The Way Of The Superior Man

David Deida, an expert in sexual and spiritual growth, teaches you to become
a Superior Man by learning to be authentic. In the process, you’ll find and
prioritize your purpose, understand and fulfill the needs of your woman,
discipline your desires and insist on growth, and embrace and channel your
attraction to the feminine.

Be Who You Are

The first key to becoming a Superior Man is authenticity, and the Superior
Man knows there’s no better time to live authentically than right now. He
doesn’t wait for his finances to be more secure, for his children to move out,
or for his woman to change—he’s willing to do what’s necessary to give
his fullest gift in every moment.

You have a unique gift to share, and you can’t fulfill your greatest
potential if you never try. In this section, you’ll learn how to embrace and
embody your true, masculine self, so you can channel your energy into
giving your greatest gift, today.

Maintain Your Fullest Consciousness

Approach everything openly, wholeheartedly, and lovingly; this is how

you give your fullest gifts without regret. It’s satisfying to give your best,
and that satisfaction lets you engage more fully because you’re not
distracted by a feeling that you’re wasting your time. Being open allows you
to discover your deepest truth.

Stay conscious and open at all times, especially when faced with pain.
When you retreat into your shell, you become blind to the subtle clues and
nuances of a situation and are unable to act with your fullest intelligence.
The Superior Man stays open to ensure he can respond with wisdom, humor,
and love, instead of fear and defensiveness. Remain open by standing
straight and breathing deep into your belly, opening the front of your
body and making unguarded eye contact.

Accept and Face Your Fears

The Superior Man is trustworthy and inspirational because he knows what he

fears and leans into it, sharing his gift anyway. His freedom comes from
acknowledging, sharing, and facing his fear. Your greatest opportunity for
growth lies at the edge of your fear. Speak your fear, describe your limit
aloud, and proceed regardless of your fear and uncertainty. When others see
you retreat from your fears and hide them, they lose trust in you. They know
a man who lies to himself is likely to lie to them, too.

Ask your friends to challenge you; be open and honest with them about your
fears, your struggles, and your situation. Have them identify specific ways in
which you could improve, and take their criticism as guidance.

Release Your Inhibitions

The Superior Man prioritizes his own purpose; he does not allow the
expectations of others to sway him from his path. Shame, guilt, and
expectation limit you, burdening you with feelings of fear and unworthiness.

Many men find that their deepest shame arises from the suppression of their
sexual desire. As a masculine man, your natural desire is to ravish. You derive
pleasure from releasing your woman from everything that blocks her ability
to surrender fully to your love; from “taking” and filling her, body and soul.

This is your role in the polarity of sex, and when you suppress this desire you
become unable to fulfill it lovingly. You turn to violent pornography and
fantasies of rape, and your shame prevents you from fully engaging in your
woman’s sexual surrender. Instead, give up your ego—release your
inhibitions and, focusing on what your woman is feeling, give her everything
you want to give. Ravish her with abandon, and give her the space to let her
desires take you places you’d never have gone otherwise.

Live With Purpose

The Superior Man knows his priorities and pursues his purpose. In this
section, you’ll learn the difference in priority between feminine and
masculine, why you need a purpose and how to find it, and why you should
prioritize it.

Seek Release, Let Her Seek Fullness

As men, we’re driven to pursue freedom—to push through all forms of

constraint, release ourselves, and experience the total freedom of complete
emptiness. Our deepest motivation is to face death and overcome it.

To be free, break your attachment to comfort and security. Your fear of

surrendering your independent self is the death you must face to achieve the
freedom of total one-ness.

Women are driven to pursue love—their path to fullness is surrender, rather

than release. In sex, their desire is to be filled, connected, unified, and
made whole. That’s why they’re disappointed when you stop holding them
after your orgasm; you’ve achieved the freedom of release, but she’s
achieved the fullness of surrender and wants to remain One.

Your truest release and her greatest fullness rest at the cores of your being.
In discovering and embodying your truest selves, you attain your greatest
freedom and she achieves her greatest love. Until you relax into your
cores, she’ll always seek to fill herself and you’ll always seek release.

Be True to Yourself

The Superior Man’s focus is on growth—he charts the course so others can
follow, trusting the stability of his wisdom and the openness of his heart.
The journey of life is about constantly discovering deeper truths and
consistently re-evaluating and reorganizing yourself around them. Live from
the stable internal core of your being instead of focusing yourself around
your daily tasks and responsibilities.

It’s good to be disciplined and purposeful in daily life, but when it

disconnects you from your larger purpose you lose your freedom and
perspective. When you know your core and are aligned with it, everything
you do becomes an expression of your purpose. Your work and your
intimacy become opportunities to give your fullest gifts and to enjoy the act
of giving.

Your priority at all times should be to be who you are at your deepest level;
you’ll only have the energy to love fully if you’re not wasting it by
struggling with dissatisfaction.

How to find your core:

Feel the source of your attention and where it comes from.

Spend your time with inspirational people who reflect that source to
you.
Read books that remind you of the truth of who you are.
Contemplate, meditate, or pray daily.

Instead of simply acting, practice being fully conscious in every moment.

Breathe deeply, stay open, and consult your deepest truth. Weigh the
pressures that drive you to act against your internal compass, and then act
in the way you know is right. Whether you’re right or wrong, learn from the
outcome and deepen your understanding of yourself.

Understand That Purpose Is a Cycle of Fulfillment

The journey of life is a process of fully living one obligation, mission, or

purpose at a time until it is finished and the next one can begin. When
you fulfill a purpose, you grow closer to the truth of your heart—your deepest
purpose—and open yourself to more fulfilling opportunities. When you lose
interest in a purpose because you’ve learned all you can from it, make a
clean break and find your next purpose, again and again, growing closer to
your deepest truth each time.

Put Your Purpose First

There’s more to your life than loving your woman. You have a purpose that
drives you, a gift to share with the world. When you put that aside, your life
becomes directionless and empty.

The Superior Man understands that his life satisfaction comes from fulfilling
his purpose; he knows that dissatisfaction will only impede his ability to
engage fully with other things. He knows his woman wants him to be his
best self, so he prioritizes his growth, even over his family.

Put your purpose first; dedicate yourself to becoming the best man you
can be. Find and share your greatest gift and your deepest love in every
moment. You’ll be able to give your purpose and family your full attention,
instead of doing neither wholeheartedly and being frustrated with both.

Don’t make your woman take charge of your life; do that yourself so she can
focus on her own. When she sees you living fully, openly, and lovingly, you
give her the confidence to do the same.

Understand Your Woman

In this section, we’ll explore the feminine mindset, learn to understand the
meaning behind your woman’s words and complaints, and discover how to
share your masculine gifts with her.

Attend to What She Feels, Not Just What She Says

The masculine style of communication is to say exactly what we mean,

according to a well-considered stance based on our experience and the
events at hand. The feminine style is to communicate the textural feeling
of the moment, not the literal details of the situation. She lives in the
now, and her emotions and moods are solid, real things, but they pass
quickly and change often.

Her words take into account her feeling about your relationship and both the
seen and unseen nuances of the situation. There’s often wisdom there that’s
unavailable to your way of perceiving the world. Let her follow her own flow;
the full embodiment of femininity is to be moved by love and life, according
to what feels right, rather than considered analysis.

Her role in the polarity of intimacy is to surrender openly and fully to

you and, to do that, she needs to trust you entirely. Your integrity is
critical; to trust you with her life, she needs to trust you with yours. Show
her that you’re doing everything you can in service of your masculine
mission, so she can relax into her own feminine priorities.

Meet your woman’s challenges, criticisms, doubts, and complaints with

humor and love. Show her your openness, integrity, and strength. Remember
that what she wants is to know that you’ll love her wholeheartedly no matter
the circumstances and that you won’t stop loving her. Embrace her, make
her feel loved, and appreciate her for pushing you to remain who you
are.

Share Your Gifts With Her

Remember that the feminine seeks to be filled with love. When you express
unconditional love to her, you give her the greatest gift she can receive.

At her deepest level, your woman’s difficulties arise from a feeling of being
incompletely loved. This is the source of her destructive moods; her anger,
sadness, and upset. The Superior Man understands that while his woman
can escape her darkness on her own, his loving intervention can
brighten her mood far more quickly than she could herself. He gives his
woman the love and support she needs to pursue her own solutions, instead
of promoting her feelings of powerlessness and insecurity by bombarding
her with advice. Assume that what she needs is to feel love, and help the
mood pass before seeking the problem. Conversely, if you show your
woman you can’t handle her anger, she’ll feel that she’s unlovable when
she’s angry. Because she needs to feel loved no matter how she is in the
moment, she’ll return to that anger until you fill the emptiness that drives it
with your love.

Remember that your intimate relationship requires polarity; if you want

her to embody the feminine, embody the masculine and be that for her when
she needs it. She’ll be able to surrender to you sexually because you’ll have
enabled her to relax into trusting your masculine energy.

Manage Your Relationship

In this section, we’ll explore your priority and responsibilities in your

relationship.

A masculine man’s primary goal will always be his mission, and a feminine
woman’s primary goal will always be to maximize the flow of love in her life—
this asymmetry can be a major cause of strife. For your relationship to best
serve you and your woman, you must support each other in the pursuit
of your distinct priorities. The intimacy between you will give you what you
want only if you’re both fulfilled in the way you most need to be.

Take Responsibility for Giving Your Gifts, and for Your Growth and
Direction

As an adult, you’re responsible for your own happiness, health, and success.
You no longer need someone to take care of you. Beyond this, you have a
responsibility to give your gift. Growing past your dependence on your
partner is only one step to true adulthood—the larger step is to grow beyond
your need for autonomy and independence. Simply put, the stage in
intimacy that comes after independence is mutual, loving service.

As you get lost in the daily tasks of your business and your duties, your
woman will get lost in the cycles of her moods and emotions. It’s your
responsibility to cut through both mentalities: to stay awake to your purpose
in living and to remove obstructions to your woman’s connection to the love
at her core.

Remember what your masculine gifts are:

1. Your ability to lovingly intervene. Your woman can get lost in her
moods and find it very difficult to escape them alone. Don’t be her
therapist; be her wake-up call. Open her eyes and heart, remind her of
how deeply she’s loved, and lift her out of the dark, shrunken
perspective her moods drag her into.
2. Your ability to set a goal. You know where you are, where you want to
be, and how to get there. If your woman is stressed, unhappy, and
unfulfilled, examine that. Find out where she needs to go and how she
can get there. Share that vision with her and help her accomplish it.

Before you can give your woman the gift of direction, you must find your
own. Take control of your life and align it around your purpose. Your
laziness, your addictions, and your lack of clarity are your own
responsibility—try whatever techniques are appropriate to eliminate them.

In every moment, love through your woman and the world. Embrace every
instant of your experience as a lover, and trust the direction in which love
moves you. Give your gift so open-heartedly that you don’t even realize
you’ve lost your need to be self-centered.

Channel the Energy of Attraction

In this section, we’ll discuss the rejuvenating energy of attraction, where it

can lead you, and who to pursue.

Embrace Your Attraction to the Feminine

What attracts you to women is more than their outward beauty; it’s their
radiance, their liveliness, and their freedom. Your desire for the feminine is
an embodiment of your internal impulse to give love; don’t suppress it.
It’s a feeling that rises out of a desire to live, to be a united One, and to be
free in your spirit.

There’s more in the world that’s feminine than just women; nature, beer,
music—anything beautiful, energetic, moving, and relaxing embodies the
feminine essence. Even now, you’re floating in an ocean of feminine energy.
It’s life in all forms; the breath in your lungs, the beating of your heart in your
chest, the breeze in the trees, and the vibrancy of nature.

The Superior Man allows feminine energy to fuel his energy and his drive and
revitalize his masculine core.

When you feel the zing of attraction, allow yourself to experience it fully.
Don’t stare or interact with the woman who triggered it in you; just enjoy the
gift of her feminine essence. Let the energy of your attraction flow through
you and fill you. You don’t need to act on the attraction. Let it be what it is,
and take it as a blessing.

Understand that sexual attraction is not the same as having sex. Being
attracted to the radiance of a woman is always okay, but having sex
with her may not be. Any intimacy needs to come from a shared
commitment to loving and serving each other, and if that isn’t there, intimacy
isn’t appropriate.

Use Your Attraction to Connect to Your Core

Your need for women comes from your spiritual desire for oneness, for
completeness. This total serenity is always within you. The cycle of
attraction, desire, and need has arisen because you’re searching outside of
yourself for the peace that only exists inside.

Your capacity to love, give love, and receive love comes from your core,
which is love. Women can bring you closer to it or take you further away, so
magnify your desire. Take your woman in your arms and give her everything
you want from her, the entirety of your desperate need to be whole, and
feel through her, through the world, and into the core of endless love
beyond.

Prioritize Growth Over Desire

As a masculine man, you’ll be most attracted to a feminine woman. Her

embodiment of the feminine sexual essence enables her to give you the gifts
you most desire, and it will naturally lead her to chaotic impulses and
emotional storms. She’ll seem both sexually irresistible and emotionally
unreadable.

Understand that this combination is simply the way of the world; like the
women you’re attracted to, your world offers you limitless desire and
terrifying unpredictability. A good relationship teaches you to embrace
that dichotomy and learn to face it with an open mind and a loving heart.
Your capacity to stand strong in your loving regardless of the unpredictability
of her energy is what will grow you most—and her.

Consider Your Priorities Before You Move on

The Superior Man doesn’t just drop everything when his desires change—he
evaluates the situation, makes adjustments, and continues to follow his core.

When the flow of your life changes, you may suddenly desire a different
“temperature” of feminine energy: If your days are slow and peaceful, you
may desire a “hot” woman to ignite your passion and revitalize your energy. If
your days are busy and stressful, you may want a “cool” woman to soothe
and heal you.

Energy is easy to adjust; instead of rushing to leave your woman when her
energy no longer matches your needs, seek to adjust the “temperature” of
your life in other ways first.

If you’re running hot, a change in diet, clothing, or lifestyle can be enough to

cool you down. A glass of cool fruit juice, a massage from a cool woman, or a
relaxed conversation can rebalance your energy. Likewise, spending time
with hot, fiery people can warm you up and enliven your spirit just as much
as having sex with a hot woman would. Spicy foods and warmer clothes will
do just as well.

Regardless of how loving and satisfying your relationship is, you’ll probably
find yourself wanting to have sex with other women. This is not necessarily a
problem, and how you respond to that desire depends on your purpose in
life.

Before you consider having more than one woman, take a look at the
relationship you already have. Unless the intimacy in that relationship is
characterized by deep connection, spiritual happiness, and rejuvenating
passion, you’re not ready for a second woman, and it’s best to discipline your
desire and work to improve the relationship you’ve already got.

If your relationship is strong, perhaps it’s right to pursue a second woman—

in this case, ensure that doing so will best serve both your own needs
and happiness and the needs and happiness of your current and future
partners.

Master Physical and Sexual Practices

The Superior Man prioritizes connection over pleasure. In this section, we’ll
explore techniques for the practice of conscious sexual intercourse.
Ejaculate Consciously, or Not at All

Ejaculation without conscious choice or control weakens you physically,

spiritually, and relationally. Your addiction to ejaculation prevents you
from experiencing the full union of sexual love.

When your woman sees that you’re satisfied with a quick release—that your
goal is release, rather than a perfect union—you show her that’s your priority.
That in all things, you will seek release over completion, and you will lose her
trust in life as you have in sex.

Your goal in sex should be to achieve the highest degree of intimacy and
sexual fulfillment available to you—your woman is giving you the gift of her
full and open surrender; you owe her your greatest gift in return.

To do this, practice the following exercises:

First, learn to consciously contract the muscles in your pelvic floor: your
genitals, anus, and perineum (the space between your genitals and your
anus). When you contract the muscles in this area, focus on pulling it upward
toward your spine, and into your body. It’ll feel much like trying to hold it on
your way to the bathroom.

Practice this in sets of 15 or 20, contracting those muscles and holding them
for as long as you can. Do it three or four times a day; eventually, it will
become easy, and you’ll be able to hold it as long as you want.

Then, practice moving your sexual energy up your spine. You already feel it
when it builds up behind and inside of your genitals, swelling and pushing to
be released; this same energy can be moved upward instead of out. At first,
you’ll have to visualize it, but the more you practice, the more you’ll feel the
energy moving. It’ll feel healing and revitalizing instead of draining and
exhausting.

Finally, during sex, relax the front of your body and keep your breath
full. Don’t focus on a particular sensation; feel fully and openly, and feel
outward—even beyond your own sensations and those of your partner. Feel
out toward infinity.

When you come close to orgasm, stop moving, pull your pelvic floor in
and up, and breathe the energy of your orgasm up your spine. When you
combine the pulling contraction with the breath up your spine, you should
feel the strength of your erection as well as your need to ejaculate decrease
slightly. Repeat this as often as necessary during sex to extend your
connection with your partner until you achieve the perfect union you desire.