The Steps

OF

A Good ManAuthor
Rameses R. Ramagwede

Edited by
MARY M. MANOKO

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Copyright © Rameses R. Ramagwede

ISBN 978-0-620-71584-3

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Whoever said experience is the best teacher did not lie. There
are certain things that I have learnt through my experiences
with men that I would like to share with you. I am not an expert
when it comes to loving, but I believe that I always try to put
my best foot forward for the sake of painting a picture with an
everlasting view. God created everything by the word of his
mouth and he fashioned a man after creating the landscape,
vegetation, and all other animals. He provided the carnivore
with flesh, the herbivore with vegetation and he also provided
for the omnivore. After placing man in the Garden of Eden and
that he was lonely, he fashioned a woman from a rib taken from
the man’s left hand side. A woman was created for a man as a
helper and dominion was given to man to take care of a woman
in and out of season. My name is Daniela and I am a young girl
who is exploring a lot about relationships, which is why I have
decided to put it in writing so that you understand me well. I
do not want you to find yourself in the hands of a moron,
selfish, bully, player or a heartbreaker unless it is by your own
choice. Peter is a loving and caring young gentleman who is
twenty six years old; the tone of his voice is so melodious that
even from deep within multitudes I am able to locate it with no
strain. The way he walks you would think that the angels are
having a yardstick to measure and control his footsteps,
because everything about his movement is just perfect. Well,
you can say I give him too much credit and I will tell you that I
am the one who is fit to give him more credit than any of you,
precisely because he is my man. He is so gentle with everything
he does, and this is not only when he is around me, because
often I find myself watching him without him being aware. He
knows how to dress for any occasion that you can ever think of;

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and I can tell you without any hesitation that he knows how to
take care of himself. He is an independent man with one lady
dependent on him. If in your wildest dreams you once thought
that you can have my man, well go back to sleep and continue
dreaming because he is a one woman man and that woman is
Daniela. I know that most men are not tidy and you might be in
a relationship with such, but I guess that is your choice because
you picked him amongst men. My Peter is good, but not perfect,
and he is good because he is in the hands of a good lady. Some
men need a pot scourer or a loofah to scrub their forbidden
behaviours to straighten up. Some are like babies, they always
want to be taught all the stages of life. Well, there is nothing
wrong with teaching your man how you want him to be, after
all in the process you are also learning. It is a problem if you are
imparting knowledge or certain tactics, but he is not willing to
learn for many reasons such as: he is not into you, he is too
stubborn, he is too busy with Suzie, he is too embedded in his
culture that you cannot sway him no matter what you do, rather
he would break if you try to sway him, you are only important
when you provide him with nature’s goodies, he cannot change
because he does not want to change or even worse he does not
love you. These are just some of the reasons, not all of them. I
know about them better because I have experienced them
several times, but I have learned to move around and change
whenever change required me to do so. They say you must
always time the time before the time times you or else you will
keep on panel beating your relationship with the hope to make
it work forgetting that the problem is with you. I am saying that
the problem is with you because you know what is happening,
yet you choose to turn a blind eye because you feel that if you

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break up with him you will never love again. Maybe I am a
lunatic, but I know that wherever there is force there is always
discomfort. I don’t see any reason why one should choose to
live in an environment like that. Is he really worth keeping?
Well, that is the question you will answer because you alone
know how to give the best answer. A man who fails to do
something as mundane as sending a good morning text cannot
be a man enough for me because clearly communication is not
one of his strong points. A text is not sweet because of those
heavy words, no, it becomes sweet because it was sent out of a
loving heart from a caring man who knows how to love me
without any hesitation. I am not saying men who use heavy
words are a turn off. When last did you get a warm hug from
your man unless he wanted provision? When last did you get a
kiss on the forehead just to keep you warm or cool throughout
the day? When last did he offer to carry your handbag when
you are perambulating gracefully in a mall nearby or far in one
of the provinces? Is he able to walk around holding your hand
if you enjoy the holding of hands or he feels that he cannot do
it because one of his mistresses might pick a fight if she sees
you? Is he a man enough who understands that you were
created to be provided for? I love using the term spoiling
because it suits my story better. All ladies enjoy being spoilt and
any lady who would deny that is confused. It does not matter
how much he makes but out of his salary he must cater for my
needs one way or another. I thank God for the technology,
sending funds is so easy these days, he can choose to use the
internet or cellphone banking to name a few methods, but the
bottom line is that provision is made. I am not a piece of trash
or a comfort lady to feed his good and nasty desires. I am

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deliberately calling them nasty desires because they only
benefit him forgetting that a relationship is for two people who
have mutual goals heading in the same direction. If one fails an
elementary level on how to live life how can such succeed on
the advanced level? Love is essential to all human beings like
the air that we breathe and how much more when you are
essential to your dear gentleman who drives you nuts? Isn’t it a
good feeling that you do not want to dismantle yourself from
for as long as you live? As a lady it makes me feel special and
appreciated. He must understand that I am not just a lady, but
his babe who handles him well from the sole of his foot to the
crown of his bald head if you are in love with a man like my
Peter. Clean hands and short nails well buffed that sometimes I
get jealous because his hands are just too much. Please do not
ask me how he uses them because that’s a serious torture to
your mind leading to the wild imaginations about us. True love
has got nothing to do with culture or the depth of his pocket. I
am saying that because my man is not high in the corporate
world, but very low and I love him so much. He knows my
worth and I know his worth like the back of my hand. Know for
sure that for each and every choice that you make it comes with
a price attached to it. If you choose a rich man because you want
to have an elegant life style materially that’s good. Do not have
a problem when you realise that his possession takes
preeminence in his life and mostly in the entire relationship.
You will wither like an orange or fade like a flower in the midst
of the heat and end up feeling that you are useless. Let me put
some sense through your skull. You are not useless, but you
picked a useless man who does not understand your worth as
a lady. I am sorry if you are being offended or if your man is

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not useless, but a slow learner. It might be through previous
experiences that he thinks the ladies are all same. Meeting Peter
was like a dream come true because I used to date a moron who
was extra slow in anything that you could ever think of. The
guy was just too much, even a snail or a tortoise was too fast for
him. I don’t understand how I fell for him, but I guess it’s the
results of my night life behaviour. I met Eric in one of the
nightclubs in Pretoria, I was with my friends and we were just
blending so well with the boys that night. We went out for the
sake of having a good time with the ladies in that we would be
having some wine and snack while we talk about life and boys.
Suddenly the time was changing the environment into a lovely
evening garnished with every kind of men that you could ever
think of. I am attracted to men and they too are attracted to me.
I guess it has something to do with my looks and the fact that I
am bubbly. I am not the loudest amongst my friends, but I do
talk a lot. I don’t know what is it with booze, but I know that
most men know how to approach ladies when they are tipsy.
That’s insane because the following morning if it happens that
you have crashed at his house or by a hotel nearby the poor guy
would be shy to look into your very own eyes. Eric was very
conversant the night we were at the nightclub and you would
think that he was a teacher or a lawyer by profession because of
the way he was putting his points across. Now I remember, I
fell for him on the spot that same moment precisely because he
was talking too much. The guy was charming me with every
word that was coming out of his mouth and I could tell that
Ursula who was sitting to my left hand side was also falling for
him. I made it clear that my three lady friends must not think
of throwing themselves at him because I could feel that he was

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mine. The one thing I hate about some men is trying to impress
me with what they have instead of just acting, after all actions
speaks louder than words. The moment you start telling me that
you have this, you have that, you are a total turn off to me and
there is no way that I am going to date you. I know some ladies
enjoy that and they are amazed when they get embarrassed
when the man starts to preach the gospel about his possession.
If you really are a gentleman why can’t you be gentle in your
speech as well and mostly choose your words carefully when
you are around people? Eric did not boast about a thing and by
mere looking at him you wouldn’t tell that he was making big
bucks, you can judge the depth of a man’s pocket in many ways.
The boy did not know how to send me a good morning text, if
he does it once, then that was it; for the whole week I won’t get
a text. I always felt like I have been sleeping for the whole week
because I will only receive a sweet message four times in a
month. I felt that life was not fashioning my desires the right
way. Dude, you do not have to keep texting your lady twenty
four hours a day or call every minute, but it is the thought that
counts. What is the highlight of your morning when you wake
up besides praying? Do you only think of me when it is cold
that I should come over and keep you warm? Come on, that’s
not fair. How the hell do you forget about the one you love? Do
you really love me or you just enjoy telling me that you love me
when your actions are far away from it? Eric didn’t know that
as a lady there are essential things which are naturally not
escapable. The guy would fail to buy me a mere airtime and on
top of that he would expect me to chat with him on Whatsapp.
How the hell was I going to chat with him when he did not
know how to buy me data bundles? Suddenly I felt that the way

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people talk is not always the way they are. Some are good at
talking and they will sugarcoat every word, but there is no
relevant action attached to any of their words. I guess that was
Eric for me. If you are a man and you fail to cater for my natural
needs how do you expect me to respect you as your wife should
it happen that we are going to live as a husband and a wife? I
feel that if you fail to provide as a man you are not being fair
naturally because God provided you with everything and
mostly he provided you with me yet you are just an Eric. My
friends ended up telling me that they are blessed because he
picked me instead of them. I tried several times to educate him
about the things that he should do to remain within the game,
but instead he would do the opposite. I remember as a fan of
love songs I would deliberately play them each time I visit him
at his apartment, but he would rather change and play some
noise which was not even blending with the atmosphere. How
would he expect me to kiss him as if we were at the war front
with all the noise from his sound system? Eric was, and is still
not romantic. Although they say one cannot be an expert in
everything he was just a mission impossible when it comes to
the matters of love. My friend Ursula would say he is a moron-
ron-ron. Believe me, I am not used to swearing language, but I
felt that indeed he was a moron-ron-ron. It is true you cannot
teach an old dog new tricks, but the thing is that he is still
young, how does he expect ladies to stick around him when he
treats them like they do not exist? He is so blessed materially
that he is even driving one of the top cars, but he would never
open a door for his lady when he drives me around, as if I was
not existing in his life or he was treating me like one of his male
friends who will just hop into the car when they feel like

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moving from one destination to another. Guys, you need to
know how to express your love to your lady in order to win her
heart and mostly, if you want to be the highlight of her day.
There is no way that she would drift to the hands of another
man if there is comfort around her, she won’t even crawl away
if such exists unless she got attracted to your pocket and not
you. The guy did not even know that as a lady my handbag
must contain a hand lotion, sanitizer be it a gel or wipes, a
mouth refresher, nail kit, lip ointment, and a tissue before we
can even talk about money. Did you know that as a man these
are some of the essentials that as ladies, we need to carry
around in our handbags? I felt that my life has come to a cul-
de-sac because of an Eric. Every day I was a teacher of life skills,
love skills, and lady handling skills and what bothers me most
is that each time you talk, he would nod his head vehemently,
but at the end still fail to implement what he has learnt. I
wonder if he was doing it on purpose or if truly he was a moron.
I remember sometimes he would call asking what I was doing,
and although I was doing nothing I would just make up
something because it was much better for me to stay alone or
be with my lady friends instead of being with him. Anything
which has a beginning has an end. I have tried several times on
how to shape him to be the best man he can be, but instead he
was turning out to be the worst and that was getting on my
nerves day by day. I felt that the only way was to forget about
him and face another angle that would shape my life better.
Isn’t that he has failed the basics of handling a lady? It was
obvious that he would not make it to the advanced level. There
is no way that you are going to understand this species called
women if you do not have certain tactics in life. Having

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concluded in my mind that I had to break up with him the
perfect platform was to go to his apartment and drop a
bombshell, I was not afraid of him and although he was weird
I knew that there was no way that he would hit me no matter
what. He was only a good man when it comes to keeping his
hands to himself, but that was not a complete package of what
I needed from a man. It was only ten percent and the whole
ninety percent was missing, it would have been better if it was
the other way round or a sixty percent would be better. I made
a phone call around past twelve noon informing him that there
was burning news that I needed to discuss with him and that I
could not hold it to myself anymore. Being the kind of a man I
knew he was, I guess he was thinking that I was about to tell
him that I wanted to make a baby with him because I know
several times he has been lambasting me about giving him a
baby. Ladies be wise, you are not a baby making machine where
men would press babies each time they feel that their biological
clock is ahead of them. If he is a good man he would understand
the meaning of the word no. Some men are so stubborn and
they have the audacity to tell you that they do not take no for
an answer. I do not care whether you take it for an answer or a
statement the bottom line is that if I am not ready to do a thing
I won’t do it no matter what. You must have a strong backbone
and follow your dreams because no one will live your life for
you. You are who you are and you cannot be replaced
whatsoever. When I arrived at his apartment, I was shocked to
get a warm hug, trust me it was not warm because it was winter,
no, it has everything to do with the presentation, I did not want
to let go because of the feeling. He offered to take my handbag
and straight away, he closed the door. The poor guy has cooked

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and the entire apartment smells yummy. He even bought a
bottle of an expensive wine for us to indulge in. The table was
dressed with two wine glasses and some red rose petals and
one plate of snacks because he is not much of a snack person.
He loves meat so much that he would rather snack on it. He was
so happy to see me and the way he was looking at me, you
would think he has discovered a diamond. How am I going to
spill the beans with this sudden change, man! I hate being in
this position. The pampering had just begun and there I was to
break up with him. That day he even offered to give a foot
massage when I sat on the couch, well, I couldn’t resist a foot
massage when I have been walking up and down like a soldier.
The question was when did he change or when did this hidden
behaviour get aroused from its sleeping state? These are the
small things that I have been waiting for all this time and not to
wait until I had to break up with him. He has imprisoned me in
the jail cell of love and care so much that I did not know how I
was going to bail myself out. Even the music in the background
has changed there was no noise. That day we were listening to
my kind of music, soft but penetrating to the core. As I am
writing this to you, believe me when I say that I am wearing a
Guess watch that he gave that very same day. Don’t get me
wrong, I did not say I was going to break up with him because
I did not love him, no, I hated the fact that he was not attending
to my wants and needs. Now you tell me, what do you do when
you find yourself in a position where your man used to behave
in a certain manner and suddenly a drastic change? This was a
tough situation. After showing me the writing on the wine
bottle and I gave him a go ahead to pour, he patched himself on
a chair across looking straight into my eyes admiring my

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beauty. He asked me what the burning news was and for about
a minute I was startled. I did not know what to say because in
my mind, I was battling to say I was there to break up with him
after this sudden treatment. I asked him if he was reading a love
novel lately about how to handle a lady or the ways and means
thereof. He shook his head and told me that he had those
elements infused in him the time he was created, yet he did not
know I was the blessed lady to receive them. We talked a lot
about life and my goals in life and he even asked if I was getting
good results at school. The atmosphere was so serene and full
of laughter. Seeing that the darkness was creeping in, he lit the
two candles which stemmed from crystal candle holders, one
was purple and the other one was yellowish in colour. I am
totally overwhelmed today. This guy has rot me to the core,
why was he not like this all this time? I guess there is a time for
everything and this was the time for me to finally get
pampered. I wanted to do the dishes, but he insisted that I
should sit down and watch him. I guess he just had some little
rough patches which needed to be dealt with. Everything that
day was just awesome. Around past six he graciously asked me
to relocate from my chair and sit on the couch, which was next
to the fireplace, where he had prepared fire especially for me.
It’s amazing what a few glasses of wine would do to you.
Suddenly the entire apartment was hot as if summer has
emerged in the midst of winter due to the heat oozing from the
fire place. He could see that I was starting to sweat and straight
away he offered to take my jacket, well, I guess he did not do
that thinking he was going to sleep with me. Wine or no wine,
my mind was not even thinking about that. Did I tell you that I
always make sure that my bag contains essentials in it? I always

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carry around a beautiful cut of lingerie as an extra to my
essentials. They say when nature calls you must always answer,
but how the hell was I going to answer nature’s call in Eric’s
apartment? Damn! I am not prepared to share a bed with any
guy at my age. His steps at that moment were of my kind of a
good man, but the good man must also know that this lady does
not feel comfortable sharing the same bed with him. That day I
truly hated technology because it aggravated the situation. I
enjoy flirting a lot and teasing men on my phone, forgetting that
one would never know when some lunatic days would come.
That day Eric was taking me from one realm of love to another
and he was so relaxed with his bedroom eyes painted all over
me. The nice thing about him is that he talks too much, I really
want to go home, but on the other hand I am enjoying his
company today. He elevated himself from the couch and
reached for his car keys and I knew that he was about to drive
me home. Clearly his intention was not to sleep with me
because if it was so, he would not have reached for his car keys
unless it was one of his tricks. Straight away I told him that I
was not going anywhere, but he insisted that I should inform
my mum about it. I lied through my beautiful teeth and told
him that she knew that I went to visit Ursula. Well, I said all
that because I was enjoying his company. We were still talking
and he suffered me to tell him that which brought me to his
apartment, seeing that there was no way that I was going to
escape that question I had to lie again. To me it is very easy to
lie when I am tipsy. I told him that I was missing him so much
and I also felt that our love was losing its spark. He nodded his
head vehemently and he further said he was so sorry for
neglecting me. That was the time he reached for a present in

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black and gold wrapping. He handed it to me to open and it
was a nice genuine Guess watch. With tears of joy rolling on my
cheeks, he dried them up using a white handkerchief. He sealed
everything with the words, “I love you” and I returned the
favour with a long kiss and we headed straight to the bedroom
because it was around past eleven. His bedroom was like a
palace and everything was nicely packed, he waited outside
that I should change. Please don’t laugh, I had to wear my
leggings and my lingerie as well; when I was done, I slot myself
under the blanket and a nice comforter on the left hand side of
the bed. I had to close my eyes and pretend to be sleeping, but
all my senses were super active except for my sight. I could hear
his footsteps as he walked in, he changed and when he was
done, he switched off the lights living the one on the headboard.
He reached for his bible, read a scripture out loud and then
prayed. He switched off the lights and the poor guy slept
without even touching me. That was cool. With every
movement that he made I would open my eyes ready to strike
in case his hands landed on me, but they were so far from me. I
guess I could come often because he is as harmless as a cat. Who
was I to fight nature? I slept like a baby and when I opened my
eyes it was about past seven in the morning but he was not in
bed. I could hear the sound of cutlery from his kitchen and
when I looked on the side of the bed there was a note written
“sharpen your appetite”, I smiled warmly and headed straight
to the bathroom to brush my teeth getting ready to sharpen my
appetite as I was ordered to do so. After taking a shower, I went
back to the outfit I wore yesterday except for inside of course. I
am a clean lady and I just know how to keep to that standard.
We had a very nice breakfast, which was fit enough for nursing

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the after effects of booze. There was no way that I would crash
at his today, I had to go home or else my parents were going to
have a problem. I don’t even know what I was going to say to
my mother because she is very inquisitive. Around past twelve
I humbly asked him to drop me off home and the poor guy did
not have a problem with that, clearly this was the new Eric. A
drastic transformation has taken place and he was rocking me
left right and centre. When I got home, I went straight to my
mother who at that time was in the garden. I greeted her and I
was expecting a lot of questions, but I guess my expectations
were wrong about her because she only greeted back like I slept
in her house. The only thing she said to me was, “love thyself
before you expect love to be expressed to you.” Well, she is my
philosopher, so I was not amazed at her words. We had a very
long mother to daughter chat. She was telling me that in life
there are two types of men and they are: a foolish man and a
wise man. When she said that I could not hold myself, but laugh
out loud. She said foolish men always want to reap where they
did not sow. Foolish men are idle and they do not want to
invent things, but always want to be followers. They do not
have direction in life and they refuse leadership. I asked her
why she was saying all that and she said she was imparting
knowledge. She does not have a problem with me dating, but
she would always tell me that in every action there is a reaction
and sometimes the reaction might yield unfavourable results;
just like somebody has said, you should follow your heart, but
at the same time use your brains to think. Provision comes in
many ways and that’s where you distinguish whether you are
in the hands of a good man or a foolish man. That was my mum
continuing to impart knowledge to me. She said, wisdom comes

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from above and God gives liberally to anyone who deserves it
and those who ask of him. There are two examples of men in
the bible: a foolish man who built his house upon the sand on
the other hand a wise man who built his house upon the rock.
As I am writing this book the main thrust is revolving around a
wise man, which is a good man. Isn’t it obvious that if he built
the house upon the sand when the rain comes it will fall? If you
have pitched your love on the wrong foundation how do you
expect it to stand firm or work out? In this context being a
foolish man does not necessarily mean that you are mentally
impaired, not at all, it means that you act smart in your own
understanding, but you are far away from being really smart.
My daughter, beware of foolish men. If your man is forever
lying to you or cheating on you and you are too blind to see it,
but almost everyone is able to see it, even if they say love is
blind, I think in that way you are just choosing to blind yourself
with fake love. It is obvious that you are not in the hands of a
good man. If you do things that you would not be free to do in
front of your partner is it because you respect your partner or
you are a cheat? Cheating is a sign of not being content with
what you have or you are paying revenge for something that
might have got you beefed up. If your man is good do you think
he would do anything bad to you? God forbid! I call cheating,
lack of discipline precisely because if you had discipline you
would not stretch your hands into other people’s territory. A
good man knows how to bring you happiness and satisfaction
all the time. Most people think that happiness come with money
or material things. Your man does not become a good man
because he is giving you money and the poor, John, who did
not give you a dime, but spent quality time with you become a

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foolish man. Not at all. My daughter any man who would flash
his possession to you in order for you to leave your John for him
is not a good man. Remember that the steps of a good man
would never lead anyone in doing the wrong things. If the poor
guy is taken and you know that he is taken why do you twerk
for him? Are you doing that because you know men are easily
turned on? God forbid. My daughter the steps of a good man
do not only reflect on a man, but they reflect to a woman as well.
There are two types of provision: a good provision and a bad
provision; on top of that, know that a good provision comes
from a loving heart whilst a bad provision comes from a wicked
or a heart of a foolish man. The story of Cain and Abel in the
bible gives a very clear view about what I am talking about.
Cain deliberately gave inferior products from his crops and on
the other hand, Abel gave which was fat from his livestock.
Everything was by choice, Cain had decided in his heart that he
will never give that which was good to the Lord, forgetting that
the land from which he got the crops came from the Lord, how
stupid! Any man who fails to provide does not understand the
natural order of things. God has given you wisdom so that you
can use your mind to think and devise ways and means of
doing things. I was at a nearby restaurant a couple of days ago
during my lunch break and when my order was ready I reclined
on a table next to the entrance when I saw a man who walked
in with an empty container and sat a couple of chairs away. The
poor man did not order anything, but he was just staring at
people, when I elevated myself from the chair because I was full
he looked at me and signaled if I was done eating because my
plate had food. I nodded my head and straight away, he walked
and fetched my plate and filled the container he had. I asked

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him if everything was okay and he said yes. Still in wonder he
said he lost his job seven months ago and he comes here every
day to look for any handy job that comes his way for the sake
of supporting his family. He further said life was tough, so he
was collecting the food for his wife and children so that they do
not sleep on an empty stomach, because some days he would
go home empty handed in that there was no job. That was bad.
When I walked away from the restaurant I was thinking to
myself, such is a step of a good man indeed. All I am trying to
say to you is that he has a family to support and instead of
feeding himself like some men would have, he decided to
collect for his family first. If it was somebody he could have
said, the Lord my provider. I liked him because he does not
even have pride, but his family is his pride, he understands that
what people think or would say about him is not important, but
what he thinks about himself and his family comes first. It was
not as if he was feeding his family from a garbage bin, the poor
man was making an effort to feed his family, unlike those you
would find by all street corners asking for loose count for the
sake of feeding their nasty craving. My daughter a good man is
a good man by actions and not only by words, and he knows
how do adapt to any condition that life exposes him to. She
further said if you are a man and you allow situations to control
you then you are not a good man, but a coward also known as
a foolish man. Why not face the obstacles when they emerge in
your way, but run away? Isn’t that losers die at home, whereas
on the other hand fighters are on the battlefield? Above all a
good man comes from the Lord that is why he would never
have a problem providing you and his family with all the
possible natural needs that are at his disposal. I am deliberately

19 | P a g e
saying natural needs because there are certain things that are
supernatural, and when God fashioned a man he did not
provide him with supernatural blessings, but natural ones, as
such I must not find myself in a position where I am demanding
things which I know are not possible. Be careful my daughter
not to drive away a good man with your litany of demands and
you are amazed when your man is in the hands of another lady.
If he is a good man he will provide without you having to beg
him because the provision step of a good man happens
spontaneously, he does not apply force to it. Those were the
steps of a good man by my mother. The following day was a
Wednesday and I woke up early in the morning heading to the
library because I was busy preparing for my exam. As much as
I was on the mission of hunting for the man with good steps I
also knew how to prioritize. I took a bus around half past seven
straight to school so that when the library opens I would go to
the spot I like the most. I remember very well that I was wearing
a pair of heavy washed cotton jeans, a black long sleeve T-shirt
and a purple jacket. When I arrived at the library I was
flabbergasted to see many students at the entrance awaiting the
personnel to open. I guess I was not the only one who was
preparing for the exams after all. My mind was full of endless
questions which were triggered by listening to my mother
talking to me about the steps of a good man. Right at that time
I was thinking about the steps of a good man; and at the back
of my mind the real question which was coming direct like
sunrays was, who is a good man? Well, I have heard different
preachers talk about the steps of a good man, but my mum had
her own version. It is very difficult to tell if someone is good, by
simply looking at them as much as it is also difficult to tell if

20 | P a g e
someone is bad by looking at them. There were days that I felt
that God could give me the power to look into the soul of men
and understand what they were thinking about when they look
at me. You might be wondering why I am saying this and the
answer revolves around love and crush. I have fallen so badly
for this handsome guy I came across on my way from school
last week Monday. He is living in my neighbourhood, but I
have never seen him before. Credit goes to my mother who sent
me to get some meat from our complex. If it was not so, I would
have not seen him or I could have not been noticed. It is a good
feeling to be noticed if you are a lady, especially when you are
noticed by those guys who are fine; it boosts my morale and it
keeps my mood sedate. You can call it a fling or being stupid,
but I do believe in love at first sight. The problem with my
situation was not love or crush, but being in many relationships
at the same time out of choice and out of circumstances. Now I
truly understand why the bible says the presence of the law
brought the understanding about sin; as a Christian I am
supposed to keep away from such things because they will end
up putting me in doing what is contrary to the will of God. I
must stick to one person and not have variety just like God
created Eve for Adam. He noticed me when I was claiming not
to know how to pick a good T-bone steak; the poor gentleman
came to the rescue and straight away, I told him that he would
know better because men are always braai now and then. He
smiled while nodding his head. “My name is Arnold, and you
are?” I told him my name and I could see that his eyes were too
busy scrutinizing my cute little face. I was wearing a beanie
written “eyes off” and I could see him smiling again because of
the message on it. I am sorry for enjoying the beauty of nature

21 | P a g e
and on the other hand, I am happy to have this good eyesight,
because most of the time it enables me to see unavoidable sights
like the one in front of me. That was him, and I told him that I
am too rigid to be shaken by the man’s words, except for the
word in the Bible. I guess that’s what each and every girl who
is visually appealing hears from men and that is why most of
them don’t fall that easy, because almost every day we are
hearing the same thing although they try to twist the words
around. He told me that he was not trying to charm me, but
appreciating nature’s beauty. He further asked if the problem
was that the words came from him or if the wording was
wrong. Pulling his leg I said the territory was not ayoba1, I
walked to the pay point to pay for my purchase and he was
following me. I remember asking if he was there to buy or to
hunt for the meat. He said it did not matter whether he had to
walk into the kraal or if he had to go and hunt for the venison,
but the bottom line was that at the end he must walk away
home with something fresh. Oh my God, this dude was crazy,
you know how we ladies get offended when one is talking
about the parts of our bodies right? That’s how I was feeling at
that time. I thought he was referring to my bum. I have an
African body and I know that most men are attracted to the
back side of my body, so if he thought he was charming or make
a joke I was on the verge of slapping him with the T-bone he
picked for me. Seeing that my face was changing he continued
talking about being fresh, but only this time he was
sugarcoating it with the meat. He said the meat he picked was
the first grade, he has ever picked and he was wondering if I
was also the first grade girl in our neighbourhood. Now this

1 Ayoba – not okay

22 | P a g e
guy was causing a lot of attention that almost everyone was
looking at us. Outside the butchery there is this dude selling all
kinds of flowers. He quickly ran out and picked three roses;
yellow, red and the other one was white. He walked back to the
butchery and approached me at the till and said he is not a
Horticulturist, but he knows that there is an element of love,
and care that was infused in those three flowers. He further said
that he was not asking for my numbers, but that he can see me
often in the complex for the sake of allaying his mood. If coming
to the complex, often was not possible, then I was allowed to
view those roses as a token of requesting my number. With
people looking at us, some laughing and some with teary eyes,
well, I did not know whether it was tears of joy or rage. I told
him that I did not give my number to strangers and he said the
three roses he had also represented three things: seeing me at
the complex, often, requesting my number, and knowing me
better in due time. Listening to his last request it was still
obvious that he was asking for my number. Everyone was
telling me to give the poor guy my number and of course deep
down that’s what I wanted, but I wanted to be a hard nut to
crack for a moment. I breathed my number with confidence and
I asked if it was okay if I could walk away because the clapping
turned into a tintinnabulations during Christmas. I was getting
shy because firstly the way he presented the flowers was like he
was proposing to me. He went down on his knees. When I told
him that he was making me shy, he said I should consider it
courtesy because he only does it to God, his father and kings,
so by default I was also falling in that rank. I was shy, blushing,
but I was enjoying it like a breath of fresh air. So, when I tell you
that I was having a problem, it was not a mistake. Most ladies

23 | P a g e
would not have a problem with men flocking to them like they
were doing to me. The only problem was that too much of it
was becoming an unavoidable drug which was putting me high
with every sniff I took. I was able to manage ten subjects in one
semester, but I was not sure if I could manage to do one subject
called men. It’s just too much because they come in different
form and sizes, even if it was a year subject. Imagine if one was
to learn steps of a good man from ten men, clearly that would
not be an easy subject at all. Although it was called men, yet the
ways and means of understanding it would be very difficult as
much as ladies are complicated. At that point I also realised that
men too were complicated. They were confusing me with every
thought I had about them. Although they say it is good for bees
to visit a flower, it was just too much since every corner that I
turned about there was always someone waiting to ask me out.
When I got home, my mom, Diana and I prepared supper.
When my mum saw the meat she was shocked. Diana and I
asked if everything was fine and straight away, she said the
meat was fresh, tender and the real first grade that we last ate
two months ago before dad went to the USA. If only she knew
that it was Arnold I wonder what her reaction would be. She
says every man is blessed, it’s just that some of them have not
discovered what they are capable of doing. But with her, a man
who takes care of his household and mostly the one you can
send to buy groceries resembled some steps of a good man. We
had a very delicious supper that night and after we were
watching TV with my mum talking as usual. This time she was
not talking about men, but how she was raised and stuff. Diana
is the sweet konyana2 at home as much as I appear to be one.

2 Konyana - Lamb
24 | P a g e
Each time there was something she would like to know she
would rather ask me to ask mum so that I appeared to be the
insane one should it back fires. That day she did not have a
choice because I was chatting with my three guys on Whatsapp.
Arnold continued to tell me about how he would like to see me
again so that he can get to know me better, and on the other
hand, I was telling him that he must take it easy, because men
who drives at a speed of a Ferrari were not my favourite. That
statement allayed his mood and he was as sedate as the water
in the pool of Bethesda before being troubled by the angel. We
had a long chat until Eric and Paul could see that I was not
giving them my attention. I would read their texts, but I never
sent any response. It is true that a new broom sweeps better.
The sweeping method of this guy was reaching spots that were
not swept before. Chatting to him that night made me realize
that not even Eric could be compared to him. The way he is so
good at writing one could see the episodes and scenes
unfolding as if everything was having life in it. My laughter
ended up moving my mum away from the sitting room to her
bedroom because it was just too loud. On the other hand Diana
was also online chatting with one of the boys from our
neighbourhood. I was telling her about the guy I met at the
butchery forwarding her some of the conversation, just to have
a taste of what we were talking about. She requested that I
should hook him up with her, because her boys were boring,
they were too flat for my twin sister. We struck a deal and the
agreement was that none of us was going to date but milk him.
That was not a problem with me. I gave her his number and
straight away she was chatting with him and she would
forward the chats to me and I would do the same. At first he

25 | P a g e
asked if I was having two numbers on Whatsapp and my
response to him was that I only had one number. His response
was that he just wanted to see if I had another number like most
ladies do. This guy was such a liar. He was asking Diana where
she stays and everything, and Diana told him that she was
interested in him, just to confuse him. I was also approving
having to meet with him so that he can know me better. Ursula
was online as well and was telling me about this guy who is
such a blesser. Okay, I asked who the blesser was. Honestly, I
do not believe in such thing called a blesser because according
to me there is only one blesser and that is God in heaven. When
he gives he does not want anything in return, but gives liberally
whereas with men most of the time the blessing has
attachments that one need to fulfil. Ursula said the guy was
spoiling her in all spheres that I could think of, but she did not
inform me of the method applied. Well, I guess she was lying
because she is very good at that. She might have been saying
that for the sake of fishing. Diana was all smiles and by the look
of things I could see that the conversation was hot. After a
couple of minutes she made a very loud sound and I knew that
something was not okay. Arnold was asking her to send
through a photo, well you know what I am talking about. It was
nothing but nudity. I had a crush on this guy, but if he is asking
my twin sister for her naked pictures clearly he did not have
any respect for her. A man who will be asking you for nude
pictures on the initial conversation regardless of whether you
are his lady or not does not have respect for you. If it is true love
he will have the patience to wait for the right moment and when
that moment pitches everything will unfold naturally without
any force. Was it not obvious that he was interested in sex and

26 | P a g e
fantasy? After getting the pictures it was obvious that he
wanted to use them for wrong deeds reinforced by the book of
Matthews 5:28. I really do not know what’s with men and half
naked pictures or full ones. Do they even understand that our
bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit? I do not remember Eric
asking me to send him my nudes whatsoever, clearly Arnold
was not respectful not unless Eric does it to other ladies.
Looking at my sister it was as if she has seen a ghost. Being a
clever girl she downloaded a picture of this yellow bone from
the internet and forwarded it to him. The picture only showed
the lower abdomen, so there was no way that the poor guy
could tell who it was. She showed me the picture and I laughed.
A couple of minutes later he asked me if the following day was
fine for some coffee at the same complex we met. Well, I did not
have a problem with having some coffee, but for the sake of
disrespecting my sister I was going to nail him so bad. The time
was pitched, the second hour of the day, and he further said I
must bring along my jacket because we might go to some
movies later. On the other hand, I was telling my sister to set a
date with him as well for the sake of knowing him better. She
asked for his address and we found out that the guy was
staying a few blocks away from our house. After a long chat my
sister and I finally retired to sleep anticipating a new dawn.
Instead of meeting Arnold we decided to block and delete his
contact because according to me he did not have the steps of a
good man. Loving someone is not a problem, according to my
mother, but loving someone who is like a wound which won’t
heal is a serious problem. It was my choice whether I had to go
for a wound or to walk in the steps of a good man. If you are
irresponsible, why do you want to be in a relationship with me

27 | P a g e
and not be on your own? With my mother by my side and my
experiences with men the understanding about steps of a good
man were unfolding day by day. Today is a great day because
I am going to meet this guy with whom I have exchanged
numbers last week when I was at the library preparing for my
exam. I gave him my number because he was staring at me so
bad that I could not concentrate. Straight away he came to me
and after introducing himself he begged for my number and I
remember telling him that I do not give strangers my number
and mostly men. He insisted that he was interested in becoming
a friend and nothing more, well that was not a problem if he
meant it like that, because I had someone. His name was Donald
and I am Daniela. Like I said previously, I enjoy flirting with
guys on my phone and with him the same thing was
happening. You would think that we had known each other for
a decade or so. Now that I am going to meet with him the
lessons that I am constantly having with my mum are pregnant
on my mind. It was up to me to choose whether to walk in the
steps of a good man or in the steps a foolish man. For the sake
of testing the waters and experimenting if what my mum had
taught me was right, I had to put it into practice. One character
I would say about him is that he is a Jonny Walker, well one
never knows if he came along to my home on public transport
on purpose not wanting to flash what he has. I did not want
him to enter the house because I did not want to introduce him
to my mom. I did not see any reason why I should do that
because he is not even my man. What happens when I introduce
him today and the following week I bring another one, won’t
she say I am confused? Well, the poor guy did not enter the
house either, he waited outside and called me on his phone. I

28 | P a g e
walked out with my twin sister Diana wearing the same outfit,
and we did that on purpose wanting to confuse him. When we
got to the bus stop where he was waiting we greeted him and
for a second he was shocked not knowing who was who. Diana
is my twin sister, she is a couple of minutes older than me, but
when we are together you won’t notice any difference. We are
so alike that the only way to spot the difference is if you look
behind our ears unless you are our parents or my siblings. I am
having a small scar behind my left ear, which came about when
I got scratched by a fence when I was running home late at
night. Seeing that he was startled I pointed at my twin sister
introducing her to him and after that I could see a smile
painting on his face. After the greetings and everything he said
he was pleased to meet her and since we were just going to have
a casual date Diana was most welcome to tag along. I had never
seen any guy doing such, I wonder if he said that because we
are twins. I looked at Diana thinking that she was going to
refuse, but she said she was coming along. This was going to be
interesting. Diana, just like myself is very vocal and even the
tone of our voices are the same and to make matters worse; the
walk, the gestures and the attire is most of the time the same.
Suddenly wild imaginations crossed my mind and I thought
that we could play this guy big time if we wanted to. Amazingly
Donald was not a Jonnie walker and neither was he a B-tech
student according to my assumption because a few blocks
away, he was parking a very recherché car, a blue Range Rover
to be precise. For a second I looked heavenwards and deep
within I asked, why was it that I had the bad luck of men who
appeared to be on a low standard of living, but it was not so.
Diana looked at me and we smiled at each other. Now,

29 | P a g e
according to the look of things I was supposed to take the front
seat because the poor guy came for me and not Diana, but we
decided to sit at the back, he smiled and drove away. We didn’t
even know where we were going. Diana asked where the route
was leading to and his response was “to the fountain of
adventure”, and we said there was no way we could go for any
adventure dressed like that. He did not make any comment to
that statement, he drove away acting as if he was deaf. “What
if he is a murderer?” That’s what we have been saying to each
other on Whatsapp, but Diana kept on saying the guy with his
looks could never be a murderer. She was talking like someone
who was not thinking straight. How do murderers look? The
poor guy was taking us to a lodge. It was an oasis indeed. He
stopped the engine and opened his door, then opened our doors
and walked between the two of us as we were heading to the
nearby outlet which had outfit for all outdoor adventure. We
picked what we wanted and chose the same colour. Instead of
shooting squirrels we chose hiking. He had a very big backpack
in the truck of his car which by merely looking at one could tell
that it contained heavy content. He also bought us two
backpacks and he did stick to the pink colour seeing that we
were inseparable. We did not see the content of our backpacks,
but all we knew was that there was something inside. One thing
that Diana and I picked was that he was a regular visitor
because everyone was greeting him. It is still winter, but with
the kind of outfit we had, it was spring in winter. We started
hiking with him leading the way and making sure that we
would rest whenever we were tired. Donald was a tall, dark,
tenor voice, and handsome guy. He looked serious, but when
you start talking to him you would realize that he only had a

30 | P a g e
serious look, but he was way far from being serious. I wonder
why we chose hiking, it was as if we were on mount
Kilimanjaro, damn! My calves were so painful and as for Diana,
she was melting like butter because she was not used to walking
at all, I guess the tiredness is caused by the backpacks. I nearly
died of laughter when Diana told him that he shouldn’t have
bought us backpacks because they were breaking her
shoulders. The poor guy was caring though; on the next stop,
there were a couple of chalets and some rest rooms and of
course an outlet with a bar on the side. He urged us to sit in one
of the chalets catching our breath because the journey was still
long. When he opened his backpack he pulled out a small bag
of charcoal and made some fire in the braai area and we were
all smiles because we knew that it was lunch time. We love food
so much that if we visit your house and you never offer us food
that would be the first and last time you ever see us. Mind you
the steps of a good man are still ringing in my head. Fish, first
grade beef and chicken were being prepared and all by himself.
He bought four expensive bottles of fine wine, it was as if he
could read our thoughts. Diana and I enjoy fine wine we just
don’t have the means to buy it. Here is another tip of walking
on the steps of a good man, never ask a lady how many bottles
she wants, rather keep filling her drinking receptacle until she
says it’s enough. He washed the glasses and explained
brewage, you would think that he was a brew master. This guy
came prepared because he had almost everything in his
backpack, we ate while sipping on that fine wine; even when I
am writing this book I could still feel the taste on my palate,
Donald really left a mark. You know winter time is very short,
and here we were enjoying talking to him and at the same time

31 | P a g e
tipsy. He humbly asked us to get going because our destination
was a kilometre further. At that time I could not feel a thing
because of the wine, walking was as if we were in a park, I guess
it’s the flush of gasoline in my veins. Diana and I were very
loud, you would think that we were soccer commentators. In
ten minutes we had reached our destination. I have never come
across a nice and peaceful place like that in my entire life. It is
founded in the thick forest on the brow of a mountain. There
were a number of chalets and that’s where the real action was
taking place. He gave us the key to our room and he went
straight to his room to freshen up urging us to meet up with
him at the Rest. He further reminded us to take some of the
contents of our backpacks. When we were done, we took the
fleece and tickets from our backpacks. We did not take the soft
drinks, after all, who would go for soft drink after we had been
going up that rocky path? We needed something stronger. As
we walked out we asked for the direction from one of the
guards who was not standing far away from us. A series of
music from a live band while people sat around a big fire was
playing with waiters and waitresses attending to the needs of
guests. Donald has a style I should say, I guess Diana will have
to take him because I have a full list of men on my phone and
she only had a few. We sat next to him and he gave us the menu
to order drinks and some snacks, but we kindly requested him
to do us the honours because the experience we had a few hours
ago showed that he knew better than us. That moment he
ordered a different wine and still explained all the notes before
pouring into our drinking receptacles. I understood why he
bought us the fleece, that place was cold, although there was a
fire, you would think that snow has fallen. Donald had a black

32 | P a g e
fleece while Diana and I had purple ones. Music and wine go
hand in hand, there was no need to dance, but enjoy the
atmosphere and good wine. At that time mum did not have a
problem because I was with my sister, all we had to do was to
notify her on Whatsapp that we were having a good night with
a friend and by means of pictures we sent she could tell that
indeed we were having a good time. Her last comment on our
group chat called, “ladies,” was mind your steps. Well up to so
far the steps were good and there was nothing bad to say about
him, but one would never know if he was being himself or
pretending. I don’t even know what he does for a living, and
whenever I would ask him, he would always find a way of
changing the topic. Donald is too secretive as if he was working
for an intelligence agency. Very brilliant that each time you ask
him a question he would give you a satisfactory answer so
much that if you were dumb and not being like Diana and I you
would get bored very easily. He knew when to talk and when
to keep quiet. Does your man know when to speak and when
to keep his mouth shut or he just flows like a river? The steps of
a good man are also seen in that. Wisdom teaches that you can
learn a lot by keeping quiet while absorbing a lot as opposed to
talking a lot. Is your man a fountain or a drain? A good man is
a fountain which never runs dry, but caters for many souls
regardless of race, age, and gender. A good man’s heart is
connected to every soul out there and he understands that life
does not only revolve around him. A good man values the
opinion of everyone without looking down on any soul like
most people do. I know of people who would not give a
handshake or a hug to certain ladies because they feel that they
are not visually appealing. That’s idiotic, if you behave in that

33 | P a g e
manner know for sure that you are far away from presenting
the steps of a good man and mostly you are a buffoon. Who are
you to say someone is not visually appealing as if we have
chosen to be born in our families or to our dear parents? Some
men are good and some are just extra good. Imagine a guy who
would cater for your needs and wants like Donald was doing
to Diana and me, isn’t that common sense teaches that there was
something that he expected? It is true that I could not read his
mind because only God can do that, but one thing I could say
about him is that he knows how to treat a lady although he does
not talk much. You do not need to be talkative in order to be a
good man, not at all. After the long night which was serene and
encapsulated by a cloud of good music we retired to our rooms
to sleep. Donald walked us to our room and when we were at
the door, he hugged us good night and went to his room. That
night Diana and I were talking a lot about him, Diana was
telling me about his lips and his hands and how he is so relaxed.
I could tell that she likes him, I did not have a problem with that
because I have my own man as much as she has her own man,
so any other person was nothing but a third party and research.
We were learning about finding a good man and how he steps
as opposed to how a foolish man steps. Have you ever find
yourself in the hands of someone who is kind, not only to you,
but to every soul? Such is a good man. The following day we
had a very nice breakfast to start off our day before the long
walk to where we parked the car. Descending is much better
than ascending, we had more fun when we were going down.
My sister and I were making a lot of noise so much that even
Donald commented. When we reached the car he drove us back
to our home and this time he parked his car at the gate and

34 | P a g e
before we could leave he asked what we have learnt. For a
moment we looked at each other in shock, Diana said spending
quality time is a good thing. He nodded his head and opened
our doors and hugged us goodbye. He said he would see us
again. My sister and I had good time away from home with
Donald the good Samaritan and we wouldn’t mind doing it
again for as long as we were not going to climb any mountain
this time. Profound wisdom was painting a very vivid picture
about nature through experience. Communication plays a very
vital role in a relationship and if there is no communication, it
would be very difficult to express your love to a lady. Why do
you fool the poor lady telling her that you love her so much
when you are interested in her looks? What happens when the
poor lady starts to put on some weight? Isn’t it obvious that you
will leave her for a new one? According to me a good man is
not a sage or a superman, but an ordinary man who
understands and appreciates the importance of a lady in his life.
Firstly, each and every relationship need to be built on the
foundation of love and communication is of paramount
importance. If you fail as a couple to communicate, then your
relationship is as good as dead. There is no way that there can
be direction if you do not interact with your partner. How do
you understand his or her wants if the two of you are not in
speaking terms? I do understand that there are times that you
find your relationship hanging on the cliff due to certain things
that might have happened, but that does not mean to say you
must not forgive each other, forgiveness plays a very vital role
in a relationship. I remember there was a time that my man and
I were fighting over the fact that he wants me to live to his
expectations, but he would not expect to implement the very

35 | P a g e
same formula when it comes to that. Seeing that he was
stubborn the best way was to give him hard love, by this I mean
shutting my dear good lips and only act upon situations as they
unfolded before me. I did not do that because I hated him, no, I
did that precisely because he wanted to be smart with me; after
all I guess an abnormal problem needs and abnormal solution.
A good man needs to know that he must lead by example and
he must also know that life does not revolve around him as the
earth orbits the sun. He is not God, but a dear human being who
understands and respect my feelings as much as I respect his.
A good man understands that respect is not forced, but earned.
If you are a man and you demand respect from your lady, but
you do not exercise any strand of respect to your lady why do
you expect respect from her? Do you even know the smell or
colour of respect? Falling in love is the simplest thing ever, if
the feeling is mutual; and if all the elements of love are there
what would stop us from being together? One of the reasons
why relationships do not work out is because the very same
motive of being in a relationship is wrong. If you fall in love for
the sake of security, then expect security and not love and do
not be amazed when in the long run you no longer feel love,
after all why should you expect love when the aim was not love
but security? You met with your man at the stadium watching
soccer and in the long run you start dictating to him that he
must stop going to the stadium. Have you thought of it that he
enjoys soccer? Have you thought of it that if you tell him to stop
going to the stadium you are changing him? Have you thought
that people do not change, but compromise unless
transformation is from above? As much as I know that the poor
man is supposed to make time to be with you, do you

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understand that he cannot be around you twenty four seven?
He can’t be hovering around you without a break like a
housefly in the kitchen. If you expect him to be like that, then
you have mistaken a good man for a superman. A good man is
that kind of a man who does not forget his position in the
relationship, he knows that as a man I do not have to remind
him to render natural needs that are due to me. If he expects me
to keep on reminding him, then he is just a man by the title and
I feel that he does not understand my importance to him. He
might as well stay by himself because he was created to
provide. Isn’t that before he thought of being with me he was
supposed to craft provision as God created the world before
him then him after? Naturally he must provide before he even
thinks of possessing or starting something. Why have a child
when you cannot fend for the poor child and expect the Lord to
provide when you are just sitting down drinking cappuccino? I
like the scripture in the book of Proverbs 6:6-8, I quote, “Go to
the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise; which
having no guide, overseer, or ruler, provideth her meat in the
summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.” This is the
basic principle, you must provide first, then enjoy after. As a
man dominion was given to you by our dear Father which art
in heaven and failing to be the crown of your lady is going
against the order of things. I am a Christian and as such I
discourage 50/50 because biblically such does not exist and it
was never a mistake that God made it that way. Mr. Man
because you feel that you cannot meet my dear natural needs
due to stinginess why did you even approach me at first? You
saw the back side of my body and you fell in love with it, yet
you can’t even provide coverage even with the cheapest piece

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of raiment from any cheap store that you could ever think of.
You should have kept your lies to yourself and stop lying
saying you love me, because you loved my looks and not me.
They say before you can love a human being you need to start
off by loving a dog. A dog is a very faithful, loving animal and
some call it a best friend. Now imagine if you can’t provide for
a faithful and loving friend how much more a human being
who changes like the weather? Did you know that when you
said you want to go out with me you were supposed to have
plans and direction about our relationship? If I ask most of you
what your goals in a relationship are or what you want to
achieve as a couple I am going to hear a lot of stories. A good
man has goals in the relationship and he has ways and means
of achieving them. I was shocked to see my man leaving his job
and when I asked him how he intended to survive, his answer
was; “my mind has been pregnant with ideas for a very long
time and now it’s time to give birth”. Well, it sounded too good
to be true, but day by day I could see that his ideas painted a
very vivid picture which I was enjoying with every glance; such
is the mind of a good man. The fact that he is not employed does
not mean that he won’t provide, no, he provides even when he
is not working. As ladies we love surprises, I remember there
was a time I could not be with him on his birthday because of
certain unavoidable circumstances, nevertheless he made an
effort of coming over to my home and grace me with his
presence. I did not expect him to come because I was supposed
to go to him, but as an understanding man he knew that in life
one must always expect the unexpected. His arrival was the
highlight of my day and of course the highlight of everyone
who was around. I do not want to go intimate, but for the sake

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of curiosity, let me ask if your man knows the size of your bra.
Does he know your cup size? Does he know the cut that suits
you best and does he know your favourite colour? Let me guess,
maybe he does know or maybe not, yet he is forever looking at
your boobs as if he is examining breast cancer. If he does not
know the size isn’t it obvious that he would not personally buy
you any bra for as long as you are with him? I know that he
might give you the money to go shopping but sometimes the
magic lies in the way he presents the stuff to you and not in the
money. Could there be any reason why some ladies who are in
relationship with millionaires, have third parties who know
how to treat them so good using the very same money which
comes from their rich partners? I am not promoting cheating
here, but I am saying the steps of a good man do not come with
expensive shoes. The poor man might be a Jonny walker, but
knowing how to carry you around without taking you to any
bumpy road. He venerates you and he knows that your
presence in his life is the cream on his cappuccino in the cold
weather that you could ever think of, and of course the
highlight of every moment in your life, such is a good man. He
will never discourage you in your goals instead he will give full
support and give you direction when you go astray. I am not
trying to say ladies are not independent or they are impotent,
no, I am saying it is good to be in the hands of a man who knows
your worth. The Bible teaches that we must do unto others as
we would like them to do unto us. Why do you buy your lady
cheap stuff, but your wardrobe is on the verge of exploding
with expensive raiment? Is it because you feel that you have
worked hard for your money that you can’t for once imagine
your lady at the same standard of living with you? Is it out of

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fear that after you have bought her expensive clothes other men
will notice her? Please do not be a fool, ladies do not need
expensive clothes in order to be noticed. Furthermore, you need
to know that I am not saying a good man must buy you
expensive clothes in order for him to be a good man, but I am
saying that he must always remember that I am not a thing, but
his lady who knows how to treat him so good. I do not have a
problem in spoiling my man when I have the means to do so, it
comes naturally and he enjoys it, although he would always act
like he is not into it. When last did your man take you out for a
lunch? It does not have to be an expensive restaurant in order
for it to be a good lunch, even taking you to a nearby park and
braai for you won’t cause any harm. Some ladies don’t even
know how to use fork and knife because their men are too
stingy to take them out, yet the man is as perfect as someone
who studied culinary art. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not
trying to say a good man must teach you how to use a fork and
a knife. I am saying that he must spoil you rotten. One of the
elements of love is being together, and that does not mean the
only way you can spend time together is when you are in his
apartment, you do spend quality time even if you are staring at
the setting of the sun on the 7th of June. A good man does not
have to be a perfectionist, but a normal guy. A good man listens
to her lady and the advice she gives is considered important just
as his is important. There are some men who are very eloquent
of speech and they feel that whatever they say must go. God
forbid! Why must I listen to your crap when you do not want to
listen to what I tell you as your lady? I am calling it crap because
you feel that your word rules as if it is a scripture from the Bible.
If truly you are a man who understands that you were given

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dominion from above why do you keep on reminding your
lady that you are the man of the house? It’s not like she does
not know. The reason she is behaving in a certain manner is just
a way of responding to something that you are doing or
something that you might have done. I highly do not believe
that a sane person would just decide to behave in an unruly
manner with no cause. If she is cheating the best way is to sit
down and get to the root of the problem and not try to deal with
the man she is finding pleasure with, because the man is not the
problem, but the lady, the man is just the results of the problem.
Today is Friday and it’s a bit cold, so I am having a cup of
Rooibos with no sugar for the sake of keeping warm and
clearing my skin. I do not have plans, but I am hoping to go out
with my sister to a nearby club to have a few glasses of wine. I
would like to inform you not to copy my lifestyle and start
drinking and going out with men because you do not know me
and mostly you are not me. My sister and I enjoy being together
and we also enjoy hanging out with our friends doing wild
things all in the name of having fun. The definition of fun is
very broad and my definition is living your life like there is no
tomorrow precisely because nobody knows what it shall bring
yet we expect the best. If you choose to go out with many guys
and sleeping around all in the name of finding the man with
good steps, well, it’s your choice, but know that one way or
another you will pay when the wheels of time starts to turn. If
you decide to be the centre of attraction, well, go on and attract
men, but do not get disappointed when your beauty has faded
and you seek marriage with tears and no man is interested in
taking your hand in marriage. The book of Ecclesiastes says
nothing will stay forever in this world, so when you do your

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thing always remember that nothing is forever and mostly that
you don’t stay the same, but you are growing day by day. The
glory of a woman is like a ripe fruit, see how it attracts many
insects which peck on it to enjoy the sweet nectar, and believe
me when I say within no time the poor fruit will be having
volumes and volumes of insects to feed on, then it’s gone for
good. Even if a new fruit is to come the following year, it will
never be the same as the one that was there before, so my lesson
to you is that in everything that you do be careful so that you
do not regret when you realize that you have wasted your time.
If you really want to have a good man in your life you need to
listen to your heart and mostly listen to God. Do not take advice
from your friends as to whom you should go out with or who
you should marry, because they will mostly if not always give
you wrong advice. Why should I consult Sally to tell me if Eric
is a good guy when Eric is in a relationship with me? How does
she know that he is not a good guy? Even if she once dated him,
what if he decided to get rid of his crooked ways when he met
me? By the way I am not trying to say Eric is a superman or that
everything that your friends tell you is wrong. There is good
advice and there is also bad advice. If you are my friend and
you tell me who to love and who I should dump, that is not
good advice, rather tell me things you believe to be wrong, but
at the end it is my decision whether I choose to be with him or
not. What happens in the near future when you have told me to
love the person who is troubling me left right and centre?
Should I call you? Are you going to come and calm down the
storm or you will be one of the spectators’ busy collecting news
about my relationship with my man? When you are in a
relationship with someone who loves you the way you love him

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what more do you want? Isn’t love the motive you are together?
On the other hand the man must not forget to be the man, and
here I mean in action and not by words or reminding you that
he is the man. I am referring to the provision. He must provide
endlessly as much as I am also doing my part as a helper. I have
been in a relationship with a guy who was treating me like a
prisoner. Whenever he says jump I must ask how high and
when he calls I must mold my voice even when I was in pain. I
understand the guy was giving me money and spoiling me with
gifts in and out of time, but my happiness was detached from
me. What is the use of wearing a ring with a very expensive
stone whilst I die inside on a daily basis? Flee from such kind of
men unless you are only interested in material things, because
your body would look like a skin of a leopard with endless
spots and scars to an extent that should you break up with him
no man would enjoy looking at you. The same goes for you
men, if you are a good man indeed there is no way that you are
going to do anything wrong to your lady whatsoever. A man
who would have a problem with me going out with my friends
whilst on the other hand, he is forever partying or being out
with his friends is not a good man according to me. Whoever
said practice what you preach did not lie; any leader who
changes his principles to suit his own needs forsaking the
followers is not a true leader. If you are forever swearing
everywhere you go why are you amazed when you see people
around you or your siblings doing the same? Isn’t that they are
learning from the best? It is true that a man goes where there is
too much action? But always remember that an abnormal
problem needs and abnormal solution. Do not be amazed when
your lady lashes you with silence treatment so much that you

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feel like she is cheating on you when she is only reacting. Why
must she keep on reminding you of the things that she does not
like every day when the two of you have been together for more
than five years? Isn’t that you are choosing to be stubborn for
the reasons known to yourself? You will hear some men saying
I want to show her what I am made of. Did you know that when
you are angry the level of consciousness is very low? Did you
know that you are likely to do things that you might regret for
the rest of your life when your level of consciousness is low? If
you are in a relationship and you feel that way, then you are far
from walking in the steps of a good man. Unless you met your
partner using sign language, why don’t you sit down and talk
like elderly people should do or start signalling to each other if
sign language is what the two of you are good at? I am not
trying to say I come from a perfect family, but I need to tell you
that I have never come across my parents shouting at each other
or arguing in front of us. There are certain things that need not
to be done in front of kids because kids are very good at
learning. If you dare to be a good man you will never raise your
voice at your lady as if she is deaf or even promise to beat her
up. I am not saying fighting is good, but if you are very good at
it, why don’t you go to a boxing ring and fight? Isn’t that you
know there is no enjoyment in fighting? So why do you bring it
upon your lady who is as fragile as feathers. Never find yourself
in a position where you are settling with a problem due to
material things when your dearest good man or good lady is
out there. Could there be any reason you will find certain men
going home very late when everyone is sleeping because they
feel that their women are like mosquitoes? Isn’t that they settled
with good women who are not good for them? In other words,

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they are with the wrong partners. If you are in the hands of your
good partner you will always enjoy his or her presence so that
you do not spend time watching TV or the TV watching you out
of the problems that you have brought upon yourself. I am very
young, but I know that I have matured enough to know good
from bad. As I am typing I am being reminded of some men
who take pleasure in nonsense. They will go out pressing babies
and when you ask them why, they will tell you that the girl is
or was stupid to give them a baby. Now if you are not a wise
man by default you are a foolish man, you do not know what
that child is going to be when he or she grows up. What
happens if he becomes the next president? A president that you
have disowned out of stupidity or because you wanted to spoil
someone’s future. You cannot kill a frog by throwing it into the
water, because it understands that habitat better than being on
land. How do you feel when you don’t even know where your
seed has located? Did you know that a child is a blessing from
God? Diana is taking longer to cook, my stomach cannot stand
hunger anymore. I love food and so does my sister; her passion
is in cooking so much that she would rather not cook if there
are no enough ingredients. I can tell by the smell penetrating
under my door from the kitchen that today I will eat and lick
my fingers. While I am still talking about food, do you know
how to cook as a lady? Did you know that men love ladies who
know their way in the kitchen? If you do not have that skill I
suggest you start learning while there is still time before you
run your man’s pocket dry going to restaurants every night. I
am not trying to say if you are in love with a man who takes
you out every day, it’s wrong, I am saying that as a lady you
must possess that skill and not depend on a nanny while you

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sit back and watch. How would you feel when your man enjoys
eating food cooked by another lady? I don’t have a problem
with cooking for my boyfriend when I get to his apartment. I
know some ladies would never enter the kitchen for as long as
they are dating because they feel that they are not married as
yet. Are you only going to cook when you get married?
Anyway, let me go and get another refill, then take a shower. I
really do not know what I am going to wear tonight, but I know
Diana will assist with the choice. Do you have style as a lady?
Ladies must always have a taste, a lady who does not have a
taste is a turn off to me. Do not be amazed when you find
yourself being beautiful and at the same time men are passing
you like a piece of tissue paper on the road side. Having good
looks is not enough if you do not know how to take good care
of yourself. I know of ladies who will wake up around twelve
o’clock midday and remain in bed for the whole day, the house
is dirty and at the same time she does not even visit the
bathroom. Damn! That’s living like a pig; at the same time she
is on Whatsapp telling the boyfriend to bring some food
because the kitchen is a hundred kilometres away from her
bedroom. What happened to hygiene? How do you feel when
your man is cleaner than you? You don’t even want people to
visit your apartment because it looks like a dumping zone and
at the same time you are surprised when the poor man is
drifting away from you. Why won’t he drift when you live like
an animal, do you really think there is any brother who would
spend the rest of his life in a pig sty? Could there be any reason
why they don’t even want to go out with you for lunch or
dinner? I won’t blame the poor man when it comes to this one,
your hygiene is not appealing to him and he does not want to

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spoil his day with your presence. Could there be any reason
why he has not even discussed any future plans with you?
Shouldn’t the two of you take major decisions together if you
are rowing in the same direction? One other way to see whether
your man is going to be the one for you is through
communication. What is it that the two of you talk about when
you are together? Do you only focus on visiting each other or
you do talk about the future? In fact how does the future look
for the two of you; is it bright or gloomy? If there is no future,
why do you hold on fast to the relationship unless you are
interested in his pocket? The bottom line is that a good man
does not become a good man by tolerating nonsense from a
hooligan. If you do not know how to contain yourself I guess
you learn before you think of being in a relationship. After
taking a long shower, I went straight to my bedroom to dress
for the night, which was gradually painting a dark environment
serene for the night riders. With my chef sister after having
bathed we ate together and bade goodnight to mum who gave
us the keys to her car, she said it’s dangerous for ladies to be
walking late at night. She also did not support us calling men
to collect us now and then, as much as she would say it was
better that we spend time indoors. Wild things are happening
out there and I do not think any parent would like such to
happen to their children. We drove straight to one of the
restaurant where we were meeting our lady friends for a drink
and talk. We went there precisely to celebrate pens down. Diana
and I were done with exams and we had to cool off the heat we
suffered for the past four weeks. On our arrival, our fellow
friends were already waiting for us, we exchanged greetings
and ordered our drinks. Now these are the friends who were

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present that night: Carina, Lola, Viola and Cora. We are all in
the same age group and even what we talk about is more or less
the same. I do not know about you, but we have a group chat
called Pulchritude Bouquet and this is the group we discuss
matters about life and love life. That night the topic was
revolving around our experiences with guys in general. We are
all in the same church because darkness cannot mix with light.
Carina was the first one to talk about her man. She is a Tswana
lady, aged twenty three. A very beautiful lady with Chinese
eyes and always having ethnic hairstyle. That night she was
wearing a very elegant cocktail dress which was secreting a
colourful scene around the table. Most guys have tried their
luck, but it was not working because we were not in the mood
of mingling with men that night. She started off by telling us
that she is dating a very fine gentleman who is a medical doctor
by profession. A Tswana guy, aged thirty, who is staying in the
same neighbourhood with her. These are the things she likes
about him: he is a very generous young man who knows what
he wants in life, a born leader who does not follow the steps of
losers. This girl knows how to praise her man, I could not hold
myself, but laugh when she said he does not follow the steps of
losers. He takes her out often and he likes spoiling her with
random surprises of gifts. Well, there is one thing that I know
bout ladies. We love receiving. Stretching out her left hand she
was wearing a beautiful bracelet which was accelerating her
natural beauty beyond limits. That was one of the random gifts
she got from her man. Clearly, one could tell that the man has a
very good taste. The man does not wait for her to tell him when
to cater for her needs and mostly the way he present the gifts is
a memory with a trail that lingers forever. The way she spoke

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about him everyone around the table could tell that she was
enjoying being in a relationship with him until the tears started
rolling. We were all shocked and some of us thought it was the
effects of wine until the story unfolded. The guy was cheating
on her that everyone around could feel the pain as if we were
the ones being cheated on. Well, do not get me wrong, I am not
saying my man is a saint because I do not know about the things
he does in my absence. He might be cheating or he might not
be cheating, but the picture he always paints is that of a loving
and a caring someone who would not cheat on me whatsoever.
She has come across several empty boxes of condoms at his
apartment and when she inquires about them, he always says
he buys them to supply patients as if his house is a surgery. I
guess that was one of the disadvantages of being in love with
someone exposed to certain things. Are you in love with
someone working in the dispensary who tells you the same? Do
not get me wrong, I am not trying to tell you that you must leave
him, but you must be careful of how you play your cards,
because you might be throwing jokers while your man is only
producing aces. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with
someone who brings discomfort. The sad part was when she
told us that she was not allowed to hang out with friends until
late and that is the reason most of the time she would always
make excuses whenever we proposed an outing. You see, the
guy was spoiling her materially, but he imprisoned her that she
was dying inside. She further told us her phone was not
supposed to have male contacts in it, because he was the only
man in her life. Suddenly the wine I had was starting to get
bitter as if I was drinking gall. Who the hell was he to tell her
such? My dear brother, if you are a man and you are treating

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your lady like that, please man up, do not be a buffoon. Did you
think that there is no way you can tell me not to have male
friends while your phone book is full of ladies whom if we ask
about you always say they are colleagues? No wonder my
friend was thin, we used to think that it was some sort of a
personal diet that she was following, only to find out that the
man was draining her. Everyone sitting by the table was
shocked at her words and the least we could do was to caress
her shoulders while she speaks. The question I asked was, why
was she still holding her integrity as if she could not survive
without him? Well her answer was that she loves the guy so
much that she cannot see herself living without him. If someone
tells you such what more could you say? Wasn’t it obvious that
she had glued herself to him that she did not want to let go? We
then asked how long the guy had been cheating on her and the
answer was that she only realized when the phone was ringing.
The name on the screen was Josiah, but the voice was that of a
lady. All this time she used to think that Josiah was a man
because every night when she was chatting with him he would
always say he was with Josiah. Some men are cruel, I remember
this one I dated when I was nineteen, each time his phone rings
it would say battery low. Being naïve I would think that indeed
it was a low battery, but the part I did not understand was that
the battery was full, and why would his battery status have a
ringing tone? Due to the fact that I did not want to get hurt, I
would tell myself that it was a battery low until I saw him
kissing battery low. With Carina the situation was beyond our
control because any advice we could give was not important
because she kept on saying nothing can surpass love. I know of
such kind of people who are not able to leave their partners,

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even if the partners were caught in the very act of adultery with
other women. Carina was one of them and she was getting thin
like a bar soap with every stroke made in the bathroom. On the
other hand the night was getting great and we were just
enjoying the gathering. My sister had a gloomy face; I could see
that something was not okay with her. Whenever she starts
looking like a squirrel I know that there is something bothering
her. I sent her a Whatsapp just to shake her up and to channel
back her mind which was far away from the environment. I
asked her if everything was fine and she said she was not okay
and she does not think she would be able to share with the
group what was bothering her. I really did not know what to
say to her but to keep asking if it was relationship problem,
instead of typing she looked at me and nodded her head. It now
makes much sense, maybe the man is one of those who stops
her from going out because she is always at home. Anyway, she
did not have anything to lose by sharing what she was going
through because in that way she might get help through talking
about it instead of bottling things up with the hope of solving a
problem with another problem. Carina shared a letter that she
found in his man’s safe which was left open on the 17th of July
when she was cleaning his house. This was the content of the
letter: Sheila the lady of my dreams, you know that distance is
the only thing keeping us apart and we both know that we are
longing to be with each other. I have decided to put these words
in writing so that should it happen that I die you will know
exactly where to locate the wealth that I have saved for you and
our dearest son Ron. I have left you a will of three million rands
just for the two of you not to sway from the standard of living
that you are currently living. I know that it is not much, but

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sometimes less is more especially when it is in the hands of a
psychologist who has also gathered a large amount of money in
her account. I hope Ron is not acting wild since he is becoming
of age. I also know that life in Australia is good, unlike this side.
There have been several strikes around Pretoria and several
buildings were set on fire. The will is with Mulberry Attorneys
and Mr. Smith will narrate it to you by the time it is due, and
should it happen that he is no more, one of the lawyers within
the company will narrate it to you. They will require a
password even if you are to present all forms of identification
to them. The password is “unfailing God”. I know that you are
the only one with the access to my safe, so this letter is safe. I
am enclosing this letter with our wedding vows because I will
never sway from them. Vow number one: Understanding that
love manifest from God and that I love you because he first
loved me, I promise to love you without any condition attached
to my love for you. Vow number two: understanding that joy
and happiness comes from God, I promise to share my joy,
happiness and sorrows in my earthly life with you. Vow
number three: understanding that all people who marry will
have trouble in the flesh, I promise to sit with you and solve
problems in a Christian manner since we are one. Vow number
four: that God is making us one today and that you are
becoming my wife, I promise not to have any other woman
beside you or not look at any woman lustfully. Vow number
five: I promise that I will never lie to you, but to be always true
to you as I am before God. This letter is sealed with love and
care from your faithful husband Ben. I truly did not understand
why Carina still holds her integrity to this man because she
knew that he was a married man and who might not marry her.

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I guess it is one of the disadvantages of being in love with a
married partner. Even though she knew that he was married to
someone she still wanted to get married to him because she
claims that he loved her so much that he cannot live without
her. I found that very interesting because the wedding vows
were saying something totally different from what she said. I
could see that no one was interested in sharing their
experiences at that moment. If you are out there living like Ben
know that you are not wise but foolish, because you want to
live in the two hemispheres at the same time, which is not
possible. My man calls it having your slice buttered both sides.
You can enjoy for a moment, but with time it will haunt you
until you set your mind straight as a ruler. Some relationships
are good and some are always staggering, yet the bottom line is
that it revolves around choice. You choose who you want to
spend the rest of your life with whether the person is spoiling
you or giving you problems day in and day out, it’s up to you.
When you seek advice people will give it, but at the end the
choice lies with you. You can say Carina is a buffoon in that she
does not want to take our advice, but she has her reasons as to
why she is choosing to keep Ben regardless of the things he is
doing to her. One of the reasons she does not want to let go of
him is that he is spoiling her rotten, but the price thereof is
draining her entire peace day by day. Now would you choose
to be with a man who is spoiling you, but takes your happiness
away from you? Well ponder upon it and answer yourself
truthfully. Whilst you are on it remember that you can fool a lot
of people, but you cannot fool everyone all the time and mostly
you can never fool your own self. Day by day wisdom was
sinking into my soul like water poured on a sponge and I also

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realized that the steps of a good man do not come with money,
but with humility, being rectitude and under the full influence
of the Holy Ghost. There are a lot of men who know nothing
about begetting a child, yet they have all the means and ways
to do so, but they just do not know how to unleash them or put
them into action. Some of them is because of pride and some it’s
because of ignorance. They say ignorance is bliss, but I do not
think failure to do what is right when you have the means is
extreme happiness unless you are a moron or being led by the
spirit of this world. Experience does not always come through
something which personally happens to you, you can learn how
to live life through the experiences of other people. When you
choose your friends you must choose them carefully and do not
forget to ask the Holy Ghost to assist you in doing that. I have
a handful of friends, but I can tell you with certainty that not all
of them are true friends. There are those who would only
appear when life is all bling bling, such are not true friends but
parasites. There are those who will assist you when you assist
them, such are not true friends because they attach the value of
friendship to material things. There are those who are always
available and they will give you full support in all spheres of
life. The same goes for men; a man who will only present
himself to you or provides when life is bling bling is not a real
man, and a man who provides only when you give is not a real
man but a joke. A good man presents and provides
unconditionally and he never puts value on the price or the
sweat that he suffered to win or get the gift, but on the receiver.
Have you realized that it’s much easier to give someone your
old clothes instead of going to the store and buy them new
clothes, hence the scripture “do unto others as you would like

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them to do unto you”? If you desire to be a good man the best
formula is found on your knees. You go down on your knees
and ask our dear Father which art in heaven to enable you to
understand what love is. Trust me, when you understand what
love is, it will become your second nature and your actions will
have a trail of love. You are always carrying your bible or tablet
going to church every Sunday, but you never change, precisely
because you feel that change would mean sacrificing a lot of
things in life. Yes, change means sacrificing a lot of things in life
and it also means letting go of stinginess in this scenario. I know
that there are men who would deliberately tell you that they
will never give money to a lady because it’s just not in their
blood. I wonder what’s in their blood indeed. Now let me tell
you what is awkward, you are. While we were talking, those
were the thoughts in my head after listening to Carina’s
experiences. My sister is in love with a married man who stays
in Bloemfontein. I was shocked to hear that because mum told
us to stay away from married men or someone who is taken.
Who could have thought that a beautiful girl like her would
settle for less? I guess I did not know her like I thought. I am
staying in the same house with this lady and we are sharing
secrets and stories almost on a daily basis, but she has not
shared this with me whatsoever. You might ask yourself why
she did that and truly speaking, I won’t be able to answer
because you and I are sailing on the same boat. Everyone was
looking at me as if I am this animal which has fallen from the
sky, because they could learn that I also did not know. She
started off by saying Rick is a fine gentleman espoused to a lady
called Debra, blessed with three children. They met at the
Gautrain station on her way to Sandton as mum had sent her to

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collect a dress on her behalf. They were seated next to each
other talking about life in general, according to her explanation
and Rick asked for her contacts because he would like to keep
the fire burning. It was obvious that Rick was into me because
the communication was changing from one level to the other
and it was getting stronger and dangerous like wild fire. Seeing
that I did not have anything to lose by being in a relationship
with him, dancing to the beat of love was not a problem. The
only problem was if the wife found out. I did not know what I
was going to do should she find out. I did not even want to
think about it because the feeling I have for this man was deeper
than the ocean. I have never pictured myself being in love with
a married man until I met Rick. My Rick knows how to take full
control in handling a lady and the reason I am never in want is
because of him. I am not trying to say my parents are not taking
care of me, what I am telling you girls is that Rick is a provider.
I do not know if he is doing it because I am still new to him or
because of the proverb which says a new broom sweeps better.
Either way I did not care, because I was sweeping all the
impurities from his heart and in return he was polishing my
mood and feelings with his pocket. My sister is always amazed
when she sees me loaded all the time, whereas they are giving
us the same monthly allowance. I remember there was a time
when she was not even talking to my parents because she was
thinking that they were giving me more money than her. Little
did she know that it was my Rick. Tonight I am with you girls
enjoying wine and snack because of Rick. I have learnt that
whenever opportunities present themselves cease them with a
firm grip before they change direction and point someone else.
One other thing I have learned is that when men ask you to do

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something do not ask many questions. Unfold to meet their
requests and demands, in that way you will enjoy counting
money and receiving all kinds of gifts all in the name of
obedience. The first time we went out for some coffee was at
Centurion Mall where the date started from eleven o’clock and
ended around nine o’clock at night. I remember being scared
that night thinking that my dad was going to nail me because it
was in the middle of the week, and that I would have broken
one of the rules of his house. My dad does not want us to come
back home late whether it is safe or rough. To him we must be
in the house by seven o’clock latest, and we try by all means to
do things right for the sake of respecting our dear parents.
Seeing that I was a good girl to him and that in reality I am a
good girl he was brightening my day so much that every couple
in the restaurant was admiring us. You would think that the
definition of being on a date was being discovered that day. He
was looking into my eyes as if he was seeing a goddess of love
and when I looked into his eyes I was seeing this gentleman
who just know how to make my heart skip a beat. I have never
been a coward and I love adventure, it did not matter whether
we were launching into the jungle of Amazon or if we were
diving deep into the ocean, but the most important thing was
that wherever I had to go I would go with him. One problem of
loving someone so good is that you feel bad when you are not
in their presence. I understood that I will not always see him
after he told me that he was married. He further said he loved
me so much that he just couldn’t imagine how horrible his life
would be without me. At that stage I did not know if he was
telling the truth or if he said all that because of my looks. Make
no mistake, I am one of the hottest chicks amongst my peer in

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and out of our neighbourhood just like my sister who is with us
tonight. Opportunities come in different size and form. My Rick
came in one size and one form. He came as a lover and a
provider. I call him my boo and he calls me all names. The likes
of Sunankie, sweeter than honey and sugar plum to name a few.
What does your man call you? There is no problem with him
calling you Jane if the two of you are used to calling each other
by real names, it’s just that Rick and I find it not sweet. One
thing I also know is that he calls his wife by her name and it is
not like he was only doing it when he speaks about her, because
even when he calls her on the phone he says Renette.
Sometimes I feel bad for being in a relationship with him
because he is a married man, but the more I try to dismantle the
cord of love is the more my heart yearns for his love. King
Solomon did not lie when he said bread eaten in secret is nice,
but the problem with that stolen bread is that it might get you
into trouble. Loving this man placed me in a very awkward
position because there were days that I would just smile when
I was alone. Someone who does not know me might say I was
crazy, and I would reinforce the statement by saying I am crazy
about Rick, after all they say we are all crazy, it’s just that we
differ in the degree of madness. My madness is towards rick. I
remember there was a time he wanted us to go to Madagascar
for a couple of days, but if I agreed my parents were going to
ask many questions, besides they do not know him. I had to
turn him down. I know that he was hurt, but how do I go to
Madagascar with someone who is not even known at home?
One of the problems that I am facing is that I don’t even know
how to introduce him to my parents when he is a married man.
What do I say to my mother? I have tried several times to put

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words in such a way that they would make sense to my mother,
but nothing was materializing. I love Rick so much that I am
even willing to be his second wife. He told his mum about me
and she did not have a problem with the fact that I would be his
second wife. She does not like Renette because she does not take
good care of him. Rick does his own laundry, cooks and cleans
the house, and during the weekend he must spend time with
the children while Renette is with her friends drinking and
having a good life. I have met them several times and they call
me Aunt Diana. Most of the weekends when I am not at home
I am with them. I clean the house, do his laundry and even assist
the kids with their school projects and they love my presence
that sometimes they even ask him to call me that they can speak
to me. Some people are blessed, but they play with the
opportunities that our dear Father which art in heaven
presented to them. If you are a lady or a guy, please think twice
before you fall in love with someone because if your motive is
wrong and your heart is crooked you will never come alright.
My advice to you is to set the poor soul free before you put him
or her in prison for as long as the two of you are in a
relationship. Rick is willing to put a promise ring on my finger,
but I told him not to be in a hurry because my parents have not
met him. I know that they may not approve of me settling with
him, but who can go against love? Isn’t that I love him so much
that my feelings have been drawing me closer to him day by
day? The only problem I have with him is that he does not like
it when I go out with my friends, but he likes it when I go out
with him. He thinks I will drift to someone. How do I go about
my situation because the fire of love is consuming me on a daily
basis and I am enjoying it because the burning does not cause

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me any harm. Like fine gold after going through furnace I am
glowing with every glance. Don’t I look pulchritude like a rose
among the thorns hence the name of our chat group? If for a
second or an hour I had thought that I knew my sister, then I
have lied to myself several times because this was not the Diana
who is living under the same roof with me in a place I call home.
After she has said everything she looked at me with a smile and
said now I know some of the deep secrets about her. She did
not lie about that because I could also feel that there were many
scenes missing in the story she just shared with us. Clearly, it
was not a few glasses of wine that I have taken, which caused
me to think like that. I was a bit tipsy, but my mind was
functioning well. Seeing that she is my twin sister I looked at
the rest of the ladies and said they should intervene. Cora
emphasized that if she truly loved him, then she should
continue to love him because the only way to quench that
feeling of love was nothing but giving her best shot. What do
you say to your brother or sister be it a blood brother or sister
who is about to become a second wife to someone, just because
she feels that he is a good man? Is it possible that one can
become a good man and at the same time have two wives? Does
the steps of a good man only refer to a one woman man or it
does not matter if he has many wives? You will have to follow
your heart and put your mind in action when you answer this
question because if you are about to be in the same situation, it
might be a single ticket to a destination of endless joy or endless
sorrow. Each and every relationship has its ups and downs, but
some ups and downs are just eye-watering. At that moment my
toes went numb because of the disturbing news I just heard
about my sister. That was the harsh reality I would live with the

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rest of my life for as long as I lay my eyes on her. Now I truly
understand why she kept saying there was something that she
would like to talk to me about, but it’s just that she did not know
how to spill the beans. All our friends said it was up to her
whether she chooses to be with him, but as for me I could not
say a word. We were snacking on hot wings, but the taste in my
mouth turned normal because of Diana’s situation. I personally
do not want my sister to be a second wife to anyone. I
understand the fact that she is a hard worker and that she can
make a good wife, but the feeling of being a second wife made
me to think several times. I had to pretend to be okay, although
I was rotting inside, endless questions crossing my mind so
much that if my mind was a highway that day many accidents
would have occurred. Looking at me she could learn that we
had a lot to talk about as sisters because we have discussed
about different kinds of relationships and of course about the
steps of a good man. According to the experiences shared by
my friend and sister so far you would agree with me when I say
a good man is not a perfect being, but an imperfect someone
who strives to live a good life day by day. My dear brother, do
not murder yourself when you see a lady drifting from you
because she thinks you are not a good man for her. Prevention
is always better than cure, why force to be with her when she
does not want to be with you? Isn’t that you are going to suffer
when the wheels of time start to turn? Thank God you are still
alive and mostly because you have been given an opportunity
to learn something in life. Wherever you go you must always
learn something if not take something with you. Lola has small
eyes, long hair and she is twenty one years old. A beautiful
young soul who like wearing three traditional bracelets on her

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left hand called masenga3. I have known her for a very long time
and to be precise we are staying in the same neighbourhood.
We have started knowing each other since crèche until today,
so my definition of a long time is like that about us. I know that
Venda people like dating amongst their own tribe, but Lola is
not dating anyone from her tribe. A tall dark guy whose
muscles is showing that one could actually learn biology on
him. They have been together for the past four years and he is
taking good care of her since she is still in the relationship with
him. My man is not in a relationship with a married woman and
he is not in a relationship with anyone but me. He is a very open
guy who hates people who lie to him as much as he does not lie
to me. Well, it might be that he does lie sometimes, but I do not
remember him lying to me deliberately. He has introduced me
to his parents and his mother told me that I was the first lady
that he has ever introduced. I am wearing this ring on my finger
as a promise of his love. I am willing to spend the rest of my
earthly life with him. There are a lot of things that I can say
about him, but the bottom line is that we are deeply in love.
Although through temptations life does push me on the verge
of cheating on him, when I think of the way he loves me, those
wild thoughts get erased on the spot. I have grown to
understand that the way he expresses his love always drives
away the cheating thought in my mind. I don’t know how I am
going to react should I find out that he is cheating on me if
indeed he is cheating on me, because I have sacrificed a lot for
our relationship. He is not a rich man materially, but he is
blessed when it comes to loving. This man does not mind
spoiling my younger sister and me from his little salary that he

3 Masenga – Bracelets
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is earning. If I tell you that I even know his salary, you might
think that I am pushing it too far. I am not lying about that;
sometimes I feel that he is doing too much for me and whenever
I tell him to stop spending on me and not forget about himself
he gets mad. He would always say I am his number one asset,
so I should not stop him from spoiling me. I am not saying you
must force your man to tell you his salary or show you his pay
slip. I believe that he would do so if he wants to show you and
he will keep the information to himself if he does not want to
tell. One thing which is more important is love itself and not
what you receive materially. Won’t you agree with me when I
say it is much better to receive ultimate love than a diamond
ring? It is true that as ladies, we enjoy receiving and being
pampered, but know that people are not the same. If you are
satisfied with the kind of love that you are sharing with your
man then stay that way. Do not change because you have heard
me saying my man pampers me this way. If you start telling
him about the things that he should do which are beyond his
means, then your relationship will break into pieces. I have
learnt to be content with what I have in life and I am not moved
when people tell me about the state of my family background.
Sometimes it is a blessing to come from a poor family because I
have learnt that less is more. I have never asked my man to buy
me clothes, but my wardrobe is arranged with different kinds
and cuts of clothes because of him. He knows that mum and
dad are struggling with our tuition fee and as such he sends
money on a monthly basis to aid at home. He will always give
me money to buy anything that is needed at home without any
word. There was a time that we had an educational trip at
school and I decided not to tell him because I knew that my

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parents could not afford it and my casual wages from the florist
store was not enough. He paid without me having to ask. Late
that night he sent me a text saying I am going to school. I told
him that I never asked him to pay for me and he said he learnt
from his younger brother who is doing the same course. It is
true that God will never bless you with a problem, but a good
blessing which will always put you in the mood of praising his
name. I keep asking myself many questions and one of the
questions is why me and the best answer is the question why
not me? There is a reason why God made things to be the way
they are. Diana’s type of a good man might not be a good man
to me and the same goes to every one of you here tonight. One
of the reasons I do not go out very often is because I share the
little that I have with my little sister. My good man has taught
me that financial education and concrete discipline are of
supreme importance if I wanted to live a debt free life. My man
does not buy anything on credit, but cash, you might think that
I am giving him too much credit. You can call it anything you
want, but he is a good man to me and I just love his steps so
much because they always take me to beautiful destinations. He
has asked my parents to take my sister and I to Cape Town next
week and they have agreed. It would be my first time flying on
a plane and of course going to the Cape. I love him so much and
not because of conditions, but because he is just a good man. He
does not look down on any soul and he does not do things for
the sake of impressing other people. You become a good man
by living a true life. One of the principles in becoming a good
man is staying by the word, regardless of the conditions. A man
who is double tongued is not a real man to me and I would
never compromise being in a relationship with such. The words

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that pass through your lips come from your heart and if you
speak the word of truth isn’t it obvious that you are upright? If
you are upright isn’t it through God who is good towards every
soul under the shadow of the sun? I know that as ladies, we
enjoy consulting our good mirrors in our beautiful rooms for
the sake of knowing if our looks are still intact. There is no
problem with doing that, but it becomes a problem if our looks
starts to send a message that time is catching up with us. Some
of us starts going wild digging every angle searching for a
husband, and because time is of vital importance we put love
behind forgetting that it is the one which must take
preeminence. Why do you chase after a wind when there is no
one running away? Why not remain a well-mannered lady and
trust in God without staggering and him being the one who
created everything in this world will direct a good man towards
you? What is the use of degrading your lovely self by doing
things which are so unbecoming for the sake of catching a big
fish? Did God create you to be in the hands of a big fish or he
wants you to be in the hands of a small fish? You want to be
with a whale, but you cannot handle a goldfish. You must learn
to be content with what you have, then God will give you more
in due time. Remember that he will never give you someone
who is a problem because he knows how to give good gifts all
the time. Your wish might be to live in Sandton, now what do
you do when you find someone who stays in Stinkwater? Are
you going to force him to relocate to Sandton because you
cannot survive in Stinkwater? God forbid. Relax and never be
in a hurry. I am happy that we have this opportunity to share
our experiences for the sake of shedding light on our pathways.
I am very sorry if I have offended some of you with what I have

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said. I feel that my intention was not to cause any harm, but to
share my experience about my love life. My friends know how
to praise and defend their partners so well. If you were asked
to talk about your man would you narrate him in fine detail like
my friends do or you would just say he is good? Isn’t that if you
fail to explain something in a lame language you don’t
understand it? Do you understand your man, and mostly do
you understand why you are in a relationship with him or you
are just doing it for the sake of being in a relationship like Viola?
She is a very beautiful young soul and the youngest of them all
in the group. She has blue eyes, average in size and she always
changes her hairstyle two times in a month. She speaks pure
Sepedi and one would hardly believe that she is twenty years
old because her speech carries much sense although her actions
are contrary to her speech. She enjoys fine drinks and she would
never settle for less since she was never created to settle for less.
For as long as I am alive, I know that God has only put good
things before me and if you have a problem with what I am
about to say right now, please accept my humble apology. I
have been in an open relationship with Ray since the age of
eighteen and he knows as much as I know that there are no
strings attached. We met at the movies when I was ordering
drinks. I spilled my drink on his chest because I was looking at
my older sister while. I apologized several times and I could see
that his girlfriend was embarrassed at the fact that I have
soaked her man. She was the one who said its fine, but I could
tell that his eyes were speaking in volumes. The unfortunate
part was that the eyes cannot make any sound. If ever they were
able to do such they could have said my name is Ray and I am
asking for your contacts. Seeing that he was asking for my

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numbers and that I also liked him since he is such a charmer I
told him that my brother is a doctor so should the spillage cause
any harm to his skin he was allowed to call him. I gave out the
number like it was not mine, I remember I even had to close my
eyes a bit pretending to be thinking of the number. The
girlfriend believed everything. I remember saying his name is
Jake, but he can write Jake-drink so that he does not forget.
There was no way that a spillage of Fanta orange would cause
any harm to his skin unless it was that sensitive. I walked away,
apologizing again just to make sure that it sounded genuine. Of
course, my apology was genuine because I was snatching
someone’s man. It is true that opportunities present themselves
in different ways and mine came that way. I was sitting next to
my sister and to be honest with you I was not even
concentrating on the movie because of Ray. My mind was
thinking about his bedroom eyes and well-crafted lips. Thank
God for the dark environment because if we watched movies in
light people could tell that I was not concentrating. I kept on
looking at my phone with the mind that I would receive a
Whatsapp text from him, but I guess he respected his girlfriend
because that did not happen. When the movie was finished my
sister and I went to have supper before heading home. As we
were eating my phone started beeping and before I could reach
for my bag I was already smiling and she asked me why a
sudden joy and told her that I was thinking of something which
happened. Straight away she told me that nothing but a fine
gentleman happened. How did she know? After asking she told
me that she was able to read what was happening because I
gave him my contacts in front of her girlfriend. He is a good
looking young gentleman, but you must respect other people’s

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territory, that’s what she said to me. When I checked my phone
the message said doctor-drink my name is Ray the guy who
does not have time to beat about the bush. I read the message,
but I did not respond, because I did not know what he meant
by not beating about the bush. It is always better to hear
someone’s mind and not assume, because my assumptions
could be wrong. I think I like you that is why I was so close to
you so that you make contact with me and my plan did work
although getting wet was not part it. My response to was okay.
He asked if he could meet up with me for some drinks and
straight away, I told him that it was too premature for us to
meet. It is true that he does not like beating about the bush, but
hitting straight on the bush when it comes to the meeting part
was too early. I do not mind speed, but I have a problem with
someone who likes speed, but does not have full control of the
car. This guy did not know me and I also did not know him, so
taking it easy was the best option. When we were done with our
supper I told my sister everything he was saying to me and she
agreed with me that he was too fast. Morgiana does not talk
much, but she will give you the best advice when you need one.
She is that kind of a person who likes calling a spade a spade
and she cares less about how you are going to feel. She does not
share the feeling of your sorrows, although she understands
how you feel. She is a social worker by profession. My first date
with Ray was planned because the girlfriend was at home for
the weekend. He promised to come and collect me at our
apartment and when it was eleven thirty on my watch the guy
was in the parking awaiting my arrival in his red three series.
He was looking good and having a trail of a very fine smell.
When I looked at him from the sole of his foot to the crown of

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his head, I could see a bloke to meet my wants. Ray is too fast I
should say; I expected a hug or a handshake, but he hugged me
dashing it with a kiss as if we were already in a relationship.
When I asked him why he did that he was not even hesitant to
tell me that it’s an open relationship so he was following his
heart. His heart at that moment told him to kiss me, in fact the
directive was a French kiss, but since everything was still fresh
he decided to control his feelings. This guy did not know that I
was wilder than him, but you know how we ladies like to look
angelic and not appear to be too fast when we can even catch a
bullet from a gun. In the car he was playing one of my favourite
songs. Ekuseni by Ringo. We arrived at this nice restaurant and
a table for two was set with all menus ready for us. Whilst we
were eating, he was telling me about how he likes me and how
he can be a good man if only I can open up my heart. There is
no problem with opening the heart, but it is a serious problem
if I open my heart and allow a beast to connect with my soul. I
told him that I also liked him, but we must take baby steps; he
said we are not babies so why not take adults steps. I can just
tell that he was only interested in laying me down and nothing
else. Before I can do that I had no choice but to milk him so bad
that even his girlfriend would see that something was up. When
we were finished eating I told him that as his girl he must give
me a monthly allowance. I said that looking into his eyes,
thinking that he was going to deny, he said there was no way
that he can be my man or a side dish without provision. I am
afraid of men who have courage like him because if I was to do
something bad to him, he will still have the same courage when
nailing me. I have collected a lot of things from him so much
that even my mum is tired of talking to me because each time

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she tells me not to date it’s the more I go wild. The only problem
we have is that he wants to give me a baby and I am not ready
for a baby. How the hell do I even make a baby with someone
who is in a relationship with someone? Ray is a thug and that
is one of the reasons his phone is always ringing and when you
look at it its only guys even the texts says it all. He does not
mind spending on me because he did not sweat for the money.
We are still in an open relationship and he is still so adamant
that I should give him a baby and my answer is still no. The
steps of a good man come in different sizes and form indeed.
Nobody knew that Viola was dating a thug and she did not
have any problem with that. Happiness comes in many ways,
but the bottom line is that everything will be tested by fire, so
position yourself into the right direction when an opportunity
presents its self. After having listened to what my friends and
sister have shared, I did not know which scenario to pick
because I have been in many relationships and I did not want
to talk about my Peter. How Nick and I met was very wild and
I guess it was because of the environment. It was on the 13th of
May the current year when I was with my boyfriend at
Industrial having fun. It was a table surrounded by four couples
not far from the entrance to the restrooms. My position was in
such a way that I was able to see people coming from all
entrances. When I laid my eyes on the table next to the DJ I
could see a couple of blokes talking and facing our direction. It
was obvious that their talk was on one of the ladies amongst us.
Now there was this guy who was busy signalling at me. At first
it was a hello by means of a wave. I could not wave my hand
because I was with my boyfriend, I just winked at him and after
that he was signalling for my phone number. I signaled that the

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environment was awkward and it would cause a lot of
problems precisely because I know men like fighting. Nick was
not giving up. He signaled that he got the move so I should not
worry but remain calm. At that time I did not know what he
was going to do, but which ever move as long as it would not
backfire because I was going to deny big time. He elevated
himself from the chair heading straight to the restrooms; at the
same time he had his phone at his ear as though he was talking
to someone. When he was at our table, he said hold on to the
person he was pretending to be talking to. My dearest cousin
long time. That was him stretching his hand to give me a
handshake and also to greet everyone at the table. I hope you
have not changed your number this time because I know you
like doing that. I asked him which one he had and he checked
his phone as if he was looking for my digits, but I knew that it
was fake because I did not know him as much as he did not
know me. He breathed his number to me and I shook my head
telling him that it was an old number, so I gave him my number.
I remember my boyfriend was even happy to meet him calling
him cousin. He even said sometimes they should hang out
together. Imagine how the atmosphere was going to be should
something like that happened. He went straight to the
restrooms continuing to talk to himself on his phone. After a
couple of minutes he walked out waving goodbye to everyone
sitting around the table. We all waved, but I knew that he was
waving to me, not the people at the table. We started texting
each other at that moment and straight away the dating has
begun. He was a very good guy because he was taking care of
my daily wants even more than some of my boyfriends. His
kind was such that he would spoil you unexpectedly. My phone

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was always topped up and on the other hand I always had
enough data to cover me for the entire month. Life was
unfolding naturally and he was slotting scenes of love in
between to ensure that I was always feeling good. During the
day I would receive endless texts and when I respond, he would
say he just wanted to transfer his feelings. I remember there was
a time that I tested if he would give me the amount of money
that I wanted. I am calling it a want because this is how I coined
my text. I want a thousand and five hundred to change my
hairstyle because the one I have is a bit stale. Within one minute
a transfer of a thousand and six hundred was in my account,
still in shock, I called him straight away telling him how
thankful I was. He said his happiness revolves around my
happiness, if I am happy then he is also happy. He further said
he does not want to go out with a lady who looked sleazy. He
did not have any problem with giving and he was not interested
in any returns. I remember we would go out very often and
there was this day that I asked him what his plans were about
us and straight away he said making me the happiest woman
in the world. I wish I had not asked that question because I was
in a relationship with another guy and here Nick wants to
spend the rest of his life with me. I liked him, but I just did not
see myself espoused to him. He was not fast and he was not
slow, but moderate and he would never shout at me nor use
strong language with me whatsoever. The only thing I did not
like about him was that he was taking care of me while his
sisters and brothers were eating bread of sorrow. The guy was
staying in a mansion and his brothers and sisters were failing
to go to school while he is alive. I understand his dad was
deceased and his mother was not working, so by default he was

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supposed to assist. Breaking up with him was not easy because
it nearly sent him to his grave. My dear brother you cannot be
a good man when you neglect your very own family. What is
the use of doing good unto other people when you are failing
to show love in your family? Isn’t that you are expressing love
to the public for the sake of getting praise? Those were our
experiences we share that night with our friends. The 21st of
November marked a turning point in my life because that day
I went out with Peter just like any other day and he was still
spoiling me like the other days, but the only difference was that
I was not feeling okay in my spirit as if something bad was
going to happen. He had booked me to get pampered at a
massage parlour in one of the malls around and that was just
awesome. From the massage, my nails and my hair got dressed
and suddenly my beautiful smile was oozing endlessly. One
thing I love about him is that he would not wait for me to tell
him that I need money for my hair, instead he would take me
to the salon and even assist me in choosing a style that would
elevate my beauty. He would pay for everything without
whining and on top of that he would even give me enough
pocket money, unlike other guys who only know how to say
they love you, but there are no actions infused in that statement.
Even when they tell you that they love you, you don’t feel the
weight because it’s just a lie. Our relationship is very
transparent that we do not hide anything from each other and
we are cautious of one’s feelings. Now let me ask you this
question, are you enjoying being in love with your man? If you
are not why waste your time? When he introduced me to his
parents it was not through pressure, because when I met him I
have experienced a lot about love although I am still young. His

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parents loved me and I loved them too, and I still love them
even today. Peter is my future husband and he is a good man
to me. There are many reasons and some will follow when you
read hereinafter. After being in many relationships all in the
name of hunting for a good man, this is what I need to tell you.
The steps of a good man revolve around the book of 1
Corinthians 13 and to be precise they revolve around love. The
steps of a good man do not only reflect on a man, as much as
the poor man must provide as per biblical standards, that does
not mean that the woman on the other hand must sit back and
relax because a relationship is for two people who entered into
it with a common goal. Love is kind, do you always show that
tender care and mostly are you considerate of your partner or
you are just in the relationship for the sake of being in a
relationship? Ladies are very vulnerable and they break easily,
but a real gentleman is deliberately extra careful of how he
expresses his feelings towards his lady and mostly he knows
how to glue together the broken pieces in and out of time. A
good man is an anchor in the midst of all storms that emerges
in all four corners in the relationship. If you are a man and you
fail to calm the storms that emerges in your relationship, it’s
either the two of you are not meant to be together or you are
intentionally ignoring the feelings of your beloved and as such
you are not a good man towards her. I am not saying you are
not a good man at all, but you might not be a good man for
Daniela because you cannot meet her natural wants. If you are
able to meet Sarah’s wants isn’t it obvious that you will bring
satisfaction to her and not Daniela. If you are a lady, before you
can send requests and demands to your man, understand that
God did not create a superman who is able to pull rabbits from

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a hat like we see during magic. If you expect your man to
possess such powers, then you are living in the island of
mysteries. It is true that my man must provide, but I do not
under any given probability remember myself asking him to
buy me something which was beyond his means. If you are a
lady and you are doing such to your man, change or break up
with the poor man, because you are not in need of a good man,
but an impossible man. If you request something from your
man and he fails to provide because he did not have the means
to meet your request at that time, does that mean he is not a
good man and that he is not being considerate of your situation?
God forbid. A good man remains a good man regardless of
situations, one thing that you need to understand is that in life
you must also expect the unexpected. If for once you thought
that you would be drinking cappuccino every day, what
happens when the poor man cannot afford it, but Rooibos for
that moment? Are you going to leave him because of that? God
forbid, in that way you are the one who is not being considerate.
The spark of a good man glitters to its full intensity in the hands
of a good lady. It is true that the poor man might be a good man,
but if he falls into the wrong hands by no means that he is going
to unleash his full potential because you do not value or
consider his input. Always remember that you are in a
relationship and mostly the motive of your relationship must
be the same. If the motive is not the same, then you are just two
people living together which is very wrong. At the end you
would end up giving up on love because you are in the wrong
hands. It is true that you can use a fork to cook pap, but it won’t
be efficient at cooking pap than the wooden spoon, in a
nutshell, you are in a relationship, not in love. Another step is

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that love is patient. Each and every relationship has its ups and
downs; there are some days that when you wake up you feel
like not talking to your dear beloved for the reasons known to
you, and still your man never drifts away no matter what.
Ladies are very moody and our moods affect the people we are
in love with, I remember there was a time that my man decided
to call me by my name instead of calling me babe as he always
does and I was all beefed up at him because of that. My man
being the good man that I know, he did not pick a fight because
of such, rather he was as patient as a woodpecker drilling a hole
in a hard wood; soothing me with sweet texts regardless of me
not responding. Some men would only send it once and if they
do not get a response then your phone will never beep again. A
good man is patient, but that does not mean to say you must do
the impossible to test his patience. Do good all the time whilst
you keep in mind that scripture which says, “Do unto others as
you would like them to do unto you.” How do you feel when
you send your texts to someone you love, but you never get any
response? Isn’t that you would feel like you are sleeping on a
bed made of burning coals whilst other people are having piles
and piles of blankets on them? The very same way you feel is
the same way the poor good man feels. There are some men
who like to use force, because they feel that they own us. If for
once you thought that you own me, you are so mistaken,
because my God owns me from the sole of my feet to the crown
of my head, but you are only given authority over me after you
are espoused to me. They are so boisterous and feel that
whatever they say goes. You do not have the authority to
exercise such kind of treatment towards a lady. If she tells you
that she is not interested, learn to have some patience, because

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when you force her to do things that she is not interested in
doing you are murdering some of the elements of love. Isn’t that
things ought to happen naturally without any force applied?
Mr. Man, when you look at ladies, do they look rough or we are
as soft as butter and delicate as jasmine flowers? If you have
been treating your lady like some kind of an animal, a donkey
to be precise, then you do not understand what is meant by the
steps of a good man. In fact, you don’t even know how they
look like. You send a humble request to your lady to make you
a cup of tea and whilst she is on it you expect her to be cleaning
and doing your laundry while you are sitting on the chair
chatting with your friends on Whatsapp, yet you have the
audacity to say you are only giving her three minutes. Have you
mistaken her for a robot? Why did you not go to a mechanic or
a warehouse that sells robots and pick the one which would be
able to meet your nasty demands? If you are a man and you
have been treating your lady like a slave, you do not
understand the steps of a good man because when God created
a woman he said she is going to be a helper to a provider. She
helps whilst you provide, in other words, there must be a
balance in the equation. Have you thought of it that through
your lack of patience you might end up losing Daniela, the most
beautiful lady that you have ever been involved with because
she only wants to be in the hands of a man who is patient? One
of the reasons why most ladies tolerate such is because of fear
of losing the so-called their man. Never be afraid of losing
someone who is good in causing you pain in the relationship. I
have always lived my life around these words: God will never
bless you with a problem, but he will always bless you with
someone who will always elevate your mood and keep you

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sedated all the time. Your man would be like a chameleon,
changing its colours according to the way life is shaping out and
then you will enjoy every view whenever you look at him. Such
is a good man who is dearly crafted for you. Some ladies want
to get married as soon as they are in a relationship, do you even
know the guy you want to get married to? The fact that he calls
you honey when Job was calling you Diana does that mean he
is sweet and that he would be sweet in the marriage as well? So,
be careful that you do not regret when you are drowning slowly
in the pool of your own tears, and there is no one to save you
because you brought it upon yourself. It is true that you want
that ring with a big rock on your finger, but do you know the
conditions attached to the ring? You know one condition being
showing you love, but have you thought of it that it might also
mean him being absent for the whole week without a word?
Have you thought of it that the treatment might change,
because he feels that you are his lady due to the seal on your
finger? Have you thought of it that he might have bought you
the ring out of fear of losing you? Learn to have patience and
never find yourself in a position where you are pushing him to
put that ring on your finger but let everything happens
spontaneously. If he is your man, there is no way that he would
leave that finger without a ring for as long as he has the means
to do so. Take a chill pill darling, there are no ants in your pants.
Due to the fact that the poor man is failing to put a ring on your
finger or because his mind has not tapped into that realm does
that mean he is not a good man? God forbid. Have you thought
of it that when you are in a relationship with someone you must
learn to have patience, and that you must stick with him
because he is your good man who knows how to love you so

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good regardless of material things? If you know and
understand that he was crafted by God for you, then be easy on
yourself because he is all yours, do not send those stupid
signals. They say time heals everything and I strongly believe
that it will also heal your finger with a ring in due time. Please
don’t be fooled I have always pictured myself wearing a ring
on my finger through all the good guys which I have dated, but
the problem was that some of the goodness that I have
considered where not intertwined with the will of God as such
the relationship did not work out. That is why the bible speaks
of a way which looks right before the eyes of a man, but not
before God’s eyes. Through patience, I have learned to be
satisfied with less and when I reached that stage I had peace
within. I used to think that my looks will get me a ring with a
big rock from the Browns jewellery store until God abased me.
As I am narrating this to you my finger is having a ring with a
rare Tanzanite stone elevating my beauty to the next level out
of patience. Keep telling that good man that you want a ring
and that it’s been long that the two of you have been together
and see what happens. It’s either he will start ignoring you and
the level of conversation will turn sour, then graduate to a bitter
state and after termination, then you are repudiated from his
heart and you are going to call him names. God forbid. Have
you thought of it that before you point your finger at someone,
three fingers are pointing back at you? Another step of a good
man is not being boastful. To be honest with you, I have never
liked or loved men who show off, for the lack of a better word,
I dislike them with passion. If you are interested in having a
lady who possesses my qualities, stop bragging. We know that
you are driving an exquisite car and you are also living in a

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million dollar mansion, and mostly you have worked hard or
soft to earn all of that. The bottom line is what does that have to
do with love? I understand that such is not a step of a good man,
because even God resist pride. The fact that you have been
blessed materially does not mean you must show off and make
other people uncomfortable. They say birds of the same feathers
fly together. I know of people who were heavily loaded and
blessed materially that even their very own speech had a trail
of money, but through showing off they ended up settling with
ladies who knew how to wipe off the bank accounts so bad that
they were declared bankrupt. How pathetic, that was bad and
today as we speak, they can’t even go out and be with their
peers because of the problem they have brought upon
themselves. Please reason with me here: If you used to be a cool
broke guy and none of those extra beautiful ladies would like
to go out with you because of the unfavourable state of your
bank account and when you start having money, wings also
start emerging upon your shoulders calling upon people to
witness your current state and suddenly you are dating extra
beautiful ladies. Don’t be fooled, if they loved you they would
have answered the previous call, not the current one. You must
know that this time they are only interested in milking you so
bad. I was once like that so I know it better. We will milk you
so bad that you will end up looking like a wire through tax. If
you know how to flash your possession, I also know how to
flash what God has given me. I am not trying to boast here. Like
some of my friends I have a very beautiful body that some
ladies are even jealous of. I am aware of the ladies who, after
you have shown them what you have they will run your bank
account flat without touching them. The moment you start

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attracting many ladies and you are willing to settle with all of
them because of the current buying power, know that your
walk has swayed from a good man’s to a foolish man’s. In
simple terms you are a foolish man. My dear brother, please do
not fall in the hands of my friends because you amused them
with your possession. They will make you hate the ladies for as
long as you live and I will be around to tell you that you have
brought it upon yourself when it starts to hurt. Another step of
a good man is that love does not keep any record of wrong. I
know that on this one most of the time ladies are the culprits.
We know how to narrate past events which occurred ten years
ago as if they happened yesterday. Even if the poor man has
asked for forgiveness several times, but each time you fight, you
always bring it up; that is a sign of lacking maturity. It is true
that you were hurt and everything, and now that he has said
sorry does that mean you need to keep reminding him of his
past? God forbid. Grow up sister and start living in the real
world, because you did not fall in love with a superman, but a
gentleman who is loving you with every breath that you take.
The contentions of a woman are like a continual dripping on a
rainy day, according to King Solomon in the book of Proverbs.
You will drive away a good man and at the end you will regret
big time. Have you thought of it that when you get into a
relationship with your partner, it’s a new book with many
chapters waiting to be lived? Did you know that the content of
the book will revolve around the two of you? Did you know
that some episodes would be good and some bad because of
how you treat each other? Did you know that your book might
be the most boring book ever to be displayed on the shelf of any
bookshop because one of you or both of you are not matured

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when it comes to the matters of love? Instead of building your
relationship to the most desired shapes, rather you are always
shooting at each other and at the end you are amazed when
some cracks do not disappear. If you want to experience love,
you need to understand that forgiveness is love and it must
come from a willing and loving heart or else you won’t feel it.
You will become a lawyer whilst your man is a prosecutor or
vice versa all in the name of keeping wrongs. Do you not desire
to live a life free from grudges? Each time your man says
something, you are always waiting for him to say something
that will trigger what has happened in the past and when that
happens the war has just begun. Each time you visit your man
at his apartment, the neighbours know that the two of you must
be throwing objects at each other, even threatening to leave
each other just because of stupid arguments caused by your
past. Here is one of the best remedy to aid such kind of
problems. I AM SORRY. Unless you are in love with a moron,
when you say those words your man will calm down and do
nothing but continue to love you, because that is what he does
best. What do you do when you find out that your partner had
been cheating on you and after talking about it, would you
forgive and forget about it or you will forgive and forget about
him? If he says he had forgiven you, but he does not see himself
continuing being with you does that mean he is not a good
man? God forbid; one of the common fallacy is that if a couple
is breaking up or separating is due to the fact that there is no
more love between the two of you, when I broke up with Sipho
it was not because I hated him or the love that I had for him was
no longer there. Not at all, I broke up with him out of love, I
loved him so much that I did not want to see him suffering in

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the future because he did not want to listen to me when I tell
him to sway from his bad habits which were turning into a
character and mostly his second nature. Most of my friends did
not understand why I had to break up with him. One is able to
walk the good steps even if the outcome does not look good to
people; for example, loving someone is a good thing, but what
happens if your heart is not there, must you force myself to be
in a relationship with the guy because he is dying to be with
him? God forbid, I am not going to sacrifice all my happiness in
the name of being in love, the best way would be to turn him
down even if it is going to hurt him. Another step of a good man
is that love is not quick tempered. Possessing an ability to have
long forbearance goes hand in hand with love, some people are
like butter, each time they feel the heat a sudden outburst of
anger emerges. When you ask him why he behaves that way he
will tell you that he was born like that. Knowledge is better than
strength, as such why don’t you go for anger management
before you even think of falling in love with a poor lady. You
are amazed why she has a problem with talking in your
presence. Each time she thinks of saying something she is being
reminded of a scar she has on her face because you failed to
control your anger and slapped her. My dear brother, such is
not a step of a good man, a good man knows how to control his
anger. Have you thought of it that through your short temper
you might even live less days because you trust your hands and
weapons that you even boast about it? I have heard several
people who would always say, “I am very short tempered and
when I am angry I do not take nonsense,” who does enjoy
taking nonsense when they are angry? No one, not even when
they are not angry. Have you thought of it that there is power

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in the tongue and that your tongue is able to construct or
demolish people through the very same words that you speak?
Be careful how you use your tongue and mostly why don’t you
use it for the good and telling your beloved that you love them
instead of telling them that you are short tempered. When you
fell in love did you think of it that you are short tempered and
that Daniela cannot stand men who are short tempered? Isn’t
that you must always find out before you finalize? Personally,
I do not believe that there is any man or lady who would like to
be in love with a short tempered partner. Another step of a good
man is that love is always supportive. Support comes in many
ways. What is a good support and what is a bad support and
mostly which one do you express towards your partner? A
good support will always yield favourable results, whereas a
bad one will only emanate from forced situation or an evil heart.
Why must one always dig the ground in order to get support
from his or her partner? If you are in a relationship with
someone and that is how you act towards your partner, then
one of the steps of being a good man is still missing and as such
you cannot be a complete package. Support does not
necessarily mean that you need to send me money or you must
give me something tangible, you are able to show your support
even if you visit me at the hospital when I am sick or even if I
am going through hard times. I am being reminded of the time
Eric sent me a very sweet message when I was going through
hard times, amongst all my boyfriends at that time he was the
only one who managed to send a text. His text did not contain
many words, but only four words, “I am with you”, and those
words were a very strong influence to me. He was not around
in person, but he was able to send a text. One does not become

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a good man by only doing good deeds to the ones you love, but
when your support is equally distributed amongst people. I am
not saying if you give me one thousand you must also give your
brother or sister one thousand, not at all, give from a cheerful
heart because God loves a cheerful giver and in that way the
works of your hands will be blessed. I know of people who will
only buy you things that they will benefit from, yet they call it
provision or showing support to their loved ones. If you are in
such kind of a relationship, please think twice, even thrice
before you break into pieces and regret for the rest of your life
all in the name of love. You have fallen in the hands of a moron
because what happens when the table turns around in the near
future and you say the same to him? I am not saying revenge is
good, do not let revenge drive you in doing something bad.
Vengeance belongs to God alone and it is only him who has
predestined our lives according to his will. I cannot talk more
about support because love is all about supporting each other.
Another step of a good man is that love rejoices in the truth and
not evil. Why would you rejoice in doing bad to your beloved
unless you are evil? I know of men who would do horrible
things to their partners because they might have wronged them
in one way or another and the man who claims to be a good
man would deliberately punish her. For example, when you
look at what the problem was, you will hear the man saying she
was waving her hand to this guy who was waving at her, so
from now on I will not call her because she is cheating on me.
Are you really doing that because she is having an affair with
him or out of fear? She keeps reminding you of how much she
trusts you, but do you trust her? Why aren’t you at peace with
yourself? Do you not understand that you are the only man

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who puts that lovely bright smile on her face? I must stay
indoors all in the name of doing the household duties, which is
a lie from the pit of hell. You are deliberately keeping me in the
house because you are afraid that people will see me, which is
very stupid to me because the very same way you ended up
being involved with me was nothing but through vision. You
saw me and liked me or loved me, but you fail to know that if I
am content with you there is no way that I can open my heart
again to another man. I cannot do that because you have sealed
it with the love from your dear loving heart. Do not be
intimidated and device evils thoughts and intentions when you
see me waving my hand to other people. They waved at me and
I am returning a favour, how much more when they are waving
at me in your presence, do you really think if cheating was on
my mind I would be unable to do it? Be a gentleman who is not
only gentle in speech, but in everything that you do. You will
never be a good man when your heart is dark and evil. You
need the Holy Ghost to get rid of such kind of a behaviour
because a lady cannot shake it off. Did you know that you must
lead by example? Have you thought of it that your behaviour is
likely to influence the environment around you? Another step
of a good man is that love is always hopeful; here I am talking
about hoping for the best in good and bad times. A lot of people
have lost hope in life, probably because of the things that might
have happened in the past and now they are choosing to catch
a bad experience of life because of such. What happened to
having hope? Abraham believed and put his trust in God for
the hope which was put before him that he will have a son, and
that only happened when he was a hundred years and Sarah
was ninety years old. My goodness! Why can’t you learn from

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them and allow God to move you from one realm of
understanding to another? Another step of a good man is that
love is not selfish. There are those people who feel that life
revolves around them. For as long as their needs are catered for,
they care less about the needs of other people. If you are in a
relationship and having that kind of mentality that the sun
revolves around your head, why don’t you set the poor soul
free because you are far away from being in love? It is only love
when things are happening according to your expectations.
God forbid, you are so foolish, because true love is when you
put the needs of your partner before you can even think of
meeting yours. These are some of the steps of a good man that
I have learnt from my past and present experience and of course
from the elders. Let me wrap up by quoting this scripture.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if
any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the
conversation of the wives;” that’s 1Peter3:1. There are those ladies
who do not want to be subject to their man forgetting that it is
the order from above. If you want to live a happy life and enjoy
living with the man that God has given you, subject yourself.
You might hold a PhD and your man only having a Diploma,
your qualification means nothing when it comes to subjection.
You might not have a guardian or a dear friend to teach you the
steps of a good man and mostly the ways and means of enjoying
your relationship. As of today consider me to be your dear
friend and I hope and believe that even if we are not going to
meet in person the words contained in this book will forever
paint a beautiful vivid picture about your life. Mostly indulge
in the word of God and not live life according to your own
understanding as most people do, forgetting that we belong to

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God. Always remember that the wisdom of men is foolishness
unto God, so in a nutshell talk to him about everything and he
will direct a man with good steps to you. The one with whom
you will have happiness and satisfaction all the time. You must
understand the fact that there would be ups and downs, but the
bottom line is that with God all things are possible. The fact that
things are not working according to your will does not mean he
has forsaken you. Your will might not be his will; that is why
when we pray we say let your will be done, not our will. It says
all unrighteousness is a sin before the presence of God and
anything, which is not done out of faith is a sin. A good man
will always flee all forms of unrighteousness and he lives his
life by faith. We know that faith comes by hearing the word of
God, so it is obvious that the word of God is his daily bread,
which gives him strength and sustains him day by day.
Brothers and sisters in the Lord and those without, I am
transformed from my crooked ways. Now I am leaving you
with this lovely piece of scripture which led me in sharing my
dear experiences with you.

Psalm 37:23 “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and
he delighteth in his way.” Amen.

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