar e the
use of a r om an or an arabi c tabl e num ber ; center i ng or f l ush l ef t pl acem ent of the tabl e num ber,
ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and data; the use of capi tal l etter s and i tal i cs; the pl acem ent of f ootnotes;
and the ty pe of f ootnote sy m bol s used. The var i ety of f or m at detai l s i s i l l ustrated i n par t i n the
tabl es i n thi s chapter. For your paper s, f ol l ow the practi ce of the jour nal you ar e subm i tti ng your
paper to.
TELLING A STORY
Creating a Sequence of Figures and Tables
In addi ti on to each f i gur e and tabl e bei ng cl ear l y desi gned and the l egends f or f i gur es and the ti tl es
and f ootnotes f or tabl es bei ng cl ear l y w r i tten, the f i gur es and tabl es taken together shoul d f or m a
cl ear sequence that tel l s the stor y of the paper. To cr eate a cl ear sequence, desi gn the f i gur es to be
as paral l el
P. 251
as possi bl e, desi gn the tabl es to be as paral l el as possi bl e, w r i te f i gur e l egends of paral l el f i gur es i n
paral l el f or m , and w r i te ti tl es and f ootnotes of paral l el tabl es i n paral l el f or m . Thus, each f i gur e and
tabl e w i l l pr epar e the r eader f or the nex t f i gur e or tabl e.
For ex am pl e, i n a paper show i ng that pul m onar y venous bl ood f l ow (but not m i tral i nf l ow ) as
assessed by transesophageal pul sed Doppl er echocar di ography accuratel y esti m ates m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e as an i ndi cator of l ef t ventr i cul ar per f or m ance, thr ee tabl es and f i ve f i gur es w er e used.
One tabl e and one f i gur e w er e used f or m ethods. The tabl e l i sted the character i sti cs of the pati ents
i n the study. The f i gur e, the vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es of pul m onar y venous f l ow and m i tral i nf l ow,
show ed how the vel oci tyti m e i ntegral s w er e m easur ed.
The r em ai ni ng tabl es and f i gur es pr esented data f or thr ee l i nes of ev i dence. For the f i r st l i ne of
ev i dence, Tabl e 2 l i sted the data show i ng the cor r el ati ons betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and al l
the Doppl er var i abl es f or both pul m onar y venous f l ow and m i tral i nf l ow. In addi ti on, Fi g. 2, a
scatter gram , show ed the cor r el ati on betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and the m ost str ongl y
cor r el ated pul m onar y venous f l ow var i abl e. For the second l i ne of ev i dence, Fi g. 3, tw o
scatter gram s, show ed the cor r el ati ons betw een changes i n m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and changes i n
the m ost str ongl y cor r el ated pul m onar y f l ow var i abl e and i n the m ost str ongl y cor r el ated m i tral
i nf l ow var i abl e. For the thi r d l i ne of ev i dence, Tabl e 3 l i sted val ues f or al l the var i abl es m easur ed at
both nor m al and el evated m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es, show i ng that val ues w er e di f f er ent at el evated
m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es. In addi ti on, Fi gur es 4 and 5, vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es, show ed pr i m ar y
ev i dence of changes i n pul m onar y venous f l ow patter ns (Fi g. 4) and m i tral i nf l ow patter ns (Fi g. 5) at
el evated m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es, agai n i ndi cati ng the r el ati on betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e
and pul m onar y venous f l ow.
In these thr ee tabl es and f i ve f i gur es, paral l el desi gn and paral l el ti tl es w er e used w henever
possi bl e. For ex am pl e, i n the tw o r esul ts tabl es, the var i abl es ar e l i sted i n the f i r st col um n on the
l ef t and the appr opr i ate data ar e i n the col um ns on the r i ght. In addi ti on, f or the tw o cor r el ati on
f i gur es and f or the tw o vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es show i ng the ef f ect of i ncr easi ng m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e, the l egends ar e paral l el :
Fi g. 2. Cor r el ati on of the sy stol i c f racti on of pul m onar y venous f l ow w i th m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e. r , cor r el ati on coef f i ci ent; SEE, standar d er r or of the esti m ate; n, num ber of study
per i ods. The cur ved l i nes ar e 95% conf i dence i nter val s f or the m ean val ue of sy stol i c f racti on.
Fi g. 3. Cor r el ati on of changes i n the sy stol i c f racti on of pul m onar y venous f l ow (top) and
changes i n the rati o of peak ear l y to peak l ate di astol i c m i tral i nf l ow (Δ peak ear l y /l ate)
(bottom ) w i th changes i n m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e (Δ m ean LAP). Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 2.
Fi g. 4. Ef f ect of i ncr eased m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e on pul m onar y venous f l ow patter ns. (etc. )
Fi g. 5. Ef f ect of i ncr eased m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, esti m ated by pul m onar y capi l l ar y w edge
pr essur e (PCWP), on m i tral i nf l ow patter ns. (etc. )
Because of the paral l el desi gns of the f i gur es and of the tabl es and the paral l el f or m of the f i gur e
l egends, the stor y of the paper i s cl ear f r om l ook i ng at the f i gur es and tabl es. For another ex am pl e
of f i gur es and tabl es that tel l the stor y of the paper, see Chapter 12, The Bi g Pi ctur e, Exer ci se 12. 1.
P. 252
Relating the Figures and Tables to the Text
In addi ti on to the f i gur es and tabl es f or m i ng a cl ear sequence, they m ust cl ear l y and accuratel y show
w hat the tex t states. That i s, the poi nt i l l ustrated i n a f i gur e or a tabl e m ust be the poi nt stated i n
the tex t. For ex am pl e, i f the tex t descr i bes an apparatus, the i m por tant f eatur es of the apparatus
m ust be i m m edi atel y v i si bl e i n the f i gur e. Si m i l ar l y, i f the tex t say s that w hen X was done, Y
i ncr eased, then i n the f i gur e Y shoul d l ook as i f i t i ncr eased. If the i ncr ease i s not obv i ous, the
f i gur e i s unconv i nci ng. Al so, i f som e val ues f r om graphs or tabl es ar e r estated i n the tex t, the nam e
of the var i abl e (and al l other key ter m s), the uni t of m easur em ent, and the val ues shoul d be the
sam e i n the tex t and i n the graph or tabl e.
Number of Figures and Tables
Fi nal l y, use the f ew est f i gur es and tabl es needed to tel l the stor y. The r eader can pul l the stor y
together m or e easi l y f r om 5 or 6 f i gur es and tabl es than f r om 15 or 16.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e. How ever, i t i s OK, f or ex am pl e, to have a
tabl e or a f i gur e sum m ar i zi ng data f or al l the ex per i m ents i n a ser i es and a f i gur e show i ng pr i m ar y
ev i dence, such as a pol ygraph r ecor di ng, f or a si ngl e ex per i m ent.
P. 253
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR FIGURES AND TABLES
FIGURES
Fi gur es ar e usual l y used to cl ar i f y m ethods or to pr esent ev i dence that suppor ts the r esul ts.
Desi gn f i gur es to have str ong v i sual i m pact.
Design
Draw draw i ngs and di agram s i n bl ack on w hi te and keep them si m pl e.
For hal f tone f i gur es (f or ex am pl e, m i cr ographs), m ake the photograph shar p and cl ear.
For photographs of pati ents, cover f aci al f eatur es to pr event i denti f i cati on w hen possi bl e, and
use A, B, etc., to r ef er to pati ents, not the pati ents' i ni ti al s.
For m i cr ographs:
Ensur e that contrast i s suf f i ci ent to m ake the f eatur es of i nter est cl ear.
Make the photograph just enough l ar ger than the f eatur es of i nter est to gi ve a sense of
w her e they ar e i n thei r contex t.
Make l abel s br i ef, f ew, and just bi g enough to be r eadi l y v i si bl e.
To show m agni f i cati on, use ei ther a scal e bar on the f i gur e (f or a general jour nal ) or a
num ber i n the l egend (f or a speci al ty jour nal ).
U se thi n w hi te l i nes to separate m i cr ographs gr ouped i nto pl ates.
N um ber each m i cr ograph i n the l ow er l ef t cor ner. U se a bl ack num ber i nsi de a w hi te ci r cl e
outl i ned by a bl ack l i ne.
For gel el ectr ophor etogram s, l abel the gel s and the i m por tant f racti ons. Label s shoul d not
over w hel m the data.
If you r em ove gr i d l i nes, add ver ti cal scal es and hor i zontal scal es or scal e m ar ker s. Be
sur e the scal es and scal e m ar ker s ar e accurate.
Label each ax i s w i th the nam e of the var i abl e f ol l ow ed by the uni t of m easur em ent i n
par entheses. U se upper case and l ow er case l etter s f or the nam e of the var i abl e; use
Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons f or the uni ts of m easur em ent.
Al i gn hor i zontal ax i s l abel s on the l ef t. Do not l et ax i s l abel s pr otr ude i nto the col um n of
scal e num ber s.
U se the appr opr i ate ty pe of graph to di spl ay the ty pe of data you have.
A l i ne graph i s a tw oax i s graph on w hi ch cur ves, data poi nts, or both show the r el ati on
betw een tw o var i abl es. Scal e each ax i s accuratel y.
A scatter gram i s a tw oax i s graph that pl ots i ndi v i dual data poi nts and f i ts a m athem ati cal
f uncti on to the poi nts to show how str ongl y tw o var i abl es ar e cor r el ated.
A bar graph i s a oneax i s graph f or com par i ng am ounts or f r equenci es f or cl asses of a
di sconti nuous or a “r el ati vescal e” var i abl e. In bar graphs, the ax i s m ust i ncl ude zer o.
An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph i s a var i ati on on ver ti cal bar graphs i n w hi ch i ndi v i dual data
poi nts ar e show n ei ther i n addi ti on to or i nstead of the m ean. For pai r ed data, l i nes can be
draw n to show the di r ecti on of change.
A hi stogram i s a tw oax i s graph that show s a si ngl e f r equency di str i buti on by m eans of a ser i es
of conti guous r ectangl es. The r ectangl es i n a hi stogram shoul d be of equal w i dths.
P. 254
A f r equency pol ygon i s a tw oax i s graph that uses data poi nts joi ned by l i nes to show tw o or
m or e over l appi ng f r equency di str i buti ons or a si ngl e di str i buti on. Data poi nts ar e pl otted at the
m i dpoi nt of each cl ass and the l i nes joi ni ng the data poi nts ar e ex tended to the basel i ne to
com pl ete the di str i buti on.
Af ter the graph i s r educed to f i t the jour nal 's col um n, l etter s shoul d be l ar ge enough (at l east
1. 5 m m hi gh) to be l egi bl e.
Sy m bol s shoul d be l ar ge enough to be seen and easy to di sti ngui sh. The easi est data poi nt
sy m bol s to di sti ngui sh ar e • and ○; then [bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e], [bl ack uppoi nti ng
tr i angl e].
Draw f i gur es to em phasi ze the data. In l i ne graphs:
Make axes, ti ck m ar k s, er r or bar s, key s, and cur ve l abel s the l east dar k .
Figure Legends
A f i gur e l egend has f our par ts:
Title
The ti tl e i s the f i r st i tem i n the f i gur e l egend; i t does not appear i n the f i gur e.
The ti tl e shoul d br i ef l y i denti f y the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the f i gur e. The ti tl e shoul d
contai n no excess detai l s and no abbr ev i ati ons.
For draw i ngs, di agram s, and pr i m ar y ev i dence, the ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the ty pe of f i gur e i f
necessar y and the apparatus, concept, or bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n. For ex am pl e, “Fi g. 1.
Br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph of a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent.”
For a graph, the standar d ti tl e i s “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z” or “Y i n r esponse to X i n Z,” w her e X i s
the i ndependent var i abl e, Y i s the dependent var i abl e, and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on and the
m ater i al . For ex per i m ents that have no i ndependent var i abl e, the standar d ti tl e i s “Y i n Z.” The
ti tl e m ay al so i ncl ude the poi nt of the graph. For ex am pl e, “Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z.”
For com posi tes, pr ov i de a ti tl e f or the enti r e f i gur e and i denti f y the par ts of the com posi te
ei ther w i thi n the ti tl e or i n separate subti tl es.
Experimental Details
Gi ve just enough ex per i m ental detai l s to per m i t the r eader to under stand the f i gur e. In l egends
f or graphs, do not si m pl y r epeat the i nf or m ati on i n the ax i s l abel s.
Wr i te ex per i m ental detai l s i n sentences.
Definitions
Sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons that ar e not def i ned i n the f i gur e or ear l i er i n
the l egend shoul d be def i ned af ter ex per i m ental detai l s ar e gi ven. Keep def i ni ti ons br i ef. For
ex am pl e, “○, contr ol .”
If the sam e sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n m or e than one f i gur e,
def i ne them i n the l egend f or the f i r st r el evant f i gur e onl y. In succeedi ng l egends, r ef er the
r eader to that l egend. For ex am pl e, “Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 1.”
P. 255
Statistical Information
State w hether data poi nts or bar s r epr esent i ndi v i dual , m ean, or m edi an val ues and w hether
er r or bar s r epr esent standar d dev i ati ons, standar d er r or s of the m ean, conf i dence i nter val s, or
ranges.
Avoi d w r i ti ng “n = 12.” Wr i te “12 sam pl es,” “12 dogs,” or w hatever.
For data i n graphs that have been anal y zed by a stati sti cal test, state the stati sti c (f or
ex am pl e, the P val ue), w hi ch val ues w er e com par ed, and the stati sti cal test used. For ex am pl e,
“*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by AN OVA.”
Other Information
Other i nf or m ati on m ay be i ncl uded i n a f i gur e l egend.
A f i gur e l egend m ay i ncl ude statem ents poi nti ng out an unusual or an i nter esti ng f eatur e.
A f i gur e l egend shoul d not i ncl ude r esul ts as such. How ever, f or graphs, r esul ts can be i ndi cated
by stati ng the poi nt i n the ti tl e (“Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z”). For f i gur es that show pr i m ar y
ev i dence, r esul ts can be i ndi cated by poi nti ng out a f eatur e on the f i gur e (“N ote…”).
If you r epubl i sh f i gur es that have al r eady been publ i shed, you m ust f i r st obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the
copy r i ght hol der (usual l y the publ i sher ) and f r om the author. Gi ve cr edi t to the sour ce by ci ti ng the
r ef er ence at the end of the f i gur e l egend. For ex am pl e, “Fr om Fraser (1975), w i th per m i ssi on.” Gi ve
the com pl ete r ef er ence i n the r ef er ence l i st. You m ust obtai n per m i ssi on w hether you use al l of the
or i gi nal f i gur e, par t of the f i gur e, or a m odi f i ed ver si on of the f i gur e.
TABLES
Tabl es ar e usual l y used to pr esent back gr ound i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods or to pr esent data.
Tabl es of data ei ther pr esent i ndi v i dual data f or al l subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens studi ed or m ake
a poi nt.
Tabl es shoul d be ar ranged to have cl ear v i sual i m pact.
The Title
The ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the tabl e.
For ti tl es of tabl es that gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on or that pr esent data f or ex per i m ents that have
onl y dependent var i abl es, use the f or m “Y i n Z.”
For ti tl es of tabl es that pr esent data f or ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es, use the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z” or “Y dur i ng X i n Z.”
Keep ti tl es br i ef by usi ng a categor y ter m i n pl ace of the nam es of tw o or m or e var i abl es.
U se the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e, the col um n headi ngs, and the tex t of the paper.
Column Headings
Gi ve each ty pe of i nf or m ati on i ts ow n col um n and i ts ow n col um n headi ng.
To subdi v i de a col um n headi ng i nto tw o or m or e categor i es, use subheadi ngs.
Put the uni t of m easur em ent (usual l y i n par entheses) af ter or bel ow the nam e of the var i abl e i n the
col um n headi ng.
P. 256
U se Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons.
Avoi d usi ng m ul ti pl i er s as a way of el i m i nati ng unnecessar y zer os.
The Body of the Table
In the col um ns on the l ef t, l i st the i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven; l i st these i tem s i n a l ogi cal or der
accor di ng to the ex per i m ental desi gn (f or ex am pl e, i n i ncr easi ng or decr easi ng or der ). In the
col um ns on the r i ght, pr esent the data. For ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es, the col um n(s) on the l ef t ar e the i ndependent var i abl e(s) and the col um n(s) on the r i ght
ar e the dependent var i abl e(s).
If sam pl e si zes (n) ar e di f f er ent, l i st them i n a col um n betw een the i ndependent and the dependent
var i abl es.
Ar range data to r eveal tr ends dow n a col um n or acr oss a r ow or to per m i t easy com par i son betw een
adjacent col um ns or r ow s. Put standar d dev i ati ons (SD), standar d er r or s of the m ean (SEM),
conf i dence i nter val s (CI), or ranges ei ther to the r i ght of or bel ow the m eans or m edi ans, dependi ng
on w hether r eader s need to r ead dow n the col um ns or acr oss the r ow s, r especti vel y.
Pr esent data to the f ew est possi bl e deci m al pl aces; have the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n al l
val ues f or one var i abl e; have the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n the SD as i n the m ean.
Al i gn al l val ues i n each col um n on the deci m al poi nt, and i f you gi ve SDs or SEMs af ter a ± to the
r i ght of the m eans, al so al i gn al l val ues on the ± so that the data w i l l be easy to com par e.
For excessi vel y w i de tabl es, ei ther pl ace SDs bel ow m eans, sw i tch the i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es (r un the dependent var i abl es dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t), see i f the jour nal w i l l r un
the tabl e acr oss tw o pages, or r un the tabl e the l ength of the page rather than the w i dth of the page.
The di sadvantage of sw i tchi ng the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es i s that the val ues w i l l not
al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt, so the m agni tude of i ndi v i dual num ber s w i l l not be i m m edi atel y
obv i ous.
To i ndi cate stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, use a sy m bol (such as *) af ter the
val ue that i s di f f er ent and def i ne the sy m bol i n a f ootnote.
To i ndi cate m i ssi ng data, use a dash f ol l ow ed by a f ootnote sy m bol (f or ex am pl e, “— a ”), and i n a
f ootnote w r i te “ a N ot deter m i ned,” “ a N ot detectabl e,” or w hatever, or w r i te “N D” i n pl ace of the
m i ssi ng data and def i ne N D i n a f ootnote. A dash i s v i sual l y m or e ef f ecti ve than N D i s. Do not l eave
a bl ank space w hen data ar e m i ssi ng because a bl ank space i s am bi guous.
Footnotes
U se f ootnotes to ex pl ai n i tem s i n the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, or body of a tabl e, such as
ex per i m ental detai l s or abbr ev i ati ons, and to substi tute f or a col um n of val ues that ar e al l the sam e,
such as n. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e m ean ± SD f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es. ”
U se f ootnotes to ex pl ai n stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences. For ex am pl e, “*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by
AN OVA.” Do not w r i te onl y “P < 0. 01” because that does not i ndi cate w hi ch val ues ar e bei ng
com par ed.
Put i nf or m ati on i n f ootnotes i n the sam e or der as i nf or m ati on i n a f i gur e l egend: f i r st ex per i m ental
detai l s (i n sentences), then def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons and sy m bol s, and f i nal l y stati sti cal detai l s
(except put “Val ues ar e m ean ± SD” bef or e def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons).
P. 257
Keep f ootnotes br i ef and f ew.
U se super scr i pt sy m bol s or super scr i pt l ow er case l etter s to i denti f y f ootnotes. One standar d ser i es
of f ootnote sy m bol s i s *, †, ‡, §, ||, ¶, # , **, ††, etc. A ser i es of sy m bol s som eti m es used to show
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences i s *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, ***P < 0. 001.
Pl ace f ootnote sy m bol s or l etter s i n sequence f r om l ef t to r i ght and then dow n.
The Size of Tables
Avoi d m ak i ng tabl es so l ar ge as to be over w hel m i ng or so sm al l as to be unnecessar y. How ever, a
l ar ge tabl e m ay be needed to pr esent back gr ound data or i ndi v i dual ex per i m ental data.
If the pur pose of the tabl e i s to m ake a poi nt, keep the tabl e as condensed as possi bl e. To condense
a l ar ge tabl e, om i t unnecessar y col um ns or r ow s of i nf or m ati on and keep the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs,
and f ootnotes br i ef. If necessar y, br eak a l ar ge tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es, keepi ng data that ar e
to be com par ed i n the sam e tabl e.
Format of Tables
U se thr ee hor i zontal l i nes: one above the col um n headi ngs, one bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one
bel ow the data.
U se a shor t hor i zontal l i ne to gr oup subheadi ngs under a headi ng.
If the jour nal al so uses other hor i zontal or ver ti cal l i nes, add them .
Fol l ow jour nal sty l e f or detai l s such as r om an or arabi c tabl e num ber ; center ed or f l ush l ef t tabl e
num ber, ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and data; capi tal l etter s and i tal i cs; the pl acem ent of f ootnotes; the
ty pe of f ootnote sy m bol s.
Telling a Story
To cr eate a cl ear sequence of f i gur es and tabl es that tel l s the stor y of the paper, m ake the f i gur es
and thei r l egends as paral l el as possi bl e, and m ake the tabl es and thei r ti tl es and f ootnotes as
paral l el as possi bl e.
Check that each f i gur e and each tabl e cl ear l y and accuratel y show s w hat the tex t states.
U se the f ew est f i gur es and tabl es needed to tel l the stor y.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e. How ever, pr i m ar y ev i dence (f or ex am pl e,
a pol ygraph r ecor di ng) m ay be show n i n addi ti on to a f i gur e or a tabl e of sum m ar i zed data.
P. 258
EXERCISE 8.1: DESIGN OF FIGURES AND TABLES AND THEIR
RELATION TO THE TEXT
1. As s e s s the de s ign of the figure a nd ta ble be low a nd a ls o how w e ll the y re la te to the te x t.
3. Re de s ign the figure a nd the ta ble , a nd re vis e the le ge nd, ta ble title , a nd te x t a s
ne c e s s a ry.
The firs t que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ How s e ve re is c iga re tte s mok e induc e d
bronc hoc ons tric tion?”
Re s ults ?
Inha la tion of c iga re tte s mok e into the lungs of a ne s the tize d dogs c a us e d tw o to e ightfold
inc re a s e s in a irflow re s is ta nc e of the tota l re s pira tory s ys te m de pe nding on the dos e of s mok e
inha le d (Fig. 2). Airflow re s is ta nc e inc re a s e d ra pidly a fte r the s ta rt of s mok e inha la tion; the
ma x imum w a s re a c he d w ithin 1 min. Airflow re s is ta nc e re ma ine d inc re a s e d tra ns ie ntly,
de c re a s e d to one ha lf the ma x ima l va lue w ithin 4 min (Ta ble I), a nd re turne d to ba s e line
be fore the ne x t dos e 20 min la te r (Fig. 2).
Hi de Answ er
COMMENTS
In thi s Resul ts secti on, the f i gur e and tabl e ar e not cl ear l y desi gned and do not r el ate w el l
to the tex t.
Figure 2
Type of G ra ph. A bar gr aph w oul d show the i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance and the bef or e
and af ter v al ues m or e cl ear l y than a l i ne gr aph does.
Ax is . At f i r st gl ance, the ax i s l ook s l ogar i thm i c, but i t i s actual l y l i near . To m ak e i t l ook
l i near , ti ck m ar k s and scal e num ber s shoul d be pl aced at equal i nter v al s.
Mor e ti ck m ar k s coul d be added to m ak e the tw of ol d and ei ghtf ol d i ncr eases easi er to see.
Re la tion to the Te x t. Once ti ck m ar k s ar e added, i t i s easy to see that “ei ghtf ol d” i s a bi t
of an ex agger ati on. The r eal v al ue i s betw een sev en and ei ghtf ol d. It i s better to
under esti m ate than to ov er esti m ate, so that r eader s w i l l not thi nk y ou ar e tr y i ng to i nf l ate
the data.
U si ng the sam e k ey ter m s i n the tex t, f i gur e l egend, and ax i s l abel w oul d m ak e the
r el ati on betw een the f i gur e and the tex t cl ear er . The i ndi cator (“ai r f l ow r esi stance”) shoul d
be used i n the f i gur e l egend, not the v ar i abl e (“br onchoconstr i cti on”), because ai r f l ow
r esi stance i s w hat w as m easur ed. The k ey ter m “ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d al so be used i n
the ax i s l abel . If the abbr ev i ati on (Rr s) i s used, i t shoul d be def i ned i n the f i gur e l egend.
Si m i l ar l y “dose of sm ok e i nhal ed” i n the tex t does not cor r el ate w el l w i th “num ber of
sm ok e i nhal ati ons” i n the f i gur e.
Figure Le ge nd. To state the poi nt, “i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d be used i nstead
of “br onchoconstr i cti on. ”
The f i gur e l egend coul d be r ev i sed to gi v e m ost ex per i m ental detai l s bef or e the stati sti cal
detai l s. In addi ti on, the ti m es of m easur em ent coul d be added.
To show the v ar i abi l i ty of the data, r ather than how cl ose the m easur ed m ean i s to the
tr ue m ean, SD coul d be show n (as i n Tabl e 1) i nstead of SE.
Ta ble I
Re la tion to the Te x t.
The tex t say s that the m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n 1 m i n, but the m eans show that the
m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n ½ m i n. If i nstead y ou l ook at i ndi v i dual data, y ou w oul d
hav e to say that the m ean w as r eached w i thi n 2 m i n (dogs 2–4, ½ m i n; dog 1, 1 m i n; dog
5, 2 m i n). Si m i l ar l y , ai r f l ow r esi stance decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al v al ue w i thi n 2
m i n (the m ean of 188% at 2 m i n i s not di f f er ent f r om 190% at 4 m i n).
In the ti tl e, “br onchoconstr i cti on” shoul d be changed to “ai r f l ow r esi stance. ”
Re vis ion
Re s ults
Inhal ati on of ci gar ette sm oke i nto the l ungs of anestheti zed dogs caused tw o to sevenf ol d
i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance of the total r espi rator y sy stem dependi ng on the num ber of
ti dal vol um es of sm oke i nhal ed (Fi g. 2). Ai r f l ow r esi stance i ncr eased rapi dl y af ter the star t
of sm oke i nhal ati on; on average, the m ax i m um was r eached w i thi n ½ m i n (Fi g. 3). Ai r f l ow
r esi stance r em ai ned i ncr eased transi entl y, decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al val ue w i thi n
2 m i n (Fi g. 3), and r etur ned to basel i ne bef or e the nex t dose 20 m i n l ater [f i gur e ci tati on
om i tted].
P. 259
EXERCISE 8.2: TABLE DESIGN AND RELATION TO THE TEXT
1. As s e s s the title a nd the a rra nge me nt of the ta ble be low .
2. Als o c ompa re the ta ble w ith the re le va nt re s ults (pa ra s . 2 a nd 3 of Re s ults ).
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Do pe ritone a l dia lys is a nd he modia lys is ha ve s imila r e ffe c ts
on pla s ma c hole s te rol me ta bolis m in pa tie nts w ith e nds ta ge re na l dis e a s e ?” The a ns w e r is
“ no. ”
Re s ults
1. The c onc e ntra tions of pla s ma tota l a nd fre e c hole s te rol a nd the phos pholipid c onte nt
w e re s ignific a ntly low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the pe ritone a l dia lys is
pa tie nts or the c ontrol group (Ta ble I). The s e low e r va lue s w e re pa rtly re fle c te d by the
low e r c onc e ntra tions of highde ns ity lipoprote in (HDL) a nd the low e r HDL c hole s te rol in
the he modia lys is pa tie nts .
2. Cons is te nt w ith the low e r HDL c onc e ntra tions , the ma jor HDL a polipoprote in, a po AI,
w a s muc h low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the c ontrol group, w he re a s the va lue
for the pe ritone a l dia lys is pa tie nts w a s inte rme dia te (Ta ble II). Apo AII c onc e ntra tions
w e re ve ry s imila r in a ll thre e groups . Apo B a nd a po E w e re in the norma l ra nge in both
groups of pa tie nts . Apo D w a s s lightly highe r in the tw o groups of pa tie nts tha n in the
c ontrols .
3. The ra tio of highde ns ity lipoprote in a nd low de ns ity lipoprote in (e x pre s s e d he re a s the
ra tio be tw e e n the ir ma jor a polipoprote ins , a po AI a nd a po B, re s pe c tive ly) w a s
s ignific a ntly low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the c ontrols (Ta ble II). Va lue s
w e re inte rme dia te in the pe ritone a l dia lys is pa tie nts .
Table II. Plasma Apoprotein Levels in Renal Disease and
Control Subjects
Apo D (m g/dl ) 6. 7 ± 1. 3 5. 6 ± 9. 5
1. 2 ±
1. 0
Apo E (m g/dl ) 6. 8 ± 0. 8 7. 3 ± 7. 5
1. 6 ±
0. 9
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion
Table II. Effects of Peritoneal Dialysis and
Hemodialysis on Plasma Apoproteins in Patients
Who Have EndStage Renal Disease
P la s ma Apoprote in (mg/dl)
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD f r om 10 contr ol subjects, 6 per i toneal di al y si s pati ents,
and 15 hem odi al y si s pati ents.
* P < 0. 0005, † P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
COMMENTS
The or i gi nal tabl e i s gener al l y cl ear , but i t can be m ade cl ear er .
In the r ev i si on, to m ak e the ti tl e com pl ete, the i ndependent v ar i abl es (per i toneal di al y si s
and hem odi al y si s) hav e been added and the contr ol subjects hav e been om i tted. As a
r esul t, the k ey ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the k ey ter m s i n the f i r st col um n on the
l ef t (per i toneal di al y si s, hem odi al y si s).
In addi ti on, the col um n headi ng “Pl asm a Apopr otei n” has been added, cor r el ati ng w i th that
ter m i n the ti tl e, and the uni t of m easur em ent (m g/dl ) i s i ncl uded af ter thi s gener al
headi ng r ather than bei ng stated af ter each i ndi v i dual apopr otei n.
Instead of a ti tl e i n the f or m “Ef f ects of X on Y i n Z,” the ti tl e coul d be i n the f or m “Y af ter
X i n Z,” and the poi nt (“Gr eater Changes”) coul d be i ncl uded:
Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e End
Stage Renal Di sease
Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who
Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease
Gr eater Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Hem odi al y si s than Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s i n
Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease.
To m ak e the tabl e show the decr eases i n apo AI and i n apo AI/apo B descr i bed i n the
tex t, the contr ol v al ues hav e been m ov ed to the f i r st r ow (as i s conv enti onal ), per i toneal
di al y si s v al ues ar e i n the m i ddl e (“i nter m edi ate”), and the hem odi al y si s v al ues ar e l ast
(“m uch l ow er ”).
In addi ti on, the pati ents ar e descr i bed f ul l y i n the ti tl e, as i n the questi on (“pati ents w ho
hav e endstage r enal di sease”).
To show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences, sy m bol s (*, † ) hav e been pl aced af ter the
v al ues that ar e di f f er ent, and f ootnotes hav e been added to state the P v al ues and w hat
num ber s ar e bei ng com par ed.
P re s e nta tion of Numbe rs .
To m ak e the num ber s al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt and on the ± , the col um ns and
r ow s of the tabl e hav e been sw i tched: i ndependent v ar i abl e i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t,
dependent v ar i abl es acr oss the col um ns on the r i ght.
Once the data ar e al i gned i n col um ns, i t i s easi er to see that data f or apo AII and f or apo
AI/apo B hav e di f f er ent num ber s of deci m al pl aces. In the r ev i sed tabl e, al l v al ues i n
each col um n hav e the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces.
Back
Chapter 9
References
PURPOSES
The pur poses of i ncl udi ng r ef er ences i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s ar e to gi ve
cr edi t to the i deas and f i ndi ngs of other s and to di r ect r eader s to sour ces of
f ur ther i nf or m ati on.
SELECTING REFERENCES
Wher eas r ev i ew ar ti cl es, w hi ch pul l together and i nter pr et a l ar ge body of
i nf or m ati on, ci te a l ar ge num ber of r ef er ences, a r esear ch r epor t ci tes onl y
i m m edi atel y r el evant r ef er ences. When deci di ng w hi ch r ef er ences to i ncl ude i n
a r esear ch paper, sel ect the m ost val i d, the m ost avai l abl e, and the f ew est
r ef er ences.
Valid
The r ef er ences general l y consi der ed m ost val i d ar e jour nal ar ti cl es, because
jour nal ar ti cl es under go a r ev i ew pr ocess bef or e bei ng accepted f or publ i cati on,
al though the val i di ty of the r ev i ew pr ocess has yet to be establ i shed (Lock , A
Di f f i cul t Bal ance). Other val i d r ef er ences i ncl ude book s, Ph. D. theses, and
som e conf er ences pr oceedi ngs (those f or w hi ch paper s ar e r ev i ew ed).
Ref er ences consi der ed l ess val i d i ncl ude abstracts f or m eeti ngs, because
abstracts do not contai n enough i nf or m ati on to per m i t assessm ent of the w or k ,
and som e conf er ence pr oceedi ngs (those f or w hi ch paper s ar e not r ev i ew ed).
These l ess val i d r ef er ences shoul d be used pr i m ar i l y to cr edi t the sour ce of an
i dea, not to suppor t a concl usi on or an ar gum ent. Si m i l ar l y, per sonal
com m uni cati ons and unpubl i shed data or unpubl i shed obser vati ons shoul d be
used onl y f or such pur poses as suppor ti ng the r esul ts of pr el i m i nar y studi es or
ci ti ng paral l el r esul ts i n another study popul ati on. Because these “r ef er ences”
cannot be obtai ned and assessed, they do not consti tute str ong ev i dence and
ther ef or e shoul d not be used to suppor t concl usi ons or ar gum ents.
Available
The m ost avai l abl e r ef er ences f or m ost r eader s ar e jour nal ar ti cl es. Book s ar e
al so general l y avai l abl e. Ph. D. theses and pr oceedi ngs of m eeti ngs take m or e
tr oubl e to f i nd. When Ph. D. w or k i s publ i shed i n jour nal s, ci te the jour nal
ar ti cl e rather than the thesi s.
P. 261
Jour nal ar ti cl es that have not yet been publ i shed but that have been accepted
f or publ i cati on ar e r ef er r ed to as bei ng “i n pr ess” (Am er i can) or “i n the pr ess”
(Br i ti sh). These ar ti cl es can be l ocated f ai r l y easi l y by sear chi ng the
appr opr i ate jour nal begi nni ng about the ti m e the paper i n w hi ch the “i n pr ess”
r ef er ence i s ci ted was accepted. When ci ti ng an “i n pr ess” paper, i ncl ude the
ti tl e of the jour nal f ol l ow ed by the w or ds “i n pr ess.”
Ar ti cl es that have not yet been accepted ar e not avai l abl e and ther ef or e shoul d
not be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st. Even i f the jour nal per m i ts r ef er ences
such as “subm i tted” and “i n pr eparati on” i n the r ef er ence l i st, w or k that has not
yet been accepted shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st. Instead, i t
shoul d be r ef er r ed to i n the tex t ei ther as a per sonal com m uni cati on (f or w or k
done by other s) or as an unpubl i shed obser vati on (f or w or k done by one or
m or e of the author s). The year of the per sonal com m uni cati on or obser vati on
shoul d be i ncl uded. Bef or e ci ti ng a per sonal com m uni cati on, check w i th the
author. The i nf or m ati on you thought you hear d m ay not be w hat the author
thought he or she sai d, or the r esul ts m ay not have been r epeatabl e. Som e
jour nal s r equi r e w r i tten conf i r m ati on of al l per sonal com m uni cati ons.
Few
To keep your r ef er ences to the f ew est necessar y, sel ect, as appr opr i ate, the
f i r st, the m ost i m por tant, the m ost el egant, and the m ost r ecent. Ci te r ev i ew
ar ti cl es w her e possi bl e. Al so, keep i n m i nd that r ef er ences ci ted i n the paper s
i n your r ef er ence l i st can l ead r eader s to ar ti cl es that you do not ci te i n your
paper.
ACCURACY
Accuracy of the References
The r ef er ences i n the r ef er ence l i st m ust be accurate. To ensur e that the
r ef er ences i n your l i sts ar e accurate, bui l d up a data base of r ef er ences that
you i m por t f r om Medl i ne.
You shoul d not ci te a r ef er ence that you have not r ead, at l east i n par t.
How ever, i f you m ust ci te an i dea f r om an ar ti cl e you cannot f i nd, m ake cl ear
that you di d not see the or i gi nal ar ti cl e by usi ng the f ol l ow i ng f or m of ci tati on:
Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Pl uger s Ar chi v 1972;XX: x x–x x (ci ted by Jones RE. Ti tl e. J Appl
Phy si ol 1977;XX: x x–x x ).
Fi nal l y, to do your par t to keep i ndexes of the bi om edi cal l i teratur e cl ear, use
the sam e nam e and i ni ti al s thr oughout your car eer. If you change your nam e i n
your pr i vate l i f e, do not change i t i n your pr of essi onal l i f e. Si m i l ar l y, do not
add or dr op i ni ti al s. For ex am pl e, i f your nam e i s R. J. Gor don but your f r i ends
cal l you John, do not change your publ i shi ng nam e to J. Gor don par t way
thr ough your car eer.
P. 262
Accuracy of the Information
N ot onl y m ust the r ef er ences be accurate, but the i nf or m ati on you ci te m ust
al so be accurate. If you quote f r om a publ i shed paper, use quotati on m ar k s,
and check that ever y w or d and punctuati on m ar k i s ex actl y as i t was i n the
or i gi nal . If you paraphrase the i deas, check that your statem ent i s accurate and
f ai r —one that the author w oul d accept. Af ter you f i ni sh w r i ti ng the paper, r ead
the ar ti cl es you ci ted once agai n, to m ake sur e that your statem ents do not
m i sr epr esent the author s' i deas.
Correlation of the Reference List and the Text
Ever y r ef er ence i n the tex t m ust be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st and ever y
r ef er ence i n the r ef er ence l i st m ust be ci ted i n the tex t. Com puter pr ogram s
that do not per m i t di scr epanci es betw een r ef er ences i n the tex t and i n the
r ef er ence l i st ar e avai l abl e.
INCORPORATING REFERENCES INTO THE TEXT
Introducing Referenced Material in the Text
Ther e ar e tw o way s to ci te other s' i deas i n the tex t. One em phasi zes the
sci ence:
Author s' nam es ar e not transi ti on w or ds. It i s usual l y easi er to keep the stor y
goi ng i n a paragraph i f you do not begi n a sentence w i th author s' nam es. Al so,
avoi d m i x i ng the tw o ty pes of ci tati on i n one paragraph unl ess you have a
par ti cul ar r eason f or doi ng so.
Referring to Authors of Other Papers
When r ef er r i ng to the author s of a paper, be car ef ul to i ncl ude al l author s and
then, i n l ater sentences, to use the appr opr i ate pr onoun. For a paper by one
author, use that author 's nam e: “devel oped by Li banof f (4).” For a paper by tw o
author s, use both author s' nam es ever y ti m e: “Bar r i ngton and Fi ner (16)
tr eated ni ne i nf ants.” For a paper by thr ee or m or e author s, use the f i r st
author 's nam e f ol l ow ed by the Lati n ter m “et al .,” w hi ch m eans “and other s.”
Som e jour nal s pr ef er Engl i sh ter m s such as “and other s” or “and col l eagues.”
“Et al .” or a si m i l ar ter m m ust be used ever y ti m e the author s of the paper ar e
m enti oned. It i s never appr opr i ate to r ef er to the paper onl y by the nam e of
the f i r st author : “Jack son et al . (12) r epor ted… . Jack son (12) al so f ound… .”
N ote that ther e i s no com m a betw een the f i r st author 's nam e and “et al .” In
P. 263
addi ti on, ther e i s no per i od af ter “et.” How ever, ther e i s a per i od af ter “al .,”
w hi ch i s an abbr ev i ati on f or “al i a.”
The appr opr i ate pr onoun f or Jack son et al . i s “they,” not “he.” Thus, “Jack son et
al . r epor ted… . He al so f ound…” i s not possi bl e. The appr opr i ate w or di ng i s
“Jack son et al . r epor ted… . They al so f ound… .”
Where to Place Reference Citations
General l y, pl ace r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter the i dea you ar e r ef er r i ng to (see
Ex am pl e 9. 2 above) or af ter the nam es of the author s i f the nam es ar e i ncl uded
i n the tex t (see Ex am pl e 9. 3 above). Do not put r ef er ence ci tati ons i n the
m i ddl e of an i dea (r ef er ence 29 i n Ex am pl e 9. 4 bel ow ) or af ter general
i ndi cati ons of a publ i shed w or k , such as “i n a r ecent study ” or “has been
r epor ted” (r ef er ence 16 i n Ex am pl e 9. 4).
Revision
In the rat, the concentrati on of nucl ear r eceptor s i n the brai n decr eases dur i ng
the f i r st 2 w eek s af ter bi r th (30), w her eas the r eceptor concentrati on i n l i ver
nucl ei i ncr eases dur i ng thi s per i od (29). In addi ti on, a tem poral cor r el ati on has
been r epor ted betw een the T 3 bi ndi ng capaci ty of nucl ei and the acti v i ty of
f atty aci d sy nthetase i n f etal rabbi t l ung (16).
Pl aci ng r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter i deas does not necessar i l y m ean that
r ef er ences w i l l com e at the end of the sentence. For ex am pl e, i t i s i m por tant to
di sti ngui sh betw een your i deas and the w or k of other s. Thus, i f you draw a
concl usi on based on another author 's f i ndi ngs, put the ci tati on af ter the
author 's f i ndi ng, not af ter your concl usi on (Ex am pl e 9. 5).
The potenti al f or m al i gnant transf or m ati on i n l i chen pl anus r equi r es that
cauti on be exer ci sed i n the l ongter m use of ster oi ds (12).
Revision
The potenti al f or m al i gnant transf or m ati on i n l i chen pl anus (12) r equi r es that
cauti on be exer ci sed i n the l ongter m use of ster oi ds.
Si m i l ar l y, w hen you have several r ef er ences f or several poi nts i n one sentence,
i t i s m or e usef ul to ci te each r ef er ence af ter the appr opr i ate poi nt than to
gr oup al l the r ef er ences together at the end of the sentence, especi al l y w hen
the r ef er ence l i st does not i ncl ude ti tl es of ar ti cl es.
P. 264
Revision
Lef t atr i al pr essur e dy nam i cs have been show n to be i nver sel y r el ated to
pul m onar y venous bl ood f l ow i n dogs (8–10) and hum ans (8, 11) and al so to
i nf l uence m i tral i nf l ow (12).
SYSTEMS FOR CITING REFERENCES
Citing References in the Text
Tw o m ai n sy stem s ar e used f or ci ti ng r ef er ences i n the tex t: author and year
(Ex am pl e 9. 7) and num ber (Ex am pl e 9. 8). The num ber s used i n the tex t ar e
pr i nted as super scr i pts or as num ber s i n par entheses or brackets.
The r el ati onshi p i s descr i bed by a pow er f uncti on (y = ax b ) w i th an ex ponent
l ess than 1 (Jones et al . 1983, Br ow n 1984).
Order of References Cited for One Point
In the tex t, w hen m or e than one r ef er ence i s ci ted f or a poi nt, the r ef er ences
ar e l i sted i n chr onol ogi cal or der w hen possi bl e. For r ef er ences ci ted by nam e
and year, chr onol ogi cal or der i s al way s used. For r ef er ences ci ted by num ber,
num er i cal or der i s al way s used. Chr onol ogi cal or der can be used si m ul taneousl y
w i th num er i cal or der on f i r st ci tati on of a gr oup of r ef er ences, as i n Ex am pl e
9. 8 (4 = Jones et al . 1983, 5 = Br ow n 1984).
Arrangement of References in the Reference List
In the r ef er ence l i st, f or the author and year sy stem , r ef er ences ar e l i sted i n
al phabeti cal or der. The r ef er ences ar e not num ber ed. For the num ber sy stem ,
r ef er ences ar e num ber ed i n the or der i n w hi ch each r ef er ence i s f i r st ci ted i n
the tex t. If a r ef er ence appear s onl y i n a tabl e or a f i gur e l egend, the
r ef er ence i s num ber ed accor di ng to w her e the tabl e or f i gur e i s f i r st ci ted i n
the paper. In som e jour nal s that use num ber s i n the tex t, the r ef er ences i n the
l i st ar e al phabeti zed and then num ber ed.
Citing References from the Internet or the World Wide
Web
To ci te a r ef er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web, use the f ol l ow i ng
f or m :
Ex a mple 9. 9 Ref er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web
Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Avai l abl e f r om : ur l : http://Inter net addr ess or Wor l d Wi de Web
addr ess.
P. 265
Style of References in the Reference List
Most jour nal s m ai ntai n i ndi v i dual sty l es f or thei r r ef er ences. Ref er ence sty l es
var y on such detai l s as w hether ti tl es of ar ti cl es ar e i ncl uded, w hether l ast
page num ber s ar e i ncl uded, w her e author s' i ni ti al s ar e pl aced (bef or e or af ter
the l ast nam e), w her e the year of publ i cati on i s pl aced (af ter the author s'
nam es, af ter the jour nal ti tl e, at the end of the r ef er ence), and how i tem s ar e
punctuated. Com puter pr ogram s that put r ef er ences i n var i ous sty l es ar e
avai l abl e.
A si ngl e sty l e f or r ef er ences has been adopted by a l ar ge num ber of jour nal s.
Thi s sty l e i s som eti m es r ef er r ed to as the Vancouver sty l e because the m eeti ng
at w hi ch the sty l e was adopted was hel d i n Vancouver, Br i ti sh Col um bi a. The
sty l e i s descr i bed i n a docum ent cal l ed “U ni f or m Requi r em ents f or Manuscr i pts
Subm i tted to Bi om edi cal Jour nal s” and i s avai l abl e on the Inter net:
http://w w w. hsr. i t/bi bl i o/uni f or m . htm l . The docum ent i s updated per i odi cal l y.
Com puter pr ogram s that put r ef er ences i n the Vancouver sty l e ar e avai l abl e.
You CH, Lee KY, Chey RY, Menguy R. El ectr ogastr ographi c study of pati ents w i th
unex pl ai ned nausea, bl oati ng and vom i ti ng. Gastr oenter ol ogy 1980; 79:311–4.
The pur pose of hav i ng a si ngl e sty l e i s f or the conveni ence of author s. The
jour nal s that have adopted the U ni f or m Requi r em ents w i l l al l accept paper s i n
w hi ch the r ef er ences ar e ty ped i n the sty l e pr escr i bed. How ever, som e jour nal s
change the r ef er ences to a di f f er ent sty l e f or publ i cati on.
P. 266
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR REFERENCES
Ref er ences gi ve cr edi t to the i deas and f i ndi ngs of other s and di r ect r eader s to
sour ces of f ur ther i nf or m ati on.
Sel ect the m ost val i d, the m ost avai l abl e, and the f ew est r ef er ences.
Val i d: jour nal ar ti cl es, book s, Ph. D. theses, r ev i ew ed conf er ence
pr oceedi ngs.
Less val i d: abstracts f or m eeti ngs, unr ev i ew ed conf er ence pr oceedi ngs.
Avai l abl e: jour nal ar ti cl es ei ther publ i shed or i n pr ess, book s.
Less avai l abl e: Ph. D. theses, conf er ence pr oceedi ngs.
N ot avai l abl e: jour nal ar ti cl es subm i tted or i n pr eparati on; do not i ncl ude
these i n the r ef er ence l i st; ci te them i n the tex t as per sonal
com m uni cati ons or unpubl i shed obser vati ons.
For the f ew est r ef er ences, sel ect the f i r st, m ost i m por tant, m ost el egant,
and m ost r ecent paper s. U se r ev i ew ar ti cl es w hen possi bl e.
Ref er ences m ust be accurate i n ever y detai l : author s' nam es, author s' i ni ti al s,
ti tl e of the paper, ti tl e of the jour nal , year of publ i cati on, vol um e num ber, f i r st
and l ast page num ber s.
Ever y r ef er ence i n the tex t m ust be i n the r ef er ence l i st, and v i ce ver sa.
When nam i ng the author s of a paper i n the tex t, i ncl ude al l author s. For paper s
by thr ee or m or e author s, use the f or m “Jack son et al .” and the pr onoun “they ”
(not “he”).
Put r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter the i dea you ar e ci ti ng or af ter the author s' nam es
i f nam es ar e i ncl uded.
If you draw a concl usi on based on another author 's f i ndi ngs, put the ci tati on
af ter the author 's f i ndi ng, not af ter your concl usi on.
For several r ef er ences i n one sentence, ci te each r ef er ence af ter the
appr opr i ate poi nt rather than gr oupi ng al l r ef er ences at the end of the
sentence.
U se ei ther author s and year s or num ber s to i denti f y r ef er ences i n the tex t,
w hi chever the jour nal r equests.
For m or e than one r ef er ence f or one poi nt, ci te r ef er ences i n chr onol ogi cal
or der.
In the r ef er ence l i st, use al phabeti cal or der w hen author s and year s ar e ci ted
i n the tex t. U se num er i cal or der accor di ng to f i r st ci tati on i n the tex t w hen
num ber s ar e used f or ci tati ons, unl ess the jour nal pr ef er s al phabeti cal or der.
To ci te a r ef er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web, use the f ol l ow i ng
f or m : Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Avai l abl e f r om : ur l :http://Inter net addr ess or Wor l d
Wi de Web addr ess.
Fol l ow the jour nal 's sty l e f or detai l s i n the r ef er ence l i st. If the jour nal has
adopted the Vancouver sty l e, use i t.
Back
Introduction
In Secti ons I–III, w e saw how to choose w or ds and ar range them i n cl ear
sentences and paragraphs (Secti on I), how to w r i te each secti on of a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper to tel l a cl ear stor y (Secti on II), and how to desi gn
f i gur es and tabl es and pr esent r ef er ences cl ear l y (Secti on III). In Secti on IV,
w e tur n our attenti on to pr ov i di ng a cl ear over v i ew of the stor y. In Chapter 10
(The Abstract) and Chapter 11 (The Ti tl e), our central concer n w i l l be to
pr ov i de the over v i ew al one, w i th a bar e m i ni m um of detai l s. In Chapter 12 (The
Bi g Pi ctur e), w e w i l l consi der how to pr ov i de the over v i ew together w i th al l the
necessar y detai l s.
The abstract and the ti tl e pr ov i de an over v i ew to tw o gr oups of r eader s. One
gr oup r eads onl y the ti tl e or the ti tl e and the abstract. Thi s gr oup i ncl udes
r eader s w ho have access onl y to sour ces such as Index Medi cus, Cur r ent
Contents, abstract jour nal s, or abstracti ng ser v i ces. The other gr oup of r eader s
r eads not onl y the ti tl e and the abstract but al so the paper. Ther ef or e, just as
f i gur es and tabl es need to tel l the stor y of the paper both f or r eader s w ho do
not r ead the tex t and f or r eader s w ho do, so the abstract and the ti tl e need to
tel l the stor y both f or r eader s w ho do not r ead ei ther the tex t or the f i gur es
and tabl es and f or r eader s w ho r ead the w hol e paper. The nex t tw o chapter s
ex pl ai n how to w r i te abstracts and ti tl es that w i l l be cl ear to both gr oups of
r eader s. Abstracts f or hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, descr i pti ve paper s, and
m ethods paper s ar e i ncl uded.
In the paper as a w hol e, both the over v i ew and the detai l s need to be cl ear.
Chapter 12 i l l ustrates how to pr ov i de a cl ear over v i ew i n addi ti on to pr esenti ng
al l the necessar y detai l s.
Back
Chapter 10
The Abstract
FUNCTION
The f uncti on of the abstract of a sci enti f i c r esear ch paper i s to pr ov i de an over v i ew of
the paper. The over v i ew shoul d pr esent the m ai n stor y and a f ew essenti al detai l s of the
paper f or r eader s w ho r ead onl y the abstract and shoul d ser ve as a cl ear pr ev i ew of the
m ai n stor y f or r eader s w ho r ead the paper. Thus, the abstract shoul d m ake sense both
w hen r ead al one and w hen r ead w i th the paper.
The abstract shoul d be nei ther vague and general on the one hand nor f ussi l y detai l ed
on the other. Rather, i t shoul d be speci f i c and sel ecti ve. As i ts nam e suggests, an
abstract (ab, out + tr aher e, to pul l ) shoul d sel ect (pul l out) the hi ghl i ghts f r om each
secti on of the paper.
Som eti m es the over v i ew i n the abstract i s cl ear er than the over v i ew i n the tex t. The
r eason i s usual l y ei ther that par t of the over v i ew i s om i tted i n the tex t or that the
detai l s i n the tex t obscur e the over v i ew. Al though the author shoul d m ake ever y ef f or t
to w eave a cl ear over v i ew i nto the tex t so that the tex t does not becom e al l tr ees and
no f or est, an advantage of hav i ng a cl ear, conci se over v i ew i n the abstract i s that i t can
com pensate f or som e l apses i n the over v i ew i n the tex t.
ABSTRACTS OF HYPOTHESIS–TESTING PAPERS
Content
The abstract of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper shoul d state conci sel y the questi on that was
asked, the ex per i m ents that w er e done to answ er the questi on, the r esul ts that w er e
f ound that answ er the questi on, and the answ er to the questi on. In addi ti on to these
f our basi c par ts, the abstract m ay begi n w i th a sentence or tw o of back gr ound
i nf or m ati on to hel p the r eader under stand the questi on and m ay end w i th a sentence
stati ng an i m pl i cati on of the answ er or a specul ati on or r ecom m endati on based on the
answ er. Because the abstract m ust m ake sense w hen r ead al one, as w el l as w hen r ead
i n conjuncti on w i th the paper, the abstract shoul d not i ncl ude ci tati ons of the sci enti f i c
l i teratur e or ci tati ons of f i gur es or tabl es.
Question
State the questi on you asked ei ther as a questi on or as a hy pothesi s.
P. 270
The Experiments That Were Done
N am e the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) and the or gani sm f r om
w hi ch i t cam e, or nam e the ani m al or hum an popul ati on studi ed. If necessar y, i ncl ude
the condi ti on of the ani m al s or subjects, such as anestheti zed.
State the ex per i m ental appr oach or the study desi gn, i ncl udi ng both the i ndependent and
the dependent var i abl es. Menti on onl y i m por tant detai l s of m ater i al s and m ethods.
The Results That Were Found
Incl ude onl y r esul ts that answ er the questi on. Gi ve data, i f at al l , onl y f or the m ost
i m por tant r esul ts. Gi ve per cent change rather than ex act data w hen possi bl e. Do not
i ncl ude f i gur es or tabl es.
Answer
State the answ er to the questi on. Be sur e that the answ er answ er s the questi on you
asked. Do not w r i te vague statem ents such as “The causes of thi s r esponse ar e
di scussed.”
Background
If r eader s w oul d w onder w hy you ar e ask i ng your questi on, begi n the abstract w i th a
sentence or tw o of back gr ound i nf or m ati on. The back gr ound i nf or m ati on shoul d be the
sam e as that gi ven at the begi nni ng of the Intr oducti on, onl y br i ef er.
Implication, Speculation, or Recommendation
If par t or al l of the i m por tance of your paper i s the i m pl i cati on of the answ er or a
specul ati on or r ecom m endati on based on the answ er, i ncl ude a sentence stati ng the
i m pl i cati on, specul ati on, or r ecom m endati on, at the end of the abstract, as i n Ex am pl e
10. 1.
Example 10.1
ADevel opm ent of phar y ngeal m uscl e i n nem atodes and hear t m uscl e i n ver tebrates and
i nsects i nvol ves the r el ated hom eobox genes ceh22, nk x 2. 5, and ti nm an, r especti vel y.
B1To deter m i ne w hether the nem atode gene ceh22 and the ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5
per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons, B2w e ex am i ned the acti v i ty of the zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5 gene i n
transgeni c Caenor habdi ti s el egans. CWe f ound that ectopi c ex pr essi on of nk x 2. 5 i n C.
el egans body wal l m uscl e di r ectl y acti vated ex pr essi on both of the endogenous m y o2
gene, a ceh22 tar get nor m al l y ex pr essed onl y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e, and of a sy ntheti c
r epor ter constr uct contr ol l ed by a m ul ti m er i zed CEH22 bi ndi ng si te. Dnk x 2. 5 al so
ef f i ci entl y pr evented ceh22 gr ow th def ects w hen ex pr essed i n phar y ngeal m uscl e.
EThese r esul ts i ndi cate that ceh22 and nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons. FFur ther,
these r esul ts suggest that an evol uti onar i l y conser ved m echani sm under l i es phar y ngeal
devel opm ent i n nem atodes and hear t devel opm ent i n ver tebrates and i nsects. In thi s
abstract, sentence A gi ves back gr ound i nf or m ati on, B 1 states the questi on, and B 2
states the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on. Sentences C and D state w hat
r esul ts w er e f ound. N o data ar e gi ven. The answ er,
P. 271
stated i n the secondtol ast sentence (E), answ er s the questi on asked i n B 1 . An
i m pl i cati on that r el ates to the back gr ound gi ven at the begi nni ng of the abstract i s
stated at the end of the abstract (F).
Organization
Overall Organization
As show n i n Ex am pl e 10. 1, the overal l or gani zati on of the abstract i s the sam e as the
or gani zati on of the tex t: back gr ound (i f any ), questi on, the ex per i m ents done, the
r esul ts f ound, answ er, and i m pl i cati on, specul ati on, or r ecom m endati on (i f any ).
How ever, the abstract i s of ten str eam l i ned i n one way : of ten the detai l s of the
ex per i m ents done—speci f i c i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, doses, m ethods—ar e
gi ven i n the sentences that state the r esul ts f ound. Thi s or gani zati onal strategy avoi ds
r epeti ti on. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 10. 1, “Ectopi c ex pr essi on of nk x 2. 5 i n C. el egans
body wal l m uscl e” i s m enti oned onl y i n sentence C, w hi ch descr i bes the r esul ts f ound.
Si m i l ar l y, “w hen ex pr essed i n phar y ngeal m uscl e” i s m enti oned onl y i n sentence D.
(Al so see Ex am pl e 10. 2 bel ow. )
Al though the overal l or gani zati on of the abstract f ol l ow s the or gani zati on of the paper,
the abstract does not gi ve equal w ei ght to al l secti ons of the paper. The abstract
i ncl udes m uch of the Intr oducti on (back gr ound, the questi on, ex per i m ental appr oach,
ani m al or popul ati on studi ed, thei r condi ti on, m ater i al ) but onl y a f ew detai l s f r om
m ethods (speci f i c i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, doses, m ethods), onl y key
r esul ts and key data f r om Resul ts, f i gur es, and tabl es, and onl y the answ er and m ay be
an i m pl i cati on or a specul ati on f r om the Di scussi on.
Organization of Results
If you i ncl ude tw o or m or e r esul ts i n your abstract, ar range them i n a l ogi cal or der,
such as chr onol ogi cal or der, m ost to l east i m por tant, or l east to m ost i m por tant. When
or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant, descr i be contr ol r esul ts l ast, i f you i ncl ude
them at al l . In Ex am pl e 10. 1 above, the or der of the r esul ts i s chr onol ogi cal
(ex pr essi on, f uncti on).
Example 10.2
A1To deter m i ne w hether l esi ons of the nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um al ter pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur es and pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow w i thout al ter i ng the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on, A2w e
m easur ed pr essur es and l y m ph f l ow i n 6 hal othaneanestheti zed sheep i n w hi ch w e
cr eated l esi ons of the nucl eus by bi l ateral ther m ocoagul ati on. BWe f ound that pul m onar y
ar ter y pr essur e r ose to 150% of basel i ne and r em ai ned el evated f or the 3h durati on of
the ex per i m ent. CPul m onar y l y m ph f l ow doubl ed w i thi n 2 h. DSy stem i c and l ef t atr i al
pr essur es di d not change. ESham nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um l esi ons and l esi ons l ateral
to the nucl eus pr oduced no changes. FThese ex per i m ents dem onstrate that l esi ons of the
nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um al ter pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur es and pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow
i ndependentl y of the ef f ects on the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In thi s abstract, r esul ts ar e r epor ted i n a l ogi cal or der (m ost to l east i m por tant):
ex per i m ental r esul ts f i r st (B–D) and contr ol r esul ts l ast (E). In addi ti on, var i abl es that
changed (B, C) ar e r epor ted bef or e var i abl es that di d not change (D)—al so a l ogi cal
or der. N ote al so that the detai l s of the r esul ts
P. 272
f ound ar e i n the sam e or der as the detai l s i n the questi on: f i r st pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur es, nex t pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow, and l ast sy stem i c ci r cul ator y var i abl es.
To str eam l i ne the abstract, detai l s of the ex per i m ent done ar e i ncl uded i n the
statem ents of the r esul ts f ound. Thus, the durati on of the ex per i m ent (3 h) and the
speci f i c dependent var i abl es of the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on (sy stem i c and l ef t atr i al
pr essur es) ar e m enti oned onl y w hen the r esul ts ar e gi ven (sentences B and D).
Si m i l ar l y, the contr ol m aneuver s ar e m enti oned onl y at the begi nni ng of the sentence
stati ng contr ol r esul ts (E). In addi ti on, data ar e gi ven as a per centage [“150% of
basel i ne” (B)] and as a pr opor ti on [“doubl ed” (C)] rather than as ex act val ues.
The answ er i s stated i n the l ast sentence (F) and answ er s the questi on as i t was asked
(usi ng the sam e key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e poi nt of v i ew ).
Writing
Continuity
To pr ov i de cl ear conti nui ty thr oughout the abstract, r epeat key ter m s, use consi stent
or der f or detai l s, keep the sam e poi nt of v i ew i n the questi on and the answ er, and use
ei ther paral l el f or m or consi stent poi nt of v i ew f or com par i sons and other paral l el i deas
(see Ex am pl e 10. 3 bel ow ).
Signaling Topics
Abstracts ar e conventi onal l y w r i tten as one paragraph. (For excepti ons, see “Var i ati ons”
bel ow. ) Ther ef or e, i t hel ps the r eader i f you si gnal the par ts of an abstract both
v i sual l y, by star ti ng a new sentence, and ver bal l y, by si gnal i ng the topi c at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. Begi n a new sentence f or the questi on, the r esul ts f ound, and
the answ er. The questi on and the ex per i m ent done ar e f r equentl y i n the sam e sentence,
so then onl y the questi on needs to be si gnal ed. How ever, i f the sentence w oul d be too
l ong, the questi on and ex per i m ent can be i n separate sentences, each hav i ng i ts ow n
si gnal . The questi on can be si gnal ed by an i nf i ni ti ve f ol l ow ed by a questi on w or d or as a
hy pothesi s (see the tabl e bel ow ). The r esul ts f ound can be si gnal ed by “We f ound.” The
answ er to the questi on can be si gnal ed by “We concl ude that” or “Ther ef or e” or
som ethi ng si m i l ar.
Topic Signa l
If the abstract i ncl udes an i m pl i cati on, be car ef ul to di sti ngui sh the i m pl i cati on f r om the
answ er by usi ng a cauti ous si gnal , such as “These r esul ts suggest that… .” The ver b i n
the suggesti on can al so be cauti ous, “m ay i nhi bi t,”
P. 273
“m ay pl ay a r ol e i n,” etc. For the cl ear est di sti ncti on betw een answ er s and i m pl i cati ons,
al so put them i n separate sentences (as i n Ex am pl e 10. 1)
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as those i n the paper : pr esent tense f or
the questi on and the answ er ; past tense f or the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound.
Sentence Structure
Wr i te shor t sentences. Avoi d noun cl uster s. If your techni cal ter m s ar e com posed of
several w or ds, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 3 bel ow, w r i ti ng shor t sentences m ay be di f f i cul t.
Word Choice
U se si m pl e w or ds. For the sake of f or ei gn r eader s and r eader s w ho w or k i n other f i el ds,
avoi d jar gon.
Abbreviations
Avoi d abbr ev i ati ons w her ever possi bl e. You shoul d use standar d abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts
of m easur em ent (Inter nati onal Sy stem abbr ev i ati ons), and you can use standar d, w i del y
accepted abbr ev i ati ons such as DN A. But sem i standar d and nonstandar d abbr ev i ati ons
m ake r eadi ng a chor e and shoul d ther ef or e be avoi ded. If you m ust use a nonstandar d
abbr ev i ati on that i s not w i del y accepted, def i ne i t the f i r st ti m e you use i t i n the
abstract, f or ex am pl e, “gl utam ate py r uvate transf erase (GPT).” Som e speci al ty jour nal s
per m i t abbr ev i ati ons that ar e standar d i n thei r speci al ty to be used w i thout def i ni ti on i n
the abstract and i n the paper. Thi s practi ce m akes r eadi ng di f f i cul t f or new com er s to the
speci al ty.
For those w ho l i ke num er i cal gui del i nes, one abbr ev i ati on (other than a uni t of
m easur em ent) i s no pr obl em , tw o abbr ev i ati ons ar e OK, thr ee ar e bor der l i ne. Readi ng
becom es geom etr i cal l y m or e di f f i cul t af ter that. If you cannot avoi d abbr ev i ati ons
al together, tr y to have onl y one abbr ev i ati on i n an abstract and cer tai nl y no m or e than
thr ee.
Length
Most jour nal s l i m i t the l ength of the abstract (usual l y to 250 w or ds or l ess). “U ni f or m
Requi r em ents f or Manuscr i pts Subm i tted to Bi om edi cal Jour nal s” (see Li teratur e Ci ted)
speci f i es 150 w or ds or l ess. If no l i m i t i s stated, m ake your abstract no l onger than the
abstracts i n r ecent i ssues of the jour nal .
Do not i ncl ude uni m por tant detai l s or unnecessar y w or ds just to f i l l up space. If you can
sum m ar i ze your paper i n f ew er w or ds than the m ax i m um al l ow ed, do so.
If you ar e tem pted to add m or e and m or e detai l , keep i n m i nd that the abstract w i l l
becom e m or e and m or e unr eadabl e; the tr ees w i l l over shadow the f or est. That i s the
ex act opposi te of w hat you want. The over v i ew i s easi est to see i n a shor t abstract, so
keep your abstract shor t. In no case shoul d your abstract be m or e than 250 w or ds, even
i f the jour nal publ i shes l onger abstracts.
In your ef f or t to keep the abstract shor t, do not w r i te i n the sty l e of a tel egram ; that i s,
do not om i t necessar y “a's,” “an's,” and “the's.”
P. 274
Example 10.3
A1To deter m i ne w hether 4 dr ugs used i n the tr eatm ent of asthm a i nhi bi t the tol uene
di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti on and the associ ated i ncr ease i n ai r way
r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne, A2w e assessed these var i abl es i n 24 sensi ti zed
subjects di v i ded i nto 4 gr oups of 6 subjects each. BEi ther sl owr el ease verapam i l (120
m g tw i ce a day ), cr om ol y n (20 m g 4 ti m es a day v i a spi nhal er ), sl owr el ease
theophy l l i ne (6. 5 m g/k g tw i ce a day ), or becl om ethasone aer osol (1 m g tw i ce a day )
was adm i ni ster ed f or 7 day s, each to one of the 4 gr oups, accor di ng to a doubl ebl i nd,
cr ossover, pl acebocontr ol l ed study desi gn. CWe f ound that nei ther pl acebo, verapam i l ,
nor cr om ol y n i nhi bi ted the l ar ge i ncr ease i n f or ced ex pi rator y vol um e i n the f i r st second
(FEV 1 ) or the i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne af ter ex posur e to
tol uene. DSl owr el ease theophy l l i ne par ti al l y i nhi bi ted the i ncr ease i n FEV 1 but had no
ef f ect on ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne. EBecl om ethasone i nhi bi ted both
var i abl es. FThus, onl y the hi ghdose i nhal ed ster oi d becl om ethasone ef f ecti vel y i nhi bi ts
tol uene di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti ons and the associ ated i ncr eases i n
ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne.
Thi s abstract f ol l ow s the gui del i nes f or content and or gani zati on of abstracts. N ote that
r esul ts (C–E) ar e pr esented i n the or der of l east to m ost ef f ecti ve (l east to m ost
i m por tant).
Thi s abstract al so f ol l ow s m ost of the gui del i nes f or w r i ti ng. Conti nui ty i s str ong
because of r epeti ti on of key ter m s (i nhi bi t, verapam i l , cr om ol y n, theophy l l i ne,
becl om ethasone, tol uene, l ate asthm ati c r eacti on, i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to
m ethachol i ne, FEV 1 ), consi stent or der of the dr ugs i n the ex per i m ent done (B) and the
r esul ts f ound (C–E), and consi stent poi nt of v i ew f or r esul ts f ound (C–E).
The r esul ts f ound ar e si gnal ed by “We f ound that” at the begi nni ng of a new sentence.
The answ er i s si gnal ed by “Thus” at the begi nni ng of a new sentence.
Ver b tenses ar e appr opr i ate: pr esent tense f or the questi on (“i nhi bi t”) and the answ er
(“i nhi bi ts”); past tense f or the ex per i m ent done (“assessed,” “was adm i ni ster ed”) and
the r esul ts f ound (“i nhi bi ted,” “i nhi bi ted,” “had,” “i nhi bi ted”).
Wor d choi ce i s as si m pl e as possi bl e. Onl y one abbr ev i ati on i s used (FEV 1 ). Al though i t
i s a standar d abbr ev i ati on i n r espi rator y phy si ol ogy, i t i s def i ned.
The abstract i s r easonabl y shor t (181 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
How ever, the sentences, especi al l y sentences A and B, ar e rather l ong (A, 44 w or ds; B,
57 w or ds; m ean, 30 w or ds per sentence). One way to shor ten the sentences (and the
abstract) sl i ghtl y w i thout om i tti ng any i nf or m ati on i s to condense the sentence that
descr i bes the ex per i m ent done (B) and nam e the dr ugs and the doses onl y i n the
sentences that state r esul ts, as i n the r ev i si on.
Revision
A1To deter m i ne w hether 4 dr ugs used i n the tr eatm ent of asthm a i nhi bi t the tol uene
di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti on and the associ ated i ncr ease i n ai r way
r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne, A2w e assessed these var i abl es i n 24 sensi ti zed
subjects di v i ded i nto 4 gr oups of 6 subjects each. BSubjects i n each gr oup r ecei ved one
dr ug f or 7 day s accor di ng to a doubl ebl i nd, cr ossover, pl acebocontr ol l ed study desi gn.
CWe f ound that nei ther pl acebo, sl owr el ease verapam i l (120 m g tw i ce a day ), nor
cr om ol y n (20 m g 4 ti m es a day v i a spi nhal er ) i nhi bi ted the l ar ge i ncr ease i n f or ced
ex pi rator y vol um e i n the f i r st second (FEV 1 ) or the i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to
m ethachol i ne af ter ex posur e to tol uene. DSl owr el ease theophy l l i ne (6. 5 m g/k g tw i ce a
day ) par ti al l y i nhi bi ted the i ncr ease i n FEV 1 but had no ef f ect on ai r way r esponsi veness
to m ethachol i ne.
P. 275
EBecl om ethasone aer osol (1 m g tw i ce a day ) i nhi bi ted both var i abl es. FThus, onl y the
hi ghdose i nhal ed ster oi d becl om ethasone ef f ecti vel y i nhi bi ts tol uene di i socyanate
i nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti ons and the associ ated i ncr eases i n ai r way r esponsi veness
to m ethachol i ne.
Putti ng the detai l s of the ex per i m ent done i n the statem ent of the r esul ts f ound shor tens
the abstract by 10 w or ds (171 v s. 181). It al so shor tens sentence B consi derabl y (20 v s.
57 w or ds) and thus m akes the over v i ew of w hat was done cl ear er. Al though sentence C
i s now l onger (48 v s. 33 w or ds), m ean sentence l ength i s shor ter (28. 5 v s. 30 w or ds per
sentence).
ABSTRACTS OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
Content and Organization
The abstract of a descr i pti ve paper has thr ee m ai n par ts: the m essage of the paper, the
r esul ts that suppor t the m essage, and the i m pl i cati on of the m essage. In addi ti on, i f i t
i s necessar y to cl ar i f y the r eason f or the study or the i m por tance of the m essage,
back gr ound i nf or m ati on can be added at the begi nni ng of the abstract.
Because ther e i s no hy pothesi s i n descr i pti ve paper s, the m essage i s stated at the
begi nni ng of the abstract. The r esul ts that suppor t the m essage com e i m m edi atel y af ter
the m essage, to conv i nce the r eader that the m essage i s tr ue. The i m pl i cati on i s stated
at the end. Methods, i f any, ar e i ncl uded i n the sentences that state the r esul ts.
Ex am pl es of descr i pti ve paper s ar e paper s that descr i be the cl oni ng and
character i zati on of a new gene or the str uctur e of par t of a m ol ecul e. In abstracts f or
thi s ty pe of paper, the m essage and the r esul ts ar e about str uctur e, and the i m pl i cati on
i s about the l i kel y or possi bl e f uncti on of thi s str uctur e.
P. 276
In thi s descr i pti ve abstract, sentences A–C pr ov i de back gr ound i nf or m ati on i ndi cati ng
the r eason f or the study and the i m por tance of the m essage. Sentence D states the
m essage. Sentences E–H state the r esul ts, w hi ch descr i be str uctural detai l s. Sentence I
states an i m pl i cati on, w hi ch i s a possi bl e f uncti on of the enzy m e i denti f i ed i n thi s study.
Writing
Signaling Topics
In a descr i pti ve abstract, onl y the m essage and the i m pl i cati on ar e si gnal ed. The si gnal
of the m essage i s “Her e w e r epor t” or som e var i ati on on thi s si gnal , such as “We her e
r epor t,” “Her e w e descr i be,” or “We r epor t.” Si gnal s of the i m pl i cati on ar e “These
f i ndi ngs suggest that,” “We pr opose that,” or som ethi ng si m i l ar.
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses ar e a l i ttl e tr i ck i er i n descr i pti ve abstracts than i n hy pothesi stesti ng
abstracts. The basi c gui del i ne i s that i f a statem ent i s sti l l tr ue, use pr esent tense; i f
the statem ent i s about som ethi ng done or f ound i n the past, use past tense. Thus, w hen
you ar e descr i bi ng a str uctur e, use pr esent tense, as i n sentences E and F of Ex am pl e
10. 4 (“bel ong,” “show ”) and sentences B, C, and D of Ex am pl e 10. 5, (“ar e,” “l ocal i zes,”
“cor r espond,” “r equi r es”) because these statem ents ar e sti l l tr ue. But w hen you descr i be
the r esul t of an ex per i m ent, use past tense, as i n sentences E, G, and H of Ex am pl e
10. 4 (“r eveal ed,” “was i denti f i ed,” “pr ecl uded”) and sentence E of Ex am pl e 10. 5
(“col ocal i zed”), because those events ar e f i ni shed. For i m pl i cati ons, the ver bs used can
be cauti ous, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 4 (“m ay f aci l i tate”) or not, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 5
(“pr om otes,” “ensur es”).
Ex am pl e 10. 5 i ncl udes onl y the thr ee basi c par ts of a descr i pti ve abstract: the m essage
(sentence A), the r esul ts that suppor t the m essage (B–E), and an i m pl i cati on (F).
Sentence Structure, Word Choice, Abbreviations
As usual , sentences shoul d be shor t, w or ds shoul d be si m pl e, and abbr ev i ati ons shoul d
be avoi ded.
P. 277
Length
Keep the abstract as shor t as possi bl e, never m or e than 250 w or ds.
Common Problems in Abstracts of HypothesisTesting
Papers
Deviations From the Standard Form
Dev i ati ons f r om the standar d f or m of the abstract f or hy pothesi stesti ng paper s obscur e
the over v i ew w e ex pect to get w hen w e r ead an abstract. Ty pi cal dev i ati ons i ncl ude
om i tti ng the questi on, stati ng the questi on onl y vaguel y, stati ng an i m pl i cati on i nstead
of an answ er, and substi tuti ng a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract.
Question Omitted
If the questi on i s om i tted, w e r ead the abstract bl i ndl y, w i th l i ttl e or no under standi ng
of the pur pose of the m aneuver s and the m easur em ents or of the possi bl e m eani ng of
the r esul ts. We under stand the abstract onl y at the end and then have to r er ead i t to f i t
the detai l s i nto the pi ctur e.
In thi s abstract, w e hear w hat ex per i m ent was done, w hat r esul ts w er e f ound, w hat the
answ er i s, and w hat the i m pl i cati ons ar e. But w e do not hear w hat the questi on was.
Ther ef or e, w e do not k now w hy the FGFR2 gene was di sr upted. N ot unti l the answ er
(sentence F) do w e see the poi nt of the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound. If the
questi on w er e stated at the begi nni ng of the abstract, our r eadi ng job w oul d be easi er,
because w e w oul d under stand w hy these ex per i m ents w er e done, w her e these r esul ts
ar e l eadi ng, and w hat k i nd of answ er to ex pect.
Thi s abstract al so i l l ustrates several other pr obl em s that com m onl y appear i n abstracts:
the ani m al the w or k was done on i s not m enti oned; the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent
done to answ er the questi on i s i ncom pl ete (onl y the i ndependent var i abl e i s m enti oned),
so w e do not k now w hat to ex pect i n the r esul ts; the r esul ts ar e not si gnal ed (and the
way the f i r st r esul t, i n sentence B, i s
P. 278
stated m akes i t uncl ear w hether i t i s a r esul t); and how the r esul ts ar e or gani zed i s not
m ade cl ear. In addi ti on, a vague statem ent i s m ade at the end (“The r ol e… i s
di scussed.”) Stati ng that som ethi ng “i s di scussed” i s not a usef ul statem ent i n an
abstract; ei ther the poi nt (an i m pl i cati on) shoul d be stated or the sentence shoul d be
om i tted. The r ev i si on sol ves al l of these pr obl em s.
Revision
AWe hy pothesi zed that f i br obl ast gr ow th f actor r eceptor 2 (FGFR2) i s r equi r ed f or ear l y
posti m pl antati on devel opm ent of m am m al i an em br yos. A′ To test thi s hy pothesi s, w e
di sr upted the FGFR2 gene i n tw o strai ns of m i ce and assessed sur v i val and em br yoni c
devel opm ent i n v i v o, i n si tu, and i n v i tr o. A″To di sr upt the gene, w e i ntr oduced a neo
cassette i nto the IIIC l i gand bi ndi ng exon and del eted a genom i c DN A f ragm ent encodi ng
i ts transm em brane dom ai n and par t of i ts k i nase I dom ai n. BIn i n v i v o studi es, w e f ound
that the hom ozygous of f spr i ng of FGFR2 heter ozygotes w er e dead at bi r th. CIn i n si tu
studi es, bef or e i m pl antati on, the hom ozygous m utant em br yos devel oped nor m al l y unti l
the bl astocy st stage. DHow ever , the m utant em br yos di ed a f ew hour s af ter
i m pl antati on at a random posi ti on i n the uter i ne cr y pt, w i th a col l apsed yol k cav i ty. EIn
i n v i tr o studi es, the m utant bl astocy sts hatched, adher ed, and f or m ed a l ayer of
tr ophobl ast gi ant cel l s; but af ter pr ol onged cul tur e, the gr ow th of the i nner cel l m ass
stopped, no v i sceral endoder m f or m ed, and f i nal l y the egg cy l i nder di si ntegrated.
FThese f i ndi ngs i ndi cate that FGFR2 i s r equi r ed f or ear l y posti m pl antati on devel opm ent
betw een i m pl antati on and the f or m ati on of the egg cy l i nder. GWe suggest that FGFR2
contr i butes to the outgr ow th, di f f er enti ati on, and m ai ntenance of the i nner cel l m ass
and that thi s acti v i ty m ay be m edi ated by FGF4 si gnal s transm i tted by FGFR2. HWe
f ur ther suggest that FGF si gnal i ng i n pr egastr ul ati on devel opm ent m ay be an adaptati on
to m am m al i an (am ni ote) em br yogenesi s.
In the r ev i si on, the questi on, stated as a hy pothesi s at the begi nni ng of the abstract,
pr epar es the r eader f or the ex per i m ent done, the r esul ts f ound, and the answ er. The
com pl ete descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent i n the nex t sentence i ncl udes the ani m al studi ed
(m i ce) and pr epar es us f or the or gani zati on of the r esul ts. We k now w her e the r esul ts
star t because the f i r st r esul t i s si gnal ed by “In i n v i v o studi es, w e f ound that.” In
addi ti on, the r esul t i s w r i tten m or e cl ear l y, w i th the acti on i n the ver b. The si gnal s “In
i n si tu studi es” and “In i n v i tr o studi es” hel p us f ol l ow the ex pected or gani zati on of the
r esul ts. Fi nal l y, the i m pl i cati ons ar e w r i tten i n si m i l ar f or m and have paral l el si gnal s,
m ak i ng i t cl ear that both sentences G and H state i m pl i cati ons. To shor ten thi s abstract,
the l ast i m pl i cati on coul d be om i tted.
Question Stated Vaguely
A second dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract i s stati ng
the questi on vaguel y. In a questi on stated vaguel y, onl y the dependent var i abl e i s
nam ed, f or ex am pl e “Y was studi ed.” “Y was studi ed” i s not a questi on at al l —i t i s w hat
you di d. A questi on i s w hat you wanted to f i nd out. For questi ons that have both an
i ndependent and a dependent var i abl e, m ake the questi on cl ear by usi ng a ver b to joi n
the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es. For ex am pl e, “To deter m i ne w hether X
(i ndependent var i abl e) causes (ver b) Y (dependent var i abl e).” For questi ons that have
onl y a dependent var i abl e, the speci f i c aspect of the dependent var i abl e studi ed m ust be
nam ed, as was done i n Ex am pl e 10. 8, sentence B, bel ow. To ensur e that the questi on i s
speci f i c, check i t agai nst the answ er : use the sam e key ter m s f or the i ndependent
var i abl e (i f any ) and the dependent var i abl e. Al so use the sam e ver b, and keep the
sam e poi nt of v i ew.
P. 279
Example 10.7
A1Pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm was studi ed A2i n young, nonobese, nor m ol i pi dem i c
m en w ho sm oked m oderatel y [24 ± 5 (SD) ci gar ettes/day ] and i n a m atched nonsm ok i ng
nor m al contr ol gr oup. BIn the sm oker s, both net transpor t of chol ester ol f r om cel l
m em branes i nto pl asm a (P > 0. 001) and the rati o of the rate of chol ester y l ester
transf er to the am ount of l ow and ver y l owdensi ty l i popr otei n (P > 0. 05) w er e
decr eased. CIn addi ti on, apopr otei n E was i ncr eased i n sm oker s' pl asm a (P > 0. 05),
w her eas apopr otei n AI, the m ajor apopr otei n of hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei n, was decr eased
(P > 0. 05). DThi s patter n of abnor m al i ti es has pr ev i ousl y been obser ved i n several
other gr oups of subjects at i ncr eased r i sk f or ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease
(di abeti cs, dy sbetal i popr otei nem i cs, and hy per betal i popr otei nem i cs). E1These data
i ndi cate that ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n
young m en, E2w hi ch coul d par tl y ex pl ai n the hi gh i nci dence of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar
di sease i n ol der m al e sm oker s.
Li ke Ex am pl e 10. 6, thi s abstract i s easy to r ead, and w e have a cl ear i dea of w hat
ex per i m ent was done, w hat r esul ts w er e f ound, and w hat the answ er was. But even
though a questi on appear s to be stated, w e do not have a cl ear over v i ew f r om the
begi nni ng. The r eason i s that the questi on (A 1 ) i s stated vaguel y. Onl y the dependent
var i abl e (pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm ) i s nam ed. The i ndependent var i abl e (ci gar ette
sm ok i ng) i s hi dden i n the descr i pti on of the study subjects (A 2 ). The i ndependent and
dependent var i abl es ar e not joi ned by a ver b. Fur ther m or e, the speci f i c topi c—abnor m al
m etabol i sm —i s m i ssi ng. To have a speci f i c questi on that anti ci pates the answ er
(“ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n young m en”),
the questi on w oul d have to be “to deter m i ne w hether ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en
causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ,” not “pl asm a chol ester ol
m etabol i sm was studi ed.” Stati ng the questi on speci f i cal l y, as i n the r ev i si on bel ow,
pr epar es f or the answ er m or e cl ear l y. Si m i l ar l y, the f i r st sentence shoul d pr epar e the
r eader to hear the i m pl i cati on about ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease i n the l ast
sentence.
Tw o other com m on f l aw s al so appear i n thi s abstract. One i s that P val ues ar e i ncl uded
but no data ar e gi ven. P val ues al one ar e not usef ul . If you want to gi ve a quanti tati ve
i dea of the data w i thout pr esenti ng actual val ues such as m ean and standar d dev i ati on,
gi ve per cent change. If you do gi ve a P val ue, al so gi ve the m ean, standar d dev i ati on,
and sam pl e si ze (n) (see Ex am pl e 10. 11 bel ow ).
In addi ti on, i n the l ast sentence, the ter m “data” i s used, but, as w e have just seen, no
data ar e gi ven. “Data” i n sentence E shoul d be changed to “r esul ts” or “f i ndi ngs,” w hi ch
ar e general i zati ons based on data. (See Chap. 6: “Resul ts and Data” under “Content.”)
Revision
A1To deter m i ne w hether ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en causes abnor m al m etabol i sm
of pl asm a chol ester ol A2i ndi cati ve of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease, A3w e com par ed
pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm i n young, nonobese, nor m ol i pi dem i c m en w ho sm oked
m oderatel y [24 ± 5 (SD) ci gar ettes/day ] w i th chol ester ol m etabol i sm i n a m atched
nonsm ok i ng nor m al contr ol gr oup. BWe f ound that i n the sm oker s, both net transpor t of
chol ester ol f r om cel l m em branes i nto pl asm a and the rati o of the rate of chol ester y l
ester transf er to the am ount of l ow and ver y l owdensi ty l i popr otei n w er e decr eased.
CIn addi ti on, apopr otei n E was i ncr eased i n sm oker s' pl asm a, w her eas apopr otei n AI,
the
P. 280
m ajor apopr otei n of hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei n, was decr eased. DThi s patter n of
abnor m al i ti es has pr ev i ousl y been obser ved i n several other gr oups of subjects at
i ncr eased r i sk f or ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease (di abeti cs, dy sbetal i popr otei nem i cs,
and hy per betal i popr otei nem i cs). E1These r esul ts i ndi cate that ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes
abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n young m en, E2w hi ch coul d par tl y ex pl ai n
the hi gh i nci dence of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease i n ol der m al e sm oker s.
In thi s r ev i si on, the questi on i s m ade speci f i c by addi ng the i ndependent var i abl e
(“ci gar ette sm ok i ng”), the speci f i c topi c (“abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ”),
and the ver b “causes.” In addi ti on to these speci f i c detai l s, the f i r st sentence i ncl udes
“i ndi cati ve of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease,” w hi ch i m pl i es the ul ti m ate questi on
behi nd the questi on asked i n thi s paper and thus pr epar es f or the i m pl i cati on stated
af ter the answ er (sentence E 2 ). Fi nal l y, P val ues ar e om i tted and “data” i s changed to
“r esul ts” (E 1 ).
Som e peopl e m ay pr ef er to state the questi on m or e general l y (“To deter m i ne the ef f ect
of ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en on the m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ”) because
i t i s m or e objecti ve soundi ng. But i f you r eal l y suspected that ci gar ette sm ok i ng m i ght
cause abnor m al m etabol i sm of chol ester ol , i n other w or ds, i f you r eal l y had a
hy pothesi s, you shoul d state the questi on speci f i cal l y. Al though a general questi on i s
better than a vague questi on, a speci f i c questi on i s best, because a speci f i c questi on
pr epar es the r eader f or the speci f i c answ er.
Answer Not Stated
A thi r d dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of the abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng paper
i s that even though the questi on i s stated, the answ er i s not. Instead an i m pl i cati on i s
stated. Consi der i ng that the f uncti on of the abstract i s to pr ov i de an over v i ew of the
stor y and that the answ er i s the cul m i nati on of the stor y, not stati ng the answ er
under m i nes the abstract. Fur ther m or e, m ost r eader s do not r eal i ze that the answ er i s
m i ssi ng, so they coul d be conf used w i thout k now i ng i t. For a cl ear abstract that has an
unm i stak abl e m essage, the answ er m ust be stated (and cl ear l y si gnal ed).
Example 10.8
ADi gesti on of l owdensi ty l i popr otei n i n v i tr o by the speci f i c endopr otease k al l i k r ei n
pr oduces tw o f ragm ents f r om B100: K 1 and K 2 . B1To deter m i ne w hether these
f ragm ents ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of cl eavage as the natural l y occur r i ng f ragm ents of
B100, B74 and B26, B2w e used k al l i k r ei n to di gest l owdensi ty l i popr otei n f r om
hum an pl asm a and com par ed the r esul ti ng f ragm ents, K 1 and K 2 , w i th B74 and B26.
CWe f ound that not onl y the m ol ecul ar w ei ght and the stoi chi om etr y but al so the am i no
ter m i nal am i no aci d sequence i n K 1 and K 2 pr eci sel y m atched those i n B74 and B26.
DThese f i ndi ngs str ongl y suggest that k al l i k r ei n i s the agent r esponsi bl e f or the
f or m ati on of B74 and B26 i n hum an l owdensi ty l i popr otei n.
In thi s abstract, w e see the over v i ew f r om the begi nni ng and can easi l y f ol l ow the stor y
unti l the l ast sentence. Al though the abstract ends by stati ng a cl osel y r el ated
i m pl i cati on of the f i ndi ngs, that i s not w hat w e w er e ex pecti ng. We w er e ex pecti ng the
answ er to the questi on. The i m pl i cati on can be added af ter the answ er, but i t shoul d not
be stated i nstead of the answ er.
Revision
ADi gesti on of l owdensi ty l i popr otei n i n v i tr o by the speci f i c endopr otease k al l i k r ei n
pr oduces tw o f ragm ents f r om B100: K 1 and K 2 . B1To deter m i ne
P. 281
w hether these f ragm ents ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of cl eavage as the natural l y
occur r i ng f ragm ents of B100, B74 and B26, B2w e used k al l i k r ei n to di gest l owdensi ty
l i popr otei n f r om hum an pl asm a and com par ed the r esul ti ng f ragm ents, K 1 and K 2 , w i th
B74 and B26. CWe f ound that not onl y the m ol ecul ar w ei ght and the stoi chi om etr y but
al so the am i no ter m i nal am i no aci d sequence i n K 1 and K 2 pr eci sel y m atched those i n B
74 and B26. DWe concl ude that f ragm ents K 1 and K 2 ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of
cl eavage as the natural l y occur r i ng f ragm ents B74 and B26. EThese f i ndi ngs str ongl y
suggest that k al l i k r ei n i s the agent r esponsi bl e f or the f or m ati on of B74 and B26 i n
hum an l owdensi ty l i popr otei n.
In the r ev i si on, the answ er has been added (D), thus m ak i ng the stor y com pl ete and
cl ear. In addi ti on, because the answ er uses the sam e key ter m s, the sam e poi nt of
v i ew, and the sam e ver b as i n the questi on, i t i s easy to see that the answ er answ er s
the questi on asked. Fur ther m or e, the answ er i s a m i ssi ng step i n the l ogi c. Once the
answ er i s stated, i t i s easi er to under stand the i m pl i cati on.
Substitution of a Descriptive Abstract for a Hypothesis
Testing Abstract
The ul ti m ate dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract i s the
substi tuti on of a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract. The r eason that
thi s substi tuti on i s a pr obl em i s that a descr i pti ve abstract i m pl i es that you had no
hy pothesi s, but rather m ade a di scover y. Thi s i m pl i cati on i s m i sl eadi ng and m akes the
stor y of the sci ence uncl ear. If your study tested a hy pothesi s (or asked a questi on),
you shoul d i ncl ude the hy pothesi s i n the abstract and w r i te a hy pothesi stesti ng
abstract, not a descr i pti ve abstract.
To i l l ustrate the pr obl em of the substi tuti on of descr i pti ve abstracts f or hy pothesi s
testi ng abstracts, her e ar e abstracts f or tw o paper s that appear ed back to back i n one
i ssue of the jour nal Cel l . The paper s descr i be ver y si m i l ar f i ndi ngs f or ver y si m i l ar
enzy m es. Both paper s tested hy potheses, as stated i n thei r i ntr oducti ons. How ever, the
f i r st abstract (Ex am pl e l 0. 9) was w r i tten essenti al l y as a descr i pti ve abstract and the
second one (Ex am pl e 10. 10) was w r i tten as a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract.
Example 10.9
AHer e w e r epor t the generati on of m i ce l ack i ng the ubi qui tousl y ex pr essed Janus
k i nase, Jak 1. BJak 1 / m i ce ar e r unted at bi r th, f ai l to nur se, and di e per i natal l y.
CAl though Jak 1/ cel l s ar e r esponsi ve to m any cy tok i nes, they f ai l to m ani f est bi ol ogi c
r esponses to cy tok i nes that bi nd to thr ee di sti nct f am i l i es of cy tok i ne r eceptor s. DThese
i ncl ude al l cl ass II cy tok i ne r eceptor s, cy tok i ne r eceptor s that uti l i ze the γ c subuni t f or
si gnal i ng, and the f am i l y of cy tok i ne r eceptor s that depend on the gp130 subuni t f or
si gnal i ng. EOur r esul ts thus dem onstrate that Jak 1 pl ay s an essenti al and nonr edundant
r ol e i n pr om oti ng bi ol ogi c r esponses i nduced by a sel ect subset of cy tok i ne r eceptor s,
i ncl udi ng those i n w hi ch Jak uti l i zati on was thought to be nonspeci f i c.
At f i r st gl ance, the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 9 sounds r easonabl e. But upon
r ef l ecti on, w e ask , w hy di d you want to generate m i ce l ack i ng Jak 1? Thi s i s not the
sam e thi ng as i denti f y i ng and character i zi ng a gene. As w e conti nue r eadi ng the abstract
the my ster y i s not cl ear ed up. It i s onl y w hen w e get to the l ast sentence that w e see
the answ er and under stand w hat the questi on m ust have been: Does Jak 1 have an
essenti al , nonr edundant r ol e i n cy tok i nei nduced bi ol ogi c r esponses?
P. 282
Example 10.10
AA var i ety of cy tok i nes acti vate r eceptor associ ated m em ber s of the Janus f am i l y of
pr otei n ty r osi ne k i nases (Jak s). BTo assess the r ol e of Jak 2, w e have der i ved Jak 2
def i ci ent m i ce. CThe m utati on causes an em br yoni c l ethal i ty due to the absence of
def i ni ti ve er y thr opoi esi s. DFetal l i ver myel oi d pr ogeni tor s, al though pr esent based on
the ex pr essi on of l i neage speci f i c m ar ker s, f ai l to r espond to er y thr opoi eti n,
thr om bopoi eti n, i nter l euk i n3 (IL–3), or granul ocy te/ m acr ophage col onysti m ul ati ng
f actor. EIn contrast, the r esponse to granul ocy tespeci f i c col onysti m ul ati ng f actor i s
unaf f ected. FJak 2def i ci ent f i br obl asts f ai l ed to r espond to i nter f er on γ (IFN γ ), al though
the r esponses to IFN α/β and IL6 w er e unaf f ected. GLastl y, r econsti tuti on ex per i m ents
dem onstrate that Jak 2 i s not r equi r ed f or the generati on of l y m phoi d pr ogeni tor s, thei r
am pl i f i cati on, or f uncti onal di f f er enti ati on. HTher ef or e, Jak 2 pl ay s a cr i ti cal ,
nonr edundant r ol e i n the f uncti on of a speci f i c gr oup of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
In contrast to the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 9, the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 10
(af ter the back gr ound) i s not m i sl eadi ng. A questi on, though a vague one, i s stated.
Af ter the questi on com es a statem ent of the ex per i m ent done. Thi s statem ent of the
ex per i m ent done i s al m ost ex actl y the sam e as the statem ent of the m essage i n
Ex am pl e 10. 9. Cer tai nl y, der i v i ng (generati ng) Jak 2def i ci ent m i ce (m i ce l ack i ng Jak 1)
i s not the m essage. Com par i ng the l ast sentences of Abstracts 10. 9 and 10. 10 show s
that the m essage f or both i s that Jak 1 and Jak 2 pl ay cr i ti cal , nonr edundant r ol es i n the
r esponses of a gr oup of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
Ex am pl e 10. 10 coul d be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y. Most i m por tantl y, a speci f i c questi on
rather than a vague one shoul d be stated, and the questi on, answ er, and ti tl e shoul d
m atch. The ti tl e was “Jak 2 Is Essenti al f or Si gnal i ng thr ough a Var i ety of Cy tok i ne
Receptor s.” In addi ti on, a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ent that was done to answ er
the questi on shoul d be added, and the begi nni ng of the r esul ts shoul d be si gnal ed.
Fi nal l y, al l r esul ts shoul d be stated i n past tense.
Revision
A A var i ety of cy tok i nes acti vate r eceptor associ ated m em ber s of the Janus f am i l y of
pr otei n ty r osi ne k i nases (Jak s). B To de te rmine w he the r Ja k 2 is e s s e ntia l for
s igna ling through the re c e ptors of the s e c ytok ine s , w e der i ved Jak 2def i ci ent m i ce
and assessed thei r overal l phenoty pe and cel l ul ar r esponses to a var i ety of cy tok i nes.
C We f ound that the Jak 2 def i ci ency k i l l ed the em br yos due to the absence of def i ni ti ve
er y thr opoi esi s. D In addi ti on, f etal l i ver myel oi d pr ogeni tor s, al though pr esent, as
i ndi cated by the ex pr essi on of l i neagespeci f i c m ar ker s, di d not r espond to
er y thr opoi eti n, thr om bopoi eti n, i nter l euk i n3 (IL3), or granul ocy te/m acr ophage col ony
sti m ul ati ng f actor. E In contrast, the r esponse to granul ocy tespeci f i c col onysti m ul ati ng
f actor was unaf f ected. F Jak 2def i ci ent f i br obl asts di d not r espond to i nter f er on γ (IFN γ ),
al though the r esponses to IFN α/β and IL6 w er e unaf f ected. G Lastl y, r econsti tuti on
ex per i m ents dem onstrateD that Jak 2 i s not r equi r ed f or the generati on of l y m phoi d
pr ogeni tor s, thei r am pl i f i cati on, or f uncti onal di f f er enti ati on. H Thus, Jak 2 i s essenti al
f or si gnal i ng thr ough a var i ety of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
In addi ti on to the pr obl em of substi tuti ng a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi s–testi ng
abstract, as i l l ustrated above, num er ous var i ati ons on thi s pr obl em ex i st. For ex am pl e,
som e abstracts tr y to have the best of both w or l ds, so they star t by stati ng the
back gr ound and a m essage si gnal ed by “Her e w e r epor t” and then add a questi on, the
ex per i m ent done, the r esul ts f ound, and an i m pl i cati on (but no answ er ). These strange
hy br i ds shoul d be avoi ded.
P. 283
The advantages of hav i ng standar d f or m s f or abstracts ar e that the sci ence i s r ef l ected
accuratel y, the r eader s k now w hat to ex pect, and the author s do not have to r ei nvent
the w heel . Know w hat ty pe of sci ence you ar e doi ng and use the standar d f or m to r epor t
i t, unl ess you have a ver y good r eason to m odi f y the f or m . These ver y good r easons
occur rar el y i f ever, not r outi nel y.
In sum m ar y, to ensur e that your abstract pr ov i des a cl ear over v i ew (1) state the
questi on you asked, (2) m ake the statem ent of the questi on speci f i c rather than vague
or general (nam e both the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es, usi ng the sam e key
ter m s and the sam e poi nt of v i ew as i n the answ er, and, to anti ci pate the answ er, use a
ver b i n the questi on—the sam e ver b as i n the answ er ), (3) state the answ er to the
questi on, m ak i ng sur e that the answ er answ er s the questi on asked, and (4) w r i te a
hy pothesi stesti ng abstract, not a descr i pti ve abstract, w hen you tested a hy pothesi s.
Excessive Length
Another com m on pr obl em i n abstracts f or r esul ts paper s i s excessi ve l ength. Al though
m any jour nal s r equest abstracts no l onger than 250 w or ds, and other jour nal s have
shor ter l i m i ts, m any publ i shed abstracts ar e w el l over 250 w or ds. Even those that ar e
l ess than 250 w or ds m ay be l onger than necessar y. Ex am pl e 10. 11 i s a cl ear l y w r i tten
abstract, but at 271 w or ds i t i s 121 w or ds l onger than w hat the jour nal r equested.
Example 10.11 (271 words)
ADel ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus af ter bi r th has been obser ved i n new bor n
i nf ants w ho have cr i ti cal pul m oni c stenosi s and i n new bor n l am bs that have
ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s. BThi s del ayed ductal cl osur e m ay be caused by
decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen or by i ncr eased
pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n E 2 (PGE 2 ), the endogenous ductus
ar ter i osus vasodi l ator. C1To deter m i ne the cause of the del ayed ductal cl osur e i n f etal
l am bs that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s, C2w e operated on 10 f etal l am bs of
gestati onal ages 70 to 77 day s (ter m i s 148 day s) and pl aced a band ar ound the
pul m onar y ar ter y. DCatheter i zati on at 137 to 142 day s show ed sever e pul m oni c
stenosi s. EWe then studi ed i sol ated r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om these l am bs. FWe
f ound that the ox ygen i nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e tensi on was si gni f i cantl y l ess i n r i ngs
of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s than i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol
l am bs (2. 55 ± 0. 38 v s. 4. 03 ± 0. 51 g/m m 2 , P > 0. 03). GTher e was no di f f er ence
betw een the tw o gr oups ei ther i n the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs or i n the
sensi ti v i ty (ex pr essed as m edi an ef f ecti ve dose) of the r i ngs to PGE 2 . HTher e was al so
no di f f er ence i n the i ncr ease i n tensi on w hen endogenous PGE 2 was i nhi bi ted by
i ndom ethaci n. IWe concl ude that del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs
that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s i s not caused by i ncr eased pr oducti on of or
sensi ti v i ty to PGE 2 i n the ductus ar ter i osus (as i t i s i n pr em atur e l am bs) but rather i s
the r esul t of decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to
ox ygen.
The r ev i si on bel ow cuts 92 w or ds f r om the or i gi nal ver si on, thus m or e near l y
appr oachi ng the r equested l ength of 150 w or ds. The r ev i si on r etai ns the essenti al
i nf or m ati on and om i ts l ess i m por tant detai l s. Speci f i cal l y,
The tw o sentences of back gr ound (A and B of the or i gi nal ver si on) ar e condensed i nto a
si ngl e sentence (A of the r ev i si on).
The def i ni ti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 as a vasodi l ator (end of B) i s om i tted (A).
P. 284
Ex per i m ental pr eparati on f or the i ndependent var i abl e (C 2 , D) i s om i tted and sentences
C–E ar e com bi ned i nto a si ngl e sentence that states the questi on and the ex per i m ental
appr oach f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es (B).
The negati ve concl usi on and the com par i son w i th pr em atur e l am bs (I) ar e om i tted.
Revision A (179 words)
ADel ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n new bor n i nf ants w ho have cr i ti cal pul m oni c
stenosi s m ay be caused by decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract w hen ex posed to
ox ygen or by i ncr eased pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n E 2 (PGE 2 ). B1To
deter m i ne the cause of del ayed ductal cl osur e i n f etal l am bs that have ex per i m ental
pul m oni c stenosi s, B2w e i nduced pul m oni c stenosi s i n 10 f etal l am bs at ages 70–77 day s
(ter m i s 148 day s) and then, at 137–142 day s, studi ed i sol ated r i ngs of ductus
ar ter i osus f r om these l am bs. CWe f ound that the ox ygeni nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e
tensi on i n r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s was onl y
65% of that i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol l am bs. DTher e was no di f f er ence betw een the tw o
gr oups ei ther i n the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs or i n the sensi ti v i ty of the
r i ngs to PGE 2 . EWe concl ude that del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs
that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s i s caused by decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus
ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen.
Even though the or i gi nal , l onger abstract i s qui te r eadabl e, the shor ter r ev i si on gets the
over v i ew acr oss m or e cl ear l y. Thus, f or the cl ear est over v i ew, condense l ong abstracts.
To condense a l ong abstract, i n addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds, condense
back gr ound and om i t l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, such as def i ni ti ons, ex per i m ental
pr eparati on, detai l s of m ethods, ex act data, conf i r m ator y r esul ts, and com par i sons w i th
pr ev i ous r esul ts.
To condense thi s abstract f ur ther, to the r equested l ength of 150 w or ds, you have to
om i t som e i m por tant i nf or m ati on. Rev i si on B om i ts the back gr ound statem ent (A)
enti r el y, thus l osi ng the r el ati on of the study to hum an i l l ness, and al so om i ts the l ength
of ter m (B 2 ). In addi ti on, Rev i si on B changes “r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus” to “ductal
r i ngs” i n the statem ents descr i bi ng the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound, m akes
sentence D acti ve, changes “sensi ti v i ty of the r i ngs” to “r i ngs' sensi ti v i ty,” changes “w e
concl ude that” to “thus,” and uses “r esul ts f r om ” i nstead of “i s caused by ” i n the
questi on and answ er.
Revision B (151 words)
AWe asked w hether del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs that have
ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s r esul ts f r om decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract
w hen ex posed to ox ygen or f r om i ncr eased pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n
E 2 (PGE 2 ). BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e i nduced pul m oni c stenosi s i n 10 f etal l am bs at
ages 70–77 day s and then, at 137–142 day s, studi ed i sol ated ductal r i ngs f r om these
l am bs. CWe f ound that the ox ygeni nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e tensi on i n ductal r i ngs
f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s was onl y 65% of that i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol
l am bs. DN ei ther the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs nor the r i ngs' sensi ti v i ty to
PGE 2 di f f er ed betw een the tw o gr oups. EThus, del ayed cl osur e
P. 285
of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s r esul ts
f r om decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen.
Note on Using Abbreviations
The sol uti on to condensi ng thi s abstract was not to use abbr ev i ati ons i nstead of w or ds.
U si ng abbr ev i ati ons m akes r eadi ng m or e di f f i cul t f or m ost r eader s, the di f f i cul ty
i ncr easi ng geom etr i cal l y f or each new abbr ev i ati on used. For an ex am pl e, see the l ast
ex am pl e i n Exer ci se 1. 1 i n Chapter 1.
Variations
Som e jour nal s r equest abstracts i n a f or m di f f er ent f r om the one descr i bed above.
Fol l ow the f or m r equested by the jour nal . For ex am pl e, general jour nal s such as Sci ence
or N atur e r equest ver y shor t abstracts. Sci ence r equests abstracts that “i ncl ude a
sentence or tw o ex pl ai ni ng to the general r eader w hy the r esear ch was under taken and
w hy the r esul ts shoul d be v i ew ed as i m por tant. The abstract shoul d convey the m ai n
poi nt of the paper and outl i ne the r esul ts or concl usi ons.” Thus, the questi on, r esul ts or
concl usi ons, and thei r i m por tance ar e em phasi zed, m ethods ar e m i ni m i zed, and data ar e
om i tted. The abstracts ar e of ten qui te shor t and easy to r ead. Ex am pl e 10. 12 bel ow
f r om Sci ence f ol l ow s thi s f or m .
Example 10.12
AThe ex i stence of spontaneous neural acti v i ty i n m am m al i an r eti nal gangl i on cel l s
dur i ng pr enatal l i f e has l ong been suspected. BThi s acti v i ty coul d pl ay a key r ol e i n the
r ef i nem ent of r eti nal pr ojecti ons dur i ng devel opm ent. C1Recor di ngs i n v i vo f r om the
r eti nas of rat f etuses betw een em br yoni c day s 17 and 21 C2f ound acti on potenti al s i n
spontaneousl y acti ve gangl i on cel l s at al l the ages studi ed.
Repr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gal l i L, Maf f ei L. Spontaneous i m pul se acti v i ty of rat
r eti nal gangl i on cel l s i n pr enatal l i f e. Sci ence 1988, Oct 7; 242:90–91. Copy r i ght 1988
Am er i can Associ ati on f or the Advancem ent of Sci ence.
Cl i ni cal jour nal s such as Annal s of Inter nal Medi ci ne r equest a speci f i c f or m , k now n as
str uctur ed abstracts. Rather than hav i ng a si ngl e paragraph, these abstracts contai n a
sequence of shor t paragraphs, each pr eceded by a subheadi ng. Ex am pl e 10. 13 i l l ustrates
one sequence of subheadi ngs. If thi s study had had an i ndependent var i abl e, another
subheadi ng, “Inter venti ons,” w oul d have been i ncl uded af ter “Pati ents.” Som e
paragraphs contai n phrases rather than sentences (see “Study Objecti ve,” “Desi gn,” and
“Setti ng” i n Ex am pl e 10. 13). Al though these abstracts tend to be l onger than si ngl e
paragraph abstracts, they ar e cl ear, and each ty pe of i nf or m ati on i s easy to f i nd.
Som e basi c sci ence jour nal s i m i tate the str uctur ed abstract by addi ng subheadi ngs to
the standar d abstract (f or ex am pl e, “Back gr ound,” “Methods,” “Resul ts,” “Concl usi ons”).
Example 10.13
Study Objecti v e: To deter m i ne the associ ati on betw een cur r ent use of nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs and f atal pepti c ul cer s or upper gastr oi ntesti nal
hem or r hage i n the el der l y.
P. 286
Desi gn: N ested case contr ol study usi ng a l i nked Medi cai ddeath cer ti f i cate database.
Setti ng: Tennessee Medi cai d enr ol l ees aged 60 and gr eater f r om 1976 to 1984.
Pati ents: One hundr ed tw entytw o pati ents (“the cases”) had a ter m i nal hospi tal i zati on
and a pepti c ul cer or upper gastr oi ntesti nal hem or r hage conf i r m ed by hospi tal char t
r ev i ew. Popul ati on contr ol s (n = 3897) w er e m atched to potenti al cases by age, sex ,
race, cal endar year, and nur si ng hom e status.
Measur em ents and Mai n Resul ts: The 122 pati ents (“cases”) m or e f r equentl y f i l l ed a
pr escr i pti on f or a nonaspi r i n nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ug w i thi n 30 day s bef or e
onset of i l l ness than di d contr ol s (34% v s. 11%; adjusted odds rati o, 4. 7; 95% CI, 3. 1
to 7. 2). Thi s associ ati on betw een cur r ent use of nonaspi r i n nonster oi dal anti
i nf l am m ator y dr ugs and f atal pepti c ul cer di sease was consi stent i n thr ee age gr oups,
w om en and m en, w hi tes and nonw hi tes, and com m uni ty and nur si ng hom e dw el l er s.
Ther e was no si gni f i cant associ ati on betw een case status and pr ev i ous use of nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs (adjusted odds rati o, 1. 9; 95% CI, 0. 7 to 4. 7).
Concl usi ons: The f i ndi ngs of thi s study add to the gr ow i ng ev i dence that nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs can i ncr ease the r i sk f or cl i ni cal l y ser i ous pepti c
ul cer di sease i n the el der l y.
ABSTRACTS OF METHODS PAPERS
Content
Methods paper s ar e paper s that descr i be new or i m pr oved m ethods, apparatus, or
m ater i al s.
The abstract of a m ethods paper shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on: the nam e or
the categor y ter m of the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al ; the pur pose; the ani m al or
popul ati on; the key f eatur es of the apparatus or m ater i al or how the m ethod or
apparatus w or k s, or both; the advantages; how the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al was
tested; and how w el l i t w or k s.
Name
If the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al has a nam e, use the nam e i n the abstract.
Other w i se, use a categor y ter m such as “m ethod” or “apparatus,” or, i f possi bl e, add an
adjecti ve that states a key f eatur e of the m ethod bef or e the categor y ter m . For
ex am pl e, i nstead of “a sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep has been devel oped” (“sy stem ” i s a categor y ter m ), the author s w r ote “a
m i cr ocom puter based sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep has been devel oped.” The adjecti ve “m i cr ocom puter based” i ndi cates a key
f eatur e of the sy stem , thus gi v i ng a cl ear er i dea of w hat the sy stem i s than w oul d the
categor y ter m “sy stem ” al one.
In addi ti on to nam i ng the m ethod or stati ng i ts categor y, you can i ndi cate that a m ethod
i s an i m pr oved ver si on of an ex i sti ng m ethod by addi ng “i m pr oved” bef or e the nam e or
the categor y ter m . It i s not usual l y necessar y to i ndi cate that a m ethod i s new, but i t i s
OK to do so.
P. 287
Purpose
The pur pose i s usual l y stated i n the ver b f or m “f or doi ng X,” though “to do X” m ay al so
be used. In the ex am pl e above, the pur pose i s stated i n the f or m “f or doi ng X”: “a
m i cr ocom puter based sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep.”
Animal or Population
The ani m al or popul ati on that the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al appl i es to shoul d be
i ncl uded unl ess the popul ati on studi ed was al l hum ans. In the ex am pl e above, the
ani m al i s stated—f etal sheep.
Key Features and How the Method Works
Key f eatur es of the apparatus or the m ater i al , how the m ethod or apparatus w or k s, or
both ar e i ncl uded to gi ve the r eader an i dea of w hat the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al
i s.
Advantages
Advantages ar e i ncl uded to conv i nce the r eader that a new m ethod i s a good one or that
an i m pr oved m ethod i s better than ex i sti ng m ethods. The advantages of an i m pr oved
m ethod shoul d sol ve the pr obl em s of the ex i sti ng m ethods. Stati ng the advantages i s
i m por tant so that the r eader k now s w hy the m ethod i s needed.
How It Was Tested and How Well It Works
How the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e i ncl uded to conv i nce the r eader
that the m ethod i s r el i abl e, accurate, or w hatever.
Organization
The i nf or m ati on i n an abstract f or a m ethods paper shoul d be or gani zed essenti al l y i n
the or der just stated (see Ex am pl e 10. 15 bel ow ). Speci f i cal l y, the abstract shoul d
al way s begi n w i th the nam e of the m ethod f ol l ow ed by i ts pur pose and the ani m al or
popul ati on and then by i ts key f eatur es or how i t w or k s. Ei ther the advantages or how
the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s can com e at the end (see Ex am pl e 10. 14).
Mor e than one k i nd of i nf or m ati on can be i ncl uded i n one sentence. Speci f i cal l y, the
nam e of the m ethod, i ts pur pose, and the ani m al or popul ati on ar e v i r tual l y al way s i n
one sentence, and how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e of ten i n one
sentence (see Ex am pl es 10. 14 and 10. 15).
Verb Tense
In the sentence that nam es the m ethod, the ver b i s i n past tense (actual l y, pr esent
per f ect tense) or pr esent tense, dependi ng on the ver b used. For ex am pl e, “An i m pr oved
m ethod has been dev el oped” (done i n the past, so past tense) or “An i m pr oved m ethod
i s descr i bed” (sti l l tr ue, so pr esent tense). Ver bs i n sentences that descr i be the m ethod
and i ts advantages ar e i n pr esent tense. For ex am pl e, “The sy stem i ncl udes…”; “The
m ethod cuts shor t
P. 288
and si m pl i f i es the conventi onal pr ocedur e…”; “Addi ti onal advantages of the m ethod
ar e…” Ver bs i n sentences tel l i ng how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e
i n past tense. For ex am pl e, “the f l ow m eter accuratel y m easur ed a w i de range of ti dal
vol um es.”
Writing
Pr i nci pl es f or conti nui ty, sentence str uctur e, w or d choi ce, abbr ev i ati ons, and l ength i n
abstracts f or m ethods paper s ar e the sam e as those f or abstracts of hy pothesi stesti ng
paper s and descr i pti ve paper s.
Example 10.14
A1An i m pr oved m ethod has been devel oped A2f or i sol ati ng al veol ar ty pe II cel l s A3by
di gesti ng l ung ti ssue w i th el astase and “panni ng” the r esul tant cel l suspensi on on pl ates
coated w i th IgG. BThi s m ethod pr ov i des both hi gh y i el d and hi gh pur i ty of ty pe II cel l s.
C1In 50 ex per i m ents i n rats, C2w e obtai ned 35 ± 11 (SD) × 10 6 cel l s/rat, 89 ± 4% of
w hi ch w er e ty pe II cel l s. DIn addi ti on, ty pe II cel l s i sol ated by “panni ng” adher e m or e
rapi dl y and com pl etel y i n ti ssue cul tur e than do cel l s i sol ated by centr i f ugati on over
di sconti nuous densi ty gradi ents of m etr i zam i de. EFi nal l y, the m ethod i s r epr oduci bl e and
easi l y adapted to i sol ati ng ty pe II cel l s f r om speci es other than rats.
Thi s abstract begi ns by usi ng a categor y ter m (“m ethod”) to i denti f y the m ethod and
descr i bes i t as i m pr oved (A 1 ). N ex t the pur pose i s stated (A 2 ) f ol l ow ed by a conci se
descr i pti on of how the m ethod w or k s (A 3 ). Al l of thi s i nf or m ati on i s i n one sentence.
The ani m al i s not stated because al though the study was done i n rats (see sentence C),
the m ethod al so appl i es to hum ans and other ani m al s (see sentence E). Sentence B
states tw o advantages of thi s m ethod (hi gh y i el d and hi gh pur i ty ). Sentence C tel l s how
the m ethod was tested (C 1 ) and then gi ves data that suppor t the hi gh y i el d and the hi gh
pur i ty, thus i ndi cati ng how w el l the m ethod w or k s (C 2 ). Sentence D states tw o
advantages over another m ethod, thus suppor ti ng the cl ai m that the m ethod i s an
i m pr ovem ent (A 1 ). Sentence E states tw o f i nal advantages.
Conti nui ty i s cl ear because key ter m s ar e r epeated (“m ethod” i n A, B, and E; “panni ng”
i n A and D; “ty pe II cel l s” i n A, B, C, D, and E) and because transi ti on w or ds ar e used
(“i n addi ti on,” “f i nal l y ”). The sentences ar e shor t (m ean, 22 w or ds per sentence). Wor ds
ar e as si m pl e as possi bl e, and onl y one abbr ev i ati on i s used—IgG (i m m unogl obul i n G).
It i s not def i ned because i t i s consi der ed a standar d abbr ev i ati on. The abstract i s shor t
(110 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
Example 10.15
A1We have desi gned a new endotracheal f l ow m eter A2to m easur e ti dal vol um e, phasi c
and m ean ai r way pr essur e, i nspi rator y ti m e, and endti dal PCO 2 and PO 2 A3i n i ntubated
i nf ants. BThe f l ow m eter i s l i ght (11 g) and adds m i ni m al dead space (1. 0 m l ) and
m i ni m al r esi stance (2 cm H 2 O/110 m l per s) to the i nf ant's ai r way. CThe vol um e si gnal
(≤ 10 m l ) i s l i near to 7 Hz, and endti dal gases can be m easur ed at r espi rator y rates of
90 br eaths/m i n. DThi s f l ow m eter i s par ti cul ar l y val uabl e f or eval uati ng rapi d m echani cal
venti l ati on of ver yl owbi r thw ei ght i nf ants. E1In 125 studi es i n 50 i nf ants w ei ghi ng
740–1500 g, E2the f l ow m eter accuratel y m easur ed a w i de range of ti dal vol um es.
P. 289
Thi s abstract descr i bes a new apparatus. The f i r st sentence states the nam e of the
apparatus (endotracheal f l ow m eter ) (A 1 ), i denti f i es i t as new (A 1 ), states i ts pur pose
(A 2 ), and nam es the popul ati on the apparatus appl i es to (A 3 ). The nex t tw o sentences
(B, C) descr i be key f eatur es of the f l ow m eter and i ncl ude a num ber of speci f i c detai l s.
Sentence D states an advantage. The l ast sentence tel l s how the f l ow m eter was tested
(E 1 ) and how w el l i t w or k s (E 2 ).
Conti nui ty i s cl ear f r om r epeti ti on of the key ter m “f l ow m eter ” (i n A, B, D, and E) and
consi stent poi nt of v i ew (“f l ow m eter,” i n B, D, and E). The sentences ar e shor t (m ean,
22. 6 w or ds/sentence). Wor ds ar e as si m pl e as possi bl e. Tw o standar d abbr ev i ati ons ar e
used (PCO 2 , par ti al pr essur e of car bon di ox i de; PO 2 , par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen). The
abstract i s br i ef (113 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
INDEXING TERMS
Use of Indexing Terms
Som e jour nal s ask author s to suppl y a l i st of i ndex i ng ter m s (al so cal l ed key w or ds) to
gui de i ndexer s i n sel ecti ng ter m s f or the jour nal 's i ndex . Index i ng ter m s ar e som eti m es
pr i nted af ter the abstract or af ter the ti tl e i n the jour nal 's tabl e of contents.
Principles for Selecting Indexing Terms
Index i ng ter m s shoul d nam e i m por tant topi cs i n your paper. Sel ect ter m s that you w oul d
l ook up i f you w er e tr y i ng to f i nd your ow n paper and that w oul d attract the r eader s you
hope to r each.
When sel ecti ng i ndex i ng ter m s, use cur r ent ter m s. Som e jour nal s r equest that author s
sel ect i ndex i ng ter m s f r om the m edi cal subject headi ngs (MeSH) l i sted i n the Januar y
i ssue of Index Medi cus. How ever, MeSH ter m s usual l y l ag behi nd ter m s used i n the m ost
r ecent r esear ch, so you m ay need to use i ndex i ng ter m s that ar e not yet i ncl uded i n
MeSH. For ex am pl e, the ter m “acqui r ed i m m unodef i ci ency sy ndr om e” was needed f or at
l east a year bef or e i t appear ed i n MeSH.
In addi ti on, w hen sel ecti ng i ndex i ng ter m s, use the m ost speci f i c ter m s possi bl e. For
ex am pl e, i n a paper about er y thr omyci n, “er y thr omyci n” shoul d be gi ven as an i ndex i ng
ter m , not the m or e general ter m “anti bi oti cs.” Indexer s can easi l y ex trapol ate f r om the
speci f i c (“er y thr omyci n”) to the general (“anti bi oti cs”) i f necessar y, but they cannot
easi l y ex trapol ate f r om the general to the speci f i c.
N ote that i ndex i ng ter m s can be phrases as w el l as si ngl e w or ds. Thus, a phrase such as
“bl ood coagul ati on di sor der s” i s a possi bl e i ndex i ng ter m .
N ote al so that because i ndexer s can easi l y pi ck i ndex i ng ter m s out of the ti tl e of the
paper, som e jour nal s ask author s to suppl y onl y i ndex i ng ter m s that ar e not i n the ti tl e.
Fi nal l y, w or ds used as i ndex i ng ter m s do not have to be i n the paper. For ex am pl e, i n
the paper “Regi onal Di f f er ences i n Pl eural Ly m phati c Al bum i n Concentrati on i n Sheep,”
the i ndex i ng ter m “capi l l ar y exchange” does not appear i n the paper.
P. 290
ABSTRACTS FOR MEETINGS
Functions
The f uncti ons of abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e f i r st to show that you have a val uabl e
contr i buti on and second to l ur e an audi ence to your tal k .
Content
To f ul f i l l these f uncti ons, abstracts f or m eeti ngs shoul d f ol l ow the sam e gui del i nes as
abstracts of paper s except that abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e l i kel y to i ncl ude m or e detai l s
of m ethods and to di spl ay data i n a tabl e or a graph. The r eason f or i ncl udi ng m or e
m ethods detai l s and data i s that thi s ex tra i nf or m ati on hel ps the sel ecti on com m i ttee
and the peopl e attendi ng the m eeti ng eval uate the val i di ty of the w or k . In addi ti on,
abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e m or e l i kel y to i ncl ude i m pl i cati ons than ar e abstracts of
paper s, to i ndi cate the i m por tance of the w or k .
Amount of Detail and Use of Abbreviations
Resi st the tem ptati on to cram as m any m ethods detai l s, data, and stati sti cal detai l s as
possi bl e i nto an abstract f or a m eeti ng. Excess detai l s m ake the abstract unr eadabl e
because the tr ees over shadow the f or est. It i s better to gi ve one good r esul t than to
gi ve a l ot of data. If the r esul t i s good, the abstract w i l l be accepted. If not, data w i l l
not hel p; data just show that you di d a l ot of w or k .
Al so r esi st the tem ptati on to use abbr ev i ati ons so that you can add m or e detai l s. U si ng
a l ot of abbr ev i ati ons m akes the abstract unr eadabl e because the r eader has to
concentrate on br eak i ng the code.
Fi nal l y, keep i n m i nd that even a detai l ed abstract f or a m eeti ng cannot r epl ace the
paper. For al l practi cal pur poses, abstracts f or m eeti ngs sel fdestr uct af ter a year. If the
paper i s not publ i shed eventual l y, the detai l s and data (as w el l as the concl usi ons) i n
the abstract cannot be used because ther e i s no way of val i dati ng them .
Thus, the judi ci ous use of detai l s and abbr ev i ati ons, not the m ax i m al use, show s that
your contr i buti on i s val uabl e and l ur es an audi ence to your tal k .
Presentation of Data and Results
Data i ncl uded i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng, unl i ke data i n an abstract of a jour nal
ar ti cl e, ar e som eti m es pr esented i n a tabl e or a graph. The tabl e or graph shoul d be
desi gned cl ear l y, the sam e as a tabl e or graph f or a paper. The onl y di f f er ences ar e that
i n abstracts no ti tl e i s gi ven f or tabl es and no l egends ar e i ncl uded f or graphs.
When you i ncl ude a tabl e or a graph i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng, be car ef ul not to om i t
the statem ent of the r esul ts that the data suppor t. Om i tti ng the r esul ts obscur es the
over v i ew (see Ex am pl e 10. 16). For gr eatest cl ar i ty, the tabl e or graph shoul d be pl aced
af ter the sentence that states the r esul ts that the data suppor t, not i nstead of the
r esul ts sentence.
Example 10.16
Fi gur e.
No
Capti on
Avai l abl e.
P. 291
P. 292
Tw o m ajor pr obl em s i n the way thi s abstract i s w r i tten m ake the over v i ew uncl ear :
1. The questi on i s not stated at the begi nni ng. Instead the answ er i s gi ven (thi r d
sentence). Substi tuti ng the answ er f or the questi on i s di sor i enti ng because the
answ er can be m i sr ead as back gr ound i nf or m ati on.
2. The r esul ts ar e not stated. Onl y data ar e show n (i n the tabl e). Thus, w hen w e
r ead the sentence bel ow the tabl e (“Cr om ol y n sodi um at 5 m g/k g/m i n, i n 2 l am bs,
pr oduced si m i l ar r esul ts”), w e do not k now w hat the r esul ts ar e, unl ess w e have
f i gur ed them out f or our sel ves. The r eader shoul d not have to f i gur e out the
r esul ts. The author shoul d state them .
In addi ti on, the om i ssi on of som e i m por tant detai l s f ur ther obscur es the cl ar i ty of
thi s abstract.
3. Onl y one of the tw o doses tested i s m enti oned i n the descr i pti on of the
ex per i m ent, so w e do not ex pect r esul ts f or a second dose.
4. The sam pl e si ze and the dose ar e m i ssi ng f r om the f ootnote of the tabl e.
5. The i m pl i cati on at the end of the l ast sentence say s nothi ng about l eukotr i enes.
Thus, the ex pectati on rai sed by the f i r st w or d of the abstract (a ver y pow er f ul
posi ti on) and em phasi zed by the l ast w or d of the second sentence i s not f ul f i l l ed.
Fi nal l y, the i ncl usi on of som e secondar y detai l s par tl y obscur es the m essage of the
abstract by draw i ng attenti on away f r om the i m por tant detai l s.
6. The stati sti cal com par i sons i n the tabl e ar e not di r ectl y r el evant to the r esul ts
that answ er the questi on. These com par i sons show that hy pox i a i ndeed i nduced
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on, as r ef l ected by i ncr eases i n pul m onar y ar ter i al
pr essur e. How ever, the cr uci al com par i son i s betw een pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur es
f or hy pox i a al one and f or cr om ol y n pl us hy pox i a. The poi nt i s that the val ues w er e
not si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent.
7. Sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e and car di ac output ar e not str i ctl y necessar y f or
answ er i ng the questi on, but they ar e i ncl uded i n the tabl e to show that the changes
i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e di d not r esul t f r om changes i n sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e or f r om changes i n car di ac output.
In the r ev i si on, the questi on i s stated and the r esul ts ar e stated. In addi ti on, the second
dose tested i s m enti oned i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent, the sam pl e si ze and the
dose ar e added to the f ootnote of the tabl e, and “l eukotr i ene r el ease” i s added to the
l ast sentence. These changes m ake the abstract cl ear er. The stati sti cal com par i sons and
the data f or sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e and car di ac output, though of secondar y
i m por tance, ar e r etai ned to show the val i di ty of the r esul ts. Fi nal l y, to keep the abstract
the sam e l ength as the or i gi nal ver si on, “w hi ch ar e f ound i n,” “a var i ety of,” and “have
been suggested to” i n the f i r st sentence have been shor tened to “r el eased by,”
“var i ous,” and “m ay.” In the second sentence, “a stabi l i zer of m ast cel l m em branes” has
been changed to the noun cl uster “a m ast cel l m em brane stabi l i zer.” In the statem ent of
the r esul ts, “w e” i s used i nstead of passi ve voi ce, and “si x ” at the begi nni ng of the
sentence becom es “6” w i thi n the sentence. In the sentence bef or e the tabl e, “the” has
been om i tted bef or e “pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e r esponses.” In the l ast sentence,
“these” has been changed to “our ” and “pr ev i ous” bef or e “r epor ts” has been om i tted.
P. 293
Revision
Fi gur e.
No
Capti on
Avai l abl e.
P. 294
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR ABSTRACTS
FUNCTION
The abstract shoul d pr ov i de an over v i ew of the m ai n stor y and a f ew essenti al detai l s.
The abstract shoul d be cl ear both to r eader s w ho r ead the paper and to r eader s w ho do
not r ead the paper.
ABSTRACTS OF HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS
Content and Organization
State
the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) and the
or gani sm f r om w hi ch i t cam e, or the ani m al or hum an popul ati on
studi ed.
the ex per i m ental appr oach or the study desi gn, i ncl udi ng both the
i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es.
the r esul ts you f ound that answ er the questi on, i ncl udi ng
onl y the m ost i m por tant r esul ts, i n a l ogi cal or der.
a m i ni m um of data.
the answ er to the questi on. Be sur e the answ er answ er s the questi on asked.
an i m pl i cati on, a specul ati on, or a r ecom m endati on at the end of the abstract.
Writing
For abstracts w r i tten as one paragraph,
Si gnal the questi on (“To deter m i ne w hether,” “To test the hy pothesi s that”) or
the questi on and the ex per i m ent done (“We asked w hether… . To answ er thi s
questi on, w e… ,” “We hy pothesi zed that… . To test thi s hy pothesi s, w e…”).
U se pr esent tense ver bs f or the questi on and the answ er.
U se past tense ver bs to state the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound.
Be car ef ul not to om i t the questi on, not to state the questi on vaguel y, not to state
an i m pl i cati on i nstead of the answ er, and not to w r i te a descr i pti ve abstract i f you
tested a hy pothesi s.
Variations
If the jour nal to w hi ch you ar e subm i tti ng a paper r equests a di f f er ent f or m f or the
abstract, f ol l ow the r equested f or m .
P. 295
ABSTRACTS OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
Content and Organization
State
Writing
Si gnal the m essage (“Her e w e r epor t”).
U se past tense to descr i be r esul ts of ex per i m ents.
ABSTRACTS OF METHODS PAPERS
State
how w el l i t w or k s.
Al way s begi n w i th the f i r st f our i tem s. The or der of the l ast thr ee i tem s m ay be
changed i f necessar y.
To i ndi cate that the m ethod i s an i m pr oved ver si on of an ex i sti ng m ethod, add
“i m pr oved” bef or e the nam e of the m ethod. It i s not usual l y necessar y to i ndi cate
that a m ethod i s new, but i t i s OK to do so.
State the pur pose i n the f or m “f or doi ng X” or “to do X.”
Incl ude the nam e, pur pose, and ani m al or popul ati on i n one sentence.
U sual l y i ncl ude how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s i n one sentence.
U se past tense (pr esent per f ect tense) or pr esent tense to nam e the m ethod,
dependi ng on the ver b used (f or ex am pl e, “An i m pr oved m ethod has been
dev el oped” or “An i m pr oved m ethod i s descr i bed”). U se pr esent tense to descr i be
the m ethod and i ts advantages. U se past tense to state how the m ethod was tested
and how w el l i t w or k s.
INDEXING TERMS
Sel ect ter m s that you w oul d l ook up to f i nd your ow n paper and that w oul d attract
the r eader s you hope to r each.
Sel ect cur r ent, speci f i c ter m s, pr ef erabl y m edi cal subject headi ngs (MeSH), that
nam e i m por tant topi cs i n your paper.
If the jour nal ask s you to suppl y onl y ter m s that ar e not i n the ti tl e of the paper,
do so.
If necessar y, i ncl ude a ter m as an i ndex i ng ter m even i f the ter m does not appear
i n your paper.
P. 296
ABSTRACTS FOR MEETINGS
The f uncti ons of abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e to show that you have a val uabl e
contr i buti on and to l ur e an audi ence to your tal k .
To f ul f i l l these f uncti ons, i n general , abstracts f or m eeti ngs shoul d f ol l ow the sam e
gui del i nes as abstracts of paper s.
Excepti ons:
It i s OK to gi ve m or e detai l s of m ethods i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng than i n
an abstract of a paper and to di spl ay data i n a tabl e or a graph so that the
r eader can eval uate the val i di ty of the w or k .
How ever,
Do not add excessi ve detai l , or the tr ees w i l l over shadow the f or est.
Do not use a l ot of abbr ev i ati ons, or the abstract w i l l be unr eadabl e.
Desi gn the tabl e or graph car ef ul l y, but om i t the ti tl e of the tabl e and the
l egend f or the graph.
Do not om i t the statem ent of the r esul ts that the data i n the tabl e or the
graph suppor t; i nstead, pl ace the tabl e or graph af ter the statem ent of the
r esul ts.
P. 297
EXERCISE 10.1: ABSTRACTS
1. Grade the f ol l ow i ng abstracts A (excel l ent), B (good), C (average), D (poor ), or
F (ter r i bl e). Suppor t your grade w i th r easons.
re pe a t k e y te rms so that w e under stand w hat “posi ti ve” and “negati ve” i n
sentence G m ean. U se the m ost pr eci se key ter m s i n your r ev i si on.
Abstract 1
Note : The que s tion a s s ta te d—va gue ly—in the Introduc tion w a s “ To inve s tiga te the
func tion of p300 during mous e de ve lopme nt. ”
A The tra ns c riptiona l c oa c tiva tor a nd inte gra tor p300 a nd its c los e ly re la te d fa mily
me mbe r CBP me dia te multiple , s igna lde pe nde nt tra ns c riptiona l e ve nts . B W e ha ve
ge ne ra te d mic e la c k ing a func tiona l p300 ge ne . C Anima ls nullizygous for p300 die d
be tw e e n da ys 9 a nd 11. 5 of ge s ta tion, e x hibiting de fe c ts in ne urula tion, c e ll
prolife ra tion, a nd he a rt de ve lopme nt. D Ce lls de rive d from p300de fic ie nt e mbryos
dis pla ye d s pe c ific tra ns c riptiona l de fe c ts a nd prolife ra te d poorly. E Surpris ingly,
p300 he te rozygote s a ls o ma nife s te d c ons ide ra ble e mbryonic le tha lity. F More ove r,
double he te rozygos ity for p300 a nd c bp w a s inva ria bly a s s oc ia te d w ith e mbryonic
de a th. G Thus , mous e de ve lopme nt is e x quis ite ly s e ns itive to the ove ra ll ge ne
dos a ge of p300 a nd c bp. H Our re s ults provide ge ne tic e vide nc e tha t a c oa c tiva tor
e ndow e d w ith his tone a c e tyltra ns fe ra s e a c tivity is e s s e ntia l for ma mma lia n c e ll
prolife ra tion a nd de ve lopme nt.
G ra de :_____
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 1
G ra de : C
The answ er shoul d be l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed and the gene studi ed
(H).
“Hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” i s not m enti oned ear l i er i n the
abstr act.
“A coacti v ator endow ed w i th hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ”
shoul d be r epl aced by “p300. ”
Ex pand the back gr ound to r el ate to the questi on and answ er .
State the unex pected answ er af ter stati ng the answ er to the questi on.
U se si m pl e w or ds, m ak e the topi c the subject, and put the acti on i n the
v er b (E, F: di ed).
Re vis ion
AThe transcr i pti onal coacti vator and i ntegrator p300 and i ts cl osel y r el ated
f am i l y m em ber CBP ar e bel i eved to m edi ate num er ous si gnal dependent
transcr i pti onal events, i ncl udi ng those i nvol ved i n em br yo devel opm ent. B 1 To
deter m i ne w hether the p300 gene i s necessar y f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent
and cel l pr ol i f erati on, B 2 w e assessed these var i abl es i n m i ce w e generated
l ack i ng a f uncti onal p300 gene. CWe f ound that m ouse em br yos nul l i zygous f or
p300 di ed betw een day s 9 and 11. 5 of gestati on, ex hi bi ti ng def ects i n
neur ul ati on, cel l pr ol i f erati on, and hear t devel opm ent. DCel l s der i ved f r om
p300def i ci ent em br yos di spl ayed speci f i c transcr i pti onal def ects and
pr ol i f erated poor l y. ESur pr i si ngl y, m ost of the p300 heter ozygous em br yos
al so di ed. FMor eover, al l em br yos doubl y heter ozygous f or p300 and cbp di ed.
HThus, the p300 gene i s essenti al f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l
pr ol i f erati on. GOur f i ndi ngs al so show that nor m al m ouse em br yo devel opm ent
i s ex qui si tel y sensi ti ve to under dosage and over dosage of p300 and cbp
genes. 144 w or ds, 18 w or ds/sentence
P. 298
Abstract 2
Note : The hypothe s is s ta te d (but not ide ntifie d) in the Introduc tion w a s “ tha t
va rious fa c tors w ith diffe re nt func tions inte ra c t w ith the s a me or s imila r
s e que nc e s to c ontrol ge ne e x pre s s ion. ” The a ns w e r s ta te d in the Dis c us s ion w a s
“ both pos itive a nd ne ga tive fa c tors c a n inte ra c t w ith the s a me DNA s e que nc e in
orde r to re gula te ge ne e x pre s s ion. ”
A Se ve ra l tra ns c ription fa c tors inte ra c t w ith G Cric h s e que nc e s a nd pos itive ly
re gula te both hous e k e e ping ge ne s a nd c e llula r onc oge ne s . B W e ha ve c lone d a
huma n c DNA tha t e nc ode s a fa c tor tha t binds to a G Cric h s e que nc e re pe a t pre s e nt
in the e pide rma l grow th fa c tor re c e ptor (EG FR), βa c tin, a nd c a lc iumde pe nde nt
prote a s e (CANP ) promote rs . C This c DNA e nc ode s a 91k d prote in w ith a n
e x tre me ly ba s ic re gion a t its a mino te rminus . D De le tion a na lys e s w ith ba c te ria lly
e x pre s s e d prote ins c onta ining fra gme nts of this fa c tor indic a te tha t this ba s ic
re gion of the prote in func tions a s the DNA binding doma in. E Ex pre s s ion of this
fa c tor in CV1 c e lls s how s tha t it re pre s s e s e x pre s s ion origina ting from both the
EG FR a nd βa c tin promote rs a s w e ll a s c hime ric promote rs c onta ining the CANP
ge ne . F It a ls o re pre s s e s tra ns c ription in c e llfre e e x tra c ts . G The s e re s ults s ugge s t
tha t pos itive a nd ne ga tive fa c tors ma y inte ra c t w ith the s a me c ontrol e le me nt to
a c c ount for the dive rs ity of tra ns c riptiona l re gula tion.
G ra de :_____
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 2
G ra de : D
The abstr act i s w r i tten as a descr i pti v e abstr act, r ather than as a
hy pothesi stesti ng abstr act. Thi s f or m i s v er y m i sl eadi ng because the
m essage (sentence B) i s a r easonabl e one f or a descr i pti v e paper .
“r epr esses” (ti tl e, E, F); “posi ti v el y r egul ate” (A), “posi ti v e and
negati v e f actor s” (G).
“tr anscr i pti on” (ti tl e, F, G), “ex pr essi on” (E)
The end of the l ast sentence sounds l i k e the pur pose of the i nter acti on
(“to account f or ”). Pr obabl y thi s par t of the sentence i s a specul ati on
(“and thus m ay account f or ”).
Re vis ion
ASeveral fa c tors tha t bind to G Cric h s e que nc e s a c tiva te tra ns c ription of
both housekeepi ng genes and cel l ul ar oncogenes. AAWe asked w hether
fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h s e que nc e
re pe a t as fa c tors that a c tiva te tra ns c ription. BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e
character i zed a hum an cDN A that encodes a fa c tor that binds to a G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t pr esent i n pr om oter s of the epi der m al gr ow th f actor
r eceptor (EGFR), βacti n, and cal ci um dependent pr otease (CAN P). CWe f ound
that thi s fa c tor is a 91k d pr otei n w i th an ex tr em el y basi c r egi on at i ts am i no
ter m i nus. DDel eti on anal y ses i ndi cated that thi s basi c r egi on f uncti ons as the
DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n. EWhen w e ex pr essed thi s fa c tor i n CV1 cel l s, w e f ound
that i t re pre s s e d tra ns c ription or i gi nati ng both f r om the EGFR and βacti n
pr om oter s and f r om chi m er i c pr om oter s contai ni ng the CAN P gene. FIt al so
re pre s s e d tra ns c ription i n cel l f r ee ex tracts. GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that
fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h s e que nc e
re pe a t as f actor s that a c tiva te transcr i pti on.
Abstract 3
EFFECTS OF EXP OSU RE TO OZONE ON DEFENSIVE MECHANISMS OF THE LU NG
A Va rious c ompone nts of the e ndoge nous de fe ns e me c ha nis m of the lung w e re
s tudie d by me a ns of a unila te ra l lung e x pos ure te c hnique . B Low le ve ls of ozone
w e re found to de c re a s e c e llula r via bility, de pre s s va rious intra c e llula r hydrolytic
e nzyme s (lys ozyme , be ta gluc uronida s e , a nd a c id phos pha ta s e ), a nd inc re a s e the
a bs olute numbe r a nd pe rc e nt of polymorphonuc le a r le uk oc yte s
P . 299
w ithin pulmona ry la va ge fluid. C All the s e e ffe c ts w e re dos e re la te d a nd w e re found
only in the s ingle lung e x pos e d to ozone a nd not in the c ontra la te ra l lung
s imulta ne ous ly bre a thing a mbie nt a ir. D The re s pons e s w e re found to be the re s ult
of dire c t tox ic ity of this polluta nt ra the r tha n a ge ne ra lize d s ys te mic re s pons e . E It
w a s c onc lude d tha t the obs e rve d e ffe c ts c ould be re s pons ible for the inc re a s e d
morta lity of a nima ls give n a ba c te ria l c ha lle nge follow ing ozone e x pos ure .
G ra de :______
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 3
G ra de : C
Stre ngths
Has cl ear or gani zati on i ndi cated by new sentences f or the ex per i m ents
done, the r esul ts, and the answ er to the questi on.
P roble ms
The questi on i s stated v aguel y : the i ndependent v ar i abl e i s m i ssi ng.
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent (A) i s not cl ear : How w as one l ung
ex posed—sur gi cal l y ? What w as i t ex posed to?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s i ncom pl ete: What happened to the
other l ung i s not descr i bed unti l sentence C; i t shoul d be i n sentence A.
What w as the state of the ani m al s dur i ng the study ?
Sentence D has an uncl ear si gnal (“w er e f ound to be”): i t coul d be
ei ther r esul ts or the answ er .
The w r i ti ng i s gener al l y cl ear but contai ns som e jar gon (“uni l ater al
l ung ex posur e techni que, ” “bacter i al chal l enge”) and uncl ear w or d
choi ce (w hat does “depr ess v ar i ous i ntr acel l ul ar hy dr ol y ti c
enzy m es” m ean: decr ease the num ber s of enzy m es? decr ease
enzy m e acti v i ty ?). Al so the si gnal of the r esul ts w oul d be cl ear er i f
i t w er e at the begi nni ng of the sentence. In the ti tl e, “def ensi v e
m echani sm ” shoul d be “def ense m echani sm . ”
OZONE SU P P RESSES THE DEFENSE MECHANISM of RABBITS' LU NG S
A
1 To deter m i ne how l ow concentrati ons of ozone af f ect the endogenous
def ense m echani sm of rabbi ts' l ungs, A 2 We venti l ated one l ung w i th ozone and
the other l ung w i th ai r dur i ng l i ght anesthesi a. BWe f ound that ozone (0. 5–3. 0
ppm f or 3 h) decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and the acti v i ty
of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase. It al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per centage of
pol y m or phonucl ear l eukocy tes i n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d. CAl l these ef f ects
w er e dose r el ated, appear ed onl y i n the l ung venti l ated w i th ozone, and
r esul ted f r om di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone and not f r om a general i zed sy stem i c
r esponse. DWe concl ude that ozone suppr esses the def ense m echani sm of
rabbi ts' l ungs. EWe suggest that thi s suppr essi on m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the
hi gh death rate of rabbi ts i nf ected w i th bacter i a af ter thei r l ungs ar e
venti l ated w i th ozone.
COMMENTS
In Rev i si on 1, the i ndependent var i abl e i s added to the questi on (A 1 ), and the
ani m al (A 1 ), m ethods detai l s (A 2 B), and the answ er (D) ar e al so added. In A 2
the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s now com pl ete, and pr eci se w or d choi ce
m akes cl ear how the l ungs w er e ex posed and w hat each l ung was ex posed to.
In A 2 and B, the f ol l ow i ng detai l s of m ethods ar e now i ncl uded: the condi ti on
of the rabbi ts (l i ghtl y anestheti zed), the concentrati on of ozone (0. 5–3. 0
ppm ), the durati on of ex posur e to ozone (3 h), and the ty pe of cel l s studi ed
(al veol ar m acr ophages). The answ er (D) answ er s the questi on asked: the key
ter m s f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es ar e the sam e i n the
questi on and the answ er, and the poi nt of v i ew i s the sam e. Al so, the si gnal of
the r esul ts (“We f ound that”) i s m oved to the begi nni ng of the sentence (B),
and the r esul t f or hydr ol y ti c enzy m es i s descr i bed m or e pr eci sel y (“decr eased
the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es”). Fi nal l y, i n the i m pl i cati on
(E), w or d choi ce i s si m pl i f i ed (“hi gh death rate” i nstead of “i ncr eased
m or tal i ty ”), jar gon i s avoi ded (“i nf ected w i th bacter i a” i nstead of “gi ven a
bacter i al chal l enge”), and an appr opr i ate si gnal i s used (“We suggest that”).
AIn rabbi ts ex posed to ozone and then gi ven an i njecti on of bacter i a, m or tal i ty
i s i ncr eased. BThe i ncr eased m or tal i ty m ay r esul t f r om ozonei nduced
i m pai r m ent of the l ungs' def ense m echani sm s. C 1 We ther ef or e asked w hether
ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n rabbi ts' l ungs
and, C 2 i f so, w hether the i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone or
COMMENTS
Rev i si on 2 ask s tw o questi ons (C 1 , C 2 ) and gi v es tw o answ er s (G). In Rev i si on
2, questi on 1 i s stated m or e speci f i cal l y than the sam e questi on i n Rev i si on 1
and thus anti ci pates the answ er m or e cl ear l y . The r eason the questi on i n
Rev i si on 2 i s m or e speci f i c i s that i t uses the sam e v er b (“i m pai r s”) as the
answ er r ather than the gener al v er b “af f ect. ”
Al so i n Rev i si on 2, back gr ound i nf or m ati on i s added (A, B) to pr epar e f or the
specul ati on at the end of the abstr act (H). N ote that sentence B states the
ul ti m ate questi on the author i s i nter ested i n and sentence H specul ates on a
possi bl e answ er to the ul ti m ate questi on.
Other detai l s added i n Rev i si on 2 ar e the sam e as those i n Rev i si on 1.
Abstract 4
P U LMONARY MECHANICS AND G AS EXCHANG E IN SEATED NORMAL MEN W ITH
CHEST RESTRICTION
A Lung volume s , s ta tic pre s s ure volume c urve s , ma x ima l e x pira tory flow volume
c urve s , righttole ft intra pulmona ry s hunts ([Q w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot
a bove ] t ), a nd pe rfus ion re la tive to the a lve ola r ve ntila tion a nd pe rfus ion ra tio ([V
w ith dot a bove ] a /[Q w ith dot a bove ]) w e re de te rmine d in s e a te d norma l me n
be fore c he s t s tra pping w hile bre a thing a ir (C a i r ) a nd during c he s t s tra pping w hile
bre a thing a ir (S a i r ) or 100% ox yge n (SO 2 ). B W ith S a i r a nd SO 2 , me a n vita l c a pa c ity
w a s re duc e d by 44% from c ontrol. C Ela s tic re c oil pre s s ure [P s t(L)] of the lung a t
50% c ontrol tota l lung c a pa c ity (TLC) inc re a s e d s ignific a ntly (P > 0. 05) from 4. 64
± 0. 39 c m H 2 O (me a n ± SE) to 7. 00 ± 0. 47 c m H 2 O w ith S a i r a nd to 7. 24 ± 0. 70 c m
dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot a bove ] t from c ontrol w a s obs e rve d. F W ith SO 2 , me a n [Q
w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot a bove ] t inc re a s e d s ignific a ntly (P > 0. 05) from 0 to
2. 2 ± 0. 9% of the c a rdia c output. G It is the re fore unlik e ly tha t the de ve lopme nt of
a te le c ta s is , a s indic a te d by a n inc re a s e in [Q w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot
a bove ] t , a c c ounts for the inc re a s e in P s t(L) w ith S a i r a nd SO 2 . H Curre nt e vide nc e
s ugge s ts tha t e ithe r c ha nge in a lve ola r s urfa c e c omplia nc e or dis tortion of the
lung or both a re re s pons ible for the inc re a s e d re c oil pre s s ure but tha t ne ithe r
me c ha nis m a lone a ppe a rs to e x pla in it tota lly.
G ra de :______
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 4
G ra de : F
P roble ms
Too m uch detai l . You cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees.
In the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (A), gi v e the gener al appr oach,
not ev er y v ar i abl e, and i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p betw een v ar i abl es.
In the statem ent of the r esul ts (B–F), gi v e data f or onl y the m ost
i m por tant f i ndi ngs, gi v e per centages i nstead of m eans and SE, or
om i t data al together . Om i t P v al ues. Om i t al l “si gni f i cantl y 's. ” State
“m ean ± SE” (i f used) onl y once.
Too m any abbr ev i ati ons. [Q w i th dot abov e]s/[Q w i th dot abov e]t can be
r epl aced by “shunt f r acti on. ” [V w i th dot abov e]/[Q w i th dot abov e] and
C ai r ar e nev er m enti oned agai n, and Pst(L) and TLC ar e used onl y once
each, so they ar e unnecessar y . S ai r and SO 2 ar e bi zar r e.
The l ast sentence i s uncl ear : i s i t the i m pl i cati on of thi s study or of
other studi es? If other studi es, i t does not bel ong i n the abstr act.
Re vis ion
AEl asti c r ecoi l pr essur e of the l ungs i ncr eases w hen total l ung capaci ty
decr eases. B 1 To deter m i ne w hether thi s i ncr eased pr essur e i s due to
atel ectasi s, B 1 w e m easur ed el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e and the r i ghttol ef t
i ntrapul m onar y shunt f racti on (an i ndex of atel ectasi s) bef or e and dur i ng
chest strappi ng (a condi ti on that decr eases l ung capaci ty ) i n heal thy m en.
CEx per i m ents w er e done w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r (basel i ne) or 100%
ox ygen (to i nduce atel ectasi s). DWe f ound that al though el asti c r ecoi l
pr essur e i ncr eased by 50% dur i ng chest strappi ng, shunt f racti on was
unchanged w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r and i ncr eased m i ni m al l y w hi l e
they br eathed 100% ox ygen. EWe concl ude that i ncr eased el asti c r ecoi l
pr essur e i n the l ungs dur i ng condi ti ons of decr eased total l ung capaci ty i s not
due to atel ectasi s.
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on i s m uch easi er to r ead because the questi on i s stated (B 1 ), the
ex per i m ental appr oach gi v es an ov er v i ew (B 2 , C), i ndi cator s ar e i denti f i ed
(B 2 , C), and unnecessar y detai l s (l ess i m por tant v ar i abl es, data, stati sti cal
i nf or m ati on, the i m pl i cati on at the end) and al l abbr ev i ati ons ar e om i tted.
Back
Chapter 11
The Title
FUNCTIONS
Ti tl es of bi om edi cal jour nal ar ti cl es have tw o f uncti ons: to i denti f y the m ai n
topi c or the m essage of the paper and to attract r eader s.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING
PAPERS
Stating the Topic in the Title
The standar d ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s a phrase that i denti f i es the
topi c of the paper. For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the topi c i ncl udes thr ee
pi eces of i nf or m ati on: the i ndependent var i abl e(s) that you m ani pul ated, i f any
(X), the dependent var i abl e(s) you obser ved or m easur ed (Y), and the ani m al
or popul ati on and the m ater i al on w hi ch you di d the w or k (Z). The ani m al
studi ed m ust al way s be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e, w hether or not the ani m al studi ed
i s i ncl uded i n the questi on and the answ er. If necessar y, tw o other pi eces of
i nf or m ati on m ay al so be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e: the condi ti on of the ani m al s or
subjects dur i ng the study and the ex per i m ental appr oach.
Titles for Papers That Have Both Independent and
Dependent Variables
For studi es that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, the standar d
f or m of the ti tl e i s
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.
Example 11.1
Ef f ect of βEndor phi n on Br eathi ng Movem ents i n Fetal Sheep
N ote that i n thi s standar d f or m , the ani m al , popul ati on, or m ater i al studi ed
com es at the end of the ti tl e.
When hum ans ar e studi ed, they ar e of ten om i tted f r om the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e
11. 2, though i t i s cl ear est to i ncl ude “hum ans” i n the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 22
bel ow.
P. 301
Example 11.2
Ef f ect of Mem brane Spl i tti ng on Transm em brane Pol y pepti des
How ever, w hen a subpopul ati on of hum ans was studi ed, the subpopul ati on i s
al way s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.3
Ef f ects of Esm ol ol on Ai r way Functi on i n Pati ents Who Have Asthm a
For the negati ve i m pl i cati on to w or k (no popul ati on i n the ti tl e i m pl i es that the
popul ati on i s hum ans), the ani m al m ust al way s be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e w hen the
w or k was done on ani m al s.
Titles for Papers That Have Only Dependent Variables
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es that have onl y dependent var i abl es, the standar d
f or m of the ti tl e i s
Y i n Z,
w her e Y i s the dependent var i abl e(s)—that i s, the var i abl e(s) obser ved or
m easur ed—and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on and the m ater i al on w hi ch the
w or k was done. For ex am pl es, see the r ev i si ons of Ex am pl es 11. 25 and 11. 27
bel ow. Al so see Ex am pl e 11. 36 bel ow.
Other Information in the Title
In addi ti on to these essenti al pi eces of i nf or m ati on (X, Y, and Z), the ti tl e of a
hy pothesi stesti ng paper m ay som eti m es i ncl ude the condi ti on the subjects or
the ani m al s w er e i n dur i ng the ex per i m ents (Ex am pl e 11. 4) or the ex per i m ental
appr oach (Ex am pl e 11. 5), i f these detai l s ar e i m por tant.
Example 11.4
Ef f ect of Hy popr otei nem i a on Fl ui d Bal ance i n the Lungs of Awake N ew bor n
Lam bs
Example 11.5
Mi cr ovascul ar Pr essur es Measur ed by Mi cr opunctur e i n Lungs of N ew bor n
Rabbi ts
Stating the Message in the Title
Tradi ti onal l y, the ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper states the topi c of the
paper. But i f the paper has a str ong, unam bi guous m essage suppor ted by
str ong, unequi vocal ev i dence, the ti tl e of the paper can state the m essage, that
i s, the answ er to the questi on. The m essage can be stated ei ther i n a phrase or
i n a sentence.
Stating the Message in a Phrase
In a phrase ti tl e, the m essage i s ex pr essed by ei ther an adjecti ve or a noun
pl aced bef or e the dependent var i abl e at the begi nni ng of the ti tl e. The adjecti ve
or noun i s based on the ver b used i n the questi on and answ er. For ex am pl e, i f
P. 302
the questi on of the paper i s “to deter m i ne w hether the m etabol i c rate i n rats i s
r educed dur i ng radi of r equency i r radi ati on” and the answ er to the questi on i s
yes, then thi s m essage can be ex pr essed by the adjecti ve “r educed” i n the ti tl e,
as i n Ex am pl e 11. 6.
Example 11.6
Reduced Metabol i c Rate dur i ng Radi oFr equency Ir radi ati on i n Rats
In Ex am pl e 11. 7 bel ow, the m essage i s ex pr essed by the noun “al terati on”
bef or e the dependent var i abl e. The questi on was to “deter m i ne w hether
pr otei ncal or i e m al nutr i ti on al ter s l ung m echani cs.”
Example 11.7
Al terati on of Lung Mechani cs by Pr otei nCal or i e Mal nutr i ti on i n Weaned Rats
Som eti m es both an adjecti ve and a noun ar e used to state the m essage, as i n
Ex am pl e 11. 8.
Example 11.8
Hy pox i aInduced Al terati ons of Vascul ar Reacti v i ty to N or epi nephr i ne i n Isol ated
Per f used Lung f r om Cats
Stating the Message in a Sentence
Another way to state a m essage i n the ti tl e i s to use a sentence. In a sentence,
the m essage i s ex pr essed by a ver b i n pr esent tense, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 9.
Example 11.9
Verapam i l and Di et Hal t the Pr ogr essi on of Ather oscl er osi s i n Chol ester ol Fed
Rabbi ts
U si ng a sentence to state a m essage i s str onger than usi ng a phrase i s, as you
can see by r eadi ng the l i st of ti tl es i n a jour nal 's tabl e of contents. It i s the
sentence ti tl es that w i l l jum p out at you. The r eason a sentence ti tl e i s str onger
i s that ver bs convey acti on m or e pow er f ul l y than nouns or adjecti ves. Thus, the
sam e ti tl e stated as a phrase and as a sentence w i l l sound str onger as a
sentence. (Com par e “Ar r ested Pr ogr essi on of Ather oscl er osi s by Verapam i l and
Di et i n Chol ester ol Fed Rabbi ts” w i th Ex am pl e 11. 9). For thi s r eason, use a
sentence ti tl e onl y i f you have a cl ear m essage backed up by sol i d ev i dence.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
For a descr i pti ve paper that descr i bes a new str uctur e, the ti tl e nam es the
str uctur e bei ng descr i bed and states i ts key f uncti on. The str uctur e i s the f i r st
w or d of the ti tl e. The f uncti on com es nex t, as an apposi ti ve (af ter a com m a),
as a subti tl e (af ter a col on), or as the r est of the sentence (ver b and
com pl eter ).
P. 303
Hi p, a N ovel Cochaper one Invol ved i n the Euk ar yoti c Hsc70/Hsp40 Reacti on
Cycl e
In Ex am pl e 11. 10, the str uctur e (“Hi p”) i s the f i r st w or d of the ti tl e. The
f uncti on i s nam ed as an apposi ti ve, af ter a com m a, i n a categor y ter m
(“cochaper one”). The f uncti on i s f ur ther def i ned by a past par ti ci pl e of a ver b
(“i nvol ved”) and a com pl eter. The apposi ti ve f or m ul a (str uctur e, categor y
nam i ng the f uncti on f ol l ow ed by a par ti ci pl e and com pl eter f ur ther def i ni ng the
f uncti on) i s a ver y cl ear ti tl e f or a paper descr i bi ng a str uctur e. Thi s techni que
i s the sam e as l i nk i ng key ter m s.
The m ai n di f f er ence i n f or m betw een Ex am pl es 11. 10 and 11. 11 i s that a col on
i s used i nstead of a com m a i n Ex am pl e 11. 11, thus cr eati ng a subti tl e.
Ich1, an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene, Encodes Both Posi ti ve and N egati ve
Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death
In Ex am pl e 11. 12, the ti tl e i s a sentence. The str uctur e i s nam ed as the subject
of the sentence (“Ich1”) and the f uncti on i s nam ed i n the ver b (“encodes”) and
the com pl eter.
The categor y f or Ich1 (“an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene”) i s i ncl uded i n the subject
of the sentence af ter the str uctur e. How ever, the categor y ter m does not state
the f uncti on.
Thi s ti tl e m i ght be cl ear er i f i t w er e w r i tten l i ke Ex am pl e 11. 10, rather than as
a sentence: “Ich1, an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene that Encodes Both Posi ti ve and
N egati ve Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death.”
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR METHODS PAPERS
The ti tl e of a m ethods paper shoul d i ndi cate w hether the paper descr i bes a
m ethod, an apparatus, or a m ater i al , shoul d state i ts pur pose, and shoul d nam e
the ani m al or popul ati on the m ethod i s used f or. In addi ti on, the ti tl e m ay
i ndi cate w hether the m ethod i s new or i m pr oved.
Name
To i ndi cate w hether the paper descr i bes a m ethod, an apparatus, or a m ater i al ,
use the nam e i n the ti tl e i f the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al has a nam e.
Example 11.13
Endotracheal Fl ow m eter f or Measur i ng Ti dal Vol um e, Ai r way Pr essur e, and End
Ti dal Gas i n N ew bor ns
P. 304
Example 11.14
Monocl onal Anti bodi es as Pr obes f or Di sti ngui shi ng U ni que Anti gens i n
Secr etor y Cel l s of Heter ogeneous Exocr i ne Or gans
If the m ethod does not have a nam e, use a categor y ter m such as “m ethod” or
“apparatus” i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.15
A Method f or Pur i f y i ng the Gl ycopr otei n IIbIIIa Com pl ex i n Pl atel et Mem brane
Purpose
To state the pur pose, the ver b f or m “f or doi ng X” i s used. Thus, i n Ex am pl es
11. 13 and 11. 15 above, “f or m easur i ng” and “f or pur i f y i ng” ar e the ver b f or m s
used to state the pur pose. Ex am pl e 11. 14 uses a sl i ghtl y m odi f i ed f or m —“as
pr obes f or di sti ngui shi ng.” Both f or m s ar e cl ear i ndi cator s of pur pose.
How ever, usi ng “f or ” w i thout an “i ng” ver b af ter i t m akes the ti tl e uncl ear.
Example 11.16
A Doubl eCatheter Techni que f or Caudal l y Mi sdi r ected Catheter s i n the U m bi l i cal
Ar ter y
Revision
A Doubl eCatheter Techni que f or Avoi di ng Caudal l y Mi sdi r ected Catheter s i n the
U m bi l i cal Ar ter y
Addi ng the “i ng” ver b m akes the pur pose cl ear : “f or avoi di ng.”
Animal or Population
As i n ti tl es of hy pothesi stesti ng and descr i pti ve paper s, the popul ati on that the
m ethod i s used f or i s of ten om i tted w hen the m ethod i s f or hum ans (Ex am pl es
11. 14–11. 16) or hum ans and other ani m al s (Ex am pl e 11. 18 bel ow ). How ever,
the ani m al or popul ati on i s al way s stated w hen the m ethod i s f or ani m al s or f or
a speci f i c subpopul ati on of hum ans (Ex am pl es 11. 13 above and 11. 17 bel ow ).
New or Improved
If a paper descr i bes a new m ethod, the ti tl e usual l y does not need to i ncl ude
the w or d “new ” (see ex am pl es above) or i ts f ancy al ter nati ve “novel .” How ever,
the ti tl e m ay i ncl ude the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or the m ost i m por tant
advantage of the m ethod. In Ex am pl e 11. 16 above, “doubl ecatheter ” i s the
m ost i m por tant f eatur e of the new m ethod.
If a paper descr i bes an i m pr oved m ethod, the ti tl e shoul d, i f possi bl e, state
w hat the i m pr ovem ent i s by nam i ng ei ther the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or the
m ost i m por tant advantage of the i m pr oved m ethod. In Ex am pl e 11. 17 bel ow,
“noni nvasi ve” i s the m ost i m por tant advantage of the i m pr oved m ethod.
P. 305
Example 11.17
N oni nvasi ve Method f or Moni tor i ng Bl ood Gases i n the N ew bor n
If the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or advantage cannot be nam ed easi l y, the ti tl e
shoul d use the general ter m “i m pr oved.”
Example 11.18
An Im pr oved Method f or Isol ati ng Ty pe II Cel l s i n Hi gh Yi el d and Pur i ty
HALLMARKS OF A GOOD TITLE
The hal l m ar k s of a good ti tl e ar e that i t accuratel y, com pl etel y, and speci f i cal l y
i denti f i es the m ai n topi c or the m essage of the paper, i s unam bi guous, i s
conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant ter m .
Accurate, Complete, Specific
To m ake a ti tl e accurate, use the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e as i n the paper.
To m ake a ti tl e com pl ete, i ncl ude al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on (see “Content of
Ti tl es f or Hy pothesi sTesti ng Paper s ,” “Content of Ti tl es f or Descr i pti ve Paper s,”
and “Content of Ti tl es f or Methods Paper s,” above). To m ake a ti tl e speci f i c, use
speci f i c w or ds. The ter m s i n the ti tl e shoul d be usabl e as i ndex i ng ter m s f or
i ndexes and sear ches.
Accurate
For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, check that your ti tl e i s accurate by com par i ng i t
w i th the questi on and answ er. The i ndependent var i abl e, the dependent
var i abl e, the ani m al or popul ati on, the m ater i al , the condi ti on (i f necessar y ),
the ex per i m ental appr oach (i f necessar y ), and the m essage (i f stated) shoul d
be the sam e i n the ti tl e as i n the questi on and answ er stated i n the
Intr oducti on, Di scussi on, and abstract.
Example 11.19
Title : N eutr ophi l Induced Injur y of Epi thel i al Cel l s i n the
Pul m onar y Al veol i of Rats?
Que s tion: To deter m i ne w hether the i njur y of epi thel i al cel l s i n the
pul m onar y al veol i that occur s i n m any i nf l am m ator y
condi ti ons i s i nduced i n par t by sti m ul ated neutr ophi l s,
w e ex posed m onol ayer s of pur i f i ed al veol ar epi thel i al
cel l s f r om rats to sti m ul ated hum an neutr ophi l s and
m easur ed cy totox i ci ty usi ng a 5 1 Cr r el ease assay.
Ans w e r: We concl ude that sti m ul ated neutr ophi l s i nduce i njur y i n
epi thel i al cel l s i n the pul m onar y al veol i .
For a descr i pti ve paper, the ter m s used f or the str uctur e and the f uncti on i n the
ti tl e shoul d be the sam e as those i n the m essage (or the m essage and the
i m pl i cati on) stated i n the Intr oducti on and the Di scussi on.
Example 11.20
Introduc tion: We have i denti f i ed and character i zed a hum an cDN A
encodi ng an apoptosi s r epr essor w i th a CARD (ARC)
that i s ex pr essed i n skel etal m uscl e and hear t. ARC
i nteracts sel ecti vel y w i th caspases and f uncti ons as
an i nhi bi tor of apoptosi s.
P. 306
For a m ethods paper, the nam e of the m ethod, i ts pur pose, and the ani m al or
popul ati on (i f i ncl uded) shoul d be the sam e i n the ti tl e as i n the Intr oducti on,
Di scussi on, and abstract.
Example 11.21
Abs tra c t: We have devel oped a m ethod f or the rapi d pur i f i cati on of
the gl ycopr otei n IIbIIIa com pl ex i n pl atel et m em brane .
Complete
In a paper that has tw o m essages, i t m ay be di f f i cul t to m ake the ti tl e
com pl ete. If you cannot cr eate a ti tl e that r ef l ects both m essages, sel ect the
m ost i m por tant m essage f or the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y, i f a study m ani pul ated several
i ndependent var i abl es or assessed several dependent var i abl es and no categor y
ter m s ar e avai l abl e that i ncl ude them al l , sel ect the m ost i m por tant
i ndependent and dependent var i abl e f or the ti tl e. Keep i n m i nd that, just as the
abstract cannot r epl ace the paper, so the ti tl e cannot r epl ace the abstract.
Announci ng the m ai n var i abl es of the paper i s str onger than tr y i ng to f i t al l the
var i abl es i nto the ti tl e.
Specific
Tw o w or ds that of ten m ake a ti tl e unspeci f i c ar e “and” and “w i th.” “And” i s not
a pr obl em w hen i t i s used to joi n paral l el ter m s, such as “Car di ov ascul ar and
Metabol i c Ef f ects of Hal othane i n N or m ox i c and Hy pox i c N ew bor n Lam bs.” But
“and” i s a pr obl em w hen i t i s used to joi n the i ndependent and the dependent
var i abl es i n the f or m “X and Y i n Z” i nstead of the standar d f or m “Ef f ect of X
on Y i n Z.” The pr obl em i s that “and” does not i ndi cate any r el ati onshi p betw een
X and Y.
Example 11.22
Ai r way Cal i ber and the Wor k of Br eathi ng i n Hum ans
Thi s ti tl e i s not speci f i c. What i s the r el ati onshi p betw een ai r way cal i ber and
the w or k of br eathi ng i n hum ans? The ti tl e becom es speci f i c w hen r ew r i tten i n
the standar d f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.”
Revision
Ef f ect of Ai r way Cal i ber on the Wor k of Br eathi ng i n Hum ans
“Wi th,” as w e saw i n Chapter 1: Wor d Choi ce, i s ver y of ten uncl ear because i t
i s not speci f i c. Ther ef or e, avoi d “w i th” w her ever possi bl e, except i n i ts
standar d uses af ter cer tai n ver bs, such as “com par ed w i th,” “m easur ed w i th,”
“suppl em ented w i th,” etc.
P. 307
Example 11.23
Br onchoconstr i cti on, Gas Trappi ng, and Hy pox i a w i th Methachol i ne i n Dogs
In thi s ex am pl e, the r el ati onshi p of m ethachol i ne to br onchoconstr i cti on, gas
trappi ng, and hy pox i a i s not cl ear. The sol uti on i s to change “w i th” to a m or e
speci f i c w or d.
Revision
Br onchoconstr i cti on, Gas Trappi ng, and Hy pox i a Induced by Methachol i ne i n
Dogs
Unambiguous
To m ake a ti tl e unam bi guous, f ol l ow the pr i nci pl es of sentence str uctur e and
w or d choi ce. In par ti cul ar, avoi d noun cl uster s (see Exer ci se 2. 2, Ex am pl e 4)
and do not use abbr ev i ati ons. The r eason f or not usi ng abbr ev i ati ons i n ti tl es i s
that ti tl es ar e of ten r ead out of contex t, f or ex am pl e, i n Index Medi cus. Thus,
even i f an abbr ev i ati on i s w el l k now n i n one speci al ty, i t coul d be conf usi ng to
r eader s f r om other speci al ti es.
Example 11.24
Quanti f i cati on of the Ef f ect of the Per i car di um on the LV Di astol i c PV Rel ati on i n
Dogs
Revision
Quanti f i cati on of the Per i car di um 's Ef f ect on the Lef t Ventr i cul ar Di astol i c
Pr essur eVol um e Rel ati on i n Dogs
In the r ev i si on, to accom m odate the w or ds that LV and PV abbr ev i ate, “ef f ect of
the per i car di um ” i s condensed to “per i car di um 's ef f ect.” The r ev i sed ti tl e,
contai ni ng no abbr ev i ati ons, i s cl ear to al l r eader s. The or i gi nal ti tl e i s cl ear
onl y to those w ho w or k i n thi s f i el d.
Tw o categor i es of abbr ev i ati on ar e acceptabl e i n ti tl es. One i s abbr ev i ati ons
that ar e better k now n than the w or ds they stand f or, such as DN A
(deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). The other categor y i s abbr ev i ati ons f or chem i cal s,
such as N 2 O 5 (di ni tr ogen pentox i de). N ever thel ess, i f you have space, w r i te the
w or ds, especi al l y shor t, f am i l i ar w or ds such as “ox ygen.” In addi ti on, i f the
abbr ev i ati on i s i denti f i ed, as i n Ex am pl es 11. 10–11. 12 and 11. 20 above, i t i s OK
to use an abbr ev i ati on i n the ti tl e.
If you ar e unsur e of w hether an abbr ev i ati on w i l l be cl ear, w r i te the w or ds.
Concise
Shor t ti tl es have m or e i m pact than l ong ti tl es do, so m ake your ti tl e as shor t
as possi bl e w i thout sacr i f i ci ng accuracy, com pl eteness, speci f i ci ty, or cl ar i ty.
That i s, m ake the ti tl e conci se. Som eti m es, just to i ncl ude al l the necessar y
detai l s a ti tl e w i l l need to be rather l ong. N ever thel ess, tr y to keep your ti tl e
shor ter than 100 character s and spaces (120 character s and spaces i s pr obabl y
the outer l i m i t). Longer ti tl es begi n to f al l apar t under thei r ow n w ei ght. Som e
jour nal s have even shor ter l i m i ts. Whatever the jour nal 's l i m i t, keep i n m i nd
that the ai m i s not to f i l l the space al l ow ed. The ai m i s to convey the
P. 308
topi c or the m essage of your paper accuratel y, com pl etel y, speci f i cal l y, and
unam bi guousl y. If you can dev i se a shor t ti tl e that f ul f i l l s these cr i ter i a, do so.
Tw o way s to m ake ti tl es conci se ar e by om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds and by
com pacti ng the necessar y w or ds as ti ghtl y as possi bl e.
Omitting Unnecessary Words
Om i t nonspeci f i c openi ngs such as “N atur e of ” and “Studi es of.”
Example 11.25
Phar m acok i neti c Studi es of the Di sposi ti on of Acetam i nophen i n the Sheep
Mater nal Pl acental Fetal U ni t
In thi s ex am pl e, “phar m acok i neti c studi es of ” i s unnecessar y. If “di sposi ti on”
does not get the i dea acr oss, a m or e pr eci se ter m , such as “phar m acok i neti cs,”
coul d be used.
Revision
Di sposi ti on of Acetam i nophen i n the Sheep Mater nal Pl acental Fetal U ni t
Example 11.26
Al terati ons Induced by Adm i ni strati on of Chl or phenter m i ne i n Phosphol i pi ds and
Pr otei ns i n Al veol ar Sur f actant
Revision A
Al terati ons Induced by Chl or phenter m i ne i n Phosphol i pi ds and Pr otei ns i n
Al veol ar Sur f actant
Revision B
Chl or phenter m i neInduced Al terati ons i n Phosphol i pi ds and Pr otei ns i n Al veol ar
Sur f actant
U sual l y om i t “the” at the begi nni ng of the ti tl e. N or m al l y, “the” w oul d appear at
the begi nni ng of a ti tl e i n phrases such as “the ef f ect of ” or “the di str i buti on
of,” but “the” i s usual l y om i tted f r om these phrases w hen they ar e at the
begi nni ng of a ti tl e, as i n the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 11. 25 above (“Di sposi ti on
of ”).
How ever, do not om i t “the” bef or e si ngul ar nouns l ater i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.27
Dy nam i cs of Chest Wal l i n Pr eter m Inf ants
Revision
Dy nam i cs of the Chest Wal l i n Pr eter m Inf ants
Compacting Necessary Words
In addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds, at l east thr ee com pacti ng techni ques
can be used to shor ten ti tl es.
P. 309
Category Terms
One i m por tant com pacti ng techni que i s to use a categor y ter m i nstead of
detai l s. U si ng a categor y ter m m ay seem to conf l i ct w i th the r ecom m endati on
to use speci f i c w or ds. But as Ex am pl e 11. 28 show s, i t i s possi bl e to be too
speci f i c.
Example 11.28
El ectr on Mi cr oscopi c Dem onstrati on of Ly sosom al Incl usi on Bodi es i n Lung,
Li ver, Ly m ph N odes, and Bl ood Leukocy tes of Pati ents w i th Am i odar oneInduced
Pul m onar y Tox i ci ty
By nam i ng f our speci f i c ti ssues, thi s ti tl e gi ves tr ees but not the f or est. The
tex t of the paper m akes cl ear that l y sosom al i ncl usi on bodi es have al r eady
been r epor ted i n the l ungs and that the new s i n thi s study i s that l y sosom al
i ncl usi on bodi es al so appear i n ex trapul m onar y ti ssues. By substi tuti ng the
categor y ter m “ex trapul m onar y ti ssues” f or l i ver, l y m ph nodes, and bl ood
l eukocy tes and om i tti ng “l ung” w e get the f or est.
Revision
El ectr on Mi cr oscopi c Dem onstrati on of Ly sosom al Incl usi on Bodi es i n
Ex trapul m onar y Ti ssues of Pati ents w i th Am i odar oneInduced Pul m onar y
Tox i ci ty
If no categor y ter m ex i sts, sel ect the m ost i m por tant var i abl e f or the ti tl e (see
“Com pl ete” above).
Adjectives to Express a Message
Another com pacti ng techni que i s to use an adjecti ve i nstead of a noun f ol l ow ed
by a pr eposi ti on to ex pr ess a m essage, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 6 above, w her e
“r educed” i s used i nstead of “r educti on i n.”
Noun Clusters
A thi r d com pacti ng techni que i s to use noun cl uster s i nstead of pr eposi ti onal
phrases. Thi s techni que m ust be used car ef ul l y to avoi d cr eati ng an am bi guous
ti tl e (see “U nam bi guous” above).
One way to cr eate noun cl uster s that do not cause ser i ous r eadi ng pr obl em s i s
to use the nam e of the ani m al studi ed as an adjecti ve, rather than at the end of
the ti tl e.
Example 11.29
Renal Mechani sm of Acti on of Rat Atr i al N atr i ur eti c Factor
The l onger way of w r i ti ng thi s ti tl e w oul d be “Renal Mechani sm of Acti on of
Atr i al N atr i ur eti c Factor i n Rats.” The l onger ver si on i s a bi t cl ear er and al so
gi ves m or e em phasi s to the ani m al studi ed, so i f you have the r oom to w r i te
“i n rats,” do so.
Important Word First
To attract r eader s, put an i m por tant w or d f i r st i n your ti tl e. For ti tl es of studi es
that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, ei ther the i ndependent or
the dependent var i abl e can be the m ost i m por tant w or d, dependi ng on w hat w i l l
i nter est the i ntended audi ence the m ost. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl es 11. 30 and
11. 31 bel ow, putti ng hal othane anesthesi a (the i ndependent var i abl e) f i r st
w oul d be appr opr i ate f or anesthesi ol ogi sts, and putti ng i m pai r ed pul m onar y
f uncti on (the dependent var i abl e) f i r st w oul d be appr opr i ate f or neonatol ogi sts.
P. 310
Example 11.30
Hal othane Anesthesi a Im pai r s Pul m onar y Functi on i n N ew bor n Lam bs
Example 11.31
Im pai r ed Pul m onar y Functi on i n N ew bor n Lam bs Anestheti zed w i th Hal othane
Subtitles
A techni que f or putti ng an i m por tant w or d f i r st i s to use a m ai n ti tl e f ol l ow ed
by a subti tl e. The m ai n ti tl e states the general topi c and the subti tl e states the
speci f i c topi c. N ote that a subti tl e i s separated f r om the m ai n ti tl e by a col on
(:).
Hum an Apol i popr otei n B: Str uctur e of the Car box y l Ter m i nal Dom ai ns and Si tes
of Gene Ex pr essi on
Relation of the Subtitle to the Main Title
Var i ous r el ati ons of the speci f i c topi c i n the subti tl e to the general topi c i n the
m ai n ti tl e ar e possi bl e. One r el ati on i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state the m ater i al
studi ed and the subti tl e state the dependent var i abl es, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 32
above. Thi s r el ati on i s of ten used i n ti tl es that have onl y dependent var i abl es
(Y i n Z). Another r el ati on i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state the dependent var i abl e
and the subti tl e state the ex per i m ental appr oach, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 33.
Ex a mple 11. 33 Var i abl e Studi ed: Ex per i m ental Appr oach
Pul m oni c Val ve Endocar di ti s: A Ser i al Tw oDi m ensi onal Doppl er
Echocar di ographi c Study
In these ty pes of subti tl e, the col on r epl aces a pr eposi ti on that w oul d appear i n
the standar d f or m of the ti tl e. To r econstr uct the standar d ti tl e, begi n w i th the
subti tl e, add the appr opr i ate pr eposi ti on, and end w i th the m ai n ti tl e. In the
r econstr ucti on of Ex am pl e 11. 33, the pr eposi ti on joi ni ng the tw o par ts of the
ti tl e i s “of ”: “A Ser i al Tw oDi m ensi onal Doppl er Echocar di ographi c Study of
Pul m oni c Val ve Endocar di ti s.”
Another r el ati on of the subti tl e to the m ai n ti tl e i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state
a str uctur e and the subti tl e state i ts f uncti on (Ex am pl e 11. 11 above and
Ex am pl e 11. 34).
Angi otensi n II: A Potent Regul ator of Aci di f i cati on i n the Ear l y Pr ox i m al
Convol uted Tubul e of the Rat
In thi s ex am pl e, the col on r epl aces the ver b “i s.” Thus, i f Ex am pl e 11. 34 di d
not use a subti tl e, i t w oul d r ead “Angi otensi n II Is a Potent Regul ator of
Aci di f i cati on i n the Ear l y Pr ox i m al Convol uted Tubul e of the Rat.”
Whatever the r el ati on betw een the m ai n ti tl e and the subti tl e, a cr uci al el em ent
i n the use of subti tl es i s that the r el ati on betw een the subti tl e and the m ai n
ti tl e m ust be obv i ous. That i s, the pr eposi ti on or the ver b that the col on
r epl aces m ust be easy f or the r eader to suppl y.
Subtitles for a Series of Papers
Som e author s use subti tl es to pr esent a num ber ed ser i es of paper s.
Mor phol ogy of the Rat Car oti d Si nus N er ve: I. Cour se, Connecti ons,
U l trastr uctur e
Mor phol ogy of the Rat Car oti d Si nus N er ve: II. N um ber and Si ze of Axons
If the paper s ar e publ i shed i n the sam e jour nal (pr ef erabl y i n the sam e i ssue of
the jour nal ) and tr ul y coul d not be com bi ned i nto a si ngl e paper, num ber ed
subti tl es, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 35 above, ar e OK. But i f par t I i s publ i shed al one,
ther e i s al way s the possi bi l i ty that par t II w i l l never be publ i shed. If i t i s
publ i shed, i t shoul d be i n the sam e jour nal as par t I. The saf est pol i cy i s not to
star t a num ber ed ser i es of paper s.
The Use of Subtitles
In general , ti tl es i n a standar d f or m , ei ther a phrase or a sentence, ar e cl ear er
than ti tl es that have subti tl es, because the cr uci al l i nk r el ati ng the subti tl e to
the m ai n ti tl e i s m i ssi ng i n ti tl es that have subti tl es. Ther ef or e, avoi d usi ng
subti tl es. U se a subti tl e onl y i f i t i s the best way to put an i m por tant w or d
f i r st.
DETAILS
Word Choice
When stati ng the m essage i n a ti tl e, di sti ngui sh betw een adjecti ves that m odi f y
quanti tati ve w or ds and adjecti ves that m odi f y qual i tati ve w or ds. The adjecti ves
“i ncr eased” and “decr eased” or “r educed” shoul d be used to m odi f y quanti tati ve
w or ds such as “m etabol i c rate” (that i s, m etabol i c rate i s m easurabl e), as i n
Ex am pl e 11. 6 above. The adjecti ves “i m pr oved” and “i m pai r ed” shoul d be used
f or qual i tati ve w or ds, that i s, f or w or ds si gni f y i ng concepts that can get better
or w or se, such as f uncti on or per f or m ance. For ex am pl e, “Im pr ov ed Regi onal
Ventr i cul ar Functi on af ter Successf ul Sur gi cal Revascul ar i zati on.” See al so
Ex am pl e 11. 31 above.
Determining the Length of a Title
To deter m i ne the l ength of a ti tl e, count both the character s and the spaces
betw een w or ds. “Character s” i s a categor y ter m f or l etter s and punctuati on
m ar k s. Count each l etter as 1, each punctuati on m ar k as 1, and each space as
1—except count the space af ter a col on as 2. For ex am pl e, the ti tl e “Hum an
Apol i popr otei n B: Str uctur e of the Car box y l Ter m i nal Dom ai ns and Si tes of
Gene Ex pr essi on” has a total of 96 character s and spaces.
RUNNING TITLES
Runni ng ti tl es (or r unni ng heads) ar e shor t phrases that appear at the top or
bottom of ever y page, or ever y other page, i n a jour nal ar ti cl e. The pur pose of
a r unni ng ti tl e i s to i denti f y the ar ti cl e. Som e jour nal s use the author s' nam es
i nstead, or on al ter nate pages.
Because space al ong the top or bottom of the jour nal page i s l i m i ted, the
r unni ng ti tl e i s shor ter than the ti tl e.
P. 312
A r unni ng ti tl e shoul d be r ecogni zabl e as a shor t ver si on of the ti tl e and shoul d
be shor t enough to f i t i n the space al l ow ed.
HypothesisTesting Papers
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, usual l y the r unni ng ti tl e nam es the i ndependent
var i abl e (i f any ) and the dependent var i abl e, but not the ani m al .
Example 11.36
It i s not al way s possi bl e to use the begi nni ng of the ti tl e as the r unni ng ti tl e.
Som eti m es you can pi ck a phrase out of the m i ddl e (Ex am pl e 11. 37).
Example 11.37
Title Thr eeDi m ensi onal Reconstr ucti on of Al veol i i n the Rat
Lung f or Pr essur eVol um e Rel ati onshi ps
Another possi bi l i ty i s to pi ck w or ds out of the ti tl e, keepi ng the sam e or der,
and cr eate a new phrase (Ex am pl e 11. 38).
Example 11.38
Title Cool i ng Di f f er ent Body Sur f aces dur i ng U pper and
Low er Body Exer ci se
Another way to cr eate a r unni ng ti tl e i s to pi ck out i m por tant key ter m s,
usual l y the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, and joi n them w i th “and.”
Al though “and” shoul d not be used thi s way i n ti tl es (see “Speci f i c” above), i t i s
OK i n r unni ng ti tl es, w hose onl y use i s to i ndi cate that thi s i s the sam e ar ti cl e
as on the pr ev i ous page.
Example 11.39
Title Inf l uence of the Per i car di um on Ri ght and Lef t
Ventr i cul ar Fi l l i ng i n the Dog
Descriptive Papers
For descr i pti ve paper s, r unni ng ti tl es nam e the str uctur e and a br i ef ver si on of
the f uncti on.
Example 11.40
Methods Papers
For m ethods paper s, the r unni ng ti tl e can nam e the m ethod onl y or the m ethod
and the ani m al or the popul ati on (as i n Ex am pl e 11. 41) or can i ncl ude both the
categor y ter m or the nam e of the m ethod and a shor tened statem ent of i ts
pur pose (as i n Ex am pl e 11. 42).
Example 11.41
Example 11.42
Title : An Im pr oved Method f or Isol ati ng Ty pe II Cel l s i n Hi gh
Yi el d and Pur i ty
P. 314
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR TITLES
FUNCTIONS
To i denti f y the m ai n topi c or the m essage of the paper.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING
PAPERS
Incl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
Ani m al or popul ati on and m ater i al (Z). (The popul ati on can be
om i tted i f the popul ati on i s al l hum ans. )
To state a topi c, use the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,” “Y dur i ng X i n
Z,” or, f or paper s that have no i ndependent var i abl e, “Y i n Z.”
A phrase, ex pr essi ng the m essage i n an adjecti ve or a noun (or
an adjecti ve and a noun) bef or e the dependent var i abl e, or
CONTENT FOR TITLES OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
Incl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR METHODS PAPERSm
Incl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
The ani m al or popul ati on the m ethod i s used f or, unl ess the
popul ati on i s al l hum ans or hum ans and other ani m al s.
If the m ethod i s new, the w or d “new ” usual l y does not need to appear i n
the ti tl e.
If the m ethod i s an i m pr ovem ent, ei ther the i m pr ovem ent or the w or d
“i m pr oved” shoul d be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
HALLMARKS OF A GOOD TITLE
A good ti tl e accuratel y, com pl etel y, and speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m ai n
topi c or the m essage of the paper.
the questi on and the answ er (hy pothesi stesti ng paper ),
(m ethods paper ).
P. 315
For com pl eteness, i ncl ude al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on (see
“Content” above).
U se speci f i c w or ds that can al so f uncti on as i ndex i ng ter m s.
Avoi d “w i th.”
Do not use abbr ev i ati ons. Ex cepti ons: abbr ev i ati ons that ar e m or e
f am i l i ar than the w or ds they stand f or, chem i cal f or m ul as, and
abbr ev i ati ons i denti f i ed i n the ti tl e.
Keep ti tl es as br i ef as possi bl e, pr ef erabl y l ess than 100 character s
and spaces.
Om i t unnecessar y w or ds.
A good ti tl e begi ns w i th an i m por tant w or d that w i l l attract the i ntended
r eader s.
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, usual l y ei ther the i ndependent or the
dependent var i abl e i s the m ost i m por tant w or d.
Have a cl ear r el ati on betw een the m ai n ti tl e and the subti tl e:
the pr eposi ti on or the ver b that the col on r epl aces shoul d be
easy f or the r eader to suppl y.
DETAILS
U se “i ncr eased” and “decr eased” to m odi f y quanti tati ve w or ds such as
“m etabol i c rate.”
U se “i m pr oved” and “i m pai r ed” to m odi f y qual i tati ve w or ds such as
“f uncti on.”
To deter m i ne the l ength of a ti tl e, count ever y l etter as 1 character, ever y
punctuati on m ar k as 1 character, and ever y space betw een w or ds as 1
character, except count the space af ter a col on as 2.
RUNNING TITLES
A r unni ng ti tl e i s a shor t phrase that appear s at the top or bottom of
ever y page or ever y other page of a jour nal ar ti cl e.
A r unni ng ti tl e shoul d be r ecogni zabl e as a shor t ver si on of the ti tl e.
Pi ck key ter m s, usual l y the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, out
of the ti tl e to cr eate a r unni ng ti tl e; the ani m al can usual l y be
om i tted.
P. 316
Put w or ds i n the sam e or der i n the r unni ng ti tl e as i n the ti tl e.
For descr i pti ve paper s, nam e the str uctur e f ol l ow ed by a br i ef statem ent
of the f uncti on.
For m ethods paper s, the r unni ng ti tl e shoul d state ei ther the
N am e of the m ethod.
EXERCISE 11.1: TITLES
1. Wr i te a ti tl e f or each of the thr ee abstracts bel ow.
3. U nder l i ne the questi on and the answ er i n the abstracts f or the
hy pothesi stesti ng paper s. U nder l i ne the m essage and the i m pl i cati on i n
the abstract f or the descr i pti ve paper.
A Continuous pos itive a irw a y pre s s ure (CP AP ) is us e d routine ly to improve
ox yge na tion in ne w borns w ho ha ve intra pulmona ry s hunts , w hic h re s ult in
hypox e mia tha t is re fra c tory to us ua l ox yge n the ra py. B Although the
c a rdiova s c ula r a nd pulmona ry e ffe c ts of CP AP on ne w borns a re w e ll
k now n, little informa tion is a va ila ble c onc e rning the e ffe c t of CP AP on
re na l func tion in ne w borns . C Ac c ordingly, w e de te rmine d the e ffe c t of
CP AP (7. 5 c m H 2 O) on urine flow , s odium e x c re tion, a nd glome rula r
filtra tion ra te in s ix ne w born goa ts tha t w e re lightly a ne s the tize d w ith
me thox yflura ne . D W e found tha t CP AP de c re a s e d urine flow , s odium
e x c re tion, a nd glome rula r filtra tion ra te . E CP AP a ls o de c re a s e d puls e
pre s s ure but did not c ha nge me a n s ys te mic a rte ria l pre s s ure or he a rt ra te .
F W e c onc lude tha t CP AP c a n impa ir re na l func tion in ne w borns w ithout
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 1
Questi on: B
2 the ef f ect of CPAP on r enal f uncti on i n
new bor ns.
Title :
COMMEN TS
The ti tl e f or Abstr act 1 shoul d be f ai r l y easy to w r i te because the
abstr act i s cl ear l y w r i tten.
Functi ons
Both ti tl es ai m to attr act appr opr i ate r eader s by putti ng an
i m por tant w or d f i r st.
Putti ng “i m pai r ed r enal f uncti on” f i r st shoul d attr act
nephr ol ogi sts.
Content
Hal l m ar k s
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the
m essage of the paper .
In contr ast to the ti tl es gi v en abov e, the ti tl e “Im pai r m ent
of Renal Functi on Induced by Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay
Pr essur e” i s am bi guous. In thi s ti tl e, i t i s not cl ear w hat
w as i nduced by conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e—the
i m pai r m ent or the r enal f uncti on.
In addi ti on, the second ti tl e uses the shor test possi bl e
ter m s: “i m pai r ed” r ather than “i m pai r m ent of ” (8 v s. 13
char acter s and spaces) and “f r om ” r ather than “i nduced by ”
(4 v s. 10).
A W ing forma tion in Dros ophila re quire s inte ra c tions be tw e e n dors a l a nd
ve ntra l c e lls . B W e de s c ribe a ne w ge ne , fringe , w hic h is e x pre s s e d in
dors a l
P . 318
c e lls a nd e nc ode s for a nove l prote in tha t is pre dic te d to be s e c re te d.
C W ing ma rgin forma tion a nd dis ta l w ing outgrow th c a n be induc e d by the
jux ta pos ition of c e lls w ith a nd w ithout fringe e x pre s s ion, w he the r a t the
norma l w ing ma rgin, a t the bounda rie s of fringe muta nt c lone s in the
dors a l w ing, or a t s ite s of fringe mis e x pre s s ion in the ve ntra l w ing. D By
c ontra s t, both los s of fringe e x pre s s ion a nd uniform fringe e x pre s s ion
c a us e w ing los s . E The s e obs e rva tions s ugge s t tha t fringe e nc ode s a
bounda rys pe c ific c e lls igna ling mole c ule tha t is re s pons ible for dors a l
c e llve ntra l c e ll inte ra c tions during w ing de ve lopme nt.
(Ce ll)
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 2
Title :
COMMEN TS
Functi ons
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the str uctur e and i ts f uncti on.
The f i r st ti tl e w r i tes the f uncti on as the v er b and com pl eter of a
sentence. It uses an apposi ti v e bef or e the v er b to pl ace f r i nge i n i ts
categor y (“a boundar y speci f i c si gnal i ng m ol ecul e”).
The second ti tl e w r i tes the categor y and the f uncti on as an apposi ti ve
(af ter a com m a).
Hal l m ar k s
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the
m essage of the paper . The sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n
the m essage and the i m pl i cati on.
The f i r st ti tl e (w hi ch i s the publ i shed ti tl e) i s too l ong. The second
ti tl e i s m or e conci se because i t uses a br i ef categor y ter m (“new
gene”) to i denti f y f r i nge.
A In mic e , the inha la tion of a irpla ne glue or tolue ne fume s s low s the
s inoa tria l ra te , prolongs the P R inte rva l, a nd s e ns itize s the he a rt to
a s phyx ia induc e d a triove ntric ula r bloc k . B In huma ns w ho s niff glue or
s olve nts , s imila r me c ha nis ms ma y be a c a us e of s udde n de a th.
Sc ie nc e
Title : 100 c ha ra c te rs a nd s pa c e s or le s s
Hi de Answ er
Abstr act 3
COMMEN TS
A ti tl e m ust be based on sol i d r esul ts, not on an i m pl i cati on or a
specul ati on. Al though som e peopl e tr y to i ncl ude hum ans and
sudden death i n the ti tl e by usi ng a questi on i n a subti tl e (“A
cause of sudden death i n hum ans?”), ev en tentati v e i m pl i cati ons
do not bel ong i n the ti tl e of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper , so the
subti tl e shoul d be om i tted.
N ote that i t i s i m possi bl e to f i t al l thr ee r esul ts f r om the abstr act
i nto the ti tl e. The sol uti on i s ei ther to choose one of the r esul ts, as
done i n the ti tl e abov e (causes hear t bl ock ), or to use a categor y
ter m , f or ex am pl e, “i m pai r ed car di ac conducti on, ” “car di ac
conducti on abnor m al i ti es, ” or “car di ac r hy thm di stur bances. ”
How ev er , because these ter m s ar e al l m or e abstr act than “hear t
bl ock , ” they ar e not as catchy . Si m i l ar l y , i t i s di f f i cul t to i ncl ude both
of the i ndependent v ar i abl es i n the ti tl e. But si nce tol uene i s the
sol v ent i n ai r pl ane gl ue, ei ther “tol uene” or “ai r pl ane gl ue” can be
om i tted f r om the ti tl e. “Ai r pl ane gl ue” i s catchi er than the l ess
f am i l i ar “tol uene. ”
N ote al so the car ef ul com pacti ng of w or ds i n thi s ti tl e. “Gl ue sni f f i ng”
i s not onl y catchy but al so condenses the l onger ter m “i nhal ati on of
ai r pl ane gl ue. ” “Causes” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng “sensi ti zes the
hear t to. ” For som e r eader s “causes” m ay seem l i k e ov er statem ent,
especi al l y si nce “asphy x i ai nduced” i s om i tted. These r eader s m ay
pr ef er “l eads to, ” w hi ch i s l ess di r ect than “causes. ” Fi nal l y , “hear t
bl ock ” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng “atr i ov entr i cul ar bl ock ” w i thout
usi ng an abbr ev i ati on (“AV bl ock ”).
Ev en though thi s ti tl e i s catchy and thus shoul d attr act r eader s, i t
al so f ol l ow s the gui del i nes f or the content and hal l m ar k s of a good
ti tl e. Al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded: “gl ue” i s the
i ndependent v ar i abl e, “sni f f i ng” i s the ex per i m ental appr oach,
“causes” i s the m essage, “hear t bl ock ” i s the dependent v ar i abl e, and
“m i ce” ar e the ani m al s studi ed. In addi ti on, al though som e r eader s
w i l l di spute the accur acy of the ti tl e and per haps al so the
com pl eteness, the ti tl e speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m essage of the
paper , i s unam bi guous, i s conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant
ter m .
Back
Chapter 12
The Big Picture
In Chapter s 10 and 11 w e saw that the abstract and the ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper shoul d
pr ov i de a cl ear over v i ew of the m essage and the stor y of the paper. The chal l enge i n the paper (both
i n the tex t and i n the f i gur es and tabl es) i s to m ake the over v i ew cl ear w hi l e si m ul taneousl y
pr esenti ng al l the necessar y detai l s.
The techni ques f or m ak i ng the m essage and the stor y cl ear have al l been pr esented i n the pr ev i ous
chapter s. Her e they ar e gather ed together i n a si ngl e check l i st. Thi s check l i st f ocuses on hy pothesi s
testi ng paper s.
CHECKLIST FOR THE BIG PICTURE
Goal
To state the m essage and tel l the stor y of the paper w hi l e si m ul taneousl y pr esenti ng al l the necessar y
detai l s; that i s, to avoi d l osi ng the f or est f or the tr ees.
The Message
State the m essage of the paper (the answ er to the questi on) i n a si ngl e sentence.
Make the answ er answ er the questi on asked: use the sam e key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e
poi nt of v i ew.
The Story
Incor porate the stor y i nto the paper. The stor y consi sts of f our m ai n par ts:
In the Introduc tion, the stor y = the f unnel to the questi on (k now n, unk now n), the questi on, and
the ex per i m ental appr oach. The “k now n” i ncl udes how the questi on r el ates to pr ev i ous w or k and
w hy the questi on i s i m por tant.
P. 320
In Ma te ria ls a nd Me thods , the stor y = the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, the study desi gn subsecti on
gi ves the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents; the study desi gn i ncl udes
al l contr ol s.
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l
be, the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s pur e cook book . The stor y of the ex per i m ents i s
gi ven i n the Resul ts secti on.
In Mater i al s and Methods secti ons f or both ty pes of study, stati ng the pur pose of each
pr ocedur e i ndi cates how that pr ocedur e hel ps answ er the questi on.
Subheadi ngs si gnal topi cs of subsecti ons v i sual l y. Topi c sentences and transi ti on phrases or
cl auses at the begi nni ng of subsecti ons and paragraphs si gnal topi cs ver bal l y.
In Re s ults , the stor y = the r esul ts f ound that answ er the questi on.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, r esul ts stated pr om i nentl y
(at the begi nni ng of the secti on and at the begi nni ng of each paragraph) tel l the stor y.
Topi c sentences and transi ti on phrases or cl auses at the begi nni ng of paragraphs si gnal
subtopi cs.
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l
be, the stor y consi sts of a r epeated f our par t patter n:
In the Dis c us s ion, the stor y has thr ee par ts:
The begi nni ng states the answ er to the questi on and gi ves ev i dence that suppor ts the
answ er.
The m i ddl e ex pl ai ns the answ er, thus i ndi cati ng how the answ er f i ts i n w i th pr ev i ous w or k .
The end r estates the answ er or states r ecom m endati ons, appl i cati ons, i m pl i cati ons, or
specul ati ons, thus i ndi cati ng the i m por tance of the answ er, or does both.
Topi c sentences at the begi nni ng of ever y paragraph, ei ther al one or i n com bi nati on w i th
transi ti on w or ds, phrases, or cl auses, r epeated key ter m s, and other techni ques of
conti nui ty, tel l the stor y i n the Di scussi on.
Si gnal s of the answ er i denti f y the answ er at both the begi nni ng and the end of the
Di scussi on.
For the i ndi v i dual stor i es i n each paragraph, suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed to suppor t
the topi c sentence, and the or gani zati on i s i ndi cated by the techni ques of conti nui ty.
Or gani ze f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w hen usef ul (usual l y i n the Di scussi on; w her e
appr opr i ate i n Methods and Resul ts).
Check that r eadi ng the f i r st sentence or tw o of ever y paragraph r eveal s the stor y.
P. 321
Ensur e that the figure s a nd ta ble s together al so tel l the stor y of the paper.
Desi gn each f i gur e and tabl e to be si m pl e and to m ake a cl ear poi nt.
Make al l f i gur es and al l tabl es as paral l el as possi bl e i n desi gn.
When appr opr i ate, show the m ai n stor y of the paper i n f i gur es and back gr ound i nf or m ati on
i n tabl es.
Keep the num ber of f i gur es and tabl es to a m i ni m um .
Correlation of Parts
Have no l oose ends i n the tex t.
Ther e shoul d be
no answ er i n the Di scussi on w i thout a questi on i n the Intr oducti on,
The i ndependent and dependent var i abl es i n the questi on, or i ndi cator s of these var i abl es,
shoul d be the ones w e r ead about i n the Methods, Resul ts, and Di scussi on. If an i ndi cator i s
used, the var i abl e that i t i s an i ndi cator of shoul d be stated.
Ser i es of var i abl es shoul d be i n the sam e or der i n the Intr oducti on, Methods, Resul ts, and
Di scussi on.
If the Intr oducti on begi ns w i th a general pr obl em and the Di scussi on ends w i th an
i m pl i cati on, the i m pl i cati on shoul d r el ate to the pr obl em .
Ke y te rms shoul d be the sam e thr oughout the paper.
Make the figure s a nd ta ble s and the tex t agr ee.
Al l var i abl es i n f i gur es and tabl es shoul d be i n Methods and Resul ts.
Key ter m s nam i ng the var i abl es shoul d be the sam e i n the f i gur es, f i gur e l egends, tabl es,
and tex t.
Val ues r estated i n the tex t shoul d be the sam e as those i n f i gur es and tabl es, and the uni ts
of m easur em ent shoul d be the sam e.
Each f i gur e and tabl e shoul d show w hat the tex t say s i t show s.
For the re fe re nc e s ,
Make the a bs tra c t both r ef l ect the paper accuratel y and be under standabl e by i tsel f.
The questi on i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the questi on i n the Intr oducti on.
The answ er i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the answ er i n the Di scussi on.
The ex per i m ental appr oach and ex per i m ental detai l s i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as
those i n the Intr oducti on and Methods.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as those i n Resul ts, f i gur es, and tabl es.
Si gnal s shoul d be used f or the questi on, the r esul ts, the answ er, and any i m pl i cati ons.
The over v i ew i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the over v i ew i n the tex t.
If the ti tl e i ndi cates the topi c of the paper, i t shoul d be the sam e topi c as i n the questi on.
If the ti tl e i ndi cates the answ er to the questi on, i t shoul d be the sam e answ er as i n the
abstract and the Di scussi on.
P. 322
The ti tl e shoul d i ncl ude
Important Information to Include
Do not om i t any i m por tant i nf or m ati on. Incl ude
the questi on (i n the abstract and i n the Intr oducti on).
the ani m al or popul ati on studi ed, and the m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or or gan studi ed
i n the ti tl e.
i n the abstract.
i n the questi on or the ex per i m ental appr oach (Intr oducti on).
i n Methods.
i n Resul ts.
the study desi gn (i n Methods f or studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance;
i n Resul ts f or studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be).
al l r el evant r esul ts, w hether or not they suppor t your answ er (i n Resul ts), and suppor ti ng
data (i n f i gur es, tabl es, or the tex t).
al ter nati ve ex pl anati ons of r esul ts (i n the Di scussi on).
di scussi on of any w eak nesses i n the study desi gn, l i m i tati ons of the m ethods, and the
val i di ty of assum pti ons (i n Methods or the Di scussi on).
def i ni ti ons of val ues af ter a “± ” i n tabl es and i n the tex t.
suf f i ci ent i nf or m ati on i n f i gur e l egends and i n f ootnotes of tabl es to m ake the f i gur e or tabl e
under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
The Trees Versus the Forest
Do not i ncl ude any unnecessar y i nf or m ati on or unnecessar y r epeti ti on.
Check that al l i nf or m ati on i n the tex t and i n the f i gur es and tabl es r el ates cl osel y to the
questi on and answ er.
Make sentences, paragraphs, and each secti on of the paper conci se.
In Me thods ,
Om i t detai l s of w el l k now n m ethods that have al r eady been r epor ted; ci te a r ef er ence.
For m ethods that have been r epor ted but ar e l ess w el l k now n, i ncl ude a br i ef
descr i pti on i n addi ti on to ci ti ng a r ef er ence.
P. 323
In Re s ults ,
Do not r epeat data show n i n f i gur es and tabl es.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, om i t separate sentences
descr i bi ng m ethods.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e.
Do not begi n by r epeati ng the Intr oducti on or w r i ti ng a new Intr oducti on.
U se per cent change i nstead of ex act val ues w her e possi bl e.
In the title , om i t ever y w or d and ever y detai l that i s not essenti al .
P. 324
EXERCISE 12.1: SEEING THE BIG PICTURE
Rew r i te, add ov er v i ew , r eor gani ze, and condense w her e necessar y to m ak e the m essage and the
stor y cl ear er . Do not get l ost i n the detai l s. Focus on the bi g pi ctur e (the f or est).
Be s ure tha t the a nima l s tudie d is s ta te d in a ll s e c tions of the pa pe r. (Ew e = fe ma le
s he e p. )
3. Introduc tion
4. Me thods
a. Study De s ign
The s tudy de s ign a s now w ritte n inc lude s a lot of c ook book de ta ils of how
proc e dure s w e re done . The s e c ook book de ta ils be long in othe r s ubs e c tions . Y our
re vis e d s tudy de s ign s hould give a brie f ove rvie w of the e x pe rime nt done to
a ns w e r the que s tion (one s hort pa ra gra ph).
a ll c ontrols
b. Cook book
If you ha ve time , w rite the c ook book for the de ta ils you omitte d from the origina l
Study De s ign (= pa ra gra phs 3–8 of the Me thods s e c tion).
Add de ta ils a nd purpos e s to e x is ting c ook book s ubs e c tions a s ne e de d.
c. Ca lc ula tions
Find the be s t orga niza tion.
If you ha ve time , c onde ns e the de s c ription of the s urgic a l pre pa ra tion s o tha t it
re a lly is brie f—a bout one third its c urre nt le ngth.
5. Re s ults
a. Find the be s t orga niza tion (by inde pe nde nt va ria ble ? by de pe nde nt va ria ble ? if
de pe nde nt, w ha t orde r?).
b. Conde ns e .
b. Ma k e Figure 3 c le a r.
P. 325
c. Re de s ign Ta ble 2 to ma k e the tre nds of the da ta e a s ie r to s e e .
d. Alte rna tive ly, de c ide w hic h da ta to s how in figure s a nd w hic h da ta to s how in ta ble s ,
a nd re de s ign the figure s a nd ta ble s a c c ordingly.
7. Dis c us s ion
P a ra . 1
a. Signa l the a ns w e rs .
b. Re vis e the a ns w e rs .
P a ra . 3
P a ra . 5
8. Abs tra c t
b. Conde ns e .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
Ove ra ll
Most key ter m s ar e kept consi stent or ar e shor tened r ecogni zabl y (f or ex am pl e, “um bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on,” “cor d occl usi on”).
Onl y thr ee abbr ev i ati ons ar e used: pO 2 , pCO 2 , SD (par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen, par ti al
pr essur e of car bon di ox i de, standar d dev i ati on).
Introduc tion
What i s k now n (A–D) and the i m por tance (E) ar e cl ear l y stated.
The Intr oducti on star ts cl ose to the speci f i c topi c.
The statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach (P) cl ear l y addr esses the pr obl em m enti oned i n
paragraph 2 (J).
Ma te ria ls a nd Me thods
Subheadi ngs cl ear l y i denti f y the subsecti ons of Mater i al s and Methods.
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: Topi c sentence (“The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y . Br i ef l y , … ”).
Study Desi gn: A topi c sentence that gi v es a br i ef ov er v i ew (“Four ex per i m ents
w er e per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow . ”).
For each ex per i m ent, w e k now w hat w as done and w hat the i ndependent and dependent
v ar i abl es and the contr ol s ar e.
The descr i pti on of each ex per i m ent i s or gani zed accor di ng to the i ndependent v ar i abl es
l i sted i n the questi on (v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Pur poses (par as. 4, 5, 7) and r easons (par as. 6, 7, 9, 10, 12) ar e i ncl uded f or speci f i c
pr ocedur es.
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ay ed i n “Cal cul ati ons” and “Anal y si s of Data. ”
Re s ults
The or der of i ndependent var i abl es w i thi n paragraphs 1, 2, and 3 i s consi stent (venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ayed i n “Major v s. Mi nor Responder s Dur i ng Venti l ati on Al one” to
ex pl ai n w hy the author i s r epor ti ng som e r esul ts that do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Because the questi on f or these r esul ts coul d not have been desi gned i nto the study, stati ng
the questi on and descr i bi ng the m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on i s appr opr i ate.
Dis c us s ion
The Di scussi on has the thr ee standar d par ts: the answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng,
ex pl anati on and ex pansi on of the answ er i n the m i ddl e, and a r estatem ent of the answ er
f ol l ow ed by specul ati on at the end.
Topi cs ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant to the questi on and answ er.
Readi ng the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of each paragraph gi ves an over v i ew of the
stor y.
Cl ear.
Al though the topi c of paragraph 3 i s tangenti al , the author consi der ed i t at l east as
i m por tant as the questi on and answ er, so i t i s i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on.
Cl ear.
The l ast sentence br i ngs the stor y f ul l ci r cl e by m enti oni ng the sy ndr om e of per si stent
pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n, w hi ch was f i r st m enti oned i n the Intr oducti on (E).
Re fe re nc e s
The tabl es ar e cl ear and cl ear l y suppor t the statem ents i n the tex t, and thei r f or m i s
paral l el .
The var i abl es and the val ues i n the f i gur es and tabl es ar e the sam e as those i n the tex t. The
key ter m s and the uni ts of m easur em ent ar e al so the sam e.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n al l f i gur es and tabl es.
In al l f i gur es and tabl es data ar e i denti f i ed as m ean ± SD, and n (the sam pl e si ze) i s gi ven.
Fi gur e l egends and f ootnotes of tabl es gi ve enough i nf or m ati on to m ake the f i gur es and
tabl es under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
Abs tra c t
The si gnal s of the r esul ts (E) and of the answ er (K) ar e cl ear.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract ar e the sam e as those i n the Resul ts secti on.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (C).
Data ar e pr esented as per cent change rather than as m ean and standar d dev i ati on.
W e a k ne s s e s
Ove ra ll
Abstr act: “to deter m i ne w hether v enti l ati on and ox y genati on of the f etal l ungs
coul d cause thi s decr ease i n r esi stance” (C).
Intr oducti on: “to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to
gaseous v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease
pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance to l ev el s seen at bi r th” (O).
Abstract: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur
at bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on” (K).
Di scussi on: “Venti l ati on and ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th” (B).
Di scussi on: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e
cr i ti cal to the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be
achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on (EE). Mor eover, m uch of the
vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (FF).
The answ er s do not answ er the questi ons as ask ed. The v er bs i n al l the answ er s ar e
di f f er ent f r om the v er bs i n the questi ons. In addi ti on, the end of the Di scussi on (FF)
i ncl udes an answ er f or w hi ch ther e i s no questi on. Thi s i s a m ajor di scr epancy i n the
ov er v i ew .
The over v i ew i n the tex t i s not as cl ear as the over v i ew i n the abstract. Or gani zati on
f r om m ost to l east i m por tant shoul d be used m or e i n the tex t. Al so, m or e techni ques of
conti nui ty need to be used i n the tex t to m ake the over v i ew cl ear : topi c sentences,
ver bal and v i sual si gnal s of topi cs, ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s. Fi nal l y, l ong
ex pl anati ons shoul d be condensed.
The ter m “venti l ati on” i s not pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se ter m i s “l ung di stensi on,” as
i ndi cated by the def i ni ti on of venti l ati on i n the or i gi nal Intr oducti on (sent. G).
Introduc tion
The r ev i ew of the l i teratur e [ev i dence that the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on m ay be Sal ter ed by the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute
sur ger y and anesthesi a (K–N )] i s unnecessar y. Thi s topi c i s deal t w i th m or e r el evantl y i n the
Di scussi on (para. 2).
The r eason f or study i ng the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on shoul d be added.
To em phasi ze the r eason f or the cum ul ati ve study desi gn, the r eason can be i ncl uded i n the
Intr oducti on rather than i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
The questi on (O) r el ates to the f i r st answ er onl y. One sol uti on i s to add a questi on that
r el ates to the second answ er. Another sol uti on i s to ask onl y the second questi on, as i n the
r ev i si on bel ow.
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: The br i ef descr i pti on does not seem br i ef .
The m or e pr eci se ter m “basel i ne” can be used i nstead of “contr ol . ”
Detai l s of the i nter v enti ons and detai l s of m ethods of m easur em ent shoul d be
m ov ed to separ ate subsecti ons. Par agr aph 8 shoul d be at the end of the
Cal cul ati ons subsecti on.
Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the dependent var i abl e
i n the questi on (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance) m or e.
Mor e over v i ew w oul d be usef ul , speci f i cal l y, a topi c sentence say i ng that
m i cr ospher es w er e i njected i n tw o way s, a com pani on topi c sentence i n the nex t
paragraph announci ng the second way of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es, and a transi ti on
phrase stati ng the pur pose of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um . In
addi ti on, a br i ef descr i pti on of the m i cr ospher e m ethod coul d be added (para. 10
of the Rev i si on).
Re s ults
Putti ng the r esul ts f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the m i ddl e of the Resul ts secti on
and al so bur y i ng them at the end of the paragraph on pr essur es (para. 3) m ake the
i m por tant r esul ts har d to f i nd. Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the
r esul ts that answ er the questi on both i n the Resul ts secti on and i n the f i gur es (pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance, the m ost i m por tant dependent var i abl e, w oul d be i n Fi g. 1). The
var i abl es on w hi ch the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was based (pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow and m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al and l ef t atr i al pr essur es) can com e nex t, and bl ood
gases and pH can com e l ast. For thi s or gani zati on, a topi c sentence l i nk i ng pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow to pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added (see para. 2 of Resul ts i n the
Rev i si on).
Al ter nati vel y, r eor gani zi ng the r esul ts accor di ng to the i ndependent var i abl e, the sam e
or gani zati on as i n Methods, rather than accor di ng to the dependent var i abl e w oul d m ake the
Resul ts cor r espond m or e cl ear l y w i th the questi on, the abstract, Methods, and the
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned at the begi nni ng of Resul ts.
The data f or pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance do not need to be
m enti oned; ci ti ng the f i gur es i s suf f i ci ent.
In paragraph 2, Fi gur e 1 shoul d be ci ted af ter an ex per i m ental r esul t (the ef f ect of
venti l ati on), not af ter a contr ol r esul t. In paragraph 3, Fi gur e 2 shoul d be ci ted af ter the
r esul t f or venti l ati on al one (the dram ati c decr ease), not at the end of the sentence.
In paragraph 5, the f i r st sentence (m ethods) shoul d be subor di nated to the second sentence
(r esul ts), and Tabl e 4 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t, not af ter the m ethod. The r em ai ni ng
sentences can be om i tted because the detai l s ar e i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on (para. 3).
Dis c us s ion
A str onger si gnal of the answ er i n B and a str onger l i nk betw een B and A w oul d be hel pf ul
(see the r ev i si on).
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned i n the si gnal of the answ er.
Instead of stati ng a r esul t, sentence C shoul d state an answ er. The var i abl e shoul d be
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and the ver b shoul d be i n pr esent tense.
P a ra gra phs 2–4:
Identi f y i ng the gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as an
unex pected f i ndi ng (sentence M) w oul d m ake the over v i ew cl ear er.
To m ake the topi c sentence sound l ess negati ve and to f ocus the stor y on the topi c of
paragraph 4, the f i r st poi nt i n sentence Y can be subor di nated to the second poi nt.
“In uter o” bel ongs i n the ex per i m ental appr oach, not i n the answ er (EE).
The answ er shoul d be si gnal ed and the ani m al studi ed shoul d be nam ed i n the si gnal .
Changi ng the key ter m (f r om “venti l ati on” to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ”) m akes the
second answ er (FF) di f f i cul t to under stand.
Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added to the l ast sentence (II) to r el ate the
specul ati on to the dependent var i abl e i n the answ er bef or e r el ati ng i t to a cl i ni cal pr obl em
based on the dependent var i abl e.
In the tabl es, al l sam pl e si zes l ess than 16 shoul d be accounted f or. (The sam pl e si ze of 12
dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on i n Tabl e 1 i s accounted f or i n para. 7 of Methods. The sam pl e
si ze of 10 f or l ef t atr i al pr essur e dur i ng venti l ati on and ox ygenati on i s accounted f or i n
para. 3 of Resul ts. )
Tabl es 1–3 coul d be r edesi gned so that the i ndependent var i abl e r uns dow n the f i r st col um n
on the l ef t (see the r ev i si on). In addi ti on, the data i n Tabl es 2–4, w hi ch ar e not nor m al l y
di str i buted, shoul d be m edi ans and i nter quar ti l e ranges.
Fi gur es 1 and 2 shoul d be boxandw hi sker pl ots, because the data ar e not nor m al l y
di str i buted (w hi ch i s w hy the data w er e anal y zed by the MannWhi tney U test).
The data f or the answ er to the questi on shoul d not be spl i t i nto tw o f i gur es and a tabl e
(Fi gs. 1, 2 and Tabl e 3). To m ake the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and the di f f er ence betw een l ef t atr i al pr essur e and sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e cl ear, al l the data can be pr esented i n a tabl e (see the r ev i si on).
In Fi gur e 3, the poi nt that i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e i s di f f i cul t to see because the over l ap of cur ves m akes f ol l ow i ng and com par i ng
i ndi v i dual cur ves di f f i cul t. One way to m ake the poi nt i n Fi gur e 3 cl ear i s to r edraw the
graph as tw o separate graphs, one f or m ajor r esponder s and the other f or m i nor r esponder s.
Abs tra c t
The questi on i n the abstract (C) does not r ef l ect the paper accuratel y because the questi on
om i ts one of the i ndependent var i abl es (um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on), thus cr eati ng onl y a
par ti al ex pectati on of the topi cs i n the paper.
The ex per i m ent done shoul d m enti on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (D).
Changi ng the key ter m “venti l ati on” to “venti l ati on… w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no
changes i n ar ter i al bl ood gases” (E) and to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (L) i s
conf usi ng.
“U nex pectedl y ” shoul d be added at the begi nni ng of the r esul ts i n sentence I.
In the answ er (K), the poi nt of v i ew shoul d be the sam e as that i n the questi on; the ver b
shoul d al so be the sam e. In addi ti on, “i n uter o” bel ongs onl y i n the descr i pti on of the
ex per i m ent, not i n the answ er.
The abstract i s l onger than necessar y. Sentences B (back gr ound) and M (specul ati on) can be
om i tted. Sentences E–H (r esul ts) can be condensed.
Title
“Pul m onar y Ci r cul ati on” shoul d be changed to “Pul m onar y Vascul ar Resi stance”
(the dependent v ar i abl e).
Instead of “Bi r thRel ated Ev ents, ” the speci f i c i ndependent v ar i abl es that
decr eased pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance shoul d be nam ed.
For the m ost speci f i c ti tl e, the m essage can be stated i n a v er b (“decr ease”).
Re vis ion
Abs tra c t
A In thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, or
occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. B To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed the
cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o.
C We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om vascul ar pr essur es and pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow (obtai ned by i njecti ng radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es) dur i ng basel i ne, l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. D We f ound that l ung di stensi on al one
decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to 34% of basel i ne, because of a 400% i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, no change i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, and a 200% i ncr ease i n l ef t
atr i al pr essur e. E Ox ygenati on decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f ur ther (to 10% of
basel i ne), because of a m odest f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n
pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e. F U m bi l i cal cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther change i n any of
the var i abl es. G U ne x pe c te dly, the f etuses r esponded di f f er entl y to l ung di stensi on: i n ei ght,
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ax i m al dur i ng l ung di stensi on w her eas i n the other ei ght, i t was
onl y 20% of m ax i m al . H We f ound no di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups of f etuses to
ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. I We concl ude that l ung di stensi on i s the m ajor cause of
the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
Introduc tion
1 A At bi r th, as the l ungs r epl ace the pl acenta as the m ai n or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust decr ease dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease
and ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not
decr ease, the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten
l eadi ng to death.
2 C Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th c a us e the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. D Thr ee m ajor events that coul d c a us e thi s
decr ease ar e r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and
occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d. E Tw o of these events—di stensi on and ox ygenati on—have
been studi ed i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. F The studi es suggested that ox ygenati on
rather than di stensi on of the f etal l ungs is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance (5–10). G How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y
used to ex ter i or i ze the f etal sheep m ay have al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n
these studi es, because thi s r esponse i s consi der ed to be at l east par tl y m edi ated by
vasoacti ve m etabol i tes (11). H In addi ti on, al though the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance has been studi ed onl y i ndi r ectl y, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on has
been f ound to i ncr ease catechol am i nes gr eatl y (r ef ). I Thi s i ncr ease i n catechol am i nes coul d
al ter pul m onar y vascul ar tone and thus coul d change pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
3 J Ther ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the
l ungs, or occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d (D) i s the m ajor c a us e (F) of the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (A, C). K To answ er thi s
questi on, w e assessed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. L We
studi ed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects rather than the i ndependent ef f ects because the or der of the
ex per i m ents coul d not be random i zed. M One r eason i s that w e w er e concer ned that
ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs m i ght i nduce num er ous and per haps i r r ever si bl e m etabol i c
and hem ody nam i c consequences, so that subsequent l ung di stensi on i n the absence of
ox ygenati on coul d not be studi ed. N Another r eason i s that the um bi l i cal cor d cannot be
occl uded bef or e ox ygenati on. O Thus, the study i s com posed of f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents:
basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. * P To avoi d the
super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses and of other com ponents of
the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and col d ex posur e, w e
di d these ex per i m ents i n near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y f or catheter
pl acem ent.
(Topi c sentences, transi ti on phrases, and key ter m s that si gnal topi cs of paragraphs or
subtopi cs w i thi n paragraphs ar e under l i ned)
Anima ls
1 A Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about
145 day s). B The f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases
(see Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the begi nni ng of the study.
C Ani m al husbandr y and the study desi gn f ol l ow ed the gui del i nes of the N ati onal Insti tutes of
Heal th. The study desi gn w as appr ov ed by the Com m i ttee on Ani m al Resear ch at our
uni v er si ty .
2 D The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 12). E Br i ef l y, dur i ng anesthesi a,
f or m easur em ent of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar pr essur es, catheter s w er e pl aced i n
the ascendi ng aor ta, the descendi ng aor ta, the i nf er i or vena cava, the l ef t atr i um , the
pul m onar y ar ter y, and the am ni oti c cav i ty (f or zer o pr essur e r ef er ence). F The ascendi ng
aor ti c catheter was al so used to obtai n bl ood sam pl es f or deter m i nati on of pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 ,
hem ogl obi n concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on. G For venti l ati on, an
endotracheal tube was i nser ted. H Attached to the endotracheal tube w er e tw o pi eces of
pol y v i ny l tubi ng. I One pi ece was seal ed. J The other pi ece was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty
to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d postoperati vel y. K In addi ti on, a catheter was pl aced
i n the pl eural cav i ty f or tr eatm ent i n the event of a pneum othorax . L Fi nal l y, a bal l oon
occl uder was pl aced ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d.
Study De s ign
3 M Tw o to thr ee day s af ter sur ger y, w e per f or m ed f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on each of
the 16 f etal sheep i n the f ol l ow i ng sequence: f i r st, basel i ne; then added l ung di stensi on
(i nduced by venti l ati on w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al f etal bl ood gas content);
then added ox ygenati on (venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen); and l ast added um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. N Dur i ng each of the f our ex per i m ents, w e f i r st sam pl ed f etal bl ood f r om the
ascendi ng aor ta f or assessm ent of i ndi cator s of ox ygenati on and aci dbase status (pH, pO 2 ,
pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on). O N ex t, f or the
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, w e m easur ed m ean pr essur es i n the pul m onar y
ar ter y and the l ef t atr i um and then i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es f or
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. P We al so m easur ed sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e as a
check of hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty. Q We obtai ned al l data w i thi n 5 m i n and dur i ng hem ody nam i c
stabi l i ty.
4 R Bef or e the f i r st ex per i m ent, w e pl aced the ew e i n a study cage and al l ow ed i t f r ee access
to al f al f a pel l ets and water. S Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ental m easur em ents, w e wai ted
f or at l east 15 m i n af ter the i nter venti on f or pr essur es and bl ood gases to stabi l i ze. T Af ter
tak i ng bl ood sam pl es, w e gave f etal or m ater nal bl ood to r epl ace bl ood l oss.
5 U For l ung di stensi on, w e venti l ated the f etus's l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved
nor m al f etal bl ood gas content. V Fi r st, w e opened the tw o pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the
tracheal tube and al l ow ed the tracheal f l ui d to drai n by grav i ty. W Then w e bal anced a
m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de to m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned
dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. X The gas m i x tur e was about 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and
5% car bon di ox i de. Y Bef or e begi nni ng venti l ati on, w e al l ow ed thi s gas m i x tur e to f l ow
thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng f or a f ew seconds at a rate of about 10 L/m i n so that the f etus
w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of venti l ati on. Z Then w e
connected the tubi ng to a speci al l y desi gned r espi rator and adjusted venti l ati on as descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y (12). AA Venti l ator y setti ngs ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1.
6 B B For ox ygenati on, w e changed the gas m i x tur e to 100% ox ygen and conti nued venti l ati on.
C C We di d not add car bon di ox i de to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on i n the f i r st f ew studi es
i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . D D Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental bl ood f l ow f el l
dur i ng ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval .
7 EE For um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e f ul l y i nf l ated the bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d, thus
abol i shi ng pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). F F In 4 of the 16 f etuses, w e coul d not study cor d
occl usi on, because of a f aul ty bal l oon i n tw o and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch
l ed to car di ovascul ar decom pensati on, i n tw o.
8 Bl ood pr essur es w er e m easur ed by connecti ng the vascul ar catheter s to Statham P23Db
strai ngauge transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA) and r ecor di ng the traci ngs on a
di r ectw r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). H H Bl ood gases and pH w er e
anal y zed on a Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer (Medf i el d, MA) and hem ogl obi n ox ygen
saturati ons on a Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter (Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
Ca lc ula tions
9 I I We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. J J For the
si x f etuses i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons,
w e used the m ean val ues obtai ned f r om the other ten f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
10 KK To cal cul ate pul m onar y and other bl ood f l ow s, w e used the radi onucl i del abel ed
m i cr ospher e m ethod (r ef ). L L Br i ef l y, w e i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected
f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr, 1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn, 8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn), 15 µm i n di am eter, i nto
the i nf er i or vena cava or i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um . M M Dur i ng the
i njecti on, w e w i thdr ew r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es f r om vessel s pr ox i m al to each or gan gr oup
(pul m onar y ar ter y f or the l ungs, ascendi ng aor ta f or the upper body, and descendi ng aor ta
f or the l ow er body and pl acenta) at a rate of 4 m l /m i n. N N We used thi s r ef er ence f l ow, al ong
w i th r ef er ence radi oacti v i ty counts and al so or gan w ei ghts and counts, to cal cul ate bl ood
f l ow s.
11 O O For cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e i njected m i cr ospher es i n tw o way s.
P P Dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (14), w e i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and w i thdr ew bl ood
sam pl es f r om the pul m onar y ar ter y. Q Q Thi s i njecti on and w i thdrawal techni que excl udes
br onchi al bl ood f l ow. RR To cal cul ate br onchi al bl ood f l ow, i n si x f etal sheep w e al so i njected
m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. SS We f ound that br onchi al
bl ood f l ow was r el ati vel y constant and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned
ventr i cul ar output. TT We then subtracted thi s val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow val ues i n
the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
12 UU Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected
m i cr ospher es f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow di f f er entl y. V V The r eason i s that upon
venti l ati on, pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y.
W W Thus, a l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. X X To
cal cul ate pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que
that deter m i nes the contr i buti ons of l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow.
Y Y Ther ef or e, dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected
m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th di f f er ent radi onucl i des si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena
cava and the l ef t atr i um and cal cul ated pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een
com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the sum of bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta (4).
ZZ Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t and r i ght ventr i cul ar
outputs. AAA Bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t atr i al
i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
13 B B B U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, w e gave the ew e a l ethal dose of sodi um
pentobar bi tal , r em oved the f etus f r om the uter us, and w ei ghed i t. C C C To obtai n radi oacti v i ty
counts f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e r em oved and w ei ghed al l or gans and
pl aced them i n f or m al i n. D D D Then w e separatel y car boni zed the or gans i n an oven, gr ound
them i nto a coar se pow der, and pl aced them i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm .
EEE To count the radi oacti v i ty of the or gans and the r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es, w e used a
1000channel m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t Atk i nson, WI). F F F We
cal cul ated the speci f i c acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a sam pl e by the l eastsquar es m ethod
(13). GGG Fr om the r ef er ence f l ow and radi oacti v i ty counts and the or gan w ei ghts and counts,
w e cal cul ated bl ood f l ow s accor di ng to standar d f or m ul as (r ef ).
14 H H H We anal y zed the data f r om each ex per i m ent by the MannWhi tney U test, com par i ng
onl y the data obtai ned dur i ng one ex per i m ent w i th data obtai ned dur i ng the ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng i t. I I I We consi der ed stati sti cal si gni f i cance pr esent w hen the P val ue
was ≤ 0. 001. J J J Al l data ar e pr esented as m ean ± 1 SD.
Re s ults
1 A Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the 16 f etal sheep decr eased to 34% of basel i ne val ues
dur i ng l ung di stensi on al one (Fi gur e 1). B It decr eased an addi ti onal 10% dur i ng ox ygenati on.
C It di d not change f ur ther af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
2 D These decr eases i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance m ai nl y r ef l ect i ncr eases i n pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow. E Mean pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i ncr eased to f our ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng
l ung di stensi on and to si x ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng ox ygenati on (Tabl e 2). F A doubl i ng
of l ef t atr i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
dur i ng l ung di stensi on (Tabl e 2). G A s ma ll but s ignific a nt decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng
ox ygenati on.
3 H The i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng the ex per i m ents w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e (Fi g. 2). I In som e f etuses the m ajor i ty of the i ncr ease occur r ed dur i ng l ung
di stensi on, w her eas i n other s ther e was al m ost no i ncr ease unti l ox ygenati on. J To l ook f or
f actor s that m i ght pr edi ct these di f f er ences i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, f i r st w e ar bi trar i l y
di v i ded the f etuses i nto m ajor r esponder s (i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow at l east 50% of
the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease over the f our ex per i m ents) and m i nor r esponder s (i ncr ease l ess
than 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease). K The ei ght m ajor r esponder s had an i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on that was equal to the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (103
± 52%), w her eas the ei ght m i nor r esponder s had a m uch sm al l er i ncr ease (20 ± 17%).
L Then w e assessed basel i ne var i abl es that m i ght be di f f er ent i n the m ajor and m i nor
r esponder s. M In addi ti on, to see i f the di f f er ence coul d have r esul ted f r om di f f er ences i n the
ul ti m ate vasodi l ati on and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e l ooked at tw o i ndi cator s of vasodi l ati on
and at pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on. N N one of these var i abl es show ed
s ta tis tic a lly s ignific a nt di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups (Tabl e 3) (unchanged f r om
Tabl e 4 i n the or i gi nal v er si on).
4 O Except f or pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, w hi ch i ncr eased appr opr i atel y dur i ng
ox ygenati on, sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on di d not change
s ignific a ntly dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, or um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on (Tabl e 4).
Dis c us s ion
1 A Of the thr ee m ajor events that occur at bi r th, r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs,
ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, ox ygenati on has been r epor ted to be
the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at
bi r th (5–10). B In thi s study i n f etal sheep, w e f ound that di stensi on of the l ungs, not
ox ygenati on, is the ma jor c a us e of thi s decr ease. C In our near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o,
near l y tw othi r ds of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur r ed dur i ng l ung
di stensi on and the r em ai ni ng onethi r d occur r ed dur i ng ox ygenati on. D N o f ur ther decr ease
occur r ed dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
2 E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on than pr ev i ousl y r epor ted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es w er e per f or m ed on acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that caused by the anesthesi a and
sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of var i ous
m etabol i c agents, such as pr ostagl andi ns. G Al ter ed pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of
pr ostagl andi ns coul d have sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n
those studi es. H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor
i ndom ethaci n has been show n to attenuate thi s decr ease (30). I Fur ther ev i dence i s that
pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther
m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y del i ver ed f etal l am bs. J Gr eater
vasodi l ati on w oul d decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and
D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser
ef f ects of l ung di stensi on i n the pr ev i ous studi es m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of
the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M U nex pectedl y, w e al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow to the ef f ects of l ung di stensi on. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on was m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was
onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve r esponse. O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar
var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and ai r venti l ati on: of the si x f etuses studi ed, tw o
show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, tw o show ed
a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r, and tw o show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no f ur ther change upon ex posur e to
ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al . noted that ni tr ogen had the gr eatest ef f ect on the
sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to i denti f y the r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e
f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That i s, the m ajor r esponder s di d not begi n
w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In f act, the tw o gr oups had
r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng
venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n thei r overal l m atur i ty,
w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences i n pO 2 w er e not
r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both dur i ng
basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng l ung di stensi on, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther m or e
hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though
w e w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng l ung di stensi on,
dur i ng ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the tw o gr oups, w i thout the m ethod
of venti l ati on hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y Al though the m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the tw o
gr oups of f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons.
Z Fi r st, i t m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the
concentrati ons and f l uxes of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate
di f f er ent f ates of these agents i n m ajor and m i nor r esponder s.
5 B B In sum m ar y, thi s study i n f etal sheep show s that di stensi on of the l ungs, not
ox ygenati on, is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. C C How ever, the ef f ect of l ung di stensi on i s var i abl e. D D The
var i abi l i ty i s pr obabl y m edi ated i n par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes.
EE By usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses
that do and do not r espond to l ung di stensi on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and thus f or the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay be better el uci dated.
CHANGES IN THE PULMONARY CIRCULATION DURING BIRTH
RELATED EVENTS
Abstract
A At bi r th, ther e i s a rapi d and dram ati c decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, al l ow i ng
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B Many events ar e
occur r i ng si m ul taneousl y, and those r esponsi bl e f or thi s decr ease i n r esi stance ar e uncer tai n. C To
deter m i ne w hether venti l ati on and ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs coul d cause thi s decr ease i n
r esi stance, w e studi ed chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented, near ter m sheep f etuses i n uter o. D In 16 f etuses, w e
m easur ed vascul ar pr essur es and i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es to deter m i ne pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow. E We f ound that venti l ati on of the f etal l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no changes
i n ar ter i al bl ood gases caused a l ar ge but var i abl e i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, to 401% of
contr ol , no change i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, and a doubl i ng of l ef t atr i al pr essur e. F Thus,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f el l dram ati cal l y, to 34% of contr ol . G Ox ygenati on caused a m odest
f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, so that
r esi stance f el l to 10% of contr ol . H Cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther changes i n vascul ar pr essur es or
bl ood f l ow, so r esi stance r em ai ned si m i l ar to ox ygenati on l evel s (11% of contr ol ). I The f etuses
appear ed to f al l i nto 2 gr oups w i th r espect to thei r r esponse to venti l ati on: 8 of the 16 devel oped near
m ax i m al i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on w i thout ox ygenati on, and the other 8
devel oped an average of onl y 20% of the
P. 326
m ax i m al i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on. J We coul d f i nd no di f f er ences i n the 2 gr oups of
f etuses to ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. K We concl ude that the changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur at bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on.
L Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO
2.
M Investi gati ng the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that do and do not r espond to venti l ati on
al one m ay hel p to def i ne the m etabol i c pr ocesses i nvol ved i n pul m onar y vasodi l ati on at bi r th.
Introduction
A In the ci r cul ati on of both f etuses and new bor ns, the m ai n r ol e of the r i ght ventr i cl e i s to del i ver
bl ood to the gas exchange ci r cul ati on f or uptake of ox ygen and r em oval of car bon di ox i de. B In the
f etus, thi s del i ver y i s achi eved by v i r tue of the pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance bei ng ver y hi gh. C Ri ght
ventr i cul ar output i s thus di ver ted away f r om the l ungs and towar d the pl acenta, thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (1–4). D Im m edi atel y at bi r th, as the l ungs becom e the or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust f al l dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and ox ygen
exchange to occur i n the l ungs. E If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not f al l , the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten l eadi ng to death.
F Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th ar e r esponsi bl e f or the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. G Thr ee m ajor events of the bi r th pr ocess that coul d be
r esponsi bl e ar e venti l ati on, or r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on, of the f etal l ungs, ox ygenati on of the
l ungs, and occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d. H Tw o of these events—venti l ati on and ox ygenati on—have
been studi ed i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. I Most of the studi es suggested that ox ygenati on
rather than venti l ati on of the f etal l ungs i s the m ajor event r esponsi bl e f or the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance (5–10). J How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y m ay have
al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n these studi es, because thi s r esponse i s consi der ed to be at
l east par tl y m edi ated by vasoacti ve m etabol i tes. K Al though a change i n ox ygen or car bon di ox i de
concentrati on (11) or i nducti on of a gasl i qui d i nter f ace i n the al veol us (12) each m ay di r ectl y af f ect
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, pr oducti on or i nhi bi ti on of var i ous m etabol i c agents pr obabl y pl ay s a
m ajor r ol e i n the pr of ound decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. L Al terati ons i n
concentrati on of
P. 327
brady k i ni ns (10, 13), angi otensi n (14, 15), acety l chol i ne (16), and hi stam i ne (17, 18) have al l been
i nvesti gated, but m etabol i tes of arachi doni c aci d have been m ost ex tensi vel y studi ed and ar e
consi der ed to be the pr i nci pal agents i nvol ved. M Of the pr ostanoi ds, PGI 2 i s the m ost potent pul m onar y
vasodi l ator and i s pr oduced i n r esponse to br eathi ng (19) or m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21).
N Conver sel y, l eukotr i enes ar e potent pul m onar y vasoconstr i ctor s (22–24), and i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i ene
sy nthesi s dram ati cal l y augm ents pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n f etal sheep (25).
O The pur pose of thi s study was to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to gaseous
venti l ati on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to
l evel s seen at bi r th. P To r em ove the super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses
and of other com ponents of the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and
col d ex posur e, w e studi ed near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y.
Materials and Methods
Anima ls
1 Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about 145
day s). The f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases (see
Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the onset of the study.
2 The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 26). Br i ef l y, the ew e under w ent a
m i dl i ne l apar otomy under spi nal (1% tetracai ne hydr ochl or i de) and suppl em ental i ntravenous
(ketam i ne hydr ochl or i de) anesthesi a. The f etus al so r ecei ved l ocal anesthesi a (0. 25% l i docai ne
hydr ochl or i de) f or each sk i n i nci si on. Thr ough a sm al l uter i ne i nci si on, the f etal hi nd l i m bs w er e
ex posed i ndi v i dual l y and pol y v i ny l catheter s w er e advanced to the descendi ng aor ta and i nf er i or
vena cava v i a each pedal ar ter y and vei n. Tw o catheter s w er e al so advanced i nto the m ai n
um bi l i cal vei n v i a a per i pheral tr i butar y l ocal i zed f r om the sam e uter i ne i nci si on. Thi s i nci si on
was cl osed af ter pl acem ent of a l ar ge pol y v i ny l catheter i n the am ni oti c cav i ty f or zer o pr essur e
r ef er ence. A second uter i ne i nci si on was then m ade over the l ef t chest. A l ef t l ateral thoracotomy
was per f or m ed and catheter s w er e pl aced i n the ascendi ng aor ta v i a the i nter nal thoraci c ar ter y
and di r ectl y i n the
P. 328
pul m onar y ar ter y and l ef t atr i um usi ng a needl ecannul a assem bl y (27). An 8F m ul ti pl e si dehol e
pol y v i ny l catheter was l ef t i n the pl eural cav i ty f or drai nage. The thoracotomy was cl osed and a
m i dl i ne i nci si on was m ade i n the neck . The trachea was ex posed and l i gated pr ox i m al l y, and an
endotracheal tube (4. 5 m m ID) was i nser ted di r ectl y and advanced to the r egi on of the car i na.
The tube was attached to tw o pi eces of 12F pol y v i ny l tubi ng v i a a Y connector and f i l l ed w i th
0. 9% N aCl sol uti on. One pi ece of tubi ng was seal ed and the other was connected to another pi ece
of 12F tubi ng that was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty, to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d
postoperati vel y. The neck i nci si on was cl osed. The um bi l i cal cor d was then l ocated and a si l i cone
r ubber bal l oon occl uder was pl aced ar ound i t, just di stal to the abdom en. Anti bi oti cs (400 m g of
k anamyci n sul f ate and 1 m i l l i on uni ts of peni ci l l i n G potassi um ) w er e i nsti l l ed i n the am ni oti c
cav i ty and 0. 9% war m ed sal i ne was added to r epl ace l oss of am ni oti c f l ui d. The uter i ne i nci si on
was cl osed. Al l vascul ar catheter s w er e f i l l ed w i th hepar i n sodi um (1000 uni ts/m l ), seal ed, and
ex ter i or i zed al ong w i th the other tubi ng to the l ef t f l ank of the ew e. The abdom i nal i nci si on was
cl osed i n l ayer s and the ew e was r etur ned to the cage f or r ecover y. Anti bi oti cs (400 m g of
k anamyci n sul f ate and 1 m i l l i on uni ts of peni ci l l i n G potassi um ) w er e adm i ni ster ed i ntravenousl y
to the ew e and i nto the am ni oti c cav i ty dai l y.
Study De s ign
3 Four ex per i m ents w er e per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow. Each ex per i m ent was
per f or m ed at l east 15 m i nutes af ter pr essur es and bl ood gases had stabi l i zed.
Contr ol
4 The ew e was pl aced i n a study cage and al l ow ed f r ee access to al f al f a pel l ets and water. Dur i ng
al l 4 ex per i m ents, af ter vascul ar catheter s w er e connected to Statham P23Db strai ngauge
transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA), pr essur es w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y on a
di r ectw r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). For contr ol ex per i m ents, f etal
bl ood sam pl es w er e obtai ned f r om the ascendi ng aor ta f or deter m i nati on of pH, pCO 2 , and pO 2
(Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer, Medf i el d, MA), and of hem ogl obi n concentrati on and
hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on (Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter, Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
Radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr, 1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn,
8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn),
P. 329
15 µm i n di am eter, w er e then i njected i nto the i nf er i or vena cava w hi l e r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es
w er e w i thdraw n f r om the ascendi ng aor ta, descendi ng aor ta, and pul m onar y ar ter y at a rate of 4
m l /m i n. Fetal or m ater nal bl ood was then gi ven to r epl ace the bl ood l oss.
Venti l ati on
5 The 2 pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the tracheal tube w er e opened and the tracheal f l ui d was
al l ow ed to drai n by grav i ty. A m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de was bal anced to
m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent. The gas m i x tur e was
appr ox i m atel y 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and 5% car bon di ox i de. Bef or e venti l ati on was begun,
thi s gas m i x tur e was br i ef l y al l ow ed to f l ow thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng at a rate of about 10
L/m i n so that the f etus w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of
venti l ati on. The tubi ng was then connected to a speci al l y desi gned r espi rator, and venti l ati on was
adjusted as descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (26). Venti l ator y setti ngs ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1. Af ter
var i abl es stabi l i zed, bl ood sam pl es w er e obtai ned as f or the contr ol and tw o sets of radi onucl i de
l abel ed m i cr ospher es w er e i njected, one i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the other i nto the l ef t
atr i um , dur i ng w i thdrawal of r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es as descr i bed f or the contr ol . Repl acem ent
bl ood was then i nf used i nto the f etus.
TABLE 1. Ventilatory settings for variables in the fetal sheep
during ventilation, oxygenation, and umbilical cord occlusion
Respi rator y rate 50 ± 8 (15) b 57 ± 12 (13) 57 ± 13 (11)
(br eaths/m i n)
Peak i nspi rator y pr essur e c 27 ± 10 (15) 26 ± 9 (14) 25 ± 9 (12)
(m m Hg)
a Dur i ng venti l ati on, f etuses r ecei ved a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de
bal anced to m atch thei r bl ood gases dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent.
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etuses gi ven i n par entheses. Ther e w er e no
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een ex per i m ents f or any of the var i abl es.
c Pr essur es ar e r ef er enced to am ni oti c cav i ty pr essur e.
Ox y genati on
6 The gas m i x tur e was then changed to 100% ox ygen and venti l ati on was conti nued. Car bon
di ox i de was not added to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on
P. 330
i n the f i r st f ew studi es i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental
bl ood f l ow f el l dur i ng ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval . Af ter var i abl es
stabi l i zed, m i cr ospher es w er e i njected i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um , bl ood
sam pl es w er e obtai ned, and r epl acem ent bl ood was i nf used.
7 The bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d was f ul l y i nf l ated to occl ude the um bi l i cal bl ood vessel s
and thus abol i sh pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). Af ter var i abl es stabi l i zed, the ex per i m ental pr otocol
was r epeated. In 4 of the 16 f etuses, cor d occl usi on coul d not be studi ed, because of a f aul ty
bal l oon i n 2 and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch l ed to car di ovascul ar
decom pensati on, i n 2.
8 U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, the ew e was k i l l ed by i njecti on of l ar ge doses of
sodi um pentobar bi tal and the f etus was r em oved f r om the uter us and w ei ghed. The l ungs w er e
r em oved f r om the car cass, and the l ungs and car cass w er e separatel y w ei ghed and pl aced i n
f or m al i n. They w er e then separatel y car boni zed i n an oven, gr ound i nto a coar se pow der, and
pl aced i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm . Radi oacti v i ty of the l ungs and r ef er ence bl ood
sam pl es was counted i n a 1000channel m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t
Atk i nson, WI). Speci f i c acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a sam pl e was cal cul ated by the l east
squar es m ethod (28).
Ca lc ula tions
9 Dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (29), pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m easur ed by i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or
vena cava and w i thdraw i ng bl ood sam pl es f r om the pul m onar y ar ter y. Thi s i njecti on and
w i thdrawal techni que excl udes br onchi al f l ow. In 6 f etuses w e al so i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the
l ef t atr i um dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent. We f ound that br onchi al f l ow was r el ati vel y constant
and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output. We then subtracted thi s
val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow m easur em ents i n the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
10 U pon venti l ati on, pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y.
Thus, a l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. To m easur e
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que that
deter m i nes the contr i buti on of
P. 331
l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. Ther ef or e, dur i ng venti l ati on, ox ygenati on, and
um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th di f f er ent radi onucl i des
si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um and cal cul ated pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the sum of bl ood f l ow s to
the f etal body and pl acenta (4). Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t
and r i ght ventr i cul ar outputs. Bl ood f l ow s to f etal body and pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t
atr i al i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
11 Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was cal cul ated as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. For the 6 f etuses
i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons, w e used the m ean
val ues obtai ned f r om the other f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
Results
1 Sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on w er e nor m al i n the contr ol
ex per i m ent, and di d not change dur i ng venti l ati on al one (Tabl e 2). Ox ygenati on caused a l ar ge
i ncr ease i n pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, but di d not change pH or pCO 2 . Cor d occl usi on
di d not change these var i abl es si gni f i cantl y, but ther e was m uch gr eater var i abi l i ty
P. 332
i n pCO 2 and pH, pr obabl y because of the i nabi l i ty of som e f etuses to m ai ntai n adequate CO 2
exchange i n the l ungs, because of pul m onar y i m m atur i ty.
TABLE 2. Ascending aortic pH, blood gases, and hemoglobin
oxygen saturations during the experiments
Va ria ble Control Ve ntila tion Ox yge na tion Cord Oc c lus ion
pCO 2 (m m Hg) 55 ± 6 (15) 54 ± 6 (16) 51 ± 10 (16) 58 ± 21 (12)
Hgb O 2 sat b 47 ± 13 (16) 46 ± 12 (16) 97 ± 6* (16) 95 ± 10 (16)
(%)
a Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or f our sequenti al ex per i m ents on the num ber of f etal sheep
2 Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the contr ol ex per i m ent (33 ± 17 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght) was
si m i l ar to that pr ev i ousl y m easur ed i n chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented f etuses of si m i l ar gestati onal
ages (2, 3), consti tuti ng 9% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output (Fi gur e 1). It i ncr eased dram ati cal l y
dur i ng venti l ati on al one, to 401% of contr ol val ues (133 ± 94 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght). The
var i abi l i ty of thi s i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ar ked, how ever, w hi ch l ed us to
separate the f etuses i nto 2 gr oups, as descr i bed bel ow. Ox ygenati on i ncr eased pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow f ur ther, to a m ean of 623% of contr ol (206 ± 64 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght). U m bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on di d not cause any f ur ther change i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow (190 ± 69 m l /m i n/k g
f etal body w ei ght).
P. 333
3 Mean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was nor m al i n the contr ol ex per i m ent and di d not change
dur i ng venti l ati on (Tabl e 3). Ther e was a sm al l but si gni f i cant decr ease i n pr essur e dur i ng
ox ygenati on. Because thi s decr ease was si m i l ar to that seen i n m ean sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e,
i t can not be ex pl ai ned by par ti al cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus. Ther e was no f ur ther change i n
m ean pul m onar y or m ean sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. Lef t atr i al
pr essur e coul d be m easur ed i n onl y 10 f etuses f or techni cal r easons. In associ ati on w i th the l ar ge
i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on al one, m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e doubl ed
(Tabl e 3). It di d not change f ur ther dur i ng ox ygenati on or cor d occl usi on. Pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance decr eased dram ati cal l y (to 34% of contr ol val ues) dur i ng venti l ati on al one (f r om 1. 93
± 1. 31 to 0. 66 ± 0. 90 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ), decr eased f ur ther dur i ng ox ygenati on (to 10% of
contr ol ; 0. 20 ± 0. 77 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ), and di d not change f ur ther af ter cor d occl usi on (11%;
0. 22 ± 0. 11 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ) (Fi gur e 2).
TABLE 3. Mean vascular pressures during the experiments
pr essur e (m m Hg) 53 ± 8 (15) b 55 ± 9 (15) 47 ± 6* (15) 48 ± 16 (12)
Sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e (m m Hg) 52 ± 6 (15) 53 ± 6 (15) 48 ± 6* (15) 58 ± 16 (12)
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses.
* Si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the val ue dur i ng the i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng ex per i m ent, P
≤ 0. 01.
Fi gur e 2.
Pul m onar y
vascul ar
r esi stance
dur i ng
sequenti al
venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on,
and
um bi l i cal
cor d
occl usi on i n
the 16 f etal
sheep. Data
ar e m ean ±
1 SD. *P ≤
0. 001 v s.
the
ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y
pr ecedi ng i t.
5 We ex am i ned the m easur ed var i abl es that coul d have caused thi s di spar i ty betw een the m ajor
and m i nor r esponder s (Tabl e 4). N one of those var i abl es show ed stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences betw een the 2 gr oups (Tabl e 4). Indi ces of m atur i ty and postoperati ve stabi l i ty
(gestati onal age, w ei ght, and day s af ter sur ger y ), of i ni ti al pul m onar y vascul ar tone (contr ol pH
and bl ood
P. 335
gases and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and pr essur e), of ventr i cul ar f uncti on (com bi ned ventr i cul ar
output), and of adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng ox ygenati on (bl ood gases and pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on) w er e r em ar k abl y si m i l ar. Adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng
venti l ati on al one (w i thout ox ygenati on) coul d not be assessed, al though ther e was no change i n
the m ethod of venti l ati on i n ei ther gr oup w hen ox ygenati on was establ i shed. Of those f etuses i n
w hi ch sex was r ecor ded, the m ajor i ty i n both gr oups w er e f em al e (6 of 7 of the m ajor
r esponder s, 4 of 6 of the m i nor r esponder s).
TABLE 4. Comparisons of variables in major and minor
responders a during the control experiment and oxygenation
Contr ol
Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output 401 ± 84 (8) 378 ± 69 (8)
(m l /m i n/k g)
Ox ygenati on
a Major r esponder s had i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow ≥ 50% of the cum ul ati ve
i ncr ease dur i ng the study. Mi nor r esponder s had i ncr eases < 50%.
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses. N o
di f f er ence betw een gr oups was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.
Discussion
1 A Thr ee m ajor events of the bi r th pr ocess ar e venti l ati on, or r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the
l ungs, ox ygenati on, and l oss of the um bi l i cal –pl acental ci r cul ati on. B We f ound that venti l ati on and
ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or
the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th. C Mor eover, on average,
near l y tw othi r ds of the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow occur r ed dur i ng venti l ati on al one.
P. 336
2 D Our f i ndi ng that about tw othi r ds of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur s
dur i ng venti l ati on al one i s m uch l ar ger than the pr ev i ousl y accepted val ue of about onethi r d (6).
E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease than pr ev i ousl y accepted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es
w er e per f or m ed on acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that
caused by the anesthesi a and sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and
i nhi bi ti on of var i ous m etabol i c agents. G Al ter ed m etabol i te pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on coul d have
sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng the second phase of the
decr ease (30) i n those studi es. H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s
i nhi bi tor i ndom ethaci n has been show n to attenuate thi s sl ow second phase of the decr ease,
w hi ch l asts f or 10–20 m i nutes af ter the rapi d f i r st phase (30). I (In contrast, the f i r st phase, a
rapi d decr ease that l asts f or onl y 30 seconds, i s not al ter ed by i ndom ethaci n but m ay be al ter ed
by di r ect m echani cal ef f ects of venti l ati on: the establ i shm ent of a gasl i qui d i nter f ace i n the
al veol i m ay decr ease per i vascul ar pr essur es and thus di stend the sm al l ar ter i ol es and decr ease
r esi stance (30). ) J Fur ther ev i dence that pr ostagl andi n m etabol i tes ar e i m por tant i n the decr ease
of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i s that pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s
pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y
del i ver ed f etal l am bs. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and
brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
(31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser ef f ects of venti l ati on al one i n the pr ev i ous studi es
m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M We al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to the ef f ects of
venti l ati on al one. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng
venti l ati on al one was m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve
r esponse. O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and
ai r venti l ati on: of the 6 f etuses studi ed, 2 show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge
ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, 2 show ed a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r, and
2 show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no f ur ther
change upon ex posur e to ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al .
P. 337
noted that ni tr ogen had the gr eatest ef f ect on the sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to
i denti f y the r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That
i s, the m ajor r esponder s di d not begi n w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In
f act, the 2 gr oups had r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng contr ol
m easur em ents and dur i ng venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n
thei r overal l m atur i ty, w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences
i n pO 2 w er e not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both
dur i ng contr ol m easur em ents and dur i ng venti l ati on al one, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther
m or e hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though w e
w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng venti l ati on al one, dur i ng
ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the 2 gr oups, w i thout the m ethod of venti l ati on
hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y The m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the 2 gr oups of
f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, but thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons f or f utur e
studi es. Z Fi r st, i t m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the
concentrati ons and f l uxes of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate di f f er ent
f ates of these agents i n m ajor and m i nor r esponder s. B B How ever, car ef ul eval uati on of l ung
m echani cs i s cr i ti cal i n f utur e studi es to ensur e that the di f f er ences betw een the r esponses of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed ar e not caused sol el y by di f f er ences i n pul m onar y f uncti on. C C In thi s
r egar d, i t w oul d be of i nter est to deter m i ne w hether stati c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs (that
i s, di stensi on w i thout venti l ati on) can i nduce a si m i l ar decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance. D D Stati c di stensi on does i ncr ease l ung com pl i ance i n f etal sheep (32) and has been
show n to decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to som e degr ee i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal
sheep (12).
5 EE In sum m ar y, the changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e cr i ti cal to
the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on
and ox ygenati on.
F F Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO
2.
P. 338
par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes.
I I By usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that
do and do not r espond to venti l ati on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay be better el uci dated.
References
1. Reuss ML, Rudol ph AM. Di str i buti on and r eci r cul ati on of um bi l i cal and sy stem i c venous bl ood
f l ow i n f etal l am bs dur i ng hy pox i a. J Dev Phy si ol 1980;2:71–84.
2. Ander son DF, Bi ssonnette JM, Faber JJ, Thor nbur g KL. Central shunt f l ow s and pr essur es i n the
m atur e f etal l am b. Am J Phy si ol 1981; 241:H60–6.
3. Hey m ann MA, Cr easy RK, Rudol ph AM. Quanti tati on of bl ood f l ow patter ns i n the f oetal l am b i n
uter o. In: Foetal and neonatal phy si ol ogy : pr oceedi ngs of the Si r Joseph Bar cr of t centenar y
sy m posi um . Cam br i dge: Cam br i dge U ni ver si ty Pr ess, 1973:129–35.
4. Tei tel DF, Iwam oto HS, Rudol ph AM. Ef f ects of bi r thr el ated events on central bl ood f l ow
patter ns. Pedi atr Res 1987;22:557–66.
5. Lauer RM, Evans JA, Aok i H, Ki ttl e CF. Factor s contr ol l i ng pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n f etal
l am bs. J Pedi atr 1965;67:568–77.
6. Daw es GS, Mott JC, Wi ddi com be JG, Wyatt DG. Changes i n the l ungs of the newbor n l am b. J
Phy si ol 1953;121:141–62.
7. Daw es GS. The pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n the f oetus and new bor n. In: Foetal and neonatal
phy si ol ogy : a com parati ve study of the changes at bi r th. Chi cago: Year book Medi cal Publ i sher s,
1968:79–90.
8. Cassi n S, Daw es GS, Mott JC, Ross BB, Strang LB. The vascul ar r esi stance of the f oetal and
new l y venti l ated l ung of the l am b. J Phy si ol 1964;171: 61–79.
9. Assal i N S, Ki r schbaum TH, Di l ts PV Jr. Ef f ects of hy per bar i c ox ygen on uter opl acental and f etal
ci r cul ati on. Ci r c Res 1968;22:573–88.
10. Hey m ann MA, Rudol ph AM, N i es AS, Mel m on KL. Brady k i ni n pr oducti on associ ated w i th
ox ygenati on of the f etal l am b. Ci r c Res 1969; 25:521–34.
11. Cook CD, Dr i nker PA, Jacobson HN , Lev i son H, Strang LB. Contr ol of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n
the f oetal and new l y bor n l am b. J Phy si ol 1963;169:10–29.
12. Col ebatch HJH, Daw es GS, Goodw i n JW, N adeau RA. The ner vous contr ol of the ci r cul ati on i n
the f oetal and new l y ex panded l ungs of the l am b. J Phy si ol 1965;178:544–62.
13. Cam pbel l AGM, Cock bur n F, Daw es GS, Mi l l i gan JE. Pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n asphy x i a
dur i ng cr ossci r cul ati on betw een tw i n f oetal l am bs. J Phy si ol 1967;192:111–21.
14. Hy m an A, Hey m ann M, Lev i n D, Rudol ph A. Angi otensi n i s not the m edi ator of hy pox i ai nduced
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n f etal l am bs [Abstract]. Ci r cul ati on 1975;52 (Suppl II):132.
15. Dav i dson D, Stal cup SA, Mel l i ns RB. Angi otensi nconver ti ng enzy m e acti v i ty and i ts m odul ati on
by ox ygen tensi on i n the gui nea pi g f etal pl acental uni t. Ci r c Res 1981;48:286–91.
P. 339
16. Lew i s AB, Hey m ann MA, Rudol ph AM. Gestati onal changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esponses i n
f etal l am bs i n uter o. Ci r c Res 1976; 39:536–41.
17. Cassi n S, Daw es GS, Ross BB. Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar r esi stance i n i m m atur e f oetal
l am bs. J Phy si ol 1964;171:80–9.
18. Goetzm an BW, Mi l stei n JM. Pul m onar y vascul ar hi stam i ne r eceptor s i n new bor n and young
l am bs. J Appl Phy si ol 1980;49:380–85.
19. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR, Gr een RS. The onset of br eathi ng at bi r th sti m ul ates pul m onar y
vascul ar pr ostacycl i n sy nthesi s. Pedi atr Res 1984;18: 938–42.
20. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR. Per i natal pul m onar y pr ostagl andi n pr oducti on. Am J Phy si ol
1981;241:H756–9.
21. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR, Ter ragno N A. Venti l ati oni nduced r el ease of pr ostagl andi nl i ke m ater i al
f r om f etal l ungs. Am J Phy si ol 1980; 238:H282–6.
22. Schr ei ber MD, Hey m ann MA, Soi f er SJ. The di f f er enti al ef f ects of l eukotr i ene C 4 and D 4 on the
pul m onar y and sy stem i c ci r cul ati ons i n new bor n l am bs. Pedi atr Res 1987;21:176–82.
23. Hand JM, Wi l l JA, Buck ner CK. Ef f ects of l eukotr i enes on i sol ated gui neapi g pul m onar y
ar ter i es. Eur J Phar m acol 1981;76:439–42.
24. Mor ganr oth ML, Stenm ar k KR, Zi r r ol l i JA, et al . Leukotr i ene C 4 pr oducti on dur i ng hy pox i c
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n i sol ated rat l ungs. Pr ostagl andi ns 1984;28:867–75.
25. Lebi doi s J, Soi f er SJ, Cl y m an RI, Hey m ann MA. Pi r i pr ost: a putati ve l eukotr i ene sy nthesi s
i nhi bi tor i ncr eases pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n f etal l am bs. Pedi atr Res 1987;22:350–4.
26. Iwam oto HS, Tei tel DF, Rudol ph AM. Ef f ects of bi r thr el ated events on bl ood f l ow di str i buti on.
Pedi atr Res 1987;22:634–40.
27. Iwam oto HS, Rudol ph AM. Chr oni c r enal venous catheter i zati on i n f etal sheep. Am J Phy si ol
1983;245:H524–7.
28. Baer RW, Pay ne BD, Ver r i er ED, et al . Incr eased num ber of myocar di al bl ood f l ow
m easur em ents w i th radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es. Am J Phy si ol 1984;246:H418–34.
29. Assal i N S, Sehgal N , Marabl e S. Pul m onar y and ductus ar ter i osus ci r cul ati on i n the f etal l am b
bef or e and af ter bi r th. Am J Phy si ol 1962;202: 536–40.
30. Lef f l er CW, Ty l er TL, Cassi n S. Ef f ect of i ndom ethaci n on pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to
venti l ati on of f etal goats. Am J Phy si ol 1978;234: H346–51.
31. Hey m ann MA. Contr ol of the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n the per i natal per i od. J Dev Phy si ol
1984;6:281–90.
32. Ikegam i M, Jobe A, Ber r y D, El k ady T, Pettenazzo A, Sei dner S. Ef f ects of di stenti on of the
pr eter m f etal l am b l ung on l ung f uncti on w i th venti l ati on. Am Rev Respi r Di s 1987;135:600–
6.
Back
Appendices
P. 340
Reaching the Goal: Suggestions for Writing
Thi s book deal s w i th w hat a cl ear l y w r i tten bi om edi cal r esear ch paper l ook s l i ke w hen i t i s done.
Getti ng a paper i nto cl ear f i nal f or m i s another m atter. To hel p you m ove f r om a bl ank pi ece of
paper to a f i ni shed m anuscr i pt based on the pr i nci pl es i n thi s book , her e ar e a f ew suggesti ons.
WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT
Wr i ti ng the f i r st draf t i s di f f i cul t. The r eason i s that you have onl y a r ough i dea of w hat you want
to say. It i s onl y as you ar e w r i ti ng the f i r st draf t that you di scover ex actl y w hat you want to say.
So ex pect to spend a f ai r am ount of ti m e and ener gy w r i ti ng your f i r st draf t.
To m ake w r i ti ng the f i r st draf t as easy as possi bl e,
Reser ve a bl ock of ti m e f or w r i ti ng (3–4 hour s ever y day f or 4 or 5 day s).
Sur r ound your sel f w i th ever y thi ng you need to w r i te ef f i ci entl y (al l the data, draf ts of
f i gur es and tabl es, r ef er ences, com puter or paper, cof f ee, … ).
Wor k i n a qui et pl ace w her e you w i l l not be i nter r upted.
Deci de w hat jour nal you pl an to subm i t your paper to and tai l or the paper to that jour nal
and i ts r eader s, at l east appr ox i m atel y (f or ex am pl e, cl i ni cal jour nal , basi c r esear ch
jour nal , general jour nal ) (see Huth, Chap. 1).
Star ti ng i s the har dest par t. To get star ted, w r i te the easi est secti on f i r st. For m any author s, the
easi est secti on i s Methods. For ex am pl e, you m ay want to w r i te Methods and Resul ts f i r st, then
the Di scussi on, the Intr oducti on, and the r ef er ence l i st, then f i gur e l egends and f ootnotes f or
tabl es, and f i nal l y the abstract and the ti tl e. How ever, i t does not m atter w hat or der you w r i te
the paper i n. Al l that m atter s i s w hat the paper l ook s l i ke w hen i t i s f i ni shed, so do w hat w or k s
f or you.
You m ay not k now ex actl y w hat to say as you begi n. The ex act w or ds and even the ex act
sentences ar e not i m por tant at thi s stage. Say som ethi ng and
P. 341
then keep m ov i ng. As you w r i te, i deas w i l l com e to you. You can al way s cr oss out the f i r st
sentence or tw o or even the f i r st paragraph or tw o.
Wr i te as qui ck l y as you can, w i th no thought of f ol l ow i ng any of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es i n thi s book
or any other r ul es of w r i ti ng. The goal of the f i r st draf t i s to get som ethi ng on paper or i nto the
com puter, to captur e your i deas bef or e they f l ee f r om your m i nd, so that you have som ethi ng to
w or k w i th. So once you have star ted, do not stop. To keep speed, use abbr ev i ati ons, and i f you
cannot thi nk of a w or d, l eave a bl ank space; you can al way s f i l l i t i n l ater, i f the sentence i s sti l l
i n the paper l ater. Do not w or r y about w hether your subjects and ver bs agr ee, w hether you
changed key ter m s, or w hether your paragraphs have topi c sentences. Al l of these thi ngs can be
deal t w i th dur i ng the r ev i si ons.
It i s a good i dea to f or m ul ate your answ er and your questi on bef or e you star t w r i ti ng because the
answ er and questi on ar e the touchstones agai nst w hi ch you deci de w hat i s i n the paper and w hat
i s out, and al so how to or gani ze. How ever, keep i n m i nd that your answ er i s l i kel y to evol ve as
you w r i te your Di scussi on. For ex am pl e, you m ay f i nd that you state the answ er one way at the
begi nni ng of the Di scussi on and another way at the end. That i s i n f act a gr eat benef i t of w r i ti ng
a paper —di scover i ng the pr eci se way to f or m ul ate the answ er. Once you have di scover ed your
answ er, r ew or d the questi on to m atch i t and then w r i te an Intr oducti on that l eads to that
questi on. If you cannot m anage al l thi s m atchi ng on the f i r st draf t, that i s OK. You can w or k on i t
i n the r ev i si ons.
When you w r i te the abstract, l ook at the way you stated the questi on and answ er i n the
Intr oducti on and Di scussi on. The statem ents of the questi on and answ er shoul d be the sam e i n
the abstract, so take the easy path—do not w r i te a new questi on and answ er f or the abstract; just
copy the ones you al r eady w r ote. Si m i l ar l y, w hen you w r i te the ti tl e, l ook at the questi on and
answ er. U se the sam e key ter m s. If you use a ver b i n the ti tl e, m ake i t the sam e ver b as i n the
answ er. But agai n, i f i t i s easi er f or you to w r i te w i thout l ook i ng at the r est of the paper, you can
do thi s m atchi ng dur i ng the r ev i si ons.
If i t hel ps you to w or k f r om an outl i ne, w hether i t i s shor t and si m pl e or l ong and com pl ex , do
so. If you cannot w or k f r om an outl i ne, do not. Do w hatever w or k s f or you. But do have som e
i dea, ei ther m ental or w r i tten, of w hat you ar e goi ng to say f i r st and w hat nex t bef or e you star t
to w r i te, par ti cul ar l y i n the Di scussi on.
To m ake w r i ti ng a paper l ess over w hel m i ng, thi nk of each secti on as a separate task . Once
Methods i s w r i tten, that i s one task done, etc. Al so, w r i te l ess. For ex am pl e, w r i te a one
paragraph Intr oducti on i f possi bl e, just 10 or 12 sentences. Tw enty sentences take l onger to
w r i te, and som e of them (the ones that r ev i ew the l i teratur e, f or ex am pl e) w i l l need to be
om i tted, so tr y to save your sel f the tr oubl e of w r i ti ng them i n the f i r st pl ace. Si m i l ar l y, i n the
Di scussi on, 6 or 7 paragraphs ar e of ten enough, so tr y not to w r i te 10 or 15. One unnecessar y
paragraph i s the paragraph of i ntr oducti on at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on. For get that. Star t
by answ er i ng the questi on. How ever, i f i t i s easi er f or you to begi n the Di scussi on by r ew r i ti ng
the Intr oducti on, or to begi n the Resul ts by w r i ti ng “Fi gur e 1 show s,” do i t. You can al way s cr oss
them out l ater. The i m por tant thi ng on the f i r st draf t i s to keep goi ng.
Pr obabl y you w i l l need 4 or 5 day s to w r i te the f i r st draf t, so do not be di scouraged i f you cannot
f i ni sh i n one day. When you f i nd your sel f spi nni ng your w heel s af ter 3 or 4 hour s, stop, and star t
agai n the nex t day. If you f i nd your sel f spi nni ng your w heel s constantl y w hi l e w r i ti ng the f i r st
draf t, tr y tal k i ng i nto a cassette r ecor der i nstead of w r i ti ng.
P. 342
REVISING: USING THE CHECKLISTS
As soon as you f i ni sh the f i r st draf t, r ev i se i t. You w i l l see a l ot to change. As you r ev i se, use the
sum m ar i es pr ov i ded ear l i er i n thi s book f or each secti on of the paper as check l i sts, or com pose
your ow n shor ter check l i sts of detai l s that you have par ti cul ar tr oubl e w i th. Once you ar e
sati sf i ed w i th the content and or gani zati on of each secti on, go back and check the sum m ar i es f or
the chapter s on paragraph str uctur e, sentence str uctur e, and w or d choi ce. Pay par ti cul ar
attenti on to key ter m s and topi c sentences. Fi nal l y, check the overal l stor y i n your paper, usi ng
the check l i st f or the bi g pi ctur e. It i s usual l y at a f ai r l y l ate stage that the topi c sentences and
transi ti on phrases and cl auses that cr eate the over v i ew of the stor y ar e added. In som e
paragraphs you m ay have w r i tten the suppor ti ng detai l s f i r st and the m essage l ast. Thi s i s the
natural way to w r i te, because you ar e di scover i ng w hat you thi nk . How ever, thi s or gani zati on
m akes r eadi ng di f f i cul t, so i n the r ev i si on, m ove the m essage to the begi nni ng of the paragraph
(topi c sentence) and put the suppor ti ng detai l s af ter the topi c sentence. At a l ate stage al so l ook
f or al l possi bl e way s to condense your paper : om i t unnecessar y paragraphs, unnecessar y detai l s,
and unnecessar y w or ds. To deci de w hether to i ncl ude a paragraph, a sentence, or a w or d, thi nk of
your sel f as the r eader. “Woul d I want to r ead thi s paragraph?” “Woul d I need to r ead thi s
paragraph?” Be honest. If the answ er i s no, om i t the paragraph. Most r eader s pr ef er shor t,
m eaty, cl ear paper s. Have the courage to m ake your paper shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
You w i l l not be abl e to do al l thi s r ev i si ng on one draf t, so r ev i se i n stages. Do as m uch as you
can on the f i r st r ev i si on. When you no l onger see any thi ng to change, put the paper i n a draw er
f or a w eek or tw o—how ever l ong i t takes f or you to f or get w hat you w r ote. When you l ook at the
paper agai n, you shoul d see i t w i th f r esh, cr i ti cal eyes: “Di d I w r i te that?” “What coul d that
possi bl y m ean?” Then you ar e r eady to w or k on the second draf t. Most author s need thr ee or f our
draf ts to get a paper r eady to subm i t. How ever, do not spend f or ever w r i ti ng one paper. Sci enti f i c
r esear ch paper s ar e w or k i ng k now l edge, not poem s. The w r i ti ng does not need to be per f ect, just
cl ear.
Bef or e subm i tti ng a paper, m ake one l ast check of thr ee detai l s that ar e f r equentl y over l ooked:
Does the answ er answ er the questi on, and do al l statem ents of the answ er and al l
statem ents of the questi on say the sam e thi ng?
Is the ani m al or popul ati on studi ed stated i n the ti tl e, the abstract, the questi on or the
ex per i m ental appr oach (Intr oducti on), Methods, Resul ts, the answ er or the si gnal of the
answ er (Di scussi on), and at l east the f i r st f i gur e l egend and the f i r st tabl e ti tl e?
Ar e sum m ar i zed data pr esented w i th al l thr ee com ponents: m ean, SD, n?
For i nf or m ati on on subm i tti ng a paper and seei ng i t thr ough to publ i cati on, see Huth, Chapter s
16–19.
THE REWARDS OF CLEAR WRITING
Over the year s, as you conti nue w r i ti ng paper s, r ev i ew i ng the check l i sts i n thi s book , and getti ng
cr i ti cal com m ents f r om your col l eagues, you shoul d be abl e to w r i te better and better f i r st draf ts
and better and better f i nal draf ts, though the f i r st draf t of a paper i n a new f i el d of r esear ch w i l l
be di f f i cul t to
P. 343
w r i te. In addi ti on, as you gai n ex per i ence i n your f i el d and conf i dence i n your ow n ex per ti se, you
shoul d be abl e to w r i te paper s that ar e not onl y cl ear but al so l i vel y. Both you and your r eader s
w i l l benef i t as your com m and of w r i ti ng i ncr eases. You w i l l under stand your sci ence m or e deepl y,
w i l l f eel com f or tabl e about your w r i ti ng, and w i l l have the sati sf acti on of getti ng your m essage
acr oss and tel l i ng a cl ear stor y. In addi ti on, your r eader s w i l l enjoy r eadi ng your paper s because
they w i l l be abl e to see the f or est and not just the tr ees. Fi nal l y, the sci enti f i c l i teratur e w i l l
benef i t: i t w i l l be shor ter, cl ear er, m eati er, and l i vel i er. Al l of these goal s ar e w or th r eachi ng.
P. 344
P. 345
Revisions of Exercises
CHAPTER 1
Summary of Guidelines for Word Choice
Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be
Pr eci se.
Si m pl e.
N ecessar y .
Exercise 1.1: Principles of Word Choice
I. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be PRECISE.
(Str unk and Whi te, II. 16, p. 21: U se def i ni te, speci f i c, concr ete l anguage. )
Your w or ds shoul d be as pr eci se as y our sci ence.
N ote that pr eci se, def i ni te, speci f i c, concr ete w or ds ev ok e a m ental i m age. For ex am pl e,
“dog” ev ok es m uch m or e of a m ental i m age than “ani m al ” does. Si m i l ar l y , “patter n of
di schar ge” ev ok es m uch m or e of a m ental i m age than “r esponse char acter i sti cs” does.
Wor ds that ev ok e m ental i m ages hel p m ak e w r i ti ng easy to r ead. Abstr acti ons (such as
“ani m al ” and “char acter i sti cs”) m ak e r eadi ng di f f i cul t.
POIN T: “Com pr om i sed” i s i m pr eci se: w hat happened to r enal bl ood f l ow ?
(“Com pr om i se” m eans “pl ace at r i sk . ” A per son's chances of sur v i v al can be
com pr om i sed. But bl ood f l ow i s m easur abl e, so i t i ncr eases or decr eases. )
“Dr asti cal l y ” i s al so i m pr eci se. Sci ence i s quanti tati v e; thus, a quanti tati v e detai l such
as “by 80%” i s cl ear er than a qual i tati v e ter m such as “gr eatl y . ”
2. 5? 7? 9?
POIN T: “Sev er al ” i s i m pr eci se. How l ong i s sev er al hour s? State the m ean or a r ange.
3. i ncr ease.
POIN T: A change coul d be ei ther an i ncr ease or a decr ease. Fr om the f i r st sentence w e
cannot tel l w hether the author m eant i ncr ease or decr ease. But f r om “f ur ther i ncr ease”
i n the nex t sentence w e can see that the change i n the f i r st sentence m ust hav e been
an i ncr ease. It i s cl ear est to w r i te “i ncr ease, ” not “change, ” i n the f i r st sentence.
4. i ncubated i n, gr ow n i n, bathed i n.
POIN T: “Ex posed to” i s i m pr eci se. How w er e the cel l s ex posed? U se a pr eci se ter m .
“Put i n” does not w or k her e because the cel l s pr obabl y w er e not added f or 48 h.
5. l am bs.
POIN T: Keep the nam e of the ani m al i n the r eader 's m i nd.
P. 346
6. pr evented, bl ocked.
7. of f set.
POIN T: “To r escue” m eans to f r ee f r om death or destr ucti on. An appr opr i ate use of
“r escue” i s to say that the phenoty pe i s r escued (f r om death or destr ucti on) by som e
ev ent i n the genoty pe. In Ex am pl e 6, an i nter v enti on pr ev ents a pr ocess (i t does not
r escue the pr ocess). In Ex am pl e 7, one substance of f sets the l ack of another substance
(i t does not r escue the l ack of another substance). “Rescue” i s an ex am pl e of a “buzz
w or d, ” that i s, a w or d that i s i n f ashi on. U si ng a buzz w or d show s that y ou bel ong to
the cl ub. It i s r easonabl e to use cur r ent ter m i nol ogy , i ncl udi ng buzz w or ds, but the
pr obl em w i th buzz w or ds i s that they ar e of ten i m pr eci se. So use buzz w or ds onl y i n
thei r pr eci se m eani ng.
POIN T: “N egati v el y r egul ated” i s a v ague w ay of ex pr essi ng a concept that can be
conv ey ed pr eci sel y by a v ar i ety of v er bs.
9. caused OR r esul ted i n OR l ed to an i ncr ease i n m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e, OR i ncr eased
m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e.
POIN T: “Was associ ated w i th” i s i m pr eci se. It i ndi cates onl y that som e connecti on
ex i sts. If y ou can speci f y w hat the connecti on i s, y ou shoul d do so.
14. pl asm a that contai ned hepar i n, OR hepar i ni zed pl asm a, OR hepar i ncontai ni ng
pl asm a.
POIN T: “Wi th” i s the v aguest, m ost am bi guous w or d i n Engl i sh. Sentences 10–14
i l l ustr ate f i v e di f f er ent m eani ngs of “w i th”: addi ti on, ti m e, cause, suppor ti ng detai l ,
and com ponent, r especti v el y . Because “w i th” can m ean so m any di f f er ent thi ngs, i t i s
cl ear est to use a pr eci se ter m w henev er possi bl e. The r eader shoul d not hav e to guess
w hat y ou m ean. (N ote: “Wi th” does hav e l egi ti m ate uses. Its basi c m eani ng i s “i n the
com pany of , ” as i n “I w ent to the m ov i es w i th m y f r i ends. ” Another standar d m eani ng
of “w i th” i s “by the m eans or agency of , ” as i n “We m easur ed the desk w i th a r ul er . ” A
thi r d m eani ng of “w i th” i s “hav i ng as an attr i bute, ” as i n “pati ents w i th di abetes. ”
Fi nal l y , som e v er bs ar e f ol l ow ed by “w i th, ” f or ex am pl e, “suppl em ented w i th, ”
“com par ed w i th, ” “v enti l ated w i th. ”)
II. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be SIMPLE. (Str unk and Whi te, V. 14, p. 76:
Avoi d f ancy w or ds. )
U se si m pl e w or ds.
The poi nt i s not that bi g, f ancy w or ds ar e bad and that l i ttl e, si m pl e w or ds ar e good. The
poi nt i s that y ou m ust use techni cal w or ds, and these tend to be bi g, f ancy , and heav y .
Ther ef or e, to k eep y our w r i ti ng f r om bei ng too heav y , choose si m pl e w or ds f or the r est of
the sentence. Si m pl e w or ds usual l y hav e f ew sy l l abl es. They ar e w or ds y ou w oul d say to a
chi l d. For ex am pl e, m ost peopl e w oul d not say “uti l i ze” to a chi l d; they w oul d say “use. ”
In gener al , i f an i dea i s si m pl e, do not m ak e i t com pl ex . If an i dea i s com pl ex , w r i te i t as
si m pl y as possi bl e.
POIN T: In Ex am pl es 15–17, the techni cal ter m s (di al y si s, r epl i cati on, chr om osom es,
DNA pol y m er ases, tr ansacti ng f actor , GCr i ch sequences) ar e heav y and m ak e r eadi ng
sl ow . To k eep the sentence l i ght and r eadabl e, m ak e the other w or ds as si m pl e as
possi bl e. (N ote that
P. 347
“f em al e, ” “m al e, ” “f ol l ow i ng, ” “i ni ti ati on, ” “i ni ti ate, ” and “i ni ti al ” ar e not “bad w or ds”;
they ar e just unnecessar i l y f ancy i n these sentences. )
16. star t.
POIN T: If pol y m er ases “r estar t” r epl i cati on el sew her e (end of the sentence), they
pr esum abl y “star t” r epl i cati on her e.
17. a f i r st.
18. bef or e.
POIN T: “Bef or e” segr egati on i s used at the end of the sentence, so “bef or e” f or m ati on
can be used at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
POIN T: “Sal tator y ” i s a f ancy , abstr act w or d, unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar to nati v e speak er s
of Engl i sh, l et al one to nonnati v e speak er s. In contr ast, “dock i ng” i s a si m pl e,
pi ctur esque w or d. “Sal tator y ” cl ashes w i th “dock i ng. ” “Leapi ng” and “jum pi ng” cr eate a
m ental i m age that w or k s w i th the i m age cr eated by “dock i ng. ” If these i m ages ar e not
pr eci se, use “di sconti nuous. ”
POIN T: If the author i s w i l l i ng to say “r educe pai n” at the end of the sentence, he or
she shoul d be w i l l i ng to say “i ncr ease pai n, ” the si m pl e opposi te, at the begi nni ng of
the sentence. “Enhance” i s a buzz w or d. Its m eani ng i s v ague. Li k e “w i th, ” “enhance” i s
used f or a v ar i ety of m eani ngs and thus has al m ost no m eani ng i tsel f (see Exer ci se
1. 2).
POIN T: Ei ther use a si m pl er w or d than “subm odal i ti es, ” such as “subty pes” or
“f uncti ons, ” or si m pl i f y “som ati c sensor y subm odal i ti es” to “som ati c senses. ” The l i st
of senses poses an i nter esti ng pr obl em : si m pl e w or ds ar e av ai l abl e f or al l but one of
these senses (pr opr i ocepti on). Si m i l ar l y , com pl ex w or ds ar e av ai l abl e f or al l but one of
these senses (touch). It w oul d be best i f al l the senses coul d be nam ed by si m pl e
w or ds, but si nce they cannot, use as m any si m pl e w or ds as y ou can.
POIN T: Ev en though “per i k ar y a” and “hepatopetal l y ” ar e l egi ti m ate techni cal ter m s, the
si m pl er ter m s “cel l bodi es” and “tow ar d the l i v er ” can be used her e. Speci al i sts w i l l
not be i nsul ted by the use of the si m pl er ter m s, and peopl e f r om other f i el ds w i l l
under stand the si m pl er ter m s m or e r eadi l y than they w i l l the f ancy ones.
III. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be N ECESSARY.
(Str unk and Whi te, II. 17, p. 23: Om i t needl ess w or ds. )
U se the f ew est w or ds possi bl e. The m or e noi se, the l ess m essage. How ev er , r em em ber that
br ev i ty i s not the f i r st pr i nci pl e of w or d choi ce; i t i s the thi r d pr i nci pl e. The poi nt i s to be as
br i ef as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty . If i t tak es m or e w or ds to be cl ear , use m or e w or ds.
(For ex am pl e, see Chap. 2, “Av oi d N oun Cl uster s. ”)
POIN T: “Of hem odi al y si s” i s unnecessar y because i t i s i m pl i ed by the r est of the
sentence.
25. Ox ygen uptake i n r esponse to dr ugs var i ed consi derabl y.
POIN T: It i s unnecessar y to say that y ou ex am i ned a r esponse. If y ou f ound a
r esponse, y ou m ust hav e ex am i ned i t. Si m i l ar l y , i t i s not necessar y i n thi s sentence to
say that a r esponse w as f ound. If y ou say w hat the r esponse w as, thi s m ust be w hat
y ou f ound.
26. Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to accum ul ati on of βcateni n i n the cy topl asm . OR Thi s
i nhi bi ti on l eads to a pool of βcateni n i n the cy topl asm .
P. 348
POIN T: A pool i s an accum ul ati on. Si nce “pool ” i s a si m pl er and m or e pi ctur esque w or d
than “accum ul ati on, ” “pool ” i s f i r st choi ce her e.
27. Both of these changes w er e gr eater w hen the per i car di um was cl osed.
POIN T: The r epeti ti on i n thi s sentence i s w or se than unnecessar y : i t i s conf usi ng. We
do not i m m edi atel y r ecogni ze that the under l i ned w or ds i n the or i gi nal second sentence
r ef er to the ef f ects descr i bed i n the pr ev i ous sentence. To i ndi cate to the r eader that
these ar e the sam e ef f ects, i t i s cl ear est to use a categor y ter m that encom passes both
decr eases and i ncr eases. The best categor y ter m her e i s “changes. ” In addi ti on, add
“these” to i ndi cate that y ou m enti oned the changes i n the pr ev i ous sentence.
Guidelines for Using Abbreviations
N ote: The gui del i nes bel ow ar e f or abbr ev i ati ons m ade of the f i r st l etter of each w or d or of each
i m por tant sy l l abl e (f or ex am pl e, DN A, deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). Standar d abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of
m easur em ent (Sy stém e Inter nati onal , or SI, uni ts, f or ex am pl e, m l , k g, m i n) ar e i nter nati onal l y
accepted and ther ef or e can be used f r eel y.
Abbr ev i ati ons ar e decepti ve. They m ake r eadi ng easi er i f you k now them al r eady. If the
abbr ev i ati ons ar e new to you, they m ake r eadi ng a chor e. Si nce a si zabl e per centage of your
r eader s m ay not r ecogni ze the abbr ev i ati ons (f or ex am pl e, r eader s w hose f i r st l anguage i s not
Engl i sh, or graduate students and other s new to the f i el d), you shoul d keep abbr ev i ati ons to a
m i ni m um . Reader s can usual l y handl e tw o or thr ee abbr ev i ati ons per paragraph (and thr oughout
the paper ). Ten abbr ev i ati ons (as i n Ex am pl e 28) ar e an over l oad. So tr y to avoi d abbr ev i ati ons,
especi al l y nonstandar d ones.
When to Use Abbreviations
The usual r eason f or usi ng an abbr ev i ati on i s to r epl ace a ter m that i s l ong or unw i el dy and that
appear s a gr eat m any ti m es i n the paper. “Hear t rate” i s not l ong or unw i el dy. “N or epi nephr i ne”
i s not l ong or unw i el dy. Fi ve ti m es i s not m any. Ten ti m es i s not m any. If an abbr ev i ati on appear s
onl y 5 or 10 ti m es i n a paper, som e r eader s have to keep l ook i ng up i ts m eani ng, w hi ch hi nder s
r eadi ng. An abbr ev i ati on shoul d be used of ten enough that the r eader does not f or get the
m eani ng. One excepti on i s that a ver y l ong ter m , such as tetradecanoy l phor bol acetate (TPA),
shoul d be abbr ev i ated even i f i t i s used onl y once or tw i ce m or e i n the paper, pr ef erabl y w i thi n
one paragraph. Another excepti on i s an abbr ev i ati on that i s m or e f am i l i ar to the r eader s of the
jour nal than i s the ter m the abbr ev i ati on stands f or, f or ex am pl e, DN A, HEPES buf f er. Such
abbr ev i ati ons m ay be used f r eel y.
How to Avoid Abbreviations
Instead of an abbr ev i ati on, som eti m es one w or d f r om a l ong ter m can be used. For ex am pl e,
“i som etr i c handgr i p exer ci se” can be cal l ed “exer ci se,” i nstead of “IHE” (a nonstandar d
abbr ev i ati on), i f onl y one ty pe of exer ci se i s m enti oned i n the paper.
To avoi d “Gr oup A,” tr y to use a character i sti c to nam e the gr oup, f or ex am pl e “the hy potensi ve
gr oup.”
When i nventi ng new w or ds, tr y to i nvent shor t ter m s that do not need to be abbr ev i ated. For
ex am pl e, “endor phi ns,” was a good choi ce—f ar better than “opi ate r eceptor bl ocker s” w oul d have
been.
P. 349
Exercise 1.2: Words Carelessly Interchanged
1. af f ected.
2. concentrati on.
COMMEN T: “Lev el ” i s m or e gener al than “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ” and “content. ” It i s OK to
use “l ev el ” i nstead of “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ” or “content” i f y ou hav e onl y one k i nd of
l ev el i n y our paper , but i f y ou hav e, f or ex am pl e, both am ounts and concentr ati ons, or i f
y ou use “l ev el ” to m ean “hor i zontal state or l i ne, ” w r i te the speci f i c ter m s ev er y ti m e.
4. i ncr eases.
5. i m pr oved.
6. speeds.
9. i s.
CHAPTER 2
Exercise 2.1: Express the Core of the Message in the Subject,
Verb, and Completer
1. At the end of di al y si s, the pl asm a acetate concentrati on i n the adul ts w a s al m ost doubl e
that i n the chi l dr en.
COMMEN T: N ote that the subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n the r ev i sed sentence gi v e m or e of
the m essage than do the subject, v er b, and com pl eter of the or i gi nal sentence:
“concentr ati on w as al m ost doubl e” v er sus “adul ts ended di al y si s. ” Al so note that the sam e
pr eposi ti on (“i n”) i s used bef or e “adul ts” and “chi l dr en”; “of ” coul d be used i nstead of “i n. ”
Fi nal l y , i f both the adul ts and the chi l dr en under w ent di al y si s, that f act i s cl ear est i f “at the
end of di al y si s” com es at the begi nni ng of the sentence, because a condi ti on hol ds unti l y ou
change i t (see Chap. 3, “The Durati on of a Si gnal ” under “Si gnal i ng the Subtopi cs of a
Paragraph”).
3. Af ter the pati ent be ga n tak i ng 0. 6 g of aspi r i n dai l y, hi s ar thr i ti s re s olve d.
4. The death rate de c re a s e d pr ogr essi vel y OR pr ogr essi vel y de c re a s e d.
6. Potassi um per chl orate w a s re move d by centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g
f or 10 m i n. (passi v e)
Centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n re move d potassi um
per chl or ate. (acti v e)
We re move d potassi um per chl or ate by centr i f ugi ng the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10
m i n. (one w ay to use “w e”)
To r em ove potassi um per chl orate, w e c e ntrifuge d the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10
m i n. (another w ay to use “w e”)
7. Bl ood pH w a s me a s ure d by OR w i th a Radi om eter capi l l ar y el ectr ode.
COMMEN T: “By ” i m pl i es that the m achi ne m ade the m easur em ent unassi sted. “Wi th” i m pl i es
that the i nv esti gator m ani pul ated the m achi ne.
P. 350
8. The l i ves of ur em i c pati ents ha ve be e n prolonge d by i m pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and
hem odi al y si s.
U r em i c pati ents live longe r because of i m pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s.
Im pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s ha ve prolonge d the l i v es of ur em i c
pati ents.
9. Mi nute venti l ati on and r espi rator y f r equency inc re a s e d abr uptl y i n al l dogs as exer ci se
began.
Exer ci se inc re a s e d m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency abr uptl y i n al l dogs.
COMMEN T: N ot “Al l dogs inc re a s e d thei r m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency
abr uptl y as ex er ci se began, ” because “dogs” i s not the topi c.
10. COP1 w a s ina c tiva te d by l i ght bef or e i t w a s de ple te d f r om the nucl eus.
11. When a par ti al l y pur i f i ed TFIIH f racti on w a s immunopre c ipita te d w i th AbERCC2 under
m edi um hi gh sal t condi ti ons (0. 5 M KCl ), a tr i pl et…
16. N eur ons f r om hom ozygous p53k nockout m i ce w e re re s is ta nt to neur onal apoptosi s i nduced
by a var i ety of neur onal tox i ns.
17. D1l i ke r eceptor s pe rmit r egul ati on of D2l i ke r eceptor s.
18. These agents a c t by inhibiting the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by the l i ver.
These agents inhibit the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by the l i ver. (sl i ghtl y di f f er ent m eani ng)
COMMEN T: N ot “hepati c sy nthesi s of chol ester ol ”; too abstr act.
19. Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty forc e s (OR drive s , s hifts , dra w s ) water i nto the
cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus inc re a s ing pr essur e.
COMMEN T: “Thus” i s needed to k eep the noti on of causal i ty .
Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty inc re a s e s pr essur e by dra w ing water i nto the
cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d.
Because of thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus
inc re a s ing pr essur e.
Dr i ven by thi s di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus
inc re a s ing pr essur e.
COMMEN T: “Dr i v en by ” i s m or e pow er f ul than “because of ” because “dr i v en” i s a v er b f or m
and al so because i t i s a concr ete ter m that ev ok es an i m age.
20. Recentl y, ev i dence that l i ght c ontrols the i m por t of a potenti al transcr i pti on f actor i nto the
nucl eus has been pr ov i ded.
Recentl y, l i ght ha s be e n found to c ontrol the i m por t of a potenti al transcr i pti on f actor i nto
the nucl eus.
21. A capsul e of amy l ni tr i te was cr ushed and hel d i n f r ont of the nose f or 20 s w hi l e the pati ent
bre a the d nor m al l y.
COMMEN T: “Whi l e nor m al r espi r ati on w as m ai ntai ned” i s not as good; too abstr act.
22. Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane as a phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate is
forme d. Then cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en as the phosphor y l ated enzy m e
i nter m edi ate is de c ompos e d i nto the unphosphor y l ated enzy m e and ADP pl us phosphate.
P. 351
Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane w hen an enzy m e is phos phoryla te d. Then
cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en w hen the enzy m e is de phos phoryla te d.
COMMEN T: The sour ce of the pr obl em i n both sentences 21 and 22 i s the w or d “w i th. ” The
sol uti on i n both sentences i s to add a v er b. For Ex am pl e 22, the second r ev i si on i s best, f or
f our r easons. It puts the r eal acti on i n the v er bs (“phosphor y l ated, ” “dephosphor y l ated”). It
uses par al l el f or m (see Chaps. 2 and 3. ) It puts the contr asti ng v er bs at the end of each
sentence, w hi ch i s a pow er posi ti on (see Em phasi s, Chap. 3). It om i ts unnecessar y w or ds. If
i t i s i m por tant to m enti on ADP, y ou can add “, thus r el easi ng ADP” at the end of the second
sentence.
23. Radi cal cl eavage is m odestl y inc re a s e d at base pai r s 10–12.
24. Geneti c w or k i n C. el egans show ed that i ts BCL2 hom ol og re gula te s cel l death.
Exercise 2.2: Untangling Noun Clusters
1. Bl ood cl otti ng i n the shunt occur r ed af ter 5 day s.
COMMEN T: The cl uster i s untangl ed but the acti on i s i n the subject.
2. Inter f er ence patter ns i nduced by DN Aase I ni ck i ng cor r espond pr eci sel y to i nter f er ence
patter ns i nduced by ethy l ati on f or both of the 10bp sequences.
COMMEN T: Som eti m es a par ti ci pl e pl us a pr eposi ti on i s needed to m ak e the r el ati onshi p
betw een the nouns cl ear .
3. The pr eci pi tate was f ur ther pur i f i ed by bei ng centr i f uged on sucr ose densi ty gradi ents (OR
on densi ty gradi ents m ade of sucr ose).
COMMEN T: Al though “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ents” i s an accepted techni cal ter m , i t i s cl ear er
to w r i te i t the l ong w ay (“densi ty gr adi ents m ade of sucr ose”) the f i r st ti m e and then to use
the cl uster . The sam e i s tr ue f or “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ent centr i f ugati on. ”
4. “Regul ati on of Cer ebr ospi nal Fl ui d pH by the Bl oodBrai n Bar r i er ”
COMMEN T: N ot “pH Regul ati on” because thi s cl uster coul d m ean ei ther r egul ati on of the pH
or r egul ati on by the pH.
5. The anti gen was pr epar ed f r om w hole homoge na te s of rat l i ver.
6. T 4 sti m ul ated i ncor porati on of chol i ne i nto prima ry c ulture s of f etal l ung cel l s i n prima ry
c ulture .
COMMEN T: N ot “pr i m ar y cel l cul tur es” because then ei ther the cel l s or the cul tur es coul d be
pr i m ar y . “Fetal l ung cel l s” i s OK because i f the l ungs ar e f etal , the cel l s m ust be f etal , and
v i ce v er sa.
8. Ser um sam pl es f r om heal thy s ubje c ts and f r om pa tie nts w ho had ul cer ati v e col i ti s w er e
studi ed by (OR w i th) paper el ectr ophor esi s.
9. Ther e was no si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een l actate c onc e ntra tions i n r esti ng s ubje c ts and
i n ex er ci si ng s ubje c ts .
COMMEN T: N ot “Lactates di d not di f f er si gni f i cantl y w hen sam pl ed at r est or dur i ng
ex er ci se” because i t i s not cl ear w ho i s r esti ng and w ho i s ex er ci si ng. In sentences 8 and 9,
the subjects m ust be m enti oned.
P. 352
Exercise 2.3: Overloaded Sentences
Example 1
Mutagenesi s studi es of several MADS box pr otei ns, i ncl udi ng MEF2, have show n that the 56
am i noaci d MADS box i s r equi r ed f or DN A bi ndi ng. A 30am i noaci d ex tensi on on the car box y l
ter m i nal si de of the MADS box i s al so r equi r ed. Thi s car box y l ter m i nal ex tensi on i s uni que to
each subcl ass of MADS box pr otei ns.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence i s an ex am pl e of str i ngi ng i deas together . The i deas ar e l i nk ed
by “i n addi ti on to” and “w hi ch. ” The r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 4 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal , star ts
new sentences at these l i nk s.
Example 2
To i denti f y m ast cel l s, an adjacent secti on was stai ned w i th al ci an bl ue. The stai ni ng show s that
several m ast cel l s ar e l ocated i n the m edi a and adventi ti a r egi on of the i ntram ural ar ter i ol e.
How ever, the num ber of al ci anbl uestai ni ng cel l s i s l ow er than the num ber of cel l s that ar e
posi ti ve f or chy m ase m RN A show n i n Fi g. 5B.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence contai ns an em bedded i dea (“but not the num ber equi v al ent to
the num ber of chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s i n Fi g. 5B”). In the r ev i si on, the em bedded i dea i s
put i nto a separ ate sentence (l ast sentence) and i s r ew r i tten to cl ar i f y the com par i son. In
addi ti on, the r ev i si on uses a m or e pr eci se w or d (“ar e l ocated”) and untangl es the noun cl uster
(“chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s”). Thi s r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 10 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal
sentence, show s that som eti m es i t i s necessar y to add w or ds to be cl ear .
Example 3
A tem poral and spati al r el ati onshi p betw een l i pi d per ox i dati on and ty pe I col l agen ex pr essi on has
been descr i bed i n stel l ate cel l s. Thi s r el ati onshi p has been cor r el ated w i th an i n v i tr o m odel of
cocul tur e betw een stel l ate cel l s and hepatocy tes. In thi s m odel , af ter addi ti on of LCL 4 , col l agen i s
ex pr essed i n stel l ate cel l s l ocated near the stel l ate cel l hepatocy te boundar y but not i n di stant
cel l s or i n stel l ate cel l s cul tur ed al one.
COMMEN T: In the or i gi nal sentence, str i ngi ng i deas together cr eates a near l y i ncom pr ehensi bl e
sentence. The r ev i si on br eak s the sentence i nto thr ee shor ter sentences. It al so shor tens the l ast
sentence by om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds (“near ” i nstead of “i n the i m m edi ate v i ci ni ty of ”), thus
m ak i ng the r ev i si on 4 w or ds shor ter than the or i gi nal sentence.
Exercise 2.4: Clear Antecedents of Pronouns
1. To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was pool ed i n the subjects'
l egs by pl aci ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s ar ound the thi ghs and i nf l ati ng the cuf f s to di astol i c
brachi al ar ter i al pr essur e.
P. 353
To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was pool ed i n the subjects'
l egs by i nf l ati ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s, pl aced ar ound the thi ghs, to the di astol i c pr essur e of
the brachi al ar ter y.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeati ng “cuf f s” and al so untangl es the adjecti v e
cl uster “di astol i c br achi al ar ter i al pr essur e. ”
Thi s sel ecti ve r educti on of apol i popr otei n AI suggests that… .
COMMEN T: These r ev i si ons ar e i n or der of l east to m ost speci f i c. The l ast r ev i si on i s best
because tw o k ey ter m s f r om the pr ev i ous sentence ar e r epeated (“apol i popr otei n AI” and
“r educed”). (See Chap. 3, “Repeati ng Key Ter m s. ”) “These f i ndi ngs suggest that” i s too
v ague to be hel pf ul .
How ever, the si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted because l ar ge bol uses ar e har der to adm i ni ster and
pati ents do not tol erate them w el l .
COMMEN T: The f i r st r ev i si on i s the one the author i ntended, but any of the r ev i si ons i s
r easonabl e. The l ast r ev i si on i s l i ghter and easi er to r ead than the other s because the acti on
i s ex pr essed by v er bs and an adjecti v e (“ar e har der , ” “tol er ate”).
Exercise 2.5: Parallelism in Sentences
1. Car di ac output was l ess i n the E. col i gr oup than i n the Pseudom onas gr oup.
2. Lef t ventr i cul ar f uncti on was i m pai r ed i n the dogs that r ecei ved endotox i n and i n the contr ol
dogs.
3. Pul sati on of the cel l s or cel l m asses can be qui ck and er rati c or sl ow and r egul ar .
4. Wher eas epi dural adm i ni strati on of f entany l at a rate of 20 µg/h r educed the r equi r em ent f or
pati entcontr ol l ed bupi vacai ne, i ntravenous adm i ni strati on of f entany l (20 µg/h) or pl acebo
di d not.
COMMEN T: U si ng par al l el f or m f or these par al l el i deas al l ow s y ou to av oi d r epeti ti on af ter
“di d not. ”
5. The tubes w er e spun on a Vor tex m i xer f or 10 s, stor ed at 4°C f or 2 h, and then centr i f uged
at 500 × g f or 10 m i n.
COMMEN T: It i s OK to om i t “then” as w el l as “they w er e” bef or e “centr i f uged, ” but i t i s not
necessar y .
6. Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thei r spontaneous di schar ge
(12), thei r el ectr i cal pr oper ti es (5), and the pr esence or absence of vasoacti ve i ntesti nal
pepti de (8).
Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thr ee pr oper ti es: spontaneous
di schar ge (12), el ectr i cal character i sti cs (5), and vasoacti ve i ntesti nal pepti de content (8).
7. Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on and the output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S; i t
al so caused a net transepi thel i al m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on, i ncr eased the output of nondi al y zabl e
3 5 S, and caused a net transepi thel i al m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
8. The f racti ons w er e centr i f uged, the pel l ets w er e r esuspended i n a sm al l vol um e of buf f er,
and a sam pl e of cel l s was counted i n an el ectr oni c cel l counter.
P. 354
9. Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect ei ther on basel i ne pul se rate or on the
vagal l y sti m ul ated pul se rate.
Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect on pul se rate ei ther dur i ng basel i ne or
dur i ng vagal sti m ul ati on.
10. COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeti ti on of “pul se r ate. ”
11. An i m pul se f r om the vagus ner ve to the m uscl e has to travel both thr ough gangl i a and and
thr ough postgangl i oni c pathway s.
COMMEN T: “Thr ough both gangl i a and postgangl i oni c pathw ay s” i s theor eti cal l y OK but
undesi r abl e her e because “thr ough both gangl i a” coul d i m pl y tw o gangl i a.
12. The i nter nal pr essur e m ust depend not onl y on vol um e but al so on the rate of f i l l i ng.
Exercise 2.6: Parallelism in Comparisons
1. The gr eater stabi l i ty i n thi s study than i n the pr ev i ous study r esul ted f r om m or e accurate
m ar ker di gi ti zati on.
2. Total m i cr ospher e l osses w er e gr eater at 34, 64, and 124 m i n than at 4 m i n.
Total m i cr ospher e l osses at 34, 64, and 124 m i n w er e gr eater than those at 4 m i n.
3. We f r equentl y obser ved that m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was l ow er than m ean aor ti c
pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (m ay be nei ther decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e but not i n m ean
aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (one decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a gr eater decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e than i n m ean
aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (both decr eased)
4. The l oss of apol i popr otei n AI f r om hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati onal
i sol ati on w a s gre a te r tha n the l osses dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods.
5. Losses of apol i popr otei n AI dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods w e re s ma lle r tha n l osses dur i ng
ul tracentr i f ugati on.
6. The pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n, lik e that of subf ragm ent 1, was
hom ogeneous.
Lik e the pr otei n com posi ti on of subf ragm ent 1, the pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y
m er omyosi n was hom ogeneous.
CHAPTER 3
Exercise 3.1: Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences
Revision 1
A Capsai ci n (50 m g/k g) was i njected i nto each gui nea pi g subcutaneousl y i n tw o sequenti al doses.
B The f i r st dose was 20 m g/k g. C The second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, was 30 m g/k g. D Bef or e each
dose of capsai ci n was gi ven, anesthesi a was i nduced by i njecti on of pentobar bi tal (f i r st, 30 m g/k g
i . p. ; second, 10–20 m g/k g i . p. ). E In addi ti on, to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n, sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was i njected i nto the gui nea
P. 355
pi g N m i n af ter anesthesi a was i nduced and 10 m i n bef or e capsai ci n was i njected. F Contr ol gui nea
pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur es w i th vehi cl es.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at
the end of the sentence.
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e or gani zed m ost to l east i m por tant.
A tr ansi ti on i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence D to back tr ack to the ear l i er steps.
Detai l s of the sol uti on ar e m ov ed to the m ater i al s subsecti on.
Revision 2
A Tw o di f f er ent doses of capsai ci n w er e i njected i nto each gui nea pi g. B The f i r st dose, 20 m g/k g,
was i njected N m i n af ter pentobar bi tal (30 m g/k g i . p. ) was i njected to i nduce anesthesi a and 10
m i n af ter sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g) was i njected to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n. C The second dose of capsai ci n, 30 m g/k g, was i njected 2 h l ater, af ter addi ti onal
adm i ni strati on of pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g i . p. ) and sal butam ol . D For each dose, capsai ci n was
pr epar ed as a 12. 5% sol uti on i n equal par ts of 95% ethanol and Tw een80, di l uted to 25 m g/m l
w i th sal i ne. E Contr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur e except that vehi cl e was
substi tuted f or capsai ci n.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the subject, at the
begi nni ng of the sentence.
The m essage, not the topi c, i s the subject; the acti on i s i n the v er b.
Detai l s of the sol uti on (l east i m por tant) ar e i n a separ ate sentence near the end of the
par agr aph.
Revision 3
A Capsai ci n was i njected subcutaneousl y i nto each gui nea pi g i n tw o consecuti ve doses. B Bef or e
the f i r st dose, pentobar bi tal (30 m g/k g i . p. ) was gi ven to anestheti ze the gui nea pi g, and then
sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was gi ven to pr event apnea. C Ten m i nutes l ater, 20 m g/k g capsai ci n
was i njected. D Bef or e the second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, the sam e pr otocol was f ol l ow ed except
the gui nea pi g r ecei ved a l ow er dose of pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g) and a hi gher dose of
capsai ci n (30 m g/k g). E Contr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur e w i th vehi cl es.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at
the end of the sentence.
To k eep attenti on on the m ai n poi nt (the tw o doses of capsai ci n), the w or d “dose” i s added
i n a tr ansi ti on at the begi nni ng of sentences B and D.
Detai l s of the sol uti on ar e m ov ed to the m ater i al s subsecti on.
Shor t sentence C em phasi zes the i m por tant detai l (f i r st dose of capsai ci n).
In sentence D, “a hi gher dose” em phasi zes the di f f er ence betw een the doses of capsai ci n.
P. 356
Exercise 3.2: Repeating Key Terms Exactly and Early
EXAMPLE 1
Revision 1
A LUMPED TRANSPORT MODEL TO DETERMINE DYNAMIC BINDING
CAPACITY AS A FUNCTION OF LINEAR VELOCITY AND BED LENGTH
A The dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns depends on l i near vel oci ty ,
bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. B An e x c e lle nt
me thod of me a s uring this dyna mic binding c a pa c ity is by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of
br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. C For l ar ge m ol ecul es such as
pr otei ns, the shape of the br eak thr ough cur ve m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed
l ength ar e changed.
Revision 2
A The dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns depends on l i near vel oci ty ,
bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. B Thi s dy nam i c
bi ndi ng capaci ty c a n be me a s ure d by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent
l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. C The shape of the bre a k through c urve f or l ar ge m ol ecul es
such as pr otei ns m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed l ength ar e changed.
COMMEN TS
Repeat Key Terms Exactly
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hether “col um n l ength” i n sentence C i s the sam e
as “bed l ength” i n sentence A and “bed hei ght” i n the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y , ar e “v el oci ti es” i n sentence
B the sam e as “l i near v el oci ty ” i n sentences A and C and “f l ow r ate” i n the ti tl e? Is “dy nam i c
bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i n sentences A and B the sam e as “r esi n capaci ty ” i n the ti tl e? At best, these
di f f er ences ar e noi se. At w or st, they ar e conf usi ng. To m ak e cl ear to the r eader that the sam e
thi ng i s m eant, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
Repeat Key Terms Early
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s uncl ear unti l the end of
sentence B. The r eason i s that a new k ey ter m , “br eak thr ough, ” i s i ntr oduced bef or e w e k now
how i t r el ates to the pr ev i ous sentence. In the r ev i si ons, “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated
ear l y i n sentence B, bef or e “br eak thr ough” i s m enti oned, so the conti nui ty i s cl ear er , and the
stor y l i ne i s easi er to f ol l ow .
In Rev i si on 2, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s str onger than i n Rev i si on 1 because
“dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence B, as the subject of the
sentence. In Rev i si on 1, an aspect of “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” (“m ethod of m easur i ng”) i s at
the begi nni ng of the sentence.
For str onger conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C, the k ey ter m “shape” i s added to sentence B
i n both r ev i si ons. In addi ti on, i n the second r ev i si on, the k ey ter m s “shape of the br eak thr ough
cur v e” ar e r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence C.
P. 357
Because of these tw o changes—r epeati ng the k ey ter m “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” ear l y i n
sentence B and addi ng the k ey ter m “shape” to sentence B—the conti nui ty betw een sentence B
and the sentences bef or e and af ter i t i s cl ear er .
EXAMPLE 2
Revision 1
A Tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s acti vated
by a transcr i pti on f actor encoded by the PHO4 gene. B Whether transcr i pti on i s acti vated depends
on ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s. C When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh
phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s i n the cy topl asm and does not acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. D When
yeast cel l s ar e star ved f or phosphate, PHO4 enter s and i s re ta ine d i n the nucl eus, w her e, i n
conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor cal l ed PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on of PHO5. E It
i s not k now n how PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. F One
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2.
G Another hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to DN A. H To test the f i r st
hy pothesi s, w e ar e ex am i ni ng the subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on of PHO4 i n a strai n f r om w hi ch PHO2
has been del eted. I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that binding to P HO2 is not the w a y P HO4 is
re ta ine d in the nuc le us under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J To test the second hy pothesi s, w e ar e
generati ng a m utant ver si on of PHO4 f r om w hi ch the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n has been del eted. K Thi s
PHO4 m utant w i l l be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on w i l l be deter m i ned.
2. The poi nt that acti v ati on of tr anscr i pti on depends on ex tr acel l ul ar phosphate l ev el s
(sentence B) i s pl aced af ter the poi nt about how tr anscr i pti on of PHO5 i s acti v ated (A).
Thus, the suppor ti ng sentences C and D com e r i ght af ter the topi c sentence they suppor t
(B), and the k ey ter m “phosphate l ev el s” i n C r epeats “phosphate l ev el s” i n B.
3. “Retai ned” i s added to sentence D, to pr epar e f or “r etai ned” i n sentence E.
4. The tw o hy potheses ar e w r i tten one af ter the other , they ar e stated pr eci sel y , and the sam e
k ey ter m s ar e used i n both. In addi ti on, the k ey ter m “hy pothesi s” i s used to i denti f y both.
In sentence F, the k ey ter m “PHO2” i s i denti f i ed as a nucl ear pr otei n to pr ov i de conti nui ty
w i th sentence E. The techni que i s l i nk i ng k ey ter m s (the categor y ter m “nucl ear pr otei n, ”
w hi ch now appear s bef or e “PHO2, ” l i nk s to “nucl eus” i n E).
5. In sentence I, “i nter acti on” i s changed to “bi ndi ng. ” “Local i zati on” i s changed to “r etai ned. ”
(Actual l y , the enti r e subject, v er b, and com pl eter ar e changed. )
6. Or i gi nal sentence J (the second possi bi l i ty ) i s om i tted because the second hy pothesi s i s
stated i n sentence G.
Revision 2
Rev i si on 2 i s the sam e as Rev i si on 1 ex cept that sentence F bel ow r epl aces sentences F and G
(both hy potheses i n one sentence), and the begi nni ng of sentences H and J ar e m ade m or e
speci f i c, as show n bel ow .
F The ex pl anati on m ay be that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi nd i ng to a nucl ear
com ponent, ei ther PHO2 or DN A. H To test bi ndi ng to PHO2, … . J To test bi ndi ng to DN A, … .
P. 358
Revision 3
A, B In the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae, tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i s
r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s thr ough the transcr i pti on f actor PHO4. C When yeast
cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 enter s the cy topl asm and PHO5
i s not transcr i bed. D When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um w i thout phosphate, PHO4 i s re ta ine d
i n the nucl eus. D ' Ther e, i n conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor, PHO2, i t acti vates
transcr i pti on of PHO5. E Ther e ar e tw o hy potheses f or how PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under
l ow phosphate condi ti ons. F One hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi nds to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2. H To
test thi s hy pothesi s, w e studi ed nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 i n a strai n that l ack s PHO2.
I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r equi r ed f or the nucl ear
r etenti on of PHO4 under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J The second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi ndi ng to
DN A thr ough i ts DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the nucl eus. K To test
thi s hypothesi s, w e pl an to study the nucl ear r etenti on of a PHO4 m utant f r om w hi ch the DN A
bi ndi ng dom ai n has been del eted.
Revision 4
A Tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s r egul ated
by the transcr i pti on f actor s PHO4 a nd P HO2. B The i ntracel l ul ar loc a tion of PHO4, and
consequentl y the transcr i pti on of PHO5, ar e r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s. C When
yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s l ocated i n the cy
topl asm and ther ef or e i s unabl e to acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. D When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n
m edi um contai ni ng l ow phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s transl ocated to and r etai ned i n the nucl eus,
w her e, i n conjuncti on w i th PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on. E How PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus
i s unk now n. F One hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the nucl ear
transcr i pti on f actor PHO2. H , I How ever, pr el i m i nar y r esul ts f r om studi es per f or m ed i n yeast
l ack i ng PHO2 suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the
nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J A second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the
nucl eus by bi ndi ng to DN A v i a i ts DN Abi ndi ng dom ai n. K To test thi s hy pothesi s, PHO4 l ack i ng the
DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s bei ng generated. L Thi s m utant w i l l be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts
subcel l ul ar l ocati on w i l l be deter m i ned.
Exercise 3.3: Linking Key Terms
Revision 1
A Medi cati ons, di etar y def i ci enci es, i nf l am m ator y m edi ator s, abnor m al cal ci um m etabol i sm , and
decr eased phy si cal exer ci se have al l been i m pl i cated i n the pathogenesi s of decr eased bone
m i neral densi ty i n chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s (r ef s). B Recent ev i dence now
i ndi cates that one ty pe of m edi cati on, gl ucocor ti coi ds, decr eases bone m i neral densi ty and
degrades m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Revision 2
B Recent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi ds, a ty pe of m edi cati on used occasi onal l y to
tr eat chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s, decr ease bone m i neral densi ty and degrade
m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
P. 359
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Rev i si on A of Ex am pl e 3. 16: “The v er bB gene, an oncogene of the av i an
er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, … . ”
Revision 3
B Recent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi d m edi cati on decr eases bone m i neral densi ty
In al l thr ee r ev i si ons, k ey ter m s ar e l i nk ed the second ti m e “m edi cati on” i s used.
Exercise 3.4: Repeating Key Terms Exactly and Early and
Linking Key Terms
Revision 1
A Bl ood pr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m i nf ants, but thei r use m ay
i ncr ease the r i sk of i ntracrani al hem or r hage. B Thi s r i sk m ay be decr eased by opti m i zi ng the rate
of bl ood pr oduct i nf usi on. C Ther ef or e, w e studi ed the ef f ects of var i ous rates of bl ood pr oduct
i nf usi on on tw o indic a tors of the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , cer ebral bl ood f l ow and
i ntracrani al pr essur e, i n si ck pr eter m i nf ants w i thi n the f i r st 7 day s af ter bi r th.
COMMEN TS
Repeat Key Terms Exactly
Repeat Key Terms Exactly
In Rev i si on 1, the k ey ter m s “bl ood pr oducts” and “the r i sk of i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage” f r om
sentences A and B ar e r epeated i n sentence C. “Vol um e ex pansi on” i s om i tted.
The k ey ter m s “ti m i ng, ” “m ethod, ” and “r api di ty ” ar e r epl aced by the pr eci se ter m “r ate. ”
“Adm i ni str ati on” i s changed to the pr eci se ter m “i nf usi on. ”
In addi ti on, the k ey ter m “si ck pr eter m i nf ants” f r om A i s r epeated i n C r ather than bei ng
changed to “sm al l pr eter m i nf ants”—a v er y di f f er ent popul ati on.
Repeat Key Terms Early
In sentence B, the cl i ni ci ans ar e om i tted, thus al l ow i ng “r i sk ” to be r epeated ear l y .
Link Key Terms
“Cer ebr al bl ood f l ow ” and “i ntr acr ani al pr essur e” ar e i denti f i ed as i ndi cator s of the r i sk of
i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage, thus l i nk i ng these k ey ter m s.
Revision 2
A Bl ood pr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m i nf ants. B How ever, i f bl ood
P. 360
Sentence B of Rev i si on 2 m ak es cl ear the r el ati on betw een bl ood pr oducts and bl ood v ol um e by
addi ng “causi ng sudden ex pansi on of bl ood v ol um e. ” Thi s l i nk i ng of k ey ter m s al l ow s the sw i tch
f r om “bl ood pr oducts” i n the f i r st tw o sentences to “bl ood v ol um e” i n the l ast tw o sentences.
The k ey ter m “r api dl y ” i n sentence B pr epar es f or the categor y ter m “r ate” i n C, but these k ey
ter m s ar e not l i nk ed.
Exercise 3.5: The Value of Transitions
2. Re la tions hip: The second sentence ex pl ai ns how the m i cr ospher es w er e
pr epar ed.
N ote that f r equentl y peopl e use “br i ef l y ” f or “i n br i ef . ” Al so note that i f “br i ef l y ” m eant
“f or a shor t ti m e, ” the sentence w oul d be w r i tten “They w er e suspended br i ef l y i n 1 m l
of dex tr an sol uti on… . ” How ev er , i t i s better to speci f y the dur ati on of the suspensi on:
“They w er e suspended f or 5 s i n 1 m l of dex tr an sol uti on… . ”
Ev en though m ost r eader s m i ght guess r i ght (“i n br i ef ” i s the tr ue r el ati onshi p), the
poi nt i s that the r eader shoul d not be guessi ng. U si ng the appr opr i ate tr ansi ti on w or d
m ak es the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p i ncapabl e of bei ng m i sunder stood.
Exercise 3.6: Transition Phrases
A Hepatocy tes cul tur ed i n ti ssue sl i ces, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue or gani zati on ar e l ar gel y
r etai ned, conti nue ti ssuespeci f i c transcr i pti on at near l y nor m al l evel s i n cul tur e m edi a.
B How ever, hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cel l cul tur e, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue or gani zati on ar e
di sr upted, have sever el y al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on. C To avoi d al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on,
one appr oach has been to com bi ne ex tracel l ul ar m atr i x w i th pur e hepatocy tes i n cul tur e.
C One a pproa c h us e d to ma inta in norma l le ve ls of tra ns c ription ha s be e n… . (Thi s i s a
“N or m al ” r epeats a k ey ter m f r om sentence A i n addi ti on to r epeati ng “tr anscr i pti on” f r om A
and B.
Exercise 3.7: Transition Clauses
EXAMPLE 1
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “sol uti on–pr obl em . ” Sentence A states a potenti al
sol uti on. Sentences B and C descr i be l i m i tati ons of
P. 361
(pr obl em s w i th) thi s sol uti on. So the tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state
that sentence B descr i bes a l i m i tati on.
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es, i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B One
limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion i s chr oni c i m m unol ogi c r ejecti on, w hic h i s m edi ated
by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [3]. C How ever, the pr i m ar y l i m i tati on i s hy peracute
r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst the donor 's
endothel i al cel l s [4].
The end of sentence B i s condensed. N ote al so that the k ey ter m “x enogenei c” i s r epeated ex actl y
i n sentence B.
In sentence C, r epeated w or ds (“to x enogenei c tr anspl antati on”) ar e om i tted.
OR: B A limita tion of x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion tha t pre ve nts e x te ns ive us e i s
Re vis ion (U ses a second topi c sentence—sentence B—f ol l ow ed by a transi ti on cl ause
2 at the begi nni ng of sentence C)
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es, i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B How e ve r,
x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion ha s tw o limita tions . C One limita tion is chr oni c i m m unol ogi c
r ejecti on, w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [3]. D The pr i m ar y l i m i tati on
i s hy peracute r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst
the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [4].
Re vis ion (Reor gani zes the suppor ti ng sentences: m ost to l east i m por tant and
3 si m ul taneousl y chr onol ogi cal or der )
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on (the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es) i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B P re s e ntly,
the prima ry limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is hype ra c ute re je c tion, w hi ch i s
tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [3].
C In a ddition, in the long te rm, x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is limite d by c hronic re je c tion,
w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [4].
EXAMPLE 2
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “pr o. ” So the tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of
sentence B shoul d state that the suppor ti ng sentences gi v e ar gum ents i n f av or of i ncl udi ng
al bum i n i n the cul tur e m edi um .
P. 362
Revision 1
A Another questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B One
a rgume nt in fa vor of inc luding a lbumin is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c
pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). C Anothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n
sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the
l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . D Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch
depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . E We ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal
bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um
and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
OR: B Evide nc e for inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . C Furthe r e vide nc e is tha t… .
B One a dva nta ge of inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . C Another advantage i s… .
B In s upport of inc luding a lbumin, (Thi s i s a tr ansi ti on phr ase. ) a lbumin a ppe a rs … . C In
a ddition, … .
Revision 2
A Another questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B Tw o
a rgume nts s upport inc luding a lbumin. C One a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an
ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D Anothe r
a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th
them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . E Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease
apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . É Si nce al bum i n appear s l i kel y to
be usef ul i n the cul tur e m edi um , the nex t questi on i s w hat the i deal concentrati on i s f or m ax i m al
secr eti on of apoB. F We ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n
(f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned that
6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
OR: B Tw o findings s upport… One finding is tha t… The othe r finding is tha t… ”
B Tw o a dva nta ge s of inc luding a lbumin ha ve be e n re porte d. One a dva nta ge is … . ”
Revision 3
A Another questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B In
s upport of inc luding a lbumin, a lbumin
P. 363
ha s be e n found to be be ne fic ia l to c e lls in c ulture , a nd pa rtic ula rly for a poB s e c re tion.
C One of the be ne fits is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased
i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D In addi ti on, al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ong
chai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e
m edi um . E Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the
m edi um . F We ther ef or e tested the ef f ect of di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um
al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and
deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
Sentence B begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase and ends w i th a topi c sentence. The tr ansi ti on
phr ase states the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B. The topi c sentence gi v es
an ov er v i ew of sentences C–E by stati ng speci f i c r easons f or i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n the cul tur e
m edi um . In addi ti on to r epeati ng f our k ey ter m s f r om sentence A, the topi c sentence
i ntr oduces another k ey ter m that appear s i n sentence C.
Sentence C begi ns w i th a transi ti on cl ause, w hi ch cr eates conti nui ty f r om B to C by r epeati ng the
key ter m “benef i ts.”
EXAMPLE 3
Revision 1
A We asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B W e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated thre e s te ps in the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de : phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In a ddition, LDL
and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , but not the
HDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , w e re inhibite d by he pa rin, w hic h bloc k s binding of liga nds to the LDL
re c e ptor.
C Transi ti on w or d; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as i ndi cated by ”)
The or der of or i gi nal sentences B and C i s r ever sed, to agr ee w i th the or der i n the topi c
sentence.
Revision 2
A We asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B W e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de ,
a s indic a te d by the ir a c tiva tion of phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In addi ti on, both
LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLi nduced ef f ects on the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd e x oc ytos is , but not the
P. 364
HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL
r eceptor.
B Transi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as i ndi cated by ”)
Revision 3
A We asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B We f ound that, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d this c a s c a de , s inc e both induc e d
phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om
cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In addi ti on, LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , s inc e
both induc e d c e lls to s e c re te phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of
pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLi nduced ef f ects, but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted
by hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
B Transi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on cl ause (“si nce both i nduced…”)
Exercise 3.8: Keeping a Consistent Order and a Consistent
Point of View
EXAMPLE 1
Re vis ion 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : m or tal i ty, m or tal i ty, excepti on OR al l m or tal i ty )
A Mor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B General l y, m or tal i ty i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been
gr eater than 80%. C The onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
OR: The m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2) i s the onl y excepti on.
A Mor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B Mor tal i ty i n other cl i ni cal ser i es has been gr eater
than 80%, except f or the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
A Mor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B General l y, m or tal i ty i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been
about the sam e (gr eater than 80%). C The onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by
Bol ey (2).
Example 2
Re vis ion 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect; or der : contracti on f i r st, r el ax ati on second)
A The r esponse pr oduced by brady k i ni n al one consi sted of a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger
l asti ng r el ax ati on. B The m agni tude of the contracti on was i ncr eased af ter tr eatm ent w i th
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) and
P. 365
brady k i ni n. C How ever, the m agni tude of the r el ax ati on was r educed to 7% of that i nduced by
brady k i ni n al one.
Re vis ion 2 (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
A Contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on was the r esponse i nduced by brady k i ni n.
B The contracti on was str onger af ter i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) was added al ong w i th
In Rev i si on 2, the data f or r el ax ati on ar e om i tted. Ideal l y , data shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both
dependent v ar i abl es or f or nei ther . Si m i l ar l y , doses shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both i ndependent
v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
A Brady k i ni n al one i nduced a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on. B Addi ng
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th brady k i ni n i ncr eased the m agni tude of the
contracti on and r educed the m agni tude of r el ax ati on to 7% of that i nduced by brady k i ni n al one.
Re vis ion 4 (Poi nt of v i ew : cause; over v i ew added; data f or the contracti on added)
A Brady k i ni n al one i nduced a tw ophase r esponse: a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng
r el ax ati on. B Addi ng i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th brady k i ni n i ncr eased the
m agni tude of the contracti on by X% and r educed the m agni tude of r el ax ati on by 93%.
EXAMPLE 3
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
A Consi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that the apoB–contai ni ng l i popr otei ns (such as VLDL, IDL, LDL,
l i popr otei n [a]) ar e ather ogeni c (1). B For ex am pl e, af ter a di et r i ch i n f ats and chol ester ol was
f ed to nonhum an pr i m ates and m i ce, s e rum c onc e ntra tions of a poB–c onta ining lipoprote ins
w e re e le va te d. C In addi ti on, a the ros c le rotic le s ions de ve lope d i n the l ar ge ar ter i es.
In sentence B of the r ev i si on, the poi nt of v i ew (“ser um concentr ati ons”) i s an aspect of the
poi nt of v i ew i n sentence A (“apoB–contai ni ng l i popr otei ns”).
The topi c i n sentence B i s the subject (“ser um concentr ati ons”) and the acti on i s i n the v er bs
(“w er e”).
Si m i l ar l y , i n sentence C, the topi c i s the subject (“ather oscl er oti c l esi ons”) and the acti on i s
i n the v er b (“dev el oped”).
Fi nal l y , a tr ansi ti on w or d i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence B to i ndi cate the l ogi cal
r el ati onshi p of sentence B to sentence A. Instead of a tr ansi ti on w or d, a tr ansi ti on cl ause
that r epeats the k ey ter m “ev i dence, ” such as one of these, coul d be used:
P. 366
Exercise 3.9: Signaling Subtopics
A Di r ect am i no aci d sequence anal y si s of both the 57 and the 47 k D pr otei ns on PVDF show ed that
the pr otei ns w er e bl ocked at the N ter m i nus. B To over com e thi s bl ock , i nter nal am i no aci d
sequence anal y si s was per f or m ed on the pr otei ns f r om the SDSPAGE gel . C For the 57 k D
prote in, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of a m i x tur e of tw o cl eavage f ragm ents obtai ned af ter
tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded tw o am i no aci d r esi dues f or each of 11 cycl es:
(Val /Al a)–(Phe/Tr p)–(Ty r /Pr o)–(Val /Hi s)–(Asn/Ly s)–(Val /Asp)–(Leu/Ty r )–(Asn/Pr o?)–(Gl u/Leu?)–
(Gl u/Il e?)–(Gl n/Pr o?). D For the 47 k D pr otei n, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of an i nter nal
f ragm ent obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded 13 am i no aci d r esi dues,
cor r espondi ng w i th am i no aci d r esi dues 203 to 215 of hum an al phaenol ase (r ef ): Asp–Al a–Thr –
Asn–Val –Gl y–Asp–Gl u–Gl y–Gl y–Phe–Al a–Pr o.
“To ov er com e thi s bl ock ” at the begi nni ng of sentence B str engthens the conti nui ty because thi s
tr ansi ti on phr ase i s m or e pr eci se than the tr ansi ti on w or d “ther ef or e. ”
Exercise 3.10: Parallel Form and Signaling Subtopics
EXAMPLE 1 Parallelism in Two Sentences; Signaling Subtopics
Re vis ion (The ver si on you w oul d ex pect; that i s, the second sentence i s ex actl y
1 paral l el to the f i r st sentence. The contr ol s ar e om i tted. )
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne conver ted l oadsensi ti ve r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B) to l oad
i nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne di d not conver t
l oadsensi ti ve r el ax ati on to l oad i nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on at concentrati ons of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M
(Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data not show n).
Rev i si on 1 has tw o par al l el sentences. The sentences begi n w i th par al l el si gnal s of the subtopi cs
(“i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e”) and hav e the sam e sentence patter n: subject
(caf f ei ne), v er b (conv er ted, di d not conv er t), com pl eter . N ote that the v er bs ar e ex act opposi tes.
Other v er bs w oul d be l ess appr opr i ate: “f ai l ed to conv er t” i m pl i es an a pr i or i ex pectati on of
conv er si on, w hi ch m ay not be r easonabl e; “f ai l ed to el i m i nate” (the or i gi nal v er si on) i s not
par al l el .
Or gani zed by the ani m al studi ed; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the subtopi cs nam es the ani m al :
“i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e. ”
The l ast sentence no l onger descr i bes addi ng 3 m M caf f ei ne at 5 or 10 m M.
Re vis ion 2 (A ver si on or gani zed l i ke Rev i si on 1 but m or e conci se)
In rat papi l l ar y m uscl e, 3 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g.
1A, B, C, D). In contrast, i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e, not even 10 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad
sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi gs. 2, 3).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that i ncl udes the contr ol r esul ts and om i ts the noti on of
3 “conver si on”)
P. 367
U nde r c ontrol c onditions , the r el ax ati on of rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl es was l oad sensi ti ve
(Fi gs. 1, 2). Afte r 3 mM c a ffe ine , the r el ax ati on of ra t papi l l ar y m uscl e becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve
(Fi g. 1) but the r el ax ati on of c a t papi l l ar y m uscl e was sti l l l oad sensi ti ve (Fi g. 2) and r em ai ned
so even af ter 5 (Fi g. 3) or 10 m M caf f ei ne.
Or gani zed by the i ndependent v ar i abl e; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the subtopi cs nam es the
i ndependent v ar i abl e: “under contr ol condi ti ons, ” “af ter 3 m M caf f ei ne. ”
Re vis ion 4 (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence. The contr ol r esul ts ar e om i tted. )
Caf f ei ne had di f f er ent ef f ects on the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on i n rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl e.
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne conver ted the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B)
to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne di d not conver t l oad
sensi ti v i ty to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty at concentrati ons of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data
not show n).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence that i ncl udes, and subor di nates, the
5 contr ol )
Al though papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on was l oad sensi ti ve under contr ol condi ti ons (no caf f ei ne) i n
both rats (Fi g. 1) and cats (Fi g. 2), r el ax ati on i n these m uscl es r esponded di f f er entl y to caf f ei ne.
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve w hen 3 m M caf f ei ne was added to
the bath (Fi g. 1). In contrast, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on r em ai ned l oad sensi ti ve af ter 3
m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M caf f ei ne was added to the bath.
EXAMPLE 2 Parallelism in More Than Two Sentences
Revision 1
E Aral di teem bedded ti ssues w er e secti oned at 1 µm w i th an ul tram i cr otom e (Por ter Bl um MT1).
Revision 2
B . C Tracheal segm ents f i xed i n Boui n's f i x ati ve w er e dehydrated i n graded ethanol sol uti ons,
EXAMPLE 3 Preserving Parallel Form
To av oi d destr oy i ng the par al l el f or m i n thi s par agr aph, use a topi c sentence to state the contr ast
betw een the f etuses and the m other s and then, af ter a second topi c sentence, descr i be the detai l s
f or the f etuses.
Revision
Injecti on of nal oxone al ter ed the ar ter i al bl ood gas and pH r esponses of the f etuses but not those
of the m other s. The f etal r esponses depended on the si te of i njecti on. Af ter f etal i njecti on of
nal oxone, f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both decr eased [f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02
and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8 ± 0. 8 m m Hg, r especti vel y ]. Ther e was no change i n f etal ar ter i al
bl ood PCO 2 . Af ter m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2 decr eased (f r om
24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). Ther e w er e no si gni f i cant changes i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or
PCO 2 .
Exercise 3.11: Condensing
Revision 1
A Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye B was i ncr eased both i n the trachea and C i n the m ai n br onchi 45
and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone, D but not 15 or 30 m i n af ter ex posur e.
(32 w or ds)
C. Par al l el f or m used.
Revision 2 (to show the use of “only”)
Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n the trachea and the m ai n br onchi onl y at 45 and
60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone.
(24 w or ds)
At 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone, ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n both
the trachea and the m ai n br onchi , al though at 15 and 30 m i n i t was not.
(33 w or ds)
In al l r ev i si ons, the v er b m ust be “w as i ncr eased, ” not “i ncr eased. ” The r eason i s that
“i ncr eased” coul d i m pl y that 45 m i n w as the m om ent w hen the i ncr ease began. How ev er , the
i ncr ease coul d hav e begun at 31 m i n.
P. 369
CHAPTER 4
Exercise 4.1: Introductions
Introduction 1
Strengths
The outstandi ng str ength of thi s Intr oducti on i s i ts Law r ence of Arabi a openi ng. Thi s openi ng
awakens i nter est by usi ng concr ete w or ds that evoke pow er f ul m ental i m ages: cam el s, gazel l es,
hot deser ts, bur r ow, deser t sun.
The Intr oducti on i s ver y r eadabl e, m ai nl y because the sentences ar e shor t (8 of the 10 sentences
have f ew er than 20 w or ds).
Weaknesses
The f unnel l eadi ng to the questi ons i s not r i gor ous.
A. The f i r st sentence (A) does not i denti f y the gener al topi c of the paper . But i f the
Intr oducti on star ts cl oser to the speci f i c topi c (see Rev i si on 2 bel ow ), i t shoul d tr y to k eep
at l east som e of the w onder f ul i m ageev ok i ng w or ds.
C. A step i s m i ssi ng bef or e sentence C. The m i ssi ng step i s “So the questi on ar i ses, how do
ungul ates r egul ate thei r body tem per atur e?”
F. Sentence F i nter r upts the stor y . F does not suppor t E. G suppor ts E. F shoul d be om i tted,
or F can be i ncor por ated i nto sentence G (see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
H. Sentence H i s ci r cul ar : “bur sts” = “shor t dur ati on. ” The subject of the sentence shoul d be
“these hi gh speeds, ” r ef er r i ng to 70 k m /h, and the new i nf or m ati on, shor t bur sts, bel ongs i n
the v er b and com pl eter (see Rev i si on 1, sentence F).
I. The l ogi cal r el ati on betw een sentences H and I i s not stated. At m i ni m um , H and I shoul d
be i n one sentence begi nni ng w i th “Because. ” For f ul l er di spl ay s of l ogi c, see sentence F of
Rev i si on 1 and sentence E of Rev i si on 2.
A–G. Key ter m s f or ani m al s ar e changed. We hear about antel opes (ti tl e, E, I), or y x es (A),
gazel l es (A, F, G), and el and (F). Actual l y , or y x es, gazel l es, and el and ar e al l ty pes of
antel ope, but som e r eader s m ay not k now that. Onl y the ty pes of antel ope used i n thi s study
need to be nam ed i n the Intr oducti on, and they shoul d be i denti f i ed as ty pes of antel ope
(see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
The questi ons ar e not com pl ete (questi on 1) or cl ear l y der i v ed (questi on 2).
Inf or m ati on m i ssi ng f r om questi on 1 i s the i ndependent var i abl e (r unni ng), w hat heat
storage pl ay s a r ol e i n (heat bal ance or tem peratur e r egul ati on), and the ani m al .
The di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s m i ssi ng. Thi s di spl ay of thi nk i ng needs to
m ake cl ear how the subti tl e (“Independence of Brai n and Body Tem peratur es”) r el ates to
questi on 2 (see sentence G of Rev i si on 1 and sentence F of Rev i si on 2).
The questi ons shoul d not be cal l ed “si m pl e.”
Sentence C has a l ot of r ef er ences. If a r ev i ew ar ti cl e i s avai l abl e, i t shoul d be ci ted i nstead of
al l the i ndi v i dual r ef er ences. Other w i se, onl y the
P. 370
m ost sem i nal r ef er ences shoul d be ci ted. Keep i n m i nd that the r ef er ence l i sts i n the paper s ci ted
can l ead r eader s to the other paper s.
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s not stated. It shoul d pr obabl y be added.
Revision 1
INDEPENDENCE OF BRAIN AND BODY TEMPERATURES PERMITS HEAT
STORAGE IN RUNNING ANTELOPE
A The ex i stence of cam el s, antel ope, and other ungul ates i n hot deser ts has l ong f asci nated
phy si ol ogi sts, because, unl i ke r odents, ungul ates ar e too l ar ge to escape the sun by bur r ow i ng or
by f i ndi ng shade. B Thus, ex ter nal heat l oads pose m ajor pr obl em s of tem peratur e r egul ati on f or
them (f or a r ev i ew, see r ef. 1).
C How ever, i nter nal heat l oads m ay pose even gr eater pr obl em s of tem peratur e r egul ati on. D For
ex am pl e, a ty pi cal deser t antel ope, the gazel l e, r unni ng at 70 k m /h pr oduces heat at 40 ti m es i ts
basi c m etabol i c rate (2). E How antel ope cope w i th thi s ex tra heat i s unk now n. F Because the hi gh
speeds ar e usual l y of shor t durati on, i t i s possi bl e that antel ope m i ght stor e heat w hi l e r unni ng
and then di ssi pate i t dur i ng per i ods of r el ati ve i nacti v i ty. G Heat storage, though, w oul d r equi r e
phy si ol ogi c m echani sm s f or copi ng w i th hi gh body tem peratur e, such as pr ef er enti al pr otecti on of
nor m al brai n tem peratur e.
H To deter m i ne w hether heat i s stor ed i n r unni ng antel ope, w e m easur ed thei r cor e body
tem peratur e w hi l e they ran ar ound a track i n the deser t. I In addi ti on, to deter m i ne w hether
nor m al brai n tem peratur e i s m ai ntai ned, w e m easur ed brai n tem peratur e.
Comments on Revision 1
The poi nt about speed i s subor di nated to av oi d br eak i ng the conti nui ty (D).
A f ul l er di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 1 i s added (F).
The thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s added (G).
Questi on 1 i s m ade m or e speci f i c, r ef l ecti ng the possi bi l i ty nam ed i n F, thus el i m i nati ng the
need to def i ne w hat heat stor age pl ay s a r ol e i n (H).
The i ndependent v ar i abl e (r unni ng) and the ani m al s studi ed (antel ope) ar e i ncl uded i n
questi on 1 (H).
Questi on 2 i s m ade m or e speci f i c (I), thus f ol l ow i ng cl ear l y f r om (G) and r el ati ng cl ear l y to
the ti tl e.
The ex per i m ental appr oach f or each questi on i s stated (H, I).
Revision 2
EFFECT OF RUNNING ON BRAIN AND BODY TEMPERATURE IN
ANTELOPES
A In or der f or cam el s, antel opes, and other ungul ates to sur v i ve i n hot deser ts, they m ust be abl e
COMMENTS ON REVISION 2
In addi ti on to the changes noted f or Rev i si on 1, Rev i si on 2 states the topi c of the paper
(tem per atur e r egul ati on) i n the f i r st sentence r ather than w ai ti ng unti l the thi r d sentence, as i n
the or i gi nal v er si on, and thus av oi ds the pr obl em of the m i ssi ng step. Rev i si on 2 al so pr esents a
detai l ed di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to both questi ons (sentences E and F).
Al though both of the r ev i si ons f unnel to the questi ons cl ear l y and state the questi ons and the
ex per i m ental appr oach cl ear l y , nei ther i s as l i v el y as the or i gi nal v er si on, so ther e i s sti l l r oom
f or i m pr ov em ent. Rev i si on 1 has shor t sentences and k eeps som e of the concr ete i m ages of the
or i gi nal v er si on (cam el s, hot deser ts, bur r ow i ng, sun), but om i ts other s (or y x es, gazel l es,
bur sts) and adds som e heav y abstr act w or ds (per i ods of r el ati v e i nacti v i ty , phy si ol ogi c
m echani sm s, pr ef er enti al pr otecti on). Rev i si on 2 cl ear l y di spl ay s the thi nk i ng l eadi ng to the
questi ons but i s dul l because of abstr act w or ds (ungul ates, hi gh am bi ent tem per atur e,
m ai ntenance) and l ong sentences (f our of the si x sentences hav e m or e than 30 w or ds). Thus,
al though the r ev i si ons ar e m or e r i gor ous than the or i gi nal v er si on, they do not r ef l ect the
ex ci tem ent of sci enti sts f asci nated by thei r w or k that i s so appeal i ng i n the or i gi nal v er si on.
Introduction 2
Strengths
The statem ent of w hat i s k now n i s cl ear (A–G).
Weaknesses
The questi on i s not cl ear l y r el ated to the unk now n.
The sentences ar e l ong (m ean 26. 5 w or ds/sentence; 8 of the 11 sentences have about 30 w or ds).
P. 372
Revision
APOLIPOPROTEIN E4 INHIBITS NEURITE OUTGROWTH BY
DEPOLYMERIZING MICROTUBULES
1 A Apol i popr otei n (apo) E i s a 34k D pr otei n com ponent of l i popr otei ns that m edi ates thei r
bi ndi ng to the l ow densi ty l i popr otei n (LDL) r eceptor and to the LDL r eceptor r el ated pr otei n
(LRP) (1–4). B Apol i popr otei n E i s a m ajor apol i popr otei n i n the central ner vous sy stem , w her e i t
i s thought to r edi str i bute l i popr otei n chol ester ol am ong the neur ons and thei r suppor ti ng cel l s,
thus m ai ntai ni ng chol ester ol hom eostasi s (5–7). C In addi ti on to thi s f uncti on, apo E i n the
per i pheral ner vous sy stem r edi str i butes l i pi ds dur i ng r egenerati on (8–10).
2 D Thr ee com m on i sof or m s of apo E ex i st: apoE2, apoE3, and apoE4. D ´ These i sof or m s ar e the
pr oducts of thr ee al l el es—ε 2, ε 3, and ε 4—at a si ngl e gene l ocus on chr om osom e 19 (11).
E Apol i popr otei n E3, the m ost com m on i sof or m , has cy stei ne and ar gi ni ne at posi ti ons 112 and
158, r especti vel y (1, 12). E´ ApoE2 has cy stei ne at both of these posi ti ons (1, 12). E” ApoE4 has
ar gi ni ne at both (1, 12).
3 F The apoE4 al l el e (ε 4) i s a m ajor r i sk f actor f or sporadi c and f am i l i al l ateonset Al zhei m er 's
di sease (13–16). G In suppor t of thi s f i ndi ng, apoE4 i m m unor eacti v i ty has been detected i n both
the amy l oi d pl aques and the i ntracel l ul ar neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es seen i n postm or tem ex am i nati ons
of brai ns f r om Al zhei m er 's di sease pati ents (17, 18).
4 H The m echani sm by w hi ch apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease i s unk now n. I How ever,
our r ecent data dem onstrati ng that apoE4 stunts the outgr ow th of neur i tes f r om neur ons of the
dor sal r oot gangl i on (DRG) (19, 20) suggest that apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease
by stunti ng the outgr ow th of these neur i tes. I ´ Our data f ur ther suggest that outgr ow th m i ght be
stunted by r em odel i ng of the cy toskel eton, speci f i cal l y the m i cr otubul e sy stem . J Ther ef or e, as a
step towar d deter m i ni ng the m echani sm of apoE4′ s contr i buti on to Al zhei m er 's di sease, w e asked
w hether apoE4 i nhi bi ts neur i te outgr ow th of N eur o2a cel l s, a m ouse neur obl astom a cel l l i ne, by
r em odel i ng the m i cr otubul e sy stem of these cel l s.
COMMENTS
The m ai n changes i n thi s r ev i si on ar e i n the l ast thr ee sentences: the suggesti ons f r om pr ev i ous
data (I, I') and the questi on (J). Al l ar e m or e pr eci se, and thei r r el ati on to the m echani sm of
Al zhei m er 's di sease i s m ade cl ear . The l ast sentence (K), w hi ch states the answ er to the
questi on, i s om i tted.
Other changes:
B Addi ng “centr al ” bef or e “ner v ous sy stem ” hel ps contr ast w i th the per i pher al ner v ous
sy stem i n sentence C. Addi ng “thus” i ndi cates the tr ue r el ati onshi p.
C U si ng “i n addi ti on” i nstead of “apar t f r om ” av oi ds m ak i ng the centr al ner v ous sy stem
D The topi c i s now the subject. Im por tant detai l s ar e tak en out of par entheses.
F The unnecessar y tr ansi ti on phr ase (“accum ul ati ng ev i dence dem onstr ates that”) i s
om i tted. The sentence i s condensed to m ak e one str ong poi nt. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to
“apoE4. ”
G A m or e pr eci se tr ansi ti on phr ase i s used. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to “apoE4. ”
P. 373
H A new par agr aph em phasi zes the nex t step i n the stor y (an unk now n).
I The noun cl uster i s untangl ed. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to “apoE4. ” The stor y i s k ept
f ocused on the unk now n—the m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease.
I I ' A speci f i c statem ent of w hat apoE4 m i ght do r epl aces the v ague statem ent.
J The si gnal of the questi on i ndi cates that thi s study tak es a step tow ar d i denti f y i ng the
m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease, w hi ch i s the ul ti m ate questi on. A pr eci se statem ent
of the i m m edi ate questi on addr essed i n thi s study r epl aces the statem ent of w hat
ex per i m ent w as done. The questi on l i nk s r em odel i ng w i th i nhi bi ti ng r ather than m ak i ng
these poi nts par al l el .
Sentence l ength i s shor ter because sentences C and F w er e shor tened and sentences D
and E w er e br ok en i nto tw o or thr ee sentences. The m ean i s now 20 w or ds/sentence;
onl y 5 of the 14 sentences hav e 30 w or ds or m or e.
Introduction 3
Strengths
The f unnel to the questi ons i s cl ear (f unnel , para. 1; questi ons, para. 3).
The general questi on at the begi nni ng of sentence J f ol l ow s cl ear l y f r om paragraph 1 (and
speci f i cal l y f r om sentence E).
The general questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e (al k al osi s) and the dependent
var i abl e (constr i cti on of the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on).
The new ness of the w or k i s ev i dent f r om the statem ent of the unk now n (C–E).
The ani m al (new bor n rabbi ts) and the m ater i al (i sol ated, per f used l ungs) ar e stated i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach (K).
Weaknesses
Thi s Intr oducti on i s too l ong. The detai l s (tr ees) over shadow the stor y (f or est).
In par agr aph 2, G and H say about the sam e thi ng, so G or H can be om i tted.
In par agr aph 3, the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons (J) ar e r eal l y ex per i m ental appr oach (see
K–L) and ther ef or e can be om i tted.
The f our th speci f i c questi on i s not par al l el to the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons, so i t shoul d
be pr esented separ atel y .
The r esul ts (M) ar e unnecessar y . Mor eov er , the r esul ts ar e conf usi ng, par tl y because they
pr ov i de m or e detai l than the r eader can cope w i th at thi s poi nt i n the paper and par tl y
because of a change of k ey ter m s: the dependent v ar i abl e m enti oned i n the f i r st r esul t i s
not pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on, w hi ch i s w hat w e ex pect, but pul m onar y v ascul ar
r esi stance; how pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance r el ates to pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on i s not
i ndi cated. Fi nal l y , i ncl udi ng r esul ts m ak es the Intr oducti on r ead l i k e an abstr act r ather than
an Intr oducti on.
The answ er (N ) does not answ er the questi on asked. In the answ er, the sequence of ex posur es to
the sti m ul i (al k al osi s and hy pox i a) i s the i ndependent var i abl e, but i n the questi on onl y al k al osi s
i s the i ndependent var i abl e. Al so, the questi on does not m atch the ti tl e, though the answ er does.
Si nce i t i s not cl ear w hat the questi on i s, the Intr oducti on does not pr epar e the r eader adequatel y
to under stand the r est of the paper.
P. 374
The r eason f or usi ng thr ee sequences of sti m ul i (L) i s not stated. It shoul d be.
The statem ent of the i m por tance (para. 2) i nter r upts the f l ow of thought betw een the f unnel
(para. 1) and the questi ons (para. 3).
The w r i ti ng i s heav y because of f ancy, abstract w or ds, a l ow rati o of ver bs to nouns, and som e
l ong sentences.
Revision
EFFECT OF ALKALOSIS ON HYPOXIAINDUCED PULMONARY
VASOCONSTRICTION IN LUNGS FROM NEWBORN RABBITS
1 A Al k al osi s, pr oduced pr i m ar i l y by m echani cal hy per venti l ati on, i s w i del y used i n the tr eatm ent
of new bor ns w ho have the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on (15, 16). B Al though
m echani cal hy per venti l ati on i s of ten cl i ni cal l y ef f ecti ve i n the tr eatm ent of these i nf ants, i t i s not
cl ear w hether the cl i ni cal i m pr ovem ents dur i ng m echani cal hy per venti l ati on ar e due to the
al k al osi s r esul ti ng f r om the therapy. C The r esul ts of the f ew studi es of the ef f ect of al k al osi s on
hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n l ungs of new bor n ani m al s have been var i abl e.
D Al k al osi s has been show n ei ther to r educe (10) or to have no ef f ect (13, 14) on constr i cti on of
the neonatal pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse to al veol ar hy pox i a. E These var i abl e r esul ts m ay
have been caused by the di f f er ent sequences i n w hi ch the l ungs w er e ex posed to hy pox i a and
al k al osi s. F If al k al osi s does r educe hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on, som e of i ts
har m f ul ef f ects m i ght be avoi ded by usi ng m etabol i c i nstead of m echani cal (r espi rator y )
al k al osi s.
2 G In thi s study, w e asked w hether or not al k al osi s r educes constr i cti on of the neonatal
pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse to hy pox i a and w hether m etabol i c al k al osi s i s as ef f ecti ve as
r espi rator y al k al osi s. H To answ er these questi ons, w e m easur ed the vasoconstr i cti ve r esponses of
i sol ated, per f used l ungs f r om new bor n rabbi ts to r espi rator y or m etabol i c al k al osi s and hy pox i a
i n thr ee sequences: al k al osi s bef or e, dur i ng, and af ter al veol ar hy pox i a.
Structure of the Revision
Par agr aph A. Im por tance. B–D. U nk now n l eadi ng to questi on 1. E. Possi bl e r eason
1: f or the conf usi on descr i bed i n C–D, l eadi ng to the ex per i m ental appr oach.
F. Possi bl e sol uti on, l eadi ng to questi on 2.
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on has been gr eatl y shor tened by om i tti ng r epeti ti on, unnecessar y detai l s, r esul ts, and
the answ er .
The r ev i si on has been r eor gani zed to begi n w i th the i m por tance. Thus, the questi ons com e
di r ectl y af ter the f unnel .
The r ev i si on adds a questi on about m etabol i c v s. r espi r ator y al k al osi s (G) and di spl ay s thi nk i ng
l eadi ng to thi s questi on (F).
Thus, the r ev i si on r esol v es m ost of the w eak nesses of the or i gi nal v er si on. How ev er , the w r i ti ng
i s sti l l heav y .
P. 375
CHAPTER 5
Exercise 5.1: A Clearly Written Methods Section
TOP IC + Signa l of the Topic
Te c hnique s of Continuity
Methods
Preparation
Or gani zed chr onol ogi cal l y .
N o topi c sentences.
1 AN i ne dogs (14–25 k g) w er e a ne s the tize d w i th thi opental sodi um (25 m g/k g i . v. ) f ol l ow ed by
c hlora los e (80 m g/k g i . v. ). BSuppl em ental doses of c hlora los e (10 m g/k g i . v. ) w er e gi ven
hour l y to m ai ntai n a ne s the s ia . CThe dogs w er e paral y zed w i th decam ethoni um br om i de (0. 1
m g/k g) 10 m i n bef or e m easur em ents of tracheal secr eti on.
2 DThe trachea was cannul ated l ow i n the neck , and the l ungs w er e venti l ated w i th 50% ox ygen
i n ai r by a Har var d r espi rator (m odel 613), w hose ex pi rator y outl et was pl aced under 3–5 cm of
water. EPer cent CO 2 i n the r espi r ed gas was m oni tor ed by a Beck m an LB1 gas anal y zer, and end
ex pi rator y CO 2 concentrati on was kept at about 5% by adjusti ng the venti l ator y rate. FAr ter i al
bl ood sam pl es w er e w i thdraw n per i odi cal l y and thei r PO 2 , PCO 2 , and pH w er e deter m i ned by a
bl ood gas/pH anal y zer (Cor ni ng 175). GSodi um bi car bonate (0. 33 m eq/m l ) was i nf used i . v. (1–3
m l /m i n) w hen necessar y to m i ni m i ze a base def i ci t i n the bl ood.
3 HThe chest was opened i n the m i dster nal l i ne and a c a the te r was i nser ted i nto the l ef t atr i um
v i a the l ef t atr i al appendage. ICa the te rs w er e al so i nser ted i nto the r i ght atr i um v i a the r i ght
jugul ar vei n and i nto the abdom i nal aor ta v i a a f em oral ar ter y.
4 JA s e gme nt of the trachea (4–5 cm ) i m m edi atel y caudal to the l ar y nx was i nci sed ventral l y i n
the midline and transver sel y acr oss both ends of the midline i nci si on. K The dor sal wal l was l ef t
i ntact. LEach midline cut edge was r etracted l ateral l y by ny l on thre a ds to ex pose the m ucosal
sur f ace. MThe thre a ds w er e attached to a stati onar y bar on one si de and to a f or cedi spl acem ent
transducer (Grass FT03) on the other. N The s e gme nt was str etched to a basel i ne tensi on of 100–
125 g.
P. 376
Study Design
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant (par as. 5–8) and chr onol ogi cal l y (par as. 5–7).
Conti nui ty pr i m ar i l y f r om r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s and tr ansi ti on w or ds and phr ases.
5 OTo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s r ef l ex i vel y evokes i ncr eased
secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of
the 9 dogs by inje c ting c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto the r i ght atr i um . PCa ps a ic in was taken
f r om stock sol uti ons pr epar ed as descr i bed el sew her e (4). QAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e and
60 s af ter each inje c tion, w e m easur ed s e c re tions f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands. RAs a
contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed s e c re tion i n r esponse to inje c tion of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0
m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um . SInje c tions w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.
6 TAl though c a ps a ic in sel ecti vel y sti m ul ates pul m onar y Cf i ber s f r om w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on, i t i s l i kel y to sti m ul ate other af f er ent pathway s, i ncl udi ng br onchi al Cf i ber s, once i t
passes i nto the s ys te mic ci r cul ati on (2, 5). U To ver i f y that secr eti on i n our ex per i m ents was not
caused by s ys te mic ef f ects of c a ps a ic in, w e nex t m easur ed secr eti on af ter i njecti ng c a ps a ic in
(10–20 µg/k g) i nto the l ef t atr i um and agai n, 30 m i n l ater, i nto the r i ght atr i um of al l 9 dogs.
7 VFi nal l y , to ver i f y that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cfibe rs was r esponsi bl e f or the secr eti ons,
w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g i nto the r i ght atr i um ) i n the 9 dogs
bef or e and af ter bloc k ing c onduc tion i n both of the cer v i cal va gus ne rve s , w hi ch car r y the
pul m onar y Cf i ber s. WWe bloc k e d c onduc tion ei ther by c ooling the ner ves to 0°C as descr i bed
el sew her e (8) (4 dogs ) or by c utting the ner ves (5 dogs ). XBef or e the f i r st bloc k ing
e x pe rime nt on each dog, w e cut the r ecur r ent and parar ecur r ent ner ves so that the tracheal
segm ent r ecei ved i ts m otor suppl y sol el y f r om the super i or l ar y ngeal ner ves (14). YConsequentl y ,
w hen w e c oole d or c ut the m i dcer v i cal va gus ne rve s dur i ng an e x pe rime nt, w e coul d be cer tai n
P. 377
that the changes i n the tracheal r esponses w er e caused by i nter r upti on of the af f er ent vagal C
fibe rs .
8 ZAs a f ur ther check on the ef f ects of sti m ul ati ng (and bl ock i ng) pul m onar y Cf i ber s, i n each of
these ex per i m ents, w e al so m easur ed hear t rate, m ean ar ter i al pr essur e, and i som etr i c sm ooth
m uscl e tensi on of the tracheal segm ent, w hi ch ar e k now n to be al ter ed r ef l ex i vel y by sti m ul ati on
of pul m onar y Cf i ber s (3).
Methods of Measurement
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant.
Par agr aph 10: Fr om a com bi nati on of f our techni ques of conti nui ty . Thi s i s a m odel
par agr aph.
9 AAThe rate of s e c re tion f r om sub muc os a l gla nd duc ts was assessed by c ounting hilloc k s of
muc us per uni t ti m e as descr i bed el sew her e (8). BBBr i ef l y , i m m edi atel y bef or e each ex per i m ent,
the muc os a l sur f ace was gentl y dr i ed and sprayed w i th ta nta lum. CCThe ta nta lum l ayer
pr evented the nor m al ci l i ar y di sper si on of s e c re tions f r om the openi ngs of the gla nd duc ts , so
the accum ul ated s e c re tions el evated the ta nta lum l ayer to f or m hilloc k s . DDHilloc k s w i th a
di am eter of at l east 0. 2 m m w er e c ounte d i n a 1. 2cm 2 f i el d of muc os a . EETo f aci l i tate
c ounting, the muc os a of the r etracted segm ent was v i ew ed thr ough a di ssecti ng m i cr oscope,
and i ts ima ge was pr ojected by a tel ev i si on cam era (Sony AVC 1400) onto a tel ev i si on scr een
together w i th the output f r om a time s igna l generator (3M Datav i si on DT1). FFThe ima ge and
the time s igna l w er e r ecor ded by a v i deotape r ecor der (Sony VO2600) f or subsequent pl ay back
and m easur em ent of the rate of hilloc k f or m ati on.
10 GGHe a rt ra te , m ean a rte ria l pre s s ure , and is ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion of the
tracheal segm ent w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y thr oughout each ex per i m ent by a Grass pol ygraph.
HHHe a rt ra te was m easur ed by a car di otachom eter tr i gger ed by an el ectr ocar di ogram (l ead II).
IIArte ria l pre s s ure was m easur ed by a Statham P25Db strai n gauge connected to the catheter
P. 378
pl aced i n a f em oral ar ter y. JJIs ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion i n the segm ent was m easur ed
by a Grass FT03 f or ce di spl acem ent transducer attached to the l ateral edge of the r etracted
segm ent, as descr i bed el sew her e (1, 14).
Statistical Analysis
N o topi c sentences.
11 KK Data ar e r epor ted as m eans ± SD. LLTo deter m i ne i f ther e w er e s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s i n
secr eti on bef or e and af ter sti m ul ati on w i thi n each ex per i m ent, or si gni f i cant di f f er ences i n
secr eti on betw een the ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed tw oway r epeatedm easur es anal y si s of
var i ance. MMWhen w e f ound a s ignific a nt diffe re nc e betw een ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed the
Student N eum anKeul s test to i denti f y pai r w i se di f f er ences. N N We consi der ed diffe re nc e s
s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Organization and Continuity Within and Between Paragraphs
Thi s Methods secti on i s di v i ded i nto f our subsecti ons, each si gnal ed by a subheadi ng (Pr epar ati on,
Study Desi gn, Methods of Measur em ent, and Stati sti cal Anal y si s). Wi thi n each subsecti on, topi cs
ar e si gnal ed both v i sual l y (by new par agr aphs) and v er bal l y , and conti nui ty i s str ong. Topi c
sentences ar e used i n onl y thr ee par agr aphs: 7, 9, and 10. Sentence A i n par agr aph 1, f or
ex am pl e, i s not a topi c sentence. It i s the f i r st step of anesthesi a. A topi c sentence w oul d hav e to
say som ethi ng l i k e “Dogs w er e anestheti zed accor di ng to our usual pr ocedur e. ”
The ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on (par a. 5) i ncl udes f i v e contr ol s: basel i ne (sentence
Q) and sham (sentence R), and thr ee v er i f i cati on contr ol s: v er i f i cati on that secr eti on w as not
caused by sy stem i c ef f ects of capsai ci n (par a. 6), v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y C
f i ber s w as r esponsi bl e f or secr eti ons (par a. 7), and v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y C
f i ber s af f ected other v ar i abl es as ex pected (par a. 8). Som e r eader s m i ght not noti ce the basel i ne
contr ol because i t i s not i denti f i ed. To m ak e the basel i ne contr ol m or e noti ceabl e, “(basel i ne)”
coul d be added af ter “f or 60 s bef or e” i n sentence Q.
N ote that the num ber of dogs i s stated f or the ex per i m ent and f or each contr ol (sentences O, R,
U , V).
Thr oughout the Methods secti on, r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s pr ov i des conti nui ty both w i thi n and
betw een par agr aphs. The r epeated k ey ter m s betw een par agr aphs ar e “dog(s), ” “tr achea” or
“tr acheal , ” “segm ent, ” “capsai ci n, ” “Cf i ber (s), ” “secr eti on(s), ” and “subm ucosal gl and(s). ” In
addi ti on, tr ansi ti on w or ds, tr ansi ti on phr ases, consi stent or der , consi stent poi nt of v i ew , par al l el
f or m , and si gnal s of subtopi cs pr ov i de conti nui ty w i thi n par agr aphs.
Poi nt of v i ew i s w el l handl ed. “We” i s used onl y i n the Study Desi gn and stati sti cal anal y si s, the
stor y tel l i ng subsecti ons of Methods. N ote that “w e” appear s
P. 379
onl y i n the sentences that m ov e the stor y f or w ar d: O, Q, R, U , V, W, X, Y, Z i n the Study Desi gn
and LL, MM, N N i n the stati sti cal anal y si s. In addi ti on, “w e” appear s at the begi nni ng of onl y tw o
sentences (W and N N ), so i t i s not obnox i ous.
Thus, w e can see that to k eep the stor y l i ne of the paper goi ng, thi s Methods secti on f ocuses i n
tw o w ay s on the m ethods that answ er the questi on. One w ay i s by the or gani zati on of topi cs f r om
m ost to l east i m por tant: the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on com es bef or e the contr ol s,
and the m ethods f or dependent v ar i abl es that answ er the questi on ar e descr i bed bef or e m ethods
f or other dependent v ar i abl es. The other w ay that thi s Methods secti on k eeps the stor y l i ne goi ng
i s by si gnal i ng the or gani zati on so that i t i s appar ent. The v i sual si gnal s used ar e subheadi ngs
and new par agr aphs. The v er bal si gnal s used ar e tr ansi ti on phr ases (par as. 5–8 of the Study
Desi gn and par a. 11 of the Stati sti cal Anal y si s) and topi c sentences (par as. 9 and 10 of Methods
of Measur em ent).
Exercise 5.2: Materials and Methods
The subheadi ngs shoul d be
REVISIONS
Materials
A Al l chem i cal s and a pr ostagl andi n E
2 radi oi m m unoassay k i t w er e pur chased f r om Si gm a (St.
Loui s, MO). B 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 (speci f i c acti v i ty, 130 Ci /m m ol ) was pur chased f r om N ew
Engl and N ucl ear (Boston, MA).
C On the day of each ex per i m ent, w e pr epar ed stock sol uti ons of arachi doni c aci d (0. 33 m g/m l )
and i ndom ethaci n (16 m g/m l ) i n ethanol . D To r ul e out any ef f ect of ethanol on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on, w e i ncubated N r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus i n f r esh buf f er contai ni ng the m ax i m um
concentrati on of ethanol . E Af ter a 90m i n i ncubati on at 37°C, w e col l ected the buf f er and
m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 . F Ethanol had no ef f ect on pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on (data not
show n).
Preparation
Revision 1
A We pr epar ed r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 16 f etal l am bs (122–145 day s of gestati on; ter m i s
150 day s) that w er e del i ver ed by cesar ean secti on f r om spi nal l y anestheti zed ew es. B Af ter
ex sangui nati ng a l am b, w e r em oved the enti r e ductus ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al
ti ssue, and di v i ded i t i nto ei ght 1m m thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. C Then w e
pl aced the r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH 7. 39, contai ni ng 127
m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M MgCl 2 α 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C. D We
bubbl ed al l buf f er sol uti ons w i th ox ygen. E Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ents, w e al l ow ed the
pr eparati on to stabi l i ze f or 45 m i n.
P. 380
Revision 2
A Fr om 16 ex sangui nated 122 to 145day f etal l am bs (ter m i s 150 day s), w e exci sed the ductus
ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al ti ssue, and sl i ced i t ci r cum f er enti al l y i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. B We i ncubated these r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng
4 m l of buf f er A (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH 7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3
m M MgCl 2 · 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C f or 45 m i n bef or e al l ex per i m ents.
Study Design
A To deter m i ne w hether exogenous arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E
2 in
the ductus ar ter i osus, w e per f or m ed ei ght ex per i m ents. B In each ex per i m ent, w e m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content af ter i ncubati ng ei ght r i ngs of ductus ti ssue f r om one f etal l am b i n each
of thr ee consecuti ve buf f er s w i th or w i thout arachi doni c aci d. C Then w e cal cul ated pr ostagl andi n
E 2 pr oducti on. D The buf f er s w er e used w er e, f i r st, f r esh buf f er (basel i ne), then f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d, and f i nal l y f r esh buf f er contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c
aci d and 2 µg/m l of the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor, i ndom ethaci n. E Al l i ncubati ons w er e
done i n buf f er bubbl ed i n ox ygen at 37°C f or 90 m i n. F Betw een i ncubati ons i n the l ast tw o
buf f er s, w e washed the r i ngs i n f r esh buf f er f or 30 m i n. G At the end of the ex per i m ent, w e
bl otted the r i ngs dr y and w ei ghed them (w et w ei ght). H In ei ght contr ol ser i es, w e m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content i n ei ght other r i ngs subjected to the sam e sequence of i ncubati ons and
washes, but i n buf f er al one.
I. The new f i r st sentence i s a topi c sentence. The nex t tw o sentences gi v e an ov er v i ew of the
ex per i m ent. The descr i pti on of the detai l s (D–F) av oi ds r epeti ti on.
II. Both the i ndependent and the dependent v ar i abl es ar e i ncl uded i n the ov er v i ew . The
dependent v ar i abl e (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s i denti f i ed as a cal cul ated v ar i abl e
(C). The m easur ed dependent v ar i abl e (pr ostagl andi n E 2 content) i s al so i ncl uded i n the
ov er v i ew (B).
III. Both contr ol s ar e i ncl uded i n the study desi gn. The basel i ne contr ol i s m enti oned i n sentence
D, w hi ch nam es the buf f er s. The contr ol ser i es, w hi ch w as i n a separ ate par agr aph i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, i s i n sentence H.
IV. The pur pose of addi ng i ndom ethaci n (to bl ock endogenous pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s
added (sentence D).
V. Bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen, w hi ch w as m enti oned onl y i n the contr ol ser i es i n the or i gi nal
v er si on, i s cl ar i f i ed as hav i ng been done i n al l ex per i m ents (E). How ev er , i f bubbl i ng w i th
ox y gen i s i ncl uded i n the pr epar ati on subsecti on (as i n Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on), change
sentence E i n the Study Desi gn to “Al l i ncubati ons w er e done at 37°C f or 90 m i n. ”
VI. The sam pl e si ze i s not cl ear i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Or i gi nal sentence E say s that ei ght r i ngs
of ductus ar ter i osus w er e i ncubated. Or i gi nal sentence L m enti ons a m ean “per ex per i m ent. ”
It i s not cl ear i f one ex per i m ent equal s one r i ng or i f m or e than one ex per i m ent usi ng ei ght
r i ngs w as done. We can guess that one r i ng cannot be one ex per i m ent, because
pr ostagl andi n E 2 w as
P. 381
m easur ed i n the buf f er sol uti on, to w hi ch al l ei ght r i ngs contr i buted. So one sequence of
i ncubati ons m ust be one ex per i m ent. The num ber of such sequences i s not stated i n the
or i gi nal v er si on. It shoul d be added. The r ev i si on m ak es the sam pl e si ze cl ear : ei ght
ex per i m ents, each done on ei ght r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus tak en f r om one f etal l am b.
VII. Or i gi nal sentence L, w hi ch tel l s the m ean w ei ght of the r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus, seem s
l i k e a r esul t, and thus seem s i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on. How ev er , the w ei ght of
the r i ngs i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on and ther ef or e i s not desi r abl e i n the
Resul ts secti on. Rather , the m ean w et w ei ght i s a v al ue used to ex pr ess pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on. Ther ef or e, i t i s m or e usef ul i n the Methods secti on than i n the Resul ts. One
opti on i s to i ncl ude the m ean w et w ei ght i n Pr epar ati on (see abov e).
Calculations
A We cal cul ated pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E
2 as m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 content nor m al i zed
to ti ssue w ei ght and cor r ected f or per cent r ecover y : pg content per m g ductal ti ssue per m i n
i ncubati on/% r ecover y. B Bef or e m easur i ng pr ostagl andi n E 2 content, w e pur i f i ed the
pr ostagl andi ns f r om each buf f er sol uti on by f i r st aci di f y i ng the sol uti ons to pH 3. 5 w i th 1 N ci tr i c
aci d, then ex tracti ng the pr ostagl andi ns i n a 1:1 m i x tur e of cycl ohex ane and ethy l acetate, and
f i nal l y r unni ng the pr ostagl andi ns thr ough si l i ci c aci d m i cr ocol um ns (4). C To m easur e
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content, w e per f or m ed a radi oi m m unoassay usi ng a speci f i c rabbi t anti ser um
agai nst an al bum i nconjugated pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr eparati on. D To cal cul ate per cent r ecover y (the
am ount of pr ostagl andi n E 2 content r etai ned dur i ng the pur i f i cati on pr ocess), w e added a k now n
am ount of 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 to each buf f er sol uti on bef or e the pur i f i cati on pr ocess and then
com par ed the radi oacti v i ty m easur ed bef or e and af ter pur i f i cati on. E Recover y of pr ostagl andi n E 2
ranged f r om 50 to 70%. F We r epor t pr osta gl andi n E 2 pr oducti on as pg pr ostagl andi n E 2 per m g
w et w ei ght ti ssue per 90m i n i ncubati on.
I. The f i r st sentence of the r ev i sed cal cul ati ons subsecti on i s a str onger topi c sentence than i n
the or i gi nal v er si on. Thi s topi c sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew that states how the dependent
v ar i abl e i n the questi on (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) w as cal cul ated.
II. The detai l s ar e r eor gani zed i n chr onol ogi cal or der : f i r st a pr el i m i nar y step (pur i f i cati on)
(B); then deter m i nati on of the tw o com ponents of the cal cul ati on: m easur em ent of content
(C) and cal cul ati on of r ecov er y (D), the sam e or der as i n the topi c sentence. The l ast tw o
sentences (per cent r ecov er y of pr ostagl andi n E 2 and how pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on i s
r epor ted) ar e i n the or i gi nal or der .
III. Per cent r ecov er y i s def i ned i n sentence D. In addi ti on, the detai l s of each step ar e pul l ed
together i nto one sentence, and the step i s i denti f i ed at the begi nni ng of the sentence (B–
D). Fi nal l y , “a k now n am ount” i s added i n sentence D to cl ar i f y the cal cul ati on of r ecov er y .
IV. Tw o pi eces of i nf or m ati on i n the cal cul ati on subsecti on at f i r st seem i nappr opr i ate to the
Methods secti on: or i gi nal sentences S and W. Sentence S tel l s the per cent r ecov er y of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 , w hi ch seem s l i k e a r esul t. How ev er , i t i s not a r esul t that answ er s the
questi on. Rather , i t tel l s som ethi ng
P. 382
about the m ater i al the author i s w or k i ng w i th and thus i s appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on.
Sentence W states that the m ax i m um concentr ati on of ethanol had no ef f ect on
pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on. Agai n, thi s i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on. Know i ng
that ethanol had no ef f ect bel ongs i n Methods because i t i ndi cates a v al i d ex per i m ental
desi gn.
Thus, i nf or m ati on that l ook s l i k e r esul ts but does not hel p answ er the questi on i s m or e
appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on than i n Resul ts.
Thi s r ev i si on uses “w e” thr oughout ex cept i n the f i r st par agr aph, to av oi d star ti ng the Methods
secti on w i th “w e. ” In the r em ai ni ng par agr aphs, “w e” i s used i n m ost sentences, but appear s at
the begi nni ng of a sentence as i nf r equentl y as possi bl e: ei ther zer o ti m es (second par agr aph of
Mater i al s), once (Rev i si on 2 of Pr epar ati on; Study Desi gn), or tw i ce (Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on;
Cal cul ati ons). The m ai n techni que used to av oi d putti ng “w e” at the begi nni ng of a sentence i s to
put a tr ansi ti on w or d or phr ase i ndi cati ng ti m e sequence or pur pose at the begi nni ng of the
sentence. See, f or ex am pl e, sentences C and D of Mater i al s.
CHAPTER 6
Exercise 6.1: Results
Paragraph 1
Re vis ion 1 (Laundr y l i st; poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e)
Bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds of the seven obese subjects i ncr eased m or e af ter 21 day s of the
pr otei n di et than af ter 21 day s of the m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n l evel s and m ean pl asm a
gl ucose both decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et. Pl asm a gl ucagon
di d not change af ter ei ther di et.
(56 w or ds)
Af ter the 21day pr otei n di et, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased m or e and pl asm a i nsul i n
and gl ucose decr eased m or e than af ter the 21day m i xed di et i n the seven obese subjects (Fi g.
1). Pl asm a gl ucagon l evel s w er e no di f f er ent.
(40 w or ds)
Re vis ion 3 (Ef f ects and com par i sons separated; poi nt of v i ew : i ndependent var i abl e)
Both di ets i ncr eased bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i n the seven obese subjects af ter 21 day s, but
the pur e pr otei n di et caused l ar ger i ncr eases than the m i xed di et di d (Fi g. 1). Both di ets
decr eased pl asm a i nsul i n and pl asm a gl ucose; agai n, the pur e pr otei n di et had a gr eater ef f ect.
N ei ther di et changed pl asm a gl ucagon.
(53 w or ds)
Re vis ion 4 (Topi c sentence added)
P. 383
Subs tra te a nd hormone le ve ls in the s e ve n obe s e s ubje c ts w e re a lte re d more by the 21da y
prote in die t tha n by the 21da y mix e d die t. Speci f i cal l y, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased
m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n concentrati ons and
pl asm a gl ucose concentrati ons decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et.
Pl asm a gl ucagon concentrati ons w er e not changed af ter ei ther di et.
(71 w or ds)
Substrate and hor m one l evel s i n the seven obese subjects w er e al ter ed m or e by the 21day
pr otei n di et than by the 21day m i xed di et (Fi g. 1).
(27 w or ds)
N ote: We do not actual l y k now i f gl ucose decr eased—onl y that i t w as l ess af ter the pr otei n di et.
Condensing Techniques
The f i r st thr ee r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 1 f r om 242 w or ds to 40–56 w or ds by
hangi ng the gr aph f or pl asm a i nsul i n to actual v al ues, not changes f r om basel i ne, thus
av oi di ng the need to gi v e basel i ne v al ues i n the tex t.
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and ci ti ng the f i gur e at the end
of the f i r st r esul t.
Changes in Continuity
“Pr otei n di et, ” not “w hen car bohy dr ate w as el i m i nated” (or i gi nal sentence E).
“Mi x ed di et, ” not “car bohy dr atecontai ni ng di et” (or i gi nal sentence B). (Si m i l ar l y , i f the data
w er e k ept i n the tex t, the uni t of m easur em ent f or k etone aci ds shoul d be the sam e i n the
tex t and i n the f i gur e, not m m ol i n the tex t and m M i n the f i gur e).
The or der of com par i sons i s consi stent: al l com par i sons ar e f r om the pr otei n di et to the
m i x ed di et. (In the or i gi nal v er si on, the com par i son f or gl ucose i s f r om the m i x ed di et to
the pr otei n di et. Som e r eader s pr obabl y m i sr ead thi s com par i son as say i ng that pl asm a
gl ucose w as gr eater af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i x ed di et. )
BEST PARAGRAPH
Par agr aphs 3 and 4 ar e pr obabl y the best par agr aphs i n thi s Resul ts secti on. How ev er , m ost
r eader s thi nk par agr aphs 4 and 5 ar e the best, pr obabl y because these ar e the onl y tw o
par agr aphs that do not begi n w i th a f i gur e l egend.
Par agr aph 4 has m any str engths. It i s shor t, i t begi ns w i th a r esul t (not a f i gur e l egend), data
and stati sti cal detai l s ar e subor di nated (though the data shoul d be separ ated f r om the r esul ts by
par entheses, not by com m as), and an i dea of the m agni tude of a di f f er ence i s gi v en (“20%
gr eater ”). In addi ti on, k ey ter m s nam i ng the di ets ar e consi stent, the poi nt of v i ew i n the thr ee
sentences i s consi stent, the thr ee sentences ar e appr opr i atel y i n par al l el f or m ,
P. 384
the topi c of each sentence i s si gnal ed by the k ey ter m at the begi nni ng, and tr ansi ti on w or ds ar e
used to i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps betw een the sentences. How ev er , the l ogi c i s not
r i gor ous. The “how ev er ” at the begi nni ng of the second sentence r eal l y appl i es to the i dea i n the
thi r d sentence. Thus, the l ast tw o sentences shoul d r ead, “How ev er , because the cal cul ated
w ei ght l oss attr i butabl e to f l ui d l osses af ter the pr otei n di et w as al so gr eater than that af ter the
m i x ed di et, the esti m ated nonf l ui d w ei ght l oss af ter the pr otei n di et w as no di f f er ent f r om that
af ter the m i x ed di et. ”
Par agr aph 5 i s not as cl ear as par agr aph 4. Par agr aph 5 has som e of the sam e str engths as
par agr aph 4. It begi ns w i th a r esul t, i t subor di nates data, and i t k eeps the nam es of the di ets
consi stent. How ev er , par agr aph 5 has a conf usi ng l ack of si gnal s of the topi c at the begi nni ng of
the f i r st tw o sentences, w hi ch m ak es the contr ast di f f i cul t to see. In addi ti on, the poi nt of v i ew
i n the tw o sentences i s di f f er ent: sentence U , bl ood pr essur e v al ues; sentence V, f al l i n sy stol i c
bl ood pr essur e. Fi nal l y , “ex agger ated postur al decl i ne” i s unnecessar i l y f ancy and changes the
k ey ter m . Thi s par agr aph can be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y and si m pl y as f ol l ow s:
5 When the subjects w er e supi ne, bl ood pr essur e was not si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om pr edi et
val ues af ter ei ther the pr otei n di et (119 ± 5/72 ± 4 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 2 m m Hg) or the m i xed di et
(114 ± 3/71 ± 3 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 3 m m Hg). How ever, w hen the subjects stood f or 2, 5, or 10
m i n, bl ood pr essur e decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (by 28 ± 3
v s. 18 ± 3 m m Hg, P < 0. 02). The decr ease i n bl ood pr essur e was accom pani ed by an i ncr ease i n
adver se sy m ptom s i n al l seven subjects af ter the pr otei n di et but i n onl y one of the seven
subjects af ter the m i xed di et.
Reader s r ar el y choose par agr aph 3 as the best par agr aph i n thi s Resul ts secti on, pr obabl y
because i t begi ns w i th a f i gur e l egend and contai ns a l ot of data. How ev er , i f the f i r st sentence
(f i gur e l egend) i s om i tted, par agr aph 3 i s qui te cl ear . The i m por tant r esul t—the m i ner al bal ance
that changed—i s gi v en f i r st (sentence P). Then the m i ner al bal ances that di d not change ar e
gr ouped i n a si ngl e statem ent (sentence Q). Al though the data ar e num er ous, they ar e l i sted at
the end of the par agr aph, so r eader s can stop r eadi ng i f they ar e not i nter ested. A separ ate tabl e
f or these data i s not adv i sabl e because these data do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Par agr aph 2 i s not the best par agr aph because i t contai ns a f ai r am ount of i nf or m ati on that can
be om i tted or condensed. The f i r st sentence i s a f i gur e l egend, w hi ch i s unnecessar y . Sentences
I–K can be condensed by about onethi r d. For ex am pl e, “N ei ther m ean dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance nor
the ni tr ogen bal ance dur i ng the f i r st or l ast w eek of the pr otei n di et w as si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent
f r om the cor r espondi ng v al ues f or the m i x ed di et (m ean, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 v s. 2. 6 ± 0. 4 g per day ; f i r st
w eek , 4. 9 ± 0. 5 v s. 4. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day ; and l ast w eek , 1. 0 ± 0. 6 v s. 1. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day , P >
0. 1). How ev er , ni tr ogen bal ance w as m or e negati v e dur i ng the f i r st w eek than dur i ng the l ast
w eek . ” Sentence L states a m ethod. The m ethod shoul d be subor di nated to the r esul t i n the nex t
sentence. For ex am pl e, “In the subject gi v en each di et f or 5½ w eek s, dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance w as
si m i l ar af ter the tw o di ets (Fi g. 3). ”
Another questi on that can be r ai sed about thi s Resul ts secti on i s w hether the or der of the
par agr aphs i s opti m al . The topi cs i n the questi on ar e ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne, so these ar e the topi cs w e w oul d ex pect to see i n the Resul ts
secti on. Why the Resul ts secti on begi ns w i th substr ate and hor m one l ev el s i s not cl ear . Si m i l ar l y ,
w hy w ei ght l oss com es af ter r esul ts f or ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bef or e r esul ts f or bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne i s not cl ear .
P. 385
Paragraph 6
Rev i si on 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e)
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, f el l
bel ow pr edi et val ues af ter the pr otei n di et but not af ter the m i xed di et. How ever, the l ow er
concentrati ons occur r ed onl y w hen the subjects l ay supi ne or af ter the subjects stood f or 2 m i n
(Fi g. 5). Af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons w er e
no di f f er ent f r om those bef or e the di et.
(67 w or ds)
Rev i si on 2 (Poi nt of v i ew i n the topi c sentence: i ndependent var i abl e)
Onl y the pr otei n di et had an ef f ect on pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne. Af ter the pr otei n di et, pl asm a
nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, w er e l ow er
than bef or e the di et both w hen subjects w er e supi ne and af ter they stood f or 2 m i n (Fi g. 5).
How ever, af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the concentrati ons w er e equal to those bef or e
the pr otei n di et.
(65 w or ds)
Changes in Content
Each r ev i si on m ak es the contr ast cl ear i n a topi c sentence. Si nce each topi c sentence
i ndi cates that the m i x ed di et had no ef f ect on nor epi nephr i ne concentr ati ons, i t i s
unnecessar y to gi v e detai l s of r esul ts f or the m i x ed di et. Thus, both r ev i si ons condense the
r esul ts.
Al l r esul ts ar e about concentr ati ons, not som e about concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentence AA)
and som e about i ncr eases i n the concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentences Z and BB). Thus, the
contr ast i s cl ear .
In addi ti on, the r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 6 (f r om 104 w or ds to 67 or 65 w or ds) by
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend and ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the f i r st speci f i c r esul t, and by
om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds.
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne i s i denti f i ed as an i ndi cator of sy m patheti c ner v ous acti v i ty (by the
techni que of l i nk i ng k ey ter m s), thus m ak i ng the connecti on to the questi on cl ear .
Figure Citation
In both r ev i si ons, the f i gur e coul d be ci ted af ter the topi c sentence, si nce the topi c sentence
gi v es a speci f i c r esul t. But si nce the second sentence r ef i nes the poi nt m ade i n the topi c
sentence, by l i m i ti ng the change to tw o ti m e per i ods, ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the second sentence
gi v es the r eader a better i dea of w hat to l ook f or i n the f i gur e.
Change in Continuity
The pr otei n di et i s m enti oned bef or e the m i x ed di et, so the or der i n the com par i son i s the sam e
as that i n par agr aphs 1, 3, 4, and 5.
Word Choice
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “w i th” i n “i n r esponse to standi ng w i th the hy pocal or i c m i x ed di et”
(sentence Z) i s not cl ear .
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “obser v ed” (sentence Z) and “i ni ti ati on of ” and “ther apy ” (sentences
Z and AA) ar e unnecessar y .
P. 386
Exercise 6.2: Results
Revision
1 AW e w a nte d to de te rmine w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of
phos pholipa s e C by thrombin a nd P DG F in va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls a re diffe re nt from
e a c h othe r. A'Sinc e both thrombin a nd P DG F a ffe c t phos pholipid me ta bolis m (re f), w e firs t
e x a mine d the time c ours e for produc tion of IP 3 , IP 2 , a nd IP , thre e produc ts of the
e nzyma tic re a c tion c a ta lyze d by phos pholipa s e C, in re s pons e to thrombin a nd P DG F. A”We
f ound that thr om bi n (1 U /m l ) rapi dl y i ncr eased pr oducti on of IP 3 , IP 2 , and IP i n a sequenti al
m anner. BThe i ncr eases i n IP 3 and IP 2 pr oducti on w er e transi ent, r eachi ng a peak at 30 and 60 s,
r especti vel y, and decl i ni ng to near pr esti m ul ator y val ues w i thi n 5 m i n (Fi g. 1). CIn m ar ked
contrast to thr om bi n, PDGF (7. 5 nM) caused a sustai ned i ncr ease i n the pr oducti on of al l thr ee
m etabol i tes f or 6 m i n of sti m ul ati on. DNe x t, be c a us e IP 3 c a us e s the re le a s e of c a lc ium from
intra c e llula r s tora ge , w e e x a mine d the time c ours e for c a lc ium mobiliza tion. D'Consi stent
w i th the ti m e cour se f or IP 3 pr oducti on, thr om bi n caused a transi ent i ncr ease i n i ntracel l ul ar
[Ca 2 + ], w her eas PDGF caused a sustai ned i ncr ease (Fi g. 2). EThe di f f er ent ti m e cour ses of the
i ncr eases i nduced by thr om bi n and by P DG F suggest that the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm s f or
acti v ati on of phosphol i pase C by these tw o m i togens m i ght be di f f er ent.
2 FOne diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms might re la te to the
involve me nt of G prote ins . F'To deter m i ne w hether G pr otei ns ar e i nvol ved, w e used per tussi s
tox i n, w hi ch m odi f i es the f uncti on of som e G pr otei ns. GWe f ound that per tussi s tox i n
si gni f i cantl y bl unted the thr om bi ni nduced i ncr eases i n IP 3 (Fi g. 1) and i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g.
2), i ndi cati ng that a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on
m echani sm f or thr om bi n. HIn contrast, per tussi s tox i n di d not af f ect the PDGFi nduced i ncr eases
i n ei ther the pr oducti on of IP 3 (Fi g. 1) or i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that ei ther no G
pr otei n or a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on
m echani sm f or PDGF.
3 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by
P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of
G TP γS, a s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote inme dia te d re s pons e s by
dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3 pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g.
3). LThus, unl i k e thr om bi n, PDGF m ay use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n f or acti v ati on of
phosphol i pase C.
4 MTo s upport the notion tha t a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in is involve d in the
s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for P DG F, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te )
(G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G prote inme dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by
c ompe ting w ith G TP for binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n uses a per tussi s tox i n–
sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e
cel l s, PDGF appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
P. 387
5 PAn a dditiona l c ha ra c te ris tic of G prote in–me dia te d a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome
s ys te ms is tha t the y a re ofte n s ubje c t to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in k ina s e C.
P'The re fore a s e c ond diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion
of phos pholipa s e C by thrombin a nd P DG F might be tha t the s e me c ha nis ms a re not e qua lly
s e ns itive to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in k ina s e C. P”To c he c k this pos s ibility, w e te s te d
the prote in k ina s e C s timula tor, phorbol 12myris ta te 13a c e ta te (P MA), w hic h blunts G
prote in–me dia te d a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms (19). QWe f ound that, i n
vascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, PMA str ongl y i nhi bi ted thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGFi nduced, IP 3
pr oducti on (Fi g. 5). RPMA di d not af f ect basal pr oducti on of IP 3 (200 v s. 215 cpm /di sh).
S Consi stent w i th i ts ef f ect on IP
3 pr oducti on, PMA bl unted thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGF
i nduced, Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on (Fi g. 6). T Thi s ef f ect of PMA r equi r es f uncti onal pr otei n k i nase C,
si nce PMA di d not i nhi bi t thr om bi ni nduced Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on i n cel l s that w er e m ade def i ci ent i n
pr otei n k i nase C acti v i ty (data not show n). T'Thus, w her eas the si gnal transducti on m echani sm
f or thr om bi n i s inhibite d by pr otei n k i nase C, the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF i s not.
6 U Sinc e P MA ha s be e n s ugge s te d to a c t on s e ve ra l ta rge ts , inc luding the binding of a
hormone to its re c e ptor, w e pe rforme d re c e ptorbinding s tudie s us ing 125 Ithrombin to s e e
if thrombin re c e ptors a re the ta rge t of P MA. VAcute PMA tr eatm ent di d not af f ect ei ther the
di ssoci ati on constant (K D ) f or thr om bi n or the m ax i m al bi ndi ng (B max ) f or thr om bi n (Fi g. 7).
WThus, PMA m ust act by i nter f er i ng w i th one or m or e ev ents di stal to the bi ndi ng of thr om bi n to
i ts r eceptor .
7 XAnothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in its e lf. YTo inve s tiga te this
pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γSinduc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e .
ZGTPγ S caused a pr ogr essi ve r el ease of i nosi tol phosphate, w hi ch was i nhi bi ted by 55% by PMA
tr eatm ent (Fi g. 8), suggesti ng that PMA i nhi bi ts thr om bi ni nduced cel l ul ar r esponses by af f ecti ng
the f uncti on of the G pr otei n di r ectl y .
3–4 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C
by P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of
G TP γS, a s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote in–me dia te d re s pons e s by
dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3 pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g.
3). MTo c onfirm the e ffe c t of G TP γS, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te )
(G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by
c ompe ting w ith G TP for binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n uses a per tussi s tox i n–
sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e
cel l s, PDGF appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
P. 388
COMMENTS ON THE REVISIONS
The f ol l ow i ng changes m ak e the stor y l i ne cl ear er :
Par a. 1
A, A'. Addi ng the questi on, the r eason, and an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent, and l i nk i ng
of the k ey ter m s “IP 3 , IP 2 , and IP” and “phosphol i pase C” at the begi nni ng.
D. Addi ng the r eason and an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent f or the cal ci um ex per i m ent.
A”. Addi ng a si gnal of the r esul ts (al so added i n par as. 2 and 4).
Par a. 2
F, F'. Addi ng a topi c sentence to state w hat the di f f er ence m i ght be and m ak i ng the
questi on m or e speci f i c, thus pr epar i ng the r eader to hear about G pr otei ns.
H. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er f or PDGF at the end of par agr aph 2, to pr epar e f or
par agr aph 3 (and m ak i ng the answ er f or PDGF par al l el to the answ er f or thr om bi n).
Par a. 3
I. Cal l i ng the m echani sm “the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm , ” not the “per tussi s tox i n–
i nsensi ti v e m echani sm , ” to av oi d assum i ng the r esul t bef or e doi ng the ex per i m ent, and
changi ng the questi on to “m i ght i nv ol v e a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n, ” to be
consi stent w i th the answ er at the end of par agr aph 2.
L. Changi ng the answ er to state a di f f er ence betw een the tw o m echani sm s r ather than
a si m i l ar i ty , thus answ er i ng the questi on ask ed at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
r estati ng the questi on of the paper .
Par a. 4
M. Ei ther m ov i ng the pur pose f r om the second sentence to the begi nni ng or (better )
¶3 and 4. putti ng the contr ol i n the sam e par agr aph as the ex per i m ent.
Par a. 5
P, P', P”. Addi ng a sentence of back gr ound and the m i ssi ng questi on i n par agr aph 5,
f ol l ow ed by a tr ansi ti on phr ase (“To check thi s possi bi l i ty ”) to i denti f y the questi on
(stated as a possi bi l i ty ) i n P'.
A cr uci al poi nt i s that the questi on i n P' i s par al l el to the questi on i n F at the begi nni ng
of par agr aph 2. These tw o questi ons, F and P', connect to the questi on of the paper and
m ak e the ov er al l stor y (“f or est”) cl ear .
T'. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er at the end of the par agr aph.
CHAPTER 7
Exercise 7.1: Following the Story in a Discussion
Discussion 1
Questi on: To deter m i ne w hether i ncr easi ng hear t rate rather than decr easi ng af ter l oad, i ncr easi ng
pr el oad, or i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty i s the m ost ef f ecti ve m ethod of i ncr easi ng car di ac output i n
young l am bs.
P. 389
Discussion
1 A Contrar y to our ex pectati on, thi s study show s that inc re a s ing c ontra c tility, not inc re a s ing
he a rt ra te , is the mos t e ffe c tive me thod of inc re a s ing c a rdia c output in young la mbs .
B Decr easi ng af ter l oad and i ncr easi ng pr el oad, as ex pected, ar e al so not ef f ecti ve. C We f ound that
i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty by i nf usi ng i sopr oter enol w hi l e hear t rate was f i xed i ncr eased car di ac
output by 37% i n the younger l am bs (5–13 day s) and by 62% i n the ol der l am bs (15–36 day s).
D In contrast, i ncr easi ng hear t rate above basel i ne di d not si gni f i cantl y i ncr ease car di ac output i n
the younger l am bs (4%) and i ncr eased car di ac output onl y m oderatel y i n the ol der l am bs (11%).
E Decr easi ng af ter l oad by i nf usi ng ni tr opr ussi de at a f i xed hear t rate had the sam e ef f ects as
i ncr easi ng hear t rate di d (2 and 11%). F Incr easi ng pr el oad by i nf usi ng bl ood or 0. 9% N aCl
i ncr eased car di ac output m oderatel y (by 20 and 16%, though the 16% i ncr ease was not
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant).
2 G The r eason w e had not ex pected i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty to i ncr ease car di ac output
substanti al l y i s that in ne w borns c ontra c tility is ne a rly ma x ima l s o tha t the infa nt c a n
s urvive inde pe nde ntly of the mothe r. H N ever thel ess, the i ncr eases i n car di ac output r esul ti ng
f r om i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty, though sm al l by adul t standar ds (37 and 62% v s. about 800%),
w er e m uch gr eater than the i ncr eases r esul ti ng f r om i ncr easi ng hear t rate, decr easi ng af ter l oad,
and i ncr easi ng pr el oad.
3 I The re a s on for the une x pe c te dly s ma ll e ffe c t of inc re a s ing he a rt ra te is unc e rta in. J One
pos s ibility is tha t it w a s due to the pa c ing ra te . K Al though the basel i ne paci ng rate w e used,
200 beats/m i n, appr ox i m ates the r esti ng hear t rate of 1 to 2w eekol d l am bs, i t i s f aster than
the r esti ng hear t rate of 170 beats/m i n of 3 to 4w eekol d l am bs. L Ther ef or e, one coul d ar gue
that i f the basel i ne paci ng rate had been l ow er, l ar ger i ncr eases i n car di ac output coul d have
been attai ned by i ncr easi ng hear t rate above basel i ne. M How ever, our data show that the
m ax i m al per centage i ncr ease i n car di ac output that w oul d have been attai ned i f 170 beats/m i n
had been used as a basel i ne paci ng rate w oul d have been onl y 17. 5% i n the younger l am bs and
21. 0% i n the ol der l am bs. N These i ncr eases ar e f ar l ess than those w e f ound af ter i ncr easi ng
contracti l i ty (37% and 62%, r especti vel y ). O The re fore , the s ma ll e ffe c t tha t inc re a s ing he a rt
ra te ha d on inc re a s ing c a rdia c output is proba bly not due to the pa c ing ra te w e us e d.
4 P Anothe r pos s ibility is tha t the me thod w e us e d for c ontrolling he a rt ra te —ve ntric ula r
pa c ing—ma y ha ve c a us e d s ma lle r inc re a s e s in c a rdia c output tha n w ould re s ult from
s e que ntia l a triove ntric ula r pa c ing. Q Indeed, i t i s w el l k now n that atr i al sy stol e pl ay s an
i m por tant r ol e i n deter m i ni ng ef f ecti ve ventr i cul ar str oke vol um e (9). R How ever, i t i s unl i kel y
that i ncr eases i n car di ac output r esul ti ng f r om sequenti al atr i oventr i cul ar paci ng w oul d have been
gr eater than those r esul ti ng f r om i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty by i nf usi ng i sopr oter enol because at the
hear t rate at w hi ch w e w er e paci ng, atr i al contr i buti ons to car di ac output ar e m i ni m al (6). S Thus ,
he a rt ra te a ppe a rs to be le s s importa nt tha n c ontra c tility for inc re a s ing c a rdia c output in
young la mbs . T N ever thel ess, hear t rate i s i m por tant f or m ai ntai ni ng car di ac output, si nce w e
f ound that decr easi ng hear t rate bel ow basel i ne gr eatl y decr eased car di ac output.
5 U Although w e ha d not e x pe c te d de c re a s ing a fte rloa d to c a us e la rge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c
output, the inc re a s e s w e re not me re ly
P . 390
s ma ll but minima l. V The s e minima l inc re a s e s ma y re la te to the fa c t tha t nitroprus s ide not
only de c re a s e s a fte rloa d but a ls o de c re a s e s pre loa d by ve nodila tion. W Thus, i f the i ni ti al
pr el oad i s not opti m al f or the af ter l oad, decr easi ng pr el oad w i l l decr ease car di ac output. X As a
r esul t, the i ncr ease i n car di ac output i nduced by decr easi ng af ter l oad w i l l be counteracted by the
decr ease i n car di ac output i nduced by decr easi ng a subopti m al pr el oad. Y Thi s m i sm atch betw een
af ter l oad and pr el oad (10), w hi ch has been descr i bed f or f ai l i ng hear ts (10, 11), m ay al so be
occur r i ng i n the hear ts of our l am bs. Z If s o, this mis ma tc h ma y be the re a s on tha t de c re a s ing
a fte rloa d by infus ing nitroprus s ide in young la mbs doe s not c a us e la rge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c
output w ithin the ra nge of pre loa ds s e e n in our la mbs .
6 AA The la s t me thod of inc re a s ing c a rdia c output tha t w e te s te d, inc re a s ing pre loa d by
infus ing blood or 0. 9% Na Cl, yie lde d a s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e in c a rdia c output tha n
pre vious ly re porte d (1). B B The re a s ons for the s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e a re pa rtly tha t
w e infus e d s ma lle r volume s a nd pa rtly tha t the ba s e line pre loa ds w e re s ome w ha t highe r in
our la mbs be c a us e of ve ntric ula r pa c ing. C C Si nce the pr el oads of the l am bs i n our study w er e
hi gher than nor m al , the per centage i ncr ease attai nabl e by i ncr easi ng pr el oad was l ess. D D It i s
possi bl e, ther ef or e, that l ar ger i ncr eases i n car di ac output ar e attai nabl e by i nf usi ng l ar ger
am ounts of f l ui d i nto young l am bs that have nor m al atr i oventr i cul ar node conducti on.
7 EE Anothe r re a s on for our s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c output a fte r inc re a s ing
pre loa d c ould be tha t our indic a tor of pre loa d w a s ina c c ura te . F F The indic a tor w e us e d,
me a n le ft a tria l pre s s ure , ma y not be a s e ns itive indic a tor of pre loa d in the pre s e nc e of
a triove ntric ula r bloc k a de . GG To obtai n a m or e accurate assessm ent of pr el oad, w e m easur ed
l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c pr essur e i n tw o l am bs. H H How ever, l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c
pr essur e was di f f i cul t to i nter pr et because of w i de var i ati ons i n pr essur e at the sam e hear t rate.
I I These var i ati ons r esul ted ei ther f r om al terati ons i n the tem poral r el ati onshi p betw een atr i al and
ventr i cul ar contracti ons or f r om m ovem ent of the ventr i cul ar septum i nto the l ef t ventr i cl e dur i ng
r i ght ventr i cul ar paci ng. J J Ther ef or e, w e used m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e to m easur e pr el oad.
KK W e be lie ve tha t a lthough me a n le ft a tria l pre s s ure ma y not re fle c t ra pid va ria tions in
pre loa d in the pre s e nc e of a triove ntric ula r bloc k a de , it a c c ura te ly me a s ure s ge ne ra l
pre loa d s ta te a nd c ha nge s in pre loa d s ta te .
8 L L In c ontra s t to pre vious re ports , w e found tha t is oprote re nol did not c ons is te ntly ha ve
hypote ns ive e ffe c ts . M M Mean aor ti c pr essur e decr eased i n the younger l am bs dur i ng
i sopr oter enol i nf usi on (Fi g. 4A), as i t di d i n pr ev i ous studi es (11–13). N N How ever, m ean aor ti c
pr essur e i ncr eased i n the ol der l am bs, and sy stol i c aor ti c pr essur e i ncr eased i n both gr oups of
l am bs dur i ng i sopr oter enol i nf usi on. O O These i ncr eases ar e i n contrast to pr ev i ous r epor ts of
decr eases i n m ean and sy stol i c aor ti c pr essur es dur i ng i sopr oter enol i nf usi on (12, 14). P P Si nce
the m ajor di f f er ence betw een our study and these other studi es was that the hear t rate was f i xed
i n our l am bs, i t i s possi bl e that som e of the hy potensi ve ef f ects of i sopr oter enol ar e due to i ts
str ong ef f ects on hear t rate.
9 O O In sum m ar y , thi s study show s that inc re a s ing c ontra c tility, a nd not inc re a s ing he a rt ra te ,
is the mos t e ffe c tive me thod of inc re a s ing
P . 391
c a rdia c output in young la mbs . RR Al though the i ncr ease i n car di ac output i n r esponse to
i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty i s l ess i n younger than i n ol der l am bs, i t i s sti l l gr eater than that
attai nabl e by changes i n hear t rate, af ter l oad, or pr el oad. SS N ever thel ess, i ncr easi ng car di ac
output i s of l i m i ted benef i t to the new bor n, m uch l ess than i ts benef i t to the adul t. TT Ther ef or e,
w hen tr eati ng the str essed new bor n, the cl i ni ci an m ust not onl y attem pt to i ncr ease car di ac
output i n or der to i ncr ease ox ygen suppl y, but m ust aggr essi vel y attem pt to m i ni m i ze ox ygen
dem and.
COMMENTS
1. In par agr aph 1, the si gnal of the answ er (sentence A) i s “thi s study show s that. ”
The statem ent of the answ er (sentences A, B) i s “i ncr easi ng contr acti l i ty , not
i ncr easi ng hear t r ate, i s the m ost ef f ecti v e m ethod of i ncr easi ng car di ac output i n
y oung l am bs. Decr easi ng af ter l oad and i ncr easi ng pr el oad, as ex pected, ar e al so not
ef f ecti v e. ”
The tr ansi ti on to the suppor ti ng r esul ts (sentence C) i s “We f ound that. ”
The ani m al i s i ncl uded i n the answ er (sentence A), just as i t i s i n the questi on, and i s
r epeated i n the r esul ts (C, D).
2. The answ er (sentence A) answ er s the questi on: the k ey ter m s and the v er b ar e the sam e;
the v er b i s i n pr esent tense. How ev er , the or der of the v ar i abl es i s changed to put the
unex pected answ er f i r st.
3. The stor y l i ne i s cl ear , ex cept that ther e i s no conti nui ty f r om par agr aph 7 to par agr aph 8.
The Di scussi on i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant.
Par agr aph 1 states the answ er and the suppor ti ng r esul ts.
Par agr aphs 2–5 ex pl ai n the answ er : f i r st the answ er the author s got (par a. 2), then the
answ er they ex pected but di d not get (par as. 3 and 4), and then an answ er they di d not
ex pect and di d not get (par a. 5).
Par agr aphs 6–8 ex pl ai n di scr epanci es w i th the l i ter atur e: f i r st a di scr epancy f or one of
the i ndependent v ar i abl es (par as. 6 and 7) and then a di scr epancy f or a v ar i abl e not i n
the questi on (par a. 8).
The topi c sentences i n each par agr aph ar e i n bol df ace. Par agr aphs 3 and 6 begi n w i th
secti on topi c sentences, w hi ch cov er tw o par agr aphs (par as. 3 and 4 and par as. 6 and
7, r especti v el y ). Each secti on topi c sentence i s f ol l ow ed by a par agr aph topi c sentence.
The par agr aph topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 3 (sentence J) states the
topi c of the par agr aph. The par agr aph topi c sentence at the end of par agr aph 3
(sentence O) states the m essage of the par agr aph.
Par agr aph 5 al so has thr ee topi c sentences. U states the topi c of the par agr aph. V
states the m essage of the par agr aph. Z states the m essage m or e speci f i cal l y , based on
the suppor ti ng sentences (W–Y).
Tr ansi ti on w or ds, phr ases, and cl auses ar e i n i tal i cs. Repeated k ey ter m s ar e
under l i ned. The conti nui ty i n thi s Di scussi on depends heav i l y on r epeated k ey ter m s.
Conti nui ty betw een par agr aphs 3 and 4 i s al so assi sted by the par al l el tr ansi ti on
cl auses. In par agr aph 6, l i nk i ng k ey ter m s at the begi nni ng of AA f uncti ons as a
tr ansi ti on phr ase.
4. The si gnal of the endi ng (par agr aph 9) i s “i n sum m ar y . ” The si gnal of the answ er i s “thi s
study show s that. ”
The endi ng r estates the answ er and i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k by stati ng a
cl i ni cal i m pl i cati on (SS) f ol l ow ed by a r ecom m endati on (TT).
5. The answ er at the end m atches the answ er at the begi nni ng.
P. 392
Discussion 2
Questi on: To deter m i ne w hether the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3 subuni t of i ntegr i n α IIb β 3
bi nds l i gand and al so bi nds cati on.
Discussion
1 A When pl atel ets ar e acti vated by agoni sts such as ADP or epi nephr i ne, i ntegr i n α IIb β 3 under goes
conf or m ati onal changes to becom e com petent to bi nd f i br i nogen and other l i gands (35, 37). B In
thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the β 3 (118–131) s e que nc e of the β 3 s ubunit of
inte grin α I I b β 3 binds the liga nd fibronoge n and that it a ls o binds c a tion. C Cati on bi ndi ng i s
sur pr i si ng because i t occur s even though β 3 (118–131), w hi ch par ti al l y conf or m s to an EF handl i ke
m oti f that bi nds Ca 2 + i n m any pr otei ns (3, 54), l ack s the usual Gl y [but i n β 3 (118–131), i t i s Met
126] at the m i dposi ti on and gl u [but i n β 3 (118–131), i t i s Ser 130] as the l ast ox ygenated
coor di nati on si te.
2 D Thre e inde pe nde nt line s of inve s tiga tion provide func tiona l e vide nc e tha t the β 3 (118–
131) s e que nc e of α I I b β 3 binds the liga nd fibrinoge n. E Fi r st, m onocl onal anti body (MAb) 454,
w hi ch i s di r ected agai nst β 3 (118–131), bl ocked pl atel et aggr egati on and pl atel et adhesi on to
f i br i nogen, tw o f uncti onal r esponses that depend upon bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to α IIb β 3 . F MAb 454
al so bl ocked bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to pur i f i ed α IIb β 3 . G Second, the bl ock i ng ef f ects of the β 3 (118–
128) pepti de r ecapi tul ated those of the MAb. H Speci f i cal l y, thi s pepti de bl ocked pl atel et
aggr egati on and pl atel et adhesi on to f i br i nogen and bl ocked the bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to pur i f i ed
α IIb β 3 . I Thi r d, m ass spectr oscopy dem onstrated that a com pl ex f or m ed betw een the β 3 (118–131)
pepti de and RGD l i gand pepti des. J The speci f i ci ty of thi s com pl ex i ng was i ndi cated by the pr eci se
stoi chi om etr y, 1:1, w i th w hi ch the com pl ex f or m ed, by the saturati on of com pl ex f or m ati on as a
f uncti on of i ncr easi ng RGD pepti de concentrati on, and by the f ai l ur e of num er ous other pepti des
to com pl ex w i th β 3 (118–131). K How e ve r, this c omple x ing, though s pe c ific , ma y not be
s e le c tive . L β 3 (118–131) m ay al so f or m com pl exes w i th the f i br i nogen γ chai n dodecapepti de.
M Al though our m ass spectr oscopy ex per i m ents di d not detect com pl exes of thi s γ chai n
dodecapepti de w i th β 3 (118–131), thi s l ack of detecti on does not necessar i l y m ean that these
com pl exes do not occur. N The r eason these com pl exes w er e not detected m ay be that the af f i ni ty
betw een the γ chai n dodecapepti de and β 3 (118–131) i s l ow. O Al ter nati vel y, speci f i c env i r onm ental
r equi r em ents m ay have r educed the stabi l i ty of the com pl exes or m ay have pr evented detecti on
of the com pl exes, or both. P Thus , our da ta indic a te tha t β 3 (118–131) binds liga nd
s pe c ific a lly, but not tha t β 3 (118–131) ha s s e le c tive s pe c ific ity for the RG D liga nd pe ptide .
3 Q In a ddition to our finding tha t β 3 (118–131) binds liga nd, tw o inde pe nde nt a pproa c he s
provide c le a r e vide nc e tha t β 3 (118–131) binds c a tion. R One appr oach, f l uor escence ener gy
transf er f r om pr ox i m al Tr p and Ty r r esi dues, show ed that β 3 (118–131) bound Tb 3 + . S Thi s bi ndi ng
was i nhi bi ted by Ca 2 + , Mg 2 + , and Mn 2 + , i ndi cati ng the di val ent cati on bi ndi ng capabi l i ti es of
β 3 (118–131). T CAM m utant β 3 (118–131), i n w hi ch Asp119 i s r epl aced by Ty r, bound Tb 3 + to a
m uch l esser degr ee than di d w i l dty pe β 3 (118–131). U Thi s f i ndi ng str esses the i m por tance of the
am i noter m i nal coor di nati on si te, Asp119, f or cati on bi ndi ng f uncti on. V The other appr oach
show i ng that β 3 (118–131) bi nds cati on, m ass spectr oscopy, al so dem onstrated f or m ati on of a
com pl ex betw een β 3 (118–131) and Tb 3 + . W How ever, unl i ke the f l uor escence data, w hi ch show ed a
the importa nc e of As p119 in providing one of the c oordina tion s ite s for Tb 3+ binding.
bi ndi ng to β 3 (118–131) ar e m utual l y excl usi ve. H H Str ong suppor t f or the i nstabi l i ty of thi s ter nar y
i nter m edi ate com pl ex i s that l i gandi nduced bi ndi ng si te (LIBS) epi topes w i thi n α IIb β 3 ar e ex posed
both w hen l i gand bi nds to the r eceptor and w hen cati ons f r om the r eceptor ar e chel ated i n the
absence of l i gand (13, 17). I I Thus , in our c a tion dis pla c e me nt mode l, the liga ndbinding s ite
w ithin the inte grin ma y be vie w e d a s a re a c tive c e nte r, in w hic h the c a tion, liga nd, a nd
s pe c ific liga ndbinding s ite s w ithin the re c e ptor form a n uns ta ble te rna ry inte rme dia te
c omple x .
5 J J The dis pla c e me nt of c a tions tha t w e propos e in our mode l of liga nd binding to inte grins
ma y a c tua lly oc c ur a t tw o liga ndbinding s ite s in the re c e ptor. KK The possi bi l i ty of
di spl acem ent at tw o si tes i s i ndi cated by our equi l i br i um gel f i l trati on ex per i m ents, w hi ch
detected the di spl acem ent of appr ox i m atel y tw o cati ons (Mn 2 + ) f r om i ntact α IIb β 3 af ter addi ti on
of ei ther m acr om ol ecul ar or pepti de l i gands. L L Our data ar e consi stent w i th β 3 (118–131) bei ng
one of these si tes. M M It i s tem pti ng to specul ate that α IIb (296–306) m ay be the second si te.
N N The re a s on is tha t, in ma ny w a ys , α O O Li ke
I I b (296–306) is s imila r to β 3 (118–131).
β 3 (118–131), α IIb (296–306) contai ns the second EF handl i ke m oti f f ound w i thi n α IIb , and l i ke
β 3 (118–131) pepti des, pepti des f r om w i thi n α IIb (296–306) i nhi bi t l i gand bi ndi ng by the r eceptor
(11, 53). P P In addi ti on, di r ect com par i son suggests that β 3 (118–131) and α IIb (296–306) ar e
si m i l ar l y potent i n i nhi bi ti ng l i gand occupancy on the r eceptor. Q Q Fi nal l y, both β 3 (118–131) and
α IIb (296–306) ar e hi ghl y conser ved am ong the i ntegr i n β and α subuni ts (9, 10). RR Thus , β 3 (118–
131) a nd α I I b (296–306) c ould both be liga ndbinding s ite s . SSBecause several such bi ndi ng
si tes m ay be necessar y to achi eve hi ghaf f i ni ty l i gand bi ndi ng (38), i t i s possi bl e that β 3 (118–
131) and α IIb (296–306) m ay contr i bute l i gand bi ndi ng, cati on bi ndi ng, or both to i ntegr i n f uncti on.
TT If so, conf or m ati onal l i nk age betw een these tw o cati onbi ndi ng si tes, such as obser ved f or
m any EF handl i ke Ca 2 + bi ndi ng l oops (51), m ay ex pl ai n w hy tw o cati ons ar e di spl aced by a si ngl e
l i gandbi ndi ng event. UU How ever, an al ter nati ve possi bi l i ty, that tw o RGD l i gand pepti des can bi nd
per r eceptor, cannot be enti r el y excl uded. V V Stei ner et al . (50) detected onl y one RGDbi ndi ng
P. 394
si te on α IIb βb 3 , but thei r study used a r el ati vel y m i nor subpopul ati on of i sol ated r eceptor s.
6 W W An importa nt pre dic tion of our c a tion dis pla c e me nt mode l is tha t diva le nt c a tions
c ould drive the liga ndbinding e ve nt in re ve rs e , the re by s uppre s s ing a n inte grin's liga nd
binding func tion. X X In f act, ther e i s ev i dence that thi s suppr essi on does occur. Y Y Speci f i c
di val ent cati ons can i nter f er e w i th the l i gandbi ndi ng f uncti on of α L β 2 (8, 55) α 2 β 1 (20, 49), and
α v β 3 (25). ZZ Our f i ndi ng that di val ent cati ons and l i gands can com pete f or the sam e si te on an
i ntegr i n pr ov i des a str uctural basi s f or these obser vati ons. AAA This mode l ma y a ls o ha ve
implic a tions for inte grin a c tiva tion (18). B B B Speci f i cal l y, acti vati on of i ntegr i n m ay i nvol ve
conf or m ati onal changes i n the i ntegr i n that f avor l i gandr eceptor com pl exes rather than ter nar y
com pl exes or cati onr eceptor com pl exes. C C C Fina lly, a n in vivo c ons e que nc e of our c a tion
dis pla c e me nt mode l ma y re la te to bone re s orption. D D D Integr i n α v β 3 i s the r eceptor on
osteocl asts essenti al f or adhesi on to the bone sur f ace (7, 28). EEE Li berati on of Ca 2 + f r om
m i neral i zed bone coul d di ssoci ate α v β 3 f r om i ts bone l i gands, com pr om i si ng the i ntegr i ty of
osteocl ast adhesi on.
COMMENTS
1. In par agr aph 1, the si gnal of the answ er (i n sentence B) i s “i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de
f uncti onal ev i dence that… and that. ”
The statem ent of the answ er (sentence B) i s “the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3
subuni t of i ntegr i n αIIbβ 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen and… i t al so bi nds cati on. ”
The tr ansi ti ons to the suppor ti ng r esul ts (par a. 2, sentence D, and par a. 3, sentence Q)
ar e “Thr ee i ndependent l i nes of i nv esti gati on pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the
β 3 (118–131) sequence of αIIbβ 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen” and “In addi ti on to our
f i ndi ng that β 3 (118–131) bi nds l i gand, tw o i ndependent appr oaches pr ov i de cl ear
ev i dence that β 3 (118–131) bi nds cati on. ”
The r esul ts ar e stated i n the suppor ti ng sentences of par agr aph 2 (E–P) and par agr aph
3 (R–X).
The ani m al i s not m enti oned any w her e i n the Di scussi on. It shoul d be added.
2. The answ er (sentence B) answ er s the questi on: the k ey ter m s, the v er b, and the or der ar e
the sam e; the v er b i s i n pr esent tense.
Par agr aph 1 states the answ er af ter a sentence of back gr ound and bef or e a com m ent
on the sur pr i se.
Par agr aphs 2 and 3 ar e the r esul ts that suppor t the answ er , f i r st f or l i gand (par a. 2)
and then f or cati on (par a. 3).
Par agr aphs 4 and 5 pr opose a m odel f or l i gand bi ndi ng, based on the answ er .
Par agr aph 4 descr i bes the m odel . Par agr aph 5 i denti f i es tw o l oci of cati on di spl acem ent
i n the m odel .
The f i r st sentences of par agr aphs 2–5 ar e al l par agr aph topi c sentences.
In par agr aph 2, sentence D i s the topi c sentence stati ng the m essage of the par agr aph.
Sentence K i s a topi c sentence f or a subtopi c. Sentence P i s a topi c sentence r estati ng
the m essage i n m or e detai l .
In par agr aph 3, the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng (Q) begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase,
w hi ch r epeats the m essage of par agr aph 2 and thus l i nk s par agr aph 3 to par agr aph 2.
The m ai n subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n sentence Q, w hi ch ar e par al l el to those i n
sentence D, state the m essage.
P. 395
Sentence X i s a topi c sentence at the end of the par agr aph r estati ng and ex pandi ng the
m essage.
In par agr aph 4, the subject of the topi c sentence (Y) r estates the answ er , thus l i nk i ng
par agr aph 4 to par agr aphs 1–3. The v er b and com pl eter state the topi c of par agr aph 4
(the new m odel ). Thi s par agr aph has thr ee subtopi cs: Z–BB descr i be the m odel
(si gnal ed by the k ey ter m “m odel ” i n the subject of sentence Z); CC–DD state the
r eason f or tr ansi ent bi ndi ng of cati on (the m ai n f eatur e of the m odel ) (si gnal ed by a
tr ansi ti on cl ause: “The m ost l i k el y r eason that cati ons ar e tr ansi entl y bound to the
r eceptor i s… ”); EE–HH di scuss the (i n)stabi l i ty of the m odel (si gnal ed by a tr ansi ti on
phr ase, “i n thi s m odel , ” f ol l ow ed by the k ey ter m “stabi l i ty ” as the subject of sentence
EE). At the end of the par agr aph, sentence II sum m ar i zes the m odel , thus stati ng the
m essage of the par agr aph.
In par agr aph 5, topi c sentence JJ states the m essage. N N i s a subtopi c sentence. RR i s
a topi c sentence that r estates the m essage of the par agr aph m or e speci f i cal l y than JJ.
In par agr aph 6, WW i s not a topi c sentence f or the par agr aph. The tr ansi ti on cl ause at
the begi nni ng of WW si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, w hi ch i s al so the topi c of the par agr aph
—i m pl i cati ons. The r est of sentence WW i s a subtopi c sentence f or the f i r st of thr ee
i m pl i cati ons. Sentences AAA and CCC ar e subtopi c sentences f or the second and thi r d
i m pl i cati ons.
Tr ansi ti on w or ds and cl auses ar e i n i tal i cs. Repeated k ey ter m s ar e under l i ned. The
conti nui ty i n thi s Di scussi on depends heav i l y on r epeated k ey ter m s. Conti nui ty
betw een par agr aphs 2 and 3 i s al so assi sted by par al l el f or m and by a tr ansi ti on
phr ase at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph.
The endi ng i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k by stati ng thr ee i m pl i cati ons.
For som e r eader s, usi ng i m pl i cati ons as an endi ng m ay not seem concl usi v e. To sati sf y
these r eader s, the f ol l ow i ng par agr aph coul d be added, sum m ar i zi ng the answ er , the
m odel , and the i m pl i cati ons:
7 Thus, i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3
subuni t of i ntegr i n α IIb β 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen and that i t al so bi nds cati on. Thi s bi ndi ng
suggests a new cati on di spl acem ent m odel f or the m echani sm of l i gand bi ndi ng to i ntegr i ns. If
tr ue, thi s m odel has i m por tant i m pl i cati ons about suppr essi on of l i gand bi ndi ng by i ntegr i ns,
about i ntegr i n acti vati on, and about bone r esor pti on.
In par agr aph 7, “thus” si gnal s the end, “i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that… and
that” si gnal s the answ er , and the answ er m atches the answ er stated at the begi nni ng.
Exercise 7.2: Message and Story in a Discussion
Discussion 1
COMMENTS ON THE ORIGINAL VERSION
Topics of Paragraphs
Paragraphs 1–3: Intr oducti on
Paragraph 6: Specul ati on on steal as the r eason f or the answ er to questi on 2
P. 396
Answers to the Questions
The answ er to questi on 1 i s not stated. The r esul ts f or questi on 1 ar e m enti oned i n sentence N of
par agr aph 4, w hi ch ex pl ai ns how the author 's study di f f er s f r om a pr ev i ous study . The r esul ts f or
questi on 1 ar e stated m or e noti ceabl y at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 8. These com m ents ar e too
l i ttl e and too l ate.
The answ er to questi on 2 i s not stated. The r esul ts f or questi on 2 ar e pr esented i n par agr aph 5.
N ote that “absent” shoul d be added af ter “decr eased” i n sentence W (com par e sentence N i n par a.
4 and sentence II i n par a. 8). The answ er i s hi nted at i n sentence Y, the l ast sentence of
par agr aph 5. How ev er , say i ng that y our r esul ts suppor t a pr ev i ous concl usi on m ak es y our w or k
sound unor i gi nal . In f act, the r esul ts go bey ond the pr ev i ous f i ndi ngs and thus ar e new , not
conf i r m ator y . Sentence Y can be om i tted. The r el ati on to a pr ev i ous concl usi on can be deal t w i th
ei ther as a di scr epancy (see par a. 2 of Rev i si ons 1 and 2) or as an ex tensi on of pr ev i ous w or k
(see sentences A and B of Rev i si on 3). The f i r st sentence of par agr aph 5 shoul d be r ev i sed to
state the answ er to questi on 2. The v er b m ust be i n pr esent tense, and the popul ati on m ust be
ex panded to al l pr eter m i nf ants w ho hav e a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
To em phasi ze the answ er s to the questi on m or e, they shoul d be stated at the begi nni ng of the
Di scussi on (par a. 1).
Beginning of the Discussion
The begi nni ng of the Di scussi on (par as. 1–3) i s i ntr oductor y i nf or m ati on. Thi s i nf or m ati on shoul d
be om i tted. It i s si m pl y a r ev i ew of the ev i dence f or r etr ogr ade bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng
aor ta and f or decr eased bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebr al ar ter i es. The condensed v er si on of thi s
ev i dence i n the Intr oducti on i s suf f i ci ent.
Middle of the Discussion
In par agr aph 6, the f i r st sentence shoul d be a topi c sentence i ndi cati ng that the author i s goi ng to
pr esent a possi bl e ex pl anati on f or the par al l el r el ati on betw een cer ebr al and aor ti c bl ood f l ow s.
Tw o possi bl e topi c sentences ar e gi v en i n the r ev i si ons bel ow (see the f i r st sentence of par a. 3 i n
Rev i si ons 1 and 2).
In par agr aph 7, the f i r st sentence shoul d be a topi c sentence i ndi cati ng that thi s par agr aph i s
specul ati on about a tangenti al topi c—other si tes of steal . In the or i gi nal v er si on, i t i s near l y
i m possi bl e to see how par agr aph 7 f i ts i nto the ov er al l stor y . Par agr aph 7 shoul d al so be r ev i sed
to cl ar i f y w hat the other si tes of steal ar e (see par a. 4 of Rev i si ons 1 and 2).
End of the Discussion
The end of the Di scussi on (par as. 8 and 9) i s too l ong and i r r el ev ant. In par agr aph 8, the f i r st
sentence shoul d be r ev i sed to state the answ er to questi on 1 (not the r esul ts f or questi on 1), and
the answ er to questi on 2 shoul d be added. The other sentences i n par agr aph 8 shoul d be m ade
r el ev ant or om i tted. In par agr aph 9, the f i r st sentence i s i r r el ev ant to the pur poses of thi s paper ,
so i t shoul d be m ade r el ev ant or om i tted. The second sentence i n par agr aph 9 i s si m i l ar to
sentence JJ i n par agr aph 8 ex cept that steal i s i naccur atel y sai d to be show n r ather than
suggested by the f i ndi ngs. Both sentences about steal ar e unnecessar y i n the endi ng. The f i nal
sentence, w hi ch states possi bl e com pl i cati ons of abnor m al cer ebr al bl ood f l ow , m ay be k ept as
i s. Tw o good endi ngs f or thi s Di scussi on ar e i l l ustr ated i n the l ast par agr aph of Rev i si ons 1 and
2.
P. 397
REVISIONS
Revision 1
Questions
1. To deter m i ne i f di astol i c bl ood f l ow c a n be r etr ogr ade i n the cer ebr al ar ter i es of pr eter m
i nf ants w ho hav e a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
2. To deter m i ne how al ter ati ons i n cer ebr al bl ood f l ow a re r el ated to al ter ati ons i n aor ti c bl ood
f l ow .
Discussion
1 A In thi s study w e have show n that di astol i c bl ood f l ow c a n be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus. BWe al so
have ev i dence that these al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y pa ra lle l al terati ons i n aor ti c
bl ood f l ow. CWe f ound that i n al l i nf ants w i th a l ar ge ductal shunt, w ho had r etr ograde di astol i c
bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta, the cer ebral bl ood f l ow was gr eatl y decr eased, absent, or
r etr ograde. DMor eover, af ter cl osur e of the patent ductus ar ter i osus i n these i nf ants, so that they
no l onger had r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta, the di astol i c bl ood f l ow was al so
f or war d i n the cer ebral ar ter i es.
2 EOur obser vati ons ex tend beyond those of Per l m an et al . (6), w ho w er e abl e to f i nd onl y a
decr ease i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow dur i ng di astol e and di d not r epor t any r etr ograde or absent bl ood
f l ow. FTw o f actor s m ay ex pl ai n our m or e sever e f i ndi ngs. G Fi r st, the i nf ants i n our ser i es m ay
have had l ar ger l ef ttor i ght ductal shunts and ther ef or e gr eater changes i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow.
HSecond, the di f f er ent m ethods of detecti on m ay have l ed to di f f er ent f i ndi ngs. I Wher eas
Per l m an et al . (6) used a conti nuouswave Doppl er vel oci tom eter, w e m easur ed cer ebral bl ood
f l ow w i th a rangegated pul sedDoppl er sy stem . JCom par ed to the pul sedDoppl er sy stem ,
conti nuouswave anal y si s i s l i m i ted by l ow r esol uti on and a potenti al f or si gnal l oss (15, 16),
ei ther of w hi ch coul d r esul t i n under m easur ed cer ebral bl ood f l ow.
3 KThe paral l el al terati ons i n aor ti c and cer ebral bl ood f l ow s that w e obser ved m ay be ex pl ai ned
by the di f f er ence i n r esi stance betw een the pul m onar y and the sy stem i c vascul atur e. L In i nf ants
w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus, the pul m onar y vascul ar bed, w hi ch
has l ow r esi stance to bl ood f l ow, f r eel y com m uni cates w i th the sy stem i c vascul ar bed, w hi ch has
hi gher r esi stance. M Ther ef or e, the pr esence of a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus
r esul ts i n di astol i c steal of bl ood f r om the aor ta thr ough the patent ductus ar ter i osus and i nto the
pul m onar y vascul atur e. N Concom i tantl y, di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es decr eases.
O Eventual l y, the cer ebral bl ood f l ow r ever ses and m ay l ead to di astol i c steal of bl ood f r om the
4 PAs opposed to di astol i c steal i n the cer ebral ar ter i es and the descendi ng aor ta, w e f ound no
di astol i c steal f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es i n pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a
patent ductus ar ter i osus. Q In Doppl er traci ngs taken f r om the ascendi ng aor ta just above the
aor ti c val ve, no di f f er ences i n di astol i c bl ood f l ow w er e appar ent betw een contr ol i nf ants and
i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt. R How ever, r etr ograde bl ood f l ow f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es
m ay have been too sm al l to be detected by our techni que.
P. 398
5 SIn sum m ar y, thi s study show s that di astol i c bl ood f l ow can be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es, as w el l as i n the descendi ng aor ta, of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a
patent ductus ar ter i osus. TIn addi ti on, the r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es cl osel y
paral l el s the r etr ograde aor ti c bl ood f l ow. U Thi s r etr ograde cer ebral bl ood f l ow m ay l ead to
com pl i cati ons such as i schem i a or hem or r hagi c brai n i njur y.
COMMENTS ON REVISION 1
Beginning
Par agr aph 1 of Rev i si on 1 states the answ er s to both questi ons at the begi nni ng and then states
the r esul ts that suppor t the answ er s. The sam e r esul ts happen to suppor t both answ er s, so thi s
pr esentati on i s v er y ef f i ci ent. In addi ti on, r esul ts f or aor ti c bl ood f l ow ar e subor di nated at the
begi nni ng of each sentence (C, D), thus f ocusi ng the sentences on the i m por tant r esul ts—those
f or cer ebr al bl ood f l ow . Resul ts f or the contr ol i nf ants, w hi ch ar e not necessar y i n the Di scussi on,
hav e been om i tted.
The answ er s m atch the questi ons. The answ er to questi on 1 uses the sam e k ey ter m s and the
sam e v er b as i n the questi on. The answ er to questi on 2 al so uses the sam e k ey ter m s as i n the
questi on but i nstead of usi ng the v er b “i s” pl us “r el ated to, ” speci f i es the r el ati onshi p:
“par al l el s. ” N ote that thi s speci f i c v er b (“par al l el s”) cr eates a pi ctur e i n the r eader 's m i nd,
w her eas “i s di r ectl y r el ated to, ” though al so a v al i d answ er , does not.
Middle
Par agr aphs 2 and 3 pr esent tw o i m por tant topi cs: the ex pl anati on of the di scr epancy and the
specul ati on on steal . In par agr aph 2, the begi nni ng of the com par i son cl ear l y speci f i es the
di f f er ence betw een the tw o studi es (“Our obser v ati ons ex tend bey ond”) (sentence E). In addi ti on,
the ex pl anati on of the l i m i tati ons of the pr ev i ous m ethod i s ni cel y condensed by stati ng onl y the
essenti al f eatur e of each l i m i tati on (sentence J). Al so note that the author s of the pr ev i ous paper
ar e al w ay s r ef er r ed to appr opr i atel y as “Per l m an et al . , ” nev er just “Per l m an, ” as i n the or i gi nal
v er si on.
In par agr aph 3 (= or i gi nal par a. 6), a topi c sentence i s added. The ex pl anati on i s al so cl ar i f i ed.
Par agr aph 4 uses a v er y cl ear tr ansi ti on phr ase topi c sentence to i ntr oduce a secondar y poi nt
(w hether steal al so occur s i n the cor onar y ar ter i es) and ex pl ai ns the poi nt cl ear l y . Thi s topi c w as
not cl ear l y si gnal ed or ex pl ai ned i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 7, sentences GG and HH).
Thus, the m i ddl e of thi s Di scussi on uses tw o k ey ter m topi c sentences and one tr ansi ti on phr ase
topi c sentence to cr eate the ov er al l stor y . (In the topi c sentence i n par a. 2, a categor y ter m ,
“obser v ati ons, ” r ather than a k ey ter m i s used to r ef er to the changes i n bl ood f l ow m enti oned i n
par a. 1. ) You can see the ov er al l stor y of the Di scussi on by r eadi ng the f i r st sentence of each
par agr aph.
End
Par agr aph 5 (endi ng) pr esents a str ai ghtf or w ar d r estatem ent of the answ er s f ol l ow ed by a cl i ni cal
i m pl i cati on. The answ er s at the end m atch the answ er s at the begi nni ng. Si nce cl i ni cal
i m pl i cati ons ar e al so m enti oned at the end of the f i r st par agr aph of the Intr oducti on, the stor y
com es f ul l ci r cl e.
P. 399
Revision 2
1 A 1 Al though r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta dur i ng di astol e i s a com m on f i ndi ng i n
pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a patent ductus ar ter i osus (4, 5, 9–14), A 2 i t has onl y r ecentl y been
suggested that bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es m ay be si m i l ar l y al ter ed (6). BThe r esul ts of
our study i ndi cate 1 that di astol i c bl ood f l ow can be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral ar ter i es of pr eter m
i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus and 2 that al terati ons i n
cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y paral l el al terati ons i n aor ti c bl ood f l ow. CThe paral l el r el ati onshi p
betw een cer ebral and aor ti c bl ood f l ow s, and the i m por tance of shunt si ze, ar e appar ent f r om our
f i ndi ngs. DThus, i n contr ol i nf ants and i nf ants w ho had a sm al l ductal shunt, ther e was no
ev i dence of abnor m al di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es or i n the descendi ng aor ta.
EHow ever, i n i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt, di astol i c bl ood f l ow was r educed, absent, or
r etr ograde i n the cer ebral ar ter i es, and r etr ograde i n the descendi ng aor ta. FMor eover, af ter
cl osur e of the ductus, nor m al di astol i c bl ood f l ow was r eestabl i shed at both si tes.
2 GIn contrast to our r esul ts, Per l m an et al . (6) r epor ted onl y r educed di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the
cer ebral ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge ductal shunt. HTw o f actor s m i ght ex pl ai n
the m or e sever e al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow that w e obser ved (absent and r etr ograde
f l ow ): the si ze of the shunt and the techni que used. I Fi r st, the i nf ants i n our study m ay have had
a l ar ger ductal shunt, and consequentl y gr eater changes i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow, than the i nf ants
i n Per l m an et al . 's study. J Second, w her eas Per l m an et al . used a conti nuouswave Doppl er
vel oci tom eter, w e m easur ed cer ebral bl ood f l ow w i th a rangegated pul sedDoppl er sy stem .
K Com par ed to the pul sedDoppl er sy stem , conti nuouswave anal y si s i s l i m i ted by l ow er r esol uti on
and a potenti al f or si gnal l oss (15, 16), ei ther of w hi ch coul d r esul t i n under m easur ed cer ebral
bl ood f l ow.
3 LA l i kel y ex pl anati on f or our r esul ts i s that, i n the pr esence of a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent
ductus ar ter i osus, the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on, w hi ch has hi gh r esi stance to bl ood f l ow,
com m uni cates w i th the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on, w hi ch has l ow er r esi stance. As a r esul t, bl ood i s
di ver ted away f r om the aor ta i nto the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on v i a the patent ductus ar ter i osus, and
di astol i c bl ood pr essur e f al l s. M As the di astol i c bl ood pr essur e i n the aor ta f al l s, di astol i c bl ood
f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es decr eases and eventual l y r ever ses, ther eby di ver ti ng bl ood away
f r om the cer ebral ar ter i es as w el l . N The f ai l ur e of the cer ebral ar ter i es to decr ease r esi stance
and m ai ntai n f or war d di astol i c f l ow i s pr obabl y due to m ax i m um vasodi l ati on or i m pai r ed
autor egul ati on, both of w hi ch ar e bel i eved to occur i n pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge ductal
shunt (6, 17, 28).
4 OOur r esul ts suggest that bl ood f l ow m ay al so be di ver ted f r om other ar ter i es dur i ng di astol e.
P We f ound f or war d bl ood f l ow i n the transver se aor ta pr ox i m al to the ductus ar ter i osus dur i ng
di astol e, w hen ther e i s nor m al l y no bl ood f l ow . Q We bel i eve that thi s bl ood f l ow r ef l ects bl ood
di ver ted f r om the car oti d and subcl av i an ar ter i es towar d the ductus ar ter i osus v i a the transver se
aor ta. R Si m i l ar f i ndi ngs have been r epor ted pr ev i ousl y (5, 10, 11). S How ever, i n m easur em ents
taken f r om the ascendi ng aor ta just above the aor ti c val ve, w e f ound no di f f er ences i n bl ood f l ow
betw een contr ol i nf ants and i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt. T Thus, i f bl ood i s al so di ver ted
f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es dur i ng di astol e, i t was too l i ttl e to be detected by our techni que.
P. 400
5 U Som e of the cl i ni cal com pl i cati ons of a patent ductus ar ter i osus, such as cer ebral i schem i a,
m ay be ex pl ai ned by our f i ndi ngs that cer ebral bl ood f l ow dur i ng di astol e can be decr eased,
absent, or r etr ograde. VThe ex tent of these changes i n bl ood f l ow appear s to be r el ated to the
si ze of the ductal shunt, and thus a l ar ge shunt m ay pr edi spose i nf ants to ser i ous com pl i cati ons.
WIt i s ther ef or e i m por tant to r ecogni ze these changes i n bl ood f l ow w i thi n a vessel . XBecause
rangegated pul sedDoppl er echocar di ography i s a saf e, noni nvasi ve m eans of assessi ng not onl y
the patency of the ductus ar ter i osus but al so al terati ons i n bl ood f l ow w i thi n a vessel , thi s
echocar di ographi c techni que can be used to i m pr ove the di agnosi s and m anagem ent of
com pl i cati ons of a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
Differences Between Revisions 1 and 2
Beginning
Par agr aph 1 of Rev i si on 2 begi ns w i th contex t (A) and then states the answ er s (B) and the
suppor ti ng r esul ts (C–F). A subtopi c sentence (C) i s used to i ntr oduce the suppor ti ng r esul ts. The
statem ent of the r esul ts has been ni cel y condensed.
Middle
Par agr aph 2 ex pl ai ns the di scr epancy essenti al l y as i n Rev i si on 1 but adds the topi c of each
ex pl anati on to the subtopi c sentence (H), thus pr ov i di ng a cl ear ov er v i ew .
Par agr aph 3 pr esents the specul ati on on steal but changes the ter m “steal ” to “di v er ti ng. ” Thi s
r ev i si on i ncl udes the sentence on m ax i m um v asodi l ati on and i m pai r ed autor egul ati on, w hi ch i s
om i tted i n Rev i si on 1.
Par agr aph 4 uses a tr ansi ti on w or d + k ey ter m topi c sentence to i ntr oduce a secondar y poi nt—
w hether bl ood f l ow i s al so di v er ted f r om other ar ter i es. Thi s topi c sentence cl ear l y i denti f i es the
topi c of the par agr aph because the topi c sentence m ak es a poi nt, r ather than stati ng a r esul t, as
i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 7). The par agr aph i ncl udes al l of the ar ter i es m enti oned i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, not just the cor onar y ar ter i es, as i n Rev i si on 2. Detai l s hav e been added
(under l i ned) to m ak e the ex pl anati on cl ear er .
Wher eas Rev i si on 1 uses tw o k ey ter m topi c sentences and one tr ansi ti on phr ase topi c sentence,
Rev i si on 2 uses tw o tr ansi ti on topi c sentences and onl y one k ey ter m topi c sentence to tel l the
ov er al l stor y .
End
Par agr aph 5 (endi ng) pr esents cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons and an appl i cati on of the m ethod. The f i r st
answ er i s i ncor por ated i nto the f i r st sentence descr i bi ng cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons (U ). Thi s
pr esentati on of the answ er i s l ess obv i ous than a str ai ghtf or w ar d r estatem ent of the answ er s.
Al so note the sm ooth connecti on betw een the cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons and the appl i cati on of the
m ethod (W). Thus the m ethod, w hi ch seem ed i r r el ev ant i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 9, sentence
PP), i s now m ade r el ev ant.
The Overall Story
In both r ev i si ons, y ou can see the ov er al l stor y by r eadi ng the f i r st sentence or tw o of each
par agr aph. Both r ev i si ons pr oceed by the stepby step techni que.
P. 401
Revision 3
AIn thi s study, w e have ex tended pr ev i ous w or k show i ng decr eased bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus (6). BOur
r esul ts dem onstrate that, i n these i nf ants, cer ebral bl ood f l ow can be not onl y decr eased but al so
absent or even r etr ograde and that these al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y paral l el
al terati ons i n aor ti c bl ood f l ow.
Rev i si on 3 show s another w ay to begi n thi s Di scussi on: by pr esenti ng the answ er s to the
questi ons as an ex tensi on of pr ev i ousl y publ i shed w or k on the topi c of abnor m al cer ebr al bl ood
f l ow i n pr eter m i nf ants. Thi s i s a v er y str ai ghtf or w ar d pr esentati on.
Discussion 2
1 I In thi s study, w e show that m per 2 i s a m am m al i an c irc a dia n cl ock gene. H The ev i dence i s that
i t was ex pr essed i n a c irc a dia n patter n i n the suprachi asm ati c nucl eus (SCN ), i n m i ce, i t
m ai ntai ned ex pr essi on under f r eer unni ng condi ti ons (constant dar k ness), and i t was abl e to be
sy nchr oni zed to the cycl e of an ex ter nal l i ght sour ce (entrai nm ent). M We al so show that m per 2,
unl i ke m per 1, i s not di r ectl y light induc ible . L In our m i ce, m per 1 ex pr essi on began w i thi n 7–15
m i n Re sul t s of ex posur e to a 15m i n l i ght pul se at CT22 and conti nued f or 2h. Re sul t s How ever,
m per 2 was not ex pr essed at any ti m e dur i ng the 2h obser vati on per i od or even at 4 h af ter the
l i ght pul se. M ' Thus, m per 2 behaves m or e l i ke the Dr osophi l a per gene than does m per 1, si nce the
Dr osophi l a per gene i s al so not induc ible by light (20, 44).
2 TS Our f i ndi ng that mpe r1 i s light induc ible but that mpe r2 i s not suggests that mpe r1 and
mpe r2 m ay have som e inte rde pe nde nt func tions and that mpe r1 m ay be the pa c e ma k e r.
N Al though m per 2 ex pr essi on l agged behi nd m per 1 ex pr essi on by about 4 h, O inte rde pe nde nt
func tioning i s possi bl e because m per 2 was ex pr essed at ZT/CT6, N w hen m per 1 ex pr essi on was
m ax i m al . O Thus, the neur ons of the SCN m ay contai n transcr i pts f r om both genes. P Assum i ng
that the sequenti al ex pr essi on of m per 1 and m per 2 m i r r or s the sequenti al ex pr essi on of thei r
transcr i pts, then m per 1 and m per 2 m ay i nteract. Q Interacti on coul d occur because the m per
pr otei ns have hi ghl y hom ol ogous PAS dom ai ns (61% i denti ty ); these dom ai ns have been show n to
m edi ate the i nteracti on of di f f er ent PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns (19, 25, 43). R m per 1 and
m per 2 m ay al so i nteract w i th other pr otei ns i n thi s pathway , Q ” si nce PAS dom ai ns al so m edi ate
the i nteracti on of PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns w i th other transacti ng f actor s (19, 25, 43).
S One such pr otei n coul d be cl ock , w hi ch i s w i del y ex pr essed i n the brai n, i ncl udi ng the SCN (22).
TS Thus, i t i s possi bl e that mpe r1 and mpe r2 func tion inte rde pe nde ntly. T In contrast, i n other
ti ssues such as skel etal m uscl e that ex pr ess m per 1 but not m per 2, U m per 1 m ay func tion
inde pe nde ntly of m per 2, possi bl y i n conjuncti on w i th other PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns.
3 V The pr esum ed inte rde pe nde nt func tions of mpe r1 and mpe r2 can be f i tted i nto our gr ow i ng
under standi ng of the m ol ecul ar m echani sm by w hi ch the m am m al i an ci r cadi an cl ock r esponds to
l i ght. W It has pr ev i ousl y been establ i shed that acti vati on of photor eceptor s i n the r eti na
generates s igna ls that ar e tra ns duc e d to the SCN thr ough the r eti nohy pothal am i c tract (RHT)
(r ev i ew ed by Moor e, 27). X In the r eti nor eci pi ent ar ea of the
P. 402
SCN , the r egi on i nto w hi ch the RHT pr ojects (18, 21, 28), thi s s igna l tra ns duc tion r esul ts i n
gl utam ate r el ease, evok i ng cal ci um i nf l ux , w hi ch m ay acti vate the ni tr i c ox i de si gnal i ng cascade
(11, 17, 36). Y The m ol ecul ar ta rge ts of thi s s igna l tra ns duc tion pr ocess ar e one or m or e
pr otei ns of the ci r cadi an cl ock . Z Si nce our f i ndi ngs qual i f y the per pr otei ns as ci r cadi an cl ock
com ponents, they ar e potenti al ta rge ts of the s igna l m edi ated thr ough the RHT. AA In par ti cul ar,
mpe r1 i s l i kel y to be a ta rge t because mpe r1 was i nduced by a pul se of l i ght w i thi n 15 m i n
af ter the l i ght sour ce was tur ned on. B B Inducti on of m per 1 by l i ght i ni ti al l y occur r ed i n a sm al l
num ber of ventral l y l ocated cel l s, and by 30 m i n, m per 1 transcr i pts w er e f ound i n a br oader, but
sti l l ventral , r egi on of the SCN . C C Thi s i s the r eti nor eci pi ent ar ea (18, 21, 28), w hi ch i s al so
character i zed by the ex pr essi on of several neur opepti des (r ev i ew ed i n Car d and Moor e, 7).
D D Betw een 60 and 120 m i n, m or e dor sal neur ons i ni ti ated m per 1 transcr i pti on. EE Thi s br oadeni ng
of ex pr essi on eventual l y l ed to uni f or m ex pr essi on encom passi ng the w hol e SCN .
TSIf mpe r1 i s the ta rge t of s igna l tra ns duc tion, then mpe r1 m ay be the pa c e ma k e r, and both
mpe r1 and mpe r2 m ay be i nvol ved w hen the endogenous cl ock i s e ntra ine d to a new day /ni ght
cycl e. N N A possi bl e m odel i s that l i ght evokes a s igna l i n the r eti na, w hi ch i s transduced thr ough
the RHT to the ventral por ti on of the SCN , the r egi on w her e m per 1 i s f i r st transcr i bed. O O Thi s
s igna l sets up a posi ti ve autor egul ator y l oop of m per 1 ex pr essi on. P P Thi s i ni ti al ex pr essi on
establ i shes a condi ti on i n w hi ch l i ght i s no l onger r equi r ed to m ai ntai n m per 1 ex pr essi on. Q Q Our
data show that m per 1 ex pr essi on conti nues hour s af ter the l i ght pul se i s ter m i nated. RR m per 1
w oul d then acti vate the m per 2 gene, w hi ch i s not i tsel f l i ghti nduci bl e. SS The 4h ti m e del ay
betw een m per 1 and m per 2 ex pr essi on coul d be ex pl ai ned by the r equi r em ent of a thr eshol d
concentrati on of m per 1 pr otei n to tur n on m per 2. TS If thi s m odel i s cor r ect, then mpe r1 i s the
pa c e ma k e r that r esponds to l i ght and m per 1 m edi ates e ntra inme nt, w hi ch i nvol ves m per 2.
TTOther than e ntra inme nt, w hat coul d be the benef i t of hav i ng both m per 1 and m per 2 genes?
UU These tw o genes ar e cl ear l y not r edundant: they ar e m ax i m al l y ex pr essed at di f f er ent ti m es of
the ci r cadi an cycl e, they di f f er w i th r egar d to thei r r esponse to l i ght, and thei r ti ssue ex pr essi on
pr of i l es di f f er gr eatl y . V V Thus, these tw o genes m ust have di f f er ent r egul ator y r egi ons, a
di ver si ty that w oul d al l ow r esponse to a br oader spectr um of i nput cues or per haps i nteracti on
w i th di f f er ent dow nstr eam com ponents. W W The m per 1 r egul ator y r egi on m ay r espond pr i m ar i l y to
l i ght, w her eas the r egul ator y r egi on of m per 2 m i ght r espond to hor m onal or other si gnal s.
X X Thus, di ver se i nput si gnal s coul d r esul t i n the bi osy nthesi s of tw o si m i l ar pr otei ns, w hi ch,
because of thei r r el atedness, can dr i ve the sam e si gnal i ng pathway s.
COMMENTS ON THE REVISION
In thi s r ev i si on, a stor y l i ne r unni ng f r om the begi nni ng to the end of the Di scussi on i s cr eated by
usi ng topi c sentences and transi ti on w or ds, phrases, and cl auses to gi ve an over v i ew at the
begi nni ng of ever y paragraph and by r epeati ng key ter m s.
P. 403
Techniques of Continuity
Topi c Sentences: Par a. 1: I, M, M'; Par a. 2: TS × 2; Par a. 3: V; Par a. 5: TS × 2; Par a. 6: TT.
Transi ti on Wor ds: Para. 1: Resul ts, M'; Para. 2: O, TS, T; Para. 3: AA; Para. 6: VV, XX.
Transi ti on Phrases: Para. 1: L; Para. 2: T; Para. 6: TT.
Transi ti on Cl auses: Para. 1: I, H, M; Para. 2: TS, Q, TS; Para. 3: W; Para. 5: N N , QQ.
CHAPTER 8
Exercise 8.1: Design of Figures and Tables and Their Relation
to the Text
COMMENTS
In thi s Resul ts secti on, the f i gur e and tabl e ar e not cl ear l y desi gned and do not r el ate w el l to the
tex t.
Figure 2
Type of G ra ph. A bar gr aph w oul d show the i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance and the bef or e
and af ter v al ues m or e cl ear l y than a l i ne gr aph does.
Ax is . At f i r st gl ance, the ax i s l ook s l ogar i thm i c, but i t i s actual l y l i near . To m ak e i t l ook
l i near , ti ck m ar k s and scal e num ber s shoul d be pl aced at equal i nter v al s.
Mor e ti ck m ar k s coul d be added to m ak e the tw of ol d and ei ghtf ol d i ncr eases easi er to see.
Re la tion to the Te x t. Once ti ck m ar k s ar e added, i t i s easy to see that “ei ghtf ol d” i s a bi t
of an ex agger ati on. The r eal v al ue i s betw een sev en and ei ghtf ol d. It i s better to
under esti m ate than to ov er esti m ate, so that r eader s w i l l not thi nk y ou ar e tr y i ng to i nf l ate
the data.
U si ng the sam e k ey ter m s i n the tex t, f i gur e l egend, and ax i s l abel w oul d m ak e the r el ati on
betw een the f i gur e and the tex t cl ear er . The i ndi cator (“ai r f l ow r esi stance”) shoul d be used
i n the f i gur e l egend, not the v ar i abl e (“br onchoconstr i cti on”), because ai r f l ow r esi stance i s
w hat w as m easur ed. The k ey ter m “ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d al so be used i n the ax i s l abel .
If the abbr ev i ati on (Rr s) i s used, i t shoul d be def i ned i n the f i gur e l egend. Si m i l ar l y “dose
of sm ok e i nhal ed” i n the tex t does not cor r el ate w el l w i th “num ber of sm ok e i nhal ati ons” i n
the f i gur e.
Figure Le ge nd. To state the poi nt, “i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d be used i nstead
of “br onchoconstr i cti on. ”
The f i gur e l egend coul d be r ev i sed to gi v e m ost ex per i m ental detai l s bef or e the stati sti cal
detai l s. In addi ti on, the ti m es of m easur em ent coul d be added.
P. 404
To show the v ar i abi l i ty of the data, r ather than how cl ose the m easur ed m ean i s to the tr ue
m ean, SD coul d be show n (as i n Tabl e 1) i nstead of SE.
Table I
Type of Illustration.
A l i ne gr aph show s ti m e cour se m or e cl ear l y than a tabl e does.
Relation to the Text.
The tex t say s that the m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n 1 m i n, but the m eans show that the
m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n ½ m i n. If i nstead y ou l ook at i ndi v i dual data, y ou w oul d hav e to
say that the m ean w as r eached w i thi n 2 m i n (dogs 2–4, ½ m i n; dog 1, 1 m i n; dog 5, 2 m i n).
Si m i l ar l y , ai r f l ow r esi stance decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al v al ue w i thi n 2 m i n (the m ean of
188% at 2 m i n i s not di f f er ent f r om 190% at 4 m i n).
In the ti tl e, “br onchoconstr i cti on” shoul d be changed to “ai r f l ow r esi stance. ”
Revision
Results
Inhal ati on of ci gar ette sm oke i nto the l ungs of anestheti zed dogs caused tw o to sevenf ol d
i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance of the total r espi rator y sy stem dependi ng on the num ber of ti dal
vol um es of sm oke i nhal ed (Fi g. 2). Ai r f l ow r esi stance i ncr eased rapi dl y af ter the star t of sm oke
i nhal ati on; on average, the m ax i m um was r eached w i thi n ½ m i n (Fi g. 3). Ai r f l ow r esi stance
r em ai ned i ncr eased transi entl y, decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al val ue w i thi n 2 m i n (Fi g. 3),
and r etur ned to basel i ne bef or e the nex t dose 20 m i n l ater [f i gur e ci tati on om i tted].
P. 405
Exercise 8.2: Table Design and Relation to the Text
Revision
Table II. Effects of Peritoneal Dialysis and Hemodialysis on
Plasma Apoproteins in Patients Who Have EndStage Renal
Disease
P la s ma Apoprote in (mg/dl)
Apo A
Apo AI/Apo B Tre a tme nt Apo AI II Apo B Apo D Apo E
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD f r om 10 contr ol subjects, 6 per i toneal di al y si s pati ents, and 15
hem odi al y si s pati ents.
* P < 0. 0005, † P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
COMMENTS
The or i gi nal tabl e i s gener al l y cl ear , but i t can be m ade cl ear er .
Title and Column Headings.
In the r ev i si on, to m ak e the ti tl e com pl ete, the i ndependent v ar i abl es (per i toneal di al y si s and
hem odi al y si s) hav e been added and the contr ol subjects hav e been om i tted. As a r esul t, the k ey
ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the k ey ter m s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t (per i toneal di al y si s,
hem odi al y si s).
In addi ti on, the col um n headi ng “Pl asm a Apopr otei n” has been added, cor r el ati ng w i th that ter m
i n the ti tl e, and the uni t of m easur em ent (m g/dl ) i s i ncl uded af ter thi s gener al headi ng r ather
than bei ng stated af ter each i ndi v i dual apopr otei n.
Instead of a ti tl e i n the f or m “Ef f ects of X on Y i n Z,” the ti tl e coul d be i n the f or m “Y af ter X i n
Z,” and the poi nt (“Gr eater Changes”) coul d be i ncl uded:
P. 406
Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage
Renal Di sease
Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e
EndStage Renal Di sease
Gr eater Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Hem odi al y si s than Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s i n
Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease.
Relation to the Text.
To m ak e the tabl e show the decr eases i n apo AI and i n apo AI/apo B descr i bed i n the tex t, the
contr ol v al ues hav e been m ov ed to the f i r st r ow (as i s conv enti onal ), per i toneal di al y si s v al ues
ar e i n the m i ddl e (“i nter m edi ate”), and the hem odi al y si s v al ues ar e l ast (“m uch l ow er ”).
In addi ti on, the pati ents ar e descr i bed f ul l y i n the ti tl e, as i n the questi on (“pati ents w ho hav e
endstage r enal di sease”).
Showing Significant Differences.
To show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences, sy m bol s (*, † ) hav e been pl aced af ter the v al ues
that ar e di f f er ent, and f ootnotes hav e been added to state the P v al ues and w hat num ber s ar e
bei ng com par ed.
Presentation of Numbers.
To m ak e the num ber s al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt and on the ± , the col um ns and r ow s of
the tabl e hav e been sw i tched: i ndependent v ar i abl e i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t, dependent
v ar i abl es acr oss the col um ns on the r i ght.
Once the data ar e al i gned i n col um ns, i t i s easi er to see that data f or apo AII and f or apo A
I/apo B hav e di f f er ent num ber s of deci m al pl aces. In the r ev i sed tabl e, al l v al ues i n each col um n
hav e the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces.
CHAPTER 10
Exercise 10.1: Abstracts
Abstract 1
Grade: C
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, shor t sentences, cl ear r esul ts
Biggest Problems:
The answ er shoul d be l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed and the gene studi ed (H).
“Hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” i s not m enti oned ear l i er i n the abstr act.
“A coacti v ator endow ed w i th hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” shoul d be r epl aced by
“p300. ”
Other Problems:
Ex pand the back gr ound to r el ate to the questi on and answ er .
State the unex pected answ er af ter stati ng the answ er to the questi on.
P. 407
U se si m pl e w or ds, m ak e the topi c the subject, and put the acti on i n the v er b (E, F: di ed).
Revision
AThe transcr i pti onal coacti vator and i ntegrator p300 and i ts cl osel y r el ated f am i l y m em ber CBP
ar e bel i eved to m edi ate num er ous si gnal dependent transcr i pti onal events, i ncl udi ng those
i nvol ved i n em br yo devel opm ent.
B
1 To deter m i ne w hether the p300 gene i s necessar y f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l
pr ol i f erati on,
B
2 w e assessed these var i abl es i n m i ce w e generated l ack i ng a f uncti onal p300 gene.
CWe f ound that m ouse em br yos nul l i zygous f or p300 di ed betw een day s 9 and 11. 5 of gestati on,
ex hi bi ti ng def ects i n neur ul ati on, cel l pr ol i f erati on, and hear t devel opm ent.
DCel l s der i ved f r om p300def i ci ent em br yos di spl ayed speci f i c transcr i pti onal def ects and
pr ol i f erated poor l y.
ESur pr i si ngl y, m ost of the p300 heter ozygous em br yos al so di ed.
FMor eover, al l em br yos doubl y heter ozygous f or p300 and cbp di ed.
HThus, the p300 gene i s essenti al f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l pr ol i f erati on.
GOur f i ndi ngs al so show that nor m al m ouse em br yo devel opm ent i s ex qui si tel y sensi ti ve to
under dosage and over dosage of p300 and cbp genes.
Abstract 2
Grade: D
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, usef ul back gr ound stated
Biggest Problems:
“r epr esses” (ti tl e, E, F); “posi ti v el y r egul ate” (A), “posi ti v e and negati v e f actor s” (G).
“tr anscr i pti on” (ti tl e, F, G), “ex pr essi on” (E)
The v er b i n the si gnal of the answ er i s too w eak ; i t sounds l i k e the si gnal of an i m pl i cati on,
not of an answ er .
Other Problems:
The end of the l ast sentence sounds l i k e the pur pose of the i nter acti on (“to account f or ”).
Pr obabl y thi s par t of the sentence i s a specul ati on (“and thus m ay account f or ”).
P. 408
Revision
A Factor That Represses Transcription Binds to the Same GCRich
Sequence Repeat as Factors That Activate Transcription
ASeveral fa c tors tha t bind to G Cric h s e que nc e s a c tiva te tra ns c ription of both housekeepi ng
genes and cel l ul ar oncogenes.
AAWe asked w hether fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t as fa c tors that a c tiva te tra ns c ription.
BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e character i zed a hum an cDN A that encodes a fa c tor that binds to a
G Cric h s e que nc e re pe a t pr esent i n pr om oter s of the epi der m al gr ow th f actor r eceptor (EGFR),
βacti n, and cal ci um dependent pr otease (CAN P).
CWe f ound that thi s fa c tor is a 91k d pr otei n w i th an ex tr em el y basi c r egi on at i ts am i no
ter m i nus.
DDel eti on anal y ses i ndi cated that thi s basi c r egi on f uncti ons as the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n.
EWhen w e ex pr essed thi s fa c tor i n CV1 cel l s, w e f ound that i t re pre s s e d tra ns c ription
or i gi nati ng both f r om the EGFR and βacti n pr om oter s and f r om chi m er i c pr om oter s contai ni ng the
CAN P gene.
GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t as f actor s that a c tiva te transcr i pti on.
Abstract 3
Grade: C
Strengths
Problems
The questi on i s stated v aguel y : the i ndependent v ar i abl e i s m i ssi ng.
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent (A) i s not cl ear : How w as one l ung ex posed—sur gi cal l y ?
What w as i t ex posed to?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s i ncom pl ete: What happened to the other l ung i s not
descr i bed unti l sentence C; i t shoul d be i n sentence A.
What w as the state of the ani m al s dur i ng the study ?
The l ast sentence (E) si gnal s an answ er , but i t states an i m pl i cati on, as i ndi cated by
the v er b “coul d be” and by the f acts that i n thi s study bacter i a w er e not gi v en and
m or tal i ty w as not assessed. The answ er shoul d pr obabl y be about the ef f ect of ozone
on the def ense m echani sm of the l ungs (see the ti tl e), though i t i s questi onabl e
w hether the r esul ts of br onchoal v eol ar l av age shoul d be ex tended to the l ungs as a
w hol e. The i ntended answ er seem s to be that ozone i m pai r s the def ense m echani sm
P. 409
of the l ungs, though an i ncr eased num ber of pol y m or phonucl ear l euk ocy tes m ay be a
good thi ng f or l ung def ense.
Sentence D has an uncl ear si gnal (“w er e f ound to be”): i t coul d be ei ther r esul ts or the
answ er .
It i s al so possi bl e that ther e ar e tw o questi ons and tw o answ er s, one about the ef f ect
of ozone on the def ense m echani sm and the other about di r ect tox i ci ty (sentence D)
(see Rev i si on 2).
The w r i ti ng i s gener al l y cl ear but contai ns som e jar gon (“uni l ater al l ung ex posur e
techni que, ” “bacter i al chal l enge”) and uncl ear w or d choi ce (w hat does “depr ess v ar i ous
i ntr acel l ul ar hy dr ol y ti c enzy m es” m ean: decr ease the num ber s of enzy m es? decr ease
enzy m e acti v i ty ?). Al so the si gnal of the r esul ts w oul d be cl ear er i f i t w er e at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. In the ti tl e, “def ensi v e m echani sm ” shoul d be “def ense
m echani sm . ”
Revision 1 (One Question)
OZONE SUPPRESSES THE DEFENSE MECHANISM of RABBITS' LUNGS
A
1 To deter m i ne how l ow concentrati ons of ozone af f ect the endogenous def ense m echani sm of
rabbi ts' l ungs,
A
2 We venti l ated one l ung w i th ozone and the other l ung w i th ai r dur i ng l i ght anesthesi a.
BWe f ound that ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm f or 3 h) decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and
the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase. It al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per centage of pol y m or phonucl ear
l eukocy tes i n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d.
CAl l these ef f ects w er e dose r el ated, appear ed onl y i n the l ung venti l ated w i th ozone, and
r esul ted f r om di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone and not f r om a general i zed sy stem i c r esponse.
DWe concl ude that ozone suppr esses the def ense m echani sm of rabbi ts' l ungs.
EWe suggest that thi s suppr essi on m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the hi gh death rate of rabbi ts i nf ected
w i th bacter i a af ter thei r l ungs ar e venti l ated w i th ozone.
COMMENTS
In Rev i si on 1, the i ndependent var i abl e i s added to the questi on (A 1 ), and the ani m al (A 1 ),
m ethods detai l s (A 2 B), and the answ er (D) ar e al so added. In A 2 the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent
i s now com pl ete, and pr eci se w or d choi ce m akes cl ear how the l ungs w er e ex posed and w hat
each l ung was ex posed to. In A 2 and B, the f ol l ow i ng detai l s of m ethods ar e now i ncl uded: the
condi ti on of the rabbi ts (l i ghtl y anestheti zed), the concentrati on of ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm ), the
durati on of ex posur e to ozone (3 h), and the ty pe of cel l s studi ed (al veol ar m acr ophages). The
answ er (D) answ er s the questi on asked: the key ter m s f or the i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es ar e the sam e i n the questi on and the answ er, and the poi nt of v i ew i s the sam e. Al so,
the si gnal of the r esul ts (“We f ound that”) i s m oved to the begi nni ng of the sentence (B), and the
r esul t f or hydr ol y ti c enzy m es i s descr i bed m or e pr eci sel y (“decr eased the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar
hydr ol y ti c enzy m es”). Fi nal l y, i n the i m pl i cati on (E), w or d choi ce i s si m pl i f i ed (“hi gh death rate”
i nstead of “i ncr eased m or tal i ty ”), jar gon i s avoi ded (“i nf ected w i th bacter i a” i nstead of “gi ven a
bacter i al chal l enge”), and an appr opr i ate si gnal i s used (“We suggest that”).
P. 410
Revision 2 (Two questions)
OZONE DIRECTLY IMPAIRS ENDOGENOUS DEFENSES IN RABBIT LUNGS
AIn rabbi ts ex posed to ozone and then gi ven an i njecti on of bacter i a, m or tal i ty i s i ncr eased.
BThe i ncr eased m or tal i ty m ay r esul t f r om ozonei nduced i m pai r m ent of the l ungs' def ense
m echani sm s.
C
1 We ther ef or e asked w hether ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n
rabbi ts' l ungs and,
C
2 i f so, w hether the i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone or by a general i zed
sy stem i c r esponse.
D
1 For thi s study, w e assessed com ponents of the l ungs' def ense m echani sm s i n l avage f l ui d f r om
both l ungs of l i ghtl y anestheti zed rabbi ts
D
2 af ter venti l ati ng one l ung w i th ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm f or 3 h) and the other l ung w i th ai r.
EWe f ound that l ow concentrati ons of ozone decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and
the acti v i ty of var i ous i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase). Ozone al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per cent of pol y m or phonucl ear
l eukocy tes w i thi n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d.
FAl l these ef f ects w er e dose r el ated and w er e f ound onl y i n the l ung ex posed to ozone.
GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n rabbi ts'
l ungs and that thi s i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty .
AWe specul ate that these i m pai r ed l ung def enses m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the i ncr eased m or tal i ty
of rabbi ts i nf ected w i th bacter i a af ter ex posur e to ozone.
COMMENTS
Rev i si on 2 ask s tw o questi ons (C 1 , C 2 ) and gi v es tw o answ er s (G). In Rev i si on 2, questi on 1 i s
stated m or e speci f i cal l y than the sam e questi on i n Rev i si on 1 and thus anti ci pates the answ er
m or e cl ear l y . The r eason the questi on i n Rev i si on 2 i s m or e speci f i c i s that i t uses the sam e v er b
(“i m pai r s”) as the answ er r ather than the gener al v er b “af f ect. ”
Al so i n Rev i si on 2, back gr ound i nf or m ati on i s added (A, B) to pr epar e f or the specul ati on at the
end of the abstr act (H). N ote that sentence B states the ul ti m ate questi on the author i s i nter ested
i n and sentence H specul ates on a possi bl e answ er to the ul ti m ate questi on.
Other detai l s added i n Rev i si on 2 ar e the sam e as those i n Rev i si on 1.
Abstract 4
Grade: F
Problems
Too m uch detai l . You cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees.
In the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (A), gi v e the gener al appr oach, not ev er y
v ar i abl e, and i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p betw een v ar i abl es.
In the statem ent of the r esul ts (B–F), gi v e data f or onl y the m ost i m por tant f i ndi ngs,
gi v e per centages i nstead of m eans and SE, or om i t data al together . Om i t P v al ues.
Om i t al l “si gni f i cantl y 's. ” State “m ean ± SE” (i f used) onl y once.
Too m any abbr ev i ati ons. [Q w i th dot abov e]s/[Q w i th dot abov e]t can be r epl aced by “shunt
f r acti on. ” [V w i th dot abov e]/[Q w i th dot abov e] and C ai r ar e nev er m enti oned agai n, and
Pst(L) and TLC ar e used onl y once each, so they ar e unnecessar y . S ai r and SO 2 ar e bi zar r e.
The l ast sentence i s uncl ear : i s i t the i m pl i cati on of thi s study or of other studi es? If other
studi es, i t does not bel ong i n the abstr act.
P. 411
Revision
NO RELATION BETWEEN INCREASED LUNG ELASTIC RECOIL PRESSURE
AND SHUNT FRACTION IN HEALTHY MEN WITH STRAPPED CHESTS
AEl asti c r ecoi l pr essur e of the l ungs i ncr eases w hen total l ung capaci ty decr eases.
B
1 To deter m i ne w hether thi s i ncr eased pr essur e i s due to atel ectasi s,
B
1 w e m easur ed el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e and the r i ghttol ef t i ntrapul m onar y shunt f racti on (an
i ndex of atel ectasi s) bef or e and dur i ng chest strappi ng (a condi ti on that decr eases l ung capaci ty )
i n heal thy m en.
CEx per i m ents w er e done w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r (basel i ne) or 100% ox ygen (to i nduce
atel ectasi s).
DWe f ound that al though el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e i ncr eased by 50% dur i ng chest strappi ng, shunt
f racti on was unchanged w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r and i ncr eased m i ni m al l y w hi l e they
br eathed 100% ox ygen.
EWe concl ude that i ncr eased el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e i n the l ungs dur i ng condi ti ons of decr eased
total l ung capaci ty i s not due to atel ectasi s.
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on i s m uch easi er to r ead because the questi on i s stated (B 1 ), the ex per i m ental
appr oach gi v es an ov er v i ew (B 2 , C), i ndi cator s ar e i denti f i ed (B 2 , C), and unnecessar y detai l s
(l ess i m por tant v ar i abl es, data, stati sti cal i nf or m ati on, the i m pl i cati on at the end) and al l
abbr ev i ati ons ar e om i tted.
CHAPTER 11
Exercise 11.1: Titles
Abstract 1
Questi on: B
2 the ef f ect of CPAP on r enal f uncti on i n new bor ns.
Answ er : F CPAP can i m pai r r enal f uncti on i n new bor ns.
Title :
1. Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e Im pai r s Renal Functi on i n Anestheti zed
N ew bor n Goats (88)
2. Im pai r ed Renal Functi on Fr om Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e i n Anestheti zed
N ew bor n Goats (94)
Running Title : CPAP Im pai r s Renal Functi on (27)
COMMENTS
The ti tl e f or Abstr act 1 shoul d be f ai r l y easy to w r i te because the abstr act i s cl ear l y w r i tten.
Functions
Both ti tl es ai m to attr act appr opr i ate r eader s by putti ng an i m por tant w or d f i r st.
Putti ng “conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e” f i r st shoul d attr act neonatol ogi sts.
Putti ng “i m pai r ed r enal f uncti on” f i r st shoul d attr act nephr ol ogi sts.
P. 412
Content
The f i r st ti tl e i s a sentence and ex pr esses the poi nt i n a v er b i n the pr esent tense
(“i m pai r s”).
The second ti tl e i s a phr ase and ex pr esses the poi nt i n an adjecti v e (“i m pai r ed”).
Hallmarks
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the m essage of the paper .
The sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n the questi on and the answ er .
The ani m al and the condi ti on ar e tak en f r om the ex per i m ent done (sentence C). The
condi ti on i s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e because anesthesi a can af f ect the v ar i abl es m easur ed.
How ev er , som e author s m i ght pr ef er to om i t “anestheti zed. ”
N o noun cl uster s or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used. Ev en though “CPAP” i s a standar d
abbr ev i ati on i n neonatol ogy and i s used i n the abstr act, the abbr ev i ati on i s not used i n
the ti tl e because i t i s unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar to r eader s i n other f i el ds and ther ef or e
coul d be m eani ngl ess to r eader s of sour ces such as Index Medi cus.
In contr ast to the ti tl es gi v en abov e, the ti tl e “Im pai r m ent of Renal Functi on Induced by
Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e” i s am bi guous. In thi s ti tl e, i t i s not cl ear w hat
w as i nduced by conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e—the i m pai r m ent or the r enal
f uncti on.
They com pact the necessar y w or ds by usi ng a categor y ter m (“r enal f uncti on”) i nstead
of nam i ng al l the dependent v ar i abl es (ur i ne f l ow , sodi um ex cr eti on, gl om er ul ar
f i l tr ati on r ate).
In addi ti on, the second ti tl e uses the shor test possi bl e ter m s: “i m pai r ed” r ather than
“i m pai r m ent of ” (8 v s. 13 char acter s and spaces) and “f r om ” r ather than “i nduced by ”
(4 v s. 10).
Message: We descr i be a new gene, f r i nge, w hi ch i s ex pr essed i n dor sal cel l s and
encodes f or a novel pr otei n that i s pr edi cted to be secr eted.
Im pl i cati on: These obser vati ons suggest that f r i nge encodes a boundar y speci f i c
cel l si gnal i ng m ol ecul e that i s r esponsi bl e f or dor sal cel l –ventral cel l
i nteracti ons dur i ng w i ng devel opm ent.
Title :
1. f r i nge, a Boundar ySpeci f i c Si gnal i ng Mol ecul e, Medi ates Interacti ons Betw een
Dor sal and Ventral Cel l s Dur i ng Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent
2. f r i nge, a N ew Gene Responsi bl e f or Dor sal Cel l –Ventral Cel l Interacti ons Dur i ng
Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent (107)
P. 413
COMMENTS
Functions
Both ti tl es i denti f y the m essage of the paper .
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the str uctur e and i ts f uncti on.
The f i r st ti tl e w r i tes the f uncti on as the v er b and com pl eter of a sentence. It uses an apposi ti v e
bef or e the v er b to pl ace f r i nge i n i ts categor y (“a boundar y speci f i c si gnal i ng m ol ecul e”).
The second ti tl e w r i tes the categor y and the f uncti on as an apposi ti ve (af ter a com m a).
Hallmarks
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the m essage of the paper . The sam e
k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n the m essage and the i m pl i cati on.
The f i r st ti tl e (w hi ch i s the publ i shed ti tl e) i s too l ong. The second ti tl e i s m or e conci se because
i t uses a br i ef categor y ter m (“new gene”) to i denti f y f r i nge.
Abstract 3
Abstract 3, w hi ch i s f r om Sci ence, does not f ol l ow the usual f or m at (questi on, ex per i m ent done,
r esul ts f ound, answ er ). Instead i t states onl y the r esul ts (A) and an i m pl i cati on (B).
COMMENTS
Thi s r ev i sed ti tl e i l l ustr ates thr ee poi nts:
It i s unnecessar y f or the ti tl e to f i l l the space al l ow ed. Shor t ti tl es hav e m or e i m pact
than l ong ones.
N ote that i t i s i m possi bl e to f i t al l thr ee r esul ts f r om the abstr act i nto the ti tl e. The sol uti on
i s ei ther to choose one of the r esul ts, as done i n the ti tl e abov e (causes hear t bl ock ), or to
use a categor y ter m , f or ex am pl e, “i m pai r ed car di ac conducti on, ” “car di ac conducti on
abnor m al i ti es, ” or “car di ac r hy thm di stur bances. ” How ev er , because these ter m s ar e al l
m or e abstr act than “hear t bl ock , ” they ar e not as catchy . Si m i l ar l y , i t i s di f f i cul t to i ncl ude
both of the i ndependent v ar i abl es i n the ti tl e. But si nce tol uene i s the sol v ent i n ai r pl ane
gl ue, ei ther “tol uene” or “ai r pl ane gl ue” can be om i tted f r om the ti tl e. “Ai r pl ane gl ue” i s
catchi er than the l ess f am i l i ar “tol uene. ”
P. 414
N ote al so the car ef ul com pacti ng of w or ds i n thi s ti tl e. “Gl ue sni f f i ng” i s not onl y catchy but
al so condenses the l onger ter m “i nhal ati on of ai r pl ane gl ue. ” “Causes” i s a condensed w ay of
say i ng “sensi ti zes the hear t to. ” For som e r eader s “causes” m ay seem l i k e ov er statem ent,
especi al l y si nce “asphy x i ai nduced” i s om i tted. These r eader s m ay pr ef er “l eads to, ” w hi ch
i s l ess di r ect than “causes. ” Fi nal l y , “hear t bl ock ” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng
“atr i ov entr i cul ar bl ock ” w i thout usi ng an abbr ev i ati on (“AV bl ock ”).
Ev en though thi s ti tl e i s catchy and thus shoul d attr act r eader s, i t al so f ol l ow s the gui del i nes
f or the content and hal l m ar k s of a good ti tl e. Al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded:
“gl ue” i s the i ndependent v ar i abl e, “sni f f i ng” i s the ex per i m ental appr oach, “causes” i s the
m essage, “hear t bl ock ” i s the dependent v ar i abl e, and “m i ce” ar e the ani m al s studi ed. In
addi ti on, al though som e r eader s w i l l di spute the accur acy of the ti tl e and per haps al so the
com pl eteness, the ti tl e speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m essage of the paper , i s unam bi guous, i s
conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant ter m .
CHAPTER 12
Exercise 12.1: Seeing the Big Picture
Strengths
Overall
The paper i s f ai r l y shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
Most key ter m s ar e kept consi stent or ar e shor tened r ecogni zabl y (f or ex am pl e, “um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on,” “cor d occl usi on”).
Onl y thr ee abbr ev i ati ons ar e used: pO 2 , pCO 2 , SD (par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen, par ti al pr essur e of
car bon di ox i de, standar d dev i ati on).
Introduction
What i s k now n (A–D) and the i m por tance (E) ar e cl ear l y stated.
The Intr oducti on star ts cl ose to the speci f i c topi c.
The statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach (P) cl ear l y addr esses the pr obl em m enti oned i n
paragraph 2 (J).
Materials and Methods
Subheadi ngs cl ear l y i denti f y the subsecti ons of Mater i al s and Methods.
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: Topi c sentence (“The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y . Br i ef l y , … ”).
Study Desi gn: A topi c sentence that gi v es a br i ef ov er v i ew (“Four ex per i m ents w er e
per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow . ”).
For each ex per i m ent, w e k now w hat w as done and w hat the i ndependent and dependent
v ar i abl es and the contr ol s ar e.
The descr i pti on of each ex per i m ent i s or gani zed accor di ng to the i ndependent v ar i abl es
l i sted i n the questi on (v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
P. 415
Pur poses (par as. 4, 5, 7) and r easons (par as. 6, 7, 9, 10, 12) ar e i ncl uded f or speci f i c
pr ocedur es.
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ay ed i n “Cal cul ati ons” and “Anal y si s of Data. ”
Results
The or der of i ndependent var i abl es w i thi n paragraphs 1, 2, and 3 i s consi stent (venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ayed i n “Major v s. Mi nor Responder s Dur i ng Venti l ati on Al one” to ex pl ai n
w hy the author i s r epor ti ng som e r esul ts that do not hel p answ er the questi on. Because the
questi on f or these r esul ts coul d not have been desi gned i nto the study, stati ng the questi on and
descr i bi ng the m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on i s appr opr i ate.
Discussion
The Di scussi on has the thr ee standar d par ts: the answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng,
ex pl anati on and ex pansi on of the answ er i n the m i ddl e, and a r estatem ent of the answ er f ol l ow ed
by specul ati on at the end.
Topi cs ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant to the questi on and answ er.
Readi ng the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of each paragraph gi ves an over v i ew of the stor y.
Paragraph 1:
Cl ear statem ent of the contex t (A).
Paragraph 2:
Cl ear topi c sentence (D).
Paragraph 3:
Cl ear.
Al though the topi c of paragraph 3 i s tangenti al , the author consi der ed i t at l east as i m por tant as
the questi on and answ er, so i t i s i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on.
Paragraph 4:
Cl ear.
Paragraph 5:
The l ast sentence br i ngs the stor y f ul l ci r cl e by m enti oni ng the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y
hy per tensi on of the new bor n, w hi ch was f i r st m enti oned i n the Intr oducti on (E).
References
Al l r ef er ences i n the l i st ar e i n the tex t, and v i ce ver sa.
Figures and Tables
The f i gur es ar e paral l el .
The tabl es ar e cl ear and cl ear l y suppor t the statem ents i n the tex t, and thei r f or m i s paral l el .
The var i abl es and the val ues i n the f i gur es and tabl es ar e the sam e as those i n the tex t. The key
ter m s and the uni ts of m easur em ent ar e al so the sam e.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n al l f i gur es and tabl es.
In al l f i gur es and tabl es data ar e i denti f i ed as m ean ± SD, and n (the sam pl e si ze) i s gi ven.
P. 416
Fi gur e l egends and f ootnotes of tabl es gi ve enough i nf or m ati on to m ake the f i gur es and tabl es
under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
Abstract
The si gnal s of the r esul ts (E) and of the answ er (K) ar e cl ear.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract ar e the sam e as those i n the Resul ts secti on.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (C).
Data ar e pr esented as per cent change rather than as m ean and standar d dev i ati on.
Weaknesses
Overall
The statem ents of the questi on ar e not al l the sam e.
Abstr act: “to deter m i ne w hether v enti l ati on and ox y genati on of the f etal l ungs coul d
cause thi s decr ease i n r esi stance” (C).
Intr oducti on: “to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to gaseous
v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease pul m onar y
v ascul ar r esi stance to l ev el s seen at bi r th” (O).
Abstract: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur at
bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on” (K).
Di scussi on: “Venti l ati on and ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th” (B).
Di scussi on: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e
cr i ti cal to the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be achi eved by
i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on (EE). Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse
can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (FF).
The answ er s do not answ er the questi ons as ask ed. The v er bs i n al l the answ er s ar e
di f f er ent f r om the v er bs i n the questi ons. In addi ti on, the end of the Di scussi on (FF) i ncl udes
an answ er f or w hi ch ther e i s no questi on. Thi s i s a m ajor di scr epancy i n the ov er v i ew .
The over v i ew i n the tex t i s not as cl ear as the over v i ew i n the abstract. Or gani zati on f r om
m ost to l east i m por tant shoul d be used m or e i n the tex t. Al so, m or e techni ques of conti nui ty
need to be used i n the tex t to m ake the over v i ew cl ear : topi c sentences, ver bal and v i sual
si gnal s of topi cs, ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s. Fi nal l y, l ong ex pl anati ons shoul d be
condensed.
The ter m “venti l ati on” i s not pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se ter m i s “l ung di stensi on,” as i ndi cated
by the def i ni ti on of venti l ati on i n the or i gi nal Intr oducti on (sent. G).
Introduction
The r ev i ew of the l i teratur e [ev i dence that the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on m ay be
P. 417
Sal ter ed by the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute sur ger y and anesthesi a (K–N )] i s unnecessar y. Thi s
topi c i s deal t w i th m or e r el evantl y i n the Di scussi on (para. 2).
The r eason f or study i ng the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on shoul d be added.
To em phasi ze the r eason f or the cum ul ati ve study desi gn, the r eason can be i ncl uded i n the
Intr oducti on rather than i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
The questi on (O) r el ates to the f i r st answ er onl y. One sol uti on i s to add a questi on that r el ates to
the second answ er. Another sol uti on i s to ask onl y the second questi on, as i n the r ev i si on bel ow.
Materials and Methods
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: The br i ef descr i pti on does not seem br i ef .
The m or e pr eci se ter m “basel i ne” can be used i nstead of “contr ol . ”
Detai l s of the i nter v enti ons and detai l s of m ethods of m easur em ent shoul d be m ov ed to
separ ate subsecti ons. Par agr aph 8 shoul d be at the end of the Cal cul ati ons subsecti on.
Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the dependent var i abl e i n the
questi on (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance) m or e.
Mor e over v i ew w oul d be usef ul , speci f i cal l y, a topi c sentence say i ng that m i cr ospher es
w er e i njected i n tw o way s, a com pani on topi c sentence i n the nex t paragraph
announci ng the second way of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es, and a transi ti on phrase stati ng
the pur pose of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um . In addi ti on, a br i ef
descr i pti on of the m i cr ospher e m ethod coul d be added (para. 10 of the Rev i si on).
Results
Putti ng the r esul ts f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the m i ddl e of the Resul ts secti on and al so
bur y i ng them at the end of the paragraph on pr essur es (para. 3) m ake the i m por tant r esul ts har d
to f i nd. Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the r esul ts that answ er the
questi on both i n the Resul ts secti on and i n the f i gur es (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, the m ost
i m por tant dependent var i abl e, w oul d be i n Fi g. 1). The var i abl es on w hi ch the cal cul ati on of
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was based (pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al
and l ef t atr i al pr essur es) can com e nex t, and bl ood gases and pH can com e l ast. For thi s
or gani zati on, a topi c sentence l i nk i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
shoul d be added (see para. 2 of Resul ts i n the Rev i si on).
Al ter nati vel y, r eor gani zi ng the r esul ts accor di ng to the i ndependent var i abl e, the sam e
or gani zati on as i n Methods, rather than accor di ng to the dependent var i abl e w oul d m ake the
Resul ts cor r espond m or e cl ear l y w i th the questi on, the abstract, Methods, and the cal cul ati on of
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned at the begi nni ng of Resul ts.
The data f or pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance do not need to be
m enti oned; ci ti ng the f i gur es i s suf f i ci ent.
P. 418
In paragraph 2, Fi gur e 1 shoul d be ci ted af ter an ex per i m ental r esul t (the ef f ect of venti l ati on),
not af ter a contr ol r esul t. In paragraph 3, Fi gur e 2 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t f or venti l ati on
al one (the dram ati c decr ease), not at the end of the sentence.
In paragraph 5, the f i r st sentence (m ethods) shoul d be subor di nated to the second sentence
(r esul ts), and Tabl e 4 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t, not af ter the m ethod. The r em ai ni ng
sentences can be om i tted because the detai l s ar e i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on (para. 3).
Discussion
Paragraph 1:
A str onger si gnal of the answ er i n B and a str onger l i nk betw een B and A w oul d be hel pf ul (see
the r ev i si on).
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned i n the si gnal of the answ er.
Instead of stati ng a r esul t, sentence C shoul d state an answ er. The var i abl e shoul d be pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance and the ver b shoul d be i n pr esent tense.
Paragraphs 2–4:
Condensi ng w oul d m ake these paragraphs cl ear er.
Paragraph 3:
Identi f y i ng the gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as an unex pected
f i ndi ng (sentence M) w oul d m ake the over v i ew cl ear er.
Paragraph 4:
To m ake the topi c sentence sound l ess negati ve and to f ocus the stor y on the topi c of paragraph
4, the f i r st poi nt i n sentence Y can be subor di nated to the second poi nt.
Paragraph 5:
“In uter o” bel ongs i n the ex per i m ental appr oach, not i n the answ er (EE).
The answ er shoul d be si gnal ed and the ani m al studi ed shoul d be nam ed i n the si gnal .
Changi ng the key ter m (f r om “venti l ati on” to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ”) m akes the
second answ er (FF) di f f i cul t to under stand.
Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added to the l ast sentence (II) to r el ate the specul ati on
to the dependent var i abl e i n the answ er bef or e r el ati ng i t to a cl i ni cal pr obl em based on the
dependent var i abl e.
Figures and Tables
In the tabl es, al l sam pl e si zes l ess than 16 shoul d be accounted f or. (The sam pl e si ze of 12
dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on i n Tabl e 1 i s accounted f or i n para. 7 of Methods. The sam pl e si ze
of 10 f or l ef t atr i al pr essur e dur i ng venti l ati on and ox ygenati on i s accounted f or i n para. 3 of
Resul ts. )
Tabl es 1–3 coul d be r edesi gned so that the i ndependent var i abl e r uns dow n the f i r st col um n on
the l ef t (see the r ev i si on). In addi ti on, the data i n Tabl es 2–4, w hi ch ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted,
shoul d be m edi ans and i nter quar ti l e ranges.
Fi gur es 1 and 2 shoul d be boxandw hi sker pl ots, because the data ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted
(w hi ch i s w hy the data w er e anal y zed by the MannWhi tney U test).
The data f or the answ er to the questi on shoul d not be spl i t i nto tw o f i gur es and a tabl e (Fi gs. 1, 2
and Tabl e 3). To m ake the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow and the di f f er ence betw een l ef t atr i al pr essur e and sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e cl ear, al l the
data can be pr esented i n a tabl e (see the r ev i si on).
P. 419
In Fi gur e 3, the poi nt that i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow w er e ex tr em el y var i abl e i s
di f f i cul t to see because the over l ap of cur ves m akes f ol l ow i ng and com par i ng i ndi v i dual cur ves
di f f i cul t. One way to m ake the poi nt i n Fi gur e 3 cl ear i s to r edraw the graph as tw o separate
graphs, one f or m ajor r esponder s and the other f or m i nor r esponder s.
Abstract
The questi on i n the abstract (C) does not r ef l ect the paper accuratel y because the questi on om i ts
one of the i ndependent var i abl es (um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on), thus cr eati ng onl y a par ti al
ex pectati on of the topi cs i n the paper.
The ex per i m ent done shoul d m enti on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (D).
Changi ng the key ter m “venti l ati on” to “venti l ati on… w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no changes
i n ar ter i al bl ood gases” (E) and to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (L) i s conf usi ng.
“U nex pectedl y ” shoul d be added at the begi nni ng of the r esul ts i n sentence I.
In the answ er (K), the poi nt of v i ew shoul d be the sam e as that i n the questi on; the ver b shoul d
al so be the sam e. In addi ti on, “i n uter o” bel ongs onl y i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent, not i n
the answ er.
The abstract i s l onger than necessar y. Sentences B (back gr ound) and M (specul ati on) can be
om i tted. Sentences E–H (r esul ts) can be condensed.
Title
The ti tl e i ndi cates the topi c of the paper onl y v aguel y .
“Pul m onar y Ci r cul ati on” shoul d be changed to “Pul m onar y Vascul ar Resi stance” (the
dependent v ar i abl e).
Instead of “Bi r thRel ated Ev ents, ” the speci f i c i ndependent v ar i abl es that decr eased
pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance shoul d be nam ed.
For the m ost speci f i c ti tl e, the m essage can be stated i n a v er b (“decr ease”).
Revision
LUNG DISTENSION: THE MAJOR CAUSE OF DECREASED PULMONARY
VASCULAR RESISTANCE IN NEARTERM FETAL SHEEP
Abstract
A In thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, or occl usi on
of the um bi l i cal cor d i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. B To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16
chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. C We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance f r om vascul ar pr essur es and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow (obtai ned by i njecti ng radi onucl i de
l abel ed m i cr ospher es) dur i ng basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. D We f ound that l ung di stensi on al one decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to 34%
of basel i ne, because of a 400% i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, no change i n pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e, and a 200% i ncr ease i n l ef t atr i al pr essur e. E Ox ygenati on
P. 420
decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f ur ther (to 10% of basel i ne), because of a m odest
f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e.
F U m bi l i cal cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther change i n any of the var i abl es. G U ne x pe c te dly, the
f etuses r esponded di f f er entl y to l ung di stensi on: i n ei ght, pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ax i m al
dur i ng l ung di stensi on w her eas i n the other ei ght, i t was onl y 20% of m ax i m al . H We f ound no
di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups of f etuses to ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. I We concl ude
that l ung di stensi on i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
Introduction
1 A At bi r th, as the l ungs r epl ace the pl acenta as the m ai n or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust decr ease dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and
ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not decr ease, the
sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten l eadi ng to death.
2 C Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th c a us e the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. D Thr ee m ajor events that coul d c a us e thi s decr ease
ar e r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and occl usi on of the
um bi l i cal cor d. E Tw o of these events—di stensi on and ox ygenati on—have been studi ed i n acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. F The studi es suggested that ox ygenati on rather than di stensi on of the
f etal l ungs is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (5–10).
G How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze the f etal
sheep m ay have al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n these studi es, because thi s r esponse
i s consi der ed to be at l east par tl y m edi ated by vasoacti ve m etabol i tes (11). H In addi ti on,
al though the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance has been studi ed
onl y i ndi r ectl y, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on has been f ound to i ncr ease catechol am i nes gr eatl y (r ef ).
I Thi s i ncr ease i n catechol am i nes coul d al ter pul m onar y vascul ar tone and thus coul d change
3 J Ther ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs,
or occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d (D) i s the m ajor c a us e (F) of the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (A, C). K To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed
the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. L We studi ed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects
rather than the i ndependent ef f ects because the or der of the ex per i m ents coul d not be
random i zed. M One r eason i s that w e w er e concer ned that ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs m i ght
i nduce num er ous and per haps i r r ever si bl e m etabol i c and hem ody nam i c consequences, so that
subsequent l ung di stensi on i n the absence of ox ygenati on coul d not be studi ed. N Another r eason
i s that the um bi l i cal cor d cannot be occl uded bef or e ox ygenati on. O Thus, the study i s com posed
of f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents: basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. * P To avoi d the super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses and of
other com ponents of the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and
col d ex posur e, w e di d these ex per i m ents i n near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y
f or catheter pl acem ent.
P. 421
Materials and Methods
(Topi c sentences, transi ti on phrases, and key ter m s that si gnal topi cs of paragraphs or subtopi cs
w i thi n paragraphs ar e under l i ned)
Animals
1 A Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about 145
day s). B The f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases (see
Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the begi nni ng of the study. C Ani m al
husbandr y and the study desi gn f ol l ow ed the gui del i nes of the N ati onal Insti tutes of Heal th. The
study desi gn w as appr ov ed by the Com m i ttee on Ani m al Resear ch at our uni v er si ty .
Surgical Preparation
2 D The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 12). E Br i ef l y, dur i ng anesthesi a, f or
m easur em ent of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar pr essur es, catheter s w er e pl aced i n the
ascendi ng aor ta, the descendi ng aor ta, the i nf er i or vena cava, the l ef t atr i um , the pul m onar y
ar ter y, and the am ni oti c cav i ty (f or zer o pr essur e r ef er ence). F The ascendi ng aor ti c catheter was
al so used to obtai n bl ood sam pl es f or deter m i nati on of pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n concentrati on,
and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on. G For venti l ati on, an endotracheal tube was i nser ted. H Attached
to the endotracheal tube w er e tw o pi eces of pol y v i ny l tubi ng. I One pi ece was seal ed. J The other
pi ece was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d postoperati vel y.
K In addi ti on, a catheter was pl aced i n the pl eural cav i ty f or tr eatm ent i n the event of a
pneum othorax . L Fi nal l y, a bal l oon occl uder was pl aced ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d.
Study Design
3 M Tw o to thr ee day s af ter sur ger y, w e per f or m ed f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on each of the 16
f etal sheep i n the f ol l ow i ng sequence: f i r st, basel i ne; then added l ung di stensi on (i nduced by
venti l ati on w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al f etal bl ood gas content); then added
ox ygenati on (venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen); and l ast added um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. N Dur i ng
each of the f our ex per i m ents, w e f i r st sam pl ed f etal bl ood f r om the ascendi ng aor ta f or
assessm ent of i ndi cator s of ox ygenati on and aci dbase status (pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n
concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on). O N ex t, f or the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance, w e m easur ed m ean pr essur es i n the pul m onar y ar ter y and the l ef t atr i um
and then i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. P We
al so m easur ed sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e as a check of hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty. Q We obtai ned al l
data w i thi n 5 m i n and dur i ng hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty.
4 R Bef or e the f i r st ex per i m ent, w e pl aced the ew e i n a study cage and al l ow ed i t f r ee access to
al f al f a pel l ets and water. S Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ental m easur em ents, w e wai ted f or at
l east 15 m i n af ter the i nter venti on f or pr essur es and bl ood gases to stabi l i ze. T Af ter tak i ng bl ood
sam pl es, w e gave f etal or m ater nal bl ood to r epl ace bl ood l oss.
P. 422
Interventions (new subsection)
5 U For l ung di stensi on, w e venti l ated the f etus's l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al
f etal bl ood gas content. V Fi r st, w e opened the tw o pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the tracheal tube
and al l ow ed the tracheal f l ui d to drai n by grav i ty. W Then w e bal anced a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen,
ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de to m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned dur i ng the basel i ne
ex per i m ent. X The gas m i x tur e was about 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and 5% car bon di ox i de.
Y Bef or e begi nni ng venti l ati on, w e al l ow ed thi s gas m i x tur e to f l ow thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng
f or a f ew seconds at a rate of about 10 L/m i n so that the f etus w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh
concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of venti l ati on. Z Then w e connected the tubi ng to a speci al l y
desi gned r espi rator and adjusted venti l ati on as descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (12). AA Venti l ator y setti ngs
ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1.
Table 1. Ventilatory Settings for Variables in the Fetal Sheep
During Lung Distension, Oxygenation, and Umbilical Cord
Occlusion
b Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, f etuses r ecei ved a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon
di ox i de bal anced to m atch thei r bl ood gases dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent.
c Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etuses gi ven i n par entheses. Ther e w er e no
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een ex per i m ents f or any of the var i abl es.
6 B B For ox ygenati on, w e changed the gas m i x tur e to 100% ox ygen and conti nued venti l ati on.
C C We di d not add car bon di ox i de to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on i n the f i r st f ew studi es
i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . D D Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental bl ood f l ow f el l dur i ng
ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval .
7 EE For um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e f ul l y i nf l ated the bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d, thus
abol i shi ng pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). F F In 4 of the 16 f etuses, w e coul d not study cor d occl usi on,
because of a f aul ty bal l oon i n tw o and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch l ed to
car di ovascul ar decom pensati on, i n tw o.
Methods of Measurement (new subsection)
8 Bl ood pr essur es w er e m easur ed by connecti ng the vascul ar catheter s to Statham P23Db strai n
gauge transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA) and r ecor di ng the traci ngs on a di r ect
w r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). H H Bl ood gases and pH w er e anal y zed on
a Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer (Medf i el d, MA) and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati ons on a
Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter (Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
P. 423
Calculations
9 I I We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow . J J For the si x
f etuses i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons, w e used
the m ean val ues obtai ned f r om the other ten f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
10 KK To cal cul ate pul m onar y and other bl ood f l ow s, w e used the radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher e
m ethod (r ef ). L L Br i ef l y, w e i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr,
1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn, 8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn), 15 µm i n di am eter, i nto the i nf er i or vena cava
or i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um . M M Dur i ng the i njecti on, w e w i thdr ew r ef er ence
bl ood sam pl es f r om vessel s pr ox i m al to each or gan gr oup (pul m onar y ar ter y f or the l ungs,
ascendi ng aor ta f or the upper body, and descendi ng aor ta f or the l ow er body and pl acenta) at a
rate of 4 m l /m i n. N N We used thi s r ef er ence f l ow, al ong w i th r ef er ence radi oacti v i ty counts and
al so or gan w ei ghts and counts, to cal cul ate bl ood f l ow s.
11 O O For cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e i njected m i cr ospher es i n tw o way s. P P Dur i ng
the basel i ne ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus
(14), w e i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and w i thdr ew bl ood sam pl es f r om the
pul m onar y ar ter y. Q Q Thi s i njecti on and w i thdrawal techni que excl udes br onchi al bl ood f l ow. RR To
cal cul ate br onchi al bl ood f l ow , i n si x f etal sheep w e al so i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t
atr i um dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. SS We f ound that br onchi al bl ood f l ow was r el ati vel y
constant and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output. TT We then
subtracted thi s val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow val ues i n the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
12 UU Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es
f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow di f f er entl y . V V The r eason i s that upon venti l ati on,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y. W W Thus, a l ef tto
r i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. X X To cal cul ate pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que that deter m i nes the
contr i buti ons of l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. Y Y Ther ef or e, dur i ng l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th
di f f er ent radi onucl i des si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um and
cal cul ated pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the
sum of bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta (4). ZZ Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was
cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t and r i ght ventr i cul ar outputs. AAA Bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and
pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t atr i al i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the
ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
13 B B B U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, w e gave the ew e a l ethal dose of sodi um
pentobar bi tal , r em oved the f etus f r om the uter us, and w ei ghed i t. C C C To obtai n radi oacti v i ty
counts f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow , w e r em oved and w ei ghed al l or gans and pl aced
them i n f or m al i n. D D D Then w e separatel y car boni zed the or gans i n an oven, gr ound them i nto a
coar se pow der, and pl aced them i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm . EEE To count the
radi oacti v i ty of the or gans and the r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es, w e used a 1000channel
m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t Atk i nson, WI). F F F We cal cul ated the speci f i c
acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a
P. 424
sam pl e by the l eastsquar es m ethod (13). GGG Fr om the r ef er ence f l ow and radi oacti v i ty counts
and the or gan w ei ghts and counts, w e cal cul ated bl ood f l ow s accor di ng to standar d f or m ul as
(r ef ).
Analysis of Data
14 H H H We anal y zed the data f r om each ex per i m ent by the MannWhi tney U test, com par i ng onl y
the data obtai ned dur i ng one ex per i m ent w i th data obtai ned dur i ng the ex per i m ent i m m edi atel y
pr ecedi ng i t. I I I We consi der ed stati sti cal si gni f i cance pr esent w hen the P val ue was ≤ 0. 001.
J J J Al l data ar e pr esented as m ean ± 1 SD.
Results
1 A Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the 16 f etal sheep decr eased to 34% of basel i ne val ues
dur i ng l ung di stensi on al one (Fi gur e 1). B It decr eased an addi ti onal 10% dur i ng ox ygenati on. C It
di d not change f ur ther af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
2 D These decr eases i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance m ai nl y r ef l ect i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow. E Mean pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i ncr eased to f our ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng l ung
di stensi on and to si x ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng ox ygenati on (Tabl e 2). F A doubl i ng of l ef t
atr i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on (Tabl e 2). G A s ma ll but s ignific a nt decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e al so
contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng ox ygenati on.
Table 2. Changes in Pulmonary Vascular Resistance and Its
Components During Cumulative Lung Distension,
Oxygenation, and Umbilical Cord Occlusion in Fetal Sheep
P ulmona ry
Sys te mic P ulmona ry Le ft Va s c ula r
Arte ria l Arte ria l Atria l P ulmona ry Re s is ta nc e
P re s s ure a P re s s ure a P re s s ure a Blood Flow (mmHg ·
Ex pe rime nt (mmHg) (mmHg) (mmHg) ((ml/min)/k g) min · k g/ml)
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses.
* P ≤ 0. 05, P ≤ 0. 001, ‡P ≤ 0. 01 v s. the ex per i m ent i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng i t.
(N ote: Because the data ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted, they shoul d be sum m ar i zed as
m edi an and i nter quar ti l e r ange, not as m ean and standar d dev i ati on. )
P. 425
3 H The i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng the ex per i m ents w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e (Fi g. 2). I In som e f etuses the m ajor i ty of the i ncr ease occur r ed dur i ng l ung di stensi on,
w her eas i n other s ther e was al m ost no i ncr ease unti l ox ygenati on. J To l ook f or f actor s that m i ght
pr edi ct these di f f er ences i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, f i r st w e ar bi trar i l y di v i ded the f etuses i nto
m ajor r esponder s (i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow at l east 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease over
the f our ex per i m ents) and m i nor r esponder s (i ncr ease l ess than 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease).
K The ei ght m ajor r esponder s had an i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on that
was equal to the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (103 ± 52%), w her eas the ei ght m i nor r esponder s had a
m uch sm al l er i ncr ease (20 ± 17%). L Then w e assessed basel i ne var i abl es that m i ght be di f f er ent
i n the m ajor and m i nor r esponder s. M In addi ti on, to see i f the di f f er ence coul d have r esul ted
f r om di f f er ences i n the ul ti m ate vasodi l ati on and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e l ooked at tw o
i ndi cator s of vasodi l ati on and at pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on. N N one of these
var i abl es show ed s ta tis tic a lly s ignific a nt di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups (Tabl e 3)
(unchanged f r om Tabl e 4 i n the or i gi nal v er si on).
Fi gur e 2.
Indi v i dual
changes i n
pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow
i n each of
the 8 ma jor
re s ponde rs
a nd the 8
minor
re s ponde rs
dur i ng
cum ul ati ve
l ung
di stensi on,
ox ygenati on,
and
um bi l i cal
cor d
occl usi on.
P. 426
4 O Except f or pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, w hi ch i ncr eased appr opr i atel y dur i ng
ox ygenati on, sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on di d not change
s ignific a ntly dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, or um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on (Tabl e 4).
Table 4. Ascending Aortic pH, Blood Gases, and Hemoglobin
Oxygen Saturations during the Experiments
Hgb O 2 s a t a Ex pe rime nt pH pO 2 (mmHg) pCO 2
(% ) (mmHg)
Lung 7. 35 ± 0. 07 (16) 19 ± 4 (16) 54 ± 6 (16) 46 ± 12 (16)
Di stensi on
Ox ygenati on 7. 34 ± 0. 09 (16) 215 ± 154* 51 ± 10 97 ± 6* (16)
(16) (16)
Cor d Occl usi on 7. 29 ± 0. 15 (13) 263 ± 168 (13) 58 ± 21 95 ± 10 (16)
(12)
a Hgb O
2 sat, hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on.
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on the num ber of f etal sheep
Discussion
1 A Of the thr ee m ajor events that occur at bi r th, r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs,
ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, ox ygenati on has been r epor ted to be the
m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (5–
10). B In thi s study i n f etal sheep, w e f ound that di stensi on of the l ungs, not ox ygenati on, is the
ma jor c a us e of thi s decr ease. C In our near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o, near l y tw othi r ds of the
decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur r ed dur i ng l ung di stensi on and the r em ai ni ng
onethi r d occur r ed dur i ng ox ygenati on. D N o f ur ther decr ease occur r ed dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on.
2 E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on than pr ev i ousl y r epor ted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es w er e per f or m ed on acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that caused by the anesthesi a and
sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of var i ous
m etabol i c agents, such as pr ostagl andi ns. G Al ter ed pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of pr ostagl andi ns
coul d have sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n those studi es.
H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor i ndom ethaci n has been
show n to attenuate thi s decr ease (30). I Fur ther ev i dence i s that pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent
pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or
br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y del i ver ed f etal l am bs. J Gr eater vasodi l ati on w oul d decr ease pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and
brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
(31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser ef f ects of l ung di stensi on i n the pr ev i ous studi es
m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M U nex pectedl y , w e al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to
the ef f ects of l ung di stensi on. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on was
P. 427
m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve r esponse.
O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and ai r
venti l ati on: of the si x f etuses studi ed, tw o show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge
ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, tw o show ed a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r,
and tw o show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no
f ur ther change upon ex posur e to ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al . noted that ni tr ogen
had the gr eatest ef f ect on the sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to i denti f y the
r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That i s, the m ajor
r esponder s di d not begi n w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In f act, the tw o
gr oups had r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng basel i ne m easur em ents and
dur i ng venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n thei r overal l
m atur i ty, w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences i n pO 2 w er e
not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both dur i ng
basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng l ung di stensi on, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther m or e
hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though w e
w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng l ung di stensi on, dur i ng
ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the tw o gr oups, w i thout the m ethod of
venti l ati on hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y Al though the m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the tw o
gr oups of f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons. Z Fi r st, i t
m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an i ncom pl ete decr ease
i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the concentrati ons and f l uxes
of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate di f f er ent f ates of these agents i n
m ajor and m i nor r esponder s.
5 B B In sum m ar y, thi s study i n f etal sheep show s that di stensi on of the l ungs, not ox ygenati on, is
the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
C C How ever, the ef f ect of l ung di stensi on i s var i abl e. D D The var i abi l i ty i s pr obabl y m edi ated i n
par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes. EE By usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to
i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that do and do not r espond to l ung
di stensi on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance and thus f or the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay
be better el uci dated.
FOOTNOTES
* Sentences K–O w er e or i gi nal l y i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
P. 428
P. 429
Literature Cited
References
THE GOAL: CLEAR WRITING
Woodf or d FP. Sounder thi nk i ng thr ough cl ear er w r i ti ng. Sci ence 12 May 1967;156(3776):743–
5. A l i v el y , cl ear ar ti cl e that ex pl ai ns the negati v e ef f ects of poor w r i ti ng i n sci enti f i c jour nal
ar ti cl es and of f er s suggesti ons on how to i m pr ov e sci enti f i c w r i ti ng.
Chapter 1: WORD CHOICE
Webster 's thi r d new i nter nati onal di cti onar y of the Engl i sh l anguage unabr i dged. Spr i ngf i el d,
Massachusetts: Mer r i am , 1976. A standar d unabr i dged di cti onar y of Am er i can Engl i sh.
Incl udes cl ear def i ni ti ons of both sci enti f i c and gener al ter m s, quotati ons show i ng how w or ds
ar e used i n sentences, and ex cel l ent sy nony m notes.
The Am er i can her i tage di cti onar y of the Engl i sh l anguage. 3r d ed. Boston: Am er i can Her i tage
and Houghton Mi f f l i n, 1992. A standar d desk di cti onar y , par ti cul ar l y usef ul f or w or ds i n
gener al use. Incl udes num er ous ex cel l ent usage notes and sy nony m notes. Beauti f ul l y
i l l ustr ated.
Str unk W Jr, Whi te EB. The el em ents of sty l e. 3r d ed. N ew Yor k : Macm i l l an, 1979. Succi nctl y
states and i l l ustr ates r ul es f or cl ear , gr acef ul w r i ti ng. Al though f i r st publ i shed i n 1918, thi s
book i s sti l l ex tr em el y usef ul .
Chapter 2: SENTENCE STRUCTURE
Woodf or d FP, ed. Sci enti f i c w r i ti ng f or graduate students: a m anual on the teachi ng of
sci enti f i c w r i ti ng. Bethesda, Mar y l and: Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s, 1986. U sef ul f or students
as w el l as f or teacher s. A pr ocedur al appr oach to w r i ti ng sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s. Has
ex cel l ent chapter s on “Fur ther Rev i si on: Pol i shi ng the Sty l e” (i l l ustr ated i n ex cel l ent
annotated “bef or e” and “af ter ” v er si ons of thr ee sam pl e ar ti cl es i n “Edi ti ng Assi gnm ents”) and
on “Desi gn of Tabl es and Fi gur es. ”
P. 430
Chapter 3: PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE
Fow l er HW. “El egant var i ati on,” i n A di cti onar y of m oder n Engl i sh usage. 2nd ed. N ew Yor k
and Ox f or d: Ox f or d U ni ver si ty Pr ess, 1965. For af i ci anados of the use of the l anguage,
Fow l er 's w i tty and br i l l i ant book i s a gol d m i ne.
Chapter 4: THE INTRODUCTION
DeBakey L. The sci enti f i c jour nal : edi tor i al pol i ci es and practi ces: gui del i nes f or edi tor s,
r ev i ew er s, and author s. St. Loui s: Mosby, 1976. A cogent book that deal s succi nctl y and
objecti v el y w i th pr obl em s of r ev i ew i ng m anuscr i pts f or publ i cati on and of r unni ng a jour nal .
Chapter 5: MATERIALS AND METHODS
Gl antz SA. Pr i m er of bi ostati sti cs, 4th ed. N ew Yor k : McGrawHi l l , 1997. Focuses on pr obl em s
com m onl y encounter ed i n anal y zi ng data i n bi om edi cal r esear ch. Wr i tten i n a chatty sty l e.
Gar dner MJ, Al tm an DG. Conf i dence i nter val s rather than P val ues: esti m ati on rather than
hy pothesi s testi ng. Br Med J 15 Mar ch 1986;292:746–50. A cl ear ex pl anati on of w hy and how
to use conf i dence i nter v al s.
CBE Sty l e Manual Com m i ttee. CBE sty l e m anual : a gui de f or author s, edi tor s, and publ i sher s
i n the bi ol ogi cal sci ences. 5th ed. Bethesda, Mar y l and: Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s, 1983.
Incl udes num er ous tabl es on uni ts of m easur em ent, nom encl atur e, abbr ev i ati ons, and
pr oof r eader s' sy m bol s.
Young DS. Im pl em entati on of SI uni ts f or cl i ni cal l aborator y data: sty l e speci f i cati ons and
conver si on tabl es. Ann Inter n Med 1987;106:114–29. Ex pl ai ns w hat SI uni ts (Sy stém e
Inter nati onal d'U ni tés) ar e and w hy and how to use them .
Chapter 6: RESULTS
Gl antz. See Chapter 5.
P. 431
Br i scoe MH. Pr epar i ng sci enti f i c i l l ustrati ons: a gui de to better poster s, pr esentati ons, and
publ i cati ons. 2nd ed. N ew Yor k : Spr i nger Ver l ag, 1996. Gi v es cl ear , speci f i c ex pl anati ons f or
ef f ecti v e pr esentati on of al l ty pes of i l l ustr ati ons used i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s.
Incl udes cl ear ex am pl es of each ty pe of i l l ustr ati on. Al so i ncl udes a secti on on tabl es.
Chapter 9: REFERENCES
Lock S. A di f f i cul t bal ance: edi tor i al peer r ev i ew i n m edi ci ne. Phi l adel phi a: ISI Pr ess, 1986.
Studi es peer r ev i ew i n m edi cal jour nal s to deter m i ne w hether peer r ev i ew v al i dates publ i shed
ar ti cl es and w hether v al i dati on i s w or th the pr i ce. Concl udes that onl y ti m e v al i dates ar ti cl es
but that peer r ev i ew i s the best m eans av ai l abl e f or sel ecti ng ar ti cl es to publ i sh and f or
i m pr ov i ng the sci ence and w r i ti ng i n jour nal ar ti cl es.
Inter nati onal Com m i ttee of Medi cal Jour nal Edi tor s. U ni f or m r equi r em ents f or m anuscr i pts
subm i tted to bi om edi cal jour nal s. Ann Inter n Med 1997;126:36–47. Al so avai l abl e at
http://w w w. acponl i ne. or g/jour nal s/r esour ce/uni f r eqr. htm . Pr esents sty l i sti c r equi r em ents,
i ncl udi ng r ef er ence sty l e, f or the pr epar ati on of m anuscr i pts to be subm i tted to m or e than
300 Engl i shl anguage bi om edi cal jour nal s w or l dw i de. Al so i ncl udes statem ents on pr i or and
dupl i cate publ i cati on, author shi p, and ack now l edgm ents. See al so Bai l ar JC III, Mostel l er F.
Gui del i nes f or stati sti cal r epor ti ng i n ar ti cl es f or m edi cal jour nal s: am pl i f i cati ons and
ex pl anati ons. Ann Inter n Med 1988;108:266–73.
Chapter 10: THE ABSTRACT
U ni f or m Requi r em ents. See Chapter 9.
REACHING THE GOAL: SUGGESTIONS FOR WRITING
Huth EJ. Wr i ti ng and publ i shi ng i n m edi ci ne, 3r d ed. Bal ti m or e: Li ppi ncott, Wi l l i am s & Wi l k i ns,
1998. Tel l s how to w r i te r esear ch paper s, case r epor ts, r ev i ew ar ti cl es, edi tor i al s, book
r ev i ew s, and l etter s to the edi tor , and descr i bes the steps of pr epar i ng and publ i shi ng these
paper s f r om l i ter atur e r ev i ew and pr epar i ng to w r i te thr ough pr oof s and r epr i nts.
P. 432
P. 433
Words Explained in the Text
Abi l i ty, 17
Accuracy, 17
Af f ect, 17
Al ter natel y, 17
Am ong, 17
Am ount, 18
And
i n the ti tl e, 306
Augm ent, 19
Be, 21
Betw een, 18
Br i ef l y, 360
Can, 18
Capaci ty, 17
Com par ed to (v er sus “than” f or com par i sons), 41–42
Com pose, 19
Com pr i se, 19
Concentrati on, 18
Constant, 20
Content, 18
Conti nual , 18
Conti nuous, 18
Ef f ect, 17
Enhance, 19
et al ., 262–263
Gr oup, 140
If so, 116
Im pl y, 197
Im pr ove, 19
Inci dence, 18
Incl ude, 19
Incr ease, 19
Inter val , 19
Local i ze, 19
Locate, 19
May, 18
Mi l l i m ol al , 20
Mi l l i m ol ar, 20
Mi l l i m ol e, 20
Mucous, 20
Mucus, 20
Opti m al , 20
Opti m um , 20
Param eter, 20
Per i od, 19
Pr eci si on, 17
Pr eval ence, 18
Pr one, 21
Repr esent, 21
Show, 177
Speed, 19
P. 434
Study, 139
Suggest, 197
Supi ne, 21
i n the ti tl e, 308
Thi s, 37