Rumbling with Vulnerability:

SHAME RESILIENCE
See pages 161-163 in Dare to Lead.
Length: 30-45 minutes

Our Why:
• Definition of Shame
• We will learn about shame resilience so that we know how to move through shame when we
ourselves or people within our classroom community experience it

Vocabulary:
Shame –
• (K-2) the feeling that we are never good enough
• (3-5) the intensely painful feeling of believing that we are never good enough and therefore
unworthy of love, belonging, and connection
Shame Resilience – how we practice and move through shame without going against
what we believe in
1. Identifying shame
2. Recognizing the messages underlying shame
3. Reaching out
4. Speaking about shame

Materials:
Emoji JPG (on a screen or printed for students) | Shame Resilience Excerise

Starting with the Learning Teacher Notes:

Connection for engagement: During the class exercise:

• Post a picture of the Emoji JPG where everyone is able to • During the class exercise:
see it (ex. document camera, projector, print copies for Feel free to use colors to mark
students to view, etc.). the physiology of shame on the
• Ask students which Emoji best represents what someone body.
would look like if they were experiencing shame? What is • For K-2, draw out and/or write
it about that emoji that makes you think that? What do you so students are able to follow
think it means to feel shame? along more easily.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.

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Mini-Lesson: Extension Activity:
• Share with students that shame is the intensely painful • Create a shame resilience plan
feeling of believing that we are never good enough and ◦◦ Fold a piece of paper into
therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection (use 6 sections and fill in each
K-2 definition if needed). Write the definition on the board section: (students can
if it would be helpful. draw and or write their
• Ask students, “Now knowing the definition of what ‘shame’ plan)
is, what might be an example of when someone might feel ◦◦ Name a shaming
shame?” Have a few students share an example. experience
• Feel free to share a personal example if you need more ◦◦ Describe your self-talk
examples. ◦◦ How did you know you
• Ask students these questions and have them share were in shame?
responses. ◦◦ What did you do
◦◦ What can we do when we are feeling shame? to reality check
◦◦ What can we do when we are stuck in a really hard your messages and
self-talk? expectations?
• Share with students that many of the things that they said ◦◦ Did you reach out and
were headed in the right direction or right on point. Explain share your story? With
that feeling shame isn’t healthy and can lead us to think and whom?
behave in ways we don’t want to. People who are resilient to ◦◦ Did you speak about
shame practice something called “Shame Resilience.” There shame?
are 4 steps:
1. Recognize shame and its triggers
2. Reality check messages and expectations
3. Reach out and share our stories
4. Speak about shame
• Exercise:
◦◦ Use an example a student shared (that’s both
classroom friendly and appropriate to walk through
as an entire class). Example: being the last one
picked to play soccer by the team captains during
recess, doing poorly on a test after having studied
really hard, someone says something hurtful about
your appearance/identity/ability, etc.
◦◦ Use the Shame Resilience Exercise and have
students help you fill it out.

Lesson Closing:
• Review what shame is and the steps to shame resilience.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.

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Moving from Knowledge to Daily Practice

• If you have a “safe space” or something similar in your classroom, have a poster on the
wall that shows the steps to shame resilience. Let students know that when they are
experiencing shame and need a few minutes to calm down, they can go to this space
and think through the steps. For older students, you can have copies of the “Shame
Resilience Exercise” in a folder nearby for students to pull out and fill out/color.
• When you notice a student who is visibly experiencing shame and would like to talk to
you, help them think through the shame resilience steps.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.

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Shame Resilience Exercise

Name a shaming experience:

Describe your self-talk:

How did you know you

were in shame?

What did you do to reality check your

messages and expectations?

Did you speak

about shame?
Did you reach out and
share your story? With whom?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

Submitted by: Esther Kwak, Erin Parker, Shelia Sutton, and LaNesha Tabb.

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