The Truth Behind a Reflection

I understand why you fell

I understand why you fell out of an admiration
I understand why it seems impossible to latch on
Because how would you latch onto nothing but an idea
If you stand on ice
It will break
And you might just fall
Fall out of an idea and into a reality
And that reality may be frigid
And flooded
And bottomless
Still, beautiful
The rushing waves
The invincible currents
the life within the water
It is what makes the blood in your veins flow with the electricity of adrenaline
But it is not what you may have expected
So indeed I apologize
But it was your mistake to endlessly stare into your reflection without realizing
The ice will break

For what is the point of a one sided mirror if you can see through it
Fragile, but who would smash their own reflection
Protected by the vulnerability
We recognize in our own eyes
Hidden behind a palisade of our mind
Our greatest enemy is nothing more than our thoughts
Like a stage lit with neon
Wars are started by the change of the colored lens
Rules are whispered through the glass of our phone
Opinions materialize as they fight the ghosts of the past
So truly
How do our reflections deceive us
How do our reflections define us
If I am no more than what I appear to be
I am many different thoughts
A thousand lives
Hidden behind the nebula of an iris
Lost in a maze of expectations
Stuck in the currents beneath the ice
I am alive
But do I live
If only through the eyes of another?
Narcissus was in love with his own reflection
So less will you love me
If I do not show you an echo of your own effects?
A ghost may I be
If I can only look in a mirror
And see you staring through me
Transparent
To live life in pursuit of happiness
But rarely look into my own soul
And see a grin
Chained by my words
And a faux glimmer in my coffee stained eyes
A desire for rainy days
Clouds and rumbling thunder
For if a blue sky ever has emotion
Maybe I am not what I seem
So as the fog clears from my vision
And I can sit at a table with myself
And look mad to those who see only a broken mirror
But no longer do I feel the need to hang on a wall,
Motionless
And allow you to stare into my reflected soul

Mia Macon

When I began writing my poetry, it was difficult to come up with a subject to write about. I
started writing about several different ideas, however none of them felt quite complex enough to
truly put meaning into. The times I’ve felt most connected to my words were the times I felt so
strongly about my emotions that the descriptions simply flowed from my mind onto the paper,
yet trying to connect as such was a bit of a challenge. When I found myself revisiting the idea of
self image and reflection, the challenge disappeared- and I found myself using my own
experience to connect to the poetry.

In the past year or so I’ve fought my mind in so many ways. I’ve had struggles with mental
health and self image, trying to understand who I was and in what ways I needed change. How to
act, how to speak, how to appear. Who I was began to mold into who I was around. I felt this
need to be what others wanted, or better yet needed me to be and it became tiring. I lost myself in
the process. It was confusing and honestly quite terrifying to look in a mirror and barely
recognize my own reflection. Taking responsibility for my own happiness was a foriegn thought
for a very long time and it got to the point where I truthfully couldnt handle it. Even though I
only wanted to please the people around me, it ended with me hurting and pushing away those I
truly did care about. I saw myself in such a negative way that my biggest fear became having
those people see me the way I saw myself. I was ashamed, I was disappointed, and I was
exhausted. There were days I just wouldn’t eat or get out of bed, and days where I dealt with
darker thoughts that became extraordinarily hard to handle. Living through the perception of
others started as a defensive mechanism from past experiences, however it was also the root of a
lot of my anxiety and depression. For me this poem speaks not only to that feeling of
transparency in myself, but also the recognition of self worth and understanding that I truly did
deserve more than I allowed myself to receive. By working through the darkest stages of my life
I discovered this new found desire to make the most out of my life, regardless of how others saw
me. By doing so I started to regain strength and started to see myself less as a foe and far more as
a friend. You cannot depend on others for your own happiness, and if they depend on you for
their own happiness, it is important to understand the fact that it isnt your place to do so.

The message I wish to convey in my poem is that along the lines of saying: there is more to your
reflection than the glass or ice you may find yourself staring into. Your worth should not have to
be determined by the judgement of others, and your happiness should only be centered around
your own morals. Letting go of those stresses also allowed me to view others in a clearer manner
and not be quite as judgemental myself. I found that by letting go of the girl I thought I should
be, and focusing on the person I wanted to be, I did a favor to not only to the people around me,
but most importantly myself.