Cas Zaye 

Block C
DUE MONDAY MAY 2nd 
 Why Mother's day is such a hard day for me.

1.  I need to preface this by saying that just because I hate Mother’s Day, doesn’t mean I
don’t actively appreciate the female figures in my life. If you celebrate your mom on
Mother’s Day, so be it, and if for whatever reason you don’t have a mom, I feel for you.

2. Okay, story time! My mother neglected me and was emotionally abusive, but I thought
that I didn’t have a choice but to sit through it because she was my mom. I did this until I
was 14 when I decided that I had had enough, and I moved in with my dad.

3. In August of 2018, I was with my dad in Stanley Park for a fireworks show and I wasn’t
able to answer my mother right away and she went off the handle. She thought my dad
was plotting to take me away without telling her, and that he was manipulating me into
thinking she was a bad parent. This was really hard to hear, because it was the exact
opposite of what was actually happening.

4.  My dad was trying to support me, and remind me that I was in control of the situation.
Throughout this entire ordeal, he didn’t put a single word into my mouth nor did he try to
influence my thinking, and I knew that.

5. I tried to tell her that what I was saying was what I actually thought, and she just kept
saying a whole bunch of nasty things to me so I eventually just turned my phone off and
enjoyed the rest of my night with my dad.

6. When we went home that night I wanted to shower before I went to bed, so I went
upstairs and put my phone on the counter so I could shower and the second I turned the
faucet on, my phone started to ring. My mom was calling me, so I answered it. As I put
the phone to my ear, she began to yell at me.

7. She was yelling about how terrible it was of me to ignore her all day. I tried to tell her that
I wouldn’t be available on this very day because of the fireworks. Apparently that wasn’t
good enough because she started to tell me how shitty of a daughter I always am. Mind
you, I was a 14 year old girl who had never disobeyed my mother under any
circumstances.

8. After 20 minutes of her berating me, I am sitting on the bathroom floor crying because of
what she had said to me. She hung up, and I went to go try to tell my dad what just
happened but I could barely get words out because of how upset I was.
9. To make a very long, traumatic story short; my mother is a terrible person and I finally
decided that I didn’t deserve that treatment. When you live in a situation where you are
being neglected, eventually you will just snap and realise that this isn’t right, and that you
most likely have other options.

10. I need to mention the fact that I was extremely lucky to have another option in terms of
where I could live. Some people who are in the situation I was in don’t get that luxury.
My father was there for me when I needed him, and that is more than a lot of people get
so for that, I am forever grateful. 

11. Back to the main topic. Mother’s Day is a constant reminder for me that I don’t have the
one person in my life that you would expect to be there for you no matter what.
Traditionally, the mother is supposed to be someone you can rely on to love you through
every hardship or to at least be there for you should you need her. 

12. Since I don’t have that, I sometimes get jealous of those who do. This is nobody's fault,
aside from my mother’s. I may get jealous but I hold no ill will to anyone who celebrates
Mother’s Day, as I stated before. 

13. When Mother’s Day rolls around every year, I make a conscious effort to stay away from
social media to avoid the constant reminder of people being happy with their moms.
Instagram is the bane of my existence, it’s literally a photo album from hell for me.

14. As much as I try to avoid it, I find myself getting really down on myself and just  overall
really depressed. I don’t blame myself for my mom behaving the way she did, but I do
feel like if I could have just done something different then maybe it wouldn’t be 4 years
since I last saw my mom. 

15. Ultimately, hindsight is 20/20 and I can’t change the past but I do wish I could go back
sometimes and try to advocate for myself sooner. I don’t blame myself, and I don’t regret
what I did, but on days like Mother’s Day I wish it could all be different.

16. If only I could have stood up for myself earlier in life, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way now.
Obviously everything is meant to happen for a reason, but at the same time I miss my
mother just like anyone else would. 
17. She may have hurt me, and abandoned me but I still feel like I am obligated to care
about her. Everyone has some sort of connection to their mother, because she birthed
you and there is always going to be that tie even if the emotional connection is severed.

18. I had such a hard time adjusting to not having her around because I felt like the situation
was so easy to fix if only she understood. The first Mother’s Day after she stopped being
in my life was the most difficult, I was angry and sad all day and I felt like nobody
understood how I felt. It was mostly due to the fact that I was under the impression that if
she wouldn’t listen to me, then who would? 

19. After that year, that day slowly started to suck less and less but even now I still don’t
anticipate it in the slightest. This year, I am going to try to not isolate myself and I am
going to treat it like every other day of the year. Maybe if I try to ignore that it is Mother’s
Day, then it won’t be as painful.

20. Thank you for listening to me talk about my trauma and how much I hate Mother’s day.
Now you know a bit more about me than I had ever assumed anyone in this class would
have! That’s fun, isn’t it?