BONUS SECTION

Both dating and relationships can be tough nowadays. That’s why you should only
invite positive relationships in your space. As a special bonus, I wanted to give you
some insights that I did not include in my latest book; Single in the City

I trust this section will help you avoid “unwanted” people in your life.

Happy reading!

Laura
 PEOPLE TO AVOID
AWARENESS AWAKENED
Throughout my years of matchmaking I’ve often been asked, “If I’m always looking
for Mr. or Ms. Right, how will I know if it’s Mr. or Ms. Oh So Wrong in disguise?”
That’s a great question, in the early stages of a dating, or a relationship, people
always try to put their best foot forward. I’ve created this e-book so that you can
be aware without appearing suspicious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever met someone you thought was absolutely incredible, only to realize
that he or she was completely wrong for you, like walking nightmare wrong? There
may have been something(s) about them; they’d leave the room to take calls, take
a long time to reply to your texts or calls, they never pulled their wallet out for
anything, etc., but you overlooked it because you couldn’t put your finger on
exactly what it was that felt off about this seemingly perfect person, there were so
many possible explanations.
That mysterious feeling that’s churning up your insides is called intuition, your
body, your gut, is warning you that this individual is toxic. Trust your intuition and
you’ll make smarter decisions. We all have great instincts so don’t question
yourself! If it feels wrong, it IS wrong.
Meeting someone can be difficult, and you may be tempted to settle, but don’t!
Instead, look for the warning signs, they will prevent you from getting into
something really hard to get out of, because that process can make your life a living
hell, did you see ‘Fatal Attraction?’ Well, that may be an exaggeration, but I’m going
to give you some pointers so you don’t have to revert to faking your own death just
to get that person out of your life!
There are many common characteristics you should immediately recognize as
‘Don’t Go There’ territory. We’ll start with the warning signs about men then move
on to women, but don’t scroll down guys, you might learn something about
yourself!
Oh, before I continue, I created these categories, for lack of a better word, based
on real-life situations told to me by clients and friends over the years. You have to
take everything with a grain of salt and remember, the people telling me these
stories are seeing only from their point of view, and often, in order to assure me
that they were the good guy in the relationship, they’d exaggerate the bad stuff.
You’ll know it when you see it, but it adds a little humour to a conflicting situation.
Also, as there are billions of people in the world, this is but a sampling, and some
of the traits I’ve assigned to men apply to women as well, and vice versa. Of course
the type of person may not possess every trait listed, but you knew that.

TYPES OF MEN
The Eternal Bachelor
The Eternal Bachelor is always single. Women are drawn to this type of man
because he’s usually attractive, smart, smooth as molasses, but most of all, because
he seems unattainable. We want what we can’t have.
This man is very convincing, when he tells you the reason he’s single is because he
just hasn’t found ‘The One’ yet, you’ll believe him. The part you’re not hearing is
that he wants to be single. He likes being single. The top three reasons The Eternal
Bachelor doesn’t want to commit are, in no particular order:

He doesn’t want to live by anyone else’s rules, and God forbid he be asked to
compromise, whatever that means. No, this guy wants things his way or no way. If
asked to compromise on the smallest thing he gets ornery. He also acts like he‘s
been asked to make Sophie’s choice. So, if he’s going to the kitchen to grab a beer,
pouring you a glass of wine is asking the world, now he has to get a glass “and
everything.”

He hates the thought of sleeping with the same woman every night, forever and
ever. There are so many beautiful women out there, why should he be stuck with
just one? There are tall ones, short ones, athletic, big–breasted. There are blondes,
redheads, brunettes, and now there are even purple and blue-haired women, and
not of the octogenarian variety. No, there are way too many women out there who
deserve the opportunity to sleep with him. Who do you think you are, expecting to
keep this gem all to yourself?

He’s afraid of what he’d miss: “What if someone better comes along and I’m stuck
with you?” “What if you get fat?” “What if you look older as you age?” You know,
the really deep ones. He also believes he’s a catch, and you, or any woman, would
be really lucky to have him, so he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship.
In his mind it is entirely possible that Jessica Biel could leave Justin Timberlake for
him under the right circumstances, if he’s stuck with you, well, he’s not sure Jessica
would wait.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This behaviour may not look like an irrational fear of relationships or commitments,
but it often is. The Eternal Bachelor wears a mask to cover real fears, probably
stemming from childhood. Maybe he grew up in a broken home and saw the painful
effects divorce can have on a family. He’s likely to say something like, “why would
I want to get married? I’m just going to lose half of everything I own if things don’t
work out.” While that may or may not be true, that conclusion was formed by his
experience. Men, just like women, have the tendency to put on a brave face. They
don’t want to appear vulnerable to someone who has the power to hurt them.
A lot of us have been in a relationship that broke our hearts, some of us follow the
old adage: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Others
aren’t taking any chances. No matter how long ago the heartbreak occurred, it
doesn’t mean the memory of it hasn’t been etched on our hearts and hasn’t
erected an impenetrable wall. In other words, he may not be a shallow jerk, he may
just be scared. Either way, despite his attempts to avoid pain, he leaves a trail of
broken hearts wherever he goes.

HOW TO SPOT THE ETERNAL BACHELOR

● His longest relationship has been no more than three months, or he hasn’t
had one since he was in school.
● The list of women he has dated is a mile long and The Eternal Bachelor is very
proud of it. (I interviewed a guy for matchmaking services and after our
meeting he walked me to my car because he wanted to show me pictures of
all his past girlfriends. They were all on his phone and there must have been
30-40 of them, all beautiful women. He claims to have had a relationship with
every single one. His list of do’s and don’ts, negotiables and non-negotiables
seemed infinite and unrealistic.) For a man like the Eternal Bachelor, no one
is ever good enough.
● He avoids interacting with your friends, but he makes hanging out with his a
priority, and you’re not invited.
● If you spend the night at his place, you’re rushed out of bed in the morning.
The Eternal Bachelor does not want you feeling comfortable in his home,
what if, God forbid, you were in the neighborhood so you thought you’d pop
by with a houseplant? That’s a breach, that won’t do.

He might be honest and tell you he’s not looking for anything serious. If you’re
looking for a real relationship, don’t get involved with a person who openly tells
you he’s not looking for one! Guys are more direct than women, guys often say
what they mean, so if he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, he doesn’t. If
you’re hoping to change his mind, you’re setting yourself up for a fall, and it would
be entirely self-inflicted.
A good match for the Eternal Bachelor would be a self-sufficient woman working
on her own goals and aspirations and isn’t necessarily looking for a relationship
herself, she’d just like someone to hang out with when she allows herself to let
loose – the female version of The Eternal Bachelor would be perfect!

The Player
The Player has a lot in common with The Eternal Bachelor, they share a lot of the
same behaviour patterns with subtle differences.
The Player is blatantly obvious. He doesn’t even pretend he’s interested in a
relationship with you. Players are usually very charming and will effortlessly make
you believe he's really into you. His primary goal is sex and he doesn’t beat around
the bush, he comes right out and says it.
Hollywood is notorious for Players, PR departments spin their reputations to
describe them more as Eternal Bachelors, which sounds much classier. Warren
Beatty was a very famous Player as was George Clooney. Mr. Beatty’s reputation
was definitely that of a Player, whereas Mr. Clooney enjoyed the Eternal Bachelor
moniker, they both said they would never get married.
Well, we all know they did. But something happens to a man, especially in
Hollywood, as he starts to age out. He foresees more plastic in his face, less hair on
his head and adult diapers, he starts to become afraid. At some point the
maintenance required to be photo ready all the time gets daunting, especially if
you can’t be sure your new assistant won’t sneak pics of you, mid-regime, and send
them to TMZ – or worse, The UPS guy reveals your regular delivery of industrial
strength Spanx.
Your everyday Player possesses the same life plan as the Hollywood version. They
know they’re ‘hot’ and they’re going to take advantage of it. They have a scorecard
in their head, or maybe there’s an app for that, I don’t know. Some of them don’t
have the foresight to realize that they will eventually age-out, those ones can be
found at retirement homes telling all the other old guys about their exploits; some
true, others, not so much – but they will have a rapt audience, they will bask in the
attention, then go to sleep, alone, wishing they had made different choices.
The Player, in the peak of his “career,” has the confidence to know that if he makes
a highly inappropriate statement as opposed to “nice to meet you,” he won’t get a
drink poured over him. He has a sixth sense about who he approaches, I don’t know
how he does it, but The Player always manages to pull it off, it’s like a challenge,
how crass could he be and get away with it? The bar is much lower than you can
imagine.
The Player is stable financially. He’s not a Gold-Digger and has a nice car, nice
bachelor pad, nice clothes, etc. He may even get manis and pedis because he wants
to send a message that he “has it altogether.” He likes to wear women on his arm
like a sparkly accessory. He probably has a stable, or harem, or whatever you want
to call it, but a few women he can call at any time for anything. They all think they’re
dating him exclusively, he is great at keeping his stories straight, he rarely gets
caught – and if he does, he’ll just find someone else to fill the vacancy on his roster.
The Player doesn’t like being alone with himself, he will find something to do every
day and night of the week. He puts on a good front, when in reality, the Player is
usually lonely. But he has an image and reputation to uphold, so he’ll be the singing
monkey, and women will be his props.
The Player knows when he’s got a live one on the hook. He knows he can enjoy all
the freedom of the single life and still have someone to have sex with at his beck
and call. He’s cultivated that. He gives just enough for you to think the possibility
of a future with him exists, but he has no intention of ever letting it get that far.
Once you start expecting to be treated like a girlfriend, he will move on to the next
one. You must spot these men before it’s too late, until you’re in too deep.

HOW TO SPOT THE PLAYER

● During the time it takes most guys to get from “hello” to “can I see you
again?” He’s giving you his breakfast order. Conversation quickly becomes
 sexual and stays sexual. He will make you blush, a part of you is offended
that he thinks it’s okay to talk to you like that, the other part is making a note
about how much sugar he wants in his coffee.
● He expects you to hang on his every word, but he’s not interested in what
you have to say. He’s good at pretending to listen and look interested, but
he’ll forget everything you’ve said as soon as he walks out the door, except
for a few details he can bring up later to convince you he was listening.
● He may spend the night, even have breakfast with you, but he is not
emotionally present. He’s just setting the trap.
● You think you’re dating this guy exclusively, but his online dating profile is
still active, and/or he continues going to the same place he met you, because
he knows it’s a place he can meet other women – and when you’re out with
him, he always, and obviously checks them out.
● He avoids public displays of affection and avoids introducing you to people,
when he does, you are usually referred to as his friend.
● He’ll call or text you late at night, after he’s been out, and request a booty
call – especially if he’s just been on a date with someone who wouldn’t give
it up.

You will innately know that having “the conversation” with him would be futile and
would mark the end of your relationship. There’s no going back after that. If you
continue to see him, you’re saying you accept his terms and then it’s out there, you
can’t pretend to be unaware of his intentions, you can’t pretend you don’t know
you’re not the only one and he doesn’t have to pretend to respect you. I know that
sounds harsh, but I want you to remember, you deserve to be treated with respect.
The common denominator with most Players is the desire to hurt first. He knows
he’s good looking, he’s heard it all his life and he owns a mirror. A lot of Players
don’t know if a woman is interested in the image or the human being. Nobody
wants to be solely judged by their looks. There’s a person in there, with feelings
and everything. He doesn’t want that part of him dismissed as insignificant because
that’s really who he is. He is a person with thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams
etc., he’s been hurt but nobody would believe that, so, he’s learned to hurt first
and walk away before he gets hurt back – again.
The best possible match for The Player is pretty much the same as for the Eternal
Bachelor, someone who wants the same thing out of this relationship; No
emotional attachment – a good time, and then sayonara. There is nothing wrong
with this as long as you’re both on the same page. On the other hand, if you can
get through his protective wall, a sincere, honest and sensitive woman would do
wonders for him. It’s a very strong and reinforced wall, so it will take time.

The Mooch – The Male Gold-Digger

This man has no money but expensive taste. He has no ambition, is jobless,
penniless and freeloads off the woman he supposedly cares about. These leeches
are reckless with their cash flow and lack financial stability.
The Mooch usually looks for a partner who is financially sound so he can sponge off
her. Any money he does acquire, he spends on himself. Usually on things that fulfill
frivolous and fleeting desires, or on “costumes of success.” Things that give the
impression he actually does have money.
His lack of ambition is more about laziness, he doesn’t want to work too much, he
definitely doesn’t want to work a mundane job, even though that’s all he’s qualified
for. He’s used to getting something for nothing and wears poverty to take
advantage of others, once he’s reeled them in.
The Mooch fancies himself an entrepreneur or an artiste, he’s always “working on
the next great thing.” He may have enjoyed short-lived success in the past without
much effort. That experience may have led him to think he had the Midas touch
and didn’t have to work too hard, leave that to the peasants, he was the idea man,
and his ship would eventually come in…In the meantime, could you spare some
change for a starving artist?
If he was celebrated before, for something that came very easily to him, it may have
caught him by surprise, but he went with it and believed the hype. When people
moved on to the next flash in the pan he wasn’t prepared to be abandoned, he
liked the attention, warranted or not.
Or maybe he was a football star in school, was scouted by the big leagues but
succumbed to an injury and had to give up that dream and the groupies that went
along with it. He couldn’t be a grocery bagger, “Don’t you know who I am?” He is
determined to live the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed, if but for a
fleeting moment.
The Mooch has a sense of entitlement he cannot be talked out of, so don’t even
try. His aura is the colour of “success eluded” don’t fall for the illusion of success,
eluded is the operative word. He is charismatic though, he couldn’t survive as long
as he has without an appealing personality.
Always remember, financial problems can put a real stranglehold on any couple
and the repercussions long outlast the actual relationship, so if you come across
this kind of man – run! Mooches are dangerous to your bank account, your credit
rating, and you!

HOW TO SPOT THE MOOCH

● He is always forgetting his wallet at home and he’s mastered every nuance
when he says, “Damn, I can’t believe it, I must’ve left my wallet at home!” Or
the seasoned, “Oh My God, my wallet!!!! Did you notice me having it when
we left the last place? Jeez, my credit cards, ID…This is a nightmare!” Well of
course you pay and then try to console him by paying for something else that
night. He’s also set himself up quite nicely for the next little while, after all,
you can’t get all those things replaced in a day, trust me, there will be
complications.
● The Mooch will ask you to run errands. “Oh, while you’re out, can you pick
me up such and such? I’ll pay you back when you get here.” Only he never
does and you feel petty asking for a reimbursement.
● He’s always doing laundry at your house. “Let’s just stay in and watch a
movie, oh, I can bring my laundry over and we can be like an old married
 couple. Maybe you can pick up some wine?”
● He asks for money because cash flow is low until his next cheque comes in.
He’s always “expecting a check” for one thing or another, as entrepreneurs
do. He’s so creative he has so many irons in the fire. Oh he’s creative alright;
he can separate you from your cash in very short order – that is a talent.
● He expects you to pay for everything when you’re with him, eventually you
just expect it. The tabs go from a $5 latte to suggesting you put him on your
cell phone plan, because ‘it will save you money if you bundle.’ Next thing
you know you’re co-signing on a car he has no intention of ever paying for.
● He may make the occasional payment just to look like he’s “contributing,”
and he will bring that up at every opportunity to prove his worth. To profess
his undying love, he’ll suggest you move in together, then “you pay the
down-payment, because he’ll pay the mortgage until it reaches the amount
of the down-payment and then you’ll split it 50/50.” You’d better be able to
afford that house on your own, and good luck getting his name off the
deed…Better idea? If you’re in this deep, don’t commit to anything more
than a rental!

The Mooch looks for every opportunity to make some “quick cash.” He’ll ask you to
invest in his new, revolutionary project because, after all, “you have to spend
money to make money,” and anyways, they’ll be fighting over it on Dragon’s Den.
His bright ideas never pan out, you’ve spent good money after bad, and you never
see a penny. Oh girl, RUN, don’t walk away from The Mooch. You do NOT want to
be anyone’s Sugar Momma.
This cannot be a permanent lifestyle, people eventually stop tolerating him. His
perfect match would be someone who is strong, who can say NO with ease and
stick to it. If he can’t get anything from you he will either move on to someone else,
or be inspired to make a decent living, in which case…if he keeps his job and pays
his way…there is no reason why you can’t pay your way too. He does have talent,
if someone could help him use his talents for good as opposed to living off the
generosity of strangers, who knows what could happen? Just keep an eye on your
pocketbook at all times.
 The Momma’s Boy
As much as you don’t want to be a Sugar Momma, you don’t want to be with a
Momma’s Boy. This kind of guy is still hung up on another woman and that woman
is his mother. Men who love and adore their mothers are extremely attractive to
women – they tend to be more understanding and more respectful towards
women, that’s an attractive quality…unless it’s taken too far.
If you find yourself attracted to a Momma’s Boy, you will, without question, be
competing with his mother, and you will lose the battle every time!
This ‘man’ if we can call him that, puts his relationship with Mom first and God help
the woman who complains about it. He is desperate for Mom’s approval and if she
doesn’t like you, and she probably won’t, this relationship will fail to launch.
Mom will call and ask to see him for some problem or another, real or imagined,
and he will feel obligated to drop everything and run to her side, even if you have
plans. He will cancel or postpone a date just to please her. Even worse, Mom knows
this, she is fully aware of the fact that she has full control over her boy. She knows
how to manipulate her son, and she will take advantage of this power. She’ll make
sure you know who’s in charge. You are competition for his affection, she doesn’t
like competition, and Moms are forever – Mothers before Others!

I was once involved with a man like this and our relationship was doomed from the
beginning. His mother didn’t really approve of me, she made no secret of it, and he
would never defend me. He always took her side, she was a looming threat in our
relationship the entire time we were together. But don’t get me wrong. I would
rather be with a man who loves his mother than one who does not honor her. If a
man disrespects the woman who carried and raised him, that behavior will reflect
in his relationships with other women.
The Momma’s Boy will definitely introduce you to his Mom early in the relationship,
which may give you a sense of security, you may think it’s a sign of long-term
relationship potential – you may be mistaken into believing that he feels you’re
good enough to meet his Mother, the way most people interpret this gesture. This
is NOT the same with the Momma’s Boy. This is an audition, he’s not going to waste
another moment with you if Mom doesn’t approve. It’s not him saying, “Mom, I’d
like you to meet the love of my life, get used to her, she’s going to be around for a
very long time, like it or not.” He is saying, “Mom, can I go out with her?”
Relationships are hard enough with just two people, invite a third, one that is not
on your side, and you are only asking for misery, unless she really likes you or really
wants a grandchild.

HOW TO SPOT MOMMA DRAMA

• He calls his Mother “Mommy.” As well as being a sign, it is cringe-worthy
behaviour from a grown man, nothing sexy about that!
• He still lives at home. He may say, “My Mom lives with me,” but if she has
the big room, you know he’s lying.
• Mom does everything for him; laundry, cooking, she even cleans his room or
apartment (because of course she has a key.) If that’s not something you see
yourself doing in the future…get out while the getting’s good.
● If he does not still live at home, he calls his Mom, or she calls him every day,
at least once, and he sees her often. I know a girl who is living with her
boyfriend who drives 15 km’s out of his way, every day after work, and has
dinner with his Mom before heading home. She is currently planning her
escape.
● He tells Mom everything, including personal details of your relationship, so,
when the two of you have an argument, she’ll definitely know – because not
only does he allow her involvement in your spat, he invites it. If she’s not
there to witness it, he’ll tell her his side of the story and ask her for advice.
Next time you see her she’s going to give you the stink eye and may say,
“How dare you upset my boy!” If she does happens to witness the argument,
 your argument will expand from a two person activity to a three person
activity, and there are only two teams.

The Momma’s Boy is the lesser evil of the types to avoid, but just be prepared,
Moms can make or break a relationship. If you decide you’re willing to take a
chance, you’re going to be trying to please two people, and the expectations are
going to be higher.
Moms who raise Momma’s Boys think they are perfectly entitled to meddle in their
son’s business, and they are given free reign. You will always come in second to
him, which means third in a relationship. I think you deserve more, but if that’s your
choice, you have been told what to expect.
The perfect match for The Momma’s Boy is someone who is looking for a traditional
relationship. Someone who wants a family, because when a child enters the
picture, the power swings back to your side, Grandma can’t compete with a baby
and you are the one who authorizes access. Your Momma’s Boy will likely make a
great father and devoted husband, and the playing field becomes leveled, because
you’re a Momma now!

The Married Man

While some Married Men, or men in long-term relationships, are secretive about
their status, others are very open. The ones that don’t hide it will tell you about
their constant suffering at home and how their wives just don’t understand them.
They try to rope you in with how they feel unwanted or undesired because their
partners are refusing them intimacy. There have been many books, movies and TV
shows that either feature this theme or it’s a side story, it’s as old as the hills, yet
women are still falling for it, they still expect him to leave his wife/family for her.
Why would he? He’s getting his cake and eating it too!
Men in “committed” relationships will never make any real time for you. Any time
spent together will be scheduled around his partner, or when it’s convenient for
him. These relationships are very volatile, he will always leave you feeling
unwanted and alone. If he keeps you around, it is merely to satisfy his need for sex
and to feed his hungry ego. He’s not emotionally attached to you, only physically.
He’ll take advantage of your insecurities and leave you questioning yourself. He will
never commit to you because he’s already in a committed relationship. He is not in
love with you, he has no respect for you, and eventually, you won’t either. Again,
harsh, I know, but you need to stay away from the Married Man. He’s not available.
A lot of these men have never grown up, oh they got older, they aged, but they’re
still immature. Most of them are very insecure themselves. The reason they have
affairs is to prove to themselves that they’ve ‘still got it.’ That they’re still attractive
to women, the hotter the woman, the hotter they think they are. They’re never
looking for a woman of substance, because the people in the dark restaurant on
the edge of town aren’t impressed with substance, and he desperately wants to
impress someone.
The man who is open about his status is generally more inclined to hang out with
men of equal or lesser maturity levels on boys’ night out. He may very well
introduce you to these friends, they’re not the ones he invites over for dinner, he
will not subject his wife to them, they’re not “presentable” enough for her. But they
live vicariously through him and he does love being admired, so he’ll invite you
along to boys’ night out to show off his newest conquest.
The men who are not open about the fact that they’re married will never introduce
you to any of his friends. If he takes you out at all, it will be somewhere off the
beaten path, dimly lit, where instead of a wine list they’ll ask you “what colour wine
you want.” Otherwise you will only spend time with him at your place or a
hotel/motel, depending on his financial situation. He too is assuaging his ego, he’s
just not as big a risk taker.
Be true to yourself and believe you deserve to be with a man who wants only you,
because you get what you think you deserve. Oh and…respect the girl code, that’s
somebody’s husband and what goes around, comes around!
 HOW TO SPOT A MARRIED MAN
● He will only reach out to you during work hours or when his partner is not
around. He’ll usually make short-notice plans with you, expecting you to be
available at the drop of a hat.
● Meeting family is out of the question. He already has one and he’s not willing
to risk losing them for you, after all, his wife is a classy woman, one he is
proud to show off, she ups his status, his cache, image, employability, etc.
She makes him respectable and welcomed in better social circles.
● The only friends he will introduce you to are his fellow “lost boys.” If he
doesn’t have any of them, you won’t be meeting anyone; you’re not his
girlfriend, you are his dirty little secret.
● The secretly Married Man has made up a story for you and sometimes he
forgets his lies, if you really don’t know he’s married, you’ll be awfully
confused by his conflicting stories. He refuses to talk about his personal life,
he protects that, it’s sacred. He can be distant when he feels the guilt of
betraying his family.
● Neither type of Married Man spends the night with you, if he does, he wakes
up at the crack of dawn, washes you off him in the shower and quickly rushes
out the door.
● Your chemistry will be electric, your sex will be like a drug. In this scenario,
you’re the dealer, he’s the user…A user will be a user as long as he wants to
be or until he’s busted, but there are a lot of dealers out there, he doesn’t
need to get his supply from just one source!

You’ll spend a lot of time alone when you’re dating the Married Man. You won’t
make plans with friends in case he becomes available, eventually they stop calling.
You’re breaking the girl code, so not only are you ashamed of being a mistress,
you’re betraying your sisters, no matter how you try to justify it by buying into the
stories he’s spun about his insensitive wife. Just don’t do it – karma is a bitch and
she wears a red dress! He already has a match, so I’m just going to leave it at that.
 The Control Freak
At the beginning of a relationship these guys are impossibly charming, sweet, very
attentive to your every need, very complimentary and very generous. The Control
Freak will treat you like a queen and almost immediately fall in love with you. We
become so enamoured with this guy that too often we don't realize we’re dating a
Control Freak until it’s too late.
He seems to be everything you want. Everything he says seems to be exactly what
you want to hear. Then once you start dating, things change. This is especially true
for women who have been looking for a relationship for a while. And it is so easy
to quickly fall for a sweet, generous and irresistible guy that treats you so well.
These guys often reel you in with lavish gifts and expensive dinners, that kind of
extravagance is not normal. Any guy who is overly generous expects something in
return, and it will come with a heavy price tag. This is how The Control Freak first
establishes control over women.
The Control Freak wants to know every little thing about you, he files away
information no matter how insignificant. He wants to know all about your family
and friends, you are impressed with how interested he is in you. You can’t believe
your luck.
Be very wary because once the Control Freak hooks you in, his behavior changes.
He may have started off showering you with gifts and compliments, now he’s
constantly criticising you over minor things and the gifts have stopped coming. The
Control Freak will emotionally drain you. In the beginning he’d ask you what you’d
like to do, where you’d like to eat, etc., then slowly he starts telling you what you
guys will do and where you’ll eat, until he’s eventually telling you WHAT you’re
going to eat!
He’ll want to know your every move – at first this will feel like genuine interest. By
the time he’s checking your phone because, “What’s the big deal? Are you hiding
something?” You’re not sure this is out of genuine interest anymore.
He is always right, and how dare you suggest otherwise, he thinks he is so much
smarter than you and lets you know it. Whereas in the beginning you were the most
beautiful woman in the world, now you’re lucky to even have a man. He is your
harshest critic. He chips away at your self-esteem and eventually has you waiting
on him hand and foot. Everything is about him and nothing you do is ever right or
appreciated.
The Control Freak eventually separates you from your family and friends, you don’t
need them, you have him. He keeps you isolated and tells you people would think
you’re nuts if you complained about anything. He is all charm in front of others and
always asks ‘isn’t she amazing?’ Your friends gush and tell you how lucky you are
to have found a man like that.
He is incapable of taking responsibility for anything he does, everything is always
your fault and he knows, because he knows everything. You start second guessing
your every decision. In extreme cases physical abuse can ensue, but not where
anyone can see the bruises. Emotional and mental abuse is normal, you feel like a
prisoner. He may threaten to kill you if you try to leave him, and you believe it. But
now you have no friends and feel all alone.
Example, a woman I know, Jenna, was stuck in a relationship with a Control Freak
for quite some time. After an argument with Bryan, she would show up at his home
to try make amends. She was like a Stepford Wife, which was by design. If a
situation didn’t go his way, he would kick her out. He also called the police on her,
many times, building a file so that if she called the cops for any reason, they
wouldn’t take it seriously, “Oh that’s the crazy lady; how does that guy put up with
her?”
The Control Freaks really are Jekylls and Hydes, they cause a lot of anxiety and
constant emotional turbulence. But when they’re nice, they’re very, very nice,
they’ve got you thinking you’re going crazy.
 HOW TO SPOT THE CONTROL FREAK
● He spends way too much money on you way too soon.
● He is possessive, but colours it protective, you can sense something’s off.
● He’ll sow seeds of doubt in your head about your friends, “I’m just looking
out for you, it’s none of my business, but I heard so and so tell so and so that
you did such and such…I’m just saying, maybe she’s not the good friend you
think she is.”
● He finds subtle ways to put you down and seems genuinely amused by it.
● He will not tolerate you talking to or about other men, even co-workers, this
makes him crazy angry. He may even convince you to quit your job, making
you completely dependent on him.
● The Control Freak doesn’t really have any friends. They’re with you every
possible moment of every day.
● He gaslights you, i.e. if you’re napping, he might light a candle, knock it over
and then start screaming, “Wake up, you almost set the house on fire!” You
know you didn’t light any candles.

Once he has destroyed your self-esteem, or what little you had left, it’s near
impossible to get out of the relationship – so please, look for the signs and don’t
get into a relationship with him in the first place! He can be very dangerous. And,
if you suspect a woman is in one of these relationships, try to pull her aside if you
can, and ask her. She needs someone to talk to.
A strong woman who takes no BS and doesn’t let anyone make decisions for her
might be a good match for The Control Freak but honestly, that’s not what he’s
looking for. He’s looking for a vulnerable woman, and he’s the worst thing for her.
He behaves the way he does because he probably lacks authority in other areas of
his life. Ultimately, this behaviour reveals his lack of confidence, he needs someone
“weaker” to make him feel like a man. Remember, relationships are mirrors! If he
does some work on himself maybe he can recover, but he’s the only one who can
fix him – don’t date him until he’s done the work! And ALWAYS be vigilant. I can’t
make this one light, not in today’s climate, not when ending violence against
women is both a hashtag and a march!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay guys, it’s your turn. I hope you don’t feel ragged on, and of course, it’s not
about all of you, just the ones women should legitimately avoid – you know who
you are…consider yourself called out. The good news is, you can always change.
Did you think I’d give women a pass? No way, I know how some of us can be, so,
here’s who YOU should avoid.
Again, I want to preface these warnings with a caveat: The reasons to avoid the
men and women described in this E-book are usually symptoms stemming from
insecurity, low self-esteem and unexamined lives. They are not faults per se, they
are behaviours that can certainly be changed. The more ingrained, the longer it will
take, and of course, if the person isn’t willing to make any changes, they won’t.
There is an underlying cause for all behaviour, it’s easy to just tell you to run away
from these people, this isn’t a thesis or a deep dive into anyone’s psyche – it’s a
generalization, so keep that in mind, male or female.
That said, as I suggested to the men; women should read this too to see if they
recognize themselves in any of these types. What have you got to lose?

TYPES OF WOMEN
The Clingy Woman
The clingy woman expects you to spend every waking moment with her and when
you’re not together, she’s blowing up your phone with text messages or phone
calls. Breaking away from her for a night out with the guys is near impossible and
usually results in an hour-long argument that ruins both of your nights.
The Clingy Woman is needy and dependent; she has a terrible fear of abandonment
and zero self-esteem. She needs a man to make her happy because she has not
found joy in her own life. She also needs a man to define her, her identity is
completely wrapped up in her man. The Clingy Woman can be an emotional
nightmare. The only way this relationship will work is if you’re equally as needy.
When you’re out and bump into old friends, she is by your side so close your
shadows are one big fat guy holding a purse. She is probably holding onto your arm,
making sure everybody knows you belong to her. She doesn’t like other women,
she thinks they all want to be your girl. She is very threatened when they’re around
and more so if there are anywhere you work. You probably see them more often
than you see her and that makes her a wee bit crazy.
You don’t want to tell her anything about your day at work if it includes any female
colleague, and I hope for your sake that your boss isn’t a woman. This is the one
time she’s not listening intently to your story, she is conjuring up images of your
female colleagues, they all look like Melanie Griffiths in her prime and they all try
to seduce you from 9 to 5!
She is not evil, she is afraid, terribly afraid. She lacks self-esteem and fears the
worst. Granted this is a huge turn-off for men, she should not be in a relationship
until she works out her issues and improves her self-image. But The Clingy Woman
can’t be alone, it’s like a catch-22, she will not overcome her insecurities while she’s
in a relationship, but she can’t function unless she’s in one.
Odds are she’s either witnessed or personally experienced abandonment and/or
betrayal. It has affected her deeply and is expressed throughout all her
relationships. She should probably start with getting a pet, a cat or a dog she could
shower love upon and who won’t run away. Of course there’s a risk with that too,
I’ve been told I treat my dog better than my boyfriend, and come to think of it, I
could easily be described as a Clingy Woman when it comes to my dog – but he’s
okay with it, my boyfriend? Maybe not so much. But I digress.
The Clingy Woman starts questioning you the minute you walk in the door. She has
calculated the amount of time it should take you to do what you said you were
doing, she even allows extra time for traffic and line-ups. So if you’ve exceeded the
time she’s allotted for you to get something done, she’s going to want you to
account for that extra time. It feels like an interrogation because it really is one.
At first you may love that she asks about every little detail of your day, who pays
that much attention to what you have to say these days and actually retains it? Of
course, in the beginning the questions are not as intense, they’ll get there
eventually, but by then you may be too far in. It’s hard to cut ties with The Clingy
Woman, so do be aware of the signs.

HOW TO SPOT THE CLINGY WOMAN

● She makes plans with you well in advance to prevent you from having any
free time to spend with friends.
● She either has no friends, or she ditches them to spend time with you. She
doesn’t have Girls’ Night Out so there’s no reason for you to have Guys’ Night
Out.
● The Clingy Woman is constantly looking for reassurance because she is
terrified you’ll dump her. She replays your comments in her mind over and
over until they become distorted, if you say something like, “That’s a pretty
red dress.” By the 50th time she’s played it over in her head, it’s snide and
the emphases are placed on different syllables so that it sounds sarcastic.
● She hides her emotions because she thinks this makes her appear more
secure. But she’s usually guarded and defensive and always feels like she’s
being attacked. There’s nothing you can do about that by the way.
● She obsesses about you every waking hour, she gets distracted at work
because she’s imagining young Melanie Griffiths draped over your desk
feeding you bonbons.
● She makes up excuses to go through your contacts, she may say something
like, “Let me see your apps”’ Then she’ll switch over to contacts and speed
read them all – if she can pull it off without being too obvious, she’ll switch
over to your text program and look at your text exchanges. Same with email.
● The Clingy Woman will offer to answer your phone if you’re busy, before you
 can object, she’s already said, “Hello, John’s phone, Priscilla speaking.” In
other words – Mine!

You get the picture. Unless you want that constant intrusion in your life, you should
probably avoid The Clingy Woman. However, if you share the same insecurities,
you may be perfect for each other. Otherwise, The Clingy Woman has much work
to do on her self-esteem and must learn to appreciate her worth before she gets
into a relationship that will trigger her insecurities.

The Passive Aggressive Woman

The Passive Aggressive Woman can be a nightmare to deal with. She makes you believe
you’re the most important person on the planet, she adores you and praises you nonstop.
Once you’re blissing out in the shower of her love, she flips a switch. She seems to hate
you only because it’s 3:00 – you are beyond confused …you try to think of what you could
have possibly done to inspire this reaction. Good luck with that.

There seems to be no rhyme or reason for The Passive Aggressive Woman’s hostile
behaviour. Often you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells. The Passive Aggressive Woman
will agree to plans for something she really doesn’t want to do, but she’ll “make this
sacrifice” for your relationship. For example you’ll ask if she’d like to go to a flea market
the next day. She’ll delight in the idea, think of all the goodies you could find for the home.
Then, in a matter of minutes, she picks a fight with you so that she doesn’t have to go to
that stupid flea market.

She may be lovely to your friends when she first meets them, they’ll find her charming
and fun to be around. Then, slowly but surely, she’ll start criticizing them until she
eventually refuses to hang out with them anymore. She becomes openly hostile towards
them, she’ll even start arguments with them. She doesn’t want you seeing them either –
this is because, you guessed it, she lacks self-esteem. She is always afraid you’ll like them
better. She’s afraid you’ll dump her for them. That is at the root of her behaviour, but she
never, ever wants to feel dependent upon anyone.

She has a master’s degree in the Art of Procrastination. If you ask her to do something
that absolutely has to be done today, for example, register for an event and today’s the
deadline. She’ll say she’ll do it, but keep putting if off until she misses the deadline
entirely. This is her way of maintaining control over you. If you get angry about it, she’ll
blame it on you: you’re being impatient, unfair and unreasonable, and she did have other
things to do. The only way to get anything done is to do it yourself.

You’ll ask her to pick up some wine and a baguette for dinner, you’re making a feast and
don’t have time to run to the store before guests arrive, she says, “No problem, I got it,”
but comes home with a loaf of sourdough and no wine. She’ll say there was too long a
line-up at the wine place and she didn’t feel like waiting. While you’re standing there with
your mouth on your chest she’ll say, “Excuse me, don’t I get a thank you? The bread
wasn’t exactly on my way home!”

The Passive Aggressive Woman sulks a lot. For example if she gets home from a “girl’s
night” and you ask her how her night was before realizing that question is a landmine,
she tells you, “It was fine.” You may follow with, “Good, I’m glad you had a nice time, you
deserve it.”’ And go back to what you were doing, you might notice an imperceptible
change in the air, well, it’s perceptible to you, you know it means there’s a storm a
brewin.’ You continue doing what you were doing while the big sulk starts taking up all
the oxygen in the room. You don’t want to ask, you were perfectly content doing the
crossword, but then comes the heavy sigh and the loud flipping of magazine pages that
aren’t actually being read. You have no choice: “Did something happen? You seem angry.”
She states that she isn’t angry but responds in such a manner that proves she’s lying. Most
people just say what they’re angry about, but the Passive Aggressive Woman doesn’t
process anger the same way as most people do. She may have had a perfectly wonderful
night, but is pissed off at something you did a week ago. She didn’t get mad then, she held
it in and let it fester so that she could find a far less obvious but much more insidious way
of expressing her hostility.

The Passive Aggressive Woman blames everybody else for anything that goes wrong. If
she loses out at an opportunity at work, it’s because someone stole her idea, and by the
way, she didn’t exactly start her day on the right foot, you put the iron away, she was
running late and couldn’t find it to iron her blouse, she was distracted by the wrinkles all
day, if her blouse was ironed she would’ve done a better presentation and aced the
promotion – it’s your fault!

You get the picture. She doesn’t want to look weak or dependent upon you, she might
tell you she hates you, but she won’t leave you. She desperately needs you in her life but
is afraid to show it, she is angry about needing you and lashes out by saying some ugly
things.

The Passive Aggressive Woman is hard work. You never know where you stand. She seeks
to obstruct. She needs to feel a sense of power so she puts as many obstacle in your way
as she possibly can. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you
but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is
exactly how she wants to you to feel.

At the heart of her Passive Aggressiveness is the inability to trust. And a fear of intimacy
is at the root of this problem which is why you may find her guarding herself against
intimacy. Despite her need to blame you for the ills in her life, the Passive Aggressive
Woman also suffers from a fear of dependency. She may be afraid of becoming too
dependent upon you, and this dread is so intense that it’s imperative for her to remain
completely self-sufficient, not ever admitting to any needs or vulnerabilities.

The decisions that triggers passive-aggressive behavior could be small (where to go for
dinner, then she sulks through the meal because she didn’t get to go where she wanted)
or big (where to go for vacation, and she moans about all her responsibilities back at home
because you chose the vacation spot). Life with a Passive Aggressive Woman means
understanding that if she doesn’t get her way…nah, she’ll get her way.

HOW TO SPOT THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WOMAN

● Sarcasm disguised as humour: By making you look bad, and getting you to feel bad,
the passive-aggressive hopes to impose and maintain psychological superiority
over you. If you confront her about the sarcasm, she’ll look at you like you’re a
drama king and say, “Woah, just kidding, God, can’t you take a joke? Jeesh!”
● Deliberately pushes your buttons: If you’re in a good mood, the Passive Aggressive
Woman may decide you shouldn’t be, so she will blame you for something that
went wrong in her day and pick a fight: “You took my car to get washed but you
didn’t put gas in it, I had to drive 25 miles today and I was on fumes the whole way,
I could’ve been stranded...Or worse!”
● Pretends to Forget: She’s going to get groceries, she knows there’s no more of
YOUR milk, (you’re lactose intolerant, she’s not,) so she ‘forgets’ to get the lactose
 intolerant milk but not hers.
● She plays the victim: If she’s late to meet you for a date, traffic conspired with red
lights to mess up her evening. Or if she gets a parking ticket, that cop had it in for
her, he saw her leave the car and was ready to pounce the moment she was out of
view.
● Ambiguous Communication: You are often left confused after a conversation, you
may be asking yourself; did she just agree to Saturday's plans or is she going to the
gym with her friends?

The good news is this is easily correctable behaviour. All you have to do is call her on her
BS. Tell her straight out that she’s being passive aggressive, give her examples. Tell her
you won’t play the Passive Aggressive game and don’t waiver. It’s probably one of the
most infuriating characteristics, but it is the easiest to change. Her best match is someone
who will call her out on her behaviour and be strong enough not to get sucked back into
the game. You may have to go several rounds, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

The Drama Queen

The Drama Queen is high maintenance on steroids, everything is always about her
and she doesn’t need your approval, she will decide if you get hers. She doesn’t
understand the meaning of taking ownership and/or responsibility for her life
choices and relationships, nor does she owe ANYONE an explanation.
She creates drama everywhere she goes and tends to be terribly childish if she isn’t
the center of attention. She pouts, stomps her feet and has little hissy fits – she
thinks it’s adorable, she is oblivious to the rolling eyes of everyone around her. She
always seems to have a problem with someone and feels she is being victimized by
everyone from the parking valet to her manicurist. Believe me when I tell you, all
the drama in her life is self-perpetuated!
The Drama Queen needs drama to survive, it’s her oxygen. She can turn the
smallest molehill into the Matterhorn. “I told my sister to call me at exactly 10:05,
while I’m on my break, this will give me time to grab my yogurt and eat it while we
talk, so I can be back at my desk by 10:20 – and do you know what!?!? She didn’t
call until 10:15! How am I supposed to plan our night and be back at my desk in 5
minutes? I had to walk through the office while on the phone, everybody could
hear, it was so inconsiderate, don’t you think? I just can’t believe it, I said 10:05!”
There are people starving in Africa. There are innocent people being bombed out
of their homes in the Middle East, and you’re supposed to get all offended on her
behalf because her sister called 10 minutes late? I know that sounds extreme, but
trust me, it’s not, it’s just Tuesday for the Drama Queen.
The Drama Queen can be exhausting, she always wants to be centre stage, but
somehow she has an abundance of personality and energy by which you
unwittingly find yourself entertained – for a while anyways.
Drama Queens usually suffer from arrested development. They failed to develop
the coping skills required to be a functioning adult. Their insatiable hunger for
attention is because they grew up feeling invisible and unimportant – there’s that
self-esteem thing again. They haven’t yet learned how to overcome the negative
feelings they have about themselves. They’re blind to the feelings of others, so it’s
hard to find compassion for them – that’s probably just what they need to heal, but
their behaviour can be such a turn-off, nobody wants to invest.
The need to be the center of attention can make her do unthinkable things, like
starting arguments with two friends so they could individually cry on her shoulder
– at which point, while she has their attention, she’ll interrupt their stories and go
on about the horrible, most devastating thing that happened to her that day, and I
assure you, to the normal person, it’s about as devastating as having to use Splenda
instead of Sweet & Low. She’s also the type to wear white at a friend’s wedding
and possibly a tiara.
There is really nothing you can do to change The Drama Queen, they have to be
willing to do the work themselves. You can tell them you’re not putting up with it
anymore and when they cease getting the reaction they want, they’ll stop behaving
that way with you, but they may also walk out of your life – the choice is yours.
As long as she’s getting the attention she wants, she doesn’t feel any need to
change. But The Drama Queen has to be careful. Not all attention is good attention,
feelings get hurt and there’s a very impersonal yet highly contagious and dangerous
thing out there called the internet. It is both a blessing and a curse.

How To Spot The Drama Queen

● She typically likes to make a grand entrance and may even try to steal the
spotlight from the honoree at an event. If nobody’s looking at her, she’ll
cause some sort of scene that turns heads in her direction. She has no
shame.
● She also has no sense of proportion, she chipped a nail, gained a pound, they
didn’t have her favourite salad – she thinks these are all huge disasters,
nothing is minor with The Drama Queen, everything is supersized.
● She tells you every single detail about every single event in her life, they
could be happy events, they could be miserable, but, she won’t leave
anything out, and if you aren’t paying attention, or don’t drool over the blue
shoes she’s describing – you’re in for full blown hysterics.
● She is very picky. She’ll send her food back at a restaurant as many times as
it takes the chef to get it right – clearly she is oblivious to Chef’s Revenge –
there’s some grilled spit on that steak that he put back on the grill after
dropping it on the floor, for 6 seconds.
● She takes everything personally, even if it has nothing to do with her, she
cannot conceive of anything not being about her.

The best match for a Drama Queen is someone who can see through the facade
and find the real, vulnerable girl in there. She exists, she just has to be coaxed out.
She wants to be coaxed out, it’s exhausting being a Drama Queen.

The Gold Digger

You have a lot of money and she wants it. She’s a Gold Digger and she will find her
way into your heart and your wallet
She is beautiful, it wouldn’t work if she wasn’t, all her parts may not necessarily be
real, but if they’re not, they’re top-of-the-line, nothing’s too good for The Gold
Digger. She has to have the best; she has to drive an expensive, fancy car, wear
jewellery that some might consider worthy of a bodyguard. Her accessories, i.e.,
purse, shoes, must be coveted and nothing off the rack for this girl. She wants haute
couture.
The Gold Digger doesn’t date a man she’s in love with. She dates men of means
with the intent of making them fall head over heels in love with her; she wants to
be a kept woman with no strings. She’ll date someone much older, who can’t
believe his luck, (men can be incredibly naïve when a beautiful woman, half his age,
flirts with him.) Also, some don’t care, they’re practically in diapers anyway and you
can’t take it with you, so why not spend it on a beautiful woman who will have sex
with you until you die?
Younger rich men would figure her out pretty quickly and are savvy enough to know
what she’s up to, but the less attractive and/or older man is grateful to have her on
his arm. She is delightful in front of his friends, (in case she needs a plan B,) and is
“well-heeled.” She knows enough about a lot of things that she can comfortably
engage in conversation in any social setting. Everyone knows she’s using the man,
but they can’t point to any evidence.
There are different levels of Gold Diggers, they mostly live in a big city, they may
have been driven out of their home town for causing a scandal, but they know what
they want and they’ll do anything to get it. Some Gold-Diggers just want expensive
gifts, some want cars, some want condos, it depends on the size of the Gold Digee’s
bank account. But she’ll be sure to hang out where the most affluent hang out. He
may be a used car salesman, he may work on Wall Street – she’ll assess and adjust
accordingly.
The Gold Digger doesn’t work with a team; she doesn’t want competition and she’ll
be alone at the bar until she sees her mark. She’ll tip well, she may even sleep with
the Maître D’ or the bartender in exchange for useful information. She wants to be
envied, this is a full-time job for her, it’s the only kind of work she’s willing to do.
She could do anything she set her mind to, you have to be pretty smart to separate
a successful man from his cash.
If he has a family, they hate her. They think she’s only using him and they don’t
want to share whatever he leaves in his will. Look at Anna Nicole Smith – she was
fighting with her brother-in-law until they both died. She did appear to genuinely
care for her husband…Who knows. If you’re a rich old fool – go for it, if you want
to keep what you have and leave your children everything…Don’t get fooled by the
Gold Digger – she gives new meaning to the term Fools Gold.
Of course this means she doesn’t have real love in her life, she may be in love with
a pauper, but she can’t be seen with him in public, so she’s willing to bankrupt her
heart for material riches, it’s hard out there for a Gold Digger.

HOW TO SPOT THE GOLD DIGGER

● Money is the most important thing to her. Money and everything lots of it
can buy.
● She has no problem spending a lot because she knows she can easily find
someone to give her more. She will likely have a few irons in the fire, but she
is NOT interested in anyone with a small bank account, no matter how great
he is. He would just get in the way and she might get attached – that’s really
the only rule: Don’t Get Attached!
● She has mastered the ability to have him buy her frivolous luxury items
without the request seeming outrageous. She doesn’t come right out and ask
for cash, that’s tacky, she’ll mention she saw a gorgeous bracelet at Tiffany’s
that would look great on her wrist. Her “mark” is so enamoured with her that
he’ll hand her his credit card and insist she go buy it for herself. It’s not likely,
but should she ever experience a dry spell – those gifts can be easily
liquidated.
● She doesn’t care who you are, she’s only interested in what you are.
● She has an inflated view of herself and believes she is better than the rest,
 this may or may not be a front, but it’s very convincing and that is the key to
her getting what she wants.
● She has no qualms asking about your personal financial details. She can make
it sound like she’s just asked you what you had for lunch.
● She is always taking but hardly ever giving, unless there is something in it for
her. If it gets her an invite to a high society event, she’ll be very generous to
whomever can proffer an invite.

If you are not a man of means, you don’t have to worry about The Gold Digger, she
is not interested in pursuing you – or even in giving you the time of day.
However, this woman was not born a Gold Digger, that’s a learned behaviour. She
did not likely grow up in an ideal setting, probably below the poverty line, maybe
she was raised by a single Mother who was constantly let down by the men in her
life and had to work extremely hard just to keep a roof over their heads. Her mother
probably told her never to trust or rely on a man, or she came to that conclusion
herself after witnessing her mother’s abuse. She also learned that even the most
evil man has an Achilles heel - and it’s usually sex. Her life was going to be different!
Her perfect match would have a lot of work to do to convince her that he’s not evil,
and that it’s safe for her to be herself, to let her vulnerabilities see the light of day.
He would have to earn her trust. But first he’d have to get her attention. I think it’s
probably worth the investment.

The Princess
The Princess is virtually impossible to satisfy and hasn’t yet discovered (or won’t
accept) how to be “real.” She wears expensive clothes and spends a lot of money
on makeup, hair, her nails, etc., The Princess often doesn’t have a job, but is very
proud of everything she’s accomplished, if anything, (Daddy often “rigs” the
system.) Daddy always called her a Princess and it’s something she wholeheartedly
believes!
She was raised to expect the best of everything and it was provided for her on a
silver platter. Daddy probably expects her to marry rich and maybe arranges
introductions to get the ball rolling. Daddy is blind to her faults, in his eyes, she is
perfection and any man would be lucky to have her, any man of the right pedigree
that is.
The Princess can’t imagine the whole world doesn’t think she’s special – she’s never
been exposed to anyone who contradicted the identity she’s claimed. She has no
ambition beyond that of being a wife and mother (with a nanny and housekeeper.)
She’s not necessarily dumb, but she is naïve, because everything has always been
done for her. This isn’t her fault, that’s on Daddy.
The Princess has no intention of contributing anything to a relationship, she expects
to be taken care of. Some men might find her naiveté cute. She may make some
feel manly, like the hunter and provider, they don’t realize that it doesn’t stop with
a roof over her head, food on the table and clothes on her back. That house better
be huge, that food better be 5-star and cooked by someone else and those clothes
have to feature a designer label. In other words, no blue-collar worker need apply.
She’s not greedy, she really doesn’t know any better, Daddy has convinced her that
she deserves nothing less than the best, and Daddy is right about everything! She
doesn’t know what the word budget means and assumes that if there are more
cheques in her chequebook, there must be more money in the bank.
The Princess is demanding, she expects you to cater to her after you put in a day’s
work, she cares nothing about your sacrifices and won’t tolerate waiting for
anything.
She’s a lady-who-lunches, her Daddy may have put her on a board of some kind,
she will attend charity events, might even host a couple, but she will never pay for
admission. She is unaware of current events, she’ll probably never even learn your
birthday. Daddy will always be her number one, and if you make Daddy’s little girl
cry…well, he knows a guy who knows a guy,
If you have unlimited funds and a high tolerance for whining – proceed, otherwise
look for Cinderella after the clock strikes midnight if you have your heart set on a
Princess.

HOW TO SPOT THE PRINCESS

● She actually wants to be called Princess. Any other woman would find that
gag inducing.
● She wears only expensive clothes. She does not know the value of a dollar,
she has no concept of the cost of anything – she doesn’t even look at price
tags. If she wants it, she buys it – or you do.
● The Princess wouldn’t be caught dead at the local pub, she will only be seen
at the trendiest restaurants/lounges.
● She scoffs at the homeless, she has no sympathy for the less fortunate.
‘There’s an ATM right there, why don’t they just take some money out?’
● Image is everything, it’s better to look good and be wrong about something,
than look bad and discover the cure for Cancer.
● You are a reflection of her. If you don’t look highly successful and are not
perfectly coiffed, you are not leaving the house and she’ll go to the event
with family or friends instead.

If your father is King of something and a merger would benefit both of your
kingdoms, you two would be perfect for each other. Otherwise, you should jump
on your white horse and ride off into the sunset, maybe you’ll find a mermaid.

Self-Absorbed Sally
As the name implies, Self-Absorbed Sally is only concerned with herself and always
reverts conversations back to her. She is not curious about anything in your life, but
she will insist on sharing hers. She really has nothing interesting to say, unless you
care about “the cutest cat ever.” This type of woman can drive you mad with her
monologues and gossip about people you don’t know, or people she doesn’t even
know, like movie stars.
She is unable to engage you in conversation because she is unable to disengage her
vocal chords. The best type of man to successfully date a self-absorbed woman is a
great and patient listener!
Self-Absorbed Sally is addicted to her devices, she’s checking her Facebook,
commenting on someone’s wall or liking a pair of shoes. She is tweeting what she
had for lunch and instagramming a selfie with that ridiculous duck-face. She loves
Social Media, she posts her every move to all her followers (most of which are bots,
retail stores and designer labels who never like, retweet or whatever you do on
Instagramm.) Oh, she may follow a charity and retweet their tragic posts with a
“Share 💓💓💓Please RT WE HAVE TO HELP THESE PEOPLE. 💓💓💓”
Her friends are equally self-absorbed, If they’re out together, they’re all glued to
their devices, the silence is only broken when one says ‘Oh My God, did you see
this?’ ‘What? No…Where did you find it?’ ‘Who posted that? Why can’t I see it? Is
he blocking me? Oh, am I following him? How many followers does he have?’
Scintillating, no?
There’s always a mirror at the ready and Self-Absorbed Sally is very comfortable
pulling it out and re-applying her lipstick wherever she is. Flirting? She’s good
looking and she knows it. She’ll play coy, maybe twirl her hair, blush a bit and smile
at you across the bar. When you work up the courage to walk over and ask if you
can buy her a drink, her friends will look you up and down, and maybe interrupt
with, “Hang on a minute boy, what are your intentions with our girl?” while she
giggles and keeps twirling her hair.
She is happy to let you buy her a drink and talk to her. She’s very interested in what
you have to say as long as it’s about her. The moment you start talking about
yourself she checks out, her eyes glaze over until she figures out a way to bring it
back around to her.
If you’re dating Self-Absorbed Sally you had better not even think of stealing a
sideways glance at another woman, that is sufficient grounds for WWIII. That will
not be tolerated, even if you think it’s someone you know. You’ll be punished for a
very long time, she won’t let you forget that huge offence and you will never do it
again.
You may want to avoid taking her to any work function, she will be bored to tears
and she won’t try to conceal it. She will roll her eyes a lot, her body language will
scream, “Get me out of here.” She may be dismissive or even rude when you
introduce her to co-workers, even your boss. She will ask repeatedly if you can
leave now. You will feel like a juggler, making sure she doesn’t have the opportunity
to offend any of your colleagues, whilst keeping her placated at the same time. It’s
not worth the trouble, you’ll have a miserable night and when you see your
colleagues again, they’ll let you know they were less than impressed. Your mistake?
It wasn’t about her!

HOW TO SPOT SELF-ABSORBED SALLY

● She is low on empathy, not likely to see another person’s point of view and
she’s not interested in changing her mind. She lives in a bubble and she likes
it there.
● She will ask many questions, but always finds a way to inject her own
experiences into the conversation. “Oh, that happened to me once, I was….”
● She will frequently use the words should and must, she needs to dominate
in any relationship. Silence drives her insane so don’t expect any peace and
quiet when Self-Absorbed Sally is around. She will feel compelled to fill every
gap with what you will eventually feel is noise. She has an opinion on
everything, but her world is small, so her perspective is limited.
● She talks behind people’s back a lot, and never in a good way. She’ll complain
about something they said or did and follow up with, “I would never do that,
I’m the type of person…” and she’s off.
● She wants credit for everything she does but she will downplay anybody
else’s success.
 ● Self-Absorbed Sally doesn’t have many real friends, she hangs out with
people of her depth, which is fine for all of them, they are not interested in
each other’s minutia anyways, and they always have someone to hang out
with, because going out alone is desperate and Self-Absorbed Sally is
anything but desperate.

It’s hard to know how to deal with Self-Absorbed Sally, she can be really irritating,
she can never admit she’s wrong, even if she knows she is. Her relationships don’t
last very long, so if you do find yourself dating her, one of you will lose interest, on
the bright side...There won’t likely be a messy breakup.
Her perfect match is someone with an abundance of patience and excellent
listening skills. Like most people, her behaviour can be traced back to insecurity. If
you listen to what she’s saying, she’s revealing truths about herself. The more she
complains about something, the more she relates to that particular trait. This is a
very effective way to know what makes her tick, so, if you decide you can work with
it…There is excellent potential.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About the Author
Hi I’m Laura Bilotta, author ( https://singleinthecity.ca/relationship-and-dating-
advice-book-singleinthecity/) and founder of Single in the City. I’m a dating coach
(https://singleinthecity.ca/the-dating-coach/), matchmaker
(https://singleinthecity.ca/toronto-matchmaker-and-matchmaking-service/), and
author with 15 years of industry knowledge and I want to help you become a
successful dater. Throughout my career I’ve helped thousands of people
overcome their dating shortcomings. Whether you have dating anxiety, need help
making a good first impression or just can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong, I
can help! Helping people find their match is my passion and I would love to work
with you to create positive change in your life. Hope to hear from you!
laura@singleinthecity.ca

or

http://singleinthecity.ca or singleinthecitydating.com