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My name is April Jane N. Masapol, I am 18 years old turning 19 on April 7. I live in Zone 6
Metro Homes Calauag, Naga City. My Mother's name is Laura and my Father’s name is Felipe, I
have 7 siblings and I am the youngest. They called me April, Pyot, Jingjing, Jane, but some of
my classmates even teachers called me using my surname. When I got bored, sometimes I will
cut my hair, make a bangs, sometimes I draw, listening to the music, sleep, and also read a book.
I can't live without music, cause music is my source of energy, even I washed the dishes, clean
our house, I always listen to the music. I love dark colors, like black, gray, dark green, but I also
love purple and pink. I can be feminine or masculine, but it depends to my mood. I have a soft
heart, especially when someone shouting.

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When I am 4 years old, I want to have a swimming pool, even we are poor. When I saw my
neighbors that they have a big swimming pool, I got jealous, their gate is open, so I decided to
jump without their permission. I really don't know how to swim so I got lamos. My parents got
angry at my siblings because they didn't watch over me at all, my parents blame my sister's
because they are the one who trusted my mother. My mother told me that I lost consciousness,
but I still remember another incident.

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When I am grade 11, I have lack of confidence, everytime I enter the room I always ware mask.
It is the only who can keep the real me, it is the only one who hide my real face, by using the
mask I have more confident to face the world. I remember when we need to introduce ourselves,
then I'm too scared because my teacher told us that we need to remove our mask to know us
more. I got nervous and I really don't know what to do, and then I told her that I can't take off my
mask, and thanks lord she agreed. I know that pulling down your self is wrong, but can anyone
blame me if I have a insecurities that I can't show.
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I try to take off my mask to tryna build my confidence, but sometimes I got scared especially
when I talk to someone, speaking in front of my classmates and teachers. Sometimes I just
secretly ask myself if how can make myself more confident, I ask myself if I can do it without
hesitation, scared, or anything that I feel everytime I do my weakness.

I remember when my auntie told me that I need to take care myself, and also she recognized that
I always hide my face everytime I talk to them, they say that I disrespect them, but they that
know that I have an insecurities that I can't show or share to anyone because I'm too scared.

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It was the first time I experienced a breakdown, even though I was in grade eight at the time.
There are many tasks that I do not understand, and do because I have no one to ask. I was afraid
that I might not pass because I had a lot of work that I didn't do because I didn't know anything.
In two years of always being confined to the house, crying at night, facing the problem of being
alone, and always complaining because of the pandemic. I learned how to be brave and face
trials alone, I learned to fight, and to be strong, but because of the pandemic I learned to hide
insecurities by wearing a mask. I'm thankful for the facemask because if it wasn't for him I
wouldn't have the courage to talk to others, socialize, and keep up with them, because by wearing
a facemask I'll boost my confident.

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When I was in grade one, my brother threw bamboo at me and accidentally hit me in the nose. I
was just crying as I held my nose for a long time because it hurt, at first I thought that what I was
holding was wet with sweat, it was blood, I saw how the white clothes I was wearing turned red
because of the blood flowing from my wound in the nose My sister then took me to the hospital
to have my nose stitched because it was open, mom was not with me because she had to find
money to pay for the hospital. I still remember that while my nose was being sewn up, my two
eyes were open and the doctor was watching the nurses while they were sewing up my nose,
because when I was young, I was amazed because my eyes were green and I didn't feel the pain
but it remained I kept my eyes open until the stitching was done.
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When we first moved to the middle of the rice field, I was a little scared because I believed that
there were ghosts in the place we were going to move to. The first day I went to the place
because mom took me with her because she said there was a small house that could fit us, that
was the first day I experienced that we ate together, happily, and with plenty of food. I remember
the first time I saw a huge bird flying in the rice fields, I screamed in fear but my father said that
it was kind. As time went by, I liked the place we moved because it was quiet, away from the
hustle and bustle, there was fresh air, and plenty of food, even sometimes we didn't have any
food, but the important thing was a lot of rice and the whole family was happy.

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When we were still living in the old place where we lived, there I experienced how a child who
can play freely and have many friends can live. I experienced all the games, and I was happy for
the young me because he did all the things that made him happy. I remember then, mom bought
me a big doll but I didn't play with it because we left first, but when we came back the doll mom
bought me was gone, I was very angry and crying because that was the doll I dreamed of. I also
remembered when I was obsessed with the Korean pictures on the card, I spent almost all my
money buying them so my mother was angry with me.

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When I am in grade ten I felt sad, because we can't experience the moving up. It was pandemic
so our moving up is online, that was the first I've experienced. I was sad because it's online
moving up, and my parents did not celebrate because we have no money. I am also sad because
one of my friends didn't experience too, because she passed away.
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2022 when one of my best friend died, because one of her lungs are gone. It was July 11, 2022
when I saw her sister's post on FB, I told it to my mom and then she called my mom's best friend.
I remember when I saw her mother crying, I don't know what to do. I lock my room's door and
cry, because it was my first time lost my friend, the real one. It was march 12, 2022 when we
hang out together, but that was the last time we made a memories with her.

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When I am grade 7, I have my own trio friends. We are always hangout together, laughed
together, eat together, and so on. Some people called us Ex B girls, because we're addicted of a
hip-hop group that famous in 2018, called Ex Battalion. We join the intermission because it was
family day. That was the first time we show our talent together in public, the families, students,
and staff of our school saw us, and we made a goodvibes to them. I missed the day we hang out
together, because now we're only two, not trio anymore because one of the ExB girls is resting
now in heaven.

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I remember when I met a boy on social media that have same humor as me. We stock in talking
stage for almost 9 months, because we both scared in commitment. He gave me the assurance,
time, care, love, respect, kindness, that I really want. He said that he court me someday, because
he want to ask me that question in front of me. It was august and our school will starting on
August 28, and he said that he wants to meet me personally, I got scared because of my look, and
he said that I'm so beautiful in and out of myself. It was august 29 when we meet in front of NCF
beside the king brew, when I first saw him I wonder, because his face on social media and in
person is the same but I forget that because I loved his personality. It was September, after class
when we are walking together to take me home, he saw my insecurities and after that he become
walk while walking and he said that he really need to go home too, and I said keep safe, and he
didn't reply. It was September 27 when I chat him, but he didn't reply even he have a new post on
his account, I really wonder, because I think he don't like me anymore because of what he saw.
He really broke my heart. I thought he will accept me for who I am, like what I accept him for
what he have and he is, but I was wrong. And now it's so unfair because he is happy with his new
girl, but here I am suffering the trauma he gave to me.
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It so hard to be a youngest child, because all of my life I look like a robot that someone
controlling to move. My mother always command me to go to my cousin's house, for what??? to
be a yaya, cook a food to them, clean their house, wash their clothes, and so on. Even I don't
want to do it, I will just to see my mother happy and proud to me. I really want to cry, because I
hate my life, sometimes I don't want to follow my mom she will angry at me, I don't know why,
so I have no choice, just to follow her even I don't. I really want to tell her that I'm tired for being
a made of her nephew, doing the things that not my obligations. Sometimes after school even I'm
not already changed my uniform, my cousin says that wash the dishes first before I eat,
sometimes I cry because of anger, anger that I can't tell to anyone, especially to my mom.

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Three years ago, when my nephew died, he was 6 years old that time. It broke our hearts to know
that he was gone, it was very painful to see my mother and father in pain because of what
happened. That was the first day I saw dad cry, because my nephew was his youngest grandson. I
remember when I found out that my nephew was gone, I was suddenly stunned, I didn't realize
that I had dropped the cellphone I was holding, it was like I was daydreaming because of what
happened, but I braced myself like a mother who was weak because what happened.

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After I graduate, I will pursue my dream course which is architecture, because when I am 16
years old, I dreamed that someday I will be the one who make a plan and build our dream house.
All of our life, we live in tiny house that only have 3 rooms even we are 10 members of the
family, that situation inspired me to be a successful person someday.