Martin 1

Faith Martin

Prof. Slye

English 1201

29 April 2022

How Does Divorce Psychologically Affect Children?

Fig. 1. Dominoes falling causing a chain reaction. (Domino. 3D. Black Dominoes Falling)

Divorce is like dominoes. A series of events triggered by one initial shove, constantly

leaning on one another, and gaining momentum. It’s a continuous game of cause and effect. At

least that’s what it feels like to be a child with separated parents. Children tend to suffer the most

when divorce situations take place and are left with long-term psychological effects and deep

emotional scars that have the ability to hinder them into adulthood. While most children

eventually adapt to parental separation to an extent, divorce causes higher risk of mental illness,

hyperactivity, and antisocial disorder. This is due to the severe emotional distress caused by the

drastic changes to home life and relationships. Conflict between the separated parents also

contributes to many long-term psychological issues, even more so than the event of the

separation itself.
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Almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States end in some form of divorce or

separation, it’s a common occurrence that has essentially become normalized in society today.

The reasoning for divorce today is quite different than compared to say the 1970s. In the 70s,

couples got divorced because they were in a really bad marriage or there was an affair. (Afifi,

Tamara) Children are observed to be closer to their parents now than in the 1970s, so the

generalized effect of a divorce is heightened because the relationships are more significant. It is

also becoming more common for couples separate by a no-fault divorce. This means that neither

person has to present reasons for the divorce and in turn the entire process is less extensive.

Today, it’s more common to see people getting divorced to serve their own happiness and this

speculation tends to bother children more because divorce seems to happen too easily.

Many studies done on the effects of divorce on children begin research after the event has

occurred or will use the predivorce period as a baseline. However, there is a wide range of

valuable information that can be gathered before the initial event of divorce takes place. Fewer

than a dozen studies have been published on researching the effects of the predisruption period

leading up to the divorce. Several of these studies display the levels of child depression,

aggression, antisocial behavior, confusion, and hyperactivity to be significantly higher in

children whose parents later divorced in comparison to those whose parents remained together.

Hyperactivity disorders are mental conditions that can develop in childhood. It is

characterized by having difficulty with attention and concentration, accompanied with impulsive

and hyperactive behavior. It’s common for children to develop hyperactive behaviors after

divorce due to often being put in positions that leave them feeling unheard and invaluable. These

situations cause the child to harbor their feelings and has the ability to eventually manifest into a

hyperactivity disorder like ADHD. Another disorder that commonly develops in children as a
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result of divorce is antisocial personality disorder. This is a personality disorder that is

characterized by showing prevalent disregard for those around them, nonconformity of rules and

social expectations, as well as reckless behavior. In young children, this typically begins

manifesting in behaviors such as rule breaking and entitlement and in teens has the ability to

develop into substance abuse or illegal activity. Individuals with antisocial disorder tend to fail at

maintaining long-term healthy relationships and can be seen leading to their own divorces.

(Tabor, Jaclyn). These hyperactive and antisocial behaviors are easily observed playing out in

academic settings. It’s not uncommon for children to struggle with academic attainment more so

than children of married parents. Trying to maintain grades while suffering mentally and

attempting to adjust to the drastic change in their lives is even more dominoes added to the stack

pushing against them and their mental stability.

While divorce is generally viewed as a life event, it is actually a process. When observing

divorce as a process, it is easier to understand how children are affected by the predisruption

period before the divorce. Lisa Strohschein explains divorce as a process by saying, “Divorce

encapsulates a process of uncoupling that begins well in advance of the event and has the

potential to create ripples far into the future.” Post-divorce stressors including higher parenting

demands, relocation, and changes in economic resources are often confronted when supporting

children affected by the divorce. Pre-divorce stressors like estrangement, dissatisfaction,

manifestation of feelings, and emotional detachment can have severe consequences for the

mental health and well-being of the children as well but are not as commonly addressed. “It is

through the pathway of increasingly dysfunctional family relationships that the predisruption

effects of divorce are thought to influence child mental health.” (Strohschein, Lisa). Many of the

long-term and significant effects of divorce begin manifesting in the pre-stages of divorce
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because this is when the family dynamic begins to change, causing tension, stress, and confusion

for the children. This is why it’s important to understand divorce as a continuous process and

should be observed and delt with from the beginning rather than starting in the middle.

The first year after the divorce is when children struggle the most. Majority of children

will adapt to the changes that divorce presents, while some will end up carrying the emotional

burden much longer or into adulthood. There are countless situations like changes in home life,

school, and relationships that can arise before and after the separation that causes stress and will

have psychological impact. Changes in home life is a big stressor for children because divorce

causes their home life to drastically change from what they always used to know. This will

inherently cause immense stress and discomfort. These changes can look like a parent moving

out, moving homes, or living between two house. Losing daily contact with a parent will greatly

affect the bond between child and parent and can lead to irreversible loss of connection in their

relationship. Research has shown that the absence of a parent by divorce can be equitable to that

of losing a parent by death to a child. (Tabor, Jaclyn) The mental health and stability of the

custodial parent also has direct correlation to the deterioration of the mental health of the

children and their adjustment and well-being to the situation overall. The relationship between

the parents and siblings can also be affected, causing emotional distress on the child. This can

happen when the children blame a different parent for the situation than their siblings or do not

see eye to eye with their opinions of the divorce. Despite the new adjustments that children

typically encounter within the first year, there will always be new changes presented such as

remarriage that the children will continue to have to adapt to.

Children have been observed to interpret the disturbance of divorce differently depending

on their age. Younger children struggle the most with the new living arrangements and trying to
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understand the divide that has been established. They do not understand the reason the divorce

has taken place and tend to worry if they are still loved by their parents now that they do not love

each other anymore. Middle school age children typically put the responsibility of the divorce on

themselves and believe that they are at fault for the divorce. It’s quite difficult for them to

explain how they are feeling about the situation and try to find answers as to why it has

happened. Finally, teenagers seem to take the reality of divorce the hardest. They often become

angry and will point fingers at the parents. They face more emotional distress towards their

parents and the situation as a whole.

Divorce is a sensitive topic with many different views and opinions but stating that

children come out on the other side of divorce with no psychological disruption or that there are

positive effects is only saving the parent from emotional turmoil. The vast majority of research

done on the psychological effects of divorce on children focuses heavily on the negative effects.

This can lead the reader to believe that there are positive effects as well, they have just yet to be

explored and studied to the same extent. While this is a valid counterargument, the reason there

has been little research on the positive effects of divorce is because the overall pool of

information is very small compared to the negative effects. It simply isn’t productive to put forth

the time, expenses, studies, and research into something with very little output and usefulness.

It’s rare for children to feel any relief after a divorce, unless they are in an extreme circumstance

where the previous household was filled with tension, hostility, or danger. (The Psychological

Effects of Divorce on Children). The adjustments and conflict that is presented with divorce

cancels out almost any positive interpretations and researching the negative effects allows us to

learn how they can be avoided and resolved.

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Parental conflict will approximately determine how well children function after the

divorce more than any other variable. This is because severe and constant parental conflict has

the ability to cause damaging long-term effects on the children by forcing them into repeated

situations that are upsetting, uncomfortable, and stressful. Children are particularly affected

when conflict is directly about them, this can cause the child to blame themselves for the conflict

or even the entire divorce itself. Studies conducted on the effects of parental conflict have shown

that children whose parents are married but experience severe conflict have more psychological

and relational issues than children of divorced parents with significantly less conflict. (Afifi,

Tamara). Parental conflict is one of the biggest factors in child psychological health, divorced or

not. The way parents fight affects their children mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Sometimes the parents aren’t even aware of how their words and actions are affecting them

because the child doesn’t know how to voice or express their pain.

A specific example of a position that causes unnecessary tension is when parents use the

child as a messenger or mediator. Something as simple as relaying a message from one parent to

the other like “Please remind your mom that you have a dentist appointment on Tuesday,” can

quickly turn into the child becoming an intermediary if there’s any push back from the receiving

parent like, “Well why didn’t your dad just tell me that?” (Afifi, Tamara). What at first seemed

like a simple task has now put the child directly in the middle of a conflict, this position will

leave them feeling caught or torn between their parents. This is another example of the domino

effect that is constantly stacking up and causing emotional stress on the children. The only way

for the child to now resolve this situation on their own is to choose a side, avoid it, or be

confrontational with their parents. This simple situation causes severe and unneeded emotional
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distress on the child that the parents may not even be fully aware of. Situations like this are

constantly wearing on the children and their psychological health.

Divorce is going to have psychological effects on children, so how can this impact be

limited? There are some techniques that parents can use like co-parenting, using consistent rules

and discipline, maintaining healthy relationships with the children, and providing counseling if

needed to help lessen the long-term emotional and psychological impact. Children tend to get the

brunt of the effects of divorce, so giving them a voice to express their perspective and needs is

vitally important. It’s even becoming more common for children to be more involved in the

decisions being made post-separation concerning them. Kim Halford explains that co-parenting

agreements should be made according to the children and their needs by saying “If parents

manage to be mutually respectful and keep their child's best interests as their shared focus, then

the child is likely to do well.” In order for it to be successful, co-parenting requires the parents to

redefine their relationship and learn how to cooperate and respect each other. When the co-

parents set specific expectations on how they will interact with each other, it creates less conflict

and a more respectful relationship. The most important thing a parent can do to support their

child is to listen to their voice, understand their needs, and then provide it. While the relationship

between the parents is changing, the relationship between child and parent is not and should stay

maintained and protected. Counseling is another strategy that has been proven very helpful and

can aid children in processing their emotions by talking with someone who is not directly

connected to the divorce.

Divorce poses many different kinds of circumstances and despite all of the research done

on the topic of the psychological effects of divorce on children so far, there are still many gaps

surrounding the situations like remarriages, races, and socioeconomic statuses. “Divorce plays a
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huge role in the increased psychological problems children encounter, regardless of their age,

gender or culture, any child with divorced parents is affected mentally.” (The Psychological

Effects of Divorce on Children). The conflict, adjustment, emotional distress, and relational

stress will leave an imprint on children that they may carry throughout the rest of their lives,

whether that is increased risk of mental illness, antisocial personality disorder, or a form of

hyperactivity. Children of divorce need all of the help and support they can get while navigating

the process of divorce. Their life is drastically changing, and not for the better. So much of the

situation is out of their hands and this is why divorce often seems so hopeless to children. The

best way to protect children of divorce is to prioritize their needs and create peaceful interactions

that instills love in them instead of more tension and conflict. You can’t stop the dominoes from

falling, the least you can do is make sure the path they’re following is set up for success.
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Works Cited

Birnbaum, Rachel. "Views of the Child Reports: Hearing Directly from Children Involved in

Post- Separation Disputes." Social Inclusion, vol. 5, no. 3, July 2017, pp. 148+. Gale In

Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A554689218/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=bookmark-OVIC&xid=92009640. Accessed 16 Mar. 2022.

“Domino. 3D. Black Dominoes Falling” Adobe Stock, https://stock.adobe.com/search?

k=dominos+falling&asset_id=82401975. Accessed 30 Mar. 2022.

Halford, Kim. "How will my divorce affect my kids?" Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online

Collection, Gale, 2022. Gale In Context: Opposing

Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/XHVDAC180620826/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=bo

okmark-OVIC&xid=d4bb4408. Accessed 22 Mar. 2022. 

Strohschein, Lisa. “Parental Divorce and Child Mental Health: Accounting for Predisruption

Differences.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 53, no. 6, Aug. 2012, pp. 489–

502. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.682903. Accessed 21 Mar.

2022.

Tabor, Jaclyn A. "Adjustment to Divorce (Children)." The Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia of

Family Studies, edited by Constance L. Shehan, Wiley, 1st edition, 2016. Credo

Reference, http://sinclair.ohionet.org/login?url=https://search.credoreference.com/

content/entry/wil yfamily/adjustment_to_divorce_children/0?institutionId=6043. Accessed

21 Mar. 2022.
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TEDxTalks. “The Impact of Divorce on Children: Tamara D. Afifi at Tedxucsb.” YouTube,

YouTube, 20 May 2012, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKcNyfXbQzQ. Accessed

23 Mar. 2022

“The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children: Latest Articles.” Attorney at Law Magazine,

31 May 2021, https://attorneyatlawmagazine.com/psychological-effects-divorce-children.

Accessed 22 Mar. 2022.