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from The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink
Anyone older than six who has not damaged their orbitofrontal cortex experiences regret. We might not like the feeling of regret and try to
ignore it, but regret is universal!
Normalize and neutralize regret
Rather than letting regret consume our thoughts, impede our actions, and destroy our happiness, we can acknowledge that everyone makes
stupid mistakes they regret. Knowing regret is part of the shared human experience allows us to normalize and neutralize the shameful feeling
of regret.
Once we normalize and contain the emotion of regret, we can use regret to craft a redemption story. Research shows that people who reflect
upon redemption narratives are happier, more accomplished, and find more meaning in life. Regrets are the perfect starting point for a new
redemption story. For example, if you regret smoking and not taking care of your health when you were young, you now have an excellent
opportunity to transform your health and become a marathoner. Taking redemptive action by performing a generous act to outweigh a selfish
act, a thoughtful act to outweigh a careless act, and hard work to offset prior laziness can be a character‐defining moment.
But many regrets are like tattoos, you can remove them with hard work, but a mark often remains…but that’s a good thing! Use regret residue
as motivation to anticipate future regret and build a life you'll be proud of.
Anticipate future regret
Author Daniel Pink conducted a World Regret Survey and gathered 16,000 regrets from people in 105 countries. Pink found that all human
regret fall into four categories: foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets.
Foundation regrets: If only I'd done the work.
For example: "If only I’d drank less and maintained a disciplined diet, I wouldn't have so many health problems today." Or "If only I'd worked
hard in my twenties, I wouldn't be in this dead‐end job today."
Boldness regrets: If only I'd taken that risk.
For example: “If only I'd asked that girl out.” Or “If only I'd started that business.”
"If foundation regrets arise from the failure to plan ahead, work hard, follow through, and build a stable platform for life, boldness
regrets...arise from the failure to take full advantage of that platform—to use it as a springboard into a richer life." ‐ Daniel Pink
Moral regrets: If only I'd done the right thing.
For example: “I wish I hadn't bullied that kid in school.” Or “I wish I’d been faithful to my wife.”
Connection regrets: If only I'd reached out.
“If only I'd reached out to my friend before she died of cancer.” Or “If only I'd apologized to my son and mended our relationship sooner.”
The weekly regret template
Now that you know the four universal regrets, try to anticipate how your future‐self (living seven days in the future) might complete the
following sentences:
Foundation Regrets (neglecting your health, professional growth, or finances):
I wish I'd taken care of my health this week by...
I wish I'd advanced my career this week by...
I wish I'd increased my savings this week by...
Boldness Regrets (too afraid to take emotional and social risks):
I wish I'd tried...
I wish I'd started...
I wish I'd asked...
Moral Regrets (not doing the right thing in difficult situations):
I wish I'd remained loyal to...
I wish I'd been kinder to...
I wish I'd stood up for…
Connection Regrets (letting key relationships drift):
I wish I'd reached out to...
I wish I'd forgiven...
Set up a recurring email to yourself every Sunday or Monday morning with the regret template shown above and ponder how you might
complete each sentence if you just had a really bad week. Anticipating weekly regrets allows you to create a better week than you otherwise
would have and prevent small regrets from turning into big regrets, like divorce, bankruptcy, or diabetes.
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