WRITING WORKSHOP # 2

Below, you will find a full version of an essay. In class, you will also write your first full version: the Draft, based on your refined Outline.
Pay close attention to the structure of the essay and the language it is used.

Activity 1: Identify the 3 elements of each paragraph in the following essay sample. Use colors.
EFFECTS OF OFFSHORING ___hook
What would you do if the company you have worked for during years asked you to move abroad? Offshoring
consists in relocating factories from costly developed countries to cheap developing economies. It is a trend ____background__
which started around the early 1970s with General Electric and other companies, and it has become a
common practice that businesses are adopting these days. Nowadays, offshoring results in economy
_thesis_________
efficiency, on the one hand, but also in environmental degradation, on the other hand.

Firstly, there is an increase in economy efficiency as a result of the implementation offshoring by companies.
_____effect
Since the 70s, big enterprises have made adjustments to their headquarters locations, and this fact has
1_______
allowed them to increase their production capacity more than twice, on average. For example, General
Electronics (GI) decided to focus on India, and in 2010 it invested around 130 million dollars in creating a
_supporting idea___
developing center. Since then, the company has had a lot of profits and has increased its productivity
considerably (Smith, 2017). In sum, offshoring improves enterprises’ numbers worldwide.
__closing sentence__
However, substantial damage to the environment is also a consequence of offshoring. Companies have
realized that it has been cheaper to make products abroad because manufacturers in those countries often cut
_____efect 2______
costs by simply dumping their toxic chemicals. As a result, rivers such as the Buriganga in Bangladesh have
been victims of unregulated textile industries that work for H&M and other fast-fashion companies. The
_supporting idea___
damage is irreparable. In brief, river pollution is a terrible effect of the relocation of some companies.

__closing sentence
Overall, the relocation of businesses results in economic benefits but also in environmental pollution.
Enterprises have taken advantage of low-cost manufacturing and production that different countries offer. In
contrast, cheaper production and manpower comes with excessive pollution due to the harmful chemicals
_thesis restatement_
dumped into seas and rivers. In conclusion, environmental authorities and governments should regulate fast
fashion and other manufacturing industries. If these organizations do not take strict control measures, the __summary_____
future generations will probably be condemned to water shortages, illnesses and lack of biodiversity.
References: _concluding sentence
Smith, F. (2017, June 15). The Impact of Offshoring - survey results. The Bernett Group. Retrieved from
https://bernett.com/blog/

Activity 2: Identify the components of the Thesis Statement in the previous introduction paragraph:
Topic: offshoring
Focus: effects
Effect 1: in economy efficiency
Effect 2: environmental degradation

Activity 3: Make al list of the linking words that are used in the previous essay (there are 9): Firstly, on the other hand, in sum,
however in brief, overall, in contrast
Activity 4: Let’s think about the language of the essay. Extract the phrases:
Present continuous: countries often cut costs by simply dumping their toxic chemicals

Present simple: , the relocation of businesses results in economic benefits

Present perfect: in Bangladesh have been victims of unregulated textile industries that work for H&M and other fast-fashion
companies

Simple past: , General Electronics (GI) decided to focus on India

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Topic Sentences and Closing sentences
- Topic: Effects of offshoring
- Written in the Outline (cause/effect 1) as: “increase in profits”
- Draft version. Possible topic sentences:  One of the effects of offshoring is the increase in profits.
 (first/firstly,) offshoring increases profits in a company.
 The first effect of offshoring is increasing profits in companies.
 The increase of profits by companies is the first effect of offshoring.
 First of all, companies increase their profits due to offshoring

Activity 5: Your Turn: Based on the Topic Sentence models, write 3 possible topic sentences for the following cause 2:
- Topic: Causes of biodiversity loss
- Written in the Outline version (cause 2) as: “Contamination of sea waters”
- Draft version: Possible topic sentences:
 One cause of the biodiversity loss is the environmental contamination
 Polluted seas are the main cause of the deterioration of biodiversity
 The contamination of sea waters is the first cause of biodiversity loss

*TIP: A closing sentence (body paragraphs 1 and 2) is similar to a topic sentence; use some synonyms and write it a bit different.

Activity 6 – Basics of citations and references: Citations and references are not mandatory. However, we recommend you support your
ideas with strong arguments. If you need to cite, here is a basic guide:

- An Article on a webpage (APA):

 Paraphrasing in-text. This is what you write in your text. Example:
For instance, in a survey by Smith (June 2017) 59% of the companies (…)
 References. This is what you write at the end of your text, in the references section.
Structure: Last, F. M. (Year, Month Date Published). Article title. Retrieved from URL. Example:
Smith, F. (2017, June 15). The Impact of Offshoring - survey results. The Bernett Group. Retrieved from https://bernett.com/blog/

- An Article / Book (APA):

 Paraphrasing in-text. This is what you write in your paragraph. Example:
As affirmed by Derwing and Munro (2012), the first thing that a native speaker should do is become
aware of the fact that English phonetics is different…
 References. This is what you write at the end of your paper, in the references section.
Structure: Last, F. M. (Year). Title of work. Location: Publisher. Example:
Derwing, T. & Munro, M. J. (2012). Teaching native speakers to listen to foreign-accented speech. Boston: Journal of Multilingual
and Multicultural Development. 23(4), 245-259.

Activity 7 – Study the transition words and phrases in order to apply some to your paragraphs, in class.

To indicate more information: To indicate an example: To summarize:

* Besides, Furthermore, In addition, Indeed, In
fact, Moreover
* Second...Third..., etc.
Furthermore, entrepreneurs have created 10%
of the jobs in various countries.
*For example, For instance, In particular,
Particularly, Specifically, To demonstrate, To
illustrate.
Particularly, the amazon rainforest has lost
around 15% of its area, only in Brazil.
*Briefly, In brief, Overall, Summing up, To
put it briefly, To sum up, To summarize.
In brief, globalization has generated a big
demand of situated learning approaches.

To indicate a cause or reason: To indicate a result or an effect: To conclude:

*Because, Because of, Due to, Due to the face *Accordingly, Consequently, Hence, So, *Given these facts, All in all, On the whole,

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 that, Since, Owing to. Therefore, Thus. In conclusion, To conclude.
Because of the high rate of unemployment, Consequently, the growth rate of music studios On the whole, the two main causes of
there is a growing trend of people migrating… has decreased dramatically. unemployment are...

When you finish, copy, and paste this workshop on your Portfolio.