Dear future self,

I’m writing to explain what marriage really means because I remember all too well your
fairytale ideology that marriage is about a beautiful wedding, then fast forward to your
happily ever after.

With that said, I’m not writing as a warning. I’m writing more as an opportunity merely
think of me as your sponsor. Because you’re definitely a hopeless romantic.

Your dreams of a man riding in on a white horse, or a knight in shining armor, are
figments of an animated imagination and I just want to take some time to talk to you
about what’s real.

I want to let you in on a secret, if you will. A moment in time, to give you a gift, the gift of
a second chance.

You are still so young, at only 18 years old. And here you already have a small beautiful
child, own your home, and you have a wonderful man who hasn’t quite discovered how
great either of you are just yet. You should feel proud and accomplished. I know when I
look back I’m definitely proud of you.

Nevertheless, I specifically want to talk about fear. You see, although you survived a lot
of abuse and neglect, you’re traumatized. Your traumas have caused significant
damage and created a space for constant anxieties to thrive. Anxieties like your fear of
being a victim, a fear of someone thinking they can take you away, and other fears, like
your fear of intimacy, of getting in trouble or making mistakes, of not knowing enough
information or being looked at as incompetent. And mainly, your fear of simply not being
good enough to be loved.

I know you. Probably better than anyone really knows you. I know how hard you try to
be perfect. I know how hard you work to be accepted. How much you feel you don’t and
can’t possibly fit in anywhere, with anyone. And I know you think that if you achieve
genuine happiness it means that you have reached the end of your life. But you don’t
have to be afraid. I’ve begun to discover that you can be accepted and you are more
than lovable.

As I write this, I realize now that you are just starting out on the first path of many that
will lead you on a journey into a life that brims with love and hardship, joy and sadness,
peace and war, as well as abundance and strife. Your life will be wrought with moments
of destitution and incredible successes. You will learn so much from the experiences
that living this life will teach you.

I would also encourage you, as your sponsor, to ditch your unhealthy addictions earlier.
You should see life through the eyes of someone who chooses to actually live. Find life
in every breath. Leave behind the acts of fear that cause you to bury yourself and hide
away all that is great in you.

Now, about the young man you have chosen. He is going to be amazing. You were right
to be attracted to his high levels of intelligence, and his cautious, careful approach to
tasks. And that great sense of humor. You will laugh every day of your life. He will hold
you close when you feel lost and afraid. He will trust your guidance and seek your
counsel. He will treasure you.

But it will take some time. You will both have to learn to grow up and embrace the art of
communication. You will find an amazing woman, who will introduce you to techniques
that will enable you to overcome so many marital obstacles. You’ll learn principles about
communicating and methods for dealing with conflict that you’ll even align with your
body of work. Trust me, these tools will prove invaluable.

Your marriage will become a beacon of hope for couples around the world. But it will
take time. Time that can be shortened if you heed many words and remember this
letter, starting today, your wedding day. You can be so much more if you start by
shedding the heavy, unsightly cloak of fear.
Your story needs to be heard through the ears of faith and not through fear. Fear
prematurely ends stories. It changes the narrative and demands surrender. It turns
heroes into cowards and strength into weakness. It both clouds and casts judgment. It
slowly takes away the essence of who you really are. It highlights scarcity and inflates
the balloon of false pride. You are not what you’ve been through. Your truth and destiny
lie in the places you will go and the people whose lives you will touch. So continue to go
far and shine bright. Dream often. And fear not.

In this letter, I want you to recognize that you are going to have a beautiful family, a
legacy of serving others, and a connection to your husband that’s absolutely
unbreakable. But your life will really begin when you can begin to see yourself as a
whole. Know that life is not just about what you know or have learned, it’s about how
well you learn how to live. Do it fearlessly, for there is life in every breath.