[Your last name] 1

[Name]

Mrs. Scharf

ERWC Period [?]

[Day you turn it in or due date] January 2022

Scholarship Essay

Rubric

After completing your Scholarship Essay Assignment, highlight in yellow what you believe

you earned on your Scholarship essay on the rubric below.

6 5 4 3 2 1
W 11-12.4 A little Reflection is thoughtful and The student reflects on The student Attempt No
Produce clear and more reveals the author has his/her essay and how reflect on the to reflect evidence
coherent writing successful reflected on specific aspects he/she revised. The changes he/she
in which the than a 5 of the essay and how to student shares some of the made but the
development, revise. The writer seems specific techniques and reflection might
organization, and genuinely engaged in the changes he/she made but be more surface-
style are process of reflecting and could go into more detail. level or to just
appropriate to revising by writing about “get it over with”
task, purpose, and the changes she/he has
audience. made.

W 11-12.5 A little Develop and strengthen Develop and strengthen Develop writing Attempt No
Develop and more writing multiple times as writing as needed by by revision or to revise evidence
strengthen writing successful needed by planning, planning, revising, planning.
as needed by than a 5 revising, editing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, or
planning, or trying a trying a new approach,
revising, editing, new approach, focusing on focusing on addressing
rewriting, or addressing what is most what is most significant
trying a new significant for a for a specific purpose and
approach, specific purpose and audience.
focusing on audience.
addressing what
is most significant
for a specific
purpose and
audience.

Original Essay

Write the essay’s prompt (recreate to the best of your ability) here:

To what extent is de facto segregation an issue that the United States

(government, media, school board, parents, etc.) needs to address? Use at
least three sources to support your argument.
 [Your last name] 2

To the best of your knowledge, what scores did you earn on this essay? If you can’t

remember the scores, what were some of the things you struggled with in this essay? What

needs to be improved?

[Put your original, unrevised essay here. It can be typed or pictures of your handwritten

work]

Ariell Belser

Mr. Yerkes

P6

De Facto Segregation
The mandatory steps we took for segregation lead to the

de facto segregation that swept across the country. It’s

important for de facto segregation so we can learn to get

along with each other rather than arguing and discriminating.

Although de facto segregation may cause violence, it is not a

pressing issue because we will continue to learn and accept

one another.

De facto segregation is a good idea because people will be

willing to speak and get involved with other races besides

their own. An article from “ The Trouble With Diversity” by

 [Your last name] 3

Walter Benn Michaels, 2006 says the context of diversity is

far more than race. prospect.org/article/trouble-diversity.

Another example is when he states,” So for 30 years, while

the gap between the rich and the poor has grown larger,

we’ve been urged to respect people’s identities-- as if the

problem of poverty would be solved if we just appreciated the

poor,”( par 3 ). This shows that diversity only being about

race is overrated. The gap between the rich and poor have

definitely grown larger. The rich seem to just be getting richer

and the poor is staying the same or getting poorer.“ So with

respect to race, the idea is not just that racism is a bad thing

but that race itself is a good thing,”( par 2). If we learn more

about each others races and history behind our races,

racism will not be much of a problem. We learn to respect

what our ancestors been through and help our generations

build a better future.De facto segregation helps us celebrate

our differences and learn to appreciate them too.

Segregating schools without force allows a better

environment and future for the kids. The article,” How

Seattle Gave Up on Busing and Allowed Its Public Schools to

 [Your last name] 4

Become Alarmingly Resegregated” shows just

that.www.thestranger.com/features/2016/04/13/23945368/

how-seattle-gave-up-on-

busing-and-allowed-its-public-schools-to-become-alarmingly-resegregated.

For example Walter Benn Michaels states,” Almost all black

and Latino students who made it to elite law schools in the

2000s attended integrated k-12 schools,”( par 15). This

proves that integrating the schools helped kids become a

better person as a whole. “ Harvard’s Gary Orfield found that

kids who attended integrating schools in the 1970s, 80s, and

90s report greater confidence in interacting with diverse

groups of adults,”(par 15). Another example is,” …

integrating schools helped people overcome fear and distrust

of people who were different,”(par 16). Not to mention all this

helped with funding. “ Furthermore, students who attend

integrated schools are less biased and more likely to seek

out integrated settings as adults. On top of that, integrating

schools is more effective than providing supplemental

funding to poor schools,’’(par 17).Segregation allowed kids a

better relationship with others and a better chance of building

a good relationship with others.

On the contrary, violence became an issue because of the

Mandatory busing and people not of color found ways

 [Your last name] 5

around the system.. “ How Seattle Gave Up on Busing and

Allowed its Public Schools to Become Alarmingly

Resegregated” also proves that.

www.thestranger.com/features/2016/04/13/23945368/how

-seattle-gave-up-on-

busing-and-allowed-its-public-schools-to-become-alarmingly-resegregated.

For example the author Sean Riley states,” In Boston, police

had to escort black students to white schools as onlookers

threw bottles at them. The Ku Klux Klan blew up buses

outside of Detroit,”( par 8). Since the government had to

make such a drastic change, people used force to stop other

races to coming to their schools. On top of that white people

started to take advantage of the system. “ The

contentiousness was conveyed through voting, the specter of

‘ white flight ,’ and white people working the system to their

advantage,”(par 8). Another example states,” Six weeks after

the school board’s vote to expand Seattle’s integrating

busing program, the Citizens for Voluntary Integration

Committee ( CIVIC ) launched a ballot initiative to prohibit

students from going to schools that were across the city from

their homes. Sixty percent of Seattleites voted “yes” for this

 [Your last name] 6

initiative,”(par 8). There indeed as problems in segregation

that indeed lead to de facto segregation.

https://www.britannica.com/topic/racial-segregation

An article on racial segregation talks about the overlook of

segregation. “ Racial segregation provides a means of

maintaining the economic advantages and superior social

status of the politically dominant group, and in recent times it

has been employed primarily by white populations to

maintain their ascendency over other groups by means of

legal and social colour bars,”( par 1). This shows how

segregation allows better advantages to races. Another

example is when the author talks about some areas of

restrictions for races like playgrounds and bathrooms are not

going to be enforced anymore. Segregation allowed better

change for every race.

In conclusion, the steps we took for segregation lead to the

good de facto segregation we have today. It’s important we

get along with each other no matter what color we are.

Getting along with one another will only benefit us in the long

run.
[Your last name] 7
 [Your last name] 8

Revised Essay

Type your revised essay in this section. Make sure to highlight in yellow the changes you made

from the original. These should be significant, meaningful changes, not just changes to grammar,

punctuation, etc.

Ariell Belser

Mrs.Scharf

Period 6

4-26-2022

De Facto Segregation Revised

De Facto Segregation’s significance depicts a broader view of racial systems in

America. It’s important to learn about this pressing issue still portrayed in the world

today, so we can learn to get along with each other rather than arguing and

discriminating. Continuing to learn and accept each other is a vital step towards a

true society of equality through our diversity.

De facto segregation has positive aspects to its ideology. An article from “ The

Trouble With Diversity” by Walter Benn Michaels, 2006 expresses that the

context of diversity is far more than race and the differences we depict through

appearance. For example the article states,” ” So for 30 years, while the gap

between the rich and the poor has grown larger, we’ve been urged to respect

people’s identities-- as if the problem of poverty would be solved if we just

appreciated the poor,”( par 3 ). Diversity goes beyond race- it consists of beliefs,
 [Your last name] 9

wealth,social statu so on and so forth. As the rich get richer and the poor become

poorer, we separate ourselves by replacing such people with others going through

the same struggle or success as us. The separation in wealth standards plays a

huge role in the concept of de facto segregation ultimately impacting us positively

as we can learn how to function through similar struggles/ successes. “ So with

respect to race, the idea is not just that racism is a bad thing but that race itself is

a good thing,”( par 2). Race itself is humbling, leaving us open minded via other

cultures and their habits. De facto segregation helps us celebrate our differences

and learn to appreciate them too.

Letting schools naturally segregate or fall upon its own diversity through

separation allows an environment that students are willing to understand through

our similarities. The article,” How Seattle Gave Up on Busing and Allowed Its

Public Schools to Become Alarmingly Resegregated” shows supporting

evidence for that claim. For example Walter Benn Michaels states,” Almost all

black and Latino students who made it to elite law schools in the 2000s attended

integrated k-12 schools,”( par 15). This proves that integrating the schools

helped kids become a better person as a whole. When students are surrounded

with people of their own backrgoung, interests, so on and so forth, they feel safer

and more comfortable leading to a will to learn together. Harvard’s Gary Orfield

found that kids who attended integrating schools in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s

report greater confidence in interacting with diverse groups of adults. Integrating

schools help people overcome the fear and distrust of people who are different. “
 [Your last name] 10

Furthermore, students who attend integrated schools are less biased and more

likely to seek out integrated settings as adults. On top of that, integrating schools

is more effective than providing supplemental funding to poor schools,’’(par 17).

Segregation allows kids an opportunity to build relationships with others that

come from similar beginnings with similar interests and goals.

On the contrary, violence became an issue because of the mandatory

busing and people that did not consist of minorities found ways around the

system. In the article,“ How Seattle Gave Up on Busing and Allowed its

Public Schools to Become Alarmingly Resegregated” the author Sean Riley

states,” In Boston, police had to escort black students to white schools as

onlookers threw bottles at them. The Ku Klux Klan blew up buses outside of

Detroit,”( par 8). The government's drastic change caused people to resort to

violence taking matters into their own hands to stop colored people from

coming to their schools. “ The contentiousness was conveyed through

voting, the specter of ‘ white flight ,’ and white people working the system to

their advantage,”(par 8). Not everyone was for segregation when it first

happened due to selfish reasons. Differences of color, beliefs, ideologies,

should never determine a person's level of education nor basic human

freedoms.

Segregation played a huge role in society’s past which affected our future

outcome drastically for the betterment of our country. “ Racial segregation

 [Your last name] 11

provides a means of maintaining the economic advantages and superior

social status of the politically dominant group, and in recent times it has been

employed primarily by white populations to maintain their ascendency over

other groups by means of legal and social colour bars,”( par 1). Segregation

put other minorities at a huge disadvantage educationally, allowing other

races to prosper for generations due to their advantages. Another example

includes the author talking about some areas of restrictions for races like

playgrounds and bathrooms that are not titled to a specific race any longer.

De Facto Segregation allowed disadvantages and advantages of minority

races. Comfortable and uncomfortable situations were crucial for the

development of each culture for the sake of equality.

In conclusion, de facto segregation has its benefits and disadvantages

within the system. The government and positions of power should

intervene when our equality is violated when treated unfairly.

 [Your last name] 12

Reflection

1st Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining specifically what you revised in your essay and

why. Go into thoughtful details! How did these choices improve your essay? What skills do you

now have that you were able to use to help enhance your essay?

In my essay, I chose to revise sentences that lacked meaning and point. Little detail and topics

that had nothing to do with the prompt was expressed in my 9th grade essay. I remembered to

stay on track with the essay prompt question, express evidence and claims that go with such, and

use diction that is not as repetitive. The skills I have now compared to back then are a clearer

consciousness, more educated on the topic, and a better use of vocabulary enhancing the essay’s

meaning throughout.

2nd Paragraph: Write a paragraph explaining how you’ve improved as a writer since your

freshman year: What did you struggle with before? What are you proud that you can do now?

When I was in 9th grade, I struggled with vocabulary, staying on the main topic, and finding

supportive evidence and claims based on what I know and learned. Writing about a topic you

barely know is a struggle in itself and when you know what you are talking about, it makes the

prompt easier. I am proud that I can enhance my vocabulary through diction, being non

repetitive, and finding reliable articles that go with the topic of the essay.