TOGETHER

A SURPRISE PREGNANCY ROMANCE

JENNIFER VAN WYK
Together
Copyright © 2021 Jennifer Van Wyk
ISBN-10:
ISBN-13: 9798710844069
Cover Designer: Qamber Designs and Media/Najla Qamber Designs
Cover Photography: Stock photography from Stocksy.com
Editing and proofreading services by: Julie Deaton and Kaitie Reister

Copyright © Jennifer Van Wyk 2021

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and event are fictitious in every regard. Any
similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks,
service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective
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 DEDICATION

I said I wasn’t going back to my family in Liberty, Michigan but I lied. I can’t
help it. I love where it all began. This book is dedicated to all of you who’ve
been with me from the beginning. Thanks for going on this ride with me.
 CONTENTS

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Epilogue
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
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CHAPTER ONE
 NIKOLAS

T HE ONE AND A HALF CARAT SOLITAIRE DIAMOND SET IN PLATINUM SPINS

around the tip of my finger as I continue to flick it around and around. What a
disaster tonight turned out to be. Stopping the ring, I stare at the diamond and
shake my head. “Shit,” I mumble as I shove it into my jeans pocket and take
a pull from my whiskey and wince. I really shouldn’t have ordered it but beer
didn’t seem quite strong enough after the night I had.
If I’d have expected anything but hearing the word yes, and with a whole
lot of enthusiasm, might I add, I would never have gone through with that
crazy proposal I spent weeks planning.
I get the bartender’s attention and motion for another. I don’t have him
cut it with Coke or water or even ice. What’s the point in that when all I
really want to do is forget the last three years ever happened? Maybe if I just
have him leave the bottle I’ll accomplish my goal.
“Vodka cranberry, hold the cranberry, please,” a quiet voice says beside
me.
If she wants to get served, she’s going to have to speak up louder than
that.
When my drink is served, I take a healthy gulp, noticing out of the corner
of my eye that the dark-haired woman next to me still hasn’t been heard, even
though she’s repeated it again.
“And a vodka for her,” I tell him, motioning toward my neighbor to my
right with my thumb. “Anything to cut that with?” I ask her even though she
already said just a vodka.
With a scowl aimed at the bartender for not noticing her, she shakes her
head. “No. Just a vodka.”
“A shot then?” I ask for clarification.
“No. Larger.”
I widen my eyes and look to the bartender who appears slightly amused
by her lack of words but that she knows what she wants.
He shrugs and quickly gets to work, places her straight up vodka in front
of her and she tips it back, draining the clear liquid from the lowball glass
and slamming it onto the shiny surface, spinning her finger around indicating
she would like another. Because I’m staring at her — zero shame there
because she’s kind of entertaining — I don’t miss the gag that follows or the
little cough from the burn of the harsh liquid.
I glance to the bartender and he raises an eyebrow at me as if I’m the
deciding factor here.
“She’s not mine.” I let him know, not to be a dick, but I’m not her keeper
and by the looks of it, she doesn’t want some stranger making decisions for
her.
“I’m no one’s,” she growls angrily. Oh, so now she finds her voice.
Though, I gotta say, it’s a pretty adorable voice. She might be trying to sound
angry, but it’s not really working out that way.
He pours another two fingers into her glass and it’s barely on the counter
in front of her before she chugs it down.
This time the cough is a little more dramatic, complete with pounding on
her chest with her fist and a “blech” escaping her throat when she sticks her
tongue out. She completes the experience by shuddering.
I chuckle next to her and the bartender hands her a glass of iced water,
sliding it across the bar top with one finger. His not-so-subtle suggestion
doesn’t get his head bit off, only a grateful smile aimed his way.
She takes a sip and I do the same with my whiskey.
“Another?” the bartender asks skeptically, seemingly not wanting her to
continue to get herself hammered, thus making him liable for over serving
her. However, she’s not showing signs of being drunk by any means so
maybe it’s not at that point yet.
I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, curious if she’s going to keep
putting the alcohol down quickly.
“Yeah. Please. Maybe something different, though? I mean, stick with
vodka because I don’t want to get sick from switching it up but maybe add
like lemonade or whatever so it’s not so strong?”
 I notice his lips twitch and have to bite back my own laugh. “Sure thing.”
He gets to work on her drink, her eyes never straying from his actions.
When he’s finished, he hands her a glass filled with a light pink concoction
that she happily takes a sip of.
“Oh my gosh,” she moans. “Mmm. That’s delicious.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you! I could have a million of these.”
“Watch it,” he tells her. “They’ll knock you on your ass if you’re not
careful.”
“Oh! I need to pay you! How much?”
He totals up her three drinks and she hands him some cash, telling him to
keep the change. Then she spins around and looks out at the small crowd,
sipping away at her drink at an alarming pace.
“You good?” the bartender asks me, but instead the woman who’s now
dancing in her place turns her head, lifts her glass, and replies with a cheerful,
“Yup! I’m super good now, thanks for the drink!”
His eyes go wide and he barks out a laugh before he gives her an okay
symbol by making a circle out of his thumb and pointer finger.
“And you, my man?”
I look at my glass, polish it off, and hand it back empty. “With Coke,
please.”
He nods and takes my empty glass, putting it under the bar. “Comin’ right
up.”
He makes quick work of pouring whiskey, Coke, and ice into a glass and
hands it over to me. New drink in hand, I pay for my tab and stand up,
planning to move to a table. “Thanks, man.”
“Welcome. Let me know if you need another.”
I raise my glass to him. “Thanks. I will.”
“Let me know or you’ll need another?” he asks with a knowing smirk.
“Both.”
“Figured.” He looks around to make sure no one else is waiting for a
drink and then leans his elbows on the bar. “Advice even though you didn’t
ask?” I shrug and he continues. “Shake her off. Whoever she is, or he, not
worth the time, my man.”
“What makes you sure that it’s about a woman?”
He gives me a look and spreads out his arms, like standing behind a bar is
all the answer he needs to give. Suppose he’s got a point there.
 “You seem to be so sure that she’s not worth it.”
“Anyone who puts that look on your face isn’t worth it.”
“Experience?” I guess.
He confirms with a tip of an imaginary hat toward me and stands straight,
turning to help his next customer.
I find a table easily and moments after I take a seat, a waitress stops by
with a bowl of peanuts in the shell. “I see you have a drink. You decide to
stay for dinner, too?”
“Maybe just some boneless wings.”
“Perfect. Sauce?”
“I’m boring. Regular old buffalo is perfect. Ranch for dipping.”
“Nothing boring about a classic.”
“Did you just give me a line from Bed of Roses?”
Her mouth drops open and she looks at me stunned. “Holy crap! You
know that movie?”
“Oh yeah. My sister made me watch it repeatedly one Christmas break.”
“I like your sister. She sounds like an awesome human,” she says,
laughing. “I’ll put that order in. Need a water, too? Another drink?”
“Nah. I just got this one so I’m good for a bit, but maybe a water would
be good, too.”
“You got it,” she says with a smile before walking away.
From my place at the table, I stare down at my whiskey and Coke, slowly
wiping the condensation from the side with the back of my finger.
How the hell did I get here? I was supposed to be celebrating with a new
fiancée tonight. Instead I’m nursing a broken heart over what’s surely going
to end up being too much booze. What signs did I miss?
Two nights ago, she spent the night at my place and gave no indication
that it would be the last time she did so. If she was subtly telling me that she
was about to break things off, I clearly missed it. Now I’m glad she and I
didn’t have sex. I also understand why the too tired excuse was used.
I pull out a couple of peanuts and crack the shells, dropping them in the
empty bowl and the peanuts into my mouth. I crunch away and crack a few
more.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I know exactly who it is without even
looking. My sister. She knew I was going to propose tonight and I’m sure
she’s wondering why I haven’t been sending her pictures of Stacia proudly
displaying the ring I gave her. Or, tried to give her.
 That’s one thing to be grateful for, I guess. I didn’t lose my
grandmother’s ring. Holy shit, my mother would roll over in her grave, slap
my dad from his grave next to hers to make sure he was aware of what
happened, then rail into me for a month if I’d have given our family heirloom
to a woman who wasn’t deserving of it.
But how did I miss that Stacia wasn’t the one? I thought she was happy
and we were on the same path.
“I’m sorry, Nikolas. I just… can’t.”
I rise from my knee and stand before her, ring tucked securely in my
pocket. I never did take it out. She never got a look at it.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” I know my voice sounds incredulous.
I’m shocked, though.
“Exactly that. I can’t marry you. I thought you knew I never wanted to be
married.”
“What? Of course you do! We’ve talked about it.”
“No. You’ve talked about it. I listened. I never once agreed.”
This time, my voice is low when I ask, “Okay, then, why didn’t you say
that you didn’t want that when I was talking about getting married?”
She shrugs.
Shrugs.
That’s it.
“I can’t believe you. All this time we’ve been together you never
mentioned not wanting to be married.”
“But did I ever say I wanted to?”
I want to scream in frustration. I feel like I’m arguing with a teenager
right now and rather than continue, I spin on my heel and storm back to my
pickup, leaving her standing in her place. When I climb behind the wheel, I
slam the door on her calling out my name, wondering how she’s going to get
home. I should feel guilty. But I don’t.
Hell, it’s not as if we live in the dark ages or even the 80s, for fuck’s
sakes. She’s able to use her phone and call someone to get her home.
Right now, I need a drink.
Well, at least I got what I needed, even if I didn’t get what I wanted
tonight.
The more I think about it, though, her reaction to my proposal gives me
peace. I’m thankful she said no. Well, mostly. Of course, I’m upset. I
wouldn’t have asked her if I didn’t want her to say yes, but obviously my
instincts weren’t working correctly.
I take another drink of my whiskey and Coke and crunch on a chunk of
ice and sit back, craning my neck so I can watch the TV in the corner.
Surprisingly, it’s not a game, but rather a show I have just recently started
watching about these guys who hunt for ghosts. Even with it being a show
that I genuinely enjoy, it doesn’t hold my interest.
My mind is reeling, trying to figure out where it all went wrong for me
today. When my phone rings again, I lift it to my ear, wanting to get it over
with. I figured we’d be spending the holidays together with my ring on her
finger. Proposing over Thanksgiving weekend was supposed to be the perfect
timing.
“She said no,” I tell Josie. Silence greets me on the other end and I look at
the screen to make sure the call is still connected. “Josie?”
“I’m here. What’d you say?”
“You heard me the first time and I’m not really in the mood to say it
again.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That makes two of us.”
“She really said no? Are you sure you did it right?”
I take a deep breath and roll my eyes. “How would I have done it wrong,
Jose? I was on one knee, asked her to marry me, she looked right at me and
said no.”
“But… she loves you.”
I grunt. “Apparently not. Or at least not enough.”
“She’s wrong.”
I sigh and lean back in my seat, throwing back another big swig of my
whiskey and Coke. “Pretty sure she knew what she was doing when she
turned me down. Said she’d never wanted to get married or have kids. Said
that since that’s what I wanted, it was time to move on because she didn’t
think it was fair to me.”
“You mean, it’s not fair to her to be saddled with a family guy,” she
grouses.
“Right,” I grunt. “It’s not like I wanted to keep her barefoot and pregnant
or anything like that. I wanted to marry her.”
Josie’s quiet for a few moments before asking quietly, “But can you
honestly say that you would have been okay with not having children? Or
being married to someone who didn’t want the same?” I open my mouth to
respond but she isn’t waiting for it. “As much as I hate to admit it, she was
probably right in declining your proposal. I hate that you’re hurting, but
would have hated it even more if you’d have been stuck in an unhappy
marriage.”
I sigh, knowing she’s right but cranky about it. “Yeah.”
“You know I’m right,” she answers softly.
“Doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”
“Well, duh. Of course not. But here’s the deal, I think in the end you’ll
see this as a good thing.”
“You called me excited thinking that I was engaged to the girl and now
you think it’s a good thing?”
“Well… maybe I’m seeing the good parts of it quicker than you.”
I grunt. “Clearly.”
“Niko, listen to me. It hurts and that’s okay. It should. I know, you love
Stacia and felt like she was the one but I want you to imagine your life in five
years and tell me what you see. I mean, sure you can be together for life
without being married. People do it all the time. When that’s what they both
want. But, I feel like there’s a difference between wanting to be married to
someone and wanting to make it official just hoping that it means they’ll stick
around forever. You’ll be worried for life that she’ll leave or cheat or
something because she doesn’t actually feel like you’re tied together. If you
can honestly say that you would be okay with the life that Stacia wants, then
hang up with me and go back to her.”
I sit quietly for a moment then grumble, “Sometimes I hate how logical
you are.”
“Right?” I have no doubt that she’s shimmying in her seat right now,
pleased that she’s set me straight.
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I drain the last of my whiskey and Coke.
My waitress stops with my wings and places them in front of me.
“Need another?” she asks, pointing to my now empty glass.
I think for only a second before answering. “Yes. Thanks.”
“Not a problem. Oh! Sorry, I forgot your water. I’ll be right back with it
and your drink.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you out to eat or something?” Josie asks through the phone.
“Didn’t want to go home,” I mumble.
“Understandable. Niko, can I ask you a question and you promise that
you won’t bite my head off for it?”
“No.”
“Well, I’m going to ask anyway.” I almost laugh because I knew that’s
what she would say. “Why didn’t she break up with you?”
“What do you mean?” I take a bite of one of the boneless wings.
“She had to know that you were about the marriage stuff, right? Anyone
can see that you’re a marriage kind of guy. Why wouldn’t she just break up
with you rather than keep up the charade?”
“Charade?”
“Whatever you want to call it. She was basically lying to you.”
“Well, you know how I feel about liars.”
“Exactly. That’s why I’m okay with this change of plans.”
“Wow. So much sympathy for your brother.”
“Meh. You’ll survive,” she teases. “I love you, big brother. I’m always
here for you.”
“I know and I love you, too. Now that you know it didn’t happen…” I
trail off, hoping she gets the picture. Nothing against my sister, but I’m in the
mood to forget and talking to Josie about what didn’t happen doesn’t exactly
make me forget.
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Make sure you don’t drive home
tonight. Call that guy, okay? The one that drives that local cab that I find
super sketchy?”
I almost roll my eyes at her comment. Our parents were killed by a drunk
driver. We don’t drink and drive. Ever. Our small town doesn’t have cabs.
The ‘guy’ Josie’s referring to is just a random person who needed extra
money — he’s not sketchy at all but the vehicle he drives looks like there’s a
high possibility that it’s been involved in a drug deal or two. He slapped a
“Roy’s Taxi Service” on the side of an older minivan, posted about it on
social media, and that was that.
“I’ll call Roy. Don’t worry. I’m not an idiot.”
“I know. But I worry.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Josie. Sorry I didn’t have better news for you
tonight.”
“Maybe it’s not the news I was expecting, but it’s not terrible news.
Everything happens for a reason, right?”
It’s what we’ve been saying to each other since our parents died. They
were driving home from the grocery store in the middle of the day and a
drunk driver t-boned them on the driver’s side. Unfortunately, our parents’
car was hit with such force that it slammed into a semi-truck parked at the
light, killing both our mother and father immediately. The drunk driver didn’t
survive the accident either. The driver of the semi survived physically, but I
know he’s suffered mentally since it happened.
“Yup. Love you, Josie.”
“Love you, Niko,” Josie says, using the nickname only she uses for me.
I hang up just as the waitress delivers my water and whiskey and Coke. I
thank her and dive into the wings. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her
bringing the woman from earlier another drink also just as she starts eating
what looks like enough food for an army. There’s hardly room on the table
for even her plate.
Did she order every appetizer on the menu? By the way she’s diving in,
she has zero regrets over the abundance of food sitting in front of her. I don’t
really blame her. The food here might be nothing out of the ordinary but it’s
definitely tasty.
I lick my fingers after devouring a buffalo wing and glance over at her
again. She rolls her eyes and sits back in her seat after dipping a handful of
cheesy fries into a bowl of ranch dressing and shoving them into her mouth.
My own mouth waters in jealousy. Damn. I should have ordered the loaded
fries, too.
“Just come over and join me instead of staring,” she mumbles through a
mouthful of food but loud enough that I can hear.
My stomach drops and my face heats in embarrassment.
“You heard me. But bring your wings with you.”
Rather than letting her know how mortified I am, I clear my throat and
throw back, “You sure there’s room on your table for more food and
people?”
She doesn’t answer. Instead, she gets up and drags the table next to hers
over, moving chairs out of the way so there’s room for both of us. The table
legs scrape along the hardwood floor and she huffs when she sits back down,
rearranging all the platters of food.
“Fine,” I grumble and join her.
“Help yourself. None of this will reheat well but I couldn’t decide so I
told her one of everything. Also if you help eat all this then I won’t feel so
bad about myself when I go to bed tonight and given the fact that my
boyfriend of three years told me tonight that he never saw himself getting
married — not in general, oh no, TO ME — not adding more reason for me
to be upset later on would be ideal.”
A mozzarella stick dangles from my fingertips just an inch from my open
mouth and I blink slowly.
“Whoa.”
She nods, scooping up a loaded down chip with spinach and artichoke
dip. “Yup.” Then she plops the chip into her mouth and chews, thankfully
with her mouth closed.
For the next ten minutes, we eat in relative silence. Indulging in the feast
of greasy bar food. I could eat shit like this every day and be happy. My body
wouldn’t be, but that’s to worry about later. Tonight, I’m indulging. And,
apparently, so is my dinner partner.
I don’t even know her name.
She doesn’t know mine, either.
“What’s your story?” she asks, taking a break from eating to drink some
of her beer. She must have switched from the vodka she had earlier.
Something I should probably do as well. Though, I really should just not
drink any more alcohol but much like the food, I’ll worry about that later.
I signal for the waitress and when she stops, I order a beer and another for
the woman as well. She refills our waters and moves to the bar to get our
beers.
“I don’t normally drink like this,” I tell her.
“Me either. It’s been months since I drank. That’s why I ordered so much
food. I knew I needed something to soak it up or I’d be puking. Probably will
puke anyway,” she admits sheepishly, “but at least it will be more than just
the burn of alcohol.”
The corner of my mouth ticks up. “I get that. So, if we’re going to be
sharing a meal, I suppose we should know the basics. What’s your name?”
She pauses, then grins. “Sally.”
Something tells me she’s lying. I don’t know how I know but to test my
theory I tell her, “I’m… Harry.”
That pretty smile widens and she wipes her hands on a napkin and
swallows, then sticks her hand out for me to shake. I take her small hand in
mine and wonder if she feels the calluses on my palms and if she does, what
she thinks about them.
“Nice to meet you, Sally.”
“You, too, Harry. But… don’t think I didn’t notice that you side-stepped
me asking what your story is. Besides, you’re the one who said she should
know the basics. I think that means more than just a first name, right?” She
winks at the mention of us exchanging names, which tells me that I was right.
We’re playing a game. That’s perfectly fine since I’ve had enough reality
today.
I sigh heavily. “Well. Turns out, Sally,” I wink back and she laughs a
little, stabbing her fork into a boneless wing and dipping it into some ranch
dressing, “that our story isn’t all that different. Proposed to my girlfriend
tonight. She told me no. Her reason was that she never wants to get married
or have children and since she’s so generous and caring, she’s letting me go
so I can find “the one”.” I use finger quotes to emphasize the term the one
and she rolls her eyes.
“She’s as sweet as my ex, it sounds.”
“Yup. Couple of assholes,” I tell her, holding up my pint of beer and we
clink glasses.
“Definitely assholes.”
Her laughter is a light tinkling sound that eases some of the grief that was
settling in. Funny how grief can be so fickle. Maybe my sister’s right, I
should be glad that Stacia ended it. If I was really that heartbroken, wouldn’t
I be at home crying right now instead of talking — and drinking — with this
pretty new friend? And wouldn’t it take me longer to think of someone else
as pretty?
We take a drink, toasting one another over our asshole ex unification, and
I relax just a little.
“I’m sorry your ex was an asshole,” I tell her.
She nods. “Yeah, me, too. Can I be honest about something, though?”
“If you can’t be honest with a total stranger, who can you be honest
with?” I ask and take another drink.
“He never gave me an orgasm.”
And then I spew beer right in her face.
Then it clicks why she called herself Sally, because of the orgasm thing in
the movie. Damn. For being halfway to drunk, I’m sure thinking spot on.
CHAPTER TWO
 ASHLEY

“S ORRY ! S HIT .” H ARRY HANDS ME A STACK OF NAPKINS AS HE COUGHS ,

hitting his chest with his fist.
I grin at his discomfort. I wasn’t lying about what I said, but I also knew
the shock value would be there and wanted to see what his reaction would be.
Turned out even better than I expected.
After he recovers, wiping his chin and eyes, resituating himself in the
chair, he clears his throat and then looks at me.
“Come again?”
“Funny choice of words there, Harry.” I smirk. “You really want me to
say it again?”
“Uh, no. Once was enough. How long were you together again?”
“Three years.”
“Three.” He looks around the room as if not wanting to make eye contact
with me and asks, his eyes focused on somewhere off in the distance. “Not
once?”
“Nope. Not once. At least by him.”
Looking at his profile, I see his eyebrows furrow and his white teeth drag
over his bottom lip. It’s a simple move but has a seductive tone to it. Which
means I really do not need to be drinking anymore liquor tonight if I think
teeth dragging on his lip is seductive.
I take a long swig of my cocktail and wish I had another waiting in the
helm.
“Three?” he asks again.
“Three. Long. Years.”
 “Huh.”
“I know.”
“So is he… does he like women?”
“What do you mean? Of course he likes women. He was with me for
three years.”
He turns his head to look at me, his dark eyes taking me in. When I sat
down at the bar earlier, I noticed him immediately. I mean, of course I did.
He’s incredibly attractive. Sexy, even. Probably the sexiest man I’ve ever
talked to and if I didn’t have a little bit of liquor in my system right now, I’d
probably be too nervous to carry on a conversation with him, much less tell
him to eat with me or stop staring.
I want to run my fingers through his hair because it looks so soft and
silky. I flip my own, because now that I started thinking about his hair, I can’t
stop. It’s a gorgeous shade of brown that looks like it’s been kissed by the
sun for some highlights. And, it deserves repeating, it looks silky and smooth
and oh my gosh, I’m running my fingers through my own hair right now and
I know I’m staring at him and practically drooling! But who could blame me?
The longer I stare, the more I notice about him. He has a perfect amount of
facial hair that covers his face. Not just scruff but not a bushy beard either.
Even his eyebrows are sexy. They look groomed but not overly so. And just
now, he raised one in that way that people can do that makes me jealous.
He’s probably challenging me because he knows that I’m staring at him,
taking in every little inch of his handsome face. Whatever. Let him challenge.
I’m a very busy woman at the moment. That very straight nose isn’t going to
stare at himself.
His teeth are incredibly white, too. It’s something that I notice because of
my job as a dental hygienist. That’s what I’m going to tell myself, anyway. It
couldn’t possibly be because this man is sexy as hell. And now I’m staring at
his mouth and he knows it, if his bright smile is any indication.
I watch as his lips move and I listen closely, wondering if he’s going to
drop the fact that I just told a perfect stranger that my ex-boyfriend never
gave me orgasms.
And what he says next proves that he doesn’t give a shit if it’s polite or
not, he’s got questions. “I know he was with you for three years, but how
could he have not known how to bring you to orgasm? How did you survive
without orgasms? You surely gave them to yourself in that amount of time,
right? That’s what you were suggesting, yeah? I mean, I know it’s not the
same thing as a guy — or a girl — knowing what to do for you but still.
That’s messed up.”
He just asked that. Right now. He didn’t blink or flinch or wince or act
uncomfortable in any way. Just straight up asked me how a man could be
with me for three years without knowing my body enough to bring me to
orgasm. And then he added in asking if I masturbated while I was with him.
Now it’s my turn to be embarrassed.
“Well… I’m not entirely sure. Maybe he didn’t know that I never got
there? I’m a very good actress.”
Harry shakes his head. “Nuh uh.” Then he turns fully to face me, sliding
his plate out of the way and leaning his elbows in in its place. “Listen to me
very closely, Sally. What you’re saying? Not possible. A man is any man at
all, he knows his woman’s body and doesn’t need a road map to get her there.
Moreover, he definitely doesn’t let it end without it happening at least once.
But even more than what a man would do in a normal circumstance, a woman
like you? As drop dead gorgeous as you are? There’s no way he wouldn’t
want to take his time and do everything in his power to get you there.”
Whoa. A whoosh goes through my entire body at his words. But more
than that, the gruffness in his voice and the heated look in his eyes when he
said them.
Woo boy, it’s suddenly extremely hot in here.
My chest rises and falls as I take in a deep breath.
I’m gorgeous? No. Drop dead gorgeous. That’s what he said. No one has
ever told me that before. Not a single person.
“You don’t say?” Well, crap. My voice came out breathy even though I
had hoped it wouldn’t. But it’s out there now.
“I do. I’m sorry he was not only an asshole, but also a completely
incompetent selfish tool bag. My opinion is that you lucked out that he’s in
your rearview mirror.”
“Well, hopefully some orgasms are in front of me.”
His eyes widen and I’m just going to crawl under the table and die right
now. I just said that. Right then. That’s what I said in front of him. That I was
hoping for orgasms. What is wrong with me? Not for wanting orgasms,
obviously. But for saying that to a complete stranger! Ugh. I’m the worst.
I take my beer and down the last of it, reaching for the new beer that our
waitress just set down in front of me, swallowing down a big gulp. As soon
as I do, I wince, realizing that the reason for my comment about orgasms is
absolutely because of my alcohol intake.
Harry reaches over the table and grabs my beer. “I think you’ve had
enough,” he says, teasingly.
I stretch my lips out in an eek face and nod in agreement. “Maybe.”
He winks and slides the beer back across the table. “I was only teasing,
you know? I don’t give a shit if you get totally sauced. Have fun. Live it up.”
“That’s oddly sweet. My ex always hated it if I had any fun.”
“He’s a giant dick.”
“Actually,” I hold up my fingers only an inch apart, “he had a tiny one.” I
giggle hysterically at my own joke and he roars with laughter.
“That’s…” He practically wheezes, slapping his thigh and throwing his
head back. “Fuck, girl, that’s amazing. I don’t even care if the alcohol made
you say that, or if it’s a lie, I’m rolling with it.”
“I guess now we know why he never gave me orgasms,” I add in, loving
his smile and laughter. If I would have said anything like that around
Zachary, he would have told me plain and simple to grow up.
“That probably factored in, I’m sure. But there are more ways to give a
woman pleasure than with his dick. Don’t make even a small excuse for him.
And don’t give him a second thought now. He’s not worth it.”
I shake my head, feeling a little lightheaded. “Aggghhh!” I want to shake
my fists, pace the room, and scream out my anger. I won’t do any of that,
though, because I’m in a public place but… “You’re right. I know you are.
Ugh!” I groan loudly. I have all this pent-up anger and nowhere for it to go.
Too bad for Harry that he’s about to be on the receiving end. “And he was
always kind of a jerk, too. He acted like I should be honored to be in his
presence. That he was above me somehow. Plus, he really wasn’t as attractive
as he thought he was. It was all this show. And he wore enough cologne to
cover up body odor from an entire high school football team. Why didn’t I
just break up with him myself? Why did I wait for him to do it for me? Am I
that afraid of being alone? Yes. Yes, I am. That’s why… never mind. I
wouldn’t talk like this to a stranger if I hadn’t had too much to drink. I’ll have
to call that Roy guy to get me home if I don’t stop drinking soon.”
Harry nods, raising his glass in my direction, not commenting on the fact
that I rambled and switched gears in the middle of my rant. “I was thinking
the same thing about calling him. I hadn’t planned on drinking much tonight
but fuck it. I’m this far gone already, might as well bring it on home.”
I chuckle, feeling a bit lighter from the crappy day I had. Whether it’s the
alcohol, the food, or the company, I don’t know. But it feels good.
“So yours didn’t bring you to orgasm and mine never wanted to get
married, but forgot to mention that to me in the three years we were
together.”
“And you proposed?”
He winces. “With my grandmother’s ring.”
“Yikes.”
He shrugs and moves his head side to side in an ‘it is what it is’ motion.
“Better that she said no than me hand over a family heirloom and the
marriage fall apart because it’s only what one of us really wanted.”
That’s true. However… “You don’t think you could have been with her
and just never married? Plenty of people do that, you know.”
Harry drains the last of his beer and motions for another. He might have
only been thinking about calling Roy the Taxi guy for help getting home, but
my guess is that thought is going to stick.
He makes a face when he swallows his beer, places a fist against his
chest, and holds in a burp from the looks of it. Then he shakes his head. “It
wouldn’t have worked. Deep down, I knew I needed to make it official or
she’d always have the excuse of not being tied to me, you know?”
I cross my arms and lean my elbows on the table. Rude, maybe, but Harry
doesn’t seem bothered. “I think there’s more to that logic.”
“What do you mean?”
“Doesn’t sound like you trusted her very much.”
He stares at me and scrunches his eyebrows before looking away. Our
waitress delivers his beer and I decide to go ahead and order another. Once
she’s gone, he says to me while looking away, “Guess I didn’t.”
“Trust her?”
“Yeah. You’re right that there’s nothing wrong with being partners for
life and never getting married.”
“Not exactly what I said. I tend to agree with you. If I ever fall in love
again and he’s my forever guy, I want the marriage. But there’s a difference
between wanting to be married to someone and wanting to make it official to
tie someone to me.”
His jaw drops and his posture stiffens. “What?”
“Sorry. Did I say something offensive? Sometimes I do that and don’t
realize it at the time. I have no filter.”
“No. It’s just that my sister said something almost exactly the same.
Almost word for word, actually.”
“It sounds like your sister’s brilliant.”
He chuckles. A deep gruff sound that sends a ripple down my spine.
“If you don’t mind, I won’t tell her you said that. She has a big enough
head as it is.” His smile is crooked, sending another ripple. He thanks our
waitress who brings by my beer. Neither of us need more alcohol at this
point, but we have plenty of food yet and I’m hoping it will soak up some of
the alcohol.
I reach for some more fries and place them on my plate. “I wouldn’t
know any different,” I remind him, then add on, “if you tell her or not, you
know? Chances of us seeing each other after tonight are pretty slim.”
“You don’t live around here?” he asks and sees my hesitation in
answering him. I’m sharing a meal and drinks with the guy but we’re in
public. “Don’t answer that. That’s not my business.”
I start on my new beer, having lost count how many drinks I’ve now
consumed. I’m feeling perfectly buzzed, but not drunk so I figure I’m good to
keep drinking. Though, I do need to pee. Quite badly. “No. It’s fine. I
actually just moved to town two months ago.”
“Please tell me you didn’t move for your ex.”
“No. Thank goodness. My move here might have actually been what
spurred the breakup, actually.”
“Wrong. The move happened because you needed a good orgasm that
wasn’t brought on by your own hand or a toy.”
I snort out a laugh, spitting and sputtering all over. Some beer dribbles
down my chin. I’m such a mess.
“You’re a mess,” he says, teasingly. I look up to see his bright white teeth
gleaming at me from his bright smile and his dark eyes twinkling. “Wanna
play darts?”
“You think it’s a good idea to throw sharp pointed objects right now?”
“They’re the ones with the magnets on the ends.”
“They make that sort of thing?”
“Apparently. Good thing, too. Come on. Let’s burn off some of this
food.”
I look around the room to see how busy it is in the bar. Admittedly, I’m
not an overly self-confident person and often struggle with not allowing
myself to enjoy life because I don’t want to embarrass myself or the people
I’m with. Sometime during my life, I got it in my head that I could only do
something if I was perfect at it.
Harry stands up and extends his hand down to me. “Come on, Sally. Let’s
go play some darts. Imagine the board is your ex’s face.” Then, as if he could
read my mind earlier, he adds, “It’ll be fun. Who cares who’s watching?”
Without worrying a second more, I place my hand in his and stand up,
dropping my napkin on the table, but not leaving my beer behind. He might
not care who’s watching, but a little liquid courage might help me get there,
too.
“Fine,” I grumble but am not really disgruntled at all. “But first, I need to
pee.”
He chuckles. “Sounds good. You realize now you’ll have to keep going
all night, though, right?”
“That reminds me of high school field parties when my friends and I
would try not to break the seal.”
He barks out a laugh. “Break the seal? That’s a term I haven’t heard since
high school.”
I nod, a little embarrassed that I just said that but also not caring. Now
that I’m standing up, I realize that I’m drunkity-drunk-drunk-drunk. I stumble
a bit, tripping over absolutely nothing but my own two feet and he catches me
by the elbow.
I steady myself by planting my feet on the floor, not moving a step
forward. “You good?”
Nodding, I look up at his handsome face. He really is good looking. I
can’t imagine a woman not wanting to look at him for the rest of her life.
“She must have been blind, right?”
“Huh?”
“If she didn’t want to look at me the rest of her life?”
The look on my face must be one of pure horror realizing I said that out
loud. Of course I did. I’m the biggest walking cliché apparently. I just
thought something in my head and said it out loud like a goober.
“I can’t believe I said that.”
He shrugs and moves to the dart board, grabbing a handful of magnetic
darts in his hand. He spins back around and moves to stand in front of me.
“It’s okay. If it would make you feel better,” he lifts one of my hands in his
and places three darts in my open palm, “I’ll just tell you right now that I
think your ex-boyfriend is a total dumbass for letting you go as well. I’d be
pretty damn fortunate to look at your face the rest of my life.”
 My heart beats extra fast and I suck in a breath. “Well, that’s… really
nice.”
He shrugs again and he gestures for me to go first. “It’s true.”
“I have to pee first, remember?”
“Oh, shit, that’s right. I’ll be here. Think you can make it there without
face-planting?”
“Let’s hope,” I mumble.
I do my business quickly and wash my hands, stopping at the bar to grab
a couple Cokes. When I join Harry, I hand him his drink. “This is only Coke.
No booze. Maybe you can handle more but I think I’m done.”
“Ha! I’d say I’ve had enough, too. Though another beer does sound
good.”
“So have one. I’m not going to tell you what to do.” I wink at him and he
chuckles, shaking his head.
“You’re up first, Sally.”
Because Sally isn’t even close to my name, I don’t realize he’s talking to
me. Instead, I look around the room for Sally. It takes me a few seconds to
realize he was talking to me, which is embarrassing but I’m positive he
knows that Sally isn’t my name. Just like I know Harry isn’t his. Wouldn’t
that be something, though? If two random people met at a bar after our
significant others rejected us and our actual names were Harry and Sally? Just
like in the movie?
“Right. That’s me. Sally. That’s my name.”
“Yup. And I’m Harry.”
I giggle which turns to a snort and that actually makes sense because I’ve
just been on a roll embarrassing myself tonight.
“Alright, I think it’s good you switched to soda.”
I wrinkle my nose at him. “Ya think?” I ask sarcastically, tossing a dart at
the board and somehow, by the grace of God, hitting it. Not in the center, but
still… not bad for my first time.
“I mean, I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to do or anything,” he says,
mocking me.
“Just throw a dart, hot shot.”
“Hot shot, huh? I like it. Nicknames already. Or is that called a term of
endearment?”
“Just throw the dart already.” I playfully shove his shoulder but he
doesn’t budge.
 He does, however, stare at me while throwing the dart at the board and
still managing to hit the target. What an ass.
I gasp and narrow my eyes at him and he grins shamelessly. “All-
American on the Boston College Dart Team all four years.”
My eyes widen. “That’s a thing?”
“How the fuck should I know? I was just shitting you. That was just
luck.”
My jaw drops. “You’re a shitbird, you know it?”
“Shitbird, huh? I think I liked Hot Shot better.”
“Too bad,” I singsong. “Shitbird it is.” I throw another dart, this one
hitting a little closer to the target than the first. “Not bad for my first time
playing, huh?” I preen at my own meager success.
“Not bad at all,” he says, throwing another one and this time watching
where it goes. It hits right next to mine. “See? Told you it was just luck.”
“Now I don’t know if you’re throwing the game or if you actually suck.”
“Hey!”
We share a laugh and for the next hour we drink (I long forgot about
switching to non-alcoholic drinks) and eat and play darts. We even sing along
to the old-fashioned jukebox in the corner of the bar and dance around each
other, using beer bottles as microphones.
By the time the bartender calls for last call, my stomach hurts from
laughter, I’m blissfully trashed, my belly is full of greasy bar food, and this
crappy day somehow turned into one of the best days of my life.
We fall out the front door, holding each other up and still laughing as the
taxi that the bartender called for us waits along the side of the road with its
flashers on.
Harry opens the door for me and I climb in, sliding across the seat and he
follows.
“Hey, Roy.”
“Nik.”
“His name’s Harry.”
Roy does a double take when he looks back at the two of us. “Tie one on
tonight?”
Harry-Nik lifts his fingers, separating them only a smidge. “Little bit.”
“Looks like a fun time.”
He shifts into drive and takes off. “Where am I taking you?”
“Home,” Harry-Nik mumbles, laying his head back against the seat.
 “You got it,” he says, looking at us through the rearview mirror.
Harry-Nik settles us comfortably together, his arm thrown over the back
and around my shoulders, tucking me in close. I know I need to tell Roy my
address but instead, I curl up in the crook of his shoulder and wrap an arm
around his waist.
Next thing I know, I’m being lifted out of a car and carried somewhere in
strong arms. It’s cozy and comforting and maybe it’s my level of
intoxication, but I’ve never felt more relaxed in my life.
Until the next morning.
CHAPTER THREE
 NIKOLAS

I WAKE UP FEELING LIKE COMPLETE SHIT . M Y HEAD HURTS LIKE I’ VE

actually been hit by a truck, there’s no way I won’t have the beer shits today,
and there’s gotta be cement blocks on my feet weighing me down. It was all
fun and games last night — literally — but this morning, I’m having regrets.
But not about the girl.
That was fun.
Spending the evening with her, forgetting and laughing and drinking and
eating. Drinking a little more. The darts and singing and dancing. Drinking.
I groan.
Too.
Much.
Drinking.
Then a groan that matches mine but is far more feminine sounds next to
me and I… oh, shit.
I’m naked.
Birthday suit naked.
Surely we didn’t…
God, if there was ever a time to give me whiskey dick, please let it be last
night.
I can’t believe I just prayed for God to give me a malfunctioning dick…
or that I said dick in my prayers. Or that I’m even praying about drunk sex.
All so I didn’t have drunk sex with her. Not that I wouldn’t want to have sex
with her, but as drunk as we were? No. No way. I’m better than that. Not that
much of an asshole. Right?
 Now I’m lying here overthinking my prayer while naked in my bed with
Sally — or Ashley, as it turns out her name really is when we confessed to
each other that we aren’t Harry or Sally — who I hope we didn’t have sex
with only because I’m still drunk the next morning.
Fuck… I’m a mess.
Though, oddly enough, guilt isn’t one of the feelings bubbling to the
surface right now.
Regret that I don’t remember much of it does, though. I just remember
her falling asleep to the point where neither Roy or I could wake her up when
we arrived at my house and after a few moments of both of us freaking out, I
realized she was fine, just an incredibly sound sleeper. If the snoring was
anything to go by, anyway.
Then she woke up abruptly when we got into the house, looked at me
with wide eyes that could have only meant one thing, and so I quickly
directed her to the guest bathroom so she could throw up the plethora of
liquor she had consumed.
When she emerged she looked at me and said, “I’m sure this may come as
a total shock, but my name is Ashley, not Sally.”
I mock gasped then grinned, told her my name is Nikolas but I go by Nik
and she grinned back, then groaned, then we sat on the couch.
And, apparently, ended up getting naked and into my bed at some point.
That’s where things get fuzzy.
“Did we have sex?” Ashley asks in a quiet voice next to me.
I don’t even lift my head to look over at her when I respond, “No clue.”
She shifts a little bit and winces. “We definitely had sex.”
Part of me, the asshole part, wants to brag that she can still feel me there
the next day. But the other part of me wants to search my house for used
condoms and apologize for taking advantage of her in her drunken state.
Even though I was just as drunk so the same could be said for her, but that’s
beside the point.
“I don’t know if I should apologize or what here,” I admit.
“Apologize for what?” she asks, sleep still heavy in her voice. In fact, I
think she’s asleep again. Who does that? Falls asleep after realizing that she
just had sex with practically a stranger? Maybe this is normal for her but it’s
way out of my wheel house.
“Taking advantage of you?” I tell her, but it comes out more as a
question.
 She groans again and this time rather than sounding like she’s in pain, she
sounds annoyed. “Do not put that on me and don’t act like a martyr. I’m a
grown woman and know how to make smart decisions.”
“But you were drunk.”
“So were you,” Ashley points out.
“Yes, but…”
She sits up, clutching the sheet to her chest and wipes her face, pushing
her hair back as she turns to face me. “But what? You’re the man so you’re
the one who has to be the mature one? Ugh. I’m so sick of this bullshit.”
“What bullshit is that?”
“The bullshit that the media or social media or books or whatever tells
women that only the man has to be the one to stop things. That a woman
can’t make her own decisions and the man is supposed to be the responsible
one. It’s obnoxious. Everyone is all we are women hear us roar but then we
get pissed off if the guy doesn’t open our car doors and act like we always
have to come first. I mean, how annoying is the double standard, right?”
“What are you talking about?” I risk asking, because the longer she talks,
the louder her voice gets and it’s obvious she’s getting mad. I kind of
understand what she means, because Josie is my sister and she’s vocal. She’s
also said the same type of thing several different times to me. How she hated
commercials and television shows or movies that depicted weak-ass men, her
words, not mine, who couldn’t stand up for themselves. I would laugh at her
dramatics and she would get mad at me. But back to Ashley, I’m honestly not
sure if that’s why she’s getting fired up right now or if it’s something else
entirely.
She flops back against the bed, huffing out a breath.
“I’m just being bitchy because I feel like crap and I’m a little
embarrassed.”
Chuckling, I lift up on my elbow and look down at her. “Why are you
embarrassed?”
Ashley lifts her head and narrows her eyes at me. “Because I just had sex
with a stranger for one? And then I ranted at him for trying to be nice and
make sure that we were okay, even trying to apologize like a decent person
because he was afraid that he’d taken advantage of me.” She drops her head
back down to the bed. “That’s why.”
I bark out a laugh then a lot occurs to me. It’s not like I know her all that
well, but I obviously know what she’s like when she’s been drinking. And
rambling is one of her tells. Though, I suppose she could ramble a lot but
something tells me… “Are you still drunk?”
“Definitely.”
“Yeah. Me, too,” I admit.
“Good. Then maybe we’ll both forget everything that I just said.”
“Nah. I’ll remember. I do wish I’d remember last night, though.”
“I assure you, I blew your mind. Performed sex acts you have only
dreamed of. Only saw in the most insane pornos. I was like an acrobat,
twisting and turning. So flexible, my legs…” she squeals as I cut her off,
covering her with my body and cradling her head in my hands.
“Is that so?”
“Definitely,” she repeats what she said earlier about being drunk, this
time smiling at me with a broad, cheesy grin.
“Maybe you should put your money where your mouth is, then,” I
challenge.
“Maybe,” she challenges right back, raising both eyebrows. By the way
she’s squinting one eye, I think she’s trying to just raise one but isn’t quite
succeeding at it. It’s adorable as fuck and makes me want to kiss her to jog
my memory. “But first,” she says, slipping her arm between us and covering
my mouth with her hand, “we brush our teeth.”
“Good plan,” I mumble behind her hand.
She smiles and I smile back then I hop off her and walk to the bathroom.
It doesn’t occur to me until I’m already out of bed that I’m naked. She gasps.
Then giggles. Then snorts much like she did last night before allowing the
giggles to take over.
Shit.
I try my best to cover my ass but the damage is already done.
She’s seen it.
She knows it.
I know it.
There’s no use hiding the teddy bear holding a bright red heart I have
tattooed on my right butt cheek. Fucking tequila. Fucking spring break in
Miami. Never. Again.
I spin around but that’s not ideal at all because then I’m facing her with
my dick swinging around and we may have had sex last night, but I don’t
remember it and it’s not like I really want to be strutting my stuff in front of
her just yet. I quickly try to cover myself, but it’s pointless.
 The. Damage. Is. Done.
Her laughter might be amazing to hear, especially since last night she
went on a bender to forget her dickhole of an ex who couldn’t get over
himself enough to give her a freaking orgasm, but it’s not so awesome when
it’s at my expense.
Still…
“You laughing at me, Ashley?” I ask, taking a step back toward her.
Her head is turned toward the mattress now, her hand cupping her mouth
to try to stifle some of the laughter that’s bubbling out of her, her shoulders
shaking, her hair a ratty mess all over the place. It deserves repeating that
she’s adorable and it might be risky to do what I’m about to do, but screw it.
She shakes her head but, well, she’s laughing so it’s not really all that
believable.
“You sure about that?”
A loud noise emits from her and I’m pretty sure that slobber and snot did
as well, but she doesn’t even flinch. She throws herself back onto the
mattress once again and doesn’t even hide her laughter.
The best part?
While she flung herself backward, the sheet fell and now as she laughs,
her boobs are on full display shaking and shimmying.
Here’s the deal.
I’m a grown up. Thirty-five years old, in fact. It’s not like I’m some
fifteen-year-old seeing my first pair of breasts before. However, it still gets
me excited. I’m a boob guy. Can’t help it. And Ashley just so happens to
have a fantastic pair of full breasts. Not too large. Not too small. Just right.
Perfect, in fact.
Watching her breasts move around does something to me I’m incapable
of hiding presently because, well, I’m naked. And brushed teeth or not, I’m
going in.
I jump onto the bed and straddle her, bending over and taking one of her
nipples right into my mouth. Her laughter stops abruptly and she moans,
threading her fingers through my hair.
“Nik,” she whispers. It’s not a warning. It’s not disgust. It is, however,
encouraging. She likes it. Scratch that. She freaking loves it.
I remember this from last night now. She’s sensitive. Her nipples are,
anyway. And that’s very fortunate for me because it’s one of my favorite
kinds of foreplay. I could spend significant time with breast and nipple play.
 When I flick my tongue over the tip and bite down gently, she arches her
back and presses herself into me. “Holy crap, Nik.”
I know.
Switching to the other side, I cup the breast I was just playing with and
press it against her other. I rub my thumb over the tip and she cries out then
shutters through a groan. It’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard in my life, and
I’m not just saying that. It’s the truth.
“You like that?” I ask, even though I know the answer. The way she’s
squirming and the sounds she’s making tells me everything I want to know.
But, I want to hear her say it. Maybe it’s a pride thing.
“Goodness yes.”
I grin and kick it up a notch, giving her all I’ve got. My hips decide on
their own they want to join the party and start moving and shifting against
her.
Dry humping.
I’m dry humping the shit out of Ashley and it’s amazing. She winds her
legs around my waist, locking them together at her ankles and I raise my head
to look down at her. We’re naked so this dry humping isn’t all that dry at all
and my dick is actually sliding through her slick folds.
Dang, this feels good. Too good.
I can’t stop moving but she doesn’t seem to mind one bit because she’s
moving right along with me. I honestly can’t remember the last time I did this
with a woman, especially one I apparently already had sex with, but I think
I’ve been missing out. I lift my head to look down at her, my arms braced
beside her head so I’m hovering above her.
Cheeks flushed.
Eyes glazed over.
Head tipped back so her chin is raised.
Mouth open as she sucks in air.
She’s thoroughly enjoying this just like I am.
“Do I need to stop?” I ask, feeling like I should. It would kill me but I
kind of took without asking here and I need to be a gentleman. Give her a
chance to stop this before it continues to more.
“I’ll kill you,” she growls.
“Thank fuck.”
“Inside. Get inside me now.”
“You sure?”
 She nods rapidly and I don’t hesitate. I shift and then with what might
have been too much force, I drive into her tight, wet heat and I’m in straight
up heaven. I’m so angry that I don’t have a full memory of this last night
because it’s never felt this good before and I’m sure it was last night, too.
We go at each other with all the excitement of college kids on their first
spring break beach vacation. I pull her leg up and lay it on my shoulder,
driving in deeper and harder. Her other leg is bent and trembling. Trembling.
It’s that good that her body is shaking, mine is, too. Our sexual chemistry
together is magical. Mind-blowing.
I have no idea why her ex couldn’t bring her to orgasm, but he must have
been a complete dud in the sack because Ashley is a spitfire. She’s wild and
eager, and has me so keyed up I feel like I could explode already. But I
won’t. I want her to come all around me and I won’t stop until that happens.
Maybe it did last night already but that’s a distant memory that I can’t drag
up for the life of me so it’s time to make some new ones.
Maybe Ashley and I just needed to let off some steam with someone new.
A way to get over our last failed relationships.
“So good, Nik.”
The way she says my name, with the K being emphasized, is so
ridiculously sexy. Her tongue presses against the roof of her mouth on the N,
too. Might be a little creepy that I’m staring at her mouth so hard that I can
pick apart how she says a single syllable name but I can’t help it. Her lips are
pulling me in and damn it all I wish we’d brushed our teeth so I could kiss
her mouth. I’m desperate for it. Her upper lip is smaller than her bottom and I
just want to…
“I want to kiss you,” I admit.
“Same. So much. But I know I have skunk ass breath that probably tastes
even worse so we’ll have to wait for later.”
“Promise?”
She smiles slightly and lowers her leg off my shoulder, lifting her hips
and encouraging me to flip us over. Her wish is my command.
“Promise,” she says when she’s over me.
Her back is arched and her nipples are hard, her messy hair falling down
the slender column of her back. It’s such an erotic sight.
I lift my hand and grab one of her breasts, squeezing gently but not too
gently, pinching her nipple and tugging on it. Ashley grinds down against me,
a sheen of sweat beginning to glisten on her chest that makes me want to lick
it up. I’ve never felt this way before. Wanting to draw in every part of her so
I memorize it for later when I’m jerking off by myself.
Gripping her hips now, I help her ride me. Our bodies are slapping
against each other. Our hips are moving rapidly and we’re both breathing
heavily, moaning and groaning and grunting, whispering how good it feels
but also shouting curse words.
Suddenly she looks down at me and nods rapidly.
“You about to come?”
“Yeah,” she replies breathlessly.
Holy crap.
I feel like a stock car driver gearing up for the Daytona 500. Or maybe
some NFL quarterback prepping for the Super Bowl. Like this is real life shit.
Ashley is about to have an orgasm and I don’t know if she had one last night
or not but this one I’ll remember so I want to make it good.
Damn. I wish I’d stretched first.
Now I’m sweating because I’m getting in my own head and I’m nervous.
What if it’s not a good orgasm?
Oh, who am I kidding?
Aren’t all orgasms good?
I mean, I can’t remember ever having a bad one so I assume it’s the same
way for women, right? That would make sense to me.
“Right there,” she huffs out. “Ooh. Yes. Yes! Nik, yes!”
Oh my gosh, she just hollered my name and I can feel her clenching tight
around me. I’m about to come right along with her.
“Oh, God,” she moans. “Yes!”
“Are you?”
“Mmm.” Comes her response.
And then we come together.
Somewhere I’m pretty sure a flock of birds take flight, fireworks light up
the sky, and angels begin singing. I come harder than I’ve ever come before
in my life, both of us groaning. Ashley falls, her chest crushing against mine.
I wrap her in my arms as we come down from the high.
“I’m on the pill,” she says out of the blue.
“Oh, thank fuck,” I mumble when it registers with me why she said it.
She giggles, causing everything to shift. “Meant to tell you earlier but we
were a little caught up.”
“Should’ve asked. Makes me a dick.”
 “Nah. You knew this last night already. Just thought I’d give you a
reminder in case you were wondering after what we just did.”
“Don’t remember that.”
“That’s about all I do remember. That and I think I called you a sex God
or something after I had an orgasm. I’m pretty sure I didn’t cry, but there’s no
guarantee on that.”
“I gave you one last night, too? I am a sex God!”
She lifts off me, careful for spillage and gently shoves my shoulder. “So
fucking full of yourself,” she jokes while making her way to my bathroom,
closing the door gently behind her.
I lie back, happy for the first time in a long time. How did I miss the fact
that when I was with Stacia I wasn’t happy? How was that not a huge red
flag? Funny thing is, though, I’m pretty sure I did think I was happy if I
wanted to marry her.
I hear the toilet flush then the water turn on, the sound of her washing her
hands for a bit then the water shuts off.
“Top left drawer is a new toothbrush!” I holler.
“Oh, thank goodness. I was about to snoop!” she hollers back.
I grin and settle into the mattress while she brushes her teeth. I would
have been okay with her digging through my drawers but figured this would
take the stress out of it for both of us.
When she walks out, she looks fresh-faced and she smiles wide, showing
me her clean teeth.
“Your turn.”
On my way to the bathroom, I slap her ass cheek just because I can and
missed squeezing her butt when we were having sex.
She yelps and I look over my shoulder, winking at her.
“Be out in a second, then we’ll go grab some breakfast and our vehicles.”
I don’t give her a chance to turn me down and close the door behind me. I
take care of what I need to in the bathroom and when I return she’s looking
down at a pair of panties.
That are ripped in half straight down the center.
I have a feeling that was me.
“Oops?” I wince.
Her eyes are wide and a look of humor is evident when she meets my
eyes. “What the hell happened last night?”
“A good time, it appears.”
 She just grins, crooks her finger, and I follow, encouraging her to fall
onto the bed.
Crawling over her, I roll us so we’re on our sides facing each other.
“Think we need to order food in. I don’t have the energy to cook and I
want to try to capture some of the memories from last night.”
“Good plan,” she mutters right before crushing her lips to mine.
And I realize I was right in wanting to kiss them. For hours.
Leaning away just slightly, her glazed over look examines me. “Holy
crap. You’re a really good kisser.”
“You don’t want out of this bed today, do you?”
“I wouldn’t be opposed to that idea.”
Rather than answer, I show her that I’m on board, too.
CHAPTER FOUR
 NIKOLAS - FIVE WEEKS LATER

“I DON ’ T KNOW , J OSIE .

I’ LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN , OKAY ?”
“What the heck is taking you so long? I’m starving and it’s getting bad
out.”
“Well, let’s see. It’s Christmas Eve Eve. There’s a blizzard heading our
way. And, to top it off, everyone has lost their minds. I’ll get the rest of the
stuff on your list and be over there within an hour.”
“You promise?”
I sigh and drop my head back as I wait in the long-as-fuck line at the
grocery store. And that’s when I realize I forgot to buy her damn maxi pads.
What kind of sister makes her brother buy her maxi pads?
Josie.
That’s what kind.
So awkward and uncomfortable but yet I do it because she asked and I
don’t want her driving on the slick roads. A layer of ice came before the
snow is expected to start flying.
“Order a pizza and I’ll pick it up on the way. I’m starving.”
“I can cook something.”
“Let’s just chill tonight.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, Josie, I’m sure. Now, hang tight and I’ll be there.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too,” I tell her and slide my phone into my pocket.
I know why she’s scared. Blizzards make her nervous. Even though my
parents were killed because of a drunk driver, it was in the wintertime and
they tried using slick roads as an excuse. But what they forgot was that just
because it’s cold outside, that doesn’t mean the roads are automatically
covered in ice. That night they were dry. Too bad the other driver wasn’t.
I round the corner to the aisle where I’m pretty sure the feminine products
are located and I grin.
“Well, well, well, who do we have here?” I ask Ashley and she jumps
about a foot off the floor, the box that was in her hand flying in the air and
landing on the hard tile floor between our feet.
We both look down.
And that’s when our lives change forever.
CHAPTER FIVE
 ASHLEY

“S ALLY ? C ARE TO EXPLAIN ?”

I bite back a laugh at the name Nik uses when he points down at the
pregnancy test lying on the floor by our feet.
“I’m good.”
“Ashley.”
“I’m late,” I tell him in a whisper, irritated that he caught me, for one
thing, and irritated that I was an idiot and became the biggest walking cliché
known to man.
Antibiotics + Birth Control = Uh Oh.
“How late?”
“A week?”
“You think or you know?”
“I know.”
“Second question. You think or you know whose this baby could be?” he
asks, bending to pick up the test and handing it over.
“I know.”
“And?”
“Can’t be his. Has to be yours.”
His jaw drops open and his eyes scan the aisle. Mine stay glued to the test
that I’m now clutching with a death grip in my hand.
I’d been on antibiotics for a few weeks and I take my pill regularly,
though the night in question I didn’t take it because I wasn’t home. So either
that one night of missing it was enough to get me pregnant, or the antibiotics
messed with the effectiveness, or, third and hopeful option here, I’m being
paranoid and I’m not pregnant at all. Very possible, I guess.
“I’m so sorry.”
His head jerks in my direction. “Why are you sorry?”
“I told you I was on the pill.”
He lowers his voice and angles his face toward me. “And I was the one
coming inside you. Multiple times.”
Just the reminder of it sends a rush of heat to my core. That was such a
fun night and next two days. I’ve actually missed him over the last month and
wished that we’d made plans to get together rather than the three months I
told him I needed. Turns out, I didn’t do much thinking about anything other
than him during that time, anyway.
His phone buzzes in his hand and he pulls it out, looks at the screen,
shakes his head then looks at the shelf where the feminine products are. Pulls
down a box and tosses a large package of maxi pads into his cart.
My stomach, which was already irpy to begin with, turns over and then
settles into a large knot. Why is he buying maxi pads? Who still uses those
things, anyway? Did his ex-girlfriend who had turned down his proposal that
night go back to him? Here I could be pregnant with his baby and he has a
wedding to plan with a new fiancée. I’m such a screw-up. How could I be so
careless? How can I bring a baby into this world when I’m nothing but a
mess myself?
Nik must sense the turmoil rolling through me — I’ve never been very
good at hiding my feelings — because he reaches over and takes one of my
hands in his.
“Hey. What’s wrong? Whatever that says, we’ll figure it out.”
Tears build behind my eyes. “No, we won’t. You don’t have to worry.
This is my thing.”
“Your… thing?”
I nod. “Yeah. This is my problem. No, not a problem. Babies aren’t that.
Issue? I don’t know what the right word is. But you don’t have to worry. I
won’t get in the way for you and…” I point to the package of maxi pads,
“Mrs. Maxi Pads. Oh my gosh. I don’t know your last name!”
“Think we need to have a talk and clear some shit up but there’s actually
somewhere I need to be.”
“I see that,” I grumble.
“Maybe you should come with.”
“No thanks. Sounds like a great time would be had by all but I’ll pass on
that.”
He grins with that cute grin that got me into this… issue. Mess. Yeah,
that’s it. It’s a mess. Babies are a blessing and all but this? What a mess.
“It will be fun. I promise. You’ll love Josie.”
“Oh no. I can’t interrupt your evening. I’ll just… how about we exchange
numbers and I’ll call you in nine months, hmm?”
“How about not. I won’t take no for an answer, Ashley.”
“That’s what got us here,” I tell him.
“Do you trust me?”
I scoff. “Hell no.”
He chuckles. “That’s fair. Think you could trust me?”
I look into his dark eyes. So mesmerizing. I wonder if our baby will
have… nope. Not going to think about it. Can’t think about it. What is wrong
with me? His eyes hold sincerity when he looks at me and I can’t help but
feel like whatever he’s about to guide me into, isn’t bad at all. I might have
only spent a day and a half with him, but I do know a good man when I see
one. He’s one of the good ones.
Nik gets right up in my space and slides a hand from my elbow to hand.
“Ashley. I would never, I mean never, do anything to hurt you. I wouldn’t put
you in a position that I think you’ll be uncomfortable. I promise. Trust me?”
The feel of his hand on mine sends shivers through my spine and for
whatever reason, I believe him. I find myself nodding in agreement and he
smiles just a little bit, taking the pregnancy test from my hand and tossing it
into his cart along with Mrs. Maxi Pads’s pads. Then he looks at the shelf
where I was just contemplating which pregnancy test to get and proceeds to
grab one of every other brand, throwing them in with the rest of his haul.
“Ready?”
“I have no idea.”
“Yeah, me either,” he admits. Then he’s shooting off a text to someone,
probably Mrs. Pads to warn her that his potential baby mama is joining them
for a night of fun and festivities. Oh lordy, if I ever say or think the term baby
mama again, just slap me back to reality. When he’s finished, he slips his
phone back into his pocket and places a hand on my lower back. The comfort
it brings me is dangerous but I don’t want to step away and make him feel
bad.
There’s absolutely no logic in me going with him wherever he is wanting
me to go. But for the life of me, I can’t seem to say no to him. Obviously.
Geesh, it’s not like my willpower is all that strong with this one anyway but
this is ridiculous. I’m going to chalk it up to nerves. That’s the only
explanation that could possibly make sense right now. I simply didn’t want to
be alone when I took the test to find out if my life is forever changed so I
accepted his offer slash demand to go along with him.
Rolling my eyes at my own inner-turmoil, I move out of his way so he
can push the cart and feel a mixture of relief and disappointment that we’re
no longer touching.
It’s just that I’ve never felt this turned on, for lack of a better word, in the
presence of another man before. Nik does something to me, making me crave
his touch. It’s more than just attraction. It feels like something I could
become addicted to if I’m not careful. Since he’s buying feminine products
for another woman, it’s safe to say he’s taken which means I need to be extra
careful.
I stop walking and tug on his coat sleeve to get his attention. “You know
what? Let’s just exchange numbers and I’ll let you know what I find out,
okay?” I ask, my pleading tone heavy in my voice. He can’t miss it. I no
longer want to go wherever he’s going so I can sit by and watch him and his
girlfriend together while I’m finding out if I’m carrying his baby. This isn’t
Jerry Springer — it’s real life. And that scenario won’t work for me.
He guides me into a side aisle so we’re not in the way of the shoppers’
traffic. Probably smart. Not a great place to have a conversation such as this
one, anyway. “What do you mean?”
I wrap my arms around my stomach and his gaze follows. His eyes stay
glued to where our baby could be forming behind my arms and I shift
nervously on my feet.
“It’s just that this is already a lot to take on and I don’t think it will be
good for me to go wherever you’re wanting me to go. I’m already stressed
out enough and I need to be alone.”
“Ashley,” he pleads but doesn’t say anything further. He stares into my
eyes hoping to find something that will give him a clue as to where my head
is at. But the thing is, I’m telling him the truth right now. I do need to be
alone and this entire situation is stressful. I want to go home where I’m
comfortable and be surrounded by my stuff, the smell of my house, make a
giant bowl of fettucine alfredo and maybe take a bubble bath afterward.
“It’s okay, Nik. You have plans tonight already.” I reach into the cart and
grab all the pregnancy tests, dropping one because my arms are full. He
bends to pick it up and keeps hold of it.
“I can change my plans, Ashley. This is… I want to be there for you.”
“And you will. If it’s positive.”
“But…”
“It’s fine, Nik. You go do your thing and I’ll,” I hike up my haul of tests
and nod down the aisle toward the checkouts, “… I’ll just do my own thing
and let you know, yeah?”
“I don’t like this,” he admits.
Yeah, well, neither do I. Never did I imagine that I’d be a thirty-three-
year-old woman with a possible pregnancy with someone I literally have only
known for a couple days, most of which we were both drunk. Doesn’t exactly
say much for my character.
“It’s okay. It is better this way, you know? I’ll let you know, though.”
“You don’t have my number,” he reminds me.
“Oh. Um.” Looking down, I have no idea how I’m supposed to manage to
fish my phone out of my purse. “It’s, well, my phone is in my purse. Can you
help?”
“How about you just tell me your number and I’ll put it in my phone
here,” he offers, holding his own up.
Right. That would be easier than him having to search through my purse
for my phone for sure. He probably also wants to make sure that I follow
through with the whole letting him know if I’m pregnant thing. It’s not like
we know each other all that well to know if the other is trustworthy yet. And
look at me, possibly having a baby with the man.
I rattle off my number and he plugs it into his phone. From inside my
purse, I hear it ping with my text sound and he grins. “Got it. Do you, uh,
need anything, though? I feel really weird just sending you away by
yourself.”
“Don’t feel bad. Besides, you’re hardly sending me away. If anything,
I’m sending you away. It’s just that I know I’ll need time to process whatever
the results are and let’s be honest, we really don’t know each other well. I’ll
feel more comfortable doing it alone.”
“Promise me that if you get home and you realize it’s too much that
you’ll give me a call. I sent you a text so my number is in your phone now.”
It’s really sweet that he’s being so caring. Not that I expected anything
different from him. The time we spent together, drunk or not, he was
considerate and thoughtful. But if he is going to maintain this level of
kindness, I’m going to have to build some serious barriers to guard my heart
against him.
“I promise.”
Nik watches me for a few beats then pulls me in for a hug. It’s not sexual
or even intimate, however, it is almost too much for me to bear. My emotions
are all over the place and this hug feels really… nice. Too nice. It’s what got
us into this whole mess in the first place.
I step out of his warm embrace and give him a small smile, hoping it
doesn’t tremble or come across like I’m about to burst into tears.
“You okay?” he asks and I nod, not fully trusting my voice not to betray
me.
My stomach is in knots and has been since my missed period. I’ve always
been very regular so even a day or two off is strange for me. Ten days?
That’s unheard of. Deep in my soul, I know I’m pregnant with his child but
until I have confirmation of that, I don’t want to continue to shake up both
our lives.
I definitely, definitely, do not want to be in the middle of a love triangle
between him, Mrs. Maxi Pads, and myself. That’s something I won’t do.
“I’ll talk to you in a bit, then, yeah?”
I raise my eyebrows at him and he shrugs a single shoulder. “In a bit,
huh?”
“Not sure about you, but I’m pretty eager to find out the results and I’ve
only known about this possibility for a few minutes. Can’t imagine how it’s
been for you, knowing this for days now.”
“It hasn’t been a picnic,” I admit.
“Bet not.”
“Okay, well, I guess it was lucky I bumped into you tonight, huh?”
“Lucky or some higher power making sure we were in the same place at
the same time,” he suggests.
Hmm. If God had a hand in orchestrating the two of us to wind up in the
tampon and pregnancy test aisle at the same time, I do believe He has quite
the sense of humor.
CHAPTER SIX
 NIKOLAS

“S HE MIGHT BE PREGNANT .”
“Come again?” my sister asks, digging through the bags of groceries that
I brought over tonight. She begged me to stay at her place through the
holidays and I finally caved. Her husband, Dean, is now one of my best
friends so spending time with them isn’t exactly a hardship. Plus, she’s about
a million months pregnant and super crabby — not that I’d ever say that to
her face — and I didn’t want to set her off.
She finds the box of glazed doughnuts I snatched up on a whim and her
eyes light up. Setting it down in front of her at the table, she opens the box
and leans over, inhaling the sticky sweet scent of deep fried goodness.
“You gonna just dive in or eat one like a civilized human?”
She glares at me and lifts one out of the box. “Not that I care what you
think of me, but I figured I’d better at least take it out of the box.”
I shake my head, laughing, and continue putting some groceries away.
Dean would do it but he got called back into work tonight because of the
snowstorm. He works for the city and in the winter, he helps make sure the
roads are clear of snow and spreads salt. He’s a fucking gem of a man. And
not just because he puts up with my sister’s shit, but because he practically
raised his siblings when his dad ran off and his mom had to work three jobs
to support the family. As the oldest, he stepped up to the plate and finished
high school a full year early. Rather than even considering college, he went
straight to work.
He’s what I strive to be as a man in general. Loyal, hard-working, caring,
humble as a person can be, generous, and fiercely protective of his family.
Dean would do anything to ensure his family was not only safe, but also
happy, healthy and thriving and now that he and Josie are expecting one of
their own, that protectiveness has only quadrupled. There was a point right
after they found out she was pregnant after having two miscarriages where it
felt like it could become unhealthy, but he reined it in after they hit twenty
weeks.
Now, he’s working himself to the bone to make as much money as
possible, go to every doctors’ appointment Josie has, building the baby a crib
by himself, and remodeling certain rooms in the house. I don’t know how
he’s not exhausted, but every time I talk to him or see him, he’s smiling and
thrilled as can be that he has the privilege to do what he can to make his
family’s life great.
Not to mention, he loves my sister fiercely. He’s a mountain of a man and
she’s an itty bitty thing. They look like an odd pairing at first glance, but
that’s where it ends. One look at the couple together and it’s impossible to
miss the love they share.
If I can pick up groceries and other essentials and help out a little around
here with little things to take the burden off both of them, I’ll do it. They
deserve it.
“You gonna leave any of those doughnuts for Dean?”
“Verdict is still out on that one,” she mumbles around a mouthful of food.
“Such an asshole.”
“He knows the deal. You snooze you lose around here.”
I raise my eyebrows at her as I put some ground beef in the freezer. “You
mean, since he’s working his ass off to clear the roads he doesn’t get to eat
doughnuts?”
“Right.” She grins, licking the glaze off her fingers. “Did you get the
maxi pads?”
“Yeah. But why do you need them, anyway?”
“For after the birth.”
“Enough said.”
“So… this girl might be pregnant?”
Even though it’s scary as hell and inconvenient as fuck, I smile. “Yeah. I
think so. I saw her at the store while I was buying your pads and I’m pretty
sure she thought they were for a girlfriend or something. She started acting a
little shifty about it. I should be hearing from her tonight whether or not your
little guy will be having a younger cousin by about eight months.”
 “You’re smiling,” she says, standing up to help me put the rest of the
meat away in the freezer then squeals when she sees I picked up not one, but
two Party Size bags of Cool Ranch Doritos. Something she’s been craving
the entire pregnancy. Seeing the snacks makes me wonder what kinds of food
Ashley will crave, if any. It also makes me wonder if she’ll allow me to be
there for her.
“Not the worst thing that could happen,” I admit.
“You don’t know her,” she reminds me gently, putting away a box of
pasta.
“Don’t I?”
She gives me a look that I’m sure will one day remind her children who’s
boss but it does nothing to me. “All I know is that I felt comfortable around
her and when I saw her at the store today, I was… I don’t know, happy. It
was good to see her.”
“Even though she told you that she could potentially be pregnant with
your child?”
I flinch. “I know. I know. That was definitely unexpected and actually
pretty scary. My gut instinct, though, tells me it’s a good thing.”
“You’ve always been one to follow your gut,” she says.
“But it hasn’t always led me in the right direction,” I remind her.
I pull the pizza box out of the oven where we had it keeping warm and we
take it with us to the living room, Josie carrying a can of Coke for me and
one of Sprite for her. She’s held off on drinking even an ounce of caffeine
since they started trying to get pregnant but she says sometimes she needs
something fizzy, especially when she’s eating pizza.
“Want to watch a movie or a show?”
“Movie.”
“Good. I was hoping you’d say that.”
With a slice of pizza raised in my hand, I pause, noticing her grin and
tone of voice. “Josie. No.”
“It’s Christmas.”
“It is not.”
She huffs. “It is in two days. Please? Come on, Dean never lets me watch
it and I feel weird watching it alone. I need someone to banter with! You
know you love it.”
“I do not.”
“Okay, maybe love it is wrong but seriously, Niko. I’d love you forever
and ever!”
“You already do,” I tell her, smiling wide and taking a giant bite of the
cheesy goodness. Normally I go for a lot of toppings on my pizza but Josie
was begging for one with only extra cheese and honestly, it didn’t sound
awful.
“Maybe I’d love you even more. How can you deny a pregnant lady her
last wish?”
“You dying and forget to tell me?”
She places her hand on her stomach and sits back in the couch, groaning
and making a huge spectacle. The entire pregnancy she’s been incredibly
healthy and goes to yoga classes to keep her body in shape. But right now
she’s lying back like a wounded animal. If I didn’t know her well, I’d feel
guilty for rolling my eyes.
“You’re so full of it. You’re so dramatic.”
She throws her hands up. “You don’t know me!”
I bark out a laugh. “Ha! Right. Let’s try that bullshit on someone else,
shall we?”
She quickly covers her stomach. “Watch the language around the little
one!”
“Again. You’re so full of it. Just last night I heard a cocksucker slip out
while you were cooking supper. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter, Josie. No
fucking way you’re making me sit here and watch White Christmas with you.
If I have to listen to that damn ‘Sisters, Sisters’ song I’ll gouge my ears
straight out of my head.”
“Now who’s the dramatic one?”
“Let’s watch Die Hard.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t. Die Hard’s the best Christmas movie there ever was and
you can’t even deny it.”
“But…”
“But nothing. You’re not going to manipulate me.”
“You’re going to be a terrible father.”
“Correction: I’m going to be a fabulous dad because I won’t let my kids
walk all over me.”
Her eyes instantly well up with tears and she puts her plate of pizza down
on the coffee table, scooching closer to me. Josie wraps her arms around me
as she sniffles. “You’re right. You’re going to be amazing. I’m just crabby
and emotional and want Dean home instead of out on the roads so I’m
picking a fight.” Then she mumbles, “I don’t even like White Christmas all
that much.”
She’s so emotional lately. I have a really hard time not giving her shit
about it but I don’t want to add to it. “Liar. You love it.”
She cries out loud, huffing her annoyance. “I really do. It’s that darn
Danny Kaye! And Bing Crosby’s blue eyes. And Rosemary Clooney. And
even that skinny one, Vera-Ellen. I mean, she needed to eat a couple
cheeseburgers but I just love them all.”
I fold her into my arms. “You’re right. You are emotional. But your tears
aren’t going to work on me.”
She’s silent for a moment before shoving away from me. “You suck.”
I smile at her. “Yet you still love me.”
“Verdict’s out on that one. Compromise and watch Home Alone with
me?”
“Yeah. That works.”
She takes the remote and starts flipping through their streaming services
before finding the one she’s looking for that is showing Home Alone and
starts it up.
We keep eating the pizza and I go to the kitchen to pop some microwave
popcorn while the McCallister family sans Kevin is running through the
Chicago airport.
I’m about to rejoin her in the living room when the door to the garage
opens and Dean comes in, kicking off the last of the snow on the bottom of
his boots.
“Hey, man. Go okay?”
“It was a bitch. That ice sucks to cut through. Few people had gone in the
ditch right outside of town and there was one lady who’d tail ended another
gal.”
“They okay?”
“As far as I know, yeah. People are going slow, taking it easy. But I’ll
have to leave again in about six hours to clean the streets again.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. You staying here tonight?”
“She wants me to, that okay with you?”
“I’d appreciate it, actually. That way she’s not here alone. Getting too
close to the end and if I’m gone and she goes into labor, I’ll be a mess.”
 “I’m here then. For however long you need me.”
“Good, man.”
“I wouldn’t watch White Christmas with her so she wasn’t thinking so
earlier.”
He scrubs a hand over his bearded jaw, smiling. “Bet that pissed her off.
She’s been begging me for a few weeks to watch it with her. I keep telling
her to watch it alone but she swears it’s not the same. I can’t do it, though.”
“Same. It’s torture.”
“So what’s new with you?” he asks as I pull the bag out of the microwave
and toss a second in. Since Dean’s home, I know he’ll polish off the last of
the pizza but no doubt still be hungry. And let’s be honest. You could be
stuffed to the gills and the smell of popcorn would lure you in for more. After
pouring the first bag into a large bowl, I sprinkle it with a little bit of salt and
set it on the counter, waiting for the next bag to finish popping.
“Might have gotten a beautiful lady pregnant,” I tell him at the perfect
timing. He’d just chugged down a bunch of water.
Sputtering and coughing, he shoots me a glare and I laugh.
“Fuck you,” he says, wiping up the water. “Not even funny.”
“Oh, trust me, I know. It’s the truth, though.”
“What the fuck? You’re thirty-five. Don’t you know to wrap it up?”
I shrug. “It was a strange night and she said she was on the pill.”
“So she trapped you?”
“Fuck no. It’s not like that.” At least, I don’t think it is. Ashley’s not that
way. I genuinely think the pregnancy, if there even is one, is an accident.
“You seem calm about this. How long have you known her? Can’t be that
long since you proposed to that bitch Stacia. Wasn’t that like a month ago?”
I wince. “Yeah. It was the same night.”
Now it’s his turn to laugh. “Oh, fuck me. You had a drunk one-night
stand that ended up with getting the girl pregnant? Only you. Holy shit.”
“Shut up! It’s not…”
“Like that? Oh yeah. It’s exactly like that. You’re such a dumbass.” He
shakes his head and refills his glass, looking in the fridge for something to
eat.
“Pizza’s in the living room.”
“Oh good. I’m starved.”
He’s always hungry. I suppose that’s what happens when you’re 6’5” and
two-seventy.
 The microwave dings again so I take care of the second bag of popcorn
while he goes to the living room to say hello to his wife and find the pizza.
When I join them, he’s taken my seat next to her on the couch.
Josie looks content as she cozies up to Dean, his one arm over the back of
the couch and around her shoulder.
It’s hard not to be a little jealous of the two of them. My first marriage
didn’t last. We thought it was love but as it turns out, friendship, even if there
was some attraction there, too, doesn’t lead to love the way we had expected.
The chemistry was never really there, and if I’m being completely honest —
and this is something I’ve been thinking about for the last month — the
chemistry wasn’t there with Stacia either. I just never realized it until I spent
time with Ashley and discovered what it was like to be with someone I truly
wanted. I never knew what it felt like to have a desire for a woman so deep.
On the screen, Kevin is deciding that he’s strong and is going to defend
his house and I’ve decided that if Ashley is pregnant with my child, I’ll do
everything in my power to do what Dean has taught me to do. I’ll protect her
and the baby, I’ll be there for her in any capacity she’ll allow. I’ll work my
ass off to be the best father and partner for her to raise a child with. I know
she won’t want me for more than that, her words as we stood by her car after
Roy, the taxi driver, dropped us off at the bar that day have played on a loop
in my head every single day since.
“It was fun.”
“It was fun. Maybe we should…”
“I’m going to stop you right there, Harry.” She’s back to calling me
Harry again which can’t be good. That can only mean she’s trying to de-
humanize the situation or something of the sort. “We can’t. I mean, the other
night was fun.”
I raise an eyebrow at her.
“Okay, yesterday was fun, too.”
“So was this morning. And later this morning. And this afternoon.”
She blushes and I want nothing more than to reach over and run the pad
of my thumb over the pink in her cheeks. But the soft smile she’s giving me
tells me she’s about to deliver the don’t call me speech so I keep my hands to
myself.
“Yeah. But…”
“But, you don’t want a repeat?”
“It’s not that, but it’s kind of that? You and I just got out of long-term
fairly serious — or at least, we thought they were serious — relationships.
For heaven’s sake, you proposed a couple days ago! To someone who
definitely wasn’t me. Last night was not normal for me. The drinking, the sex
with a stranger, all of it. And I need to wrap my head around that.”
“Did I pressure you?” The thought alone makes me sick, and it’s not
from the alcohol. That’s out of my system now and I feel great. Or, I did, until
this conversation, anyway.
“Not at all. But, the fact is, I wasn’t acting like myself the past couple
days.”
“I’ve heard people say that alcohol sometimes brings out the truth in
people.”
Ashley looks away, running her hands through her long, thick, dark hair.
“I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t have a good time with you, but this is
where it ends for us. I need to get my life back in order and I need to do that
alone.”
“I’ll respect that.”
I might not like it, but I’ll respect it. Besides, what she said about acting
out of character holds true for me, as well. I’ve never had a one-night stand,
never slept with someone I hadn’t been dating and getting to know, and I
rarely drink alcohol. At least not to the extent that I did last night. Probably
why both of us got so incredibly trashed last night. Our systems aren’t used
to it.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry about? And please don’t say us having sex because
that might hurt my ego,” I tease, grinning. “Seriously, Ashley. We had a
great time, yeah?”
She nods.
“And I’m not going to deny that you’re right, the last couple nights
probably shouldn’t have happened but I don’t regret that it did. It was fun
and maybe exactly what both of us needed. A night to cut loose and lose
ourselves in someone else. But…”
“There’s always a but,” she jokes.
“But, I also won’t deny that I wish things were different. I wish that I’d
met you on a night that we both hadn’t just had our hearts broken and that
we didn’t make sketchy decisions.”
“Yeah. If only, huh?”
“If only.”
 I open her car door and she slides in, I lean inside her window after the
door is closed and window is rolled down and kiss her gently on the lips.
“Maybe things will look different for us in a few months.”
“Maybe.”
“Would it be okay if I look you up then? Check in, maybe? Take you to
coffee, not drinks, obviously. We can’t be trusted when we’re drinking
around each other.”
She chuckles and nods again. “I’d like that. My last name’s Porter. I’m
on Facebook and Instagram as my name, no funky screen names to
remember. I have Snapchat, too, but honestly it kind of annoys me so I don’t
go on often.”
“Got it. I’ll find you.”
“You do that. But not for a while. I need to sort out my head first.”
“Three months. Then I’m coming for you.” I kiss her again but this time
it’s not so light. It’s a reminder of how good things can be between us.
“Three months. And maybe I’ll answer.”
“Tease.”
She smiles, her eyes twinkling and I step back and watch her drive away.
The reminder of the fact that she needed time to sort out what was going
on in her head hits me hard. But how could she have done that if she was
worried that she might be pregnant? I feel like such a jerk. It’s not that all the
responsibility lies on one person when the sex is between two consenting
adults, but I knew better. I never go without condoms. The only time I did
was with my ex-wife and we were married.
My phone rings and I go on alert. Josie looks at me then at my pocket and
I do the same. “Niko, you pick up that phone right now or I’ll reach into your
pocket and do it for you,” she warns, sitting up and reaching for me.
I slap her hand away. “Back off, crazy. I’ll do it.”
“It’s her. I know it.”
“Would you stop?”
I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, seeing Ashley’s name light
up the screen as it rings for the third time. I don’t want her to change her
mind and hang up so I quickly answer.
“Ashley? Hey.”
“Hi, Nik.”
“Speaker! Put it on speaker!” Josie whispers loudly.
“Babe. Leave the man be.”
 “Yeah, leave me be,” I tell my sister in a whisper but with my hand
covering the mouth piece on my phone. I don’t want her hearing Josie’s voice
and getting inside that beautiful head of hers.
I walk out of the living room and behind me I see Dean holding Josie
back. I may have shocked the shit out of Dean earlier by telling him that I
might have gotten Ashley pregnant, but he never asked for more information.
He knows that when there’s something to tell, I will. He also respects me
enough to wait for me.
I close the door to the spare bedroom, the one I’ll be sleeping in tonight,
and ask Ashley, “So? What’s the verdict?”
“Took all eight of the tests. They said the same thing so I assume it means
that…”
“That?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed and drop my head, keeping the phone
pressed to my ear. “Show me?”
“Uhh, explain that please?” she asks, hesitation clear in her voice.
“Can you take a picture of one of the tests? I’m not there with you and I
feel like I’m missing out on something.”
“Oh my gosh, I thought you wanted me to pee on a stick on video call or
something. I was going to be like we need a discussion on boundaries and
fast.”
The thought of it makes me pull a face but also is a fast reminder that her
peeing in front of me is going to be the least of our worries in a few months.
“Yeah, no. I don’t really want to see that. But do you have any of the tests
that you can take a picture of? My sister will want to see, too.”
“Your sister?”
“Yeah, I’m here now. She’s actually going to have a baby truly any day
now.”
“Your sister.”
“Yup. Mrs. Maxi Pads,” I tell her, smiling.
“Well, shit.”
I grunt out a laugh. “It’s okay. I should have explained. I kind of knew
you were thinking I was buying them for a girlfriend or something.”
“If your sister’s pregnant, why does she need maxi pads?”
“Something about after the baby comes. I honestly didn’t pay attention.”
“But you bought them for her.”
 I lie back on the mattress, throwing an arm over my forehead and keeping
the phone against my ear. “Yeah. It’s no big deal. Ashley?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you…” I clear my throat because saying what I’m about to say
makes me nervous. “Are you planning to keep it?”
“Yes.” Her answer comes quick and sure and the relief I feel is
immediate.
I blow out a breath. “Thank God.”
“I take it that’s okay with you?”
“Yeah,” I tell her quietly, emotions clogging my throat. “I am definitely
okay with that. I get that this situation is far from ideal but we’ll make it
work. We’ve got a lot of lifetime to catch up on and I know it will take time,
but I’d really like the two of us to get to know each other better.”
“I agree. The baby deserves to have parents who at least know the basics
about each other, right?”
I’m not even going to go there right now. I want to know a whole lot
more than the basics but we’ll leave that discussion for later. Instead, I simply
agree, “Right.”
“It’s the holidays and I’m going to be at my parents’ until the day after
Christmas. You around that day? Can we maybe get together?”
“I’m here. Whenever, Ashley, I’m here. And if between now and the next
time you and I see each other you feel overwhelmed, or sick, or just like you
need to talk about it all, you pick up your phone and you call me.”
“I’m sure I’ll be okay.”
“Promise me, Ashley. You might not know this about me but it’s
important for you to understand that I don’t sit on the sidelines well. Being a
leader comes pretty natural for me so if I get bossy, it’s not because of any
other reason than I like to be in control.”
“I remember a little of that,” she says shyly.
“Oh yeah? You do, huh?”
“I do.”
“You liked it.” My words are a reminder, not a question.
On the other end of the phone I hear her suck in a breath and it brings me
a hint of satisfaction.
“Are we keeping this between ourselves?”
“You said you were at your sister’s house? Does she know that I was
taking a test?”
 I try not to groan. “Yeah.”
“Then tell her. If she’s anything like you, she’ll throw you down and give
you a wet willy or something until you tell her, anyway, so might as well just
get it over with.”
Wet willy. What the fuck? I can’t help laughing because that’s like grade
school shit. “It sounds like you have a traumatic wet willy experience.”
“So bad. My middle sister wasn’t as terrible, but my big sister was the
worst. Like the literal worst. She was always such a shit.”
“Most sisters are the worst,” I say loudly, hoping Josie hears.
“Hey!” Josie says not quietly on the other side of the door.
“Shh. Babe.”
“My sister’s waiting at the door. If you’re sure, I’ll let her know, only so
she doesn’t go into early labor trying to get it out of me. If there are people in
your world who need to know, tell them. But after that, I vote for keeping it
quiet until we’re past the first trimester. My sister had a couple miscarriages
and it was hard enough to go through when no one else but her husband and
myself knew.”
“First trimester, huh? You know stuff about pregnancy.”
“A little. My sister, Josie, she never shuts up.”
“Well, that’s good. I know nothing.”
“We’ll get there together.”
“Thank you, Nik, for being so good about this.”
I know what she means without having to say it. She’s glad that I’m
accepting this and not being a dick about it. But I’m thirty-five, not
seventeen, and I’m mature enough to handle what life throws at me. I’m
definitely mature enough to take care of my responsibilities without flaking
or pretending they don’t exist. “You’re welcome.”
“Guess we’ll be talking before that three months is up, huh?”
“Want to know a secret?”
“What?” she whispers.
“There was no fucking way I was waiting three months. I’ll talk to you
soon, Sally.”
“Bye, Harry.”
I grin to myself then holler, “You can come in now!”
My sister practically falls through the door. “Well?”
“You’re going to be an auntie.”
“Holy shit. Are you for real?”
 “Apparently.”
“Whoa,” Dean says, his eyes wide. “You got a woman pregnant?”
“That’s the rumor. I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like an asshole.”
“Not to sound like an asshole myself, but uh, why didn’t you wrap it up?”
“Apparently we were in a hurry? Or just too drunk? Or maybe we’re just
dumb?”
Josie takes a seat on the bed and grabs my hand in hers. “We’re here for
you, you know? It will be great.”
“Great?”
“It’s a baby. That’s a blessing, right? Is it weird that I’m excited?”
I blow out a breath. “A little. You’ve never met her. What if you two
don’t get along? How can I have a baby with a woman I’ve only spent time
with while I was drunk or hungover?”
“You’ll do it because you have no other option. Also, who doesn’t get
along with me? I’m like a ray of sunshine. Everyone loves me.”
Dean laughs probably a little too hard if the sharp look Josie sends his
way is anything to go by. I chuckle quietly. “Right.”
“Whatever. You know I’m lovable.”
“You’re also pretty hardcore,” Dean reminds her.
“Hardcore? What the heck’s that supposed to mean?”
“Babe. It’s impossible for you to step aside when it comes to your
brother. You’ll be overprotective like normal, and this time there will be a
baby in the mix so it will be worse.”
Josie rolls her eyes and squeezes my hand. “Don’t listen to him. I’ll have
my own baby by then so I won’t even have time to go all insane for you.”
I look up just in time to see Dean give me a knowing look. One that says,
she’s full of shit but we’ll let it be for now.
“Will you keep us updated and let me know when she’s ready to meet
us?”
“Of course. Give us time, though. She and I have a lot of learning about
each other to tackle first.”
“She’s going to fall in love with you, I just know it.”
I don’t let her words settle in. It’s so premature and ridiculous to think
about that I won’t even let my head go there.
Instead, I squeeze her hand back and say, “Obviously. What’s not to love
about me, right?”
“Right. That’s what I was thinking.”
 “He probably wants a little bit of privacy, babe. Let’s let the man be.”
“But…” Josie protests.
“I’ll be fine,” I promise her. “I’ll be here for the next few days for you to
keep an eye on me, remember?”
All my life, I’ve been Josie’s protector. Since I was five years old when
she was born, I took on the role as her guardian pretty fiercely so having her
trying to “protect” me now feels… good. We’ve been there for each other our
entire lives and I know without a doubt that this situation will be no different,
even if she does have a newborn baby soon.
“Love you, Niko.”
“Love you, too, Josie. Even if you’re a pushy pain in the ass,” I add on.
“What a lovely term of endearment,” she murmurs. I help her stand and
Dean takes her hand in his, guiding her out of the bedroom. She looks over
her shoulder at me and I give her a smile, praying that it looks real enough
that it eases her worries.
Just as I lie down on the bed, staring up at the white ceiling, my phone
chimes with a text.
A picture.
Of Ashley holding up a pregnancy test with a clear reading of two lines
displayed for me. Along with another test with a plus sign.
She really is beautiful.
“Holy shit. We’re having a baby,” I whisper to myself.
Me: Thank you.
Ashley: You’re welcome. Little weird taking a picture of something I just
peed on.
Me: Might as well get used to weird things happening.
Ashley: Weird like getting pregnant by someone I barely know?
Me: Exactly like that.
Me: My sister’s excited. She wants to meet you. She’ll be a little crazy
and I apologize in advance for that. She’s protective and pregnant so she’s
also hormonal.
Ashley: Are you saying I’ll be hormonal?
Me: It’s a guarantee.
Ashley: Not gonna even try using the kid gloves on me, huh? Just telling
me like it is straight from the start.
Me: You’ll learn I’m not a liar, Ashley. Even if it’s over something to
make you feel better.
 Ashley: That’s a concept I’m not used to from the male species. Might be
kind of fun to learn what that’s like.
Me: Ashley?
Ashley: Yes?
Me: It’s going to be okay. And that’s not a lie. It will be hard and difficult
at times and probably scary, too. But it will all work out in the end and be
okay. And I’m here for you. Always.
Ashley: Even if you hadn’t just told me you weren’t a liar, I would still
believe that.
Me: Good. Now, get some sleep.
Ashley: It’s 8 p.m.
Holy shit. It is. My gosh it feels like the last few hours have lasted ten.
Me: Gotta get used to those early bedtimes. LOL
Me: Actually I didn’t realize it was so early.
Ashley: It does feel like it’s been a long evening, right?
Me: For sure.
Ashley: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Nik. Thank you for being so great
about this. I don’t know what I would have done if you had… well, acted like
I was lying. That was my biggest fear.
Me: We might not know each other all that well but I do know that like
me, you’re not a liar. We’ll learn the rest as we go.
Ashley: Yeah. We will. Night.
Me: Night.
CHAPTER SEVEN
 ASHLEY

I PLACE MY CELL ON THE END TABLE IN MY LIVING ROOM AND LIE BACK ON
the couch, one leg bent, one stretched out, and my hand on my still-flat (well,
mostly) stomach.
And proceed to break down in tears.
There’s no way I should be given this kind of responsibility. A baby?
How am I supposed to care for a baby when I can’t even be smart enough not
to get pregnant by a complete stranger? And how in the heck is Niko so calm
about the entire thing? Why isn’t he freaking out along with me? Maybe he
waited until he got off the phone with me to have his panic attack.
Part of me hopes that’s the case because I don’t know how I feel about
him not being at least a little nervous about the fact that we’re going to have a
baby together.
My cat, Frank, jumps up onto the couch and curls up on my chest, purring
and nestling in. I feel like I’ve heard before that there’s something to do with
cats and toxic poop that’s not good to have around babies. Does that mean
I’m going to have to get rid of him? Surely not, right? There’s no way that
every expecting parent abandons their cats. Maybe it’s because of the litter
box? Or maybe I can’t get close to the litter?
As I lie here, I start do to a mental list of things I need to do around the
house to make it baby-proof. Which reminds me I probably need to go to the
doctor and start taking prenatal vitamins.
The questions I have about this pregnancy could make a list a mile long. I
have no idea what I’m doing. No wonder people read that book What to
Expect While You’re Expecting like it’s a bible. I’m completely clueless
about all the rules. What happens if I eat something on the no fly list? Does
my baby pop out with a third arm hanging out of his or her butt? What if I
take the wrong vitamins or don’t get the exact amount of sleep I need to help
develop the baby’s brain?
The what-ifs have the potential to break me as the anxiety overwhelms
every part of my being. Soon I feel myself breathing heavy.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Now what? I forgot how to breathe! What am I doing? Breathe. That’s
something I’ve been doing my entire life but now it seems like a monumental
task.
I realize what I’m doing and exhale, throwing the cat off my chest and
swinging my legs around so my feet are hitting the floor. I lean over, letting
my head fall between my knees and count to ten. Breathing in and out slowly.
Before I can think better of it, I’ve hit a button on my phone and it’s
ringing in my ear.
“Hello?”
“I’m a mess and need your help.”
“I’m here. I told you I’d always be here for you.”
“I know that’s what you said, but you can’t blame me for not exactly
believing you.”
Zachary sighs heavily on the other end of the phone. I haven’t heard from
my ex-boyfriend since the night he broke things off.
“You called me, Ashley. There must have been part of you that believed
me. What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant.”
And for lack of a better term, there’s a giant pregnant pause coming from
Zachary. I wish I could say that his panic didn’t make me a little giddy, but
that’d be a lie.
“Relax, it’s not yours.”
“How can you be so sure? We just broke up like a week ago.”
“Uh, it was over a month ago and you and I hadn’t had sex for two
months before that,” I remind him. “You were too busy having sex with other
women, remember?”
Another heavy sigh and a deep level of regret that I called him in the first
place.
 “Are we going to hash this out all over again? If you’re so sure it’s not
mine, who else’s could it be? It’s not like you’ve been dating.”
“Checking up on me? Your little spies must not be very good.”
Is it possible to hear a snarl through a phone line? Because I’m pretty sure
I just did. “Cut the shit, Ashley. What’s going on?”
I sigh, too, and explain, “The night that we broke up, I met someone.”
“What the fuck?! You fucked some random stranger?”
“Listen here, you judgmental ass,” I reprimand. There’s some truth to it,
but I’m not the one who was a cheater and sleeping with other women, plural,
while committed to another person, so he has no place to judge me. Besides,
he and I were together for years and he wasn’t able to bring me to orgasm
once. I’m not sure why that’s relevant here, but it’s still amazing to me that
one night with Nik, and he brought me to a place that Zachary never could in
the two years we were together.
“Sorry,” he grumbles.
“You know, I was having a scary moment and for some unknown reason
I decided to call you. I thought maybe you’d be able to help me stay calm.”
He’s silent and I wish I could reach through the phone and flick his
earlobe to gain his attention.
“Just forget I called,” I tell him and prepare to hang up.
“Wait! I’m sorry, okay? I just… I didn’t expect this call, you know? It’s a
little shocking. I wasn’t… I don’t know, okay?”
“You weren’t, what?”
“I don’t know!”
“Sure you do. You just don’t want to say it out loud.”
“Maybe that’s it. But this is a surprise for sure and I don’t know how I
feel about it.”
“You’re telling me,” I mutter. Standing up, I walk to the kitchen and fill
up a glass with water and take a sip.
“Why’d you really call me, Ashley?”
Because I’m scared out of my mind and my first instinct was to call Nik
but that made me even more scared so I made this mistake. Of course, I don’t
say this out loud. I’m definitely not ready to tell Zachary anything about Nik
yet.
“I don’t know,” I say, throwing his words back at him.
“Sure you do,” he says, throwing mine right back.
I roll my eyes and take another drink.
 “You’re right. I do know. I’m scared, Zachary. I can’t stop my mind from
wandering and I have no idea what I’m doing. I need to hear someone who
knows me tell me that I’m not going to be a shitty mother. I need someone to
tell me that…” I trail off, not really knowing how to finish that sentence.
What do I want to hear? That I made a mistake but that the mistake doesn’t
define me? It kind of does. I’m going to be a mother now because of a
mistake I made.
I hear a door shut and some rustling in the background. Zachary says
quietly, “Ashley. Listen to me, okay? I probably did a very crappy job of
telling you this while we were together but you’re amazing. You have one of
the biggest hearts of anyone I know and you’re so loving, so generous.
You’re…”
“Perfect?”
He chuckles. “Damn near. Kind of made it hard for me to feel worthy of
you, if I’m being honest.”
“So me being a good person made you cheat on me?” I ask, not in a
snarky way, but out of genuine curiosity. Do people only cheat on the good
ones and not the jerks?
“Kind of, yes.”
This right here is why I called him. Because I might dislike him for
cheating on me, but if nothing else, I knew I’d get some truth out of Zachary.
“Why did you never want me to call you Zach, by the way?”
He laughs at my randomness. “My sperm donor father always called me
Zach. I wasn’t going to completely change my name but I can’t stand hearing
the shortened version because it reminds me of him.”
“You never told me that.”
“I never told you a lot of things,” he says, almost cryptically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Ashley, you’re intimidating to be around. You’re so put together.”
I can’t help it, I burst out laughing. “What the heck are you talking about?
I’m so far from being put together.”
He snorts. “Right. You’re so full of shit and you know it.”
Even though he can’t see me, I wrinkle my nose. “Explain to me how I’m
intimidating. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“You’re… Ashley. You budget to the penny, your taxes are done within
three days of when you’ve received all the paperwork, plan every detail of
your day practically down to the minute, and keep your house looking
spotless.” I look around the house and wonder what in the world he’s talking
about. I know I didn’t make my bed this morning, there are two loads of
clothes unfolded and sitting in the laundry baskets, there’s a thin layer of dust
on my TV stand, and the not-so-thin layer of dust on the ceiling fan blades.
“Your fridge is more organized than a five-star chef’s.” That’s not true,
either. I haven’t cleaned my fridge in a month.
“I’ve never seen a car that looks like it came out of the showroom
constantly. It’s never dirty inside or out.” Also not true. I haven’t vacuumed
it out in a month, either.
Uh oh.
Ohhh. No.
A month seems to be the common denominator here.
The more he talks about who he believes I was, the more it makes me
realize that the entire time I was with Zachary, I pretended. A lot. I put on a
front. One that made me look exactly like the person he’s describing. He’s
not wrong in believing that I was perfect. That’s who I wanted him to think I
was and apparently I did a damn fine job of making it happen.
“I never felt like I was worthy of being in your presence.”
Well, that’s a little extreme. Right? “That’s such a load of crap. You did,
too.”
“Not very often.”
“Zachary, you’re starting to make me mad.”
“Never mind the fact that you managed to do more in one day than most
did in a week. Whenever we’d go out somewhere, I swear you had this glow
to you that drew people in. It was impossible to compete with.”
Never mind. I wasn’t mad before. Now I’m really mad. My voice is
unrecognizable when I growl, “Compete with? What the heck is that
supposed to mean, Zachary?”
“Poor choice in words,” he mutters.
“Ya think?”
“But here’s the deal, that old saying, it wasn’t you, it was me? That rings
very true in this case. It was exhausting being with you.”
Over the past month, I’ve felt a range of emotions ranging from
frustration, confusion, and settling on anger over Zachary breaking up with
me. I blamed him for everything.
“It’s not me, it’s you? That’s what you’re trying to say here?”
He sighs, frustrated with me. “So, you’re pregnant?” he asks, changing
the subject.
“As it turns out, I’m not quite as perfect as I’d led you to believe. I don’t
even know why I called you tonight,” I admit.
After a long pause, he asks quietly, “Are you scared?”
That’s a good question. My immediate reaction is to tell him no, and
maybe that’s because I’m still trying to keep up with the appearance I held so
tight to while we were dating. Red flags are going up all around me,
memories flashing through my mind. They’re not exactly pleasant, either. A
lot of moments in my life where I chose to pretend because I was so worried
about being alone. That’s not the kind of person I want to be and I need to be
better.
Instead of continuing with the lie, even a small one, I admit the truth to
Zachary. “I didn’t think so, then I realized I was scared out of my mind.
Right now, I’m settling firmly in the middle. It’s a comfortable place to stay,
at least for a little while.”
“Nice and safe in the middle,” he agrees.
“Exactly.”
“You could even travel to denial, the better-looking cousin.”
“Oh yes, I’ve been there. Lovely place. Nice yards.”
He laughs lightly. “I’ve heard great things.”
“To answer your earlier question, I’m appropriately scared. But, I’ve
already let the father know, and thankfully he took it pretty well.”
“Wow. He did?”
“Yeah, he did. He’s a pretty good guy. I’ll tell my parents tomorrow
when I go there for Christmas, and I’ll call to schedule an appointment with
my doctor tomorrow, too. My savings account is big enough that I’ll be able
to buy what the baby needs to get started. Plus, my insurance through the
dental office covers maternity care.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. Typical Ashley. No challenge
is too great for you.”
Suddenly I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. How did I become this
person? The one who changed everything about themselves to keep the guy?
Worse yet, it was a guy that if I really think about it, wasn’t meant for me.
For one thing, if I have to change who I am just to keep him interested, then
clearly it’s not a good match.
“Zachary, I’m a fake. A fraud. A phony.”
“What?”
 “You thought I was this perfect person because I needed you to believe
that. It’s who I thought I had to be.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you do that? What did you fake?”
I want to tell him everything, including that I never had an orgasm with
him, but figure that’s just mean. “All those ways you just described me?
Having everything together? It’s not who I am.”
“What are you talking about? Yes, it is.” His voice has a hint of
frustration and anger to it that I’ve never heard before. I’m not surprised,
though. He’s just found out the last few years of his life were sort of a lie. At
least where I’m concerned, they are.
“Not entirely, no. I do like to have things organized, but not to that
length. I was so tired of being alone and then we matched through the app
and I was going through this phase because of new year’s resolutions where I
was super on top of things. Then we met and we got along so well. I figured
it was one of the things you liked about me because you talked about it all the
time.”
“Because it was fucking overwhelming,” he growls, annoyed. “Do you
realize how perfect you are? Or were in front of me, apparently.”
I hear the sound of a can opening in the background and figure he’s
having a beer. Could be a soda, too, but something tells me he would want a
little bit of alcohol at this point. I don’t blame him. If I wasn’t pregnant I
would do the same. However, this conversation wouldn’t be happening if I
wasn’t pregnant, and I probably wouldn’t be pregnant if I hadn’t drunk too
much that night.
“I didn’t at the time. It wasn’t until you mentioned it a few moments ago
that I realized it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever really been myself around any
of the men I’ve dated. I’ve kind of just morphed into who I thought they
wanted me to be.”
I don’t like admitting that to myself, much less out loud, but one thing’s
for certain, I will not continue the pattern. Nik and I aren’t together, but we
are going to be raising a child together and having lies between us is a
disaster waiting to happen. I won’t do it. I can’t.
For my sanity, for the baby, for Nik.
Look at me, pregnant for five seconds and I’m already being responsible
and thinking like an adult.
“Probably why none of your relationships worked out,” he says, not so
gently. In fact, he sounds downright bitter and angry. “So, you’re telling me I
was cat-fished?”
“Well… I mean, I guess? If that’s what you want to call it?”
“What else would you call it? You pretended to be someone else so that I
would like you. Well, congratulations, Ashley. It worked.” He pauses and
through the phone I can hear him guzzling down his beer, belching afterward
and not even excusing himself. “That’s what you do, huh? Meet a guy,
pretend to be someone you’re not so you can make them fall in love with
you, then you make them so insecure because there’s absolutely no way they
compare to your level of perfection until they eventually break up with you,
making them the bad guy rather than you,” he spits out angrily.
Whoa. That was quite the leap. How did this day turn around so badly?
I’m exhausted, the day has been way too long, and I’ve learned way too
many things about myself. A big part of me wants to defend myself and tell
him he’s wrong, but a bigger part of me knows that he’ll believe what he
wants to believe. The only thing I can do is apologize and do it sincerely.
“I’m sorry. You deserved more from me.”
Zachary grunts and makes a sound of agreement but otherwise says
nothing.
“Good luck with your pregnancy. I’m sure you’ll need it after shaking up
your perfect little plan. Oh, wait. That plan was a lie, right?”
“Listen here,” I snap, having enough of the blame game. I might have not
been the perfect person for him like I tried so hard to be, but I tried, which is
more than I can say about him. He’s the one who liked me because of my
perfection. He’s the one who didn’t think he was man enough to handle it. “I
called you because I genuinely wanted to talk to a friend, something I thought
you were. I know I messed up but guess what? You did, too. You cheated on
me several times. And… the clincher? One of those times, that I know of
anyway, was not just with a woman. You had a freaking threesome with other
people while we were together. That’s on you. If you aren’t man enough to
be with someone like me, then you should have bucked up and admitted it
rather than being a jerk. Have a nice life, Zachary. Hopefully this is the last
time we talk. Oh, wait, I do have one more thing to say,” I pause but not long
enough for him to say his piece, “I faked every single orgasm, too. Learn how
to please a woman. Or man. Whichever gender you’re into these days.”
“What the fuck?” he spits angrily.
“You heard me. In the two years we were together, you never gave me an
orgasm. Not once. But the night I got pregnant? Multiple.”
 My thumb presses down on the red END button so hard I’m surprised I
don’t crack the phone screen and then I slam it upside down on the couch
cushion, cover it with a throw pillow, and stomp out of the living room.
For good measure, I holler, “Jackass!” at the top of my lungs just in case
there’s a possibility he can still hear me through the cell wires.
CHAPTER EIGHT
 NIKOLAS

“H OW ’ D THEY TAKE IT ?” I ASK A SHLEY , HITTING MUTE ON THE REMOTE FOR

the TV in the spare room. I came in here to take a nap. At least, that’s what I
told Josie. In reality, I’ve been expecting Ashley’s call and wanted privacy
when it came through.
It’s a little after noon on Christmas Eve and Ashley had texted me a few
hours ago to let me know she was going in, rip the band-aid off style. Wish
me luck! I had chuckled and, apparently, the smile on my face meant that my
sister needed to read a lot more into that little laugh than she should have. I
have a bad feeling that she’s going to be incredibly pushy and annoying
through this.
“Excited. A little bit upset that I got pregnant with someone they’ve never
met, even though they tried hard to hide it, but I could see it.”
“Can’t blame them,” I mumble.
“No. Neither can I.”
She sounds a little sad and for reasons I’m not willing to really dig into
right now, I hate that I wasn’t there for her. I hate that she had to do this on
her own. I should have offered to go along, even if it would have been a little
uncomfortable or awkward.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“You don’t sound okay.” I risk telling her. She doesn’t, though. She
sounds like she’s been crying, her voice a little gravelly.
Ashley’s quiet for a few moments then sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know.
My dad wasn’t thrilled, which is yeah, understandable and a little expected,
but my older sisters are being kind of bitchy about it all. They’re rubbing it in
my face that I was irresponsible, which is only stirring the pot and making it
harder.”
I immediately don’t like her sisters. “Why is that? Don’t sisters normally
stick together?”
“Well, it could be because they’re both married but neither have kids and
it’s a sore spot for both of them.”
“You’re the youngest?” I guess.
“Yeah.”
“How old are they?”
“Forty and thirty-eight. I’m thirty-three. I was a rainbow baby. They had
a miscarriage between us.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. My sister and I are five years apart, too. My
parents had a miscarriage after me then struggled to get pregnant.”
“Scary, huh?” She pauses while we both think. I hadn’t really thought of
it as a possibility until now. Even though this pregnancy is a complete
surprise to both of us, it would be really hard to have that happen. “You
know, I was always the odd one out. I always thought it was because the
older two are closer in age but I wonder if it’s because my parents always
treated me a little differently because of the miscarriage.”
I can honestly say I don’t remember my parents favoring Josie. “Is that
true? Did they?”
“I don’t know. They always teased me about being the favorite. I thought
they were just being jerks because that’s how siblings are. It makes me
wonder, though. I mean, they still joke about me being the favorite
sometimes but it’s all in good fun, but for the most part now that we’re
adults, they don’t treat me differently. Until tonight, I guess.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get why they’re frustrated, not that they have a right to be,
you know?”
I’m glad that she’s talking and opening up. We have a lot to learn about
each other but the fact that she’s willingly telling me about her life is a good
sign. We need to keep open lines of communication if this is going to work
between us.
“Tell me about them.”
“My oldest, Grace, she’s a career woman and has spent her life devoted to
being a kick ass lawyer. She’s awesome and crazy smart. She always loved
researching and learning. She loved school. It’s only been in the last year that
her and her husband decided they would like a child, but they’re having a
hard time getting pregnant. Her doctor warned her with her age it might be
difficult but she’s determined. My second oldest, Lucy, has always wanted
children. She and her husband got married two summers ago and have been
trying to get pregnant since. She’s an econ professor at State. Obviously,
they’re both smarty pants.”
“I’ll say. So I won’t have much in common with them, huh? I didn’t even
go to college.”
“Ehh, they don’t judge. I promise. They actually have a lot more
appreciation for someone who doesn’t spend tens of thousands on an
education that they don’t need. Not everyone is meant for college.”
“That’s a good way to think about it. I knew once I graduated high
school, I wasn’t going to be sitting in a classroom again. Unless it was to
learn more about my specific trade. Anyway, back to your family?”
“So maybe their bitchiness is more about sadness for their own situation
and a little bit of jealousy. Of course, that makes me feel bad, but it’s not
exactly like I tried to go out and prove to them that I could get pregnant first.
“Luckily, Mom has been wonderful. She knows the type of person I am
and that the night we spent together was out of character for me.”
Thank goodness her mom is being good about it, at least. I can’t imagine
what my parents would be saying if they were alive. They were wonderful
parents but also very conservative. Sex before marriage was not something
they understood or approved of. My divorce was definitely not on their list of
proud moments. While they understood that my marriage wasn’t meant to
last, they also didn’t want people to know that. They were very much worried
about appearances and what our actions reflected back on them.
“I also called my ex-boyfriend last night and told him I was pregnant.
That was not super fun, either.” I’m quiet, digesting all of her information
while also thinking of my parents and the fact that they’re missing all of this.
What I wouldn’t give to disappoint them by getting a woman pregnant who I
barely know. “I’m sorry, I’m probably bumming you out. I promised myself I
wouldn’t do that but I also promised myself I would never lie to you about
anything. It’s not a good way to start whatever it is that we’re starting.”
I don’t know how I feel about the fact that she called him and now she’s
sad. Is she sad because she misses him? Wishes this baby were his? Either of
those would make sense. The night we met, she was so upset that he broke up
with her that she got raging drunk and slept with me, which is another thing
I’m trying to work through.
“How’d he take it?”
“It was an interesting conversation. At first, he was panicking that the
baby is his, then I reminded him he hadn’t had sex with me in a while and he
relaxed a bit. Pretty sure he has a pretty low opinion of me now,” she
murmurs. “It was enlightening, I guess.”
Pretty low opinion? Because she got pregnant or for another reason? The
hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I stand up, pacing around the
bedroom. “Enlightening how?”
“He brought to light the fact that I wasn’t who he thought I was when we
were together. I’m a fake and a liar.”
I stop moving and say lowly, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He says that I cat-fished him, and maybe he’s right. I guess I kind of
pretended to be this perfect person and he felt like he couldn’t compete with
me.”
“When did a relationship become a competition?” I growl, the tension
heating my skin and prickling the back of my neck. This fucker sounds like
the biggest dick on the planet.
“I missed that memo, too.”
Not being able to stand still, I march out of the spare bedroom, barely
glancing at Josie and Dean who are watching me storm through the house. I
slip my feet into my Hey Dudes shoes and throw on a stocking hat and step
into the frigid temperatures, pacing around the small area behind the house
that we’ve shoveled already so it’s clear of snow.
Once I’m outside, not giving a shit about the cold weather, I feel like I
can breathe a little deeper. “What’s this about being a liar and fake?”
“That part might be a little true,” she admits.
“We might not know each other all that well but I disagree with you
being fake.” The inflection in my voice is impossible to miss. I know she
didn’t fake those orgasms with me. There’s absolutely no way. But more than
that, I know she didn’t fake her personality.
“Not to you,” she adds. “And not the way you’re thinking. Though, I did
inform him of that part. He was unimpressed. Or, I assume he was because I
hung up on him before he could say anything more than ‘what the fuck’.”
That’s my girl. The immediate thought has me sucking in a sharp breath
that I quickly cover up by laughing. I watch a squirrel scamper up a tree, and
shiver a little when a gust of wind blows around me. “I take it he wasn’t
aware of the fact that he needed a road map to make you come?”
“Clueless.”
“Well, that much is obvious.”
Her light giggle takes at least some of the tension off my shoulders. “I
can’t believe that you just said road map to make me come in a sentence.”
“Got you to smile, didn’t it?”
“How do you know I’m smiling?”
“Are you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she flirts.
“Why yes. Yes, I would. Call me on FaceTime so I can be proven right,”
I flirt back.
“You’re ridiculous,” she jokes.
“Get used to it, baby. So tell me… what made you decide to you call your
ex?”
She sighs, it’s heavy and exasperated. “Can’t we just call this one of my
many mistakes I’ve made over the last month?”
“Am I one of those mistakes?”
She stutters, floundering and trying to cover her wording. I grin, loving
that I can get under her skin. Even though I admit that I do wonder if she
does consider me that way. A mistake. It would hurt if she did, and yet that
night was kind of a mess.
“Relax, Ashley. I’m just teasing you.”
“Phew. But that’s not how I see that night. Or you. It was a mess, but not
a mistake and I’m sorry if I hurt you. That wasn’t what I meant.” She voices
my thoughts. Huh. That’s never happened to me before.
“You okay?”
“Kind of. I don’t know, really. I called him last night when I was
panicking and, don’t take this the wrong way, but I just didn’t feel
comfortable calling you yet. I really don’t know why I chose him, though. I
have friends. I have sisters. I guess I wanted to make sure that whatever the
two of us had was for sure over. Which, by the way, it is. Way, way over.
He’s not even in my rearview mirror at this point.”
I’m a little perturbed that she chose to call him when she was panicking
but I’m planning to hide it from her. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to
admit I’m an unreasonable asshole. For fuck’s sake, we barely know each
other so of course she would call him, someone she’s comfortable with.
Besides, she said she wasn’t going to lie to me, and that it’s over between her
and the dickhead ex. I believe her and for the sake of all our mental health,
it’s probably best that we both just push forward.
With the toe of my shoe, I kick a little mound of fluffy snow and it
topples over. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Putting you in this position.”
She groans an incredibly aggravated noise. “No. We are not doing this
again, do you understand me? We’re moving forward. Together. Or, not
together together, but you know what I mean.” Yeah, I do. The night we
spent together we were nursing broken hearts. I don’t know about her, but
even though I want nothing to do with my ex, Stacia, I’m still not ready to
jump into a new relationship. Especially one as complicated as ours began.
“Besides, this little guy that’s growing is not a mistake. He’s nothing to be
sorry about, either.”
Wait, did she say… “He?”
I imagine she shrugs when she says, “I don’t know. Seems right to me.
Obviously I don’t know for sure yet. I just called my doctor to make my first
appointment today and it’s way too early to know the sex.”
“But you think it’s a boy?”
“I’m sure I’ll change that opinion several times. Until we find out the sex
of the baby, anyway.”
“You want to find out?”
“Maybe? What do you think?”
Shaking my head, I scrunch my nose when I admit, “I haven’t really
thought about it, to be honest. It all happened so fast.”
“And unplanned.”
Unplanned. Hmm. It’s not untrue, however, I really don’t like the way
that sounds. “Do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Let’s not call the baby unplanned. A surprise, sure, but I feel like we
need to set the tone now and if we tell a baby that he or she is unplanned,
they might think unwanted and that’s not okay.”
She’s quiet for so long I pull the phone away and look at the screen to
make sure the call wasn’t dropped. The timer is still going on the screen.
“Ashley?”
“Did that happen to you?” she asks softly.
 “A friend of mine. And by a friend of mine, I literally mean a friend, not
me who’s talking about myself but calling myself a friend,” I explain.
She laughs on the other end of the line. “Glad you cleared that up.”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.”
“I’m a little nervous,” I confess.
“It’s just little old me. That’s all.”
Ha! Little old her. Right. The woman who’s going to give birth to my
child in about eight months or less. The woman who made me feel more in
the two days I spent with her than any other woman before. I’ve known she’s
pregnant for less than twenty-four hours and it’s turned me inside out.
Everything she says, I’m sensitive to, overreacting like a prepubescent
teenager. It’s annoying.
“You’re feeling okay?” I ask, changing the subject. If I focus on her and
what’s going on, I’ll get over myself.
“Yes?” she hedges, probably confused.
“No morning sickness?”
The smile in her voice is evident when she replies with a cute little, “Not
yet.”
“That’s good. You’ll let me know if that changes?”
“Sure.”
If she’s trying to be convincing she’s failing miserably. We’ll get there,
though. Eventually. When we have the chance to learn more about each other
and build trust. It might be too soon now, but it won’t always be this way.
“So what’s your plan for the rest of the day?”
“Family dinner tonight.”
“What’s on the menu?”
“Pasta. Lots and lots of pasta. Lasagna, ziti, fettucine alfredo, shrimp
scampi. Lots of garlic bread, mixed green salad, some other veggies that we
all pretend we want on our plates to compensate for the plethora of carbs.”
“Sounds delicious.”
“It is. It’s my favorite.”
“Which one?”
She makes a sound similar to a scoff. “Uh, all of them? What’s not to
love about pasta?”
Grinning, I admit, “Not a thing. I agree with you completely about this
subject.”
 “That’s good. What are you guys eating?”
“My brother-in-law is smoking a giant pork butt. We’ll have some cheesy
hash brown casserole to go with it, and whatever else my sister has planned. I
try to help but she’s insistent. Since it’s just us, I let her have it.”
“Just you?”
“Our parents passed around ten years ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Not your fault, but thank you. Tell me what else you do for the holiday.”
She seems to sense that I don’t want to talk more about the subject of my
parents and quickly continues. “Since it’s Christmas Eve, we get to open one
gift with our matching pajamas because we’re that kind of family. My mom
buys them for us every year. Overnight, Santa will come and drop the gifts
for the kids,” she says and I interrupt with a teasing, “like you,” and she aptly
replies, “obviously, because I’m the youngest and there’s no grandbabies
yet,” before continuing with her story. “My dad will demand that we watch A
Wonderful Life.”
“My sister makes me watch White Christmas every year.”
“Oh no.”
“Right. It’s brutal.”
“Brutal?” She laughs. “Oof. That’s harsh. That’s the one that they sing
about sisters and on a train. ”
“It’s the truth,” I counter. “In fact, your examples just now only prove my
point.”
In the background, I hear someone calling her name. Her mother, maybe.
“Just a second!” Ashley calls out, the sound muffled slightly. With a heavy
sigh, she tells me, “I’m being summoned to help decorate a gingerbread
house.”
“Fun.”
“Oh, you have no idea,” she grumbles.
“Ashley?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for calling me. It was good to hear your voice.”
“It was good to hear yours, too.”
“Call me when you’re back in town? And let me know about the doctors’
appointments. I want to get them on my schedule. Maybe we can meet for
dinner, too.”
“Absolutely.”
 After hanging up, I shove my phone in my jeans pocket and stay outside
for a few more minutes, enjoying the silence and solitude. I’ve never been
one for crowds or in the middle of a lot of activity. My comfort zone is being
by myself or a few select people. Luckily, two of those people are sitting
inside the house right now, waiting for me to come inside and share whatever
I’ve learned from my phone call.
Problem is, the only thing I’ve really learned is that I have the potential of
becoming a jealous asshole when it comes to Ashley. I best get a handle on
that quick.
CHAPTER NINE
 ASHLEY

T HERE ’ S NO WAY I’ M GOING TO SURVIVE THIS APPOINTMENT WITHOUT

throwing up all over the doctor. Or maybe Nik. Or the nurse. Maybe just
myself. I have no idea why I’m so nervous, though.
I’m sitting in my car staring out the windshield when I see Nik climb out
of a very large dark gray truck and I immediately know why I’m so nervous.
Because I’m about to go into my first obstetrician appointment with Nik
by my side and everyone is going to ask questions, then they’ll take one look
at this gorgeous man and wonder what he was thinking.
He wasn’t.
He was drunk off his ass.
We spent just two nights together — really, really good nights — and
now he’s stuck with me for life. Having a baby with someone doesn’t last
only the nine months until the baby is born. We’ll be making decisions
together for the next two decades regarding the baby.
Nik walks in my direction with this swagger and smirk that is usually
reserved for models and A-list actors. His jeans could not fit him more
perfectly. I remember staring at his thighs and tight, round ass — the ass that
has a teddy bear holding a heart tattooed on it — and wondering if he ever,
even once, missed leg day. Not likely. Though, based on my memory of him,
which is extensive, I don’t think he’s ever missed ab day or arm day or back
or shoulder day or any other day that people in far better shape than me
participate in.
He lifts a hand in a wave, his dark eyes aimed right at me. I blow out a
stuttering breath. He’s so attractive it’s intimidating.
 I tell myself, “He’s just a man, Ashley. That’s all. Nothing more than a
man. A beautiful, strong, handsome, kind man who’s seen you naked and
been inside you and let’s not forget that he got you pregnant one of those
times he was inside you.”
Great pep talk, Ashley. Not creepy or weird at all.
I dip my head so he can’t see my face, roll my eyes at myself and grab
my bag from the passenger seat. He opens the door and slides inside, sitting
where I just pulled my bag from.
“What are you doing?”
“Saw you sitting here worried. Figured you needed a few extra minutes
before going in and hearing from the doctor what we already know. But,
Josie said we won’t hear the heartbeat quite yet because it’s too soon. Unless
they do an ultrasound that gets shoved up… well, it sounds really
uncomfortable. So I’m leaving that decision to you.”
“Did Josie have that done?”
“Don’t ask a lot of questions when it comes to my sister’s vagina so I
can’t say for sure yes or no.”
A giggle bursts out of me and I relax just a little. Nik turns in his seat, his
body taking up every inch of space in the passenger seat of my car. I never
thought I had a small vehicle until he came along. Now it looks like a
matchbox car.
“Little small for you?”
He grumbles. “This fucking car is tiny. It can’t be safe.”
“It’s a fine automobile,” I tell him, narrowing my eyes.
He grins. “I believe you.”
“I’m not buying a new car.”
He looks in the back seat and to me. The car is very tiny. “Right.”
Something tells me I’m going to buy a new car, but it’s not because of him.
His not so subtle reminder that I’ll need something slightly larger to
accommodate a car seat wasn’t needed. I already knew this. “Okay, are you
ready to go in?”
“No.”
He sits back, knees up against the dash, and turns his head toward me.
“It’s going to be okay, Ashley. I promise. I’ll be there every single step of the
way and we’ll get through it together.”
When Nik grabs my hand and squeezes once, something inside me chips
away and I lower a few of the defenses I had built up around my heart.
Becoming vulnerable to another person is risky and I admit, at least to
myself, that it’s one of the reasons I’ve not had successful relationships in the
past. “You promise? Because I’ve gotta be honest here. I’m scared out of my
mind to do this.”
“To do what specifically?”
“Become a mom. Make decisions that affect another person’s life.”
“And where do I fit into this equation? Do I factor into any of this fear?”
I blow out a breath and fiddle with my purse’s shoulder strap. “You don’t
scare me,” I admit, “but not knowing you does.”
“We’ll fix that, though. Remember when you called to tell me the
appointment time, I told you I would clear the rest of the day to spend with
you. I did that and I’m planning on it. We can go wherever it is you feel most
comfortable and I don’t care if you ask me questions all day long, just as long
as at the end of the day you realize that I’m not going to bail on you.”
“We need to meet each other’s families, too,” I add. It’s not at the top of
our list of things to do, but does need to happen. We live close to them and
they’re a big part of our lives separately, they will be a major part of this
baby’s life, too.
He nods once. “Whenever you’re ready for that, too.”
“You’re being too perfect,” I grumble.
“Want me to act like an asshole?” he jokes. “I’m not always perfect,
Ashley. Far from it, actually. I have my moments like everyone else. But
when it comes to this baby and what you need from me? I’m there for you
and that won’t change.”
I can’t imagine Zachary would have been the same if I had gotten
pregnant by him. He would have said I was trapping him and blamed me. He
wouldn’t have cleared his schedule to spend the day with me just to answer
any questions I have for him. Keeping my heart intact and not falling for Nik
will be hard to do if he doesn’t lessen the perfection he’s sporting. Would it
be so hard for him to be a jerk for a minute or two? At the very least, he
could have an acne flare-up so when he’s being perfect he isn’t so damn
attractive.
“Let’s go inside. Sitting here isn’t helping to calm my nerves.”
“It’ll be…”
“Fine,” I interrupt. “I know. I know.”
When we’re walking toward the clinic, I reach over and grab Nik’s hand.
It feels like a bold move, and maybe one that’s going to backfire, but I need
stability and a little bit of comfort right now. Luckily, he doesn’t flinch or
seem to mind. He simply folds my small hand into his, pulling me closer.
Then in a bold move of his own, he tugs on my arm, leans down, and
kisses the top of my head.
“We’ve got this. No more worries, okay?”
I nod, swallow hard, and look up at him.
Well. The baby will be pretty, that’s for sure.

“F IVE MORE WEEKS AND WE CAN HEAR THE BABY ’ S HEARTBEAT ? W HY SO

long?” he pouts as we sit down for an early lunch at the diner. “It’s the
twenty-first century. You’d really think they’d be able to stick that Doppler
thing to your stomach and they’d hear the heartbeat without having to shove
that thing up your vagina.”
Shrugging out of my coat, I grin at Nik’s grumpiness as I hang my coat
on the back of my chair. I’m incredibly proud of myself that I didn’t even
flinch at the word vagina. It’s not that the term bothers me, but I’m shy in
public. “You’re the one who said it was up to me.”
“I didn’t realize that you would remember that when we were in the
room, though.”
I snort. “So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?”
He folds his arms, placing his elbows on the table and leans over. “Just
had hopes you’d come to your senses,” he teases.
“I’m all about the buildup. Patience is a virtue, right?”
“It’s going to kill me. And in case you’re wondering, that means that I’m
also all about finding out the sex of the baby as soon as they say we can.
We’ve had enough surprises for a while, I think.”
“Definitely,” I agree. I was hoping for the same thing anyway, so much
like buying a new car, this is also something I’m on board with. That has to
be a good sign, that the two of us agree on fairly big decisions.
The waitress stops at our table, handing us each a menu and placing
silverware on the table. “Hi there. Did you have a chance to see our specials
on the board when you walked in?”
“Yup. Chicken pot pie and French silk pie?”
“We also have a winter salad. It has cranberries, grilled chicken, shredded
Swiss cheese, and chopped walnuts over mixed greens. The dressing it’s
served with is a poppyseed dressing but you can order whatever you’d like.
Can I get you two something to drink?”
Nik gestures for me to go first. “I’ll have a lemonade, please.”
“Iced tea for me, wedge of lemon if you have it.”
“You got it. I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menus and be
back with your drinks.”
“Thanks,” we say at the same time.
I open my menu but Nik’s stays closed.
“You’re not hungry?”
“Oh, I’m starving. Like usual.” He smirks. “But, I know the menu by
heart. I’ve been eating here since I was learning to walk.”
“Wait. So you grew up here?”
“Born and raised,” he says, nodding.
“Wow. Never wanted to move?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “Not really. I mean, when I was in high school I
had a few years where I thought it was boring as fuck here and didn’t want
anything to do with it anymore. But my parents suddenly passed away and
this crazy town stepped up in a big way. My parents knew everyone, it
seemed, and they took us under their wing. I was married, I’m not sure that I
told you that I’m a divorcee or not, but I’ll share more about that later. And
by the look on your face right now, it’s glaringly obvious that’s news to you.”
Our waitress sets down our drinks in front of us and Nik orders the pulled
pork sandwich with a side of fries and macaroni and cheese. As he’s
ordering, my stomach grumbles and even though it sounds like I’ll be in a
coma from the carbs, I can’t resist ordering the same. But with extra pickles
on the side.
Once our waitress is gone, I launch in. “Married? You don’t have other
kids, do you? I mean, it’s okay if you do, obviously, but you haven’t
mentioned anything about kids and I would hope that you would have. How
long were you married? Why did you get divorced?”
His eyes are wide and he chokes back a laugh. “Anyway, I was married at
the time, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else now.”
“Oh, gosh. I’m sorry. That was a lot of questions all at once, right?”
“It’s okay. I’ll answer all of them rapid fire just like you asked them. Yes,
I was married. No children. We were high school best friends turned
sweethearts turned we felt like marriage was the logical next step. Turns out
that wasn’t the best next step for us to take. We were friends who loved each
other but not friends who were in love with each other. Married at twenty-
two years old for three years. Divorce was a mutual decision. There’s no hard
feelings between us. We talk, but not regularly. She’s remarried to a great
guy who had two children from a previous marriage.”
I blink. Once, twice. “Well, okay then.”
He laughs lightly, shaking his head. “You’re welcome to ask me more
questions, but that’s the basics.”
“And your parents?”
“Killed by a drunk driver when I was twenty-four.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yup. That’s the gist of it. It sucked. Still does. Especially now with Josie
about to have a baby and with us having one, too. Not that they would have
loved the idea of us not being together and having a baby, but they would
have loved grandchildren and spoiling them. Sucks that they will miss
everything.”
“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine. And how much younger is Josie than
you?”
“Five years. She was a freshman in college when we got the call. I was
working for an electrician at the time. I have my own company now, not sure
you knew that either. She moved in with me a few months after my divorce
because she realized that college was far from her thing. Josie worked three
part-time jobs at once until one of them stuck. Grocery store clerk, which she
loved because she could talk to people all day long and she has too much
energy to sit much. She was also a waitress.” He lifts a hand and twirls a
finger. “Here, actually, which is where she met her now husband, Dean, so
obviously she loved this job, too. And a bookkeeper slash accountant for the
electrician I was working for at the time. That’s where she landed. She does
my books now, she realized she actually loves math.”
“So she’s also insane.”
He doesn’t hesitate in his agreement. “Yes. Completely. Now she’s
pregnant, ready to give birth any day now. She can’t wait to meet you. Dean,
too. He’s a great guy. His dad was a dud and his mom worked herself to the
bone. Dean helped raise his younger siblings.”
“Wow.” This is a lot of information to digest.
Our waitress brings our meals and Nik drinks down most of his iced tea,
asking for a refill. I’m sure he is thirsty. He just talked non-stop for fifteen
minutes, catching me up on his life story. After she’s gone, I unroll my
silverware, place my napkin on my lap, use my knife to cut my sandwich in
half then…
“I was not expecting that information dump. I’m a little dizzy from it, I
think.”
He chuckles, digging into the macaroni and cheese first. “You think?”
I give him an eye roll and pop a fry into my mouth.
“Dip it into the ranch,” he suggests, pushing his bowl of ranch dressing in
the middle of the table.
“Why?”
“You’ll see.”
“That’s not a reason.”
“Trust me. Is that a reason?”
I do as instructed and groan. “Holy shit.”
“Told you.”
I give him a look that goes right over his head because, well, I’m
suddenly ravenous and I’m shoveling food into my mouth at the speed of
sound. I’m like a high school wrestler who’s just made weight and he’s been
told he can eat again.
“Good, right?”
“Oh my word, yes. Where has this combo been my whole life?”
“On top of the rock you were living under,” he quips.
I snort and then we fall into a comfortable silence while we eat our
delicious meal. I’m sure I’ll be regretting it later, but I practically lick my
plate clean.
Once we’re finished, I lean against the back of my chair. “I’m so full.”
“Me, too. But I just have a food baby in there. You have a baby, too.
Dang, I still can’t believe that. It feels weird to even say it out loud, you
know?”
“Oh, trust me, I know. So what’s your plan for the rest of the day?”
“You tell me. I’m all yours, remember?”
“I had some pretty big plans of heading home for a nap since it’s my day
off and I just ate more food than I normally do at Thanksgiving.”
The waitress comes by to take away our empty plates and drops off our
ticket which Nik grabs immediately.
“You don’t have to do that,” I protest.
“Shut up,” he says playfully.
 After paying and a quick stop at the restroom for me, I join him outside
by his truck which we rode in together after my appointment.
He opens the door for me and waits until I’m settled before closing the
door and joining me in the cab. “Want to go for a walk?”
“It’s freezing out.”
“So? We’ve got coats. I have extra gloves in here,” he lifts the lid in the
console that separates us, pulling out two pair of gloves, “and a couple
stocking hats. Let’s go for a walk. Get some fresh air.”
“Really?” I don’t think I’ve ever gone for a walk with a guy before. It
seems so… relationship-y. Domestic.
“Yup.”
“Okay, yeah. Sure. Sounds fun.”
“Ha! Something tells me you just broke your own rule about lying to me
but I’ll let it slide for this one.”
Damn. He’s already got my number. The next several months should be
interesting.
CHAPTER TEN
 NIKOLAS

“C OLD ?” I ASK A QUESTION I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO . O F COURSE

she’s cold. I’m cold. Everyone in the state of Michigan is cold. Except
middle school boys who don’t think it’s cool to feel outside temperatures so
they’re still wearing shorts and refuse to admit they own a winter coat. Even
if the temperature wasn’t a dead giveaway, the fact that she keeps huddling
into herself would be.
“Nope.”
I nudge her with my shoulder as we walk through town. The store fronts
are still decorated for Christmas and there are Christmas flags hanging from
light poles and twinkle lights strung up in the otherwise sad looking trees. It’s
a beautiful small town, Liberty, Michigan, under normal circumstances, but
in the winter, it’s spectacular. “Liar.”
She chuckles. “Busted.” She turns to me, her elbows bent and arms
raised, her hands clasped together tightly. “In my defense, though, the walk is
actually fun but it’s literally freezing out here. Less than freezing. What is it,
twenty? At the most?”
“Actually, with the wind chill factored in, I think it’s only twelve degrees
out here.”
She wrinkles her cute little red nose. “No wonder my face hurts.”
“Lovely to live in an area where going outside in the winter hurts your
face, huh?”
We walk a few more blocks, past the police station and the public library.
A woman walks out with her arms loaded down with library books, her
young children bundled up and sliding on the sidewalk from the slight layer
of ice. They giggle and squeal as they slip and slide their way to their snowy
black minivan. The side door slides open and the kids jump inside.
“I’m not driving a minivan,” Ashley says beside me.
I didn’t realize it, but we’d both stopped walking, entranced by the ease in
which this mother guided her three young kids out of the library and into her
van, all while dealing with her arms full of bags and books and walking on
the icy sidewalk herself. She made it look so easy, natural.
Maybe it’s because social media is a weird place, but I had this image of
parents always being stressed out, frazzled, and at their wit’s end. Heading
home to chug on a bottle of wine because they can’t manage their life
otherwise.
“Nik?” Ashley calls my name, gaining my attention.
“Yeah?”
“You okay? You know her? Want to go say hello?”
Her question startles me and I turn to face her. “No. It’s just… I guess
now that I know I’m going to be a dad, I’m noticing more parents and kids, I
guess.”
“Oh. Yeah, my sister told me that I’d see pregnant women everywhere
now.” She nods in understanding and we continue walking, turning down a
street that takes us away from downtown Liberty. The street is lined with old,
historic houses that are unique and enormous and the owners seem to be in a
competition for who can put up more lights during the holiday season.
“Wow. This is amazing,” Ashley says, her eyes trained on a house that I
know was built in the early 1980s and has an all brick exterior.
“It is. I can’t imagine their electrical bills, though.”
She nudges me. “You would think of the electric side of it, Mr.
Electrician.”
“Guilty. I can’t help it, it’s how my brain is wired.”
Ashley groans. “Oh, boy. You’re already using dad jokes.”
We laugh together and continue our walk. “Warming up at all?”
“No. But I like this. You’re right about needing the fresh air.”
Nodding, I explain, “I try to get outside for a while every day. Even if it’s
cold or, heaven forbid, wicked hot.”
“Not a fan of the heat?”
I wrinkle my nose. “It’s not that. I like summer just fine, but I definitely
prefer cooler temperatures. What about you?”
“I could live forever in sixty-five-degree weather.”
 As we walk, we continue to talk about nothing at all, but in reality, she’s
opening up to me more and more without even realizing it. Giving me little
details about herself, her likes and dislikes, what her childhood was like, what
she wants out of life, in little blips, anyway.
“This is one of my favorite houses in town,” she says, pointing to a house
I’ve never taken a second look at. It’s definitely cool, though. Kind of
reminds me of a cottage or glorified cabin you’d see next to a lake or in the
mountains.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes. It looks like they took a mountain home and planted it in the middle
of town.”
“It does.”
“My house is so basic,” she grumbles. “I love it and I’m so glad that I
have a place to stay — it’s a rental until I find something to buy — but still,
it’s basic.”
“Basic isn’t always bad.”
“No. It isn’t. I can decorate it the way I want this way.”
“Do you like that? Interior decorating?”
She turns her head to the side, back and forth. “I’m not good at it, mainly
because I don’t have a lot of things, so my decorating isn’t unique. It’s
basic.” She giggles. “Your house is cool, though. What I saw of it, anyway.”
“You mainly saw the bedroom,” I remind her, wiggling my eyebrows.
“Mmm. It’s a good room.” She leans against me as we walk and I wrap
an arm around her. She doesn’t shift away but she also doesn’t get any closer
to me.
“I like it, too.”
Not wanting to make things between us awkward, I release her and we
continue walking down the sidewalk, turning to go back toward downtown.
It occurs to me as we make small talk that I truly enjoy being with her. I
did the night we ate enough junk food for an entire football team and then
played darts for hours. And today, having lunch and going on this walk that I
wasn’t really eager to do either, but wanted to have a chance to get to know
each other and do something different. I’ve really enjoyed the two times
we’ve sat on the phone together and the texting.
She’s gorgeous, but it’s more than just her appearance that’s drawing me
to her. It’s also more than the fact that she’s carrying my child, which is
incredibly surreal.
 Ashley is honest to God one of the most fun people I’ve spent time with.
Like when I asked her to play darts but she didn’t know if she wanted to, she
did it to have fun. Maybe I’m basing my opinion of her on only a couple of
experiences, but something in my gut tells me to follow it. Which means I
want to know more.
“So you’re a dental hygienist?”
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you’re always staring at my teeth?” I ask, smiling wide.
She whips her head in my direction, her eyes wide and cheeks flushed.
Something tells me the flush isn’t only from the cold. “What?” She’s a little
breathy and it’s adorable. She’s embarrassed that I called her out — or maybe
it’s that she’s been caught. Either way, she’s not denying it.
“Yup. That’s the reason.”
Nuh uh. There’s more to it than that but I’ll let it go.
“You like it? The work, I mean?”
“I do. Obviously, there are some times where I’d like to just leave and go
back home, when someone comes in who not only hasn’t been to the dentist
in what seems like their entire life, and also looks like they haven’t brushed
in decades.”
Oh damn. That makes me gag to just think about. “Gross.”
“You have no idea.”
“Thank goodness for that.”
She laughs lightly and turns to me when we’re at the one and only
stoplight in town. “This might sound weird, but I like that you make me do
things I typically don’t want to do.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Like?”
“Not the sex.” She rushes to explain. “That I was totally on board with,”
she says boldly.
“Got that. I was right there with you, remember?”
She smiles shyly. “Yes, you were. But, I’m talking about the walk today
and the darts. You help me get out of my comfort zone.”
“Glad to be of service. I’ll gladly do whatever I can to keep pushing your
boundaries.” I wink at her and she rolls her eyes.
The red light turns green and the walk sign lights up so we cross the
street. We’ve been out leisurely walking for almost an hour but with the cold
temperature and bitter wind, it’s plenty long.
“Want to stop in Dreamin’ Beans for a warm drink?” Dreamin’ Beans is a
local coffee shop that rivals any of the national chains. Partly because their
pastries could win awards. “Maybe one of their double chocolate chip
muffins?”
“Now you’re speaking my language.”
“Way to your heart, huh? The hot drink or the muffin?”
“Uhh, both? Only when it’s so cold outside that it makes your face hurt.”
“Fair enough.”
“Okay, that was a lie,” she sighs. “I’ll take a hot drink and chocolate
muffin any day of the year.” I open the door for her to go inside the coffee
shop first. “Honestly, I’m such a sucker for anything chocolate and coffee.
Even decaf, which is what I need to have for the next several months.”
We walk to the front counter and are greeted by the barista. She has a
nametag that reads Hazel and if I’m not mistaken, she’s the daughter of the
owner, Christine. I’ve lived in this town my entire life, so it’s hard to miss
people who’ve been here their entire lives as well. It also helps that I’ve
worked with Andy, Christine’s husband, on several occasions. He talks about
his kids a lot while he’s building the houses that I’m putting electrical outlets
into. He also talks about his wife and the incredible food she makes and his
daughter who works for the coffee shop.
“Good afternoon. Welcome to Dreamin’ Beans. Can I help you?” Hazel
asks.
I gesture for Ashley to order first. “Go ahead.”
“Nik told me all about the double chocolate chip muffins. Do you have
those available?”
Hazel’s eyes light up. “Oh, yes, they’re the best. I could eat like fifty of
‘em a day!”
“Best sales pitch ever,” Ashley replies. “I’ll have one, warmed up, please.
A cup of decaf, too, please.”
“Same for me, but full of caffeine.”
“You got it. Room for creamer?”
Ashley and I nod and Hazel rings up our order. I pay then we find a spot
to sit after Hazel tells us she’ll bring our muffins and coffee out to us. The
coffee shop is meant for casual seating, with tables and cushioned chairs but
also some oversized chairs and a sofa by a gas fireplace.
“Want to sit by the fireplace?”
“Ooh yes! That sounds perfect.”
We settle on the couch, angling toward each other with our coats bunched
up next to us. She unwraps the knitted scarf from around her neck and lays it
across her lap, looking around the little coffee shop.
“Is this the first time you’ve been in here?”
“Yeah. I usually make coffee at home so haven’t stopped in.”
“You’ll be craving it,” I warn with a grin.
“Great. More cravings.”
That piques my curiosity. “Do you already have something you’re
craving?”
She shakes her head. “No. It’s pretty early,” she reminds me.
“Oh.”
Hazel stops over with our muffins — which, I’ll be honest, is more of a
cupcake than a muffin — and coffee, setting a small pitcher of creamer on the
table in front of us.
“Can I get you anything else?”
“I’m good. Thank you. This looks amazing,” Ashley says.
“Awesome! If you need anything, just signal. It’s quiet in here this
afternoon so I’ll notice. Enjoy!” She bounces away and we doctor up our
coffee, taking a sip then diving into our chocolatey muffins. I honestly don’t
think I could eat one of these without cutting the sweetness with some coffee,
but the combination is amazing.
“Holy crap, that’s good,” she mumbles around a mouthful of muffin.
“Right?”
“You were not wrong, I’ll be craving these.”
I store that little bit of information for later.
“What are your plans for the rest of the day? Tomorrow? Do you have
plans?”
She gives me a funny look that makes me laugh. “What’s tomorrow?”
“New Year’s Eve?”
Ashley hits her palm to her forehead. “I swear, I have no concept of time
whatsoever.”
“Something tells me that will change,” I suggest, looking at her stomach.
She places a hand where my eyes are focused. “Probably. I already think
of the pregnancy as spaces of time.”
“That’s what Josie said, too.”
“When is she due, again? I know you told me when we were on the phone
Christmas Eve.”
“Like… three days ago?”
 She pulls an eek face. “Oh boy.”
“Oh boy, is right. She’s driving Dean crazy.”
“I bet.”
“Her doctor is taking pity — likely on Dean — because she whined
enough so they’ll induce her tomorrow if the baby doesn’t come on its own.
My guess, though, is that they won’t need to do that. She’s determined to will
that little guy or gal out of her stomach and there’s never been anything Josie
hasn’t set out to do that she’s failed at.”
“She sounds intimidating.”
Josie? Far from it. Though, from that explanation, I can understand why
she would think that. “Nah, she’s not intimidating.”
“Well, probably not to you. You’ve known her since she was born,” she
adds.
“That’s not the reason she doesn’t intimidate me.” I put my empty muffin
plate on the table and lean back, resting my ankle over my knee and
stretching an arm over the back of the couch. “She’s just a stubborn ass who
doesn’t take no for an answer. But, honestly, she’s been having those fake
contractions since Christmas Day and when the doctor checked her the day
after he said she was moving in the right direction.”
“You guys are… super close, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I have two sisters and we talk like that with each other. Like we
know about our menstrual cycles and stuff but we’re women. We share
random and weird stuff. I can’t imagine sharing the same with a brother.”
“We’re it for each other, though. She doesn’t have a sister. She has Dean
and me. Dean has a lot of sisters but they’re not close with her because they
have each other. We tell each other things.” I shrug.
“Okay, that’s actually kind of sweet.”
I offer up a toothy grin. “That’s me. Sweet.”
Ashley rolls her dark brown eyes. They’re darker than mine, and so
expressive. She has a few freckles on the bridge of her nose. When she smiles
a certain smile, there’s a little dimple in her left cheek.
She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a hair tie, wrapping her
long brown hair in one of those messy buns. She makes it look quick and
easy and for some reason the short process fascinates me. It looks so
complicated, but she just threw it up in twenty seconds.
She forks up the last of her muffin and asks, “Does your sister know what
gender the baby is?”
“If she does, she hasn’t told me. She said she wanted to find out but the
baby was in a weird position during the ultrasound.”
Her eyes get wide and she slides the fork out of her mouth, chewing
rapidly and swallowing. “There’s a chance of that happening? I figured they
just keep looking until they know for sure!”
“Apparently not. I guess that’s something we’ll figure out eventually,
right?”
“Along with about a million other things.”
“We’re so underqualified. Thank goodness we’re underqualified
together.” I joke but there’s a lot of truth to it. What first time parents are
actually qualified, though? “So, you’re on board with finding out the gender
for sure, huh?”
“Like you said earlier, we’ve had enough surprises. Let’s minimize those
that we can.”
“Good plan,” I say, wishing she’d left her hair down so I could twirl my
finger in it. The desire hits me hard and swift, and an uncomfortable itch right
along with it. Fortunately, my phone rings, breaking into my thoughts.
I pull it out and see Dean’s contact lighting up my screen.
“It’s Dean.”
She bounces and jumps onto her knees on the couch. “You need to get it!
Maybe there’s a baby being born right this second!”
I grin at her eagerness for someone she’s never met. “Relax, relax. I’m
answering.” I lift the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“It’s time! Get your ass over here now!”
Quickly shifting, I plant my feet on the floor, my eyes trained on Ashley.
“Holy shit. For real?”
“Of course it’s for real. Did you really think your sister would have let the
doctor induce her? She had a plan and you know how stubborn your sister
is.”
Ashley’s watching me closely, leaning in to see if she can hear anything.
“It’s time,” I tell her and she squeals.
“Who are you talking to?” Dean demands to know.
“Ashley.”
“Bring her along. Your sister will want her here.”
“Uhh,” I hedge. “I don’t know. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”
“Yeah. Just… hurry. We got here and she’s already at eight centimeters
dilated which means it could happen soon.”
“Okay, well, why don’t I just come over after the baby’s here? I don’t
really want to see my sister in labor.”
Ashley grabs my arm. “No! Let’s go let’s go let’s go!”
I give her a weird look. “Are you drunk? You want to go to the hospital
where you’ll meet my sister for the first time while she’s in labor?”
“It’ll be a good learning experience for us! What better way to understand
what we’re about to get into than watching it firsthand?”
“You’re drunk. You’re pregnant and you’re drunk. This isn’t a good
thing.”
She playfully shoves me. “Shut up, you can’t deny that there’s truth to
what I’m saying.”
“I can deny it. Why in the hell would I want to be in the room while my
sister shoves a baby out of her vagina?”
“Hey! I’m still here, you know. Just come so that you’re here when the
baby arrives. You don’t have to be in the room. Holy shit, that would be
awkward.”
I point to the phone. “See? Even Dean says it would be awkward.”
She drops back onto her butt, pouting. “I don’t know why you’re being
such a party pooper about it. It would be so cool.”
“You’re so wrong. It would in no way be cool.”
“Yo!” Dean shouts. “Are you listening to me? Are you on your way? I’m
kind of in the middle of something here and listening to you and your woman
argue about seeing my wife give birth isn’t at the top of the list.”
“She isn’t my…” I trail off, knowing that’s not the point right now,
“yeah, we’ll be there soon.” I slip my phone back into my pocket after saying
goodbye to Dean.
“Yes!” Ashley pumps her fist in the air and jumps off the couch. “I’m
sooooo excited!”
“You don’t say?” I deadpan.
We slip back into our coats and I place a hand on her lower back as we
walk out of the coffee shop. “Just riding with me?”
“Makes sense. Unless you’re going to want to stay longer, then I should
probably drive separate.”
“Just ride with me. It’s supposed to snow and there’s no way I can put
you into that car when it’s bad weather. I don’t really have long-term plans of
hanging out at the hospital, anyway.”
 “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“How are you calm right now? You’re not freaking out. You’re just chill.
Like your sister isn’t having a baby at this very moment.”
I shrug. “It’s not that I’m not worried, but people have babies every day.
It’s not exactly Bible times, you know? Besides, Dean is capable of being
there for her and so will the doctors and nurses.”
“But… you’re just, walking around like this is totally normal.”
“And? Would you rather I begin running through the streets, screaming
and yelling?”
“Maybe?”
“Careful what you wish for, babe. This is the same guy you’re going to
want to be completely calm in about thirty-three weeks when it’s our turn.”
“Our turn. That sounds weird, doesn’t it? We still barely know each
other.”
I wrap an arm around her shoulder. “But we’re getting there, little by
little.”
She looks up at me. “He’s gonna have the darkest eyes ever, isn’t he?”
“Appears so.” I wink at her.
“If he takes after you, he’s going to charm the literal pants off anyone,
too.”
“Clearly,” I tease, adding another wink in for good measure and she
smiles.
Something that she said earlier clicks with me, making my feet come to a
stop. “Do I touch you too much?”
“What?”
I turn to look at her. “I’m kind of a handsy guy, I know this and maybe
you’re not okay with it? I just show my affection often and maybe I’m
overstepping. You’ve mentioned more than once that we barely know each
other.”
“Do you not want to be so touchy with me?”
“Clearly not,” I admit. “But that doesn’t mean I have the right to do it.
I’m sorry.”
She groans and throws her arms up, letting her hands slap against her
legs. “Please stop apologizing about stuff like this. It’s super annoying. Like,
you have no idea how annoying right now. I have a bad enough feeling that
I’ll be second-guessing every single one of my own moves without you
second-guessing yours. I understand that you’re a physical guy. I knew that
the first night we met. If I don’t want you to do something, I’m a grown up
and I’ll tell you as such. You need to trust me, okay? If you can’t do that,
this,” she gestures between us, “won’t work. I don’t mind you touching me. I
don’t mind when you wrap your arm around my shoulders. I don’t mind
when you grab my hand or get me out of my comfort zone and encourage me
to do something different.”
Blinking, I look at her in shock. “Okay.”
She blinks back. “That’s it?”
“I don’t think there are any words left in the English language to say, do
you?”
“Jerk.” She smirks.
“A simple, touch me all you want, is all you needed to say.”
“But now you really know, right?”
“Facts. Also, now that you know that I’m an affectionate guy and now
that I know that you don’t mind it, I’m not going to hold back.”
“You’ve been holding back?”
“Well, no.”
“How about this: I promise to be honest with you. If I ever feel like
you’re overstepping, I’ll let you know.”
“Deal.”
We shake on it and together we make the short three block trip back to
my truck that’s still parked at the diner. Then we drive together to the
hospital and I realize that one day this will be us. I wonder if I’ll be as calm
as I am right now.
My prediction? Absolutely not.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
 ASHLEY

T HIS WAS A MISTAKE . A BIG MISTAKE . D ARE I SAY , A BIGGER MISTAKE THAN
the one I made the night I forgot that antibiotics mess with the effectiveness
of birth control. Though, that wasn’t necessarily a mistake so much as me
being an idiot.
But I digress.
Right now, I’m regretting my behavior from thirty minutes ago.
When I was begging Nik to let me come with him to the hospital because
it would be a learning experience. What the heck was I thinking?
This isn’t okay. The baby is literally killing Nik’s sister. There’s no way
what we saw five minutes ago is normal.
“You okay?” Nik leans over and asks me. We’re sitting in the waiting
room after the nurse calmly escorted us out of the room Josie is about to die
in. But there are some things you don’t forget. The combination of the sound
and look of pain that Josie was experiencing at the time is one of those
things. So basically, I’ve decided that I’ll keep the baby inside my stomach
forever. Modern medicine is a miraculous thing. I’m sure it’s plausible.
Shaking my head, I tell him, “Nope.”
“That was a little extreme,” he agrees.
“She’s going to die.”
He pulls one of my famous moves and snorts. “No, she isn’t. Though I
imagine her body will never be the same.”
“This is the twenty-first century. Why haven’t they come up with a better
system for extracting babies from a woman’s womb?”
He presses his lips together to stop from laughing. “I’m not sure that
there’s a system. It’s kind of nature.” He points upward. “He had a hand in
that design so if you have a problem with it, you might need to take it up with
Him. I’m sure he’s open to suggestions.”
I look up. “You hear that, God? We’ve got a meeting we need to schedule
in the next thirty some-odd weeks, you got it?”
“That’ll work,” he placates me.
We’re quiet for a few minutes, nothing but the soft sounds of the
Discovery Channel on the television in the upper right hand corner to drown
out my internal panic.
Nik leans back in his chair like the calm and relaxed jerk he is. Seriously.
Was he not in that room?
We got to the hospital and he charmed his way into Josie’s room,
marching in like it was no big deal and it was normal business to walk into a
room and see his sister sweating and swearing, yelling that she changed her
mind about not wanting to have pain medication to ease the sting of giving
birth.
The.
Sting.
That’s what she called it.
Like it was a little bee sting or a bug bite.
Not a baby ripping her body in half.
I don’t understand why anyone would ever think to themselves, gee,
pushing a head out of my crotch can’t be that hard, why would I want
medicine to help?
“I’m going to tell you this right now…”
“You’re getting medicated?”
“Damn skippy.”
“Don’t blame you,” he murmurs. “That’s your call. I told Josie she was
insane for not wanting it. She was stubborn, as usual, though. She said she
could handle it and dared Dean and me to challenge her abilities. So now
she’s learning that she’s an idiot.”
A bubble of laughter bursts out of my throat. “I’m going to tell her you
said that.”
“Go ahead.”
Something tells me she’ll kick his ass if I let her know he’s walking
around calling her an idiot.
I sit quietly, thinking back over what we saw when we walked into the
room. At first, I was like wow, she looks amazing for being in active labor
right now.
“Hey, you! What took you so long?”
“We’re here now.”
“Oh, right! Ashley is with you?”
I step out from behind Nik and give her a little wave. “Hi.”
Josie stretches out her arms. “Yay! Come here, come here! I’m so excited
to meet you!”
“Probably figured it would be under different circumstances, right?”
She shrugs. “Meh. This is fine. I’m not shy.”
“That’s an understatement,” Nik teases and Josie ignores him, leaning
up out of her bed to give me a small hug.
“How you feeling, brat?” Nik asks.
“Well, I yelled at the doctor once,” she says and Dean interrupts with a
cough and “Three times,” and she continues with, “but otherwise I’m just
ready for us to get this show on the road. The contractions are coming harder
and quicker and last time they checked I was almost fully dilated so we’re
there.”
“That’s a lot of information,” he says, pulling a funny face. “I take it
that’s all good?”
“Yup. You’ll learn. I can’t believe you’re having this guy’s baby.” Josie
grins but before I can respond she winces, curling into herself. She starts a
series of breathing with Dean by her side, holding her hand and breathing
along with her. She looks straight into his eyes and he whispers and murmurs
encouraging words. It’s intimate and I feel like we’re intruding on something
special between the two.
Before long, she lies back against the mattress, blowing out a deep breath
and giving him a faint smile. “That was a big one.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Do you need anything?”
“Only… ooh, holy shit! It’s coming again. What the…” She lets out a
deep groan, sitting up and repeating the same process from earlier. Dean
counts as she works through the contraction. I look at Nik whose eyes are as
wide as my own. He mouths, what the fuck to me and I can only nod before
looking back at Josie and Dean. He takes a wash cloth and wipes her
forehead.
“You okay? Should we get the doctor?”
She shoots him a glare. “And what’s the doctor supposed to do for me? I
can have this baby on my own.”
Nik barks out a laugh. “Good grief. Josie, now’s not the time to hold to
your stubborn ways. The doctor has to basically pull the child from your
body, you know that, right?”
She harrumphs and crosses her arms over her belly. Her very, very large
belly. That’s not normal either, is it? No way is my stomach going to grow to
that size. Also, there’s no way I’ll say that out loud because I like having my
face arranged the way it is and Josie looks like she could murder someone in
their sleep right now and walk away as if nothing happened. “No, he doesn’t.
He’s not pulling anyone out of anywhere, you dumby. Besides, he hasn’t done
much for me so far. He never walks in here to check on me! He hasn’t even
been sending in his nurses! I had to make Dean check me to see how far
along I’m dilated, which, by the way, he has absolutely no clue what he’s
doing so for all we know, I somehow regressed and now I’m only at a two.”
“What are you talking about? He hasn’t been good to you?” Nik asks, his
hackles rising.
Dean’s already shaking his head, grinning big. “You’re so full of it.” He
dares to say to Josie. “You told him he didn’t know how to help anyone with
childbirth because he’s never squeezed a baby out of his body.”
“I did not.”
“Oh, baby, you did. You also told him he wasn’t allowed back in here
until he could prove he went to medical school. You said that I knew how to
handle it all because no one knew your body better than me so I might as well
do their jobs.”
“You’re such a liar!”
“I am not.”
“I didn’t… oh no.” She looks panicked as she tugs on his arm. “I think I
did! Dean! Why didn’t you put a muzzle on me?”
“Right,” he snorts. “Like that would have worked out well for me.”
“Well, get him back! He’s the one who can give me the happy medicine!”
“Baby, it’s way too late for that. Besides, you had a plan and told the
doctor that he wasn’t allowed to change it up under any circumstance.”
She’s shaking her head rapidly. “I was out of my mind when I said that.”
“I’m not denying that, but it’s almost time. You can’t change your mind
now.”
Dean and Josie are completely adorable together.
“I want to maybe go back a little bit in time. Nik, you thought you could
invent a time machine when you were a kid. Did you ever make that happen?
Go get it and we’ll go back in time a few months.”
“Time machine?” I ask him and he rolls his eyes.
“I was eight,” he explains to me. “And no. You’d probably have known if
I made a scientific discovery worth billions of dollars. Suck it up, buttercup.
You wanted this. You were sure you could handle it, now you’re about to
prove it to yourself.”
Josie looks to me, pleading. “Trade places?”
“Nope. Sorry, I’m happy over here for a little bit.”
“Some friend you are,” she harrumphs.
I want to remind her that we met ten minutes ago and we’re hardly
friends, but maybe someday we will be? Hopefully.
Another contraction hits and she buckles over, her face twisting in pain.
“Oh hell. It hurts so bad!” Her mouth is pulled tight and she grunts, long and
low. Her eyes are closed tightly and her teeth are bared. I believe her when
she said that it hurts. It looks extreme. This can’t be right. No one in their
right mind would have more than one child if this is the pain they have to
endure every time.
“Doctor,” she says breathlessly and Nik jumps into action, racing to the
door.
“We need help in here!” he yells.
He strolls back in as if he didn’t just scream something at the top of his
lungs and walks to his sister, patting her on top of the head. “They’ll be right
in. Just hang tight and then we’ll get to meet the little one soon.”
“I can’t do this, Nik. Why did I think I could?”
He bends down, grabbing one of her hands and holding it between them.
“You can and you will. You’re the strongest person I know and I’m not just
saying that to make you feel better right now. I’m being serious. You are so
capable and tough. And you’re going to be a mommy soon, which means you
need to set those bad thoughts aside and remember how awesome you are.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Now, give me a niece. Or a nephew. And let the nurses and
doctor do their jobs. They get paid for it and would feel really sad if they
didn’t get to help.”
“You’re right,” she rallies, sitting up. “I’ve got this. Now, get out of here
because the nurse that just walked in is going to make me spread my legs and
even though I love you, there’s no reason for my brother to see my legs
spread apart.”
“Agree. Love you, sis.”
“Love you, Niko.”
I follow him out and murmur, “Niko?” and he shakes his head.
“She’s the only one who calls me Niko. Full name is Nikolas and she likes
it better than Nik.”
“You were great in there. Still so calm. How do you do it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. No sense in getting worked up when she
already is. It’s just the way I am. It’s no big deal.”
Yeah. It’s just the way he is. Calm in the storm. No biggie. I almost scoff,
but I don’t.
“She looked like she was in a lot of pain, Nik.”
“That’s because she is in a lot of pain,” he reminds me, not so helpfully.
“It’s kind of what happens when you give birth to a baby.”
“Thanks for the reminder.”
He grins, his eyes closed, head leaned against the wall, arms crossed over
his chest. He’s seriously the calmest person I’ve ever met. From what I
understand, he and his sister are really close so I would think he’d be freaking
out. Nope. Not one bit. He’s totally chill.
“I won’t be that strong,” I warn him.
“Yes, you will,” he assures me, so certain of his words. He’s wrong,
though. He has no idea who I am and what I’m capable of. Or, in this case,
what I’m not capable of.
I spent years of my life pretending to be someone else just to please my
boyfriends. I didn’t think anything of it. I changed my personality to meet the
needs of others and tried to fit in with people I didn’t even like all that much.
The fear of being alone was too overpowering, though.
“How do you know?”
He looks at me with one eye open. “You don’t have a choice. You think
that baby’s going to extract itself in a simple way?”
“Nik! You’re not making me feel any better.” I chuckle, nudging his arm.
He sits up and turns to me. “Not here just to make you feel better about
life, baby. I’m not the one who is going to say shit to make you feel better.
We aren’t about that, remember? Sometimes the truth hurts — in this case,
quite literally — but that’s better than living a lie, right? You want the truth?
Labor, whether by C-section or straight up pushed out, is going to be a lot of
work. It’s not easy. But I have a feeling you can handle it. Actually, I have a
feeling you can handle a lot more than you think you can. Whoever you’ve
been spending time with in your past has led you to believe that you aren’t
the kick ass woman you are.”
He’s not wrong. Even my family has always treated me with kid gloves. I
was the fragile one, or so they thought. Their miracle baby after the
miscarriage needed to be kept safe. “How do you know?”
One shoulder pops up. “I just know.”
“Oh, okay. Like that helps.”
Smiling, he adds, “You found out you were pregnant and didn’t hesitate
to take charge. You didn’t curl up and cry or hide.”
“Well, I did cry.” I let him know.
He waves my comment off. “That’s assumed. I mean, you didn’t stay
curled up and crying. You also went to your parents and told them right away
that you were pregnant and didn’t hesitate in doing that.”
“Dragging it out wouldn’t have done any of us any good.”
“That’s how I know you’re stronger than you think. You did the hard
thing by yourself and didn’t think it was hard. You’ll be amazing, Ashley.
And where you fall short, I’ll pick up the slack, and vice versa because Lord
knows I’ll fall short in areas, too. We aren’t doing this alone, Ashley. This is
us together.”
“I gotta say, I picked a good one to have a one-night stand and end up
getting pregnant with.”
His eyes flare and turn molten. “Even if you’re just trying to be a smart
ass, that’s easily the best compliment I’ve ever been given.”
“Not being a smart ass at all. Simply being honest with you. Remember,
that thing I promised I’d always be?”
“I don’t know if you remember this from the night at the bar, but I told
you my almost fiancée never told me that she didn’t want to be a wife or
mother. That’s why she turned me down. She said she never wanted it, knew
that I did, so she said no. But here’s the thing: I’ve been wracking my brain
and wracking my brain trying to remember a point where she made it clear
that she wasn’t about long-term, committed relationships. Know what I found
out?”
I’m almost afraid to ask. “What?”
“Absolutely nothing. She never gave me indication of that. She was, for
lack of a better word, faking it.”
Shit. That’s not good. It’s a miracle he has any trust in me at all if he feels
like I’m the same as his ex. “Like I was?”
“I guess. Though, my guess is she realized she was doing it whereas,
from my understanding, you didn’t. You just morphed into a different person
because you wanted so badly to be accepted. It probably goes all the way
back to when you were little and were trying to fit in with your big sisters but
you never felt good enough. As you grew up, I’d dare say that you did the
same with a lot of your friends. Pretended to be someone completely opposite
from who you are so they’d stay friends with you. It’s crazy, now that I think
about it, how much our childhood can affect our entire lives.” He pauses as if
he’s reflecting, shaking his head slightly as a humorless laugh escapes him. I
don’t think it’s at my expense, though.
My heart is beating so fast and my palms are starting to itch. My legs,
too. They’re restless and I stand up to move around the small space to help
alleviate some of the discomfort. Once they’re settled some, I stand in front
of Nik, staring down at him. He looks drained. Probably because he just spent
thirty-three years inside my brain and figured me out. I’d be tired, too. “Did
you take a lot of psychology classes in your downtime? Because that was
deep. Not just deep for a hospital waiting room conversation, either. That was
like, get into your head and pick it apart for you to put back together deep. I
feel like I just sat through a three-hour therapy session.”
“What do you mean?”
“All that back there. The realizing that I was playing pretend in most of
my relationships and friendships because I have this longing to be accepted,
which is all my sisters’ fault.”
“I didn’t say…”
“Oh yes, you did,” I taunt. “You just said it. All my current life problems
are because of my sisters tormenting me growing up.”
“I said no such thing.”
“Did, too.”
“Did not.” He narrows his eyes at me and I grin. “You’re being a shit,” he
recognizes.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because it was getting far too intense in this little room. Between my
freak-out and your new career as a waiting room therapist, I was feeling
stifled. It’s a happy day. We have a long time yet to figure out why I’m
screwed up.”
 “You’re not screwed up.”
“Ehh. Depends on the day. I think we’re all a little mad, right?”
“Did you just quote Alice in Wonderland?”
“Did we just become best friends because you knew it was from Alice in
Wonderland?”
“Did you just quote Step Brothers? Then yes, yes we did.”
We’re staring at each other for one beat, two beats, three… and then we
both burst out laughing.
Doubling over, laughing over something that is hardly funny at all, but in
our current exhausted state, it seems mega hilarious. If he’s anything like me,
the last week has been a whirlwind, trying to keep up with the idea of a new
reality. Because of that, I haven’t been sleeping that well. When I lay my
head down at night, my mind kicks into overdrive.
I’m wiping a tear from my eye and holding my side when Dean comes
rushing in.
“He’s here!”
Nik and I whip our heads in the direction of the doorway to see Dean
radiating a kind of happiness I didn’t know existed in the world. Nik stands
abruptly, and because I was close to him already, we’re now just inches apart.
His hand automatically goes to me, holding onto me under my forearm. His
nearness makes me sway on my feet. His scent is so intoxicating, I want to
press my nose to his skin and breathe him in.
“He?” Nik whispers and Dean beams. He squeezes my arm and even if I
wasn’t staring directly at him, I would be able to see the emotion written all
over his face. “Josie okay?”
“Both are perfect. She was a champ. Yelled at the doctor to do better, and
when he came out, she told him he was the best doctor she could have asked
for. He said it was completely normal.”
The corner of Nik’s mouth ticks up. “Sounds like her.”
“Details?” I ask, because that’s what women do. They want to know
about the baby.
“Big boy. Eight pounds, twelve ounces, twenty-one inches long. Tons of
dark hair.”
“Name?”
“Josie wants to tell you. Ready to come meet your nephew?”
“Hell yeah.”
I had planned on staying here in the room, wanting to give this time to
them as a family. But Nik has other plans. He’s dragging me right along with
him.
As we enter the room Josie is staying in, I hear a soft humming to the
tune of “You Are My Sunshine.” We sanitize our hands at the station next to
the door.
“Hey,” Nik says, his voice cracking.
She looks up at him and smiles. “Hey, you. Come meet Jay Nikolas.”
Nik gasps. “Josie,” he whispers. “Dad would have…” he trails off and his
hold on my arm grows stronger. “Dad would have been honored to have him
as his namesake.”
“And you? Are you okay with him taking your middle name?”
“Stupid questions don’t deserve answers,” he jokes.
“You want to hold him?”
“Of course.”
Nik takes little Jay in his arms with such ease, if I hadn’t already been
pregnant with his child, I would have gotten pregnant just from watching him
hold his nephew. He bends down, whispering into Jay’s ear and nuzzling
kisses into his cheek. Holy crap, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Nik
holding a baby is the stuff of fantasies. My breathing goes a little shallow and
water pools in my mouth.
Nik is quite literally mouth-watering right now.
Just as the thought stays locked in my brain, he looks up at his sister and
smiles. His bright white teeth are beaming. “He’s perfect.”
No. I cannot be expected to handle this. The urge to take a trip down
memory lane and remind ourselves what it was like when we made our little
bundle is strong. It’s more than just my hormones working overdrive. I think
it’s too soon in the pregnancy for that side effect.
Josie doesn’t realize that I’m in the middle of a mental breakdown over
here, doing my best to resist the temptation to climb him like a tree. She’s
just babbling on about their baby as if everything is normal.
“I know. We’re totally having a litter of kids. Look what we made on our
first go-round. It would be doing a disservice to the world by not populating
it even more with lookers like him.”
“Did you not forget the last few hours of your life, babe?” Dean asks,
chuckling.
She waves him off, much like Nik did to me earlier. “Already forgotten.”
Nik moves closer to me, his clean scent overwhelming in my current
state. I didn’t need to add that to my already heightened desire. But just like
Josie, Nik’s completely unaware of my struggles. He simply looks down at
his nephew and signals to me that he’s about to let me hold him. “Your turn,
Ash.”
He passes the tiny little bundle over with such gentleness and care and
then I’m holding a newborn baby in my arms. I stare at him, perfectly round
cheeks. Puffy face from going through a traumatic experience, that of
pushing his body through a hole the size of a walnut. His arm jerks, whipping
back and forth, little wrinkly fingers spread apart.
“Hi, little guy.” He makes a cooing sound and I coo right back. How
could you not? This baby is so pretty. Josie wasn’t wrong about that. “You
are certainly a gorgeous baby,” I tell him. His eyes are closed, already bored
with me. I take the moment to lean down, inhaling that soft baby scent.
Only… well, he doesn’t smell all that great. And he has some white stuff on
him. And now he’s beginning to get fussy, not full-on crying, yet. I bounce
on my knees, swaying him gently side to side. “It’s okay, buddy. Are you
getting hungry? Is that what the fuss is all about?” I use a voice that I don’t
recognize as my own. It’s a little high pitch and sickeningly sweet but I don’t
care. “You’re so precious, aren’t you?”
I look up to see Nik watching me closely, heat crackling in the space
between us. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing I was when I was
watching him hold Jay.
Jay begins to fuss a little more and it’s clear I’m not capable of giving
him what he needs. Dean must see it, too, because he walks over, rubbing
Jay’s cheek with the back of his pointer finger. “Not your mama, Jay. You’ll
have to go back to old weepy eyes over here for what you’re looking for,”
Dean teases.
“Shut up, Dean! He’s just so perfect and look!” Josie wipes tears from her
eyes and points to her newborn. Or is she pointing to me? I can’t really tell.
All I know is that the moment Nik and I were sharing, brief as it may have
been, is now broken by the whimpers of a newborn baby who seems to be
hungry for his first meal outside the womb.
Reluctantly, I hand over Jay to his daddy who hugs him closely before
bringing him to Josie just as a nurse walks in. After sanitizing her hands, she
makes her way to Josie.
“Ready to try this feeding thing? I heard him getting a little upset so I
figured it was time,” she tells Josie.
 “Yeah.” Josie nods but looks a little worried. I don’t blame her.
And that’s our cue to leave. Neither Nik nor I want to stick around to
watch Josie learn to breastfeed her baby so we say our goodbyes, leaving the
family alone so they can have some privacy.
“We’ll leave you be. Congratulations, baby sis. You done good.”
He kisses her on the cheek and gives Dean a hug, grabs my hand, and we
walk out of the hospital room.
CHAPTER TWELVE
 NIKOLAS

I DON ’ T WANT TO RELEASE A SHLEY ’ S HAND AS WE MAKE OUR WAY THROUGH

the quiet hallways of the hospital. Seeing her hold my nephew did something
to me but it started before that. Really, it started the night she and I played
darts and conceived a child. Is that normal? To have this immediate need of
protecting the person who’s carrying your child? I certainly hope so.
If we weren’t in the middle of a hospital room, surrounded by my sister
and brother-in-law just now, I would have had a hard time not kissing her.
The way she talked so sweetly to Jay was doing me in.
Neither of us say a single word as we continue walking, all the way to my
pickup where I open her door and let her inside.
When I join her in the cab, I start it up and let it idle for a few minutes
before looking over at her. She’s staring straight out the windshield, her chest
rising and falling.
“Your place or mine?” I ask, hoping my instincts aren’t completely
wrong here.
When she groans and drops her head, I panic for a second. Then she looks
at me and smiles. “Thank goodness you asked. Yours. Quickly.”
“Got it.”
The drive to my house is thankfully short, only long enough for two
country songs to play on my satellite radio. The first song is all about finding
yourself in a bar, and if that isn’t an anthem for how we got together, I don’t
know what is. I glance over at Ashley and she returns my smirk. I almost
laugh out loud with how perfect it is for us. But the second song? This one
has me pushing the pedal down a little harder.
 The song starts out innocently enough, but the lyrics quickly turn to
pleasing a woman, taking it slow, and giving her what she wants.
Somewhere through the song, I begin singing along and grab her hand. I
don’t even realize it until I feel her other hand close over ours.
I wish we were already at home so I could dance with her in my living
room, holding her tight against me while singing softly to her.
That’s one of the fondest memories I have about my parents growing up.
They danced.
All the time. When I was little, I loved it because it would make me
laugh. Then I became a teenager and thought it was stupid. Then I got a little
older and realized that it wasn’t stupid at all. It was one of the ways they
showed each other love.
It wasn’t just slow dancing, either. They’d two-step all over the house, it
seemed. Dad would spin Mom out and right back into his arms without either
of them missing a beat, their feet moving to the music with ease.
A memory hits me hard and sudden of my dad talking to me about
dancing with my mom.
“It might seem corny, and trust me when I was young I thought so, too.
But then you’ll find the girl and that thought will go straight out the window.
It’ll click. Trust me, when you find the girl, it’ll all fall into place.”
“The girl?” I ask.
“Yeah. The girl you want to dance with. Under the stars, in front of the
kids, in the bed of your truck, in the parking lot of Walmart. Any time she’ll
let you take her in your arms, you’ll grab the chance and hold her tight
because the idea of letting her go isn’t an option.”
“Dad…” I protest, thinking he’s completely full of it.
“Listen to me, Nik, and listen to me good. This is the point where your
father gets to dole out his advice and you get to soak it all in. When you find
the woman you want to drop everything to dance with. The woman you want
to hold hands with wherever you go. The woman who you want to go for a
Sunday afternoon drive with or sit on the porch and watch the sun rise. The
woman who turns you inside out with a single look. That’s the woman God
put on this earth for you, Son. You don’t let her go. And you don’t settle for
anyone who doesn’t fit that description.”
Luckily, I’ve driven home enough that I can make it there on auto-pilot
because I have no recollection of how I make it home, my mind on other
things. I park in the garage and Ashley doesn’t give me the chance to open
her door, she’s already hopping out and following me inside.
After we remove our coats and shoes, I flip on the kitchen light, grab the
Brita jug of water out of the fridge, pull out two glasses, and fill one for each
of us.
“You worried I’m dehydrated?”
Over the rim of my glass I meet her eyes. “After what I have planned for
us? Yes.”
“Oh my,” she breathes, setting her glass down on the counter with a
trembling hand.
“C’mere, Ash.”
She floats over, not hesitating to wrap her arms around my waist. “You
called?”
I waggle my eyebrows and grin down at her. “Could get used to that…
you obeying my commands. Should I request that you call me Master, too?”
She struggles against me and playfully hits my chest, trying not to laugh.
The corner of my mouth ticks up and I bend down, kissing the tip of her nose.
“Just playin’ with you,” I murmur.
“Know that, Nik. You don’t need to treat me with kid gloves. I like being
teased. I like being playful. I like that you joke around with me.” She leans
up and kisses the shell of my ear then whispers, “I also like it when you boss
me around, remember?”
Bending my knees, I let my hands fall to just below her ass and lift her
up. She wraps her legs around me and I plant her on the counter.
Growling, I tell her, “Good to know we’re on the same page there.”
“Yes,” she replies.
“Need to tell you something, Ash. These last few weeks have been weird
and I know that we need more time to get to know each other. We jumped
way ahead of ourselves that night but I’m not sorry. I also don’t want to freak
you out by telling you this, but even before I knew about the baby, I hadn’t
stopped thinking about you. If you’re feeling it, I want to have a discussion
about exploring what it is that’s between us.”
Ashley’s eyes dance when she says, “So you have a crush on me, huh?”
“Fuckin’ smart ass.” I grin before crushing my lips to hers. Whatever we
needed to discuss can be said later. Right now, I plan to use other methods to
show her how I feel about her. Or, rather, how my body feels.
Right now, the future is on hold.
We’re just two people giving in to our desires.
 Only…
That’s not true at all.
Logically, we shouldn’t work. We were both in serious relationships
when we met. Heartbroken. Drunk. Angry.
But somehow, none of those things matter because the time I’ve spent
with Ashley trump all of the ugliness before.
Our kiss is desperate, aching, possibly dangerous and a bit reckless if we
don’t figure out what we are. Maybe that’s why it’s so damn good. Because
what comes next doesn’t matter. At least not in this moment.
I lift her off the counter and start walking to my bedroom, stumbling to
stay upright as our lips are glued together, neither of us willing to separate.
We’re frantic as we undress each other. My jeans, socks, underwear?
They’ve disappeared. My shirt? Tossed in the corner of the room. Her
clothing? They meet the same demise. Could be kicked under the bed for all
we know. It doesn’t matter.
For what we have planned, clothes aren’t necessary. And I hope she
doesn’t have plans tomorrow, either. Possibly into the next day.
We fall to the bed in a tangle of limbs, laughing and moaning when my
hardening dick brushes her thigh.
I abandon her lips so I can become reacquainted with the rest of her silky
skin. The trip down her neck is especially fun. Though, not as fun as when I
get to her favorite spot. I’ve never seen someone as sensitive as she is, but the
second my lips wrap around her tip, she practically explodes. The sounds she
makes are such a turn-on.
Her fingers find the back of my head, as if to keep me in place. As if I
have any desire to leave.
“Nik!” she cries out and I smile against her skin. “That feels so good.”
Not wanting to leave her other breast out, I shift my focus and spend
some quality time with her there, as well. Before she can come, I kiss down
the rest of her upper body.
When I get to her stomach, I pause, looking up at her then down at where
our baby is growing. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of it, obviously, I was. But
being right here is… different.
“Holy shit,” I whisper. “You’re pregnant.”
She smiles shyly. “Welcome to the party, Nik.”
“Always a smart ass.” I shake my head. “It’s not that it hadn’t clicked yet,
but…” I sit up on my knees and splay a hand over her stomach. “He’s
growing in there. Right now. That’s wild.”
“Or her,” she reminds me.
“You said you were sure it was a boy.”
“How the heck should I know? I’m barely two months along and it’s not
like I’ve done this before. I’ve convinced myself it’s a boy because raising a
girl scares the crap out of me.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “But raising a boy doesn’t?”
“Ehh. Not really. They can be rambunctious and wild, but so can girls. I
don’t know, I have sisters and it was an emotional mess growing up,
especially when we were on our periods at the same time.”
“Going on record here to say that I wasn’t the one who called you
emotional or a mess or that raising a girl would be scary. Also, for the record,
boys can be emotional, too, so basically it’s going to be a fun ride.”
“Definitely.”
“Now. Where were we?”
“I think you were about to let me have a little fun.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Mm hmm,” she says, grinning and next thing I know, I’m flat on my
back, my head by the foot of the bed, and her lips and hand are wrapped
around me.
“Holy shit!” I shout. I bite my bottom lip and pray that I don’t embarrass
myself. It feels way too good for me to last very long and I don’t want it to
end this way. She works me up to the point where if I don’t stop her, this will
be done, and I give her the universal signal to stop by tapping her on the
shoulder.
She shakes her head and I tap again. “Baby, as much as I’m enjoying it, I
have more plans for tonight.”
With a pop, she releases me and climbs up my body. “Fun hater.”
“Ha! Right. Fun extender, is more like it.”
“You say potato, I say… ahh!” I cut her off by flipping her over so I’m on
top again.
“You were saying?”
“Mmm,” she hums, her top teeth sliding across her bottom lip. “What
kind of fun did you have in mind?”
I rub myself against her entrance. “A little bit of this,” I murmur and she
hums again. Thoroughly enjoying herself. Her legs are spread wide, her dark
hair fanned out against the comforter, olive skin on full display. She’s not the
least bit shy with me, nor should she be. Her body is beautiful. I push myself
inside of her and groan. I’d forgotten how amazing she feels.
“And a lot of this,” she adds for me, now wrapping her legs up and
around my hips.
“Is this okay?” I ask her. I know sex is safe during all stages of
pregnancy, but I still feel like I should ask her.
“More than okay. It’s…” she trails off, sighing.
She doesn’t need to say anything else, though. I feel it, too. There’s this
song about being made for someone and that’s how I feel around Ashley.
She’s everything I never felt around anyone else before her. “Yeah,” I agree,
pumping in and out of her and relishing in being able to do so without any
barriers between us. Not that it’s the first time, but this time, we really don’t
have to worry.
Moving together, we climb higher and higher toward our climax.
I lick the pad of my thumb and rub against her clit. She curses and
tightens around me. She looks between us, to where we’re joined and then
into my eyes.
“Oh my gosh,” she whispers, looking back down. “That’s so sexy.”
“Fuck.”
It’s not long before I feel the telltale sign that I’m about to come.
“You there?”
“Almost,” she whispers, squeezing her left breast and the tip. That isn’t
going to help me any. Unless she wants me to come right now. Seeing her
touch herself? Holy hell.
“Want you to come with me,” I grunt.
“Let go,” she says just as her own orgasm hits her long and hard. She
screams my name, her head thrashing side to side against the mattress and I
follow right behind her, collapsing off to the side of her.
“I’ll move in a minute. Or an hour.”
“No rush. I don’t think I can move anyway.”
After a few moments, I kiss her shoulder and slowly pull out.
We make quick work of cleaning up before crawling into bed. She drapes
her leg over my thighs and plays with the hair on my chest.
“I don’t want to screw this up,” she whispers.
I kiss the top of her head. “Me either. We won’t. We need to figure out
what we both want and go from there.”
She nods against my chest and ducks her head. I can tell she’s worried
and that’s understandable. I’m worried, too.
There’s more than just our hearts at stake this time around.
“We’ll figure it out,” I promise her.
This time she doesn’t nod, but she does look up at me. “You think we
will?”
“We’ve been through the crappy stuff to know what doesn’t work.”
“That’s true.”
“See? We’re practically experts now.”
“I’ll start writing down our relationship advice so we can publish it,” she
says sarcastically.
“Always the smart ass.”
She wraps her arm around me and curls in closer. It hits me that I’m in
bed, naked with the woman who’s going to have my child in seven months.
But it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable or freaked out.
Maybe it should, but then again, this wouldn’t feel so right if it did.
And it definitely feels right.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
 ASHLEY - FIVE WEEKS LATER

“A RE YOU ABLE TO MAKE IT TO MY APPOINTMENT TOMORROW MORNING ?” I

ask Nik, settling on my couch for the evening. It was a long day at work. It
was like every person within a one-hundred-mile radius who hadn’t brushed
their teeth in a year decided to come get a cleaning. I’ve never been more
grateful for having to wear a mask, gloves, and glasses in my entire career.
I picked up a couple slices of pizza and a bottle of Naked Juice Green
Machine from a gas station on the way home because I knew I wouldn’t have
the energy to cook anything.
“Dumb question, Ash. Of course, I’ll be there. They said we might be
able to hear the heartbeat, yeah?”
It was a dumb question. Nik’s made it clear from the beginning that he
planned to be involved in every step of the pregnancy. In fact, over the last
five weeks, he’s also made it clear that he’s definitely on board with whatever
is naturally developing between us. We still haven’t had “the talk” about
what each of us wants, but as they say, actions speak louder than words. We
haven’t spent the night together since the night Josie gave birth to Jay. Well,
that’s not exactly true. I spent the next day with him, which turned into the
next evening. I went home on New Year’s Day thoroughly ravaged and tired.
In the best way possible.
Since that night, we’ve flirted and been affectionate with each other, but
beyond little kisses and hand holding, nothing physical has happened. But we
talk on the phone and text daily, see each other for meals, and have even
caught a movie we were both looking forward to seeing. It feels a little like
we’re dating, but we haven’t named it.
 Maybe that’s why it’s so good between us.
No labels.
“Yes, that’s what they said. But I’m sure there are times when it doesn’t
happen.”
“It’ll happen,” he says assuredly.
“I hope so.”
“How are you feeling today? Week twelve. End of first trimester. Kind of
a big deal, right?”
“Yes. After we hear the heartbeat, I think we can start sharing our news. I
had a little morning sickness this morning but it wasn’t bad at all. Just more
like a queasy stomach. I ate tortilla chips because that’s all that sounded
good, and it really helped. Kind of crazy.”
“Probably the salt,” he guesses. “Josie said the same thing about tortilla
chips. They’d always calm her stomach.”
“She’s the one who suggested them, actually.”
I can hear the smile in his voice when he replies, “Oh yeah? Good. Good.
She bugging you too much?”
“No,” I say, smiling back. Josie and I became instant friends after Jay was
born. She’s invited me over to hang out a few times on my days off. I bring
lunch with me and we sit together and stare at Jay, watch Food Network, and
laugh over childhood stories about Nik. Or, Niko, as she calls him. When I
asked Nik if it bothered him, he looked at me like I was out of my mind and
said he didn’t care. Even when she showed me a picture of herself dressed as
Cinderella and him dressed up like Belle in Beauty and the Beast. When I
asked him about it, he simply shrugged, smiled, and said, ‘she wanted to play
princesses. We’d just gotten done having a Nerf war so it was her turn to
choose.’
He’s so confident and sure of himself. It would be intimidating if he acted
like he was better than others, but that’s not how he is.
“If she gets to be too intrusive, you’ll let me know?”
“She’s fine, Nik. I like your sister,” I promise.
“That makes me happy. We should probably talk about me meeting your
sisters, too.”
I groan. “Really? Wasn’t meeting my parents enough? That went really
well, remember?”
“Yes, it did. Your parents are great. Dinner together was nice. But, yes, I
need to meet your sisters, too. We’re doing this together, right? We need our
families’ support and that includes everyone.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. But the thing is, my sisters have become gigantic shits
over the past few weeks. I’m pretty sure it’s just jealousy over me being
pregnant since neither of them are having luck in that department, but it still
bothers me.
Grace, especially, hasn’t been acting like herself. Lucy thinks something
is going on with her husband, Samuel, but Grace hasn’t told us anything.
Which isn’t necessarily a surprise. None of us have ever really liked Samuel
much. He’s… I don’t know how to explain it other than calling him a jerk but
that’s not fair because that’s not a great description of him. He’s always been
relatively nice to our whole family, but it feels fake. Almost as if he feels he’s
doing us a favor to be in our presence.
“Let’s set it up, then.”
“Fine,” I grumble.
He chuckles. “It’ll be fine. Even if they’re rude as fuck, I don’t care. I can
handle whatever they throw at me. It’s just a chance to try to get to know
each other. If we don’t get along so good that we’ll be best friends, it’s not a
big deal, right?”
I nod and stand up from the couch, bringing my empty bottle to the
kitchen to rinse out and drop in the recycling bin. “Right. I just don’t want
Grace saying anything offensive.”
“You said that she doesn’t care about education and stuff like that?”
I fill up a glass with ice water and grab a bag of pretzels, bottle of
mustard, and a plate and bring my snack to the living room. “I know I did,
but for whatever reason, she’s been kind of a jerk lately.”
“Set it up,” he says, ignoring my comment about her being a jerk. If I had
to take a guess, it won’t bother him in the least if she is a jerk around him.
He’ll brush it off and move on. It doesn’t seem like he lets people’s opinions
of him get to him. I wish I was more like that. Instead, I tend to dwell on it. I
want everyone to like me.
“Fine,” I sigh, squeezing some mustard onto the plate and dipping a
pretzel into it. Before eating, I say, “But I’m not making any promises. You’ll
probably hate Grace’s husband Samuel and become fast bros with Lucy’s
husband Grant.”
“Did you just seriously use the word bros?” He chuckles.
“Yes. And I stand by it.” I grin.
“You’re being cute,” he says. “That’s pretty typical of you but I like it
better when I can be with you while you’re being sweet and cute.”
“I’m being cute, huh?”
“You’re always cute.”
“What are you doing now?” I ask, feeling a flutter in my stomach as his
words settle.
“Watching TV. Like normal.” He laughs lightly.
“Same. But I’m eating pretzels dipped in mustard.”
“Not shocking,” he remarks. He’s not wrong. I have this little snack
almost every night. The little pretzel twists are my favorite. Dipped into
regular yellow mustard.
“Tell me about your day.”
This is something we started doing last week. More than just the typical
asking how each other’s days went. This is details to help us understand what
the other does all day long.
“Had that big estimate go out today for the new elementary school in
Liberty.”
“When will you hear if you got it?”
“End of the week but I think I’ve got a pretty good chance. Talked to the
Superintendent and even though he’s not the one deciding, the school board
is, he said they want the job to stay with as many local contractors as they
can. If I get it, it’ll really solidify the business.”
“You’ll get it. Your recommendations speak for themselves. Your
customers love you and your work, your employees are incredible. I have
faith.”
“Me, too, but I don’t want to assume anything, you know? It’d be great.
Only downfall is that they want to get started immediately, which is fine for
us, but considering they want to get the new one up and running for the next
school year, we’ll all be working like fucking maniacs for the next several
months to meet our deadline. It’s going to be a scramble if the weather
doesn’t cooperate because we have no room for delays. That means your last
few months I’ll be busy as shit. Don’t like that so much.”
“We can figure it out.”
“Yeah. We can.”
“I’m still surprised they’re just now looking for an electrical contractor.
Don’t big jobs like that usually have all their contractors in place way in
advance?”
“Usually, yes, but they didn’t plan well, apparently. The board wasn’t
coming to an agreement on anything. I heard something about a big donor
threatening to pull the money if they didn’t get their shit together. I have no
idea if that’s true or if that’s just gossip but regardless, they finally got
moving and now they’re scrambling. Sometimes a large construction
company will be hired and they’ll contract out the rest, like electrical and
plumbing and get approval. But the school wanted to be the one doing all the
hiring. I think that’s also where some of the disconnect and delays are
coming from. The board is trying to do something they don’t know much
about.”
“Sounds stubborn to me.”
“Probably. But, they’re getting it done now. And it’s going to be a really
nice building when it’s complete. It looks like a shitshow now, though.”
Him talking about a brand new elementary school makes me realize that
our kid will be going to that same school one day. That’s pretty wild to think
about.
“What went down at the dentist office today?”
“A lot of gross teeth that needed cleaned.”
I hear him gag and it makes me laugh. “Nasty. I don’t know how you do
it.”
“Today I had to wonder, too.”
“Can’t blame you.”
We talk a bit more before saying good night and making a plan for Nik to
pick me up for my appointment. Luckily, I have Wednesdays off and have
been able to schedule appointments on my day off so I don’t have to take
time off from work for them.
Getting ready for bed, I can’t help but lift my t-shirt and turn so my
profile is facing the bedroom full-length mirror. I’m only twelve weeks along
and I’m not showing yet. It doesn’t stop me from running my hand up and
down over my stomach, examining my mid-section for any changes.
Then I push my stomach out, suck it in, push it out. Laugh at myself.
Push it out again and let my hand rest on my rounded stomach.
Not satisfied, I pull one of my little throw pillows off the bed and shove it
under my shirt, moving and tucking the material so it looks a little more real.
“Huh,” I say to myself. “That’s not so bad.”
Of course it doesn’t look bad. It’s a tiny pillow stuffed under my shirt —
not the basketball that will be there in a few months.
For good measure, and because now I’m having a little bit of fun, I dance
around my bedroom, moving my stomach up and down and watching it in the
mirror. I know it will look a lot different when it’s full with a baby and it
makes me kind of excited to see.
I go on to try on different tops with the pillow underneath just because
I’m curious what I’ll look like, ending with my scrubs. Since I wear navy
blue scrubs every day to work, I’m curious what I’ll look like. Then I add
another pillow, which stretches the material to the point that it’s tight.
“Yikes. This could be a problem.”
Just for the fun of it, I add another pillow for good measure. The third,
though, is too much. I can’t even stuff it in.
“Welp. I’ll have to buy some new scrub tops,” I mumble. I’m sure some
of my co-workers have some from when they were pregnant that I can either
buy from them or borrow. It’s not that I am poor and have no extra funds to
buy maternity clothes, but my parents raised me to save any areas where I
can, and that includes shopping secondhand for certain items.
My phone rings just as I’m taking off my shirt and I look down to see
Grace’s name lighting up my screen.
“Craaaap. I really don’t feel like dealing with her,” I complain but answer
anyway.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey there. What are you up to?”
No way am I going to admit I was just making myself look pregnant
when I’m already pregnant so I opt for a half-truth. “Just changing clothes
and getting ready for bed. What about you?”
“Still at the office,” she says proudly.
“Yuck.”
Her desire to work eighteen hours a day in a stuffy office isn’t appealing
to me and I don’t do anything to hide that. She’s not bothered, though. Lucy
and I have always given her grief about being married to her desk chair. I
don’t mind working, but the amount that she does, inside an office and
staring at a screen, no less, is not for me.
“Kind of what I think about sticking my hands in someone else’s mouth.”
“Touché.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Good. Kind of felt a little blech this morning but I got through it fairly
quickly. It wasn’t too bad.”
“Oh, that’s good. Mom said you have an appointment tomorrow?”
 “Yeah. Regular checkup but I think we’ll be able to hear the heartbeat this
time.”
“That should be fun,” she says in a voice that says she doesn’t think it
sounds fun at all.
“We think so. Nik and I were talking tonight and he wants to get
something set up with you and Lucy and the guys for dinner soon. It would
be good for you to meet him.”
“Why?” she asks, her fingers tapping on her keyboard in the background.
“What do you mean, why? Because we’re having a baby together.”
“Yeah, but you aren’t together, together, so why does it matter? I don’t
need to know him. Neither does Lucy. Mom said she and Dad met him
already. Isn’t that enough?”
I sit down on the edge of my bed, wondering why she’s being this way
and how to answer her. Technically, she’s right. We haven’t made it clear
that we’re a couple but that’s just what I said, right? A technicality?
“He’s going to be around, Grace. He’s the father of this baby.”
She’s quiet for a bit then she makes a weird noise. “I know he is, but that
doesn’t mean I have to get to know him. What would we have in common,
anyway? Samuel certainly doesn’t need to be there. Can you imagine?” she
scoffs. “Samuel shows up in a suit and tie to dinner with this guy and he’s
wearing work boots and jeans?”
“Well, that’s incredibly uncalled for. First of all, when have we all ever
gone to dinner somewhere that required a suit and tie? Second of all, he
wears work boots because he makes sure that people have electricity. Like
what you’re using right now at the office you’re so proud of. How do you
think those outlets and lights and a bunch of other stuff got there? Stop being
such a snob, Grace. You’re not better than anyone else.”
She blows out a breath, “I know. I know. I’m just in a shitty mood and
took it out on you. You’re right, it was uncalled for and rude. That’s not how
I think, I promise. It’s just been a long couple of weeks is all.”
“What’s going on? Is it work?”
She hesitates and then I hear her office door shutting. “No, work is fine.
As always. That I can handle.”
“Samuel?”
“How’d you guess?”
“Just a hunch. He was weird at Christmas and you’ve just said a few
things lately that made me wonder.”
 “He’s been having an affair.”
I gasp. “That fucker!”
She laughs a little. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I thought, too.”
“How long has that been going on?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. My guess? Our entire marriage, just with
different women.”
“Nooooo!”
“Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure of it. There’s just been signs, I guess. Plus, who
could blame him? I work a million hours a week and am never in the mood
for sex.”
“Uhh, I can blame him. Screw that, I do blame him! He knew about how
much you would be working when he married you. That’s not an excuse.”
On the other line, I think I hear her sniffle, which breaks my heart. I hate
the thought of her crying over someone who’s not worth her tears.
“How’d you find out?”
“This is the best part. He was fired because he was sending dick pics to
his assistant. The same one he’s been sleeping with for the past year. His
company has a no-fraternization policy but he was always dumb enough to
use his company cell phone to send the picture to her. On company time. So
yeah, he was fired for being an idiot, basically.”
“That’s it. He’s getting his wiener cut off.”
She laughs again. “Yeah, I’ve had the same thought, too.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Well, he was fired so he’s no longer working there. The temptation is
gone.”
Is she saying that it’s the other woman’s fault? Surely not, right? “What
do you mean, the temptation is gone?”
“He’s no longer there so the problem won’t be a problem anymore. I’m
still mad about it, but I’m not going to end a marriage just because he has a
wandering eye.”
“Wait… I’m confused. Did he have a wandering eye and have an
emotional affair only? Like he had the hots for her but never did anything
physical? Which isn’t okay, either. Or did he have sex with his assistant? Or
did he just send her a picture of his wanger?”
“Wanger? Really?”
“Well, pardon me but saying the word dick or penis gets boring after a
while.”
 “You’re so ridiculous.” She laughs. “To answer your question, he fessed
up to having sex with her but promised he was finished with it. He had a
momentary lapse in judgment. It happens.”
“It happens?”
“Well, it’s far from ideal but it’s not worth tossing away a marriage for it.
I believe him when he said he won’t do it again because I saw how truly
sorry he was. Plus, I’m pretty sure it was a midlife crisis.”
I’m so confused but honestly, this conversation is so dumb and annoying,
I’ll just end it now. “Grace, I’ll support you, but I need to be honest with you.
I feel like you’re heartbroken but you’re trying to brush it off like it’s no big
deal to save face. And if that’s the case, then I’m sad for you because no one
would think less of you if you admitted that you’re upset that your husband
cheated.”
“I didn’t say I wasn’t upset, Ashley. But I’m a grown woman who can
look at life logically.”
I have no words for her. Grown women can’t be upset? Women who are
sad because their husbands cheat are illogical? Nothing she’s saying is
making any sense. Maybe she’s the one going through a midlife crisis and is
losing her mind.
“Like I said, I’m here to support you however you need. I am sorry
you’re going through it, though.”
“Thank you, sis. That’s all I need right now, your support.”
“Then that’s what you’ve got.”
“What time is your appointment tomorrow?”
“Nine.”
In the background, I hear what sounds like her closing up her office. I’ve
been on the phone with her at this hour enough to know the telltale signs of
her locking her file cabinets and zipping up her computer bag.
“You excited?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m also a little nervous, too. What if they can’t hear the
heartbeat?”
“Then they’ll do it vaginally. The baby is healthy, though, and so are you,
so there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”
“Right.” I nod and switch my phone to speaker so I can wash my face and
brush my teeth. Just like me being used to talking with Grace while she’s
moving around her office and working while we’re on the phone, she’s used
to the same with me. Only, the things that I do are at home.
 “And Nik’s been good? Do we need to do anything official for his side of
things yet? I know it’s early, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.”
Around my toothbrush, I mumble, “Stop being a lawyer, Grace. It’s not a
good look.”
“It’s my only look, you ass.”
“That’s why I said it’s not a good look,” I tease, laughing at myself.
Toothpaste spews out of my mouth and splatters the mirror.
“Bitch.” She laughs.
“Takes one to know one,” I counter, spitting out the toothpaste and
rinsing out my mouth.
“Mom and Dad spoiled you too much.”
“Uh huh. Find a new comeback, girl.”
I hear her car beep like she’s just unlocked the car door and then the door
shuts. “Fuck, it’s cold out,” she complains.
“Isn’t the garage you park in heated?”
“It is but it’s not all toasty warm. It doesn’t take all the chill out, though.
Especially when the high is like two.”
“True,” I murmur, keeping my lips pressed together while I wash my
face.
“What did you eat tonight?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m hungry and can’t decide what to eat and need ideas.”
I grin and dry my face, keeping my phone on speaker because I don’t feel
like pressing it to my ear. “You’re so strange. I grabbed two slices of pizza
and a Naked Juice from the gas station on the way home because there was
an abundance of disgusting teeth to clean today and I didn’t have the energy
for anything else. And I had some pretzels for a snack.”
“With mustard? Damn, that sounds good. What kind of pizza?”
“Just pepperoni. It’s all they had.”
“Still sounds really good. I’m starving.”
I climb into bed, dropping my phone on the mattress and sit cross-legged
facing it. Then I pick up my hand lotion off my nightstand. “Order a pizza
and pick it up on your way home.”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
I want to tell her to ask her husband to make something for her but I
won’t reopen that can of worms. After rubbing in the lotion to my hands and
forearms, I pull my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head and pick up
my book, opening it to where I stuffed my bookmark.
“Stick with me, kid, I’ve got all the good ideas.”
“Especially when it comes to food. Not so much when it comes to when
you’re drunk.”
I look at my phone and think for two seconds about how to respond.
Rather than saying anything, I let actions speak louder than words. Just as I
hear the beginning of an apology start to leak out of her rude mouth, I hit End
on the phone, effectively silencing whatever she was about to say.
What is wrong with her?
My phone buzzes with a text.
Grace: I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Me: That’s the last time I hear you talk like that. Understand?
Me: It’s rude and I won’t tolerate it.
Grace: Understood. I’m sorry and I mean that. I’m so pissed about
Samuel.
Me: I know you are. It’s okay to be mad. Hell, it’s okay to tell him to fuck
off, or whatever you need to do. He’s in the wrong here. No matter what he
tried to tell you, he is wrong.
Grace: Yeah. I agree. I don’t understand why he would do that, though?
Me: Because he’s an idiot?
Grace: Can I come over? I promise I won’t say anything else stupid. I
just don’t want to go home and have to deal with him.
Me: Of course. You sure you can drive this far tonight?
Grace: I’m sure. I’m stopping for food and then I’ll be there. About an
hour. Is that okay? I know you’re in bed now.
Me: You’re always welcome here, Grace. I’ll leave the front door
unlocked. Just come on in and lock it behind you.
Grace: Small town living, huh?
Me: It’s the best. Drive safe. Love you.
Grace: I will. Love you right back. Thanks for letting me come over. See
you soon.
True to her word, Grace shows up an hour later. She doesn’t hesitate to
come into my room, find some clothes to change into in my closet, use my
spare toothbrush and face wash, then climbs into bed with me.
“I’m sorry,” she says, wrapping her arms around me.
“I already told you it was forgiven. But I meant what I said, if you
continue to talk down to me about this baby or Nik, you’ll find yourself out
of this baby’s life, and possibly mine.”
“I like this side of you,” she says. “You’re standing up for yourself.
Finally. Only took you thirty-three years.”
I don’t tell her the change is partly thanks to Nik. I’m not sure she would
believe me anyway.
But I know it is, and that’s enough for me.
Nik’s changing me, and not because he didn’t like the way I was. Because
I didn’t like the way I was. I’m finally discovering who I am, and that’s all
thanks to Nik.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
 NIKOLAS

“N IK , I PRESUME ,” A WOMAN SAYS BY WAY OF GREETING ME WHEN I GET TO

Ashley’s house.
“You’d be correct. And you are?”
“Grace, Ashley’s sister,” she says, extending her hand.
“Ahh. The lawyer, right? Nice to meet you.” We shake hands and I hear
Ashley call to me to come on in.
Grace moves aside, inviting me to sit on the couch while I wait for
Ashley. She sits in the chair, a computer, coffee cup, and stack of files on the
coffee table in front of her.
“I’m almost ready!” Ashley calls from somewhere in the house.
“No rush, we have plenty of time,” I call back.
Grace looks at me with narrowed eyes that she probably thinks will
intimidate me, but she’s dead wrong. I raise an eyebrow in return and she
smiles brightly. There’s no honesty behind her smile, though. It’s too…
perfect. She’s trying too hard.
“Ashley tells me you want to get together sometime?”
I nod. “Yes. It would be good to get to know each other, right?”
She turns her head to the side and crosses her legs, sitting back in her
seat. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why get to know us?”
I furrow my eyebrows. “You mean other than the fact that you’ll be my
baby’s aunts and uncles? Or other than the fact that Ashley is important to me
and you’re important to her?”
 “Ashley is important to you? Why?”
I repeat myself from earlier, “Other than the fact that she’s the mother of
my child?”
“Yes. Other than those things. That person you’re describing could be
anyone.” She’s talking to me as if we’re in a courtroom and I’m on trial
rather than in a living room.
“But the person isn’t anyone else. The person is Ashley. And whether
Ashley fit that description or not, she’s growing more and more important to
me. The only way you will believe that is by getting to know me. If you don’t
care to get to know me, then you can’t judge the relationship your sister and I
have. And if you don’t care to get to know me, trust me when I say that I’ll
have an opinion about your relationship with my child.”
She uncrosses her legs and balls her fist on the arm of the chair. “Who do
you think you are?” she demands. “You take advantage of my sister on a
night that she’s heartbroken and distraught, pretend that you’re some white
knight coming to save her? You pretend that you’re this perfect gentleman
with such honorable intentions. I know the type of man you are, Nikolas. I’ve
seen hundreds of men like you who pretend to be this upstanding citizen of
your tiny town, with your minuscule business you think makes you some sort
of man. And then you’ll get bored of her and leave Ashley high and dry. If
that’s what your plan is, and I believe that to be true, then leave now. Don’t
get her hopes up. And, by the way, I find myself a very good judge of
character and I’m never wrong about people. Her family can help her figure
this out.”
Figure this out. What the hell? My pulse spikes as does my anger. “Who
do I think I am? Who the hell do you think you are? Making assumptions
based on the fact that, what, I work with my hands for a living? You’ve
obviously been checking up on me. And that’s fine because I have nothing to
hide. I was married once. She and I were good friends, thought we had more
than friendship between us. Turns out we were both wrong and the divorce
was amicable. My parents died in a car crash eleven years ago. I have one
sister. She and I are close. I own an electrical business. It started small, as all
businesses do. It’s grown and is profitable. I don’t have to pretend to be
anything because what you see is what you get. You are wrong in this case,
and I’m not afraid to tell you so.” I lean forward, my elbows resting on my
knees and never take my eyes away from Grace. She might be trying to prove
to me that she’s a threat, but she’s underestimating me. “As for the rest of
your speech. Who says I’m not a gentleman? Who says my intentions aren’t
honorable? Is it because I’m a man who doesn’t hold a degree other than
from high school and the school of hard knocks? Or maybe I’m missing the
bigger picture here. Maybe your attitude toward me right now has nothing to
do with me specifically. It’s because I’m a man.” She raises her eyebrows in
reply. It makes me think that maybe her husband hasn’t been so honorable.
Or maybe it’s deeper than that. “And trust me when I tell you there was no
taking advantage of anyone that night. We were both in a bad place
emotionally and found each other. If you ask me, we got lucky because we
did find each other. And maybe if you took the time to know me, you’d think
the same. If someone with not-so-honorable intentions had been in my place
that night, we don’t know what would have happened.”
“Are you seriously saying that my sister couldn’t have taken care of
herself?”
“No, actually, you said that when you alluded to the idea that I had taken
advantage of Ashley, therefore implying that she couldn’t take care of herself
when she was with me.”
“That’s a stretch.”
“But it isn’t a stretch to assume that someone you don’t even know
couldn’t possibly be a good human and only want what’s best for Ashley and
the baby? Give me a break. I get it, I’m the unknown who came into your
sister’s life and had a part in turning it upside down. However, unless you’re
willing to take the time to at least know more than my name and what you’ve
learned from an internet search, then back the fuck off and give Ashley and I
time to figure this out. She’s a fuckuva lot stronger than you’re giving her
credit for.”
I think she could breathe fire for how mad she is at me right now. We’ve
only just met and she’s working her lawyer-y ways on me. Sitting across
from me, staring me down, trying to throw me off.
Ashley told me that Grace isn’t judgmental about people, and that she
might be highly educated but doesn’t think down on those who choose a
different path. Something tells me Ashley’s wrong about her sister.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Ashley walking into the living room,
glancing back and forth between Grace and me. “Everything okay in here?”
Ashley asks timidly.
I peel my eyes away from her, not to give in, but because Ashley deserves
my attention far more than Grace does.
 “Everything’s great.” I stand up and move to her, kissing her cheek. “You
look amazing,” I add, taking in her loose fitted jeans that have a few holes
already ripped in the denim and baggy black and white striped sweater. Her
boots have a short, wide heel and only go up to her ankles. She doesn’t only
look amazing. She also looks adorable.
“Thank you,” she says shyly, dipping her face and tucking a long strand
of her beautiful dark hair behind her ear.
“You’re welcome. Good to meet you, Grace. I hope to have that dinner
with you and the rest of the family real soon,” I tell her with a smile.
“Sure,” Grace agrees, sounding like she’d rather eat dirt than share a meal
with me.
I’m not so easily deterred, though. “Set it up, Grace.”
“You ready to go?” Ashley asks, placing a hand on my arm.
“Absolutely.”
“Grace, are you going home or to the office?” Her voice is so full of
hope, it’s almost comical. I have no idea why Grace is here but it’s clear that
Ashley’s ready for her departure.
“Not home. Think I’ll just work here for a while today. That way I can
talk to you after your appointment.”
“Oh.”
“That’s okay, right? You said I could stay here?” Grace points to where
she’s set up a workstation of sorts.
“Yes, it’s fine with me,” Ashley says warily. “Just make yourself at
home. Should be plenty of food in the kitchen, but I don’t have much for
caffeine. You might need to go somewhere for a good cup of coffee.”
“You’re seriously not drinking caffeine?”
“I’ll have half a cup of coffee if I have a headache or something but
otherwise, no.”
“Wow. I’m not sure how you survive,” Grace says. “Be careful and call
me after.” She gives Ashley a hug and looks at me over Ashley’s shoulder.
It’s not hard to ignore the fact that she’s trying to give me the stink-eye
because I honestly don’t care. She’s made up her mind that I’m not
trustworthy and I’ll do my best to change it, but unless she’s getting into
Ashley’s head with the same junk, then I’m not going to spend my time
worrying over it.
“We will,” I answer for Ashley.
Once we’re in my truck on the way to the doctor, she launches in.
 “I heard your conversation, you know.”
I smirk. “Figured.”
“She had no right.”
“No.”
“It’s not about you.”
I look over at her and back to the road. “What makes you say that?”
“She found out her husband was cheating on her with a lady from his
work and also lost his job because he was sending inappropriate pictures to
her.”
I press my lips together and bite my tongue. I want to say something
incredibly insensitive right now about not being surprised but that won’t do
either of us any good so I keep my mouth shut aside from saying, “That
sucks.”
“Yes, it does. It’s also not an excuse to treat you like she did. I’ll talk to
her.”
“I can handle it.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” she says sadly.
She’s right about that. “Maybe not,” I agree, reaching over for her hand. I
have no idea why I can’t stop holding her hand, but it’s become more than
habitual. It’s natural to be holding her hand when we’re together. “But if I
have to defend myself or us to her and the rest of your family or anyone else,
for that matter, I’ll do it. It’s no one else’s business but our own, anyway.”
“You’re right. It isn’t.”
“Don’t let her words put a damper on getting to hear the baby’s heartbeat
today.”
She grins. “You’re right. I’ll try not to.”
“Good. Now, tell me what I’m walking into at the appointment. Will you
be getting naked?” I joke. Only, I am curious.
“Ha! You perv. You just want to see me without clothes on again.”
“Damn right, I do.”
She blushes. “I assure you, nothing has changed.”
I make a big show of looking her up and down, focusing on her breasts
that have gotten bigger. Not incredibly noticeable, but I’ve paid close
attention and have a lot of good memories with her breasts. I remember them
fondly. “Well, that’s not exactly true.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, shush. You can’t even see anything because of
my winter coat.”
 “I saw you before you put it on,” I remind her.
“You’re so ridiculous.” She laughs.
“For real, though, do they have to examine you today or do you keep your
clothes on?”
“I think since I was examined last time I get to keep my clothes on today.
Last time they did all the bloodwork and pelvic exam. This time, they’ll do
the regular checkup stuff and listen for the heartbeat against my stomach but I
won’t have to strip down for it.”
“Damn,” I joke and she laughs lightly. I pull into the parking lot and find
a spot fairly close to the front door. “Nervous?”
“Nope. You?”
“No. I’m more excited than anything. I’ve never heard a baby’s heartbeat
before.”
“Me either. A first for both of us!” She kind of cheers.
I help her out of the pickup and we walk into the doctor’s office side by
side. She signs in with the front desk and they direct her to sit down and wait
for the nurse to call her back.
My leg bobs up and down and I sit up perfectly straight in the hard, stiff
chair, my hands on my knees.
“Thought you weren’t nervous?” Ashley mutters next to me.
“I’m not for the appointment. Just don’t like being in hospitals and stuff.”
“You were fine when we were waiting for Josie’s baby to be born,” she
reminds me.
“That was different.”
“Why’s that?”
Thankfully the nurse calls Ashley’s name before I have the chance to
answer. Especially since I don’t know how to answer her. There’s no logical
reason for me to be nervous right now, but a big part of me keeps wondering
what would change between Ashley and I if something were to happen to the
baby. I don’t know if she would even want there to be anything between us.
If I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t know if I do, either. I like
Ashley. A lot. For more reasons than the fact that she’s carrying my child.
But if we take the baby out of the equation, is there still anything between us?
I’d like to think so.
And maybe that’s what has me so nervous.
I have never felt this way about a woman before. Not my first wife, and
not Stacia, either. With both of them, I was reaching for something that
wasn’t actually there.
That same thing I was reaching for, is exactly what I’ve found with
Ashley.
I follow her to the exam room after they take her weight.
We take a seat and the nurse checks her temperature, her blood pressure
and heart rate, typing everything into her laptop she carried in with her. After
asking her a few more questions and continuing to type Ashley’s answers
into the computer about how she’s been feeling, if she has any concerns, and
a few questions to me about who I am to Ashley, she closes the laptop lid.
“Okay, Ashley. We’ll need to take a urine sample. The restroom is right
down the hall. There are containers on the shelf above the toilet. Simply put
your name and birth date on the lid with the marker provided, place it in the
cupboard, and I’ll grab it. The doctor will be right in.”
“Sounds good. Thanks,” Ashley replies.
“No problem.”
“Good thing I chugged a bottle of water while I was getting ready before
you came,” she says before going out to do the urine test.
She’s not gone very long and only back a short time before the doctor
follows her in. I met Dr. Fletcher at her last appointment and liked her. She’s
probably fifteen years older than us, and has these bright blue eyes that
somehow seem calming.
“Good morning, Ashley and Nik. How are you both today?” Dr. Fletcher
smiles.
“Good,” we reply at the same time.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better. I’ve had a couple days of morning sickness but nothing that I
can’t handle. Just a little tired now. Earlier I felt like I could fall asleep at
seven o’clock, but that’s gotten better. My appetite is starting to come back,
too.”
“That’s good. What we like to hear. It looks like you’ve lost two pounds.
This is not abnormal when you’re in your early stages. It’s nothing to be
concerned about, especially if you’re getting your appetite back. Don’t be
pushing yourself too much, but staying active will help. Do you have any
concerns or questions for me?”
“Nope, not me. Nik?” Ashley asks.
“I’m good. Just excited to hear the heartbeat,” I admit.
Dr. Fletcher chuckles. “Let’s see what we can do about that, shall we?
Climb onto the table.” She does and after using her stethoscope to listen to
Ashley’s heartbeat and do some other basic testing, she says, “Good. Now,
lie back for me then we’ll see about fulfilling Nik’s request.”
“Sweet. Let’s do this.”
They both laugh at my excitement. I can’t help it, though.
Five minutes later, I know why I was feeling anxious.
Hearing your child’s heartbeat for the first time might be the absolute best
sound in the entire world.
There’s nothing that could top this. Maybe hearing him or her cry for the
first time, but for right now? This is at the top of the list.
“Strong heartbeat,” Dr. Fletcher remarks, moving the Doppler against
Ashley’s stomach.
We’re holding hands, Ashley and I, and staring at the little screen that
doesn’t show us anything. But we can hear it.
“Oh my gosh,” Ashley whispers, tears in her eyes.
Thump — thump — thump — thump.
Thump — thump — thump — thump.
It repeats over and over. Faster than I expected it to be.
“Is that… it isn’t too fast?” I ask Dr. Fletcher.
“No.” She smiles. “It sounds perfect. Just how it’s supposed to be.”
We continue to listen, the sound exactly as Dr. Fletcher described it.
Perfect.
“That’s our baby,” I say, reverently.
“Yeah,” Ashley replies, same tone in her voice. “It’s amazing.”
“Can I,” I lift my phone up, “Can I record it?”
“Of course.”
“Ooh, good idea,” Ashley says, beaming.
I press the button of the voice record app on my phone for thirty seconds,
capturing our baby’s heartbeat so I can listen to it again later.
“I’ve been doing this for over fifteen years and I can honestly say this
part never gets old.” Dr. Fletcher turns off the machine and takes a washcloth
to clean off the goo she had squirted onto Ashley’s stomach. She sets
everything aside then helps Ashley sit up, her legs hanging over the edge of
the bed. “If you have any questions or concerns between now and your next
appointment, don’t hesitate to reach out. You can contact me through your
patient portal or call the office directly. Otherwise, I’ll see you in a month.”
“Thank you.”
 Dr. Fletcher nods and walks quietly of the exam room, shutting the door
behind her.
“That was…”
“Incredible,” I finish for Ashley.
“It really was.” She wipes a few tears from her cheek. “I had no idea it
would sound like that.”
“Me either. It’s so loud. And fast.”
“Can you send me the recording?”
“Yeah.” I open the recording and hit share, choosing her contact.
She slips off the bed and I help her into her coat, handing her purse to her
once she’s settled.
“That was even better than I expected,” she admits.
“Same. It feels real now, at least to me. Not that it wasn’t real before,” I
rush to explain, “but I haven’t had the pleasure of morning sickness to remind
me of how real it is,” I say, smirking.
She wrinkles her nose. “The sickness definitely helps to remind me
there’s a baby in there.”
“What do you have the rest of the day?” I ask her once we’re inside the
truck and it’s started up.
“Today’s my day off so I planned to do some errands. I need to go to the
grocery store and wash my car, do some laundry.”
“Fun day, then.”
“You know it. What about you?”
“Need to go into the office for a bit, but I would like to have dinner with
you tonight, if you’re up for it.”
She smiles to herself. “Dinner tonight?”
“If you’re up for it,” I repeat.
“I think I can manage that.”
“Will your sister allow it?”
She sighs heavily at my reminder of her sister. “I don’t know that I care. I
know that she’s hurting but what she was saying to you this morning wasn’t
okay.”
“If it helps, it didn’t bother me.”
I turn to go toward the only grocery store in town, figuring I’ll just take
her. That way I can grab a few things I need, plus help her bring her groceries
into her house. Then I can take her car to the shop and wash it inside the
wash bay we have for our work trucks.
 “I’m glad it doesn’t but I’m still going to talk to her. She was in super
bitchy mode this morning and you did nothing to warrant it. And what was
that about her saying you took advantage of me? Like I can’t hold my own?”
she asks, fired up.
I’m definitely in agreement on that one. The way Grace was talking, one
would think that Ashley’s not strong enough to make her own decisions. I
may have only known her for three months, but I can say with absolute
certainty that she’s an incredibly strong person. Maybe no one has told
Ashley that, though. If her own sister who doesn’t seem to own a filter says it
to someone she’s known for two minutes, I imagine she’s said things very
similar directly to Ashley’s face before.
It seems it’s high time someone — me — let Ashley in.
“Yeah. I gotta say, that was harsh. For the record, Ashley? You’re one of
the strongest women I know. Maybe you haven’t been told that enough in
your life, or maybe Grace was just having a supremely bad day, but she’s
wrong. I know I didn’t take advantage of you because I tried apologizing for
the exact same thing the next morning and got my ass chewed.” I turn into
the grocery store parking lot and find a spot fairly close to the front and park
my truck. “You might have tried to change for others in the past, but I know
you aren’t doing that with me. You can’t fake the strength that you have.”
“Nik,” she whispers. She does this often, I’ve noticed. When I say
something that she’s not sure how to respond to or maybe when she’s
emotional, she whispers my name. It isn’t a response, but it is. It’s her letting
me know she heard me and is overwhelmed by my words. In a good way. So
the non-response? It’s better than anything she could say to me.
“Ready to get those groceries?”
She gives me a confused look then sees where we are. “I wasn’t paying
attention.”
“I need some groceries, too. Figured it’d be easier if we just went
together.”
I tell her the rest of my plan and she stares at me like I’m from another
planet.
“You’re going to wash my car?” she questions. “Why?”
“Why not?” I counter, getting out of the truck and meeting her at the
hood. “I have a place all set up for it in our shop. It will take me no time at
all. Then I’ll bring it back to you. I won’t if you’d rather I not.”
We walk into the store and each grab a shopping cart.
 “I don’t think anyone has ever offered to wash my car before. It feels like
an over-the-top request, you know?”
“Did you ask me to wash it or did I offer?” I ask her, throwing a package
of romaine lettuce into my cart, followed by a container of cherry tomatoes.
She places some berries, bananas, and tomatoes in hers.
“Well, you offered, but I still feel guilty.”
“Don’t. It’s not a big deal.” And it isn’t. I’m surprised that she thinks it is.
We shop for our groceries, and last minute I decide that maybe instead of
going out to dinner tonight, I’ll cook for her. Maybe a night in would do us
both some good.
“Steaks tonight? I’ll grill. We can hang out at my place. Unless you had
your heart set on going out.”
“Actually,” she says quietly before leaning into me, rising up on her toes
to kiss my lips, “a night in sounds perfect.”
That’s all it takes. One kiss from her and I’m a goner.
Gone for her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
 NIKOLAS - SEVEN WEEKS LATER

T HE DAY WE FIRST HEARD OUR BABY ’ S HEARTBEAT , I KNEW I NEEDED TO GET

my shit together when it came to what I wanted from Ashley as far as
relationships go. One good thing that came out of my conversation with her
sister that day was that I knew something needed to change. I didn’t want
Ashley, most of all, to think that I was going to bail on her or that I only
cared about the baby.
I had already grown to feel something for Ashley, and even though I
wasn’t ready to define what that feeling was, I knew I needed to be more
honest with her.
That night I grilled up a couple steaks, she made baked potatoes and a
salad, and we sat at my kitchen table and talked for hours. About nothing and
everything. We filled each other in on what it was like for us growing up. We
bonded over what it’s like to have sisters, even though I only have one and
she has to deal with two. We asked hard questions about past relationships
and why they failed. We listened to the recording of the heartbeat so many
times I thought my phone was going to die. We walked around my house and
I showed her what I had done myself as far as remodels and what I hope to do
in the future. We went for another walk in the cold.
Before the night was over, we had laid it all out there. What our
expectations are of raising this baby, names that are definite no’s, personal
goals we hope for our futures. And mainly, I told her I was falling for her.
“I know it might seem like it’s too soon or the timing sucks. But I want
you to know that the night we spent together three months ago is the night I
felt like I came back to life. I woke up the next day and was mad that I
couldn’t remember every detail of the night before. And then I saw you were
still with me and I was so grateful that whatever we shared wasn’t over yet.
“When I saw you in the store that day, before I even saw the test in your
hand, I knew I was given the gift of a second chance. You’d told me three
months. Well, it’s been three months,” I remind her, smirking. “We may have
broken that rule along the way but that’s just God’s way of nudging us
together, if you ask me. I’m not asking you to marry me or promising
anything but I feel deep in my gut that whatever this is between us is a lot
more than just chemistry. Though, I’ve gotta say, the chemistry between us is
pretty strong.”
“It really is,” she says, from her place on my lap. I pulled her close
somewhere between her childhood vacation stories and when I told her our
child would not be named Fraser, after Jamie Fraser in Outlander. She tried
pouting, even though it was all for show, and I pulled her onto my lap and
kissed her. That’s where she stayed and I have no intentions of that changing.
At least until after we have this conversation.
“Is that all it is to you? Sexual chemistry?”
“No,” she admits. “I agree with you about wanting to be together to see
where this goes between us. But I also think that defining whatever this is
could set us back. I like the way things are.”
“Casual, you mean?” I ask, my heart not liking that one bit.
“Not casual, no. I don’t like that idea.” She scrunches her nose, playing
with the hair on the back of my neck. She likes to do that, I’ve discovered.
Which means I need to keep my hair at this length all the time.
“What do you mean, then?”
“I don’t know. Saying you’re my boyfriend feels like I just shot back to
high school but saying that you’re the father of my unborn child isn’t what I
want to say, either. For me, I like what we are. I like spending time with you
and sharing meals. I like being open with each other about how we’re
feeling. If this is going to work, though, because we’ve both sucked royally in
the past when it comes to relationships, I think it would be better if we don’t
put pressure on ourselves.”
“You understand that I want you, right? That I see something in the
future between us that’s more than this baby?” I ask, placing my hand on her
stomach.
She covers my hand with hers and nods. “I see it, too. But I’m so scared.
If it doesn’t work because we’re trying too hard, it’s not only us that’s going
to suffer for it. We’ve got this little one to think about now, too.”
That makes sense. I might not like it, but I do agree with it. And I
understand. Mostly, anyway. I want her but she’s right — we’ve not made
healthy choices for relationships in the past so maybe this is our chance to
learn from our mistakes and move forward. Together.
“I’ll make you a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
I lean up and kiss her neck. “Well, the kind that we both benefit from.”
“I’m listening.”
“The deal is…” I kiss just below her ear and tug on her earlobe with my
teeth.
“…Yes?” She’s panting and when I let my hand slide under her shirt and
up to her chest, she releases a little shiver that makes me smile.
“Are you agreeing to the deal?”
“Yes,” she moans then… “Wait. What’s the deal?”
I chuckle and sit back, giving her a break so we can finish this
conversation with a clear head rather than controlled by our hormones.
“Almost had you there,” I tease. “If I agree that we aren’t going to give us a
name, I want you to tell me the second you’re ready for us to change that
status. While I understand the hesitation you’re feeling about making
anything official and agree with it, for the most part, I also want you to know
that I’m ready for more between us. I’ll promise you that I won’t pressure
you as long as you have an open mind about the potential that’s there for us.
And in return for my herculean effort in practicing patience, you’ll reward
me with…” I hesitate, loving the heated look that warms her face. “Not only
that, you perv.” No shame in this one, she only grins and shrugs as if to ask
who could blame her. “But for the record, if that’s what you want from me,
just let me know and I’ll gladly provide. What I was going to say, though, is
that I would like you to reward me with being the first, and I mean the first, to
know when you’re ready. I don’t want you running to a friend to talk it over,
or your sisters only for them to try to talk you out of it since they hated me
before they knew me. I want you to promise me that when you’re feeling
confident in who we are together, not just as two people who will be raising a
child together, you call me, text me, send a carrier pigeon, whatever it is, so
that I hear it first.”
“You really think my sisters would try to talk me out of it and I’d listen?”
“Not sure. But I don’t want to run the risk. They don’t know me. And, at
least Grace isn’t willing to get to know me. Until I know for certain that
they’re not anti-Nik, I want us to keep this between us. I want this to work
and if that means we keep our relationship, or whatever it is, private in order
for that to happen, I’m okay with it.”
“What about Josie?”
“If you want me to leave her out of the loop, I will. I’m asking you to do
that with your sisters, so I’ll do the same.”
“You would?”
“Of course. Let’s give us the best shot possible. I’ll be your dirty little
secret,” I joke.
“Hmm,” she preens, leaning closer and kissing me. “That might be kind
of fun.”
“Might be. I know the rest of what we do together sure as hell is.”
“I’m in.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I like the idea of keeping it for ourselves. I also like the idea of
telling you first. You deserve to know. But you’ll do the same, right? If it’s
getting to be too much for you to wait.”
“It won’t be. I’ll wait.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because you’re worth waiting for.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I waited thirty-five years to find you. What’s a few more
months?”
“Wow. That’s a good answer.” She slams her lips to mine and we spend
the rest of the night in each other’s arms.
Since our talk, time has crawled along slowly and sped by fast. I know
we’re both trying to soak in all the stages, but we’re both anxious for the
more exciting stuff. When she felt the baby kick last week, she called me in
tears. I’d left the office that night, eager to get to her. Then I sat on her couch
with my hand on her belly, talking to her stomach and willing the baby to
kick for me. It didn’t happen for exactly two hours and twenty-four minutes.
When I felt the tiny flutter, I almost cried. Since then, Ashley has been
feeling kicks and movements more often but I know from Josie that it will
only increase the farther along she gets.
In exactly one week we get to find out the sex of the baby, God willing.
Hopefully the little rugrat is cooperating and not hiding anything or angled in
such a way that we can’t see the pertinent parts to figuring out if we’re
having a boy or girl.
I stare at the picture on my phone that I snapped of Ashley just a couple
days ago.
“Boss? You ready?”
From the doorway to my office, my second guy, the one who is basically
me, but without the stress of being the business owner, stands. Brandon has
been my friend since I was a kid. His sister lives in town as well, and
Brandon’s dad is the co-owner of a construction company I work with
regularly. Brandon worked for a lot of years for his father and his father’s
best friend, while also being lead singer of a band. The band never made it to
Nashville, but that was never their intentions, either.
Brandon still plays with the same band members, but since he and his
wife Savannah have become a family of five, he decided to keep it just as a
hobby.
Brandon also wanted to do something different than working with his dad
forever, and I needed someone who knew the business. He and I work great
together, and it makes my days go by a lot quicker because I know he’s got
my back.
“Yeah. Just a minute.”
“You were staring at your phone with hearts practically jumping out of
your eyes like you were hoping she was going to pop out of it like those giant
cakes.”
“Who?” I ask, playing dumb, flipping my phone around, letting the
smooth surface glide through my fingers.
Brandon shuts the door and crosses the room, planting himself in the
chair across from me. “You know exactly who I’m talking about. Don’t try to
bullshit me. I know you’re so hot for that woman it’s got you twisted up
inside.”
Tossing my phone on my desk, I lean back in my chair, linking my hands
together behind my head. “She does,” I reply. “I can’t help it. She wants to
keep things quiet so that no one else can get in the middle of our relationship,
but also so that we have time to focus on ourselves. Well, I may have been
the one suggesting that part. It’s all kind of blurry at this point who suggested
what. But all I know is that we’re having a lot of fucking fun in the
meantime.”
“Fucking fun, huh? Is that a clue?”
 “A clue? What are we, five? It’s fun. And we’re not fucking.” He raises
an eyebrow at me and I amend, “Yes, we’re having sex but I wouldn’t call it
fucking.”
“You realize how that sounds, right?”
“I do. I can’t bring myself to care, though.”
He blows out a breath and mimics my position. “Well, my friend, you’re
quite literally fucked. I give it less than a year and you’ll be marrying her
with your baby on her hip.”
The scene flashes before me and I can’t say that it’s a bad one.
He bursts out laughing and stands up, slapping the desk. “Make that nine
months, if the look on your face is anything to go by. Now, tuck your dick in
your pants and wipe the drool from your face. We’ve got a shit ton of people
we need to hire for this job to electrify the school,” he smirks at his wording,
“and unfortunately for us, that means a day full of interviews.”
“I know what my day has in store,” I grumble.
As we walk out of my office, he slaps me on the shoulder. “Cheer up. At
least we get to watch a bunch of young punks squirm. After we get these
hires done, everything else will be gravy.”
“Gravy? When is anything ever that simple?”
“It isn’t. And it won’t be. But it got your mind off Ashley for a beat,
didn’t it?”
Chuckling, we head to the conference room to get ready for the day of
interviews. For the most part, everyone coming today has been vetted
already. Because of the urgency of the job, we need people who already have
worked as electricians, which means, for the most part, today should go
smoothly. As long as the references check out and we don’t get a bad vibe
from him or her, they’ll be hired.
Luckily, I already know that tonight will be a good way to end the day.
Ashley asked me to come over for dinner and to look online at a few houses
with her that she found through her realtor. The problem seems to be finding
something that’s decent in her price range.
But I have to get through these interviews first.
Then I can see my girl.
And just like every other day, I’ll be counting the minutes until that time
comes.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
 ASHLEY

“N OW LISTEN HERE , MY LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY PAIRED WITH A PAIN IN MY

ass. You had your chance two weeks ago to show us what was between your
legs. You chose to be private. That’s a good trait to have in the future but
right now, your daddy and I would really appreciate a little less modesty.”
Lying in bed, I rub my small round stomach, talking to the baby, and
trying to rest. We had our ultrasound two weeks ago where we had hoped to
find out the sex of the baby but he or she was being difficult. Seeing the baby
had been wonderful, of course, and finding out that the baby is healthy and is
developing right on track was even more wonderful.
But darn it all, I want to know what names to focus on.
Today is my regular checkup with Dr. Fletcher and we’re hoping that she
takes pity on us and pulls in the portable ultrasound machine to do a quick
check. She had mentioned it once, and Nik already promised that if she didn’t
bring it up, he would. I have no doubt that he’ll follow through. He’s nothing
if not ambitious when it comes to the baby. Well, in most things, but
especially about the baby.
The baby kicks me and all I can think is that he or she is trying to tell me
that they can’t be told what to do.
“Don’t you sass me, Mr. Or Miss. Whatever.”
Another whopping kick that makes me gasp.
“You stinker!”
I get out of bed, still scolding the baby about talking back while inside the
womb, and almost pee myself when I hear my front door open and close
followed by very heavy footsteps.
 Footsteps that didn’t take the time to remove his or her shoes which is not
a good scenario. Everyone who comes to my house knows to immediately
remove their shoes. But also, I’m the only one who has a key to my house
aside from Grace.
She asked for one in case she felt like not being home and around Samuel
again. I hesitated at first because she had been so awful to Nik. But when the
six of us got together for dinner a few weeks later, she pulled him aside and
apologized to him without me having to tell her to. Grace doesn’t admit she’s
wrong or apologize easily, so to me, that was a big step in the right direction.
She didn’t make excuses for her behavior, she simply said that it was
uncalled for and that it would never happen again.
I’m not sure that I believe that she won’t act that way again, but I’m
giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping for the best. It’s not forgotten,
but I refuse to dwell on the past.
But the sound of the feet that are coming into my house are definitely not
Grace’s. I look around my bedroom, hoping to find a bat or a gun or a big
stick. But since I have none of those, because I don’t own any of those, I
stand in my bedroom completely unprepared for the person who just broke
into my house.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper to my stomach. Then I rush to my nightstand
and grab the only thing I can find then brandish it like a shield, extending it
out between the door and myself.
Holding my weapon in the air, my heart beats out of control as I wait for
my demise.
“Ash?” Nik calls.
I blow out a breath. “Oh my gosh, Nik. What are you doing?” I call back,
walking toward my bedroom door just as he appears.
“What do you mean? I’m here for your appointment. Your door was
unlocked.”
“So you just came in?” I shriek.
“I knocked three times. Sorry, when you didn’t answer, I got a little
worried.”
“I didn’t hear it, sorry. Dang.” I place my hand on my heart. “You scared
the crap out of me. I…” I trail off when I notice how wide his eyes are,
staring right at my chest. That’s not entirely uncommon because he’s a boob
guy and mine have just so happened to double in size. It’s been quite
something. But that’s not what he’s staring at.
 He’s staring at my weapon of choice.
I stare at his face and wonder if this is how he felt when I saw his teddy
bear tattoo. No. This is far worse.
Because I just panicked and pushed a button.
So now my weapon is vibrating against my chest, my hand shaking.
“Whatcha got there?” he asks. Oh, he’s funny.
“Nothing.”
“Hmm. Sure doesn’t look like nothing. It looks to me like you were…
massaging your neck.”
“That’d be right.”
“Do you massage your neck… often?”
Narrowing my eyes, I make a big show of turning off my neck massager
and tossing it onto the bed.
“Good place for it. Easy access for later,” he says.
“Oh my gosh! You’re such a jerk!” I laugh, covering my face with my
hands. How embarrassing! What was I doing? Did I think I was going to
massage my kidnapper to death? Beat him with my vibrator? Whop him
upside the head with it and run for cover?
Nik uncovers my face and lifts my chin. “Tell me about this,” he says,
pointing to the bed.
“I heard you come in and panicked.”
“So you decided to get a quick masturbation session in?”
My jaw drops and my face turns the shade of the ripest tomato. “You…
oh my gosh. I can’t with you right now!”
“What? It’s an honest question! You just said that you panicked and I
walked in to see you holding your vibrator to your chest. What am I supposed
to think?”
“I was using it to maim whoever had broken into my house!”
His lip twitches. “To what now?”
“Maim! Hurt! Destroy! I don’t have actual weapons and this was the first
thing I thought to grab.”
“Let me get this straight. You think your house has been broken into and
the first thing you think of is grabbing your vibrator. You didn’t want to leave
it behind, huh?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it just sounds silly.”
“And how else am I supposed to put it?”
I groan. He’s not letting this go and I don’t think I’ve ever been more
embarrassed in my life. “Can we just forget this ever happened ‘cause that’d
be great.”
He shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest, planting his feet
wide. “Not a chance. This was amazing. Tell me, does your brave vibrating
defender have a name? Does it perform super powers that I’m not aware of to
fend off evil-doers?”
I take a step closer and point up at him. Now would be a good time to
suddenly sprout twelve inches so I can look him in the eye rather than crane
my neck and try to look intimidating that way. “I don’t like you anymore.”
“It has a name,” he guesses.
Is stomping my foot considered immature? Probably.
“You don’t know.”
“It does. Tell me.”
“Nik! Be nice.”
“You love it. Now.” he drops his arms and takes a step toward me, so
close the tips of our feet are touching and I can feel his breath against my
skin. “Why don’t you tell me the name of our newfound toy here?”
Mustering up as much courage as I have, I decide if he’s going to be a
stinker — which means our child obviously takes after him — then I can be,
too.
I pull up every good comeback from childhood to adulthood that I can
think of and say, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Okay.
Well.
That wasn’t as awesome as I had planned.
He knows it.
I know it.
But maybe he’ll let it slide.
At the risk he isn’t going to, I flash him a boob, cover myself back up,
and go to the restroom to get ready for my doctor’s appointment.
Behind me, I can practically hear him gaping.
“That was just mean!”
Smiling to myself in the mirror, I notice something about me that I
haven’t seen reflected in a long time.
Happiness.
Scary as it may be, I know that Nik is a huge reason for that.
Maybe he’ll be getting his wish sooner rather than later and I’ll cave,
wanting the world to know he’s mine and I’m his.
Or, maybe we’ll continue to keep it to ourselves and enjoy the ride.
It’s sure been fun so far.

“O KAY , A SHLEY , N IK , I KNOW YOU ’ RE ANXIOUS FOR THIS .”

“You could say Ashley’s vibrating with excitement,” Nik says and I
elbow him in the side. Actually, I elbow the air because I’m lying down on
the exam table and he’s sitting closer to my stomach.
Luckily, Dr. Fletcher doesn’t seem to notice. And if she did, she wouldn’t
have a clue what we were talking about anyway. Or, rather, what Nik is
talking about. I can tell he has a million questions rolling around in that
gorgeous head of his.
“This morning she was moving around the house, practically pulsating
from her eagerness to come.” My eyes almost bug out of my head and Nik
sits calm as can be, watching Dr. Fletcher do her thing, squirting the warm
goo onto my stomach and rubbing it around with the Doppler.
She nods in understanding. “It’s always exciting. Let’s hope the baby
cooperates this time.”
“Let’s hope,” I say, trying not to clench my jaw.
I wish I could say that I hated the way Nik’s acting. But the truth of it is,
he was right before. I love it. The teasing and playfulness is what makes Nik,
Nik, and that’s more than all right with me.
Once we hear the baby’s heartbeat, something that never gets old, we
both quiet down, holding hands and staring at the screen. That’s also
something that never gets old. Seeing our baby.
“So amazing,” Nik mutters. “He’s inside there, so perfect and healthy and
happy. Ready for us to screw him up,” he adds, jokingly.
“Boy, huh? You’re going with my theory?”
He shrugs. “Seems right. Look.” He points to the screen at something that
could be an arm, a leg, a stick. Heck, how do we know? We aren’t doctors or
ultrasound techs.
“That is not his…”
“Oh yes, it is,” Dr. Fletcher explains. “Congratulations, you two. You’re
having a boy.”
 “We’re having a boy,” I repeat, stupid tears building once again. I feel
like that’s all I do sometimes. That and eat.
I guess the baby and I should get along great then. Eat. Cry. Poop. I do
that, too.
“We’re having a boy!” Nik practically shouts, making both Dr. Fletcher
and I laugh.
“I take it this is good news?”
He looks a little sheepish for his outburst. “Hey, I was beyond happy that
the baby was healthy. The fact that I know what to do with his parts when it’s
my turn to change his diaper is a huge bonus.”
“Well, you’re in good hands, there, Mama. If he’s already talking about
changing diapers, you found yourself a good one.”
Nik beams and I roll my eyes.
“Oh, brother. Don’t stroke his ego. He’s confident enough as it is.”
Dr. Fletcher shakes her head, laughing at the two of us. While she has
been doing the ultrasound, she also clicked a few buttons to take pictures and
print them out.
Once she’s finished, she wipes my stomach clean of the goo, hands the
pictures to us, and leaves us alone.
I’m still lying back on the table, but this time I’m staring up at pictures of
my son. We have them from his first ultrasound, too, but this time it feels
different. Maybe simply because now I know without a doubt that it’s a boy?
I’m not sure.
“Amazing,” Nik says beside me, looking at the pictures, too.
“It really is.”
“Julius is still off the table. So is Fraser.” He stands up and helps me from
the table, too.
“I wasn’t saying anything.”
“I could sense it. You were looking at the pictures and thinking names.
I’m not naming my child after an Outlander character or your favorite orange
drink when you went to the mall as a kid.”
“You’re so boring! You probably want to name him like George or
something.”
“First of all, George is a fine name. It’s classic for a reason. But no, I’d
think of him like Curious George, the monkey, and that’s not going to work.
Second of all, yeah, I do want a boring name.” His lips twist and he amends,
“Not boring so much as strong. Timeless. A name that’s lasting and can be
carried down to the next generation if he chooses. More traditional without
being dull.”
“Timeless. I like that idea.”
After making sure we have my next appointment scheduled, we walk to
his truck and just like every time since my twelve-week appointment, we go
to the grocery store and get the items on our lists.
As we’re walking through the store, this time sharing a cart, I glance over
at Nik, watching him without him knowing.
The way he described the name that we will choose for our baby… he’s
been thinking about it. I knew this already, in fact, I knew already that he
thinks about us quite often. It’s obvious he thinks about more than just the
baby’s name, though.
It’s not hard to see that he’s protective of us both. The way he came
storming into the house today wasn’t because he was being rude. It was
because he was worried. My door was unlocked and I wasn’t answering. Of
course, he would wonder what was going on.
He doesn’t blink at making sure I have everything I need, and it doesn’t
end with groceries and car washes. He looks online with me at houses my
real estate agent sends me even though none of them are very interesting,
researches what the best car seat and crib are so I don’t have to. He schedules
pregnancy massages and pedicures for me on my day off just so I have time
to relax.
The list is long and makes me feel unworthy of this wonderful man.
Grace had asked me if I thought Nik would stay around if the baby wasn’t
a factor.
At the time, I told her that we were still exploring what we are and it was
too new to answer a question like that.
As much as the question annoyed me at the time, I would welcome it
now.
Because I know he would still be with me. What Nik and I have, what
we’re building, is more than just two people having a baby together. It’s
deeper and stronger.
“Ready to tell me its name yet?”
“Huh?”
Nik wiggles his eyebrows and all those loving thoughts of how sweet and
generous he is get muddled by him being a little shit.
“Are you for real right now?” I whisper shout, looking around.
 “You really think anyone here is going to know what you’re talking about
if you just tell me a name?”
“Well, no, but... are you ever going to drop it?”
“No.”
He tosses some Wheat Thins in the cart, looks closer at them, places them
back on the shelf and grabs the sun-dried tomato flavored crackers instead.
“These are the ones you like, yeah?” he asks when he notices me watching
him.
I nod and he pushes the cart forward, stopping for a container of vanilla
wafer cookies. They’re disgusting and I love them. I eat two every day. Okay,
that’s a lie. I eat more than two but I can’t help it. I’m craving those
flavorless crumbly cookies that hold zero nutritional value. And Nik doesn’t
mind one bit.
“Want me to grill a bunch of chicken tonight? We can use it this week for
lunches, then.”
Again, I nod. My voice box got stolen right along with my heart.
Darn Nik and his swoony ways.
How dare he make me fall for him.
“Jamie,” I blurt out.
“No shit? Well, that makes sense,” he says, laughing. The fact that he
caught on to me saying a name and knew what I was referencing, and who it
is named after, makes me smile.
“I’m a wee bit obsessed,” I say, trying to feign a Scottish accent.
He bursts out laughing and stops the cart in the middle of the cheese aisle.
Mmm. Cheese. “Yeah. That didn’t work. Listen,” he says, “I’m a wee bit
obsessed.” His accent is spot on. I’m actually surprised he’s not from
Scotland for as perfect as his accent sounds.
“Holy shit.” I think I just had an orgasm right next to the smoked gouda.
“It’s all in the tongue.”
“Of course it is,” I agree. “Say something else.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re ridiculous,” he says, pulling me in and kissing
my forehead. “I dinnae want to wait for our wee barra to arrive,” he says.
He’s full-on Scottish. With the exception of a few English words thrown in,
too.
“Wowza.”
“You like that, did ya?” He grabs three blocks of cheese and dumps them
into the shopping cart.
 “Just a tad, yeah. You’ve been holding out on me.”
“Like to keep a bit of mystery about me. Don’t want to lay it all out there.
Where’s the fun in that?”
I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a squeeze. He kisses me
on top of the head and all I can think is that I can’t wait to keep finding out
more of the mysteries that make up Nik Warner.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
 ASHLEY - SEVEN MONTHS ALONG

“I’ LL CALL YOU WHEN I’ M ON MY WAY HOME , OKAY ?”

“Sounds good,” Nik replies. “Just be safe and have fun.”
“With my sisters?”
“Okay, try to have fun. Who knows, maybe they’ll be less bitchy about
you being pregnant this time. I don’t like it that y’all are on the outs with
each other. It isn’t right. You’re family.”
I hate bringing this on him. He has one sister and that’s it. Not much for
extended family and with their parents gone, they’ve relied so much on each
other. I always feel guilty when I complain about my sisters or parents but he
always says not to hide it. He wants me to be able to complain to him rather
than holding it in. It’s just that lately, I feel like that’s all I do. Complain,
complain, complain.
My back aches.
I’m not sleeping at night.
I have to pee every five minutes.
I feel ugly.
Money is tight because I’m trying to save to buy a house. That complaint
really gets under his skin because he’s made it clear that he’s more than
willing to pay for anything the baby or I need. But, he’s not the only one
responsible and I like that we’re partners in it.
And all the family stuff I whine about. My parents telling me I needed to
move home so I have their help, then reminding me that I’m not married so I
better not even think about moving in with Nik because it wouldn’t send the
right message to the baby. What even is that? Are we living in the 1950s or
what? Honestly. I laughed in their face for that one, but the sting settled in
and festered into irritation. They don’t want to tell my grandparents because
they’re afraid they’ll be disappointed. Again, are we in the 50s?
No way was I going to hide the pregnancy from my grandparents like a
dirty little secret so I called them and told them myself. I didn’t leave out any
details. Okay, maybe a couple because there are some things grandparents
just don’t want to know about their granddaughters. But, they know that Nik
and I were strangers but have since become close. They were a little surprised
initially but they brushed it off and are happy for me. My grandma is making
the baby a quilt. My grandpa asked if he could build him a crib. It’s safe to
say they’re supportive.
It’s my parents and sisters that have been making me mad on a daily
basis.
In an effort to move past their snide comments and judgment, I agreed to
have dinner with my sisters tonight. I’d much rather be sitting at home
watching Netflix or hanging out with Nik.
“I know, I know. They just make me so upset lately.”
“Don’t let their comments get to you, remember? Their opinions are only
that. Opinions.”
I take a deep breath, staring through the windshield of my car toward the
door that leads inside the restaurant of doom. That might not be fair. The
restaurant itself isn’t full of doom. It’s actually one of my favorites. Maybe
that’s why I’m nervous. I don’t want to have one of my favorite places ruined
because of my sisters’ negativity.
“Ash?”
“I’m here.”
“You got this. I believe in you. And if they start up with you, call me and
put me on speaker. I’ll have a talk with ‘em both.”
That would be a disaster. He might be encouraging me to spend time with
them but he wants very little part of it. They’ve been nothing but nasty to him
and he doesn’t deserve it. For the most part, I’ve tried to keep him away from
them for that very reason. What he said about having a talk with Grace and
Lucy? He’s completely serious. The only reason he hasn’t given them a piece
of his mind is because he doesn’t want to cause more troubles between us.
But the offer is beyond sweet, nonetheless. And, honestly, if things don’t
change soon, I’ll be taking him up on it. For now, though, he just needs to
know one thing. “You’re the best, Nik. I don’t know what I would do without
you. Thank you.”
“For what? Offering to talk with them?”
“No. For being you.”
“You know, maybe I changed my mind,” he says, his voice an octave or
two lower.
“About what?”
“Maybe you should skip dinner with the sisters tonight and come hang
out with me instead. I’ll make you forget all about their judgmental asses.”
“Tempting.” It is, too. He doesn’t realize how much more I would rather
be sitting on the couch with him than… well, basically doing anything else.
The day we were in the hospital waiting room while Josie was giving birth to
Jay, I made a little joke along the lines of how I made a good choice for who
my baby’s daddy is. But it really wasn’t a joke at all. He’s wonderful. The
best partner a girl could ask for, and I mean partner in every sense of the
word. If only I could find the courage for the physical stuff we’ve been
dancing around.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold out from not attacking him. I’m
so dang horny all the time and being around Nik doesn’t help one bit. He’s
the definition of a walking temptation. I know that giving in to our desires
would be great. Beyond great, actually. Spectacular. Mind-blowing, even.
But what about after?
Right now it is so good between us.
So good.
We’re much more than only friends but not friends who cross the line,
even though we both want it. But I can’t get over the what-ifs that continue to
circle around in my head like the animals in a carousel. We’re happy together
as friends. There’s always this invisible boundary line holding us in our
places. That line seems to be getting thinner and thinner by the minute,
though.
I want him with every fiber of my being. We haven’t had sex since the
night Jay was born and I don’t know how much more I can take.
What I wouldn’t give to run my tongue up and down his upper body and
for him to do the same to me. He told me early on that he was an affectionate
guy and he wasn’t lying. It’s the truth, for sure. And it’s wearing me down.
All the little hugs and hand holding, the forehead kisses, the way he places
his hand on my lower back. He’s breaking down every defense I have simply
by being him. No charade or fancy talking. It’s just… Nikolas.
 I hear a knock on my driver’s door window and I turn to see Grace
looking annoyed. She turns her finger in the universal hurry it up already
signal and I roll my eyes.
“Grace is here looking grumpy as ever.”
“Sounds like it’ll be a fun night.”
“Right. I’ll call you after.”
“Or during. Whatever you need.”
I glance over at Grace who looks even more impatient than she was ten
seconds ago. Even though it’s a beautiful summer day, the sun shining
brightly, the humidity low and heat bearable, she looks like she’s miserable. I
mouth, “I’m coming,” to her and dip my head and say to Nik, “Thank you.
I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Told you already, baby. No need to thank me. This is what we do. We’re
there for each other. No questions asked. Now, go have dinner with your
sisters and eat all the things.”
I hang up and drop my phone into my purse. I don’t take the time to
check my appearance in the visor mirror before opening my door. Grace will
just be even more irritated if I take another five seconds.
“Yes?”
“You’re so selfish, Ashley. I’ve been standing here for like twenty
minutes.”
“Two, actually, and no one told you to wait for me.”
She huffs and spins on her sky-high heels before stomping toward the
restaurant. She looks impeccable as always. A black pencil skirt and white
sleeveless blouse tucked into the high waist. She must have come straight
from the office. I’m sure she was wearing a blazer over her blouse earlier to
complete the look of buttoned-up professional lawyer.
I used to think she dressed this way to intimidate people but now I think
that’s just her preferred attire. It’s a lot different than my lavender tunic that I
used to wear pre-pregnancy but is flowy enough that it doubles as a maternity
top, a simple pair of black leggings, and a pair of flip-flops. The weather
might be bearable this summer, but I’m still seven months pregnant and I
have no desire to cram my feet into actual shoes if I don’t have to.
“After you,” I say sarcastically under my breath because unlike her, I’m
not here to start a fight.
“It’s sweltering out there,” she gripes to me when we’re inside the
restaurant in the air conditioning.
 “It’s actually not,” I argue. She shoots me a glare because she doesn’t
appreciate when people don’t agree with her. “What? It’s a gorgeous day and
I’m not going to sit here and listen to you bitch and moan about it.”
“What’s gotten into you?”
Nik is the first thing that comes to my head, but I don’t say that. I simply
shrug. If I told her that Nik was changing me, she’d only bring up all the past
relationships that I’ve changed my personality for. But this time it’s different.
Nik is different. I don’t know if we’re technically in a relationship or not, but
I don’t want to be with anyone else and the way he acts, I don’t think he does,
either.
And the ways he’s changing me are for the better. It’s not about
conforming to who he wants me to be. He’s challenging me to stand up for
myself, to learn what I like best about me and what I want out of life. He
makes sure that when I agree to anything — be it what show to watch, what
to have for dinner, what radio station to listen to, or anything else — that I’m
agreeing because that’s what I want, not what I think he wants to hear.
It’s been both challenging and refreshing.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past six months I’ve been spending
with Nik. For instance, I really, really, hate spin classes. I used to bust my ass
on a stationary bike, sweating my ass off and almost falling down after
getting off that tiny little seat while I was with Zachary because he
encouraged me to try it. So I kept going because he said he was proud of me.
Turns out, I’m not a fan.
Plenty of people love it and that’s great for them.
Me? Not so much. It’s hell. Literal. Hell. I’d rather do yoga or, you know,
sit on my ass and eat junk food all night but still manage to stay in shape.
That would be great.
“Is Lucy here yet?”
“Of course she is. Lucy’s never late,” she says, so high and mighty. What
a snob. Ugh. This dinner is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Just the three of
us enjoying a good meal but Grace is already throwing around her attitude. It
makes me want to leave right now, not even sticking around for the delicious
food I know I’ll get to eat soon.
“Whatever,” I mumble.
“Good teenage word there, Ashley. Sounds real classy.” Grace chides.
“Your little blue-collar boyfriend like it when you talk like that? Probably
does. Makes him feel right at home.” I stare at her slack-jawed as we wait for
the hostess to bring us to Lucy. When did she become so condescending?
As we walk to our table, I count to ten in my head to calm myself down. I
was already on edge about tonight’s dinner but Grace’s snide comments
aren’t helping. I’ve always known Grace thought a lot of herself, but it never
seemed like she thought down on others.
We take our seats at the table and an awkward silence surrounds us. I sit
quietly, absorbing Grace’s snotty comments about Nik. What was that about?
The way she called him blue-collar was clearly an insult. I’ve never known
Grace to think less of anyone no matter their employment.
“What’s going on here?” Lucy asks, pointing between us. It’s not
surprising that she’d notice the tension. We didn’t even greet her or give her a
hug, we just sat down. “Neither of you even said hi to me and Ashley looks
like she just sucked on a lemon.”
Ignoring Lucy, I focus my attention on miss high and mighty herself.
“You know that Nik owns his company, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You called him blue-collar earlier, like that was such a bad thing. He
loves being an electrician. Who cares if he wouldn’t be caught dead sitting
behind a desk for a living, why is that reason to insult him?”
Grace rolls her eyes. “I wasn’t insulting him, Ashley. You’re just being
sensitive.”
She opens her menu, brushing me off.
“You were, too, and I am not.”
Lucy hits the table to gain our attention. “Guys. What’s going on?”
“Ask Grace. She’s the one who’s been a snobby bitch since we got here.”
“Now who’s being insulting?” Grace snaps. “I wasn’t saying anything
that wasn’t true.”
“You called Nik my “little blue-collar boyfriend” after making fun of me
saying the word whatever.”
“Whatever is a childish word.”
“Whatever!” I emphasize the word by throwing my hands in the air.
Lucy looks at Grace with wide eyes. “Did you really say that?”
“Is it a lie?”
“Sometimes it’s in the tone you use, Grace. Don’t try to get by with
technicalities. Besides, Nik is hardly little and he’s not even her boyfriend.”
“Exactly! She’s having a baby with someone she’s not even romantically
attached to!”
 “I’m right here, you know.”
Lucy gives Grace a hard look. “And that’s her choice, right? We’ve
talked about this. Ashley knows what she’s getting herself into. She’s a big
girl.”
“I’m sorry, but… what do you mean by ‘we’ve talked about this’?”
Apparently ignoring each other is the game we’re playing today because
Grace replies to Lucy as if I hadn’t asked a question.
“Yes, she’s a big girl but that doesn’t mean she’s ready for this. Nik’s
certainly not ready.”
“Excuse me? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He drives a pickup truck, Ashley.”
She didn’t seriously just say what I think she said, did she? “What the hell
is that supposed to mean?” I repeat because I am too stunned to say anything
else. “Grace, you’re starting to let your snobbery show. Besides, what’s
wrong with Nik driving a truck? If the truck were made by Mercedes, would
that make a difference in your opinion?”
She flips her hair over her shoulder and sits up straight, placing her
napkin on her lap. Our waitress must sense the turmoil at the table because no
one has stopped over yet. “He’s rough around the edges, and you both know
it. He’s not fit to be a father and if you think he is, you’re just as dumb as he
is and maybe you’re not fit, either. Who someone decides to have a baby with
says a lot about them, you know. I’m doing you a favor, telling you this now
before it’s too late.”
I blanch at her comments. She didn’t seriously just say that. By the look
on Lucy’s face, she can’t believe it either.
“I have no words for you right now.”
She shrugs but other than that simple movement, she doesn’t show any
reaction to the fact that she just shoved a knife right in my heart. My own
sister is telling me that I’m not going to be a good mother. That’s what she’s
saying. My mouth opens, closes, and opens again but nothing comes out.
“Good evening. What can I get you to drink?”
“Water,” I mutter while Grace and Lucy order whatever they’d like.
“I’ll have the broccoli chicken alfredo,” I blurt out. “House salad to start,
please.”
“Oh!” She sounds surprised but quickly recovers. “Great choice. Are you
two ready to order, too?”
Again, I don’t pay attention to what Lucy or Grace say. I couldn’t care
less if they were even ready to order. I want this dinner over with as quickly
as possible.
The waitress takes our menus and promises to return with our drink order
and a basket of bread. I offer her a shaky smile, impressed that I’m capable of
that much.
No one says a word until she’s returned with our drinks and bread. I take
a long fortifying drink of my water and clear my throat, keeping my eyes
focused on the table.
To her credit, Lucy seems as troubled as I am by Grace’s words but
doesn’t stand up for me, either. I don’t know if she thinks the same as Grace,
but it wouldn’t matter if she disagreed. Lucy’s far too much of a coward to
argue with her. She would never dare to think differently, at least to Grace’s
knowledge.
I hear my sisters talking to each other as if I’m not even here and feel a
pain in my chest. Lucy is explaining to Grace how she and her husband have
decided to try fertility treatments. Meanwhile, Grace is listening but smirking
at me, knowing that she’s gotten under my skin.
“What do you think, Ashley?”
I swallow the large piece of bread I just shoveled in my mouth. “Of
what?”
Grace rolls her eyes in annoyance. “Lucy having to go through the
expensive fertility treatments.”
I look at Lucy who’s staring at Grace with a furrowed brow.
“I never said they were expensive,” she says quietly.
“Aren’t they, though?” Grace counters. She’s being a patronizing bitch
and I’m two seconds away from throwing my water in her face and telling
her just that.
Lucy takes a sip of her strawberry lemonade and sets it down, her hands
shaking just a little bit. “Well, yes, but it will be worth it. And if it doesn’t
work, we’ll adopt. There are other ways to have a baby.”
Something lights up in Grace’s eyes that gives me an uneasy feeling.
“Adoption, huh? You’d be okay with that?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
“Interesting.”
The way she says it makes that uneasy feeling grow into a panic. She’s up
to something. I know her far too well. There’s a gleam in her eye and it’s not
a good one. Whatever is going through her head is not going to be good for
me.
“You know, Samuel and I have been talking about adoption as well,” she
mentions casually about her and her husband.
“Oh yeah?” Lucy asks curiously, but I can see that she’s nervous as to
where Grace is going with this. It’s the way she’s talking about it that’s
troubling us.
She sips on her glass of red wine. “Mm hmm,” she hums, looking at me
over the rim of her goblet.
“That’s… good, right?”
I’m content sitting here, letting them have a conversation without me.
Munching on the soft, warm bread.
“Yes. We’ve actually chosen a mother, too.”
That’s surprising to me, but by the look on Lucy’s face, she’s just as
shocked as I am. This is the first we’ve heard of Grace and Samuel looking
into adoption and now they’ve chosen a mother? That’s fast, right? “Oh, so
you’re doing private adoption?”
“Something like that.”
“Your salads,” our waitress says, placing mine in front of me first, then
placing the others down. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”
“No, thank you,” Lucy says softly and I shake my head.
I pick up the salt shaker to add a bit to my salad but Grace reaches over
and takes it from me before I can add any to the dressing.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she snaps.
“Uh, trying to eat my salad?”
“You really think you need more salt in your diet? Your ankles are
already swollen enough as it is,” she reminds me, looking down at my feet
and curling her lip like I’m repulsive. “Plus, you ordered a really heavy meal,
too.”
“Huh?”
“Alfredo? Heavy cream. Cheese. Starchy pasta. It’s like you’re trying to
be as unhealthy as possible. How much weight have you gained? By the
looks of it, you’ve already added thirty-five or forty pounds and let’s face it,
you weren’t exactly thin to begin with.”
Did she just say… “Pardon me?”
She finishes her bite of lettuce and wipes her mouth then lifts a shoulder
and looks me straight in the eyes. “Samuel agrees. He’s noticed, too. But, that
comes with the territory for him, you know? What with him being a personal
trainer, and all,” she reminds me, haughtily. This is getting beyond
ridiculous.
Salad forgotten, I stare slack-jawed at my big sister. The woman who I’ve
looked up to and bragged about all my life.
First of all. Samuel isn’t a personal trainer. After he was fired from his
job as a marketing manager because he was caught sending dick pics to his
assistant whom he was having an affair with, he spent the next two months at
home doing absolutely nothing. Well, he was probably doing someone, even
if it was through online chat rooms on porn sites, before Grace had had
enough and told him he needed to find something to keep him busy.
Hence the personal trainer gig.
My guess is it’s just his way of getting his hands on women, but I keep
my mouth shut. That’s Grace’s problem, not mine.
Aside from telling the family what happened, Grace had worked her
magic to keep the reason he was fired all hush-hush, probably because she
was embarrassed. Maybe it had something to do with their trying to adopt a
baby, but the fact that this is the first I’ve heard of it tells me that wasn’t a
factor to her covering up his affair. She just didn’t want to be seen as the
woman who couldn’t keep her husband happy. At least, that’s what she
always said of marriages where one of the partners stepped out. Apparently
she doesn’t care if he’s sleeping with other women as long as no one else
finds out about it. That’s what being judgmental gets you. Karma.
But back to Samuel being a dick about my weight? If he’s talking shit
about me and making fun of the weight I’ve gained because I’m pregnant?
He’s going to find out what it feels like to be sat on by my pregnant ass. Or
kicked in the nuts. What a jerk! Who does he think he is? And why would
Grace put up with it and allow him to talk like that?
My stomach is queasy, the dinner our waitress just delivered not a bit
appetizing despite the fact that I’ve been craving — and eating a lot of —
alfredo sauce for the past few months.
Once again, Grace continues chattering on happily, paying no attention to
the fact that I am stunned into silence and Lucy is, well, uncomfortable as
ever. She keeps giving me soft smiles but they’re not reassuring.
“Have you and Nik talked about it at all, Ashley?”
Hearing my name causes me to look up. Grace is staring at me like she’s
been talking to me for a while and I haven’t been paying attention.
“Sorry?”
 “Adoption. Have you talked about it?”
I look at Lucy, hoping for clarification, but all I get from her is a look of
sympathy.
Automatically placing a hand on my stomach, I shake my head. Why
would we talk about adoption? We’re having a baby.
“I don’t understand,” I admit, hating to do so. By the look on Grace’s
face, that was her hope. She wants me to look stupid.
“No, I don’t suppose you would. Adoption, Ashley. Have you and Nik
considered giving the baby up for adoption?”
“Why would we do that?”
“Well, like I said, you two are hardly ready to be parents. You aren’t even
together.”
“What does that have to do with it? And why do you think we’re not
ready?”
“Grace,” Lucy whispers. “Not here. Not now.”
“Not here, not now, what? What are you talking about?” I ask Lucy but
she just looks away. “Would someone please explain to me what y’all are
talking about?” My voice is rising and I don’t care that people are turning to
look at us. I feel ambushed by my sisters. They’re holding a secret without
including me. Worse yet, the secret seems to be about me.
“Are you really that dense that you haven’t figured it out?” Grace asks
me, practically sneering. Right now she’s looking at me like I’m no better
than the… well, I would say gum on the bottom of her shoe but I know better
than to assume she’d ever allow that to happen.
“Figured what out?”
“Samuel and I would like to adopt your baby.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
 ASHLEY

IF I WAS STUNNED SILENT BEFORE , THAT ’ S NOTHING COMPARED TO RIGHT NOW .

“You’re kidding, right?” I ask, hopeful that’s the case. I mean, it’s a
terrible joke, but this being a joke would be better than her being serious.
Plus, Grace isn’t known for her humor so it’s very likely that she is trying to
be funny but severely missing the mark.
“Of course not. We’ll pay you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Nik,
too. I have the papers all drawn up.”
She’s talking to me like I’m one of her clients and we’re getting ready to
make a deal.
“Papers?”
She reaches into her oversized bag and pulls out a Manila envelope,
setting it on the table between us. I don’t touch it for fear that she’ll get the
wrong impression, even though I want to set the envelope and its contents on
fire. “For you to give up the rights to your baby, obviously. I mean, it
wouldn’t work if you later tried to claim the baby as your own. Or Nik,
either. That would be horrible. Can you imagine?” No. I can’t imagine any of
this being real but she continues rambling on as if she didn’t try to rip my
baby from my arms. “There’s little tabs for both of you to sign if you don’t
feel like reading through all the legal stuff. It might be over your head.”
“Legal stuff,” I repeat, wanting to reach over the table to pull her hair.
She’s never talked down to me like this before. It’s like she’s an entirely
different person than the Grace that I know.
She seems unfazed by the fact that I can hardly breathe. “It’s just a
legality, you know? Making sure that we’re covering our bases. Look, this
might seem out of the blue to you, but if you sit and think about it, you’ll
realize it makes a lot of sense. You’re worried about the money part, and I’m
sure that Nik can’t help much there.”
“Where do you get off…”
She continues as if I didn’t speak, “And you’re not really mentally
prepared to be a parent anyway. I mean, what are you going to do for a
babysitter while you work? What about where you’re going to live? That
house you’re renting is hardly ready for a baby to live in, not to mention…”
“Grace,” Lucy hushes her. “Enough.”
“Not to mention, what? You’ve gone this far, might as well bring it on
home.”
Grace sighs as if I’m the one being a jerk right now. Like I’m
inconveniencing her by making her finish her asinine speech.
“Grace?”
“Fine. You want me to say it? I will. You’re a mess, Ashley. You’re not
mother quality. You got drunk and had a one-night stand and got pregnant.
That says a lot about your character. You weren’t a good athlete in high
school. You didn’t participate in band or choir. You just kind of floated along
as if just attending school was enough.”
“Because I didn’t play high school sports or music that means I can’t be a
mother?!” I screech.
“That’s not the only reason,” she says as if all logic isn’t completely gone
from the conversation as I know it. “You’ve jumped from relationship to
relationship your entire life, and now you’re pining over some lowlife who
knocked you up.”
“Did you just call Nik a lowlife? What the fuck, Grace? Why are you
being so nasty?”
“I’m not. I’m simply telling the truth here. You would be doing both
yourself and this baby a favor if you’d sign the papers over to me and Samuel
and let us raise him. Think of all that we can give him that you can’t.
Vacations, the best private schools, a college fund to set him up so he doesn’t
have to worry about paying for it himself. The nicest clothes and shoes so he
doesn’t feel left out at school. Fees for all those sports clinics and camps and
whatever else they do so they’re the best at each sport they want to be
involved in. That’s expensive, you know. Have you thought about that? How
you’re going to even pay for the stuff after you get him through diapers and
formula and baby food? Do the right thing,” she says, pushing the envelope
over to me. “I promise you we’ll be excellent parents. This is what we have
wanted for a long time. The fact that I can’t get pregnant and you got
pregnant so easily is a sign. It’s meant to be. Samuel and I, we need this.”
If I sit here any longer, I’ll say something I won’t be able to take back and
I won’t stoop to Grace’s level. Rather than respond to any of her hate-filled
lecture on how I’ve been a massive screw-up my entire life, I reach into my
purse for my wallet, pull out thirty bucks, toss it on the table and stand up.
Without a goodbye to either of my sisters, I turn and walk away.
I keep my head held high and my tears at bay, not allowing either of them
to see what Grace’s words did to me.
By the time I make it to my car, I’m trembling from head to toe.
My emotions are all over the place.
I’m so mad I can’t think straight. My fucking sister. Who the hell does
she think she is? Adopt the baby? Where does she come up with this shit?
Years of being a selfish asshole, that’s where.
But I’m also so incredibly sad. How did she think I was going to take
that? Why would she think I’m incapable of being a good — actually any
type of — mother?
I’m not sure that anybody is truly ready to become a parent until the baby
comes into their lives, but I know I’ll be a better mother than Grace ever
could be. First of all, she never once mentioned love. She’ll buy the baby
things. That’s all. If that’s her idea of being a good parent, I’m scared for
when it does happen for her.
One thing I know for certain, though, is that she won’t become a parent
because of this baby. I’ll be hard pressed to let her near him, even.
My phone rings and I take a deep breath before looking to see who it is.
With a shaky hand, I reach into my purse and pull it out, releasing a deep
sigh when I see it’s Nik.
“Hey,” I answer.
“You alright?”
I’ve kept my tears held back until hearing his voice. Two words. That’s
all I had to hear and my eyes are leaking like a damn sieve. “How’d you
know?”
“Lucy texted me. Or, actually, Grant did. We exchanged numbers, you
know? Lucy texted him and told him I needed to check on you immediately.”
“That was nice of her,” I mumble. It would have been nicer if she would
have spoken up while Grace was being a monumental bitch earlier, but I
guess better late than never.
“What happened?” he asks gently.
I swallow down my tears, not wanting my sisters to walk out of the
restaurant and see me sitting here crying. I want to leave this parking lot with
what’s left of my dignity intact and that won’t happen if I’m blubbering like
an idiot. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Maybe you need to.”
I shake my head and start up my new SUV, cranking the air conditioning
even though the temperature outside isn’t that bad. Still, though, I feel like
I’m overheating. Likely because of the emotional turmoil I just suffered. The
motor purrs as it sits idling. I have to give Nik credit. When he not-so-gently
suggested this vehicle for me, he knew what he was talking about. I feel safe
and secure and I know it will be much safer for the baby, too.
“Hang on a second.” I switch the phone over to hands-free quickly, one of
my favorite features that I didn’t have on my old car. “Okay, I’m back.”
“Tell me what went down, Ash. I’m getting a little worried because I
know Grace can be a bitch but usually Lucy just keeps her mouth shut, you
know? If Lucy brought it up to Grant, that’s not good.”
I shift the car into reverse, look in my rearview back-up camera, and
reverse out of the parking spot before heading down the road.
“Honestly? It wasn’t good. It was actually really bad. I’ve never heard
Grace talk like that. She wasn’t just condescending like normal, which she
used to not be anyway. But this was so much worse.”
“Worse how?”
I see the sign for one of my favorite fast food restaurants and pull in to go
through the drive-thru because I might not have had an appetite to eat with
Grace and Lucy, but I’m hungry now.
“Worse in that she told me I was an unfit mother, for one.”
He’s quiet on the other end of the line and I wonder if the call was
dropped even though it didn’t beep at me to alert me that it was dropped.
“She said what?” he asks in a low and, quite frankly, scary voice.
“Yup,” I say, letting the P pop at the end. “I’m grabbing some food. I
didn’t stay to eat my dinner. Want anything?”
“Where are you getting food from?”
“Take a guess,” I say, smiling. He knows my food obsessions well at this
point.
“Figured. If you get something for me, too, does that mean you’re coming
over?”
It takes me a second to realize that’s where I was headed and when it
clicks, I don’t know how I feel about it.
“By your silence I’m going to guess that you’re having a little internal
meltdown right now but shut it off and come back to reality. Yes, I definitely
want you to come over and I’m glad you planned on it without thinking it
through. Yes, get me some food. I’m starving. If you’ll get me a chicken
sandwich, macaroni and cheese, and one of their cookies, I’d be forever
grateful.”
He’s so unbelievably sweet. He could have made me feel awkward about
assuming that I would be going to his place, but he rolled with it like the
kickass guy he is. I’m falling so hard and fast for this man and nothing seems
to be able to slow it down.
“You know I’m not sharing my nuggets.”
“You know I’m not sharing my mac and cheese, either. So get an extra
order of each of ‘em. And the waffle fries, too. We’ll eat it. Ain’t worried
about it going to waste.”
“Grace and Samuel think I’m fat.” I have no idea why I blurt that out.
Maybe it’s because we’re talking about all this fast food I’m about to inhale
when I get to his house.
“Then we’ll send them a picture of your rockin’ fucking body and prove
them wrong. They’re both assholes. Want me to go beat the shit outta Sammy
boy?”
A giggle bursts out of me and a tear slips down my cheek as I wait in line
at the best chicken fast food place on the planet. “Not that I don’t think you
could, because obviously he’s no match for you, but Grace would probably
do her lawyer thing and he’d tell the police about it and claim you assaulted
him. It’d become a whole big thing and I’m not really up for it right now.”
“If you change your mind, you let me know.”
Even though he’s not an aggressive person by nature, I have no doubt that
he wouldn’t follow through and go to battle on my behalf.
“I’ll do that.”
I pull ahead in line and place our order, two of everything because we’re
a couple of monsters when it comes to eating. But spending the night on
Nik’s couch pigging out over chicken nuggets and waffle fries sounds like
the perfect way to end this shit-tastic day.
“Okay, I’m back. It’s busy tonight.”
 “It always is,” he reminds me. “Best chicken on the planet, right?”
“Fucking right, it is,” I say, causing him to burst out laughing.
“Oh, man, Grace must have really pissed you off tonight if you’re pulling
out the fucks.”
“She really did.”
“Can you give me a hint?”
“Hang on. I’m getting the food.”
He waits on the other end as the lovely lady who holds my bag of
deliciousness takes my card. After our meal is safe and sound on the front
passenger seat, I drive out of the parking lot, heading toward Nik’s.
“I’m a little afraid of telling you what happened because I know for a fact
that you’re going to freak out so I need you to promise me that you won’t do
that first. I feel like there’s something going on with Grace for her to say
what she said, but I can’t be sure.”
“You’re not selling this very well, baby.”
“I know, I know.” I stop at the stoplight and wait. “Okay, so you know
how she and Samuel have been trying to get pregnant?”
“Yeah? Let me guess. She’s mad at you that you got pregnant first.”
“No. Well, maybe? Kind of? I don’t know for sure. But they decided on
adoption.”
“Oh.” He pauses, thinking. “That’s not so bad, right?”
“Them adopting? No. Whose baby they want to adopt? Yes.”
“Care to elaborate on that?”
“They want to adopt our baby.”
“What the fuck!” he shouts. “Are you fucking kidding me? Is she insane?
She’s gotta be, right? That had to be a sick joke.” I couldn’t agree more with
that.
The light turns green and I take off once again.
“Oh, she’s definitely… oh shit!” Out of the corner of my eye I see an
incredibly large SUV careening toward me at a high rate of speed. The
vehicle hits me in the passenger side with such force, my head hits my
driver’s side window and I skid across the intersection, smashing into an
oncoming truck. Glass shatters on impact all around me and the sound of
metal crunching and tires squealing rings in my ears.
In the distance, I hear Nik frantically calling my name.
“Baby! Ash! What the fuck happened? Are you okay? Talk to me!
Ashley!”
 He’s shouting to me and I want to call out to him to let him know that I’m
here and I’m okay, but the truth of the matter is, I don’t know if I’m okay. I
cradle my stomach and look around, barely able to see anything through the
splintered windshield.
“I’m…” I trail off, not able to say anything more. It feels like I’m being
suffocated and I realize it’s because I’m still strapped in with my seat belt and
the airbags all around me deployed.
Raising a hand, I try to unlatch my seat belt but I can’t seem to find the
button to release it. I don’t hear Nik’s voice anymore and that makes me sad.
I really need to hear him tell me that I’ll be okay and that the baby will be
okay. I just need him.
Outside of my car, I hear commotion all around me. People shouting at
me, trying to get my attention and letting me know they’ve called an
ambulance. I loll my head to the right and see the vehicle that hit me. Their
front end is scrunched up like an accordion and I can see that their airbags
deployed as well.
I turn to the left again, which is easier for me because then I can rest my
head against my window and see people all around me. Their phones to their
ears, hands on their heads. I feel something sticky on my left temple and
wince when I feel a sharp tug against my skin when I shift it against the
window.
Everything I do seems to be in slow motion and when I look at the
window beside me, all I see is shattered glass and bright red smeared all over.
I guess that explains the stickiness. My head must be bleeding.
I wish I had the energy to talk out loud so I could reassure the baby that
he and I are going to be just fine. I might be a little banged up, but I’ll survive
as long as he’s healthy.
“Ma’am, are you okay? Can you hear me?” a guy shouts, his phone
pressed to his ear. “It’s only her in there. Oh shit… I think… she’s pregnant.
Fuck. Hurry up. Where’s the damn ambulance?!” he yells into the phone.
“Okay okay. Yeah. I’ll stay on. Ma’am. Can you hear me? Talk to me, okay?
I saw the whole thing and that was some crazy shit. Crap, I shouldn’t say
that. I’m sorry, I’m not good in these situations. I get all tongue-tied and
nervous. Listen, I know you’re hurting and you’re probably scared out of
your damn mind and that’s totally understandable because that was fucking
wild, but you’re going to be fine. The ambulance should be here in two
minutes.”
 I stare into his bright blue eyes, full of kindness and fear and I so wish
that I could respond. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Through the
broken window, he reaches in and grabs my outstretched hand. I don’t even
remember stretching it toward him.
“My name’s Max. I won’t leave your side until they kick me out of here,
okay? That’s a promise. Just stay awake. I think that’s something they say,
right? Did you hit your head? It looks like it. Then you might have a
concussion so you need to stay awake.” His rambling is somehow calming
me down and I feel my breathing starting to slow down. I take a deep breath
and nod.
“Thank… you,” I whisper.
He gives me a gentle squeeze just as I hear the sound of sirens blaring in
the background. “They’re coming, you hear that? The medics are about here
and they’ll help you. Just hang on.”
“Ba…by,” I manage to croak out.
The look on his face does not reassure me in the least. “Yeah. Your baby,
too. You’re both going to be fine.”
I want to tell him he can’t be so sure of that but I choose to believe the
empty promise anyway. I will be okay. My baby boy will be okay.
What commotion was happening seconds ago is only kicked up a notch
when the ambulance arrives. The stranger steps back after giving me one
more hand squeeze and in his place, are the faces of determined paramedics.
The firefighters appear out of nowhere, helping to clear out the wreckage,
all while I’m barely hanging on to consciousness. All the voices and sounds
are muffled and I feel like I’m looking through a tunnel.
“Ma’am? I’m Carter from the Liberty Community Ambulance
Department. Can you tell me your name?”
“Ash…ley,” I croak.
“Ashley, we’re going to get you out, okay? The fire department is here
working quickly. Were you traveling alone? Anyone else in the vehicle with
you?”
Shaking my head, I confirm. “Just me.”
He looks me over, his eyes landing on my legs that are wedged between
the dash and door. “Can you move your legs?”
I test my legs and can’t move them, but I can feel them. Thankfully it
feels like I’m just pinned in the car but I can wiggle my toes.
Licking my lips, I clear my throat and pray I can speak a little more
clearly. “I’m… stuck.”
“We’re working on it. We’ll get you out. Do you have feeling in your
legs?”
I nod and close my eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted.
“Okay. Good. Good. Ashley? I need you to stay awake for me. Look at
me. Tell me a little about yourself. Can you do that?” I slowly open my eyes,
my face turned toward Carter. He gives me a smile. “You’re pregnant, right?”
This time I smile in return and wrap my arms tighter around my
abdomen.
“How far along are you?”
Raising my hands, I gingerly lift seven fingers.
“Seven months?” he guesses and I nod. “My fiancée’s just ahead of you.
She’s eight months along. We’re getting hitched a few months after my baby
girl arrives.”
I can hear the pride in his voice when he talks about his fiancée and
unborn daughter and it makes me think of Nik and tears spring to my eyes.
He’s so excited about the baby and I’ve never felt as cared for as I do around
him.
Loud noises that I don’t care to decipher echo all around me. The sounds
of people working to get me and anyone else involved in the accident free.
Carter continues to talk to me, keeping me focused on him. “Do you know
what you’re having?”
“Boy.”
He smiles. “Maybe ours will end up being friends. Wouldn’t that be
something?”
“Yeah,” I agree. “It would.”
“How are you feeling right now? Where does it hurt?”
“Head.”
“Your head. Got it. What else? Your neck? Back?” I shake my head.
“Good. That’s good news, Ashley. What about your arms? Can you squeeze
my fingers?”
I nod and squeeze his fingers. “My left arm, it hurts but not bad.”
“We’ll help with that. Anything else?”
“I’m scared.”
His eyes soften. “I know you are and it might be difficult but I want you
to stay calm. We’re working as quickly as we can to get you out so we can
check you over.”
 “Thank you,” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes. What I just told him is
the truth. I’ve never been more terrified in my life. But not for me. For the
baby boy growing in my stomach.
Even with all the sounds around me, I don’t miss Nik’s voice calling out
my name, yelling at people to let him through.
“She’s mine. I need to see her!” he shouts.
Carter looks behind him and back to me.
“My Nik,” I explain and he nods his understanding.
“She’s over here!” Carter calls over to him.
In a flash, Carter’s face is replaced with Nik’s.
“Ash, talk to me. I heard it and I didn’t…” His voice cracks as he trails
off, not finishing what he was going to say. I know what he was thinking,
though. He didn’t know if I was alive after hearing me get into an accident.
“It’s okay,” I tell him, my voice becoming stronger, slowly coming back
to me. Maybe it was the shock that had set in causing me not to be able to
talk but I feel it getting clearer, less groggy.
Nik folds my hand in his and leans through the window, kissing the back
of it. “I’m not going anywhere. They’re going to take good care of you. Just
stay with me, okay? Promise you’ll stay with me. I can’t lose you, Ashley.
You hear me? Stay with me.”
I nod. “I’m here.”
He blows out a breath at the sound of my voice. “Yeah. You’re here.
Thank fuck.”
“I’m okay, Nik.”
Nik’s head drops as he tries to get control of his emotions but his hold on
me never wavers.
A hand hits Nik’s shoulder to get his attention. “Sir, we need you to step
aside so we can do our job.”
He reluctantly tears his eyes away from me. “Be careful. She’s pregnant
and she’s…” his voice breaks, “she’s important to me.”
“We will,” he promises.
“They’re going to take care of you, Ash. I’ll be right here the entire time,
okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know, babe. Let them do their job.”
Reluctantly, he steps aside. From the right side, a fireman appears just as
another does on my left. I didn’t even notice the large truck my car was
pinned against had been removed. Maybe that’s why Carter was keeping my
attention? So that I wouldn’t see what was happening around me.
Once the fireman is finished clearing the way, a woman steps up next to
me.
“Ma’am, my name is Sarah. We’re here to take good care of you. But
first, I need you to hold still so we can assess your injuries before moving
you.”
“Okay. Just… my baby.”
“We’ll be extra cautious.”
Before long, I have a fabric brace secured around my neck and my vitals
are being taken. My oxygen level and blood pressure are normal, thankfully. I
feel like I’ve answered a million questions about my health history, what
hurts, and what I remember from the accident. I’ve been asked what time of
day it is, what day of the week, my name and where I work. She cleans up the
side of my head and lets me know that the bleeding has stopped and I am
very lucky.
“Before I can move you from here, we need to make sure there is nothing
extensive we haven’t identified, like a spinal cord injury. Now that your legs
are free, how do they feel?”
“They hurt a little.”
“That’s understandable.” She places a hand down by my feet. “Can you
tip your foot up and touch my hand?” I do as instructed and she nods in
encouragement. “Good. Now can you push my hand down?” Again, I follow
the instructions and do as she asks. “All right. That’s great, Ashley. One more
time. Can you do both feet together? Both up and down.”
After passing those tests, she sits back on her heels. “Have you noticed
any change with the baby? Have you noticed if you’re bleeding between your
legs?”
I place a hand on my stomach and shake my head. “No. Nothing
different. Right at first I had a bit of cramping but it’s gone away.”
“This is all excellent news, Ashley. We’re going to move you from the
car, okay? If at any point, the pain increases and we need to stop, you tell us.”
“Okay.”
Together, two paramedics, Carter from earlier, and Sarah, move me out of
the car and onto a bed that’s on the ground next to me. With extreme care,
they lay me down flat and strap me onto the bed before raising it up.
“How are you doing, Ashley? Any new pain or discomfort?”
“I’m good.”
 As they’re moving me to, I assume, the ambulance, Nik appears at my
side, his face looming over top of me, looking beyond terrified. He doesn’t
hide his emotions well at all.
“I’m here,” he says urgently.
I lick my lips and do my best to reassure him. “Everything is going to be
okay.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” Nik nods rapidly but he doesn’t seem convinced
of his words.
“Babe? I promise, I’m fine. The paramedics checked me out. Bumps and
bruises.”
He leans his forehead against mine, kisses me once, then pulls back.
“Sorry. It’s just that I have never been more scared in my life. I really thought
I’d lost you both,” he admits, his eyes wet with tears.
“Sir, we need to take her to the hospital to have them check her over.
You’re welcome to follow us,” Carter tells Nik.
“I can’t ride with her?”
“I’m sorry, but no.”
He doesn’t look happy about it but he agrees. “I’ll be right behind you,”
he assures me, as if I expected any differently.
Sarah climbs into the ambulance with me. Once the doors are closed, she
gets to work, continuing to monitor me and checking me over.
“He’s very protective,” Sarah murmurs after looking out the back
window.
“Yeah,” I agree, warmth spreading through my chest.
It’s not incredibly comforting to hear the sirens blaring as they transport
me to the hospital. I know I don’t have life-threatening injuries, but the fact
that they needed to turn on the sirens and lights makes me nervous. I tell
myself it’s standard procedure for peace of mind.
Luckily, it doesn’t take us long to arrive at the hospital. The back doors
open and Sarah jumps out of the door and immediately into action, telling the
doctors and nurses what she learned about my injuries and accident, what
they need to pay attention to and check out more closely.
“Thirty-three-year old female, involved in a three-car motor vehicle
accident. She’s in her seventh month of pregnancy.”
“Page OB for emergency consult!” someone calls out and Sarah doesn’t
miss a beat before continuing with her evaluation.
“She has lacerations on her left temple, a concussion, her left wrist
appears to be possibly broken.” Huh? It does? Maybe it’s from the adrenaline
pumping but I didn’t even notice it was in that much pain. Though, they were
checking everything over and I do remember feeling a twinge of discomfort
when they got to my left arm. I remember telling them it hurt but it certainly
didn’t feel broken or anything. I must have shown some level of pain for her
to consider the possibility of it being broken. “Does not appear to have other
extensive injuries. Legs were trapped under the dash, but she has feeling in
them. Airbags deployed. Vitals have remained normal while she’s been with
us, breathing regular, though did increase just slightly on the trip here.”
“Got it. Thanks, Sarah,” the woman who I assume is a doctor says.
Probably one of the benefits of working in a small town, the paramedics and
ER doctors and nurses get to be on a first-name basis.
“Welcome.”
As they’re wheeling me into the emergency room through the ambulance
bay, I see Nik running through the parking lot.
Sarah intercepts him, and I wonder how long it will take before he’s
breaking down the doors to get to wherever they’re taking me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
 NIKOLAS

“I’ M SORRY , SIR , BUT YOU CAN ’ T GO BACK THERE .”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. And don’t call me sir, Mia. We’ve
known each other since the third grade.”
“Nik. I’m trying to do my job here. You have to let me do that.”
“Mia, she’s mine. I’m her emergency contact, right? That means I have
every right to know what the fuck is going on! She’s also carrying my baby,”
I growl, slamming a fist to my chest. “That counts for a helluva lot more than
the bullshit family that claims her. Blood doesn’t mean shit.” That’s not
necessarily true. Most of her family is great. But Grace? I can’t even think
about what she asked Ashley right now. She’s not worth it. Not when the
woman I’ve fallen in love with is lying on a hospital bed and Mia won’t let
me get to her.
She gives me a funny look, her eyebrows scrunched. “I’m sorry, Nik, I
didn’t realize you were her emergency contact for some reason. I must have
overlooked it.” Mia looks behind her and back to me.
“Overlooked it? What the hell?”
She huffs. “I was sent out here to talk with you because they knew you
were going to be difficult and that I knew you, okay? I know you’re her
emergency contact — of course I do. I’m not a moron. But you’re not helping
anyone by screaming and hollering at everyone.”
Mia and I have known each other since her twin brother, Brandon, and I
became friends. She left Liberty for a short while to go to school to become a
nurse but she and her husband moved back, both working for Liberty
Regional Health.
 “I’ll get an update and if I can bring you back there, I will. But you have
got to let the doctors do their jobs. We have other patients from the accident
that need our attention as well so give us the space and time we need to take
care of everyone and I’ll personally come get you as soon as I hear
something.”
“Why aren’t you the one working on her? Aren’t you head nurse or
something like that? I don’t want someone straight out of nursing school.
You’re the best so you need to go take over,” I plead with her.
“Nik, I promise that everyone who is working on Ashley right now is
excellent at their jobs. Now, do you want me to get an update or not?” she
asks, her arms crossed over her petite frame. Her size doesn’t match her
personality. She’s a force to be reckoned with, and even though I’d feel better
knowing she was in the room with Ashley, I’m glad she’s at least here. I also
know that she’ll take care of me in the process. Keeping me in the loop.
“Fine. Just… if you see anything off…”
“I’ll step in,” she promises.
So many promises. So many assurances. So many ‘she’s going to be fine’
or ‘she’ll be okay’.
Honestly, if I hear any of those words again, I’ll freak out on someone. I
don’t want her to be only fine or okay. I don’t want empty promises and
assurances. I want to know for a fact that Ashley and the baby are going to be
perfect and healthy and in my arms soon. I want to wake up from this
nightmare and go back to thirty minutes ago when she was just on her way to
my house with a paper bag full of takeout and a plan to spend the evening
together.
None of their words matter until I see Ashley for myself.
It’s not lost on me that I can’t see Ashley until the doctors have done their
work.
I know this, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to be in this
stupid ass waiting area rather than next to her bed, holding her hand, seeing
firsthand that she’s going to walk out of here just as flawless as she always is.
Before Mia walks through the double doors leading to the emergency
room, she spins on her heel and tells me something I already know. “Her
family needs to be informed. Can you do that?”
“Yeah.”
She gives me a long look, somehow understanding that it’s the last thing I
want to do for fear of Grace and Samuel showing up.
 As soon as she’s disappeared through the doors, I pull my phone out of
my pocket and call the one person I have in my contacts.
“Hey, man. She okay?” Grant answers.
“From the shit show at the restaurant earlier? No. But that doesn’t even
hold a candle to what happened after. I’ve got some bad news.”
“Fuck. What now?”
“She was in an accident. I need you to bring Lucy here. Get her parents,
too.”
He asks quietly, “Is she…”
“She’s fine, for lack of a better word. Banged up pretty good. They think
she’s going to be okay but it wasn’t good. Figured I’d better let them know
what happened. Lucy still in town here?”
“Yeah, I think she was heading home but there was an accident… oh,
fuck me. She said there was a bad accident in the middle of town and traffic
was re-routed because of how bad it was.”
“It wasn’t good,” I tell him, feeling sick to my stomach. “Listen. I need
you to call Lucy, okay? Call Ashley’s parents. Tell them to come to Liberty
Regional Health. She’s awake and no major injuries but she’s scared and will
want her family here.”
“Shit. Yeah. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Lucy will get there first,” he
warns me.
“That’s fine. Just as long as Grace keeps her distance. It won’t do Ash
any good if I get into a yelling match with her sister.”
“What the hell happened today?”
“Later. I got more important things to worry about now.”
“Right. See you soon. Need anything?”
“Just for Ashley and our son to be more than okay.”
We hang up and I pace around, wondering if I should call my sister, too. I
don’t want to worry her or Dean, but I know that if I don’t let them know
what happened, I’ll never hear the end of it.
Figuring the phone call to Dean would be quicker, I call him and give him
the high level of what happened. “I’ll call Josie. Want us down there?”
“You think you can keep her away?”
“Probably not,” he admits, “but I’ll do my best if that’s what you need.”
“I won’t be good company and honestly, I just want to be in the room
with her. I hate this feeling. I’m helpless.”
“Being there is doing more than you realize. Just hang tight and be strong
for your girl.”
Before hanging up, he tells me he’s praying for us and he’ll head to the
hospital with Josie after bringing baby Jay to his mom’s house.
And I’m back to pacing.
What is taking them so long? If she’s not seriously injured, nothing
should take this much time, right? I feel like I’m about to come out of my
skin waiting.
The front desk attendant gives me a sympathetic smile that I don’t return.
I don’t want her sympathy. I don’t need it.
“She’s going to be fine,” I tell myself then repeat it three more times for
good measure.
Just as I’m saying it for the fourth time, the doors to the ER open and
Lucy comes charging in with Grace hot on her heels.
“No,” I tell Grace. “Not a fucking chance. Get out of here.”
Lucy places a hand on my arm. “Nik, calm down.”
“You were there while she spewed that fucking garbage. If she hadn’t,
then Ashley would have been sitting at the restaurant with you two rather
than on the road so some out of control maniac could almost fucking kill
her!” I shout, my chest rising and falling. If it were possible, fire would be
shooting out of my eyes right now.
Grace, for the first time since I’ve met her, is quiet, not arguing, not
defending herself. But she’s also not apologizing or saying it isn’t true.
“Nik,” Lucy pleads. “Let’s focus on Ashley.”
“What do you think I’m doing?” I ask her, redirecting my rage. “Where
was your focus on Ashley when this piece of work was telling her she wasn’t
fit to be a mother and telling her she wanted to adopt my baby?”
“That’s not…” Grace says, interrupting me.
“That’s not, what? Accurate? Because unless my girl is a liar, which I
know for a fact that she is not, that’s exactly what happened. I don’t give a
shit what your misguided intentions were, that shit will not happen again.”
“Nik?” Mia calls my name.
I spin around, completely forgetting about the wicked sister and her little
shadow who can’t stand up for the good sister.
“What’s the word?”
“She’s going to be completely fine.”
“Oh, thank God,” I blow out a breath. “And the baby?”
Mia smiles. “Perfectly healthy. No signs of distress.” She clamps both her
hands around mine. “It’s nothing short of miraculous, Nik. When we heard
about the accident we prepared for the worst.”
Swallowing hard, I choose not to respond to that comment. I can’t let my
mind go there. “Can I come back and see her?”
“Yeah. She’s asked to see you, too. The doctor is with her now and can
give you a full update.” She looks beyond me and I know that Grace and
Lucy have been hanging on her every word. Being the seasoned nurse that
she is, she recognizes loved ones waiting for information when she sees
them. “I’m sorry, but we can only allow one person to see her at this point
and Nik is her emergency contact.”
I want to smirk at them and be smug about the fact that she has me set as
her go-to person, but it’s not the time. I have my woman to go see and that
takes precedence.
I don’t turn around to see if her sisters are waiting for an invitation to join
me, I just follow Mia through the double doors of the emergency room.
Mia directs me through what looks like a war zone, doctors and nurses
still hustling around in the wake of a major accident. I was so focused on
Ashley and the baby that I hadn’t even thought of the other victims of the
accident. I have no idea if the others were injured or even alive. Heartless as
it may be, right now I just want to see Ashley and worry about the others
later.
“Right through here,” Mia says, pulling aside a curtain just a crack. “Cole
was the doctor who treated her,” she explains and the relief I feel knowing
that her husband, and my longtime friend, has been caring for Ashley is
intense.
“That’s a relief. Thanks, Mia,” I tell her, giving her shoulder a gentle
touch. “I know it’s your job and Cole’s, too, but having you both here tonight
is a godsend. For real.”
“Of course. We’re glad we could be here, too. And now that we know
you’re going to become a father, I’d say we’re long overdue for a night out.”
“You got it. As soon as she’s up to it.” I promise something that is easy to
fulfill.
Walking past the curtain, I keep my face neutral, not wanting to show my
anxiety to Ashley.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
She looks up and the smile she gives me breaks my heart. It’s fake. I
know it.
 “How are you?”
As soon as I’m sitting in the chair next to her, nodding to Cole who’s
typing something into the laptop he’s holding, tears pour out of her eyes and
she begins to sob, leaning over a little bit to rest her head against my chest.
“Mia said she was okay!” I say to my friend, my tone accusatory.
His eyes drift to Ashley and he grips her foot. “She is but it’s normal to
be emotional and a bit overwhelmed. Her body’s been through a trauma and
it might take a few days for her brain to catch up with the fact that she’s all
right.”
I let Ashley cry against my shoulder, rubbing her back and trying to offer
her a little bit of comfort.
“She is, though? Going to be all right, I mean?”
“Yes, she is. She hit her head against her window which caused a
concussion and some mild lacerations. We have wrapped her wrist because of
a small fracture but we won’t need to cast it. I think it will heal perfectly if
we keep it wrapped. We would like to admit her overnight to monitor her and
the baby. Other than that, and a few cuts and bruises, I expect a full recovery.
She’ll want to take it easy for a while. She mentioned that she lives alone but
she’ll need someone to stay with her once she’s released from the hospital.”
“She’ll be staying with me.”
Cole and I both chuckle a little when she whimpers, “I’m right here, you
know.”
“Glad you could be here for us, Cole. You and Mia, both.”
Ashley turns her tear-filled eyes up to me and I know she’s needing an
explanation. “Dr. Ryan here has been a good friend of mine since we were
eight. His wife, Mia, too. She’s the nurse who updated me and brought me
back here.”
“Oh.”
Cole just grins and taps the end of the bed. “I’ll be back in to check on
y’all in a bit and we’ll get the papers ready to transfer her over to the hospital
room. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to hit the call button and someone
will be right in. You’re a lucky woman from the sounds of it.”
Ashley hiccups through a cry and nods against me.
“Thanks, man. Making her cry even more,” I joke to Cole.
He shrugs and winks at Ashley and then disappears through the curtain.
“Scared the shit out of me,” I tell her.
“Me, too.”
 Placing a hand on her belly, I lean down and kiss first her forehead and
then her stomach. “Take care of your mama, little man.” It’s then that I
realize there’s a band around her stomach.
Her hand finds the back of my head, playing with my hair. “We’re both
going to be good as new soon. That’s just a monitor to keep an eye on him,
too.”
I lift my head to look at her. “I meant what I said. After we leave here,
you’re going to stay with me. No time limit on that, either. I’d like it to be
long term. Get rid of your place.”
Her red-rimmed, puffy eyes widen. “Like… move in?”
“Yes. I’ve got three extra rooms, you know? I was already planning on
converting one into a nursery for the baby.”
“Umm, that’s a lot for me to ask of you.”
“Good thing you didn’t ask, then. Good thing they’re keeping an eye on
you for a little bit, you seem to be confused.”
She giggles a little and the sound is like music to my ears.
“I can probably do that,” she eventually says after we’ve been holding
each other for a few minutes.
“Yeah?”
“I mean, if it would make you feel better,” she teases.
“That’s the only reason, huh?” I ask, knowing it’s not but the fact that
she’s being cute and cheeky makes me happy. That is, until I remember
who’s in the waiting room. “Your sisters are here,” I tell her. “I wasn’t very
nice to Grace but I won’t apologize for that. She deserved what I said.”
“Oh no. What’d you say?”
“Nothing she didn’t already know. If you want me to go out there and
give them an update I will. If you want them to come to your hospital room,
I’m good with that. If you’d rather wait to see them until you’re settled at the
house, that’s fine, too. This is your show, you run it. I’ll do what you say. But
just so you know, my vote is to keep them in the dark because I feel like
being a complete asshole at the moment, but the other half of that vote is that
I support you. So you can see I’m a little conflicted at the moment but in the
end, just know I’m all about you so you drive.”
“That was a lot of words in a short period of time.”
I lower my voice and let her know, “Learned today that if I don’t tell you
everything I need to, it could be too late. Life is short, Ashley. I don’t want
you wondering where my loyalty lies. It begins and ends with you and our
little man.”
“They need to know. Grace was awful today and my guess is that after
today she’s going to realize that. And she’s a complete brat for what she did
today…”
“I would use a different description…”
“…but she’s still my sister and I know she loves me, even though she has
a weird way of showing it.”
I sigh. She’s not wrong and I know it, but it’s hard to admit it. “I get to be
in the room. If she says anything about adopting the baby, I can’t promise
you I’ll behave.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. Though, she didn’t really offer to adopt so
much as buy,” she admits.
“What?” I half growl, half whisper.
“Yeah, to go along with the adoption, you know? She wanted to “make it
right”,” she says, using one hand to make finger quotes.
“Good thing I didn’t know that earlier,” I mutter.
A nurse pops in, saying she needs to check Ashley’s vitals one more time
and looks at a long printout that I hadn’t noticed earlier. Ashley explains it’s
from monitoring the baby so when the nurse smiles at what she sees, I release
the breath I was holding.
“Good. Everything still looks great, Ashley. Do you feel up to talking to
the police? They’d like to get your statement for their records.”
“Oh. Now?”
“If you’re up to it. If not, I’ll tell them to come back tomorrow.”
“Might as well get it over with, right?”
The nurse gives her an encouraging thumbs up that makes us both
chuckle. “Once they’re done, we’ll transfer you up to your room. Then
maybe get you a little something to eat if you’re up for it. Sound good?”
“I guess,” she says, sounding like she wants to do anything but that. I
don’t blame her, but she won’t be alone. I’ll sleep on the hospital floor if I
have to, but she won’t be left alone in the hospital all night. Not to mention,
the thought of eating hospital food after our dinner ended up on her passenger
seat floor.
The nurse pats her on the leg. “It’ll be all right. I know it’s not fun or
ideal but it’s best for you and the baby if we keep an eye on how you’re
doing through the night.”
“I know, I get it,” Ashley replies, sounding sad as ever.
 “Why don’t I go to your place while they’re getting you situated? I’ll
bring back a change of clothes and whatever else you want.”
“Would you?”
“Of course. Just tell me what to grab.”
She rattles off a list of items and when she says “cell phone charger” her
gaze drops.
“I don’t even know where my purse or phone ended up. Or even my car
for that matter.”
Her car is without a doubt going to a junkyard. Not this second,
obviously, because of insurance and whatever the police will need to do with
it, but it’s completely totaled. Which sucks big time because it was brand
new. She drove it off the lot with less than a hundred miles on the odometer
less than a month ago. “It’s okay, Ash. We’ll figure it all out. I’ve got your
spare key to your house in my truck. You’re here with me and that’s all that
matters right now.”
She nods, tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to eat the food here,” she cries
somewhat pathetically. “I was looking forward to our evening of Chick-fil-A
and Netflix.”
“I know, baby. Me, too. I’ll pick up something for you to eat and sneak it
in, okay?”
The nurse zips her lips and gives us a wink. “Didn’t hear a thing.”
She lets the police officer know he can come in and excuses herself for a
few moments to give Ashley privacy. I won’t be doing the same. I haven’t
had the chance to find out what the hell happened today either and need to
know. I’ve restrained myself from demanding answers but my patience is
gone.
“Ms. Porter, I’m Officer Luis,” the policeman introduces himself. He’s a
younger guy, a few inches taller than me, and dark blond hair that’s been
buzzed close to his scalp. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about
what happened earlier this evening?”
“No. That’s fine. But you can call me Ashley.”
“All right, Ashley.”
He turns to me, extending his hand for me to shake. “And you are?”
“Nik. Ashley’s…” I trail off, not knowing how to explain our situation.
I’m way more than her baby daddy, which is a term I loathe, but I’m also not
her boyfriend. Even though I want to be. I mean, I consider her my girlfriend,
and there’s nobody else for me. I’m about ninety-nine percent sure there’s no
one else for her, either. But we’ve never had the talk to make sure that we’re
on the same page. That, in itself, makes my stomach churn.
Ashley saves me from my inner turmoil and clears her voice. “He’s my
Nik,” she states. Her Nik. I can live with that. Not exactly the only title I
want, but it’s enough for now.
Officer Luis nods in understanding.
“Okay, Ashley. This should be relatively quick. I won’t take up too much
of your time. Can you recall anything from today’s events?”
“Yes. I had just picked up food from the drive-thru and was on the phone
with Nik,” she says, pointing to me. “But it was through the Bluetooth
function on my car so it was completely hands free,” she quickly adds. He
jots it down on his little notebook.
“Then what?”
“I was at a red light and it turned green, I know it did. I was just going
through the intersection when out of nowhere I was hit in the passenger side
of my car. The impact caused me to skid across the road and hit another car,
or actually, no, it was a truck. A big full-size one. I’m positive it was. And I
think the first one was a big SUV. Pretty sure it was a dark red color. The
truck might have been gray? I’m not sure on that though. I was pinned
against the truck but not the SUV. I never saw where it went after it hit me.”
“What do you mean?”
Ashley shrugs slightly. “I guess I never looked for it. It all happened so
fast and seeing where that car went wasn’t my priority, you know? My
airbags had deployed but I had hit my head. I assume it was against my
window because it was on the side, not the front, and the airbags deployed. I
don’t know if the driver left or if they hit another car? I’m not sure. A guy
came over and said he saw the entire thing and he was on the phone with
police. Then the ambulance came and here I am.”
Officer Luis nods and writes down a few more notes. “You have a good
memory,” he comments.
“I paid attention. My dad’s a retired cop. He taught me what to take note
of. Sorry I didn’t remember what happened to the car that hit me, though.”
Her lips twist and her eyebrows furrow. “That kind of annoys me. I don’t
know why I didn’t look harder.”
I press my lips together to stop from laughing. Only Ashley would be
mad at herself for not remembering every single detail of an accident that
could have killed her. Officer Luis looks at me out of the corner of his eye
and smirks.
“That’s all right, Ashley. This is a big help.”
“Yeah?” she asks, her eyes lighting up.
He lifts his notebook in the air and nods. “Yup.”
“Can you tell us more about what happened? Is everyone involved okay?
What was the cause?” I ask him, eager for anything else to go on. It was a
beautiful day so weather-wise there was no logical reason why the accident
would have happened. It had to be a case of distracted driving, drunk driving,
or worse yet — the driver could have become suddenly sick and lost control.
I’ve heard of accidents where the driver has a heart attack or a seizure with
no warning. Scary to think about.
“Nothing I can tell you yet but you’ll be hearing from us soon.” Damn.
That’s not the answer either of us wanted to hear, if the expression on
Ashley’s face is anything to go by. “Your car has been towed to Sam’s Body
Shop. Insurance will sort that out for you. Your personal belongings like your
bag and phone are here,” he says, lifting up a paper bag that I didn’t notice he
brought in. “Considering you’re pregnant, I wanted to bring this to you now
in case you had anything important in there for the baby.” He looks a little
sheepish when he says it.
“Thank you, Officer. I appreciate it.”
“If there’s anything else you think of, don’t hesitate to give me a call.
Here’s my card,” he says, handing her a business card. “If you don’t mind
putting your number on this one, then I can let you know when we have an
update for you.”
He hands her two business cards and a pen. She turns one over, scribbles
her name and number down, and hands it back to him.
“Thanks for your time, Ashley. We’ll be in touch. Get well soon.”
“Will do.”
“Nice to meet you, Nik.”
“Same.”
And then he’s gone and we’re alone again.
Suddenly the weight of what happened earlier hits me and I have to sit
down. “I could have lost you,” I whisper, my throat clogging up with
emotion.
“You won’t lose me. I’m too stubborn.”
“Thank goodness,” I say, giving her a soft smile. “I need to go fill in your
family. They’re probably worried sick.”
 “I’m sure they are,” she agrees.
I lean down and kiss her forehead, taking an extra minute to soak her in.
She’s here. She’s with me. She’s going to be more than okay.
“Give me a list of what you want me to bring back with me. I’ll be back
as soon as I can. Is your phone in the bag Officer Luis brought with him?”
She looks inside and pulls it out, wincing when she looks at it. “Screen a
little cracked?”
“Little bit,” she agrees. “I think I bought the insurance on it, though, so it
shouldn’t be a problem to get replaced or fixed but that’s a pain, huh?”
“If a new phone is all we have to worry about, let’s count our blessings.”
“And a new car, too,” she reminds me and I flinch.
“Sorry, babe. There’s no way that thing isn’t totaled.”
She looks down at her phone. “I know. I also know it’s just a thing and
that I am really lucky because the baby and I are fine but I really liked it,” she
whimpers.
I sit next to her and let her cry a few minutes, knowing that she truly
needs to let it out. Holding it in isn’t good for anybody. “You’re right, they’re
all things that can be replaced but it’s okay to be upset about it.” She nods
and I give her a squeeze. “Are you going to be okay while I’m gone for a bit
to get some stuff from your house?”
“Yeah.” She rattles off a few things, leggings, underwear, bra, t-shirt, a
few toiletries, her Kindle just in case. “Thanks, honey.”
“I love it when you call me honey,” I tell her. “Be back soon.”
I give her one more kiss then make my way to the waiting room where
her family is all huddled together. Grace sees me first and nudges her mom
who stands up quickly, rushing over to me.
“How is she?”
“She’s going to be fine, the baby, too. They’re keeping her overnight for
observation but… we’re lucky. She has a small fracture in her wrist and a cut
on the left side of her face from where it hit the window. And a concussion,
too. But nothing she can’t fully recover from.”
“Thank God. We’ve been out here praying,” she says, crying and giving
me a hug.
“Do we know what exactly happened?” her dad asks.
I give them the brief explanation of the accident, not going into too many
details, because I figure her parents don’t want to know the way I found their
daughter. Pinned in her own car up against another. I wasn’t sure if she was
going to be able to walk away or if she’d end up paralyzed.
“And what about the other drivers? I heard they had to bring one here for
mild injuries but haven’t heard anything about the other driver.”
I shake my head. “The one who hit her, you mean?” He nods. “I don’t see
how the outcome could have been good. It was bad. For as bad as Ashley’s
car looked, that one looked ten times worse.”
After a long look between Lucy and Grant, she steps in close. “Life Flight
took her to Detroit,” Lucy says quietly. “I don’t think… I don’t think she
made it there.”
“Oh dear,” her mother says, her voice quivering.
“Shit,” I mutter, rubbing a hand over my face. “How’d you find out?”
It’s Grant’s turn to lean closer to me and says lowly, “Buddy of mine is a
medic. Told me because he knew we are family. Said the driver had been
drinking.”
“Son of a bitch,” I growl.
Grace, who’s been quiet this entire time, asks, “Can we see her?”
I want to say no instantly but that’s not the kind of person I am. Instead, I
nod. “Tomorrow, I’d guess. They’re only allowing one person in the ER with
her and they’re moving her to her hospital room shortly. I’m not sure what
the visiting hours are.”
“But let me guess, you’re going to see her again?” she asks snidely.
Her parents both hush her but that doesn’t stop her from continuing to be
a bitch. “What? Why should he get to see her and we can’t? He’s not even a
relative and it’s not like he’s going to be around much longer, anyway.”
And just like that, my temper snaps. “Excuse me?”
“Grace, enough,” Lucy snaps. “Look where we are, would you? Does it
not make you realize what’s important right now? Let it go already.”
“What’s going on?” her dad asks.
I don’t bother throwing in my two cents here because it wouldn’t do us
any good for me to tell them what I’m thinking.
“Lucy can fill you in,” I say to the group. “I’ve got more important shit to
take care of than talking to your dumb ass. Samuel.” He looks up from his
phone as if he has no idea what’s happening. “Do me a favor, stay the fuck
away from me and keep your wife next to you.” Samuel’s frantic eyes dart to
Grace, his eyebrows furrowing. He can play the confused spouse all he
wants, but I’m not going to listen to it. Pointing at him, I lower my voice. “If
I hear any more about you guys buying my fucking baby or telling my girl
that she and I aren’t a real thing, you won’t like the consequences. And fuck
you for telling her she won’t be a good mother.”
“What is he talking about?” her dad yells. “Buying whose baby? Who
won’t be a good mother? Will someone please fill me in?”
I don’t stick around long enough for Grace to explain her actions. I need
to get Ashley’s things so she feels comfortable sleeping in the damn hospital
tonight.
CHAPTER TWENTY
 ASHLEY

“I T FEELS SO GOOD TO BE OUT OF THAT PLACE ,” I SAY , CLIMBING INTO N IK ’ S

truck with his help.
“I bet.”
“As soon as I get home, I’m taking a long, hot shower.”
“And you know by home, you mean mine, right?”
I grin. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“Good. Just wanted to remind you, in case that whole head injury affected
your memory,” he teases.
“What’s your name again?”
“Ha ha ha,” he deadpans. “Need anything before we go there? We’ll
figure out a day to move your stuff in. Probably next weekend. And we’ll
need to let your landlord know you’re moving out. It was a month-to-month
lease, right? You didn’t extend it since you were looking at places to buy?”
“Right,” I say, my head reeling a bit.
“Good. That will make it easier. Are you hungry? Want me to swing
through a drive-thru and grab some chicken since what you got yesterday
ended up on the floor of your car?”
I appreciate that he’s talking about the accident normally. I was so afraid
he’d treat me with kid gloves or that he’d be afraid to bring it up. It was scary
and I’m fully aware of how lucky we are, but if we focus on what could have
been, we’ll never move forward.
Yesterday was awful and I don’t want to relive it, but I also can’t forget it
happened. I was informed this morning that the woman who hit my car and
caused the accident wasn’t as fortunate as I was. Her family is grieving her
loss and that’s something I’ll never get over. From what we were told by
Grant’s friend, who’s a medic, the woman had a small amount of alcohol in
her system, but it was the combination of alcohol and the prescription
painkillers she’d become addicted to that caused her to run the red light and
hit me.
It absolutely breaks my heart when I think about it. I will never make
light of the accident that caused a woman to lose her life, but it’s also a
reminder of how quickly your life can change. We’re not guaranteed
anything in this life, and last night was a stark reminder of that.
“That sounds good to me. I’m pretty hungry, actually.”
“Me, too.”
It isn’t lost on me that he takes a different route to Chick-fil-A in order to
skip driving right by the accident scene. As much as I appreciate that he’s
talking about it, I don’t know that I want to see it quite yet, either.
He orders enough food for an army, more than the two of us can eat even
on our hungriest day. When I ask him why he ordered so much, he says, “Our
family needs to see you. They’re on their way to my place now.”
“Oh.” I pause. “Everyone?”
“Josie and Dean will come by later. Just your family for now.”
“And by my family, you mean…”
“Yes, Grace is going to be there. If she says anything stupid, I’m not
going to let it slide, but she’s your sister and I respect that.”
“You’re okay with her coming over?”
“Like I said, if she tries anything, I’m going to step in, but otherwise yes.
We need to figure out what’s going on with her, though. From the way you
talked, I didn’t think she was this judgmental and bitchy.”
“She normally isn’t,” I say.
We pull up to the window where they start handing over bag after bag of
food. It’s almost embarrassing but the smell of the chicken nuggets hits me
and I don’t care what anyone thinks of our massive food order.
“Then my two cents? It’d be good to have a conversation and figure out
what’s going on with her. It sounds like there’s something happening in her
life and she’s taking it out on those she feels are safe.”
“Listen to you, Mr. Therapist.”
“That’s me.”
I sigh and reach into the bag, snagging a waffle fry, lifting it to Nik’s
mouth for him to take a bite then I finish the rest of it.
 “You’re probably right. I know the whole thing with Samuel really threw
her for a loop and she tried to basically brush it under the rug like it never
happened,” I say, grabbing another fry and repeating the process.
“But haven’t they worked through it? I guess I haven’t heard much but I
figured since they’re still together?.”
“I think there’s more to it that she’s not telling us.”
“Could be. Or it could be that she’s jealous of you and is being a
monumental dick about it.”
I scrunch up my face and take another bite of a fry, passing him the other
half. Then I push the straw through the paper wrapper and stick it in the lid of
the lemonade Nik ordered. I lift it to Nik’s mouth and he takes a drink before
I take one also, placing it back in the cupholder.
“I hate the idea of her just being a bitch for the rest of our lives.”
“She won’t be,” he promises, nodding toward the bag of fries for another.
“How can you be so sure?” I ask, chewing the deliciously fried potato.
“Because I won’t let her,” he says, so matter of fact that I can’t help but
believe him.
He pulls into his driveway, hitting the button to open his garage and parks
his truck.
“Wait here. I’ll help you down and we’ll get settled. Everyone should be
here in about five minutes.”
“Doesn’t give me much time.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that, but I figured this way we can kick them out
and we can take a nap after they leave and before Josie and Dean come over.”
“Oh, a nap sounds really good.”
“Doesn’t it? A naked nap sounds even better.” His follow-up wink makes
my stomach flutter. And it’s not the baby’s movement making it happen,
either.
“Maybe we can work that in.”
After placing everything on the counter, he leans against it and pulls me
close. “I don’t know what I would have done…” he says, not finishing his
sentence. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. The same side that hit the
window. He kisses the place where I was cut and then pulls me in for a hug.
It’s the first real hug we’ve been able to give each other since the accident.
We hold each other tightly until his doorbell rings and I reluctantly pull
back. After a long, heated look, he leans down and kisses me softly. “I’m not
going to think about it anymore. I’ll drive myself crazy. You’re here and
you’re with me and you’re both healthy and that’s all that matters now,
right?”
“Right.”
“When we buy you a new vehicle, though, expect me to be looking at a
military tank.”
I choke down a laugh. “Sounds fun.”
He keeps hold of my hand when we open the door to my family. My
mom is holding a box that I’m certain is filled with baked goods, casseroles
for my freezer, probably a candle or something for the house, an outfit for the
baby, and anything else she felt the need to stuff in there. It’s what she does.
When she’s stressed or nervous, she bakes, cooks, and puts together care
packages.
We step back to allow everyone space to come inside and I notice Samuel
isn’t in the group. I don’t ask, though.
I take my time hugging everyone, including Grace who holds me a little
too tightly, and then we move to the patio after loading up plates with the
food we picked up on the way here. It’s another beautiful day and Nik has
been working on his backyard a lot these last few months. I didn’t realize that
he liked to garden until early spring when he mentioned planting it. And
when I say he likes to garden, I mean he really likes to garden.
But what he does with the food that he grows is what really gets me.
He keeps some for himself, but what he can’t eat, he donates to the local
food bank. It’s one of the reasons he keeps such a big garden and it’s a way
to keep his parents’ legacy alive. From what he’s told me, they had incredible
green thumbs and they loved spending time doing yard work and, of course,
gardening. When he was little, his mother started bringing him with her to
deliver food through Meals on Wheels and to the food bank. It was part of
her weekly routine and he and his sister made a promise to each other that
they would continue it for her. Josie delivers the meals to the shut-ins for
Meals on Wheels, and he takes care of the food bank.
Everyone is fairly quiet as we eat, soaking in the beautiful day. The sun is
shining, there’s very little wind, and the humidity level is mild. But there’s
tension filling the air around us and it’s not hard to pinpoint where it’s
coming from.
Lucy keeps looking at Grace expectantly and my dad continues to make
small talk, asking more questions than he’s interested in knowing the answers
to, about Nik’s garden. Where Nik’s parents had green thumbs, my parents
have black. They can barely manage to keep their grass green, let alone
maintain landscaping and a vegetable garden.
After I’ve had enough of avoiding the elephant in the room, I ask, “So,
Grace, where’s Samuel?”
She bites the corner of her mouth and looks across the yard. When she’s
ready, she replies simply, “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean, gone?”
“I left him last night.”
My mouth gapes open and I look to my parents who just smile sadly.
They don’t want to see either of their daughters hurting, and it’s obvious
whatever happened with Samuel has left Grace hurting badly.
“What happened?”
“It hasn’t been good between us for a while.”
“How long?”
Grace finally looks back to me, her eyes wet with tears. “A few years.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I hoped if I didn’t admit it out loud that I could avoid it, I guess.”
“How’d that work out for you?” Nik asks, a little bit of edge to his voice.
“Not great. I owe you both an apology. Again. This one is bigger, though.
I have no excuse for my behavior last night. Or a few months ago. Samuel,
he… well, it doesn’t matter what he said because he’s not a factor anymore.
And I won’t allow myself to use him as an excuse.” She takes a deep breath
and looks me in the eye. “Ashley, I am so very sorry for my behavior over
the past few months. When I found out you were pregnant, my brain began
misfiring or something. I started to doubt myself, and Samuel helped to
fertilize and water the seeds, making it that much harder to find my way back
again.
“I know what I did was wrong. So very wrong. And I love you. So
much,” she says, wiping away tears from her eyes. I begin to get choked up
as well and Nik places a hand on my thigh, giving me a gentle squeeze. “You
and this baby are such a blessing to our family and, Nik, you are, too. I made
snap judgments on you based on my own experiences with men and that was
unfair. Not to mention, totally and completely off-base. I know I can speak
for our entire family when I say that we are so very grateful that you and
Ashley found each other.”
“Thanks, Grace. That means a lot to me,” Nik says. “I appreciate the
apology and would like to move on, but you need to know if you ever, and I
mean ever, pull a stunt like you did yesterday, there’ll be hell to pay. That’s
not a threat. That’s a promise. Take that as you will, but I won’t apologize for
it. Ashley and our baby are the most important people in my life. They trump
my own family. If I hear you talk to Ashley like that again, or to me, for that
matter, you won’t have anything to do with our baby. Do I make myself
clear?”
For a second I think Grace is going to argue, but she bites her lip and
nods. “I get it. I can’t blame you for that, either.”
“Can you just explain one thing to me?”
“Sure.”
“Why? I know you said you don’t want to blame Samuel, but I’m having
a really hard time seeing your side of this. The things you said to me? That I
wasn’t fit to be a mother? And the things you said about Nik not wanting me?
They hurt. No, they gutted me. Let’s not forget the bitchy attitude you had
about what type of work Nik does for a living. You acted like a snotty bitch,”
I tell her, not caring if I’m being offensive. She’s the one who said it and I
won’t let her get by with it.
“It was unacceptable. I don’t have any excuses.”
“You’re right. There are no excuses. Do you know how you sounded?
The things you said? Is that truly how you feel? Because you might say that
you didn’t mean it, and I might try to believe you simply because I want to,
but those thoughts were in your brain rolling around. That means there’s a
part of you that does believe that.”
“I don’t, though. I promise.”
“I don’t believe you. I think somewhere along the way, you began to
think you’re better than others. That your career as a lawyer means you can
treat others like they’re less than you. But I have news for you, Grace. The
fact that you spent over a hundred thousand dollars on education means
nothing. You’re not better than anyone on this earth.”
“I know…”
“Do you? I don’t know that you do. You act like because Nik works his
ass off for a living and didn’t spend years in college that he’s not worthy of
even knowing you. Hell, you said we couldn’t be good parents!”
Grace hiccups through a cry. “I was terrible.”
“You’re right. You were. It was bad enough to hear it from you, Grace,
but, Lucy,” I turn to my other sister, “you sat there and said nothing. You
never stood up for me or told her to shut up. I was ambushed. Don’t you
think I’m scared enough about becoming a mother without my family treating
me like I’m incompetent?”
Lucy sniffles and nods. “I know. It was awful of me.”
Our parents have been completely silent through the conversation which
makes me think that they’ve already said their piece to Lucy and Grace. I
know Nik said something to Grace at the hospital and my parents were there,
so I’m sure they talked things over already.
“To answer your question about why. I’m not blaming Samuel, but about
a year ago, he told me that I wasn’t worth much to him if I couldn’t get
pregnant. Of course, that’s just the CliffNotes version of what he said. And
then I found out about the affair. I had suspected, but having it confirmed
really shook me up.”
“Tell her the rest,” my mom says gently.
“He got her pregnant. I found out last week. He said he was going to
leave me if I couldn’t give him the same.”
“What? I’m so confused. He never seemed to mind the fact that you
didn’t have kids. Weren’t you actually not planning to have children?”
“Yeah, we were, but he changed his mind. Which is, I don’t know what. I
mean, none of it is okay and my guess is he just wasn’t happy with me
anymore. But the kicker, that I luckily figured out, is that it all came down to
money and ultimatums. His ultimatum, if that’s even the right word for it,
was give him a baby or he was going to leave me for this woman who was
already pregnant with his baby.”
“I’ve got to be honest here, Grace. None of this makes sense or is a
reason to offer me money for my baby or to treat your own sister like you
did.”
“You’re right. It isn’t. Like I said, I went a little crazy and lost control of
my emotions. None of what I said is true. You’re going to be a great mother.
You and Nik are so perfect together, and I think that’s part of what had me all
out of control, too. Here was this guy who you literally stumbled upon and
he’s so great to you and completely into you. Anyone can see it,” she says.
I look at Nik and he shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”
I feel my cheeks heat.
“See? He’s not ashamed to show you how he feels and he’s willing to
stand up for you to me when I had only just met him. He could have sucked
up to me in hopes of getting on my good side, but he didn’t. And that shows a
lot of character, of which Samuel has none. Obviously. I was jealous. Still
am, but I have the jealousy under control now.”
I blow out a breath and feel the heat from Nik’s hand against my leg. I
can’t easily forget the words that she spoke to me, but I can make the
decision to not let it control me or fester.
“What’s done is done, right? You said what you said and it’ll take me a
while to get over it. That’s not me being petty, that’s me reminding you that
what you said was supremely shitty. Not just about me not being Nik might
not care because, well, quite honestly, your opinion of him doesn’t matter.
Not really, anyway. The only reason he cares about your opinion of him is
because of your connection to me but he’s made it clear I’m his priority, not
you.” Nik’s hand flexes against my thigh and I know it’s his way of offering
his support. “I’m not saying I forgive you both or that I’ll forget about it but
if the accident yesterday taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to dwell
on anything of the past. We’re moving on, right?”
Grace nods. “I’m so sorry, though. Please believe that.”
“I know you are. I can see it in your face. You might be an excellent
lawyer, but you’re a terrible liar. At least to me.”
She laughs a little through her tears, wiping under her nose with her hand
then wiping the mascara that’s started to run under her eyes.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, but you’re not in the clear yet. Actions speak louder than
words usually, but in this case, your words were really loud. Those words
were not just mean, they were really mean. To some people, they’d be
unforgivable. I said this already, but you acted like a snotty bitch.”
“I know. I deserve that and I’ll give you whatever time you need to be
able to forgive me. I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so scared when I found out
about the accident.”
“She’s not just okay. She’s perfect,” Nik says. “And so is our little guy.”
Just as soon as Nik’s hand is on my stomach, our son lays out a big kick.
Nik jerks back in shock at the power behind the kick.
“Whoa. That was crazy!”
“He’s been really active today. Must be trying to remind me that he’s
healthy in there.”
“Maybe he’s trying to tell his mama thank you for keeping him safe.”
“Maybe,” I agree with my dad.
My dad’s eyes widen. “Wait. Did you say little guy? As in it’s a boy?”
“Crap. I was doing so good to keep it a secret, wasn’t I?” Nik says
sheepishly.
I shrug. “No big deal. Yeah, we’re having a boy.” I beam.
Everyone erupts with happiness, especially my dad who’s been
surrounded by women most his life. Aside from Samuel and Grant, who
aren’t real close with him.
“May I?” Dad asks, pointing to my stomach.
“Of course. You don’t have to ask.”
He gets out of his chair and kneels next to me, placing a hand where
Nik’s just was. It takes a minute or two but eventually we feel a flutter
followed by a strong kick.
Dad’s eyes stay glued to my stomach as he says, “Hi there, little man. I’m
your grandpa. You’re going to have me wrapped around your little finger in
no time.”
When I glance at Nik, the look on his face breaks my heart. He doesn’t
get this. His parents are gone and won’t get to meet their grandsons. Our son
won’t know two sets of grandparents who want to fight over him.
Leaning over, I place a hand on Nik’s cheek and give him a kiss on the
lips. He rests his forehead to mine and for a bit, it feels like we’re alone. The
two of us sitting on cushiony patio furniture, sharing a moment after a hectic
few days.
A throat clearing breaks our moment and my brother-in-law, Grant,
pushes my dad out of the way. “All right, old man. It’s my turn. I want to feel
what I can expect in a few more months.”
Everyone goes silent and we look to Lucy who has wide eyes staring at
the back of her husband’s head as he places a hand on my stomach to feel the
baby move.
“What did you just say?” my mom asks him.
“What?” he asks, looking around confused. Something clicks and his
words dawn on him. “Oh shit.”
“So, we have news,” Lucy says quietly. “It’s early. Ten weeks along now,
but we’re hopeful.”
My family erupts in happiness, sharing our congratulations and
excitement for the news.
That’s why Lucy didn’t say anything when Grace was being awful to me.
She was thinking of her own baby.
I wink at her, letting her know I understand and she winks back.
“I was going to ask if Lucy and I could host a baby shower for you but
now maybe it needs to be a double shower.”
Lucy’s quick to interject. “No. This one will be just for Ashley and Nik.
Grant and I will have one later. I don’t want to jinx anything.”
“I understand. Are you okay with that, Nik? Did your sister have anything
planned?”
“I’m sure she’d like to be involved. That’s very nice of you to offer.”
“We haven’t registered,” I remind him. “Like, for anything.”
“What do you mean you haven’t registered?” I hear Josie say behind me.
“What are you guys doing here?” Nik asks, taking baby Jay from Dean’s
arms. “How’s my little buddy doing? You missed Uncle Nik so much, didn’t
you?” he coos and I glance at my sisters who have hearts in their eyes.
Grace mouths, “Holy shit,” to me and I grin knowingly.
“I couldn’t keep her home. Sorry to interrupt, everyone,” Dean says.
Josie pulls me from my chair and hugs me tightly. “You’re okay. You’re
okay. Thank God. I was so worried.”
“I’m okay,” I promise. “Aside from the wrist, all is perfect.”
“The pictures of the wreck, oh my gosh, I can’t believe…”
“What pictures?”
“Nothing,” Nik says quickly. “It’s not for today, anyway. Today’s for
family.”
“I need to see them.”
He kisses the back of my hand. “Later.”
After I agree to waiting to see whatever pictures are out there of the
accident, we introduce everyone and then the girls take me inside and
demand I go online to start registering. “Nik will want to have a say in what
we’re registering for,” I tell them.
Josie waves me off. “He’ll get over it.”
I don’t tell them that after they leave, I’ll go through the registry with Nik
and we can change things up together. For now, I’m just happy because our
families are gathered in one place, we’re all relatively happy, the air is
cleared, and there’s not one, but two babies on the way.
We have a lot of reasons to count our blessings.
“Oh my gosh! You need this!” Grace shouts and Josie replies with, “What
in the ever-loving hell is she going to do with that? It’s a twelve-hundred-
dollar stroller! Who’s going to buy that?”
“Umm, I would! Look at it!”
“No,” Josie replies, pushing Grace away from Nik’s laptop I found in his
office.
Nik walks into the living room to see Grace and Josie fighting over their
place in front of the computer. He raises an eyebrow, shakes his head, and
then goes to the kitchen. When he comes back, he’s carrying a six-pack of
beer and a bottle of water that he hands to me.
“Feeling okay?” he asks quietly.
I nod. “Better than okay.”
“Good.” He kisses my lips. “By the way, I told the guys that you’re mine
and I’m yours so unless you want these women to find out from the guys, you
better let them know as well.”
With that, he walks out the back patio door and when I turn back to the
ladies, they’re all smiling at me, having heard everything he just said.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
 NIKOLAS - EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS

S HE HAS NO IDEA HOW I SEE HER . S HE THINKS THAT I LOOK AT HER AS THE
mother to my unborn child. Admittedly, that’s how I did see her in the
beginning. But now? Now I see her as everything that I’ve ever wanted in a
woman.
My best friend.
The love of my life.
The mother to my son.
Ashley has had me turned inside out over her since the morning I woke
up with her in my bed, our memories of the night before a little fuzzy.
I want her everything.
How can she not see it? How does she not realize that I’m completely and
totally wrecked for her?
Together, we’re perfect. My mind is clearer, my smile is permanent, my
days brighter.
Apart, though, I’m a mess.
I’m hanging on by a thread here, wanting her more and more each day.
Falling in love with her deeper by the minute. But I’m terrified. I don’t know
if she’s ready for the same. I’m not blind. I know how she sees me. She stares
when she doesn’t think I can see her. Ashley doesn’t realize that she’s all I
see. I’m attuned to her every move.
However, thankfully, I also know that her attraction to me goes deeper
than the surface. The question is, is she ready to claim me as hers? Is she
ready for me to claim her as mine? I know I am. Beyond ready. I just don’t
know where her head is at and the thought of losing her in my life isn’t
something I’m willing to allow to enter my mind.
I’ll chase her forever if I have to, because there’s no one else for me.
She’s it. I’ve been a goner for so long now, I don’t remember a time before
her.
That thought that I didn’t want to get married again because of how my
first one turned out and the second time I proposed went to shit? Gone.
Replaced with a vision of her walking toward me, ready to commit to a life
together. Forever.
Leaning a shoulder against the door frame, I watch her fold tiny onesies
and other baby clothes that I didn’t know anything about until she came into
my world. The baby shower her sisters hosted for her was insane. I’ve never
seen so many gifts from people I’d never met. Thankful? Very much so.
Concerned that we won’t be able to find a place to put it all? Very much so.
Grace and I haven’t talked much since she and Samuel split up. I’m glad
that she and Ashley are working through it, but I can’t forgive and forget so
easily. Grace said some pretty horrible things about not only me, but Ashley
as well.
Ashley’s sitting cross-legged, her back straight, belly round with my son
growing inside her, humming a song that I can’t decipher. Her long dark hair
hangs in loose waves over her shoulders and down her back. The wrap
around her wrist is already gone, her body mostly healed from the accident
that could have taken her away from me. She’s not wearing any makeup on
her face, having already washed it away from her day at work and honestly,
she’s never been more beautiful to me.
All day long I think of her. There have been several occasions where I’m
in my office, working on a bid for a customer, and I zone out completely.
Rebecca, my assistant, will have to yell to get my attention. She smiles
knowingly and I shrug. I don’t even apologize anymore. Why would I?
She must feel me watching her. The corners of her mouth tip up and her
eyes flutter before connecting with mine. We’re a match, she and I. Dark
hair. Dark eyes. Olive skin.
“Creepy,” she mutters. Happy and amused.
“Beautiful,” I counter.
She’s holding a dark blue sleeper, its edges trimmed in orange. It’s one I
picked up. She didn’t fight me when I said our kid would be a Chicago Bears
fan. She said that was fine, as long as I allowed him to come to his own
conclusions later in life. The sleeper hangs from her fingers as she stares at
me, wondering. Something flares in her eyes. Is it heat? Maybe it’s the same
feeling I’ve been holding onto for the past months… hope. Ashley for more
together. Her. Me.
“I’m a mess.”
I shake my head. “My beautiful mess.”
“Nik,” she whispers, her chin trembling. “You can’t say stuff like that.”
“Why not?” I push off the door and walk to her, crouching down so I’m
eye level. I lift my right hand, my thumb making a trail over her cheek before
sliding my fingers into her hair. Those intensely dark eyes of hers shutter
closed, long lashes fanning out. Ashley sucks in a deep breath and shakes her
head slightly.
She meets my stare again and she admits, “It makes me think things.”
“I’ve been thinking things since the first night we met,” I admit to her in a
low voice. “You’ve just been trying to hide from it.”
“Nik.”
“Ashley.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Give me one good reason, Sally.” She gives me a small smile at the
nickname and her hand finds her belly. I shake my head. “He’s on the top of
the pro list, babe, not con.”
She moves, shifting to her hands and knees. I stand up and bend over,
helping her do the same. “Thanks,” she breathes. “And to answer your
question. No.”
“I didn’t ask for an answer. I asked for a reason.” I wink and she glares.
“You don’t have to be such a smarty pants, Harry.”
“Give me a reason,” I demand.
“I’m hungry. Are you?”
I follow her to the kitchen and she opens the fridge, pulling out a
container of leftover rotisserie chicken, shredded cheese, and barbeque sauce,
placing it all on the counter. I get out the tortillas because I know she’s about
to make a barbeque chicken wrap.
The two of us work together, making our wraps. We put them on plates,
along with some dill pickle spears. A couple glasses of chocolate milk are
poured and we sit at the island to eat.
I let her have this. Because I know that it’s a tactic to stall the
conversation she’s too nervous to have. I finish my plate of food before she
does, which is pretty typical for us. I’m a fast eater. She savors. Neither of us
say anything while we eat and I don’t say anything when I’m finished but
she’s still eating. Slower than usual, I might add, but, again, I let her have
this. She needs it.
Her emotions are all over the place but more than that, she doesn’t fully
trust herself. She doesn’t fully trust this love that we share. Maybe because
neither of us expected this, we weren’t looking for a relationship the night we
met. We were both broken hearted and needed to forget for a few hours.
But she swept me away. Her smile makes my day better.
Being with Ashley is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I had all but
written off love when I walked into the bar that night. I had decided that I
was done. I’d thrown my hat in the ring a couple of times and it didn’t work
out but turns out, I hadn’t really given much effort. I thought I did, but this
love that I have for Ashley? It makes me want to go all in. Throw not just my
hat in, but everything I have.
She brought me back to life. Back from somewhere I didn’t even know I
had escaped into. Ashley tells me that she was a liar, a pretender, a fake, in all
her past relationships. Turns out, I was, too. Until I met her, I didn’t know
what it was like to be completely myself with someone and not be afraid that
they’d run for the hills.
Until Ashley, I didn’t realize how different I was around others.
She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but she has to see it
herself, too. I can’t be all in when she isn’t jumping into the pond with me. I
can’t do that again. I won’t.
When her plate is empty, I take both hers and mine to the dishwasher and
clean up the mess we made, wiping the counters and putting away the food in
the fridge. When I’ve finished, I turn to face her, leaning on the island
countertop with my hands spread wide and facing her.
I have a few options here. I act boldly. Or I wuss out and let her keep me
on the outskirts.
Actually, I only have one option.
“I love you,” I say, looking into her eyes, glistening with unshed tears. “I
love you. Not because you’re carrying my baby but because since the first
night I held you, since the first night we played darts and ate crappy food and
fell into each other’s arms, I’ve been yours. I fell hard but it wasn’t fast. It
was a slow fall and I loved every second of it. But now I want you with me.
I’ve been in love with you for months but didn’t have the guts to tell you.”
“Why?”
 “You scare the shit out of me, Ashley. I can’t lose you. We haven’t had
good luck in the past with relationships. We’ve been burned, we’ve struggled
to find our footing and be our real selves for fear that we wouldn’t be loved.
But it’s not that way with each other. We can be our true selves and know
that we’re accepted.”
“How do you know I’m not pretending like I have in the past?”
“Because I know you. You haven’t faked anything since we first met,” I
tell her, smiling. “Do you love me? Because I love you. A forever kind of
love but it’s time you know. You deserve to know.”
“I’m scared.”
I nod, swallowing hard. “Me, too.”
“I won’t survive this loss.”
“There’s nothing to survive because there’s nothing for us to risk losing.
I’m not going anywhere. I love you like Johnny loved June. Like Rip loves
Beth.” I smirk, bringing up her favorite show, Yellowstone. She can’t deny
that she gets excited for Cole Hauser in any role he plays, but in Yellowstone?
She’s mush. A puddle of hotness for him.
“That’s not playing fair,” she whispers. “You can’t bring up Rip.”
I grin. “All’s fair in love and war, babe. Do you love me?”
She whimpers. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is that simple. Do you love me?”
“We’re having a baby together.”
“We are. Thank the good Lord because I can’t wait to see you holding our
baby boy. To be by your side, keeping my eyes on you.” I wink.
“Now you’re bringing up Chase Rice? You’re evil.”
The corner of my mouth tips up. She once told me that one of her ex
boyfriends got pissed if she ever mentioned a celebrity crush. Because all her
past boyfriends have been giant dicks, apparently. Insecure assholes,
basically. “Do you love me?”
She closes her eyes, a tear falling and making a trail down her right
cheek. “I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can. Do you love me?” I count to ten before her eyes open. I
round the island and hold her face in my hands. “Do. You. Love. Me?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “I can’t help it. I’ve tried, but I’m a sucker for you.”
“Thank fuck.”
I crush my mouth to hers and lift her off the stool, wrapping my arms
around her. Our son growing in her stomach between us, keeping us apart but
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love you, Nik,” she proclaims when I release her mouth for a beat in
order to trail my lips down her neck.
“Best words ever,” I reply.
“I do, you know. I love you. But if Rip or Chase comes knocking,” she
jokes and then squeals when I attack her, tipping her back a little while
keeping my hands on her back to hold her up.
“You little tease.”
“But you love me.”
“Yup. I do. Let me show you?”
“You don’t have to ask.”
“Hot damn, I just won the lottery.”
I tug her behind me to my bedroom, passing the room that she’s been
staying in. I still can’t believe I got her convinced to move in. If there’s
anything positive that came out of the damn near heart attack I had after
hearing that she was in the accident, I suppose that’s it.
“You’re not staying in there anymore,” I tell her, motioning to the spare
room. The minute she agreed to move in, I wanted her in my bed but knew I
shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, as my grandmother used to say. Be
grateful we made that step. And I was grateful for it. I needed the reassurance
that she was healthy and happy. That she wasn’t going to experience any late
trauma or whatever from the accident. She gave me the gift of moving into
my home and I could return with a gift of patience.
But my patience has run out. Hearing those three words from her sent me
into overdrive. Slow mode is gone, replaced with pressing on the fast forward
button. I don’t want to rush our time together, but I’m so damn eager for the
next steps I can’t seem to tell my brain to relax.
“I’m not?” She’s amused. Happy. Seemingly on board and I’m going to
cling to that.
“Fuck no. You’re in my bed from here on out.”
“So bossy.”
I spin around and wrap my arm around her, walking backward. I’d love to
pin her against the wall, take her right here, but first of all, that’s not
necessarily conducive to her current state, and second of all, I finally have her
as mine, not just the two of us needing to scratch an itch or giving into our
desires. We’re going to take our time together and I’m going to learn every
inch of her body that I haven’t taken the time to explore yet. “Only bossy
when it comes to the fun stuff.”
She smiles and the sight of it takes my breath away. “I like the fun stuff.”
“Me, too. We should get to the fun stuff more often.” I pause in the
threshold of my bedroom. “I lied. I’m going to be bossy about a lot more than
just when we’re in the bedroom.”
She slides her hands up my sides and around the back of my neck,
playing with my hair. “Oh?”
“Yeah. Like wanting to keep you safe.”
“Kind of experienced that already with the accident.”
“Oh, trust me, I was holding back. You have no idea how much.”
“That was you holding back?” she asks, her eyes wide. Makes sense. I
was a complete basket case for a few weeks. I’m still holding back, though.
She doesn’t need to see how anxious it makes me.
“It was. I’ll probably boss you around about letting me take care of you,”
I tell her, quieting my voice. Her eyes soften a little. “I’ll boss you around
when I feel like it’s time for us to have a break together, even if it means we
have to leave the baby with my sister for a few hours. Because there will
never be a time that I won’t put us first. And, this is a big one,” I warn.
“What is it?” she asks, her chin trembling.
“I’m going to be very bossy when it comes to the fact that I want to marry
you. Sooner rather than later. I want you and the baby to have my last name,
to sign a paper that legally bonds us together for the rest of our lives. I want
us to have more babies once this one is old enough and we’re ready again. I
want to take family vacations and also mommy and daddy only vacations
where I drag you to the airport and you’re sad until we arrive on a Caribbean
island for a week of you and me and sex and sand and sun and you realize
that I was right and being away from the kids is okay. I want us to visit your
parents, but not on Christmas morning because that’s reserved for our family.
I want us to burn dinner together and watch terrible movies and fight over
finances and whose turn it is to change a dirty diaper and for you to get
annoyed with me when you have to take the kids to all their appointments
and demand I step up. I want all of it. The good and the bad in between
because the good can’t be good unless we know what the bad is like. Then
we’ll appreciate the good even more. And our kids will appreciate the
goodness that we have in our house.”
“Oh my gosh,” she whispers. “Nik…”
“I love you. When I said those words earlier, they weren’t for show or
said without me thinking it over. I meant them with every single fiber of my
being. You need to know that I am completely in love with you. If you’re not
totally there, I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as you need for us to be on the same
page.”
“I’m there.”
“You’re…” My heart beats double time as I stare at her for one beat, two
beats, three before I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers,
breathing her in.
Guiding her to the bed, I have her sit down then go to my dresser, digging
through the top drawer.
When I find what I’m looking for, I walk back to Ashley, and drop to one
knee.
“Ashley.”
She gasps and I smile.
“Ashley, you know I’ve done this a few times. Thank goodness the last
one didn’t stick, huh?” I tease and we share a smile. “There are a lot of things
in my life that I would do differently. I wish I’d have saved it for you — that
I would have followed my gut and trusted that you were out there for me. I
just had to be patient. I hate that this isn’t the first time for both of us, but the
feelings I have for you are a first for me. I’ve never connected with someone
the way I have connected with you. I fell in love with you when I wasn’t even
trying. It just happened. Because that’s the way it’s supposed to be, you
know? Nothing forced or pressured. It’s just us. And him.” I lean over and
kiss her stomach. “The three of us… together. I love you, Ashley.”
Her hand trembles in mine. Tears glisten in her eyes. “Oh my gosh. I love
you, too.”
“This is probably sudden to you because we only just now told each other
how we truly feel, but for me, this has been building for months. Eight and a
half months, to be exact.” I pause and she wipes a tear from her cheek, a
watery smile firmly in place as she gazes down at me.
I take a deep breath before saying my next words because this will be the
last time I ever say them. Well, unless she says no, then I’ll keep saying them
until she says yes. And now I’m nervous. Holy crap. I’m the worst proposer
in the entire world! The first time I just asked my friend because I thought
that’s what I was supposed to do. The second time I asked someone who
didn’t even love me. Now I ask the woman I want to be bound to the rest of
my life, and know this without a doubt, but I only told her this five minutes
ago. I told myself I wanted to hit the fast forward button but this is extreme,
even for me.
The look on Ashley’s face is one of confusion now whereas moments ago
it was full of love and excitement. “Nik? What’s wrong? Why aren’t you
saying anything now?”
“I want you to be my wife,” I blurt out. “But I’m rushing things. I’m
rushing us. I don’t know why I can’t get this right, but this time will be
forever so the proposal needs to be perfect. I shouldn’t have just dropped to
my knee because I was eager to keep moving forward. I need to give you
time. Give us this time. For me to woo you and for us to go on dates. Find out
more about each other.”
“You are not taking back your proposal. For real?”
“No. I’m not. But… I need to do better. I needed to wait. This isn’t…”
She holds up a hand to stop me from continuing to speak. That’s fair. I’m
not doing this right. “Tell me… am I going to find out that you have an
aversion to watching Netflix at night? Or not watching an entire season of
whatever show I’m obsessed with at the time in one weekend?”
I scoff. That’s the definition of a perfect weekend with her. “No.”
“Am I going to discover that you actually don’t like cheese, which, as you
know, is a definite deal breaker?”
My lips twitch. “No.”
“Are you addicted to cocaine or chewing tobacco and spitting it into the
bed or that you were previously a porn star?”
“Absolutely not. That’s disgusting. And hell no.”
“Are you going to tell me I can’t drink ice water out of a coffee mug
anymore?”
“Clearly not if I haven’t said anything about it yet.”
“Okay, final question. Are you going to be an asshole about me losing the
baby weight or will you still love me — all of me — even if I have a little bit
of extra to love?”
“Baby. I don’t care about that as long as you’re happy and healthy.”
She shrugs and wipes away another tear that’s rolling down her cheek. “I
don’t need time, Nik.”
“We deserve more...”
“Stop using the word time or I’ll flick your earlobe,” she warns, glaring at
me. “We don’t need more time. We know each other. Maybe you didn’t
realize it, but you’ve been wooing me since you found out I was pregnant.
Every day you’ve showed me the kind of man you are. I’ve never felt this
way about anyone else, either. I don’t care that you were a dumbass and
asked Stacia to marry you.” We both chuckle. “I don’t care that you married
your friend because you thought that’s what you both wanted. What I care
about is that we survived those past messy relationships and came out
stronger because of it. And now we’re here together, against all odds. We
made it through the junk, Nik. It doesn’t matter if the entire time we’ve
known each other has been unorthodox or that our dates haven’t really
qualified as traditional dates, so much as just spending time together. If life
has taught me anything lately it’s that nothing is guaranteed. I could have
died in that accident and we wouldn’t have had the chance to tell each other
how we feel.”
The reminder of how close I came to losing her and the baby makes me
sick to my stomach. “Don’t even talk about it.”
“It’s true, though. And if you hadn’t been there for me, not only helping
me to heal but making sure I was taken care of, I wouldn’t have discovered
the truth about you.”
“Truth?”
“That you’re that guy.”
The corner of my mouth twitches. “That guy?”
She stares straight into my eyes, licks her lips, places a hand on my
cheek, and proceeds to wreck me in the best possible way. “The guy
everyone else is jealous isn’t theirs.”
I don’t think she knows how much those words mean to me. No more
hesitating, for lack of a better term, it’s time. “What do ya say, Ashley? Will
you marry me?”
“Tomorrow works for me,” she responds with the best words she could
have.
“That a yes?”
She shakes her head but smiles so wide I don’t think I’ve ever seen her
smile so big. “That’s a heck yes.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
 NIKOLAS

“H ONEY . W AKE UP .”
“What? What? Is it time?” I jump out of bed and spring into action.
“It’s either time or I just peed the bed.”
“God, I’ve never wanted to not have someone pee the bed so badly in my
life. For more than one reason, obviously.”
“Obviously,” Ashley mocks me. “We need to go, I think.”
“Yeah. Let me…” I point to our bathroom and slam the door shut behind
me. “Don’t go anywhere!” I holler.
“Not planning on it,” she says as if I’m ridiculous. I know I am, but that’s
beside the point. She’s about to give birth to my baby boy and I’ve never
been more ready for something to shake up my entire life than I am in this
moment.
When I get done in the bathroom, I wash my hands and open the door to
see her squatting like a frog.
“What the fuck?”
“I’m trying to keep it moving along. If I sit down, isn’t it just going to
push everything back inside? He’s been in there a week longer than he was
supposed to be anyway. I’d say it’s time to keep this moving along.”
“Is that really what you’re supposed to be doing?” I ask, seeing her
bounce up and down with her legs bent and spread wide. Her balance, given
the extra weight in her stomach, is actually really impressive.
“How the heck am I supposed to know? But doesn’t it seem logical?”
“I’m afraid all logic flies out the window when you’re trying to push a
baby out of your vagina for the first time, babe.”
 She keeps bouncing but a strained look crosses her face. “Babe? I might
need help. I can’t stop bouncing,” she says, out of breath, “or I might fall
down, but if I fall down, I’ll never get up. And I don’t want to sit on the floor
because my ass is still wet from my water breaking.”

“Y OU …” I’ M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO THERE BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING I’ M

dangerously close to meeting volatile Ashley, someone I haven’t had the
displeasure of being introduced to yet. I extend both hands down to her and
help pull her up.
“Thanks. I’m not sure but I think it probably helped.”
I bark out a laugh. “You think bouncing like a frog helped?”
“Had to. I feel like he’s lower now. I’m ready.”
“Don’t you want to change out of your wet clothes first?”
She shakes her head and marches toward the door. “No time.”
I chase her down and turn her around by the shoulders, guiding her to our
bathroom. “We’ve got time. Trust me. Go change your clothes and whatever
else will make you feel good about leaving for the hospital and I’ll make sure
the bag is in the car. Want me to call your parents?”
“Yeah, that’d be good. And Josie. But tell them not to tell my sisters yet.
I’m not ready for everyone.”
She stands beside me looking at her stomach. “You okay?” I ask her.
“This has gone by so fast,” she whimpers. “And everything happened in
the last year. I’m exhausted.”
“It’s been a hell of a year for sure, but we have a few more steps to go
before we can take a nice long nap, okay? Like maybe eighteen years before
the nice long nap happens.”
She begins to cry. Oh shit. “I’m so tired!”
I kind of laugh and pull her to me. “I know, Ash. I know. We’ve been
through a lot in nine months but I promise that it will all be worth it soon.”
“Yeah,” she agrees in a whisper. “Okay. Yeah,” she rallies and throws her
shoulders back, walking toward the door. “I’m ready now. Let’s do this.”
Once again, I guide her to the bathroom. “Change first. We’ve got plenty
of time.”
“Oh! Right. Duh. Yeah, we’ve got plenty of time.”
WE WERE WRONG .
We didn’t have plenty of time.
Not even enough time to drive the fifteen minutes it takes to get to the
hospital because her labor is progressing too fast. I have no idea how things
changed so quickly but she went from walking to the bathroom to full-blown
contractions in five minutes time. I was on the phone with her parents, letting
them know it would be a while when I heard her yell my name.
“Holy shit!” she groans. “That frog thing really works, huh?”
“Are you actually having him? Right now?” I shout, panic setting in.
“Uh, yeah! What the hell do you think is happening?”
“Well, I thought we had time!”
“We clearly don’t! I’m freaking out so you’re not allowed to, okay? Only
one of us is allowed to be dumb right now.”
I try to get her to the car but the labor pains have increased ten-fold. She
screams out my name and I wish with all my might that I could somehow
take the pain away from her.
Each new contraction doesn’t give her a moment to breathe before the
next one hits her just as hard. She might be handling it like a champ, doing
her breathing exercises while I cradle her from behind. But when the
contractions begin to hit her less than a minute apart, I decide enough’s
enough. I call for an ambulance because I’m not equipped to drive her to the
hospital while she’s this far along in active labor.
“I’m going to suggest something that neither of us want to do but this is
where we’re at in life right now. I’m not looking forward to it, either, but I
think you have to get into the bathtub.”
“Why would I do a thing like that?” she asks through a low voice.
“Because there’s a very good chance that you’re about to give birth in our
house and I would prefer that to happen in the tub rather than on our floor.”
“I am not giving birth at home. I need drugs. And doctors. And nurses.
And a lot of sanitization! This isn’t happening. No. I’m willing it to go
away,” she says, determined. She pushes against me, trying to stand up but
there’s no point.
“Come on. Let’s go! No time to waste!”
Luckily the doorbell rings, interrupting her objections.
After making sure she’s settled, I rush to the door and let the medics in.
They look a little familiar but I can’t place them, not that it matters.
“She’s back here. She’s… decided that she’s not having a baby at the
moment and will wait until she can be at the hospital.”
The woman gives me a knowing look and the guy grunts, “Great.”
“Pretty much.”
When we get to our room, she’s on her hands and knees, crawling toward
the bedroom door.
“Ash?”
She looks up. “Oh hey! See? I’m on my way. Just maybe help me get up
and I’ll be right with you.”
“Medics are here to help,” I tell her.
“Hi there. I’m Ashley.”
“We’ve met,” the woman says, getting on her haunches in front of
Ashley. “Sarah, you may not remember me, though.”
Realization dawns and Ashley cries out in a contraction. “Accident.”
“Yes. I helped you at the car accident. Good to see you still have that
strong determination we saw from you then.”
“You ready to go to the hospital, babe?” she asks, breathing heavy with
her eyes practically bugging straight out of her head. It’s kind of a scary look
on her, I gotta admit.
“Maybe we can try something different?” I suggest, looking to Sarah for
backup. Luckily, the other medic, this one a man, steps in.
“Ashley, do you remember me?”
“Cart-er.”
The young medic grins. “Yeah. That’s me. I’m glad to see you’re doing
well.”
Ashley nods rapidly, her lips puckered when she says, “Mm hmm.”
“Remember how I told you my girlfriend was having a baby, too? She
was a little ahead of you.”
She nods and groans long and deep when another contraction hits.
“I was with her in the delivery room, Ashley, and I’ve gotta say, you’re
where she was when she started pushing. Would you mind letting us help you
out a little bit?”
Once she gets through the contraction, she finally nods, agreeing to their
help. We quickly get her undressed from the bottom down. There’s no sense
in delaying that any longer at this point and Sarah quickly slides a towel out
of our bathroom under her butt.
 I sit back, letting Ashley use my body to brace herself against while
allowing Carter and Sarah to do their jobs just as I hear more sirens.
“Liberty Police Department!” a man yells, entering my house.
“We’re back here!” I call to him.
Two men in uniform step into the room just in time to see Ashley bear
down with a contraction that has to feel like it’s ripping her in two. She’s
lying against my knees, my arms stretched out beside her so she can grip my
hands tightly. And is it ever tight.
Her lips are pursed and she has sweat pouring out of her. I have no idea
how this happened, her about to give birth in our home, but considering that
the entire time we’ve known each other has been out of the ordinary, it kind
of makes sense.
“Holy crap!” one of them shouts.
The other stands by the door looking a little white before shaking his head
and snapping out of it. “So, uh, what do you need from me?”
Sarah rattles off a few things like towels and blankets but the rest of the
items she has in her bag. Firemen show up, and all I can think is my house
isn’t big enough for this many people. I have no idea why firemen are here,
though, in emergency situations, I assume the more the merrier is a general
rule of thumb to go by. In this case, I feel a great sense of relief knowing that
we have extra hands here to help should anything go south.
Though, I’m not sure how much farther south we can go than having an
unplanned home birth.
A contraction starts and she grunts and groans, curling her body into a C
and gritting her teeth.
“Good. Okay, Sarah is going to need to check you to see how far you’re
dilated.”
“Not to be a smartass, but it looks to me like that’s not necessary,” one of
the policeman says, pointing to in between Ashley’s legs.
“We see a head,” Sarah announces.
“What the fuck!” I yell. “The head? Like a baby’s head?”
“Welcome to the party, asshole!” Ashley groans. “I think this is the part
where I say this is all your fault.”
Carter and Sarah bark orders at all of us. Who needs to be positioned
where, who needs to hold what, who’s supposed to push and count to ten —
that job, at least the pushing — belongs to Ashley, of course. But when I
count to ten for Ashley and encourage her to push, I find myself holding my
breath and doing the same.
After what feels like hours, a million curse words from every single
person in the room, blood and bodily fluids I never expected to see in my
bedroom, and a lot of shouting, the only sound we hear is…
“It’s a boy!” followed by the absolute sweetest, most perfect sound in the
entire world.
“Congratulations, Mom and Dad. You’ve got yourself a healthy baby
boy. Ten fingers, ten toes.”
Sarah and Carter make quick work of checking him over and doing their
best to complete the child birthing process. Things need to be stitched and cut
and sewn up. All things that I would not have paid attention to whether we
were in a sterile hospital room surrounded by doctors and nurses or not.
Because I’m too busy staring at my son and whispering to Ashley how
amazing she is. How in awe of her I am.
“You just had a home birth,” I remind her unnecessarily. “You’re a total
badass.”
She snots through a cry. She seriously looks like she’s been through hell
and back, which seems appropriate. “That was really fucking hard,” she
admits.
“I imagine it was. You kind of hurt my hand there for a second or two,” I
joke.
Sarah places our little bundle of perfection in Ashley’s arms. “We’ll
transport you to the hospital. They’re waiting for you.”
“Can’t we just stay here now? Isn’t it all done?”
Sarah smiles. “It’s good to have him checked out by your doctor, and you
as well. They can help you manage any pain you’re feeling, too.”
They push her out on the rolling cot the firemen brought in, Carter and
Sarah working together with the rest of the emergency crew standing by. “I
can’t believe this happened,” Carter says. “Sorry, that’s probably
inappropriate but holy hell. When we came upon that accident, I was scared
that we wouldn’t…” he trails off, clearing his voice, “anyway, that’s not
important. It’s just really good to be here for this. To see that you’re doing all
right.”
“We’re more than all right,” Ashley tells him. “We’re doing great. Maybe
you two are the reason this happened so quickly. Because I needed to be able
to tell you both thank you in person.”
“Just doing our jobs,” Carter mumbles.
 “Glad you do them well,” I say. “Thank you. For what you did then and
what you did today. All of you.”
The police escort the ambulance to the hospital while the firemen head
back to the station. This time they let me ride with Ashley and our son.
As we’re riding, Mr. Trouble Causer himself looks up at me. Dark hair.
Dark eyes. Wrinkly olive skin. Scrunched up face.
“How much do you think he weighs?” I ask Sarah.
“Over eight pounds for sure. We’ll get exact measurements when we
arrive, though. But in my opinion, he looks like a healthy baby boy. Any
ideas of what you’re going to name the little guy?”
It dawns on me that we haven’t said it out loud yet. Heck, we only just
decided a week ago. “Jackson Paul. Paul is my middle name, too.” Saying his
name for the first time is amazing.
“Jackson Paul. I love that. Welcome to the world, Jackson Paul. You sure
do like to make a grand entrance.”
“Lord help us,” I mutter and Ashley smiles, laying her head back on the
bed while holding Jackson in her arms. I’m not sure if the paramedics are
supposed to let her hold him but I assume we aren’t breaking any laws here.
Besides, I’m not sure you could pull Jackson out of his mother’s arms right
now.
“I love you,” I tell Ashley.
With a smile, she replies, “I love you.”
“And I love you, Jackson. Thanks for shaking up our world and bringing
us together.”
 EPILOGUE

A SHLEY — O NE Y EAR L ATER

“A RE YOU ONE ? S HOW ME ONE FINGER , J ACKSON . O NE ! T HAT ’ S RIGHT !

You’re such a big boy, aren’t you?” Grace coos. To say we’ve seen a big
turnaround with her over the past year would be a huge understatement. She
quit her job, moved back to our hometown to be closer to our parents and
Lucy. Nik and I made it clear that we were absolutely fine with her not
moving to Liberty. She might have changed some but we’re still not willing
to just forget that she at one point asked to adopt our child.
Besides, as much as we love my family, we like our privacy even more.
Over the last year and nine months, our family of three has been through a lot
of changes and we’ve needed to adjust to those changes. My family has a
tendency to be a bit intrusive. Not to say that Josie can’t be, but she’s busy
with their own baby as well.
“You’re such a weirdo,” I tell Grace while I put the finishing touches on
Jackson’s birthday party decorations. She smiles and stands from her place
on the floor where she’s been playing with Jackson.
“Good. Aunties are supposed to be weird.”
Nik raises his eyebrows and I shrug. Grace went from being a rigid,
judgmental… well, bitch, to the goofy one in the family. It’s hard not to
wonder where the complete one-eighty came from. Aside from her marriage
falling apart, that is.
“Whatever you say,” I mutter, tying the string for the birthday banner
hanging from the mantel on the fireplace. “There. I think that’s about it.”
Nik lifts Jackson off the floor and comes to me, kissing my cheek. “Looks
great, babe.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Don’t do that. You worked hard to make his first birthday special. He
might not remember it, but he’ll see the pictures some day and see it.”
“Thank you, honey. Want me to go change him so he’s ready when the
family gets here?”
He shakes his head. “I got it. You sit down for a few minutes and rest.”
“You’re the best,” I tell him and he grins, carrying Jackson to his room.
“He’s one of the good ones,” Grace says when they’re both gone.
My heart swells. “He is.”
“I’m kind of jealous,” she admits and I shoot her a glare. “Not because I
want Nik for myself,” she’s quick to explain, “but because I have never had
that. I don’t know what it’s like to be loved by someone like Nik or Grant. Or
Dean, either.”
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to tell her. She’s the one who married
Samuel. It’s not as if he changed after they said I do.
She shrugs. “It’s my own fault. I was the one who married the dipshit.”
I snort. “That’s true. Wonder how he and… what’s her name again?”
“Blake.”
“Right, Blake. Wonder how they’re doing? Have you heard?”
“I haven’t talked to him since the divorce finalized. But, as much as I hate
to admit it, Blake seemed really nice, even if she was a little over-the-top
sweet. Maybe it was all fake, you know? Either way, it’s not of my concern
anymore.”
“Right. Do you want a glass of wine?”
“You really are a mom now, aren’t you? Wine at your kid’s first birthday
party.”
“I’m not having any. I was asking if you wanted some.”
“You’re not having any?” she asks, suspiciously.
“Nope. Gotta keep my wits about me for the party.”
“Hmm. I’ll let it pass because I have news that I wanted to tell you before
everyone comes and I’m going to be selfish. I know, I know, this is nothing
new but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?”
“What’s going on?” I ask, chuckling.
“I’m adopting.”
 I set down the platter of fruit that I just pulled from the fridge. “You’re
kidding.”
“Not a bit. Not a baby, though. I’m working with an agency to adopt an
older child.”
I sit down at the table because this news is just… a lot to take in. “Wow.
Do Mom and Dad know?”
“Yeah. I haven’t told Lucy yet, though. I started the process about a
month before her babies were born and I just didn’t want to add to the stress.
Plus, I wasn’t sure what would come of it. But now we know. The little girl is
six years old. Her situation is, well, it’s really sad. Now that I have my own
practice and can make my own hours, having a child of my own makes a
little more sense.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Grace nods and pours herself a glass of iced tea then takes a seat at the
table with me. After taking a drink, she sets the glass on the table. “I’m one
hundred percent positive. I know all other evidence might point to me being a
selfish asshole but I want this, have thought this through, and am so excited
to share my life with this little girl. We’ve met and spent time together with
her social worker. She’s so sweet and adorable. Incredibly shy, which
lessened after a bit. She’s been through so much in her short life and needs
someone on her side. I’m going to be that person. She deserves someone who
will put her first and show her what unconditional love is like.”
“I have to admit, I’m a little surprised.”
“I don’t blame you for that. But I promise, I’ve thought this through a lot.
I’m not doing it for me. The fact is, there are so many children who need love
in this world and I have love to give.”
“I’m happy for you, then. And you have my complete support. However
Nik and I can help, let me know.”
“Thanks, Ash.”
Nik and Jackson come walking into the kitchen. Well, Jackson toddles in
while Nik walks slowly next to him.
Jackson gives me a toothy grin when he sees me and I move my chair,
reaching out my arms. He stumbles toward me and I wrap him up, nuzzling
my nose into his cheek. He’s the cutest thing on the planet and I can’t get
enough of him.
“Don’t you look handsome?” I ask him. Nik’s combed his dark hair so
it’s all slicked down and to the side. His chubby legs are covered in a little
pair of jeans and he’s wearing a blue plaid flannel shirt that… oh my heart…
matches Nik’s.
“How do we look?” Nik asks proudly.
“It’s so stinking adorable! Where did you find this? When?”
He shrugs. “Gotta leave a little mystery in our marriage, right, little
man?” he asks our son who gives him a big smile.
Nik and I waited exactly six weeks after he was born to get married. We
wanted to be able to celebrate our marriage the “right way”. Wink. Wink.
Even though that night we still had him at home with us, we still enjoyed
our night together as a married couple.
Nik kisses me on top of the head and gives me a knowing grin.
“What do you need me to do before everyone gets here?”
“I think we’re ready. Dad wants to help grill the burgers but everything
else is ready to go. Mom’s bringing potato salad, too.”
“Oooh, she is? I actually texted her about that.”
“I should be surprised but I’m not. She’s such a sucker for you.”
Nik grins shamelessly and steals our baby from me. Not so much steals
since the two are practically inseparable, but it would sure be nice if he
favored me once in a while.
“Gotta teach my guy how to charm the ladies from the start, right?”
“If he’s got even a smidgen of you in him, then he’s going to be a
charmer regardless,” Grace says, rolling her eyes.
The doorbell rings and immediately opens, my parents’ voices filling the
small space.
“Where’s my boy?” my dad shouts. Jackson squeals at Papa’s voice, his
second favorite guy in the universe, and squirms out of Nik’s hands.
Jackson moves as quickly as his little legs can carry him to my dad,
giggling the whole way.
A half hour later, the backyard is flooded with our family. Four kids
under the age of two between Lucy, Josie, and me. My parents have taken to
assuming the role of grandparents to little Jay as well, and I’ve never seen
them so happy or enjoy life more.
It’s hard to believe that just two years ago I saw myself getting married to
a man who I had to pretend to be someone else around. I can’t imagine a life
other than the one I have now. Nik and Jackson are my everything.
My entire family is here, along with Nik’s and some of our friends he’s
introduced me to. Brandon and Savannah, Mia and Cole, and all their kids.
 “Niko, can you grab one of those juice boxes for Jay?” Josie asks, her
hands resting on her incredibly large belly. She’s due with number two any
day now.
“Sure thing,” Nik says, bringing an apple juice box over to where Jay is
sitting, a plate of food in front of him.
“Niko?” Savannah asks, laughing.
“She’s the only one who’s allowed to call me that,” Nik says, shooting a
pointed look at Savannah, making me laugh.
The party to celebrate a year of Jackson’s life is full of laughter and
chatter. There’s no drama, no arguments, no awkwardness.
“How you doing, mama?” Nik asks me quietly.
“I’m doing perfect.”
He places a hand on my stomach. “We ready to tell everyone?”
“It’s not too early?”
“We’re out of the first trimester. I think it’s time.”
“Okay then.”
“It’s time!” Dean shouts. “Holy crap! It’s time! It’s time!”
“Wow, that’s weird, right?” Nik says to me.
“Pretty sure they’re talking about something else entirely,” I tell him,
pointing to his sister who is standing in a pool of water, holding her belly.
“Oh! Oh crap! It’s time! Get her outta here! We don’t need a repeat of the
last time someone went into labor in this house.”
Suddenly there’s a flurry of activity as we try to usher Josie out the door.
She, however, has other plans. “Stop it. I want to see Jackson eat his cake
first. We’ve got plenty of time. I don’t even feel my contractions yet.”
“Take it from me, Josie. Don’t assume…”
“Oh hush. Your situation was completely different. Give the boy his cake
so I can see him eat it then we’ll go… oh! oh no…”
“Not again,” Nik groans. “When you get to the eighth month with this
one, we’re just going to camp out at the hospital.”
“At least this time we have a doctor and nurse here,” I remind him,
pointing to Cole and Mia who are helping Josie as she moves to the house,
Dean by her side.
“This house is cursed.”
“Nah. I’d say it’s the opposite. It’s the perfect house, right? It’s where we
got our start together.”
He kisses me hard, right in front of our family who’s running around
trying to help Josie.
“By the way, everyone! Ash and I are expecting another baby!”
“Oh my gosh, you tell me this now?” Josie moans. “I mean, yay! But
remind me again after I give birth, okay?”
“You got it, sis!” Nik hollers.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“Not nearly as much as I love you,” Nik argues.
 AUTHOR’S NOTE

Chick-fil-A is incredibly delicious (truly – it is) but unfortunately, coming

from a small town myself, I don’t get to enjoy it unless I go into the “big
city”. Big city is a relative term here. Ha! Anyway, this is mainly because
their restaurants aren’t typically in smaller towns. I know this. I took a little
bit of creative license here and incorporated a restaurant into the tiny town of
Liberty, Michigan. If you’re wondering, the small town I live in has around
11,000 people. The fictional town of Liberty, MI is about half the size. So
yeah, there’s no way a CFA would have a restaurant there, but a girl can
dream, right? That’s what books are for. Go ahead. Dream up your perfect
town and restaurant combo. It’s fun.
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

God is the Almighty One who gives me the courage to hit publish, the ideas
for my stories, the time and ability. Without Him, I would not survive. I am
so blessed to know Him and His love for me.
My family stepped up in a big way for Together. I struggled while writing
not because I didn’t feel the story or love it, but because our family, like so
many others, has been dealing with a lot of hard times. One thing I appreciate
about the four other humans who live in this home with me, is that they not
only encourage, they remind me why I do what I do. They’re not ashamed to
say they’re proud of me or tell everyone they know that I write romance
books for a living.
I truly believe that books are an important part of our world. We learn
from them, find an escape, fall in love, are encouraged, get lost, relax, lose
ourselves, and discover things about ourselves. Reading is my escape and to
have a family that supports me in giving back some of those stories is
incredibly humbling.
So to my family who lives through my stress, thank you. I could not love
you more or be happier to have you as mine.
Jill, I have no words for how much I cherish our friendship. I love you so
much.
Andrea, Rachel, ladies in The Walk, and all my author friends, thank you
for allowing me to be a part of your world. You are the reason being an
author is the best job in the entire world.
Kate, Maria, and Amie — there are no three people who push me or help
me more. You’re invaluable to me and I love you dearly.
 Najla, thank you for listening to exactly what I envisioned for Nik and
Ashley’s cover and nailing it! You’re a gem.
Julie, you deserve a million gold stars for putting up with me. Yikes.
Don’t leave me. I beg you.
Kaitie, thanks for being a beautiful friend and support.
Huge thanks to Sarah, Pella EMS and Michael, NOLA PD, for their help
in making sure specific scenes were accurate! I am so grateful you both took
time to guide these scenes.
Bloggers, no matter how many books I publish, I’m still so very honored
you fit me into your busy schedule. I know you receive countless emails a
day and know that every time you choose to share and/or read and review one
of my books, I’m so grateful.
Readers, the options for what books you choose to read every day (at
least I hope you get to read daily!) are endless. You chose Together and for
that, I thank you. I truly hope you enjoyed it.
If you’re in my reader group, Jennifer’s Java Girls, thank you for your
support and being one of the best groups on Facebook. If you haven’t joined
yet, please do so by clicking the link! We love new members and I’d love to
see you join us.
Thank you to my English teachers growing up who instilled in me a love
for the written word and for my parents who were often found holding books
to wind down in the evening.
And finally, you, everyone else, and anyone who I’ve forgotten because I
can be forgetful, thank you.
 HELP?

Help me out?

Did you enjoy your time spent with Nik, Ashley, and the rest of the gang
(well, maybe not Grace but I made it right in the end, yeah?) of Together? I’d
love to hear your thoughts! Reviews are so vital for authors. They not only
help other readers decide whether or not to pick up a book, they also help us
improve our craft. If you are able, I’d love for you to leave a quick review on
Amazon, Goodreads and/or BookBub. It doesn’t need to be long or detailed –
short and sweet works just as great!
Thank you so much!

Goodreads: https://smarturl.it/TogetherGR

Amazon US: https://amzn.to/3cPjO6d

Amazon Worldwide: http://mybook.to/TogetherJVW

BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/books/together-a-surprise-pregnancy-
romance-by-jennifer-van-wyk
 ARE YOU A BOOK BLOGGER OR BOOKSTAGRAMMER?

I love living in a world where blogging and gramming our love for books is a
thing. If you are a blogger, bookstagrammer, or spend time on Pinstagrammer
(I totally just made up that word), I’d love to have you sign up for my master
blogger list. Don’t worry — I won’t hound you constantly. This is a way for
me to reach you when I have updates and keep in touch.

JVW Blogger List

 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

From the Ground Up was Jennifer’s first published novel and now that she was bitten by the writing
bug, has no intention of ever stopping. Jennifer makes her home in small town Iowa with her high
school sweetheart, three beautiful, hilarious and amazing kids, one crazy Jack Russell terrier. This is
where her love for all things reading, baking, and cooking happen. Jennifer’s family enjoys camping,
boating, and spending time outside as much as possible. You'll be her best friend if you can make her
laugh and follow up with asking her what to read next. When she’s not writing, you can find her
cheering the loudest at her kids’ sporting events (read as: embarrassing them), sipping coffee or iced tea
out of a mason jar with her Kindle in her lap or binging on Netflix.
 FOLLOW JENNIFER

F OLLOW J ENNIFER
Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/dcTJKf
FB: https://www.facebook.com/jennifervanwykauthor/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/jenvanwyk/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/jennifervanwykauthor/
Reader Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/JennifersJavaGirls/
Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2foP8dK
Amazon: http://amzn.to/2vZV2Ic
BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/jennifer-van-wyk
Website: https://www.jennifervanwykauthor.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AuthorJenVW
 OTHER BOOKS BY JENNIFER VAN WYK

From the Ground Up (Barrett & Tess Ryan):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/from-the-ground-up/

A Better Place (James & Carly):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/a-better-place/

Feels Like Home (Andy & Christine):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/feels-like-home/

Waiting For Her (Grady & Bri):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/waiting-for-her/

All I Need (Walker & Ellie):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/all-i-need/

Gone For You (Ethan & Olivia):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/gone-for-you/

Falling For You (Rex & Chloe):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/falling-for-you/

Staying For You (Owen & Cami):

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/staying-for-you/

I’m Yours (Reed & Sadie)

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/im-yours

The Other Guy: A Textdoor Neighbor Romance

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/the-other-guy

The Path To Us: A Friends-to-Lovers Single Parent Romance

https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/the-path-to-us
Without You: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance
https://jennifervanwykauthor.com/without-you
 WHAT’S COMING UP?

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT WHAT ’ S COMING UP ! F IRST OF ALL , LOOK FOR AN

amazing boxed set later this spring. I’ve never released a boxed set before
and with my return to Liberty, I was feeling incredibly inspired. You’ll get a
few added scenes that you won’t want to miss and that’s your only hint for
now. Ha! Make sure you’re signed up for my newsletter: http://eepurl.com/
dcTJKf and in my reader group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/
JennifersJavaGirls/ to stay in the know.

I’ M CURRENTLY WRITING A STORY THAT HAS ME MORE EXCITED THAN

probably any others. Why? Because it’s about a farm boy. And if you know
anything about me, you know that I married the sexiest, most hard working
farm boy out there. I’m also raising two farm boys, so to say that I know a bit
about what makes a farmer tick would be an understatement. Never Really
Over is a single parent romance and I’ll tell you this: Colt and Layla are
amazing.

A FTER N EVER R EALLY O VER , BE WATCHING FOR A L OVE L IKE O URS : A

Married Couple Romance and One Night Forever: A Mature Second Chance
Romance
I’ll be sharing more on both of these soon!