The thing you imagine during your single days is that, when you finally start living together,

she will be coming to the mirror as you tuck in your vest dressing for work in the mornings
and playfully poke your arm with her manicured nails and whisper to you, “I will ask Maria
to make chapos and stew just the way you want.” You don't know who Maria is, but you
believe her because women rarely make promises they can't fulfill. Well, apart from her
telling you to give her your number she will call you— when you are trying to get her to be
your woman. That one you will wait.
As a man, the promise of chapati is the thing that motivates you to go out there and face the
world. And if you live in Rongai, to go out there and fight lions. If Jonah had been promised
chapos before his botched Nineveh mission, we could be having a different story. That shark
that swallowed him, could have swallowed someome else.
The truth is, she will never stand next to you poking your arm playfully promising you
eternal chapatis.
The truth, is as you tuck in your vest, she will be writing you a virtual shopping list that you
should carry on your way back home.
“Please remember to buy tissue and sheen spray, and water colours for Ian's art class. And
please don't buy those toilet papers you brought last time. They are shitty.”
You will think to yourself aren't toilet papers supposed to be shitty?
Then in the evening, she will call to repeat the same thing. “Toilet paper, sheen spray and
water colours.”
For some reason you will forget the toilet papers. It is not intentional and every man can
understand you. So you will get to the house and think of getting your family some leaves(for
toilet paper) because you must offer solutions—especially for problems you have created.
No need. She has them stocked. So as you brush your teeth in the evening you will see a
dozen of the rolls and ask her, “Rossete, kwani you bought toilet paper?”
She will look at you with a straight face and say, “Men are really funny. You wanted us to
use leaves?”
You will almost say yes because that is what you had thought of when you realized you had
forgotten to buy them but you also know that there is honesty that works against you. This is
one.
That night you will not have chapos. And Jesus knows you might also not have other things
—even when you tell her, Rosy, could you run my shoulder a bit, I think I dislocated a bone.”
She will scoff and say, “John, you are a software developer, what heavy thing did you carry
today? HTML?”
One day when they ask you for relationship advice, you will sigh and say, “It is shitty if you
forget to buy toilet paper.”
***********
Any way, why haven't you bought this book.
Call me on 0722 776 918
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