AUTHOR

RAMESES R. RAMAGWEDE
EDITED BY
MARY. M MANOKO

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Copyright © Rameses R. Ramagwede

ISBN: 978-0-620-59807-1

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Maanda was a fine looking guy in church who had a command
about a lot of things in his life. Not dating him was a foolish thing to
do for any lady who had that chance in church. I remember we
would compete among ourselves going to the beauty spas to look
decent in the name of being noticed by Maanda. I know a lot of girls
who left the church because he did not approach them, some even
stopped attending the youth classes because he did not notice
them. They say there is no pain like the pain of rejection, but in our
church, there was no pain like the pain of not being noticed by
Maanda the gentleman among men. His looks from the sole of his
foot to the crown of his head were too much for a normal human
being. Most people would agree when I say he did not look natural,
it was as if he existed. His voice and the way he addressed himself
when he speaks was excellent. You would enjoy being around him
even if he was not saying anything to you because being in his
presence was divine. Most ladies would feel blessed by spending
time with him. The problem came about when he realised that girls
in the church were dying to be with him. Having realised that it was
nothing but his looks, pride crept into his heart and controlled him
so bad. Pride indeed comes before a fall. King Solomon did not lie
when he said that. There is no problem with knowing that you are
handsome, but it is a problem if you use your looks for wrong acts.
There was a day we had a youth gathering of about ten
congregations held at our branch and that was the day he noticed
me. I went all out to look fabulous for the sake of meeting a fine
brother from one of the congregations. Little did I know that
someone we have been dying for was going to ask me out. I am not
saying I do not have the looks to fit in. I am a dish and even the
angels in heaven know that I am telling the truth. Everything

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created by God is indeed good-looking, but some are extraordinary.
Have you ever come across something that catches your eye that
you never want to lose the gaze? That’s exactly what you see when
you lay your eyes on me. Beauty I was wondering if you can take a
tour to my heart by letting me be the man of your dreams. That was
Maanda talking to me on a plate of salads and a nice roasted
chicken during lunchtime. At first, I felt like it was a dream and I
could feel my legs freezing although it was spring. I guess that’s
what happens when a charmer talks to you. I was happy to hear
him say those words, but at the same time, I was too scared and
confused to give him a response. I could see my friend looking at
me with a radiant smile. It was as if the angel Gabriel had
descended from heaven to deliver good news to me. Do you want
me to repeat myself or you are not in the mood to speak to me,
because of the chunk of meat in your hand? I wanted to answer
him, but I did not know how to put my words in such a way that
they will make sense to him. It is always good to put one’s best foot
forward because the first impression is the one, which lasts. I did
not want to spoil the moment, because it might mark a turning
point in my life. Although my mum has told me that I must keep
away from boys who talk to me about the matters of love, this time
her advice did not make any sense to me. After looking into his
eyes, I could feel courage sprouting within me and I answered him
like I was used to talking to him daily. I do not mind taking a tour
into your heart, I love adventure and you look like someone who is
cautious about people’s feelings. That was my response to him. He
smiled at me and like that the dating has begun. I could hardly feel
the taste of food in my mouth because of his sweet talk. That day I
felt like I could jump and lick the sky because of the joy in me. It was

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not a flush of adrenaline causing me to smile cheek to cheek, but
the fact that I had fallen in love like that. I could feel the love
everywhere on my body and it was clear to everyone that the spell
of love was upon me. When he told me that he would like to go out
with me often and precisely that he wanted me next to him at all
church fellowship, I felt like he was taking the words that I already
have within my heart about our future. They say dreams are the
wings of the mind, but when he said everything that I wanted to
hear this was not a dream, but reality because I used to dream
about this before he asked me out. The one-hour lunch that we had
felt like it was ten minutes. This guy was rocking me left, right and
centre. He knows how to take care of a lady and to be precise he
knows how to press the right buttons. When he brought me a drink
from a nearby vendor to aid my digestion from the lunch we had
almost every lady around me was blushing and that made me smile
even more. There was no way that I can forget that day for as long
as I am still alive. I have always wanted to tell you how I feel about
you, but time was always not on my side that is why I have kept all
this information until today. I always believe that time exposes
everything and that is why I am talking to you today. I hate lying
with all my heart and I feel that I should tell you that I liked you
from the first day I laid my eyes on you. When I asked him why he
liked me he was telling me the things I have always wanted to hear.
Although he was praising my looks and my personality that was
exactly what I wanted to hear, I guess it was because of my age.
How could a twenty-one-year-old girl reject praises? Feeling that I
was still young and that I had too much time ahead of me, I cared
less about real love. I will think about real love when I am in my
fifties. Right now it's time to experience a lot of things and even

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make a lot of mistakes because life is unpredictable. I did not want
to regret in life about the things that I should have done when I am
old. They say make hay while the sun shines and this was my time
to make hay. Although he was twenty-six this young man knew how
to express himself so well, that there was no further explanation
that you would require of him. After all, who needed explanations
when love is all about expressing one’s feelings towards your lover
who know how to embrace you with love from the roots to the
branch? I guess that’s the feeling one gets when she is in the hands
of a man who is caring. Being in a relationship with him made me
understand the provision better. My weaknesses were made strong
in him each time I laid my eyes on him and I felt that I could not
sleep at night because thinking about him would make my sleep
escape from me. After the service he drove me home, but because
I did not want my mom to know about him and mostly that I did not
want her to know that I was dating. She warned me of the things
that are likely to happen if I dated a guy. We could not kiss because
everything was still fresh and I never made any gesture to invite a
kiss because I was not sure if I would control myself. He gave me a
warm hug. It was so warm that even when he has left I could still
feel the heat all over my body. That was the day I understood the
difference between an ordinary act and an extraordinary one.
When my mom looked at me, I was smiling with joy in my heart,
and she thought it was because of the message delivered in the
church if only she knew that it was a message delivered by Maanda
the fine gentleman who changed my mood. When she called me to
assist in the kitchen preparing supper I told her to sit down and
watch me do all the cooking. She started asking many questions
about the youth gathering and I felt so bad because I had to lie to

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her since my concentration changed after lunch. I could see the lips
of all preachers moving, but my concentration was not there. How
would I pay attention when Maanda was driving me crazy? She
realised that something amazing has happened. She refrained from
asking questions because I was not giving proper answers. It is true
that parents can sense when something is going on with their
children, after all, she has been taking care of me since I was young
until today. She reminded me that I am a Christian and that I should
not forget to pray about everything. Meeting Maanda made me
love God deeper because I kept glorifying his name endlessly for
the favour that he has shown me. I enjoyed supper like it was my
first time dining with my parents. At least my dad complimented
my cooking that night. Right there I knew that they will enjoy my
cooking for as long as I am in a relationship with this guy since I
wanted to keep him in all ways that I could think of. Men love ladies
who can cook. As a girl, my mum taught me the basics of cooking
and I knew that with time I will have to polish my skills and this was
the right opportunity. Sleeping at night became mission impossible,
I was tossing and squirming like a chicken in the slaughterhouse
because he was on my mind. Some would call it young love, but I
call it real love. It does not matter how old you are, but as soon as
you find someone that you cannot live without, hold on to him tight
and make sure that you never lose your grip or else he will slip to
the wrong hands. I did not want to lose my man to any lady at
church. There were many scavengers in church and I knew that if I
lose my sight on him for a second it would be the end of me. Of
course, I was overprotective. They say one must protect his or her
number one asset. My mum kept on reminding me to pray and as
a Christian, I made sure Maanda does not become my idol because

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that way I would be blaspheming against the Holy Spirit. He was
part of my daily prayers to God. I even felt that I was praying much
about him than myself. Although they say people outgrow each
other that kind of thought never crossed my mind because what
we had for each other was super. As the days were unfolding the
natural feelings, which we had were also unfolding spontaneously.
I guess that’s what happens when the fire of love is burning, no man
can quench it, and even King Solomon said it in the book of Song of
Songs. Maanda was taking me from one realm of love to another
and I could not resist because the pull was not from this world. It is
true that love comes from above and no one could understand the
feeling in my heart about this gentleman. He would spend almost
every weekend with me and some weekends with his friends. His
friends enjoyed being with us, and we also enjoyed being with
them. We were all in the same age group so it was not like we were
with sugar daddies or sugar mamas. Each time he offered to buy
me gifts I accepted them except for the ones that my parents would
notice because they would ask many questions. Each time my
mood was down he would always smooth talk me, soothing me
until my mood was sedated. Since he was very conversant in the
matters of love he would know when to talk and when to keep quiet
depending on the territory. I remember the day we met my brother
in one of the stores, I was so scared thinking that he was going to
scold me or tell him to beat it since I was his younger sister. My
brother greeted him like any brother in the church, but I could see
that the handshake was talking volumes. He said he was pleased to
see me with someone because it was about time that I learn to fly
and leave the nest. Boys will always be boys and we would remain
girls. I guess my brother was not stupid. Serious as he looked little

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did I know that he would ever say such words to me. Everyday love
painted new dawn and it gave me more reasons to keep myself
close to him. One thing I loved about him was that he was not fast,
but deliberately extra slow for the sake of not jumping any step in
our relationship because like myself he understood that prevention
is better than cure. He would always say he won’t handle me like a
branch of a tree because I am delicate. Hearing those words would
reinforce our relationship in all spheres of love. There were days I
would feel that it was about time that I should get married because
spending nights without him by my side was getting tough for as
long as I was alive. The harsh reality was that I had to wait for him
to introduce me to his parents out of his own will, then I would do
the same. Although I felt that it was taking time, like Abraham I had
the patience to wait for the day to come. I remember several times
I would drag my legs on purpose when we walked pass jewellery
stores. I would always show a sincere desire on the window display.
I wonder if he knew that the aim was to lead him on. Although I was
acting up, he would act blindly over what I was seeing. That is one
problem of being in a relationship with a genius because all your
steps were being watched. He bought me a necklace which cost a
fortune for my birthday and I refused because it would raise
eyebrows, but he said I would wear it in the near future. He further
insisted that it will always remind me of him. As soon as he
mentioned those words I was troubled in my spirit and I could not
pretend, but ask why. He said who else would it remind me of if not
him? Maybe I was thinking too much, but I believed that it’s better
to know the truth than fooling myself thinking that everything was
okay when it was not. If ever there is something that I hate in life is
lies. I feel that whoever lies to me is indirectly telling me that I am

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a fool. Although we lie almost every day, when someone lies to you
it feels bad that you would think of forgetting about being a
Christian for a moment. Thank God my mum taught me not to use
strong language from my childhood. I understood it better when I
read that scripture, which says; “do unto others as you would like
them to do unto you.” Why would I expect anyone to use strong
language to me when I am sweeter than honey? Although Maanda
told me that it was not a big deal and promised not to leave me. I
was not happy about the fear of losing him. He pampered me like
his firstborn child and eventually I felt happiness. Such behaviour
would only happen if you are in the hands of a loving and caring
man. Imagine what would have happened if I celebrated my
birthday in tears of sorrow and not tears of joy? I did not want to
think about it because that would have broken me into pieces. That
way he would have left a mark, which won’t fade. Since I told my
parents that I was going to celebrate my birthday with church
friends it was not a problem when I came back home around past
six in the evening. The first person I met as soon as my man dropped
me at the gate was my brother singing a happy birthday song, but I
knew that he was up to something. I might be his younger sister,
but I know my brother likes the sun that comes from the East. He
asked what my man bought me and after showing him, he
borrowed it. It was not a bad thing because my parents were not
going to ask him where he got it from. He was a thirty-three-year-
old man who was old enough to have his own house, but due to
some hiccups, he was still staying with us. I guess he was gathering
funds to start his own family in due time. I remember him saying I
was blessed to have a guy like Maanda. At least we had the same
view about him. We started to have a long chat about my goals in

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life and how I intended to pursue my dreams. He spent the whole
evening with me advising on life and mostly about keeping myself
pure and not have sex until I was married. I wonder if you have
someone like my brother in your life. My brother was good and
even today he is still good to me. He was like my second parent or
a guarding for that matter since he would never forsake me like the
good shepherd in Psalm 23. A young man of good conduct and
character who would always avoid evil or an act of evil towards
anyone for as long as he lives. That night I learned that one does
not need a college degree to have wisdom, but one must always
ask it of God who gives liberally to all men according to his will. One
thing I would not forget about him is that he taught me not to lie if
I wanted to live right before God. All relationships have their good
and bad times, but I have never thought that such would happen
between me and Maanda because I knew that we were in love.
Little did I know that I have fooled myself by thinking that I was in
love with him. I was in love, but unfortunately, he was not in love
with me because the feeling was not mutual. There was a day that
I was led by curiosity to go through his phone. The kind of
conversations that he had with other ladies was too intimate. Like
a decent lady, I decided to ask him without raising my voice, nor
showing any sign of anger. He was good at talking that day he
blundered while sweating at the same time. It was obvious that
something was not right. I remember him, saying he was chatting
to his cousin and that I should not worry. I have discovered another
thing that day, men are liars and some are excellent liars that you
cannot tell when they are lying because you do not know when they
are telling the truth. Like any other man, he asked me not to leave
him and when I asked why I should not go he told me that we were

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meant for each other. I found that difficult to believe because he
was having other affairs. When I considered his statements that he
has said several times I realised that I was the one who did not listen
to what he said. Maanda has never said he loved me ever since we
met, but he said he liked me. Silly me, how could I fail to understand
the difference between like and love? I guess that’s how ladies
behave in certain scenarios. That day I felt that my life has come to
an end. This guy has taken all the trust that I had for him and to
earn it back would take a decade. They say Christians must forgive
endlessly, but thinking about how I had been a fool made me to
battle on forgiving him. How was I going to look at my fellow youth
members at church if I leave him? How were they going to look at
me? Those were tough questions which made me think twice, even
thrice, but trusting him was not in my heart anymore. I guess that’s
what one gets for giving a man all her heart. I thanked God for my
brother who advised me not to have sex with anyone for as long as
I was not married to them. As soon as that thought crossed my
mind, I started asking myself if he decided to cheat on me because
I did not sleep with him. Although I did not sleep with him, I do not
remember him asking me to sleep with him ever since we started
dating, so it was clear that it was not about sex, but something else.
They say there is a reason for everything, but trust me, I battled so
much to understand why he did that to me. I have realised that my
looks would never keep a man from leaving, or cheating on me
because the picture profiles of the ladies he was chatting with were
not amazing. They were ordinary ladies like any other sister in the
church and one other thing which made me wonder was that none
of them was in the church, whereas he had told me that he would
never date anyone from outside the church. I guess that was a lie

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too because he was having many affairs. That day I did not know
how I was going to face my parents, although they did not know
anything about us. It is a good thing that they did not know anything
about us otherwise my mom was going to make a lot of noise at
night because she is the one who told me not to date. I need to
forgive him and let love lead because if I did not do that I was the
one going to face the heat for as long as I am alive. Maybe he was
tempted since temptations always occur to Christians. I do not
want to lie to you, since that day I was no longer the same as it was
the first time I fell for him. I could not love him like I used to love
him, because I realised that giving him my heart was the worst
mistake that I have ever made. I realised that the best way was to
take one day at a time and keep a low profile and not allow the
emotions to control me but be in control of my emotions or else I
was going to explode. As soon as I realised that the only way out
was nothing, but like him and forget about love because he did not
understand the feelings that I had for him, my heart was at ease
and suddenly my joy reawakened. The guy was still spoiling me
rotten like before, but I would not behave like before since I knew
that for every gift that he bought me there was a price attached to
it. Some prices were sorrow and silence for about a week. I was
getting used to all those kinds of changes, which strengthened me
on the other hand. A leopard cannot change its spots; the same
went for Maanda, it is not like he had changed, but that was the
truth that I have failed to discover about him. I guess it was not yet
time for him to show me his other side, which made sense because
no one discerns the thoughts and intentions of one’s heart, but God
who has fashioned it according to his will for the purpose
understood to him. Isn’t that he gave testimony about Job that he

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was rectitude before him? Who else would know if not him because
he tries our hearts? Who was I to try to understand a guy’s heart as
if I was his maker? Each time I laid my eyes on him scriptures would
cross my mind so much that I was becoming a strong Christian out
of circumstances that had occurred to me. I made a vow that I will
never praise a guy again because each time one does that, that’s
where they become stubborn being led by ego. They say a man
goes where the clapping is loud and that’s where ladies always
blunder. I say so because they should be doing that to us and not
the other way around. Life was going on as usual with the sun
coming from the East as it has always been and like an expensive
fine wine desired by anyone I was maturing and becoming the most
beautiful lady within and without our community. I started to
understand that our names blend with our characters and I have no
hesitation whatsoever to inform you that I am beautiful and in
reality my name is Beauty. It was as if my parents knew that I would
be beautiful. The glory of a flower attracts many insects and since
the days were unfolding I was attracting a lot of men to myself.
Since Maanda treated me as his trophy I started to enjoy the
buzzing and humming of bees around me. Trying to control nature
is like running away from one’s shadow, it cannot be done, so the
best way was to tag along and by that, I mean dating more than one
guy and experience what other people were experiencing. Trust me
it was a great feeling learning new things. Although Maanda was
starting to have problems with me seeing other brothers it was not
a problem I would always tell him not to worry about something
that did not concern him. I emphasized the fact that he should put
his focus on liking me. I have done him great favour since liking me
is what he was good at. He had about four girls in different

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congregations and by the end of winter, I had about nine guys from
nine different congregations. The only difference between the two
of us was that he was doing it to hurt me whereas I was doing it for
the sake of fun and not to hurt anyone. Although my mum told me
not to date I would always tell her that it was good to test the depth
of the river before crossing or else I would drown if I plunged in
without knowledge. She became furious and instead of quitting, I
was becoming a famous girl in my community. I know you would
find it difficult to believe when I say I was not sleeping around with
any of these guys because of the lectures I got from home and of
course from the church. I was only interested in milking these guys
with every opportunity that comes my way. Name any famous
brand that you know and see if I do not have it in my closet. The
boys were blessing me with gifts and I would seal each gift I
received with a French kiss to keep the fountain freshening me up
with good water throughout. Some wanted to slap me when I told
them that I could not sleep with them because as a Christian I
understood and I still understand that my body is a temple of the
Holy Spirit from the sole of my feet to the crown of my head. I did
not want to disappoint my parents by becoming a parent before
time or by allowing my feelings to have control over me. They say
experience is the best teacher and I would reinforce that statement
because I had the first-hand experience of dating. As soon as my
friends realised that I had command over men they started to
worship the ground I walked and some would ask me how I was
able to administer nine men simultaneously without straining
myself. I would only put on a smile and tell them that it was
effortless to tame a wild beast with a kiss. I have learned that when
you are leading someone on you must always take the lead and not

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allow them to lead because in that way you will do things according
to their rules and not your rules. Leadership is words and skill in
action not in rhetoric. The problem with living your life according
to people’s rules is that there are certain rules that you won’t like
and as such you would be prone to bend or break them depending
on the situation that you find yourself in. I have learned that life is
all about making choices and timing the time before the time times
me. Positioning myself at the right time made me be a master of
my own life where I would clap my hands and construct ordinary
things that looked unnatural to my peers in the church. The lesson
that I have learned from Maanda was that one should never lie to
his or her partner about how they feel. With time, I decided to
forget about him by making sure that he was out of my life for good.
I cared less about what people would say when they see us not
being together after all, my life did not revolve around him. He
might have been a good man at first, but truly speaking, he was not
different from any other man. Since we chose to praise him that is
why we saw him as if he was supernatural. Maanda is not a God,
because there is only one God who created everything, and he is
the one I serve with reverence from the bottom of my heart. I was
glad that I have never slept with him because clearly, he did not
deserve that from a decent lady like me. Probably what happened
to Tamar could have happened to me too. For the sake of those
who do not know what I am talking about, I would like to quote the
scripture: Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being
stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated
her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was
greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. That’s II Samuel
13:14-15. I knew this scripture from my Sunday school lessons and

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I made sure that I meditated on it day and night so that I would
understand the signs and keep myself away from stupid boys. I
knew that he was sleeping around with his girls. As a decent lady, I
broke up with him when we were at the youth gathering in Pretoria
central to be precise. I could still picture him kneeling begging me
not to leave him because he said he has learned his lesson, and he
will never make such kind of mistake again, but I was too stubborn
to listen to his nonsense because once a player always a player. Get
this right: people do not change, rather they hide their true colours
awaiting the right moment to show off. I feel bad to tell you that he
was even crying like a baby to be with me, and to console him I said
we can still be friends. I did that deliberately because I know that
men are not interested in being a friend to any lady, but for the
sake of calming him down, I had to say that. Seeing that the crying
was getting worse, I gave him a warm hug and kissed him in front
of everyone, while telling him that I love him to bits. Well, I used
the word love as a noun and not a verb, so if he misread the
meaning it was his problem because I did not have time for
explanations. It is a good thing to learn a lesson, and make sure that
you do not implement anything that would hamper your success in
life. After crying, I was ready to meet another guy in the same
church. Meeting Charles was planned because we have been in
touch for a couple of months, and he seemed like a good boy, not
unless he was pretending like the handsome Maanda. I met him
officially the same day I broke up with Maanda and like Maanda the
dating started. I did not care what people around would say and I
also did not care whether he loved me or not. I have learned that
one reality about dating is that there are no strings attached
because either the person is attached to many girls. Boys get

17
confused with time and in the end, they blame everything on life,
forgetting that they go out tasting different fruits to fulfil their lust.
One other reason they do not care about us is that whenever you
give them a tough time they always drift to their next target
because that’s where they get their satisfaction. So, in reality, we
are never important to them, but a thing needed to fulfil their
hunger or thirst. One of the characters of love in the book of 1
Corinthians is that it does not keep the record of wrongs, but it is
not so with dating. Charles was forever reminding me of the
mistakes that I have done and trust me it did not matter because
we were dating and I knew that it was one of the characteristics of
dating so why should I be worried? Seeing that he was forever
whining, I could see that we were not going to last. I was enjoying
my life, but he was in prison. He would buy me a lot of things and I
knew that he did that for the sake of keeping me to himself. That’s
so stupid. There is no way that you can keep someone to yourself
by gifts. It was obvious that there was no love at all. I remember I
would laugh to myself because of the pain which he was feeling,
well, I was not doing it intentionally, but it was happening
impulsively. This was that kind of guy who would call every ten
minutes, and he would always say I was checking on you. This made
me laugh because I knew that he was not checking on me, but he
was checking where I was and with who for that matter. Did he not
know that I had male friends before I met him? Of course, he knew
that, but he wanted to be a leader forgetting that I was not married
to him. The feeling of getting married at that time was no longer in
my heart because I knew that one cannot chase marriage, but wait
for the man who loves me and I would love him in return. Gone
were those days that I would toss and turn in my bed over a man. I

18
am a discreet sister who knows what she wants in life. A man like
Charles would never be my husband. People fail to understand that
there is a difference between respect and fear. Charles wanted me
to respect him, but actually, he was putting fear in my heart
forgetting that I was not afraid of him. Each time I was with him the
first thing he would do was to take my phone and go through my
messages and believe me, I would not erase them because the
phone was mine and not his. Although he had bought me a phone
which was not less than eight thousand still it was mine, and he did
not have the right to go through it. A phone is one good piece of
technology and it can be an awful piece of technology if it falls in
the hands of a moron. They say once beaten twice shy. Give me one
good reason I should be worried if I realised that he was cheating
on me. I was used to it that it has become my daily bread, like the
daily bread in the prayer our father who art in heaven. Although I
was dating, at least I possessed one character of love which is
“patience”. A lot of people lack patience and that is why they do
not always get what they need or want in life. They say the best way
to predict the future is looking at the past and present. If you are
dating and you do not have patience you are likely not to have
patience in your marriage and you will become a problem to your
priest seeking advice on how to live peacefully forgetting that you
are the real problem. Before you point your finger consider your
actions because you might not be different. Isn’t that Jesus said
anyone who is without sin should be the first one to throw a stone
at that woman, and they all failed because of sin? One thing that
Charles did not realise was that he was my minister of finance
because each time I needed the money he would supply without
questions. Now that’s the kind of man you would not want to lose

19
in your life or rather you had to collect as many gifts and money as
quick as possible in case he leaves you. He was happy that he was
dating a beautiful lady and people were praising him, but he was
getting rotten with my behaviour. I remember the day he invited
me to come over to his place and I told him that I do not do
sleepovers and that his definition of dating was different from
mine. I could see that he was dying to sleep with me, but I cannot
do that. Charles was not my husband and I did not see any reason
why he should see my nakedness. Touching and kissing me was
enough. He would have the rest in his dreams as long as I am not
married to him. Another reason dating fails is that it is built upon a
wrong foundation. I know of men who would say ladies did not have
what they expected, then they were not worth keeping. What kind
of nonsense is that? I guess that is the kind of nonsense one gets
when she is dating. The daily experience brought more light and
understanding. Isn’t that a date is someone that you have arranged
to meet or have an affair as part of a sexual or romantic
relationship? There is no love in it and hearing any man telling me
that he loves me made me laugh since I knew that they were sugar-
coating it with love knowing that ladies are vulnerable. If you are
dating do not put your hope in the man thinking that it would turn
out to marriage. Wait for the right moment and the best way is to
do that being single before doing things that will make you regret
for the rest of your life. One of the major reasons for dating is sexual
intercourse, how are you going to feel when you have slept with
thirty men searching for a suitable partner? I am not being
judgmental, but, what makes you think that men are interested in
marrying someone who has been running around like a horse? I call
that not having respect for your body. You need to keep your body

20
clean and mostly don’t allow boys to see your nakedness, even if
you hear them praising your looks. You are having a lovely body,
they are saying that because they are interested in the body and
not your hearts. If they knew the kind of evil thoughts that some of
us have in our heart about them, they would stop praising us. Each
time I would receive a call from a guy in his presence he would be
asking me who it was and why he called. I got used to it that I would
tell him before he could ask, and seeing that I was open with him,
he started to have confidence thinking that I was deeply in love with
him. He knows that I was deep in his pocket counting money
transferring it to my account. Who could ever think that a twenty-
two-year-old lady would have more than twenty thousand in her
bank account being unemployed? Well, that was Beauty for you. I
had made a couple of thousands from Charles by being open to
him. Men enjoy being in a relationship with someone open to them.
If he has a steady girlfriend and you are his second and you are
transparent than the steady girlfriend you are likely to make a big
fortune. I remember days that Charles would come and fetch me
shopping while Grace was at his apartment, and he would go back
around eight o’clock at night. If he truly loved her he was not going
to do that. Maybe she did not know how to handle a man that is
why he was not spending time with her. Do not allow them to take
the lead for as long as you are dating. That is one of the reasons I
did not allow Charles to control me even if he told me to get rid of
my male friends. I remember looking into his eyes like someone
who was paying attention to what he was saying but deep down I
knew that I had no time for his nonsense. The day I told him that he
is not my husband he was shocked and that was the same day he
stopped dictating to me, rather he would ask me respectfully and I

21
would answer him according to my mood. Charles was afraid of
losing me and on the other hand, I was not afraid of anything. I have
collected enough cash from him, and I was ready for anything.
There is this thing that I have learned from boys: they will pamper
you for as long as they have not slept with you. As soon as you sleep
with them the pampering depreciates and by the time you open
your eyes, it would be too late. That was another reason I would
never sleep with any of them. There are those clever ones who will
tell you to beat it as soon as they find out that you are only
interested in their money. I did not have any problem with leaving
a man because there was no attachment from my side. One of the
problems of dating is that you might end up not believing in love
and I call that allowing circumstances to control you. The scarcity
of water does not mean that you should drink urine. The fact that
he has left you does not mean your life should come to a cul-de-
sac. It is my advice to do the same and that’s if you are in the game
of dating. Dating is all about fulfilling your desires not worried about
your date’s for as long as he is not physically attached to you. If you
truly love her you won’t go around bragging about the stupid things
you did to her, rather you would do that if she is your date because
the aim is to taste the waters and prove to your friends that you are
the man. You remain a man, even if you keep away from sex. The
day Charles kissed me was as if he had discovered a comet or
something from planet Venus. His status on Whatsapp was only
talking about the kiss. He was acting like a girl. How stupid, I do not
see any reason to parade my relationship. I am not stopping you
from showing your moves to people if that’s what you do best. The
freedom is all yours, but do not forget that it is not free. You need
to have principles on how you live your life. Another thing I have

22
learned about dating is that you must not beg because they will
only use that for their benefit forgetting that life is not all about
begging each other. Why should I beg a man as if he is immortal or
going to lengthen the number of my days? If he does not want to
fulfil a reasonable request, then why should I honour his requests
or bow before him? I would rather curtsey before my father and of
course before God because showers me with blessings all the time.
Isn’t that he called us to be righteous and be like his only-begotten
son Jesus the only mediator between God and man? I remember
him buying me a promise ring and I refused because I realised that
he did not buy it out of love. He bought it out of fear because he
did not want to lose me. The real question is how can you lose
something that you have never owned? Charles was a coward, and
he was afraid of the challenge. He would always say he was
protecting his number one asset. If only he knew that he was not
even in my heart he would have not used those words at all. When
people want something from you they would always say what you
want to hear that you may fulfil their desires. I have outgrown that
crap I am not a fool and all thanks to Maanda who opened my eyes.
In life don’t let your feet to grow beyond your shoes because you
will walk barefooted. Charles was heartbroken when I refused his
ring because he told me that he was not dating anyone at that time.
I knew that he was in a relationship with a lady by the name of
Grace. One of the principles of dating is that you must remain calm
even when they are lying to you and that’s if you know that they
are lying. Remain calm and at the end spill the beans to show that
you know your story. During those days my mum was very troubled
thinking that I was sleeping around, and she was sending endless
prayers to God that He should guide my steps and not fall into the

23
snares of the evil one. I thank God for her because by His grace I
could sense that he has built a wall around me as He did to Job. God
is good all the time and that you might be going through a
relationship breakdown does not mean that he doesn’t see you. Do
good all the time and let the Holy Spirit to guide you. You will never
go wrong and mostly make sure that your prayers do not have
wrong motives or else you will pray without getting any results
except for dark knees because of kneeling. Most people in the
church would tell me that I have changed. In my response I would
say I did not change, rather I am growing and this was one of the
stages in life that I had to go through. Most started to hate me
calling me a promiscuous lady, but it was not in any way because
the only person who knew the truth was me. I was only going to
have a problem if what they said about me was true. I was
reminded that I will lose my respect because of dating. Well, that is
true, but knowing that I was still a virgin and willing to keep it until
I get married gave me more strength not to listen to them. I was
amazed to see my dad being calm all the time and acted like
nothing was wrong, whereas I knew him to be very strict. I guess he
could sense that I was having fun. Charles asked my friends to
convince me to accept his promise ring, but I told them that they
would never understand my reasons and some said I refused the
ring because I was still attached to Maanda. Little did they know
that I did all that because I did not want to live a lie or suffer
because of something that I have brought upon my life. Never
compromise your happiness for the sake of pleasing someone you
are not going to get married to. I would rather remain without a
ring on my finger and enjoy life than having a ring on my finger
suffering. Not everyone who is wearing a ring is enjoying life. I did

24
not want to marry a man who would have a problem with the way
I live my life. No wonder God said we must pray, and he will give us
the desires of our hearts, so it has been my prayer that he does not
bless me with a man who will make me suffer. There is much to love
than receiving material things. One other thing which I did not like
about him was that each time I bring him something to eat, he
would make me nibble it first. That reinforced the fact that he can
never be my husband because he did not trust me. Some of my
friends told him that the only way to win a lady’s heart is to
introduce her to your parents. That is not so with me because an
introduction is not a guarantee that I am going to be your wife. He
asked me to meet his parents and when I asked him why he could
not give me a satisfactory answer. I told him that he wanted to
introduce me because of my looks and not out of love since he had
already bought a promise ring for Grace a year ago and that she is
the one that his parents know. Although he tried telling me that he
could not marry Grace I was not in the mood to talk about marriage
or anything that would lead to marriage at that time. Seeing that all
his tricks were not working with me he said I refused his ring
because of my previous boyfriend. I told him not to dig into my past
because he also did not know anything about my present. He was
shocked at my statement, and he asked me if I was seeing someone
beside him. Since I did not have anything to lose I told him that I
was having more than seven boyfriends. Since that day he was not
at peace, I could tell that he was dying inside. He started sending
me endless texts almost every hour saying he loves me better than
any man I am dating. It’s a pity what men do to win your heart. We
enjoy their lies so much that even when we feel that they are lying
to us, we still hold on fast to their lies and believe them. After what

25
has happened to me there was no way that I was going to believe
their crap. I would respond to his texts timeously, but make sure
that I would never use the word love in any of my texts no matter
what. During the next spring, I discovered that Grace’s marriage
negotiations were taking place and that was the best chance to
leave him for good. I could see that he was not happy about taking
Grace, but because he could not have me either he had to do it.
That is wrong since Grace was going to suffer because she did not
know that he was not into her. Grace, on the other hand, was
ecstatic because she has slipped from Stanley, meaning that
Charles took her from Stanley. What I have learned during that time
was that as long as you are dating there is no serious commitment
in the relationship because it was a game of exchange. Girls were
attached to Charles because he was giving them money. After what
happened in my first relationship I was no longer considering the
physical appearance, but the appearance of a man’s bank account.
They say you scratch my back and I scratch yours but to me, it was
a bit different because my scratching did not entail going to bed
with a man. I remember most would take me to restaurants which
were far from my home on purpose thinking that I would agree to
lodge somewhere with them. I would tell them to take me home
and if they did not feel like driving I would call my brother to come
and fetch me than sleeping outside. That was my way of dating and
I did not care what they would say thereafter. I told Charles that if
he wanted to be a good husband he must be a man of one wife and
forget about being with me while he was married. He refused to
break up with me, even though he was married to Grace because
deep inside he was attached to me. I did not have a problem with
that because I was not attached to him. I remember one of my

26
friends told me that I would suffer for the rest of my life if I allow
that jackpot to slip from my hands. If only she knew the amount of
money that I have made from Charles together with the gifts that
he has bought me she would not have said that. He became a
jackpot from the very first day that I met him. I was still a young girl
who was taking one day at a time and the only way to live a life free
of worries was hoping for nothing from people. There are certain
things that you will never know whether you love them until you
try them. Daniel enjoys going out, meeting him made me become
a party animal for real. I was going out almost every weekend.
Going out was not a problem because I had every costume meet
for any occasion. Although he was a party animal he had an
excellent taste when it comes to dressing me and knowing how to
treat a lady. He was that kind of guy whom I could send to a store
to buy an outfit without assisting him. He would bring me exactly
what I needed at that moment. One should be thankful to be
blessed with such kind of man at my age. I know that most ladies
did not experience the kind of treatment that I have gone through,
and they should count it luck because you do not know what could
have happened to you. Whenever you are still breathing it means
God still has a purpose to your life. Daniel would not mind driving
all the way from Free State to my home late at night to be with me.
Now that’s a kind of man you should keep close to your heart but
far away from your body if you know what I mean. There was a day
he asked me to go out with him for a late party. The only problem
was that I did not have the outfit for that occasion, and I was going
to use that as an excuse. That did not work because he had already
bought one and it was in the boot of his car. We drove all the way
to the party and as soon as we got there my other three boyfriends

27
were present. I could feel that the situation was going to be tense
because the four men who are attached to me. I do not want scars
on my beautiful body. What am I going to tell them? There is no
way that I can say they are my brothers or cousins because that
would be the dullest lie ever. If I do not introduce them things
would get worse, and they might end up fighting over me. I hate
men who fight for a lady. I find it idiotic because the man is not the
problem, but the lady with whom they are involved with. Seeing my
other lady friends around signalling to me that the situation was
tense, I asked Daniel to release me for a couple of minutes and say
hi to my girls. He released me and I went to my girls pretending not
to see any of my boyfriends. As I was walking across the dance floor
Stanley grabbed my hand, asking me what I was doing there. Well,
I asked him the same question, and he said he was with his friends
having fun. I said I was also with my lady friends and some guys. As
soon as I mentioned guys he was not okay, and he started raising
his voice. I told him to keep his hand to himself because I was not
the first girl that he had dated since he was born. Daniel could see
that something was not okay, and because he was also having an
affair with Daisy he called me by my name and Stanley could not
tell whether he was referring to the natural beauty or my real
name. He further told Daniel that I was with him that night and it
was his responsibility to make sure that I get home safe as he has
been asked to do so by my parents. That was a lie from the pit of
hell, but Stanley believed every word that came out of his mouth.
Stanley started telling him how important I was to him. I did not
know that Daniel could act along, I thought he was going to fight
with him, but I guess I was wrong about that. He was acting like a
caring cousin and on the other hand, he was a real gentleman. He

28
did not allow any of my boyfriends to buy me drinks because I was
his responsibility. I liked the way he kept on checking on me to
make sure that I was okay throughout. Suddenly all my four
boyfriends were together having fun and the only person who knew
about them was Daniel. The rest could not smell a rat, and I was
enjoying it. I introduced them to him on Whatsapp before I could
personally take him to them and when he met them, he would wait
for me to call them by their names, and then he would say their
names telling them that he had heard a lot about them. He was
blending in like a cocktail in my drinking receptacle. My girls started
calling me the lady of the moment and I also felt that indeed I was
the lady of the moment. That night I danced with all of them, a song
after song and gave them a baby kiss to disguise. Who could have
known that I was a lion in a sheepskin? No one except for Daniel
who knew every move that I made that night. Daniel is a dog and
you will never tell because he is such a good pretender. This was
the only guy I nearly slept with because he was too fast. He knew
how to use the power of his speech to lead you on, and he would
do that with actions to polish every word from his mouth. That
night he told me that I was going to crash at his place and I told him
I could not do that, but because of the sweetness of his tongue, he
insisted on a very sedate manner. If it was not that time of the
month this guy could have seen my nakedness. Clearly, God is not
an infant, he was able to protect me that night, even when I have
not lived right before him. I am not afraid to say so, because my life
at that time was way out of hand, but still, he was able to protect
me. If I say I was living right before him, then I would be making him
a liar. Daniel was disappointed, but because he was a real
gentleman he did not fight or force me. He only said no one can go

29
against nature, but I could feel that his statement meant a lot of
things. It meant that time will come that he would sleep with me
and again, it meant that nature was telling him that it was about
time that he sleeps with me. Although at that time my body was
telling me the same thing, unfortunately, I could not go against my
parents’ words. The following day was a Saturday and I did not want
to go home thinking of what could have happened to me. Sleeping
with a man out of marriage was considered bad and people in the
church would look at you as if you had leprosy. Imagine could
imagine if I slept with him. My mum walked to my room with a Bible
in her hand and I knew that it was going to be a day for bible study.
I told her I was dating, but she must not be worried because I will
not disappoint her. She had always believed me, but that time she
found it difficult to believe me. You know ladies and our fake tears.
I started crying like a ten-year-old, and there she was consoling me.
We read a word for an extended time, and we were praying as well.
I realised that I have drifted from the presence of the Lord because
I could hardly pray. The more you move away from the Lord it is the
more the connection gets weak. My mum told me that life was all
about choice and our choices determine our future. She said if I
choose to live far away from the presence of the Lord, evil will
always be around me. If I choose to spend my time with the boys I
would fall into a trap of the devil. If I was sleeping around its either
I would taste HIV or fall pregnant. She did not believe in
contraceptives because one should abstain. It sounded stupid, but
she was right. Why do I need protection when I am not married to
anyone, in fact protecting myself from what? You do not need
protection, but the Holy Spirit. If you have the Holy Spirit it is more
important than the protection because it is the ultimate protection

30
all by itself. Chatting to my mum that day was excellent because it
had been long that we spoke like a mum to daughter. At night
Daniel called asking why I was such a hard nut to crack and I told
him that I was not ready. He was one of the leaders in the youth
class. Imagine if the leader was acting like that, wasn’t it obvious
that the people who are being led were getting lost day by day?
When he insisted I realised that we were going to have a grave
problem. I hate ultimatums and especially from a guy. He told me
that if I did not want it would be better if we separate because he
is tired of waiting. Knowing that he was not going to take it I told
him to marry me and only then he would have the ticket to sleep
with me. He kept quiet for about forty-five seconds then said he
can’t marry me because of the lady he had introduced to his
parents. I asked if he was in love with the lady, and he said she is in
love with him. As soon as he said that I knew that he was not into
her. Poor thing, it seemed as if I had cast a spell on every guy that I
dated. They all wanted to be with me, but because of their
skeletons, I could not honour their requests. My mum heard me on
the phone, and she came to my room saying I have been talking for
more than an hour. I said it was a friend, and she said was not born
yesterday. She told me not to waste my life with a boy who did not
respect me, the one who would call me at eleven o’clock at night
while I was sleeping. I guess she was right about that. I thank God
he had already said we must separate so my mum was reinforcing
his statement. She further said she would never choose for me to
love because when things go wrong I would always run back to her.
Little did she know that I was not in love but having fun. Seeing that
I was not okay, she decided to sleep with me that night. I can’t
remember the last time I shared the bed with my mum. That same

31
night I took my diary and start to write. Ladies, I am writing this
diary for you. Deep in thoughts, while looking in the mirror I was
thinking about what men see when they look at me. I was seeing a
natural young lady who was fearfully and wonderfully created for a
purpose in this world. I believe that everyone is created for a
purpose. I am not the ugly duckling and I do not like bragging, but
that you may understand how my appearance is fashioned, know
that I am one of the most beautiful ladies that any guy who has
money and those who are broke would kill to have as their wife.
They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, but with me even
blind people can feel my beauty whenever I emerge in the vicinity.
I have learned that life itself revolves around love. I know that it was
out of love that our dearest Father who art in heaven created us,
and we also understand that God is love. God has never failed
anyone and I know without a spec of doubt that he is good to all
human beings who are breathing the same air encapsulating our
dear planet earth. He does not do that because we are perfect, but
out of love and grace. Love is a noun and it is also used as a verb.
Most people mistaken the two. I am intentionally saying they
mistaken the two because they do not know the difference.
Ignorance causes chaos in this world and knowledge is always
better than strength. When you know and understand something
you become an expert and it is always out of a willing heart to
choose to do right or to do what is wrong. Men know how to say
they love us, which is not a lie, but a half-truth. Out of happiness
and not joy some ladies fail to understand although it is in bold
letters. A noun is a naming word while a verb is a doing word. Telling
me that you love me, but failing to apply the action to your words,
is nothing but a noun or fiction. It is not a problem to love someone.

32
I find it to be a hang-up if you tell someone how much you love
them, but you do not what to spend your future with a poor soul.
Are you sure you love me or you want to learn to love me? You can
never learn a human being, if you love me, you will take me with
my faults. I might not be older than you, but I might be way
matured. I am a young lady who is naturally stepping into a self-
realisation stage out of circumstances and choice. I know that every
problem has a solution and I also know that there are good
problems and bad problems in this world. A good problem will
never cause you any harm while a bad one is as sharp as a knife,
which cuts deeper and causes more pain than the problem itself.
Why do men date many ladies? I am not writing this because ladies
are decent, not at all. I am writing about men for ladies because I
have the first-hand experience of dating. Most men I have dated
have been in many relationships so much that I ended up thinking
that is a way of doing things. When you do something wrong the
first time I assume that it might have been a mistake, although your
senses were active. I find it to be a problem if you repeat a mistake.
I don’t understand why Daniel wanted sex so much when I was not
the only lady that he was dating. I told him that I cannot have sex
with him because as a Christian I can only do that with my life
partner who is married to me. The pain of not being in love is far
much better than being in love with someone who wants to use
you. The one causing pain owns the prison and the one who is
feeling the heat is living in the cell. The one who is living in prison is
much better the one who is in the cell? You open your dear loving
heart to someone who promised to love you regardless of any
condition that you could ever think of. I find it arduous if you say
you love someone but you don’t want to listen to them. No means

33
no and if you have a problem with it then beat it. Men always send
signals, but we are so overwhelmed that we fail to see them. We
think we are deep in love, but in fact, we are deep in lies. You are
like a fly trapped in a spider web trying to escape. It does not matter
what led the fly that way, but the only reality left is life and death,
with death having more probability than life. Some men do not
send any signal, they act. For example, if you are being told that you
are liked why do you want to spend the rest of your life with such a
man? The poor gentleman made his point clear, he likes you. I like
you because you are sexy, I like you because you have beautiful
eyes and your hands are as soft as butter. Are those not conditions?
That is what dating is all about. If you want to catch a big fish you
need good bait. Men know how to talk, and they will never get tired
of talking for as long as they have not won. Some men are so
eloquent at a speech that even when they are lying it is so difficult
to tell because lies shoot from their hearts spontaneously and
naturally so much that we are left with no option but to believe
them. Before they sleep with you, you are a need for that moment
and after sleeping with you a need gradually transform into a want.
Then why do you want the poor men to stick around you when he
got what he wanted? Isn’t that he wanted you not loved. You went
straight into the den of lions when you should have remained in
your territory where there is peace. As a Christian why do you go to
strip clubs and expect not to fall into the snare of the evil one? Do
not follow my footsteps because you might not be able to stand all
the temptations that I came across. Some men will never say
anything to you, they believe that silence is golden and it works for
them that you will see them glowing whilst the poor soul is
suffering. I have been in a handful of relationships and some were

34
good because of the experience which came with them and some
were eye-watering experiences. Have you ever realised that the
pain you experience from someone you don’t love is less compared
to the pain caused by someone you love? It is excruciating to be in
the hands of a smart ass who only cares about feeding his wants.
You will break into pieces urging the poor soul not to leave you
forgetting that it is better for him to go because the best way to
predict the future events is through past and present behaviour. A
bird which experienced a stone cast is likely not to land on the same
tree for shelter. It does not matter what kind of storm might come,
but for as long as it lives it will rather not land on that tree. As a
Christian I do not compromise when it comes to the standard, I
would never go low and if you want to fly with me then ascend to
heights. Do you want to be in a relationship or you need to be in a
relationship? If you want to be in a relationship, then date because
it’s nothing serious and you should expect a downfall at any time.
If you need to be in love then take your time and wait for the right
moment to come because it is a lifetime pledge. The bottom line is
that the feeling must be mutual. If he feels contrary to the way I
feel for him then I am going to experience pain for as long as I am
with him. When your mind is agitated it is difficult to think deep and
it is one of the reasons we make quick decisions with bad results.
Listening is a skill and common sense is of vital importance to apply
on a day to day experiences. Naturally, we are created to believe
what we are being told because we do not understand the thoughts
and intentions of other people’s hearts. With experience the scars
we have always lead us into thinking twice before acting. It makes
much sense because scars result from the action and that is why
we are able to locate them even when we are in the darkest

35
environment. Words are good if they carry truth in them and on the
contrary they can murder someone if used wrongly. How do you
know when one wants to sleep with you if not through pure
actions? Since there is good criticism and bad criticism understand
that most people would be offended by the content of this diary,
and some would love it. There is no such thing called a perfect
relationship because two people who fall in love are different, but
love puts them in one basket to share mutual feelings for as long as
they are together. God created Eve for Adam and it was not a
mistake that he said he will make him a suitable helper. Someone
who suits in your life like a piece of a puzzle game. Wait for the
partner who will fit in like a puzzle. You can live a healthy life even
if you are single, it might be that life would be a bit tough, but the
absence of a man is not a death sentence. Logic tells that there are
many ways to kill a cat and most of us have applied that in our lives
and mostly in our relationships. Remember that being in a
relationship does not always mean happiness. Most of my men
were not happy because they did not get what they have been
looking for. I am a player and I know that it is not the right way to
walk as a Christian. When you are dating remember that one would
be: in the hands of someone who might not be matured, someone
who still wants to play, someone who is in the adolescent stage
while you are as matured like fine wine which is priceless, someone
who only know how to call you love when he feels like it, someone
who is using you, someone who thinks being a player is the way of
life, someone who behaves like a dog which does not get satisfied
with what is at its disposal, someone who love skirts although he
does not put them on, someone who is suffering from a disease of
peer pressure, and someone who is not your suitable partner.

36
Sometimes we follow our hearts and forget to use our mind. It is as
if when they talk to us we become dull for a moment and the door
leading to an understanding about what is happening is shut. Falling
in love is not hard it requires one to open her heart and right there
you are in love. In the morning Lisa came to fetch me to church as
usual and on the way she was telling me about how she has finally
found a boyfriend who was treating her so well. Now Lisa is an
attractive and intelligent lady who completed her Magister Degree
in Accounting, and she was still continuing with her studies because
her dream was to have a PhD. She said his name is Daniel and when
I asked if I knew the Daniel she was talking about she confirmed
that it was the very same Daniel that I broke up with the previous
night. I realised that she was only intelligent academically or it’s
either she did not know him that well. She told me that he
disappointed her on Friday because they were supposed to have
gone to a party together. In my heart, I was like that guy wanted to
hit on two friends at the same time. I asked her why she loves him
so much, and she said he is a good-looking brother who knows how
to satisfy a lady in all ways. I insisted on telling her to put her point
succinctly, and she said she slept with him on Thursday. The guy is
so good and I do not see any reason why I must break up with him.
She also said that she was giving him money each time he was
broke. Now, this was starting to make much sense, she was giving
the guy money and on the other hand, the guy was using the money
to buy me gifts. If only she knew that the dress I was wearing was
bought using her money she was not going to praise him at all, in
fact, she was going to leave him unless she truly loved him. She
knew that I broke up with Maanda a long time ago, and she said she
wanted me to meet someone. Lisa was a kind of friend who did not

37
know that I was busy although almost everyone was seeing it. She
was so worried about me, and she would always say I should get a
partner because time was no longer on our side. I was still in my
early twenties there is no way she could say that to me, after all, I
was not in a hurry. I agreed to meet the guy and it happens after
the service. My mum was happy to see me leaving with Lisa
because it was my habit to leave with one of the brothers after
church. If she only knew that I was going to meet a man. We drove
straight into one of the expensive restaurants in the nearby mall
and as soon as we made our entrance there was a fine gentleman
leading us to the table we reclined. We ordered drinks while waiting
for the two gentlemen to join us. I was not in the mood to order
any strong drink because my body does not blend well with alcohol,
but my friend refused that I should order a soft drink. A virgin
millionaire Mojito would disguise. Like I thought, Daniel was
walking with this tall guy who was not bad to look at although he
was dark in complexion and I, on the other hand, being a yellow
bone it was a good match, but not the one from heaven. When
Daniel saw me he was shocked because he was the one who told
Lisa to come along with a lady friend. It’s a small world indeed. They
all greeted us with warm hugs awaiting my friend to introduce them
to me. Daniel acted like he did not know me because he was asking
me where I stay as if he had never picked me at my house before.
Now, this is the kind of guy who could murder your family and
befriend you at the same time. Be careful of people you smile with,
not all are smiling. Some are pretending to be happy while they are
boiling inside. I also acted like I did not know him, and I was
answering all his questions as if it was my first time seeing him and
at the same time, my mood was sedated. Lisa introduced me to

38
David, and she told me that he was a brother to Daniel. There is no
way that I could jump from one brother to another in the same
family. Imagine how I was going to feel. I grinned as soon as I heard
that and when David asked I told him that I was happy to meet him.
The lunch was divine and an extensive one for that matter. David
enjoys talking and I on the other hand love talking, so we were
doing a lot of talking. At first, I told myself that I was not going to
give him my number, nevertheless, he insisted. I could see Daniel
changing when I was giving him my contacts. I did not have anything
to lose, and he did not have anything to lose on the other hand
because he was not my man, after all, I was not dating David, so I
did not understand why he was acting that way. Seeing that he was
not fine, I told David that I would like to spend some time with him.
I went further to tell him that I broke up with my boyfriend, so I
needed comfort and a strong shoulder to lean on. David was happy
to be that strong shoulder, but he did not understand that I wanted
him to be a friend, I could see that he was full of smiles like a clown
and, Daniel, on the other hand, was telling him not rush into things.
Lisa said David was not a small boy. What worries the dog when the
moon shines? That day she was not only an Accountant but my
lawyer as well. She was defending my case left, right and centre. I
made things worse when I told David that I would like to visit him
sometime and meet his parents because he was such a nice person.
I did that to hurt Daniel. The intention was to show him that I can
be a dog like him. Lisa was happy, but clearly, it was because she
did not know what was happening. I told Lisa to take pictures of
David and me using my phone so that I can forward them to him
later. Daniel was at lunch, but I could tell that happiness has
departed from him. He looked like someone who wanted to escape

39
from his body. That’s what you get when you play with my feelings.
I hated that he was fooling my friend, and she was too blind to
notice that something was happening right under her nose. When
we pose for the photos I was holding David tight like he was my life
partner, and using the advantage that he was tall, I would lay my
head on his broad chest and elevate my lips a bit to show that
lovely smile of mine. I told him that having him next to me was the
highlight of my day and I wish that we had more time because it
was getting late. I promised my mum to be a good girl and not stay
out long. I was covered because I was out with Lisa. My mom sent
me a Whatsapp asking if I was fine and I called her straight away
telling her that I was okay. Daniel was amazed because he knew
that each time my mum called for as long as I was out we would
end up fighting. She kept on telling him that he was acting strange
and I, on the other hand, I was telling her that she should put a
leash on her dog because it was troubling other people’s peace. I
would say that with a smile so that it did not sound like I was telling
him crap deliberately. The day turned into a great evening. I was
still sipping on my Millionaire Mojito and this time I was doing it for
the sake of pushing a charm. You see it does not matter who you
are with, but if you have joy within the guy might have a face which
looks like my clenched fist but that does not matter. Beauty lies in
the eyes of the beholder. David was charming me with his style, and
he was blending in well, and we were creating a serene fusion of
laughter and enjoyment. Lisa was enjoying the communication
because she does not talk much. That is why she blends well with
me because I do a lot of talking while she does the nodding of her
head and sometimes laughing. Lisa and the boys were having their
strong drinks. She was having Apple Martini with a receptacle of

40
olives on the side as usual. She loves olives because she says they
are good for her health, and they keep her calm. I don’t like them
because of their taste. I love strawberries and cream because it
keeps the palate of my mouth sweet and it gives me more
confidence to remain eloquent in my speech. That is why they say
one man’s poison is another man’s medicine, well, that was my
medicine. I told Lisa that I was going to cover the bill that night
because I knew that Daniel was the one who organized the lunch
and I wanted to show the boys that I can be independent if I want
to. I have collected enough cash from my boyfriends and my
account was always loaded. Whenever I was bored I would not
mind requesting an Uber to take me places for a shopping spree
and dine at a very classic restaurant like this one. I knew that the
bill would be above two thousand because of the champagne bottle
which was above a thousand and five hundred rands. Although I
was not working it was fine because at that moment I had more
than thirty-five thousand rands. My mum gives me a living
allowance of a thousand five hundred rands every month and my
dad was giving me a thousand five hundred rands. When I tell you
that I could be independent it was not a joke because my dad is a
doctor by profession and my mum is an Auditor. I am not saying this
to brag but to prove to you that I did not need a guy to spice up my
life as most girls would wait for a man to spoil them. I was accepting
their cash though like I said when they give you gifts you must
accept them with a smile or at least show some sort of affection. I
would always seal them with a French kiss. On the other hand, my
parents could afford to buy me a car, but my dad always said he
wanted me to drive my own car when I start working and not when
I was still dependent on them. Darkness was starting to prevail

41
against the light and it was time for us to leave. With a click by my
right hand two fingers, I signalled the waiter to bring the bill and a
speed point since I do not walk around with cash. Crime is too high,
so it is safe to walk around with my bank card. The bill was more
than what I have expected. It was R3562.21. Lisa was not happy to
see me pay, but I insisted on informing saying she should count it
as thank you for bringing a fine gentleman to elevate my mood that
day. Daniel nearly cried I guess it’s because I have never insisted on
paying for anything when I was with him and now a sudden change.
They say an abnormal problem needs an abnormal solution and this
was me correcting his abnormal behaviour with an abnormal act.
Lisa thought I did that because I was tipsy, but little did she know
that my drinks were all virgin. She assumed that because they were
cocktails they had a touch of alcohol in them. Another reason is that
I was acting like I was getting high, but only Daniel could pick it
because I have been around him for quite some time, so this was
not new to him. We left at past eight, David and I were walking
behind holding hands and laughing as if we were deeply and madly
in love. Love was not on my mind and neither was dating for that
matter. David is going to be my friend and a good one. As we were
parting going into Lisa’s car I invited him to come to our church. I
remember telling him not to forget calling, but no calls after nine
because that was my private time. Lisa was smiling and when I
asked she said she was happy that I finally got my mojo, because of
the happiness and laughter that I had with David. She continued
asking me questions as to what I think about him and I remember
she told me that he was single and looking for someone like me. I
had the courage to tell her that he was not my type, and I was not
ready for any relationship at that time. My past with Daniel

42
aggravated the situation, so men when off-limits for now. I felt like
telling her that I broke with Daniel a day before, but seeing that she
was deep, I did not have the ways and means to tell her. How do
you tell your friend that you were dating her man and that you only
broke up yesterday? That was mission impossible, although I am
good at talking. Suddenly I asked her what she would do if she was
in a relationship with a guy and that the guy was also dating her
friend. She said as long as she was getting what she wanted it was
never a problem. I felt like I was going to strangulate her because
she was boring me big time. How could a decent lady like her say
such? It was as if this guy has cast a spell on her. She told me that
Daniel was eyeing me and that she was able to see it. He could not
spend two minutes without laying his eyes on me the time we were
at the restaurant. That is why I told her to put a leash on him
because it was as if he was seeing a goddess of love and beauty.
Seeing that the talk was centralised on me I said Daniel looks like a
fine gentleman and cunning. When she asked why I said men who
are that quiet are always up to something, or they have been doing
certain things. I knew that if she was going to ask him if he knows
me he was not going to agree. That’s how much I know Daniel,
actually, I knew him better than her because this is the guy I have
been spending my time with when she was sleeping at home. Now
Lisa trusted me with every fibre of her being and I did not want to
spoil our friendship because of my past. She dropped me at the
gate and I reminded to pray all the time. It was a great Sunday and
later that night when I was in bed, I was chatting with Daniel and
David simultaneously. Daniel was telling me not to keep in touch
with David because it was going to be awkward to jump from him
to his little brother. I told him that he was too blind to see what was

43
happening. One of the problems people have things like stress is
because of that. I sent David the pictures we took that afternoon,
and knowing that he did not have a girlfriend, I gave him permission
to do as he like with me. Daniel was still telling me that he does not
want to be my friend, but that was a delusion because dating him
would never happen again for as long as there was still breath in
me. The best way to punish a player is through actions and fewer
words. I was acting for the sake of giving him the taste of his own
medicine. I don’t like using this word, but for the sake of expressing
the anger that I had within me, allow me. I can be a bitch if I want
to, but because of my religion and that I hate using strong language
ignore it because now you understand the anger within me. I had
an extensive chat with David that night and I remember saying I
would pass by his house. I did that because Daniel was a day off. I
knew his rooster like the back of my hand. The following day I woke
up and do all chores like a decent lady who got her skill from a
professor. As soon as I was done I went straight to the bathroom,
took a long bath and put on one of the outfits that Daniel bought
me. I did not take an umbrella because I wanted people to notice
me from afar without obstructing their view. I went to the cinema
to catch a movie before passing by David’s house. At half-past three
I was at the gate and his mum welcomed me to her beautiful house.
She knew me from church, and she was ecstatic to see me at her
house, she said it was a blessing to be graced by my presence. We
spoke for a while and I said I was there for David, and she quickly
left the sitting room to call him. She gave us some space while she
was in the kitchen preparing some snack to keep us cool. David was
showing me around the house as if he was my boyfriend. Around
sixteen minutes before five, I told her mum that I had to leave, but

44
she told me that I must wait for Daniel who will drive me home.
Deep inside I was suppressing a smile because she did not know
that Daniel was all beefed up with me. I was falling in love with what
she was saying because I was in her house to prove to Daniel that
he was nothing but a moron. If he was thinking that I was the same
as one of his ex-girlfriends he was mistaken. I don’t chew
bubblegum that long. You are not going to believe this when Daniel
arrived Lisa was sitting on the passenger side. It seemed like we
have organized to bring yesterday’s atmosphere in their house. Lisa
was full of smiles as always and we hugged. Daniel was also forced
to hug me, and he had to pretend to be okay when I knew that he
was far away from the word okay. His mum asked David to assist
her to deliver the supper to the dining room for us. It was a lovely
night and I remember her mum saying she realised that David and
I match. I smiled because I was not into him and to avoid much
talking I said nature is divine and no one must go against it. I was
stating Daniel’s words to put him on the hot seat. Daniel’s mum
knows Lisa very much and that is why she refers to her as her future
daughter-in-law. Most parents say that when their son introduces
a lady and mostly because she was in the same church forgetting
that the church is full of hypocrites. This guy’s life was way far from
Christianity, and I was sailing in the same boat too. She brought a
sacramental wine to the table, and she called my house telling my
mum that I was at her house. On my way to the bathroom, Daniel
saw that I was wearing the outfit he bought me and I smiled. I still
remember her saying I knew how to dress for my body. Lisa also
commented that she would love to have a man who knows how to
dress her and I tilted my head to Daniel asking him to hook her up.
He smiled and nodded his head because I was mocking him. Lisa

45
demanded that he should say the words and I clapped my hands
for her. When we continued talking about clothing and this time it
was interesting because her mum was there. I was telling them that
the guy I dated previously was very generous and caring. He was
the one who bought me the outfit I was wearing from the heel to
the shades. When his mum asked who the guy was I said it was
trifling. They say the ingredients are trifling, but the product is the
one that matters. I could see that everyone was catching my drift
except for Daniel who knew that I was talking about him. I was
starting to feel for him when he was gazing at his phone endlessly
until Lisa took it from him telling him that he must pay attention to
what I was saying because she wanted him to catch few skills on
how to spoil her. If she knew that she was talking to a professor of
fashion she would have relaxed. This was an abnormal situation and
each time he would make a comment I would say something
contrary to what he said. I would exercise caution and make sure
that it sounded like fun and not a tug of war. Since I could not find
it easy to tell Lisa about the past I had with Daniel the best way was
to continue to milk him but this time she would have to do it since
I was out of the picture. Daniel was such a bastard who deserved
nothing good from us. It was turning to be a great night and her
mum was telling us that we should often come to brighten her
house with our beauty. I knew she said that because she wanted us
to keep her sons occupied. With a bright smile on my face, I agreed
to come often. If she did not mind I was going to come the following
day to help her in the kitchen for the boys to have a taste of my
cooking, and she agreed. David proposed that we should go to
Monte Casino but Daniel refused saying he had to be somewhere
and I said for as long as he meant being with her girlfriend it was

46
not a problem. I knew that he wanted to be with one of his
girlfriends, not Lisa. He realised that he could not escape what I was
saying so one way or another we should be together. I insisted that
he should help Lisa to choose a nice outfit for that occasion or to
buy one for her if he was a gentleman. When I said that Lisa was
smiling and her mum seconded my statement saying he heard how
my ex-boyfriend was spoiling me. He agreed that he will take her
for shopping on Friday. I thank God my trick worked although she
did not know what was happening. We left for our homes and
Daniel drove us. When I got home I went straight to my room and
rested. I have seen several parents praising their children, saying
they are good and all that when they never spend time with them.
If you are a parent never beat your chest boasting saying your
children are good. Be like Job who would rather pray for them
saying maybe they might have insulted God not knowing because
sometimes we blaspheme directly and indirectly of course.
Although my mum and some women in the church would often say
my behaviour was out of hand because of dating, every Tuesday
was a day that I had set aside to clean the church together with my
two lady friends. I did not mind cleaning it even though I was alone.
The next day on my way to church I came across Samuel who gave
me a ride to church. On the way, he said he was happy that her
sister is my friend because I would teach her a lot about life. I did
not know what he was referring to because I did not expect
anything good from people in my neighbourhood since they have
given me a new name. I asked what he meant by that, and he said
my character. The poor guy said I would make a good wife if only I
fall in the hands of a good man. He sounded strange, but he told
me not to be afraid of anything because he was not asking me out.

47
He was asking me to impart some skills to her sister because he did
not want her to fall in the hands of an evil man. Now, this was
getting tough because I knew that Daniel was a busy boy and I
would not know if he was having a child somewhere. I made a
promise that I would try to keep her informed. After cleaning the
church I was chatting with her on Whatsapp asking if she was okay
and if she needed to see me after work. I knew that she always
wanted to be next to me, so asking was a way of inviting her to my
home. She came along with a box of pizza and walked straight to
my bedroom. They all know her at my home so, it was she was
intruding. We had long girl talk and later I told her what her brother
told me. She was shocked that her brother could say something like
that to me, but I told her that she should take it as a sign. She asked
if he was referring to Daniel her boyfriend, but I could not say yes
or no. I said was that she should pray about everything in her life
and take baby steps with boys because I did not want her to regret
at the end. My conscience was telling me that I should spill the
beans about Daniel. If I hide the truth from her then I am not a true
friend and if I am not a true friend then I did not have love, and
anyone who does not have love is a murderer according to the
Bible. She might as well hate me, but she deserves to know the
truth. I explained everything starting from when and how I met
Daniel. I was expecting her to turn red since she was very light in
complexion, but she was not shocked and when I asked why she
said she knew that he was dating me before. All this time I thought
she did not know, she also told me that they started dating two
weeks after he met me. She saw the Whatsapp messages on his
phone, but she decided to keep quiet because she knew that I was
not sleeping with him so it was not a big deal. Lisa was not a

48
dunderhead as I have thought. She said the only way to find out
was to organize his little brother to be my date on Sunday because
she knew that I was talkative and that way she would study his
behaviour. I asked what the way forward was, and she told me to
nail him so badly and this time she would help. I guess it was not
hard after all. I asked about their relationship and the love she had
for him, but she said she only used the word love to disguise and to
have fun with him. At this time I can’t be sure because everything
she told me was shocking. I knew that Lisa loved money more than
I did, so it was amazing why she would settle for someone who
would rather take money from her instead of giving her. We agreed
that I should write, and she would forward him and this time she
was suspending sleeping with him. If only he knew what was
coming his way he was going to break up with her that same
Tuesday. That day I remember teaching her the difference between
dating and courtship. I realised that she did not know the difference
between courtship and dating. Since her brother asked me to teach
her it was my duty to do so. I am not an expert, but the lesson I got
about dating and courtship on the 3rd of July 2010 made an impact
and since then I understood it better. Dorcas started off by
reminding us that all things that do not have God in then will never
have a direction towards him. She reinforced her statement with
Proverbs 3:5-6 which I would like to quote from a King James
Version: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto
thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he
shall direct thy paths". She said one of the problems that we are
facing in this world is that we always want to do things without God
because we feel that we know too much than God who has created
us which is wrong. As long as you are in a relationship for the sake

49
of gratifying your desire for sex then you are not in courtship, but
dating because courtship does not happen behind closed doors. It
happens in a vivid area where people can see you. Why do you want
to be in the dark where you are not seen when you are the children
of light? Why do you want your boyfriend to touch your boobs
when he is not your husband yet? Touching your body as if he is a
gynaecologist is letting evil in the temple of the Holy Spirit.
Courtship happens under the supervision of parents. The guy is not
supposed to be seeing you without their knowledge because
without their knowledge you are likely to do wrong things. Why
would a guy come to your home and ask to take you out only to
bring you two days later? What was happening between the two of
you? Don’t you think you are inviting temptations when they are
far away from you? Another scripture that she quoted was Song of
Solomon 8:4 which reads: “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.” This
scripture made me understand courtship better. Why do you
entertain your feelings before time? Please reason with me here. If
the two of you are together and the atmosphere is serene in his
bedroom watching romantic movies while touching, will you not
arouse the feelings that are lying dormant? It is like swimming
across a river full of crocodiles hoping that they do not eat you
because you asked them not to eat you. That is soaking petrol with
fire and expect not to burn, it is impossible. No wonder courtship
needs to happen under the supervision of someone who is married
who knows everything that happens in the realm of marriage. You
cannot expect someone who is dating to be your mentor or
supervise you while you are courting someone. If a guy wants to
visit you only when your parents are on holiday will he not arouse

50
your feelings before time? Do you forget that anything that was
blessed by God is a devil’s rival? Have you thought of it that as soon
as you are courting someone you have the blessings of your parents
and what they wish for you is a good marriage? When you are
courting the aim is marriage and not to defile each other, so any
guy who would like to sleep with you before time is interested in
dating and not courtship. If you are always in a dark and concealed
environment and yet you claim to be in a courtship you are fooling
yourself because you will end up doing the things that are meant
for married people. Anything that will trigger or arouse your desire
for sex, being it oral, casual or intercourse is wrong for as long as
you are in a courtship. The way I kiss my friend Lisa is different from
the way I kiss my boyfriend because firstly he would be caressing
every part of my body and I will do the same which would lead to a
next step. Although I might say no with my mouth or my mind, yet
my body will force me to go into the bedroom with him. The Bible
speaks about fleeing youthful lusts and putting the focus on God.
There is no way that you can flee youthful lusts by engaging in
them. Even if you tell yourself that you are strong and that you
cannot fall for any trap of the devil you are lying to yourself. You
are saying all that because you have never been in an awkward
position, which can only be gratified by sleeping with him. If he is a
real gentleman as he claims then he will never lower his trousers
until he becomes your husband. He will also not lay his hands on
you to feel what he does not have on his body. For the sake of
avoiding temptations, courtship must not be long because the two
of you are burning with desire to be with each other. Never forget
that the devil will always tempt you with what you desire most, he
will never tempt you with alcohol if you have never tasted it. He will

51
always put something that you desire most because he knows your
weakness. That is why when we pray we always say God must
deliver us from the evil one because the evil one is cunning, and he
is forever devising methods to lead us to our downfall. Do you think
the devil does not know about your boyfriend Sipho whom you are
having an affair with? The one who causes your sleep to escape
from you at night because you want to be with him? If you think he
does not know about him wake up from your dream and smell the
coffee because he knows him. That was the lesson delivered by
Dorcas in the church; July 3rd 2010. I am happy now that I have
imparted the knowledge that was imparted to me five years ago,
now it was up to her to implement it in her life. It is a good thing to
know the truth, but it always comes with a price. When you do not
know anything about a sin you live your life the way you want
without anything reminding you that you are wrong, and when you
turn from the kingdom of darkness that’s where things get tough. I
knew that what I have said made a massive impact on her because
when I was done talking she was nibbling on a slice of pizza for a
long time without swallowing as if it had thorns. After a long, while
she asked me why I have kept all that information from her and I
said it was not yet time for her to know. Everything happens for a
reason. There was a reason why I met her brother on my way to
church if I did not meet him I was not going to dish out the
information at that moment. She said it was all about making a
choice either to date a guy or abstain and wait for a courtship
leading to marriage. Right there I realised that she understood me
well. You can live your life anyhow, but if it is not intertwined with
the will of God, then I am afraid it is not leading to the paths of
righteousness, but to the ditch. Never copy my life jumping from

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one relationship to another in the name of dating because you
might not come out. I am telling you about my life because I feel
that it has an excellent lesson that you can learn. I have decided to
write about a few events that I remember concerning my past
because I have changed. You will find out as you read whether I
have changed to be a good lady or a ruffian. A pair of jeans costing
two thousand rands. A T-shirt not less than seven hundred. A nice
heel above a two thousand rands and a jacket for a five thousand
rands in case it gets chilly during the day would do as a start to milk
Daniel. That was the beginning of the conversation between Lisa
and me on Whatsapp later that night when I was in bed. Since she
was ready to make butter and cheese from him she might as well
tell him what she wants and consider the needs later. At first, she
was hesitant to tell him because she was afraid of leaving him
bankrupt and I told her that he does not have a problem cheating
on her. This was the outfit that she was going to wear on Saturday
when we leave for Monte Casino to have fun. She forwarded the
text, and he agreed, and she was shocked because she had never
expected that from him. I told her that she did not expect it because
she has never tried. I hope he did not agree for the sake of hurting
my feelings because that would be idiotic because I was not
attached to him. I did not expect anything from his younger brother
who was an intern making three thousand rands a month, I have
enough outfit fit for any occasion for thirty consecutive days
without. I told her not to forget a fine fragrant to spice up her
confidence. I could tell that Saturday would be a great day with
myself, on the other hand, wearing one of the outfits that he has
bought me. This time I would do it that if he still remembers the
price he would add it up with Lisa’s to see how much he was losing.

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Remember this trick, the man must always be in charge of your bills
while you are enjoying the process of nature unfolding before you.
The only time you pay your bills is when you are making a point that
you can be independent if you want unless you are having fun all
by yourself. I remember back in the days I would go to a restaurant
without a dime in my bank account and I would order anything that
I wanted because my ministers of finance will have it. When I was
done with the main course having dessert I would send a Whatsapp
requesting the cash from three guys, and they would all respond
timeously not transferring less than five hundred each into my
account. Although my father is a doctor I still had my minister of
health, I am not talking about someone who will touch me when I
was sick, I mean someone who will cater for my medical bills.
Michael was my minister of health because he had a medical
degree, but I would always talk to my father when I was not feeling
well, and he would tell me what was wrong with me. I would ask
how much it cost to get treated and when he gives me the cost I
will triple it and tell Michael who would send the money for
treatment. Sometimes I would do it without being sick only to have
money in my account. If Beauty was having less than two thousand
rands Michael the miracle doctor had to come to my rescue. If he
was a blameless Christian he would walk through the gates of
heaven without judgment, pity he was two-faced like me. The first
time my mum saw me talking to him after church, she was happy
thinking that one day I was going to introduce him. The guy did not
have want I needed except for that title that I was dating a doctor
and that he was giving me money. He loved me, but I did not. Even
if I reach for my phone and call him requesting money he would
transfer it without now. I knew that he was having three children

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and people in the church did not know about it. He opened up to
me thinking that I was going to marry him for being honest. I would
not marry out of pity, but love and since I did not love him then
marriage was out of the question. I remember he even went to my
mum telling her how much he loves me. She tried talking to me that
I should give him a chance. That was a big mistake because she
wanted me to go where there was security and not love. In life
never marry a guy because he has money, that’s security, not love.
What is the use of marrying someone who is going to trouble you
while you sleep on a ten million bed? Isn’t it better to sleep on a
rolling mat with someone you love and wait for the Lord to direct
your lives? Sometimes I wonder if my mum agreed to marry my
father because of his career. I am saying that because she was
adamant that Michael and I remain intact. Even though they say
every parent wishes good for his or her child that was pushing. That
Friday Daniel and Lisa went for a shopping spree because Saturday
was not far. I could feel happiness and a good time calling me,
because each time when I think about it, I would smile. I was happy
because Daniel was getting milked and that he was still going to feel
the heat for as long as Lisa was in the picture. They say enjoy it while
it last because sooner or later things can change. Dating is like a
death cover, you do not know when one is going to die meaning
one should always be covered. It was always better to get myself
covered before a guy can call it quit or before I say so. as I was
about to take a nap during the day I received a call from Maanda
who said it was urgent that he sees me. I did not expect a call from
him because he was out of my life. I told him to come and see me
about the burning news. Maanda was still hot and this time he was
driving a C 63. For an Engineer who completed his PhD, it was

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understandable. He was still looking good as usual in fact, now it’s
even worse because he was no longer congregating at our branch.
I thought he was going to tell me that somebody has died or
something, but that was not why he came. Maanda was here
because he still misses me, and he wanted to take me out for lunch,
well, that was not a problem. I went into the house to put on a good
outfit, and we left. One of the things that I have realised about
being a lady is that you must at all times be ready for any trip that
might occur. He was taking me to the Eastgate mall, mind you this
guy is now married. He told me that he was not happy in his
marriage because he wants me. I told him that he was in an
awkward position because there was no way that I can date a
married guy. When I asked why he was dying to be with me he said
I left a wound which was failing to heal. I was failing to understand
that because this dude is having a voluptuous lady espoused to him.
Maanda did not want to listen to what I was saying to him, instead,
he was saying that this time we were going to take baby steps as if
in the past we were running. It was tempting, but I cannot afford to
see another woman’s marriage, getting ruined because of me.
What if I receive the same punishment tenfold in the future should
I decide to get married? Do unto others as you would like them to
do unto you. As usual, he was about to buy me a dress from Nicci
Boutique but this time I refused because he was taken. I told him
straight that he is married but still running around like a dog, then
he put a serious face when I said that. He has not changed,
whenever you see Maanda put on a serious face know that you
have hit the bull on the horn. When we were having lunch at one
of the fine restaurants on the rooftop he was telling me everything
about his life and mostly about his marriage. I said he should tell his

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wife that he was with an old friend should someone be taking
pictures and posting them on social media. He was not even
listening to me, instead, he continued talking. It is true that you
should never judge a book by its cover, this dude was having an
affair with Lisa, and he did not know that she was my friend. I fail
to understand these guys when they say they did not know that Lisa
is my friend. All this time I used to hit my chest saying I know Lisa,
but to be honest, I did not know anything about her. He was telling
me that she was also one of the reasons he does not feel his wife
any more. When I asked why, he said it was better if he kept the
explanations to himself, but the bottom line was that she is a
professor in the bedroom. Who is this Lisa that these guys are
talking about? I have been a friend to her since I was fifteen and
everything that I heard about her was new to my ears. It is true that
you will never know someone. Your best friend could be your worst
enemy. Do not forget that Jesus was betrayed by Judas Iscariot. At
least Jesus knew that it was going to happen. Do you know if you
are drinking water from the same fountain as your friend? History
is showing that Maanda has been involved with Lisa the time I was
involved with him. The food that I was having was starting to lose
its taste. This girl is mission impossible, what if she is hitting on
David as well? The way she is so courageous with men she can do
it and no one would recognize it. You would think that she was
employed by the National Intelligence Agency. I could not think of
anything else but to update my status on Whatsapp to; “Friend?” I
did that because she was online. She sent me a text asking if I was
okay and I said everything was fantastic. She insisted and this time
she was asking me who I was referring that to and I said I was
referring to David if I should continue to be a friend or if I should

57
date him. Her response was: “finally!” Now you tell me what this
means. Isn't that she thought I smelled a rat about her friendship?
Well, you will never know, but the best way to find out was to
continue chatting with her. As Maanda was talking to me about his
marriage, I was talking to her about Maanda and how we were
having a good time at Eastgate. She was shocked, and she began
telling me that she thought we were history. History has a way to
repeat itself depending on how the events commenced and how
they ended. Maanda was history, but he has come back into my life
like a prodigal son. A little voice inside was telling me that I should
date this guy again to prove to her that she was nothing. How does
a Christian manage that without hurting one’s feelings and spoiling
the friendship? That was the question ringing in my head. I want to
change to be a good girl, but whenever I think of doing good evil is
always around me. She said she did not think she would make it to
Monte Casino the following day because she had to sort something
out. Straight away I asked Maanda where he would be the following
day, and he said he was thinking of being with her. Now it was
starting to make sense. At that time I sent Daniel a text that I was
looking forward to being with him and his brother the following day
to reinforce that we were still going out. He was telling me that Lisa
might go to visit her cousin who got admitted to the hospital. I told
him that if he loved Lisa as she does he might as well go with her to
the hospital in the morning to express his sympathy and support to
the family. I said that because I knew it was a lie. I told Maanda that
he should consider pampering his lady like he was pampering me
that day. When he insisted on being with Lisa I told him that he
should do it for me. Now Maanda would do anything to make me
happy. He agreed that it was not a big deal, rather he would see

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Lisa next weekend. I asked Daniel how the outfit was coming, and
he confirmed that he was getting broke with every store that they
entered. Well, it was his first time to buy her clothes, he might as
well sweat. Suddenly the status on Lisa’s Whatsapp changed to;
“Not in the best mood”. I asked if he was getting her the outfit that
she did not like, but she said the cousin was very sick and it seemed
as if she would only be able to see her the coming weekend because
she did not want to spoil the arrangement for tomorrow. If only she
knew that I was aware of everything happening, she was not going
to write to me. I promised Maanda that I would like to be with him
the following weekend if he did not have any obligations. I did that
because he was dying to be with me and I did not want him to be
with Lisa. Maanda agreed to be with me. Seeing that the ball was in
my court I told Lisa that I would go to the hospital with her next
week to visit the cousin after because it would be my first time
meeting him. At the same time, I was telling Daniel that I will tag
along to the hospital, and he agreed. Lisa was now on the hot seat
because I knew that whenever she used that cousin thing she was
referring to a guy. I then told her that it would be better if she
invites Maanda along because he was feeling sorry for her cousin.
She had an extensive chat with Maanda and I knew that it was not
about the sick cousin. They were talking about me and where
exactly we were at that moment. Maanda was open with her. We
were at the same mall, but they were on the lower ground. Now
she wanted to see Maanda, but how was she going to do it with
Daniel on her side? Since Daniel also listens when I talk I told him
that we were on the rooftop in one of the restaurants and straight
away he said he was coming along with Lisa, which was not a
problem to me. This was getting interesting. About a minute later

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Lisa told me that she was coming along with Daniel to join us. I sent
Daniel the clapping hands emoji. Maanda asked if I did not mind
company, and I said I love company, after all, it was not as if I did
not know them. When they arrived Lisa was a bit scared, but the
gentleman was staid with a smile on his face. I hugged them both
and Maanda did the same. They ordered their main course, and we
were talking and having fun, but I can tell you that Lisa was not
having fun. I asked to see the clothes that he bought her on purpose
to provoke Maanda. Now one of the reasons Lisa did not mind
giving Daniel cash is because Maanda was giving her a lot of cash,
and she would channel it to Daniel without any problem. He bought
her clothing which was not less than ten thousand. I could hear
Maanda saying a man who would spend that much on a lady is
damn convinced that she was the real one to take to the altar.
Daniel smiled on his glass of whisky and later said destiny will
decide. It was as if he could sense that she was not what he
expected and of course he could sense that she was having an affair
with Maanda because she kept on looking at him. When everyone
was relaxed I brought the topic of a cousin who was hospitalised
and suddenly she was started sweating. Everyone was looking at
her and seeing that she lied I said he must be hurt that is why she
was sweating. Straight away she ordered three shots of Tequila to
get tipsy, as a caring and loving friend I gave her a handkerchief that
Maanda bought me when we were still dating. When he saw it he
smiled and asked if I still had it. I told him that some things in life
were worth keeping. Of course, I did that to hurt her feelings and
prove that all her actions were being watched. The way she was
doing it was as if she was competing with me. She wanted to prove
to some of my friends that she can have anything that I had. Life is

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not about competition, but this girl was all over the place and on
the other hand she was my friend. Now I am talking to you, do you
have a friend like Lisa, who would like to have almost everything
that you have? Whenever you buy something she would go and buy
the same thing to prove to you that she can afford it. How the hell
do you compete with someone who is not even employed when
you are working full-time? If I tell you that she was having almost
every cut of lingerie that I had what would you say? The only
difference was that mine were never seen by any guy because I
chose to be like that. She realised that I knew something about the
history between Maanda and her but it did not make any negative
impact on me because Lisa was a viper. When Daniel realised that
Maanda was wearing a ring he started asking about marriage, and
he said marriage was a good thing from God, if you are married to
the person you love and mostly that she loves you back. He
continued asking a lot of questions and one of the questions I would
not forget was how and when he proposed. He said he proposed in
Cape Town at the beach. The ring was hid in the sand by one of the
lifeguards in his full knowledge of the spot. Later he asked her lady
to go to the beach with her and after sometime they started
building a castle and call it the castle of love. He made sure that
they were digging the sand right where the ring was hidden and
when the castle was complete, he said one thing was missing.
When she asked what it was he said a ring on her finger while
removing it from the sand. She stretched out her arm giving him
way to put the ring on her finger. That was nicely done. When he
gave the date Lisa turned red because this was the time she flew to
Cape Town because he asked her to come along. So the guy was
hitting on two girls at the same time. During the day he was with

61
Lisa at another hotel whilst in the evening he was with his dear wife
Didintle. Logic tells that if he went there for work he should be at
work during the day and be with her at night. Common sense is not
common to everyone and I did tell you previously that Lisa was only
wise in lowering her skirts. No wonder Samuel asked me to put her
on the right path. It is one thing to be a prodigal son, but it is
problem if you are a prodigal son and at the same time be a fool.
As soon as she analysed the scenario she realised that all this time
she was being played, although she thought that she knew the
game. The guys were smoking kings and queens while she was
throwing a Joker. Daniel asked her if she was okay, and she said she
was fine, but we knew that she was not fine. Now Daniel did not
know that she was having an affair with Maanda, so to him Maanda
was some friend she knew. He made matters worse when he said
Maanda must come along with his wife to Monte Casino the
following day. She tried signalling to Maanda that he should not
come, but I told him that it would be fun because I wanted him to
meet the guy that Lisa introduced to me. While looking into her
eyes, I asked if it was too premature for him to meet David. She was
startled and nearly spill her Cranberry daiquiri, she said it was okay
if I did not have any problem. How can I have a problem when the
aim is to nail her? This time it was not only about Daniel, but she
was part of the game. Never walk in the shoes of somebody without
knowledge of where they have been because you might find that
the owner was ones involved in a murder scene. Lisa was not having
a good time that day. I asked Maanda to walk me half-way to the
ladies and without any hesitation he elevated himself from his chair
and walked as I have requested. I was holding his hand pretending
to have a serious chat with him, but we were talking in general. The

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other reason I asked him to walk me was to give her time with
Daniel to talk because she has been quiet since he asked how
Maanda proposed. You might be wondering where I got this
information from, well, Maanda told me that he was in the Cape
and that he had some lady from church who came along, but he did
not mention the name. Today as he was explaining to Daniel I
realised it was that date Lisa went to Cape Town. If she was not the
one why such a long face? This was supposed to be a lunch between
Maanda and I where there was laughter and happiness, but life was
giving my friend lemons, and we were sipping Hennessey from a
crystal glass. She should not have attempted walking in my shoes
without knowing the size. I am small but great in charisma.
Anything that she can do, I can do it better. In a glimpse of an eye
Maanda has returned to me like a boomerang in the hand of its
owner. I told him that he will never sleep with me whatsoever. If he
was thinking that he would get a chance he was wasting his time. It
was agreed upon that Maanda was coming along with his wife and
I confirmed with David that he must not forget to tag along. I told
Daniel to come along with Lisa, and he was amazed because I did
not have a car. That is true, I do not have a car but my parents have
cars. I sent my dad a Whatsapp asking him to lend me a car for
tomorrow, and he agreed. Now this is one thing I like about my
father. He would never ask questions when you request something
from him. He understood what Jesus meant when he said let your
yes be yes and your no be no, because anything else comes from
the devil. I told David that I would come and fetch him around one
o’clock, and he agreed. I have set aside only five thousand for
tomorrow, because I was not into gambling. We left for our
respective homes with Maanda driving me back. It was a great day

63
for me and everyone who enjoyed, but Lisa was rotten the core
with everything that was happening. I got home while it was still
clear and as a decent lady went straight to the kitchen to prepare
supper. I did not do that as a way to bribe my dad but because I was
maturing with every single breath that I took. I cooked chicken stew
and pap garnished with spinach because my dad urges us to eat
veggies every day. I guess that’s what you get if you are living with
a doctor. I am used to veggies that even now I cannot take any main
course without green. All thanks to my father who has planted that
seed within his family. When my mum came to the kitchen she only
helped with the serving because I was done cooking. We were
talking ladies’ stuff, and she was asking who dropped me by but I
told her it was no one special. She was only keen because she saw
the kind of car he was driving. When we were done with our
evening prayer, I retired to my bedroom. I was tired and I needed
to rest, after all, Saturday was only a couple of hours away. I slept
with my phone off that night because I did not want to be disturbed
either by Lisa or any of my guys. The following day my dad woke me
up around seven o’clock saying that he was leaving the keys on the
kitchen table. We had three cars at home, so each time I would ask
my dad for a car he would give me the smallest, I guess that was
because I was the youngest in the family. I did all the chores and
around eleven I took a shower and dressed elegantly. I did not
recognize that he had left me the Range Rover keys. I have never
driven that car, rather he would drive me around not the other way
around. I guess there is a first time for everything. This car suits
someone who has money, at least my account was enough to cater
for its tank for few days. When I arrived at David’s to pick him he
thought it was my father, but I lowered the window to show him

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that it was nobody else but me. He hopped into the car, and we
drove straight to Monte Casino. Daniel and Lisa have arrived and as
for Maanda and Didintle were only a couple of minutes away. There
was no way that we were going to be late because this car can go
fast if the driver is not afraid of speed. We arrived only ten minutes
before Maanda and Didintle. After the introduction we were all
talking like we have last seen each other ten years ago. I could see
Lisa laughing showing all her teeth. I don’t trust her like before, she
might be up to something. It was as if she was celebrating my
downfall or something bad that was going to happen. She was
wearing a gorgeous outfit, clearly Daniel was still good. Everyone
was complimenting especially for the fragrant oozing from her with
every movement that she made. She has made me think of the
good old days when I was still dating her boyfriend. Maanda and
the wife on the other hand were extravagant. Well, we were
looking good too, although the guy was a bit out of style, but my
presence brightened him up. Today there is no rush in anything
because time was favouring us and I have told my parents about
this day a couple of days ago. The ladies decided to get some drinks
while the boys were hovering around with their eyes stuck on
ladies. Lisa was asking Didintle how it was like to be married. Deep
within I told myself that she should not even ask about Maanda
because I knew that’s where she wanted to arrive. Didintle was
transparent, she told us that she was enjoying her marriage
because Maanda was a gentleman who knew how to spoil her to
bits. You are not going to believe that she was wearing the dress I
rejected yesterday. I see Maanda likes girls of my size, I am a size
thirty-two by the way and Didintle is also a size thirty-two judging
by the dress she is wearing. I wonder why he went for Lisa, who is

65
a size thirty-eight. I know ladies don’t like to hear anything that has
to do with their size or their weight but it’s not a problem to me
because I was tiny. While we were having a ladies’ talk Maanda was
busy chatting with me on Whatsapp telling me how much he misses
me and how he would like to hold me tight. I did not have any
problem with holding but I disliked the part where he would hold
me tight because he would do that for the sake of feeling me. One
other thing that I hated was a guy behind me because he would be
feeling my bum. I would respond to some texts and ignore the
awkward ones. Daniel was also online and I asked what he has given
her, and he said he bought her a dressing ring which she was
wearing on her left-hand ring finger. Now I am convinced that this
girl is stupid, no wonder she is full of smiles. A dressing ring is not
something that one can jump and kiss the sky about. If a guy buys
you a dressing ring please don’t put it on your ring finger you might
as well put it on your toe if it fits. When I noticed it I asked why she
did not tell us the good news. As for the stone I did not ask because
it did not have any stone on it. She said he proposed yesterday as
soon as we left, Lisa was such a liar. How can one lie about such?
What happens if one of us was going to ask about it when we were
sitting for our lunch? To be precise, that someone was going to be
me, to prove to her that she was lying? I did not ask how he
proposed because I was reserving it for the right moment. David
came and asked for my hand while we were going to have lunch. I
see he has learned that from his brother because he liked walking
holding hands. I did not want to sit next to Lisa at the table so that
I would be able to look her in the eyes when talking. As we were
eating I asked David when he was going to ask me out since his
brother has proposed yesterday. I could see Daniel smiling because

66
he knew that I was pulling Lisa’s leg. David was shocked because he
never expected such from a lady. Suddenly Maanda reinforced my
statement telling him that the ladies of this generation would not
wait for a man if he was too slow. Everyone was laughing at the
table and Lisa was faking it. I further said if you cannot afford a
promise ring even a dressing ring would do, because I would tell
people that it was a promise ring when they ask. Didintle
intervened, saying I had to wait for the right moment and not force
it because that way I was going to chase the man away. If only she
knew that she was preaching to Lisa, she would not look at me while
talking. I was happy when she asked me why I would do that.
Perhaps I feel that time is not on my side, or I am feeling pressure
from my friends. Look at her isn’t she lovely? That was me mocking
her. Didintle believed her when she said it was a promise ring, but
I thank God because Daniel told me the truth. Lisa was forever
waving her hand around. I asked her how he proposed, and she
choked on her food and said I should ask the guy because we were
not going to believe. Daniel said he will tell us later rather lets
continue eating. When I laid my eyes on her I could see shame
painted all over her face and that’s where Didintle asked if they
were dating, or they were courting. Daniel said they were courting,
and she was shocked to hear him said that her aim was to play him
around and now he is saying something she never expected. She
did not know whether she should smile or remain calm. I told Daniel
that he was a gentleman, and he should not let go of a lady like her
because she was a true gift from heaven. She said I should stop, but
I ignored her and asked if she loves him. She agreed and said the
words plainly that she was audible to everyone at the table. We
clapped our hands, Didintle and I stood up and hugged her. What I

67
can say is that the dressing ring has changed into a promise ring,
after all, it does not matter how much he paid, but the reality of the
promise made. David said he was happy that his brother had
proposed. In this scenario the girl proposed when she said she loves
him not the other way. I could see the face of Daniel changing
because this guy did not have time for marriage any time soon.
Maybe in the next twenty years when he was old. Didintle was
asking if they have set a wedding date and the venue because she
wanted to be there. This was dangerous because we were getting
this couple into marriage, which was not planned. She insisted that
at least he would inform us after the negotiations have taken place.
Daniel said he would have to consult his parents first. A joke has
turned into reality in the twinkling of an eye. Maanda did not have
any problem with that because he was a married man who was
flirting with her. Daniel was in big trouble. I guess that’s what you
get for lying and for being a player. While I continued mocking
them, I said Lisa’s surname was now going to sound better from
Gangashe to Mahlangu. She said Daniel was sent from heaven
because she had been waiting for an extensive time. That’s not
what we have been talking about unless she was lying to me, but
looking into Daniel’s eyes anyone who was not a fool could see that
she was lying through her teeth. She can’t fool me anymore, I was
too wise now. I sent Daniel a Whatsapp asking if he was ready to be
a husband, and he said he did not know, but the only thing he knew
was that she has broken him into pieces. I told him to start picking
the pieces and glue them together because one way or another he
was going to be a husband to Lisa. I also told him to break up with
his third parties, but he said that was not going to happen. When I
asked why he said because he has impregnated two of them. That’s

68
too much and Lisa did not know. I told him that he better tell her or
else she would kill herself. Seeing that he was not going to ask I
asked her if she could stand him if he was having children, and she
shook her head. She should not have lied about the ring because
Daniel asked if that was not conditional love. She agreed that it was
conditional love, but she did not want to share him with anyone.
How could she even say that when she was sharing herself with
Maanda? Maanda together with David were cool observing and
listening to what was being said. Later I started talking about the
food that it was nice, because the situation was getting tense. Lisa
was asking me if what she did was the right thing on Whatsapp and
I said thou shall not lie. She asked why and I told her that reference
was in the book of Acts when Ananias and his wife fell and die
because of telling lies. I know that she loves competition. She was
competing with Didintle because she heard Maanda telling us
about the way he proposed at the Cape and seeing that Daniel
bought her a dressing ring she decided to wear it as a promise ring.
This time she has pushed it too far. Proposal is not something that
one needs to lie about. I told her that she was lying about the
promise ring because she was not a promise ring but a dressing
ring. She was shocked when she read that text, and she said she
needed to confess about the way she has been conducting her life
and I asked if Monte Casino was the right platform. She said the
Holy Spirit will direct her. Those where courageous words coming
from someone like her. I have never heard her use the word Holy
Spirit ever since it was me. While we were still eating she said there
was something that she wanted us to know. I nearly laughed when
Maanda asked if she was pregnant, and she refused. She started off
by saying she was sorry for not being a good a friend to me because

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all this time she was driven by the spirit of jealousy. She was always
competing with me and everything that I had she would make sure
that she also had, that is why she even dated the guys that I was
ones involved with. That was getting dangerous because now she
was exposing my life as well, what would Didintle say when she
learns that I was once involved with Maanda or even worse, was
she going to mention that she is in a relationship with Maanda? She
hated me so bad, but all this time she would pretend to love me.
One of the reasons was that I am better looking than her and
everything looks good on me. Everyone was shocked at her words.
She also said she hated that her parents were not educated and my
parents were educated. Now that was stupid because we do not
choose where we are born nor do we choose our parents. God
chose them for us and there is a reason why it is like that, in fact
she did not hate me, but God who has made that way. While we
were thinking that she was done talking she said she dated most of
the guys that I dated, and she had slept with them all. The boys
were crossing their fingers that she does not get into the names,
well, like they wished she did not. After saying all those words she
removed the ring from her left hand and put it on her right hand
and I could see a smile on Daniel’s face. I was expecting him to say
something, but he kept quiet like someone who was not even
listening to what she has been saying. She brightened his mood
when she said she will not marry him because she was not ready to
marry anyone at that moment, all she wanted was to play around
and when the right moment come she will get married. That was
much better than telling lies. I hugged her, and told her that I
forgive her and she was still my friend. There was no way that I
would stop being her friend because of that. They say if you want

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to gauge the level of your friendship you must wait for the storm, if
that someone does not drift from you even in the middle of the
storm then she is a true friend. I wanted to be like that to her and I
did that because I believe in people. She poked Daniel asking him
to tell us about his past, but he told her that there was nothing good
about his past. He said she should count it joy that she was in a
relationship with someone who would not bring the past on the
table because such is for people who did not find closure. If she was
a Christian as she claimed to be she would not hold onto the past,
but consider the present and future. I could sense that Daniel was
only saying that because he had impregnated those two ladies. She
agreed not to ask any further question regarding the past, but the
present and future. Maanda was smiling and as for Didintle, she
was still shocked at what she heard. She asked that we pray with
her to repent. Now she was putting me under pressure because I
was not a saint. I still want to enjoy doing what I am doing and when
she tells me to pray for her where do I even start? I nodded because
I knew it would be very tough for me to pray for her. First I had to
repent, but not too soon. David sent me a Whatsapp asking if I was
serious about what I said a couple of hours ago and with a smile on
my face I said he is a good-looking guy. I don't think he wanted to
be in a relationship with me because if he thinks Lisa was bad I was
the wildest. I did not lie about that because I was the one causing
havoc and indirectly I was the one who made her confessed. He
said he can handle me, I told him that he can only do that if he could
handle a lady with five boyfriends. He smiled, thinking that it was a
joke, well, it was not a joke because I came along with him and on
the other hand Maanda and I were dating again and there I was
sitting next to Didintle and him. In other words, I was in the midst

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of my two boyfriends. There was a long silence around the table
and it was getting boring, so I suggested that those who were not
married could talk about their ideal future. We were talking and
laughing again. I remember they were shocked when I said I was
not interested in what a man had, but as long as he gives me love
that was enough for me. What could be better than being in the
arms of someone you love and someone who loves you in return?
Aren’t you interested in a man who would express love to you all
the time than the one who would love you periodically? David
confessed saying he wanted to be that man who would love me the
way I wanted to be loved. This guy was insane to say that to me,
but I was happy when Daniel answered, saying I was not his type,
not physically, but he meant that my character would not blend
with his. He further said he was too young to understand what love
is. Didintle said love does not consider the age gap, as long as you
love someone it was fine. She was telling the truth about that, but
I was not the real one for him. We closed our good time talking
about love with Didintle telling us about the things that we needed
to know about marriage and Maanda adding here and there. We
left around eleven o’clock at night and I had to drop David first and
on the way, we were talking making funny jokes as usual. I got home
and went straight to bed because I did not want to be late for
church the following day. In the morning my mum woke me up, and
I was helping her in the kitchen and while we were cooking. Mum
advised me to stop seeing boys and pray to God to give me a man
who would respect me and the one I will respect, like my father.
She asked if I was still a girl and I said that with confidence because
that is the truth. She was happy to hear me say that, and she said I
need to guard my life because men are like wolves. If I am loose,

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they will chew me like bubble gum and spit me as soon as they are
done. Being a lady was not an easy thing because many things were
considered from us, especially when you wanted to get married.
She has realised that I have collected a lot of gifts from men
because she has stopped buying me clothes for the past two years,
but I was always having new clothes. I guess my mum was telling
the truth, it was about time that I change my lifestyle and seek the
Lord with all my heart and listen to my parents. The best kind of
respect that one can give to her parents is doing what is right when
they are not around because we are not certain if you are genuine
when they are around. She also asked if it was difficult for me to
keep away from boys and I told her it was not a problem. I promised
her to keep away. She then told me that one of my best friends
aborted a baby last month that is why she was not at peace seeing
me going up and down and when I asked who it was she said its
Lisa. I nearly fainted. If you ask me when she fell pregnant, I can’t
tell because I do not know, but the only thing I know is that she
aborted. It is better if I don’t even ask her about it, she will tell me
whenever she is ready. The only thing I had to do was to break up
with my boys and focus on my God. Breaking up with someone you
never loved is the simplest thing ever because there is no pain that
you feel. I knew that none was willing to break up with me, but it
was not up to them, this is my life and I have to shape it the way I
want without anyone interfering. I did not have to wait for angels
in heaven to descend and tell me that it was about time for me to
change. Repentance is something that you do for yourself because
even when you become a Christian it was by choice and not force.
They say you can lie to all people, but you will never lie to your own
self and mostly you will never lie to God. There was no need to

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impress anyone with lies because it is a difficult habit to quit. It is
like dating many guys at the same time. At first it seems like a game
but the game becomes your second nature. I have been a wild girl,
but God has protected me throughout. You might be living the kind
of life that I have been living thinking that its enjoyment. Consider
that some things are not supposed to be tried and there is a reason
why they need not be tried. What happens if you are sleeping
around and as soon as you get married you start comparing the
poor man to your experiences? Don’t you think that it’s going to
ruin your relationship? You are likely to tell him that he is boring
you and you will feel like going out to seek your kind of satisfaction
which will bring nothing, but serious problems in your blessed
marriage and turn it into misery. You will end up saying someone
has bewitched you forgetting that you have brought it upon
yourself. Did you not hear what King Solomon said in Song of Songs
8:4? He is urging us not to arouse our feelings before time because
it will cause chaos. I am not saying if you are courting someone
there is no breaking up. You must live your life for the sake of
pleasing God not man. Today, as I am writing this to you I am in a
courtship with this brother called Prince. Prince is a fine gentleman
who brings me all the satisfaction that I need in life, and I am happy
that I am courting him because he is the true reflection of my
prayers. Please don’t get me wrong, I did not approach him to ask
me out, but I prayed and God answered my prayers according to
the way I have requested of him. All this time when I was dating it
was for fun and I made sure that I do not turn out to be an
experimental object where boys would use me to learn how to
sleep with girls. Even today I am proud to tell you that my body is
the temple of the Holy Spirit. The first thing that you should know

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about Christian dating is that there is no such thing called Christian
dating. Christians do not date, but court. Dating is all about
experimenting things and the truth about an experiment is that it
would either succeed or fail and if it fails then it will be rejected and
a new object would be tried. How much more when the experiment
is a human being? Being rejected is an awful feeling and most of
the time we bring it upon ourselves. We go all out looking for Mr.
Right forgetting that only God can direct Mr. Right to us. They will
tell you that if you want to meet the man of your dreams you must
bath or jump a pot three times a day. You can jump a hundred pots,
but if it’s not yet time does that mean you are not going to get
married? God forbid. Life does not revolve around people. I have
learned that when you are courting you need to be transparent
with each other all the time and not most of the time, but trust me
it is not so with dating. You will find that when people date they
keep secrets. Well, it makes sense because you will never be open
to someone whom you do not want to spend the rest of your life
with. Even the things that you talk about does not include any
element of marriage in them because dating is all about fun to me.
Why would I marry someone out of fun and not love? The feelings
that you have when you are dating are driven by lust and you will
quickly fulfil them. As soon as you have fulfilled them you will drift
from your partner to the next one. On the other hand, if you are in
a courtship everything is about the long term because marriage is
a lifetime commitment. One of the major reasons is that it is driven
by love and not lust and the feeling is mutual. My feeling has never
been mutual with any of my partners when I was still dating and
most knew, but those who did not know were always in pain while
I was enjoying my life. I am sorry if I broke your heart, but there was

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no way that I was going to compromise my happiness because you
loved me when I was not feeling the same. You should have read
the signs or even better you should have listened to me. One of the
lessons that I have learned is that never get attached where you do
not love, an attachment is meant for the man that you want to
spend the rest of your life with. If you are dating and you know that
your man is a busy body with other girls, why do you want to meet
his parents? I know of parents who do not have any problem with
endless introductions that they get from their children. As a lady,
you are happy when they introduce you thinking that you are the
first one, but if you have done your research you would realise that
you are number ten. My friend told me that when she got
introduced his mum said she is worse than the one that was
introduced the previous week, imagine. When you are courting the
band that attaches you to your fiancé is love which is not driven by
conditions but pure love which is a gift from above. As soon as you
find your suitable partner and you court while doing things
according to the Bible, God will bless you in all ways. I hope you
understand that courtship is a step leading to marriage not leading
to another partner. It is therefore meant for people who are
mature and for people who understand the reason for being with
each other. I have been asking a lot of people why they are courting
and the way they answered me proved that they did not
understand the difference between courtship and dating. One of
the answers I got was that: I want to see if we match. That is all
wrong because as soon as you court someone you already know
that you are going to marry that person. How can a blessing from
God be a problem for you? Not unless your definition of a match is
different from that of God. If you are basing your match on looks

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then it is wrong. No wonder God said when we pray our prayers
must not have wrong motives. When you are dating it is arduous to
reach an agreement whenever you fight with your partner and the
best defence mechanism is telling your partner to leave. It makes
much sense because it revolves around lust. When there is no God
in your life, everything is permissible because you are in the realm
of darkness and when you are in the realm of darkness there is no
one who will tell you when you are sinning. Nevertheless, as soon
as you sway from darkness to light you will understand the wrongs
you have committed. I do not know any sane parent who would say
please date my daughter, sleep with her and then decide if you can
marry her. Instead, all of them would say my daughter is a good girl
who deserves a good man. Every parent’s wish for her daughter is
to have a loving and caring husband who will give you all the
treatment that you deserve as a lady. Why would you want to go
around selling your body to strangers who will suck all the juice
from you and never marry you? Have you thought of it that your
body is the temple of the Holy Spirit? If you know that why do you
continue to degrade yourself? When you realised that you have
been dating a liar, how do you feel? Please don’t tell me that you
feel great because it’s a lie unless you did not know the difference
between dating and being in love. As soon as you discover that you
have been a fool you will feel betrayed, useless and you might even
lose faith in God, which is a wrong thing. As a lady, you must know
that your body is not a fruit salad where different men come and
try themselves. You will end up having problems in staying with
your man because you are not used to being with one partner and
that will create serious problems because a relationship was meant
for two people who must become one as soon as they get married.

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When Tamar discovered that Amnon was dying for her, she told
him to go and ask her father to marry her, but because his aim was
not to marry her he raped her. That was sorrowful, but
unfortunately, she did not analyse it well, Amnon never said he
loved her, but he asked to sleep with her. If a guy approaches you
and tells you that he wants to sleep with you, does that mean he
loves you? This question is straight forward it does not even need
a genius. Most of us fail to understand what is being said to us, and
we blame it on men saying they are heart breakers. Well, I cannot
blame them on this one, we get so overwhelmed when they
approach us failing to understand the true meaning of what they
are saying. So take it easy and never do things according to your
own understanding because only God can provide you with what’s
good for you. Courtship does not mean that you are allowed to do
the things that married people do. Christians need to keep
themselves clean and above all, they must live according to the way
God wants them to live, not fulfilling their lust. I would like you to
read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation searching for dating;
trust me, you will never come across the scripture talking about
such. Dating was created by men for the sake of fulfilling their own
desires whereas courtship is created by God. If you are a Christian
why are you dating when we do not find it in the Bible? If you
believe that the Bible is your route map, then why do you alter it
for the sake of fulfilling your desires? If you know that you are
attracted to that man’s pocket and not his heart why do you lie to
him saying you love him? Tell the dude that there is nothing serious
between the two of you. I am not acting like a saint here. I am not
a saint, and I am aware of the fact that when I was dating I was not
walking right before God because my intentions were wrong. Like

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Paul, when I look at my past, I do not want anything that has to do
with it. If I do what I used to do in my past to Prince I will ruin my
courtship and at the end, I am the one who is going to feel the heat.
I am a twenty-six-year-old lady who is getting married in September
the 14th, and I am happy that I am courting this guy and that he
does not have any pride because he learns certain things from me
and I also learn from him. When Prince asked my mum that he
wanted to take me out for lunch she did not have any problem, but
I was a bit nervous because my dad was standing by, and he was
the one who approved it. When I asked him why he agreed, he said
he is an old man who could pick a good product from inferior ones.
He further said he was not going to accept his money if he was one
of the boys he knows. I guess parents have a way of seeing things.
He took me to a restaurant after Sunday service. Little did I know
that he had made a booking. Although it was a buffet it was one of
a kind, the music playing from a violin to my right side was divine.
As we were eating while enjoying the view of still water he said: “a
decent lady deserves a decent gentleman and a beautiful lady
deserves a beautiful ring on her finger, would you marry me?” He
said those words while going down on his knee. I could hear people
clapping hands and my view was blurry because of the tears in my
eyes. Of course, I agreed. I know a lot about dating and courtship
because of my first-hand experience. I have decided to tell you
about my past so that you learn something and not follow my steps
because you might stumble and get to a point of no return. We do
not lose value as human beings, but we lose our usefulness.
Frequently the results of dating are excruciating, for example: if you
fall pregnant along the way and you were forever fighting each
other and sometimes promising to leave each other; what do you

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do in that situation? Even if he accepts that he is the father, the real
question is would he still love you like before, or he would be
compromising? If there was no love all this time what makes you
think that it will pop up like that? Most ladies think that because
the guy has impregnated then it’s a ticket to marriage. If you are
thinking like that wake up from your dreams darling. I know of
ladies who fell pregnant and were still left single and when they ask
why they were told that it was nothing serious because they were
passing time. What it means is that you are a thing in his life to keep
him entertained sexually or a thing needed for fun. So, he was not
having fun with you, but he was having fun on you. In the end, you
will run back to your mum crying day and night that they should
speak to him to marry you and he would insist that he is not going
to marry you, rather he will support his baby. So you were like a
biscuit gun pressing dough fashioning different cuts of biscuits and
in your case pressing babies. Some of your friends will tell you that
they will not forsake you, they are with you throughout. That might
be true, but you are the one whose life is ruined, not theirs. You
were in the game of dating, but you did not have the skill to play.
The game was playing you and as soon as you are on the bench
watching your mates playing suddenly reality starts to paint a
colourful picture of your situation and you start to feel rejected. At
that moment you have made a giant leap from being a girl into a
mum who did not enjoy her youth, because of silly mistakes. You
heard your parents telling you to stay away, you felt that they were
not being seen and you had full control over your life. In the end
you settle for anything that comes your way. God created marriage
for two people who are going to live as husband and wife, not as a
boy and a girl. Boys and girls listen to their parents and they don’t

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live contrary to the commands because they are still dependent on
them. I know that it is a nice feeling when a guy is asking you out.
You feel like you are the centre of attraction because you have
pulled him from a very distance forgetting that he was pulled by
your looks and not your heart. Another thing about courtship is that
it must not be too long because you will get tempted and your
dreams will get spoiled. By the way, if you want to learn about
courtship in a Christian way read the word, because these are some
of the points which might help you. As I am closing, here are some
of the things I have come across. I know that most guys lie when
they approach ladies and it is bad. If you are a guy and you seek a
life partner do not tell lies. Tell the poor soul the truth and you will
never have to think of what to say each time you are with her. If
she loves you then you are blessed and even if she does not you are
still blessed because she is saving you many problems. There are
men who feel that the depth of their pocket will get them any girl
that they want even if she is taken and that is a lie from a pit of hell.
Although I had many boyfriends, I have never dated a guy that I did
not like regardless of whether he had money or not. Stop fooling
yourself thinking that you can buy love because love does not come
with a price tag. If the poor girl or the poor guy is taken then they
were not meant for you, it’s that simple. Stop using your possession
to win her heart or your body to turn the poor guy on. It is true that
men get turned on very easily but that does not mean you must use
their weakness as your weapon to get them. How can hurting
someone come from a good heart? Isn’t that being a Christian is
derived from being Christ-like and Christians should live by the
standard of the bible? The bible teaches everyone who reads it that
one should not touch each other before marriage. If you are in

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courtship there is no way that you would touch her because she is
not your wife, but your fiancée. You need to wait for God to bless
you and make you one flesh. Before marriage, you are still two
separate flesh who are walking towards the realm of marriage. We
are all not perfect but we must keep away from such. What is the
use of chasing something which is not in motion? If the guy is yours
no one will take him from you for as long as God has created him
for you. They can try their luck several times, but he will always
have the same answer to their questions, so be easy on yourself
darling. Thou shall avoid sexual talk because the more you talk
about it is the more you will think of doing it. A mind works in an
amazing way. Never attempt things that will trigger danger when it
is lying dormant. Logic teaches that if you keep on watching
pornography together you are likely to have sex, and in the end,
you will regret. Do not do things that will get you disappointed
when you think of your future. The bible says; “Flee fornication.
Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that
committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” That’s 1
Corinthians 6:18. For as long as you are not married to each other
you would be committing sin. You cannot be in the courtship which
is not under supervision. Your parents need to know about the two
of you, meaning that you would introduce her to your elders. When
you introduce her, you are telling them that she is the lady you want
to marry, not that you want to taste her first then if is she good you
will keep, not at all. The problem that might arise is that you might
get used to her before marriage and that would lead to jumping
from one relationship to another. There is no way that if you are in
courtship you can have more than one beloved. As soon as you are
in courtship you need to get rid of all your dirty ways, after all, if

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you are a Christian you should not go looking for temptations. If you
put your legs on two hemispheres then you are not in courtship,
but you are dating which is an antichrist way of being in courtship
and as such you are not ready for marriage. Having a third party is
another way of saying you are not satisfied with the choice that you
have made. Matured people are satisfied with what they have and
always remember that temptations are always there for as long as
you are a Christian. We fight them the same way you fight for your
beloved, so there is no relaxing. If I say I have never been tempted
in my years of dating I would be telling lies, in fact for as long as I
was dating my heart was drowning in the fountain of temptations.
Another point which a lady would kill for is that you should make
time for her. Ladies are interested in an ordinary man who does
ordinary things in an extraordinary way. Making someone’s day
does not mean that you have to give her money or buy her
something expensive, all it takes is you making time for her. If she
is your lady you will not have any problem with that. I know of many
people who would say they do not have time to be with their
partners. If you want to be with you partner for rest of your life you
might as well start thinking about making time for her, or else some
men would make time for her and when you see her with other
men you will get troubled. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife
finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord” If you
understand that it is a favour from the Lord, being with her will not
be mission impossible because it is not everyone who gets a favour.
As a lady do not consider his family background if you want to court
him because that way you have considered security over love and
as such you are doing things wrong. I know of parents who would
say their daughter would never marry a man who comes from a

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poor family because he will be an expense. What happens if you get
married to someone who is rich and ten years along the line he
becomes bankrupt? Are you going to leave the poor guy because
of that? Aren’t you supposed to be rich in love and not materially?
Make no mistake money makes a lot of things possible, but do not
mistake it for love. Stay with your poor John if you love him because
the hands of time are always turning. Today you are poor and
tomorrow you might be the next billionaire, so relax babe. It takes
the Holy Spirit to be on that level of understanding. It means that
you should pray at all times. All Christians would never have a
problem with talking to their maker. If you understand that God has
made the two of you meet you will forever thank him for the favour.
When you pray for each other you strengthen the bond of your
relationship and God watches over you. Do not only pray when you
are in need of something, but prayer must also become your daily
bread which you eat to survive temptations. It does not matter that
your peers might be doing something contrary to the will of God,
hold on and your way will straighten up. Prayer becomes your
backbone to support you in and out of time. It will enable you not
to listen to people, but only to God’s voice. I know of many girls
who got involved in wild things because their friends were doing
them. You do not need approval from your friends to live a good
life, but the Holy Spirit. The problem in going with the mob is that
when it pains they will not be around to comfort and you will regret.
Remember they say there is no pain like the pain of regret. Guys
here is one tip I would like to give: Ladies are good at keeping
promises that you have made to them. If you want to remain in
good shape and good health, never make a promise that you won’t
keep. One of the major problems is that with time they will get used

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to your lies and even when you are telling the truth, they won’t
listen. Imagine if your partner loses hope in you, isn’t it a serious
problem. This is the story of my past and as I end I would like to
know the foundation of every relationship is love. Do not forget
that the feeling must be mutual, then the motive for being together
will be right before God. May the almighty father who created you,
bless you and meet you at the point of your needs, as you choose
to live right before him. Amen.

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