How To Reframe Self Critical Thoughts and Boost Your Self-Esteem

How to
REFRAME
SELF-CRITICAL
THOUGHTS
&
BOOST YOUR
SELF-ESTEEM
Mark Dessauer CHt

HOW TO REFRAME
SELF-CRITICAL
THOUGHTS
 
AND BOOST YOUR
SELF-ESTEEM
 
By Mark Dessauer CHt

New Pathways Hypnotherapy
928/600-4980
mvdessauer@gmail.com
newpathwayshypnotherapy.com

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Copyright ©2021 

HOW TO REFRAME SELF CRITICAL THOUGHTS AND BOOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM
Table of Contents  
Introduction ___________________________3
Understanding Self-Criticism _____________5
"I'm Not Enough" _______________________9
"I'll Never Improve" ____________________14
"Everyone is Better Than Me" ____________19
Reframe Other Self-Critical Thoughts ______23
More Tips For Dealing With Self-Criticism __29
Conclusion __________________________33

Introduction
Self-critical thoughts can be overwhelming.
They can consume your day and make it
difficult to focus on anything else. Taken to
extremes, self-critical thoughts can be
corrosive and make your life more difficult
than it needs to be.
These types of negative thoughts can

harm you in multiple ways.
Self-criticism can be an ongoing dialogue

inside your head. Most of the thoughts
focus on flaws, whether actual or
perceived. Sometimes the thoughts start
after a critical comment from another
person.
In rare cases, self-criticism can be useful. It

may increase humbleness and humility and
provide a way to evaluate mistakes.

However, most of the time, self-criticism

creates unnecessary pain and suffering.
Self-critical thoughts can increase the risk

of depression, anxiety, stress, and other
mental health issues. They also weaken
your self-esteem and confidence.
○ The key to fighting negative

thoughts is to not accept them
as the truth. Question them to
allow positive thoughts to have
their say as well.
Fortunately, you can learn to reframe these

negative thoughts and overcome them.
“Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. I

don't even know why I'm saying this in an
interview situation, but I always feel like I'm not
good enough for some reason. I wish that
wasn't the case, but left to my own devices,
that voice starts speaking up.” 
 
- Trent Reznor

Understanding
Self-Criticism
Most self-criticism can be separated into
two categories:
1. Comparative criticism
2. Internalized criticism.
Comparative criticism is when you

compare yourself to others. Internalized
criticism is when you feel like you can’t
live up to your own standards.
Both comparative and internalized self-

criticism can be dangerous.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THESE TWO

TYPES OF CRITICISM:

1. Comparative criticism. Comparative

criticism makes you constantly
compare and contrast your life with
friends, family members, coworkers,
and others. It can even affect your
relationships.
○ You might view others as superior

or better than you with this type of
criticism. For example, maybe you
had to struggle in school while
academics seemed much more
effortless to your brother or sister.
○ You’re also likely to think that

others are judging you and
assume you don’t measure up.
2. Internalized criticism. Internalized

criticism makes you feel that you’ll
never have the abilities or
capabilities to accomplish or achieve
the things you desire, or you discount
the skills and talents you do have. It
can even make you think that

something is wrong with you or

success isn’t enough. You have had
more successes and
accomplishments than you give
yourself credit for.
○ The obsession with being perfect

or doing everything “right” can be
overwhelming with this type of
self-criticism.
Remember, the unconscious always has a

positive intention for your thoughts and
actions. It’s there to keep you safe. Self-
criticism is one way the unconscious
protects you from going outside your
comfort zone. Keep reading to learn more
about how to neutralize your self-critical
thoughts. People use these techniques
and more are in my Anxiety Release
Program.

“Much protective self-criticism stems from

growing up around people who wouldn't or
couldn't love you, and it's likely they still
can't or won't. In general, however, the
more you let go of the tedious delusion of
your own unattractiveness, the easier it will
be for others to connect with you…”  
 
- Martha Beck

"I'm Not Enough"

One of the most common self-critical
thoughts is that you’re not enough. It can
stem from both comparative and
internalized criticism.
How can you change the “I’m not

enough” thoughts?
UNDERSTAND WHERE THESE

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS COME
FROM AND HOW TO REFRAME
THEM:
1. Why do you feel like you’re not

enough? The first step is to get to
the root of this thought. Consider
this, your unconscious always has
positive intentions for your actions
and thoughts.

○ Examine your feelings and

consider your past.
○ Why do you feel you’re never

enough, and where do these
feelings come from?
○ In many cases, the roots of this

self-critical thought can be
found in the past. Dysfunctional
families, difficult childhoods,
traumas, and illnesses can make
you feel less worthy.
2. Remember it’s an internal

message. Even if others are praising
you and complimenting your life, you
may still feel like you’re not enough.
This happens because it’s an internal
thought that is hard to shed.
3. Start to heal the past. Not feeling

like you’re enough may require
healing the past.
10

○ If you’re having difficulty letting go

of this self-criticism, getting past
these thoughts may require some
type of counseling or therapy.
○ Try journaling, meditation, or other

contemplative activities to release
the things that are holding you
back.
4. Each time a negative thought

comes up, question it. Say or think
to yourself something like, “How is
this thought trying to protect me?”
Remember, your unconscious is
always trying to protect you. When
you question your negative thoughts,
realize that an answer may or may
not come to you. That’s okay. What
you are doing is laying the
groundwork to let more empowering
thoughts have their say. You can
rephrase a negative thought to a
thought that uplifts you and makes
you feel like you are good enough.
11

For example: I am good enough; I

can be afraid and still do it; This
apprehension is not going to stop me
this time; I am stronger than I realize.
○ Remember that you’re unique,

with your own special combination
of skills, values, talents, and
personality, and worthy of love,
acceptance, and happiness.
○ Remind yourself that you’re

enough. You’re good enough,
strong enough, and smart enough
to do anything you set your mind
to. You’re capable of great things
and can accomplish what you
desire. You may just have to
get out of your own way.
Once you realize that your past may be

controlling your present, it becomes
easier to reframe this self-critical
thought.
12

“It's easy to become very self-critical when

you're an actor. Then you get critiqued by the
critics. Whether you agree with them or not,
people are passing judgment on you.” 
 
- Keanu Reeves
13

"I'll Never Improve"

When you’re stuck and haven’t reached
goals, it’s common to have the self-critical
thought that you’ll never improve.
You may think you’ll never get better and

never get past a certain point.
However, the “I’ll never improve”

thought can hold you back. It can make
you give up on your dreams and make you
walk away from potential opportunities.
It’s important to reframe this self-critical

thought before it makes life more difficult.
TRY THESE IDEAS:
1. Understand the learning process.

You might think you’ll never get
better at something while you’re still
learning it.
14

○ For example, when you’re

learning a new skill, language, or
starting a new endeavor, it can be
tempting to give up before
finishing. The process can be
hard and time-consuming. 
○ However, it’s important not to stop

before giving it all of your effort. In
the future, you’ll be glad you
did, Continuing your learning
process will give you proof that
you do, indeed, learn and get
better.
2. Remember you’re not alone. It can

be tempting to give in to moments of
self-pity mixed with self-criticism and
believe you’re the only person who
struggles with something.
○ Keep in mind that some things,

such as applying for a better job,
learning a new skill, taking
personal or business risk, or just
15

trying something new to improve

yourself can be hard for many
people. A certain level of
apprehension is normal and is
to be expected, but don’t let it
stop you.
○ Reach out to friends and family

members for help, and consider
posting a question on social
media asking if others feel or have
felt the same way and how they
dealt with it. You’ll see you’re not
the first person to struggle. It’s a
normal human feeling that
everyone experiences at some
point.
3. Give it time. It’s important to give

yourself enough time to strengthen
your skills in the area or topic you’re
working on, and not judge the
process. Remember, progress is not
in a straight line.
16

○ Pay attention to the little details

and take notice of your progress.
4. Say, “I’m learning and getting

better.” Reframe the self-critical talk
by reminding yourself that you’re
always learning and growing.
○ Another way to fight the self-

criticism is to say, “I’m good
enough now.”
○ You can also say, “I’m getting

better all the time.” 
○ Saying these new phrases will

help you feel more optimistic
about what you’re struggling to
learn and also boost your self-
esteem.
You can also get rid of this self-critical

thought by putting less pressure on
yourself. You’re more likely to be critical of
yourself when you expect too much, even if
17

that expectation is unrealistic. Give

yourself a break! Be patient with yourself
and feel good about learning something
new! And you will learn great self-
empowering techniques in my Anxiety
Release Program.
“Those who improve with age embrace the

power of personal growth and personal
achievement and begin to replace youth
with wisdom, innocence with
understanding, and lack of purpose with
self-actualization.” 
 
- Bo Bennett
18

"Everyone is Better
Than Me"
Thinking that everyone is better than you is
a common struggle, shared by many
others. Most people experience it at one
point or another.
However, if you think about it, you’ll realize

that it would be impossible for you to be the
best at everything! There will always be
others who seem to be more talented,
successful, or educated in their own fields.
The key is to remember that you, too,

have unique talents and special skills
that matter! Your only competition is in
the mirror.
USE THESE STRATEGIES TO

HANDLE THIS SELF-CRITICISM:
19

1. Understand the root of the

thought. Often, this self-critical
thought comes from past
experiences or childhood.
○ You may have grown up hearing

your parents or someone else
compare you to others. They may
have said that you’re not as smart
or well-behaved as another child.
○ You believed it then and you still

believe it. Unfortunately, these
negative thoughts can carry
over from childhood to
adulthood.
2. Learn to love yourself. Instead of

beating yourself up over every
mistake, learn to accept your faults.
You’re only human.
○ Practice forgiveness of yourself

and others.
20

○ Learn to let go of mistakes once

you’ve learned the lesson.
Although it’s important to learn the
lesson, it’s not important to hang
on to the negative emotions and
feelings that stem from those
ideas or experiences.
○ Be conscious of how you view

your body, mind, and
accomplishments. You are
stronger than your realize.
3. Reframe the self-critical thought.

Instead of saying everyone is better
than you, say things like, “I’m good
too,” “I have my own skills and
talents,” and “I’m awesome in many
ways.”
○ Remind yourself of the unique

qualities you possess.
○ Point out things like your

kindness, perseverance, and
21

other positive parts of your

personality.
Avoid letting this self-critical thought stop

you from trying new things. It’s crucial to
remember you have skills and talents that
others value. Don’t sell yourself short!
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man

who points out how the strong man
stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could
have done them better. The credit belongs
to the man who is actually in the arena . . .
who strives valiantly; who errs and comes
short again and again; because there is not
effort without error…” 
 
- Theodore Roosevelt
22

Reframe Other
Self-Critical
Thoughts
You may have many different types of self-
critical thoughts affecting your confidence.
Remember, you are your own unique
combination of characteristics, shaped by
past and present experiences.
This unique identity and history affects

the type of self-critical thoughts that are
in your head.
CONSIDER THESE COMMON  

SELF-CRITICISMS AND HOW TO
CHANGE THEM:
23

1. Reframe “I shouldn’t have done

this.” This thought appears after a
mistake or other issue.
○ Change it by saying, “I learned

from this.”
○ Focus on the positive aspects of

the mistake. Find the silver lining
that is hiding inside.
2. Reframe “I can’t do anything

right.” This thought can also appear
after mistakes. It can also show up
after failures or not being able to
reach goals.
○ Change it by saying, “I do many

things well,” or “I’m a work in
progress,” or “I’m not as good now
as I’m going to be.”
○ Accept the mistake or failure and

move forward. Remind yourself of
24

all the things you do well and are

proud of accomplishing.
3. Reframe “I’m never going to be

happy.” During difficult moments, it
can be a struggle to see beyond the
sorrow.
○ Change it by saying, “I can be

happy, even in difficult
circumstances.”
○ Remember that you’ve been

happy in the past and can return
to this feeling again.
4. Reframe “I’m always a mess.” Again,

this self-critical thought frequently
shows up after a failure or other
shortcoming.
○ Change it by saying, “Even

though I am not perfect and
never will be, I am in control.”
25

○ You can also say, “I am put

together.” The key to fighting
negative thoughts is to not
accept them as the truth.
Question them to allow positive
thoughts to have their say as
well.
○ Avoid focusing on failures or

comparing yourself to others. You
may not see the struggles they
face and won’t know how many
messes are really in their lives.
○ Instead, think about the things

you do well and control. Again,
you have had more successes
and accomplishments in your life
than you realize.
5. Reframe “I’m always alone.”

Relationship struggles and other
issues can make you feel isolated
and lonely.
26

○ Change it by saying, “There are

people who care about me.”
○ Keep in mind that, even if you’re

single, there are always others
around you, and many of those
people care more about you than
you realize.
○ From coworkers to friends, you

simply have to reach out for help.
Self-critical thoughts can come in many

forms, but each one can be changed.
“I am continuously struck by how frequently

the various thought processes of the inner
critic trigger overwhelming emotional
flashbacks. This is because the PTSD-
derived inner critic weds shame and self-
hate about imperfection to fear of
abandonment, and mercilessly drive the
psyche with the entwined serpents…” 
 
- Pete Walker
27

28

More Tips For

Dealing With
Self-Criticism
It’s important to remember that the thoughts
in your head are just stories. They may not
be an accurate reflection of you or your life.
Remember, the job of the unconscious is to
protect you and keep you safe.
Your internal dialogue can be very

deceptive.
Even though your unconscious wants to

protect you, it’s not very logical. Your
internal dialogue can make you feel alone,
discouraged, and unhappy while trying to
protect you. In addition, it can affect how
you view the world and relate to others.
29

INSTEAD OF LETTING THE  

SELF-CRITICAL THOUGHTS TAKE
OVER, TRY THESE TIPS:
1. Remember the stories might not

be the real truth. The stories in your
mind are all shaped by how you
perceived certain situations.
○ Human perception is tricky. 
○ The world is colored by your

past, present, and current
emotions. The way you think
about things is affected by
multiple factors.
2. Be mindful of your thoughts and

emotions. Ask yourself, “What is
going on in my head right now? Is it
positive or negative? Why?”
○ Pay attention to your thoughts

and how they affect you. Listen to
30

the mind, but avoid letting self-

critical thoughts take over.
3. Remember to reframe the self-critical

thoughts. This powerful technique
turns things around in your head and
boosts your self-esteem.
○ Reframing is the key to thwarting

the negativity!
Self-critical thoughts can be changed and

neutralized. You have the power and ability
to do this. Although at first it takes
conscious effort and practice, soon it will be
as natural for you as breathing to counter
and neutralize self-critical thoughts.
31

“Turn down the volume of your negative

inner voice and create a nurturing inner
voice to take its place. When you make a
mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and
move on instead of obsessing about it.
Equally important, don’t allow anyone else
to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings
or to expect perfection from you.” 
 
- Beverly Engel
32

Conclusion
Self-critical thoughts can appear in different
forms and be self-defeating and self-
sabotaging. They can fill your mind with
negativity and judgment.
Remember that you’re the one who is in

control of your thoughts. You can alter
them.
Learn to reframe your negative self-talk so

it stops influencing your decisions,
emotions, and how you feel about yourself.
Once you’ve practiced reframing and

changing the negative statements in your
head, it becomes easier to do, and your
self-esteem will grow.
33

Following the instructions in this book will help

you to start releasing yourself from the
consequences of Self-Criticism. However, this
issue runs deeper than people understand.
That's why I created my Anxiety Release
Program that is helping people get relief from
self-criticism and the consequences it creates so
they can tap into their inner confidence and belief
in themselves.
Here's what to do next:

Email me at mvdessauer@gmail.com or call me
at 928/600-4980 and I'll share the details with you
about this program.
Sincerely,
Mark
I look forward to talking with you.
P.S. My Anxiety Release Program is helping

people get out of their own way so they enjoy
their day-to-day lives with a new found freedom.
34

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How to

Mark Dessauer CHt

By Mark Dessauer CHt

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER. The short, direct, non-legal version is this:

DISCLAIMER AND/OR LEGAL NOTICES: The information presented

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

Understanding Self-Criticism _____________5

"I'm Not Enough" _______________________9

"I'll Never Improve" ____________________14

"Everyone is Better Than Me" ____________19

Reframe Other Self-Critical Thoughts ______23

More Tips For Dealing With Self-Criticism __29

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

These types of negative thoughts can

Self-criticism can be an ongoing dialogue

In rare cases, self-criticism can be useful. It

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

However, most of the time, self-criticism

Self-critical thoughts can increase the risk

○ The key to fighting negative

Fortunately, you can learn to reframe these

“Fear has governed my life, if I think about it. I

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

Comparative criticism is when you

Both comparative and internalized self-

LEARN MORE ABOUT THESE TWO

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

1. Comparative criticism. Comparative

○ You might view others as superior

○ You’re also likely to think that

2. Internalized criticism. Internalized

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

something is wrong with you or

○ The obsession with being perfect

Remember, the unconscious always has a

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

“Much protective self-criticism stems from

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

"I'm Not Enough"

How can you change the “I’m not

UNDERSTAND WHERE THESE

1. Why do you feel like you’re not

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

○ Examine your feelings and

○ Why do you feel you’re never

○ In many cases, the roots of this

2. Remember it’s an internal

3. Start to heal the past. Not feeling

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

○ If you’re having difficulty letting go

○ Try journaling, meditation, or other

4. Each time a negative thought

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

For example: I am good enough; I

○ Remember that you’re unique,

○ Remind yourself that you’re

Once you realize that your past may be

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

“It's easy to become very self-critical when

New Pathways Hypnotherapy

"I'll Never Improve"

You may think you’ll never get better and

CONSIDER THESE COMMON  